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Speaker 1: All right, time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more.

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Speaker 1: Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're gonna read

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Speaker 1: this one right here, right now. It could be yours.

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Speaker 1: You never know.

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Speaker 2: Fuck it up and hold on tight. We got it

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Speaker 2: for you here. It is.

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Speaker 1: Subject. She acts like a bigger subject.

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Speaker 2: Sh acts like a bitter old bitty.

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Speaker 1: Engage trouble.

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Speaker 2: Great day radio it No, it wouldn't know, It wouldn't

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Speaker 2: have junior.

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Speaker 1: People will be talking, we'll be trending.

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Speaker 2: All right, here we go.

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Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm a fifty year old married man,

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Speaker 1: and my wife and I have been married for eleven years.

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Speaker 1: When we got married, I was working on my doctorate

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Speaker 1: degree and I worked full time and was struggled to

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Speaker 1: take care of her and our newborn child. She decided

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Speaker 1: to start school herself after having our second child. She

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Speaker 1: got her master's degree in twenty nineteen, and I expected

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Speaker 1: her to apply for a job, but instead she decided

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Speaker 1: to get her doctorate degree. This led to more financial

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Speaker 1: stress in our family. The little I made barely covered rent,

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Speaker 1: and the financial strain was great. I had to take

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Speaker 1: side hustles just to make ends meet, and I think

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Speaker 1: this led to a change in attitude for both of us,

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Speaker 1: and we began snapping at each other or with the

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Speaker 1: tiniest things. I began to think of what to do

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Speaker 1: to improve our situation, and finally, by the grace of God,

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Speaker 1: I got a great job.

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Speaker 2: I figured it would.

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Speaker 1: Improve our marriage, but things got worse. She is still snappy,

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Speaker 1: complains all the time, nags me about everything, and she's

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Speaker 1: always tired from school. She hardly takes care of herself,

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Speaker 1: and when I complain, all she says is who am

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Speaker 1: I trying to impress. Sex between us has dwindled to

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Speaker 1: once or twice a month, and even then it's a chore.

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Speaker 1: She only allows me to do a quickie and she

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Speaker 1: starts complaining if I take too long to finish. We

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Speaker 1: hardly talk as husband and wife, and I started sleeping

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Speaker 1: in another room anytime she's not home and I'm with

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Speaker 1: our kids. We're all in a good mood. Soon as

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Speaker 1: she walks in the atmosphere's tense. She acts like an old, bitter,

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Speaker 1: elderly woman, but she is only forty one. Is this

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Speaker 1: how ladies act after a while in marriage or is

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Speaker 1: this a special case? How can I get her back

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Speaker 1: to how she was? Well? I mean, you know, first

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Speaker 1: of all, you guys can talk more as husband and wife,

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Speaker 1: you know, And you got to consider this huge load

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Speaker 1: that she's taken on. She's studying for her doctorate degree,

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Speaker 1: she just had a baby. You know, there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of things going on here. And I'm going to tell you,

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Speaker 1: I honestly think she needs to see a doctor immediately.

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Speaker 1: I mean, she might be suffering from postpartum depression. It's

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Speaker 1: been a while, but if maybe, if it's untreated. You know,

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Speaker 1: there's still some residual effects here from having this baby.

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Speaker 1: It happens a lot in women, many women after having

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Speaker 1: a baby. And again, she's got a lot on her

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Speaker 1: plate with school. The financial stress. You know, that doesn't

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Speaker 1: just affect you, It affects her and the whole family.

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Speaker 1: Even though you say you have a great job. Now,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't seem that easy for her to snap back.

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Speaker 1: I'm asking you to be a little more patient with her,

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Speaker 1: and if you guys can afford it, maybe you can

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Speaker 1: get someone to help her with the kids and around

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Speaker 1: the house for a couple of days a week, you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe send her to the spot to see if she

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Speaker 1: can invite her girlfriends over or ask them to take

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Speaker 1: her out for a girl's night out. It sounds like

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Speaker 1: she needs to get out of the house, do something

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Speaker 1: different than what she's been doing. And it seems like,

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Speaker 1: you know, working on her on her degree is really

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Speaker 1: really hard on her. Please be more supportive as a

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Speaker 1: husband and but but by all means, make sure she

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Speaker 1: she sees a doctor.

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Speaker 2: Steve supportive, I don't. I don't know how she can

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Speaker 2: be anymore supportive. I really don't great answer, though, Cheryl.

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Speaker 2: I like your answer, uh, to protect this woman. But

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Speaker 2: in this case right here, I don't see how she

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Speaker 2: needs protecting. I think this woman has to to step

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Speaker 2: up and get herself together and make some changes. Now,

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Speaker 2: if it's medical, then, like Shirley said, it could be

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Speaker 2: this postmodel, but the maybe eleven years ago.

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Speaker 1: Now, No, she had another one in a second stile.

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Speaker 2: No space between there. You're right, but she fitted the

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Speaker 2: old man man. My wife and I be married eleven

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Speaker 2: years we got married. I was working on I'm a

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Speaker 2: doctor degree. I work full time, struggling to take care

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Speaker 2: of her and our new born child. Okay, she decided

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Speaker 2: to start school herself after having our second child. She

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Speaker 2: got a master's degree in twenty nineteen. I expected her

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Speaker 2: to apply for a job, but instead she decided to

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Speaker 2: get a doctor degree. Now, obviously this is too much.

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Speaker 2: The children and the doctor degree. This led to more

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Speaker 2: financial stress in the family. The little I made barely

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Speaker 2: covered rent, so financial strain was great, which is always

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Speaker 2: a big cause in marriages struggling. I took sideline hustes

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Speaker 2: to make ends meet, and I think this led to

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Speaker 2: a change in attitude for both of us. We both

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Speaker 2: began snapping over the tiniest things. I began to think

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Speaker 2: of what to do to improve our situation, and finally,

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Speaker 2: grace to God, I got a great job. I figured

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Speaker 2: it would improve our marriage, but things got worse. She

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Speaker 2: still snappy, complaints all the time, asks me about everything

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Speaker 2: as she's tired from school. She wanted to go to school.

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Speaker 2: She's snapping. She forty one, the dude doing all he

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Speaker 2: can do. Now, let me tell you something, sir, you

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Speaker 2: can't make another person happy. Bishop Jakes told me this

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Speaker 2: one time, he says, Steve, you can't make another person happy,

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Speaker 2: nor is it your job. And if you take on

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Speaker 2: that job to make another person happy, you have taking

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Speaker 2: on a daunting, daunting responsibility because you can't do it.

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Speaker 2: She's not a happy person right now. Yeah, hang on, Steve.

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Speaker 1: All right, we'll have part two of Steve's response coming

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Speaker 1: up in twenty three minutes after the hour. Today's Strawberry

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Speaker 1: letter subject. She acts like a bitter old bitty. We'll

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Speaker 1: get back into it right after this.

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Speaker 2: You're listening Steve Hardy Morning Show.

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Speaker 1: All right, Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter subject.

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Speaker 2: Watch collar curringe when I say this.

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Speaker 1: She acts like a bitter old bity.

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Speaker 2: Fifty year old man married, got a wife eleven years.

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Speaker 2: He was working on your doctor degree, and you work

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Speaker 2: full time, and y'all was struggling taking care of her

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Speaker 2: in a newborn. She decided to start school herself after

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Speaker 2: having our second child. She got a master's degree in

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Speaker 2: twenty ninety. I expect her to apply for a job,

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Speaker 2: but it's there. She decided to get a doctor degree.

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Speaker 2: So y'all like degrees, if y'all like making money as

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Speaker 2: much as y'all like having degrees, y'all might be on

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Speaker 2: to something, but we'll just leave that alone. That ain't

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Speaker 2: my business. You know, some people like degrees, so go

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Speaker 2: ahead and get you another one. Somebody once told me though,

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Speaker 2: a very very rich man was talking to a group

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Speaker 2: of college students at a big event, like it was

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Speaker 2: some type of conference going on, and this guy was

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Speaker 2: standing up and then he was talking about his degrees

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Speaker 2: and how much he made a year, and he was

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Speaker 2: going to go back to get another degree because he

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Speaker 2: wanted to make a little bit more year, and if

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Speaker 2: thought necessary, he'd get a third. He said. So let

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Speaker 2: me ask you something. If you have a degree that

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Speaker 2: ain't working for you, why would you go get another

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Speaker 2: one of them? And I kind of I just thought

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Speaker 2: about that, so I'm I'm just saying that because this

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Speaker 2: might be that problem with this letter. So now you

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Speaker 2: all barely got through this. So finally, by the grace

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Speaker 2: of God, you got a good job, and you thought

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Speaker 2: it would smooth everything out. Well it didn't. She still snappy,

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Speaker 2: complains all the time, nags me about everything, and she's

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Speaker 2: tired from school. She says she wanted to go to

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Speaker 2: school sometimes, Man, you make decisions, and nah, I hate

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Speaker 2: to get spiritual on you, but I gotta tell you

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Speaker 2: this because I've done this myself several hundred times. You

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Speaker 2: make a decision without asking God anything about it. You

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Speaker 2: just you go through your plan. And now you're miserable

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Speaker 2: because that might not have been the best way to

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Speaker 2: do it. Just because you make a decision, don't and

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Speaker 2: you want to do it, don't make it the right

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Speaker 2: decision for you. So now you're miserable. And now you're

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Speaker 2: making the man miserable. Nags you about everything. She's already

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Speaker 2: tired for school. Now hit the part she hardly takes

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Speaker 2: care of herself, he would go, Now we're in a

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Speaker 2: dangerous part of the letter. She don't take care of herself.

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Speaker 2: And then when I complained about that, all she says is,

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Speaker 2: who am I trying to impress? Hell? How about me?

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Speaker 2: But see this woman is tripping a little bit because

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Speaker 2: it's just about her. Now, I went back to school

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Speaker 2: to get me a doctorate degree. I'm tired, I ain't

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Speaker 2: fit to do nothing else. Who am I trying to

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Speaker 2: impress me? Your husband, see that she'd have forgot the

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Speaker 2: same thing it took to get your baby hook it's

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Speaker 2: gonna take the same thing. Keep it. Sex between us

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Speaker 2: has drain her down to once or twice a month. See,

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Speaker 2: we're in trouble now. Now you ain't taking care of yourself,

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Speaker 2: and now we having sex once or twice a month.

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Speaker 2: He fitted, we got problem without Probably anybody finis to

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Speaker 2: do this one twice a month. Okay, I'm just saying,

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Speaker 2: I'm just I'm just trying to hurt them and everything. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that hurts with everybody. I know that this is time

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Speaker 2: to change your tone because things is finn to change.

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Speaker 2: Anybody finish, sit up here and do this what you

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Speaker 2: wanted twice a month? That had got the good job.

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Speaker 2: Somebody down there walking past him looking just like he liked.

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Speaker 2: She taking care of herself and everything. Now, I'm all

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Speaker 2: for the institutional marriage. I try to make it work.

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Speaker 2: But now even when you make love, it's a chore.

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Speaker 2: She only allows me to do it quickie, and she

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Speaker 2: starts complaining if I take long to finish. We hardly

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Speaker 2: talk as her husband and wife and I started sleeping

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Speaker 2: in another room anytime she got home, and I'm with

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Speaker 2: our kids. We all in a good move. Soon as

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Speaker 2: she walk in the atmosphere's tenth that reminds me of

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Speaker 2: a person we used to know. It's called black cloud.

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Speaker 2: See black You You got some people who walk in

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Speaker 2: the room with just a black cloud. It's just people

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Speaker 2: walking room, just dark black cloud. Just ain't a ass

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Speaker 2: come damn thunderstorm walking in the room. Weather change. She

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Speaker 2: acts like an old bitty elderly woman, but she's only

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Speaker 2: forty one. Is this how ladies act after a wildly marriage? Know,

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Speaker 2: by any means, nowhere near all of them, but you

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Speaker 2: got the one that do though? Is this a special case? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's kind of special. Now, changes happen in all marriages,

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Speaker 2: and you got to make adjustments, but she ain't making them.

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Speaker 2: So now how can I get her back to how

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Speaker 2: she was? I don't know. I don't know. Now. Surely

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Speaker 2: said get us some medical help, but I think it's

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Speaker 2: a mental thing. If you tied all the time, that

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Speaker 2: ain't medical. You're a bit off more than you too.

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Speaker 2: You try to get a degree in something and now

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Speaker 2: you're on a doctorate. You know, y'all gonna just keep

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Speaker 2: going to school. I mean you can do that. Education

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Speaker 2: is great. I think smart is a gift, But sometimes

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Speaker 2: you're doing more more than you can handle, and she

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Speaker 2: done bid off a lot. We having sex once twice

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Speaker 2: a month. You nagging and complaining about everything you done,

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Speaker 2: let yourself go, and you ain't taking care of yourself.

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Speaker 2: Me and the kids at home having a good time.

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Speaker 2: You walk in and the change because you evil. I'm

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Speaker 2: not staying with that. I'm not I'm not doing that.

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Speaker 2: I'm not staying No, if you evil, I'm not staying

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Speaker 2: with you. There's a scripture that says it is better

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Speaker 2: to live on the corner of a rooftop than inside

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Speaker 2: with a quarlsome woman. That's in Proverbs. I'm not fit

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Speaker 2: to do that, and you can't ask a man to

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Speaker 2: do that. Ladies, I feel like I'm dead. Once I

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Speaker 2: feel like I'm dead, I gets out to the relationships.

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Speaker 2: Today's Straubberry. That's what that part means. To death do

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Speaker 2: us part? And I feel dead?

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Speaker 1: Time for us to part at Steve Harvey FM on

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Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand.

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Speaker 1: You're listening to The Harvey Morning Show. H