Speaker 1: Wine down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast
Speaker 1: Wine Downtime. Downtime, I'm so excited. Do you want to
Speaker 1: recap our week? Bab? Sure? What do we do this
Speaker 1: all week? Kenny? Well, I was supposed to go on strike.
Speaker 1: How did that go? Well? It didn't because I just
Speaker 1: felt like if I did, then stuff would just be
Speaker 1: not taken care of. So I had a really hard time,
Speaker 1: and a lot of other women were like, I would
Speaker 1: love to strike with you, but unfortunately nothing would get done.
Speaker 1: But what would not have gotten done this week? So
Speaker 1: there were times when I walked past the dishwasher I
Speaker 1: knew that, no, no, you were really bad this week
Speaker 1: about not loading the dishwasher, and I had like emptied it,
Speaker 1: and so I thought, I'm like, Okay, if I don't
Speaker 1: empty it now, then I'm just gonna have more and
Speaker 1: then when we make dinner, and then it's just going
Speaker 1: to be even more of a chaos. And if I
Speaker 1: don't help, then he's gonna be like, why aren't you
Speaker 1: helping me? So I just I kind of was just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm done with this. I can't if first of all,
Speaker 1: first of all, whatever I ever said, why are you
Speaker 1: not helping me. No, Well, I mean it's we just
Speaker 1: kind of do it together, right, We just do it together.
Speaker 1: And secondly, that's what that's not like really something to
Speaker 1: go on strike about doing the dishes, because that's something
Speaker 1: we both do. I know, But I'm just saying, for example,
Speaker 1: there's got to be one of these things that you
Speaker 1: talk about, this would never get done if I didn't
Speaker 1: do it. Well, okay, I know it would get done,
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying I would have won things done
Speaker 1: on more of my time. Like you came home from
Speaker 1: home depot and there were something sitting on the kitchen counter.
Speaker 1: I really wanted to move it, but I didn't, and
Speaker 1: it took two days for you to move it. It
Speaker 1: was your or deodorant wash stuff that was sitting on
Speaker 1: the counter that you went to like Walgreens or whatever. Deodorant. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I was sitting on the counter for two days.
Speaker 1: I counted, and then you finally moved it. Okay, I know,
Speaker 1: I'll be sure you'd be more conscious of the stuff
Speaker 1: that you leave around. Okay, Okay, so that's the thing
Speaker 1: I feel like, maybe you got as just keep more
Speaker 1: score in your head. No, we don't keep any score.
Speaker 1: We just want things cleaned. Then just clean him. Do it. Okay,
Speaker 1: my strike was really bad. I didn't do it. I
Speaker 1: didn't go over too well. It didn't go well. And
Speaker 1: then we toured the hospital towards the hospital where the
Speaker 1: baby's going to be born. Oh that's awesome. What do
Speaker 1: the rooms look like. I'm having kind of an anxiety
Speaker 1: attack of they're very small. So we started the tour
Speaker 1: and they took us into the triage room. And I
Speaker 1: had a C section with Jolie so at a different hospital.
Speaker 1: Different That's why we toured the hospital here in l A.
Speaker 1: And I like, the triage room is really nice where
Speaker 1: they set you up and everything. But I already am gonn.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a schedule C section because I personally
Speaker 1: just don't want to do a V back. I know
Speaker 1: there's risk for both, but I've already had a C
Speaker 1: section and you know it took us back. I know
Speaker 1: it's yeah, and I've already had the car down there,
Speaker 1: and I just agree. I'm a little sad that I
Speaker 1: missed the vaginal birth experience, but then I quickly get
Speaker 1: over it. Are you a little bit? Are you? What?
Speaker 1: What are you? So? You know I was going to
Speaker 1: go all natural. I was like all in nothing, no epidural,
Speaker 1: nothing at you puncture, you know, like yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: was like I was like zend out playlist ready, you know. Um.
Speaker 1: And that's not the way it happened, because did I
Speaker 1: ended up having a C section And well, I was
Speaker 1: dilated probably at about A seven before I got the epidural.
Speaker 1: I mean I was at the point where it was
Speaker 1: I was dying every forty five seconds and would have
Speaker 1: fifteen seconds of relief, right, So it was like every
Speaker 1: four was I would have forty five seconds of like
Speaker 1: back labor, and then it would be fifteen seconds of like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can take a breath, and then
Speaker 1: it would be like, oh I'm dying a gun. Um.
Speaker 1: So Rocco was he was. He was. He was like
Speaker 1: seven pounds eight ounces. He wasn't like he wasn't a
Speaker 1: huge baby, which you wouldn't believe that because he's now
Speaker 1: uh four ft three inches and seventy one pounds at
Speaker 1: six years old. Um, but he was. He was ready
Speaker 1: to clown, except he was leaning on his he had
Speaker 1: his right hand, uh like placed on the back of
Speaker 1: his head, so he was like just chilling like this,
Speaker 1: and they were like, his hand isn't he's not moving it.
Speaker 1: We we have to go on and get them. Like,
Speaker 1: he won't move. You were trying, like you you were trying,
Speaker 1: and by that point you had still no yeah, because
Speaker 1: he was like, you know, he was just chilling, not ready. UM.
Speaker 1: So they quickly gave me the upper girl and it
Speaker 1: was heavened. I was like, right, oh my god, Why
Speaker 1: was I so stupid? And then I had the C
Speaker 1: section and I was like, fine, whatever, the baby's he's healthy.
Speaker 1: I'm healthy. You know. I don't think you have to
Speaker 1: feel so bad about missing out on maybe that natural experience,
Speaker 1: especially when it's out of your control, out of your control.
Speaker 1: With Jan's it was the same thing where her fever
Speaker 1: started to spike a little bit. My water broke a
Speaker 1: couple of days obviously before before the schedule date, and
Speaker 1: you can only if your water breaks, they only have
Speaker 1: so many hours. At some point they have to go
Speaker 1: in and get the baby. Labored for about four hours.
Speaker 1: But I had the epidirl right away. I mean, I
Speaker 1: was smarty. Second, I my pain because we were in Nashville.
Speaker 1: My water broke. I got up from bed and I
Speaker 1: said honey, I don't think. I just pete myself like
Speaker 1: oh god. And then within a minute I had contractions
Speaker 1: every minute on the minute and he's brushing his teeth.
Speaker 1: Take your time. I was like, good enough, Like do
Speaker 1: I need to call mind you? This is like the
Speaker 1: third or fourth whatever quote I'm doing air quotes alarm
Speaker 1: that we had in that week. So we had already
Speaker 1: gone to the hospital like three times that week, right,
Speaker 1: and she's like, I think I'm having the baby and
Speaker 1: we get the hospital. I was like, no, baby, I
Speaker 1: think I'm having So it was like three times that week.
Speaker 1: The fourth I guess the fourth time was a charm.
Speaker 1: So this time she's like my water Brooks. I'm like,
Speaker 1: here we go again. So this time I'm like brush
Speaker 1: my teeth, he's tying, run out and my pgs. My
Speaker 1: mom's upstairs. I'm like my water. She's like runs down
Speaker 1: the stairs. They go out for the car. I'm taking
Speaker 1: my time. I come out nor her mother comes in.
Speaker 1: It's like Mike, I think we really need to go.
Speaker 1: And for the listeners who haven't had a baby yet,
Speaker 1: when you see water break in movies and film and TV,
Speaker 1: it is nothing like that in real life. Because you're like, wait,
Speaker 1: did my water break? Yeah, because in the film, in
Speaker 1: a film, it's like water. Yeah, this was more of
Speaker 1: just like a So anyways, we go to the hospital,
Speaker 1: I end up trying to labor, end up having an
Speaker 1: emergency C section. Julie comes out YadA yutah um. We'll
Speaker 1: talk about that part later. But I know people do
Speaker 1: v backs. I know they actually say that a v
Speaker 1: back is actually safer than a C section. And I've
Speaker 1: thought about if my water breaks again before my scheduled
Speaker 1: C section, should I try to be back basically a
Speaker 1: vaginal birth after C section? Right? But I could also
Speaker 1: hemorrhage die the C section scar could first, I mean,
Speaker 1: but it's something can go wrong in the C section
Speaker 1: surgery to like they actually say your chances are worse
Speaker 1: than a C section versus the back. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I've been googled, like I've been talking to Dr Google.
Speaker 1: So stop googling. I know. Right, So fast forward to
Speaker 1: you know, or rewind to the to the room, and
Speaker 1: I was like, man, maybe I really should trivaginal. But
Speaker 1: then I was like, nam, good, So I mean if
Speaker 1: it happens, it happens, and then the baby is coming,
Speaker 1: We gotta go, we gotta go, and then whatever. But
Speaker 1: I'm hoping that, you know, it was. And I was
Speaker 1: telling Michael, I'm having some anxiety around it, just because
Speaker 1: you just don't know what's gonna happen. Is my water
Speaker 1: going to break like it did with Joy before. I'm
Speaker 1: starting to stress, Like when we're going over the hill
Speaker 1: yesterday to go to the hospital, it's taking, you know,
Speaker 1: a good amount of time. And j I was like,
Speaker 1: what if my water head broken and we're trying to hospital.
Speaker 1: You need to tell that baby you're not coming. It's
Speaker 1: rush hour. I know, I'm very scared. He's like, well,
Speaker 1: what if I get pulled over? I was like, then
Speaker 1: I'm hopping in the police car and the police car
Speaker 1: is going to siren me to the hospital. Actually, I
Speaker 1: actually have a couple shortcuts to get you guys through
Speaker 1: the hill. Okay, if you want me to share those, okay,
Speaker 1: we we'll definitely get on that for sure. But anyway,
Speaker 1: so we go to the triage room. Triage room looks
Speaker 1: really pretty where they're going to do the vachel on
Speaker 1: birth there's a lot of room. But then where you
Speaker 1: go to do your postpartum girl, it's so small. Is
Speaker 1: there a couch? Nothing? One chair? Can you get a suite?
Speaker 1: Can't up minimum night? That's almost and if it's three
Speaker 1: to four nights, so that's almost eleven. I'm like, we
Speaker 1: can't do that. That's eleven to seventeen thousand dollars. We can't.
Speaker 1: We can't rationalize that for a couch. But you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be a baby too. But it
Speaker 1: is a small and it's all about what your prior
Speaker 1: experience was, or our prior experience was in Nashville where
Speaker 1: the hospital we went to. We're naturally in Williamson County
Speaker 1: or Davidson County, and outside of Nashville, it's not as
Speaker 1: populated as l A County, So rooms are gonna be
Speaker 1: a little bit bigger. That's just you know, that's just
Speaker 1: how it is, right, So you're caught that you saw
Speaker 1: I had a really great sweet There's a fold up
Speaker 1: cot in the corner for the dad to sleep on,
Speaker 1: which as soon as you lay it out, takes up
Speaker 1: the remaining of the floor space. So it's the bed
Speaker 1: and the cotton that's it, and then the beast enough
Speaker 1: for the baby. Then like you're blocking the door for
Speaker 1: the bathroom, and it's just so I'm having I'm having
Speaker 1: slightly anxiety attack about that. So I understand that because
Speaker 1: I I are, I don't like small spaces. It scares me.
Speaker 1: I would love just to have at least a couch,
Speaker 1: just couch so when Jolie comes to visit or any
Speaker 1: friends come to visit. Yes, but I was at Kaiser,
Speaker 1: which is a very holistical the one on Sunset. Oh,
Speaker 1: and it is incredible. It was incredible that and I
Speaker 1: was able to have the acupuncture during labor. I mean,
Speaker 1: I had a totally different experience. Were considering, kind of
Speaker 1: had to talk yesterday. I mean we talked to Janna's
Speaker 1: kin know about about It's like it's where he delivers right,
Speaker 1: so anywhere else because do you deliver anywhere else at
Speaker 1: the sl preferably in the sweep right across the street.
Speaker 1: Not trying to be I'm not trying to be a
Speaker 1: that's that's not you know, deefitely not trying to be
Speaker 1: deva that we have are fantastic. And the medical yes,
Speaker 1: the medical staff that you have around you, it's so
Speaker 1: lucky everything. I'm very happy, very grateful. It's just you know,
Speaker 1: it's coming very soon, and I'm starting to get anxiety
Speaker 1: around it. Do you think we should do a podcast
Speaker 1: in the hospital. Absolutely, I'm I'm there. I think I'm
Speaker 1: coming in. I think we should just do a live
Speaker 1: podcast from there. I think we should talk, especially if
Speaker 1: you're in labor. Oh my god, like or Easton would well,
Speaker 1: I think that might be too much. He might have
Speaker 1: to be here in studio. Yeah that's true, but he wouldn't.
Speaker 1: He wouldn't be able to handle the rest of bombs.
Speaker 1: But I mean we should, we should think about that.
Speaker 1: I wonder if you guys would be interested in doing
Speaker 1: a live podcast birth right in right about like midwives.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm too scary. I'm not the I have
Speaker 1: to have doctors. I have to have I mean, when
Speaker 1: when Jolie came, I mean, how many questions did I
Speaker 1: ask the doctors and nurses. I even said, I was
Speaker 1: crashing in the middle of the c section. Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: sitting there, not even no, not even during the c section, before,
Speaker 1: before the c section, just when she has the epidural,
Speaker 1: because it was you don't think frozen. I can't. I
Speaker 1: don't feel I can't do anything. Is a hypochondria episode
Speaker 1: at first she doesn't have the epidural, so she's just
Speaker 1: complaining about the pain and everything that. Then she has it,
Speaker 1: then she's complaining that she can't feel anything, which is
Speaker 1: the whole point of an epidural. It is weird crashing
Speaker 1: and the nurses like, honey, you're not crashing. That means
Speaker 1: like you're flatlining. You're not crashing. So they know when
Speaker 1: I'm crashing, go get the doctor. I'm crap, you don't
Speaker 1: understand I'm crashing. I didn't do that. Then I thought
Speaker 1: I did that in the hospital, Like when did it
Speaker 1: before you even had the surgery? Oh really, it is
Speaker 1: a strange feeling to just be numb, like from the
Speaker 1: waist down it is. I I didn't like it either.
Speaker 1: It's it's a very strange feeling. It is. So that's
Speaker 1: why I could never do the holistic in the bath.
Speaker 1: I give mad props to woman that can do that.
Speaker 1: But I need all the doctor, I need all the attention,
Speaker 1: I need all the medical staff, the nurses. She wants
Speaker 1: the whole wing shutdown resource well. And then they couldn't
Speaker 1: figure out what's wrong with me because my white blood
Speaker 1: cell counts are really high. So I was convinced I
Speaker 1: was dying. My my friend Catherine was there and she's like, okay,
Speaker 1: so what's wrong with you? I said, well, they said
Speaker 1: my my favorite spiking it's one or four plus my
Speaker 1: white blood cell counts. And she's like, okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: google it, and she googles it and I look at
Speaker 1: her and she's like, um, don't don't, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: I was like, it says that died. You guys said
Speaker 1: the stuff googling, especially while you're in the hospital when
Speaker 1: there's actual But I was wrong, which was so scary,
Speaker 1: and so I thought I was for sure. I was like, man,
Speaker 1: I would have been such a great mom. Never, goot,
Speaker 1: it's awful. We have podcast, do a live podcast because
Speaker 1: this stuff is too good to not get on tape.
Speaker 1: We'll see. I mean, it's scary though, when you're being
Speaker 1: wheeled in for the C section and your body is
Speaker 1: going left to right and you're getting so so I thought,
Speaker 1: I thought I freaked out after Jolie came out of me.
Speaker 1: Did you did that as well? I did, Okay, and
Speaker 1: then didn't you tell the nurses? Oh? She was in
Speaker 1: grayze anatomy. This is just her acting. She's watched too
Speaker 1: much Graze Anatomy. I was like, this is just it's
Speaker 1: a long story short. Let me know. If you guys
Speaker 1: want us to do a live birth, email us and
Speaker 1: at Jane graymand iron media dot com. It's gonna be fun.
Speaker 1: Just scrubbing in back in Antonio. But I I just
Speaker 1: had to put out there. I'm just feeling a little nervous,
Speaker 1: but I'm really excited because after pregnancy. So I've been
Speaker 1: using thread up, which is the world's largest online consignment
Speaker 1: and thrift store shop. With off estimated retail prices that's
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Speaker 1: really great brands. So they've got brands like made Well
Speaker 1: Up and in a Republic, BCBG, Steve Matt and Kate Spay, Lululemon, Coach.
Speaker 1: There's so many great brands, and so you know, I
Speaker 1: like to shop. I like to shop online, so thread
Speaker 1: up is perfect for that. It's a perfect place when
Speaker 1: you're looking to update your wardrobe on a budget, and
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Speaker 1: dot com slash Janna for an extra depresent off today
Speaker 1: promo code Janna thirty hip bit. You know it's also
Speaker 1: going to be great. What's for dinner tonight? Well, I'm
Speaker 1: not even worried about tonight. I'm worried about when we
Speaker 1: are in the hospital and we come home and we
Speaker 1: need something to cook. Luckily, Hello Fresh is gonna be
Speaker 1: there for us, ready and waiting. Oh my god, you
Speaker 1: love Hello Fresh. It's the best, and you're my favorite
Speaker 1: has been thus far. That Chipotle pineapple chicken. You still
Speaker 1: make that? You remake that? Yeah, that's one of the
Speaker 1: recipes I've kept in the drawer because it's so good.
Speaker 1: I've even taken pictures of it and send it to people.
Speaker 1: I sent it like my brother because he likes cooking.
Speaker 1: It's like, hey, make this for my mom and dad.
Speaker 1: It's amazing. There's no grocery shopping, so we don't have
Speaker 1: to worry about that, which is fantastic because obviously with
Speaker 1: a new baby on the way and a toddler, it's
Speaker 1: going to be great to have the groceries sent to us,
Speaker 1: the meals completely delivered. Everything is going to be pre measured,
Speaker 1: pre planned. Nothing's longer than thirty to forty minutes, including
Speaker 1: prep time and cooked time. It takes me a little
Speaker 1: longer just to read things. Takes a little longer. It
Speaker 1: takes like an hour. I'm like, wait, why does I
Speaker 1: looked up the other day what it said? I had
Speaker 1: to something with the line. I had to get the
Speaker 1: shaving like the line. I was like, what is Alexa?
Speaker 1: What does zestimate? You have a disester you fancy? But
Speaker 1: it's it's actually is very easy. I'm just, you know,
Speaker 1: a little slow of things. But Michael is going to
Speaker 1: take that one and get the wine. Oh, there's no question.
Speaker 1: And for a total of sixty dollars off, that's twenty
Speaker 1: off your first three boxes, visit Hello Fresh dot com
Speaker 1: slash creamer sixty and enter creamer sixty again. If you
Speaker 1: want sixty dollars off, it's twenty dollars off your first
Speaker 1: three boxes. Visit Hello Fresh, slash Creamer sixty and enter
Speaker 1: Creamer sixty. You guys will not regret it. Michael came
Speaker 1: up with a really interesting idea the other day which
Speaker 1: kind of scares me a little bit. Though, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: kind of great because she's a therapist. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: had an idea for Jane and I podcast to add
Speaker 1: some some spice to it some time, at some point
Speaker 1: in time, And I said, what if we if one
Speaker 1: of us has an issue that we want to discuss
Speaker 1: with one another, what if we even get as intimate
Speaker 1: and personal as we save that for the podcast. That way,
Speaker 1: you know, people hear us talk about what we do
Speaker 1: in situations, how we communicate, but then for them for
Speaker 1: people to listen to us real time and see how
Speaker 1: we handle it instead of it's easy to say it
Speaker 1: after the fact, Oh this is how I did it,
Speaker 1: and you know it's it sounds so simple, But then
Speaker 1: to be real time and really put ourselves out there
Speaker 1: in a situation that we have to discuss personally. Um,
Speaker 1: so that's something we're gonna do. I love this because
Speaker 1: you Yeah, I do, because it's so interesting because you
Speaker 1: have the tools when you're discussing a situation between the
Speaker 1: two of you, You've been given the tools where you
Speaker 1: can really communicate. And it's a great example to hear
Speaker 1: for people to hear that, because if he drops like
Speaker 1: a massive bomb on me, well, I think that there
Speaker 1: has to be some boundaries because I don't handle everything great. No,
Speaker 1: but that's part of it, right, Like what if one
Speaker 1: of us don't handle it right, we'll be authentic on here.
Speaker 1: It's okay, we don't have and but that's part of
Speaker 1: it too, is people to listen to. It's not all oh,
Speaker 1: thank you for sharing your feelings and this is how life.
Speaker 1: It's not all right or I'm sorry you feel that
Speaker 1: right between us. I guess the fireworks is what scares
Speaker 1: me because that's the stuff that traumatizing. That traumatizing me,
Speaker 1: that's the stuff that I get super triggered. So what
Speaker 1: if I see that you're reacting a certain way and
Speaker 1: you know, you storm and I don't like it? Scares
Speaker 1: me because sometimes we don't handle things great. Sometimes we
Speaker 1: don't say the right thing. Sometimes I get upset and
Speaker 1: I don't hear you out. Sometimes you don't hear me out.
Speaker 1: That happens on there. It's like, oh, then we're basically frauds. No,
Speaker 1: but that's that's just that we're not odds, because that's
Speaker 1: the thing. And when we have arguments yet you're still
Speaker 1: gonna get heated. You're not going to be in the
Speaker 1: best space or best place to hear handle things. But
Speaker 1: still that's a way to show people how you can
Speaker 1: still have fireworks in an argument but still not be disrespectful,
Speaker 1: not be hurtful, still respect each other, but still be strong.
Speaker 1: And maybe whatever you're feeling or thinking you're believing, that's okay.
Speaker 1: That's still another form of communicating in a healthy way.
Speaker 1: You guys just have to come up with a list
Speaker 1: of things in situations that are totally off the table. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's gonna be where, hey, I have something
Speaker 1: around this kind of topic. You okay if I bring
Speaker 1: it up. We're not going to discuss anything that right now,
Speaker 1: but are okay we bring it up for our experiment
Speaker 1: on the podcast. Yeah, that's respectful. I have said to you,
Speaker 1: I said, what is it you want to talk to
Speaker 1: me about? You're talking about? So what is it? I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: there's nothing. I just think you would be another level
Speaker 1: of depth on what we can offer people on how
Speaker 1: to community as opposed to again look looking like we
Speaker 1: have everything perfect and we communicate, you know, great every time.
Speaker 1: Where it's again that because you're we're not frauds, you're human,
Speaker 1: you're human, and that's okay. It is also I think
Speaker 1: that you don't say on Monday night, hey there's something
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about next Monday. It
Speaker 1: has to be like the night before, not even that
Speaker 1: the way in I don't even think. I think it
Speaker 1: should just be right here because if not, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say what about it? Because I'm gonna get defensive, because
Speaker 1: that's not going to be a real time because if
Speaker 1: you bring something up to me, my first is, well,
Speaker 1: why do you think that? And that's a pretty defensive response. Back.
Speaker 1: In general, I guess we can always cut it and
Speaker 1: saying if it was if it was about something that
Speaker 1: we don't feel comfortable, that's kind of breaking a personal
Speaker 1: boundary for one of us. Yeah, that we're like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like, okay, you ask a question.
Speaker 1: But we can cut it from the right. You can
Speaker 1: say I'm not comfortable with this, and we're going to
Speaker 1: leave for fifteen minutes and talk about this and we'll
Speaker 1: be right. There'll just hold it down. We'll just do
Speaker 1: all our spots coming right now, let's coming back in.
Speaker 1: Do we want to try this experiment next week? We
Speaker 1: please make up something? Well, I know, but I mean,
Speaker 1: are you planning on there being something that you need
Speaker 1: to bring up with me? No? But we we are.
Speaker 1: What do you up? We are skipping a couple of therapy,
Speaker 1: oh next week, so so we won't have it. Well,
Speaker 1: we're it's a couple of weeks later, so there might
Speaker 1: be something that comes up that they have to talk about.
Speaker 1: I know, sweetheart, but I'm just saying we might. Well,
Speaker 1: there might be something. There might be something. I mean,
Speaker 1: you're traveling and yeah, so something will come over. Okay, right,
Speaker 1: don't don't worry. Not nothing big. But I think, you know,
Speaker 1: I think it'll be good because I think it's it's
Speaker 1: a good way to practice not being defensive and people
Speaker 1: can hear how we work through issues, you know, pampered
Speaker 1: story after. I think it's great. I had someone DM
Speaker 1: me speaking about couples therapy, by the way, and she said,
Speaker 1: do not even know if you will see this. I
Speaker 1: got behind on your podcast because of life. I'm playing
Speaker 1: catch up with them now. I am not sure if
Speaker 1: this has been talked about marriage counseling. My husband I
Speaker 1: have been having issues lately. He really wants to go
Speaker 1: to counseling. But I see that as a step you
Speaker 1: take before it's over. Help. And I was to me,
Speaker 1: it's I don't think it's something where you it's a
Speaker 1: step before it's over. I think it's it's a step
Speaker 1: you should, personally, in my opinion, you should always take
Speaker 1: to continue to grow. Absolutely, I agree, there is nothing
Speaker 1: better and going into a room forty five minutes and
Speaker 1: somebody listening to you. It's amazing. It is the most
Speaker 1: incredible experience, isn't it. Because but the fact that her
Speaker 1: husband even wants to go, and she's the one that
Speaker 1: he's willy, he's willing to go. There's so many husbands
Speaker 1: out there that do not want to go to a
Speaker 1: couple of therapy. And I think it's I think it's
Speaker 1: important either. We we were just having this talk. We
Speaker 1: had went on a date night to see a stars
Speaker 1: but have you seen it? I went to the premier.
Speaker 1: The amount of two tears, I know, I'm already trying.
Speaker 1: I look over and Jenna is already trying. It's like
Speaker 1: the first song Lady Gaga's Things I'm like, this is
Speaker 1: like a happy person, but she's like living her dream
Speaker 1: out there. Like yeah, I mean I was. I was
Speaker 1: having a hard time, like not letting it out in hyperventilating.
Speaker 1: But we want to date now with a few of
Speaker 1: our friends. And we were just talking about marriage and
Speaker 1: in couples therapy, and you know, she said that we
Speaker 1: don't really have anything big, but I kind of want
Speaker 1: to go in and talk, and I think, I think
Speaker 1: that's that's what you should do. I do too. What
Speaker 1: do you think about couples who go to therapy before
Speaker 1: they're even married. I think it's awesome. I think it's great, right,
Speaker 1: I think it's really good. But great, Yeah, but that's
Speaker 1: because he cheated on me. Here's our first Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that, and we were taking the next step
Speaker 1: and I had moved down there, so I mean we
Speaker 1: knew we wanted to be together. Did that make you
Speaker 1: angry that I just said that, I'm trying to Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't poke the bear. Um. I think that's well,
Speaker 1: it didn't make me because I think that's a big
Speaker 1: difference between me now and before. It's just yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: not hiding behind that shame and more right, But I
Speaker 1: think if you can go to a couple of therapy
Speaker 1: and be authentic, is that's that's the hugest thing, especially
Speaker 1: before you're married, when you're married, if you're having issues,
Speaker 1: if you're not having an issues, I know what I
Speaker 1: would love. I would love people that don't think they
Speaker 1: need therapy to go to therapy. Those people need therapy
Speaker 1: the most. Absolutely could not be a more truer statement.
Speaker 1: If they don't, if they're stuck in their ways, they're
Speaker 1: not going to be open mind. If you're not open
Speaker 1: minded to therapy, I mean, it's not gonna work. You're
Speaker 1: gonna be wasting your time and money. I went to
Speaker 1: couples therapy you did before you got divorced? And and
Speaker 1: how for how long we went? Well, we went for
Speaker 1: an initial couples therapy, and then she suggested that he
Speaker 1: go to individual therapy for a while before we could
Speaker 1: meet back together because we were at such different growth levels.
Speaker 1: Not her right, if she explained, because I had done
Speaker 1: a lot of work I had to when I was
Speaker 1: going to school. Then one day he came home from
Speaker 1: therapy and said, Uh, next week, I need for you
Speaker 1: to go to therapy with me because I'm stuck and
Speaker 1: I need for you to figure out how I get unstocked.
Speaker 1: He asked you that, yes, and I said, I can't
Speaker 1: do that because I'm not your therapist and I'm not you, right,
Speaker 1: and I can't be And that's when I knew, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's pretty deep to know that that in that moment,
Speaker 1: you can't manage, you can't know. M hm uh isn't
Speaker 1: it great though? When you go into therapy. I love
Speaker 1: this personally when we sit with our couple's therapist and Mike,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm, I'm He tells me. I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: thank you for sharing, and this is how I and
Speaker 1: and he just gets worked up and says all the
Speaker 1: wrong things and I'm just sitting there like, see this, Dan,
Speaker 1: this yet keep going, Mike, dig your graves, to dig
Speaker 1: my own grave and awesome because I'm like, this is
Speaker 1: exactly what I'm dealing with. Door number one. Validation is
Speaker 1: putting on you know, her cross legs, both teams, just
Speaker 1: perfect little teacher's pet. And I'm like, this is what
Speaker 1: I'm not dealing with at home. I did not get
Speaker 1: this at home, what you are seeing right now? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I just try to handle it. You know, because I
Speaker 1: want him to be proud of even. Do you guys
Speaker 1: have therapy today? No, we had to reschedule it because
Speaker 1: I'm going on a town but for a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: But I just I want I want our therapist to
Speaker 1: be proud of us because we've I mean, I really
Speaker 1: truly do think he is because about shoot, eight nine
Speaker 1: months ago, I walked in and said, I'm filing for
Speaker 1: divorce and you cannot change my mind. Wow, wow, and yeah,
Speaker 1: and he was just he looked at us and he
Speaker 1: was just like are you sure? And I am sure,
Speaker 1: Please bring him in. And you know, we sat there
Speaker 1: and you know, some other life stuff happened, and you know,
Speaker 1: here we are, but uh yeah it was I was
Speaker 1: we were done. But it's so nice to be able
Speaker 1: to now he's he just sits and I can see
Speaker 1: him like there's a little smile in his you know,
Speaker 1: a little eye and he's like, Okay, you guys are
Speaker 1: you guys have really worked? But you yeah, I was
Speaker 1: just going to say he handed over the tools, but
Speaker 1: you guys did the work. We've done all the work.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's you know, stood by us, and where
Speaker 1: he'd be like Mike, take a walk, take a walk.
Speaker 1: But most of the days it was Mike, why don't
Speaker 1: you go take a walk, because he gets you just
Speaker 1: get very heated. Yeah, he didn't defensive very quick. I
Speaker 1: don't know if that is that just a guy thing
Speaker 1: to get defensive off the bat FA I could say, so, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean what am I answering for? Did he get
Speaker 1: defensive always? Always? I wonder if that is just a
Speaker 1: dude thing. I don't know, Hey, dudes, to the dudes listening,
Speaker 1: do you get defensive? And there's more of a tendency
Speaker 1: for yeah, for males to get defensive quicker. But you know,
Speaker 1: I think I think it's like all or nothing. It's
Speaker 1: either you're defensive or you're just so either that confident
Speaker 1: or that just don't care. Were just like all right whatever.
Speaker 1: We found out phone in Nick to see if our
Speaker 1: friend Nick, to see why Nick, what's going on with
Speaker 1: he loves couples therapy? We don't he loves that. That's awesome, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think but anyone and we and we tell us
Speaker 1: two couples that we know and that we discussed because
Speaker 1: we're again we're very open about we don't hide the
Speaker 1: fact that we go to individual therapy, like we have
Speaker 1: no shame in We're talking to people and what do
Speaker 1: you got today? We got couples are off therapy or
Speaker 1: Chaine therapy. We don't care, and you know it's we
Speaker 1: just know how much it's helped us, So we would
Speaker 1: love to see it helps other relationships that we see.
Speaker 1: Even if you don't think you have a problem, it's
Speaker 1: just a safe place to discuss things. You know, So
Speaker 1: there's doesn't There isn't anything like you know, cobwebs that
Speaker 1: build resentment or anything like that. Hey, I have another
Speaker 1: d m um for Mike's perspective. I know it's a
Speaker 1: very sensitive subject, but I'd love to hear Mike's perspective
Speaker 1: miscarriage and how it affected him. Me and my fiance
Speaker 1: I have had four miscarriages this year and he's been
Speaker 1: really he's been. He's been a great support for me.
Speaker 1: But I feel like I'm not supporting him enough and
Speaker 1: I don't know how to. Um, I don't know, and
Speaker 1: I don't know how to. I've spoken to him and
Speaker 1: asked him, but he says he's fine. He has to
Speaker 1: love the podcast. Blah bla blah blah blah, I've never
Speaker 1: thought about that about the guy emotional the other side
Speaker 1: of that, she cares about yes, and she's asked and
Speaker 1: she's trying message. Um. Yeah. I was just talking to
Speaker 1: uh Greg the other day and him and his wife
Speaker 1: are trying to navicate and and so I was kind
Speaker 1: of coaching him through that stuff. So basically, as a guy,
Speaker 1: there is a tendency obviously where we feel forgotten in
Speaker 1: the process, right because the women, it's their body, it's
Speaker 1: their hormones, it's y'all's emotions and and everything. But it
Speaker 1: takes two to tango, and we're part of it too.
Speaker 1: And I think what's difficult around the miscarriage aspect is because,
Speaker 1: at least from my experience with Janna, the women take
Speaker 1: it so personally that it's their fault that there's a miscarriage.
Speaker 1: It's their fault that they did something wrong. They weren't
Speaker 1: meant that like it's just all about like they just
Speaker 1: feel like it's their fault. So it's hard. It's difficult
Speaker 1: for us to really make it about ourselves in any
Speaker 1: way when we we we don't have that that physical
Speaker 1: feeling of that it could possibly be our fault because
Speaker 1: like women do like that you have this that that
Speaker 1: natural guilt that comes up again in my experience. So
Speaker 1: for us to express any of our feelings of loss,
Speaker 1: it feels very selfish. So naturally we just want to
Speaker 1: be like, no, it's not your fault, it's nothing you did,
Speaker 1: and just and be empathetic and compassionate towards our significant
Speaker 1: others that are you know, that lost the child. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's hard, it's it's nice too, at least
Speaker 1: to be validated once and and Janna did this, especially
Speaker 1: with the last time. You know, she validated me and
Speaker 1: was like, you know that this is your loss too.
Speaker 1: And so I don't think we need a lot. I
Speaker 1: think we just it's just one of those things you
Speaker 1: recognize and that's okay. We don't need any more than
Speaker 1: just an understanding from our spouse that hey, like, what
Speaker 1: are you feeling? And honestly that will help too, And
Speaker 1: what's I think. I can't speak for Janna, but I
Speaker 1: think what has helped, what helped us with the last
Speaker 1: miscarriage was being able to grieve together because she knew
Speaker 1: what I was feeling. That helps. So you don't you
Speaker 1: think him saying he's fine, he means he's fine. No,
Speaker 1: I don't did it say, did he express any anything? Yeah,
Speaker 1: she said, She's been trying to ask him, but he said,
Speaker 1: and he's like, no, I'm fine, Like, how does it
Speaker 1: affect you? How does it affect me? I think that's
Speaker 1: exactly what he's trying to put on a facade for
Speaker 1: her to be tough and be strong for her so
Speaker 1: she can have this latitude to have these emotions when really,
Speaker 1: like you said, Jane, it seems like she's reaching out
Speaker 1: and wanting to know that he shares the same feeling
Speaker 1: of loss, the same pain that she does grieving. In
Speaker 1: grieving yea, which in my experience, we do. But again
Speaker 1: it's just a natural thing to put up a wall,
Speaker 1: so we don't because not yours. I understand that. So
Speaker 1: we're not going to be in the corner like just
Speaker 1: bawling and spin and stuff when it's not our body.
Speaker 1: There's still but it's not just your body. We lost
Speaker 1: a baby, right, but but just the physical aspect of it,
Speaker 1: there's something to be said for that. Yeah, but you
Speaker 1: still feel the loss of Okay, are our baby past? Oh,
Speaker 1: there's no question, no question. So I think so hard
Speaker 1: it's okay for the husbands to open up about that,
Speaker 1: because I think it's just it's beneficial for you guys.
Speaker 1: I think it's Yeah. I hope that he can grieve
Speaker 1: into any of the guys listening in wives too that
Speaker 1: want that, because I needed to have that. Like last
Speaker 1: one of the miscarriages, I didn't want anything to do
Speaker 1: with them, and I didn't talk to him because I
Speaker 1: just felt I just isolated, went inside. Yeah, and it
Speaker 1: was awful and it was not fair to him. This
Speaker 1: last time we miscarried. I needed that grieving because I
Speaker 1: thought we were done and I thought, you know, this
Speaker 1: is our last embryo, our bull, this is our boy.
Speaker 1: So I needed that like comfort. You needed to feel
Speaker 1: loved and and you needed him to comfort you, especially
Speaker 1: with that being kind of our safety net because we
Speaker 1: had that embryo for the last two and a half years,
Speaker 1: where through other miscarriages were like, Okay, well we have this,
Speaker 1: but we have that, you know, we had that safety
Speaker 1: net of that you know, embryo. Jen question for you
Speaker 1: because I and this is for you too, Mike, but
Speaker 1: from a girl's perspective, when you find out you're pregnant,
Speaker 1: do you think we should wait to tell I understand
Speaker 1: there's the risk, but then you have the risk of
Speaker 1: miscarrying alone, and then nobody knows. So why why can't
Speaker 1: we just yes, there's always going to be a risk,
Speaker 1: But why can't we from day one say because if
Speaker 1: not all these women who are having miscarriages are doing
Speaker 1: it alone because they ended silent. Exactly, they don't No
Speaker 1: one knows they miscarried. No one knows that they heard
Speaker 1: the heartbeat and then the baby was lost. Like, why
Speaker 1: can't we be like, we're pregnant and and get a
Speaker 1: whole team and if if it doesn't and you end
Speaker 1: up miscarrying, which again it's so common, but then you
Speaker 1: have people there for the system if now there's no
Speaker 1: one there for you. I agree, Yeah, so why did
Speaker 1: we Why are we waiting until three or four months?
Speaker 1: Because it's it's a half glass empty mentality, right, But
Speaker 1: then in your suffering and silence, in silence because nobody knew,
Speaker 1: I told people who were close to me. I found
Speaker 1: out I was pregnant. I was less than two weeks
Speaker 1: and there are I mean, there weren't even there wasn't
Speaker 1: even a heartbeat really, and it was just my hormones
Speaker 1: were fluctuating so I had to keep going in and
Speaker 1: being tested. They actually thought I was having a miscarriage
Speaker 1: um because we're all of the signs of that, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden there was a heartbeat. Wow,
Speaker 1: And so I started to tell people. Plus I was older,
Speaker 1: so I felt comfortable telling certain people people in my family.
Speaker 1: What how how soon after you guys find out you're
Speaker 1: pregnant do you go to your O B it's six
Speaker 1: or seven weeks is when you go for your six six,
Speaker 1: six to eight. But yeah, we we we've always gone
Speaker 1: between the six and seven mark. And then twelve is
Speaker 1: when they say to tell people, right right, right, I think,
Speaker 1: but we've we've heard heartbeats at seven and then we've
Speaker 1: lost Yeah, I think, is it shouldn't be day one
Speaker 1: the first time you piano steak and you get a line. No,
Speaker 1: but a heck of a lot sooner. Absolutely, I definitely
Speaker 1: agree with you on that. So to avoid that feeling silent,
Speaker 1: I had a friend recently who was five weeks pregnant.
Speaker 1: She told me when she was five weeks, which I
Speaker 1: thought was really smart of her, because then I'm checking
Speaker 1: on her, asking her how she's feeling, how's everything going,
Speaker 1: and She built a support system system around her so
Speaker 1: that she could go through this with other people, and
Speaker 1: it is sad to have to. You know, when we
Speaker 1: do miscarry, it's like, hey, can you just text the
Speaker 1: family because I don't want to have to text everyone
Speaker 1: saying lost the baby. We lost the baby. And I
Speaker 1: understand maybe people not wanting that that might be a
Speaker 1: big part of it. I think it is. It's facing
Speaker 1: it and having to tell people right, which is awful,
Speaker 1: but then isn't to me, it's worth facing it alone, right,
Speaker 1: like just like staying in bed all day, all alone
Speaker 1: and on Instagram trying to pretend like I'm happy, but
Speaker 1: I actually just faing miscarried. You know, oh no, sorry
Speaker 1: freaking miscarried. So you know, it's I get so I
Speaker 1: get both sides of it. But for me to the
Speaker 1: feeling of being alone and not having someone is worse
Speaker 1: for me. So I guess it's like your own personal preference.
Speaker 1: But if you, if you, if I throw it out there,
Speaker 1: let's have let's see how people. Yeah, yeah, let's see
Speaker 1: how people feel. There's definitely a good question. But like
Speaker 1: Jen said, I think that's a great thing is if
Speaker 1: you if you build just at least a small support
Speaker 1: system close the people closest to you that you really
Speaker 1: it could be your parents, but maybe it's not because
Speaker 1: you don't want your parents to be like there's a
Speaker 1: first child. It's like, you know, you have these overbearing
Speaker 1: parents that get super excited to be grandparents, and maybe
Speaker 1: you don't want to deal with all those questions every day,
Speaker 1: especially if this thing happens, you know, if that unfortunate
Speaker 1: event happens. So but at least build some kind of
Speaker 1: small and don't feel hesitant to build that important You
Speaker 1: have permission. And if you guys have any stories about
Speaker 1: waiting versus not waiting, email us at Janna Cramer at
Speaker 1: heart media dot com. I have a great email. I
Speaker 1: have to spots by the way. Okay, so I'm really
Speaker 1: excited because the fab Fit Fund editors Fall Box is here.
Speaker 1: It's fantastic. Fabfit Fund is a seasonal subscription box delivered
Speaker 1: four times a year with full size fashion, beauty, home, fitness,
Speaker 1: wellness products for just box. I I honestly love it.
Speaker 1: For me, it's Christmas. I I love getting things from
Speaker 1: my house. I love getting candles. Um, there's an awesome
Speaker 1: I'm ask in this Fall Box there's an enzyme peel,
Speaker 1: which I'm gonna love. There's Crown Brush, six piece brush
Speaker 1: set from makeup. And Michael always makes fun of me
Speaker 1: because he's like, your fat fit Fun box here, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I was just gonna say that, you know,
Speaker 1: besides this being a spot, this is a real deal
Speaker 1: because we constantly, for years now have been getting these
Speaker 1: fat Fit Fund boxes. So clearly for Janna to continue
Speaker 1: to be a subscriber means that she really loves it.
Speaker 1: So I really did. And and and the other day
Speaker 1: you said, oh, honey, like those dish towels. I was
Speaker 1: like thanks, And you thought that I bought them. They're
Speaker 1: fait fun stop fun box, you know. So sign up
Speaker 1: for fat Fit Fund today to get your Fall editor's box.
Speaker 1: The fat Fit Fund fall editors boxes in limited supply
Speaker 1: and these boxes always sell out. Use my code Janna
Speaker 1: to get ten dollars off your first box. Go to
Speaker 1: fab fit Fun dot com to sign up and start
Speaker 1: getting the box. For a life well lived. Use promo
Speaker 1: code Janna to get ten dollars off your first box
Speaker 1: that's over two for only thirty nine. Go to fab
Speaker 1: fit fund dot com and use my cod Janna to
Speaker 1: get ten dollars off. Um, Jen, you were just saying
Speaker 1: that you need stamps. I do. I'm out of stamps
Speaker 1: every time I have a letter that a very important
Speaker 1: letter that needs to go out, and it's sitting on
Speaker 1: my dashboard in my current it has been for three
Speaker 1: or four days now because I keep saying, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: going to stop and get stamps. Well, let me tell you.
Speaker 1: With stamps dot com you can access all the amazing
Speaker 1: services of the post Office right from your desk. You're
Speaker 1: on your laptop, so go on to stamps dot com. Um.
Speaker 1: But you can buy in print official US postage for
Speaker 1: any letter, any package, using your own computer and printers.
Speaker 1: So this is great for small business owners, for people
Speaker 1: that just have a really busy life, for moms, and
Speaker 1: anyone honestly that just wants to save a little bit
Speaker 1: of time. It's just click print mail and you're done.
Speaker 1: It could not be easier. And again, if you're sending
Speaker 1: up packages, they also send you a scale, which is great.
Speaker 1: So right now, use Janna for this special offer. It
Speaker 1: includes up to fifty five dollars free postage, a digital scale,
Speaker 1: and a four trial. Go to stamps dot com before
Speaker 1: you do anything else, click on the radio microphone at
Speaker 1: the top of the homepage and type in Janna at
Speaker 1: stamps dot com. Enter Janna. Hey, um, you have an
Speaker 1: email you want to read. I do so. This was
Speaker 1: from our actually our have a seat with Janna Mike
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. But I thought it was pretty
Speaker 1: interesting because it's a different perspective. So I'll keep this
Speaker 1: anonymous or do we say first name? Let's do it hot. Okay,
Speaker 1: So the email is, we always hear about Mike's flaws
Speaker 1: and mistakes. I would love to hear from Mike's perspective
Speaker 1: what Janna has gender. Sorry, I was here about mike
Speaker 1: flaws mistakes. I'd like to hear how great he is.
Speaker 1: That's where I thought I was gonna go, like, Darling,
Speaker 1: you're so before you even laugh about this, I have
Speaker 1: the same thing, Jenn, Well, yeah, how I was like,
Speaker 1: let's just tell all Mike's attributes, right, and then I thought, ask,
Speaker 1: can we hear about Janna's flaws? And I didn't even think,
Speaker 1: oh wait, there's more. Okay, this podcast is Mike's great, Alright,
Speaker 1: let's hear it anyway. We always hear about Mike's flaws
Speaker 1: and mistakes. I would love to hear from Mike's perspective
Speaker 1: what Janna has done to create his behaviors in the past,
Speaker 1: to help women understand how to create a safer environment
Speaker 1: for their husband as well. Usually men make mistakes based
Speaker 1: on behaviors too. I'd like to see Janna open up
Speaker 1: about her flaws. Thank you. Now, did you email him
Speaker 1: back and say, I'm sorry, my wife has zero flaws. Yes,
Speaker 1: first of all, my wife is perfect and has zero no.
Speaker 1: But my whole reason that one stuck out to me
Speaker 1: because because he wanted me to well know, I appreciate
Speaker 1: not that I want you to talk about flaws. I
Speaker 1: appreciate her willingness to want to understand her husband more
Speaker 1: and to and to clean up her side of the street,
Speaker 1: as I say in the therapy world, as you mentioned.
Speaker 1: So for for me, from my perspective, it's it's not
Speaker 1: about what like Jane does or or what anyone else
Speaker 1: does in your life, because you're responsible for your own actions, right,
Speaker 1: And that's what I've learned through a lot of this process,
Speaker 1: is that regardless of anything, I'm responsible for my own
Speaker 1: actions in the same situation here, but by being more open,
Speaker 1: by being validating and being soft with your partner, whether
Speaker 1: male or female, and inviting them to share feelings about
Speaker 1: something and really asking, you know, what they need. It
Speaker 1: just opens that line of communication to maybe avoid things
Speaker 1: that maybe I did in the past because I didn't
Speaker 1: feel like dealing with because we didn't talk about not
Speaker 1: saying as Jana's fault, but that's my fault also. But again,
Speaker 1: as men were naturally not as communicative as women and
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about feelings as much as you guys.
Speaker 1: So if that was something where those lines of communication
Speaker 1: were more open and it felt like a safe place,
Speaker 1: That's really the only thing I have to say around
Speaker 1: kind of that email is just to invite your significant other,
Speaker 1: your your husband to meet you there m hm, your face,
Speaker 1: Jannah says, says everything no, no, totally no no no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, And like theraposess, there's no butt. And I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously we all have flaws, and I think one of
Speaker 1: my biggest flaws is also something that is hard because
Speaker 1: in the beginning, one of my flaws was I just
Speaker 1: blamed him for how I was feeling because of what
Speaker 1: he did. So I lived with that longer than I should.
Speaker 1: So that's a flaw. So I lived with you know, well,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling this way because you did this and you
Speaker 1: did that and you ruined this and so. But then
Speaker 1: it then you have to kind of look at the
Speaker 1: mirror and go, Okay, it's time to do my work.
Speaker 1: How long am I going to keep like pointing a
Speaker 1: finger and playing blame game? So that was definitely a flaw.
Speaker 1: And then I think another flaw too is knowing And
Speaker 1: then for women out there to your husband does, like
Speaker 1: you said, your husband does have feelings and being able
Speaker 1: to invite the husband to talk to you. And sometimes
Speaker 1: we only get stuck in our own flaws, in our
Speaker 1: own feelings, right because you can only you can't control
Speaker 1: other people's actions, only your reaction, and you guys know that.
Speaker 1: And if you're stuck on the action, you're stuck in
Speaker 1: your head and your you are you're playing like the
Speaker 1: blame game forever and you'll never get past that. And
Speaker 1: by the way, perfect is boring. Oh yeah, and no
Speaker 1: relationship is perfect. And also being um being invited to
Speaker 1: the sense of you know, asking for what you need,
Speaker 1: but also asking your partner for what they need, right,
Speaker 1: like going up to your husband again, just mistake of
Speaker 1: this email. It's the example, but going up to your
Speaker 1: husband and saying, do you need anything for me? Yeah?
Speaker 1: It's so simple, it sounds it could be a physical thing,
Speaker 1: it could be whatever. It could be a task, uld
Speaker 1: be anything. Do you need anything for me? He might say, no, okay,
Speaker 1: I just want to check. Oh, you know what we
Speaker 1: should do? That should be channeling the challenge this week
Speaker 1: because so last week will strike. This challenge should be
Speaker 1: so for all the wives listening right now, wives, girlfriends,
Speaker 1: go up to your partner, maile listeners to however many
Speaker 1: mail listeners where you at go up to your significant
Speaker 1: other whatever, whoever they may be, and so, yeah, what
Speaker 1: do you need anything for me? It's a really beautiful gesture.
Speaker 1: And I would love for them to email Jannet Kramer
Speaker 1: at I heart media dot com just to see what
Speaker 1: their response was. Reaction was what the reaction was, Hey,
Speaker 1: do you need anything for me this week? Or the
Speaker 1: looks for confusion? Imagine what keep your iPhone or not
Speaker 1: your iPhone? Keep your take a picture. We want to
Speaker 1: see the face. I love that though. I think that's
Speaker 1: it's a good challenge challenge of the week. We should
Speaker 1: do that. Every week, we should do a challenge of
Speaker 1: the week. I love that. So then it's going to
Speaker 1: help build a relationship. That's going to help people people
Speaker 1: in their relationships. Besides the tool last week of going
Speaker 1: on strike. Hey, sometimes you have to go on star
Speaker 1: sometimes you do, speaking of you, but yeah, let's challenge.
Speaker 1: Let's do a relationship challenge every week. I like it too.
Speaker 1: I do too. Hey, honey, what do you what do
Speaker 1: you need from me? Is there anything you need from me?
Speaker 1: You guys, wait to get home to do that. Okay, Um,
Speaker 1: speaking of going on strike? Do you ever feel like
Speaker 1: you're totally failing as a mom? How many times? I mean,
Speaker 1: do you read to Julie every night? Do you read
Speaker 1: one book? Two books, three books? No books? Sometimes I
Speaker 1: feel bad when I just read one book, like I'm
Speaker 1: not a good enough mom for just reading one book.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I start, yeah, he always reads two or more,
Speaker 1: but I didn't. But sometimes I feel terrible because I'll
Speaker 1: skip pages because I'm just tired, or just put her
Speaker 1: to bed, so I'll abbreviate this story doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1: I abbreviate the story and I skip pages. The princess
Speaker 1: and the end there were just five little pumpkins. How
Speaker 1: can there be too? I know, but I right now
Speaker 1: like I don't think she gets enough to know that them.
Speaker 1: I know, but but that That's an example of how
Speaker 1: sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough mom because
Speaker 1: because I I'm skipping time like that, right, So I
Speaker 1: just just want to put her to bed, I know.
Speaker 1: And I was the same way when Rocco was that age.
Speaker 1: But I did read to him a lot, and I
Speaker 1: just got an email. You know, he's in first right now,
Speaker 1: and I just got an email that he's not hitting
Speaker 1: his benchmark and reading. And I was horrified, horrified. I
Speaker 1: was like, how can how can my kid not be reading?
Speaker 1: I was reading it for although he is really good
Speaker 1: at math, I can't even he asked me math questions
Speaker 1: sometimes and I'm like, wait, where is the calculator? Try,
Speaker 1: I'll be counting on my hands. I'm going to teach
Speaker 1: Janna and Jeley math at the same time. Okay, so
Speaker 1: what are you gonna do? So I went to Burns
Speaker 1: and Nobles and I have got all kinds of flash
Speaker 1: cards for I mean, I went crazy book books, flash cards,
Speaker 1: all kinds of books, more books, more books, more books.
Speaker 1: Get the teacher make you feel like you're a bad mom,
Speaker 1: or did you make yourself feel like I just took
Speaker 1: it personal. I was you know, you get an email
Speaker 1: like that and it's like, oh my god, what what
Speaker 1: do you mean? I'm not doing enough at home? So
Speaker 1: then I enlisted, right, Yeah, So now I'm ubering my
Speaker 1: mom over once a week as well. She's coming actually
Speaker 1: coming over tonight because she was a special education teacher
Speaker 1: and a principle and you know, administrator, and I feel
Speaker 1: like she has the tools, like if anybody can do it,
Speaker 1: she can do it. So now once a week she's
Speaker 1: going to putty mom to work. Because he just not
Speaker 1: enjoy reading. He has fun. I think he gets frustrated.
Speaker 1: He gets frustrated, and we need to build this confidence.
Speaker 1: I don't think he's you know, confident enough when it
Speaker 1: comes to it. And which brings me to another issue
Speaker 1: is last night he said, I mean he's six, and
Speaker 1: he said I'm popular, and I went, uh, really wow,
Speaker 1: I said, what does that mean? I wanted to see
Speaker 1: what he has popular? He said, well, everybody likes to
Speaker 1: play with me, everyone likes to talk to me. Everybody
Speaker 1: thinks I'm cute. And I was like hold on though, right,
Speaker 1: I think it's good. But I also it left me
Speaker 1: with sort of an icky feeling because I started thinking,
Speaker 1: are there other first graders who are six year old
Speaker 1: who don't feel popular, who don't feel And I just
Speaker 1: felt really sad, and I'm just wondering, is this one
Speaker 1: it starts. I'm scared of that. For no, kids that
Speaker 1: age should feel popular, not popular. They should all feel
Speaker 1: popular in a sense. They should all feel good. They're
Speaker 1: all friends and they're six year olds. They should be
Speaker 1: playing and having fun with everyone. Well where do they
Speaker 1: think that that you guys like as parents, Where do
Speaker 1: they learn popularity from? It's a really good question, Yeah
Speaker 1: it is. I don't know. I think it's at school.
Speaker 1: I would imagine any TV too, TV. Probably television. Again,
Speaker 1: I don't know. The popularity thing scares me because I
Speaker 1: gotta tell you, I mean I wasn't. I was very
Speaker 1: nice middle school on but in elementary school, I don't
Speaker 1: think I was very nice to this one Canva bus
Speaker 1: and I that's the thing. I don't know. I've looked
Speaker 1: him up on Facebook because I kind of wanted to apologize.
Speaker 1: I felt bad I would make fun of him because
Speaker 1: the other kids are making fun of him. So that
Speaker 1: scares me for when Jolie jumps on that band bandwagon.
Speaker 1: And here's the thing, if she if someone knows that
Speaker 1: she's doing it, I want that person to come tell
Speaker 1: me because that is the one thing that I will
Speaker 1: lose my marble if they find out they were picking
Speaker 1: on other kids. Because that's one thing I take very
Speaker 1: a lot of pride in is I never did that.
Speaker 1: You didn't never did. And I can go back to
Speaker 1: grade school. I was never one to pick on kids.
Speaker 1: I always wanted to protect to an extent. So that's
Speaker 1: something to me that I just there's zero tolerance, zero
Speaker 1: place for or you know, raising our kids. That's awesome,
Speaker 1: that is well. And that's crazy because I still remember
Speaker 1: I mean I was never bullied or anything, but I
Speaker 1: can still remember the comments that I would get from
Speaker 1: like an elementary school. I'm like, how do I remember that?
Speaker 1: Because it's so hurtful. Yeah, because he was like, oh,
Speaker 1: like you're a whale or something. And I'm sure it
Speaker 1: was just like being funny or whatever. But I obviously
Speaker 1: I'm like almost six ft tall, Like I'm like, I
Speaker 1: was full grown by like second grade, so like just
Speaker 1: put those words like I'm not I don't hold it
Speaker 1: in my own heart, like I'm not defined by his words,
Speaker 1: but like I still remember that. And I was in
Speaker 1: elementary school in sixth grade. I got like a little
Speaker 1: chubby at the beginning of the year in Tony Dzelia
Speaker 1: in sixth grade called me chubby, and I can still
Speaker 1: I'm still in that moment sometimes where I can see
Speaker 1: his face and hear him saying it. Bobby was mine
Speaker 1: in sixth grade. He took a binder and he goes,
Speaker 1: that's your chest. He laughed that. I've never forgotten that.
Speaker 1: He slapped on his binder, put his hand across and said,
Speaker 1: that's your chest. I was in sixth grade. That's awful.
Speaker 1: Sixth grade. Yeah, and you're laughing. Where's Bobby now? Well,
Speaker 1: it's creative bites. Is just the the other one? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never heard that story, you know, Yeah, but it's
Speaker 1: been something. But it's we remember our Did you not
Speaker 1: have the name? Name? And memory? Me too? Where I
Speaker 1: was everything? Everything? I know exactly where I was in
Speaker 1: the classroom. Are you in elementary school eleven? Well? I was.
Speaker 1: I was sixth grade, but I mean elementary school. It's
Speaker 1: scary sixth grade is eleven eleven, But where are they
Speaker 1: learning these from? That's what I want to know, Like
Speaker 1: when did I realize what popularity was? And I was
Speaker 1: never popular? Like I was always in like a world
Speaker 1: that was advanced, but I don't think I ever really
Speaker 1: knew it popularity. I always know like maybe I wasn't popular,
Speaker 1: but like I was friends with everyone. I could hang
Speaker 1: out with the popular people and then I would walk
Speaker 1: down and hang out with my favorite skaters or you know,
Speaker 1: musician or you know whatever. I I was the again
Speaker 1: in fifth grade, I kind of went with went with
Speaker 1: the crowd and I was mean to that one kid
Speaker 1: and I still feel bad. But sixth grade on I did.
Speaker 1: I never bullied anyone, and it was always Lisa was
Speaker 1: the Lisa was the pretty girl, she was the popular one,
Speaker 1: and I was kind of just her friend, the friend,
Speaker 1: the sidekick. But then senior year, I was voted most
Speaker 1: likely to end up on the cover of Glamour and
Speaker 1: look what happened, and that's sprouted. No, but I was
Speaker 1: never a pop I wasn't I wasn't the sports player.
Speaker 1: I wasn't the athlete, right, I just was kind of
Speaker 1: it was just nice to everybody but bully scare me,
Speaker 1: and I'm so scared for that. I'm so I pray
Speaker 1: that she's not a bully or being bullied. But having
Speaker 1: said that, though, Michael, you made a really good point
Speaker 1: the other day you nick talked about, didn't you. I
Speaker 1: don't know who I talked about with, but basically I
Speaker 1: kind of got this from Chris Rock did a stand
Speaker 1: up special on Netflix recently and he talked about bulliest
Speaker 1: this bit on bullys and it was really funny, but
Speaker 1: there's a lot of truth to it too, where you know,
Speaker 1: the world is filled with a holes, the world is
Speaker 1: filled with bullies. If you go all through the beginning
Speaker 1: of your life not facing some kind of adversity from
Speaker 1: a bully, then what are you going to do when
Speaker 1: you're an adult and you see that for the first
Speaker 1: time at your first job or something like that, and
Speaker 1: you don't know how to handle yourself with that adversity.
Speaker 1: It's not that bullying, We're not You're not saying bullying
Speaker 1: is okay. It's just that sometimes you gotta have some
Speaker 1: thick skin, you gotta grows, you gotta learn how to
Speaker 1: stick up for yourself. So is is bullying all bad?
Speaker 1: It depends. Sometimes you need to have some thick skin.
Speaker 1: You have to learn how to stick up for yourself
Speaker 1: because when you do go into the yourt our your
Speaker 1: adult life, and you have to fight for yourself or hard,
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be bullies. Scary. Adverse effect to that
Speaker 1: is making sure that if kids are being bull late,
Speaker 1: that they're not seeking validation in an unhealthy way, which
Speaker 1: creates terrible habits, which late could lead to addictive personalities,
Speaker 1: which could who knows you're ready to be a therapist
Speaker 1: signing out. I've had enough therapy for a lifetime. So hey, Jen,
Speaker 1: you're into You're into stocks and all that, aren't you
Speaker 1: recently about? Have you heard of robin Hood? You know
Speaker 1: it's pretty interesting. I've recently gotten into it too. But
Speaker 1: it's an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, options, cryptos,
Speaker 1: all commission free. Wait what, you don't take anything nothing?
Speaker 1: This is incredible because there's always a transaction fee. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then my business manager is getting Yes, robin is
Speaker 1: our new business. Fans. I love, I love the name
Speaker 1: the robin Hood. Yeah, it's amazing. Exactly. Take from the
Speaker 1: other brokerages charge up to what ten dollars for every trade. Yeah,
Speaker 1: around that. And that's the thing. There's no cost, no
Speaker 1: commission fees exactly. Other broker just charge up the ten
Speaker 1: dollars like you just said, honey. And the the user
Speaker 1: experience with it, I got on. It is very easy
Speaker 1: to use, very simple, especially for a novice you kind
Speaker 1: of person like me getting into that investment world. It's
Speaker 1: been fantastic. Like what to like what they give you tips? Yea,
Speaker 1: even even if you don't know, like I don't know
Speaker 1: all the stocks out there, you know, they give you
Speaker 1: a list of the hundred most popular sectors like entertainment,
Speaker 1: social media, depending on what your interest is and what
Speaker 1: you want to get into, which you can build your
Speaker 1: portfolio exactly, even categories like female CEOs. And it's a
Speaker 1: great time to invest right now, is it? It is?
Speaker 1: I thought the market was plumbing. Good time to buy
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Speaker 1: That rab that's really cool. I love the name, the
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Speaker 1: wind Down. But also I want to tell you guys
Speaker 1: about another I Heart Radio podcast with twenty three and
Speaker 1: me where they explore all things DNA and how we
Speaker 1: are all nine genetically alike post Bartunda Thurston sits down
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Speaker 1: well as influencers of our time to talk about how
Speaker 1: the world of genetic testing is changing who we are
Speaker 1: and the world among us. So they explore variety of
Speaker 1: important topics such as how science stacks up against the
Speaker 1: stories we've been told, how much nature versus nurture impacts
Speaker 1: who we've become. So it's really cool. It's called Spit.
Speaker 1: So make sure to check out full episodes now on
Speaker 1: the Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Okay,
Speaker 1: so this was fun. I'm really glad that we had this.
Speaker 1: We've had a lot of discussions. I've got a lot
Speaker 1: of things, a lot of good talks today and I'm
Speaker 1: really interested to see what you guys thought too of
Speaker 1: today's show and any feedback from the challenge that we
Speaker 1: gave you this week, and also if you have any
Speaker 1: any other stories you'd like to share or tips and
Speaker 1: tricks ticks and tips and tricks for reading Janna Kramer
Speaker 1: at I heeart Media dot com. UM just a huge
Speaker 1: thank you to everyone thinks the threat up, Hello fresh
Speaker 1: uh stamps dot com, Fat Fun, Robin Hood and twenty
Speaker 1: three and me. You guys are awesome and just remember
Speaker 1: too for this week's relational weekly challenge, go to your
Speaker 1: partner and ask them what they need. I love it,
Speaker 1: I'm on it. I'm excited to wind down next week.
Speaker 1: Who by