1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,280 Speaker 1: This is the biggest lesson you can learn in your 2 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:08,200 Speaker 1: twenties and thirties. Most rejections are not about you. When 3 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:14,000 Speaker 1: you stop personalizing rejection, you stop fearing it. When something 4 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:18,240 Speaker 1: negative happens, we assume it's a reflection of us. It's 5 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:23,120 Speaker 1: a cognitive distortion, a mental habit of turning randomness into 6 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 1: self blame. In truth, rejection often says less about who 7 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: you are and more about how many others were in line. 8 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,840 Speaker 1: The number one health and wellness podcast Jay Set Jay, 9 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:41,880 Speaker 1: Sheety Jay Sick. If you're in your twenties or thirties, 10 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 1: no one's going to tell you this, not your friends, 11 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,519 Speaker 1: not your parents, not even the people who love you. 12 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:51,760 Speaker 1: But if you don't hear it now, you might waste 13 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: the most important decade of your life chasing the wrong things. 14 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: I'm thirty eight and I do anything to go back 15 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: and shake the younger me. So before you scroll, just 16 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,759 Speaker 1: give me a few minutes. This might be the conversation 17 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 1: that saves you years of pain. I'm going to share 18 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: with you the lessons I wish I knew in my twenties, 19 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,919 Speaker 1: and I really believe that if I knew these as conscious, 20 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: intentional lessons, So many things would have shifted for me now. 21 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:27,840 Speaker 1: The first lesson is results are overrated. Obsession with outcomes 22 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 1: is why you're miserable in your twenties and thirties. You're 23 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: bombarded with highlight reels, followers funding six figure salaries. Everyone's 24 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: chasing the trophy, but no one asks do I actually 25 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:45,479 Speaker 1: want the process it takes to get there. I call 26 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 1: it the one percent principle. You see one percent of 27 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: someone's life and you think you want it. You see 28 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 1: the vacations, the home, the parties, or the car, and 29 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 1: naturally you think to yourself, that is what I want. 30 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 1: But it's not how bad you want it. It's about 31 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:06,840 Speaker 1: the systems you're willing to create and commit to in 32 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:12,399 Speaker 1: order to get there. Michael Phelps the unbelievable Olympic champion. 33 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 1: His training volume is five to six hours a day, 34 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: six days a week, roughly eighty thousand meters that's fifteen 35 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: miles weekly at peak. He also did three strength training 36 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: sessions weekly, weight training, core, and stretching. His rest time 37 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 1: rarely took a full day off. Before the Olympics. Michael 38 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: Phelps said, it's not talent, it's repetition. I swam every 39 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 1: single day for six years, not one day off. Krishana 40 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 1: Ronaldo five sessions a week, ninety to one hundred and 41 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:55,920 Speaker 1: twenty minutes each. Recovery sessions include cryotherapy, stretching, hydrotherapy, cold plunges. 42 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,920 Speaker 1: Sleep is seven and a half hours, broken into five 43 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:04,440 Speaker 1: nineteen minute cycles based on sleep science and his diet 44 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 1: six small meals a day, heavy and lean protein and 45 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:12,679 Speaker 1: complex carbs, and Simone Biles training six hours a day, 46 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 1: six days a week, two sessions per day, morning and afternoon. 47 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 1: Her recovery Sundays off, prioritizing therapy mindfulness as much as 48 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:27,320 Speaker 1: physical training. Simone Biles said, it's not just training the body, 49 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:32,079 Speaker 1: it's training the mind. Here's what I've learned. I've never 50 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: met a strong person who hasn't made sacrifices. I've never 51 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 1: met a strong person whose life went according to plan. 52 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,960 Speaker 1: I've never met a strong person who didn't cry in 53 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 1: private and still show up in public. I've never met 54 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:52,000 Speaker 1: a strong person who didn't lose something, a dream, a friend, 55 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 1: a version of themselves to become who they are now. 56 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 1: I've never met a strong person who didn't have nights 57 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 1: when everything felt pointless, but they still showed up. The 58 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:09,360 Speaker 1: next day, sometimes it looks like surviving one more day. 59 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: When I first met the monks and admired them for 60 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 1: their peace, I thought I want that. But then I 61 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,840 Speaker 1: saw their life waking up at four am, four to 62 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: eight hours of meditation, total surrender. That's when it clicked. 63 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:28,599 Speaker 1: You don't get their peace without living their process, and 64 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:33,920 Speaker 1: suddenly chasing only results felt like a trap. Think of 65 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:38,159 Speaker 1: someone you admire, now ask yourself, would I be happy 66 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 1: living their exact daily routine, not just their wins, but 67 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:47,280 Speaker 1: their work, their habits, and their sacrifices. If the answer 68 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:52,039 Speaker 1: is no, stop idolizing their life. Fall in love with 69 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:56,039 Speaker 1: your own path instead. We live in a world right 70 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: now where we see one percent of someone's life and 71 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 1: we want that. We also call it the work ethic. 72 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,479 Speaker 1: If you want to be in the one percent of people, 73 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,040 Speaker 1: you have to have a one percent work ethic. You 74 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,320 Speaker 1: can't want to be in the one percent and have 75 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: a fifty percent work ethic. It just won't add up. 76 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:19,919 Speaker 1: Lesson number two, don't confuse noise for your own inner voice. 77 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,040 Speaker 1: So many people in their twenties and thirties are exhausted 78 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 1: not from doing too much, but from trying to be 79 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: what everyone else expects. Parents, culture, friends, that noise drowns 80 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,520 Speaker 1: out your actual desires. How many times have you ever 81 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 1: chosen a partner or a career because your friends would approve? 82 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,280 Speaker 1: That leads to you living a life they're proud of, 83 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 1: not a life you're proud of. I remember I thought 84 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,599 Speaker 1: I had to get a safe job. I thought I 85 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 1: couldn't take risks. After I got married, I thought I 86 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:57,160 Speaker 1: shouldn't make content because that's not what I studied. We 87 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 1: create all of these barriers in our mind. If you've 88 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,479 Speaker 1: ever felt stuck last or like you're falling behind in life, 89 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,480 Speaker 1: listen closely. I created a free twenty one day journal 90 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: guide that's helped thousands rebuild their habits, find clarity, and 91 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,360 Speaker 1: finally feel aligned toward a path of purpose. You'll get 92 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 1: step by step pages to reprogram your mindset shore up 93 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,920 Speaker 1: with confidence, and become the version of you that actually 94 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 1: follows through. Click the first link in the description or 95 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 1: scan the QR code on screen to grab it now 96 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 1: for free. Don't just watch others transform, This is your moment. 97 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 1: Start yours. Two questions, what are you not doing because 98 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:44,719 Speaker 1: someone else doesn't approve? Do it today? And number two 99 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 1: what are you doing just because someone else approves? Stop 100 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,160 Speaker 1: doing it today. Whatever you're doing just for other people, 101 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,919 Speaker 1: it's probably not worth it. And whatever you're avoiding because 102 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: other people won't like it, that's probably where all you're 103 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 1: meaning and purposes. You can't chase what looks good online 104 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,919 Speaker 1: and expect it to feel good inside. You can't chase 105 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: someone else's goals and expect to feel happy. You can't 106 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: live for approval and still feel at peace. You can't 107 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 1: keep climbing someone else's mountain and wonder why the view 108 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 1: feels wrong, because fulfillment doesn't come from winning, comes from 109 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: a lining. When your actions match your values, peace follows. 110 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: I remember my math tutor once told me you're not 111 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 1: stuck because of the problem. You're stuck because you're afraid 112 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: of what your parents will think of you if you fail. 113 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 1: That line hit me so hard. I realized I was 114 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: chasing their goals and even that I was doing it poorly. 115 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 1: One of my favorite quotes is from Jim Carrey, where 116 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 1: he said, you might fail doing something you don't love, 117 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:05,880 Speaker 1: so you might as well fail doing something you actually love. 118 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: It's better to fail doing what you care about than 119 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: to fail trying to live up to someone else's expectations. 120 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 1: Here's what I want you to do. Write down the 121 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 1: three loudest voices in your head, parents, bosses, friends, whomever. 122 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: Then ask if these opinions didn't exist, what would I 123 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 1: actually want? What would I actually do? That's where your 124 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:40,440 Speaker 1: real voice lives. Follow that lesson Number three. Success and 125 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: happiness are two separate roads. Being successful won't make you happy, 126 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: and being happy won't make you successful. This idea that 127 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: if you're better, you'll attract more doesn't always work. There 128 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 1: are strategies for success and there are habits for happiness. 129 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,880 Speaker 1: Do you know the strategies for success in your industry? 130 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,480 Speaker 1: Have you watched other people and learned what they're doing? 131 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 1: Do you know the habits for happiness? Rest, meditation, connection, belonging. 132 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: Of course, the two intersect, but knowing their separate roads 133 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,320 Speaker 1: will save you time. You go to New York to 134 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,200 Speaker 1: do business and you go to Barley on vacation. There's 135 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 1: separate journeys you take. We think climbing higher will make 136 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 1: us feel lighter. We think more money means more meaning. 137 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: We think the finish line will finally bring peace. But 138 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 1: success and happiness don't live in the same place. Success 139 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: lives in the mind, it's about achieving. Happiness lives in 140 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:48,400 Speaker 1: the heart. It's about feeling. You can win the award 141 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:53,240 Speaker 1: and still feel empty. You can reach the goal and 142 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: still feel lost. You can have everything people told you 143 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:01,280 Speaker 1: would make you happy and still wake up wondering why 144 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 1: you're not. Because success is external its applause, recognition, achievement. 145 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:12,719 Speaker 1: Happiness is internal, its alignment, gratitude, and peace. In your 146 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:18,319 Speaker 1: twenties and thirties, everyone will tell you their definition of success. 147 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:22,079 Speaker 1: Just make sure you take the time to come up 148 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,679 Speaker 1: with your own definition. Learn to listen to your inner 149 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,720 Speaker 1: voice in your twenties and thirties. It's the voice inside 150 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: you that's quiet, that's whispering. It doesn't force you, it 151 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 1: doesn't motivate you through fear. It just speaks to you. 152 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:46,000 Speaker 1: The difference between your intuition and your mind is that 153 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 1: your mind tells you what's right and wrong. It's loud, 154 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 1: it makes you feel fearful. Your intuition gives you choices 155 00:10:55,080 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: and options. It's quiet and graceful. It's thoughtful, and it 156 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,320 Speaker 1: really wants what's best for you, so it motivates you 157 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:08,080 Speaker 1: through love, not fear. In your twenties and thirties, you 158 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,959 Speaker 1: have the opportunity to start listening to that voice. If 159 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,280 Speaker 1: you ignore that voice, it becomes quieter as you get older. 160 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,560 Speaker 1: If you listen to that voice, it becomes louder as 161 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 1: you get older. Lesson number four, You think confidence arrives 162 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 1: after you achieve something, but research from the University of 163 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:31,800 Speaker 1: Melbourne shows its built by small acts to follow through. 164 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 1: It's not about being certain, it's about believing you'll figure 165 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,320 Speaker 1: it out. I remember this quote I once read it said, 166 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 1: confidence isn't they'll like me. Confidences I'll be okay even 167 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: if they don't. Confidence isn't I know what I'm doing. 168 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 1: It's I can handle what happens next. What's really interesting 169 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:57,240 Speaker 1: is that when we believe that external success makes us 170 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:02,400 Speaker 1: more confident, the truth is external successes can actually reduce confidence. 171 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: External success can actually reduce real confidence. If it isn't 172 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 1: built on self trust, you start depending on applause instead 173 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:16,760 Speaker 1: of integrity. You feel powerful only when things go right. 174 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: Psychologists call this contingent self worth. Your value is conditional 175 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:27,439 Speaker 1: on outcomes. People with self trust, on the other hand, 176 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:33,800 Speaker 1: have non contingent confidence, growded in inner consistency, not results. 177 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:40,960 Speaker 1: External success builds ego. Internal consistency builds confidence. Here's the 178 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:45,000 Speaker 1: science behind it, the self efficacy loop by Albert Bandura 179 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:50,520 Speaker 1: from Stanford University. Bandura's foundational research on self efficacy showed 180 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 1: that confidence is built not from success itself, but from 181 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:59,600 Speaker 1: the interpretation of success and failure. When you interpret setbacks 182 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:04,359 Speaker 1: as dat to not personal flaws, your self efficacy rises. 183 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 1: Think about that for a second. When you look at 184 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: failure as something to learn from, as data as insight, 185 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 1: you actually feel more confident than even if you one. 186 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:18,079 Speaker 1: This is why people with self trust bounce back faster. 187 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:22,679 Speaker 1: They see failure as feedback, not proof that they're incapable. 188 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 1: Every time you survive a challenge, your brain collects evidence 189 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:31,160 Speaker 1: that you can trust yourself, says the research. Here are 190 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 1: four habits that will change your life. Number one, don't 191 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:41,720 Speaker 1: break promises you make to yourself. Even micro habits count 192 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: They train reliability. Number two, do the hard things on purpose. 193 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:53,960 Speaker 1: Voluntary discomfort like cold showers, workouts, or difficult conversations build 194 00:13:54,200 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 1: self trust that you can survive stress. Number three track evidence, 195 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:05,679 Speaker 1: not outcomes. Each time you act despite fear, record it. 196 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 1: It trains your brain to notice resilience instead of perfection, 197 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:15,679 Speaker 1: and for separate your identity from your results when things 198 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: go wrong, say this didn't work, not I failed. That 199 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: linguistic shift rewires attribution patterns and preserves self efficacy. Confidence 200 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:32,320 Speaker 1: doesn't come from winning, It comes from learning through loss. 201 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:37,080 Speaker 1: Confidence doesn't come from being right. It comes from staying 202 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: curious even when you're wrong. The next lesson is most 203 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 1: rejection isn't personal. It's statistical. In dating, work, or life, 204 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: rejection often feels like a judgment of your worth, but 205 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: behavioral economists call it base rate neglect, ignoring probability. Most 206 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: knows aren't about you, they're about timing numbers fit. This 207 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 1: is the biggest lesson you can learn in your twenties 208 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 1: and thirties. Most rejections are not about you. When you 209 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 1: stop personalizing rejection, you stop fearing it. Here's the psychology 210 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:22,920 Speaker 1: of personalization. Humans have what psychologists call a personalization bias. 211 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:27,720 Speaker 1: When something negative happens, we assume it's a reflection of us. 212 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,640 Speaker 1: It's a cognitive distortion, a mental habit of turning randomness 213 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 1: into self blame. In truth, rejection often says less about 214 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,680 Speaker 1: who you are and more about how many others were 215 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: in line. You apply for a job with five hundred applicants, 216 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 1: you put your book to thirty publishers. You ask someone 217 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 1: out who's emotionally unavailable. That's not about your inadequacy, it's 218 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 1: about math. Economists call this base rate neglect, ignoring the 219 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 1: statistical odds of an hour and assuming it's uniquely personal. 220 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: If a company hires one percent of applicants, your rejection 221 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 1: was ninety nine percent predictable before they even opened your resume. Yet, 222 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: when we get the know, our brain doesn't think ninety 223 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:20,520 Speaker 1: nine percent odds. It thinks I'm not good enough. We 224 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 1: mistake statistics for self worth. Let me give you a 225 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:48,640 Speaker 1: dating example. Rejection feels most personal in love, but even 226 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 1: there it's often situational, not personal. A twenty eighteen Stanford 227 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 1: study on online dating found that only about twelve percent 228 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,200 Speaker 1: of matches led to a single date, and only two 229 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 1: percent led to something long term. That means ninety eight 230 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:10,720 Speaker 1: percent of romantic outcomes are statistical mismatch, not emotional failure. 231 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:16,400 Speaker 1: Compatibility is a numbers game dressed up as fate. Now 232 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 1: let's look at it from the perspective of work. Organizational 233 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:25,240 Speaker 1: psychology calls this person organization fit. You could be brilliant, 234 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,560 Speaker 1: but in the wrong environment the fits off. Rejection is 235 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:35,120 Speaker 1: often just misalignment, not misperformance. If you can detach rejection 236 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 1: from identity, it stops being a wound and becomes data 237 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:45,200 Speaker 1: data about timing, data about alignment, data about where your 238 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 1: value is actually seen. As the famous saying goes, it's 239 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:57,760 Speaker 1: not rejection, it's redirection. It's the universe's filtering mechanism. So 240 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,880 Speaker 1: how do we do that? How do you actually prepare 241 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 1: yourself to not take rejection personally? Number one name the 242 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:12,080 Speaker 1: bias separate emotion from evidence. When you're rejected, your brain's 243 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:16,119 Speaker 1: threat center, the amigdala, activates as if you're in danger. 244 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 1: That's because evolutionarily, rejection once meant exile separation from the tribe. 245 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:27,400 Speaker 1: To override that ancient wiring, you have to move from 246 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 1: reaction to reflection next time you get rejected, literally ask yourself, 247 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:39,479 Speaker 1: is this rejection about me? Or about probability? That simple 248 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:43,639 Speaker 1: question activates your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain 249 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:49,440 Speaker 1: that regulates perspective and reduces emotional overreaction. This is called 250 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:54,600 Speaker 1: cognitive reframing from I'm not good enough to this outcome 251 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 1: wasn't aligned. The next thing you can do is practice 252 00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:03,760 Speaker 1: micro rejections. Disposure therapy works deliberately. Put yourself in small, 253 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,159 Speaker 1: low stake situations where you might get a note but 254 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter. Ask for a discount at a 255 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 1: coffee shop. They'll say no, so what. Pitch a small 256 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:19,840 Speaker 1: idea to someone new, post something vulnerable online. Each time 257 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,920 Speaker 1: you survive a know your nervous system learns I can 258 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:30,640 Speaker 1: handle this. Confidence is built through emotional repetition. Don't take 259 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 1: everything so personally. Don't assume you did something wrong just 260 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,399 Speaker 1: because someone pulled away. Don't read too much into a 261 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 1: delayed text or a short reply. Life gets heavy even 262 00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:49,280 Speaker 1: for people who care. Don't turn every quiet moment into 263 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 1: a story about your worth. Don't carry other people's moods 264 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,720 Speaker 1: like their proof you failed them. And the last one 265 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:04,480 Speaker 1: but not least. Healing doesn't always feel like healing. Sometimes 266 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:08,159 Speaker 1: it feels like losing interest in things that once excited you, 267 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,520 Speaker 1: Like being bored when you used to be busy. That's regulation. 268 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 1: Your nervous system is learning peace, not apathy. Healing is quiet, awkward, 269 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:23,199 Speaker 1: and often mistaken for emptiness. When we picture healing, we 270 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:28,240 Speaker 1: imagine lightness. Calm mornings, gratitude, journals, peace, But the reality 271 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:35,440 Speaker 1: healing often feels like exhaustion, disinterest, grief, or emotional whiplash. 272 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:40,479 Speaker 1: It doesn't always look like becoming better. Sometimes it looks 273 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:44,000 Speaker 1: like falling apart in new ways. This is why healing 274 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 1: feels messy. Therapists call this the disintegration phase. It's when 275 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 1: your old coping mechanisms stop working, but your new ones 276 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,680 Speaker 1: haven't fully formed yet. You're not who you were, but 277 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,440 Speaker 1: you're not who you're becoming either. During this stage, your 278 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:05,919 Speaker 1: nervous system is recalibrating. That can feel like losing interest 279 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,400 Speaker 1: in people or habits that once energized you. It can 280 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,480 Speaker 1: look like feeling tired or numb after years of running 281 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,520 Speaker 1: on adrenaline. It can look like grieving a version of 282 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:21,440 Speaker 1: yourself that only new survival. This is not regression, it's recalibration. 283 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,879 Speaker 1: You're not falling apart. You're outgrowing the ways you held 284 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: yourself together. Let me say that again. You're not falling apart. 285 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:34,880 Speaker 1: You're outgrowing the ways that you held yourself together. Your 286 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:39,720 Speaker 1: brain is rewiring. Healing literally changes your brain when you 287 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:44,400 Speaker 1: break old patterns like people pleasing, overworking, or emotional avoidance, 288 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 1: your brain's neural pathways weaken. New pathways built on calm, 289 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:54,320 Speaker 1: boundaries and self trust start to form. But here's the catch. 290 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:58,360 Speaker 1: Rewiring the brain takes time and energy, and that process 291 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 1: can feel fatiguing. It's like learning to walk again. You stumble, 292 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,840 Speaker 1: you tire, your question if it's worth it, But every 293 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:11,240 Speaker 1: step strengthens a new pattern of peace. Here's the emotional side. 294 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:16,199 Speaker 1: Healing means you might actually feel worse before you feel free. 295 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:21,000 Speaker 1: Psychologists call this the extinction burst. When you stop feeding 296 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:25,199 Speaker 1: an unhealthy pattern, your brain resists. You might miss the 297 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 1: chaos you once complained about. You might miss people who 298 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:34,399 Speaker 1: hurt you. You might even romanticize the pain because it's familiar. 299 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:39,639 Speaker 1: That spike in discomfort isn't failure. It's the final gasp 300 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:44,359 Speaker 1: of an old habit Dying. Healing doesn't mean you're broken. 301 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 1: Growth and grief are twins. You can become new without 302 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,199 Speaker 1: mourning what was old. That's why healing can feel like sadness, boredom, 303 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 1: or emptiness. Your nervous system is detoxing from intensity. If 304 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:02,639 Speaker 1: peace feels strange, that's because your body has been addicted 305 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:07,080 Speaker 1: to survival mode. If calm feels foreign, it's because chaos 306 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 1: was once home. How to know your healing when it 307 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 1: doesn't feel like it. Number one, you're triggered less often, 308 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: even if you still feel emotional. Number two, you pause 309 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:25,680 Speaker 1: before reacting, even if it still hurts. Number three, you 310 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:31,199 Speaker 1: rest without guilt, even if it's uncomfortable. Number four, you 311 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:35,879 Speaker 1: don't chase closure, you create it. You're finally feeling what 312 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 1: you used to run from, and that's progress disguised as discomfort. 313 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:46,879 Speaker 1: Healing doesn't always feel like healing. Healing is not the 314 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 1: absence of pain. It's the ability to be present with 315 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:55,439 Speaker 1: your pain. Healing doesn't always feel like healing. Sometimes it 316 00:23:55,480 --> 00:24:00,199 Speaker 1: feels like breaking all over again. Sometimes it feels like 317 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:04,679 Speaker 1: getting worse before you get free. Sometimes it feels like 318 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: losing interest in things that once kept you alive. Sometimes 319 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:14,440 Speaker 1: it feels like peace, but your body doesn't trust it yet. 320 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:19,040 Speaker 1: And here's what I'll leave you with. Your twenties are 321 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 1: the decades of firsts. Your first job, your first real heartbreak, 322 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,720 Speaker 1: your first apartment, your first rental payment, your first big mistake, 323 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,520 Speaker 1: your first time realizing your parents are human and so 324 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: are you. Your first real friend who drifts away, your 325 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:42,360 Speaker 1: first moment of feeling lost, alone, and completely unprepared. It's 326 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:46,040 Speaker 1: a decade that feels like a test, but it's actually 327 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 1: a training ground. Understand the psychology of firsts. Every first 328 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:58,439 Speaker 1: triggers what psychologists call identity disruption. It's the tension between 329 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:02,240 Speaker 1: who you were and who you're becoming. Your brain literally 330 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 1: rewires through neuroplasticity, forming new neural pathways every time you 331 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:14,159 Speaker 1: face uncertainty, failure, or novelty. So when you feel overwhelmed, confused, 332 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 1: or unsteady, that is your brain growing. It's not a 333 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,600 Speaker 1: sign you're broken. It's a sign that you're building yourself. 334 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:27,280 Speaker 1: Confusion in your twenties isn't failure. It's the feeling of 335 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:32,600 Speaker 1: your mind expanding to fit your life. You will make mistakes. 336 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 1: You'll fall for people who aren't ready. You'll take jobs 337 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:42,120 Speaker 1: that look good but feel wrong. You'll celebrate wins that 338 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: don't satisfy you and losses that free you. Your mistake 339 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:53,359 Speaker 1: excitement for alignment and comfort for love. That's okay, you're 340 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:58,440 Speaker 1: just collecting emotional data. Your twenties aren't about getting it right, 341 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:02,159 Speaker 1: they're about getting the in. Here's how you prepare and 342 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:07,639 Speaker 1: protect your peace. Expect uncertainty, don't fight it. You're not 343 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,000 Speaker 1: supposed to have a five year plan that works in 344 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:14,359 Speaker 1: your twenties or thirties. You're supposed to experiment, fail, and reorient. 345 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:19,440 Speaker 1: Psychologists call this exploratory growth, trying things not to win, 346 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:25,000 Speaker 1: but to learn. The second step build emotional tools, not timelines. 347 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:29,639 Speaker 1: You need boundaries more than a blueprint. You need emotional 348 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 1: regulation more than motivation, and you need forgiveness more than blame, 349 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,680 Speaker 1: especially for yourself. The next step is to anger the values, 350 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:45,120 Speaker 1: not validation. You'll get flooded with opinions from family, from 351 00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:49,560 Speaker 1: social media, from your own fears. When in doubt, return 352 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 1: to what feels true, not what looks impressive. Instead of 353 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,760 Speaker 1: seeing your twenties as the time to figure out your life, 354 00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:02,560 Speaker 1: see it as the time to practice living it, to try, 355 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:06,920 Speaker 1: to fail, to feel, to rebuild. You're not late, You're 356 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 1: just getting started. Every first is not a final exam. 357 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:18,120 Speaker 1: It's an initiation into a wiser version of you. You 358 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 1: will be okay. You'll chase people who see your potential 359 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 1: but never meet you there. You'll stay in jobs that 360 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:31,880 Speaker 1: drain you because quitting feels like failing. You'll confuse being 361 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:38,400 Speaker 1: needed with being loved. You'll confuse being busy with being fulfilled. 362 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:43,879 Speaker 1: You'll say yes to things you outgrew because no still 363 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:48,760 Speaker 1: feel selfish. You'll make choices to impress people who stop 364 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:52,400 Speaker 1: paying attention years ago. You'll try to prove your worth 365 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: through productivity and burn out trying. You'll think you're behind 366 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:02,360 Speaker 1: until you realize everyone else is pretending to be ahead. 367 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 1: You can learn these lessons at any age, at any stage. 368 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,800 Speaker 1: I hope it sets you up for joy and success. 369 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:14,000 Speaker 1: And remember I forever in your corner and always rooting 370 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 1: for you. Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. 371 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,359 Speaker 1: If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam 372 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 1: Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and 373 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:29,080 Speaker 1: the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know 374 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,400 Speaker 1: you want to be more and achieve more this year, 375 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 1: go check it out right now. You set a goal today, 376 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 1: you achieve it in six months, and then by the 377 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,440 Speaker 1: time it happens, it's almost a relief. There's no sense 378 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,680 Speaker 1: of meaning and purpose. You sort of expected it, and 379 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:44,640 Speaker 1: you would have been disappointed if it didn't happen.