Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effect, And just like that, we're back
Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless
Speaker 1: episode with your girl. Just hilarious and y'all know what
Speaker 1: time it is. Just fix my mess Now. It seems
Speaker 1: like carefully Reckless has turned into therapy and I love
Speaker 1: doing it. I love Tony, I love hearing about y'all
Speaker 1: reckless situations and how careful y'all are being, and how
Speaker 1: reckless some of y'all are being, and how to goddamn
Speaker 1: careful y'all being. But that's not gonna stop me from
Speaker 1: helping you guys where I feel I can. So we're
Speaker 1: gonna jump right into it. These were sent to the
Speaker 1: Carefully Reckless d M. By the way, where you can
Speaker 1: submit yours if you need Jes to fix your mess
Speaker 1: or to help fix your mess. We're gonna start with
Speaker 1: this young lady, just please fix my mess. I am
Speaker 1: African American and I'm dating a Callcasian man l Mayo.
Speaker 1: Look she she laughed after that, because she probably thought
Speaker 1: I was gonna laugh. No, keep on. We've been dating
Speaker 1: for almost seven years now. I've never really had to
Speaker 1: worry about any racism until now. My first encounter was
Speaker 1: when I had to move into his cousin's house with
Speaker 1: him because my mom kicked me out. I wanted to
Speaker 1: invite my brother over to hang out, but it never happened.
Speaker 1: Didn't think anything of it until my boyfriend told me why.
Speaker 1: He said his cousin said he didn't want my brother
Speaker 1: coming over because he doesn't want him to steal anything.
Speaker 1: My brother is an amazing black man. He would never
Speaker 1: do something even close to that ship piss me off.
Speaker 1: But whatever, I'm going to stop right now to tell
Speaker 1: you that's your first mistake brushing that ship off. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna continue. Then, me and his brother got into an
Speaker 1: argument one day in front of their friends about him
Speaker 1: not being able to say the N word if it's
Speaker 1: in a song. My boyfriend and I moved next door
Speaker 1: to his brother didn't have anywhere else to go. We
Speaker 1: were all having a get together. Friends were in our
Speaker 1: backyard and the brother was in his yard. My boyfriend
Speaker 1: mentioned that he wanted to watch a basketball game. His
Speaker 1: brother said to bring a TV outside. I was like,
Speaker 1: who's TV? Not mine? Too much going on over there?
Speaker 1: His brother said, well, ain't that what they do in
Speaker 1: the hood. I said, I don't know. I've never been.
Speaker 1: He responded and said, well, your hair looks like you've
Speaker 1: been in the hood. I had foe locks in my hair.
Speaker 1: He said this in front of everyone, and no one
Speaker 1: said anything. They might have even laughed as well. I
Speaker 1: told my boyfriend and he said his brother was just
Speaker 1: joking and brushed it off like he always does. He's
Speaker 1: made several little comments like that, always says something about
Speaker 1: my hair or just me being black in general. What
Speaker 1: should I do at the end of the day. That's
Speaker 1: his family and they aren't going anywhere. We have a
Speaker 1: daughter together as well, which makes it worse. Well, ain't
Speaker 1: that about a black bitch? Because now he has a
Speaker 1: niece that is also black and white. She's by racial
Speaker 1: but you can't take away from her being black, which
Speaker 1: is something that the brother clearly dislikes or hates. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you where you went wrong. I'm not
Speaker 1: blaming you for this whole situation, but this kind of
Speaker 1: has me. I rate alright, sweetheart. Earlier in your story,
Speaker 1: you said you brushed something off right, the comment about
Speaker 1: your brother not being able to come over to their
Speaker 1: house because he didn't want him to steal anything. He
Speaker 1: already stereotyped your brother. I don't know if you thought
Speaker 1: that deep into it or you just brushed it off
Speaker 1: because you love his brother so much. But baby, you
Speaker 1: chose him over your brother. Subconsciously, you did that. That's
Speaker 1: something that should have never rolled off your back. I
Speaker 1: don't give a funk if you had to stay in
Speaker 1: their house or not. If you did that just to
Speaker 1: keep a roof over your head, that ain't the roof
Speaker 1: I would want to be living under. I would live
Speaker 1: outside before I live with a racist piece of ship.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you that who you are is more powerful
Speaker 1: then who the funk you're with. I don't like that
Speaker 1: your skin color is a threat to them. Your brother
Speaker 1: was a threat to them, not because he thought he
Speaker 1: was still something. But these people are intimidated by us,
Speaker 1: to say the least over anything that we do. Now,
Speaker 1: you didn't tell me much about your boyfriend, because the
Speaker 1: brother seems to be the problem here. But your boyfriend
Speaker 1: is the fucking problem if he don't check his brother.
Speaker 1: But that's his family. What he likes his brother may
Speaker 1: not like, but he still needs to demand respect from
Speaker 1: his brother. You now have a child with him, and
Speaker 1: I bet you, before you even got pregnant, you were
Speaker 1: experiencing racism. You said you didn't experience it until now. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: Maybe you weren't paying enough attention, or maybe you were
Speaker 1: just turning a blind eye to it. You were ignoring
Speaker 1: it purposely because you were so in love with whoever
Speaker 1: the funk your boyfriend is. Now, I may seem like
Speaker 1: I'm coming at you and your man, and respectfully, baby,
Speaker 1: I am. We can't change the way his brother feels.
Speaker 1: We probably can't even change how you feel about your man.
Speaker 1: But you cannot be okay with abuse, verbally, mentally, racially, whatever.
Speaker 1: You cannot ever be okay with that because you want
Speaker 1: something to work so badly, because now you have a baby.
Speaker 1: Will he treat your baby how he treats you. You
Speaker 1: said you had locks in your hair, and he affiliated
Speaker 1: locks with the hood. He affiliated bringing TVs outside with
Speaker 1: the hood, As if white people don't have hoods, as
Speaker 1: if white people don't live in trailer parks, as if
Speaker 1: white people are all clean and ship, as if child listen,
Speaker 1: m hm mm hmmm. Because white people can be some
Speaker 1: of the dirtiest, most disgusting motherfucking people that walk this
Speaker 1: earth but turn up their noses at us, they put
Speaker 1: us down. Are you understanding really what I'm saying, sweetheart?
Speaker 1: Because your Instagram name is black Queen. Okay, now I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna put the exact name out there, but in
Speaker 1: your Instagram name it's black Queen. Do you really think
Speaker 1: that of yourself? Because if you don't, no one else will.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna tell you what I mean by this.
Speaker 1: The moment you believe that you are a black queen,
Speaker 1: you start treating yourself that way, you start carrying yourself
Speaker 1: that way, and motherfucker's will know that ship speaks for itself.
Speaker 1: You're a black queen and you know it. You wear
Speaker 1: it outside and in. So if you were wearing that
Speaker 1: ship the whole time, even while you were living in
Speaker 1: your boyfriend's brother's house or even being around them and
Speaker 1: ship like that, I guarantee you he wouldn't hate you
Speaker 1: to your face. He would not show that ship to
Speaker 1: your face. You were too timid, you let that ship happen,
Speaker 1: which is why he kept running with that ship. And
Speaker 1: the brother is so fucking weak, Your boyfriend so fucking weak,
Speaker 1: he don't even know he got a black queen. He
Speaker 1: does not, or he would never let his brother even
Speaker 1: fix his little white tight ass. No lip have an
Speaker 1: ass mouth to say anything like that to you. Yes
Speaker 1: you need to fucking leave, Yes you do. And I
Speaker 1: don't even really be telling people that you need to leave.
Speaker 1: And you need to get your daughter out of that
Speaker 1: ship or she will be treated the way you were treated.
Speaker 1: But it's gonna hurt her even worse because this is
Speaker 1: going to happen as a child. She's a child. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't trust them bitches around my baby. I wouldn't even
Speaker 1: trust them to be alone with her by herself. She
Speaker 1: would not be able to go over her uncle's house,
Speaker 1: or her grandparents house or not, none of the motherfucker's
Speaker 1: on his side. She, my baby, would not be able
Speaker 1: to be around any of them, none of them prejudice
Speaker 1: pieces of ship, I promise you. So that story had
Speaker 1: me a little all right, But you need to put
Speaker 1: yourself first. You ain't your baby for or your baby.
Speaker 1: That's all I'm gonna saying. Mhm m hmm. Moving on,
Speaker 1: This is a short one. Hey, jas Me and this
Speaker 1: guy broke up and he said he's trying to get
Speaker 1: himself together, but since then we've been distant and don't
Speaker 1: really talk or see each other no more. But I
Speaker 1: don't feel like it's another female. But I don't know
Speaker 1: if I should just leave it alone or just have patience. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a nice piece of advice.
Speaker 1: And this is not even only pertaining to your situation.
Speaker 1: This is pertaining to people period. Sometimes people do have
Speaker 1: to get themselves together because a lot of people getting
Speaker 1: relationships and don't even really have theirselves together. People getting
Speaker 1: relationships and and they have things that they need to
Speaker 1: work on so they can understand themselves better so they
Speaker 1: can know what they want. A lot of people getting
Speaker 1: relationships and don't even know what they want. How you
Speaker 1: going to know what another person wants and even be
Speaker 1: able to give it to them if you don't even
Speaker 1: know what you require? You know, so, I wouldn't ignore
Speaker 1: the fact that he said he wants to get himself together.
Speaker 1: He could be doing that. It could be another female,
Speaker 1: it could not be we don't know. And the fact
Speaker 1: that you said that you don't think it is. We're
Speaker 1: just going to x that out completely because I don't
Speaker 1: know him. You know him, and you know him better
Speaker 1: than we do you know? And I say we me
Speaker 1: and the carefully reckless listeners. We don't know him like
Speaker 1: you know him. So I'm going to take your word
Speaker 1: that there is not another female. How was he acting
Speaker 1: when you guys were together? What led up to the breakup?
Speaker 1: What did he say? You know what I mean? Was
Speaker 1: he acting weird? Now, I'm sorry, weird is not the
Speaker 1: not not a good word to use. I have to
Speaker 1: be careful when I'm using that word, because just because
Speaker 1: something is unusual doesn't mean it's weird. So was he
Speaker 1: acting unusual? Was it kind of abrupt? Was things going on?
Speaker 1: Did he seemed bothered at times? Did he seemed down?
Speaker 1: Did he seemed you know, you have to study a person.
Speaker 1: If you're going to be with them, you have to
Speaker 1: get to know them. I just need to be able
Speaker 1: to know what you saw. It's good to have patience
Speaker 1: with everything, but it's still is always good for you
Speaker 1: to take care of yourself and do what's right for
Speaker 1: you and do what's best for you, because if you're
Speaker 1: ready for love and he's not, if you didn't do
Speaker 1: anything to help him make that decision of not being
Speaker 1: with you anymore or taking some time off of the
Speaker 1: relationship to get itself together. Then I think you should
Speaker 1: move forward. He'll come back if that is what he wants.
Speaker 1: Maybe your relationship is not going to be what he
Speaker 1: wants for another three years. Do you then wait for him? No,
Speaker 1: you have to put yourself first, baby girl, always, always
Speaker 1: and forever. Put yourself first because it's the right thing.
Speaker 1: It's good for your mental Maybe he just wasn't mentally stable.
Speaker 1: I do think you should check in on him every
Speaker 1: now and then, not even trying to get with him
Speaker 1: or not even you know, trying to see him or whatever.
Speaker 1: Just extend an ear, Just extend a hello, just extend
Speaker 1: a greeting. Just hey, how are you. I know, last
Speaker 1: time we left off you said you were trying to
Speaker 1: get yourself together or whatever. Are you okay or I'm
Speaker 1: not saying this to get back with you. I'm just
Speaker 1: checking in on a friend. Address him as friend, and
Speaker 1: depending on how he reacts to that, you'll know if
Speaker 1: he just didn't want you and want somebody else, or
Speaker 1: if he really just needs a friend and not a girlfriend,
Speaker 1: because sometimes that's the case as well. But I trust
Speaker 1: that you would make a good decision with that. Hold up,
Speaker 1: Hold up, I know the ship getting good, but listen
Speaker 1: to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If
Speaker 1: you love me, you'll listen. Moving on to the next one. Hey, jass,
Speaker 1: So my baby father is in jail and he recently called,
Speaker 1: not to talk to you, his daughter, but to talk
Speaker 1: to me. He was saying how he appreciates me and
Speaker 1: all I did for him when things were good, and
Speaker 1: how he's going to be a better father. He was
Speaker 1: sorry for the abuse and everything I told him. His
Speaker 1: apology don't mean ship to me. I need to see actions,
Speaker 1: but I'm scared to even give him a chance to
Speaker 1: show himself because of the stuff he did to me.
Speaker 1: Please help well, baby girl. The fact that he calls
Speaker 1: you to talk to you and not his baby, that's
Speaker 1: a sign right there. I mean now, I do give
Speaker 1: him credit for apologizing to you, because some men can't
Speaker 1: even find it in their hearts to apologize after doing
Speaker 1: a woman wrong. You know, it's just their pride a
Speaker 1: lot of the times. But he did apologize. But after
Speaker 1: a while, apologies are like broken records, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. It's just like I'm tired of hearing it
Speaker 1: and seeing no action behind it. Yes, you do need action.
Speaker 1: But you also have to think about this. He's in jail,
Speaker 1: and we know not every man in jail, but a
Speaker 1: lot of men in jail. They get there and they
Speaker 1: don't have women in jail to talk to. They're confined.
Speaker 1: They're isolated from the outside world, from friends, from family,
Speaker 1: from bitches and holes, you know, from girls and all that.
Speaker 1: Ship and so the people that they depend on. It's
Speaker 1: easy to depend on you, guys, because you are the
Speaker 1: only ones giving them attention. So it's easy to jail
Speaker 1: talk me out of my panties. It's easy to tell
Speaker 1: me what you're gonna do when you get home, and
Speaker 1: all the changes that you're gonna make when you're home
Speaker 1: and all that. And then when you get home, I'll
Speaker 1: give you a chance, and you still do the same ship. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't know him, I don't know his past, I
Speaker 1: don't know his pattern. Is this something that happens all
Speaker 1: the time, Because you just answered your own question. If so,
Speaker 1: you don't fall for ship like this just because a
Speaker 1: man is telling you this ship repeatedly every day on
Speaker 1: the phone, because he's in jail. This is what he's
Speaker 1: going to do. But he didn't even ask to talk
Speaker 1: to his baby. Before he hung up. He didn't say,
Speaker 1: let me speak to her, let me hear her voice.
Speaker 1: But he told you he's going to be a better father.
Speaker 1: Well listen. That's how you can start. Call and speak
Speaker 1: to her. Call and talk to her. Call and ask
Speaker 1: her how her day has been. Call and ask her
Speaker 1: her favorite color. Caller explained to her that you're not there,
Speaker 1: but you're going to be there. That's how you can
Speaker 1: start by being a good father. Because you physically can't
Speaker 1: reach out and touch her, Sir, you physically can't put
Speaker 1: her to bed. You physically can't be there to hug
Speaker 1: her in the morning when she wakes up, So you
Speaker 1: can start by verbally doing these things, always telling her
Speaker 1: how beautiful she is, how how much you love her.
Speaker 1: But no, you call and beg and plead your case
Speaker 1: to her mother. Sweetheart, I think you should tell him
Speaker 1: these things. You should voice how you feel about him
Speaker 1: being a good father right now, doing as much as
Speaker 1: he can do with what he has. If your heart
Speaker 1: is in it, I wouldn't tell you to give up,
Speaker 1: but I would tell you, even when he gets home,
Speaker 1: make his ass work to show you that's where he
Speaker 1: really wants to be that he is sorry for the
Speaker 1: abuse in the past. Now, you didn't specify the type
Speaker 1: of abuse. You didn't say whether it's emotional, physical, verbal.
Speaker 1: You didn't say that it could be all three, it
Speaker 1: could be just one. But whatever abuse it is, none
Speaker 1: is worse than the other. Abuse is abuse, And I
Speaker 1: feel that you should still pace yourself even when he
Speaker 1: gets home if you still feel like you want to,
Speaker 1: but it's that's something holding you back. Listen to that
Speaker 1: something and make him work to be in your life. Intimately,
Speaker 1: he has to be a father to his daughter, and
Speaker 1: if you feel that he's not a danger to her,
Speaker 1: then that's all you guys. Can focus on him being
Speaker 1: a dad first before he's a man to you. Okay,
Speaker 1: moving on to the last one. You'll really are giving
Speaker 1: me some ship to work with today. Okay, I'm still
Speaker 1: not even over the races, dude. I'm I'm so piste
Speaker 1: off with this ship, but I'm I'm gonna keep my
Speaker 1: cool because it's about just fixing the mess, not making
Speaker 1: ship messy. Earth mhmm. All right, hey, Jess, I'm going
Speaker 1: to try to keep this short. My X and I
Speaker 1: dated for about four years and now have been broken up.
Speaker 1: For about a year going towards the end of the month.
Speaker 1: My question is should I be triggered by her actions
Speaker 1: over the last year. She is now engaged and was
Speaker 1: proposed to four months after we broke up. I'm glad
Speaker 1: that she is happy and has found the person that
Speaker 1: wants to spend the rest of his life with her,
Speaker 1: but things just aren't adding up. My female best friends
Speaker 1: were lurking on her page after I told them not
Speaker 1: to tell me anything and found out that her new
Speaker 1: man said something along the lines of I've loved this
Speaker 1: woman for the past seven years, and she replied, I've
Speaker 1: been in love with you just as long. Mind you.
Speaker 1: We dated for four of those years, and she's never
Speaker 1: mentioned this guy at all. Mind you. She's still trying
Speaker 1: to act all friendly with my family and sister to
Speaker 1: this day, and my sister even asked her before we
Speaker 1: broke up if there was another man. She said, no,
Speaker 1: should I feel betrayed. Let me tell you what you
Speaker 1: should feel, sweetie. You should be happy. You should feel relieved.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you that's what you should feel. You
Speaker 1: should feel like there was a weight lifted from your shoulders.
Speaker 1: You should feel like the luckiest man in the world
Speaker 1: that you did not have to experience finding out that
Speaker 1: she was in love with somebody else while you were
Speaker 1: with her. You should be jumping for fucking joy because
Speaker 1: there is a woman out there waiting for you that
Speaker 1: you now won't miss the chance to be with because
Speaker 1: you're not with this girl anymore. Because you felt she
Speaker 1: was for you, but she did not feel the same.
Speaker 1: You are a space filler until she got the courage
Speaker 1: to leave you to go be with the person that
Speaker 1: she really wanted to be with. Now. She didn't want
Speaker 1: to hurt you. That's why she's still being so cool
Speaker 1: with your family, and she probably still don't hate you.
Speaker 1: She don't want you to hurt. She never wanted you
Speaker 1: to hurt, but she was just not in love with you.
Speaker 1: You weren't her person. I'm happy for her, but I'm
Speaker 1: even happier for your ass because there is somebody out
Speaker 1: here waiting for you. You're a good guy. Obviously you
Speaker 1: bet not be no day and push over, but you
Speaker 1: are a good guy and you are the prize. I
Speaker 1: want you to know that, King, you are the fucking prize.
Speaker 1: Think about how you would have felt if you would
Speaker 1: have found out she was cheating on you. Think about
Speaker 1: that because in this situation, you were the other guy.
Speaker 1: It seems like he was. But they have been secret
Speaker 1: lovers for seven years. You were dating her for four
Speaker 1: of those years, so that means that they were just
Speaker 1: working through some problems maybe, and you were just a
Speaker 1: rebound or someone that was occupying the time and loving
Speaker 1: her and whatever else you were doing for her until
Speaker 1: they got their shipped together. Now that their ship is together,
Speaker 1: they're happily married. You shouldn't worry about that ship. And
Speaker 1: it's easier said than done. But trust me, you are
Speaker 1: doing yourself a disservice, still trying to investigate the past,
Speaker 1: trying to investigate, and they're sleeping together at night, happy
Speaker 1: that neither one of them have to lie anymore to
Speaker 1: another person. I think your female best friends and your
Speaker 1: sisters they should also cut ties. I think your family,
Speaker 1: all of them, they should cut ties because that's not
Speaker 1: doing anything but raising more suspicion and more anguish for you,
Speaker 1: and it's keeping you stuck in the past or you
Speaker 1: can't move forward amicably, and you should be able to. No,
Speaker 1: you should not feel betrayed, babe. Not now. The only
Speaker 1: time you would feel betrayed is if you were still
Speaker 1: with her, it's okay because you dodged the motherfucking bullet.
Speaker 1: And just like that, I'm going to end this episode
Speaker 1: on that note. Y'all tune in each and every Wednesday
Speaker 1: at seven am to carefully reckless shout out to The
Speaker 1: Black Effect, shout out to I Heart Media, and also
Speaker 1: shout out to Reckless Discussions primiering tonight episode. Make sure
Speaker 1: you catch it, listen and love it, and in my
Speaker 1: deepest Pam voice, mmmmmm, I can't believe ark. This is
Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.