WEBVTT - “I’M ADDICTED TO PROSTITUTES” 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:04.320 Hello, Hello, what's going on? How's it how's it hanging? 0:00:04.680 --> 0:00:05.080 Ah? 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:10.240 Pretty good, man. I was calling in to get some 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:18.040 stuff off my chest. I believe you, and I am sorry. 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:19.400 I'm a little bit nervous here. 0:00:20.079 --> 0:00:24.960 It's okay, man, it's okay. Tell me tell me what 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:31.680 it is that you wanted to talk about today. 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:39.120 Ah Man. So, I'm I'm addicted to the hookers, man, okay. 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:49.800 And it's not just it's not just hookers, right, it's 0:00:51.440 --> 0:00:58.160 the idea of hitting it all, you know, Okay, Yeah, 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:04.840 and I can and convincing them, you know, just some will, 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:07.839 some won't, Some don't give a ship. Some are expensive, 0:01:07.959 --> 0:01:14.240 some are cheap, and it doesn't matter, you know. I'm 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:17.400 just I'm I'm addicted to it, man. 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:22.560 Okay. How how often are you seeing prostitutes? 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:29.280 Man? As often as humanly possible, As long as I 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:32.959 have the disposable income to do so, As long as 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:36.440 my bills are paid pretty much, and foods in my mouth, 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:39.880 pretty much, everything else is going to that become a 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:42.199 hobby or a sport at this point. 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:47.200 You know, how long have you been been doing this for? 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:57.320 Ah man? So the whole doing it raw was in 0:01:57.480 --> 0:02:02.080 the past year or so, but I I've been seeing 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:05.720 the hookers off and on for about six years now. 0:02:07.400 --> 0:02:10.200 For the most part, at first it was just the 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:15.000 thrill of seeing a hooker, right, and then that wasn't 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:20.320 enough anymore. The idea of being able to pay for 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:23.040 something that you want without having to deal with the 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:29.040 extra bullshit was fun to me, you know, a part 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:29.800 of my language. 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:39.720 Sorry m hm. And how often would you I know 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:42.400 you said as often as you can, but like, you know, realistically, 0:02:42.880 --> 0:02:48.760 how often would you say you're you're visiting a prostitute? 0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:54.639 Anywhere between one to four times a week? Okay, it's 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:57.400 almost never the same girl in the same state. 0:02:58.520 --> 0:02:59.800 How much money are you. 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:08.639 This year alone? Probably about thirty to forty grand Okay. 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:14.360 So, I mean, if we were to get into this here, 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:23.000 what what kind of like need do you feel like 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:29.079 you're trying to fill with these prostitutes. 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:38.520 I mean, if you were to get into it, I 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:39.280 don't really know. 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:40.800 I guess. 0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:47.480 The excitement my day to day lacks, you know, because 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:50.640 like I said, it's it's like a sport to me. 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:56.800 It's something that excites me. When when it's somebody I've 0:03:56.880 --> 0:04:01.480 never met before, you know, it's a little stranger. It's 0:04:01.520 --> 0:04:07.440 that that that rush of meeting somebody new and doing 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:11.120 the most primal thing a human being can do, you know. 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:15.200 Yeah, sure I could. I mean there's definitely like a 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:20.080 you know, uh, some kind of a novelty dopamine chasing 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:23.239 thing going on, for sure. 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:26.159 But I'm. 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:33.840 Now, what were you gonna say? 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:36.800 No, no, no, no, go ahead, sorry. 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:42.160 Okay, now you said that you're you're chasing some kind 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:44.400 of excitement that you feel like is not present in 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:50.600 your life, right yeah, yeah, okay, tell me about tell 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:55.040 me about your life outside of uh, outside of outside 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:58.279 of your prostitute addiction. What do you what do you 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:03.080 do on a daily basis? What is your life like? Ah? 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:10.280 Man, So i work by myself right day in day out. 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:16.640 I'm all alone from you know, sun up to sundown, 0:05:17.000 --> 0:05:25.680 and I'm stuck with my thoughts of previous previous endeavors, 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:36.200 previous actions, you know, and you know, I get a 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:40.520 chance to think a lot, and I think that's what 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:44.280 that's what drives me to it so much, right is 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:48.240 I'm left alone with my thoughts so much, no human 0:05:48.400 --> 0:05:52.919 interaction throughout the day. I need that little bit of 0:05:52.960 --> 0:06:00.840 extra excitement. I guess maybe it's boredom or possibly even 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:03.480 just my addictive personality, you know. 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:06.440 But yeah, yeah, you know, I think one of the 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:14.520 things that you know, sex provides is like time, is 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:16.760 that it's a very as you were talking about, as 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:19.880 a very primal in the moment thing. You know, when 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:25.599 you're having sex and you're you know, focused on someone's body, 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:31.640 your you know, thoughts kind of dissipate and your you know, 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:34.320 in your in your sex brain, and you're very focused 0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:40.480 on one particular thing. Uh, and you know, there can 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:42.680 be an attractive notion and you can and you know, 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:45.160 you could really say that about a lot of addicting things. 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:46.320 You know. 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:48.680 I'm sure you could say that about you know, drugs 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:53.680 and alcohol and video games and you know anything that 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:55.760 you know, we use to take our minds off of, 0:06:56.480 --> 0:07:04.040 you know, the thoughts that we're trying to avoid. Go ahead, 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:06.680 I was gonna say. 0:07:06.680 --> 0:07:09.160 The crazy part is I was able to give up 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:11.440 the rest of that stuff, right Like I used to 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:16.280 be addicted to, you know, all sorts of different things. 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:19.440 I was addicted to drugs, I was addicted to cigarettes, this, 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:21.840 that and the other, and I gave it all up, 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:26.240 you know, for a good long time. And I'm still 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:29.160 clean and sober to this day, and this is just 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:31.240 a recent thing. It was like as soon as I 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:34.800 started making good money, it was like I needed to 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:38.920 spend it as fast as humanly possible, you know, because 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:43.880 I'd been so poor for so long. You know, I 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:49.240 found just a really good paying job, and you know, 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:53.920 I guess that's where it all started. Right now. 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:58.600 Is there a is this fulfilling and a thing for 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:03.160 you that is that is purely sexual, that is purely about, 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:08.200 you know, achieving a sexual gratification or is there an 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:12.400 element here of trying to satisfy, you know, a need 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:13.200 for intimacy. 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:21.280 I wouldn't say it's purely sexual, though I would say 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:24.560 that it's a good portion. I mean, there is a 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:29.120 bit of the intimacy factor that goes with it, you know, 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:32.360 because like I said, I am alone all day blah 0:08:32.400 --> 0:08:37.040 blah blah, and you know, I'm alone from anywhere for 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:39.679 a couple of weeks to a couple of months at 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:45.280 a time when I'm working, So you know, it depends. 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:50.559 But I would say a majority of it is the 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:56.800 ideal of the primal just lizard brain in me, just 0:08:57.480 --> 0:09:03.000 I trying to copulate with as many female partners as 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:04.120 humanly possible. 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:09.439 M You said that you have like an addictive personality, 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:13.000 so this is kind of like this, this kind of 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:18.960 like excess and you know, never ending. You know, desire 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:21.120 to be filled is something that's been like a constant 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:25.880 throughout a lot of your life. 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:31.480 Yeah, yeah, I would say so. You know, it started 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:36.280 out with you know, cigarettes when I was young, super young, 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:40.400 probably I don't know, nine ten years old. Started with cigarettes, 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:43.800 and then it was weed, and then it was drinking 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:48.760 and weed. Then it was you know, coke and ecstasy, 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:52.480 and next thing I know, I'm homeless under a bridge 0:09:52.480 --> 0:09:57.000 shooting Crystal mess. You know, Okay, I lost everything. 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:02.560 I love h and you're you're not homeless currently. You 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:04.400 said that you have a job and you're making money. 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:09.760 Now, Oh yeah, I make well over six figures. Now. 0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:14.439 I've got my life together. I've got a nice place, 0:10:15.600 --> 0:10:19.240 I'm fully furnished. I'm almost never home, but you know, 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:21.800 I mean I got a really nice place for when 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:24.040 I do get a chance to go home that I 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:29.959 get to enjoy. And even through all of this, I'm 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:35.839 still able to save money and set it aside to 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:40.959 to be able to to save up and try and 0:10:42.160 --> 0:10:46.760 you know, do something for the future, investments, get a house, 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:56.480 et cetera, et cetera. So that's. 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:00.000 No, guy, go ahead. I wanted you to finish since. 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:05.960 I guess that's the part that's what's making it so hard, 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:11.320 right is I'm still able to manage everything on my 0:11:11.440 --> 0:11:14.280 day to day right, Like, it's not fucking up my 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:16.760 life in any way, except for the fact that I 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:23.320 caught chlamittee twice yeah this year, which is at the 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:25.000 end of the day, not that big a deal. You 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:28.559 take a couple of antibiotics and you're okay in a week, Yeah. 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:31.000 Okay, Yeah, So that was So that kind of leads 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:32.640 into the question I was going to ask you, which 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:36.199 is like, okay, so you have this you know, addiction 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:41.599 to to seeing prostitutes. And it's a dude, it's a 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:46.080 difficult thing when you have an addiction of some kind 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:51.080 or a problem of some kind, but you don't but 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:54.360 yet you're able to be functional and you know, you're 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:57.000 you're making money, and you're you know, have all these 0:11:57.040 --> 0:11:59.880 aspects of your life that are going well. In spy 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:02.559 of this problem that you have. It makes it really 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:04.960 easy to go well, if all these other aspects of 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.439 my life are going, well, is this problem even really 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:11.200 a problem? And then that that, you know, kind of 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:15.360 demotivates you in your uh, you know, desire to fix it. 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:17.360 So I want to know, you know, from you, if 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:19.280 you had to really think about it, and you know 0:12:19.400 --> 0:12:21.160 you called in to me and you wanted to talk 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:24.080 about this, and you know you I can tell that 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:28.800 you're identifying this as as a problem. What to you 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:34.520 are the ways in which this is this is negatively 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:35.160 impacting you. 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:45.000 Ah, Man, I find myself putting me or I find 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:50.440 I'm putting myself in risky positions even though I'm making 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:56.640 good money right now, right like technically, hiring an escort 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.880 or prostitute is illegal at the end of the day, 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:04.839 right like that that could end up costing me my job. 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:12.400 And it's it could, you know, it more than likely 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:16.240 won't because of how safe I am. But you do 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:23.040 anything enough, eventually you will get caught, you know. And 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:31.720 it's one of those things. It's not it's not sustainable, 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:37.679 right because one day I will make the wrong decision, right, 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:41.600 one day I'll hook up with the wrong girl and 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:48.440 maybe just maybe probably won't, but maybe I'll catch something 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:54.400 that's incurable. But as it sits right now, with medical advances, 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:57.800 if you take the right medicines, you can get vaccinated 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:05.840 for almost every STD minus whoamydia, gone rhea and hepatitis 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:15.040 C and uh, what is it? And well you you 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:18.600 can you can take a pill to prevent HIV. Actually, 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:21.400 as long as you're not sharing needles with somebody, you 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:23.160 can take a pill day in and day out. And 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:26.200 I've been on that pill this whole time. 0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:32.360 So okay, you've been on It's so. So things are okay. 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:32.720 Now. 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:36.960 You haven't caught in any serious diseases, you haven't lost 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:40.000 your job, you still have a nice place, you're still 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:43.440 saving enough, it's not destroying you financially. But in your 0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:47.560 mind you're aware of the fact that this is not 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:50.800 going to be sustainable forever, and that if you don't 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:54.280 fix the issue now, you know that you're gonna wind 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:55.480 up into some trouble later. 0:14:58.040 --> 0:14:58.520 Correct. 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:04.400 Yeah, yeah, So what if anything, what if anything have 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:10.120 you done to try to mitigate this or to try 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:16.119 to fix this issue. It's okay if the answer is nothing. 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:26.200 Not necessarily nothing. I've tried to bury myself in work 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:32.040 so I have less less time to be alone with 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:37.040 my thoughts. Yeah, but all that does is make things 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:40.560 worse because then I have more disposable income. 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:44.480 Okay, let's talk about this real quick. Let's talk about 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:45.960 this real quick. I'm sorry to cut you off, but 0:15:46.720 --> 0:15:49.280 it sounds like and I'm not a real therapist. I'm 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:52.280 playing armchair therapy here, but I'm just kind of, you know, 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:56.240 going with you about what I'm observing is like, you know, 0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:59.320 when you're like addicted to shit and you're looking for 0:15:59.400 --> 0:16:02.640 things to take away from your thoughts. It's like, well, Okay, 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:05.040 I was into weed, and I was into crystal meth 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:08.760 and all these things to like get away, and now 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:11.240 prostitutes is my thing to get away from my thoughts. 0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:13.760 And now I'm gonna, you know, dive really deep into 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:18.960 my work to get away from prostitutes. Uh, to not 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:22.680 be just just it's it's all of it becomes this 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:26.680 way to get away from as you keep bringing up 0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:33.240 being alone with your own thoughts and uh, it's it's 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:35.760 like a game of fucking whack a mole or something 0:16:36.240 --> 0:16:39.840 where you're just keeping substituting various things to get away 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:44.240 from your own thoughts, which is a natural thing to do. 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:46.440 I don't you know, you know, you don't have to, 0:16:46.720 --> 0:16:49.640 You don't have to be a crystal meth addict to be, 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:51.840 you know, getting away from your thoughts. I think getting 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:55.640 away from your your your thoughts is something that everyone 0:16:55.880 --> 0:17:00.280 tries to do, and I think there are very pious, 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:05.720 healthy slash unhealthy ways of doing it. But yo, let's 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:10.000 explore this for a second. What about your thoughts is 0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:13.120 so terrible that you need to get away from them 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:13.639 so badly? 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:22.040 Damn, I haven't even thought about that and so long. 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:29.200 If I were to be honest, I guess I sit 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:34.320 there and replay specific events in my life that have 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:41.480 negatively impacted me. Specifically, when I was real young, when 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:45.080 bitcoin was first coming around, I really wanted to invest 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:47.720 I had about three thousand dollars I wanted to invest 0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:52.080 in in bitcoin, way back when my family was like no, no, no, 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:55.359 save that for college, save that for college. I went 0:17:55.400 --> 0:17:58.720 to college and I dropped out almost immediately. I went 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:01.080 to two semesters. I spent that or I went to 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:04.280 one semester. I spent that three grand on that one semester, 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:07.320 and then I never went back. I got good grades, 0:18:07.400 --> 0:18:10.320 I just I didn't have the funds to be able 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:13.720 to facilitate something like that at the time without a 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:16.719 full ride scholarship. I was smart enough and I was 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:24.159 dedicated enough. I just the money wasn't there, and so 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:26.320 that was something I never pursued. 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:29.479 So if I can stop you for just a second, 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:32.800 So in general, these thoughts that you're getting away from, 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:37.359 would you say, would it be fair to say that 0:18:37.720 --> 0:18:39.640 a lot of these thoughts that you're trying to get 0:18:39.680 --> 0:18:49.720 away from are comprised of ruminations on past mistakes, and 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:52.040 that those ruminations are painful for you? 0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:03.680 I would say a vast majority of it would be okay. 0:19:03.840 --> 0:19:08.359 And it doesn't have to be a major mistake either, right, Like, 0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:11.680 even if it's something as minor, as like I fucked 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:13.960 up putting a one instead of a two in this 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:16.960 place when I was doing you know, when I when 0:19:17.000 --> 0:19:19.320 I was filling out a piece of paperwork, you know, 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:20.840 like even the. 0:19:20.800 --> 0:19:25.560 Most but but the right right, right, and and and 0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:27.560 and you know, forget about the degree of the mistakes, 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:31.560 but just in general mistakes, ways that you fucked up 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:36.720 in the past. Yeah, you know, be they writing your name, 0:19:36.800 --> 0:19:40.760 misspelling your name on a fucking tax form, or you know, 0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:44.200 ruining a relationship or whatever it is. It's just ruminations 0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:51.560 on mistakes that you've made, right, Okay. So this is 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:57.800 a long, complicated, real therapy question here, and I don't 0:19:57.800 --> 0:19:59.440 know if you have an answer for it, but let's 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:05.320 talk about it. Why are you having such a hard 0:20:05.440 --> 0:20:11.600 time letting this shit go? Why can't you just let 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:11.879 it go? 0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:14.640 Ah? 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:18.879 Why is it? 0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:25.159 Because if if I had made the big one that 0:20:25.280 --> 0:20:31.040 stems from it, is if I had made that one 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:34.800 little decision when I was real young, when I was 0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:41.520 like thirteen, fourteen years old, okay, I would be so 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:45.720 well off right now, all right, I'd be living like 0:20:45.880 --> 0:20:49.240 Donald Trump, and I wouldn't have to work for anything. 0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:54.680 I'd be, you know, thirty retired, traveling around the world 0:20:54.800 --> 0:20:57.240 doing whatever I wanted day in and day out. And 0:20:57.320 --> 0:21:01.359 I would still have, you know, I'd be able to 0:21:01.400 --> 0:21:04.960 do basically whatever I want, live like a rapper essentially 0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:06.480 what society? 0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:10.119 Jerry, do you really believe that you believe that society 0:21:10.160 --> 0:21:13.640 wants you to live like a rapper? Yeah? 0:21:13.840 --> 0:21:17.280 No, I don't, but you know that that's you know, 0:21:17.440 --> 0:21:19.560 you would be James Bond if you wanted to, if 0:21:19.560 --> 0:21:22.480 you just had enough money, right, like that's what society. 0:21:22.200 --> 0:21:29.000 Jay Jerry, Jerry, I have a few things to say. Yeah, 0:21:29.200 --> 0:21:35.080 you can't, especially if it's something when you are thirteen. 0:21:35.560 --> 0:21:40.359 You can't let regret like regret like your regret is 0:21:40.680 --> 0:21:43.560 it is completely fucking you. Right now, You're like, it's 0:21:43.600 --> 0:21:49.160 just completely fucking you. Your regret is like tunnel visioning 0:21:49.200 --> 0:21:55.040 you away from all the infinite possibilities of the universe 0:21:55.960 --> 0:21:58.520 that you could be pursuing if you weren't focused on 0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:03.960 the regret. Know, I think I think you could benefit 0:22:04.440 --> 0:22:07.400 from instead of thinking about what you don't have as 0:22:07.440 --> 0:22:11.960 a result of you know, decisions that you you you 0:22:12.119 --> 0:22:14.760 made that that maybe didn't work out. You know, you 0:22:14.800 --> 0:22:18.360 could think about all everything you have now, right. I mean, 0:22:18.400 --> 0:22:20.760 you told me that you were on the street. You 0:22:20.800 --> 0:22:23.640 told me that you were under a bridge smoking crystal math. 0:22:23.720 --> 0:22:25.720 Is that true? You're under a bridge smoking crystal math? 0:22:27.480 --> 0:22:30.280 Yeah, a little over three years ago. 0:22:30.560 --> 0:22:33.680 Yeah, okay, you were under you were under a bridge 0:22:33.800 --> 0:22:36.280 smoking crystal math. And now you have a job that 0:22:36.359 --> 0:22:38.560 gives you six figures, and you have an apartment, you 0:22:38.560 --> 0:22:41.360 have a you have such a great you're working off 0:22:41.400 --> 0:22:44.640 of such a great base. You're working off of such 0:22:44.640 --> 0:22:49.919 a great base for your life and instead of you know, 0:22:50.160 --> 0:22:55.920 appreciating the position that you're currently in and and ideating 0:22:56.080 --> 0:23:01.040 on what you can do now from here, from where 0:23:01.080 --> 0:23:05.600 you actually are, like living in reality which is great reality, 0:23:05.600 --> 0:23:08.200 You don't live in it. You live in a great reality. 0:23:08.280 --> 0:23:10.359 Like how often do you really think about that you 0:23:10.359 --> 0:23:13.080 live in a great reality? You have a great base 0:23:13.760 --> 0:23:18.640 to work off of, and to sit there and regret 0:23:18.720 --> 0:23:20.760 that you didn't make the right decision when you were 0:23:21.240 --> 0:23:25.720 fourteen and that you know you're not living like a 0:23:25.840 --> 0:23:29.720 ramper now, it's such a such a mistake, Jared, It's 0:23:29.760 --> 0:23:34.280 such a mistake. Yeah, And you could if you like, 0:23:34.600 --> 0:23:40.520 shifted your perspective to be thinking about instead of what 0:23:40.560 --> 0:23:44.199 you don't have, what you do have and how you 0:23:44.240 --> 0:23:49.720 can work off of that, you you could just be 0:23:49.920 --> 0:23:53.240 so much more excited about life and so much more 0:23:53.280 --> 0:23:58.720 excited about the future. And I, I guess, I don't know. 0:23:58.760 --> 0:24:02.840 I want I like to see, uh, think about that 0:24:02.960 --> 0:24:06.000 more instead of thinking about what you don't have, because 0:24:06.400 --> 0:24:08.480 you have such a great base off of which to work. 0:24:10.320 --> 0:24:14.680 Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for what 0:24:14.760 --> 0:24:19.280 I do have, and I've worked very hard to get myself. 0:24:19.600 --> 0:24:21.960 So just so just give it up, man, give give 0:24:22.080 --> 0:24:24.840 I don't I don't know how, I don't know. I 0:24:24.840 --> 0:24:26.359 don't know how best to tell you this or how 0:24:26.400 --> 0:24:29.960 best to and it's an easier you know, I'm I'm 0:24:29.960 --> 0:24:33.119 sitting here from an outside perspective, and everything's always easier 0:24:33.119 --> 0:24:36.040 said than done. But I mean, fuck, fuck, Jerry, just 0:24:36.040 --> 0:24:37.679 give it up, man, give up the part. What are 0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:40.160 you doing, you know, being so upset about the past 0:24:40.200 --> 0:24:43.000 and what could have been? You know, I've had times 0:24:43.000 --> 0:24:45.040 in my life where I've I've regretted decisions that I 0:24:45.119 --> 0:24:46.960 that I you know, could have made that would have, 0:24:47.000 --> 0:24:49.160 you know, set me off better financially or set me off, 0:24:49.240 --> 0:24:51.439 you know, better in my career, in my life. But 0:24:53.080 --> 0:24:55.800 what the fuck is there possibly to be gained in 0:24:55.840 --> 0:24:58.760 doing that? So, I mean, I don't know how to 0:24:58.760 --> 0:25:00.800 better tell you this than just just to give it up. 0:25:01.760 --> 0:25:02.879 You know, what are you what are you holding on 0:25:02.920 --> 0:25:05.600 to it for? It's serving you? It's literally just serving 0:25:05.640 --> 0:25:06.520 you no purpose? 0:25:10.400 --> 0:25:14.080 Yeah, completely right. 0:25:15.760 --> 0:25:18.000 And so if you gave it up and then all 0:25:18.040 --> 0:25:23.120 of a sudden you made you alone with your thoughts 0:25:23.400 --> 0:25:26.000 to be an exciting place, you know, if your thoughts 0:25:26.000 --> 0:25:30.320 were optimistic. If your thoughts were you know, exciting to you, 0:25:31.480 --> 0:25:34.560 and you actually liked your thoughts, maybe it wouldn't suck 0:25:34.560 --> 0:25:37.879 so much to be alone with them, and then that 0:25:37.920 --> 0:25:40.879 would have a ripple effect, and then you wouldn't you know, 0:25:40.960 --> 0:25:47.199 wanna wanna you know, lose yourself and prostitutes or or 0:25:47.240 --> 0:25:50.280 in work, or in or in whatever it is. You know, 0:25:50.320 --> 0:25:51.840 if you made your thoughts a better place to be, 0:25:52.400 --> 0:25:54.119 and I think making your thoughts a better place to be, 0:25:54.480 --> 0:25:57.560 We'll begin with you, you know, giving up any regrets 0:25:57.600 --> 0:25:59.919 of the past, because you really need to look at 0:26:00.040 --> 0:26:02.439 them in the face and understand just how little they 0:26:02.440 --> 0:26:04.680 are serving you and just how much they are holding 0:26:04.720 --> 0:26:07.000 you back, and how much you know you're you're making 0:26:07.000 --> 0:26:10.080 it worse by by carrying all that shit around instead 0:26:10.080 --> 0:26:12.439 of you know, operating off of the base that you 0:26:12.560 --> 0:26:14.600 that you currently have, which is a really great one, 0:26:15.240 --> 0:26:17.879 you know. And I hope that after this conversation that 0:26:17.920 --> 0:26:19.959 you feel compelled to do all of those things and 0:26:19.960 --> 0:26:25.600 that you you know, change your mind to be more excited, 0:26:26.480 --> 0:26:28.560 because I think that'll unlock a lot for you, because 0:26:28.840 --> 0:26:31.119 if you were able to get yourself, if you're you know, 0:26:31.400 --> 0:26:35.000 you know what you're telling me is is really is 0:26:35.040 --> 0:26:37.480 your story, and that you were you know, went from 0:26:38.040 --> 0:26:42.639 fucking being homeless, smoking methander or bridge to uh, you know, 0:26:42.720 --> 0:26:44.680 having a job with six figures and living in a 0:26:45.320 --> 0:26:47.879 nice place. Then you know, I know that I know 0:26:48.480 --> 0:26:51.840 about you from that that you can really do some shit. 0:26:53.040 --> 0:26:56.119 You know, you really have the power to make great 0:26:56.200 --> 0:26:59.000 changes in your life. You've done it before, and you 0:26:59.040 --> 0:27:00.879 really have the power to you know, take hold of 0:27:00.920 --> 0:27:04.840 yourself and you know, drag yourself in the direction that 0:27:04.880 --> 0:27:07.119 you want to. You've done it before. You did an 0:27:07.160 --> 0:27:11.280 amazing thing you really did by doing that, And so 0:27:12.400 --> 0:27:15.000 if you've picked yourself up before, I think you can 0:27:15.040 --> 0:27:17.520 do it again. But before you do that, you have 0:27:17.560 --> 0:27:20.040 to let go of all the shit that's that's holding 0:27:20.080 --> 0:27:20.960 you back from the past. 0:27:23.680 --> 0:27:32.199 Yeah, yeah, you're right. I appreciate that. Man. Some I 0:27:32.240 --> 0:27:36.359 guess sometimes you really need an outside perspective to really 0:27:37.200 --> 0:27:39.919 put your thoughts in place, you know, because this is 0:27:39.960 --> 0:27:42.960 something I've been dwelling on for months and months and months, 0:27:44.040 --> 0:27:51.600