1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,119 Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: and the Black Effect, And just like that, we're back 3 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:18,239 Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless 4 00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:20,279 Speaker 1: episode with your girl. Just hilarious and y'all know what 5 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,880 Speaker 1: time it is. Just fix my mess Now. It seems 6 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 1: like carefully Reckless has turned into therapy and I love 7 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: doing it. I love Tony, I love hearing about y'all 8 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 1: reckless situations and how careful y'all are being, and how 9 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 1: reckless some of y'all are being, and how to goddamn 10 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,560 Speaker 1: careful y'all being. But that's not gonna stop me from 11 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,959 Speaker 1: helping you guys where I feel I can. So we're 12 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,600 Speaker 1: gonna jump right into it. These were sent to the 13 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,080 Speaker 1: Carefully Reckless d M. By the way, where you can 14 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 1: submit yours if you need Jes to fix your mess 15 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 1: or to help fix your mess. We're gonna start with 16 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 1: this young lady, just please fix my mess. I am 17 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: African American and I'm dating a Callcasian man l Mayo. 18 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: Look she she laughed after that, because she probably thought 19 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,479 Speaker 1: I was gonna laugh. No, keep on. We've been dating 20 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 1: for almost seven years now. I've never really had to 21 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: worry about any racism until now. My first encounter was 22 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: when I had to move into his cousin's house with 23 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: him because my mom kicked me out. I wanted to 24 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,039 Speaker 1: invite my brother over to hang out, but it never happened. 25 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,040 Speaker 1: Didn't think anything of it until my boyfriend told me why. 26 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 1: He said his cousin said he didn't want my brother 27 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,120 Speaker 1: coming over because he doesn't want him to steal anything. 28 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 1: My brother is an amazing black man. He would never 29 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 1: do something even close to that ship piss me off. 30 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: But whatever, I'm going to stop right now to tell 31 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: you that's your first mistake brushing that ship off. I'm 32 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: gonna continue. Then, me and his brother got into an 33 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 1: argument one day in front of their friends about him 34 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 1: not being able to say the N word if it's 35 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 1: in a song. My boyfriend and I moved next door 36 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: to his brother didn't have anywhere else to go. We 37 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 1: were all having a get together. Friends were in our 38 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 1: backyard and the brother was in his yard. My boyfriend 39 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: mentioned that he wanted to watch a basketball game. His 40 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 1: brother said to bring a TV outside. I was like, 41 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 1: who's TV? Not mine? Too much going on over there? 42 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 1: His brother said, well, ain't that what they do in 43 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,119 Speaker 1: the hood. I said, I don't know. I've never been. 44 00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: He responded and said, well, your hair looks like you've 45 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:24,919 Speaker 1: been in the hood. I had foe locks in my hair. 46 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 1: He said this in front of everyone, and no one 47 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 1: said anything. They might have even laughed as well. I 48 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: told my boyfriend and he said his brother was just 49 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:35,240 Speaker 1: joking and brushed it off like he always does. He's 50 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: made several little comments like that, always says something about 51 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,800 Speaker 1: my hair or just me being black in general. What 52 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,239 Speaker 1: should I do at the end of the day. That's 53 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,920 Speaker 1: his family and they aren't going anywhere. We have a 54 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: daughter together as well, which makes it worse. Well, ain't 55 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: that about a black bitch? Because now he has a 56 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 1: niece that is also black and white. She's by racial 57 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 1: but you can't take away from her being black, which 58 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 1: is something that the brother clearly dislikes or hates. Now, 59 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,680 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you where you went wrong. I'm not 60 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 1: blaming you for this whole situation, but this kind of 61 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: has me. I rate alright, sweetheart. Earlier in your story, 62 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: you said you brushed something off right, the comment about 63 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 1: your brother not being able to come over to their 64 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: house because he didn't want him to steal anything. He 65 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,600 Speaker 1: already stereotyped your brother. I don't know if you thought 66 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 1: that deep into it or you just brushed it off 67 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: because you love his brother so much. But baby, you 68 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: chose him over your brother. Subconsciously, you did that. That's 69 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: something that should have never rolled off your back. I 70 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 1: don't give a funk if you had to stay in 71 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 1: their house or not. If you did that just to 72 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: keep a roof over your head, that ain't the roof 73 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: I would want to be living under. I would live 74 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: outside before I live with a racist piece of ship. 75 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 1: I'm telling you that who you are is more powerful 76 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 1: then who the funk you're with. I don't like that 77 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 1: your skin color is a threat to them. Your brother 78 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 1: was a threat to them, not because he thought he 79 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 1: was still something. But these people are intimidated by us, 80 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,640 Speaker 1: to say the least over anything that we do. Now, 81 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 1: you didn't tell me much about your boyfriend, because the 82 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,280 Speaker 1: brother seems to be the problem here. But your boyfriend 83 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 1: is the fucking problem if he don't check his brother. 84 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 1: But that's his family. What he likes his brother may 85 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,920 Speaker 1: not like, but he still needs to demand respect from 86 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: his brother. You now have a child with him, and 87 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: I bet you, before you even got pregnant, you were 88 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 1: experiencing racism. You said you didn't experience it until now. No, no, no, 89 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: Maybe you weren't paying enough attention, or maybe you were 90 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,040 Speaker 1: just turning a blind eye to it. You were ignoring 91 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 1: it purposely because you were so in love with whoever 92 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:54,039 Speaker 1: the funk your boyfriend is. Now, I may seem like 93 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: I'm coming at you and your man, and respectfully, baby, 94 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 1: I am. We can't change the way his brother feels. 95 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,719 Speaker 1: We probably can't even change how you feel about your man. 96 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: But you cannot be okay with abuse, verbally, mentally, racially, whatever. 97 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: You cannot ever be okay with that because you want 98 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 1: something to work so badly, because now you have a baby. 99 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 1: Will he treat your baby how he treats you. You 100 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,839 Speaker 1: said you had locks in your hair, and he affiliated 101 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 1: locks with the hood. He affiliated bringing TVs outside with 102 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 1: the hood, As if white people don't have hoods, as 103 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: if white people don't live in trailer parks, as if 104 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 1: white people are all clean and ship, as if child listen, 105 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: m hm mm hmmm. Because white people can be some 106 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: of the dirtiest, most disgusting motherfucking people that walk this 107 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: earth but turn up their noses at us, they put 108 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: us down. Are you understanding really what I'm saying, sweetheart? 109 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:05,680 Speaker 1: Because your Instagram name is black Queen. Okay, now I'm 110 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,040 Speaker 1: not gonna put the exact name out there, but in 111 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 1: your Instagram name it's black Queen. Do you really think 112 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:17,160 Speaker 1: that of yourself? Because if you don't, no one else will. 113 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,719 Speaker 1: And I'm gonna tell you what I mean by this. 114 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 1: The moment you believe that you are a black queen, 115 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,680 Speaker 1: you start treating yourself that way, you start carrying yourself 116 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:31,040 Speaker 1: that way, and motherfucker's will know that ship speaks for itself. 117 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 1: You're a black queen and you know it. You wear 118 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:37,479 Speaker 1: it outside and in. So if you were wearing that 119 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:41,000 Speaker 1: ship the whole time, even while you were living in 120 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 1: your boyfriend's brother's house or even being around them and 121 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,839 Speaker 1: ship like that, I guarantee you he wouldn't hate you 122 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:51,279 Speaker 1: to your face. He would not show that ship to 123 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:54,359 Speaker 1: your face. You were too timid, you let that ship happen, 124 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,279 Speaker 1: which is why he kept running with that ship. And 125 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 1: the brother is so fucking weak, Your boyfriend so fucking weak, 126 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 1: he don't even know he got a black queen. He 127 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 1: does not, or he would never let his brother even 128 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:10,160 Speaker 1: fix his little white tight ass. No lip have an 129 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 1: ass mouth to say anything like that to you. Yes 130 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,560 Speaker 1: you need to fucking leave, Yes you do. And I 131 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: don't even really be telling people that you need to leave. 132 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 1: And you need to get your daughter out of that 133 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 1: ship or she will be treated the way you were treated. 134 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,960 Speaker 1: But it's gonna hurt her even worse because this is 135 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: going to happen as a child. She's a child. I 136 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 1: wouldn't trust them bitches around my baby. I wouldn't even 137 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 1: trust them to be alone with her by herself. She 138 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 1: would not be able to go over her uncle's house, 139 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 1: or her grandparents house or not, none of the motherfucker's 140 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 1: on his side. She, my baby, would not be able 141 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 1: to be around any of them, none of them prejudice 142 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: pieces of ship, I promise you. So that story had 143 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 1: me a little all right, But you need to put 144 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: yourself first. You ain't your baby for or your baby. 145 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 1: That's all I'm gonna saying. Mhm m hmm. Moving on, 146 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 1: This is a short one. Hey, jas Me and this 147 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,080 Speaker 1: guy broke up and he said he's trying to get 148 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 1: himself together, but since then we've been distant and don't 149 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 1: really talk or see each other no more. But I 150 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 1: don't feel like it's another female. But I don't know 151 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: if I should just leave it alone or just have patience. Well, 152 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a nice piece of advice. 153 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: And this is not even only pertaining to your situation. 154 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: This is pertaining to people period. Sometimes people do have 155 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,520 Speaker 1: to get themselves together because a lot of people getting 156 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,559 Speaker 1: relationships and don't even really have theirselves together. People getting 157 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 1: relationships and and they have things that they need to 158 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,480 Speaker 1: work on so they can understand themselves better so they 159 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 1: can know what they want. A lot of people getting 160 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: relationships and don't even know what they want. How you 161 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 1: going to know what another person wants and even be 162 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: able to give it to them if you don't even 163 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 1: know what you require? You know, so, I wouldn't ignore 164 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 1: the fact that he said he wants to get himself together. 165 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:03,080 Speaker 1: He could be doing that. It could be another female, 166 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:05,680 Speaker 1: it could not be we don't know. And the fact 167 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,840 Speaker 1: that you said that you don't think it is. We're 168 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:11,440 Speaker 1: just going to x that out completely because I don't 169 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 1: know him. You know him, and you know him better 170 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 1: than we do you know? And I say we me 171 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: and the carefully reckless listeners. We don't know him like 172 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 1: you know him. So I'm going to take your word 173 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:23,680 Speaker 1: that there is not another female. How was he acting 174 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 1: when you guys were together? What led up to the breakup? 175 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 1: What did he say? You know what I mean? Was 176 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 1: he acting weird? Now, I'm sorry, weird is not the 177 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: not not a good word to use. I have to 178 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: be careful when I'm using that word, because just because 179 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 1: something is unusual doesn't mean it's weird. So was he 180 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: acting unusual? Was it kind of abrupt? Was things going on? 181 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,959 Speaker 1: Did he seemed bothered at times? Did he seemed down? 182 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,319 Speaker 1: Did he seemed you know, you have to study a person. 183 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: If you're going to be with them, you have to 184 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,319 Speaker 1: get to know them. I just need to be able 185 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 1: to know what you saw. It's good to have patience 186 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: with everything, but it's still is always good for you 187 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:02,280 Speaker 1: to take care of yourself and do what's right for 188 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 1: you and do what's best for you, because if you're 189 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 1: ready for love and he's not, if you didn't do 190 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 1: anything to help him make that decision of not being 191 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,360 Speaker 1: with you anymore or taking some time off of the 192 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 1: relationship to get itself together. Then I think you should 193 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 1: move forward. He'll come back if that is what he wants. 194 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: Maybe your relationship is not going to be what he 195 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 1: wants for another three years. Do you then wait for him? No, 196 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 1: you have to put yourself first, baby girl, always, always 197 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:37,480 Speaker 1: and forever. Put yourself first because it's the right thing. 198 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:41,320 Speaker 1: It's good for your mental Maybe he just wasn't mentally stable. 199 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: I do think you should check in on him every 200 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: now and then, not even trying to get with him 201 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,280 Speaker 1: or not even you know, trying to see him or whatever. 202 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:53,800 Speaker 1: Just extend an ear, Just extend a hello, just extend 203 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 1: a greeting. Just hey, how are you. I know, last 204 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,720 Speaker 1: time we left off you said you were trying to 205 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,520 Speaker 1: get yourself together or whatever. Are you okay or I'm 206 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 1: not saying this to get back with you. I'm just 207 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 1: checking in on a friend. Address him as friend, and 208 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 1: depending on how he reacts to that, you'll know if 209 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 1: he just didn't want you and want somebody else, or 210 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,119 Speaker 1: if he really just needs a friend and not a girlfriend, 211 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: because sometimes that's the case as well. But I trust 212 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,880 Speaker 1: that you would make a good decision with that. Hold up, 213 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: Hold up, I know the ship getting good, but listen 214 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 1: to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If 215 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 1: you love me, you'll listen. Moving on to the next one. Hey, jass, 216 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 1: So my baby father is in jail and he recently called, 217 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 1: not to talk to you, his daughter, but to talk 218 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 1: to me. He was saying how he appreciates me and 219 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 1: all I did for him when things were good, and 220 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,880 Speaker 1: how he's going to be a better father. He was 221 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 1: sorry for the abuse and everything I told him. His 222 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,600 Speaker 1: apology don't mean ship to me. I need to see actions, 223 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: but I'm scared to even give him a chance to 224 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,400 Speaker 1: show himself because of the stuff he did to me. 225 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:59,560 Speaker 1: Please help well, baby girl. The fact that he calls 226 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 1: you to talk to you and not his baby, that's 227 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 1: a sign right there. I mean now, I do give 228 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,400 Speaker 1: him credit for apologizing to you, because some men can't 229 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 1: even find it in their hearts to apologize after doing 230 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: a woman wrong. You know, it's just their pride a 231 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,840 Speaker 1: lot of the times. But he did apologize. But after 232 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 1: a while, apologies are like broken records, you know what 233 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 1: I'm saying. It's just like I'm tired of hearing it 234 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 1: and seeing no action behind it. Yes, you do need action. 235 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,040 Speaker 1: But you also have to think about this. He's in jail, 236 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,080 Speaker 1: and we know not every man in jail, but a 237 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 1: lot of men in jail. They get there and they 238 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,959 Speaker 1: don't have women in jail to talk to. They're confined. 239 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,520 Speaker 1: They're isolated from the outside world, from friends, from family, 240 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: from bitches and holes, you know, from girls and all that. 241 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:49,120 Speaker 1: Ship and so the people that they depend on. It's 242 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 1: easy to depend on you, guys, because you are the 243 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 1: only ones giving them attention. So it's easy to jail 244 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 1: talk me out of my panties. It's easy to tell 245 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 1: me what you're gonna do when you get home, and 246 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 1: all the changes that you're gonna make when you're home 247 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,679 Speaker 1: and all that. And then when you get home, I'll 248 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 1: give you a chance, and you still do the same ship. Now, 249 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,360 Speaker 1: I don't know him, I don't know his past, I 250 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,360 Speaker 1: don't know his pattern. Is this something that happens all 251 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,760 Speaker 1: the time, Because you just answered your own question. If so, 252 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,480 Speaker 1: you don't fall for ship like this just because a 253 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: man is telling you this ship repeatedly every day on 254 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 1: the phone, because he's in jail. This is what he's 255 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 1: going to do. But he didn't even ask to talk 256 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:32,079 Speaker 1: to his baby. Before he hung up. He didn't say, 257 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 1: let me speak to her, let me hear her voice. 258 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 1: But he told you he's going to be a better father. 259 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: Well listen. That's how you can start. Call and speak 260 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 1: to her. Call and talk to her. Call and ask 261 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,439 Speaker 1: her how her day has been. Call and ask her 262 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:48,440 Speaker 1: her favorite color. Caller explained to her that you're not there, 263 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,960 Speaker 1: but you're going to be there. That's how you can 264 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,959 Speaker 1: start by being a good father. Because you physically can't 265 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,200 Speaker 1: reach out and touch her, Sir, you physically can't put 266 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,280 Speaker 1: her to bed. You physically can't be there to hug 267 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 1: her in the morning when she wakes up, So you 268 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 1: can start by verbally doing these things, always telling her 269 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,679 Speaker 1: how beautiful she is, how how much you love her. 270 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,840 Speaker 1: But no, you call and beg and plead your case 271 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 1: to her mother. Sweetheart, I think you should tell him 272 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,560 Speaker 1: these things. You should voice how you feel about him 273 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 1: being a good father right now, doing as much as 274 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:30,440 Speaker 1: he can do with what he has. If your heart 275 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 1: is in it, I wouldn't tell you to give up, 276 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 1: but I would tell you, even when he gets home, 277 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 1: make his ass work to show you that's where he 278 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,080 Speaker 1: really wants to be that he is sorry for the 279 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 1: abuse in the past. Now, you didn't specify the type 280 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 1: of abuse. You didn't say whether it's emotional, physical, verbal. 281 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,080 Speaker 1: You didn't say that it could be all three, it 282 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 1: could be just one. But whatever abuse it is, none 283 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:56,000 Speaker 1: is worse than the other. Abuse is abuse, And I 284 00:14:56,040 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 1: feel that you should still pace yourself even when he 285 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 1: gets home if you still feel like you want to, 286 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 1: but it's that's something holding you back. Listen to that 287 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 1: something and make him work to be in your life. Intimately, 288 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 1: he has to be a father to his daughter, and 289 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 1: if you feel that he's not a danger to her, 290 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: then that's all you guys. Can focus on him being 291 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: a dad first before he's a man to you. Okay, 292 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 1: moving on to the last one. You'll really are giving 293 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 1: me some ship to work with today. Okay, I'm still 294 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,560 Speaker 1: not even over the races, dude. I'm I'm so piste 295 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: off with this ship, but I'm I'm gonna keep my 296 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: cool because it's about just fixing the mess, not making 297 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 1: ship messy. Earth mhmm. All right, hey, Jess, I'm going 298 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 1: to try to keep this short. My X and I 299 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 1: dated for about four years and now have been broken up. 300 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 1: For about a year going towards the end of the month. 301 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 1: My question is should I be triggered by her actions 302 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: over the last year. She is now engaged and was 303 00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 1: proposed to four months after we broke up. I'm glad 304 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 1: that she is happy and has found the person that 305 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 1: wants to spend the rest of his life with her, 306 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 1: but things just aren't adding up. My female best friends 307 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 1: were lurking on her page after I told them not 308 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,440 Speaker 1: to tell me anything and found out that her new 309 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: man said something along the lines of I've loved this 310 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: woman for the past seven years, and she replied, I've 311 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: been in love with you just as long. Mind you. 312 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,920 Speaker 1: We dated for four of those years, and she's never 313 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,600 Speaker 1: mentioned this guy at all. Mind you. She's still trying 314 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,560 Speaker 1: to act all friendly with my family and sister to 315 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 1: this day, and my sister even asked her before we 316 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: broke up if there was another man. She said, no, 317 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 1: should I feel betrayed. Let me tell you what you 318 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: should feel, sweetie. You should be happy. You should feel relieved. 319 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you that's what you should feel. You 320 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 1: should feel like there was a weight lifted from your shoulders. 321 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,560 Speaker 1: You should feel like the luckiest man in the world 322 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,480 Speaker 1: that you did not have to experience finding out that 323 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 1: she was in love with somebody else while you were 324 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,680 Speaker 1: with her. You should be jumping for fucking joy because 325 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 1: there is a woman out there waiting for you that 326 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 1: you now won't miss the chance to be with because 327 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 1: you're not with this girl anymore. Because you felt she 328 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 1: was for you, but she did not feel the same. 329 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:23,440 Speaker 1: You are a space filler until she got the courage 330 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,480 Speaker 1: to leave you to go be with the person that 331 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:29,760 Speaker 1: she really wanted to be with. Now. She didn't want 332 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,320 Speaker 1: to hurt you. That's why she's still being so cool 333 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:37,200 Speaker 1: with your family, and she probably still don't hate you. 334 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,919 Speaker 1: She don't want you to hurt. She never wanted you 335 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,120 Speaker 1: to hurt, but she was just not in love with you. 336 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:46,040 Speaker 1: You weren't her person. I'm happy for her, but I'm 337 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:50,400 Speaker 1: even happier for your ass because there is somebody out 338 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 1: here waiting for you. You're a good guy. Obviously you 339 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,920 Speaker 1: bet not be no day and push over, but you 340 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 1: are a good guy and you are the prize. I 341 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,320 Speaker 1: want you to know that, King, you are the fucking prize. 342 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,080 Speaker 1: Think about how you would have felt if you would 343 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:08,000 Speaker 1: have found out she was cheating on you. Think about 344 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 1: that because in this situation, you were the other guy. 345 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,960 Speaker 1: It seems like he was. But they have been secret 346 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 1: lovers for seven years. You were dating her for four 347 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,919 Speaker 1: of those years, so that means that they were just 348 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 1: working through some problems maybe, and you were just a 349 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:29,000 Speaker 1: rebound or someone that was occupying the time and loving 350 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:32,359 Speaker 1: her and whatever else you were doing for her until 351 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 1: they got their shipped together. Now that their ship is together, 352 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:39,080 Speaker 1: they're happily married. You shouldn't worry about that ship. And 353 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,959 Speaker 1: it's easier said than done. But trust me, you are 354 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:46,439 Speaker 1: doing yourself a disservice, still trying to investigate the past, 355 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:51,000 Speaker 1: trying to investigate, and they're sleeping together at night, happy 356 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 1: that neither one of them have to lie anymore to 357 00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:58,359 Speaker 1: another person. I think your female best friends and your 358 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 1: sisters they should also cut ties. I think your family, 359 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,320 Speaker 1: all of them, they should cut ties because that's not 360 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:10,040 Speaker 1: doing anything but raising more suspicion and more anguish for you, 361 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,399 Speaker 1: and it's keeping you stuck in the past or you 362 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:17,240 Speaker 1: can't move forward amicably, and you should be able to. No, 363 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: you should not feel betrayed, babe. Not now. The only 364 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,120 Speaker 1: time you would feel betrayed is if you were still 365 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 1: with her, it's okay because you dodged the motherfucking bullet. 366 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 1: And just like that, I'm going to end this episode 367 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:33,040 Speaker 1: on that note. Y'all tune in each and every Wednesday 368 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: at seven am to carefully reckless shout out to The 369 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,200 Speaker 1: Black Effect, shout out to I Heart Media, and also 370 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:43,360 Speaker 1: shout out to Reckless Discussions primiering tonight episode. Make sure 371 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,760 Speaker 1: you catch it, listen and love it, and in my 372 00:19:45,840 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 1: deepest Pam voice, mmmmmm, I can't believe ark. This is 373 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. 374 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,879 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I 375 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,480 Speaker 1: Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 376 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.