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Speaker 1: A murdered cock and that was the title no one

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Speaker 1: used America's least favorite porno.

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Speaker 2: Campsite media arg.

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Speaker 1: Rory. I feel like we've developed a pretty friendly relationship, right,

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Speaker 1: I feel differently, but go on, a lot of co

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Speaker 1: hosts are always fighting for air time, but you just

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Speaker 1: pick your spots, which I appreciate. But today I've decided

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Speaker 1: to totally ruin our partnership by proposing a competition. Oh okay, good,

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Speaker 1: And as long as we're going completely offscript, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: have Lane join us too. Yeah. I thought Lane was

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Speaker 1: the only one trying to separate our friendship with these

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Speaker 1: these quizzes.

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Speaker 2: I'm the wedge.

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Speaker 1: Are you ready? Yeah? Lane? Yep? All right. So today,

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Speaker 1: instead of exploring a crime perpetrated by idiots, we're playing

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Speaker 1: a game that, of course also includes crimes perpetrated by idiots.

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Speaker 3: Josh's Games doesn't sound is good? It just doesn't phonetically

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Speaker 3: feel right.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't. Lan's Games is a drum roll? Please the

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Speaker 1: Florida Man off? Yes? Have you ever played the game

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Speaker 1: where you google Florida Man on your birthday? No? Oh?

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Speaker 1: All right? Is that? What does that mean? Meaning? You

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Speaker 1: don't go ahead and do it because I think we

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Speaker 1: were going about to I'm not gonna do it. Meaning

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Speaker 1: you combine your birthday and Florida Man or Florida Man

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Speaker 1: arrest in the headline, are in the Google search and

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Speaker 1: see what happened on the day, because there's always a

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Speaker 1: story and it's literally true. So on today's show, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna have a competition see which of us is complicit

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Speaker 1: by way of birth with the best Florida Man crime perfect.

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Speaker 1: We each have our own birthdays, which we had no

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Speaker 1: control over, but we also each get to use a

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Speaker 1: wild card the birthday of a friend, a family member,

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Speaker 1: or some other human of your choosing. I picked someone

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Speaker 1: in advance. But you guys are going to do it

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Speaker 1: live making crimeless history history history. At the end, there

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Speaker 1: will be one Florida Man to rule them all. Are

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Speaker 1: there any questions?

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Speaker 2: How are we judging this?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're the contestants and the voters.

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Speaker 3: Like now, I know Lane is taking it very seriously.

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Speaker 3: She's like, wait, how do the points work?

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Speaker 2: I played a win? What is our prize?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Winner gets bragging rights in a bowl full of

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Speaker 1: crawdad floating in coconut rum.

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Speaker 3: And I thought it was going to be something shitty. Okay, good.

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Speaker 1: Let The first annual Crimeless Florida man Off began after

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Speaker 1: the break. Hello and welcome back to crime List in

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Speaker 1: the podcast that celebrates the amazing creativity of the world's

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Speaker 1: dumbest criminals, at least ninety percent of whom live in Florida.

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Speaker 1: I'm Josh Dean, and I'm Rory Skoefel.

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Speaker 2: And I'm Lane Rose.

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Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for joining us here in the clown car. Lane,

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Speaker 1: I hope you packed snacks. How are you guys feeling

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Speaker 1: about the competition. I feel I feel great.

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Speaker 3: I don't Bellie even understand what I'm getting into, so

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Speaker 3: I feel the most optimistic.

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Speaker 1: At this point. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think I have Faith in Florida.

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Speaker 1: Yeah all right, Yeah, that's a T shirt Faith in Florida.

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Speaker 1: Probably also the name of one of those giant churches.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, or like one of those TV shows that come

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Speaker 3: out and they're like, oh, her name is Faith.

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Speaker 1: I get it. Oh, two meanings. I have Faith in

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Speaker 1: Florida is a pretty good slogan, though. Another put that

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Speaker 1: on the T shirt list. I'm running for all every

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Speaker 1: election cycle, I have Faith in Florida. And then you

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Speaker 1: see that shirt get ripped up and thrown away, but

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Speaker 1: it's purple. There are at least a few decent law

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Speaker 1: abiding citizens in Florida, even if you don't count my

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Speaker 1: own laws. But Florida man is totally a thing. I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure anyone has ever studied the per capita rate

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Speaker 1: of idiot crime state by sea, and certainly no one's

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Speaker 1: going to now that all academic research has been canceled.

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Speaker 1: But I'm pretty sure Florida has the most people likely

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Speaker 1: to appear on crime lists. Every other state is fighting

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Speaker 1: for silver at this point. Yeah. A big reason for

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Speaker 1: that is that it's a state with a lot of

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Speaker 1: people living in it that also has really generous open

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Speaker 1: records laws. It's all the crazy shit that people do

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Speaker 1: turns into news stories. You can't just break into a zoo,

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Speaker 1: put a saddle on an Ostrich and go rampaging inside

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Speaker 1: a hobby lobby and hope your attorney's gonna get that

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Speaker 1: story buried. Such a great example Ostrich saddle hobby lobby.

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Speaker 1: It has all the things rory. As our resident Southerner,

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Speaker 1: would you care to defend Florida's honor? I have no

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Speaker 1: reason to do so. I am not.

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Speaker 3: Look I'm gonna tour Florida. I'm gonna show up, I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna do my shows. I am not moving to Florida.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna. I have no defense of Florida. You

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Speaker 1: heard it here on the record, Rory will never move

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Speaker 1: to Florida.

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Speaker 3: Yes, And if for anyone down there is religious and

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Speaker 3: they're like, ay good, we.

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Speaker 1: Don't want him down here. I want you to know

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Speaker 1: God brings all those hurricanes for a reason. I'm on

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Speaker 1: God's team. All right, there goes our Florida fan base. Yep,

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Speaker 1: all right, let's get started. I'll go first. My birthday

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Speaker 1: is May twenty ninth, and my headline is Florida man

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Speaker 1: kills neighbor's rooster for trying to attack him. Yep. I

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Speaker 1: mean that's not really a crime. I'm a little bummed out.

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Speaker 1: It just feels like retributive justice.

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Speaker 3: It is bonkers, But you know that you got who's

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Speaker 3: in the wrong. The rooster tried. Did the rooster try

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Speaker 3: to kill him? Is that what you said?

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Speaker 1: I mean, for trying to attack him as I attack,

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Speaker 1: I guess we can't know the rooster.

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Speaker 2: Is it illegal to kill a rooster? I feel like

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Speaker 2: it should be justice for Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I mean I grew up in part in West Virginia

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Speaker 1: and murdering a rooster didn't even make the news. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: no one cared. That was happened all the time. That

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Speaker 1: was a rite of passage up there. I mean, this

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Speaker 1: is a bit of a bummer, but I'll just keep reading.

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Speaker 1: According to the definitive news source, Florida has a Right

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Speaker 1: to Know dot com site that was definitely written by

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Speaker 1: humans and not AI. Pets are Here's the quote. Pets

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Speaker 1: are among the main causes of disagreements between neighbors. However,

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Speaker 1: the differences can quickly aggravate when both parties fail to

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Speaker 1: handle the matter. Well, okay, that's definitely AI both parties

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Speaker 1: the human damn it, My Florida man story is lame?

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Speaker 1: Is your now? Did you pick? Like? Is that your?

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Speaker 1: Do we pick our birthday or any like? So, so

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Speaker 1: we're gonna do. We're gonna do our birthdays first and

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Speaker 1: we'll do a bonus rounds. This is my This is

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Speaker 1: actually my birthday and the one that came up. Okay,

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Speaker 1: got it? Have you ever come to blows with a

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Speaker 1: neighbor over a pet? Has your dog started to fight? No?

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Speaker 1: My dog dog is very chill and we're we're big

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Speaker 1: dog people. We love dogs, Laine.

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Speaker 2: No, my dog's also very chill. She's a good neighbor.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, don't we all have such chill dogs?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well that sounds like you don't, Josh, the way

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Speaker 3: you said that. I don't have a cat. Actually she's

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Speaker 3: pretty chill though.

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Speaker 1: Okay, let me skip to the action here ultimately, And

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Speaker 1: I guess this is the guy James Nick's claim he

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Speaker 1: was just busy walking when the rooster came up to him,

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Speaker 1: following him from behind. Interesting. So, if I'm reading this right,

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Speaker 1: the rooster is tailing him being kind of a dick honestly,

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Speaker 1: but that isn't a crime. And I also think roosters

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Speaker 1: are territoriatorial. So I guess if you were to take

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Speaker 1: the rooster's side here, maybe the guy should have stayed

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Speaker 1: off his turf. Interesting, back to the story. After trying

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Speaker 1: so much to get away, Nicks claims the rooster jumped

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Speaker 1: at him before he accidentally hit it in the head.

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Speaker 1: Yeah sure, yeah, sorry, mister Nicks. That does not seem likely. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't know that the judge is going to buy

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Speaker 1: that one. I had my fist accidentally connected with a

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Speaker 1: tiny little head. It jumped at me. So, first off,

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Speaker 1: the phrase after trying so much to get away is

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Speaker 1: definitely not a phrase any human, even a Florida human,

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Speaker 1: would say. So, I know, after trying to get away,

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Speaker 1: what effort did you make? Well? I got in my

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Speaker 1: car and the rooster got in its car and it

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Speaker 1: was still trailing me. I got to Dairy Queen. It

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Speaker 1: got to Dairy Queen.

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Speaker 2: We split a blizzard.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean so his argument seems to be that

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Speaker 1: the rooster jumped him and he fought back. Yeah, he

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Speaker 1: didn't kill the rooster on purpose. Yeah, this is lame.

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Speaker 1: I'm looking up a real news story on this. That

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Speaker 1: was the AI story. That was not good enough. We

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Speaker 1: need some backups, so I went to an NBC affiliate

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Speaker 1: website for a little bit more detail. James Nix ended

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Speaker 1: up doing a month in jail for this. Good good

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Speaker 1: look at lame. He's just happy. Yeah, very pro rooster.

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Speaker 1: It looks like he finally did get his day in

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Speaker 1: court and he mounted a stirring defense. So the rooster's

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Speaker 1: name was big Rue love it. Yeah, Nix hit it

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Speaker 1: with a stick. It goes down. Then he says, quote

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Speaker 1: all timer of a Florida man. Quote here. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know to give it a twenty one gun salute CPR

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Speaker 1: mouth to mouth, you know, or call the chicken ambulance.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if I'm the judge and that's what someone says,

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Speaker 1: I go, all right, get out of here. You're fun.

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Speaker 1: You're a fun guy. I get out of it here,

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Speaker 1: chicken ambulance, another T shirt.

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Speaker 3: Stop killing animals. But you're clearly a fun person. You

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Speaker 3: got me with the chicken anileans. But Nix's neighbor, big

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Speaker 3: Ruse owner, got big mad. And then and then Nick says,

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Speaker 3: next thing, you know, he calls the chicken police on me.

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Speaker 3: He's really leaning into that joke.

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Speaker 1: I supposed to say. Now, the judge is like, all right,

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Speaker 1: you're kind of going back to the well a few

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Speaker 1: too many times here. Okay, I think I got some

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Speaker 1: in the end. That's a pretty good entry. I think

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Speaker 1: I think I'm pretty happy with that story. That's not bad. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: all right, we're gonna move up next. Next up is

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Speaker 1: Rory August sixth, right, that's right, it's on your Wikipedia page. Also,

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Speaker 1: we did an extensive background check. Jesus Christ, you've lived

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Speaker 1: a very upstanding life by comedian standards. Oh, thank you.

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Speaker 3: Catholic high school, the Catholic middle school, elementary school, Episcopalian

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Speaker 3: high school, Oh, public high school.

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Speaker 1: Some Catholic school though, so you've got good morals. I've

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Speaker 1: got some Catholic school. I've got a lot of guilt.

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Speaker 1: You have a degree in communications. M hm me too

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Speaker 1: fast tracked you to your podcasting career, and then.

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Speaker 3: I immediately turned that when people laugh at a communications degree,

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Speaker 3: I am like, well, I quite literally earned my.

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Speaker 1: Income through communication.

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Speaker 3: And also people think communications as a degree, they're like

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Speaker 3: they kind of laugh at it like it's some They're like,

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Speaker 3: oh yeah, communications, and you're like, you mean literally the

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Speaker 3: reason anything exists? Right, Well, I studied history. Oh and

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Speaker 3: how are you able to understand that? Is it through communication?

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Speaker 1: Thank you? Lane gets it. We both made the wrong choice.

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Speaker 2: I went back to school the community to finally become

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Speaker 2: a doctor, doctor podcaster.

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Speaker 1: And then the last thing for me that I wanted

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Speaker 1: to mention from our background research is a lot of

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Speaker 1: public urination charges.

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Speaker 3: But oh yeah, but I mean, like they're all fun

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Speaker 3: that should be in an ad.

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Speaker 1: There should be an asterisk. They were funny when I

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Speaker 1: did them. Other than that pretty spotless resume. So Okay,

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Speaker 1: August sixth, drum please Rory's Florida Man headline. Yeah, here

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Speaker 1: we go. Florida man bites off friend's ear in fight

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Speaker 1: over a woman in a wheelbarrow. Police say, yes, you were, like,

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Speaker 1: how do we take this? Evander Holyfield up? One notch

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Speaker 1: woman in a wheelbarrow? So much better than mine.

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Speaker 2: I don't even know what my is, and I think

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Speaker 2: it's gonna be better than mine.

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Speaker 1: All right, let's let's dig into this one. There appears

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Speaker 1: to be a mugshot. The guy's got a black eye

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Speaker 1: and a big scratch on his nose.

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Speaker 2: Yep, does he have both ears?

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Speaker 1: Though? Piers down both ears? So this is the bye

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Speaker 1: t bit.

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Speaker 3: What's great about Florida is that you don't know if

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Speaker 3: that's a before or an after photo. You actually don't

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Speaker 3: know chronologically where that look came from.

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Speaker 1: Well, actually he is missing in the ear, but it's

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Speaker 1: not from this incident.

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Speaker 3: But that could be an entirely other ear biting incident.

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Speaker 3: You have no there's no way to know in Florida.

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Speaker 1: So I guess this guy wins. And let's read on

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Speaker 1: to the UK's Independent, which is a very fine news

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Speaker 1: source written by humans. A Florida man is accused of

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Speaker 1: biting off part of a man's ear during a fight

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Speaker 1: over a mutual friend who was pushing in a wheelbarrow.

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Speaker 1: The group of friends ron vacation in the Florida Keys

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Speaker 1: when authorities say a woman passed out at a marina

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Speaker 1: in the early hours of Thursday morning, that's where you

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Speaker 1: pass out at a marina wheel barrow? Yeah. James lenn Williams,

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Speaker 1: forty five is said to have put the woman in

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Speaker 1: a wheelbarrow to push her back to their Stock Island hotel,

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Speaker 1: the Ocean's Edge resort in Marina.

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Speaker 2: I've never had anyone push me in a wheelbarrow, so

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Speaker 2: that's peak chivalry.

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Speaker 1: What a gentleman. Yeah, I gotta.

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Speaker 3: I do want to know here were the intentions, right, like, oh,

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Speaker 3: this woman is intoxicated. I can't carry her all the

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Speaker 3: way back, but I will get her to a safe place.

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Speaker 1: Do we think that is what's happening? Well? I think yeah,

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Speaker 1: good question, and I think that that's got to lie

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Speaker 1: at the center of this right. So, so witnesses told

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Speaker 1: investigator is that mister Williams, okay, dumped beer on the

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Speaker 1: woman and insulted her before I let me back up

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Speaker 1: to my question, I would like to delete my question.

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Speaker 1: And then another friend intervened and told him he was

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Speaker 1: being disrespectful. I'm guessing that's not exactly how you phrased it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, the guy the person there's always like the language

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Speaker 3: changes again communication. I told him you were being disrespectful

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Speaker 3: to this madam.

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Speaker 1: So the guy pushing the wheelbarrow also insulted and poured

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Speaker 1: beer on her, apparently, which kind of makes me wonder

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Speaker 1: about his motives. Yep, I don't know if he's really

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Speaker 1: just taking her back to the hotel. Well, hold on,

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Speaker 1: let me ask you another question. Was she on fire?

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Speaker 1: Because then he still is a good person. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: very very important question. Don't have the answer. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: pause for a survey here, Lane, have you ever passed

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Speaker 1: out in a wheelbarrow? No, I'm not rory, not to

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Speaker 1: my knowledge. Okay, life still, you got time, but both

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Speaker 1: of you have time. Yeah. So, in some ation, the

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Speaker 1: wheelbarrow pushing, beer dumping, and ear biting is all done

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Speaker 1: by one asshole, mister Williams, and he was arrested for

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Speaker 1: it deservedly. So yep, he actually got some pretty serious charges.

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Speaker 1: According to his reports, aggravated battery, battery by strangulation, which

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Speaker 1: I've done a lot of years on earth. Did not

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Speaker 1: know that was a charge? Yeah, I've never heard that

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Speaker 1: fucking dark one. Yeah, as well as a plain old battery. Yep.

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Speaker 1: So we can't find any record of him being convicted

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Speaker 1: or sentenced. So maybe he's drinking buddies. Didn't pass press

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Speaker 1: charges in the end. Interesting, it's yeah, I mean, what

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Speaker 1: a generous friend if you got his ear bitten off

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Speaker 1: and still didn't press charges.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's Florida friendship.

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Speaker 3: I mean, hey, you think Tyson and Holyfield don't still talk,

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Speaker 3: they do.

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Speaker 1: It's true. And if ever there was a place, you're right,

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Speaker 1: it's Florida. Florida men can forgive, they can, they are

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Speaker 1: actually we give them a lot of guff, but they

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Speaker 1: are above us when it comes to reconciliation and moving on.

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Speaker 1: Not enough people say that, Rory, Yeah, yeah, you brought

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Speaker 1: that up. Very important.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well they don't say that word in Florida because

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Speaker 3: they got rid of a lot of the books. And

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Speaker 3: I don't know if anyone's even read that word, so

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Speaker 3: they don't know that that's what they're doing.

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Speaker 1: Really, Your Tampa shows are gonn to be packed. All right,

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Speaker 1: so Rory's obviously in the lead, but just through the

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Speaker 1: sheer luck of being born on August sixth, lane, Are

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Speaker 1: you ready?

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Speaker 2: I am ready. I am not blackout drunk at a marina,

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Speaker 2: but I'm here.

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Speaker 1: Okay, it's your turn. What's your birthday? No? Okay, November third.

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Speaker 1: Let's see Florida man. Cool. Wow, it's the same story.

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Speaker 1: Oh No, Florida man accused of driving around naked with

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Speaker 1: electronic device attached to his penis.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think, I am. I think that might have

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Speaker 3: just slid me right into second.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's pretty good.

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Speaker 3: Florida flight attendant, Oh man naked in car lane, the

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Speaker 3: Florida man.

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Speaker 1: You are the Florida man and elite, I think, and

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Speaker 1: it's yours to lose at this point. Let's see what

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Speaker 1: happens in the storytelling. Okay. Also, we have the wild

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Speaker 1: card round. Don't forget nobody's out of it yet. Okay,

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Speaker 1: just based on the headline, I don't see how this

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Speaker 1: should be any more of a crime than killing a rooster.

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Speaker 1: Feel it feels, based on the facts from the single headline,

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Speaker 1: like an infringement on this man's rights. Interesting if a Florida.

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Speaker 1: Man can't drive around with an electronic device hooked up

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Speaker 1: to his junk, then what do we fight the revolution for? Yeah? Now, Josh,

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Speaker 1: do you read that or is that actually coming from you?

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Speaker 1: Is that your that's my that's my opinion. Okay, that's

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Speaker 1: a personal opinion. Okay, Okay, yeah, no, that's not although

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Speaker 1: that I feel like that would be a good defense

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Speaker 1: for him too, like what do you get your get

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Speaker 1: your laws out of my car?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And there's so many reasons why we fought the revolution,

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Speaker 3: but I you do pose it in.

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Speaker 1: A way that's more relevant to my lifestyle. I see.

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Speaker 2: I mean my question, is this a medical device that

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Speaker 2: he needs in order to good?

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Speaker 1: Very good, good question, the forgiving.

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Speaker 2: Thing I can.

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Speaker 1: Are there any details to the electric electrical device? Let's see,

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Speaker 1: I want to get more more details on being so polite.

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Speaker 1: Maybe he needed it to stay alive.

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Speaker 2: The oxygen was coming through his penis.

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Speaker 1: His lungs were in the wrong place.

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Speaker 2: He's actually really messed up, guys.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he's and also super nice, dude, He's actually super nice.

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Speaker 1: So, according to the West Palm Beach News, police responded

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Speaker 1: to Orange Drive or an alarmed resident reported oh God

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Speaker 1: reported being propositioned by the naked man who was slowly

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Speaker 1: driving through the neighborhood. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna revise my position, Lane,

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Speaker 1: And I always we always start with sort of the

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Speaker 1: best intentions. We really we want to know are they

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Speaker 1: actually a good person? And it's always the very next sentence,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. No, okay, I'm gonna get off the nanny

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Speaker 1: state pulpit and say, okay, starting to lose this guy's

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Speaker 1: starting to lose my support. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Same.

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Speaker 1: I'm willing to go on the record and state that

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Speaker 1: should be your right to drive around with any gadget

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Speaker 1: you want hooked up to your junk, but you absolutely

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Speaker 1: cannot slow down and proposition someone. That's right.

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Speaker 2: So we don't know what the device was.

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Speaker 1: Uh, it just says quote the victim noticed an electronic

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Speaker 1: device with wires attached to Jenkins penis and called police man.

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Speaker 1: Any theories, rory, like what would this be?

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Speaker 3: I cannot even I can't even guess because I can't

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Speaker 3: even picture pleasure.

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Speaker 1: I'm only picturing like pain, like some torture device. Maybe

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Speaker 1: that was his thing that could be the pleasure? There

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Speaker 1: you go.

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking like science experiment, potatoes with wires attached like

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Speaker 2: the clock. His penis is a clock.

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Speaker 1: I mean, they have outlawed science in Florida, so that

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Speaker 1: makes some sense. And he wasn't propositioning the person. He

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Speaker 1: rolled his window down. He said, can you come just

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Speaker 1: tell me if this is science or not? Okay. The

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Speaker 1: news report goes on to say when police arrived, Jenkins

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Speaker 1: refused to comply with their demands, forcing them to tackle

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Speaker 1: him to the ground. Yeah. You know, those cops were

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Speaker 1: drawing straws to tackle the naked guy with the gizmo

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Speaker 1: is He.

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Speaker 3: Like, please, don't tackle me. My penis is hooked to

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Speaker 3: these wires. And they're like, yeah, that I don't What

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Speaker 3: do you want us to do here?

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Speaker 1: Bud? Actually I read in another article that he removed

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Speaker 1: the wires and put on a pair of read shorts

387
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Speaker 1: before getting out of the car. Yeah, okay, awful, good.

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Speaker 1: I hope there were very short shorts.

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Speaker 2: Little booty shorts.

390
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,640
Speaker 1: Yeah. Then he didn't comply with police orders and got tackled.

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Speaker 1: So okay. So, according to the report, Jenkins is being

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Speaker 1: charged with lude and lacibious exhibition. We're learning so many

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Speaker 1: laws on crime lists. Yeah, exposure of sexual organs and

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Speaker 1: resisting a law enforcement officer without violence. Huh, what's that one?

395
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Speaker 1: Just saying like I get verbal They're just like, I'm

396
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Speaker 1: arrest you and you're just like, no, you're not. You're not.

397
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Speaker 3: They're like, all right, well you just resisted through verbal

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Speaker 3: confirmation that you will not do what I said.

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Speaker 1: You're like, well, you're the cops. I just said no. Yeah,

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00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,680
Speaker 1: So in this case, the prosecution, Oh, I'm gonna have

401
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 1: to speak Latin. Here enters a notice of nol pros

402
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,479
Speaker 1: or are you went to Catholic school? No? I only

403
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:17,400
Speaker 1: I only know these things through Gregorian chant. Nole proce?

404
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,280
Speaker 1: Why don't they Why why can't we just like when

405
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,240
Speaker 1: people are like, oh, no, it's Latin for, it's like,

406
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Speaker 1: why don't we just go with what it's latin for

407
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,160
Speaker 1: instead of needing to say the Latin so that all

408
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Speaker 1: of us can feel stupid? It is a yeah, it's

409
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Speaker 1: a little obnoxious. Yeah, lawyers, man, fuck the lawyers. Thank you,

410
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 1: all right, let me help you out your heretic nol

411
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:43,200
Speaker 1: prose is short for nol prosequi, which, of course you knew.

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00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:46,399
Speaker 1: It translates to not to wish to prosecute. So I

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Speaker 1: guess this. In this case, it translates to come to Florida.

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Speaker 1: We're cool. If you want to drive around with a

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Speaker 1: gizmo on your dong.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, gizmo on your dongue, buddy, bites your ear. People

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Speaker 3: are easy, breezy down here for you.

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Speaker 1: All right, all right, that's the in the first round,

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Speaker 1: Shall we decide who's in the lead? I mean, I

420
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Speaker 1: feel like it's lame. That was.

421
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Speaker 2: I feel like it's me and I don't and I

422
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 2: don't want to be in the league because that's a

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Speaker 2: really gross one.

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Speaker 1: To be clear, Mom, great news I won today on

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Speaker 1: the show. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I gotta say, any stories involving a penis, they just

427
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 3: it's just there that it's going to be a little more.

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Speaker 2: I would say, it's like a whimsical way to to

429
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Speaker 2: involve a penis.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Josh, you's involved a cock. Oh look at that.

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Speaker 1: There you go, a murdered cock. And that was the

432
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 1: title no one used, America's least favorite porno. All right,

433
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 1: the wild card round of the first annual Crimeless Florida

434
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 1: Man Off. After the break, Yes, welcome back to crime Less.

435
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 1: We're here this week to decide the winner of the

436
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 1: Florida Man off a sacred tradition here crime list that

437
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 1: dates back at least twenty minutes. So Lane is in

438
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,199
Speaker 1: the lead after the first round. I think just a

439
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 1: little bit over Rory. I'm me and the rooster, and

440
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,359
Speaker 1: me and the rooster are falling behind, trying not to

441
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,520
Speaker 1: be too threatening so that you guys don't punch us.

442
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, Josh, you can only go up from here.

443
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:18,679
Speaker 3: Lane's in the toughest spot.

444
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 1: It's true, you don't want to be in the lead

445
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 1: after the first round. After the years of the Crimelest

446
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: Florida man Off, we've learned you do not want to

447
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,679
Speaker 1: be in the lead after the first round. So this

448
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,439
Speaker 1: time we each get to choose a friend, a family member,

449
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 1: or really anyone out there who we think is likely

450
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 1: to give us great luck with a Florida mand story. Remember,

451
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 1: you have to actually know this person's birthday. And I

452
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 1: cheated because I picked mine in advance, because that's I

453
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:44,240
Speaker 1: wrote the episode, So that's my prerogative. Oh, you guys,

454
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 1: just take a minute to think of somebody. I got it.

455
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 1: I got it, Okay, I guess we do this like golf,

456
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 1: where the farthest from the hole goes first, and because

457
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:55,480
Speaker 1: I'm in last, I'll go first. I'm going to tempt

458
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 1: fate here and choose Florida Governor Ron de Santis nice

459
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 1: and down. So Ron is September fourteenth. He's a virgo, Rory,

460
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 1: you're a master of the signs on a previous show.

461
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 1: What does a virgo mean? Oh? Wait, I don't know?

462
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 1: Was it just tarot cards? Is that only? No taro?

463
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 1: And even then I don't know that. Lane, do you

464
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 1: know anything about virgos?

465
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,400
Speaker 2: I know nothing about horoscopes aside from my own.

466
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,959
Speaker 3: I looks like Lane's trying to secretly look it up

467
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 3: quickly cheating.

468
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 1: Was Rona Santas's day gone? How often do we ask

469
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,440
Speaker 1: ourselves that? Every day? That's how I wake up?

470
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:41,200
Speaker 2: Virgo trade's hard working, overthinks a lot, critical, analytical, fussy, reliable, no, intelligent.

471
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 1: Nope, not only one of those words applied. Fussy. See

472
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,720
Speaker 1: with the big boots in the little pants? Remember that photo?

473
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 3: Yes, you imagine if you're like that's how people describe you.

474
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 3: They're like, you're fussy, all right?

475
00:23:56,920 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: So Governor Ron's Florida man entry is wow. This is

476
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:05,120
Speaker 1: from twenty twenty three September fourteenth, Florida man causes two

477
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 1: million dollars in damage with hot wired excavator, crashes into walmarts.

478
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 3: Oh my god, hot wired excavator. I don't even know

479
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:14,199
Speaker 3: you could do that.

480
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:16,880
Speaker 2: Really good Florida words.

481
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 1: So everyone is like a mad lib. Yes, a perfect

482
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,959
Speaker 1: mad lib every Florida man headline. Yeah, okay, here's how

483
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: the New York Post story about this genius begins. Oh,

484
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,239
Speaker 1: it gets better. A machete armed Florida man stole an

485
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,880
Speaker 1: excavator and went on a joy ride through Gainesville Monday night,

486
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 1: crashing into several buildings, including a Walmart, and causing roughly

487
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: two million dollars in damage. Yeah. I guess they couldn't

488
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,920
Speaker 1: squeeze the machete quite into the headline. Yeah, okay, one

489
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:48,680
Speaker 1: more bit I want to read for you. En route

490
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 1: to the retail store, Smith smashed into another fence and

491
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: drove into a utility pole, causing it to fall down

492
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 1: with live wires, before running over to a CT meter,

493
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 1: causing underground damage and breaking down a light pole. Jesus, Jess,

494
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 1: just an all time bender. I bet that is fun.

495
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:06,720
Speaker 1: It does seem like it might be.

496
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,399
Speaker 3: It's like playing the game Rampage, but you're you're in

497
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 3: an excavator instead of a Godzilla or a King Kong.

498
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 2: Was he under the influence of any substance?

499
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 1: Do we know? I think it's safe to assume that

500
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 1: he was.

501
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, probably. It seems like a sober Florida thing.

502
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true. I was gonna say like it was obviously,

503
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 1: I'm sure in the moment fun but like, at what

504
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 1: moment does it like the regrets come down upon him

505
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 1: when he's having the time of his life and then

506
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 1: suddenly he's like, oh no, oh no, oh shit, oh dear,

507
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 1: so oh god, what did I do? After he crashed

508
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 1: into the Walmart, he ran inside with his machete before

509
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 1: wisely deciding not to slash anyone, and he was charged

510
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,439
Speaker 1: with six felonies.

511
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 3: Jesus Christ, oh my god, and two million dollars worth

512
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 3: of damage.

513
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, so, I like, my odd, that's a pretty good one. Yeah,

514
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 1: that actually is. Yeah. But before we move on to Lane,

515
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: I want or no, I guess Rory would be second.

516
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: I want to share this other September fourteenth story, which

517
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 1: is not a crime, but it's just primo Florida manship.

518
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: And I have a video that Elaine, are you able

519
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,720
Speaker 1: to play it for us. Okay, so the headline is

520
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 1: shirtless Florida man travels to Myrtle Beach to head bang

521
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 1: during Hurricane Florence.

522
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:26,359
Speaker 2: Yeah hero, Oh yeah wow, Rory, why did you just

523
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:26,679
Speaker 2: see that?

524
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:34,199
Speaker 3: I saw my hero, I saw patriotism, I saw courage.

525
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 3: But a guy in in boxer briefs teal teal boxer

526
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:45,399
Speaker 3: briefs only with long hair, holding an American flag that

527
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:50,879
Speaker 3: ironically looks like he stole it headbanging to a hurricane

528
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 3: as it as he's clearly getting pushed back.

529
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,399
Speaker 2: I will say I love that he tagged the Weather

530
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 2: Channel in that post.

531
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

532
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:02,719
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say, we see a lot of reporters that

533
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:06,400
Speaker 3: feel the need to be in a hurricane to tell

534
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 3: us something that is more exciting than that. So I

535
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 3: do have to say he definitely knows how to keep

536
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 3: our attention more than the reporter that's.

537
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:19,159
Speaker 1: Like it's crazy out here. Yeah, no shit. And I

538
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,880
Speaker 1: feel like if we were like anointing a Florida Man mascot,

539
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 1: that guy, he's right there. He's in contention for sure.

540
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 1: I mean he drove to Myrtle Beach. That's called ambition,

541
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: you know, Myrtle beach is the south of France to Floridians. Yeah,

542
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,479
Speaker 1: all right, I don't know. Well, Roy Mayabil, I mean

543
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 1: it's the redneck Riviera. So and the guy's name, Holy shit,

544
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 1: I don't know if Ory'll be able to read this,

545
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 1: so I'll have to it's gonna be too small. His

546
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,880
Speaker 1: name is by the way, the song he was playing

547
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 1: there with Slayers Raining Blood. His name is Wait, I

548
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 1: lost it.

549
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:56,880
Speaker 2: I know what it is because I saw it when

550
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 2: I clip the link.

551
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:02,920
Speaker 1: Pop it back up and let's see if I can see. Well,

552
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: we'll added this this exciting pos leave this in, leave

553
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 1: this dead air in. People love that kind of stuff.

554
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 1: It gives them a chance to like take a break,

555
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 1: have a cigarette, you know. Yeah. Lane Pittman, he's Lane

556
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 1: behavior class classic.

557
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 2: He loves games and look at him.

558
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: That's his lanes game fighting a hurricane. Rory. Let's let's

559
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 1: we're gonna do this live. Who you got? I got

560
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 1: the birth date of Michael J. Fox Okay, and it

561
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 1: is June ninth, ninth. Oh, I don't know. If I

562
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 1: have ConTroll Lane, You're gonna have to do it. I

563
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 1: got control of the browser here. Josh has lost control,

564
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 1: totally lost control Michael J.

565
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 2: Fox.

566
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: Yep, well no, just do ju ninth Florida Man's right,

567
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: Florida are otherwise it's going to be that's Michael J. Fox.

568
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: Now here's the history of Michael J. Fox.

569
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 2: Okay, first hit. Oh okay, I've got two because they

570
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 2: both come up first one double points is naked Florida

571
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 2: man accused of bizarre crime spree that included trying to

572
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 2: kiss elderly women. Suspect racks up nineteen charges in less

573
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 2: than an hour.

574
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 3: I mean the charge count has to factor into the

575
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 3: point count.

576
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, but elderly women, why are they always naked? Why

577
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: do they have to be naked? So wait, my guy

578
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 1: in the excavator was wearing clothed sold so we're told though, Okay, wow,

579
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 1: that's pretty good.

580
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 2: His spree started with him exposing himself out a flea market,

581
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 2: but then he stripped naked, and then he stole a car,

582
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 2: and then it just says various other criminal acts were

583
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 2: committed before he was arrested less than an hour later.

584
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, he kissed some elderly women in the well, they're

585
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 3: not going to arrest them at the flea market because

586
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 3: a little bit of that is just kind of what

587
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 3: you do at a flea market. You know, you take

588
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 3: you expose yourself, you take your clothes off, you steal

589
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 3: a car. It's all fun and games.

590
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: You buy a mirror with def leopard on it. You

591
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 1: buy a mirror, you get a couple of CDs. You

592
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 1: get a pocket knife carved out of wood, or a

593
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 1: deer antler.

594
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 2: I have even more details.

595
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 1: Uh all right, go, let's go.

596
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 2: He was arrested at a diner inside the flea market.

597
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 1: What Yes.

598
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 2: Witnesses reported him jumping on a coin machine while kicking

599
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 2: and punching it, then went to the ground, where he

600
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 2: exposed himself and started screaming. Call the cops, the dead

601
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 2: are rising. M Yeah, he punched a woman tripped nick again.

602
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 3: Look, I don't know if this definitely puts me in

603
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 3: first place, but Jesus Christ, if we're not in the finals.

604
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 2: The call came from an elderly woman. Twenty minutes later

605
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 2: another one came and she said that he was approaching

606
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 2: her in a stolen car, grabbed her hair, tried to

607
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 2: kiss her, then picked up a piece of concrete and

608
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 2: threatened to kill her. Bill hot and cold with that one.

609
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 3: Uh wow, And he thinks all these women are zombies

610
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 3: creams like it, and none of them wanted to kiss

611
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 3: him back. Just in his defense, for sure, no one

612
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 3: wanted to kiss him back.

613
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so that's one of the headlines that I have.

614
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 1: All right, Wow, okay, let's go.

615
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say Rory can choose his best all.

616
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 1: Right, Roy, you get to pick one of the We're

617
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: just making up the rules as we go along. Okay.

618
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 2: This is a press release from the US Government's Attorney's Office.

619
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 2: Good Florida man known as the monkey Whisperer sentence for

620
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 2: trafficking protected primates. Yeah, I mean the monkey what monkey whisper?

621
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 1: Monkey whisper? Well, this one, this is the cuter of

622
00:31:56,880 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 1: the two. Yeah, unless you're a trafficked monkey.

623
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 3: I guess It's funny how those two stories back to

624
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,160
Speaker 3: back make the second one seem more sane and okay.

625
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like what he's a good guy. All he

626
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 1: was doing was trafficking rare primates.

627
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 3: He's a monkey whisper. What do you want him to do? Yeah,

628
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 3: I'm going to pick that first story.

629
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 1: Come on, what are we talking about?

630
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 2: Yeah? The details of this one are just not, as

631
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 2: you know, headline grabbing you.

632
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 1: Know, but in any other state, that would be one

633
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: of the greatest crimes of the year. In any other state,

634
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 1: that would be the Florida man. Yeah, yeah, wow, all right,

635
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:36,960
Speaker 1: Rory's like, I think he's definitely gonna lead in the

636
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 1: second round. So Lane, you're up. This feels good. Thank you.

637
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: Michael J. Fox. Yeah, who are you picking?

638
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go with my friend Elaine's birthday because she's

639
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 2: also born in November, So scorpio's kind of crazy. Scorpios

640
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 2: unite November fifteenth, Florida man. Oh that's that's a sad one. Oh,

641
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 2: Florida man sends to eighty years for producing and distributing

642
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 2: child's sexual abuse.

643
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 1: Oh god, no, you actually lose lose points if it's

644
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 1: sad that the only one.

645
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 2: The monkey whisper comes up again.

646
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 3: I don't know why, back at it, and then second

647
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 3: charge This.

648
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 2: One Florida man makes himself a snack while robbing a

649
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 2: taco bell. I don't think that's gonna beat Rory's.

650
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 1: I don't think so either, but I'm curious. I I

651
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: do want to know the details of that.

652
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 2: Okay, So it's according to CBS news dot Com, South

653
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 2: Florida Police are searching for a man who is captured

654
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 2: on video helping himself to a snack as he robbed

655
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 2: the taco bell in the Boyton Beach Mall. He's believed

656
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 2: to be responsible for at least two burglaries there in

657
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 2: the last month. He went for some cash, but he

658
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 2: couldn't resist the pre fried tostata shells as well.

659
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, so did he like make himself a full taco?

660
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 1: Like it's like, while you guys get the money together,

661
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 1: I'm going to be over here making a taco.

662
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, it seemed from from the way that's phrase. It

663
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 2: seems like he just helps himself to the taco shell.

664
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 1: Oh well, that's not making yourself a snack.

665
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's typical.

666
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 1: News media blowing it out of proportion. He honestly was

667
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 1: kind of a little lazy about his choice of snack options. Yeah,

668
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:22,439
Speaker 1: I know, he should have been like, where's the seven

669
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 1: layer of burrito? Where do you guys keep the seven layers?

670
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,360
Speaker 2: Dip it in the nacho cheese, you know, get.

671
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,759
Speaker 1: A big dunk with it. Yeah, all right, Laane, Well,

672
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 1: I think I think Rory rallied charged from behind to

673
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:40,840
Speaker 1: take the title. Yes, congratulations Rory. Thank you nude zombie

674
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:45,439
Speaker 1: guy that one.

675
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 2: I mean he had biting an ear off in a

676
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 2: wheelbarrow and nude zombie kissing elderly women.

677
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, and what you don't know is that this was

678
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 3: the same guy in both stories.

679
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 1: I had a great merch idea we should do Florida

680
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 1: man mad libs. It'll be hard to top reality though, like, yeah,

681
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 1: you wouldn't be able to. It would actually kind of

682
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 1: ruin it.

683
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 2: It's funny you say Florida mad lips, because that might

684
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 2: be what the game is?

685
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: What all right? Florida mad lips? After the break? The

686
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,879
Speaker 1: final segment on the first annual Crime List Florida Man Off,

687
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 1: and I think I've already spoiled the surprise.

688
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,000
Speaker 2: I can't wait an organic spoil.

689
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome back to Crime List, A safe haven

690
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,399
Speaker 1: for the celebration of all Florida men and women. What's

691
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 1: our final segment this week? Lane Rory, Time for the

692
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,839
Speaker 1: theme song Lane's Games.

693
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 2: You cut you were onto something, Josh, because I have

694
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:55,760
Speaker 2: a mad libs of sorts. But first, a little history.

695
00:35:56,200 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 2: Florida's state song was written by Stephen Foster, a man

696
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 2: who is considered the father of American music. Could be

697
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 2: considered America's first full time songwriter.

698
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 1: Oh.

699
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,400
Speaker 2: He wrote over two hundred songs in his life. He

700
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 2: lived to be thirty seven, which is, like Jesus, a

701
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 2: lot of songs. I'd say, yeah, and you would recognize

702
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 2: a lot of them. We got O Susannah, Hard Times

703
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 2: Come Again, No More Camptown Races, and Beautiful Dreamer.

704
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 1: I'll bet he is crushing it on Spotify.

705
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 2: He was born eighteen twenty six.

706
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,320
Speaker 3: All right, he'll never see any of that Spotify money,

707
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 3: and neither will any other musician.

708
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 2: He's kind of got a problematic legacy. He wrote a

709
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 2: lot of songs for minstrel groups, spoo and his lyrics, Yeah,

710
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 2: lyrics featured a lot of Southern themes, despite the fact

711
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,919
Speaker 2: that he'd never ventured south of the Mason Dixon line.

712
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: Nothing better than Southern themes in the nineteenth century. I'm

713
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 1: sure those were. Yeah.

714
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 3: I can't even imagine what you mean by Southern themes.

715
00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 2: That's just what I'm gonna leave it at.

716
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: I assume you mean apple pie on a window sill.

717
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, But that didn't stop him from writing Florida States Song,

718
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 2: which was originally commissioned for a minstrel group again, whoa

719
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,959
Speaker 2: boo uh oh. The song was incredibly racist and weird,

720
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,759
Speaker 2: considering he'd never been to Florida. But racist and weird

721
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 2: does seem on brand for the state.

722
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 1: Extremely that was what they used to have on the

723
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:20,880
Speaker 1: license plates.

724
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, racist and weird. So and this song

725
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 2: is still technically Florida state song written in eighteen fifty one.

726
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 2: So we're gonna do a mad lib to recreate Florida

727
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 2: state song. So it's a little more accurate, a little

728
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 2: more up totated.

729
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 1: We're going to take out the racist parts.

730
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 2: So the racist parts were rewritten a couple of years.

731
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,800
Speaker 1: Ago, a couple years ago, I would.

732
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 2: Say, within the last thirty years.

733
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,839
Speaker 1: So yeah, you don't want to rush to it, you

734
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 1: know you want to.

735
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 2: So I've actually inputted the song into a mad libs

736
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:57,879
Speaker 2: mad libs app the song. The only thing I've kept

737
00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 2: intact really is the title of the song, which is

738
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 2: called Old Folks at Home.

739
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: A perfect title for a Florida feast.

740
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 2: I know he nailed that part. Okay, I'm looking for

741
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 2: a body of water, Gulf of America. How about a

742
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 2: body part armpit? Oh, I need a.

743
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 3: Verb discombobulate place play any place, a place Florida.

744
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 2: Okay, that's what I heard for. I'm gonna need another.

745
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 1: Verb raffle yes very on brand.

746
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 2: Another location or place.

747
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:35,320
Speaker 1: Waffle house.

748
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:39,959
Speaker 2: Adjective squirrelly yeah, nice, good, good Josh?

749
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:41,240
Speaker 1: Have you already played this game?

750
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:43,280
Speaker 2: Another body part?

751
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:47,720
Speaker 1: Oh god, how can I push the envelope ear lobe?

752
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,040
Speaker 1: All right? I like it?

753
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 2: Another place? This is gonna be so sped up in

754
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 2: post hobby lobby.

755
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 1: No no, I say we keep it at real pace.

756
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 2: People are gonna love this hobby lobby cool verb water

757
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,439
Speaker 2: ski state of being. I don't remember why?

758
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: What about chill?

759
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 2: Chill?

760
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 1: I'm so chill, just like your dogs.

761
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:07,879
Speaker 2: Another adjective please.

762
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 1: Large down toe jam interesting.

763
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 2: I'm going to ask for like a title of a person,

764
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 2: like a comptroller. Love it? Some sort of structure?

765
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:25,280
Speaker 1: Is that a structure? I was going to say church,

766
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 1: and we said the same things.

767
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 2: Landscape feature dune?

768
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 1: Can a dune be a null? Is a funnier word

769
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 1: than another verb? Please? Man? I love that you and

770
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 1: I both keep saying oh man. On verbs, as though

771
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 1: we only know so many verbs? Are there any more verbs?

772
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 1: I think we got them all of them? Can we

773
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 1: reuse verbs? A verb. I count it for sure.

774
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:58,280
Speaker 2: An animal, please, gator, a place that that animal would visit,

775
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 2: the swamp. I'm gonna ask you for another.

776
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: Verb, oh, Jesus cherish.

777
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 2: Okay, two more. I need an instrument and a verb

778
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 2: related to noise making fiddle.

779
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, a good one, and I'll leave the I'll leave

780
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:19,319
Speaker 1: the verb verb relatedship banging bang, I guess bang. All right,

781
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 1: this is gonna make a song.

782
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not gonna the song, It's not gonna

783
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,600
Speaker 2: be played, but I'm gonna read you the lyrics.

784
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 1: A song, Josh, the song, and Lane will now sing it.

785
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 1: We got to put this to music somehow, and in fact,

786
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 1: we did, just popping in here from the future to

787
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:39,759
Speaker 1: say that Lane took our mad lib lyrics for the

788
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 1: Florida State Song and found a very affordable freelancer on

789
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 1: fiber who put our poetry to music and that work

790
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:48,359
Speaker 1: of art, The crime Less Update of Florida State Song,

791
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 1: will be released as a bonus episode later this week,

792
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 1: So check back for that and spread it far and wide.

793
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 1: Maybe we can harness the power of popular sentiment and

794
00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:00,680
Speaker 1: get it adopted as Florida's new official state song. We

795
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 1: can dream, all right, Well, We're gonna condece that down

796
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 1: to like for two minutes. Congratulations Rory, champion of the

797
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 1: first annual Crime List Florida man Off Lane. I think

798
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 1: we're gonna give you second Me and the Ruster, Me

799
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:19,799
Speaker 1: and Big rou the rear Big. We're following people like

800
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:32,840
Speaker 1: we always do ye all right, thanks guys by Crimeless

801
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 1: is a production of SmartLess Media, Campside Media and Big

802
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 1: Money Players in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. It's hosted by

803
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 1: Rory Scobel and me Josh Dean. Our senior producer is

804
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:48,120
Speaker 1: Lane Rose. Emma Simonov is our associate producer. This episode

805
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:51,359
Speaker 1: was written by Michael Kenyon Meyer and me Josh Dean.

806
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 1: We're sound designed and engineered by Blake Brook with support

807
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 1: from Ewan leichermut Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The

808
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 1: executive producers Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriatis, Matt Schaer and

809
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 1: me Josh Deems. The executive producers for iHeart Podcasts and

810
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:11,839
Speaker 1: Big Money Players are Jack O'Brien, Lindsay Hoffman, and Matt

811
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:16,240
Speaker 1: Appa Dootca. For SmartLess Media, the executive producers are Will Arnette,

812
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 1: Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Richard Korso. Bernie Kaminski is

813
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 1: head of production. The associate producer is Mattie McCann. A

814
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 1: special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Marra.

815
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 1: Do you have a question, comment, or confession for the

816
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:34,720
Speaker 1: crime Less Team, Email us at crime List at kampsidmedia

817
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 1: dot com and if you enjoyed crime List, please rate

818
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 1: and review the show wherever you get your podcasts. It

819
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 1: helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated,

820
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,800
Speaker 1: unless you're mean, in which case keep it to yourself.

821
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:48,760
Speaker 1: We'll see you next week. Crime List Nations