Speaker 1: The Nicky Glaser Podcast. Nick Here's Nicky. Hello here, I
Speaker 1: am Cynicki Laser Podcast. Welcome to the show. Um, let's
Speaker 1: just get right into it. Um, I'm feeling a little
Speaker 1: stuffy in the head. I have like an ear infection
Speaker 1: right now. Guys, So if I seem um just kind
Speaker 1: of like gross sounding, that's what's going on. But I'm
Speaker 1: feeling fine, especially because I'm so excited about our guest today.
Speaker 1: You know, um, how I feel about this person because
Speaker 1: I talk about her all the time. She's like the
Speaker 1: funniest person I know. And she's also just getting prettier
Speaker 1: and prettier every week and it's bothersome. But I'm also
Speaker 1: happy about it. And she probably won't take that compliment
Speaker 1: because she never does. It's the funniest person I know.
Speaker 1: Rachel find Seine, thank you. Hi. Oh my god, you
Speaker 1: look so good. We both have layered necklaces on, like
Speaker 1: we're trying like, how is your layered necklace journey been?
Speaker 1: Because it I know you and this is not an
Speaker 1: easy thing for us to do. No, it's always how
Speaker 1: do they I feel like there's always a delicate type
Speaker 1: of woman, just some woman that sucking Maine with the
Speaker 1: father that was protective and she and she doesn't have
Speaker 1: these strings, like the back comes from the front and
Speaker 1: people and people clean me throughout the day. I usually
Speaker 1: have like a sticker. I had like a Reformation tag
Speaker 1: on my drone. I had a tag on my shirt.
Speaker 1: The other day, I was I was doing a show
Speaker 1: and I think it was Burlington Vermont, and I just
Speaker 1: bought a new outfit at Urban Outfitters that day, like
Speaker 1: half price, Like it was like the whole off. It
Speaker 1: was fifteen. I was very proud of myself. And then
Speaker 1: I I was wearing a shirt for the first part
Speaker 1: and I took it off at the very beginning of
Speaker 1: my set, Like I took out this T shirt and
Speaker 1: I had on this like cute top underneath, and it
Speaker 1: had a tag on it, and the whole crap. Like
Speaker 1: I could just feel the like they were off, you know,
Speaker 1: like sometimes you feel the crowds off and you're like
Speaker 1: it's something on my face and they're like, no, you're
Speaker 1: just not funny. But I could just tell something was off.
Speaker 1: And then finally I just kind of like was like
Speaker 1: feeling behind my head and I was like, oh, this
Speaker 1: tag is still on, and then they all were like, oh,
Speaker 1: the relief And this is twenty minutes later, and I go,
Speaker 1: how many of you already saw the tag? And they
Speaker 1: all cheered so loud and I go, And then later
Speaker 1: on they go, we thought it was part of the bit,
Speaker 1: like that is not a bit. Well, I was going
Speaker 1: to that would be a constructed jokes. These people think
Speaker 1: that you made up like that, like some writers came
Speaker 1: up with this wacky idea. Is it happens a lot?
Speaker 1: I mean, you've been on stage that the your camel
Speaker 1: toe story is one of my favorites. Yes, I was
Speaker 1: on Thank You Niggy. I was on stage UM in
Speaker 1: Alabama and this guy stood up in the middle of
Speaker 1: my show and he was like, you have a camel toe.
Speaker 1: That was a moment in my life that I was
Speaker 1: expected to just live through and keep living after that.
Speaker 1: And then these other women stood up across the room
Speaker 1: and she was like, no, she doesn't have a camel tipe.
Speaker 1: You know the same thing at first. So then it
Speaker 1: was like a town hall meeting about my crotch. And
Speaker 1: they all were disagreeing, and it's saying that one woman
Speaker 1: goes it's the way the lad is smacking on her trail.
Speaker 1: I still thinking on how she called my pants trousers?
Speaker 1: But yeah, do you prefer someone telling you, like, there's
Speaker 1: no delicate way to tell someone Like let's say we're
Speaker 1: at the seller and we're in one of the booths
Speaker 1: and we're all like, you're you're telling a story, and
Speaker 1: we're all engaged, and you're like feeling like on and
Speaker 1: you're like feeling in the moment, and someone there's no
Speaker 1: comfortable way for me to tell you you have to
Speaker 1: bully in your teeth without making you feel so insecure.
Speaker 1: Like I've been trying to perfect a way to tell
Speaker 1: people they have something without making them feel without making
Speaker 1: them lose their spark because it takes. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, their spark is going to be lost as
Speaker 1: people stare at that thing in their teeth the entire story.
Speaker 1: If there's a smear of broccoli and you're already gone,
Speaker 1: it's not went. No, I'll take it anyway, and people
Speaker 1: I rely on that service of people cleaning and picking
Speaker 1: things off me. So at this point I barely hear
Speaker 1: like the voice or how it said. I'm just like
Speaker 1: very grateful for a team of people cleaning me. You know,
Speaker 1: I was in a pool with Mark Norman and Shane Gillis,
Speaker 1: which doesn't sound like the start of a good story,
Speaker 1: but we were, we were about to do a show together.
Speaker 1: We stuck into this hotel pool um and like you
Speaker 1: know how when you go swimming, like a booger can
Speaker 1: dislodge and like come down your face, Like a giant
Speaker 1: booger was down my face And I'll never like it
Speaker 1: still haunts me that Shane gills is, like, you have
Speaker 1: a huge booker. It was just like, for some reason
Speaker 1: it just made which is not Bookers are not inherently
Speaker 1: everyone has them. It's just you're collecting. You're collecting dust.
Speaker 1: It's not even like necessarily your own mucus. It's just
Speaker 1: like the world's crap floating around you when you're sniffing
Speaker 1: it in. But it is so embarrassing to have a
Speaker 1: booger situation. But I guess there are some people in
Speaker 1: the world that just don't have that, Like there are
Speaker 1: certain girls. You and I both have this like fantasy
Speaker 1: of these women that have perfect lives and just always
Speaker 1: smell good, like I recently I've been saying on stage
Speaker 1: and no one's ever told me I've smell good because
Speaker 1: that's true. No one, it's ever. I really wies this.
Speaker 1: No one's ever been like like when they hug you
Speaker 1: and be like you's fell like every I always try
Speaker 1: to imitate, like like a couple of girls that I
Speaker 1: was very jealous of in high school. They just had
Speaker 1: a natural delicateness to them and like those fathers that
Speaker 1: would go you know, I always talk about how my
Speaker 1: husband never puts his hand on my back like nobody's ever,
Speaker 1: just like you know, carried me through a room like
Speaker 1: nobody's ever, put me in a cab and referred to
Speaker 1: me as like precious cargo. Everyone's like, see you over there.
Speaker 1: Your stuff with your husband is so I mean it.
Speaker 1: It really resonates with me because I have a boyfriend
Speaker 1: who is very similar in the way that Like this weekend,
Speaker 1: actually Rachel I was there was a victory moment for
Speaker 1: me because I've been obsessed. If you weren't following Rachel
Speaker 1: on Instagram, she puts up the funniest stuff. She's so
Speaker 1: every single clip of yours is always funny. And it's
Speaker 1: I tell this to people all the time, you know,
Speaker 1: when I see someone and I go, oh, I watch
Speaker 1: your clips. I need to let them know, because we're
Speaker 1: just flooded with just stand up clips and podcast clips,
Speaker 1: and it's rare that I find someone. I watch all
Speaker 1: of their stuff, but I look so forward to anything
Speaker 1: you put out because it's always just so cutting and
Speaker 1: honest and so funny. But you had this bit, and
Speaker 1: I think if you go back on our Instagram, it's
Speaker 1: because I've shown it to so many people, I know
Speaker 1: how to find it. It's the one where the guy
Speaker 1: charges the stage. So if you look up the one
Speaker 1: where it says like drunk guy charges the stage, it's
Speaker 1: the bit before he even that's that's not even the
Speaker 1: best part of the clip, even though that was funny
Speaker 1: as fun how you handled that, but and how scary
Speaker 1: that was, by the way, But even before then, the
Speaker 1: bit before it is all about Rachel and her husband
Speaker 1: Um calling her big Guy and Chris and I that's
Speaker 1: his nickname. He calls me fucking big guy, and he
Speaker 1: acts like I'm weirdly insecure because I don't like, I'm
Speaker 1: not into that nickname. He's like, I can get out
Speaker 1: of your head about it. If I was. No woman
Speaker 1: wants me called big guy like a union trucker. What
Speaker 1: the fuck? I like I showed Chris that as a
Speaker 1: kind of way to be like, hey, like don't do
Speaker 1: things like that, Like, hey, like, isn't this funny? Like
Speaker 1: you wouldn't want to be like her husband calling her
Speaker 1: big guy right like it was me. Do you ever
Speaker 1: show Pete something to like get him to maybe wake up?
Speaker 1: Like that? Stoods uh? Netflix documentary. I've tried to make
Speaker 1: Chris watch that the other night, and I kept being like, wait,
Speaker 1: pay attention, there's this part that you need to say,
Speaker 1: and he's like, or why we do you even want
Speaker 1: to see this? Or is it just for me? No? Never,
Speaker 1: I choose all of my um everything we watched just
Speaker 1: to change his mind about different things. That's how I
Speaker 1: decided our entire netflixing. Because he goes to the firehouse
Speaker 1: every day and gets dumber because he's like, just imagine
Speaker 1: having like man sleepovers for half your life. So I've
Speaker 1: put all kinds of idiot horseship in his head. And
Speaker 1: then I'm like, all right, I'm gonna have to watch
Speaker 1: that documentary so I can explain that you have like
Speaker 1: a list of Ted talks just lined up. He's like
Speaker 1: like they're all obsessed with privacy, like extreme paranoid like libertarians,
Speaker 1: So like during COVID just to funk with him, I
Speaker 1: told him that. Um, I was like, listen it, just
Speaker 1: so you know. Cuomo wants us to put a siren
Speaker 1: on our door when we and they drop it off
Speaker 1: and they pick it up later, and he's like, I'm
Speaker 1: not putting a fucking siren my fucking door. That fucking
Speaker 1: asshole could. I'm sorry, but the contractors they just dropped
Speaker 1: and just says, this is a COVID home. It's just
Speaker 1: a small, rotating green and red siren. I was like,
Speaker 1: we have to do. I think we get arrested just
Speaker 1: to piss him off. That day, he was ranting about
Speaker 1: it all afternoon, but I'm not putting a goddamn this
Speaker 1: is a COVID home sign on. This asshole could go
Speaker 1: fund himself. Well, like, I love the part of the
Speaker 1: joke too, where because you like funk with him, and
Speaker 1: you like, I love that part of your set is
Speaker 1: that you have so many like little pranks and like
Speaker 1: things you do, like you funk with you share the
Speaker 1: things that he does that aren't intentional to hurt you,
Speaker 1: but that hurt you or hurt your feelings, and then
Speaker 1: you also share things that you do to like get
Speaker 1: One of my favorite parts of you is that you
Speaker 1: are honest about being desperate for like compliments and like
Speaker 1: affection and all these things. Like I was even the
Speaker 1: other day I was telling Ryan Hamilton about your vows
Speaker 1: and I think he was at your wedding, but I
Speaker 1: was recounting your vows when you were saying, um to
Speaker 1: Pete that like you thought he was gonna be dazzled
Speaker 1: by you when you brought him to like a movie set,
Speaker 1: you were shooting some show or commercial or something. You
Speaker 1: brought him and he was just like and you thought
Speaker 1: he was just gonna be like, wow, my girlfriend or
Speaker 1: is like a big star and I get to be
Speaker 1: understand and he's like yeah. I was like I was
Speaker 1: just seeing him across the room, like I was shooting
Speaker 1: this commercial, and I was like, I thought, like he's
Speaker 1: looking over at me thinking like that's her, like that's
Speaker 1: what she does. It was such a humiliating thought, like
Speaker 1: sometimes I'll have a documentary of my life playing with
Speaker 1: thoughts nobody's having about me, Like he was always hanging
Speaker 1: with the guys, but still like she was a woman's one.
Speaker 1: It's like no one cares, you know, Like I'll be
Speaker 1: at the cellar like really rasing the guys and I'll
Speaker 1: be like imagining how he would see this. It's and
Speaker 1: then the guy never sees me that way there, like
Speaker 1: there's a booker on your cheek. So he was like,
Speaker 1: really across the room, I'm I'm shooting this commercial. In
Speaker 1: my head, I was like, what does he see when
Speaker 1: I'm like doing this? And he walks over and he's like,
Speaker 1: can we get back to the room. This is fucking
Speaker 1: Weird's take it forever. He's like, are there there's good
Speaker 1: snacks there? Like didn't give a fuck, you know, like
Speaker 1: didn't he ask where craft he was? And you go,
Speaker 1: how do you know what Crafty has? He goes on
Speaker 1: a set before Babe, I played a goat. He says
Speaker 1: the weirdest ship to comedians too. He'll be like he
Speaker 1: knows certain phrases, but he doesn't understand it. So like
Speaker 1: in the green room and would be like, you know,
Speaker 1: there's somebody opening for me and be like, hey, how
Speaker 1: much time do you have? And I'm like, don't have
Speaker 1: comedians like how much time they have. It's actually weirdly
Speaker 1: insulting the thing with him that's fascinating is that like
Speaker 1: he never he really doesn't give a funk because emotionally
Speaker 1: he's a desert like and he doesn't think about what
Speaker 1: people think about him, which would be so often do
Speaker 1: you ever think about what your life would be if
Speaker 1: you didn't have that, because you're already like you already
Speaker 1: have a piece of that to be able to go
Speaker 1: on stage and talk about yourself so vulnerably, Like a
Speaker 1: lot of people look at you and go, wow, she
Speaker 1: doesn't care what people think because you're just saying well,
Speaker 1: which is a compliment. I love when people say that
Speaker 1: to me, like you're so brave, you you have so
Speaker 1: much on confidence. I'm always like, oh my god, it's
Speaker 1: the opposite of that, but I'm happy they think of
Speaker 1: it that way. What what next level thing could you
Speaker 1: be capable of if you didn't care what people think?
Speaker 1: Like do you study him and like get to like
Speaker 1: kind of see what that would be? Like I do
Speaker 1: watch him, um, because like I mean, oftentimes he's doing
Speaker 1: something that's like humiliating to me, like like home meets
Speaker 1: somebody for the weekend on the road, and I'll be like,
Speaker 1: he's a thing where he says people's names a lot
Speaker 1: to them um like method because he doesn't know how
Speaker 1: to like socialize normally, so he'll be like, you know,
Speaker 1: he'll be like, Craig, great weekend, Good to meet you, Craig.
Speaker 1: You're a solid guy, and I want to say thank
Speaker 1: you for all you've done for us this weekend, Craig.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, his name is Jeff. You did, doesn't
Speaker 1: give a fuck, Like like do you want to say something?
Speaker 1: He's like yeah, comes out in the wash like like
Speaker 1: that's not the proper use of It's funny. He cares
Speaker 1: enough to be to do like a Dale Carnegie method,
Speaker 1: like how to get when friends and influence people say
Speaker 1: their name a lot, but then he folks up the name,
Speaker 1: doesn't care. Yeah, that's how he communicates. It's all like
Speaker 1: based on like the books he saw how he was
Speaker 1: supposed to interact because the rest of the time he's
Speaker 1: just thinking of like fires and like building codes. Like
Speaker 1: the titles are like exhausting. They're like how did you
Speaker 1: get to the top of every mountain? They're all about winning,
Speaker 1: like how to manipulate parties, like oh my god, I
Speaker 1: saw Rachel's our um last month in l A and
Speaker 1: like She's probably one of the only comedians that I
Speaker 1: would take time out of my life when I don't
Speaker 1: have a set to like. I ended up picking up
Speaker 1: a set that night, but I was already gonna be there,
Speaker 1: and so I was like, oh, I guess I'll go
Speaker 1: next door. But I was already gonna be there to
Speaker 1: see you. I was like, I'm just gonna go enjoy
Speaker 1: comedy and Chris and I laughed so fucking hard, and
Speaker 1: I was hoping that he would kind of here the
Speaker 1: big guy think, except that now we say big guy, like,
Speaker 1: I know that so lame to like take someone else's joke,
Speaker 1: but like and make it your own as a couple.
Speaker 1: It's not even lame. It's cute. I think. I'm always
Speaker 1: so flattered when people do that with anything, when they
Speaker 1: reference a joke I made like four specials ago, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I forgot about that. But
Speaker 1: we always now when he comes in the door, is
Speaker 1: that big guy is like that just like it's so funny, right,
Speaker 1: and um, but this weekend I kind of stole out
Speaker 1: of your playbook because what I like about that joke
Speaker 1: is that you actually add on a part where you
Speaker 1: said you were so happy when he first saw you
Speaker 1: do that joke on stage and why was that excited?
Speaker 1: Because I was like, oh, now he's gonna get it
Speaker 1: because it really did well. And I was talking about
Speaker 1: how I walk in the door and he's like he
Speaker 1: always says it with this like wacky confusion, like it's
Speaker 1: anyone's guests with me. So I talked about how insulting
Speaker 1: it is. The crowd laughs. I walk right over to
Speaker 1: him and I'm like, well, he goes what they loved it.
Speaker 1: I'm like you, it's at you. They're laughing at how
Speaker 1: sad it is that my husband calls me bang I
Speaker 1: and how unfortunate that situation is for me. But he
Speaker 1: thinks it's like that was because this weekend I was like,
Speaker 1: I was doing this bit that I wrote years ago
Speaker 1: about trying to get my boyfriend to compliment me, and
Speaker 1: I would like, you know, prance around naked in front
Speaker 1: of him, trying to get his attention to say anything
Speaker 1: about my body, and he one time looked up from
Speaker 1: his phone and he just goes body and then he
Speaker 1: looks back at his phone like he just said. But
Speaker 1: like that's all he could give me. But to get
Speaker 1: into it, I said something that has been like a
Speaker 1: little bit annoying me, but like not big but because
Speaker 1: I do it too. But I think it's something that
Speaker 1: like prevents us from being closer, is that we don't
Speaker 1: say I love you, or like what are you doing tonight?
Speaker 1: Or like I can't wait to see you? We talk
Speaker 1: in third person, he goes, I miss a gal. A
Speaker 1: guy misses a gal, A guy loves a gal, Like
Speaker 1: it's always like telling a story of like a Jack
Speaker 1: and Jill went up the hill, like it's always. But
Speaker 1: the audience laughed so hard. I was like, thank you
Speaker 1: for understanding how this is a problem for me. Like
Speaker 1: when the audience gets it and you or something like
Speaker 1: that and they respond to it, you're like, oh good,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not crazy to be a little bit like
Speaker 1: disappointed that we both can't say I and you satisfying
Speaker 1: to have them agree with you. It's like our final
Speaker 1: arguments to the world stand up. It's just like and
Speaker 1: we rest our case. But then Petle' see me talk
Speaker 1: about him, and he's just like, what they loved it?
Speaker 1: All he knows is that they liked the bit. He
Speaker 1: doesn't it doesn't know what that exactly, Like what he
Speaker 1: thinks you're welcome, babe. I'm like no, but he doesn't
Speaker 1: understand the irony, so it's he only gets worse and
Speaker 1: I keep sending Rachel. Rachel and I have both expressed
Speaker 1: to each other in private conversations of like how we
Speaker 1: like that tenderness, like that that that slip back, like
Speaker 1: lower back leading you into a room, just that protective
Speaker 1: gentleness that we've really never gotten from any guy, not
Speaker 1: you know, not just our person we're with now. But
Speaker 1: I will just send Rachel pictures of like people in
Speaker 1: public that I see that are getting that, like women.
Speaker 1: I've really said, you like five or six different iterations
Speaker 1: of that gentleness, just to be like, because I feel
Speaker 1: so alone in like really wanting that so badly that
Speaker 1: I feel so good when I'm like, have someone to
Speaker 1: send it to of like I know she will feel
Speaker 1: the same yearning that I feel for this. I want
Speaker 1: to talk about it when we get back from break.
Speaker 1: But have you seen the Harry and Megan doc I
Speaker 1: was about to say, They always say he was very
Speaker 1: protective over her. He was always concerned in his safe
Speaker 1: like no one's ever been wondering, like what I'm doing
Speaker 1: over there? How I know, no, man, they're always like
Speaker 1: she's good. Well that's because his mom died and so
Speaker 1: he's like scared she's going to die in like some
Speaker 1: kind of free like. I think that's probably part of it,
Speaker 1: but I want to get into that a little bit
Speaker 1: more when we get back from this break here with
Speaker 1: Rachel Feinstein, I'm gonna this podcast will be right back
Speaker 1: after this. Besties in the midwestias. Um. I am imploring
Speaker 1: you that if you don't have New Year's Eve plans,
Speaker 1: why don't you come to St. Louis, Missouri and come
Speaker 1: see me at the Steeples Center. It's probably one of
Speaker 1: the biggest shows I've ever done in terms of like
Speaker 1: capacity for him and I really want to sell this
Speaker 1: bitch out and I want you there. So if you
Speaker 1: don't have plans, or you need a last minute Christmas
Speaker 1: gift or like a fun trip for yourself, even alone,
Speaker 1: you know, I do um free meet and greets. Uh
Speaker 1: if you are coming alone, um, and if you're bestie
Speaker 1: and you just write me and you buy a ticket,
Speaker 1: I'll give you a meeting. Great anyway, even if you're
Speaker 1: going with someone, so um. St. Louis New Year's Eve
Speaker 1: days away, go get your tickets now. It would mean
Speaker 1: so much to me and I hope to see you
Speaker 1: there and happy holidays and all that. Jazzz Alright, we're back. Okay,
Speaker 1: So did you watch the Noah as well? Did have
Speaker 1: you seen any the Harry and Megan Netflix docuseries. I
Speaker 1: just saw the controversial clip one where she's doing the curtsy. Yes, Oh,
Speaker 1: it's so good, Rachel. Have you seen that every frame?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, how good is his face? And that
Speaker 1: I put it on my story yesterday, you guys if
Speaker 1: you want to check it out or actually it'll be
Speaker 1: gone by now. But I saw that when he was
Speaker 1: doing that when she didn't, and he was furious. Oh
Speaker 1: he looks to the side like is this almost over? Which,
Speaker 1: by the way, I know that men have made that
Speaker 1: face next to me a million times as I'm acting
Speaker 1: out something that I know. By the way, she knew
Speaker 1: that pisces him off, like that was such a perfect
Speaker 1: interaction of a couple. So if you don't know, she's
Speaker 1: doing an impression of how she curtsy the first time
Speaker 1: she met the queen, because she thought she was like,
Speaker 1: she's making fun of the royal family and how dumb
Speaker 1: all of the stuff is and she is right, by
Speaker 1: the way, it is all dumb, all this pageantry bullshit,
Speaker 1: it's dumb, and she's making fun of like how they
Speaker 1: taught her to curtsy, and then she meets the queen
Speaker 1: and she's like and I literally went like this, and
Speaker 1: she bends down to be like, oh, you know, like
Speaker 1: and curtsies and it's so slow and awkward. And he's
Speaker 1: sitting next to her in this interview and he looks
Speaker 1: over to the right to kind of look at a
Speaker 1: producer like and then he looks down like his face
Speaker 1: goes through so many different emotions than he tries to
Speaker 1: smile to get out of it. But you know she
Speaker 1: was doing that because she knows that pisses him off.
Speaker 1: Do you agree, Like, I know, yeah, now that you
Speaker 1: say it, that makes a lot of sense. Why do
Speaker 1: you think that it was passive aggressive because she because listen,
Speaker 1: she's she knows she's right. This is how I feel
Speaker 1: whenever I just mouthed off about being a vegan. I
Speaker 1: know I'm right and no one can fucking really prove
Speaker 1: me wrong about it, but I know it upsets people still.
Speaker 1: So it's like there's a thing, there's a part of
Speaker 1: me when I'm in like a certain kind of mood
Speaker 1: where I'll go off about something that I know that
Speaker 1: someone you know what I'm it's passive aggressive, like perfectly,
Speaker 1: and she knows that he grew up with that, and
Speaker 1: so he's deep in his core he does feel like
Speaker 1: that's the right thing to do to curtsy, and there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with it. But he knows logically, because he's
Speaker 1: a smart man, that it is stupid that she is.
Speaker 1: She knows he's he knows she's right. It's almost like
Speaker 1: if you were to make fun of religion, like someone
Speaker 1: who kind of like was raised Catholic and you're making
Speaker 1: front of like Catholicism. They know now like it's all bullshit,
Speaker 1: but there's a core of them that was like, well,
Speaker 1: this is my family that you're talking about, and I
Speaker 1: think and my mom like who's dead. Like there's a
Speaker 1: part of him that was annoyed. But I just love
Speaker 1: I love that seen so much. But I really couldn't
Speaker 1: watch documentary because I was so like jealous of her,
Speaker 1: and then I liked her a lot that way about me,
Speaker 1: nobody's ever had eyes like fluttering towards me, like it's
Speaker 1: I've never gone through that period of falling for somebody
Speaker 1: where I always because the thing is, I'm not able
Speaker 1: to keep that voice up, like that delicate voice when
Speaker 1: you have to kind of hold onto when someone's falling
Speaker 1: in love. My voice gets real gangernous and low, real fast,
Speaker 1: So I'm not able to keep it up, like I can't.
Speaker 1: I can do that for like half an hour and
Speaker 1: then lovingly and pirate, Like remember the first night she
Speaker 1: met him, she goes out and she kept like even
Speaker 1: though she met him and they kind of both knew instantly,
Speaker 1: like there's a spark here, she kept her engagement for
Speaker 1: later that evening, so she had to leave. Like whereas
Speaker 1: me I would have been like, I'll cancel everything for you,
Speaker 1: like I'm going to move here, she like still went
Speaker 1: out and was like I can't hang out that long
Speaker 1: with the fucking Yes. This girl masterful and I am
Speaker 1: wrapping up Megan. I used to be I used to
Speaker 1: not be a fan of hers, and I know it's
Speaker 1: because of what the press put out there, Like I
Speaker 1: am now such a huge fan of hers. She is
Speaker 1: so smart. She if you if you watch the documentary,
Speaker 1: this girl was already do like she was Princess Diana
Speaker 1: like she's already doing humanitarian work when she was just
Speaker 1: on Suits. She and she kind of brags for a
Speaker 1: minute about being like, you know, when my off season
Speaker 1: for Suits, I wasn't the show she was on in Canada.
Speaker 1: She was like, you know, I I wasn't looking for
Speaker 1: the next indie project that was gonna win me awards.
Speaker 1: I was, you know, flying to Rwanda to like do
Speaker 1: And this was before she met Harry, Like she was
Speaker 1: already she was always thinking that scarf and like and
Speaker 1: just playing. She's a good person. I like her a
Speaker 1: lot and she's smart. Remember did you hear the poem
Speaker 1: she wrote as a kid. She memorized that whole thing.
Speaker 1: It was like really good station about like women's equality
Speaker 1: and the soap commercial and ship that was crazy. I
Speaker 1: mean she got a soap commercial changed because it said
Speaker 1: like women across the country hate doing dishes and she
Speaker 1: wrote into like Dawn soap and was like as a
Speaker 1: little girl and was like why you say all women
Speaker 1: across the country. Why can't it be all people men
Speaker 1: do dishes too? You're making it And she got it changed.
Speaker 1: They changed the commercial like this is she's a little
Speaker 1: tenacious girl and she I loved Tim Dillon I posted
Speaker 1: this yesterday, had a bit where he's like he was
Speaker 1: talking about how she was like I was the smart one.
Speaker 1: I wasn't the hot one. He was like, yeah, because
Speaker 1: you weren't hot, but now you are so drop it,
Speaker 1: Like He's like, you had to be. But I like
Speaker 1: that she was kind of awkward looking and like I
Speaker 1: like her. Yes, I I definitely felt like I felt
Speaker 1: like her old outfits. I was like, Okay, she was
Speaker 1: hot when she was like, she started being hot when
Speaker 1: she as soon as she was in high school, where
Speaker 1: like maybe yeah, when she was really little, she was
Speaker 1: like yeah, she just looked like a normal kid. And
Speaker 1: so it's kind of satisfying to see like that she
Speaker 1: became like insanely, when did you figure it? Outrage? Because
Speaker 1: you keep getting better looking? Um, and I'm wondering, and
Speaker 1: you really do. And I knew that face was going
Speaker 1: to follow this, but I'm serious, Like every time I
Speaker 1: like see you on Instagram, I'm just like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: And you know, me and my boyfriend are big fans
Speaker 1: of Rachel fine Stein's looks and we share like like
Speaker 1: clips and be like she looks so good. You're just
Speaker 1: so pretty, but like it takes so long to figure
Speaker 1: this stuff out, like to figure out gangerdnus acne in
Speaker 1: high school, like I needed operation for my act. I
Speaker 1: needed to be like I had zits that were just
Speaker 1: like I mean, appalling, Like I don't know how I
Speaker 1: was just I was hurling my body around it being outside.
Speaker 1: I've always had the kind of skin where like it
Speaker 1: can't survive many different temperature changes. That's why I'm always
Speaker 1: fascinating to see people like outside on dates, like we
Speaker 1: went for a hike, like Megan, seems like that sleep
Speaker 1: outside and intent with a fucking guy like that. I
Speaker 1: could never do that. That would one He'd see me
Speaker 1: one day in some fucking bold light, some African sunlight,
Speaker 1: and he'd be like, this girl's gotta go. She's jacked up.
Speaker 1: Also has skin sensitivity to the sun. No, you're you
Speaker 1: have like, uh, you have have skin malasma and my
Speaker 1: my pores are huge. I'm this. I hear what you're saying. Reach.
Speaker 1: I gotta say though, that I think that there is
Speaker 1: some runoff PTSD from when you had terrible skin in
Speaker 1: high school rage because I think now you there's body
Speaker 1: dysmorphia going on, which I'm sure you have to like
Speaker 1: acknowledge a little bit because I know that sometimes like
Speaker 1: someone will say something like a makeup artist or something.
Speaker 1: Nowadays we'll say something that will trigger you to be
Speaker 1: back in that moment, but it's like it just isn't
Speaker 1: that way anymore. Do you feel like haunted by that
Speaker 1: when it was such an issue for you? And do
Speaker 1: you still feel like because even um, who was I
Speaker 1: someone was talking about, I'm still that person that was
Speaker 1: like with someone who loses weight is still a fat
Speaker 1: but they still feel fat. You know, like, do you
Speaker 1: feel haunted by it? I mean, right now, I could
Speaker 1: like I feel like my skin is okay right now.
Speaker 1: But just like last week, I was doing Billy Burr's
Speaker 1: podcast and I was like actively peeling, like I was
Speaker 1: just like my whole I have to use retin it.
Speaker 1: So there's always a lot going on. It's a it's
Speaker 1: a cocktail of things I have to do to like
Speaker 1: sort of patch my face up. Everybody stopped beating off
Speaker 1: at home and focus on, um, it's just cool your erections.
Speaker 1: It is tough, but it's not as bad as it
Speaker 1: was in high school. And I'm sure, I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Sometimes I tell myself, I go, you know,
Speaker 1: you see it, other people don't see it. And then
Speaker 1: I walked into the comedy seller and ZiT. And then
Speaker 1: Keith Robinson goes, why is Rachel z It winking at me?
Speaker 1: So so media, It's like that are always real healthfully,
Speaker 1: like Rachel Zick keeps flirting with me right at all?
Speaker 1: Why would you go outside with that? So that's the thing. Also,
Speaker 1: when you're around comedians, like even if you're starting to
Speaker 1: get more confident, not comedians like Nicky, because Nikki will
Speaker 1: take care of me and be lovely and say encouraging things.
Speaker 1: But like, if you're around these animals, all the male
Speaker 1: comics are, I mean, they'll just Keith was like, I
Speaker 1: got dressed. I thought I was freaking taking a few
Speaker 1: good risks. He was like, why does ChIL dressed like
Speaker 1: she shops and suburban outfitters like that? It's so funny
Speaker 1: because and it is. I will say though that if
Speaker 1: you had a terrible acne situation, no one would comment
Speaker 1: on it, do you know what I'm saying, Like, unless
Speaker 1: you were doing a roast or something. Unless that's when
Speaker 1: someone calls out something that is egregious, but no one's
Speaker 1: gonna make a comment about your zi if you're someone
Speaker 1: that they think like you think they struggle with zits
Speaker 1: or no one's gonna make fun of someone who is obese.
Speaker 1: It's called them fat unless they like but maybe if
Speaker 1: they were a little pudgy, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 1: if it's a huge issue, you're not going to call
Speaker 1: it out. But I do know how you feel. Like
Speaker 1: I will feel probably feeling so good about myself, and
Speaker 1: then you know, for me, it'll be like I'll be
Speaker 1: around another girl who I know is already prettier than me,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, hey, I'm kind of in the same league,
Speaker 1: or like i feel like I feel like I'm I
Speaker 1: feel good about myself. It doesn't even matter if I'm
Speaker 1: in the same league. And then that girl will get
Speaker 1: up from the table or like go to another some thing,
Speaker 1: and then the people at the table with me and
Speaker 1: will go, god, she's so pretty, Like it's so insane,
Speaker 1: Like the keeping praise that other people get will then,
Speaker 1: you know, really hurt me as opposed to something that
Speaker 1: maybe so I think people know I'm so insecure that
Speaker 1: they don't make fun of me, and I don't hang
Speaker 1: out with male comics really ever that are that comfortable
Speaker 1: to make fun of me physically, umure, just trying. It's
Speaker 1: I have my dad's legs. Like this, I realized the
Speaker 1: stuff that I get complimented for where people are like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, what do you do with your legs?
Speaker 1: And I go, I just was born, Like so many things,
Speaker 1: you're just born with. You're not doing anything like I
Speaker 1: do want to know, like what people are doing to
Speaker 1: their faces when they do really change radically, like what
Speaker 1: kind of face clips. I'm up studying all these things.
Speaker 1: But the things that people go, Nikki, you have the
Speaker 1: best legs, I won't take the compliment because I didn't
Speaker 1: do anything to get them. I just I have my
Speaker 1: dad's legs, like I was just born with them. So
Speaker 1: I can't even take the compliment, which is dumb, because
Speaker 1: if I worked for it, I'd go, well, I just
Speaker 1: worked out that's all I had to do. It's not
Speaker 1: even really me, you know, like I can't some way
Speaker 1: I'd figure out not to to deflect it. But um yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just I feel like every day is uh, it
Speaker 1: just it changes of my It's more consistent now of
Speaker 1: like since I'm doing these mantras of like I approve
Speaker 1: of myself. I approve of myself, Like I've been saying
Speaker 1: that a lot. Whatever you also say about like the
Speaker 1: girls that you think look really good, Um, they can
Speaker 1: never hear it enough because they all work so hard
Speaker 1: on it. Not that it's good to keep, you know,
Speaker 1: feeding that, but I'm just saying, like, you know, the
Speaker 1: the girl that you think like because people look at
Speaker 1: you and they're like, she's like absurdly or rationally hot.
Speaker 1: But you always point out that the girls that look
Speaker 1: like that, they're putting a lot of work in so
Speaker 1: they do in fact need the compliment, or they'd welcome
Speaker 1: it at least. So yes, you know, because they're always
Speaker 1: just like caring, so caring more. It's my prettiest friends
Speaker 1: are so desperate for compliments, and I'm always just like,
Speaker 1: but it's a given, and so I sometimes just have
Speaker 1: to convince myself, oh yeah, that's why people are complimenting you.
Speaker 1: It's just a given, Nikki. But there are times though
Speaker 1: that I would like to like be able to not
Speaker 1: be like. We also live in a culture where if
Speaker 1: I'm like, I look gross today, people are like no,
Speaker 1: and it's like, but sometimes I do, and that should
Speaker 1: be okay, you know what I mean, Like the idea
Speaker 1: that it's like, no, you don't, don't say that. It's
Speaker 1: like I'm not saying I don't deserve love. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying I look haggard and that's just a fact, and
Speaker 1: that it's it's okay, but people go, no, you're beautiful
Speaker 1: on the inside or whatever. You know, it's just like
Speaker 1: now I can just be gross one day it's okay,
Speaker 1: but it's you know, you still struggle with it. I um,
Speaker 1: I was on dem MOI the other day or a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. Do you know what is okay?
Speaker 1: So it's like this Instagram account where they just do
Speaker 1: gossip about celebrities. I'm sure you've heard of it or
Speaker 1: like maybe been sent something of it, but it's all
Speaker 1: like people just right in um about celebrities, either like
Speaker 1: they're friends with someone who's sleeping with a lister or
Speaker 1: like it's just all gossip and it's all blind items
Speaker 1: where it's like they sometimes they'll say the person's name,
Speaker 1: but it's just all users submitted from piddling. You know something, Yes,
Speaker 1: I only think I would never do those things, like
Speaker 1: so I'm like, I, God, I should start going to
Speaker 1: Magnolia so people know there's like there's really are five
Speaker 1: restaurants you can go to and you will see someone
Speaker 1: or like, you know, just like cackling like some sort
Speaker 1: of day day drinking at like some perfectly impeccable place. Yes, well, Rachel,
Speaker 1: you and I could absolutely submit to Dunma Noah, you
Speaker 1: as well. Like the things we know about celebrities like
Speaker 1: this is who submitting is like friends of celebrities who
Speaker 1: have inside scoop and so they I mean they'll report
Speaker 1: about affairs happening, choking on her water and his soul. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: that is literally what happens, coughing up flamin of filings. Amount. Well,
Speaker 1: I've only been on it a couple of times, and
Speaker 1: when you get on it, you're kind of like, oh man,
Speaker 1: I'm someone like the fact that my name, well, one
Speaker 1: of them I won't even say. It was like ages
Speaker 1: ago and it was um, it was I was like whatever.
Speaker 1: And that that one I'll skip and maybe talk about
Speaker 1: it another time when I have more distance. But then
Speaker 1: there was one the other day where so it's dem
Speaker 1: d e U x m O I and on their
Speaker 1: their Instagram stories where everything goes down. Their page itself
Speaker 1: is nothing but the Instagram story. And she posted like,
Speaker 1: tell me about celebrities weird foods you've seen them eat like,
Speaker 1: and so people are just submitting, like every single they've
Speaker 1: saw Sean Penn eating a hot dog without the bond
Speaker 1: or what like, they'll just like say, and someone wrote, no,
Speaker 1: what you have the exact phrasing. Saw Nicky Glazer dump
Speaker 1: an entire pepper shaker on her seemingly dry salad. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I got a lot of people writing me about
Speaker 1: this and screenshoting it and being like, oh busted, there's
Speaker 1: so much truth to this. I love pepper, always have.
Speaker 1: I as a kid, I hated the taste of scrambled eggs,
Speaker 1: so I would dump all the pepper on it. Would
Speaker 1: you couldn't even see egg. I love pepper. I can
Speaker 1: handle it's not too spicy. I used to do this
Speaker 1: on salads a lot. I think that's probably around two eighteens.
Speaker 1: Someone saw this and the but the dry salad thing
Speaker 1: really bothers me because this sounds like an anorexic person,
Speaker 1: which I definitely do have anorexic food tendencies, no question,
Speaker 1: because I was for a very long time, and some
Speaker 1: of them have carried over to just things I actually like.
Speaker 1: But a dry salad. I do not have dry salads.
Speaker 1: That is something that is a deprivation thing. I think
Speaker 1: anyone who says they like dry s out is lying.
Speaker 1: They're just trying to avoid calories. You don't You're doing
Speaker 1: that is not something I do anymore. If it was
Speaker 1: a dry salad is because they didn't have vegan dressing
Speaker 1: or any dressing that I liked, Like they only had
Speaker 1: like ranch or something. But I would never and so
Speaker 1: I would never do that. I just want to clear
Speaker 1: the air on that because but it just upset me
Speaker 1: because I was like, it just sounded like an like
Speaker 1: if I read Scarlett Johanson to that, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: fuck diet. I'm like, yeah, I get it because like
Speaker 1: the person that does that, it makes them sound like
Speaker 1: a little bit. It's not it's not a good lot.
Speaker 1: It's crazy. But you I feel like, um, I've never
Speaker 1: seen you eat a dry salad. You you have the
Speaker 1: most specific orders and and I feel like you, Nikki,
Speaker 1: A lot of her friends are all very hot blondes
Speaker 1: um that I eat like a lot of tubuli and
Speaker 1: grains and eat certain sauces on the side and oils
Speaker 1: on the sun. Whenever I'm with you guys and I
Speaker 1: try to imitate your orders something we all well, we
Speaker 1: all have histories of eating disorders, so we all have
Speaker 1: like these very specific like things that But I love sauces,
Speaker 1: I love dressings, and you have dressings on your salad.
Speaker 1: But I definitely don't like it. Like it's like it's
Speaker 1: it's very cute. It's like the way Meg Ryan would
Speaker 1: order and when Harry met s it's obnoxious. And I'm
Speaker 1: sure it is like a talk of the seller, like
Speaker 1: of like Nikki's fucking order because the whole table was
Speaker 1: filled with different sides of things. I tip very well
Speaker 1: whenever I'm this demanding. I've got more lax in my
Speaker 1: older life of like, okay, so they put on the salad,
Speaker 1: who cares Like it's going to be more than I want,
Speaker 1: but like just eat it, like just get eat what
Speaker 1: they give you. But um, yeah, it was just it
Speaker 1: made me realize very well and take care of everybody
Speaker 1: and are very lovely. I am also so annoying in
Speaker 1: stories and restaurants, people can tell immediately I'm from New York.
Speaker 1: When I'm in l A. It takes them fucking seconds
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, you're here from New York, I'm
Speaker 1: wearing like a black cape, and what what are some
Speaker 1: of your demands? Where do you like shine? When you're
Speaker 1: like in that way of being rush and I try
Speaker 1: to act like that, I am, and I can't. I
Speaker 1: never really fall in sync with that l A way
Speaker 1: of speaking that kind of like hey, like the conversation
Speaker 1: before the conversation, you know, like I feel like there's
Speaker 1: there's a fucking little just I just sound impatient, I
Speaker 1: sound like a twat, and then I try to overdo
Speaker 1: it after with the compliments and the tip, but I'm
Speaker 1: apologizing for how the whole time. Yes, I feel the
Speaker 1: same way about this conversation before the conversation. I my
Speaker 1: boyfriend early on in a relationship coined glazer exits, which
Speaker 1: is like as soon as I want to leave, I
Speaker 1: just go. I don't do a whole thing of like
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm probably gonna take off. I don't
Speaker 1: even know how that works. When people just kind of
Speaker 1: put their bag on their shoulder and kind of like
Speaker 1: signal to people they are gonna leave or they need
Speaker 1: to like announce they're gonna leave and then talk about
Speaker 1: leaving or like a fairy godmother Nikki's out like a like,
Speaker 1: I just go and it's it's not because I'm like
Speaker 1: I got offended and I need to leave on a time.
Speaker 1: It's just like when I want to. Everyone has a
Speaker 1: moment where they go, I want to go, and I
Speaker 1: think most people go, I'm gonna be like socially more
Speaker 1: acceptable and ease into the going. I just go, and
Speaker 1: it's not an insult to anyone. I just want to go,
Speaker 1: and it's it is hasty, and I do know that
Speaker 1: people get like triggered by it because abandonment issues and
Speaker 1: it's probably a little bit of my own thing of
Speaker 1: like I don't like goodbyes, so I just kind of
Speaker 1: want to vanish and then I don't have to. It's
Speaker 1: a good fucking Irish exit. I respect it. I like,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you so much. It's a fucking rap.
Speaker 1: I I always call an uber to get out because
Speaker 1: I don't know how to say good bye to people.
Speaker 1: And I show the uber screen and I go, oh,
Speaker 1: he's here. We'll speaking up. We gotta take a break
Speaker 1: and we'll be right back after this all right, We're
Speaker 1: back with Rachel Feinstein. You can see her on New
Speaker 1: Year's Eve at the punch Line, Philly punch Line, is
Speaker 1: that right? Helium Helium and helium Helium, don't go to
Speaker 1: the punch line. Please don't um Helium and Philly. That's
Speaker 1: a good club. I love Helium. I do too. As
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out where to shoot my special,
Speaker 1: I've gotta find a theater with like lower lower. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's my next special too. I want it to be
Speaker 1: more intimate and small like low like that is absolutely
Speaker 1: I can't wait for your next special, Rachel. It's when
Speaker 1: I play in like an auditorium like type of I
Speaker 1: always it reminds me of school. When I even smell
Speaker 1: a school, I I'm just like, oh, I never want
Speaker 1: to go back because I stuck it up so bad. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to with my daughter. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: had like I was in detention so much. I had
Speaker 1: like a detention dance. I just like the head of
Speaker 1: thing everybody. When I walked into detention, I was like attention.
Speaker 1: You weren't a bad kid, you were just a d
Speaker 1: d yes, but I was also bad, like I brought whippets,
Speaker 1: tanks to school a lot. Wait, because I'm guessing you
Speaker 1: were trying to make friends and be popular. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: loved whippets too. I was, um, and uh, what do
Speaker 1: they feel like? You just laugh a lot. It's like
Speaker 1: I can't smoke pot because it accentuates every quality I've
Speaker 1: been trying to erase, you know. So I like whippets.
Speaker 1: I want to laugh and have a fun, loving time
Speaker 1: if like, if I smoke pot, you know, I just
Speaker 1: like think people want me to to leave and don't
Speaker 1: care for me. But um, I was pretty into But
Speaker 1: I would get in trouble for you know, for talking,
Speaker 1: for running my goddamn mouth. I've always been that for
Speaker 1: mocking ship and um I had the teacher, Miss Volo,
Speaker 1: and I would do an impression of her. She would
Speaker 1: sort of lunge and do this kind of lunge action phrases.
Speaker 1: She was always trying to make history fun and using
Speaker 1: her body with histories. She knew I had impression of her,
Speaker 1: so I'd get like a lot of time outs and stuff.
Speaker 1: So you were like the class clown like they talked
Speaker 1: about like you had. I was in trouble a lot.
Speaker 1: I mean, we my my first high school. Um, I
Speaker 1: was just getting DC and after and it was like
Speaker 1: an emergency. There was like nightly meetings about me. And
Speaker 1: then they took me to this other school called Thornton Friends,
Speaker 1: which I didn't realize was like a school where they
Speaker 1: sent the bad kids. Everybody called it snorton fiends. And
Speaker 1: so then they sent me to warn Fiends because I
Speaker 1: wasn't going to graduate. And all of your friends from
Speaker 1: high school you went to a new what what what great?
Speaker 1: Did you transfer? Junior year of high school transferred? And then, um,
Speaker 1: I would miss my old friends. Yeah. I would pass
Speaker 1: by my friend Lisa Kaplan, I remember, and when I
Speaker 1: would see her, we both drive to high school. I
Speaker 1: was driving my mom's Pontiac Glamans. Saw Lisa try to
Speaker 1: make her laugh. Had to get a laugh, so I
Speaker 1: tried to do a like impression of someone driving or
Speaker 1: something at the ups truck um and totaled my mom's Lamons.
Speaker 1: And then it was such a tiny school that the
Speaker 1: police officer picked me up. I was weeping. He was
Speaker 1: kind of holding me, and um, kind of weeping on
Speaker 1: his arm. I was hit on hand, hit on me
Speaker 1: and and he dropped me off in school but there
Speaker 1: was only, like, you know, fifteen kids in this school,
Speaker 1: like so, so everybody saw me come in in the
Speaker 1: cop car, and I remember calling my mom another example
Speaker 1: where somebody's not protected, being like I was in an
Speaker 1: accident but I'm okay, and she's like, well, how's the
Speaker 1: damn Lamon's ship Lamon's. She was always like, shit, Rachel,
Speaker 1: you know I need that Lamon's. I knew this was
Speaker 1: gonna happen. I think everyone got into an accident in
Speaker 1: high school, like you, Yeah, I got into well, I
Speaker 1: hit a garbage man with my car when I was sixteen,
Speaker 1: like just ran over a garbage man and almost killed him.
Speaker 1: He sued me four years later. It was like a
Speaker 1: whole fucking thing. But my sister got into an accident.
Speaker 1: I think it's insane that we let kids on the
Speaker 1: road with no actual formal driving instruction. I mean, you
Speaker 1: could just learn from your dad in a parking lot
Speaker 1: for an hour and then go ace the test because
Speaker 1: you have a good day, and then you're just out
Speaker 1: on the road. I mean it would be I would
Speaker 1: be terrified. I was driving wildly, just like assuming the night.
Speaker 1: It's amazing we didn't die. Going rogue like that. It
Speaker 1: was a terrible idea. Do you are you your daughter?
Speaker 1: How old is she now about to be four? Frankie
Speaker 1: is two and a half. Yeah, she's she's it's weird.
Speaker 1: That's like she's coming to life. Yeah, Like she calls
Speaker 1: me sweetie. She goes, go ahead, sweetie, Like when I
Speaker 1: leave the like she just missed, I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: the cellar. I'll be back in the morning. She goes,
Speaker 1: I'll go ahead, sweetie. I'm like, don't talk to me
Speaker 1: like you're like an older waitress. I just wiped your ass.
Speaker 1: She's like, and she listens like that. She listens like
Speaker 1: just not She's like, how stand has retirement, you know,
Speaker 1: it's an adjustment, adjustment that's actually listens like she's been there.
Speaker 1: She's just hilarious. Do you see do you see her
Speaker 1: being like intentionally funny yet or is it all just unintentionally?
Speaker 1: She does both. I mean she has a lot of
Speaker 1: like voices, she has a lot of faces that she
Speaker 1: makes in the mirror, and she's definitely like she's a ham.
Speaker 1: She also speaks Spanish fluently, and we don't speak Spanish.
Speaker 1: She goes to his Spanish daycare, so she a lot.
Speaker 1: So that's kind of funny, like she's always happy with me.
Speaker 1: In Spanish, she's like and she says yeah yeah, which
Speaker 1: I'm like, no Spanish speaking person said a racist impression
Speaker 1: of a Spanish Yeah. Yeah, she's always she's had it
Speaker 1: with me because she just errands around the room and
Speaker 1: she's like up to things. You know, I've become like
Speaker 1: an impediment. She's like, come on, like I'm trying to
Speaker 1: do this thing. I'm trying to put all your jewelry
Speaker 1: in this cart and push it down the stairs. Bitch,
Speaker 1: get off my dick, you know. Working. Yeah, she's always
Speaker 1: doing some weird matter. Yet she sounds incredible. Are you
Speaker 1: having this like morning period, like she's not a baby anymore?
Speaker 1: Like are you having is it? Do you get sad
Speaker 1: at different stages that they go into? Are you excited
Speaker 1: for the next one? I am definitely glad that she's
Speaker 1: not like a little because it's just like so exhausting.
Speaker 1: And then you're always like, oh, she could die, she
Speaker 1: could die. Every second you're just like, she almost died,
Speaker 1: she's about to die, she almost died. It's just she
Speaker 1: almost side, she's about to die. So I wasn't good
Speaker 1: with that, and then Pete has no instincts with that,
Speaker 1: so like he would. He took her to the park
Speaker 1: one day. He was trying to put her on the
Speaker 1: big swing. He was like, I'm teaching her. I'm like,
Speaker 1: she's six months. She would have immediately died. What the fuck.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'll just teach, you know, we can't teach
Speaker 1: her anything. No teaching, she's six months, Like, you'll do
Speaker 1: stuff where I'm like, oh my god. One day I
Speaker 1: walked in, he was trying to give her a carrot.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm teaching her about carrots. Some fucking carrot,
Speaker 1: you moron. Let me teach her a ship. What are
Speaker 1: you doing? And he's like, I know. He goes relix,
Speaker 1: I know infant CPR because she's he's a fireman on
Speaker 1: the kid. He's like, she choked. I would know how
Speaker 1: to help her. I'm like, no, you just don't give
Speaker 1: her a carrot, you deep asshole. And then do you
Speaker 1: Whenever I leave, he like he always puts her in
Speaker 1: a black turtleneck and like these same jeans. I don't
Speaker 1: even know where he gets this stuff. He dresses her
Speaker 1: like Steve Jobs, Like whenever I'm not there, but it's
Speaker 1: always when she's a baby because I'm like always afraid
Speaker 1: of different things, um so, and and there's been like
Speaker 1: active construction. So I'm glad that she's running around now.
Speaker 1: And you know, like I'm I like to talk. Ship.
Speaker 1: Pete's like more of a doer. He gets, you know,
Speaker 1: he's like we did that Languages of Love thing, and
Speaker 1: he's like he's like, you know, acts of service, an
Speaker 1: active service. Who gives I want ship? So she when
Speaker 1: he was little, it was like he was good at
Speaker 1: the change in the diper, like all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: I like to talk so she can hang. Now she
Speaker 1: like says some funny stuff. It's more fun. It's not
Speaker 1: all this. It's less like just manual and like I
Speaker 1: had to take her to parks. I hate parks. Yes,
Speaker 1: a woman like pushing a swing. I assume she needs
Speaker 1: to be rescued. It's just such a bottomized activity, like
Speaker 1: the pushing. It's like you should be wearing some sort
Speaker 1: of medical gown while you're doing it, you know. So
Speaker 1: he would take her to parks and things like that,
Speaker 1: and now there's more like I can talk to her
Speaker 1: and hang with her, and I'm better at that. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's where I want to come in as a mom.
Speaker 1: It's like I love that now that my sister's kids are,
Speaker 1: Like I like talking to them. I like like like
Speaker 1: when they sit down to draw and I get to
Speaker 1: like hear what they're drawing and ask them about it
Speaker 1: and like that is like my favorite time. But like
Speaker 1: doing things, that's such an interesting thing, Like the love
Speaker 1: language is like I don't and I like buying gifts
Speaker 1: for them. I like buying gifts and I like talking
Speaker 1: to them, but I don't. Yeah, that's the fun part.
Speaker 1: But um, I was actually like you talking about like
Speaker 1: the CPR thing like do you are you haunted by
Speaker 1: things of like this could happen? And then what would
Speaker 1: I do? Like do you run a million? Is constant
Speaker 1: stress like that because even last night I was like
Speaker 1: I live alone, Like what if I start choking? Like
Speaker 1: what would I do when I was like running through
Speaker 1: Like what I would do alone? I think I would
Speaker 1: survive because I would came when came up with several
Speaker 1: scenarios of like you know, hurling myself over a chair
Speaker 1: or just like thudding into the ground just chest first.
Speaker 1: But like I if I start doing that, like you
Speaker 1: can there's a thousand scenarios where you're like, what would
Speaker 1: I do? Do you do you find? And that's what
Speaker 1: makes me kind of worried about being a mom is
Speaker 1: like over worrying um or becoming somebody ever worries he's
Speaker 1: gonna hurt herself. But UM, for myself, I don't really worry.
Speaker 1: I don't think about death too much. I just worry
Speaker 1: if people are mad at me, you know, like you
Speaker 1: think much more about that. Like I've never think about
Speaker 1: death because yeah, again, it's just I'm too vain in
Speaker 1: other ways to death. How might help you with being
Speaker 1: people being mad at you? Because everyone's gonna die. The
Speaker 1: other day, my friend was worried someone's gonna be mad
Speaker 1: at her and go just know that their thoughts about
Speaker 1: you will be vapor someday, just like everything else. And
Speaker 1: she was like, oh, that helps, And I was like,
Speaker 1: that does help me. When someone's mad at me, I'm like,
Speaker 1: they're just their brain is going to shut off someday
Speaker 1: and every thought they have about me will go with
Speaker 1: them too. But I know what you mean to merge
Speaker 1: those two because I feel like when I like when
Speaker 1: people were really worked up about in the beginning, when
Speaker 1: COVID was much more dangerous and stuff and everybody was.
Speaker 1: I was so annoyed because I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: care about germs. I don't want the germ people to
Speaker 1: be right, Like, oh god, you're so right. Let it
Speaker 1: be a genre I enjoy, like true crime or something
Speaker 1: movie like pandemic films like don't yes, final thought, yes,
Speaker 1: but I don't care either. You and I are so
Speaker 1: on the same page about this, like I when people go, yo,
Speaker 1: you gotta wash your hands after, Like I'll do a
Speaker 1: meet and greet and then I'll just go right for
Speaker 1: my food after shaking literally two D fifty hands and
Speaker 1: having people like kiss my face and I'll forget to
Speaker 1: wash my hands. It's just if I but if I
Speaker 1: touch a dog, I can feel the damneder on my hand.
Speaker 1: If I feel something actively on my hand, I will
Speaker 1: wash my hand. But if I don't feel it, if
Speaker 1: I can't see it, I don't care. And it's probably
Speaker 1: why I'm sick right now. But I rarely do get sick.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I totally relate to that of like COVID
Speaker 1: made me. You know, everyone was washing their groceries and
Speaker 1: like wipings down things and that was a real struggle
Speaker 1: for me to pretend like I was doing that ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't. I don't give a fun I don't do
Speaker 1: any gross one. I apologize if anything, but I'll stip
Speaker 1: off anybody's drink. I remember my brother was like that too.
Speaker 1: I remember one time I was at this pizza place
Speaker 1: visiting him in Boston where he went to school for college,
Speaker 1: and drunk guy came up, just like some drunk drunk
Speaker 1: like frat funk, look like he just like graduated from
Speaker 1: like rape Tech or some ship. And he walked, we're
Speaker 1: eating pizza, and this guy walks up to the window
Speaker 1: like he and my brothers has a holding a piece
Speaker 1: of pizza and he walks up like this. My brother
Speaker 1: instinctively knew that the guy wanted to pretend like he
Speaker 1: was licking my brother's pizza. They gave like a quick,
Speaker 1: like blumbs up pizza up to the window, and the
Speaker 1: guy was like, and he just licked all the way
Speaker 1: up the window just to ironically eat my brother's dub slice.
Speaker 1: And they both were like, and I actually related to
Speaker 1: that moment. I was like, that is a funny thing
Speaker 1: to do, and I wouldn't even wouldn't even consider to me,
Speaker 1: like how Ran said that was to look away when
Speaker 1: something drops on the floor, Like we're at a show,
Speaker 1: and I think I've said this on the pud guess before.
Speaker 1: But I dropped my invisiline on the floor and I
Speaker 1: picked it up, and I was about to go on stage,
Speaker 1: so I took them out. They fell on the floor,
Speaker 1: and then I just put them back in my pocket,
Speaker 1: and Chris looked at me like, no, you gotta wash them,
Speaker 1: and I go, I'll wash them later. And then later
Speaker 1: on I put him back in and he goes, not
Speaker 1: not and I go, it doesn't. It doesn't. I can't
Speaker 1: see it. And they didn't fall into a pile of vomit,
Speaker 1: so it's gonna be okay. I just don't care. Um.
Speaker 1: I remember one time I was on a trip with
Speaker 1: my sister, like five day trip or something, and I
Speaker 1: forgot my toothbrush, so I was just using hers when
Speaker 1: she wasn't like to brush my like every day and
Speaker 1: night and morning, because I kept forgetting to get one
Speaker 1: when we would stop at a gas station or whatever.
Speaker 1: And by the end of the week, I remember, at
Speaker 1: one point we were both brushing our teeth together and
Speaker 1: so she caught me not having a tooth. She was like,
Speaker 1: you don't have a Toothbruson. I go, oh, I forgot mine,
Speaker 1: and she goes, what have you been doing? Oh? And
Speaker 1: so I had this like weird moment where do I
Speaker 1: tell her I've been using hers or does she just
Speaker 1: think I'm gross and haven't brush my teeth for a week?
Speaker 1: And I had to tell her. She was horrified. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't care though, Like it's first of all, it's
Speaker 1: I mean, that's a little bit girl. I get it,
Speaker 1: like I get what people. He wants me not. He
Speaker 1: wants me to stop I use his and I'm like,
Speaker 1: you do, Yeah, I with him, but I but I
Speaker 1: exactly he did exactly. But I've always been like that.
Speaker 1: Nobody wants me to mix my stuff with the alwa
Speaker 1: put your pile over there, because they know it's ransom stuff.
Speaker 1: Like I'm always as soon as I touch people's things,
Speaker 1: they become there's a certain vulgar to them. I remember
Speaker 1: this lady one saying one of the things that hurt
Speaker 1: most when I was on stage. I'm not name dropping,
Speaker 1: but I was playing at like the Hebrew Home for
Speaker 1: the Aging and the bronx Um. I could hear this
Speaker 1: woman talking about me, and two things that always stay
Speaker 1: with me. One woman goes, something must have gone wrong
Speaker 1: in the early years. I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's so fucking acting right. She had a pin on her.
Speaker 1: I'll never forget that. She had a pin on her.
Speaker 1: And she was violently shaking and so disgusted with me.
Speaker 1: And I think about how much energy it must have taken,
Speaker 1: with fucking shaking like that to get that fucking prince
Speaker 1: on her stupid lapel and just only to become downstair
Speaker 1: to be so enraged by me. She had fucking a
Speaker 1: perfect like aquanette sculpture, peach sculpture on her head, and
Speaker 1: she's just sitting there like something must have gone wrong
Speaker 1: in the early like just disgusting. And she also said,
Speaker 1: I'll never forget this lady. Um she she's probably died
Speaker 1: during my show. But she goes, I in the middle
Speaker 1: of my set and she goes, there's a vulgarity, not
Speaker 1: just in the language, it's just there's a general not
Speaker 1: just in the language, like a general just statue. She
Speaker 1: had me down. I'm like, fuck, she's right, goddamn it.
Speaker 1: The worst. Whenever someone asked me like what's your worst heckle?
Speaker 1: The only thing that ever has stuck in my cross
Speaker 1: is one girl, a hot girl in the front row,
Speaker 1: going you just any kind of like that's just an
Speaker 1: e from an attractive person, more than anything, Like more
Speaker 1: than you're not funny, you're not talented, you're whatever. It's
Speaker 1: just an ew of like no one needs to know that,
Speaker 1: Like you're kind of oversharing. Like you know, if I'm
Speaker 1: eating dinner and like part of my food falls onto
Speaker 1: the table, I'm a clean plate club person. Like I
Speaker 1: eat everything that I like and it will all get
Speaker 1: eaten no matter what I don't. I've never had like
Speaker 1: to go containers in my life of like I've never
Speaker 1: taken home anything. It all gets consumed. I will, but
Speaker 1: if depending on who I'm eating with, because I know
Speaker 1: people are so grossed out by like it touched the table,
Speaker 1: I like, wait till you look away and sneak the
Speaker 1: piece of food back on the plate so that I
Speaker 1: can eat it, because but I will not. I'm so
Speaker 1: I respect people so much who like if something falls
Speaker 1: off onto the table, They're like not gonna eat that,
Speaker 1: and they like put it on the side. I could
Speaker 1: never do It's like a bite of food that I
Speaker 1: would want. I could never do that. I want to
Speaker 1: eat the way preserve that little Jesus cracker that they
Speaker 1: give Catholics, a little Jesus cheeseus thing. I loved where
Speaker 1: they lower it Jesus. I love the way they like
Speaker 1: lower it into your face. That's how I want all
Speaker 1: my snacks served to me, just like kind of like
Speaker 1: laid back gently like that and just had things plopped
Speaker 1: on my tongue. I don't know, God someday will accept ourselves. Rachel.
Speaker 1: I swear to God, I love you so much. Thank
Speaker 1: you for being here on this podcast. Lightful, You're the best.
Speaker 1: You make me so happy. I'll continue sending pictures of
Speaker 1: men comforting their girlfriends and wives and just different animals
Speaker 1: caressing each other. What was that right? I just wanted
Speaker 1: to say that that girl that said like you, it
Speaker 1: reminded me of those couples that are on date nights
Speaker 1: and there's always like I always feel so judged by
Speaker 1: that couple, Like again, the guy's got his hand on
Speaker 1: her lower back and she's like, like, I feel like
Speaker 1: I bring those couples closer together, Like yes, they're gonna
Speaker 1: bond in the car on the way home. It's fun,
Speaker 1: you know, to laugh at that fucking you know, it's
Speaker 1: just at that raunch, fucking broad for an evening, but
Speaker 1: not a hard life she must have, and they just
Speaker 1: kind of talk about how, oh god, I feel like
Speaker 1: they they see me, and then they just hold onto
Speaker 1: their wives a little more. Lady, I should appreciate her
Speaker 1: like together. Uh you guys, go see Rachel on tour
Speaker 1: anywhere you can see her. Follow her on in Instagram.
Speaker 1: She is one of the best accounts out there. Support
Speaker 1: her in every way. She's my favorite comic, one of
Speaker 1: my favorite people too. I love you so much, Rage,
Speaker 1: thank you for being here much. Thank you, thank you both.
Speaker 1: Thank you my girl. Don'teka aunt Jack Patt