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Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the Very Unprofessional podcast, whereby I your unqualified guide talk

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Speaker 1: through some of the big changes and transitions about twenties

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Speaker 1: and what they mean for our psychology. Welcome back to

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Speaker 1: a new week on the podcast. I hope it's been

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Speaker 1: a fabulous time for all those listening. It's a very

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Speaker 1: special episode, yes, because it's part two of my Let's

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Speaker 1: Get Friendly segment and I have none other than the

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Speaker 1: amazing Phoebe with me on the show. I've got the

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Speaker 1: gig giggles. I'm excited. I'm really excited for thanks having me. Yeah, Oh,

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Speaker 1: it's a pleasure. Honestly, Phoebe was one of the first

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Speaker 1: people I think I told about doing this. Yeah, it

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Speaker 1: was AMZ exams and oh you were like, instead of studying,

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Speaker 1: you were creating the artwork for it, and I was like, yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: o Jemma, and also you were a huge spiration behind

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Speaker 1: it as well. No, because we would have all these

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Speaker 1: conversations about sadness. Sadness firstly busts of that, but also

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Speaker 1: just like really cool psychological concepts when we used to

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Speaker 1: study it, the themes building together. To be fair, though,

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Speaker 1: I have zero knowledge about psychology, like at all, and

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Speaker 1: so it'd be me being like, yeah, maybe a bit,

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Speaker 1: and You're like, and it's because of this, and I'd

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Speaker 1: be like what she was like a case study for me.

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Speaker 1: I was doing, like I hate Decision one patient zero.

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Speaker 1: I was doing like abnormal psychology and like social psychology

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Speaker 1: at the time, and I was like saying, I'm abnormal.

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Speaker 1: Don't crack that with me. Okay, we need to We're

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Speaker 1: already on the tangents. So yeah, I thought i'd invite

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Speaker 1: Phoebe on because she has been such a huge motivator

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Speaker 1: and a real gem of the past year. Um do

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Speaker 1: you want to tell them how we met? How did

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Speaker 1: we meet? Um? Yeah, say, well we met it was

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Speaker 1: a mutual friend. Yeah, we met for a mutual friend.

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Speaker 1: And I think you know, when you meet those sort

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Speaker 1: of people that you have um A very like, you

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Speaker 1: just know that you're on the same page. You just

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Speaker 1: know that your lives are heading in similar directions. You

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Speaker 1: just know that you've got a similar worldview, you've got

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Speaker 1: a similar perspective. And yeah, it was just really refreshing

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Speaker 1: to meet Gemma at that time and time of my life. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it genuinely was. And it start off. We've gone alose

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Speaker 1: little study dates, Yeah, we would. And we have always

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Speaker 1: talk about how the reason we get along really similar,

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Speaker 1: really well is because we were raised the same, very

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Speaker 1: similar values. Our moms are very similar people. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: don't know about our dads, but I reckon that maybe

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, that's something we can talk about,

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Speaker 1: attachment style, get into it. But I remember the first

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Speaker 1: time I met I remember I met you on FaceTime.

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Speaker 1: M hmmm, oh yes, I remember this, yeah, and I

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Speaker 1: was like I was in a pretty I didn't have

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Speaker 1: many people that I really loved hanging out with. And

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Speaker 1: then I met you on your twenty first birthday. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, my twenty first birthday. I'm nearly twenty two,

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Speaker 1: actually like a week and a bit, so we've basically

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Speaker 1: been we've known each other for a year now. That's

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Speaker 1: pretty cool. Yeah, crazy, And I remember meeting you on

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Speaker 1: your birthday and I was in a rotten fucking mood.

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Speaker 1: I think my ex boyfriend had done something kissed me off. Um.

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Speaker 1: But then the next time we met, I was like,

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Speaker 1: it was like I met my like a soulmate, my

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Speaker 1: twin flame stuff, and I was like i'n to get along.

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Speaker 1: It was. It was very like and I remember what.

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Speaker 1: Every time I'd see you, I'd be like, so we're

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Speaker 1: gonna be friends. Yeah, yeah, let's let's make this friendship happened. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It's like, Um, I have this thing where I'd like,

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Speaker 1: I'll meet people and I'm just like them, I like

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Speaker 1: pick them, and I'm like, I feel so special. It's

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Speaker 1: like the Bachelorette. You've like, give me a rose. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I give you a bunch of roses if I could

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Speaker 1: afford it, but I can't. So yeah, I thought we'd

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Speaker 1: get one here today just to talk about what's been

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Speaker 1: going on. You have so many valuable lessons um from

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Speaker 1: your twenties. Yeah, twenty two two years. I know, it's

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Speaker 1: so exciting years experience. UM, and we kind of bond

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Speaker 1: over a lot of different highs and lows, highs and lows,

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Speaker 1: and those are the best people I think to talk

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Speaker 1: to because then you know, you can actually really share

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Speaker 1: perspectives and we get pretty deep into it. Love tiktoks.

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Speaker 1: I do love my tiktoks. So a bit of an issue.

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Speaker 1: Craco for the wine, Yes, have a glass with us

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Speaker 1: if you got a bottle of wine. It's after three pm.

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Speaker 1: Maybe treat yourself. Treat yourself. Oh we can hear it?

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Speaker 1: Can you hear that? Everyone on the podcast you're listening,

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. Really embarrassing. I once had

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Speaker 1: to host a what was it it was? I think

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Speaker 1: it was Valetta for smaller Okay, Valeta for my college,

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Speaker 1: and um, they asked me to host like the DEA

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Speaker 1: And they're like, oh, can like in the breaks between

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Speaker 1: like awards, can you do something else? Like? Sure? What

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Speaker 1: I did ASMR in front of my entire college? Were

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Speaker 1: you drunk? Partially? Was not actually that drunk? And so

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Speaker 1: I did ASMR Like, hey guys, welcome to the college hall.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure. I just stocks myself. No, I don't

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Speaker 1: live there anymore. You don't live you don't love it,

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Speaker 1: But you did? You did? But I did? And I

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Speaker 1: did ASMR in front of everyone. Oh my god. So phoebe, Um,

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Speaker 1: we have hips of topies we want to talk about. Um,

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Speaker 1: you were in SR. Oh cheers of chars. You're in

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Speaker 1: SR when we first met, and I was the faithful

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Speaker 1: year of twenty twenty to be an SR. Yeah, how

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Speaker 1: was your twenty twenty? Um? I would say it was interesting.

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Speaker 1: It was definitely an interesting year. Ended up starting off

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Speaker 1: the year. I think you had Kate on the podcast

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Speaker 1: two episodes ago, a few episodes ago, and she said, like,

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Speaker 1: started off like, yeah, she's an SA cool going forward,

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Speaker 1: and then obviously COVID hit and it screwed everyone over

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Speaker 1: just a little bit um. End up going home. My

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Speaker 1: mum became a celebrity. That was very odd. And then

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Speaker 1: can we say her name? No, we probably shouldn't. I

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Speaker 1: mean you can. My last name is so common you

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Speaker 1: can probably google her, but look up essay chief health minister. No, no,

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Speaker 1: she's not politician, chief health offical officer. Sorry yea, And

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Speaker 1: so she just got It was very weird time for me,

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Speaker 1: just because it was like everyone was like, I'm at

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Speaker 1: home with my family for like six months, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'm home and my family are working twenty

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Speaker 1: four seven and not just working like they are like

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Speaker 1: the most essential workers in South Australia. Yeah, so that

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Speaker 1: was kind of fun. But then second half of the

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Speaker 1: year was suddenly you come back from like I lived

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Speaker 1: with my grandma when COVID was on and came back

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Speaker 1: and it was like, oh my god, being plunged back

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Speaker 1: into college and I just got a very over college, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: very quickly. Yeah, and you had a lot of it

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Speaker 1: was hard for you because you were you were twenty

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Speaker 1: one years old dealing with pastoral concerns of people who

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Speaker 1: were your same age, Like how did you find that?

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Speaker 1: That's a huge, you know, mental health experience in itself.

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Speaker 1: I think it's hard enough being a SR without a

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Speaker 1: COVID year happening, because that definitely added I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of like in a college situation, we weren't like

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Speaker 1: there was a lot of restrictions. We were placed into

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Speaker 1: positions where as leaders of the college, we had to

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Speaker 1: enforce rules, like we were this sort of like police

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Speaker 1: officer role, and that was very unusual. And you were

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Speaker 1: not paid for that, not paid for it, I mean

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Speaker 1: we like didn't pay rent, but it was still debsidering

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Speaker 1: the work you were doing. Yeah. Yeah, I remember midem

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Speaker 1: SEM two last year, I just was like I've lost it.

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Speaker 1: I've lost it completely. But then, to be fair, I

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Speaker 1: am extremely dramatic and think that my because I care.

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Speaker 1: I'm a nerve, I care about my grades a lot,

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Speaker 1: and I thought that the world was ending because of

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Speaker 1: SR and I didn't have time to study as much

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Speaker 1: as normal, and it was all fine. I worked out

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Speaker 1: in the end, because everything always does work out in

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Speaker 1: the end. And Phoebe is one of these people that

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Speaker 1: like you just you're you're you're almost downgrade your experiences

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Speaker 1: to be like, oh, I got hit by a bus,

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Speaker 1: but like I only broke my legs. I still have

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Speaker 1: a finger. It's fine. So let me just clear up.

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Speaker 1: You did have a fucked year, like you're dealing with

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Speaker 1: like many many crises and your own kind of stuff

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Speaker 1: at the same time, and that's what we became friends.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean see positive stuff came out of it.

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Speaker 1: You were literally like a godsend for me, Like I

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Speaker 1: hadn't really consent for me. God, we need actually flirting

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Speaker 1: because it's just going to basically be a date between

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Speaker 1: Deva and I, but you're just you're just like sitting

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Speaker 1: at the table opposite and overhearing it all. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: It's like a first date. But like we already know

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Speaker 1: each other. But I'm like asking you all these like so,

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Speaker 1: how was that for your hobbies? It's your favorite color? Oh,

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Speaker 1: what's yours? It's actually green? Oh, mine's blue? Vapor with

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Speaker 1: primary colors. It's green a primary color. No, no, green's not.

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Speaker 1: Oh sorry, you're not allowed to come into the club.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, and then how would you be happy talking

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Speaker 1: about how the year ended? In what way? In what way? Um? Romantically? Okay,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like we need to talk about situation. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: We've got a few things that we're going to discuss.

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Speaker 1: Just to do some signposting, as you do in an essay. Um,

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Speaker 1: we're just true academic feature spit where we're gonna signpost

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Speaker 1: what we're going to be talking about. Um. One of

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Speaker 1: those things is love life and lack thereof, or abundance

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Speaker 1: there abundance thereof? When it rains a pause? Um, is

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Speaker 1: it pouring for you right now? Maybe? Maybe? Um, in

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Speaker 1: the sense that like I wouldn't say that I've ever

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Speaker 1: really been in a proper relationship. Yes, Just do you

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Speaker 1: have like any insecurity about that? Would you say or

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Speaker 1: not really? Um? Or do you just not think about it?

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Speaker 1: I mean I was massively judged in like the first

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Speaker 1: few years of college as I think society societally, yes, socially, socially, culturally, culturally, Um,

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Speaker 1: there's this sort of pressure to like you're either super

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Speaker 1: promiscuous or you're a prude. Like there's no there's no

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Speaker 1: clear in between. And like my dating history is just

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Speaker 1: a lot of like random three month things with people,

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Speaker 1: and very few of them have I had like a

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Speaker 1: genuine connection with Yeah, have you? And because I feel

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Speaker 1: like that, Um, that can be pretty hard. Like a

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Speaker 1: lot of your friends were a long term relationships around

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Speaker 1: that time and you were kind of there. Did you

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Speaker 1: want more from these people or were you happy with

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Speaker 1: some of them? Yes, some of them, know, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It was the one over, the more recent one of

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Speaker 1: the offing that yeah, yeah, I left you. It's a

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Speaker 1: little bit. We should talk about that, like the psychology

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Speaker 1: of like rejection. Would you want to tell me about

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Speaker 1: the psychology of a situationship and why they happen? Should

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Speaker 1: we define a situation? Yeah? Do you want to define it?

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Speaker 1: And then I'll explain. Yeah, So a situationship is you

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Speaker 1: seeing someone, you're dating someone you're not. You don't have

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Speaker 1: a label on it. You've spoken about it, Um, there's

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Speaker 1: no label, or you might not. You might not have

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Speaker 1: spoken about it. There's no label, but you do things

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Speaker 1: that a serious relationship would. Oh, you guys were doing

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Speaker 1: serious like stuff that was more serious than than me

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Speaker 1: and I don't have COVID, Like, um, the time when

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Speaker 1: you had to take him to the hospital and like

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Speaker 1: call his dad. Yeah that was fun. Um Yeah, just

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Speaker 1: doing things like very very like long term relationship, not

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Speaker 1: just like casual seeing someone. Yeah, it's it was something more. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So thanks to Phoebe for explaining what a situation ship is. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to give like a brief psychological explanation. Behind

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Speaker 1: you can open the chucky. It's really exciting. Guys. It's

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Speaker 1: some corn flake chocolate. Only you would buy that because

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Speaker 1: cereals the best. Yeah. So a situation ship, I think

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Speaker 1: a really good way to kind of apply, like a

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Speaker 1: good framework to apply is like social psychology. So naturally,

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Speaker 1: when you think about our instincts as people, it's to breed,

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Speaker 1: it's to survive, it's to chocolate across the room, it's

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Speaker 1: to you know, improve the chances of our gene survival.

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Speaker 1: But it's also to feel socially stable, socially secure and supported.

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Speaker 1: But I think in the modern day as well, there

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Speaker 1: is this huge pressure which comes from a more modern

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Speaker 1: social kind of aspect to not settle down, to be

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Speaker 1: free to be young, and it depends on your kind

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Speaker 1: of Yeah, you're a perspective on dating. So I think

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Speaker 1: the reason why situation ships arise is as I'm merely

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Speaker 1: a cure for social loneliness. And it's the sense that

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Speaker 1: like when you are with this person, you feel seen,

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Speaker 1: you feel heard, you feel supported, you feel like if

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Speaker 1: you're in the wild, you would have a body. And

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Speaker 1: I have this great perspective that I well, I don't

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Speaker 1: think it's great, but I just think that long term

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Speaker 1: relationships and partnerships aren't actually natural. And I know there

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Speaker 1: is like some definite studies that suggest that some people

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Speaker 1: have like given it off of pseudoscience and pushing a

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Speaker 1: certain perspective of certain ideology. But I think that we

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Speaker 1: weren't naturally made to live eighty years with someone. You know,

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Speaker 1: when relationships as a concept or partnering or coupling as

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Speaker 1: a concept began, you know, the life expectancy was like

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Speaker 1: thirty five years true. And I think, so I think

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Speaker 1: you can be with somebody up into eighty like I

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Speaker 1: we have. You're you're much more romantic than I am. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think. I mean, my people in my family have

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Speaker 1: been together for a very very long time since I're

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Speaker 1: eighteen up being like uscrew you for having beautiful, loving relationships.

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Speaker 1: But I think I do agree in that sense that

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Speaker 1: people come into your vision just for friendships as well

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Speaker 1: as relationships. But people come into your life for like

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Speaker 1: brief spurts. Yeah, they come into your life for like

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Speaker 1: at a time and a place, and they stay for

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Speaker 1: a certain amount of time for a reason. And I've

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Speaker 1: just been in the situation where a lot of people

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Speaker 1: have stuck around for three months, but I've learned a

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Speaker 1: lot from them. I learn a lot from those people

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Speaker 1: you have, And I think that a lot of the time,

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Speaker 1: the reason why we do get into those short term

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Speaker 1: things is because we crave social intimacy and emotional and

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Speaker 1: physical intimacy, especially when well at any age in your life,

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Speaker 1: at any age. And I think as well, because I

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Speaker 1: think Gemma and I think are very similar on the

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Speaker 1: fact that we've similar sort of life goals and what

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Speaker 1: we want for ourselves and our career and what we

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Speaker 1: want to do. And I know that like for me personally,

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Speaker 1: I know, like I want to live in New Zealand,

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Speaker 1: I want to move to Darwin, Like I've got these

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Speaker 1: these plans and I know deep down every time I

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Speaker 1: see someone that I'm like, well, I'm want to always

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Speaker 1: prioritize doing what I want to do over yah, being

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Speaker 1: in a long term, committed relationship, and I'm sure, great,

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Speaker 1: somebody is eventually going to come in and fit into

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Speaker 1: that spot. Yeah I hope so. Yeah, I hope so too.

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Speaker 1: But but like I don't think, like you know, you need,

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Speaker 1: the chances of that actually happening is so low. And

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Speaker 1: we hear all these stories like, oh, I met my

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Speaker 1: life partner when I was at UNI, my brother if

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Speaker 1: you're watching, if you're listening, listening, listening, no, but extrue,

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Speaker 1: we hear all these stories and like, it just doesn't

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Speaker 1: happen for everyone. You know, you're also maybe just not ready.

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Speaker 1: You don't know who you are at the time. I

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Speaker 1: think since that situationship has ended, you have discovered so

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Speaker 1: much more about yourself. Absolutely, and I know for a

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Speaker 1: fact that this person would not have been able to

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Speaker 1: fit setting boundaries. Let's talk about that in terms of situations.

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Speaker 1: But I also want to ask, what did you learn

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Speaker 1: from that experience at the start of the year, because

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Speaker 1: you learn a lot. Yeah I did. I Well, I

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Speaker 1: learned what it's like to really feel something like I think, um,

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Speaker 1: but I learned that I I like bound I think

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Speaker 1: it's the boundary setting thing. So so prior to that

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Speaker 1: situation ship, I had another situation ship, like I think

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Speaker 1: I was almost like six months or something. Who was

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Speaker 1: this with somebody? I put the number the start of

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Speaker 1: the oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah um, and I

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Speaker 1: just let that carry on. I just let it just

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Speaker 1: keep just keep happening. I was, oh, whatever, like eventually

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Speaker 1: he'll move by me or eventually blah blah blah, um

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Speaker 1: I want to date me. Um. But with this situation ship,

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Speaker 1: I was very clear. I was like, right hit the

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Speaker 1: three month mark, clearly liked him, clearly, told him, was like, hey,

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Speaker 1: had this big chap. He was like, oh, he's a

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Speaker 1: few random things that can we tell them? I mean

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Speaker 1: I think we can. Parents are divorced, can't commit, can't commit,

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Speaker 1: can't commit. Too many of you can't commit parents are divorce.

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Speaker 1: But if but if, but if you wanted to day

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Speaker 1: here date me great. So anyway, I was like, well, no,

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Speaker 1: you have no people want to stay friends actually And

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, you there's there's no access here.

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Speaker 1: If that's like, I've got to set this boundary, and

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad I have. Yeah. And also here's a

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Speaker 1: big lesson that I've learned. If they want to date you,

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Speaker 1: they will date you. They will, they will date you.

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Speaker 1: Like there is no point forcing people making PowerPoint presentations

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Speaker 1: like fucking trying to convince them and changing yourself for

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Speaker 1: somebody as well, that's the biggest loss that you can

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Speaker 1: kind of do. Very proud of you for setting that

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Speaker 1: parents out of myself. And you did the classic You

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Speaker 1: did the big social media block afterwards as well. I did.

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Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan of that, like honestly, huge fan, huge,

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Speaker 1: huge fan of the old block. I mean immediately, I

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Speaker 1: did do that one as a mistake. I didn't realize

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Speaker 1: Facebook like delete. I love it, great idea. It was

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Speaker 1: an accident because I didn't realize that when you delete,

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Speaker 1: like when you block, someone unfriends them, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: quite realize that. Yeah, but um, a huge fan of

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Speaker 1: it because then there I have this theory that if

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Speaker 1: somebody's not directly in your life, they actually don't exist. Oh,

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Speaker 1: Phoebe tells me this all the time, So it's like this,

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's a little bit delusional. She always

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Speaker 1: says to me, like whenever I'm going through stuff and

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Speaker 1: you know, I call her four I am at my

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Speaker 1: ex boyfriend's mum's house, like stupid. She's always like just

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Speaker 1: block them, like just just stop seeing them, because then

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Speaker 1: they don't exist. They genuinely don't explain that a little

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Speaker 1: bit more because I feel like I don't know how

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Speaker 1: to explain it. But like it's I mean, at the

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Speaker 1: end of the day, like what is this is gonna

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Speaker 1: get sont please just sound like superficial deep like um,

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Speaker 1: but nothing like what is real? You know, and if

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Speaker 1: that person doesn't have access to my life, my everyday

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Speaker 1: sort of emotions and feelings, like I mean, there's how

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Speaker 1: many people on the planet, so many of them don't

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Speaker 1: exist to me, Wow, that's actually really good because I

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Speaker 1: don't know how many of the like none of these

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Speaker 1: people are ever going to think of me. I'm never

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Speaker 1: going to think of them. If somebody's not in my

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Speaker 1: life and the day to day or the weekly or

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Speaker 1: the monthly or I'm keeping up to day on social media,

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Speaker 1: they don't exist in my books, They're out of your atmosphere.

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Speaker 1: I actually love that explanation. I'm going to steal that

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Speaker 1: so many people in the world you don't know exactly,

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Speaker 1: don't exist to you. They don't well, I think, haven't

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Speaker 1: come into my life yet. And you can choose to

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Speaker 1: kick people out exactly. And that's where we get into

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Speaker 1: this boundary discussion because I have to have one of

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Speaker 1: these recently where I was just like, what do you

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Speaker 1: want from me? What do you want from me? Because

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to I'm just at the stage of

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Speaker 1: my life where I value my and I know you're

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Speaker 1: the same. We value out independence and our creativity and

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Speaker 1: our own success success. I think we're very successful women. Gemma. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think we are very successful. That's why I love

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Speaker 1: hanging out with you because every time we talk about

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Speaker 1: our goals and our dreams, you never make me feel

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Speaker 1: bad for saying things that I think are areposterous. And

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Speaker 1: that's creds to my mother for that, like honestly or

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Speaker 1: like so when you went to letting tangent. But we'll

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Speaker 1: talk about this because a big time. I think the

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Speaker 1: best kinds of friendships, and I've talked about this with

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Speaker 1: people on the show before, are those where every time

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Speaker 1: you see them you learn more about them. They're full

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Speaker 1: of surprises. Every relationship like that is beautiful, like true.

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Speaker 1: And I remember this one time, you'd just come back

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Speaker 1: from TenneT Creek, which is in the middle of Northern Territories. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: smack bang, population three thousand, and I was just amazed

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Speaker 1: because you just had this whole new perspective on your future. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then on your life. You want to move from

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Speaker 1: situation if I want to talk about boundaries, but put

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Speaker 1: a pin in it. We're going to talk about TenneT

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Speaker 1: Creek and Phoebe's amazing philosophies and learning and lesser from that,

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Speaker 1: But boundaries was. I think we both prioritize our own

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Speaker 1: personal growth so much more than we did when we

385
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Speaker 1: were younger. Oh absolutely, or even a few months ago.

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Speaker 1: I think when I was younger, I valued it, but

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Speaker 1: it was in the sense that it was because I

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Speaker 1: thought that's like, that was how other people would like me.

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Speaker 1: More like I wanted to succeed. I remember, like from

390
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Speaker 1: high school, I was very I was a huge overachiever,

391
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Speaker 1: but a huge perfectionist because I had this crippling anxiety

392
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Speaker 1: of how I was perceived to other people. I had

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Speaker 1: to be the best at sport, I had to have

394
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Speaker 1: the best atar. I had to be Oh my god,

395
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Speaker 1: I was like on the debating team and all of

396
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 1: that sort of stuff, and I know I did I did.

397
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Speaker 1: I did it all I did. I did the music,

398
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Speaker 1: I did the horse riding, I did this ka, literally

399
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,400
Speaker 1: everything you could think of, because I was like, that's

400
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,400
Speaker 1: how people are gonna like me. And now I only

401
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,640
Speaker 1: do things because I'm like, actually, I enjoy these things

402
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:02,439
Speaker 1: for myself. Fuck yes, big. That's a huge thing you

403
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 1: learn in your twenties, and I think like it's that

404
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,960
Speaker 1: shift from external to internal validation and you realize that

405
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 1: your real self shouldn't be a concept of what others

406
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:14,919
Speaker 1: have of you. Absolutely, your real self should be who you. Firstly,

407
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 1: it should be close to your actual self. And that's

408
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,240
Speaker 1: like a bit of psychology, like your real self should

409
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 1: be close to your actual self and that's how you

410
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:27,520
Speaker 1: prevent like feeling disordered and disrupted and distressed. But also

411
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,959
Speaker 1: it shouldn't be based on what other people want of you,

412
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 1: and that I like have this amazing spiritual healer friend

413
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 1: in Corumbum and her name's Helena, and she's just beautiful.

414
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: She's remarkable, and she always said that to me, like

415
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 1: when I was going through hard times, the only person

416
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,520
Speaker 1: that gets to create your happiness is yourself. And that's

417
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Speaker 1: a huge shift that you've definitely had in recently. Absolutely,

418
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: I mean it probably helps with other things. No more

419
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 1: contraceptive pill and oh yeah, we need to talk about

420
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 1: the pill. Sue. The pill sucks both of It sucked

421
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,120
Speaker 1: us both up royally, Like I was so sad six

422
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:08,119
Speaker 1: months ago and then now I'm beautiful and my skins

423
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 1: beautiful as I went on it for my skincare and

424
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 1: now my skins better. Let's let's get back on track. Boundaries.

425
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 1: So both of us have we're not setting boundaries in

426
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: its conversation, but both of us have such very, very

427
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: vivid ideas of our future. If you're not going to

428
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 1: fit in with that, what is the point of keeping

429
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 1: you around? Yeah, exactly. And if you're not going to

430
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 1: fit into the life that I have now, I'm not

431
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,719
Speaker 1: going to let you lead me on. I'm not going

432
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 1: to let you Like. This isn't just in terms of relationships,

433
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,399
Speaker 1: this is anyone that comes into setting boundaries with friendships.

434
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 1: I think it comes a point where you really have

435
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: to sit back and be like, does this person with

436
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 1: my with my ideal self, with my higher self? Actually,

437
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 1: would they be in my life when I picture how

438
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 1: my higher self is, Am I still going to be

439
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: sleeping with that guy who like never reciprocates anything you've

440
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 1: got to do, like a cost benefit analysis, but not

441
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 1: for the present but also for the future. Yeah, wow,

442
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: that's hard. Big Excel spreadsheet you need for that? If

443
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,680
Speaker 1: only I knew how to use it. So we'll teach

444
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 1: you one day. Surely you can add no words into

445
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: the shop. I had a mass test for like my

446
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 1: agg cause like a week or so ago, and this

447
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: guy made me an Excel spreadsheet so I didn't have

448
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 1: to do the mass Oh this guy. Yeah, anyway, I

449
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 1: know who this guy is that he's gonna listen. Well,

450
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 1: you know who you are. But I had this recently

451
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,200
Speaker 1: where you know, I was feeling led on by this guy.

452
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,400
Speaker 1: I felt like really insecure, and I had a chat

453
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 1: with him and I was like, Okay, what is this?

454
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 1: What do you want for me? Is this casual? Because

455
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: that's what I want, But it seems like you don't

456
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: even want that, and that's not going to work with

457
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,439
Speaker 1: me right now. I'm not going to be sitting around

458
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: waiting for you to message me. Absolutely not going to

459
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,679
Speaker 1: work with my life priorities. Don't have time, that's the

460
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 1: big thing as well. I don't have time. Yeah, I'm

461
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 1: working part time, ming full time. I don't have time. Yeah.

462
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 1: I have so many amazing friends who I would like. Tonight,

463
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 1: I was meant to go on a date canceled because

464
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 1: I wanted to record it with your friends. Like, sorry

465
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 1: if you're listening, but that's why. No, my grandma isn't

466
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,880
Speaker 1: in hospital. I'm drinking wine with my really good friend. Yes,

467
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 1: and we're talking about you and we're on a date now. Yeah,

468
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 1: I'm dating my friends and I'm dating myself exactly, boy baby,

469
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:27,640
Speaker 1: Oh yeah hell yeah yeah. Situationships have covered it. Yeah,

470
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 1: we have covered it, I think, and I think there was.

471
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 1: There's lots of things to learn from it, but also

472
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,640
Speaker 1: still learning. I'm still learning. But set I think set

473
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 1: boundaries with yourself and with other people, including your friendships.

474
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 1: Like once a friendship as well crosses a boundary, don't

475
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 1: look back absolutely if you like I know how I see.

476
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,919
Speaker 1: It's like, if you wouldn't let your friend treat you

477
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 1: like this, don't let someone that you're romantically involved treat

478
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: you like that either. If you wouldn't let your boss

479
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,199
Speaker 1: treat you like that, even if you want to make

480
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,359
Speaker 1: it even more strict for yourself, like maybe you're a

481
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,719
Speaker 1: bit of a pushover like I am. Yeah, Well it's

482
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 1: hard because I'm gemma and I were both sorry'm earning chocolate. Um,

483
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 1: we're both. We always say yes to helping people. That

484
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 1: is our downfall. It's a huge downfall. We've gotten ourselves

485
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: into a lot of trouble doing that, I think, and

486
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,199
Speaker 1: for giving people when we should. There's definitely people you

487
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 1: should and it's good to have conversations with them, and

488
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: sometimes you know, it's but worth being in a while

489
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,200
Speaker 1: we're doing we do too much, you do too much

490
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: for other people. Yeah, and I guess this is kind

491
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,399
Speaker 1: of also what we want to talk about, doing the

492
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:35,280
Speaker 1: emotional labor for us. Yeah, thanks, that's smooth too. Emotional labor, Yeah,

493
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:41,360
Speaker 1: emotional labor and something especially for men, especially for men,

494
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: And we'll talk about that when we get back. So,

495
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 1: I think a big pitfall a lot of women in

496
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 1: their twenties fall into is like doing the emotional labor

497
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 1: for men and women, but mainly men in their lives.

498
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: I've had that happened to me, so many times friends

499
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 1: lovers feels me to say that after lovers scratch that,

500
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely, And how

501
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,639
Speaker 1: do you kind of see it because you brought this

502
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 1: up with me? Yeah, well, I wouldn't say that in

503
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 1: my teenage years. So obviously I moved to Canberra when

504
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 1: I was eighteen. I wouldn't say that I did much

505
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 1: emotional labor when I was in high school or anything. Yeah,

506
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,239
Speaker 1: who could know exactly, and like to preface that like

507
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: I would like, obviously, I grew up with an amazing family,

508
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,879
Speaker 1: huge privilege to have such like a stable home life

509
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,400
Speaker 1: and all of that. Um, and so I never really

510
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 1: had to do any of this sort of like emotional labor.

511
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: And then coming to UNI and college. Um, I think

512
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 1: I've always been a bit like a bit more of

513
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:51,920
Speaker 1: my cancer. That's my star sign of a bit the

514
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: cancer's emotional. What else I actually don't know. I don't

515
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,399
Speaker 1: really follow astrology. That I only follow astrology to like

516
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:03,639
Speaker 1: tell that to economic guy as Freddie as a cancer

517
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,439
Speaker 1: very gentle. Yeah, well, because I just see it on

518
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 1: tiktoks of what the cancer is. And but I only

519
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 1: keep up to date because I like to go on

520
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 1: like when I go on dates and I'll be like, oh,

521
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 1: you study economics and like cryptocurrency. Oh, I like something

522
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 1: similar in astrology, you know, but pieces and cancers are

523
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 1: both water signs. Yeah, well apparently it's the water sign.

524
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,160
Speaker 1: Is that means you're yeah, you're wearing your neptune jumper

525
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: at the moment, which is really appropriate for your water.

526
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 1: So I do like this jumper and you're a big

527
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 1: beach baby. I think as well, except I get some burnt,

528
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 1: but that's okay anyway, So emotional labor um and I

529
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 1: think what I came to UNI, and like I grew up.

530
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 1: I've got two brothers, so I I have a lot

531
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,479
Speaker 1: of male friends. Pick me go out. No, I'm like,

532
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 1: generally I just have a girl a lot of I

533
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 1: just have a lot of male friends. Even in high school,

534
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: some of my closest mates have always been guys. And

535
00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 1: I think that's I've got a brother who's really close

536
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 1: an age to me, So makes sense, makes sense. Um,

537
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 1: I love foodie, no, no, no jokes anyways that I

538
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 1: have noticed that as a result, particularly when it's my

539
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: male friends that are single, Um, I just somehow they

540
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 1: don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend to do it

541
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: for them. I seem to become not a mum. I

542
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 1: wouldn't say I become a mum. I'm definitely not the

543
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: mom friend. I become sort of this this person that

544
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 1: is always going to be there to give advice and

545
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 1: support sister. Yeah, like, well I am. I am the

546
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 1: elder sister that makes problem. I become this sort of

547
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 1: like person for all my guy friends, not just guys,

548
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 1: even even female friends, to be honest, but just like

549
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 1: and I'm just giving so much. And that was I

550
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 1: think when we when we bonded, like Grandma last year

551
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 1: or whatever, definitely over that sort of topic house, I

552
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: am doing too much, you were doing you still do

553
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: too much. And I find this as well, like this

554
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 1: is kind of inappropriate. And if an employer ever listens

555
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: to this, like, I'm sure they're probably gonna fire me.

556
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: But I don't know, live a little like I used

557
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,719
Speaker 1: to always say, I felt like a psychologist and like

558
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,719
Speaker 1: a prostitute in one like I would. It was especially

559
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 1: with guys that I was like sleeping with where I

560
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: couldn't quite figure out what they wanted for me. And

561
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 1: I remember like I would go over to their rooms

562
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,200
Speaker 1: and I would just spend like the whole night just

563
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: like talking them through their childhood trauma, talking them through

564
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: their actually and this falls into the situationship territory as well. Yeah,

565
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, so I'm really like this takes energy

566
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: out of me. And that's a big thing to realize.

567
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 1: When you offer someone so much of your advice, so

568
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:53,239
Speaker 1: much of your space, your time, your words, like, it

569
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 1: really takes things away from you, and it leaves you

570
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 1: mentally exhausted. It does, And I like, I have like

571
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 1: incredible friendships with all these people. That's not just quickly

572
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 1: We're not to say that, like please come to us,

573
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 1: but also I like, I love I love caring for

574
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 1: my friends, like I love languages. I'm acts of services.

575
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 1: I love doing acts of service for other people, and

576
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 1: I feel like yours is also words of affirmation. Is

577
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: that it yeah, okay, words of affirmation and acts of

578
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 1: service like, and I do genuinely enjoy doing like things

579
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: for other people. But it definitely does get to a

580
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 1: point that when you when you're you yourself are struggling,

581
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 1: and then I mean I've definitely felt that when I've

582
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 1: been struggling, I felt incredibly alone. You wish someone would

583
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,000
Speaker 1: do what you would do for them. Is that kind

584
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 1: of feeling, because I think I'm the type of person

585
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 1: that will hold it very deep inside and then I

586
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 1: just lose it in my brain, in my brain, and

587
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: it's usually my family that then has to cop the

588
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 1: consequences and they're like, but but now you're telling us

589
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,479
Speaker 1: that all these tiny, ten little things have built up

590
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 1: into this and I'm like, yes, oh my god, I

591
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: left it all the way you lug in. That was

592
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: Woud's open exactly. And that's because I think I like

593
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 1: get you take on a lot. It's like your mum

594
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 1: the other day when we were writing that job application

595
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 1: for you and one of the criterias like works well

596
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 1: under pressure, and then you told your mom and your

597
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 1: mom was like, hell no, because my mom is the

598
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 1: one yeah no, and she's And that's the thing, like,

599
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 1: if you don't have a like, I really want to

600
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 1: drill into this emotional labor thing because I feel like

601
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,479
Speaker 1: it is a massive concept where it's like boundaries do

602
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 1: really because of the patriarchy. Yeah, And I feel like

603
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 1: you end up adopting I found so many times I

604
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 1: end up adopting a maternal role where I'm like, I'm

605
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 1: here to comfort you, I'm here to support you, I'm

606
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 1: here to help you through everything, and I'll willingly enter

607
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 1: that role not expecting anything back. But I think and like,

608
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 1: deep inside, you know that they won't even give it

609
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 1: back to you. They won't ever provide that service to you,

610
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 1: even if you wanted it, because that's your role, that's

611
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 1: your function. Especially as women who have their lives together,

612
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 1: not that we have them completely together, like not at all,

613
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: but women who are emotionally mature. It's like people seek

614
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 1: you out, realize that you have that kind of your

615
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 1: reasons something from me, and they see your weak spot.

616
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 1: They're like, I know that if I just play the

617
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:14,719
Speaker 1: sad person in this situation, or like if I just

618
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 1: show them even the tiniest bit of you know, the

619
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 1: things I'm going through, their empathy bone is just going

620
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 1: to light up and they'll just they're just knee jerk

621
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 1: reaction is just to care for you, to take you

622
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 1: under their wing, and it just it kind of makes

623
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 1: me a little bit annoyed. Sometimes it makes me very annoyed.

624
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, very annoyed. Like I'm having this situation

625
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,239
Speaker 1: with someone at the moment and I'm just like, what

626
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 1: do you want from me right now? Like why am

627
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 1: I here? And it just becomes so obvious that the

628
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 1: only reason they talk to me is because they need

629
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 1: me to provide them with emotional support. And it's so exhausted.

630
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 1: It's not even just emotional support, it's it's being asked

631
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: to do things like driving them somewhere click of the half,

632
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 1: and it's and little things like that. I'm happy to

633
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,239
Speaker 1: do it. There was a time at college that I

634
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 1: used to edit people's papers for them, and for free,

635
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: for free, when you have your own stuff going on. Yeah,

636
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,359
Speaker 1: you used to give too much, Phoebe. I know your

637
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,439
Speaker 1: heart's too big. I could have made so much bank

638
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 1: that time year, but no, I edited people's papers. You

639
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,280
Speaker 1: could have had free time exactly. I actually like editing

640
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 1: people's stuff, but I should have, you know, but what

641
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 1: part do you like more? Do you like that you're

642
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 1: doing something for someone? I'm like called out. I know

643
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to call you out, but it's like

644
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,719
Speaker 1: worth like really analyzing, like what kind of it is?

645
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:34,360
Speaker 1: Because there is an incentive to do it. You wouldn't

646
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 1: be doing it if you were being forced against your will.

647
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: But it's like, what kind of incentive is that? But

648
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 1: I really do see it, and I see it with

649
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,719
Speaker 1: so many of my female friends, and I think it's

650
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 1: an important disclaimer. I think I've gotten very good all

651
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 1: the people who I would any person in my life

652
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,399
Speaker 1: right now would willingly drop everything and help them out,

653
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 1: because I also know that they would do that back

654
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 1: for me. It's not a transactional relationship, absolutely, and I

655
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 1: think I'm in a similar boat where it's spin almost

656
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 1: four years of too much. Now I'm like, well, if

657
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 1: you're if you're somebody that's receiving this service, I guess

658
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 1: from me, that's because I know you're doing return. Yeah,

659
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,359
Speaker 1: And it's like important to recognize that. And it kind

660
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 1: of leads back into our boundaries conversation how much are

661
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:17,280
Speaker 1: you going to are you willing to give to people?

662
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,360
Speaker 1: And how much do you want to be a yes person?

663
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 1: Because being a yes person gets you in trouble, Like

664
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,400
Speaker 1: I don't know, in the last six months of fun

665
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: things too get Yeah, it does. But then it's like

666
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,399
Speaker 1: if you say yes to everything and disclaim it, it's

667
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: yes to certain things. I mean in terms of career

668
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 1: opportunities to say yes to everything, Yeah, every single opportunity

669
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: to get say yes to it. In terms of doing

670
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 1: too much for other people, sometimes it's good to say no. Yeah,

671
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,359
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes we both don't say no when

672
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: we really want to. Like how many times have you

673
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 1: found that in the past couple of months where you're

674
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 1: in a situation You're like, I really don't want to

675
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: be here and here you are. Yeah, that was me

676
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,319
Speaker 1: last I'm not going to say that, but I've had

677
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 1: that recently, and I think it links back to remember

678
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 1: when one of the first things we talked about psychologically

679
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:08,919
Speaker 1: was like this high integrated and low integrated complexity. Good segue.

680
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,280
Speaker 1: It was a good segue, wasn't it, Because it's really

681
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,839
Speaker 1: I want me to explain it. Yeah, jem is going

682
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:17,359
Speaker 1: to explain it because I sometimes we'll have a conversation

683
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 1: and I'll go, what's that thing again that you and

684
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,920
Speaker 1: it's this because it really applies to Phoebe in a nutshell.

685
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:30,799
Speaker 1: So okay, okay. So there's this concept and it's in psychology,

686
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 1: and it's low integrative and high integrative complexity, and it's

687
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 1: these ways of viewing the world, and it's often associated

688
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 1: with things like your political views as an example, but

689
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 1: also just your general perspective, way of applying things to

690
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,240
Speaker 1: the world, way of interacting with the world. So people

691
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 1: with low integrated complexity see things as very black or white,

692
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 1: good or bad, you know, evil or angel I don't know,

693
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:59,320
Speaker 1: very like it's very this or that. So, for example,

694
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 1: you know, the war in Iraqa is like a really

695
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 1: good example of this. People who supported that, you know,

696
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:08,920
Speaker 1: they saw people in Iraq as terrorists, which isn't true,

697
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 1: but they saw them as that, and they were really

698
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:12,719
Speaker 1: able to be like, they're bad guys, we're good guys,

699
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 1: therefore we can invade. Whereas people with high integrative complexity,

700
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 1: they're often a lot more intelligent. Yeah, I know, right,

701
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 1: it's just leading into compliments, often a lot more. It

702
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 1: is a date I tell yeah, I know, I want

703
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:31,919
Speaker 1: to Can I sleep problem? But keep going with the definition. Yeah,

704
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 1: So people with high integrative complexity lot and more creative.

705
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 1: They think about things in a nuanced way. So if

706
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: you have a dilemma save a friend, you're not going

707
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 1: to think or someone wrongs, You're not going to be like,

708
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 1: they did this, therefore they're bad. Because anyone who does

709
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 1: this is bad. You're going to be like oh, this

710
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: person did this thing to me. Okay, let me think

711
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 1: about it from their perspective, let me think about different interpretations.

712
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 1: Let me pull this apart and analyze it from various perspectives.

713
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 1: I want to problem solve this, like your brain refused

714
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:04,879
Speaker 1: to see things in this just like dichotomy of different categories,

715
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 1: so high integrative complexity. It's people who it's very difficult

716
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: for them to make decisions around things. Does that sound familiar?

717
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: I do feel a little bit cool out, but yes,

718
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 1: but I gave you so many compliments true, true, too, true,

719
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 1: and now now they had of hits like I love you,

720
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:26,319
Speaker 1: but I love you but yeah, that was really nice.

721
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:29,839
Speaker 1: But yeah. So it's like they find it really hard

722
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 1: to make decisions. They find it very easy to see

723
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 1: the good in people, which kind of leads back to

724
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 1: that like people pleasing yes person type idea, because if

725
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 1: you see everything from every single perspective, if you just

726
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: tear ideas apart until they are their bones, you get

727
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:47,880
Speaker 1: to them be selective about how you get to view

728
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,320
Speaker 1: a situation, so in terms of the war and around

729
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,239
Speaker 1: because it's a really good example of people who have

730
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,799
Speaker 1: low integrative and high integrative complexity you might see this

731
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 1: war and you might be like, yeah, but how can

732
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 1: this what contributed to this? Like is there any possibility

733
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 1: that we're actually the bad guys? Because isn't the things

734
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 1: that we're upset about the same things that we're doing

735
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 1: to them like this, that that, And then you get

736
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 1: to really create a more nuanced and complex view. And

737
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 1: I think Phoebe has high integrative complexity. That is, like

738
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 1: I have to permit one of the highest compliments, not

739
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 1: that either is better than the other, but like a

740
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 1: huge compliment compliment. I feel like one is well do

741
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:26,040
Speaker 1: you need both in the world? And I really appreciate

742
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:28,800
Speaker 1: Jema saying that because it almost confirms that I'm studying.

743
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 1: So I study. I study environmental science and international relations.

744
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 1: But we forget about I forgot that you stay, We

745
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 1: forget I study that one um And in my environment degree,

746
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 1: I do a lot of systems dynamics, which is that

747
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 1: idea you can create these systems diagrams where you can connect.

748
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,800
Speaker 1: So for example, I did I did a project recently

749
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 1: on climate change in health. I read this paper, yes,

750
00:39:56,080 --> 00:40:00,360
Speaker 1: um and about how climate change impacts health and for

751
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 1: some people like well, I guess, so I guess. I

752
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 1: guess a warming climate is going to why affect about

753
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: some of the reasons. Okay, well there's three the three categories.

754
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 1: There's like direct reason, there's a flood from climate change.

755
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: You die, Oh that got really curiously. The second level

756
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 1: is like um, like through um diseases, like affectiblen diseases.

757
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,800
Speaker 1: There's going to be an increase of malaria in Australia

758
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,839
Speaker 1: due to rising temperatures. So why why because oh, because

759
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 1: the climate is changing. Yeah. Yeah, they like it hot,

760
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: they like it hot, and the mosquitoes are going to

761
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:39,880
Speaker 1: be coming right to Australia carrying that malaria. And the

762
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 1: third one is like mental health, so you'd go, oh,

763
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 1: how's how's like mental health or socioeconomic as well. You

764
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,840
Speaker 1: could say there's going to be higher rates of domestic

765
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:53,400
Speaker 1: violence as a result of climate change because rising temperatures

766
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 1: can cause a natural disaster and a drought, and that

767
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:02,759
Speaker 1: causes mental stress, and that causes partners to lash out

768
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 1: onto each other. And it doesn't I don't think it

769
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 1: causes it triggers it. No, yeah, it triggers it. And

770
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 1: so you can create these system diagrams where you can

771
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:13,479
Speaker 1: connect the political to the social to the economic, and

772
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 1: you can go into these subcategories of each and you

773
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 1: can figure out which variables affecting what. And I don't know,

774
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 1: I find that fascinating. Yeah, I find it really And

775
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,480
Speaker 1: this is kind integrated complexity. Because I said, when me

776
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 1: and Phoebe first became friends, we used to do lots

777
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:29,400
Speaker 1: of study together. I don't remember you would your approach

778
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 1: to an essay would take you so much longer than

779
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 1: anyone else. No, it wouldn't take me longer. I would

780
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 1: ponder for like weeks over it. I'd be like, what

781
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,320
Speaker 1: about this perspective? And then I would write like maybe

782
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 1: six different essay like plans, like just plans. I wouldn't

783
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 1: even start writing. Then it would be the two days

784
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:49,879
Speaker 1: before the essays due, and I we would see each

785
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 1: other and then yeah, and then I would smash out like,

786
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 1: I think this is just such a skill. You should

787
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 1: see her do this. I will say esay in like

788
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 1: two days and just like and then I retype it

789
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 1: multiple times, and then I realized that I hate it,

790
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 1: so I delete it all and then I retype it

791
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 1: all again and then boom, dumb perfectionist syndrome. But it's

792
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 1: because oh, my God, like, you should just hear it.

793
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 1: She was doing this one on fishing once. I've never

794
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:23,399
Speaker 1: ever heard someone get so like you just you just

795
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:25,799
Speaker 1: got yourself into a rabbit hole. You were like, but

796
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 1: then what about this? What about that? Like just context?

797
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 1: The essay was about how does um what was it again?

798
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 1: It was Sri Lanka, wasn't Yeah, the polk straight and

799
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,799
Speaker 1: how a decrease in fish like over fishing in the

800
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 1: polk straight is causing violence, but it's creating like a

801
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 1: like a cycle of violence. Yeah, anyway, between Sri Lanka,

802
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 1: if anyone wants that essay, they can reach out to

803
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 1: me and I will send it to them. I'll drop

804
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 1: her instant in there in the description and you can

805
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 1: hit her up because it was really good. I read

806
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,359
Speaker 1: it. It It was really good. And then remember I went

807
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,839
Speaker 1: home and I was getting YouTube video recommendations and I

808
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 1: was like, God, the algorithm is knows it does We

809
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 1: were in close proximity. But yeah, so what are your

810
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 1: thoughts on high integrative complexity? And well, I think you

811
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 1: have it, Okay, I want to know other downfalls to it? Yeah? Absolutely,

812
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 1: Like so normally people would be like, oh low, especially

813
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 1: we exist in a pretty you and I like in

814
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:26,760
Speaker 1: a pretty elitist society. Remember it is highly elite, absolutely,

815
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:29,839
Speaker 1: and I comes from such a privileged background, to such

816
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:33,879
Speaker 1: a privileged background, and everyone here is I would say,

817
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 1: the ah, I know a few people who I would.

818
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 1: It's like funny because when you start studying psychology, you

819
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 1: begin like doing these things where you just like categorize

820
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 1: everyone into these It's pretty dangerous because you probably shouldn't

821
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 1: do that, but you know, you see these patterns of

822
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: behavior and like traits that people have, and you're like

823
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: low integrative, high integrative, like you apply these different concepts

824
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 1: to them. So I do definitely recognize people in my

825
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:58,400
Speaker 1: life who are low integrative. And Phoebe did say, like,

826
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 1: low integrative doesn't necessarily mean negative, absolutely not. It just

827
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:07,320
Speaker 1: means low levels of abstraction. So high levels of abstraction. Firstly,

828
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:09,920
Speaker 1: if you have high integrative complexity, more likely to have

829
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 1: a higher iq UM. So congrats on that one. Well,

830
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:19,319
Speaker 1: sometimes it doesn't show through. I'm sure I could think

831
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 1: of any absensible that's when I'm like, gosh, she's in

832
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,399
Speaker 1: a low integrated sy moment. But a downside is also

833
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:31,760
Speaker 1: you're more likely to have greater levels of anxiety. Oh yeah, bingo, fingo,

834
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,360
Speaker 1: smack bang bingo, and think about it, because it's like,

835
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 1: if you get a problem, it would be so easy.

836
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 1: I wish I could be the person who's like, I

837
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 1: know the answer to this, because I have these very

838
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,160
Speaker 1: clear categories of what's right and what's wrong and what's

839
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: this and what's that in my mind. But if you

840
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 1: do have that high integrative those those categories are not clear,

841
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 1: which leads to significant overthinking and can lead to like

842
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 1: pretty bad anxiety. I think it's harder to the dots

843
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:58,879
Speaker 1: on problems that don't need to be connected. Yeah, oh yeah,

844
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:00,839
Speaker 1: oh absolutely, And I'm sure do you find this heaps

845
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 1: with like environl like you do a lot about like

846
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 1: climate change. Yes, it would be pretty scary being someone

847
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 1: with high integrative and approaching issues that are just by

848
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: nature incredibly complex. We kid problems, We kid problems and

849
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:17,319
Speaker 1: you talk about them. Do you ever get like really

850
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:24,239
Speaker 1: bad climate anxiety. It's hard because I personally like I do,

851
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 1: but I don't. I because like with climate change, I'm

852
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:34,759
Speaker 1: going to be lucky, Like I'm I'm very very privileged,

853
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 1: and that's just like the luck of the drove of

854
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 1: where I was born, um and the family I was

855
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,360
Speaker 1: born into and all of that. It's gonna be in

856
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:44,759
Speaker 1: the country. It's gonna yeah, in the country, but it's

857
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:50,160
Speaker 1: going to be the people who are low socioeconomic uma,

858
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 1: los socio economic, rural, rural, people of color, Indigenous people.

859
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 1: It's gonna be those people that are going to be

860
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:02,800
Speaker 1: hit the heart artist. And so I feel climate and

861
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,719
Speaker 1: anxiety for other people, maybe not for myself so much.

862
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 1: Isn't it crazy? Like didn't Just recently there was like

863
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:13,839
Speaker 1: a us UN report that Australia is like the lowest yeah,

864
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 1: And I'm like, Okay, here's the thing. Yes, we have

865
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 1: significant impacts of climate change. Like I lived through the

866
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 1: bush fires a couple of years ago. Like we were

867
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 1: in that wasn't like two years ago. Yeah, we were

868
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 1: like stuck in Bateman's Bay, like literally on the doorstep

869
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 1: of one of the biggest bush fires in Australia. The

870
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,840
Speaker 1: consequences of climate change in this country are very apparent, exactly.

871
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 1: And I think one of the reasons why I'm interested

872
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:40,720
Speaker 1: in climate change is because it like so I'm interested

873
00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:43,200
Speaker 1: in the social side of it, maybe the socioeconomic side

874
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 1: of it, And because it's not just an environmental issue.

875
00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 1: It's like I remember in my first year of UNI,

876
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,399
Speaker 1: we did this diagram, like you can construct so many

877
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: different sort of diagrams of it, but it had it

878
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 1: had social and a little like a circle in the middle,

879
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 1: had economic handly outside then it had environment. And it's like,

880
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 1: if you affect the environment, you affect everything. You affect

881
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 1: every single aspect of your life. You affect the political,

882
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:15,719
Speaker 1: you you impact the social and the economic, like if

883
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 1: you like obviously it depends on the problem, but like

884
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:20,600
Speaker 1: if you affect the social, it kind of can only

885
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:24,280
Speaker 1: sometimes will only affect the social. Yeah, if you affect

886
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 1: the example of that, Ah, oh, I don't know. You

887
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:30,759
Speaker 1: put me in the spot, but sorry, yeah, it's it's

888
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think that's why I'm interested in

889
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 1: because it has such a consequence on all these other

890
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,839
Speaker 1: facets of people's lives. Yeah, And I think the big

891
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:44,080
Speaker 1: thing is like in Australia, you know, we're contributing so much,

892
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 1: but it's going to be creating problems for those our

893
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:52,400
Speaker 1: governments quite frankly doesn't care about Like and how what

894
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 1: do you mean you didn't say that? Oh, sorry, it's

895
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:01,360
Speaker 1: not Peebe saying it, it's me. Yeah, Like there are

896
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:05,080
Speaker 1: just certain populations that our government neglects. It's really like

897
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 1: indigenous groups being a primarily one primary one absolutely, but

898
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:12,200
Speaker 1: it's not just them. It's like, you know, climate change

899
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: is like the best collective action problem there is, because

900
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 1: the worst the best in terms of like it's the

901
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:25,320
Speaker 1: perfect example of exactly the issue whereby like we contribute

902
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:27,320
Speaker 1: to the problem because we want the benefits of coal

903
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 1: and shit like that. And then we could do a

904
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 1: whole another episode in this because we want a tangent.

905
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 1: We can come back to this another day we'll do

906
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 1: We'll do a climate anxiety and what we could do

907
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 1: a group one with like me and Aaron and some

908
00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 1: of the Envirol girls. I feel like I need you

909
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 1: guys to talk about it more because I just have

910
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 1: very like we're going to come back to political ideas,

911
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:49,399
Speaker 1: and I think we need to talk about your time

912
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,600
Speaker 1: in these some of these communities in Tenant Creek, so

913
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 1: um Tenant Creek. We kind of brought it up before,

914
00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 1: but I think it's been a huge it was a

915
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 1: huge kind of turning point for you and very rarely

916
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 1: do you have those where you're like, oh, this is

917
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 1: a moment that I need to take a hold of,

918
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 1: recognize and this will be impacting me for years to come.

919
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: So how did you end up in Tennant Creek? Yeah?

920
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 1: So I'm not going to go too much into detail

921
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 1: work because of my work, but I'm really fortunate to

922
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:23,040
Speaker 1: have a job in the public service that allow me

923
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:28,959
Speaker 1: to travel, um which it travels to on a topic

924
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:34,799
Speaker 1: that I'm interested in and social social issue environment which

925
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: is social. So I was really fortunate I got to

926
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:41,799
Speaker 1: do a work trip pretty early on in my job

927
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:47,879
Speaker 1: to Tennant Creek. Yeah, and middle of nowhere. Came back

928
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 1: with a lot of thoughts to my friends. We had

929
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 1: a great chat about it when you get Yeah. Yeah,

930
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 1: so for context, Tennant Creeks might bang in the middle

931
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,799
Speaker 1: of Norman territory. I had never been there. I'm from

932
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 1: Adelaide originally MM lived in Camp Railad. Yeah, that's pretty

933
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,520
Speaker 1: much it. And what did you find when you went there?

934
00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 1: Because you were going there for work, but you came

935
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:11,760
Speaker 1: back with like it was insane? Yeah, And I think anyone,

936
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:15,320
Speaker 1: I think anyone that would travel to remote locations in

937
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:20,720
Speaker 1: Australia Regional Victoria, Regional New South Wales so for context,

938
00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:24,879
Speaker 1: I'm I'm interested in rural regional issues. Like that's I'm

939
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 1: not a city girl. All my friends are telling me

940
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,239
Speaker 1: they're like wanting to move to Sydney or Melbourne. I

941
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 1: can't think of anything worse out I don't. I can't

942
00:50:33,719 --> 00:50:36,279
Speaker 1: think of anything worse. I want to My dream is

943
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:39,360
Speaker 1: to move to a farm in New Zealand, in the

944
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:44,759
Speaker 1: middle of nowhere with a hot farmer. Oh, Phoebe wants

945
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:48,760
Speaker 1: a farmer. So I'm not to farm. One's a wife, okay,

946
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 1: and um yeah, and so Tennant Creek is one of

947
00:50:54,560 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 1: the most has really high rates of violence, has really

948
00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:07,279
Speaker 1: high rates of sexual assault. Yeah yeah, including towards children. Um.

949
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:15,040
Speaker 1: It also has a really sad history. It's in the

950
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:20,279
Speaker 1: Northern Territory. We'll say, like I would like to say, like,

951
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:22,440
Speaker 1: you know, my respect to the traditional owners that I

952
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 1: got to they welcome me onto their land or among

953
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 1: you people. And but as a result it has got

954
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 1: this really sad colonial history with the stolen generation and

955
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 1: like I'm not indigenous. I don't want to speak too

956
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:40,560
Speaker 1: much on that, um, but it was so I've traveled

957
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:43,840
Speaker 1: to develop like I mean the term some people like

958
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:47,719
Speaker 1: academics uses developing countries, and I've traveled to places like that,

959
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:51,239
Speaker 1: and I would say that some of the standards of

960
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: living in rural like remote Australia or worse than in

961
00:51:56,239 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: places where we have a foreign like foreign aid budget too.

962
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 1: Really yeah, it was it was just it was really

963
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:11,080
Speaker 1: it was quite upsetting. Um yeah, but you came back

964
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,239
Speaker 1: and you kind of just had this new vigor like

965
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 1: what what did it kind of teach you about what

966
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 1: you wanted to do in the future. Yeah. So I

967
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 1: think I mean, growing up family full of doctors, they've

968
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:23,480
Speaker 1: I mean a family full of doctors that are all

969
00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:27,560
Speaker 1: like public health physicians, so they're not they're not you know,

970
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 1: your surgeons or anything. But um uh sort of came

971
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 1: back knowing that, Like I mean, my mum always says,

972
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: my parents, my mom and dad always says to me that, like,

973
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:39,320
Speaker 1: you're not put on this earth to make money, and

974
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 1: they're like, you put on this earth to make this

975
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 1: earth a better place for other people. And I know

976
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 1: because it is bloody angels, and so I really like

977
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 1: them saying that because it has made me go. I

978
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 1: don't think I'd feel fulfilled if I was doing something

979
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:59,480
Speaker 1: that was only serving the purpose of making money and

980
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 1: so going to Tennant Creek with all the problems that

981
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:06,400
Speaker 1: Tennant Creek has, I'm sure you can google it and

982
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:10,320
Speaker 1: the Barclays a whole um because that place is beautiful,

983
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:15,880
Speaker 1: beautiful people, beautiful environment. There's a lot of hope, there's

984
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 1: a lot of hope for the future. And I mean,

985
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 1: I'm such an outsider, Like I'm such a clear outsider.

986
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 1: I was basically a tourist. But it's good you can

987
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 1: recognize that sort of suggesting you're an expert. No, I

988
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 1: have no clue how to you know, do solve these

989
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:37,880
Speaker 1: incredibly complex problems. But it has made me go like

990
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:41,239
Speaker 1: I will not be happy in my life if I

991
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 1: don't work on something that I feel like I'm doing

992
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:47,800
Speaker 1: good for the world. That sounds so like savior of me.

993
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:52,439
Speaker 1: But I think your intentions are incredibly pure, and it's

994
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,839
Speaker 1: just that you've found this thing that you've been like, well,

995
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:57,360
Speaker 1: this is this is it? Like this is something that

996
00:53:57,560 --> 00:54:00,960
Speaker 1: is the fact that you know, these areas aren't prioritized,

997
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 1: the fact that no one seems to care because Australia

998
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:07,560
Speaker 1: is such like I'm just gonna say very lonely, Australia

999
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:12,440
Speaker 1: is incredibly racist. Yeah, it is the colonial history of Australia,

1000
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: and um, how we treat anyone that's not white is disgusting.

1001
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 1: Like I'm I'm I'm a white person whatever, like that's

1002
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:25,439
Speaker 1: who I that's who I am. But I have people

1003
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:28,720
Speaker 1: in my family that are migrants that are not white,

1004
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 1: and I have have you know, I've like it's it's

1005
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:34,799
Speaker 1: so obviously, so easy to see. It's so easy to see,

1006
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:37,400
Speaker 1: Like you don't have to be you don't have to

1007
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 1: that doesn't have to be your lived experience to appreciate

1008
00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 1: that it's someone else's Like, that's empathy. Yeah, it's basic

1009
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,360
Speaker 1: empathy being like and that's the thing I don't understand.

1010
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 1: It's like a lot of people I've met people like

1011
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 1: Australia isn't racist, Like I've never seen it. It's like

1012
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:55,320
Speaker 1: look closer, which really look closer, and like, obviously I

1013
00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:59,840
Speaker 1: have no lived experience of racism, but it was pretty

1014
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:03,160
Speaker 1: damn obvious to me. The Tenant Creek is living the

1015
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:05,919
Speaker 1: people living in Tennant Creek are living a very very

1016
00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:10,400
Speaker 1: different Australia to the Australia that I grew up in. Wow,

1017
00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:13,200
Speaker 1: and what did that kind of So you've kind of

1018
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 1: mentioned what that made you think about for the future.

1019
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:18,480
Speaker 1: But like in five years time, do you see yourself

1020
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 1: because you apply for a job in Tennant Creek, you

1021
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 1: came back home. Yeah, yeah I didn't. I've removed it. Yeah,

1022
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:27,319
Speaker 1: oh I'm gonna do I'm gonna do it honors next

1023
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:29,640
Speaker 1: yearn oh yeah yeah, but she but it was yeah,

1024
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 1: sorry not to out you, but like you kind of

1025
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 1: came back and I'm like, yeah, this is what I

1026
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:35,640
Speaker 1: want to do. Like any help I can be just

1027
00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:38,719
Speaker 1: by listening, just by knowing the systems, like I'll do it.

1028
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:41,440
Speaker 1: And I think there's a there's a there's a I have.

1029
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:45,239
Speaker 1: I think you've got to use like your privilege for good.

1030
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:47,759
Speaker 1: Like I I went into an amazing school, I have

1031
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:50,600
Speaker 1: an amazing family. I hate, got to do any extra

1032
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 1: crewker activity I ever wanted to do, got to go

1033
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 1: to an amazing university. I'm financially supported, I'm financially stable,

1034
00:55:57,040 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 1: like I'm a white woman. I should use this power,

1035
00:56:02,680 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 1: like I guess you could call it a power for good.

1036
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 1: I mean, in terms of the Climate change staff, I

1037
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 1: find that it's I will be somebody from like a

1038
00:56:12,719 --> 00:56:17,480
Speaker 1: conservative background. It's more likely to listen to me, yea

1039
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:21,719
Speaker 1: than someone else, somebody else that doesn't have the privileges

1040
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 1: that I have and that they don't respect. They don't

1041
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:25,400
Speaker 1: respect that person and they're never going to listen to

1042
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:27,800
Speaker 1: them or change their mind. But I have a higher

1043
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 1: chance of being able to yeah, yeah, facilitate a conversation

1044
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:35,279
Speaker 1: because they're not going to walk on with prejudice exactly, like, oh,

1045
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:37,080
Speaker 1: you're one of the us. Like there's in groups and

1046
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:39,160
Speaker 1: out groups all over Australia and you just have to

1047
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 1: look for them. And I think as well, there's like

1048
00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:45,239
Speaker 1: a clear lack of communication channels between different community groups

1049
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:49,280
Speaker 1: around Australia wherever that that be regional areas or whatever,

1050
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 1: and trying to understand how government works or how does

1051
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 1: how does the power system work? How does who's in

1052
00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 1: power and Australia work. So I think, because I come

1053
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:05,160
Speaker 1: from this background, I understand how these systems work. We've

1054
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:08,360
Speaker 1: navigated them because we didn't have trouble navigating exactly. So

1055
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 1: I feel like it's I almost feel like I should

1056
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:14,320
Speaker 1: make space by like taking a step back, but creating

1057
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:18,680
Speaker 1: a space a communication channel for yeah, people I don't know,

1058
00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 1: Like I don't want this to come off as like

1059
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,959
Speaker 1: it doesn't think it's sort of like white savior or whatever,

1060
00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 1: because you see you're very aware, like you know, you

1061
00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:28,200
Speaker 1: know that where you've come from. But I want to,

1062
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:31,440
Speaker 1: like I want to use my skills for goods, like

1063
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:33,880
Speaker 1: the education that I got, Like I might as well

1064
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 1: do something that's like doesn't just benefit like myself white

1065
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:41,240
Speaker 1: people in Australia, for every future generation. But yeah, five

1066
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 1: years time and you're doing honors next year like so

1067
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 1: many year, Yeah honors. That should be cool if I

1068
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 1: can get that sort of any words of wisdom before

1069
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 1: we say goodbye. I asked Peate this question. I think

1070
00:57:52,080 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 1: it really does for a conversation. But like the biggest

1071
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 1: lesson you've learned last year? What has it been in

1072
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 1: your in your second year of your twenties? Okay, um,

1073
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm still learning. So it's you could

1074
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 1: ask me this question every single week and it'd probably

1075
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 1: different answer depending on like what Isn't that the best

1076
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,120
Speaker 1: part though? It's like every every week there's a new

1077
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:17,000
Speaker 1: lesson to kind of be learned from the situation's life

1078
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 1: throws at you. I think in your twenties you have

1079
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:31,439
Speaker 1: to you have like oh, it's hard. Oh it's okay.

1080
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 1: This is like a response that is like what it's like? Yeah,

1081
00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 1: I know, it's like, um, I was gonna say, like

1082
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 1: in your twenties. I thought you're gonna say, in your twenties,

1083
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:42,080
Speaker 1: should say yes, And then we've talked about how you

1084
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:45,880
Speaker 1: shouldn't say yes. Well, because okay, So I think everything

1085
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 1: to sum up the conclusion conclusion of this podcast, including

1086
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:55,680
Speaker 1: remarks concluding remarks situationships terrible, set your boundaries, set your

1087
00:58:55,720 --> 00:58:59,640
Speaker 1: boundaries of friends, because that also includes protecting yourself from

1088
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:03,200
Speaker 1: doing emotional labor that is unnecessary, which we talked about.

1089
00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:06,920
Speaker 1: Emotional labor is fine if it's reciprocated and if you

1090
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:09,280
Speaker 1: know where you stand and you also should What else

1091
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:12,120
Speaker 1: will be spoken about high integrated, low integratate if we

1092
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:15,960
Speaker 1: talked about something exactly, but big psychological concepts. I think

1093
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:18,560
Speaker 1: the main thing is just like, look after yourself. Is

1094
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:22,080
Speaker 1: that your lesson? Yeah? I mean I'm terrible at it,

1095
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 1: but um, look after yourself. Know what you want out

1096
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:29,760
Speaker 1: of life, and if you figure out what you want

1097
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 1: out of life, go get it, go get it. Amazing

1098
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:37,040
Speaker 1: words to That's the thing, isn't it? Like? Because I

1099
00:59:37,320 --> 00:59:39,520
Speaker 1: am so lucky to have had such a supportive family

1100
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:42,400
Speaker 1: that have told me to just go get whatever I want, Like, yeah,

1101
00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:44,800
Speaker 1: you can do it, you deserve it, like you just

1102
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:48,600
Speaker 1: learn good things in your life. Exactly, well, amazing, very

1103
00:59:48,680 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 1: starring words from feeding You. I'm so sorry for such

1104
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 1: a chaotic podcast. Trust me, when we listen back to it,

1105
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:58,120
Speaker 1: it's going to sound smooth as long. Okay, Well, thank

1106
00:59:58,160 --> 00:59:59,880
Speaker 1: you so much for coming on and for devoting your

1107
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 1: Friday night and snacks for us to talk about these things.

1108
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:06,520
Speaker 1: I hope you guys have enjoyed our wisdom. It's a

1109
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 1: bit of a ramble, but that's the point of these episodes.

1110
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:10,200
Speaker 1: If you don't like it, you don't have to listen.

1111
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:13,280
Speaker 1: So there's my kind words for you, and Len I'll

1112
01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 1: meet you. Yeah, Phoebe is a great friend, and I'm

1113
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:18,200
Speaker 1: so glad she said yes. So I hope you got

1114
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,520
Speaker 1: something out of it. And we'll see you next week

1115
01:00:20,560 --> 01:00:24,000
Speaker 1: where we're going to talk about the psychology of social anxiety.

1116
01:00:24,400 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 1: I'm keen to tune in for someone. Bye.