WEBVTT - “MY DAD HAD A SECRET” 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:05.480 Hello, Hello, is this therapy? Get go? 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:12.039 Yeah, this is Jude, Yes, it is. What's going on 0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:12.920 with you, Jude? 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:18.520 So it's a bit of a long story. Well, me 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:22.200 and my girlfriend had been experimenting with several different types 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:26.000 of psychedelics and different methods of taking them. And I 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:28.040 don't know if you have you heard of boofing before. 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:31.320 Yeah, that's when you shove something up your ass, right. 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:36.120 Yes, yes, And so we were doing several things and 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:39.160 it got to the point where we were doing sand. 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:42.000 You know about the San Pedro cactus. 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:48.519 Uh, the San Pedro cactus, you said. 0:00:47.520 --> 0:00:50.159 Yes, it's a cactus that contains mescaline. 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:53.320 No, I'm not familiar with the San Pedro cactus. 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:59.960 It's a South American cactus that grows quickly and done 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:04.120 a similar effect to what traditional pot would do. But 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:07.680 it got to point where we started blending up and 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:13.160 making it absorbed slurry and drinking it. And at one 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:21.000 point we both booth some sam Pedro cactus and she found, 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:25.000 I would say, almost a sadistic pleasure in the act 0:01:25.040 --> 0:01:29.240 of putting a syringe in my anus and putting a 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:33.160 slurry up there. And ever since then she's kind of 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:39.120 been things that aren't drugs, won't get absorbed into my system. 0:01:39.240 --> 0:01:44.160 She's been insisting forcefully on me putting these things up 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:44.559 my butt. 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:51.440 What types of things has she been insisting that you 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:52.240 put up your butt? 0:01:54.160 --> 0:02:03.160 Food like fucking crackers mixed with water type situation. Sometimes candy, 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:06.920 fucking soul patch kids the other night, like it hurts, 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:10.720 I have henrhoids. Now it's gotten bad, and I've talked 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:13.400 to her about this, but like she insists that, like 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:16.560 she's gonna break up with me if I don't continue 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:17.560 to submit to this. 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:23.359 So tell me when you well. I want to get well. Look, 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:25.680 we'll get into this sort of conflict between you and 0:02:25.680 --> 0:02:28.000 your girlfriend later, but I want to know a little 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:32.480 bit more about the logistics of this. When you show 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:37.040 what do you mean, Like, Okay, when you shove a 0:02:37.880 --> 0:02:42.160 cactus or sour patch kids up your ass, where does 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:44.400 it eventually go? Do you have to shit it out? 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:46.480 Or does it get absorbed into the body in the 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:48.200 same way that if you were to eat it. 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:54.880 So sort of like with the cactus, once you blend 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:56.920 it up into the sirt slurry and put it into 0:02:56.919 --> 0:03:00.400 a syringe, that alkaloids, the mescaline and the cactus that 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:04.639 gets absorbed. But eventually, yeah, you do have diarrhea with 0:03:04.680 --> 0:03:09.280 the rest of the plant matter that didn't get absorbed. 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:13.519 The sour patch kids and the other sort of solid 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:18.200 foods that you are boofy yeah, are you also grinding 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:20.079 those up and putting them into a syringe? 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:27.560 Sometimes like a gummy worm. She'll just put lube onto 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:30.040 it and kind of stuff it in there. 0:03:30.680 --> 0:03:31.960 And then where does it eventually go? 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:37.640 It sits there as long as I can take it, 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:41.680 and then I'll I'll go to the bathroom and excrete 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:45.320 the almost liquefied sour patch kid and that it burns 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:48.160 almost more on the way out than sitting there in 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:52.000 my in my intestine, I guess. 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:55.360 Okay, And I have to ask, does any part of 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:57.640 you enjoy this? 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:06.480 I would say, yeah, I'm open to things involving my butthole, 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:09.520 and that's the only reason that we got to this point. 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.680 But once it comes to things that are acidic like 0:04:12.800 --> 0:04:15.040 sala patch kids and things that hurt to come out, 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:18.479 I'm no, I'm not very happy about that. 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:22.440 Mm hmm. Okay, Well, to get into the conflict with 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:26.800 you and your girlfriends, you know, Jude, I don't I 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:30.880 don't I don't know. Well, tell me tell me first, 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:34.280 all this stuff that you're telling me, you're being dead 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:38.640 completely serious, right, No, this is this is actually happening. 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:40.320 I wouldn't call if I was joking. 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:48.640 I'm okay. So you know your girlfriends cannot insist. 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.400 I know, and I do. I'm not trying to make 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:56.680 it seem like I'm being raped by gummy worms over here. 0:04:57.240 --> 0:05:03.479 But I do feel pulsion too. I would like to 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:07.280 stay with her, So I feel a compulsion to do 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:09.160 these activities, and I know I need to sit down 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:12.800 and have a conversation with her about this, but I 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:14.919 was just kind of calling to figure out how to 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:15.719 do such a thing. 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:25.719 Well, hmm, there's a couple of ways to think about this. 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:33.200 When you say this girl is insisting upon this, what 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:39.400 is she What is she doing to insist? Is she 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.160 like telling you you must do this or I will 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:47.040 leave you. Is she forcibly, yes, shoving things up your ass. 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:50.520 No, it's not. It's not forcibly. She's saying I will 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:52.839 do this, or you have to do this, or I 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:54.760 will leave you. And so it kind of makes it 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:56.960 so like I can't I have to be in a 0:05:56.960 --> 0:05:59.840 position to be capable of things being put up my 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:02.599 but yeah, to have things put on my butt? 0:06:03.320 --> 0:06:06.880 So yeah, so you do it. So you agree to 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:11.080 do it even though you don't like it because you 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:15.280 are afraid that she will leave you if you don't. Yes, 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:22.640 So tell me, why do you want to be with 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:30.400 this girl if she is giving you these wild ultimatums 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:30.840 like this? 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:36.880 You know, that's a very good question, and I wish 0:06:36.880 --> 0:06:39.719 there was a direct answered, but I kind of just 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:43.560 feel stuck. I don't feel like I have any other 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:47.800 direction to go other than continue with how things have gone, 0:06:47.839 --> 0:06:49.520 even though it's got so drastic. 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:54.760 Well, you say you feel stuck because you want to 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:58.320 keep being with this girl, but what tell why is 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:00.320 it that you want to keep being with this girl? 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:05.520 I just I don't think I have that many other 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:08.279 options in my life right now, and I know I 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:10.800 probably do, but that's just the way I think about it. 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:18.880 So there's nothing about her, Okay, So it's not so 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:24.320 much there was anything about her specifically that you enjoy. 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:28.800 Uh No, I I love her. I think she has 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:31.800 a she's a beautiful person with she's sweet and smart 0:07:31.800 --> 0:07:37.440 and kind. But there's just these ultimatings that have gotten 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:41.160 in the way of many of her positive features. 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:48.320 Jude, Yes, a couple of things. Have you talked to 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:49.440 a real therapist about this? 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:57.640 I have before, not not recently because it's gotten a 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:00.280 lot worse lately, but I definitely I need too. 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:03.440 Okay, the last time you talk to a real therapist, 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:04.200 what did they tell you? 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:09.600 They told me to cut this relationship off that there is. Yeah, 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:12.120 that was an abusive relationship. 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:18.840 Yeah, it's totally It's totally an abusive relationship, Jude. And now, look, 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:21.320 I'm not a real therapist, so you know, I'm not 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:29.000 an expert on the sort of psychological holds involved in 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:33.840 a in a situation like this. Yeah, but I will 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:42.600 tell you you're what you're nineteen years old? Yes, I am. 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:48.720 When you say that you don't see any options that 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:53.360 that's you have, you have to understand that that fear 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:58.599 is unfounded because you have a lot of oue. I 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:06.679 promise you have a lot of much better options out 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:12.920 in the universe, including, and towards the very top of 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:16.720 those options, just simply being single. 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:18.640 Uh. 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:24.120 You have a lot of much better options out in 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:29.520 the universe than staying with this girl. 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:32.800 You seem like. 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:37.280 A very sweet guy, and you you deserve better, Jude. 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:43.400 And you know, it also kind of seems like I 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:46.719 don't I don't, you know, I don't know. I'm not 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:51.480 gonna say anything for sure, but you you clearly have 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:57.520 a desire to explore sexually, uh, you know, with your butthole, 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:00.920 which is fine, but you should do that that in 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:07.240 a more positive environment than somebody too. 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:10.600 I'm concerned about some of these things, like you can't 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:13.640 google what happens when start past kids go up your mind? 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:19.360 You know, I'd like to sew for those fascinations in 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:20.240 a much safer way. 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:23.640 Yeah, yes, yes, I think it's totally fine for you 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:26.960 to have those fascinations, but you need to find a 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:35.600 safer way to explore them. Okay, go to a real therapist, 0:10:36.559 --> 0:10:39.480 ask them for advice on escaping the holds of an 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:47.360 abusive relationship. And you know, don't continue to think of 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:51.160 yourself as having no options. I don't know what it is. 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:55.440 I don't know who or what it is that has 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:57.880 drilled that idea into your head, but you need you 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:00.320 need to get that idea out of there. Need to 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:01.480 expel that worm. 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:08.040 Okay, thank you. Yeah, the only worm will be expelling 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:09.640 that hasn't been gummy in like a month. 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:14.160 Sorry, anything you want to say to the people of 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:15.200 the computer before we go. 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:20.079 Jude, Well, thank you guys for listening, and I'll take 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:21.080 what you said dearly. 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:23.080 Thank you it's been very helpful. 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:25.439 Thank you, Jude. 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:27.360 Enjoy night. 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:41.719 I don't know, I don't think I have a uh, 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:46.920 I don't think I have an unpacking of that. Hello, yeah, 0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:49.720 it's gay. Yeah, this is Joe. 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:51.080 What's up? 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:51.280 Ga? 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:52.920 Uh? 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:54.760 Not much? What's going on with you? Joe? 0:11:57.200 --> 0:12:00.800 It's chilling just putting my baby. I'm for an app. 0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:05.120 Yeah. 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:07.040 I was like, have an eight month old sign he's 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:07.560 pretty cool? 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:11.120 Can you really tell that he's cool if he's only 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:13.760 eight months old? Like, like, to what how old do 0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:15.960 you have to be before you start showing like signs 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:17.439 of some form of personality? 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:19.800 I feel like. 0:12:21.360 --> 0:12:23.360 I don't tell everyone. Six months is when you can 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:26.120 talk a baby's cool. And like anyone who says like 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:28.959 their baby has a personality before like six months, I 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:30.280 think they're just like projecting. 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:36.400 Yeah, definitely, but after six before six months, are you 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:38.120 like biting your nails? Like, oh man, I hope my 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:39.160 baby's not a dick? 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:44.679 Yeah, yeah, definitely, like I hope my baby's on a dick, 0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:50.720 and like I hope my baby like like before six months, 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:54.120 you're always like worried, like is my baby, like I 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:59.599 don't know, like developing, Okay, Like when's he gonna like 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:01.480 sit up up? And like what if Like I go 0:13:01.600 --> 0:13:03.640 to the doctor and the doctor's like, well, your baby 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:05.680 should be like doing this by. 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:10.680 Now, you know, but he's not. Yeah, yeah, that's scary. Yeah, 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:13.079 I mean there's still there's still plenty of time for 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:16.240 lots of things to go wrong, but I hope that 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:16.680 they don't. 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:20.839 Yeah, me too, I hope like some like I don't know, 0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:22.520 like I've had ship go wrong in my life, and 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:25.240 like you know, I hope some like bad stuff happens 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:28.160 to him, but just enough to like make him stronger, 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:29.320 like smarter or whatever. 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:32.200 Right, you don't want his life to be perfect, because 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:34.560 then he's gonna, you know, just be addict to everyone. 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:36.560 But you don't want it to be too shitty because 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:39.800 then he's you want his life to be just annoying 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:44.480 enough that he learns from it and becomes a person 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:50.880 as a result. Well, Joe, uh it says here that uh, 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:55.119 you want to tell me about your your father's deathbed confession. 0:13:57.000 --> 0:14:02.000 Yeah, so I'll just like kind of just tell the story. 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:04.959 I'll keep it pretty between the ditches they trying it 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:10.040 to go off and him too tangential. So my dad 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:15.160 died like seven years ago. I was twenty to twenty two, 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:20.640 twenty three, and he had a terminal heart diagnosis and 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:23.400 the doctors like wanted him to stay in the hospital, 0:14:24.160 --> 0:14:25.520 and it was sort of one of those things where 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:28.640 like the doctors want you to stay in the hospital 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:30.720 so they can like monitor you and sort of like 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:33.120 usher you to your death kind of thing, you know, 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:36.840 And like that was like super not my dad's style. 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:42.960 So he left against their advice, and he wanted to 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:49.640 go die on the beach in California, and he asked 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:51.360 me if I would drive him there. He was like, 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:53.040 I know, this is like kind of intense and you're 0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:54.680 young and your dad's like going to die, but I 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:57.400 really don't want to die in the hospital in Arizona. 0:14:57.480 --> 0:14:59.120 It's like I'd like to see the ocean one more time, 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:02.560 you know. So I was like, yeah, sure, and I 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:05.560 threw him in the car and he was only supposed 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:07.120 to live like a week. When we left the hospital. 0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:09.520 He made it like twenty twenty eight days or something, 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:13.680 which is pretty cool. Anyway, we got to the beach 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:18.720 and we were just sitting there and talking about like 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:22.160 a whole host of things that were sort of like 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:25.280 like the types of conversations that I didn't think would 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:27.320 happen with my father, Like they were outside of the 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:30.120 norm of conversations that I would normally have with him. 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:33.400 You know what what what not not not to pull you, 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:36.560 not to pull you two off track, but what what 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:38.680 kinds of conversations. 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:40.480 That was? 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:44.120 Really he was super pragmatic. He was very like you know, 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:47.600 function over form, and like you know, his house was 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:53.040 like spotless and he had you know, three cups, three plates, 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:55.160 three four, three spoons three an I was kind of guy, 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:58.000 you know. So the conversations were indicative of that kind 0:15:58.000 --> 0:16:04.680 of personality like point and functional and not of an 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:10.120 emotional or spiritual or of a nature like that. Like 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:12.240 I always say that, like the three topics that we 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:15.960 never spoke about in my home growing up, for sex, politics, 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:18.840 and religion, you know what I mean. And like we 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:21.640 started to get into that kind of territory which kind 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:23.680 of makes sense, you know, like it's like a dying man. 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:28.320 I think he probably lost some of his filters as because. 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:28.720 His death, you know. 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:33.239 Yeah, so he's willing to have more spiritual, emotional conversations 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:36.000 with you that rather than you know, just kind of 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:36.840 pointed stuff. 0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:42.360 Yeah, exactly, exactly, And that personality trait is sort of 0:16:42.440 --> 0:16:47.280 what makes this story even crazier, because like my dad 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:52.920 was pretty straight edge. You know, he drank, but like 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:57.320 the amount of that anyone who was like born in 0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:00.720 a traditional nuclear family in the fifties would drink as 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:02.000 an adult, if that makes sense. 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:03.000 Yeah. 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:03.680 Yeah. 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:08.440 So so we're we're on the beach short sort of 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:11.800 getting into these like deeper territories of conversation, and this 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:14.280 this dog walked by. It was like it was like 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:18.720 a German shepherd or something, you know, and what I 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:21.840 was like, those dogs are really incredible, and I was like, yeah, 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:23.760 they're like really smart. And he was like, you ever 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:26.240 seen like the drug dogs at the airport or something. 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:29.679 I was like, yeah. He was like, I. 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:33.200 Got really lucky with one of those dogs one time, 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:36.520 and he was like sort of implying that like he 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:38.440 was in a situation where a drug dog would have 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:40.480 alerted on him, which like already caught me off guard. 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:41.879 So I was like, what do you mean, Dad, Like 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:45.000 you you like don't even like people with tattoos, Like, 0:17:45.840 --> 0:17:47.399 what do you mean You're in a situation with like 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:50.720 drugs in your pocket or whatever, you know, And and 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:55.040 that led to this sort of confession from him that 0:17:57.160 --> 0:18:03.159 he opened an auto shop up in Arizona in the seventies, 0:18:03.280 --> 0:18:06.080 which I knew about. That was like his you know, 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:09.720 that's where he made his money, was running this auto 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:15.960 shop for like fifteen years. And but this confession was 0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:19.600 that it was an auto shop, but its secondary function 0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:28.399 was serving as a front for marijuana smuggling racket that 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:32.080 he was running out of Mexico for like fifteen years, 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:37.320 and that they used his auto shop to like build 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:40.840 the trucks that had like secret compartments and shit, and 0:18:41.640 --> 0:18:45.760 that he would drive down to Mexico regularly and like 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:48.200 make a pickup. This is like you know, like lead 0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:50.320 in the seventies, you know, And he said it was 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:51.640 wed like whatever else he was doing. 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:52.159 I don't know. 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:55.400 The confession didn't go that far, and that he he'd 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:57.800 go into Mexico and he would load his trucks up 0:18:57.880 --> 0:19:01.359 with pot and come back across the border sort of 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:07.120 all over the Southwest and do his business with drugs 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:13.520 and that this this story that sparked his confession was 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:15.639 he was coming back from Mexico in time with a 0:19:15.960 --> 0:19:19.200 loaded truck and they're waiting in line to come across 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:23.240 the border, and uh, there was a drug dog coming down, 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:25.760 like walking between the two rows of cars, you know, 0:19:25.880 --> 0:19:28.680 and like he and his friend who like opened this 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:33.240 auto shop splash smuggling ring, were sitting there waiting like 0:19:33.320 --> 0:19:34.960 their fate, like they were stuck. I say, like I 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:38.920 think they knew that they were fucked, you know. And 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:43.640 the dog alerted on a truck that was like four 0:19:43.760 --> 0:19:47.119 or five cars ahead of them, so that truck got 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:50.440 pulled out of traffic, and the border agents waved everybody 0:19:50.480 --> 0:19:52.480 else through and he got to just like drive through 0:19:52.560 --> 0:19:52.960 the border. 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:57.080 So somebody else ended up taking the hit that he 0:19:57.240 --> 0:19:57.720 was going to have to. 0:19:57.880 --> 0:20:02.480 Yeah, exactly exactly, And he got super lucky that like 0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:07.800 he got through that situation, you know. And that's that's funny. 0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:09.959 That's actually a detail I forgot to tell your screener. 0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:11.800 I just told him about like the auto shops and 0:20:11.920 --> 0:20:14.639 like the drug ring and stuff. I forgot sort of 0:20:14.720 --> 0:20:18.359 the climax of the story. It's close close call to 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:21.080 like getting thrown in jail and like me not being 0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:21.680 here anymore. 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:24.840 You know, that's crazy to me. I didn't. I mean, 0:20:24.880 --> 0:20:27.640 it's kind of crazy to me that if, like one, 0:20:28.000 --> 0:20:31.320 if they find drugs in one truck they just let 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:34.400 everybody else behind the truck go. I would not think 0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:37.440 that they would do that, because I mean, what the 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:42.120 what if it's a convoy or like whatever the fuck? Like, yeah, 0:20:42.200 --> 0:20:44.040 you know, I totally wouldn't think. 0:20:44.160 --> 0:20:44.680 Yeah, I don't know. 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:45.120 I mean. 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:48.639 It might be different now, like this was like I mean, 0:20:48.680 --> 0:20:50.120 did this is like fifty years ago? 0:20:50.520 --> 0:20:54.200 You know, this is like and they only had like 0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:57.520 one right, right, right, they only had that enough. Like 0:20:57.600 --> 0:21:01.119 this is a super tangent. But you know how like 0:21:03.000 --> 0:21:05.880 if a cop has somebody pulled over on the side 0:21:05.880 --> 0:21:08.800 of the road for speeding, Like everybody who drives past 0:21:08.880 --> 0:21:11.680 that cop will slow down because they're afraid of getting 0:21:11.720 --> 0:21:14.639 pulled over, right, But that is the moment when you 0:21:14.680 --> 0:21:16.680 would that's the moment when you would want to speed 0:21:16.720 --> 0:21:18.680 the most because that cop is busy, He's not gonna 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:23.879 pull you over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess it's a 0:21:23.960 --> 0:21:28.880 similar kind of like, if. 0:21:28.800 --> 0:21:31.879 You're driving back from Mexico, drugs, like you should find 0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:34.879 a truck that looks like it has drugs and like 0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:37.200 follow it and like make sure it's in front of 0:21:37.280 --> 0:21:37.760 you in line. 0:21:37.840 --> 0:21:42.000 You know, mm hmmm, that's crazy that they just waved 0:21:42.520 --> 0:21:44.680 the rest of you guys that that that they just 0:21:44.760 --> 0:21:49.200 wave waved your father through. Okay, so you're on the 0:21:49.280 --> 0:21:53.040 beach and you're dead who has been a straight edge, 0:21:53.320 --> 0:21:58.080 hates people with tattoos. You know, never seen him do drugs, 0:21:58.119 --> 0:22:00.320 see him drink a little bit, but you know, he's 0:22:00.440 --> 0:22:04.320 kind of a type a type of dude. And then 0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:06.520 he tells you this crazy story about how he used 0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:10.560 to be a drug smuggler and uh, you know, how 0:22:10.600 --> 0:22:14.400 did uh tell tell me more? How did you react? 0:22:14.520 --> 0:22:16.280 What else did he have to say to you could 0:22:16.359 --> 0:22:17.600 continue continue your story? 0:22:19.840 --> 0:22:22.159 This was like this sort of the crazy part of 0:22:22.240 --> 0:22:26.680 this story is like I was sort of like I 0:22:26.840 --> 0:22:29.000 was young, I was twenty two, and like I was 0:22:29.080 --> 0:22:31.000 still coming to terms with the fact that like my 0:22:31.160 --> 0:22:34.359 dad was dying. You know, yeah, yeah, it's like my 0:22:34.480 --> 0:22:37.720 react my reaction in the moment was like sort of 0:22:39.080 --> 0:22:41.160 I already felt like I was in a fever dream 0:22:41.480 --> 0:22:45.639 like before the story, because like I'm twenty two, Like 0:22:45.760 --> 0:22:47.520 this is the time of my life when like I 0:22:47.680 --> 0:22:49.399 was just like smoking a ton of weed and like 0:22:49.520 --> 0:22:53.040 riding mountain bikes all over and like like fucking off. 0:22:53.119 --> 0:22:55.879 Basically like at this point in time, I was like 0:22:56.560 --> 0:23:00.600 I was, I was living in my friends like like 0:23:00.800 --> 0:23:05.320 garden shed in like a small town, just like smoking 0:23:05.359 --> 0:23:07.560 weed and like riding mountain bikes and stuff. So that 0:23:07.680 --> 0:23:14.639 wasn't super like my like awareness and like my I 0:23:14.720 --> 0:23:18.320 didn't really like know who I was at this point 0:23:18.359 --> 0:23:21.639 in my life super well. So like the fact that 0:23:21.720 --> 0:23:24.119 I was already in such an intense situation and then 0:23:24.200 --> 0:23:26.680 this like really intense story came to the surface, Like 0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:29.960 I felt like my reaction was like delayed, Like it 0:23:30.040 --> 0:23:34.440 took a couple of years for me to like be 0:23:34.600 --> 0:23:39.359 like oh shit, like that story happened, and like my 0:23:39.920 --> 0:23:43.159 dad like confessed this like huge truth to me that 0:23:43.359 --> 0:23:45.360 like kind of went over my head at the time, 0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:50.080 you know, because I was like, I mean, if you 0:23:50.119 --> 0:23:52.359 think about how intense of a situation I was in, 0:23:52.560 --> 0:23:57.639 Like we left the hospital against a doctor's advice, and 0:23:57.760 --> 0:23:59.879 the doctor was like, sir, if you leave, you're going 0:24:00.080 --> 0:24:03.440 to die. In five to seven days, you know, and 0:24:03.560 --> 0:24:07.480 then like I put this like dying man in a 0:24:07.640 --> 0:24:11.720 car and then drove him, like, you know, eight hundred 0:24:11.840 --> 0:24:16.680 miles to like the ocean, sort of like like I 0:24:16.800 --> 0:24:19.359