WEBVTT - I Choose...To Watch It All Come Together with Tamron Hall

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about

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<v Speaker 1>the choices we make and where they lead us. My

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<v Speaker 1>guest today is a two time Emmy Award winning television

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<v Speaker 1>host and executive producer of her syndicated talk show that

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<v Speaker 1>is now in its sixth season Wooo. She's a veteran

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<v Speaker 1>journalist and best selling author, and she's got a new

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<v Speaker 1>book out that I just love the message of. I

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<v Speaker 1>can't wait to talk about it. Please welcome Tameron Hall

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<v Speaker 1>to the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, so good to see you.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so good to see you. Oh my gosh. I

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<v Speaker 1>had the best time on your show.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like a week ago.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for dedicating a

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<v Speaker 1>whole episode to the idea of I Choose Me.

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<v Speaker 2>What. I was so tickled, tickled love you know what,

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<v Speaker 2>because I think it's such a great. First of all,

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't know the exact episode. Kudos to my team

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<v Speaker 2>for finding the episode, but I think it is. It

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<v Speaker 2>transcends age race, It transcends where you are in your

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<v Speaker 2>life because at some point that question of choosing me

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<v Speaker 2>and what does that feel like? I just thought it

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<v Speaker 2>was so perfect, So thank you. It was. It was wonderful.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you for mine. You get a producer's credit, Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>thank you so much.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll take it. But since we talked so much about

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<v Speaker 1>me last time on your show, today, I choose to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about you, Tameron Hall, than thank you. Can you

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<v Speaker 1>take me back to the beginning. I want to know

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<v Speaker 1>what you were like when you were a little girl,

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<v Speaker 1>and what kind of home you grew up in. These

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<v Speaker 1>are the things that I'm curious about.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh well, you know, I think my mother would describe

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<v Speaker 2>me as a very interesting child, especially because he was

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<v Speaker 2>a single, nineteen year old mother of one. My mom

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<v Speaker 2>was in college when she got pregnant, and she's from

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<v Speaker 2>a very very small town called Luling, Texas. It's a

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<v Speaker 2>hill country right outside of Austin. We got the best

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<v Speaker 2>rivers and the best barbecue were the best test and

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<v Speaker 2>she came home, I would imagine, and we had not

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<v Speaker 2>talked a lot about it, but I'm sure that you know,

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<v Speaker 2>you're nineteen and you come home and you're pregnant. There's

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of stigma attached to that. There's a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of shame. My mother's mother passed away when she was

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<v Speaker 2>ten and so my mom was ten years all the time.

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<v Speaker 2>So her primary parent was her father, like this giant

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<v Speaker 2>of a person in our lives, but was shouldering a lot,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, raising any little girl by himself and her sisters.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, she comes home from college and she's pregnant,

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<v Speaker 2>and the relationship with my biological father was not one

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<v Speaker 2>that was a stable one for her. And my grandfather,

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<v Speaker 2>who's a very was a very strong person, said you

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<v Speaker 2>know what, we're gonna raise her here and we're gonna,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, give her the best life possible and was

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<v Speaker 2>very supportive. I was the only child born in the

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<v Speaker 2>hospital in the entire town that day. Oh, I know.

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<v Speaker 2>My mother talks about the friends of hers who they

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<v Speaker 2>all kind of lined up to go to see. Like

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<v Speaker 2>I make the joke, and it's true. My mother's name

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<v Speaker 2>happens to be Mary. They did not name me Jesus

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<v Speaker 2>for their arrival, had all the three wise men's coming,

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<v Speaker 2>and my mom talks about everyone showing up uh to

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<v Speaker 2>see me as a kid. So I uh was born

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<v Speaker 2>in this circumstance that could have been one of great

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<v Speaker 2>shame for her, and I'm sure she debated it, but

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<v Speaker 2>it turned into one where instantly she had this great

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<v Speaker 2>support system of people around her, including her father, and

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<v Speaker 2>I was the beneficiary of that. And at some point

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<v Speaker 2>my mother decided that she wanted something bigger than this

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<v Speaker 2>small town life that she was living. And it wasn't

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<v Speaker 2>a negative, but like so many of us choosing themselves,

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<v Speaker 2>she chose herself. And by choosing herself, she gave me

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<v Speaker 2>the best opportunity she felt, which was leaving our small town.

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<v Speaker 2>And so I grew up with my mom and a

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<v Speaker 2>great group of aunts and uncles. You know, my mother

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<v Speaker 2>would work a couple of jobs because she went back

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<v Speaker 2>to school to get her degree, and she work a

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<v Speaker 2>couple of jobs to support me, and this aunt would

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<v Speaker 2>pick me up on Wednesdays, this uncle would take us fishing,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, so it.

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<v Speaker 1>Was just this It's really cool.

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<v Speaker 2>It was very, very very cool childhood. In the process,

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<v Speaker 2>my mother says that she noticed that, you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>was out going around my family members, but very different

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<v Speaker 2>out in the world. I was a lot shyer kid.

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<v Speaker 2>I was an only child, and so all of the

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<v Speaker 2>kids in my neighborhood had siblings, so I was a target.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, just how kids work, right, you know, you're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna they're gonna find your weakness. And my weakness was

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<v Speaker 2>I was the only child, and so now I'm up

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<v Speaker 2>against big groups of siblings and you know, and all

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<v Speaker 2>these things. And so my mom got me in sports.

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<v Speaker 2>I ran track, you know. I I played volleyball. I

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<v Speaker 2>did all these things as my mom was trying to

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<v Speaker 2>build my confidence. I played the clarinet. You know you

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<v Speaker 2>name it.

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<v Speaker 1>She's hey, hey, I played the clarinet.

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<v Speaker 2>What chair were you? I was chair one man?

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, right here.

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<v Speaker 2>It was okay, let's stay on the road, Cardigian, let

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<v Speaker 2>me get Carnigie.

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<v Speaker 1>My favorite part of playing the clarinet was the read.

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<v Speaker 1>You had to soak the read. I thought I was

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<v Speaker 1>so cool soak the read.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, that's smell. So that's the best. My mom

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<v Speaker 2>was always putting me in things for the very thing

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<v Speaker 2>that just happened, Like putting me in music was a

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<v Speaker 2>connecting force. So the reason and that my mom put

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<v Speaker 2>me in band was for the same reason. We just connected.

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<v Speaker 2>Because music is a connecting thing, you know, it brings

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<v Speaker 2>me together. So she thought, I guess it'd make me

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<v Speaker 2>a popular kid or get some friends. She was right, Well,

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<v Speaker 2>she was right I'm friends with you. Now we're going

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<v Speaker 2>to go to my mom. But she kept trying to

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<v Speaker 2>bring this personality out that I showed with my cousins,

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<v Speaker 2>and I was always really good around adults. Was in

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<v Speaker 2>fact my nickname was not necessarily because I was very precocious.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, my cousins. When there was a dispute, I

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<v Speaker 2>was like the lawyer. I'm like, hey, look at let's

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<v Speaker 2>hear the side. My grandfather had a soft spot for

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<v Speaker 2>me because of what happened with my mom, and so

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<v Speaker 2>if there was something they wanted, they'd like, send me in.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like the I'm the un I'm going in making

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<v Speaker 2>deals for them. They want candy, you know what I'm doing.

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<v Speaker 2>Very confident around adults, very very safe around my families.

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<v Speaker 2>But in the world behaviorally, I showed up different, and

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<v Speaker 2>so my mother really made sure that I had this

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<v Speaker 2>community of support. She really wanted to always make sure

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<v Speaker 2>that I could show up as this confident kid, and

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<v Speaker 2>that's really the start of what I do now for

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<v Speaker 2>a living. We would do little talent shows I couldn't sing,

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<v Speaker 2>I couldn't dance, and birthday parties. You know, they do

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<v Speaker 2>like this little in the South, they have talent shows.

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<v Speaker 2>Every birthday has a talent show. Like here in New York,

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<v Speaker 2>every birthday ends with a pizza, you know. When I'm

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<v Speaker 2>in the South, we have these big birthday parties in

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<v Speaker 2>the backyard or at a park or at a zoo,

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<v Speaker 2>and then inevitably someone's like, let's do a talent show.

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<v Speaker 2>I couldn't sing a dance, but I was a talker,

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<v Speaker 2>and so I would be like the MC you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I'd get up and say, next up, it's Jenny and

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<v Speaker 2>the Jeanettes hit it. You know, Oh my gosh, person

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<v Speaker 2>in the middle facilitating all of the talent that was

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<v Speaker 2>around me again, hint, hint, kind of what I do now.

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<v Speaker 2>And that was, you know, the road and I started

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<v Speaker 2>out on and I was very fortunate that around the

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<v Speaker 2>age of nine, my mother fell in love with the

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<v Speaker 2>person who was the data got meant for me to

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<v Speaker 2>have my stepfather and who I referred to as my father.

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<v Speaker 2>And he is that and was that until the day

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<v Speaker 2>he left this planet. And he too, going back to

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<v Speaker 2>the mantra of choosing you, and I was, I don't know,

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<v Speaker 2>messing up in high school. And I remember because in

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<v Speaker 2>middle school and not doing what I was supposed to.

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<v Speaker 2>And he pointed to the TV and he said, if

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<v Speaker 2>you get your grades it was great, that could be you.

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<v Speaker 2>And he pointed at this woman. She was anchoring the news.

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<v Speaker 2>Her name was Iola Johnson and she was the first

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<v Speaker 2>black woman to anchor the news in Dallas for worth

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<v Speaker 2>and he said, if you get your grades up, that

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<v Speaker 2>could be you. And I look up and I see

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<v Speaker 2>this woman and I'm like, what is this you're speaking of?

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<v Speaker 2>And I love a good challenge. And I then started

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<v Speaker 2>getting into writing classes. I got in, like there's a

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<v Speaker 2>group called the Jas and they did this scholarship thing,

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<v Speaker 2>and I, you know, started writing and applying and just

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<v Speaker 2>kind of doing these things to prove that woman on

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<v Speaker 2>the TV could be me. Wow.

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<v Speaker 1>So it seems like that sort of sparked that interest

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<v Speaker 1>in you of storytelling.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Absolutely, I think it was the storytelling and the

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<v Speaker 2>idea that someone thought enough of me to issue this challenge.

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<v Speaker 2>I think sometimes when people issue a challenge, particularly to

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<v Speaker 2>our children, it can be seen as a negative. But

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<v Speaker 2>I think that people issue a challenge to you because

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<v Speaker 2>they believe you can do it, and they want you

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<v Speaker 2>to say sounds something big or something that you can accomplish.

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<v Speaker 2>That's why you know my son right now, he's five

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<v Speaker 2>and we have this badge system my husband found on Amazon,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's so complicated. I let them deal with it.

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<v Speaker 2>But it's like, if you do this, you get the badge,

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<v Speaker 2>and then if you do this, give back, and then

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<v Speaker 2>if you get five badges, you get a rivet and

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<v Speaker 2>if you get a ribn you can catch. I'm like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>my head's spinning, but you just do it. I'm like, dude,

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<v Speaker 2>she's give them pizza party. But it works because my

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<v Speaker 2>son's like the other day, he walks like, because Dad,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna get that badge today, and I'm like, oh

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<v Speaker 2>my god, okay, so cute. But yeah, he cashes in

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<v Speaker 2>his badges and so often the cash in is a ribbon,

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<v Speaker 2>and then he takes the ribbon and then he goes

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<v Speaker 2>to he likes bowling, and so we're taken bowling or

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<v Speaker 2>pizza party, but boler, oh, this is the bowler, which

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, okay, we'll figure that one out. But

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<v Speaker 2>you know, it's again that idea of giving someone a

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<v Speaker 2>goal and saying without saying I think you are capable

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<v Speaker 2>and of reaching that, and that's what he did I.

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<v Speaker 1>Mean, that's the exact opposite of what a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>people here, which is you could never beat that right.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, and that's the thing. When I wrote

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<v Speaker 2>my children's book, Harlem Honey, you know, we have adjusted,

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<v Speaker 2>For example, the way we talked to kids about crying. Right,

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<v Speaker 2>there was a time people would say, big boys don't cry,

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<v Speaker 2>or you know, you want to get a right away

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<v Speaker 2>those tears in some of the language that we all

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<v Speaker 2>grew up hearing. Right, you say to a kid that's crying,

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<v Speaker 2>are your tears? There's nothing wrong. Big kids don't cry,

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<v Speaker 2>Big boys cry. And when I wrote Harlem Honey, it

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<v Speaker 2>was centered around fear. Right, how do we change the

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<v Speaker 2>way we talk about fear? We all experience it, we

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<v Speaker 2>all deal with it different levels, of course, but it's

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<v Speaker 2>an emotion that is not one that should be tied

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<v Speaker 2>to shame. And when I was creating this book, much

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<v Speaker 2>to your point about how we position things now, right,

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<v Speaker 2>my father positioned this challenge in this positive way that

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<v Speaker 2>inspired positivity. It's the same with emotions. You know, when

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<v Speaker 2>I had my son, and I'm sure you've experienced this.

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<v Speaker 2>Now we're obsessed over like ABC's I Love, I got

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<v Speaker 2>all the books of the ABC's and the color of shape.

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<v Speaker 2>And then very early on someone said, you know, social

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<v Speaker 2>emotional development is more important at this age how to count?

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, what, because I went to pre K

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<v Speaker 2>and I vividly to this stage and I'm fifty four.

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<v Speaker 2>I remember the blow up let in my Catholic school kindergarten.

0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:05.160
<v Speaker 2>I guess it was. There was mister M with a

0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:09.720
<v Speaker 2>munching mouth. I'll never forget that's him. Oh yeah, fifteen

0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:12.160
<v Speaker 2>years later, I remember mister M with a munching mouth.

0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:16.400
<v Speaker 2>And that was the focus. Right, this is nineteen seventy

0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:19.920
<v Speaker 2>at the time, seventy five, and focus is getting you,

0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:23.319
<v Speaker 2>you know, reading and academics and the testing that was

0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:25.559
<v Speaker 2>such a big part of our culture and still is.

0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:30.000
<v Speaker 2>But it was everything determines everything about you. And then

0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:35.559
<v Speaker 2>suddenly our eyes awaken through probably some painful situations that

0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.640
<v Speaker 2>we all witnessed and watched over society where kids are

0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:42.760
<v Speaker 2>bottling themselves or are pushing themselves down and bottling up

0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:46.520
<v Speaker 2>emotions and not being able to express how you feel

0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:50.079
<v Speaker 2>is detrimental to your mental health, it's detrimental to the

0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:53.800
<v Speaker 2>adult you have the capacity to become. And so for me.

0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:56.880
<v Speaker 2>That's been such a big part of my focus and

0:12:57.000 --> 0:12:59.240
<v Speaker 2>why I said, you know what, how do we talk

0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:04.240
<v Speaker 2>about as my father so wonderfully learned to talk about

0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:05.079
<v Speaker 2>goals with me.

0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:14.600
<v Speaker 1>I want to talk about your children's book more because

0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:17.640
<v Speaker 1>I read it and it's really cute and it gave

0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:21.040
<v Speaker 1>me all just good feelings. So I commend you for it.

0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:22.640
<v Speaker 1>But I want to go off of what you were

0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:26.319
<v Speaker 1>just talking about about how your father helped you. I

0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:28.680
<v Speaker 1>know you've talked about this before. You suffered a grave

0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:33.480
<v Speaker 1>tragedy in your life and it's just hard to think

0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:35.319
<v Speaker 1>of getting past that.

0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:38.719
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, no, I listen and thank you for asking about it.

0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:41.240
<v Speaker 2>By the way, and just as we talked about on

0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:43.920
<v Speaker 2>my show, Challenging Things, I was the first to tell you.

0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:48.760
<v Speaker 2>I said, I don't technically like talking about x's because

0:13:49.280 --> 0:13:52.719
<v Speaker 2>you're in your future. And I liken it too. When

0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:56.319
<v Speaker 2>you go to dinner someone suddenly start your current person

0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:58.040
<v Speaker 2>is there and they're like, oh, did you ever run

0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.319
<v Speaker 2>in a Jimmy? It's like what you know? And so

0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:03.280
<v Speaker 2>we were on the show. You were so gracious and

0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:08.040
<v Speaker 2>so wonderful in the way you talked about the evolution

0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:11.760
<v Speaker 2>of relationships and it's part in your life. As with

0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:17.520
<v Speaker 2>this conversation we are having, I feel so safe and

0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:20.520
<v Speaker 2>cared for by you, and I want to thank you

0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:25.000
<v Speaker 2>for that, because for people who were listening, what we're

0:14:25.240 --> 0:14:29.440
<v Speaker 2>talking about is the death of my sister. As I mentioned,

0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:31.800
<v Speaker 2>my stepfather became the dad I was meant to have,

0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.640
<v Speaker 2>and he had two children. My mother had two children,

0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:37.160
<v Speaker 2>and we really became like a Black Brady bunch and

0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:41.000
<v Speaker 2>was lended family. And because he was very adamant about

0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:45.680
<v Speaker 2>not seeing us as half or step or we were

0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:51.160
<v Speaker 2>a family. This is my sister and my sister, which

0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:53.520
<v Speaker 2>I'd always longed to have, right, I wanted a sister

0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:57.160
<v Speaker 2>just because I visualize us, like you know, doing girl stuff,

0:14:57.240 --> 0:14:59.400
<v Speaker 2>doing her hair and everything. And when I met her,

0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:04.240
<v Speaker 2>she was like the most beautiful and chic and just

0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:09.280
<v Speaker 2>seemed worldly, right, just you know, just was awesome, Like

0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:11.760
<v Speaker 2>she just had the right outfits on it. I remember

0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:13.600
<v Speaker 2>she was the first person she had a bottle of

0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:16.360
<v Speaker 2>perfume and it was a necklace and I just I know,

0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:22.040
<v Speaker 2>she was just like chic. At the same time, she

0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:28.200
<v Speaker 2>was a person who I would hear my father say, God,

0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:31.160
<v Speaker 2>you are better than this guy, or you should not

0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.800
<v Speaker 2>be in this relationship with this person. And I would

0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:37.120
<v Speaker 2>hear these conversations, was in my teen years, but it

0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:42.000
<v Speaker 2>was always this push pull with them, and that pushful

0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:47.760
<v Speaker 2>often surrounded the people she was keeping company with romantically,

0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:53.640
<v Speaker 2>and she would move in with us and move out,

0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:57.000
<v Speaker 2>then move out, and was always this tumult, you know,

0:15:57.080 --> 0:16:02.280
<v Speaker 2>around her relationships. And as we got old her, you know,

0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:04.880
<v Speaker 2>she would say, you know, Dad doesn't understand, and you know,

0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:07.960
<v Speaker 2>I'd love this person or that. And I was old

0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:12.240
<v Speaker 2>enough by then high school to recognize, like, these guys

0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:16.600
<v Speaker 2>are coming over and got these are not. I'm eighteen

0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:19.360
<v Speaker 2>by now I'm dating, and I can right on here.

0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:22.200
<v Speaker 2>It's not just Dad being dad, right, I could tell.

0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:26.720
<v Speaker 2>And as the years would pass, she'd come back into

0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:30.200
<v Speaker 2>our lives and disappear out of our lives. And at

0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:33.360
<v Speaker 2>some point she starts to get stable in her life

0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:36.880
<v Speaker 2>and she is in a relationship with someone and he

0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:39.200
<v Speaker 2>starts to come by our home, and you know, things

0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.640
<v Speaker 2>start to feel good finally in her life. You know,

0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:45.040
<v Speaker 2>she's bought a house and things are going great, and

0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:48.280
<v Speaker 2>I invited her to come to see me in Chicago.

0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:50.360
<v Speaker 2>By then, I'll figure I'm the big sister who is

0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:52.240
<v Speaker 2>a big deal. Now I'm the big little sister. I'm

0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:54.880
<v Speaker 2>an anchor in Chicago. Come and see me, you know.

0:16:55.560 --> 0:17:01.200
<v Speaker 2>I got a townhouse downtown near Horp. Yes. She comes

0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:04.560
<v Speaker 2>with me, and she brings the person she was seeing

0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:06.840
<v Speaker 2>in her life at the time. And I don't know

0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:10.120
<v Speaker 2>Jenny what day it was of their visit, but I'm

0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:13.560
<v Speaker 2>in my townhouse and I hear this, like just a

0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:18.520
<v Speaker 2>rumble of just sound and energy and something crashing. Now,

0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:21.280
<v Speaker 2>what's going on? And I run down to my bottom level,

0:17:21.320 --> 0:17:24.679
<v Speaker 2>which was a guest bedroom, and there was a table

0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:28.000
<v Speaker 2>that was shattered, and she was standing there and she's

0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:31.480
<v Speaker 2>kind of like clearly dazed. And he's standing there and

0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:34.000
<v Speaker 2>I know there was an altercation and I can see it,

0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:39.480
<v Speaker 2>and I instantly started yelling at him, like what get

0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:41.800
<v Speaker 2>out of my house, and I'm trying to grab the phone.

0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:44.760
<v Speaker 2>I had a phone downstairs, and there was a like

0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:48.320
<v Speaker 2>a my garage was nearby, so there was a broom

0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:51.680
<v Speaker 2>handle thing that was there, and I grabbed this room

0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:54.320
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like get out, and I'm like not hitting,

0:17:54.359 --> 0:17:56.159
<v Speaker 2>but I'm threatening, you know, to get out because I

0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:57.840
<v Speaker 2>get out right now. And I kick them out of

0:17:57.920 --> 0:18:01.040
<v Speaker 2>our house, my house. I call my d instantly, I

0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:04.159
<v Speaker 2>just like, lock the doors, call the police. And I

0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:06.280
<v Speaker 2>go to call the police, and I said, oh, I can't.

0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:08.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm tammern hall. The police are going to come to

0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:13.000
<v Speaker 2>my house and they're going to know that it be

0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:14.440
<v Speaker 2>all over the news. I's going to be all over

0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:17.560
<v Speaker 2>the news and what I can't So I don't call

0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.560
<v Speaker 2>the police. I you know, bat patch her, you know,

0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:23.440
<v Speaker 2>get her ice, and we clean up and we don't

0:18:23.440 --> 0:18:25.360
<v Speaker 2>really I don't really ask what happens because I don't

0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:29.840
<v Speaker 2>need to know because I can see. And then we

0:18:29.960 --> 0:18:35.880
<v Speaker 2>go to bed. The next morning, I come downstairs, he's

0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:40.640
<v Speaker 2>in my house. He's back in the house, and I'm

0:18:40.720 --> 0:18:44.480
<v Speaker 2>like what. And I said to her, what are you

0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:49.000
<v Speaker 2>thinking that I kick them both out? She's visiting. They're visiting,

0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:52.639
<v Speaker 2>and I said, get out. I'm going I remember, I

0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:55.800
<v Speaker 2>said there was a spa like I'm going and get

0:18:55.800 --> 0:18:57.920
<v Speaker 2>and when I come back, you get to get out

0:18:57.920 --> 0:19:01.320
<v Speaker 2>of my house. This whole thing. Call my dad. She's

0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:04.160
<v Speaker 2>so selfish, she doesn't why you know, blah blah blah

0:19:04.200 --> 0:19:06.840
<v Speaker 2>blah blah. I'm going off about it. And my Dad's like, well,

0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:08.880
<v Speaker 2>you know, she'll figure it out. And I'm like, Dad,

0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:12.120
<v Speaker 2>she's not going to figure out. Because I was hurt.

0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:15.119
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, what what are you thinking? And I was

0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.760
<v Speaker 2>also mad at her for not believing more in herself.

0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:22.600
<v Speaker 2>What I'm thinking, like, yeah, it's so hard, so amazing.

0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:25.200
<v Speaker 2>What is wrong with you? You know? This is me

0:19:25.359 --> 0:19:30.560
<v Speaker 2>at that time. We don't talk for a couple of months.

0:19:32.000 --> 0:19:35.200
<v Speaker 2>The holidays rolls around Thanksgiving and my father said, you know,

0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:39.800
<v Speaker 2>listen enough of this. You know we're not figured out.

0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:44.600
<v Speaker 2>So I called her and she was getting her nails done,

0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:47.120
<v Speaker 2>much like us with the clarinet. It was her common thread.

0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:50.240
<v Speaker 2>She's like, hey, manicure and I was like okay, and

0:19:50.320 --> 0:19:52.720
<v Speaker 2>we just start talking. And then we come home for

0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:55.880
<v Speaker 2>the holidays and she's still with this person and he's

0:19:55.960 --> 0:19:58.800
<v Speaker 2>there and I don't say anything to him. Really, he

0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:02.240
<v Speaker 2>hadn't say anything to me. We go on about our way.

0:20:04.200 --> 0:20:08.680
<v Speaker 2>Fast forward, not very long from that time, my mother

0:20:08.800 --> 0:20:11.679
<v Speaker 2>calls me on a Sunday and she's like just crying

0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:15.760
<v Speaker 2>and wailing and she said, Ranata is dead. And I'm

0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:20.600
<v Speaker 2>like what and she said, call your father, and I'm

0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:23.639
<v Speaker 2>my mom, pull over. I call my dad and my

0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:26.800
<v Speaker 2>dad always said that, you know, from his point of view,

0:20:27.040 --> 0:20:29.280
<v Speaker 2>he always called me his kid of right, like he

0:20:29.359 --> 0:20:31.119
<v Speaker 2>always says, of all my siblings, I was going to

0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:34.000
<v Speaker 2>try to be the level headed one, he said to me,

0:20:36.200 --> 0:20:38.480
<v Speaker 2>very calmly, because my dad was in the military and

0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:40.919
<v Speaker 2>he's got two purple hearts and he's seen it all.

0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:46.280
<v Speaker 2>And he said, baby, call and see what's going on.

0:20:47.440 --> 0:20:52.879
<v Speaker 2>What happened there? I said, okay, And I called my

0:20:52.960 --> 0:20:55.760
<v Speaker 2>sister's house and the person was there and he said,

0:20:55.760 --> 0:20:57.840
<v Speaker 2>the police are there. And I said, the police are there.

0:20:58.320 --> 0:21:01.880
<v Speaker 2>He said, she was found in her pool, face down

0:21:02.040 --> 0:21:04.399
<v Speaker 2>and they don't know what happened. And I think, you know,

0:21:04.520 --> 0:21:07.159
<v Speaker 2>she was drinking maybe and she did you know all this,

0:21:07.520 --> 0:21:09.880
<v Speaker 2>you know, had a local news friend. And I called

0:21:09.920 --> 0:21:13.240
<v Speaker 2>a friend and I said, what's going on and he said, well,

0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:17.720
<v Speaker 2>the police are there and they believe it's not an accident,

0:21:19.880 --> 0:21:22.040
<v Speaker 2>and so I was like, okay, And you know, we

0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:28.040
<v Speaker 2>started the process and the investigators at the time told

0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:32.720
<v Speaker 2>us that that they did not have enough evidence to

0:21:34.119 --> 0:21:37.320
<v Speaker 2>charge someone or got to get the DA to charge someone,

0:21:38.000 --> 0:21:41.960
<v Speaker 2>but they believed that strongly that the individual who was

0:21:42.000 --> 0:21:44.119
<v Speaker 2>in the home was the person responsible. She had blunt

0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:46.960
<v Speaker 2>forced impact to the back of her head, and there

0:21:47.000 --> 0:21:49.320
<v Speaker 2>were other signs there that this was not an accident.

0:21:50.480 --> 0:21:53.440
<v Speaker 2>Her dog, who she affects a mini me because she

0:21:53.560 --> 0:21:55.280
<v Speaker 2>had this like blonde hair and her dog was kind

0:21:55.280 --> 0:22:00.560
<v Speaker 2>of blonde, was there, and you know, some of the

0:22:00.640 --> 0:22:03.040
<v Speaker 2>details I you know, don't need to get into, but

0:22:03.119 --> 0:22:09.000
<v Speaker 2>it was a violent and so yeah, we proceeded on

0:22:09.240 --> 0:22:11.720
<v Speaker 2>and in the process I never talked about it Jenny ever.

0:22:12.119 --> 0:22:18.119
<v Speaker 2>My family. We kind of just you know, forbid him

0:22:18.119 --> 0:22:22.080
<v Speaker 2>from having contact with my family. We kind of moved forward.

0:22:22.359 --> 0:22:27.879
<v Speaker 2>We laid my sister to rest, and then I'm in

0:22:28.000 --> 0:22:30.480
<v Speaker 2>New York. It's two thousand and eight and I was

0:22:30.560 --> 0:22:34.000
<v Speaker 2>invited to speak at an event, a random event. I'd

0:22:34.040 --> 0:22:35.720
<v Speaker 2>just gotten here and I was at the Today Show

0:22:35.840 --> 0:22:39.200
<v Speaker 2>and at the time, they will invite you to host things,

0:22:39.240 --> 0:22:41.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, people were like, oh, Jenny, can you host this?

0:22:41.359 --> 0:22:43.760
<v Speaker 2>You know, I got an invitation. I host an organization

0:22:44.480 --> 0:22:49.320
<v Speaker 2>that helps young people understand how to love healthy, and

0:22:49.440 --> 0:22:51.920
<v Speaker 2>then I shared my sister's story and that that was

0:22:52.080 --> 0:22:55.440
<v Speaker 2>the start of me becoming an advocate for survivors of

0:22:55.520 --> 0:22:59.800
<v Speaker 2>domestic violence and speaking more about from the lands of

0:22:59.840 --> 0:23:03.680
<v Speaker 2>a family member of how to support without judgment because

0:23:03.680 --> 0:23:06.399
<v Speaker 2>at the time I judged, and now I have the

0:23:06.560 --> 0:23:09.720
<v Speaker 2>tools and the understanding that I try to offer to

0:23:09.760 --> 0:23:11.760
<v Speaker 2>other people through your tragedy.

0:23:11.800 --> 0:23:14.840
<v Speaker 1>You're helping other people. That's beautiful. I just how do

0:23:14.920 --> 0:23:19.320
<v Speaker 1>you find closure when there is none? Because that's her

0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:22.200
<v Speaker 1>case was never solved, you know.

0:23:22.800 --> 0:23:25.520
<v Speaker 2>For me, I think, well, my father hassoke in the

0:23:25.560 --> 0:23:31.200
<v Speaker 2>heart of for so long trying to help her. My

0:23:31.359 --> 0:23:34.520
<v Speaker 2>sister battled substance abuse in her past. She was not

0:23:34.920 --> 0:23:38.199
<v Speaker 2>in that state when she was killed, but her younger years.

0:23:38.720 --> 0:23:42.200
<v Speaker 2>So we always worried about, you know, this notion that

0:23:42.240 --> 0:23:44.440
<v Speaker 2>people will blame a victim, and I think that's also

0:23:44.560 --> 0:23:48.359
<v Speaker 2>part of why we stayed silent. Nobody deserves that fate,

0:23:48.480 --> 0:23:50.680
<v Speaker 2>and certainly no one deserves as a victim to have

0:23:50.920 --> 0:23:55.040
<v Speaker 2>everything about you dragged into a space of judgment when

0:23:55.080 --> 0:23:57.520
<v Speaker 2>you are not there to defend yourself. So I think

0:23:57.600 --> 0:24:01.119
<v Speaker 2>for us, because the investigators were so clear and we

0:24:02.080 --> 0:24:07.320
<v Speaker 2>understood what happened, I think our view of justice changed.

0:24:07.840 --> 0:24:10.680
<v Speaker 2>I think what we saw was a just thing for

0:24:10.920 --> 0:24:15.119
<v Speaker 2>us was to help other people, you know, hunting someone

0:24:15.280 --> 0:24:17.520
<v Speaker 2>down or I've never even done a show on it.

0:24:17.600 --> 0:24:19.240
<v Speaker 2>To be honest with you, because it's just not that space.

0:24:19.240 --> 0:24:23.399
<v Speaker 2>We've done shows on domestic violence and my sister's youngest

0:24:23.440 --> 0:24:27.080
<v Speaker 2>son came on the show, because we are committed to

0:24:27.440 --> 0:24:32.320
<v Speaker 2>helping families, but we've never approached it from this lens

0:24:32.440 --> 0:24:35.600
<v Speaker 2>of Okay, this is a who done it because from

0:24:37.520 --> 0:24:40.320
<v Speaker 2>the point of view of the investigators, they felt they

0:24:40.400 --> 0:24:42.119
<v Speaker 2>knew and that was enough for us.

0:24:43.200 --> 0:24:46.159
<v Speaker 1>Is that when you started your interest in writing the

0:24:46.240 --> 0:24:48.760
<v Speaker 1>novels that you've written the crime novels?

0:24:49.000 --> 0:24:51.200
<v Speaker 2>Oh? Yeah, you know, because I was a journalist for

0:24:51.320 --> 0:24:54.760
<v Speaker 2>thirty years, and yes you are, Oh gosh. The first

0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:57.760
<v Speaker 2>part of my career was I was a reporter on

0:24:57.840 --> 0:25:03.359
<v Speaker 2>the street, I mean with Brian College Day, Chicago, Philadelphia, Dallas,

0:25:03.480 --> 0:25:07.959
<v Speaker 2>Fort Worth. The novel that I wrote, the Jordan Manning series,

0:25:08.520 --> 0:25:11.680
<v Speaker 2>honestly was inspired by my years of being a crime reporter,

0:25:12.080 --> 0:25:16.879
<v Speaker 2>not related to my personal family search situation. It was

0:25:17.000 --> 0:25:19.399
<v Speaker 2>just I felt like people didn't really know what happens

0:25:19.440 --> 0:25:21.680
<v Speaker 2>when you're a crime reporter. And then I thought I

0:25:21.760 --> 0:25:24.080
<v Speaker 2>wanted her to be this colorful character. I grew up

0:25:24.240 --> 0:25:26.920
<v Speaker 2>loving Nancy Drew novels. That was my whole bed. It

0:25:27.040 --> 0:25:28.879
<v Speaker 2>was like it was if you didn't find oriole cookies.

0:25:28.920 --> 0:25:33.399
<v Speaker 2>You found Nancy the Future, and so I thought it

0:25:33.400 --> 0:25:36.480
<v Speaker 2>would be fun to have this female protagonist that was

0:25:36.520 --> 0:25:40.160
<v Speaker 2>a crime solving journalist. And I thought that it would

0:25:40.400 --> 0:25:43.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, I wanted a little mix of sex in

0:25:43.359 --> 0:25:45.560
<v Speaker 2>the city and waiting to extale. I just wanted her

0:25:45.600 --> 0:25:49.800
<v Speaker 2>to be this fun but intense person that you want

0:25:49.880 --> 0:25:52.480
<v Speaker 2>on your side, like a blood howling, right, And so

0:25:52.640 --> 0:25:55.400
<v Speaker 2>that came and I wrote those Jenny in the Pandemic.

0:25:55.520 --> 0:25:58.000
<v Speaker 2>By the you know, the second or third time, I

0:25:58.119 --> 0:26:01.680
<v Speaker 2>was going to just leave my h for not breaking

0:26:01.720 --> 0:26:04.200
<v Speaker 2>down the Amazon boxes. You know, we're all dug in

0:26:04.320 --> 0:26:06.840
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, okay, buddy, one more Amazon box and

0:26:06.880 --> 0:26:10.760
<v Speaker 2>not opening. You're out of here. Let me, harness, listen

0:26:10.920 --> 0:26:14.159
<v Speaker 2>to something more positive. So I started to write the

0:26:14.280 --> 0:26:17.000
<v Speaker 2>Jordan Manning crime series. I was I fell asleep watching

0:26:17.240 --> 0:26:18.760
<v Speaker 2>ESPN or he fell asleep and the next thing, and

0:26:18.760 --> 0:26:21.960
<v Speaker 2>I was like, Michael Jordan Peigon Manny. Her name Jordan Manning.

0:26:22.040 --> 0:26:24.119
<v Speaker 2>There it is, you know, And so I love that.

0:26:24.640 --> 0:26:27.720
<v Speaker 2>I would go out on this little deck that we

0:26:27.920 --> 0:26:32.760
<v Speaker 2>have in sag harber and Online Island and I just

0:26:32.880 --> 0:26:35.080
<v Speaker 2>write and I get up with my coffee. I felt

0:26:35.160 --> 0:26:38.000
<v Speaker 2>very Stephen King it's like old and I had my

0:26:38.119 --> 0:26:43.640
<v Speaker 2>little writer's costume and my coffee and evergrease. Meanwhile, because

0:26:43.640 --> 0:26:46.000
<v Speaker 2>we couldn't do anything else, we were stuck. And so

0:26:46.080 --> 0:26:48.960
<v Speaker 2>I wrote that series and then my cookbook. My dad

0:26:49.280 --> 0:26:52.560
<v Speaker 2>loved to cook, my grandfather loved to cook, and I

0:26:52.720 --> 0:26:55.000
<v Speaker 2>happened to be happy to be best friends with a

0:26:55.119 --> 0:26:58.720
<v Speaker 2>James Beard Award winning culinary producer who's a recipe writer.

0:26:59.240 --> 0:27:01.240
<v Speaker 2>And so I know, right, I was like, did I

0:27:01.359 --> 0:27:05.920
<v Speaker 2>pick you? Really? You know? And we became best of friends.

0:27:05.960 --> 0:27:10.320
<v Speaker 2>We're sisters and so proud of our book because that

0:27:10.520 --> 0:27:14.600
<v Speaker 2>cookbook again, it's it's seventy two phenomenal recipes and she's

0:27:14.680 --> 0:27:17.399
<v Speaker 2>the best at recipe writing in the business. But we

0:27:18.560 --> 0:27:20.520
<v Speaker 2>when the publishers looked at the marketplace, we were the

0:27:20.640 --> 0:27:22.840
<v Speaker 2>only cookbook with a white woman and a black woman,

0:27:23.600 --> 0:27:26.680
<v Speaker 2>and the only cookbook with a straight woman or identified

0:27:26.720 --> 0:27:29.960
<v Speaker 2>straight in LGBTQ. And I thought, wow, going back to

0:27:30.000 --> 0:27:32.879
<v Speaker 2>our clarinet story, you know, music is a common thread.

0:27:33.200 --> 0:27:35.639
<v Speaker 2>Food is a common thread. And that was such an

0:27:35.760 --> 0:27:39.120
<v Speaker 2>enjoyable and fun project to do with lish styling. She's

0:27:39.200 --> 0:27:41.960
<v Speaker 2>from Wisconsin, I'm from Texas, and we would joke that

0:27:42.119 --> 0:27:43.840
<v Speaker 2>even now you see the cover of our book with

0:27:44.000 --> 0:27:47.879
<v Speaker 2>the same haircut. So all things really just like what

0:27:48.280 --> 0:27:50.679
<v Speaker 2>you know, like your podcasts and the things you've created.

0:27:50.800 --> 0:27:54.600
<v Speaker 2>We are lucky to have lived long enough to have

0:27:54.880 --> 0:27:59.160
<v Speaker 2>stories and lived long enough to be able to understand

0:27:59.240 --> 0:28:03.280
<v Speaker 2>them and why they are why it's good to share.

0:28:03.080 --> 0:28:06.399
<v Speaker 1>Them, right, Sharing something that that is so important to

0:28:06.560 --> 0:28:08.760
<v Speaker 1>you and you're so passionate about, it's such a no

0:28:08.880 --> 0:28:18.800
<v Speaker 1>brainer to share. So from the mystery novels to the

0:28:18.880 --> 0:28:23.720
<v Speaker 1>cookbook and now a children's book, right, I know you guys,

0:28:23.800 --> 0:28:26.679
<v Speaker 1>you have to pick up this book. It's called Harlem Honey,

0:28:27.119 --> 0:28:31.280
<v Speaker 1>The Adventures of a Curious Kid, and your son is

0:28:31.359 --> 0:28:32.400
<v Speaker 1>the star of the book.

0:28:32.840 --> 0:28:36.119
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, you know he's inspired. This little boy happens

0:28:36.160 --> 0:28:38.840
<v Speaker 2>to be named Moses as my son. He's in the

0:28:38.960 --> 0:28:42.840
<v Speaker 2>first grade, and he's just moved from Texas to New York,

0:28:43.040 --> 0:28:48.080
<v Speaker 2>specifically Harlem, and I really wanted to talk about, you know,

0:28:48.320 --> 0:28:51.400
<v Speaker 2>this idea of new places and new faces. I've said,

0:28:51.400 --> 0:28:54.240
<v Speaker 2>when I wrote the Jordan Manning series, it was during

0:28:54.280 --> 0:28:56.960
<v Speaker 2>the pandemic. You know, our lives all shut down. My

0:28:57.080 --> 0:29:00.080
<v Speaker 2>son wasn't one years old yet. Honestly, Jenny, I I

0:29:00.120 --> 0:29:02.880
<v Speaker 2>had my I got pregnant at forty eight. I have

0:29:03.160 --> 0:29:06.320
<v Speaker 2>hosted morning shows for thirty years. I've probably interviewed every

0:29:07.040 --> 0:29:10.520
<v Speaker 2>childbook author on how to raise a kid. But you know,

0:29:10.760 --> 0:29:12.200
<v Speaker 2>until you're on the team, you don't know how to

0:29:12.240 --> 0:29:14.840
<v Speaker 2>play the sport. It's like, so now I'm on the

0:29:14.920 --> 0:29:18.000
<v Speaker 2>team and it's a global pandemic. I didn't even know that.

0:29:18.240 --> 0:29:22.520
<v Speaker 2>You take them off formula to milk if that's your

0:29:22.640 --> 0:29:26.000
<v Speaker 2>choice or whatever. They go. It ends after I'm like,

0:29:26.040 --> 0:29:28.080
<v Speaker 2>wait what. I felt like they stayed on formula for

0:29:28.160 --> 0:29:30.480
<v Speaker 2>like two years and I didn't breastfeed, so I'm really like,

0:29:30.560 --> 0:29:33.440
<v Speaker 2>wait what, And it's a global pandemic and I can't

0:29:33.520 --> 0:29:35.880
<v Speaker 2>get food and I'm like, oh my goodness, the whole

0:29:35.920 --> 0:29:38.560
<v Speaker 2>thing changed. So those are the things that were my focus,

0:29:38.720 --> 0:29:42.040
<v Speaker 2>just the day to day, and then you know, we

0:29:42.120 --> 0:29:45.880
<v Speaker 2>were inside of our home. It really gave me this

0:29:46.720 --> 0:29:49.600
<v Speaker 2>opportunity to be there with my son that I would

0:29:49.680 --> 0:29:51.760
<v Speaker 2>not have had, so first steps, things that I would

0:29:51.760 --> 0:29:53.960
<v Speaker 2>have missed had I been in the studio. I got

0:29:54.000 --> 0:29:57.080
<v Speaker 2>a chance to see firsthand, and we grew so close.

0:29:58.120 --> 0:30:02.160
<v Speaker 2>When things reopen and he was invited to his first

0:30:02.200 --> 0:30:07.000
<v Speaker 2>birthday party, he was hiding in the corner, like this

0:30:07.120 --> 0:30:10.920
<v Speaker 2>guy in the car. He's mister Razzle Dazzle, He's mister

0:30:11.000 --> 0:30:13.800
<v Speaker 2>Talk and he talk. And we get to the birthday party.

0:30:14.400 --> 0:30:16.960
<v Speaker 2>His hands are sweaty, he's next to me. He won't leave,

0:30:17.040 --> 0:30:20.640
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, okay, but I understand. It's a birthday.

0:30:20.680 --> 0:30:24.040
<v Speaker 2>It's overwhelming. Things happen, but then it happens again and

0:30:24.200 --> 0:30:27.080
<v Speaker 2>again in different circumstances, and then we would come home

0:30:27.360 --> 0:30:31.040
<v Speaker 2>from this scary situation and he'd talk all about it.

0:30:31.920 --> 0:30:34.200
<v Speaker 2>He knew what everyone wore, everything said, the music that

0:30:34.320 --> 0:30:37.120
<v Speaker 2>was played. He was just so I realized that this

0:30:37.240 --> 0:30:40.640
<v Speaker 2>was a kid who was observing but was afraid to

0:30:40.680 --> 0:30:46.200
<v Speaker 2>get in. He wanted it didn't have that, I can

0:30:46.280 --> 0:30:49.840
<v Speaker 2>tell you. I debate whether it was because we were

0:30:50.000 --> 0:30:53.760
<v Speaker 2>inside for a long time or that's his natural personality

0:30:53.880 --> 0:30:57.880
<v Speaker 2>as it was mine. I don't know. But how did

0:30:57.920 --> 0:31:00.680
<v Speaker 2>I How do I address it? What I do became

0:31:00.720 --> 0:31:04.440
<v Speaker 2>the priority, not the what happens right? And so I

0:31:04.480 --> 0:31:06.400
<v Speaker 2>started to talk to other parents who talked about kids

0:31:06.400 --> 0:31:11.360
<v Speaker 2>who present shy or the reality that we all do,

0:31:13.360 --> 0:31:16.360
<v Speaker 2>and that on the other side of fear is often

0:31:16.400 --> 0:31:19.520
<v Speaker 2>something so fun. So this is a book that talks

0:31:19.560 --> 0:31:24.720
<v Speaker 2>about through curiosity and kindness, how you can face your fear.

0:31:24.880 --> 0:31:28.120
<v Speaker 2>The backdrop is half Texas, half Harlem, New York. But

0:31:28.360 --> 0:31:32.680
<v Speaker 2>in truth, the first outside experience all of our children

0:31:32.800 --> 0:31:37.000
<v Speaker 2>have it's not a school, it's the neighborhood. So Harlem

0:31:37.160 --> 0:31:39.520
<v Speaker 2>is his neighborhood, but it's meant to represent whether you

0:31:39.600 --> 0:31:42.360
<v Speaker 2>have a tiny community or you're walking out your door

0:31:42.440 --> 0:31:45.400
<v Speaker 2>to nine O, two, one zero, whatever, it is your

0:31:45.520 --> 0:31:49.600
<v Speaker 2>first exposure outside of the intimacy of your family home

0:31:49.800 --> 0:31:54.120
<v Speaker 2>is your neighborhood. And so we use music, we use food,

0:31:54.720 --> 0:31:59.600
<v Speaker 2>we use kindness and curiosity as this way for adults

0:31:59.680 --> 0:32:02.880
<v Speaker 2>to talk to kids about how you face that fear

0:32:02.960 --> 0:32:05.240
<v Speaker 2>and what fun you can find on the other side.

0:32:05.960 --> 0:32:09.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and the through line too is also back to connection.

0:32:09.720 --> 0:32:13.400
<v Speaker 1>What we were talking about before is realizing how you

0:32:13.520 --> 0:32:18.120
<v Speaker 1>are connected to everything around you if you just take

0:32:18.160 --> 0:32:18.560
<v Speaker 1>a look.

0:32:19.760 --> 0:32:21.720
<v Speaker 2>And it's true, and it's a reminder. You know, when

0:32:21.720 --> 0:32:23.640
<v Speaker 2>I was writing this book and even now we still

0:32:23.720 --> 0:32:25.560
<v Speaker 2>read it, my son's going to go on tour with

0:32:25.680 --> 0:32:28.520
<v Speaker 2>me and he's actually preparing for his first school musical.

0:32:28.600 --> 0:32:30.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean, we went from a few years ago a

0:32:30.640 --> 0:32:33.040
<v Speaker 2>kid who would not you know, participate a birthday party.

0:32:33.160 --> 0:32:37.320
<v Speaker 2>He's Orange Crayon number three and the upcoming music. Wow, hey,

0:32:37.400 --> 0:32:40.680
<v Speaker 2>the crayons quit, and oh my gosh, he's ready to sing.

0:32:40.840 --> 0:32:42.960
<v Speaker 2>He's singing Somewhere over the Rainbow and it's so funny.

0:32:42.960 --> 0:32:45.440
<v Speaker 2>We were watching the Oscars and he has no idea

0:32:45.440 --> 0:32:47.600
<v Speaker 2>who Ariana Grande is. And we're at dinner and the

0:32:47.640 --> 0:32:50.960
<v Speaker 2>Oscars are on. He looks up and he's like, what

0:32:51.120 --> 0:32:53.400
<v Speaker 2>is she singing my song? Who is this singing my song?

0:32:53.680 --> 0:32:55.600
<v Speaker 1>I think he thought it was his life and I

0:32:55.640 --> 0:32:58.400
<v Speaker 1>says original Ariana Grande.

0:32:58.480 --> 0:33:00.640
<v Speaker 2>He's like whoo. And then I said, that's the Oscars, Mom,

0:33:00.680 --> 0:33:03.400
<v Speaker 2>what's the Oscars? So after his musical, I'm gonna get

0:33:03.400 --> 0:33:05.080
<v Speaker 2>like a little fake Oscars made for him so I

0:33:05.120 --> 0:33:06.880
<v Speaker 2>can give him his Oscar once he gets done with

0:33:06.960 --> 0:33:09.120
<v Speaker 2>it on at the end of the month. But you know,

0:33:09.360 --> 0:33:17.920
<v Speaker 2>he's now learned that facing his fear can inspire other things, right,

0:33:18.040 --> 0:33:21.480
<v Speaker 2>and so he really was my test subject in this

0:33:21.600 --> 0:33:25.120
<v Speaker 2>and we have there. We still have moments where he says, Mom,

0:33:25.880 --> 0:33:27.840
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to go in. I'm not ready, you know,

0:33:28.040 --> 0:33:30.280
<v Speaker 2>or he'll say that and I'm okay with that. He

0:33:30.400 --> 0:33:33.160
<v Speaker 2>has to be a well he's walked into as you know,

0:33:34.200 --> 0:33:37.080
<v Speaker 2>you are an international star. I host a talk show.

0:33:37.160 --> 0:33:39.720
<v Speaker 2>Our kids aren't part of our world, but they're not

0:33:39.920 --> 0:33:42.960
<v Speaker 2>part of our world, right, And so with him, I

0:33:43.040 --> 0:33:46.760
<v Speaker 2>even debated namely the character after him, because so he's

0:33:46.880 --> 0:33:49.960
<v Speaker 2>very distinct named Moses, right, He's not the original Moses,

0:33:50.040 --> 0:33:54.000
<v Speaker 2>but he is a Moses, and people see him and

0:33:54.040 --> 0:33:56.440
<v Speaker 2>they say Moses, and they're excited because they're excited. For me,

0:33:56.600 --> 0:33:58.840
<v Speaker 2>being a forty eight year old first time mom at

0:33:58.880 --> 0:34:00.920
<v Speaker 2>the time, that can a lot for a kid to

0:34:01.000 --> 0:34:03.720
<v Speaker 2>take in. But in his own daily life, you know,

0:34:05.240 --> 0:34:07.520
<v Speaker 2>we went to uh he asked me to go to

0:34:07.760 --> 0:34:10.319
<v Speaker 2>see Kids Bop Live. He loves Kids Bop he's all

0:34:10.400 --> 0:34:13.800
<v Speaker 2>about and we got tickets and we took him to

0:34:13.880 --> 0:34:18.520
<v Speaker 2>New Jersey and he was absolutely terrified. Like we get

0:34:18.560 --> 0:34:20.600
<v Speaker 2>there and he's like, wait, this is way bigger than

0:34:20.640 --> 0:34:23.759
<v Speaker 2>I expected. This is way different than I expected. And

0:34:23.960 --> 0:34:27.400
<v Speaker 2>he wanted to leave. And my instinct, you know, was like,

0:34:27.560 --> 0:34:29.520
<v Speaker 2>let's get in this car. We're gonna go right back home.

0:34:29.600 --> 0:34:33.200
<v Speaker 2>But I was like, you know, okay, let me breathe,

0:34:33.560 --> 0:34:35.799
<v Speaker 2>because how I react to this is how he acts.

0:34:36.000 --> 0:34:39.000
<v Speaker 2>If I keep pushing get in there. That's going to

0:34:39.080 --> 0:34:43.279
<v Speaker 2>add a resistance, right, So okay, say well whenever you're ready.

0:34:43.480 --> 0:34:47.000
<v Speaker 2>And then the show started. He starts to hear familiar song.

0:34:47.520 --> 0:34:51.000
<v Speaker 2>I see the side look, you know that that wanting

0:34:51.080 --> 0:34:55.239
<v Speaker 2>to be in behavior and physical change. And before I

0:34:55.400 --> 0:34:57.560
<v Speaker 2>know it, he's in the seat, We're dancing, We're having

0:34:57.560 --> 0:34:59.560
<v Speaker 2>a good time. He's you know, the kids pop. They

0:34:59.640 --> 0:35:02.759
<v Speaker 2>vote on which finale song and his finale song for

0:35:02.840 --> 0:35:04.760
<v Speaker 2>you which one he wanted? Didn't get it. I didn't

0:35:04.840 --> 0:35:07.239
<v Speaker 2>get my song. You know, he's invested in it and

0:35:07.320 --> 0:35:10.400
<v Speaker 2>he's having a great time. He's now in basketball and

0:35:10.560 --> 0:35:13.319
<v Speaker 2>he goes on Sundays. I'm so happy the first time

0:35:13.400 --> 0:35:15.320
<v Speaker 2>he went first, Please not the first time, maybe the

0:35:15.400 --> 0:35:19.440
<v Speaker 2>first week. You want no parts. He sat there on

0:35:19.560 --> 0:35:22.239
<v Speaker 2>the side and he looked and didn't want and I said,

0:35:22.280 --> 0:35:24.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, you love Jalen Brunson. You love the Knicks.

0:35:24.520 --> 0:35:26.320
<v Speaker 2>To my dismay, being from Dallas, I want him to

0:35:26.360 --> 0:35:29.680
<v Speaker 2>love the Mavericks, but he loves the Knicks. And then

0:35:30.640 --> 0:35:34.239
<v Speaker 2>this week the class was the last day and this

0:35:34.600 --> 0:35:37.040
<v Speaker 2>this coach is female coach who was there at the beginning,

0:35:37.960 --> 0:35:41.320
<v Speaker 2>came back for their little ceremony or whatever, and she

0:35:41.440 --> 0:35:43.719
<v Speaker 2>pulled my husband over to the side and she said, oh,

0:35:43.800 --> 0:35:46.080
<v Speaker 2>I can't believe look at this kid. Look at him.

0:35:46.400 --> 0:35:48.800
<v Speaker 2>I mean he's like dribbling with right hand left handed.

0:35:49.239 --> 0:35:51.920
<v Speaker 2>He's like having a great time. He needed to have

0:35:52.120 --> 0:35:56.680
<v Speaker 2>that time. The book is also a reminder, I hope

0:35:56.719 --> 0:36:01.040
<v Speaker 2>to adults, really something that I think you have learned

0:36:01.120 --> 0:36:06.080
<v Speaker 2>and are learning every day, how precious patience is with

0:36:06.239 --> 0:36:11.040
<v Speaker 2>ourselves giving ourselves that time, but also our kids. You know,

0:36:11.320 --> 0:36:13.040
<v Speaker 2>how easy is it to say, Okay, we're gonna go

0:36:13.040 --> 0:36:14.680
<v Speaker 2>to dinner, hurry, put your socks onto the Okay, you

0:36:14.680 --> 0:36:16.000
<v Speaker 2>can't get shucks, let me put it on for you.

0:36:16.960 --> 0:36:20.680
<v Speaker 2>It's delaying and putting their socks one put time to

0:36:21.239 --> 0:36:23.719
<v Speaker 2>let me put the thumbs in to pull the sock up,

0:36:23.800 --> 0:36:25.680
<v Speaker 2>and we gotta go, We gotta go. So I'm gonna

0:36:25.680 --> 0:36:28.960
<v Speaker 2>put this on for you. You know. Yeah, we think

0:36:29.000 --> 0:36:31.440
<v Speaker 2>it's helping. But if we can and by the way,

0:36:31.640 --> 0:36:35.719
<v Speaker 2>baking in that time to watch them put their socks on,

0:36:36.160 --> 0:36:38.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean we like danced around the first time we're

0:36:38.600 --> 0:36:42.640
<v Speaker 2>tackling shoe tie. Now, I's like, oh my god, those

0:36:42.680 --> 0:36:48.040
<v Speaker 2>are the exhilarating, beautiful sensations that we deserve too. Yeah.

0:36:48.080 --> 0:36:50.719
<v Speaker 1>I mean that message is so important and I was

0:36:50.800 --> 0:36:54.440
<v Speaker 1>gonna say that before it. By you having that kind

0:36:54.480 --> 0:36:57.520
<v Speaker 1>of patience and talking about those moments in your real

0:36:57.600 --> 0:37:01.000
<v Speaker 1>life with your son, that will help other people to

0:37:01.280 --> 0:37:05.320
<v Speaker 1>regain some patience, because it's really easy to be impatient.

0:37:06.360 --> 0:37:09.719
<v Speaker 2>Listen, I'm going to work in progress, you know, I am.

0:37:10.080 --> 0:37:11.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm a blank canvas with a little bit of the

0:37:11.880 --> 0:37:14.040
<v Speaker 2>sketch on it because I have to do it for

0:37:14.200 --> 0:37:18.200
<v Speaker 2>myself all the time, you know, and it is we

0:37:18.640 --> 0:37:23.399
<v Speaker 2>know the value of it. We know it is priceless, right, yes,

0:37:24.160 --> 0:37:26.919
<v Speaker 2>but we fall prey to it. You know. Sometimes we'll

0:37:26.960 --> 0:37:30.440
<v Speaker 2>go to a restaurant and my son will you know,

0:37:30.480 --> 0:37:33.920
<v Speaker 2>he's stirring around. Well, we've gone to restaurants for fifty

0:37:34.000 --> 0:37:36.560
<v Speaker 2>years of our lives. The first time this kid has

0:37:36.600 --> 0:37:40.120
<v Speaker 2>walked into this environment, been in this environment. And yes,

0:37:40.239 --> 0:37:43.080
<v Speaker 2>we want them to behave accordingly. We want them to

0:37:43.640 --> 0:37:46.400
<v Speaker 2>be a little perfectly mannered children who go to the

0:37:46.480 --> 0:37:49.640
<v Speaker 2>seat and put their They're just walking into a whole restaurant.

0:37:50.239 --> 0:37:51.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, this is all new for them.

0:37:51.920 --> 0:38:00.920
<v Speaker 2>It's all new for them, you know. Speaking of all.

0:38:00.960 --> 0:38:03.359
<v Speaker 1>New for you, I really want to talk about your

0:38:03.520 --> 0:38:07.359
<v Speaker 1>choice to become a mom at forty eight. Ah, I'm

0:38:07.480 --> 0:38:10.600
<v Speaker 1>really interested in that because I was there rooting for

0:38:10.760 --> 0:38:13.920
<v Speaker 1>you the whole time. And I remember when you got pregnant.

0:38:14.560 --> 0:38:17.879
<v Speaker 1>I remember seeing you pregnant and I had already loved

0:38:17.920 --> 0:38:21.320
<v Speaker 1>you from the Today Show. Yeah, and so I was

0:38:21.440 --> 0:38:23.200
<v Speaker 1>just rooting you on and like it was such a

0:38:23.239 --> 0:38:25.080
<v Speaker 1>big deal. She's pregnant at forty eight.

0:38:26.320 --> 0:38:30.799
<v Speaker 2>You know it was. I'll tell you. If I had

0:38:31.000 --> 0:38:33.960
<v Speaker 2>not lost that job, I don't think I would have

0:38:34.160 --> 0:38:38.759
<v Speaker 2>had my son. It was the first time I've worked

0:38:38.800 --> 0:38:41.760
<v Speaker 2>since I was fourteen. My very first job was Toys

0:38:41.840 --> 0:38:44.360
<v Speaker 2>r us. I still have my first paycheck, you know,

0:38:44.600 --> 0:38:47.280
<v Speaker 2>my little stub because I was like, what the takeout

0:38:47.320 --> 0:38:50.719
<v Speaker 2>stuff was as well? You still have it. That's so

0:38:50.920 --> 0:38:53.920
<v Speaker 2>great years later. I've worked since I was fourteen. I've

0:38:54.040 --> 0:38:56.680
<v Speaker 2>never been fired in my life. I was always a

0:38:57.360 --> 0:39:00.960
<v Speaker 2>high achieving person, you know. Or once my dad gave

0:39:01.040 --> 0:39:04.719
<v Speaker 2>me that challenge, my value became. What I saw is

0:39:04.760 --> 0:39:07.120
<v Speaker 2>my value was work, you know, because you can lose that.

0:39:07.360 --> 0:39:12.000
<v Speaker 2>And even at age eighteen, a dear friend mom gave

0:39:12.080 --> 0:39:16.359
<v Speaker 2>me a book and one of the chapters said, who

0:39:16.440 --> 0:39:19.200
<v Speaker 2>are you if there's no title beneath your name? I'm eighteen.

0:39:19.280 --> 0:39:21.239
<v Speaker 2>That means nothing to me. I don't even think about it.

0:39:21.360 --> 0:39:25.560
<v Speaker 2>Fast forward age four six, old boy. That book A

0:39:25.640 --> 0:39:28.480
<v Speaker 2>Path of Light, that's been sitting on my bedside or

0:39:28.520 --> 0:39:32.279
<v Speaker 2>whatever since I was eighteen, suddenly makes sense now. And

0:39:33.120 --> 0:39:35.719
<v Speaker 2>it was the first time that I said, you know,

0:39:35.960 --> 0:39:38.239
<v Speaker 2>I'll be okay if I am not on a TV show.

0:39:38.360 --> 0:39:40.800
<v Speaker 2>I'll be okay if I'm not a reporter, I'll figure

0:39:40.920 --> 0:39:45.480
<v Speaker 2>this out, you know. And whatever aspirations of, you know,

0:39:45.640 --> 0:39:48.920
<v Speaker 2>being on a national news show, it didn't matter to me.

0:39:50.360 --> 0:39:52.680
<v Speaker 2>I left the show. It was important for me to

0:39:52.760 --> 0:39:58.040
<v Speaker 2>take that stand for myself. I at the time did

0:39:58.120 --> 0:40:00.759
<v Speaker 2>not have a child. I was my backup. So trust me,

0:40:00.800 --> 0:40:03.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm looking at the ATM and the numbers are not numbering.

0:40:03.280 --> 0:40:04.920
<v Speaker 2>But I was going to figure it out, right. I

0:40:05.040 --> 0:40:06.800
<v Speaker 2>was like, you know, I didn't my parents didn't have

0:40:06.840 --> 0:40:09.279
<v Speaker 2>a gold Bars buried somewhere. I was on my own.

0:40:09.800 --> 0:40:12.160
<v Speaker 2>My mother's big contribution was to tell me I could

0:40:12.239 --> 0:40:14.120
<v Speaker 2>move back to my room, and I was like, it's

0:40:14.160 --> 0:40:15.399
<v Speaker 2>not going to happen, but thank you for the offer.

0:40:15.480 --> 0:40:17.360
<v Speaker 2>We're not there yet. We're not there yet, you know.

0:40:17.920 --> 0:40:24.040
<v Speaker 2>And during the time of trying to figure out this

0:40:24.360 --> 0:40:29.400
<v Speaker 2>next act in my life. I got an offer to

0:40:30.200 --> 0:40:35.319
<v Speaker 2>have a show executive produced by Harvey Weinstein. That day

0:40:35.480 --> 0:40:37.920
<v Speaker 2>felt like the best day of my life. Right, Oh

0:40:38.000 --> 0:40:41.560
<v Speaker 2>my gosh, I've gone from being invisible in this workspace

0:40:41.680 --> 0:40:43.720
<v Speaker 2>to speaks this guy, this is the guy that everyone

0:40:43.760 --> 0:40:47.120
<v Speaker 2>told this is the guy, right, and thinking, wow, big

0:40:47.239 --> 0:40:52.239
<v Speaker 2>breaks do happen, wonderful And now I'm kind of back

0:40:52.280 --> 0:40:54.680
<v Speaker 2>into the identity. Right, I'm about to be a talk

0:40:54.719 --> 0:40:59.399
<v Speaker 2>show host out here my title it's back. And then

0:40:59.520 --> 0:41:07.040
<v Speaker 2>one day I got a call that his name was

0:41:07.120 --> 0:41:10.600
<v Speaker 2>being mentioned along the lines of the word someone. The

0:41:10.680 --> 0:41:14.560
<v Speaker 2>person actually said the R word, and I said retirement

0:41:15.920 --> 0:41:18.920
<v Speaker 2>and because I have not, and they said fortunately, no,

0:41:19.400 --> 0:41:23.640
<v Speaker 2>yeah exactly, And I said what now everything is like, oh,

0:41:27.480 --> 0:41:31.640
<v Speaker 2>I had at the time already met my now husband,

0:41:32.640 --> 0:41:36.800
<v Speaker 2>because when I agreed to executive produce the show with

0:41:36.920 --> 0:41:38.920
<v Speaker 2>Harvey Weinstein, there were a lot of like just ebbs

0:41:38.960 --> 0:41:41.640
<v Speaker 2>and flows and just just things that were happening. Now.

0:41:41.760 --> 0:41:44.920
<v Speaker 2>I know he was under investigation, but there were these

0:41:45.000 --> 0:41:50.279
<v Speaker 2>inconsistencies that made me not feel certain. Nothing behaviorally toward me,

0:41:50.440 --> 0:41:53.520
<v Speaker 2>but just like so just weird energy. You know, when

0:41:53.520 --> 0:41:55.840
<v Speaker 2>you're like, this is weird energy around here, and I

0:41:55.840 --> 0:41:59.680
<v Speaker 2>didn't know what it was. And I remember throwing myself

0:41:59.760 --> 0:42:03.319
<v Speaker 2>this hitting party because I was in LA And as

0:42:03.360 --> 0:42:05.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, when you go into business with somebody, reach

0:42:05.440 --> 0:42:07.040
<v Speaker 2>an agreement, they're going to give you X amount of

0:42:07.080 --> 0:42:09.880
<v Speaker 2>dollars to hold exclusive rights to whatever you're doing, so

0:42:09.960 --> 0:42:13.200
<v Speaker 2>it's like a holding fee or whatever. And he was

0:42:13.280 --> 0:42:16.280
<v Speaker 2>slow on that payment, and I'm like, I need my money,

0:42:16.480 --> 0:42:19.040
<v Speaker 2>here's my money. What's going on here? So now I'm

0:42:19.080 --> 0:42:21.200
<v Speaker 2>feeling like, oh, this guy sold me a bill of

0:42:21.280 --> 0:42:24.640
<v Speaker 2>goods and this show's never going to happen, and I'm sad, sad, sad.

0:42:26.120 --> 0:42:27.719
<v Speaker 2>And then I went out to the pool at the

0:42:27.760 --> 0:42:30.560
<v Speaker 2>Sunset Marquee. I was actually supposed to stay at another

0:42:30.640 --> 0:42:33.320
<v Speaker 2>hotel because I told my travelation at the time, I

0:42:33.480 --> 0:42:35.560
<v Speaker 2>want to stay where they are, like, guys, I want

0:42:35.640 --> 0:42:38.400
<v Speaker 2>somewhere with a cute bars. I'm single and I am

0:42:38.719 --> 0:42:40.960
<v Speaker 2>ready to date and you know, move on my life.

0:42:41.680 --> 0:42:43.640
<v Speaker 2>He puts me up at a hotel and everyone there

0:42:43.760 --> 0:42:45.400
<v Speaker 2>is like a twenty year old wrapper, and I'm like,

0:42:46.760 --> 0:42:49.960
<v Speaker 2>because twenty year olds are wrapper, this is not my scene,

0:42:50.239 --> 0:42:53.520
<v Speaker 2>not my scene. So he put me up at Sunset

0:42:53.640 --> 0:42:56.920
<v Speaker 2>Marquee only because he's like, it's a great hotel. I

0:42:57.000 --> 0:42:58.400
<v Speaker 2>was like, all right, fine it because I'd given up

0:42:58.440 --> 0:43:00.640
<v Speaker 2>on dating at that point. Now between the hotel in

0:43:00.680 --> 0:43:04.120
<v Speaker 2>the five minutes, I thought that was the deal breaker

0:43:04.239 --> 0:43:07.320
<v Speaker 2>for you. I'm in the room. I throw myself a

0:43:07.400 --> 0:43:11.839
<v Speaker 2>proper pity party, and then I went to the hotel cool.

0:43:12.280 --> 0:43:14.080
<v Speaker 2>I have, like I put a one piece on, so

0:43:14.360 --> 0:43:16.640
<v Speaker 2>clearly I wasn't trying to bring any kind of a game.

0:43:16.680 --> 0:43:18.480
<v Speaker 2>I was done at that point. I got to the

0:43:18.520 --> 0:43:22.360
<v Speaker 2>school and I looked up and walking toward me is Steven.

0:43:22.440 --> 0:43:25.720
<v Speaker 2>And we'd run into each other many times at different events.

0:43:25.760 --> 0:43:27.880
<v Speaker 2>He you know, he's in the music business, he's a manager,

0:43:28.000 --> 0:43:31.000
<v Speaker 2>he's worked with a lot of people. And he sat

0:43:31.080 --> 0:43:34.640
<v Speaker 2>down and we started talking. And I think because I

0:43:34.719 --> 0:43:37.480
<v Speaker 2>didn't have I just kind of got it to this

0:43:37.719 --> 0:43:40.160
<v Speaker 2>fitt moment with work and all of this, su I

0:43:40.280 --> 0:43:43.480
<v Speaker 2>saw this person and we're just talking and then we

0:43:43.520 --> 0:43:45.799
<v Speaker 2>started arguing over who has the best pizza in New

0:43:45.880 --> 0:43:48.120
<v Speaker 2>York and he's like, I'm a New Yorker, I know.

0:43:48.840 --> 0:43:51.520
<v Speaker 2>And then we agree to go on like a pizza showdown.

0:43:51.600 --> 0:43:54.759
<v Speaker 2>It wasn't nothing elaborate, it was no like it was

0:43:54.840 --> 0:43:57.680
<v Speaker 2>a pizza, and when I was back in New York

0:43:58.000 --> 0:43:59.520
<v Speaker 2>and whole turns out he had a place a few

0:43:59.560 --> 0:44:02.160
<v Speaker 2>blocks from min. I'm like, wait, what, this is interesting,

0:44:02.840 --> 0:44:05.360
<v Speaker 2>and we you know, started to hang out, and a

0:44:05.440 --> 0:44:10.879
<v Speaker 2>couple of weeks later we moved in and okay, I'm

0:44:11.000 --> 0:44:13.480
<v Speaker 2>furious as we were talking. That's why I laught. That's

0:44:13.520 --> 0:44:15.160
<v Speaker 2>why I laughed when you said it on my show

0:44:15.200 --> 0:44:17.400
<v Speaker 2>about you, like all the weeks I was like, wait, oh,

0:44:17.520 --> 0:44:20.640
<v Speaker 2>that's funny. So like, within a few weeks we started

0:44:20.719 --> 0:44:22.480
<v Speaker 2>dating and then going to the point that you asked

0:44:22.520 --> 0:44:26.719
<v Speaker 2>me my husband had no children, and he said he

0:44:26.760 --> 0:44:32.000
<v Speaker 2>always wanted children. He had his own childhood journey that

0:44:32.200 --> 0:44:35.160
<v Speaker 2>was complicated and complex, and he just never thought he

0:44:35.239 --> 0:44:37.759
<v Speaker 2>was going to be a dad or that he had

0:44:37.800 --> 0:44:40.320
<v Speaker 2>the skills to be a dad based on how he

0:44:40.560 --> 0:44:45.520
<v Speaker 2>was raised. And then I said, well, you know, I

0:44:45.760 --> 0:44:49.440
<v Speaker 2>love to look into this, you know, this concept of

0:44:49.560 --> 0:44:53.040
<v Speaker 2>us being parents as we're here now, and I think

0:44:53.239 --> 0:44:57.120
<v Speaker 2>that not having the pressure of the job had allowed

0:44:57.200 --> 0:45:01.080
<v Speaker 2>me to give my body grace. Had I had a

0:45:01.120 --> 0:45:07.359
<v Speaker 2>lot less stress, a lot less just everything. I felt

0:45:07.400 --> 0:45:10.200
<v Speaker 2>a lot less it about myself. To be honest, I've

0:45:10.360 --> 0:45:12.080
<v Speaker 2>never shared that with anybody. But I went through that

0:45:12.120 --> 0:45:14.719
<v Speaker 2>phase of just feeling it was like, this is now.

0:45:14.920 --> 0:45:17.920
<v Speaker 1>It sounds like a real transitional time for you, and

0:45:19.120 --> 0:45:23.040
<v Speaker 1>so much uncertainty. Yeah, but I love that you are

0:45:23.600 --> 0:45:26.000
<v Speaker 1>by the pool and just letting it happen.

0:45:26.400 --> 0:45:29.000
<v Speaker 2>But I'll hang out at an unattractive one piece, yeah,

0:45:29.040 --> 0:45:31.319
<v Speaker 2>and this and then this is what comes to you. Yeah,

0:45:31.320 --> 0:45:33.279
<v Speaker 2>And it came to me, it really did. And the

0:45:33.440 --> 0:45:37.320
<v Speaker 2>right person at the right time, under the right circumstances,

0:45:37.960 --> 0:45:41.440
<v Speaker 2>and for me, for me, you know. And we went

0:45:41.520 --> 0:45:46.680
<v Speaker 2>through multiple rounds of IVF, multiple and there were, you know,

0:45:46.840 --> 0:45:51.000
<v Speaker 2>some hard truths. And one day I was driving and

0:45:51.080 --> 0:45:54.160
<v Speaker 2>I saw this sign that talked about adoption and I

0:45:54.239 --> 0:45:55.520
<v Speaker 2>thought that was an the fifth I was like, oh,

0:45:55.600 --> 0:45:57.560
<v Speaker 2>this is it, This is it. I should you know.

0:45:57.800 --> 0:45:59.520
<v Speaker 2>This is the route. I'm not going to do this anymore.

0:45:59.680 --> 0:46:02.440
<v Speaker 2>This is the route. And I wasn't angry, it wasn't resigned,

0:46:02.480 --> 0:46:04.560
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't like, oh, I'll just stood up. It wasn't that.

0:46:04.680 --> 0:46:07.000
<v Speaker 2>It was like, oh, this is the sign. Like when

0:46:07.040 --> 0:46:10.040
<v Speaker 2>I went to the pool. It wasn't a negative or positive.

0:46:10.080 --> 0:46:16.440
<v Speaker 2>It was a sign. And I got a call that

0:46:16.600 --> 0:46:24.880
<v Speaker 2>things were looking good, and then we taped my pilot

0:46:25.520 --> 0:46:29.680
<v Speaker 2>for the talk show that next morning, and I got

0:46:29.719 --> 0:46:35.480
<v Speaker 2>a call early that morning that we, in fact I

0:46:35.640 --> 0:46:36.160
<v Speaker 2>was pregnant.

0:46:36.440 --> 0:46:39.840
<v Speaker 1>Wow timing, I.

0:46:39.840 --> 0:46:41.480
<v Speaker 2>Still kept that out. It was just crazy. So I'm

0:46:41.520 --> 0:46:42.680
<v Speaker 2>walking out of my pilot.

0:46:43.680 --> 0:46:46.520
<v Speaker 1>I remember your pilot, I remember the first time.

0:46:46.760 --> 0:46:49.960
<v Speaker 2>Pilot, and I am I'm pregnant, and I'm just like wow.

0:46:50.440 --> 0:46:53.080
<v Speaker 2>And you know, we kept a private for thirty two

0:46:53.080 --> 0:46:55.920
<v Speaker 2>weeks because I was a geriatric pregnancy. I didn't know

0:46:56.040 --> 0:46:59.920
<v Speaker 2>what that meant, and also I wasn't on daily TV yet,

0:47:00.600 --> 0:47:05.440
<v Speaker 2>and I wanted to protect my relationship my husband. I

0:47:05.520 --> 0:47:10.080
<v Speaker 2>wanted to protect my sanity. As you know, people will

0:47:10.239 --> 0:47:11.839
<v Speaker 2>you tell someone you're pregnant and you're like, oh boy,

0:47:12.160 --> 0:47:15.080
<v Speaker 2>it's gonna be hard to marry. Oh boy, marriage is hard.

0:47:15.320 --> 0:47:17.360
<v Speaker 2>And I get that sentiment of why people do it.

0:47:17.360 --> 0:47:19.399
<v Speaker 2>We're kind of just trained. It's like a rote thing

0:47:19.520 --> 0:47:22.800
<v Speaker 2>to say. But I am more conscious than ever of

0:47:22.920 --> 0:47:26.480
<v Speaker 2>how I respond to whatever someone is sharing with me, right,

0:47:27.640 --> 0:47:31.719
<v Speaker 2>and I wanted to just enjoy it. And then we

0:47:31.840 --> 0:47:36.600
<v Speaker 2>got a call thirty two weeks in. My team called

0:47:36.640 --> 0:47:38.960
<v Speaker 2>and said, oh, there's a tabloid that's about to say

0:47:38.960 --> 0:47:42.040
<v Speaker 2>you're pregnant. I'm like what And what happened was I

0:47:42.560 --> 0:47:44.920
<v Speaker 2>reserved our maternity room and you have to do it

0:47:45.000 --> 0:47:48.759
<v Speaker 2>under your name and someone had told someone and they

0:47:49.280 --> 0:47:52.279
<v Speaker 2>called our team and it almost made it, almost made

0:47:52.320 --> 0:47:54.439
<v Speaker 2>it almost made it. And it was funny way because

0:47:54.440 --> 0:47:57.640
<v Speaker 2>at the time that baby Shark song was like and

0:47:57.760 --> 0:48:01.080
<v Speaker 2>so I ran, I got this like actually dress I

0:48:01.200 --> 0:48:03.279
<v Speaker 2>had and I and my husband's like, what are we

0:48:03.280 --> 0:48:04.440
<v Speaker 2>gonna do? What are you gonna do? I was like,

0:48:04.560 --> 0:48:06.680
<v Speaker 2>We're gonna do Baby Shark. And then I had the

0:48:07.000 --> 0:48:09.560
<v Speaker 2>book in front of my belly and I was like

0:48:09.640 --> 0:48:11.279
<v Speaker 2>do do do do? Do? Do do? And then I

0:48:11.440 --> 0:48:13.560
<v Speaker 2>removed the book and then it's like a baby and

0:48:13.719 --> 0:48:16.000
<v Speaker 2>then it was like People magazine. You know how it

0:48:16.080 --> 0:48:19.000
<v Speaker 2>goes after that? Yeah, you know. I'm but I think

0:48:19.160 --> 0:48:21.879
<v Speaker 2>fast forward when I look at that. As I said,

0:48:22.719 --> 0:48:25.880
<v Speaker 2>the loss became a win and not with the talk show, right,

0:48:26.000 --> 0:48:29.000
<v Speaker 2>it became a win in love the way I think

0:48:29.040 --> 0:48:33.080
<v Speaker 2>I became a more present friend. I think sometimes my

0:48:33.160 --> 0:48:36.600
<v Speaker 2>conversations were one sided, and I know talk show hosts

0:48:36.600 --> 0:48:38.600
<v Speaker 2>are just born that way to have one sided conversations

0:48:38.600 --> 0:48:43.239
<v Speaker 2>because that much. But I just got a chance to

0:48:43.320 --> 0:48:46.760
<v Speaker 2>catch up with my friends and not talk about work,

0:48:46.800 --> 0:48:50.520
<v Speaker 2>and I know that work is what provides the lives

0:48:50.560 --> 0:48:53.359
<v Speaker 2>that we have. So I'm not like I grew up very,

0:48:53.480 --> 0:48:55.760
<v Speaker 2>very poor, So I'm not going to be that person

0:48:55.800 --> 0:48:59.400
<v Speaker 2>to say moody doesn't matter. But it doesn't. It's not

0:48:59.480 --> 0:49:02.479
<v Speaker 2>the total of happiness or our journeys. I've been both

0:49:02.600 --> 0:49:06.239
<v Speaker 2>sides of the conversation, and it's about perspective of what

0:49:06.400 --> 0:49:08.200
<v Speaker 2>it brings and what you can use it to do

0:49:08.320 --> 0:49:14.000
<v Speaker 2>good and help others. It's a complicated conversation, but it

0:49:14.200 --> 0:49:18.560
<v Speaker 2>is recognized that having that break from work gave me

0:49:19.239 --> 0:49:23.680
<v Speaker 2>love time, It gave me my child in so many ways,

0:49:24.160 --> 0:49:26.560
<v Speaker 2>and it gave me a rebirth, which was the show

0:49:27.480 --> 0:49:30.640
<v Speaker 2>back with the wealth of things I feel to offer

0:49:31.360 --> 0:49:32.799
<v Speaker 2>that I didn't have before.

0:49:32.719 --> 0:49:35.280
<v Speaker 1>In your late forties. I mean, I was just talking

0:49:35.360 --> 0:49:38.640
<v Speaker 1>with EVT Nicole Brown and she just got married for

0:49:38.719 --> 0:49:39.399
<v Speaker 1>the first time.

0:49:39.800 --> 0:49:43.600
<v Speaker 2>Yes, she met Oh wait wait, even their date that

0:49:44.040 --> 0:49:46.600
<v Speaker 2>he took her onto the theater happened right after she

0:49:46.719 --> 0:49:52.480
<v Speaker 2>came on my show. That's last Oh lucky to take responsibility.

0:49:51.760 --> 0:49:55.480
<v Speaker 1>For Yes, you should, you absolutely should, but just like

0:49:55.680 --> 0:49:58.759
<v Speaker 1>talking about how society's timeline and just because you do

0:49:58.920 --> 0:50:01.239
<v Speaker 1>things later in life if it doesn't mean that you

0:50:01.480 --> 0:50:04.480
<v Speaker 1>are less deserving of love or motherhood or anything. I mean,

0:50:05.600 --> 0:50:08.920
<v Speaker 1>how have you felt about your experience with motherhood in

0:50:09.080 --> 0:50:12.080
<v Speaker 1>this chapter of your life? Being you know, an older

0:50:12.200 --> 0:50:15.960
<v Speaker 1>mom like you said you were a geriatric pregnancy, and

0:50:16.120 --> 0:50:16.360
<v Speaker 1>it just.

0:50:16.400 --> 0:50:19.000
<v Speaker 2>Hit me hard. And I'm sorry, I just I think

0:50:19.040 --> 0:50:22.239
<v Speaker 2>it's amazing. I love it. No, I got to tell you,

0:50:24.840 --> 0:50:27.960
<v Speaker 2>wisdom has been an interesting thing for me lately. For

0:50:28.120 --> 0:50:30.759
<v Speaker 2>so long, a lot of young women, not just with

0:50:30.840 --> 0:50:34.640
<v Speaker 2>the pregnancy, but with the career rebirth. Oh my god,

0:50:34.680 --> 0:50:36.440
<v Speaker 2>I look up to you, and I didn't know how

0:50:36.480 --> 0:50:38.200
<v Speaker 2>to accept that. Not that I felt like they were

0:50:38.239 --> 0:50:40.120
<v Speaker 2>saying that I was old. I just never felt wise.

0:50:41.320 --> 0:50:43.200
<v Speaker 2>I never felt like I was like, really me because

0:50:43.840 --> 0:50:47.320
<v Speaker 2>I can't relate. I just like, you know, okay, well thanks,

0:50:47.400 --> 0:50:48.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what I did, you know, Or when

0:50:48.960 --> 0:50:51.279
<v Speaker 2>people say you're so courageous and I'm like, well, what

0:50:51.480 --> 0:50:54.600
<v Speaker 2>was I going to do? You know? And so I've

0:50:54.760 --> 0:51:00.320
<v Speaker 2>recently tried to step out of body and understand what

0:51:00.480 --> 0:51:03.560
<v Speaker 2>they see. Oh my gosh, I've been doing the same.

0:51:04.040 --> 0:51:07.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh right, that's where as I'm like, it must be

0:51:07.040 --> 0:51:07.399
<v Speaker 2>our age.

0:51:07.440 --> 0:51:08.799
<v Speaker 1>If I'm about to turn fifty three.

0:51:09.360 --> 0:51:11.800
<v Speaker 2>It's our age because I've like, I got to step

0:51:12.040 --> 0:51:16.120
<v Speaker 2>out of this to understand what they see. Yes, and

0:51:16.239 --> 0:51:19.000
<v Speaker 2>it's not about running away from age. I just still

0:51:19.040 --> 0:51:23.120
<v Speaker 2>see myself as this trying to figure it out, you know. Yeah,

0:51:23.680 --> 0:51:27.839
<v Speaker 2>you know. And and so with being a mom, of course,

0:51:27.880 --> 0:51:30.279
<v Speaker 2>I've had some exercise on well, what would I have

0:51:30.280 --> 0:51:34.279
<v Speaker 2>been at twenty seven thirty there? And I can't conceptualize

0:51:34.320 --> 0:51:36.400
<v Speaker 2>it because I just don't can't live in that space.

0:51:36.560 --> 0:51:41.640
<v Speaker 2>But I have been so honored that not just late

0:51:41.719 --> 0:51:44.320
<v Speaker 2>to the party parents as I call us, but like

0:51:44.400 --> 0:51:46.759
<v Speaker 2>women in their thirties talk to me more openly about

0:51:46.760 --> 0:51:50.040
<v Speaker 2>freezing eggs. You know. Dulce Sloan from Daily Show, she

0:51:50.320 --> 0:51:52.399
<v Speaker 2>came on and she talked about like, and we've become

0:51:52.480 --> 0:51:56.000
<v Speaker 2>friends off camera, and she says, you know, freezing her eggs.

0:51:56.000 --> 0:51:59.400
<v Speaker 2>She felt shame because it made her feel like she

0:51:59.560 --> 0:52:01.600
<v Speaker 2>wasn't gonna get it right or whatever. You know. Yah,

0:52:02.200 --> 0:52:05.640
<v Speaker 2>and Ashanti just married Nellie and just had her first

0:52:05.719 --> 0:52:08.440
<v Speaker 2>child at forty three, and she frozen her eggs. When

0:52:08.480 --> 0:52:10.239
<v Speaker 2>they were broken up, She's like, I didn't even know

0:52:10.400 --> 0:52:13.360
<v Speaker 2>he would we were rekindled, but she knew she possibly

0:52:13.440 --> 0:52:16.640
<v Speaker 2>wanted this part, but she felt shame. Right, so much

0:52:16.719 --> 0:52:20.640
<v Speaker 2>shame attached to this, right we are in this. You know.

0:52:21.320 --> 0:52:23.800
<v Speaker 2>I have a girlfriend that I love dearly, and she

0:52:24.000 --> 0:52:26.000
<v Speaker 2>one day said to me with shame, and I could

0:52:26.000 --> 0:52:28.040
<v Speaker 2>hear in her voice, I never want to be a mom,

0:52:28.840 --> 0:52:31.520
<v Speaker 2>she said, Tam, And it's not in me. I haven't

0:52:31.520 --> 0:52:33.319
<v Speaker 2>had any trauma. I had a great mom, I had

0:52:33.320 --> 0:52:37.320
<v Speaker 2>a great day. I just I don't want it, okay,

0:52:38.040 --> 0:52:41.360
<v Speaker 2>And I said, okay, right, you know, And that's so

0:52:42.000 --> 0:52:44.520
<v Speaker 2>there's so much shame was surrounded with you do or

0:52:44.600 --> 0:52:45.120
<v Speaker 2>you don't.

0:52:45.280 --> 0:52:45.400
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:52:46.239 --> 0:52:52.319
<v Speaker 2>So for me, I have become more aware of womanhood

0:52:52.520 --> 0:52:57.600
<v Speaker 2>and motherhood being two different journeys, and supporting my female

0:52:57.680 --> 0:53:03.320
<v Speaker 2>friends on the womanhood journey and understanding that my motherhood

0:53:03.360 --> 0:53:08.279
<v Speaker 2>journey means something to my other friends. And so I

0:53:08.360 --> 0:53:10.359
<v Speaker 2>guess I'm in that space now. But when I look

0:53:10.480 --> 0:53:14.200
<v Speaker 2>at the parent I am now and I look at

0:53:14.200 --> 0:53:18.520
<v Speaker 2>the age I am now, I think again, it's like

0:53:18.600 --> 0:53:21.080
<v Speaker 2>that book, don't sweat the small stuff. I think I've

0:53:21.080 --> 0:53:26.040
<v Speaker 2>had enough time to know the bull. I don't things

0:53:26.120 --> 0:53:31.440
<v Speaker 2>out frazzle me as much as they used to. I

0:53:31.560 --> 0:53:33.800
<v Speaker 2>do care what people think. We all do to some degree,

0:53:33.880 --> 0:53:39.040
<v Speaker 2>but I have it in greater perspective of it. And

0:53:39.160 --> 0:53:41.600
<v Speaker 2>even you know, when I was writing this book, you know,

0:53:42.440 --> 0:53:44.800
<v Speaker 2>Harlem Honey, really was not me saying, let me just

0:53:44.840 --> 0:53:46.640
<v Speaker 2>put my name on something so I can get a

0:53:46.719 --> 0:53:49.320
<v Speaker 2>check or d d da da dah. Right, thing to

0:53:49.440 --> 0:53:54.759
<v Speaker 2>me means something to me I have. I'll try not

0:53:54.880 --> 0:53:58.480
<v Speaker 2>to cry here. But the two oldest living relatives I

0:53:58.600 --> 0:54:07.520
<v Speaker 2>have are both and they're in their chapters perhaps of goodbye.

0:54:09.920 --> 0:54:13.880
<v Speaker 2>It's an uncle who has been just a champion for

0:54:14.000 --> 0:54:18.920
<v Speaker 2>my mom and me. And it's my aunt who when

0:54:19.000 --> 0:54:22.360
<v Speaker 2>my mom's mom died when she was ten, I was

0:54:22.480 --> 0:54:25.920
<v Speaker 2>much older. She's much older than my mom, and my

0:54:26.040 --> 0:54:28.560
<v Speaker 2>mother tells the story of her bringing her clothes, you know,

0:54:28.719 --> 0:54:31.200
<v Speaker 2>to get ready to go to school in and being

0:54:31.239 --> 0:54:33.000
<v Speaker 2>a big sister but also a mother figure at the

0:54:33.040 --> 0:54:35.160
<v Speaker 2>same time. So it's our patriarch and our matriarch of

0:54:35.200 --> 0:54:39.040
<v Speaker 2>our family. And my mom is down a few days

0:54:39.040 --> 0:54:41.480
<v Speaker 2>from seventy five, and she said, yeah one day, and

0:54:41.560 --> 0:54:43.600
<v Speaker 2>she's very virile. She's go on her cruises and all

0:54:43.640 --> 0:54:46.080
<v Speaker 2>this sudden stuff. But she says to me, it goes

0:54:46.160 --> 0:54:52.120
<v Speaker 2>so fast. I knew her at nineteen. I knew when

0:54:52.160 --> 0:54:55.880
<v Speaker 2>she was a baby who sat out on this adventure

0:54:56.880 --> 0:55:00.799
<v Speaker 2>and this journey with faith and belief that she could

0:55:00.920 --> 0:55:04.000
<v Speaker 2>somehow figure out this better life for her and her kid.

0:55:05.040 --> 0:55:08.040
<v Speaker 2>And I'm the result of that. And so now at

0:55:08.960 --> 0:55:13.239
<v Speaker 2>fifty four, you know, I don't say this to chastise

0:55:13.320 --> 0:55:15.880
<v Speaker 2>the youth or to imply that they don't know or

0:55:16.000 --> 0:55:18.640
<v Speaker 2>you don't know. My nephew's twenty seventy calls for advice

0:55:18.640 --> 0:55:22.040
<v Speaker 2>all the time. He's like my kid. But you know,

0:55:22.160 --> 0:55:25.840
<v Speaker 2>it goes fast. And when you can learn that a

0:55:25.920 --> 0:55:29.960
<v Speaker 2>lot of the crap that people tell you really doesn't matter.

0:55:31.719 --> 0:55:33.600
<v Speaker 1>It is the fills up a lot of headspace.

0:55:33.719 --> 0:55:37.520
<v Speaker 2>Though it fills up the head until it prevents. Creativity

0:55:38.400 --> 0:55:41.759
<v Speaker 2>blocks you from love, sometimes blocks you from loving yourself.

0:55:42.480 --> 0:55:46.360
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, it sometimes blocks you from just living your life.

0:55:47.640 --> 0:55:50.160
<v Speaker 2>And I have an eighteen year old niece who are

0:55:50.200 --> 0:55:54.080
<v Speaker 2>a door and she'll probably see this interview and wag

0:55:54.160 --> 0:55:55.799
<v Speaker 2>her finger at me, but she's, you know, I love

0:55:55.880 --> 0:55:58.080
<v Speaker 2>this kid, and she's not sure what she wants to do,

0:55:58.520 --> 0:56:00.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, And everybody's like you gotta do it, gotta that,

0:56:00.719 --> 0:56:02.920
<v Speaker 2>gotta do this, it's gotta do that, gotta it, and

0:56:03.040 --> 0:56:06.600
<v Speaker 2>it's like set aside your social media, it's just societal

0:56:06.760 --> 0:56:10.160
<v Speaker 2>pressures like to tell you gotta figure all of this

0:56:10.360 --> 0:56:11.759
<v Speaker 2>out by eighteen.

0:56:13.239 --> 0:56:16.480
<v Speaker 1>What it's ludicrous. I feel you because my daughter, my

0:56:16.520 --> 0:56:19.840
<v Speaker 1>youngest daughter, is eighteen, and I feel there's so much pressure.

0:56:20.080 --> 0:56:23.200
<v Speaker 2>It's so unfair. And I know we can point a

0:56:23.239 --> 0:56:25.800
<v Speaker 2>straight line to social media, but even before then, you know,

0:56:25.880 --> 0:56:27.960
<v Speaker 2>people like gotta go to college, gotta get into gotta

0:56:28.000 --> 0:56:30.160
<v Speaker 2>get if you don't, and then if you and then

0:56:30.800 --> 0:56:32.800
<v Speaker 2>you do all that at eighteen, and then by forty

0:56:33.120 --> 0:56:35.879
<v Speaker 2>it's like, okay, now you got a whole another It's

0:56:35.880 --> 0:56:39.160
<v Speaker 2>like we just fill our headspace with this stuff. And

0:56:39.320 --> 0:56:41.920
<v Speaker 2>so being Michelle Obama was on my show one day.

0:56:42.000 --> 0:56:44.520
<v Speaker 2>She was talking about menopause and she said, you know,

0:56:44.960 --> 0:56:48.920
<v Speaker 2>it's a blessing to get that far, you know, right right,

0:56:49.840 --> 0:56:52.480
<v Speaker 2>you know. And so whether it's that change in life

0:56:52.960 --> 0:56:59.520
<v Speaker 2>or the change that allows you to recognize that if

0:56:59.560 --> 0:57:02.520
<v Speaker 2>you can some your headspace with the views of others,

0:57:02.640 --> 0:57:08.240
<v Speaker 2>you will never find your path. That takes time. Because

0:57:08.760 --> 0:57:11.719
<v Speaker 2>age I didn't have twenty said, I thought I did.

0:57:12.200 --> 0:57:14.400
<v Speaker 2>I didn't know anything, and I'm okay that I didn't.

0:57:14.960 --> 0:57:18.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm okay that I did not know how dangerous it

0:57:18.560 --> 0:57:20.840
<v Speaker 2>was to drive one thy five hundred and twenty eight

0:57:20.920 --> 0:57:24.480
<v Speaker 2>miles with a dog and a map by myself. I'm

0:57:24.520 --> 0:57:28.200
<v Speaker 2>okay with not knowing that right deadline crime at the time.

0:57:28.400 --> 0:57:31.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't even like girls stay home, you know. It's

0:57:31.440 --> 0:57:35.560
<v Speaker 2>there's a certain amount of fearlessness that comes with I

0:57:35.680 --> 0:57:42.480
<v Speaker 2>think fearlessness in the twenties springs perspective, I guess for

0:57:42.640 --> 0:57:43.520
<v Speaker 2>me in the fifties.

0:57:44.320 --> 0:57:47.320
<v Speaker 1>I think that's a big part of it. Like we're

0:57:47.360 --> 0:57:50.160
<v Speaker 1>able to step back, like you said, and like kind

0:57:50.200 --> 0:57:54.560
<v Speaker 1>of widen the scope, like really widen and see it

0:57:54.640 --> 0:57:57.640
<v Speaker 1>all and also just really see our journey and have

0:57:57.840 --> 0:58:02.920
<v Speaker 1>such this immense gratitude for the journey that we've been on.

0:58:03.840 --> 0:58:07.200
<v Speaker 1>And I think that just creates such a piece And

0:58:07.280 --> 0:58:10.920
<v Speaker 1>I I mean, we all know that leading with gratitude

0:58:10.960 --> 0:58:14.320
<v Speaker 1>every morning, thinking about what we're grateful for is going

0:58:14.400 --> 0:58:15.960
<v Speaker 1>to set you up for success for the rest of

0:58:16.040 --> 0:58:19.480
<v Speaker 1>the day. But this is just like full circle life,

0:58:20.320 --> 0:58:22.040
<v Speaker 1>coming back to great gratitude.

0:58:22.880 --> 0:58:24.600
<v Speaker 2>I love that, and that's what I try to do.

0:58:24.760 --> 0:58:27.880
<v Speaker 2>You know, before I get out of bed, I literally

0:58:27.960 --> 0:58:30.200
<v Speaker 2>will lie in bed and I want my first thoughts

0:58:30.280 --> 0:58:34.520
<v Speaker 2>to be gratitude. I want the first thing that I

0:58:35.400 --> 0:58:40.840
<v Speaker 2>say in my brain right is something that is positive

0:58:41.040 --> 0:58:46.720
<v Speaker 2>and grateful and an opportunity to start it that way

0:58:47.040 --> 0:58:50.680
<v Speaker 2>versus some negativity about myself. You know, they always say

0:58:50.720 --> 0:58:52.320
<v Speaker 2>you say things to yourself you would never say to

0:58:52.440 --> 0:58:55.680
<v Speaker 2>someone else. You know, I want to start my day.

0:58:55.760 --> 0:58:58.640
<v Speaker 2>It's like, it's you know, the second best thing is

0:58:58.720 --> 0:59:02.280
<v Speaker 2>coffee for me, right, It's like I need that that

0:59:02.840 --> 0:59:07.360
<v Speaker 2>thought of gratitude, and it's and maybe when you're you know, younger,

0:59:07.440 --> 0:59:09.360
<v Speaker 2>you kind of think, Okay, this is what they're saying

0:59:09.400 --> 0:59:13.920
<v Speaker 2>because they've had successful lives or My mother again, was

0:59:13.960 --> 0:59:16.280
<v Speaker 2>a nineteen year old single mother, and I believe she

0:59:16.480 --> 0:59:19.960
<v Speaker 2>got to where she is now and raised the child

0:59:20.560 --> 0:59:23.080
<v Speaker 2>that I am as an adult is because she led

0:59:23.120 --> 0:59:26.160
<v Speaker 2>with gratitude. And that wasn't fame, that wasn't fortune, that

0:59:26.280 --> 0:59:29.080
<v Speaker 2>was doubts. She could have led with shame, she could

0:59:29.120 --> 0:59:32.280
<v Speaker 2>have led with you know, y means, she could have

0:59:32.440 --> 0:59:37.520
<v Speaker 2>led with fear. But she grew up in a town

0:59:38.720 --> 0:59:41.360
<v Speaker 2>where we didn't get a paved street until the eighties.

0:59:42.360 --> 0:59:46.840
<v Speaker 2>You know, she didn't have these things. But she had gratitude.

0:59:46.920 --> 0:59:50.760
<v Speaker 2>So that is not it's not owned by a race,

0:59:50.880 --> 0:59:53.280
<v Speaker 2>it's not owned by a gender. It's not owned by

0:59:53.360 --> 0:59:59.360
<v Speaker 2>one socioeconomic group. It is afforded to us all. And

0:59:59.760 --> 1:00:03.880
<v Speaker 2>I I think the best of the journey is when

1:00:03.960 --> 1:00:06.680
<v Speaker 2>you can fight the noise and lead.

1:00:06.640 --> 1:00:11.000
<v Speaker 1>With that yes so true, before I let you go

1:00:11.160 --> 1:00:13.960
<v Speaker 1>tammeron hall. What was your last I choose me moment?

1:00:14.840 --> 1:00:17.560
<v Speaker 2>Oh, that's a great one. Oh my last I choose

1:00:17.760 --> 1:00:23.040
<v Speaker 2>me moment? Oh it was this morning. So yesterday I

1:00:23.200 --> 1:00:25.560
<v Speaker 2>had a very early morning and I had a very

1:00:25.600 --> 1:00:28.840
<v Speaker 2>intimidating thing that I had to face, and it took

1:00:28.880 --> 1:00:32.480
<v Speaker 2>a lot of I actually that shy kid and me

1:00:32.560 --> 1:00:35.000
<v Speaker 2>showed up yesterday and I had to deal with her

1:00:35.120 --> 1:00:38.880
<v Speaker 2>and do this event that I wasn't prepared for telling me.

1:00:39.400 --> 1:00:41.560
<v Speaker 2>So this morning, when it was time to wake up

1:00:41.680 --> 1:00:45.880
<v Speaker 2>and get my son ready for school, I fought mom

1:00:46.040 --> 1:00:49.400
<v Speaker 2>guilt as if one morning of not getting him ready

1:00:49.600 --> 1:00:52.240
<v Speaker 2>versus his dad was going to somehow change the trajectory

1:00:52.280 --> 1:00:56.800
<v Speaker 2>of his entire life. And I laid in bed and

1:00:56.960 --> 1:00:59.040
<v Speaker 2>I did it. Get up, and I let my husband

1:00:59.120 --> 1:01:01.640
<v Speaker 2>warm the care at my And not that he wouldn't,

1:01:02.120 --> 1:01:05.520
<v Speaker 2>but sometimes even when he's willing to will when he

1:01:05.680 --> 1:01:08.320
<v Speaker 2>does do it, and he does it every morning with me,

1:01:08.840 --> 1:01:11.120
<v Speaker 2>but I feel guilty fight when out there, like if

1:01:11.120 --> 1:01:13.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm not you know, right, give me the kiss, you know.

1:01:13.920 --> 1:01:16.920
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, my kid knows he loves me

1:01:17.240 --> 1:01:19.240
<v Speaker 2>and I love him, and I'm going to stay in

1:01:19.280 --> 1:01:22.520
<v Speaker 2>this bin. Have a good day, kiddo.

1:01:23.040 --> 1:01:25.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, that's a good one. Just stay in bed.

1:01:27.160 --> 1:01:29.160
<v Speaker 2>I stayed in bed and it was delicious and it

1:01:29.280 --> 1:01:31.840
<v Speaker 2>was great. And now he is home and I can

1:01:31.920 --> 1:01:33.920
<v Speaker 2>hear him and we'll go to taekwondo and then I'm

1:01:33.920 --> 1:01:35.720
<v Speaker 2>going to drop him at taekwondo and then go to

1:01:35.760 --> 1:01:39.080
<v Speaker 2>dinner with my husband. But yeah, yeah I did, because

1:01:39.120 --> 1:01:42.040
<v Speaker 2>he's We fight that, right, We fight the fear of

1:01:42.720 --> 1:01:45.440
<v Speaker 2>this light thing that I do will somehow spell irel

1:01:45.480 --> 1:01:47.680
<v Speaker 2>into my kid having a horrible life. That's just not true.

1:01:47.920 --> 1:01:49.880
<v Speaker 2>And I didn't do it. So I chose that. I

1:01:50.040 --> 1:01:52.040
<v Speaker 2>chose shows me to stay in the bin.

1:01:52.200 --> 1:01:53.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you needed to refuel.

1:01:53.960 --> 1:01:56.840
<v Speaker 2>I did. I needed in and it felt great. Well.

1:01:57.120 --> 1:01:59.080
<v Speaker 1>I love talking to you. Thank you so much for

1:01:59.200 --> 1:02:02.040
<v Speaker 1>being on the pod, Jem, and I'm always here for

1:02:02.120 --> 1:02:03.120
<v Speaker 1>you if you need a guest.

1:02:03.800 --> 1:02:09.320
<v Speaker 2>Oh, well done. Well if we start practicing, because I'm calling, yes, Paul.

1:02:09.880 --> 1:02:11.520
<v Speaker 2>They've never seen this coming.

1:02:11.680 --> 1:02:17.400
<v Speaker 1>Two first chairs. Come on, have a great anniversary and

1:02:17.640 --> 1:02:18.680
<v Speaker 1>have fun at Taekwondo.

1:02:19.200 --> 1:02:20.320
<v Speaker 2>I love you and thank you for the coming.

1:02:20.360 --> 1:02:21.120
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much.

1:02:21.160 --> 1:02:22.320
<v Speaker 2>I love you too. Bye.