Speaker 1: Forever. Hey everybody, I just know you're gonna come see
Speaker 1: my show. Have you heard of Christmas at the Duplex?
Speaker 1: This is Matt by the way, and there's still tickets
Speaker 1: available for Saturday December and Saturday December twenty two, so
Speaker 1: please come. You can get tickets to Purple Past dot com.
Speaker 1: I would be very very grateful to see you guys there.
Speaker 1: And if you can't come, you have to give me
Speaker 1: a gift. I like everly and stuff. Bye. Hey guys,
Speaker 1: this is Matt and I just want to tell you
Speaker 1: about a new Forever Dog podcast network staple, and that
Speaker 1: is a new pod called This Is What Democracy Pods Like?
Speaker 1: And this is gonna be one of your new favorite podcasts.
Speaker 1: I'm actually sitting here with one of the host former
Speaker 1: Lost Cultures discuss Billy Domino. Billy Domino say something, I
Speaker 1: haven't done anything since that episode of Lost Culture. I'm
Speaker 1: structurally unemployed. And with that, check out This What Democracy
Speaker 1: Pods Like, also hosted by Oscar Montoya and Kate Friedman,
Speaker 1: who are right now late to this recording of our
Speaker 1: episode featuring me. We're gonna talk about everything on this podcast.
Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about democracy. We're gonna talk about what
Speaker 1: it's like to be in democracy. We're gonna talk about
Speaker 1: what's like to hold a democratic of views and then
Speaker 1: to work to uphold them in a democracy. What if
Speaker 1: you were to combine pod Save America and uh pod
Speaker 1: Save America, God Save America, you would get this is
Speaker 1: what democracy pods like. On the Forever Dog podcast Network,
Speaker 1: hosted by Billy Domino, Oscar Montoya, and Kate Friedman, and
Speaker 1: featuring on an episode Fucking Yes, Matt Rogers, He's just
Speaker 1: gonna get Jay Leno. We've got him so many times.
Speaker 1: He keeps coming back in a new car every time
Speaker 1: he where We started recording to the outside to do
Speaker 1: here beep beep on looking at the look Oh Jay,
Speaker 1: look man, Oh I see you? Why why? And look
Speaker 1: over there? How is that culture? Yes? Goodness, let's calls.
Speaker 1: Welcome ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome Matt Rogers and Pat Regan. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: hold on, ding done last Caltursta's calling. I was gonna
Speaker 1: see if you even knew it. I knew it even
Speaker 1: though I don't listen to the podcast less I'm on
Speaker 1: or I mentioned no. I Actually that was gonna be
Speaker 1: the first thing I asked. By the way, my name
Speaker 1: is Matt Rogers. My name is Pat regain Hi. The
Speaker 1: way that I usually start the show is by asking
Speaker 1: who listens to the podcast? So, who listens to last culturestas,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, and then I was like thinking, thank you.
Speaker 1: By the way, I was thinking, I guarantee that does
Speaker 1: not listen to this podcast. I listen to any podcast.
Speaker 1: I guarantee you listen to your own. Sometimes I do
Speaker 1: if I'm on a podcast, or I mentioned I listened
Speaker 1: after I mentioned I stopped listening, might come back in
Speaker 1: Welcome to our seminar and narcissism. Do you ever do
Speaker 1: the thing where you you hit fifteen fifteen fifteen and
Speaker 1: so you hear yourself talk. I live in that space.
Speaker 1: I don't do that. That was a guest for him.
Speaker 1: I don't do that. I don't, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: do that. I'm so thrilled to be here and kind
Speaker 1: of pitch and I don't know my Bowen was unwilling
Speaker 1: to do the show. I feel like it begs the question,
Speaker 1: like I guess I want to take an audience poll.
Speaker 1: Do you guys think that Bowen is a busy at
Speaker 1: work tonight? With his new best friend Claire Foy, looking
Speaker 1: forward to their podcast more. Do you think that we
Speaker 1: finally killed him and I finally one took my rightful
Speaker 1: place as the lack culturally star bowen as um the queen.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a Stone and your the other one. Rael. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how you feel. At least that's how you feel. Wait,
Speaker 1: you feel that I am? You feel this right? I
Speaker 1: am Rachel? Um? Actually, no, you can get the march now.
Speaker 1: I got a cute little pillow. If you feel this
Speaker 1: way on it. I don't know pillow. Who know? You're right?
Speaker 1: You're Rachel. I'm no, You're I'm a I'm Rachel. You
Speaker 1: feel this way? Okay? You feel that you are the
Speaker 1: schemer out of the two of us. No, No, that
Speaker 1: I just twitched how I felt. Oh so you're Emma.
Speaker 1: This is like very the queen right now? Maybe I
Speaker 1: am the queen in a way now that you say that,
Speaker 1: I think that's how I feel. I think you are
Speaker 1: the queen, although I don't think that Bone and I
Speaker 1: like compete to like curry favor with you. That's Sudi
Speaker 1: and Catherine. Um. Anyways, but anyways, Um, we said we
Speaker 1: did see you the Favorite together, which is why you're
Speaker 1: getting all this favorite. Yes, we have one day on
Speaker 1: the front like this snapping for the Fave. Um, did
Speaker 1: you guys like the Favorite? I love that we're talking
Speaker 1: like this is a gay podcast, you know, because like
Speaker 1: we're not like did you guys like? Venom? Were like,
Speaker 1: did you guys like the Favorite? Um? I didn't know
Speaker 1: what the Favorite was until you told me do you
Speaker 1: want to see the Favorite? And I said what is that?
Speaker 1: And you said a movie? And I said sure, And
Speaker 1: so I'm going to just get out not isolated, and
Speaker 1: that's why they're in The Favorite. Really is helpful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a good tool to get kids out of the house.
Speaker 1: The Favorite. My issue, my my issue with the Favorite
Speaker 1: is that we're doing we're doing reviews. We're doing reviews?
Speaker 1: Are we? Are we not reviews? I felt like this
Speaker 1: film was enjoyable, great so far at some though it
Speaker 1: did at some At at certain points it was three
Speaker 1: hours long. I felt like, um, the runtime was two
Speaker 1: hours in one minute, but at certain points it was
Speaker 1: three hours long. UM. And that was hard for me
Speaker 1: as someone who struggles to pay attention to even anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: never mind lesbians. I actually had a different. I had
Speaker 1: a difficult time with the favorite, because this is me
Speaker 1: with all Oscar movies after they're over. I don't know
Speaker 1: if I actually am trying so hard to like them
Speaker 1: so that smart gay Twitter t M doesn't get horribly
Speaker 1: upset with me, or if I really enjoyed myself with
Speaker 1: the cinema. And I feel that I enjoyed myself with
Speaker 1: the cinema. And I think I'm a Stone Game Tony Force,
Speaker 1: and I think she's the m v P for me.
Speaker 1: My m A Stone movie is still easy A. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. And as someone who did meet Penn Baduley
Speaker 1: in my former customer service position, I love Penn bad
Speaker 1: I do love Penn. She wasn't like, um, he wasn't
Speaker 1: hot anymore when I saw him, and that's and guess what,
Speaker 1: like that's okay, wait he did. Okay, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to say, because you know, hot is subjective. They say,
Speaker 1: they say, I'm saying they said. People are saying this
Speaker 1: right now, People are saying this right now, are happening
Speaker 1: right now as we speak, and they are saying this,
Speaker 1: which which is that hotective? And also I do believe
Speaker 1: that Penn Badgeley was once irresistible to me, and now
Speaker 1: I feel that maybe I'm a Chase Crawford gay. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: hey guess what. Every everyone's safe here. I for me,
Speaker 1: in my experience around pen Badgeley, he was at one
Speaker 1: point I feel irresistible to me, and now absolutely I
Speaker 1: would suck his dick. I am able to resist him.
Speaker 1: Today you would suck his dick. But but but but
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have to. I would not have It would
Speaker 1: not be a compulsion. It would be a choice today.
Speaker 1: Whereas let me tell you something, this is I suck
Speaker 1: on that dick, and it doesn't matter what I feel.
Speaker 1: It's not a choice, and it wouldn't be a choice
Speaker 1: a choice, and he doesn't. It wasn't a choice to suck.
Speaker 1: And that's actually a culture. It's rule culture number seventy one.
Speaker 1: It wasn't a choice to s we have it. I
Speaker 1: feel like my back is to y'all. Hey, this thick
Speaker 1: over here? Are you guys comfy? Great? Cool? I'm really
Speaker 1: comfy in my ever Lane denim jacket. And you can
Speaker 1: use the promo code ding Dong at everland dot com
Speaker 1: for some percent off stitch your premium. That's one of
Speaker 1: them and I'm comored with. This piece was ten dollars
Speaker 1: at Uniklo. It did come in a packet. There is
Speaker 1: no promo code, but it was ten dollars, so in
Speaker 1: a way, you don't even need one. There was drama
Speaker 1: backstage because I Forever Dog produced asked if I was
Speaker 1: wearing Everlane and I said what, and she said Everlane
Speaker 1: and I said what? And you didn't know Everlane. And
Speaker 1: then I come to find out that Everline is sponsoring
Speaker 1: Forever Dog and I've not been told, and I've been
Speaker 1: It's taken off absolute storm. I have yet to be
Speaker 1: taken by storm by ever Lane. I'm still sifting through
Speaker 1: the packets of teas at unclose. You are awaiting the storm.
Speaker 1: I'm awaiting the storm. You are currently your status is
Speaker 1: awaiting the storm. And that's actually a beautiful fucking space
Speaker 1: to be, to know the storm is coming and to
Speaker 1: sit on the beach like Taloni in Deep Impact. Let's
Speaker 1: go thererestas I knew a movie. I never saw a
Speaker 1: deep M. You've never seen Deep Pimp. No, I've never
Speaker 1: seen Deep M. I. Um, you have to force him
Speaker 1: to get culture. I've seen um is that Lily's sobe
Speaker 1: What did you just do Lily sobe and that wasn't
Speaker 1: agree for Lily Sobieski. Yes, I love Lily, but she
Speaker 1: what she? What did she do wrong? My scence? She
Speaker 1: still here? I think I think I think she cross
Speaker 1: in Hollywood? Is my question looks like a little Helen Hunt.
Speaker 1: Can I say something? Where is the lie? She's saying?
Speaker 1: Absolutely right? That silence? Say something? Okay? I saw an
Speaker 1: image is that Dwayne read recently all great stories begin
Speaker 1: And the image that I saw at the Dwayne mood
Speaker 1: line was an image of Kate Hudson, and I was
Speaker 1: struck by how much Hudson looks like Goldie Hawn, her mother.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's always been the narrative, always been narrative.
Speaker 1: But I never agreed with the narrative. I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: you're telling me their mother daughter. I'll believe you. But
Speaker 1: I never saw it in the bone structure. And then
Speaker 1: imagined to be standing and Dwayne read a game out
Speaker 1: and finally realized that, wow, Kate Hudson looks like Goldie Hawn.
Speaker 1: Was shaking. It was shaking for you, it was shaking
Speaker 1: for me. Yeah, I actually think that Kate Hudson is brilliant.
Speaker 1: So do I and I think she is good and
Speaker 1: has a great inge and if if I think so too,
Speaker 1: and if Fabletics made men's wear, I would be taking
Speaker 1: my storm. Or now you must have waited the storm
Speaker 1: for now. I am who I one time saw in
Speaker 1: a restaurant. Oh, this is T. This is like mean T.
Speaker 1: Should I spill it? Yeah? I saw David Ducovany in
Speaker 1: a restaurant with his kids and then a leone came
Speaker 1: in and she like sat down with the kids and
Speaker 1: he left and they didn't speak. I feel really bad.
Speaker 1: That's like family drama. That's like that family can look
Speaker 1: like anything and that's what works for them. And I
Speaker 1: just thought it was crazy to see like a celebrity
Speaker 1: divorce kid handoff. That is crazy in dojo on the
Speaker 1: lowery side, you maybe you could have stepped in and
Speaker 1: kind of facilitated a conversation that needed to be had.
Speaker 1: It happened so quickly there was no opportunity to step in. Okay,
Speaker 1: well maybe digitally, I don't know. I guess I just
Speaker 1: stepped in. Yeah, you know, you just stepped in, which
Speaker 1: is actually important and you actually are a social worker,
Speaker 1: thank you. And speaking of stepping in, really can we
Speaker 1: all just give a very warm, loving round of applause
Speaker 1: for Pat who stepped in and it was my true
Speaker 1: sister tonight. Really thank you, thank you. You know it's funny.
Speaker 1: I feel like I I identify as my I don't
Speaker 1: think so any career being over. I've retired and this
Speaker 1: is all just fun now, Like none of this affects
Speaker 1: my legacy. I don't feel the need to perform well, um,
Speaker 1: but I'll step up to keep to be a pillar.
Speaker 1: You're like when Barber stris End does a movie. I'm
Speaker 1: like a barber Stricken does a movie. And um, and
Speaker 1: that is so free. Um. But when I got the text,
Speaker 1: when I got the several texts, it was several texts,
Speaker 1: in fact, panicked texts. I found out that bone was
Speaker 1: going to be held at work only hours ago. And
Speaker 1: I find panicked texts to be a potent for dasiac.
Speaker 1: And so did you get a warning when you when
Speaker 1: you received a text from me, Um, no, that we
Speaker 1: do need to address the elephant in the room. Yes,
Speaker 1: we made out for twenty minutes on a downs and
Speaker 1: why are you bringing it up? And we both had
Speaker 1: the intention of doing it. It wasn't like a mistake.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like, oh wow, we found ourselves doing this.
Speaker 1: We had the and and and and Matt did very
Speaker 1: much say I would invite you back, but I haven't
Speaker 1: a morning tomorrow. And that's cool. And if you can
Speaker 1: be saying that tonight to any of you single gaze,
Speaker 1: just come home with me anyway. I know not what
Speaker 1: I do and say, I don't know my words in
Speaker 1: my heart. I love it. You can get that on
Speaker 1: a phone. Case. Um, so what do you say? Should we?
Speaker 1: I don't. I mean, you're kind of steering the ship.
Speaker 1: I'm just here to support some right. Why am I
Speaker 1: even asking you? Should we get started with the show? So?
Speaker 1: Who here has ever been to I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: lie before? Who's been here before? Who's new to the event? Okayshman,
Speaker 1: Um okay. So basically what's gonna happen is you're gonna
Speaker 1: see a roughly fifty comedians get on stage tonight. They
Speaker 1: are all gonna take one minute to rant against something
Speaker 1: in culture in a segment that Bowen and I call,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. It is um the I
Speaker 1: guess uh climax of our podcast every week we're doing
Speaker 1: it here tonight, fifty of them fifty two if you
Speaker 1: count myself in Pat Regan, because we are about to
Speaker 1: demo them for you. I'm gonna go first. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do a prepared one than Bowen. I miss him? Wait wait?
Speaker 1: Can I say? Can I say I miss him? That's
Speaker 1: really hurtful. I just gave you so much props. You
Speaker 1: gave me so much props. Can I wait? Can I say? Why?
Speaker 1: I am mad at you? Because I came out here
Speaker 1: and I turned around and you were back there and
Speaker 1: like as if you wanted like a more fans. I
Speaker 1: didn't know. Okay, someone who was once brought on stage
Speaker 1: to a smoke machine at this at this show, maybe
Speaker 1: did come to expect that. But maybebe should do Maybe
Speaker 1: we should do a little segment called are you mad
Speaker 1: at me? Uh? Or maybe not? I guess we have
Speaker 1: to do it at the end. This is this is
Speaker 1: now a crossover episode. It's it's allowed to say that.
Speaker 1: At the end. It's about to see what happens over
Speaker 1: the next hour and a half. And I also just
Speaker 1: want to say this, Um, I don't have the spatial
Speaker 1: awareness to like talk to sit into this and talk
Speaker 1: into this microphone. I feel confused about. Well, this is
Speaker 1: part of the gig and if you can't handle it, okay, cool, cool, alright,
Speaker 1: So I think it's probably time. Okay, So I'm just
Speaker 1: this is like behind the scenes bts. You're gonna time me.
Speaker 1: We didn't have time to go over this, you guys,
Speaker 1: all right, So, um, I didn't know I was running
Speaker 1: tax Pat also lost his phone in true classic fashion,
Speaker 1: and it is in the back of his mind. My
Speaker 1: phone is summer in this building and if you see it,
Speaker 1: it is an iPhone se which is yes, in between
Speaker 1: five and six. And well does this I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: up there? All right? Do I give you? Did I
Speaker 1: give you warnings? Thank you? Dad? Um? All right? Get
Speaker 1: what warnings? Any warnings like seconds? Fifteen seconds and five
Speaker 1: seconds when there's five seconds left? Not at obviously great?
Speaker 1: So um perfect. So this is this is a very
Speaker 1: current event, and I'm very sorry, but I have to
Speaker 1: attack this one thing. So now you say this is
Speaker 1: Matt Rodgers. Don't this is Matt Rogers. I don't think, so, honey,
Speaker 1: your time starts now, I don't think so honey that
Speaker 1: thank you? Next video, Yeah, I do remember the movies,
Speaker 1: bitch I saw them, and all you did was remind
Speaker 1: me that it's better than the bullshit you put together.
Speaker 1: Regina didn't have a dark route. You picked the worst
Speaker 1: scene in thirteen going on thirty. Okay, not the worst,
Speaker 1: but who cares about that scene? Everyone knows the best
Speaker 1: scene and thirting going on thirty is say it with
Speaker 1: me when they dance to thriller. I'm sorry, but what
Speaker 1: the hell was going on in the Jennifer Coolid scene?
Speaker 1: They wrote that that day you had months to prepare.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? And the big tooth? It's a
Speaker 1: confusion over big Dick. And with the amount of promotion
Speaker 1: that we had for this, you would have thought this
Speaker 1: would have been the deep impact of music videos, would
Speaker 1: have done very well Justine family commercially, and would have
Speaker 1: made a huge crater in pop culture. But I don't
Speaker 1: think so. Honey, Thank you next, Take you next? Do
Speaker 1: you feel this way? I feel this way as you
Speaker 1: can tell. All right, So let me just talk to
Speaker 1: you a little bit about did you watch the video?
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it yet. I'm definitely kind of a
Speaker 1: blue collar comedians love a day job, wasn't um? I
Speaker 1: was at Chalty Pierce at the soccer part us of
Speaker 1: the kids that I nanny um down to earth, still
Speaker 1: a hometown girl. And it's not like you can just
Speaker 1: whip out your phone and watch it, because what if
Speaker 1: it gets lost. I try to be present. I try
Speaker 1: to be sent you that, I try to be present
Speaker 1: with the kids. Yeah, that's actually probably okay. So now
Speaker 1: um Pat is going to take the mic and he
Speaker 1: is going to do a troball. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: topic you don't. You can leave that here, baby, because
Speaker 1: there's one up there. What the funk am I dealing
Speaker 1: with at this moment? All right? So a little bit
Speaker 1: of background on the trouball. The troupe ball is filled
Speaker 1: with topics that are very difficult to go negative on.
Speaker 1: It is a brave, not for the faint of heart
Speaker 1: moment to choose something out of the trouball. Past topics
Speaker 1: have included Julie Andrews, John Benny Ramsey, and Princess Diana.
Speaker 1: So let's pick one out for my friend Pat Regan,
Speaker 1: who looks good. Can we talk? He worked out? He
Speaker 1: worked out two times today, before and after the kids,
Speaker 1: before and after the kids. I worked out, all right,
Speaker 1: he's so bashful? All right? Here, I don't think you're
Speaker 1: gonna know who this is? I bet I won't. What's
Speaker 1: so annoying about standing here getting it? Okay, Pat Regan,
Speaker 1: you're I don't and just tell me if you don't
Speaker 1: know who this is back in you're I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Trouble topic is Henry Winkler a k A the fon? Yes, okay, great,
Speaker 1: here's your honey topic and your time, Pat Regan starts now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, Henry Winkler. Like what you're
Speaker 1: supposed to be, like the comedic voice of your times,
Speaker 1: you're sucking, lame and not that funny. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: Henry Winkler. We saw your button the water Boy, and
Speaker 1: I didn't want to see it. I never asked you
Speaker 1: actually but your ass away, Henry Winkler. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: You're not that hot, you're problematic and happy days. It
Speaker 1: was rape culture what you are doing, Henry MC. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey, Henry Winkler.
Speaker 1: Your hair is um. Your your hair isn't that good?
Speaker 1: I said, and I can tell that you think it is.
Speaker 1: I don't think so Henryminkler, what have you even been
Speaker 1: up to anymore? Like I feel like you just make
Speaker 1: money for no reason at this point, and that's not fair.
Speaker 1: Eye Nanni, I don't think so, honey, Henry Winkler. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, Henry Winkler. You have no star quality
Speaker 1: and somehow you made a fortune off of having and
Speaker 1: that's not fair to those us you have star quality.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Henry Winkler. I think that you
Speaker 1: probably like, don't love gay people. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: Henry Winkler. Five seconds, I don't think so, Henry Winkler.
Speaker 1: You are bad. That's one minute. That was Pat Regan's.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. From the Trouble. Okay, so
Speaker 1: just quick update on Henry Winkler. He just want an
Speaker 1: Emmy for being in Barrie. I don't watch that show.
Speaker 1: And that's okay, all right. I think that's ready to
Speaker 1: get the show started. Okay, So we have Arbiture really
Speaker 1: named all these groups. This first group is called shut
Speaker 1: Up Susan. Please welcome to the stage in Lockwood. Please
Speaker 1: welcome to says chess Tom Please, I'm gonna stage carmera
Speaker 1: Loogala please come on to this stage, Charlie Todd and
Speaker 1: please not gonna sayge Cody Linquest. Yeah, I love it. Okay.
Speaker 1: The very first to the mic is Ian Lockwood. Everybody, Okay, Ian, Hello, Hi, Hi,
Speaker 1: I'm shy, I'm scared. No shy, comedian, comedian. No, I'm
Speaker 1: actually confident. You're very confident loving the code. Alright, so listen, Okay,
Speaker 1: are we gonna do the trouble or I don't think
Speaker 1: it's a honey prepared topic. I got something to get
Speaker 1: off my chest, had a feeling that was true. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is Ian Lockwoods. I don't think so, honey, and
Speaker 1: his time starts now. I don't think so honey. We
Speaker 1: work and all coworking spaces honey. No, it's just people
Speaker 1: buying into bad corporate culture in a way they think
Speaker 1: is really alternative. But honey, it's not. Also, my we
Speaker 1: work is full of weird guys. Like I walk into
Speaker 1: the we work bathroom stall as a guy is exiting,
Speaker 1: and he goes, I warmed it up for you. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. No. Um, Like I see a
Speaker 1: man having a public meeting in the kitchen, which like
Speaker 1: no uh, and he responds to a woman's comment with
Speaker 1: I'm laughing because no, I don't think so, honey. No,
Speaker 1: My we work is full of weird neon signs that
Speaker 1: say like you do you and like no bad days. Seconds.
Speaker 1: But the biggest one is fifteen ft wide truly and
Speaker 1: I should you not? It says amber is the color
Speaker 1: of your energy? No five seconds, I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: And that's what law quod taking down we work. And
Speaker 1: now to the mic. Everyone welcome. Jess, Hello, Jess, Hi,
Speaker 1: how is it going? I'm really scared genuinely, No, don't
Speaker 1: be afraid, and it's this is my terror face, alright, Jess.
Speaker 1: Is it going to be pre prepared or it's going
Speaker 1: to be pre prepared? To pre prepared? This is Jess
Speaker 1: Toime's I don't think one either. Time starts now, I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Cinderella. Cinderella is the original problematic
Speaker 1: white feminist. She learned she yearned to escape servitude, but
Speaker 1: was willing to get there on the backs of brown
Speaker 1: mouse women using their free labor. She was like, I
Speaker 1: need to go to a ball. You can make my
Speaker 1: dress for free. If you reverse the narrative of cinder Ella,
Speaker 1: it's about women working in a sweatshop under a seconds
Speaker 1: and then after they did all that work, she had
Speaker 1: a fairy godmother the entire time. That's intergenerational privilege, honey.
Speaker 1: But the fairy godmother didn't help her until she was
Speaker 1: an adult. That's exactly how I trust fund works. You
Speaker 1: cannot fool me. You cannot fool me, honey. And they
Speaker 1: recreate in real life. Little girls dress up like Cinderella
Speaker 1: for Halloween, and Odio thing makes those costumes, so I
Speaker 1: don't take up dress time. Everybody, unbelievable Cinderella take that
Speaker 1: and there're many iterations. Everyone, they love you. Give it
Speaker 1: up for carm It go, here we go Carmen. Hello, wow, yes, same, alright,
Speaker 1: are we doing a pre prepared in our trouball topic? Um,
Speaker 1: even though I don't know any celebrities, I'm going to
Speaker 1: try the trollball. Well let's see. I mean, I did
Speaker 1: not think Pat Regan would know the fawns. I can't
Speaker 1: believe you thought that. I didn't know he was in Bowerie.
Speaker 1: But yes, I knew who he was. Okay, this is great.
Speaker 1: This person, this this thing is not a celebrity, but
Speaker 1: there were worldwide known and that thing your trouble. I
Speaker 1: don't think it's any topic is kangaroos and your time
Speaker 1: starts now? I don't think so. Kangaroos going around with
Speaker 1: your hopping and your big why are your feet so big?
Speaker 1: And then they angle back the other way like an
Speaker 1: upside down L seven situation? Ship just regular feed kangaroos,
Speaker 1: think so, kangaroos, you don't have to deal with regular
Speaker 1: cargo shorts like the rest of us. You get to
Speaker 1: just carry your ship on the front of you. Everything
Speaker 1: so convenient for you, kangaroos. I don't think so. Kangaroos
Speaker 1: been in Australia. Why aren't you here so I can
Speaker 1: hug you drag down? I don't think so, honey, kangaroos.
Speaker 1: And second, beautiful beautiful brown fur and you're just you
Speaker 1: punch people in cartoons, but probably not in real life.
Speaker 1: I've never seen it on YouTube, so it must not
Speaker 1: be real. I don't think so, honey, kangaroos. It's really done.
Speaker 1: Kangaroos are shock giving up for Carmen coming to the stage.
Speaker 1: Welcome Charlie time. Hey, I am loving it. What do
Speaker 1: you think? Preselect confidently pset? So this is Charlie Todd's
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, and his time will begin now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. Just salad. If you think
Speaker 1: we're just gonna be cool with you guys stopping to
Speaker 1: chop salads, then you've got another thing coming to you. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm not coming back to your store. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go to Chopped, I'm gonna go to Hale and
Speaker 1: Hardy Soups. I'm gonna go anywhere that chops a fucking salad.
Speaker 1: You have one job and it's just salad, and people
Speaker 1: want their fucking child salad shopped. All right, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna be I'm I'm not gonna bitch about you guys
Speaker 1: having great I'm not gonna bitch about you guys having wraps,
Speaker 1: you guys having smoothies and a lot of things that
Speaker 1: aren't just salad. That's fine, I'll let that slide. I'm
Speaker 1: a fan. I've been a fan for five years. I
Speaker 1: bought my orange bowl five years ago. I up, I
Speaker 1: get my two choppins or maybe one free cheese, and
Speaker 1: I'm a happy customer. But don't you dare tell me
Speaker 1: that it's better for me if you don't chop salads
Speaker 1: because it's faster. Oh, thank you so much for spending
Speaker 1: less time on my salad. I don't think so, honey. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's true. It's true. Pad. There are not just salads there,
Speaker 1: They're not just salids. And I think that it's I
Speaker 1: think that this is true. I know my words, I
Speaker 1: know my heart. I don't know my words. I think
Speaker 1: that is true that a rat was found in a
Speaker 1: just salid. Rob Really, I don't know if that's true. Upset.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you guys work it out later, and
Speaker 1: for now, please welcome Cody Linn quest Hi him. Also,
Speaker 1: my mom's name is Susan, so this is a very
Speaker 1: perfect Yes. I'm constantly saying to my mom like, stop it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I should have called it. Stopped it, Susan, because shut
Speaker 1: up with me. And no, that's more what Charlie, my
Speaker 1: husband will say to my mom. Oh now, now the
Speaker 1: family dynamic is spicy. No, he's nicer to her than
Speaker 1: I am. Okay, alright, so Cody talk to me about this.
Speaker 1: We have a trollable here, and we also have you know,
Speaker 1: probably a mindful of oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a snap decision and I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: pre prepared, prepared. I love it. This is Cody Linquist.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, and her time starts now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Male movie stars being in movies
Speaker 1: with women that are twenty five years younger than them. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, honey. I get it. You're fucking hot, but
Speaker 1: you have fifty and if you have fifty, you have grandpa. Okay.
Speaker 1: If there is a five year old woman in the
Speaker 1: real world who is dating a fifty year old man,
Speaker 1: that is the only fucking thing that we talk about. Okay,
Speaker 1: so much goddamn money that we all go that makes sense, Okay,
Speaker 1: because you know what, if he's fifty and he's just
Speaker 1: magically single because he hasn't met the right woman, like,
Speaker 1: no fucking way, he got issues. Yes, okay, man, that
Speaker 1: man has a fucking problem with every woman you've ever seen.
Speaker 1: And there's not some dumbass twenty five year old who's
Speaker 1: gonna come around and change his life for the better.
Speaker 1: So thank you, and you know what, fuck you, because
Speaker 1: it makes every goddamn fifty year old man think that
Speaker 1: it's okay to leave his wife because he thinks I
Speaker 1: he's gonna get that twenty five year old woman. How
Speaker 1: many people have a goddamn dad who has left their
Speaker 1: mom because he thinks he's gonna go out with Anne
Speaker 1: Hathaway Like I do not fucking think so, honey. My husband,
Speaker 1: My husband is a year older than me the way
Speaker 1: God fucking intended. And that's one minute given up for
Speaker 1: this group. Shut up, Susan in Luckwood. Just Tom, Charlie
Speaker 1: Todd and Tony link Wist. Unbelievable. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: think Hollywood just healed a little bit. I think Hollywood
Speaker 1: is now gonna change. I'm so excited. And you know what.
Speaker 1: We are awaiting the storm. We're waiting the storm. And
Speaker 1: we actually have a rule of culture. It's rule of
Speaker 1: culture number. If you're fifty, your grandpa write it down,
Speaker 1: Kelly Joe, Yes, honey, I see you girl. All right,
Speaker 1: everyone give it up for our next group, and it's
Speaker 1: called say it with me, Pat Gorgeous Delights. Everyone. Welcome,
Speaker 1: Griffin Leads, Welcome, Lisa Kleinman, Welcome, Casey Dost, Welcome, Amanda Jobby,
Speaker 1: and welcome Becky Broom. This is the dance I do
Speaker 1: when I feel the energy, when I'm engaged. I raised
Speaker 1: the roof. Yeah, have you seen that Pat Regan has
Speaker 1: brought back raising the roof? Can everyone raise the roof? Yeah?
Speaker 1: It's four okay, cool? Everyone, please welcome up to the mic.
Speaker 1: Griffin lead jumpsuit a jumpsuit moment. It's a fake jumpsuit?
Speaker 1: Is it really? You're telling me that thing is two pieces?
Speaker 1: It's two pieces? The bathroom. Yeah, I'm practical, and speak
Speaker 1: about the sash. Speak about the sash. Listen, someone else
Speaker 1: dressed me. I can't speak. I love that he's got
Speaker 1: someone else to dress him. That's the rule of culture
Speaker 1: number four. Get someone else to dress you, all right, Griffin,
Speaker 1: So talk to me. Are we gonna do a pre
Speaker 1: prepared topic or there's a trouble here? And I'm just
Speaker 1: saying it's here, there is a trouble. I haven't really
Speaker 1: done short from improv since college, so I'm gonna stayed.
Speaker 1: Its important, it's important. Short forms important. It's important. But
Speaker 1: I've been culture nu short form. It is important. It
Speaker 1: is um But no, I've been a fan of the pods,
Speaker 1: so I've I've had I've had some topics and so
Speaker 1: I hear I think we're gonna do pre selected This
Speaker 1: is Griffin Leeds is. I don't think so, honey. Starts now,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Honey. Those straight girls from high
Speaker 1: school who suddenly gave a ship about me one word
Speaker 1: to go out that I was gay in college? You
Speaker 1: think I didn't know what was going on winter break
Speaker 1: sophomore year, when I start getting all these friend requests
Speaker 1: from want to be Lena Donhams. It's the social media equivalent.
Speaker 1: And when you have a group of people clearly talking
Speaker 1: about because they all turn and look at you at
Speaker 1: the same time, Listen, I am not some object to
Speaker 1: be collected, stuffed and mounted above a fireplace. I'm a
Speaker 1: human being to be mounted, then stuffed, buy a fireplace.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I could have been an ally to you,
Speaker 1: because you know what I could have told you all
Speaker 1: the times I cacked your boyfriends in the school bathroom
Speaker 1: not washing their hands. They're going the hallway and touching
Speaker 1: your hands gross fifteen seconds the tea. You know, my
Speaker 1: true friends, they knew early on, and when I did
Speaker 1: come out to those true friends, they thought I was
Speaker 1: working with him. Because my true friends, you know that
Speaker 1: first and foremost, I'm a tricky little jokester. Second, second,
Speaker 1: I'm a mother and third, I'm a fact who doesn't
Speaker 1: think so very good different using Lenora. What did you
Speaker 1: say using Lena, Dona Pejora, of losing Lena using Lena.
Speaker 1: You know, that's just that's a discussion to be had,
Speaker 1: that it's gonna have it right now, trying to say
Speaker 1: talk to me after. Yeah, no, we're really down to
Speaker 1: talk about this, all right, everyone, please welcome to them.
Speaker 1: Like Lisa's man in a pattern, pant so much, long
Speaker 1: time listener, first time calling, and it's time to call out.
Speaker 1: Now talk to me about the bull versus the pre
Speaker 1: prepared topic. I love that. I love that journey go
Speaker 1: forth on it. I love that for her, love for
Speaker 1: her alright, so at least the kind. I don't think
Speaker 1: any topic is pre prepared and her time will begin now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Honey, Harry Potter, I am so sorry,
Speaker 1: but I cannot believe a story about British teenagers that
Speaker 1: were Catholic school uniforms does not make me horny. But
Speaker 1: that is the magic I guess of Harry Potter. I
Speaker 1: am sorry, I am adult, and I don't need to
Speaker 1: read a glorified picture book about people that don't fuck
Speaker 1: and do drugs talking about butter beer and I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. J K. A Rowlling, we get it.
Speaker 1: You lived in your car, but you know what's did Jewel?
Speaker 1: And I would rather listen to Pisa then fucking a
Speaker 1: story about a version that bumped his head and play
Speaker 1: sports in the air and Broadway broad choose, I can
Speaker 1: hard play like you're fucking angels in America and you
Speaker 1: are not angels in America and j K rattling, you
Speaker 1: are not Tony Kushner. Wow, Wow, I had Wow. That
Speaker 1: was Lisa Climate and she didn't have me. He didn't
Speaker 1: have me. And then she said Jewel and she had me.
Speaker 1: You know what, it's actually rule of culture number fifteen,
Speaker 1: So did Jeel. Thank you Lisa, and now welcome to
Speaker 1: the Mike Casey Jewels. It's Casey. Everybody, please give it
Speaker 1: up for your fantastic hosts. Oh my god, you guys.
Speaker 1: I love you. Um straight male appearance which I celebrate,
Speaker 1: straight man a straight man some say, some say, and
Speaker 1: did very well in the straight pageant which I just held.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Next one, Janu, please, I heard that announcement
Speaker 1: right here and the amount of growth I saw in pageant.
Speaker 1: He grew from when he started the pageant to when
Speaker 1: he finished the pageant. He was still straight by the end,
Speaker 1: but he was but he had grown, but he had
Speaker 1: grown as a straight. It's a real spectrum. So absolutely,
Speaker 1: it's a spectrum. And that's actually real culture number three,
Speaker 1: it's a sectrum. Um, So casey um listen, Yeah, celebrated improviser.
Speaker 1: I mean, we have, of course the option to do
Speaker 1: the troll. I will say that no one's ever celebrated improv.
Speaker 1: But we just said short form was important. We haven't
Speaker 1: even gotten to long form. You're right, that was maybe
Speaker 1: the first time ever that in short form Memba celib
Speaker 1: I have prepared. I mean, is that okay? It it's
Speaker 1: interesting that I'm following Lisa my my my actual wife,
Speaker 1: Lucky man. Oh yes, I almost just said proposed to her.
Speaker 1: They're married. But it's interesting that I'm following her because
Speaker 1: she was so articulate and intelligent and well, let's see
Speaker 1: what happens here. Here we go, this is Casey Joe's
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. As time starts now, ladies
Speaker 1: and gentlemen of the jury, I don't think so honey.
Speaker 1: Books I hate books. Books suck. Why are books so long.
Speaker 1: Make books shorter. Yes, infinite jest more like infinite, that's
Speaker 1: how long it takes you to read it. Warren peace
Speaker 1: more like Warren Peace out. I'm not reading you four
Speaker 1: more like nine eighty four, which brings you to my point.
Speaker 1: Books are boring. Every time I start to read a book,
Speaker 1: I immediately want to do something else. I think to myself,
Speaker 1: I'd rather be painting. Am I a painter? No? Do
Speaker 1: I paint? Hell? No, that's how much I hate books.
Speaker 1: I'd rather paint. Next, it takes so much work with
Speaker 1: your hands. Self explanatory. Next, the good books don't have pictures,
Speaker 1: and the bad ones too. That's ridiculous. Guns ahead. If
Speaker 1: I have to pick a favorite book which is a
Speaker 1: hilarious scenario, I pick Go Dog Go that describes the
Speaker 1: actions and interactions of a group of highly motivated dogs
Speaker 1: who operate cars and other conveyances in pursuit of work,
Speaker 1: play and a final mysterious goal, a dog party. That's
Speaker 1: a good book. And that's one minute. Wow. Wow. The
Speaker 1: Kleineman Jos are not readers. No, and I famously only
Speaker 1: ever read nine books in my owl. Yeah, besh, you
Speaker 1: in it now? It was a phone the whole. Their
Speaker 1: kids are getting screen time, yes, which is huge for kids.
Speaker 1: That was amazing. Everyone up. Give it up for Amanda Job.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, darling, this is a thrill. Yes, move
Speaker 1: it out of the way. I can't have it in
Speaker 1: my way of my When an icon steps forth, appreciate culture.
Speaker 1: That's a culture number nine. When an icon steps for
Speaker 1: you appreciate. You know, if Leanne Rhymes were to walk
Speaker 1: into the room right now, we would appreciate it, maybe
Speaker 1: and rhyme, Yeah, Liann, just say I see her, I
Speaker 1: see her, my girl after my most said night, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I mean and so listen, there's um you know, famously,
Speaker 1: there's the trouble prepared. Yes, I have a pre prepared
Speaker 1: because it's serious. So let's do this. Okay, here's Amanda's UM.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, and her time starts now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. The United States of America,
Speaker 1: a country with a problematic start, built by immigrants and
Speaker 1: founded on unalienable rights, which is now consumed by hatred
Speaker 1: and exclusivity, not to mention supporting a nation that is
Speaker 1: facilitating the greatest humanitarian crisis of all time. So I
Speaker 1: don't think So, honey, I'd like to make a list
Speaker 1: of the states that I believe can be doing a
Speaker 1: better job. Okay, Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Canada,
Speaker 1: cat Delaware, Florida, Georgia. How I can just Kentucky, Louisa, Animated, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Massora, Mantanna, Nebraska,
Speaker 1: New hampt New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina,
Speaker 1: North Dakota, Hi, Oklahoma, Horgan, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina,
Speaker 1: South Dakota, Towna, sat Texas, Virjunior, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin,
Speaker 1: hen Wi. Man, thank you very much, man, And let
Speaker 1: me tell you something that was all the states. So
Speaker 1: I think what she's saying is we all could do
Speaker 1: a better job. That seemed to be the message. That
Speaker 1: seemed to be the message. You've gotta think when you
Speaker 1: come here, be prepared to think. Okay, So who's next year? Okay,
Speaker 1: it's Becky bro Oh wow, what do we think? Are you? Well?
Speaker 1: I was gonna do Bull, then I was gonna do
Speaker 1: pre Now I'm gonna do Bull. Just told to tell
Speaker 1: us all this time at this show us Bull Okay,
Speaker 1: here we go. This will be coming up soon, this event. Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll have to tell you if I don't know what
Speaker 1: it is, well, I think you know. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Topic from the troll bull Becky Abrahams the golden globes shorts. Now,
Speaker 1: I actually don't think so. Golden clothes. What do you
Speaker 1: think you are? The oscars incorrect? Are you the I
Speaker 1: don't know. Wait a minute, it's golden gulds part of
Speaker 1: egot Remind me, remind me knowing that I don't think
Speaker 1: so you better read think golden gloves. Then they get
Speaker 1: like good gut and it's not that. Yeah. I liked
Speaker 1: it when two female comedians hosted it, and then some
Speaker 1: reason I went away last time. I'm not sure why.
Speaker 1: Maybe some rethinking is in order. Not sure, sweetheart, but
Speaker 1: do think again? Did last name making your raised? Well?
Speaker 1: The office in England was so amazing. That's why everyone
Speaker 1: on bumble is talking about the British office site. That's
Speaker 1: why five seconds five seconds, golden gloves were like golden boobs.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, But that's what great golden
Speaker 1: gloves are not and that is why I don't think
Speaker 1: so golden gloves. Becky Abrams capping off the gore. Just
Speaker 1: a light group, give it up for Griffin leads, Lisa Kleinman,
Speaker 1: Casey jose A man of Jobby and bye bye back.
Speaker 1: I love you. I missed them. I miss them too.
Speaker 1: I wish that Casey didn't miss them. I miss you, guys.
Speaker 1: That was so good. What I would say is, even
Speaker 1: if I'm already married, if I'm ever on stage with
Speaker 1: my husband, yes, I'm going to propose again. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's going to be beautiful because I want them to
Speaker 1: know I still care exactly. And also I want uproarious
Speaker 1: applause yeah, from those around me, from those in front
Speaker 1: of me, from those to the side of me, even
Speaker 1: even even over there. I'm just saying, we're not opposed
Speaker 1: to seeing a proposal tonight. All of a sudden, We're
Speaker 1: like Chris whatever, who Chris Harris? And actually I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's true. And actually, what I will say
Speaker 1: as a guest host is I will guarantee that there
Speaker 1: will be a proposal by the end of the night.
Speaker 1: It will be a proposal, you know. Bow. With the
Speaker 1: year wrapping up, it's a time to put a bow.
Speaker 1: If you will. Oh my god, was that intentional word play?
Speaker 1: You know what bowen it was? And it's because I'm
Speaker 1: really literally trying to get at something right now, which
Speaker 1: is that if you're doing your holiday shopping and you
Speaker 1: want to pick out a new outfit for that special
Speaker 1: someone who needs a new them, you gotta go to Modcloth.
Speaker 1: Mod Cloth is your go to. I love Moncloth so much.
Speaker 1: You can transition from layered looks two looks you can
Speaker 1: wear as the weather warms up. And if you're jonesing
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Speaker 1: So hit the site and discover something uniquely you. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. Moncloth is truly the best. Yeah yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: if you want to start with the new year with
Speaker 1: a clean slate, here's the thing. It's going to be
Speaker 1: cold soon. And I went on there and I was
Speaker 1: looking for a gift from my mom and they I
Speaker 1: just got heard of the real cutest code. I hope
Speaker 1: she doesn't listen to this because I don't want her
Speaker 1: surprise to be ruined. But this is the time, you guys,
Speaker 1: where you have to start like looking for stuff and
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Speaker 1: as well, which is what I really like. I mean,
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Speaker 1: this gorgeous knit dress for the cold weather. It's so cute,
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Speaker 1: out olo. Okay, so this next group, Wow, I guess
Speaker 1: this is a perfect lead into this group, which is
Speaker 1: called Drama Tonight. Please welcome, Julia Claire, please welcome, Michael,
Speaker 1: please welcome, Margaret does please welcome, and and please welcome
Speaker 1: Gena Bloom huge Hello everyone. Okay, so I guess the
Speaker 1: very first to them like is MS Julia Claire. Everyone,
Speaker 1: get that up. I said, this is the sweater of
Speaker 1: my dreams. I do feel like tonight was the wrong
Speaker 1: time to wear a turtleneck. Who I found out when
Speaker 1: I got here, And everyone's like showing their tits and
Speaker 1: I am just here not showing my neck. It's it's
Speaker 1: actually rule of culture number eight. Not everyone can show
Speaker 1: their tits we need. It's like a logistical nightmare. Yeah
Speaker 1: for sure. Alright, so listen, I think it added a
Speaker 1: new perspective to the night. Oh thank you. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: pretty countercultural and we and we love that. And listen,
Speaker 1: speaking of culture, yes, we actually happened to be here
Speaker 1: doing I don't think so, honey. And so there's two
Speaker 1: things that you could do given given your choice. It's
Speaker 1: two things that you could do give in your choice.
Speaker 1: I don't know wears that git on my heart. Okay,
Speaker 1: so listen, we have the trouble, we also have a
Speaker 1: beautiful brain. It will be pre selected. I love it.
Speaker 1: This is Julia Claire's I don't think so, honey. It's
Speaker 1: a pre selected topic kind of night and her time
Speaker 1: starts now. I don't think so, honey. People who can sing.
Speaker 1: I know you've had eight years of lessons and win
Speaker 1: to tish, but no one needs to hear your hauntingly
Speaker 1: beautiful version of Madonna's like a prayer. You're ruining karaoke, Honey.
Speaker 1: We can all hear you harmonizing during the Happy Birthday song.
Speaker 1: You're committing war crimes. Honey. You have a beautiful natural
Speaker 1: talent that I will possess, and frankly, I'm embarrassed for you, Honey, deconds. See. Also,
Speaker 1: I don't think so. White people who can dance, Honey,
Speaker 1: you're throwing off the graining curve for the rest of us.
Speaker 1: If you're a white person who can dance, that is
Speaker 1: cultural raser of me, only Julia clear, everybody that needed
Speaker 1: to be that needed to be said. Do you feel
Speaker 1: you feel this way? He feels that certain type of way.
Speaker 1: Al Right, everyone, please welcome Michael Deliah. I love a
Speaker 1: sweatshirt over them the moment, the moment. What are we
Speaker 1: calling it a flannel? What is it? I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: I'm admiring the look. I love a sweatshirt over a button.
Speaker 1: I just think a tasteful crew neck. I'm sorry, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. We love everything about you. It's a short
Speaker 1: sleeve shirt, is it? Yeah? Okay, your secret save with us.
Speaker 1: That's a very phone on a clipboard thing to do. Listen,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't say that for a reveal at thirty seconds
Speaker 1: like it was. You know it was a short sleeve. Um,
Speaker 1: but listen, we can do pre selected or Michael, we
Speaker 1: could do the troll ball. Uh let's do the bowl. Okay.
Speaker 1: I love you doing the bowl? Alright, So here we go. Okay,
Speaker 1: topical as well? You think, pat um, I think it's topical.
Speaker 1: My barometer is topical. Okay, so Michael, you're I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Troll ball. Topic is Christmas music and
Speaker 1: your time starts now. Okay, I don't think so honey,
Speaker 1: Christmas music. What the hell? I'm actually I'm really fucking
Speaker 1: pissed right now because I've heard a lot of Christmas
Speaker 1: music already. And yeah, there are a couple of good ones,
Speaker 1: but you know, it's not a one the Paul McCartney one,
Speaker 1: Oh Heart. Agree that one sucks. That one has so
Speaker 1: much synth that in it he should change his name
Speaker 1: to synth McCartney. Think so honey, um, there's so many
Speaker 1: other songs. There's a song about rein deer. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's bad. There's too many rain deer. I don't think
Speaker 1: so honey rain deer in songs. The one song and
Speaker 1: then they're done. I don't think so honey, um. Christmas
Speaker 1: music is um some of it and some of it
Speaker 1: actually is really good though seconds. Some of it actually
Speaker 1: is really good. It makes me feel good, especially like
Speaker 1: when it's sad and it's snowing. It does make me
Speaker 1: feel good. But also I don't think so honey to
Speaker 1: it as well? Any you know, I love that to
Speaker 1: give it up for Michael Delisle. You know I like
Speaker 1: that Mariah carry tune. I did I like at tune.
Speaker 1: I recently was in an uber with my entire immediate family.
Speaker 1: Yes and um on the radio as an Adina Menzel
Speaker 1: Michael Goo Boo bleat version of baby It's cold outside.
Speaker 1: And I was like, is this helpful? Did we need it?
Speaker 1: Because I didn't know they did it? And no one
Speaker 1: of my family would answer me. Um, And that's you
Speaker 1: asked the question out loud, is this helpful? I was like,
Speaker 1: I didn't know they made this? Did we need this?
Speaker 1: And I know I answered, I just kept saying that, um,
Speaker 1: and next to them, like everyone please well on the
Speaker 1: phenomenal Margaret Dodge, I said in the email, kindly turn
Speaker 1: a look and this is what we have. You are welcome,
Speaker 1: Margaret Sunning. Unbelievable. So listen, Margaret, It's an honor and
Speaker 1: a privilege to have you. What do we think about
Speaker 1: the choice before you troll ball or pre prepared? I
Speaker 1: have something to get off my chest, So I'm gonna preselect.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna preselect Margaret with her I don't think so
Speaker 1: honey and her time starts Bradley Cooper's Ripped Abs and
Speaker 1: A star is boy think so A? You really want
Speaker 1: me to take you seriously as a director, you had
Speaker 1: to show your body in the movie. Let me ask
Speaker 1: you this was this your directorial debut or was this
Speaker 1: an audition for the next Magic Mike? Uh? Yeah, so, um,
Speaker 1: you could have made a brave choice. And I don't know,
Speaker 1: not showing your body, but the actor Bradley Cooper just
Speaker 1: had to get in a subliminal ad for cross fit. Listen,
Speaker 1: those are not the the abs of a forties something
Speaker 1: alcoholic entertainer. I should know because I have dated's been
Speaker 1: a forty something alcoholic entertainer. One minute, Bradley, Bradley, what
Speaker 1: happened Jackson Maine? More like Jackson Vain? That thinks? And
Speaker 1: Margaretage agreed absolutely or maybe I don't know, eat a
Speaker 1: couple of bags of chips. I thought his stomach was
Speaker 1: an important part of the film. It was, It was
Speaker 1: not the part I had notes about. And as someone
Speaker 1: who is bravely in my cover, I will say there
Speaker 1: are people who managed to like beyond math and also
Speaker 1: have truly poorn caliber bodies. And I don't know how
Speaker 1: they do it, but um, it is possible. And with that,
Speaker 1: Andrew Buffa takas the hat, the hat, the hat, you
Speaker 1: can tell I have a mes body clearly, here we go.
Speaker 1: So let me tell you, Andrew, Yes, there is a choice.
Speaker 1: There's the trouball, and there's the pre pre selected. I
Speaker 1: think it's my first time first time, or everyone on
Speaker 1: stage tonight first time, or I'm gonna go pre select selected.
Speaker 1: So Andrew your I don't think so, honey. Time it
Speaker 1: will begin right now. I don't think so, honey. Social
Speaker 1: media stories, Um, calm down, James Joyce. I don't need
Speaker 1: to see what you ate for lunch today. I have
Speaker 1: a dancer friend who will post fourteen stories of him
Speaker 1: lip sinking to Ariana Grande. We get it. Queen you
Speaker 1: have abs, we get it. Queen, you look good in
Speaker 1: a job strap. Thank so, honey. Listen, Kurt Vonna Gut.
Speaker 1: I don't need you posting snaps of you on the
Speaker 1: stage of SNL with Aquafina, Miss Bowen Yang. Listen. J
Speaker 1: k Rowling. I don't need you posting snaps and stories
Speaker 1: of you with a bad hair day Rogers. You're gay
Speaker 1: and white. You're perfect. And that's one minute and your
Speaker 1: Bama talk is everybody, and now to the mic. Please
Speaker 1: get ready for China Bloom. Let's go. Whoa jacket Central?
Speaker 1: I love thank you, thank you, my gosh. Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: very excited. So what are we thinking here? I have
Speaker 1: a lot of bitch about the bitch about it. I
Speaker 1: am doing pre prepared, pre prepared, Gina bloom your I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey, time will begin now. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey, Big Little Lies season two. Let's just
Speaker 1: say I'm a little bit skeptical. Okay, I'm a little
Speaker 1: bit skeptical. It's like getting that second picture mimosas that
Speaker 1: brunch sounds like a good idea, but the next thing,
Speaker 1: you know, you and Kyle are enough fight, neither one
Speaker 1: of you can understand, and the experience is fucking ruined.
Speaker 1: From now on, I don't think so, honey. Have we
Speaker 1: learned nothing from literally the second season of every Ryan
Speaker 1: Murphy show? Have we not? By the way, watched postseason two.
Speaker 1: Trans Representation is very important. I promise you'll be flaming
Speaker 1: hot dogshit watch it anyway, because that's how it works out.
Speaker 1: But back to the topic at hand, hbo, it's next
Speaker 1: Sharper objects five seconds. Oh look, Amy Adam's sister is
Speaker 1: fucking hitler this time. I don't think so, honey. Good night, Boom,
Speaker 1: give it up for drama Tonight. Julia Claire, Michael Dulo, Margaretage,
Speaker 1: Andrew Paper, Takas and Boom. Thank you. Oh wow, that
Speaker 1: was an electric group. Oh I think we're okay. I
Speaker 1: would actually have a water if you can kind of
Speaker 1: get your hands on a diet coke. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Just kind of work your imagine. It's a true alley
Speaker 1: right there asking us if we need a drink, and
Speaker 1: it was Casey Joson. I just want to say that
Speaker 1: for the record, no one else here tonight has tried
Speaker 1: to buy music. And it's that little ship that you
Speaker 1: have no idea a little how much that meant to us.
Speaker 1: It's that little ship. It's that little ship that can
Speaker 1: change your whole fucking day. It's actually rule of culture
Speaker 1: number it's that little ship that can change your whole
Speaker 1: fucking day. Arounds. Okay, wow, this is crazy. Another insane segue.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. That's so they're so hard to come by,
Speaker 1: and it we've come by a couple of tonight and
Speaker 1: they're like, it's almost as that there are natural resources
Speaker 1: or something. Alright, So this because of the sharp popics
Speaker 1: mentioned before, that's what makes us good. This next group
Speaker 1: is called and starring Amy Adams as Amy so stupid. Okay, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome Megan Meadows, oh, Jenny, Rachel Winer, Welcome Hallie Kaiper,
Speaker 1: Welcome Les Archery, and welcome to the stage. Rachel said,
Speaker 1: do we have everyone? Megan Meadows is not here? Cool? Well,
Speaker 1: guess what she's here in spear. Maybe she's with Bowen somewhere.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's wow. Maybe maybe if Leon Rhymes were like
Speaker 1: to come up, she's made of what? Yes? Are you
Speaker 1: team Brandy or Lean? And only answer if you feel safe? Brandy? Cool? Cool.
Speaker 1: I wasn't until Celebrity Big Brother, but that's not what
Speaker 1: we're here at Virgin And I have to say I'm
Speaker 1: happy that Leon and Brandy aren't here because I am
Speaker 1: not trying to see a fight. Al Right, can we
Speaker 1: get going? All right? This is supposed to be Megan,
Speaker 1: but everyone, please welcome to the States. The Glory of
Speaker 1: my Heart, Jenny Rachel Whider, Okay, the Glory of my heart, Evenny,
Speaker 1: I don't know where I get off wearing fur and
Speaker 1: a Calvin Klein jump suit. Okay, I I really, I
Speaker 1: mean it's a it's not a jumpsuit, it's a it's
Speaker 1: a it's one piece one. I love it though, and
Speaker 1: I'll tell you exactly where you get off. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think the honey live I am. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: giving you kim Kay vibe. You need that vibe at
Speaker 1: every show, all right, listen. So we have the trouble,
Speaker 1: and then we of course have pre selected. So what's up. Okay,
Speaker 1: here's the dail of you guys, talk us through it.
Speaker 1: I'm doing trouble like a true psycho, like a true
Speaker 1: psycho path. So here we go, Jenny, here we go. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're I don't think so, honey, trouball topic is going
Speaker 1: to the movies. I don't. It's so, honey, going to
Speaker 1: the movies. What do you think I want to get
Speaker 1: off my fucking couch? Honey? I have Netflix, I have Hulu,
Speaker 1: I have Amazon Prime, and baby, do you think I
Speaker 1: want to go through the movie? Then pay fifteen fucking
Speaker 1: dollars for a ticket, I'm sorry, eighteen dollars at some places,
Speaker 1: and thirty motherfucking dollars at I picks. Okay, honey, eye picks.
Speaker 1: You can lay down, you can have a waiter, but
Speaker 1: it's thirty dollars. I'll say, on my couch. Thank you, honey. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Going to the movies, Okay,
Speaker 1: I want to watch TV. All right, TV isn't its prime.
Speaker 1: We are in the Golden Age. I don't need to
Speaker 1: go to the movies to have a good time. Also,
Speaker 1: am I trying to get fingered in the back like
Speaker 1: in high school? Maybe? Maybe I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: to the movies alright, btch one minute, Thank you, Jenny
Speaker 1: Rachel Honor. Wow, Wow, you owe me nine dollars? Were
Speaker 1: always all the Favorite agreed to? Would inventymuch charge me.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you haven't pay me back. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying it's fucking crazy. He us me nineteen dollars when
Speaker 1: we saw The Favorite square, what is this an adoption? Like?
Speaker 1: It's like I better be getting fingered in the back
Speaker 1: and we're past that. So I famously did not finger him.
Speaker 1: We saw The Favorite. I left the movie theater bravely unfingered.
Speaker 1: You also bravely used your phone on full brightness. Okay
Speaker 1: several times. I'm so sorry to stop this, but I
Speaker 1: I want to publicly say he in a packed packed
Speaker 1: honey theater full brightness texting. Okay, and I think I
Speaker 1: want to tell you firstly, I would never ever do
Speaker 1: that to you, And I want to say secondly, I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't figure out how to get my phone, not
Speaker 1: on pop artness. And let me tell you something. If
Speaker 1: we ever find the phone, and please everyone look under
Speaker 1: your seats. It is not a safe stake. You need
Speaker 1: to give it back to me. We gotta go. Everyone,
Speaker 1: please welcome Helly Caper to them up. Yes, you are
Speaker 1: you good? I didn't have a look, but I did
Speaker 1: have loft. Anyway, this is a fool. Look what are
Speaker 1: you talking about? You know? It's like you wear to
Speaker 1: the office. You wear a dress your life and this
Speaker 1: is the office. If this isn't a look, I'll eat
Speaker 1: my hat. Oh my god, just shrieked something. You're a star,
Speaker 1: says the audience. Everyone. Yes, Hallie, I feel better that
Speaker 1: I have notes. All right, okay, here we go. Listen.
Speaker 1: I have a note, and it's we have to say,
Speaker 1: are we picking out one of these notes? No? I
Speaker 1: have notes, and I have thought that I have pre prepared,
Speaker 1: pre prepared. I love that. And here's Hallie keeper's pre prepared.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I don't think so, honey. Adam
Speaker 1: McKay's upcoming Dick Cheney biopic Vice, starring Christian Bale. I
Speaker 1: don't need a dramatic reenactment of something that happen been
Speaker 1: nine years ago. Honey. We all lived through two terms
Speaker 1: of Dick Cheney. Okay. I don't need someone to uncover
Speaker 1: he's in citious genius. I was there, honey, uh were actually, Holly,
Speaker 1: But like, if you think about it, like it's only
Speaker 1: by exploring histories villains as truly understand them. Yeah, sure things, sweetie.
Speaker 1: That's like when the Big short one for Best Screenplay
Speaker 1: and then the vps of all the banks went to prison. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, I don't think so. Panthering
Speaker 1: movies about recent history that make people think that they're
Speaker 1: actually doing something, Okay. And if you're going to pant or,
Speaker 1: you can go ahead and be a Condoleeza movie. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's Adam McKay. If we're like Adam, Okay, hollyber And
Speaker 1: I have to tell you what I saw a Vice,
Speaker 1: and it's it's good and advice is good, and also
Speaker 1: Conda Lisa is in it. But they don't make a
Speaker 1: big deal about it. I'm like, you gotta make a
Speaker 1: big deal about Conda Lisa. What do you say that.
Speaker 1: I would say, rule of culture number five two. I agree,
Speaker 1: Rule coachure number one hundred seventy two. You gotta make
Speaker 1: a big deal about Conda Lisa. And this is for
Speaker 1: the straits and the audience. She might coach an NFL team,
Speaker 1: Wait a coach, Yeah, she might like coach like you
Speaker 1: might see her on the field like this, oh my god,
Speaker 1: but like a headset and then whisper something to the
Speaker 1: other coach like this podcast or offgual media might just
Speaker 1: been a really good impression of a coach. I love
Speaker 1: that act out. I love that act out. The sound
Speaker 1: of tooth brush goes buzz buzz buzz. Khalee Matzi make
Speaker 1: them good. That is just a little song about brushing teeth.
Speaker 1: What do you think of that? Bo I loved it.
Speaker 1: And not only was it a song, it was a
Speaker 1: Christmas carol for the holiday season. The thing was it
Speaker 1: was wheels on the bus, right, But then I think,
Speaker 1: because it's about a buzzy toothbrush, the buzziest gift to
Speaker 1: this season, it is a holiday a carol. Oh, it's
Speaker 1: a holiday carol. All right, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You know, wheels on the bus. It's reminiscent of many holidays. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And had someone told me that was um, you know,
Speaker 1: ding dong in the bells in the halls or whatever,
Speaker 1: it would have believed them. But it's as good as
Speaker 1: ding dong in the bells in the halls. Matt. Here's
Speaker 1: the thing. There was a buzzy gift on everyone's list
Speaker 1: this year. Of course, that's that's I guess the reason
Speaker 1: for all the buzz humor. Yes, it's something we'll use
Speaker 1: twice every day, and it was featured on Oprah's Oh List,
Speaker 1: and it's perfect for everyone with a mouth. Yeah, making
Speaker 1: a list, brushing them twice? How about that? How about
Speaker 1: you think about that? And you know, let's just let's
Speaker 1: just get to it. This gift that we're talking about
Speaker 1: is Quip, the electric toothbruast designed to make brushing beta
Speaker 1: and Quip makes holiday travels clean and easy with a
Speaker 1: multi use cover that mounts to mirrors and unmounts to
Speaker 1: slide over the bristles for on the go brushing. Then
Speaker 1: you know all about their sensitive sonic vibrations. Gentle enough
Speaker 1: on your little sensitive gums, and there's a built in
Speaker 1: timer with guiding pulses to remind you went to switch sides.
Speaker 1: You know all about Equip at this point. If you're
Speaker 1: a last cultureman or even a podcast man in general,
Speaker 1: you know all about Quip. Oh baby, we love Quip.
Speaker 1: We've loved them for over a year now. Yeah. You
Speaker 1: often will just start conversations not with hello, but with
Speaker 1: I love quick. I'll say I love Quip. I love
Speaker 1: that they're one of the first electric toothbrushes accepted by
Speaker 1: the American Dental Association and have thousands of verified five
Speaker 1: star reviews. I love that. And you know what, I
Speaker 1: you know what actually is a controversial thing. What I
Speaker 1: said to you, Merry Christmas, and you said, I love Quip.
Speaker 1: And you know what, they don't say Mary Christmas anymore
Speaker 1: in America. You're right, that's the war on Christmas is
Speaker 1: We're losing it. But we love Quip so much and
Speaker 1: they have over five thousand verified five star reviews. And
Speaker 1: you know, Quip looks like a big ticket tech gift
Speaker 1: with the stocking stuff for price starting at just twenty
Speaker 1: five dollars. And if you go to get Quip dot
Speaker 1: com forward slash ding dong. Right now you get your
Speaker 1: first refill pack for free with a quip electric toothbrush.
Speaker 1: But you don't have to tell your gift you that
Speaker 1: don't tell that. We have a little mystery and that's
Speaker 1: your first refil pack free at g E T q
Speaker 1: U I P dot com slash ding dong d I
Speaker 1: n G d O n G. You better get going
Speaker 1: and dick your teeth and here we go and welcome.
Speaker 1: Let's accurate to the mare. And I see in the
Speaker 1: mirror when I look in it. Thank you. They want
Speaker 1: to be ins, Oh great, I want you to be
Speaker 1: my pants. Oh okay, but we can work it out.
Speaker 1: It's a one piece, thank you. These are men's shoes
Speaker 1: because I wear a size twelve and a half in women.
Speaker 1: And I love you now, Liz. We have, of course,
Speaker 1: two options. We have the trouble. We do have pre prepared.
Speaker 1: What's your deal? I'm going to be pre prepared. I
Speaker 1: love it. Here comes Liz, Here comes her. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Her time starts now in honor of
Speaker 1: Mickey Mouse's ninetieth birthday this month, I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Disney quest niche thing disney Quest. You billy yourself has
Speaker 1: an adjacent VR experience to the Disney World parks in Orlando.
Speaker 1: I don't bitch, you are a You promise that the
Speaker 1: magic will continue once you leave the parks for the day.
Speaker 1: You know what I have news for you, honey, The
Speaker 1: magic comes to a three ching fucking hall. Ok. Hey,
Speaker 1: you you promised that you're gonna be this beautiful. You
Speaker 1: get to ride a Laddin's Magic carpet that was built, motherfucker,
Speaker 1: and it's not been updated. You are a dilapidated arcade
Speaker 1: and town Disney. You're nothing more than a soda stained,
Speaker 1: over priced David Busters. Bitchy, Hey, Disney Quest, are you
Speaker 1: a guy? I'm fucking because I'm tired of pretending to
Speaker 1: like video games to feel close to you. Y'ah. No, No,
Speaker 1: she's right. Disney Quest is not the fifth theme park.
Speaker 1: Bitch what it's torn down? Right? It's not? It is,
Speaker 1: it's not. They're good. Make room for the big gass
Speaker 1: chilies or something. I love Chili's. Wait, I love Chill
Speaker 1: Culture number nine. I love Chili's. Okay, gird your loins, everybody,
Speaker 1: and welcome Rachel. Send hello, Rachel, My god, I'm so
Speaker 1: excited to be here. The material on my shirt is
Speaker 1: aggravating my backs it but other than that, I am
Speaker 1: amazing o my god. And with that, what are we thinking? Prepared?
Speaker 1: Pre prepared me, Rachel Simmons, pre prepared I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Topic begins now, I don't think so, honey. Girls who
Speaker 1: post dead birds on Instagram? No way. Okay, you are
Speaker 1: compensating for not having a personality. First of all, I'm confused.
Speaker 1: Do you like animals or not? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know. Second of all, are you trying to prove
Speaker 1: to me that you're sad? Because if you were sad,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't see the dead birds because your eyes would
Speaker 1: be filled with tears. Yes. Also, these girls, they're not
Speaker 1: just person dead birds, okay, they're posting dead rats, other
Speaker 1: dead animals. Like you can't identify pictures of trash? What
Speaker 1: is going on? These things I see on the street,
Speaker 1: I look away. I don't want to see them. Okay,
Speaker 1: So why are you attacking me in another medium? I
Speaker 1: should feel safe on my phone. That is the only
Speaker 1: place I should feel safe. I don't a dead bird,
Speaker 1: a dead rat, dead pizzash. Okay, I don't think. Don't
Speaker 1: any girls post dead birds on Instagram A great co
Speaker 1: sign grey. Oh my god, I would never look at
Speaker 1: a dead thing. I wouldn't look at I would never
Speaker 1: ever everyone given up for this group and starring Amy
Speaker 1: Adams as Amy. We have Jenny Ritchel Winer like Gaber,
Speaker 1: Liz Archery and Rachel said it. Goodbye fabulous girls by guys.
Speaker 1: All right, now here's the thing, speaking of the film
Speaker 1: that we saw together as a platonic come this is
Speaker 1: the other Segway. I'm gonna freak out. You're about to
Speaker 1: freak out because this next group is called the Favorites
Speaker 1: with you. Please welcome Miles Robbins, Please welcome Shedswanathan, Please
Speaker 1: welcome Ali Cobert, Please welcome Christina Hudginson, Please welcome Melinda
Speaker 1: tab And, please welcome Courtney Soliday. We are all here together.
Speaker 1: Now here we go, Miles Robbins to the mic, Please
Speaker 1: police hello. Why wasn't any circus in the EMERGI movie?
Speaker 1: Wasn't the Way movie and circus? Why wasn't he in
Speaker 1: the Emogi movie? Why wasn't he? I don't know, what
Speaker 1: is it my bit? I'm just asking. I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess he should be in any movie where they need
Speaker 1: someone to act out things that move around. He's very
Speaker 1: good at it. Yeah, wait, who I miss Andy Circus?
Speaker 1: Do you know Andy? Don't know that person. He's the
Speaker 1: cartoon man. He's the cartoon man. So basically what he
Speaker 1: does is he will act and then from his acting
Speaker 1: they create like King Kong. Oh. I don't like that
Speaker 1: as a job. He doesn't be a job. I think that.
Speaker 1: I think that the people should just draw what they
Speaker 1: want to draw. You don't like it when they put
Speaker 1: like dots on. So we tell Donna and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, there's avatar. I'm gonna make a bolt
Speaker 1: choice that I don't like that. Okay, So I think
Speaker 1: we haven't we haven't answer to your question, and that's
Speaker 1: lasts welcome alright, So listen, are we gonna do a
Speaker 1: pre sleight the topic or do you have an idea
Speaker 1: about the show? I have notes, you know, and I
Speaker 1: don't have any short term memory. Okay, perfectly, so you're
Speaker 1: going to read them. But I like that. There's a
Speaker 1: printer at my mother's house. Okay, brag where I live,
Speaker 1: brag brag again around so I have a pre select
Speaker 1: pre selected This is Miles Robbins pre selected. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey, And because time we'll begin now. I
Speaker 1: don't think so honey. Carbon footprint shame. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: like global warming, but there's no way that I am
Speaker 1: accepting responsibility. Okay. I am one little worm with a television.
Speaker 1: Best Buy has a hundred televisions and they're playing Sports
Speaker 1: Center all day every day. Okay. I will not feel
Speaker 1: bad about flying to California to visit my dad while
Speaker 1: the NFL flies military jets over their stadiums. Just their
Speaker 1: fans can come for the national anthem. Yeah, okay. Brushing
Speaker 1: my teeth in the shower to conserve water will not
Speaker 1: do much when there are golf courses and fucking Arizona.
Speaker 1: Riding my bike to save gas doesn't do ship. While
Speaker 1: NASCAR exists, I don't think so honey. Nascar. We do
Speaker 1: not need NASCAR. Only people in Florida like NASCAR and
Speaker 1: fuck Florida while I'm here. I don't think so, honey. Florida,
Speaker 1: if you want to come sucking elections, you can at
Speaker 1: least get erect. You have flaccid schmeg behavior of the state.
Speaker 1: Florida's best asset is that it is a place where
Speaker 1: art Basel goes to score coke. I once tried googling
Speaker 1: best artists in Florida and auto corrected to arsonists. Okay,
Speaker 1: I guess the good news is that it will be
Speaker 1: underwater soon. Anyway, thank you very much. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: I don't think son. Wow, very good. It's actually a
Speaker 1: rule of culture a number ninety. I once googled best
Speaker 1: artists in Florida and an auto corrected to arsenists. I
Speaker 1: really enjoy that. Alright, everyone welcome, jem want to them. Hello, Geraldine,
Speaker 1: how are you doing? And how are you feeling about
Speaker 1: the trouble? Like everything going and everything on the proposal,
Speaker 1: it's a prey for me. It selected and here she goes,
Speaker 1: here's Geraldine's I don't think so honey. Time now, I
Speaker 1: don't think so honey. Babies, UM, I'm sorry if there
Speaker 1: are any like babies in the audience tonight. But um,
Speaker 1: every time I hang out with a baby, we have
Speaker 1: nothing to talk about and it's super awkward. Um, it's
Speaker 1: actually really bad, like like of babies don't work, umly
Speaker 1: don't have jobs, and like the one percent of models
Speaker 1: and actors and like that's basic as fuck, Like get
Speaker 1: a real job, babies, um, and like don't talk to
Speaker 1: me unless your baby is mixed serious um. And I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that because like I'm mixed serious. I was
Speaker 1: actually like never a baby, um. And I think that's
Speaker 1: why I can't relate Umi. The The only baby that
Speaker 1: I am here for is gay icon baby Prince George.
Speaker 1: I am anti baby red prow Prince George. I'm a royalist, Yes,
Speaker 1: Queen is a Royalist. Wow. I love that. I love
Speaker 1: that baby George, and I also would love that he's
Speaker 1: a gay kind. And I also think that Generaldine kind
Speaker 1: of maybe offered some in's both for a new Lost
Speaker 1: Culture March, which would be it's a pre for me.
Speaker 1: It's a pre for me. Thank you for that merch.
Speaker 1: I will make money off of that, all right, everyone, please,
Speaker 1: Well I'm a very excited time. Ali Colbert here tonight.
Speaker 1: What's up? Hi? Hi? Hi? How are you feeling? And
Speaker 1: it's exciting to have an Alley on the stage, Ali,
Speaker 1: because I love an Alley in film and I love
Speaker 1: Ali on the stage, thank you so much. And I
Speaker 1: love an Alley on stage in the film. I love
Speaker 1: that too. Yeah, and we are, Yes, exactly, that's what
Speaker 1: we're going. Can I say similarly to help Bradley Cooper
Speaker 1: shot the film, we're behind you and now we can
Speaker 1: see the perspective of the audience, and that's why we're
Speaker 1: both going to show ours to the entire far tonight. Perfect. Okay,
Speaker 1: so listen, are we doing a pre selected topic or
Speaker 1: the trouble we're gonna do pre I love that it's
Speaker 1: a free for me, Ali Colbert, here you go. Your
Speaker 1: time begins now. I don't think so, honey. People wanting
Speaker 1: to date people who have nice families like I'm going
Speaker 1: to do with my family. I don't want to deal
Speaker 1: with another family, you know what I mean? Like, the
Speaker 1: best person to date is someone whose entire family has
Speaker 1: died in a car crash. Listen to me, find yourself
Speaker 1: a sexy and capable orphan. They are single, they're available,
Speaker 1: they are free mother in law's. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: I have a mother. I'm not looking for another one.
Speaker 1: I don't want to spend the holidays with someone else's family.
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to my boring ass uncle.
Speaker 1: Why would I want to talk to yours? Thanksgiving with
Speaker 1: your family? When my mom is at home serving her
Speaker 1: stuffing and her mashed potatoes to the people who raised me.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, that's all I have. Honey,
Speaker 1: I agree. And I once met this really hot guy
Speaker 1: who as an orphan and it was the hottest thing
Speaker 1: I ever heard in my life. It was like wrestling
Speaker 1: around the foster care system as a youth. And now
Speaker 1: he's like succeeding, I think, and at least being really hot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's good. At least at least that al right, everyone,
Speaker 1: I think about him all the time. I think about
Speaker 1: him all the time. Please welcome a true icon. Christina
Speaker 1: Hogs into the bag. Hello, Hi, hi, oh man, oh,
Speaker 1: here we go, Here we go fishing. Oh she's mad.
Speaker 1: I think that's pre selected. I got a pre selected topic,
Speaker 1: and I'm really going to try to get in every
Speaker 1: word that I wrote. I am like excited. Here we go, Christina.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't think so many time starts now,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Tampon commercials as someone who
Speaker 1: was actively bleeding right this very second, tampon commercials can
Speaker 1: suck my fucking clips. They're all like, what's the day
Speaker 1: like on your period? And then they cut to a
Speaker 1: shot of a girl in a white bikini to the
Speaker 1: limbo at a pool party, with a smile on her
Speaker 1: face as if she's smoking a blunt, riding a sippi,
Speaker 1: and on the deck of her fucking summer home. Fuck you, honey,
Speaker 1: what's it like when I'm on my period? I'm gross,
Speaker 1: I'm angry, I'm bloating in the true irony of all
Speaker 1: this is. I'm the horny as I will ever be.
Speaker 1: Oh goddamn month, I am hornier than a fifteen year
Speaker 1: old straight boy sitting in between two pairs of titties
Speaker 1: of the Playboy fucking mansion. I'm not running through a
Speaker 1: park walking my ships in a white pair of jeans.
Speaker 1: Every sneeze is a gamble. Every cough is a lightning
Speaker 1: bolt of fear that I'm gonna go full and carry
Speaker 1: in my underwear. While I'm standing in line to the
Speaker 1: grocery store, I'm starting a baby bump full of angry air.
Speaker 1: And I got Ben and Jerry's in one hand and
Speaker 1: a tatchy magic wand on the other hand, and I
Speaker 1: want to punch everyone in a fucking face that they're
Speaker 1: on their feet. They're on their feet. Christina Hutchinson. Wow,
Speaker 1: I haven't earned noble. I haven't heard the term sibian,
Speaker 1: and along, I haven't heard the term cibian. Do more
Speaker 1: with sibian. We need to do more recipiens. Everyone write
Speaker 1: that down, getting your little notebook? Cool? All right, everyone,
Speaker 1: Melinda tab is coming to the bag. Hey, hey, hey,
Speaker 1: how are you feeling real good? Are we doing a
Speaker 1: pre sleight? The topic or the trowball? Which is here?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do pre prepared? I love it. Here we go,
Speaker 1: pre prepared topic from Melinda and your time. We'll begin now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Airplane safety videos. First of all,
Speaker 1: how dare you suggest that if I'm in a fucking
Speaker 1: plane crash, I don't get to die. I don't want that.
Speaker 1: I don't want to survive that ship? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: Best case in are of surviving a plane crash is
Speaker 1: like slowly bleeding out while you get in my sharks,
Speaker 1: or like ending up on a confusing island seconds. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. And what if you're telling me
Speaker 1: that if the plane crashes, I have jobs? I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. My only job is to go to heaven,
Speaker 1: and I don't think so, honey. On paying celebrities to
Speaker 1: be in your video. However, you fucking however much you
Speaker 1: fucking paid Jillian Andersen to be British for the day,
Speaker 1: you have to expend it on giving me a centimeter
Speaker 1: more of room because my knees are in my armpits.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. In the town, everybody very on point.
Speaker 1: I want to die if anything one thing goes wrong,
Speaker 1: I'd rather I let her our dream, my literal dream
Speaker 1: to Okay, okay, al right, here we go, everyone to
Speaker 1: close out Act one. Please welcome to Courtney Saliday. Hey,
Speaker 1: court Hey, Hey, it's so much is a good time? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're having to alright, so listen to continue the good times.
Speaker 1: It's a trouble or for me, it's gonna be a
Speaker 1: sorry five all right, So your time, Courtney will begin.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, my phone, just do something insane. Your
Speaker 1: time begins right now. I don't think so, honey. Cab
Speaker 1: driver asking me for directions, yeah are you? First of all,
Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of money. This is like
Speaker 1: a huge luxury for me. I was told to be relaxing.
Speaker 1: It's like a spy and now you're giving me something
Speaker 1: to do. I can't listen to music. I can't listen
Speaker 1: to a podcast because I can't play the directions out loud.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you can hear it. I have
Speaker 1: to like repeat them. Allowed to you do? I expect
Speaker 1: you to know every every stream the city. Yeah, things
Speaker 1: that goes on your air with the GPS, Like people
Speaker 1: complain that Hooper's killing your industry. It's like, step it up,
Speaker 1: so honey, so rude. Ten seconds okay. So also five
Speaker 1: emotional labor women. It's not fair. That's what I made.
Speaker 1: Give it up for the favorites we had, Miles Robbins,
Speaker 1: Generaldine Roswanathan, Ali Colburn, Christina Hutchinson, Melina tap and Courtney Soliday.
Speaker 1: Thank you? Okay? Can I ask you a question? Are
Speaker 1: we having a good time? I need you could have
Speaker 1: said no. If you could have said no, and the
Speaker 1: fact that you would that means everything to us. That
Speaker 1: could change change a whole day. And let me tell you,
Speaker 1: y'all are gonna go to the bar right now during
Speaker 1: our ten to twelve minute intermission. Jessica's back there. You're
Speaker 1: gonna tip haw and we're gonna come back here and
Speaker 1: we're gonna do what I don't think so, honey. We'll
Speaker 1: see you guy, and you're not leave and ness the
Speaker 1: marriage proposal that will happen on this stage tonight in
Speaker 1: our second half. We'll see then on the batchelor Forever.
Speaker 1: This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by
Speaker 1: Brett Boham, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts,
Speaker 1: please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to
Speaker 1: our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get
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Speaker 1: by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team,
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