WEBVTT - #67 Jenna 0:00:15.250 --> 0:00:15.790 Pushkin. 0:00:24.230 --> 0:00:24.590 Jackie? 0:00:24.869 --> 0:00:25.329 Hi, honey. 0:00:25.350 --> 0:00:28.260 Why are you calling me from FaceTime? Well, you know, 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:32.380 it's the first episode of the new season, season 10, 0:00:32.379 --> 0:00:34.000 and I thought it might be a fun way to 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:38.379 mix things up a little. Sorry, I'm eating a bowl 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:42.130 of soup. Where are you right now? 0:00:42.390 --> 0:00:44.229 I'm at a nursing home. 0:00:45.090 --> 0:00:48.770 So you're having some nursing home cafeteria soup? No, my 0:00:48.830 --> 0:00:49.209 own soup. 0:00:49.629 --> 0:00:50.030 No, no. 0:00:50.209 --> 0:00:52.970 You brought it with you? I bring it in a thermos. Yeah, 0:00:53.030 --> 0:00:55.890 it's a storm outside. I always carry a thermos of soup. 0:00:56.270 --> 0:00:58.150 Do you wear it around your neck like a St. Bernard? 0:00:58.170 --> 0:01:03.450 I'm not going to laugh because I'm in a public place. 0:01:03.569 --> 0:01:04.750 Okay, call me back. Yeah, yeah. 0:01:04.830 --> 0:01:05.050 Goodbye. 0:01:05.069 --> 0:01:07.190 Oh, pick me up some hard candy from the gift shop. 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:19.550 From Bushkin Industries, I'm Jonathan Goldstein, and this is Heavyweight. 0:01:20.290 --> 0:01:28.910 Today's episode, Jenna. Right after the break. 0:01:36.150 --> 0:01:38.550 My girl's rooms are here. 0:01:38.870 --> 0:01:39.570 So neat. 0:01:39.750 --> 0:01:40.550 Wise's room. 0:01:41.010 --> 0:01:44.460 She's got a cello and a ukulele. She would correct 0:01:44.500 --> 0:01:46.660 me and she would say it's an ukulele mama. 0:01:47.860 --> 0:01:51.280 If love means doing anything for your family, then Jenna's 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:54.950 kids truly know the meaning of love. For what, if 0:01:55.030 --> 0:02:00.650 not love, is listening to hours of amateur ukulele or ukulele? 0:02:01.910 --> 0:02:05.070 The childhood Jenna's giving her kids is quite different from 0:02:05.110 --> 0:02:08.130 the one she had. But Jenna's mom would have done 0:02:08.270 --> 0:02:12.450 anything for Jenna too. Oftentimes, though, there wasn't a lot 0:02:12.510 --> 0:02:15.519 she could do Growing up, it was just the two 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:17.660 of them, Jenna and her mom. 0:02:18.550 --> 0:02:26.190 And my mom was incredibly lovely. She absolutely loved me, 0:02:26.890 --> 0:02:29.850 and she also had paranoid schizophrenia. 0:02:30.910 --> 0:02:34.210 This meant periods of instability, times when Jenna and her 0:02:34.230 --> 0:02:38.000 mom lived in cars or homeless shelters. It meant cooking 0:02:38.030 --> 0:02:43.560 them both dinner when her mother was having an episode. And, importantly... 0:02:43.490 --> 0:02:46.870 It meant always being on the lookout for child protective services. 0:02:47.550 --> 0:02:51.230 Anytime I saw anyone in a nice outfit or driving 0:02:51.250 --> 0:02:54.570 a nice car, I would hide. One of my very 0:02:54.670 --> 0:02:59.240 first memories was being physically taken away from my mom 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:00.680 by CPS workers. 0:03:01.060 --> 0:03:02.060 How old were you, do you think? 0:03:03.020 --> 0:03:04.360 I think I was like four or five. 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:06.040 What do you remember of it? 0:03:08.860 --> 0:03:14.570 I remember the feelings. of panic and terror. I remember 0:03:14.630 --> 0:03:19.250 the look on my mother's face. I remember the physical 0:03:19.580 --> 0:03:20.910 pulling away. 0:03:22.020 --> 0:03:26.260 That separation lasted a few weeks. Jenna's biggest fear was 0:03:26.300 --> 0:03:36.260 being separated for good. In the second grade, that fear 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:39.460 came true. Jenna was in school when she heard her 0:03:39.520 --> 0:03:42.690 name being called over the P.A. She was told to 0:03:42.710 --> 0:03:45.600 go to the principal's office. When she got there, a 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:49.400 social worker was waiting. The social worker told her she 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:52.780 wouldn't be returning home. Instead, she was to be placed 0:03:52.860 --> 0:03:56.320 in long-term foster care. Jenna knew there must have been 0:03:56.360 --> 0:03:59.170 some incident with her mom, but no one would tell 0:03:59.210 --> 0:03:59.590 her what. 0:04:00.230 --> 0:04:02.690 Eight years old, like, adults are just not interested in 0:04:02.730 --> 0:04:07.750 telling you anything. And I got into a stranger's car 0:04:07.850 --> 0:04:11.730 and drove, having no idea what... Who I was going 0:04:11.770 --> 0:04:12.190 to meet. 0:04:12.630 --> 0:04:14.690 Do you remember if you had any belongings with you? 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:16.020 My backpack. 0:04:16.779 --> 0:04:17.360 From school? 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:19.679 My backpack and the clothes that I was wearing. 0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:24.060 The social worker drove further and further into rural Georgia. 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:27.020 I remember going through my head of, well, maybe that's 0:04:27.039 --> 0:04:28.620 going to be my new house as we were, like, 0:04:28.679 --> 0:04:31.179 driving by houses. Or maybe that one's going to be 0:04:31.219 --> 0:04:32.900 my house, or I hope it's nice. 0:04:33.710 --> 0:04:37.060 Finally, they came to a farmhouse by a pond. A 0:04:37.099 --> 0:04:41.219 tall blonde woman emerged and introduced herself as Rhonda Grizzle. 0:04:41.900 --> 0:04:45.600 Rhonda would be Jenna's new foster mom. Jenna says the 0:04:45.619 --> 0:04:48.039 first thing Rhonda did was sit her down on the 0:04:48.080 --> 0:04:49.589 screened-in porch to talk. 0:04:50.270 --> 0:04:54.089 The only thing that I remember about that conversation was 0:04:54.489 --> 0:04:57.950 that Rhonda turned to me and said, is it okay 0:04:57.989 --> 0:05:01.589 if we call you Jenny? And it was a question, 0:05:01.630 --> 0:05:04.229 but you know how parents or adults ask a kid 0:05:04.250 --> 0:05:07.460 a question, but it's not really a question? I think 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:10.900 that I was very aware that this was not up 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:11.299 to me. 0:05:12.369 --> 0:05:15.570 Jenny was close to Jenna, but it wasn't her name. 0:05:16.349 --> 0:05:19.349 No one had ever called her Jenny. Here she was 0:05:19.570 --> 0:05:22.659 entering a strange new home with nothing much but her name. 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:31.159 And now she was losing that too. Jenna became a 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:34.400 foster daughter to Rhonda and her husband, Eddie Wayne, and 0:05:34.419 --> 0:05:38.390 a foster sister to their three biological children, a toddler, 0:05:38.779 --> 0:05:42.150 a preteen girl, and a boy that was about Jenna's age. 0:05:42.750 --> 0:05:44.169 And how did you fit in with the Grizzles? 0:05:44.190 --> 0:05:51.150 Well, let's start with the appearance. I was absolutely not 0:05:51.190 --> 0:05:55.109 like them. You know, the game, like, one of these things... 0:05:55.479 --> 0:05:57.880 doesn't look like the other, one of these things doesn't belong. 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:02.339 Everyone else was blonde-haired and blue-eyed, and I was this 0:06:02.479 --> 0:06:07.140 dark-haired kid with dark eyes that bore no resemblance. And 0:06:07.219 --> 0:06:10.700 so there was certainly a lot of eyebrows raised in 0:06:10.739 --> 0:06:12.539 public places, like, who is this kid? 0:06:13.589 --> 0:06:16.169 Her new brother, Cody, made it known that they'd had 0:06:16.229 --> 0:06:20.529 foster children before her. In fact, only a few months earlier, 0:06:20.549 --> 0:06:23.830 they'd fostered a girl around Jenna's age, and her name? 0:06:24.989 --> 0:06:32.509 Also Jenna. Jenna 1.0 had bullied Cody, and so he 0:06:32.529 --> 0:06:36.989 was understandably wary of this new Jenna's arrival. When Rhonda 0:06:37.029 --> 0:06:39.549 sat her down on the porch that very first day 0:06:39.890 --> 0:06:42.909 and turned her into Jenny, maybe that had been Rhonda's 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:51.059 attempt at wiping the slate clean. Jenna cried herself to 0:06:51.119 --> 0:06:54.239 sleep most nights. She missed her mom and only got 0:06:54.260 --> 0:06:57.539 to see her during their weekly supervised visits, which often 0:06:57.580 --> 0:07:02.319 went poorly. So poorly that eventually her mom's parental rights 0:07:02.599 --> 0:07:03.739 were legally terminated. 0:07:04.460 --> 0:07:06.580 And it felt like I was grieving her as if 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:08.619 she had died, because at that point I would not 0:07:08.659 --> 0:07:10.800 be allowed to see her again until I was an adult. 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:14.949 With her mother's loss of custody, the Grizzles house became 0:07:14.970 --> 0:07:18.209 Jenna's new home. She grew close to her foster dad, 0:07:18.429 --> 0:07:21.510 Eddie Wayne, a high school teacher with a warm presence 0:07:21.630 --> 0:07:24.890 and a big, booming voice. Eddie Wayne taught Jenna how 0:07:24.910 --> 0:07:28.179 to fish, and Rhonda cooked her delicious meals every night. 0:07:28.700 --> 0:07:31.120 And that was very, very different from my experience. My 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:34.939 experience was like cereal or like cheese puffs, and I 0:07:34.980 --> 0:07:38.980 was being exposed to homemade fried chicken and fried okra 0:07:39.239 --> 0:07:40.230 and green beans. 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:44.760 Life was filled with vacations, boating, visits to the grandparents, 0:07:45.119 --> 0:07:49.140 new friends, birthdays and Christmases, board games and family dinners. 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:53.499 In this way, two and a half years passed. For 0:07:53.540 --> 0:07:56.780 all intents and purposes, the Grizzles were now her family. 0:07:57.420 --> 0:08:00.140 So it came as no surprise when one day, while 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:02.740 the other kids were playing by the lake, Eddie Wayne 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:03.720 called Jenna over. 0:08:04.260 --> 0:08:07.940 I just remember this very distinctly that my foster father 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:12.050 brought me downstairs to the basement to have this conversation, 0:08:12.810 --> 0:08:16.450 which was, we would like to adopt you. Would you 0:08:17.070 --> 0:08:19.810 like that? Would you want that? And, of course, I 0:08:19.869 --> 0:08:20.410 said yes. 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:25.340 It was official. Jenna was going to be a grizzle. 0:08:26.340 --> 0:08:27.739 But that never happened. 0:08:34.380 --> 0:08:38.819 So what happens next is my mom, she had mental illness, 0:08:38.860 --> 0:08:42.200 but she was not dumb. She's a very clever person. 0:08:43.560 --> 0:08:46.380 Jenna's mom had somehow figured out where Jenna was going 0:08:46.420 --> 0:08:49.780 to school. And from there, she found out Jenna's address. 0:08:50.300 --> 0:08:51.720 How she did that, I don't know. 0:08:52.780 --> 0:08:55.280 What she does know is that in the aftermath of 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:58.420 her mom's discovery, something changed at the Grizzles. 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:03.080 They decide that it's just simply not safe for me 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:05.060 to stay with them anymore. 0:09:06.420 --> 0:09:09.630 Jenna's future was being yanked away from her. She wasn't 0:09:09.680 --> 0:09:13.179 going to be adopted. Instead, she was being kicked out. 0:09:13.820 --> 0:09:16.040 And this all happened in a matter of days. 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:26.160 The way in which I left the home was so unemotional. Like, 0:09:26.180 --> 0:09:28.800 there was never like, this is unfair. 0:09:28.820 --> 0:09:31.420 You were never able to say to them, but wait 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:33.760 a minute, what happened to that conversation we had? You 0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:34.880 said you were adopting me. 0:09:35.620 --> 0:09:38.830 Right. I never had that conversation with them. And the 0:09:38.870 --> 0:09:42.010 last day I was there, I was just kind of 0:09:42.030 --> 0:09:46.680 like packed my stuff. Like no one cried. That last 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:48.100 day was like, do you want to go take a 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:50.260 bath in like the jacuzzi tub? It's like the last 0:09:50.280 --> 0:09:51.220 time you're going to get to. 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:54.240 That was said to you. Mm-hmm. 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:58.240 Over the years, Jenna kept up with the Grizzles' lives 0:09:58.340 --> 0:10:01.440 on Facebook. She even saw the Grizzles a couple times 0:10:01.500 --> 0:10:05.559 in person, once at their grandmother's funeral and another time 0:10:05.620 --> 0:10:08.220 at their daughter's wedding. Did they still call you Jenny? 0:10:09.110 --> 0:10:11.170 Yeah, they to this day call me Jenny. 0:10:12.250 --> 0:10:15.910 At the wedding, Jenna remembers Eddie Wayne greeting her by saying, 0:10:16.250 --> 0:10:19.180 we never should have let you go. But Rhonda was 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.800 quick to jump in and say that it all worked 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:26.160 out for the best. And Jenna largely agrees. She ended 0:10:26.220 --> 0:10:29.460 up with a family called the Parkers. the Parkers gave 0:10:29.500 --> 0:10:31.540 her a good home filled with a lot of love. 0:10:32.340 --> 0:10:35.110 But at the same time, she feels like it all 0:10:35.150 --> 0:10:37.610 worked out for the best is an easy thing to 0:10:37.670 --> 0:10:41.530 say in retrospect, that as far as epilogues go, it's 0:10:41.570 --> 0:10:45.689 missing something. Jenna still doesn't understand how the Grizzles were 0:10:45.730 --> 0:10:48.830 able to give her up so easily, especially since she 0:10:48.890 --> 0:10:51.890 saw the lengths they went to for their eldest son, Cody. 0:10:52.950 --> 0:10:55.300 As an example, she tells me about the time their 0:10:55.340 --> 0:10:59.730 neighbors began building chicken houses. and how, because of Cody's allergies, 0:11:00.050 --> 0:11:01.730 the whole family relocated. 0:11:02.320 --> 0:11:04.060 For the sake of their son, they picked up and 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:08.460 they moved. And as I got older, I began to 0:11:08.580 --> 0:11:12.579 ask myself, why couldn't they have moved for me? 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:17.350 For Jenna, this resulted in her always feeling like she 0:11:17.370 --> 0:11:18.490 just wasn't good enough. 0:11:19.130 --> 0:11:24.820 Not pretty enough, not smart enough, just not lovable enough. I... 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:34.130 didn't matter. I just didn't matter to them. There's got 0:11:34.150 --> 0:11:36.990 to be, I know there's more to it, but I 0:11:37.030 --> 0:11:41.490 carried those stories into my teenage years, into all of 0:11:41.550 --> 0:11:47.970 my dating relationships, into my marriage, into my divorce. I've 0:11:47.990 --> 0:11:52.960 been carrying this weight of not belonging and not being 0:11:53.460 --> 0:12:06.610 enough for Nearly 30 years. I also lost my son 0:12:06.670 --> 0:12:10.830 in 2020 to a heart condition. 0:12:10.850 --> 0:12:12.710 Oh, I'm so sorry. 0:12:13.590 --> 0:12:18.680 Thank you. He was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome 0:12:18.730 --> 0:12:22.890 in 2018. I think people around me The way that 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:26.059 they were responding to this devastating thing, you know, it 0:12:26.100 --> 0:12:28.040 was like, oh, you know, everything happens for a reason, 0:12:28.100 --> 0:12:29.960 and I'm like, well, fuck your reasons, I don't care. 0:12:31.140 --> 0:12:34.360 Everything happens for a reason. It all works out for 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:38.290 the best. For Jenna, the platitudes are a cop-out. 0:12:38.790 --> 0:12:41.890 I think sometimes things just happen, and they're really bad, 0:12:42.230 --> 0:12:45.550 and you do your best to take a pile of 0:12:45.930 --> 0:12:48.850 horse shit, frankly, and turn it into a compost pile, 0:12:49.130 --> 0:12:52.290 which may be later turned into a garden. But that 0:12:52.330 --> 0:12:55.830 doesn't change the fact that the initial dump was horseshit. 0:13:01.820 --> 0:13:05.540 Jenna's now almost 40. Her biological mother has long since 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:09.480 passed away, and she's a mother herself. At long last, 0:13:09.560 --> 0:13:12.080 she finally feels ready to have the conversation with the 0:13:12.100 --> 0:13:14.440 grizzles that she couldn't have as a kid. 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:18.980 It would be helpful for me to know What was 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:22.460 going through their minds as all of this was unfolding? 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:28.000 How is it possible to want a future with someone 0:13:28.180 --> 0:13:31.640 as your kid, but not want it enough? 0:13:33.490 --> 0:13:37.069 What happened? Why did the grizzles give her up so easily? 0:13:37.910 --> 0:13:41.750 Why didn't they fight for her? Jenna wants answers, but 0:13:41.770 --> 0:13:43.850 she doesn't want to ask the questions alone. 0:13:44.410 --> 0:13:48.250 I also think that you may be able to ask 0:13:48.350 --> 0:13:55.520 questions in a way that allow them more comfort to answer. Because, 0:13:55.540 --> 0:13:57.459 I mean, these are questions that feel very kind of 0:13:57.660 --> 0:14:00.180 accusatory if they're asked in the wrong way. 0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:04.700 And so, I agree to accompany Jenna and help pose 0:14:04.740 --> 0:14:09.860 those questions the right way. But first, a question for you. 0:14:10.900 --> 0:14:15.460 Do you like deals? Then put on your bargain bib 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:19.070 and open up for the bargain choo-choo. Load it up 0:14:19.170 --> 0:14:24.890 with boxcar after boxcar after boxcar of the biggest, fattest, 0:14:25.370 --> 0:14:37.840 juiciest deals you've ever savored. Jenna sends Rhonda and Eddie 0:14:37.870 --> 0:14:41.080 Wayne a Facebook message asking if they'll speak with her 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:44.330 about that time. I would love the chance to share 0:14:44.390 --> 0:14:46.770 what that experience meant to me as a foster kid, 0:14:46.830 --> 0:14:50.480 she writes, and equally to ask questions and hear how 0:14:50.540 --> 0:14:54.860 you experienced it as foster parents. She signs the message, 0:14:55.220 --> 0:14:58.740 not Jenny, but Jenna. Was that a decision? 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:05.870 Yeah, it really was. I realized that I have spent 0:15:07.030 --> 0:15:11.620 all of my life pretzeling myself into circumstances that are 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:18.530 comfortable to others. And I wanted to make myself comfortable. 0:15:19.850 --> 0:15:23.090 Only 30 minutes after sending the message, Jenna receives a 0:15:23.150 --> 0:15:24.290 response from Rhonda. 0:15:25.290 --> 0:15:26.990 It said, dearest Jenna. 0:15:27.590 --> 0:15:29.310 She referred to you back as Jenna. 0:15:30.250 --> 0:15:33.340 Yeah, that's the very first time that's ever happened. We 0:15:33.350 --> 0:15:35.400 would be happy to meet with you at any time. 0:15:35.620 --> 0:15:37.300 Great to hear from you. Love, Rhonda. 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:39.200 So how did that feel? 0:15:41.540 --> 0:15:47.180 Immediately exciting. And then, I don't know, there's like a whooshing. 0:15:49.170 --> 0:15:51.790 Maybe like I'd been holding a breath for a while 0:15:52.370 --> 0:15:55.610 and I got to release it in that moment. And 0:15:55.650 --> 0:15:57.750 now I just like want to, can we just teleport 0:15:58.250 --> 0:15:59.090 everybody there? 0:16:00.250 --> 0:16:05.270 And through the magic of podcasting, we kind of can. 0:16:05.710 --> 0:16:06.930 Your car is very neat. 0:16:07.130 --> 0:16:08.470 Well, I cleaned it for you. 0:16:08.870 --> 0:16:09.190 Really? 0:16:09.310 --> 0:16:13.580 Yes, because my kids are absolute monsters in this car. 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:16.740 From Jenna's house, it's an hour and a half drive 0:16:16.780 --> 0:16:18.640 through rural Georgia to the Grizzles. 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:22.460 They're definitely going to the deep south right now. 0:16:23.180 --> 0:16:27.700 It's a ride ablaze with southern flair. Waffle houses brimming 0:16:27.740 --> 0:16:32.520 with grits. Wow. A hair salon showcasing mischievous wordplay called 0:16:32.830 --> 0:16:33.710 Grateful Head. 0:16:33.990 --> 0:16:36.310 My partner is in a Grateful Dead cover band. 0:16:36.610 --> 0:16:38.850 Does he know about Grateful Head? And in the middle 0:16:38.870 --> 0:16:41.310 of a strip mall. Is that a polygraph service? 0:16:41.430 --> 0:16:43.850 Yes, you can get your nails done and find out 0:16:43.970 --> 0:16:45.550 if your boyfriend's cheating at the same time. 0:16:45.990 --> 0:16:49.480 Do you see truck balls? Yes. 0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:50.240 God. 0:16:50.620 --> 0:16:54.990 For the uninitiated. Truck balls, or truck knots spelled with 0:16:55.050 --> 0:16:58.770 a Z, are genitalia that one hangs from the hitch 0:16:58.830 --> 0:17:02.610 of one's truck. In so doing, one makes one's entire 0:17:02.670 --> 0:17:08.109 truck more wee-wee-like, or ding-a-ling-like if you're south of the Mason-Dixon. 0:17:08.129 --> 0:17:10.810 When I was back in the dating pool, there were 0:17:10.850 --> 0:17:13.570 some tell-tale signs that, like, we were not going to 0:17:13.609 --> 0:17:16.429 work out, and swinging balls is definitely one of them. 0:17:16.699 --> 0:17:19.939 Yeah, but they seem really amazing. They're really sensitive and 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:20.550 sweet and. 0:17:21.159 --> 0:17:23.160 If you put balls on your truck, I don't think 0:17:23.300 --> 0:17:24.500 any of that can be true. 0:17:24.699 --> 0:17:26.520 I'm going to make a mental note of this. We 0:17:26.540 --> 0:17:29.080 do an episode where we find the most sensitive, wonderful 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.219 man who has truck balls. 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:37.560 All right, we are three minutes away. 0:17:38.330 --> 0:17:38.649 All right. 0:17:40.709 --> 0:17:41.509 How are you feeling? 0:17:41.869 --> 0:17:42.209 Good. 0:17:43.189 --> 0:17:48.050 I'm starting to get in that little, like, fit-in-my-stomach feeling. Yeah. 0:17:48.070 --> 0:17:48.989 Like butterflies. 0:17:49.899 --> 0:17:52.760 The grizzles have moved since the time Jenna lived with them. 0:17:53.439 --> 0:17:55.989 Their new place is right on the water, tucked in 0:17:56.050 --> 0:17:56.769 among the trees. 0:17:57.409 --> 0:17:58.210 All right, here we are. 0:17:59.070 --> 0:17:59.649 Okay. 0:17:59.669 --> 0:18:01.570 Great. 0:18:14.159 --> 0:18:14.899 Come on in. 0:18:14.959 --> 0:18:17.139 Come on in. How you doing, girl? 0:18:17.159 --> 0:18:20.179 I'm good. Eddie Wayne greets us at the door. 0:18:20.199 --> 0:18:23.960 So this is Jonathan. Hey, Jonathan. Nice to meet you. 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:27.710 It's been about 14 years since Jenna last saw the Grizzles. 0:18:27.869 --> 0:18:28.369 Hi, precious. 0:18:28.389 --> 0:18:29.129 How you doing? 0:18:29.929 --> 0:18:33.389 Rhonda emerges from upstairs. She gives Jenna a hug and 0:18:33.429 --> 0:18:36.570 joins Eddie Wayne on the couch. Jenna and I settle 0:18:36.649 --> 0:18:38.130 in on chairs across from them. 0:18:38.570 --> 0:18:39.230 Okay. 0:18:39.850 --> 0:18:43.379 Well, I just want to say, first of all, you guys... 0:18:43.899 --> 0:18:47.639 We're so quick to say yes to this surprise that 0:18:47.659 --> 0:18:49.600 you were like, what is this about? And like, who 0:18:49.639 --> 0:18:50.300 are these people? 0:18:51.320 --> 0:18:55.430 We're pretty much whatever you want. You were always very 0:18:55.470 --> 0:18:56.139 special to us. 0:18:57.230 --> 0:19:00.429 And so we get into it. Rhonda begins by telling 0:19:00.470 --> 0:19:02.590 us about the first time she ever saw Jenna. 0:19:03.209 --> 0:19:06.030 I thought you were a little, really, really pretty child. 0:19:06.369 --> 0:19:10.480 Very pretty child. She was a little timid. But that's understandable. 0:19:10.699 --> 0:19:13.600 You know, most foster children are. They're stuck in this 0:19:13.639 --> 0:19:17.879 house with these people they don't know. Strangers. But just 0:19:18.119 --> 0:19:19.979 a sweet child, very sweet child. 0:19:20.580 --> 0:19:23.669 Just a little old kid. Needed somebody to look at her. 0:19:23.689 --> 0:19:24.469 That's about it. 0:19:24.750 --> 0:19:25.010 Yeah. 0:19:26.169 --> 0:19:28.290 While Jenna was the only one to stay longer than 0:19:28.350 --> 0:19:32.070 six months, Eddie and Rhonda fostered nine kids in total. 0:19:32.270 --> 0:19:34.539 Brittany and Justin. That's what I thought. 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:37.180 As they begin to run through the list of children 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:40.149 they took in over the years... something funny happens. 0:19:40.609 --> 0:19:41.649 Was Samantha next? 0:19:42.090 --> 0:19:42.869 Yeah, I think she was. 0:19:42.889 --> 0:19:47.000 We had one that was a challenge. We had Samantha. 0:19:47.949 --> 0:19:50.540 It turns out I've already heard about Samantha, the foster 0:19:50.570 --> 0:19:52.800 kid that Cody had trouble with. But in the version 0:19:52.859 --> 0:19:55.489 I heard, Samantha had a different name. I don't know 0:19:55.490 --> 0:19:57.090 why I had it in my head. 0:19:56.790 --> 0:19:59.959 That Samantha's name was Jenna. 0:19:59.990 --> 0:20:00.040 No. 0:20:00.109 --> 0:20:05.869 Yeah, her name was Samantha. 0:20:08.230 --> 0:20:11.090 Jenna isn't sure why she's had this wrong for so long, 0:20:11.750 --> 0:20:14.869 but she covers up her misconception with a quick working theory. 0:20:15.409 --> 0:20:18.340 No, you know what it is? I think what it was, was... 0:20:19.320 --> 0:20:22.850 Samantha as a sort of doppelganger. 0:20:23.869 --> 0:20:27.389 Samantha was the same age as Jenna. Samantha even looked 0:20:27.409 --> 0:20:30.810 like Jenna. They were both dark-haired, dark-eyed girls in a 0:20:30.869 --> 0:20:35.290 family of blondes. And Samantha's getting kicked out represented Jenna's 0:20:35.369 --> 0:20:36.529 worst-case scenario. 0:20:36.550 --> 0:20:39.670 It sounds like it's a subconscious thing that she just... 0:20:39.649 --> 0:20:41.249 Don't be her, don't be her, don't be her. Yeah, 0:20:41.270 --> 0:20:42.210 don't be her. 0:20:43.330 --> 0:20:46.649 But if Samantha's name was Samantha, then why was Jenna's 0:20:46.689 --> 0:20:48.869 name changed to Jenny in the first place? 0:20:49.560 --> 0:20:52.709 We just always called her Jenny, and I don't know why. 0:20:52.820 --> 0:20:54.260 I can't even remember why. 0:20:54.889 --> 0:20:57.030 I remember being on the front porch, and you asked 0:20:57.070 --> 0:21:00.070 me if I'd like to be called Jenny. And I thought, well, 0:21:02.230 --> 0:21:05.650 I wasn't sure if I said no, if I would 0:21:05.669 --> 0:21:08.529 get to stay. So I said yes. 0:21:09.290 --> 0:21:11.790 I do remember thinking you looked to me like a Jenny. 0:21:13.470 --> 0:21:17.219 Jenna becoming Jenny hadn't been done for reasons good or bad. 0:21:18.080 --> 0:21:27.469 It hadn't been done for much of any reason at all. Eventually, 0:21:27.740 --> 0:21:31.190 Jenna inches the conversation away from her entrance into their 0:21:31.209 --> 0:21:34.249 home to the touchier subject of her departure. 0:21:34.869 --> 0:21:36.830 Eddie Wayne, I don't know if you remember this, but 0:21:37.230 --> 0:21:38.590 we were in the basement one day. It was just 0:21:38.609 --> 0:21:40.629 you and me, and you asked me if I wanted 0:21:40.649 --> 0:21:41.310 to be adopted. 0:21:41.330 --> 0:21:42.389 Yeah. You remember that? Yeah. 0:21:42.980 --> 0:21:43.640 Mm-hmm. 0:21:43.659 --> 0:21:45.019 You know, I was happy about it. 0:21:45.139 --> 0:21:47.979 Yeah, we were fixing to start. 0:21:48.300 --> 0:21:49.239 We had discussed it. 0:21:49.260 --> 0:21:51.260 That's what our plan was. We had been talking about it, yeah. 0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:54.700 Seemed like a good time, get a little feedback. Then 0:21:54.760 --> 0:21:56.730 I went and told her that, hey, I think Jenny 0:21:56.750 --> 0:21:57.350 wouldn't mind it. 0:21:57.730 --> 0:21:58.030 Yeah. 0:21:58.369 --> 0:22:00.629 Yeah, that was our plan until your mother threw a 0:22:00.689 --> 0:22:01.629 wrench in everything. 0:22:08.290 --> 0:22:11.310 Her mother found her, and that's why they had to 0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:11.679 move her. 0:22:13.389 --> 0:22:16.209 Jenna had never known exactly how her mother had found her. 0:22:16.889 --> 0:22:19.850 According to Rhonda, though, it was all because of a shirt, 0:22:20.429 --> 0:22:22.749 a school T-shirt that Jenna wore during one of her 0:22:22.790 --> 0:22:27.679 supervised visits with her mom. Rhonda explains the domino chain 0:22:27.720 --> 0:22:31.840 of mistakes. First, Rhonda sent Jenna off that morning in 0:22:31.879 --> 0:22:34.859 a T-shirt with the school's logo on it. When the 0:22:34.899 --> 0:22:38.690 social worker picked Jenna up, she noticed the shirt, considered 0:22:38.740 --> 0:22:42.859 stopping to buy a new one, but ultimately didn't. During 0:22:42.879 --> 0:22:46.060 the visit, Jenna's mom saw the school's name on the shirt. 0:22:46.740 --> 0:22:49.879 And when she later lost custody, she was so desperate 0:22:49.919 --> 0:22:52.580 to get Jenna back that she showed up at the school, 0:22:53.040 --> 0:22:55.800 where the school secretary gave her the grizzle's address. 0:22:56.399 --> 0:22:58.679 And what's so bad about it, a week before that, 0:22:59.280 --> 0:23:02.080 I had actually had a personal conversation with her. You 0:23:02.100 --> 0:23:05.369 do not give our address, our phone number, our information 0:23:05.409 --> 0:23:07.959 to anyone. And I personally had that conversation with her, 0:23:08.369 --> 0:23:11.300 and she gave it out. If it hadn't been for that, 0:23:11.659 --> 0:23:13.500 he probably would have been with us forever. 0:23:15.060 --> 0:23:18.290 But just because Jenna's mom had found their address, why 0:23:18.330 --> 0:23:21.709 send Jenna away? It turns out there was more to 0:23:21.730 --> 0:23:22.209 the story. 0:23:22.970 --> 0:23:28.050