1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey, 2 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from 3 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,599 Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear 4 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will 5 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 1: enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear 6 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child. 7 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and 8 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only hold 9 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: me down, don't hold me up. Merchants now enveloped on 10 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,280 Speaker 1: the site as well as my book list, so please 11 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,320 Speaker 1: make sure you visit the link in the show notes below. 12 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 1: You can connect with the kid on Instagram at the 13 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:10,399 Speaker 1: Professional home Girl and at the PhD podcast. If you 14 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: are on Twitter, please follow me at the PhD podcast now. 15 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: If you are all caught up with episode, listen to 16 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 1: the bonus episodes by supporting the PSG podcast Patreon account. 17 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:24,639 Speaker 1: To support, please visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward 18 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: slash the PSG podcast now. Please keep in mind that 19 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: all of my guests are nonnes so lest again this 20 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 1: week's episode, so I am super excited to speak to 21 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 1: my guest today as she will be sharing her story 22 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:41,240 Speaker 1: on being a former game member turn child psychologist. So 23 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: to my guests, how are you doing? I'm how are you? 24 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 1: I am okay, I feel like I'm coming down with 25 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:53,000 Speaker 1: look co ch'll but good. We almost at the end 26 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: of the week, thank god. Yes, I knocked that out 27 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 1: before the weekends you could turn up. Oh yeah, I'm 28 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 1: drugging up tonight, you' all. I want to say thank 29 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 1: you so much for being a part of the show. 30 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,360 Speaker 1: So I thin get people a little background. How I 31 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 1: know my guests or how I found them. So we 32 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,960 Speaker 1: have a mutual friend, and he was telling me to 33 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,280 Speaker 1: join her book club, y'all. And her book club is 34 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:20,800 Speaker 1: so lit, it's so like, um intellectual, like it's amazing, 35 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: right and mind if y'all know, I'll be busy and ship. 36 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,639 Speaker 1: So for me to show up and like participates, I'd 37 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:29,360 Speaker 1: be like, oh shep like I'll be chatting this ship. 38 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,800 Speaker 1: That's what I wanted to tell you. That what's funny. 39 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 1: So last night her book club is every Tuesday, right, 40 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,880 Speaker 1: and one of the girls has said, um, one of 41 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 1: the ladies she was saying, how somebody may a comment 42 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:51,080 Speaker 1: about orioles being cracked. Yes, ye yo, why I hit 43 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,639 Speaker 1: up our mutual friend. I'm like, no, Orioles really are 44 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: cracked up. And I was gonna say it out loud, 45 00:02:57,919 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 1: but I was like, no, I don't think this is 46 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 1: the time of the place. You should have. Though you 47 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: should have because we it's the reason I have this 48 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 1: book club. Like I don't know Pa've told you, but 49 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 1: it's really it's like it's a trap. Like so I 50 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,959 Speaker 1: say like, oh, yeah, it's a book club. We're gonna 51 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 1: read this book and we're gonna get into it. But 52 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: really it's just like a healing space. Like I wanted 53 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,960 Speaker 1: black people to have a healing space for them to 54 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: tap into other people in different professions, UM, in different parts, 55 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 1: because sometimes I have people from other states logging in 56 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 1: UM and just so they can connect and really like understand, 57 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,600 Speaker 1: Like sometimes we went through some really traumatic ship and 58 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 1: we don't realize it and we need to like bound 59 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 1: be a bound for off of each other. And at 60 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 1: other times, UM, sometimes we just gotta laugh. Like sometimes 61 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 1: after having such a long day or long a week 62 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:52,280 Speaker 1: with people who don't really get it, you really should 63 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: have you should have been like, but whatever it was, 64 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 1: it's cracked and I want to ke keep right on 65 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: with you, like you know, there's a whole track, yo, 66 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 1: I'd be fucking up the carry cake orioles really imagine, 67 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 1: like I don't be trusting the remixes like give me 68 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,360 Speaker 1: your double stuff that I'm okay. So when I tell 69 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 1: you the carry cake orioles, I swear to guy and 70 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 1: I don't even like orioles like that. M dumb. Ships. Yeah, 71 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 1: I ate so much. One time I threw up like 72 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: you could just be pretty they so so when she 73 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:30,800 Speaker 1: was like, I was like, girl, I'm ships are like right, 74 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 1: like they're delicious. Oh my god. But now our book 75 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: club is with thank you. So we have so much 76 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:43,479 Speaker 1: to discuss. So let's start from the beginning. Child, So 77 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 1: tell us about your upbringing. So born and raised in Brooklyn, um, 78 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 1: but did a lot of them moving around. Um, I 79 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:58,720 Speaker 1: kind of grew up. My mom was like really really rich. 80 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:03,040 Speaker 1: She used to round like a number spot. So like 81 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 1: growing up, like I kind of like didn't really want 82 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: for any thing, like the first couple of years up 83 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:13,560 Speaker 1: until around third grade. Um, and then she she had 84 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 1: got arrested twice and she at the time she didn't 85 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 1: have a green heart or um. And I believe her 86 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,479 Speaker 1: visa was expired at that time. Basically, my mom was 87 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: an immigrant and she was scared that they was going 88 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:27,160 Speaker 1: to ship put back. Um. So she was like, Okay, 89 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do this anymore. And now she had 90 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 1: us moving around went then she was really fill in Utah. 91 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: So we came back and like my fourth and fifth 92 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 1: grade years, Um, we were living in a shelter. Well, 93 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,160 Speaker 1: first to the shelter, we're living at some lady house. 94 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 1: When why did you move to Utah? Like why are Utah? 95 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:54,359 Speaker 1: So she had in Uh, I want to say my 96 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 1: uncle was living out there because mind you, so my 97 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 1: grandmother had thirteen kids. And yeah, so my grandmother like 98 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:08,840 Speaker 1: she birthed thirteen children, and then my grandfather had also 99 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:12,280 Speaker 1: had like ship ton of kids. So I want to 100 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: say this person was my uncle. Because I have so 101 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: many like aunties and uncles. I'll be like in my head, 102 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, are you being uncle? Like are you Like 103 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 1: it's a lot, So I want to say it was 104 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,479 Speaker 1: like an uncle at the time. Um. And then my 105 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:29,120 Speaker 1: family like we're such a wide range of shade colors 106 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 1: and like someone's got green eyes something. So I want 107 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: to say this is my uncle. So the person had 108 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 1: convinced her to move to Utah. Girl, this woman had 109 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 1: us we were Mormon, like she had us get baptized 110 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,920 Speaker 1: in the Mormon religion. Like my mom's a little she's 111 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:46,599 Speaker 1: a little special. When I said, people will be thinking 112 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: I'm joking, I'm like, yeah, I've been almost like every 113 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:54,279 Speaker 1: denomination of Christian faith that there is, Like I've been Pantopostal, Baptist, Catholic, 114 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 1: like she done had us in everything. So yeah, so 115 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:01,360 Speaker 1: my uncle had her who think was oneful, had us 116 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:05,159 Speaker 1: moved to Utah and then we were there and he 117 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: didn't really help her, like, so we lived. So it 118 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,359 Speaker 1: was two of us to me and my younger brother. 119 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: And after a while he was like, yeah, I gotta go, 120 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: like y'all gotta find someplace to be what people are, right, 121 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,240 Speaker 1: I guess, like people don't realize what they signed it 122 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: up for. Yeah, so like it's not just heard that 123 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: you're helping, like you feed in three miles And I remember, 124 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: so I was always quiet and like reserve, Like I 125 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: was really nerdy and yeeky, like I could like to 126 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: sit down and read a dictionary and be fine and 127 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 1: happy in a corner but my brother was very like hyperactive, 128 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 1: so he probably I know, Like it's funny because she 129 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: blames me for a lot of like the hardships in 130 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: her life. But it really be my brother that people 131 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 1: used to complain about, like, oh, he's too hyperactive and 132 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 1: he's making too much noise and it all. So he 133 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:57,080 Speaker 1: ended up kicking us out while we were there, and 134 00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: you were like moving around a lot. One day, girl, 135 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: I was trying to make a grilled cheese, so she 136 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 1: used to leave us in the house for ourselves and 137 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: mind you were like, I'm in like third grade and 138 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 1: he's younger than me by three years. So one day, 139 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: I'm trying to make a grilled cheese. I don't know 140 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 1: how to make a grill cheese. I'll punt the cheese 141 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 1: and the bread into a toaster with like butter on it, 142 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 1: thinking that that's how you make the grilled cheese. It 143 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 1: started like an electrical fire. It was like a whole 144 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:26,120 Speaker 1: big thing. Um and that Yeah, she was like, you 145 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 1: go back to New York because we didn't like, we 146 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:39,680 Speaker 1: didn't know nobody used right. Then we freaking moved back, um. 147 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 1: And she had like she I don't know where she 148 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: met this man. But my mom was also like very 149 00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 1: secretive with her lifestyle, like with her life, like we 150 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:52,920 Speaker 1: don't really know what one hand was doing, like it 151 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,959 Speaker 1: was very strange. So anyway, she had met this man. 152 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: So we move in with this man, and I guess, 153 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,719 Speaker 1: like should go sour with um. This is now we're 154 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,200 Speaker 1: back in New York. I guess she'd go sorrow with them. 155 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 1: And he like fakes in eviction. So yeah, so he 156 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 1: like fakes in eviction. So he like goes on vacation 157 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,440 Speaker 1: quote unquote um and has like his friends put like 158 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: eviction notices on the door, like while he's on vacation. 159 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:25,760 Speaker 1: And I'm doing air quotes for people who can't see. 160 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 1: I know she's doing air quotes, but I'm like what 161 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 1: I'm doing because he's on this vacation y'all. Um, you know, 162 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: the whole time he's talking to y'all, my mouth is open, 163 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 1: Like what niggas, don't you're real road creative, Like you 164 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 1: couldn't just say it's done. It's so fun. I can't 165 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 1: with you and your kids, right, So, and I believe 166 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:53,079 Speaker 1: it was probably like the wintertime too, if I recall correctly. 167 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 1: So we right, so we leave or whatever, and she 168 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 1: had us living in some lady's house, you know, fake 169 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 1: health again, like she had us like no there was 170 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:04,280 Speaker 1: like no heat, no hot water, like no stow for 171 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,079 Speaker 1: us to you. So we was eating like take out 172 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,559 Speaker 1: food every day and just kind of making sure work 173 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 1: before my mom pulled the track and was like all right, 174 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 1: like we need to go to a shelter because it's 175 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,199 Speaker 1: just been working. But the reason we knew that the 176 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:19,680 Speaker 1: the eviction was fake was because like this guy, like 177 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 1: we had like a lot of like family friends and 178 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 1: someone ended up like telling my mom like oh, like 179 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 1: he still looked there like there was like he had 180 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: his friend come up like that fake notice, Like it 181 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 1: wasn't even a real like state noticed that we was 182 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: gonna evicted, Like he just want to jell out, right, 183 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,200 Speaker 1: But before y'all went, before you went to the shelter, 184 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 1: So where was your father during this time? Like did 185 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: he know what was going on? So he did not know? 186 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 1: And the crazy thing is I found out much later 187 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:53,080 Speaker 1: in life, Like I'm like in grad school, I believe 188 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 1: when I like finally like started like learning all this 189 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:59,320 Speaker 1: stuff out about my dad. Um. But this whole time, 190 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 1: I think my father wants like nothing to do with me, 191 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,320 Speaker 1: They don't want to know who I end doesn't really 192 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: care about me. Um. And the whole time I end 193 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: up finding out that he was actually sending her money 194 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 1: for me. And like this man owns like multiple like businesses. 195 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,800 Speaker 1: He owns like multiple supermarkets, like he's like a millionaire 196 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 1: like in America. Um. And then his family like were 197 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: so we're from the Caribbean, Dominican and Haitian like back home, 198 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 1: they owned like a bunch of land, a bunch of businesses, 199 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:31,080 Speaker 1: and apparently like he was like taking care of me financially. 200 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 1: I just never heard about it. Like to me, my 201 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 1: father wasn't ship, my father wasn't around. Um. She used 202 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 1: to kind of like I don't know, I feel like 203 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 1: there was like some type of animosity towards me because 204 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 1: so my so my biological father is one of my 205 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: uncle's best friends. And then so it was a trio. 206 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 1: So it was my uncle my father and then my 207 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:58,960 Speaker 1: younger father's biological father. So this this is like a 208 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:03,600 Speaker 1: trio closest father. Like writ it dies, my mother ends 209 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:07,199 Speaker 1: up cheating on my father while she's pregnant with me 210 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:12,719 Speaker 1: with my little brother's father. My father finds out it's 211 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 1: a whole big ship. End up being like domestic violence 212 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,320 Speaker 1: ends up happening like my father ends up like being 213 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 1: her as um, like trying to cut off for a 214 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 1: year like to show like she did, like yeah, it 215 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 1: was like to signify like you're a cheater, you're like 216 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:27,200 Speaker 1: a disloyal woman. Um. And then that's kind of like 217 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 1: when she's like all right, like I'm done with you 218 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: and they separate, um, and then she ends up this 219 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 1: one is crazy. She ends up like mind you, Like 220 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: my little brother's father is married to like this other woman, 221 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,719 Speaker 1: and like she ends up like continuing the relationship and 222 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,560 Speaker 1: she says she stopped. And then I find out like 223 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,920 Speaker 1: she perfectly got pregnant with my little brother because the 224 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 1: wife kept like pressing her like, oh, why are you 225 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,720 Speaker 1: like sleeping with my man? And she's like, oh, you 226 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 1: want to see me sleeping with your man? And I'm 227 00:12:56,120 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: gonna have a baby. So yeah, and so that for 228 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,439 Speaker 1: a long time I thought my younger brother's father was 229 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 1: my father, but like we didn't look alike, Like there 230 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 1: was just like a lot of like weird things, and 231 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 1: like you could also tell like there wasn't really a 232 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:15,680 Speaker 1: connection with me, the connection was more with my younger brother. Um. 233 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: And it wasn't until later on in life that I 234 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:19,960 Speaker 1: found out like I have a whole different biological father. 235 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,480 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be like a little princess living in 236 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: and she's like keeping him away from me. Um, so wait, 237 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: and you also tell me the realty is your father 238 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:35,920 Speaker 1: and your little brother father were best friends, right they was? 239 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,400 Speaker 1: It was yep, them and my uncle that's friend. And 240 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,719 Speaker 1: I ended up like getting all this information like from 241 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,719 Speaker 1: my uncle like one day, like I was in d 242 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,199 Speaker 1: R and um, like I don't know. I was just 243 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 1: being like like I seen it's a picture and like 244 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,199 Speaker 1: the person looked like me, Like we looked alike, Like 245 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,960 Speaker 1: who is this person? And then he was kind of 246 00:13:55,000 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 1: like yeah, like he was like one of and he 247 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 1: actually he's so he's so actually, Um. He took me 248 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 1: like on a motor cycle ride. He was like, oh, 249 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,560 Speaker 1: we gotta take a ride for this one. And he 250 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,840 Speaker 1: takes me like on a ride. It like tells me 251 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,040 Speaker 1: all this ship and I'm like cursing that. He was like, no, 252 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 1: you know, I took you on the ride. I'm gonna 253 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,960 Speaker 1: leave you in the house. But like I'm literally I 254 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 1: was pregnant with my daughter. When I'm like finding all this, 255 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,080 Speaker 1: like so my emotions and my like I was, but 256 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 1: don't you love I've been with your family though, like 257 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 1: you begetting all the team you'd be like, wait, what happen? Yeah, 258 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: especially when they you know, when they don't want to 259 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 1: tell you, like they'd be like, oh, she didn't tell 260 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,520 Speaker 1: you this, but then they tell you, like tell you. 261 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:45,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, sir, like like would say nothing, Oh my god. 262 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 1: So at this point, y'all are living in the shelter. 263 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 1: So did you realize that you were living in the shelter? 264 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 1: And if so, what was that like as a child, 265 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 1: I think it was like more embarrassing than anything. I 266 00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 1: definitely knew that we were in the shelter because it 267 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: was like a process. So like one random night again 268 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,440 Speaker 1: I don't know why she loved doing ship in the 269 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 1: Quota winter because it was near Christmas time, she like 270 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,760 Speaker 1: takes us to a police precinct and she tells the 271 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: police people like hey, we're homeless, we don't have no 272 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: place to go. Um, and then they drive us to 273 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 1: like this place in the Bronze Um because we're in Brooklyn. 274 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 1: During all this time. Um, they drive us to this 275 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 1: place in le Bronze, and then like it's like you 276 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,880 Speaker 1: have to go through this process. I guess like it 277 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 1: was like a check in process. Um. So that first night, 278 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 1: we're like sleeping on benches, like it's a bunch of 279 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: different families, because it's also different like if you're a 280 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 1: woman with children, you go to somewhere separate. Then if 281 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: you were like single with no children for all, these 282 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 1: people are like families, but we're like sleeping on benches. 283 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 1: And then after that initial night they had to like 284 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 1: stay in like I guess it was like motels for 285 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,640 Speaker 1: a night until you get a placement, and then it's 286 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: like you go to this like I guess like kind 287 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: of like permanent shelter housing and it's like an apartment, 288 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,520 Speaker 1: but like there's a curfew. You can't have like sleepovers, 289 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,840 Speaker 1: you can't sleep out. So I remember like that that's 290 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 1: the time because now I'm in like, yeah, fourth fifth grade, 291 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 1: that's the time people having like sleep over their birthday 292 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 1: parties and stuff. People are trying to take you out, um, 293 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,840 Speaker 1: and I remember like I was always like oh, like no, 294 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,800 Speaker 1: I didn't do that, and like I said, kid, I'd 295 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 1: be like, oh, like I have a curfew, like my 296 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 1: family has a curfew. And then like one day, like 297 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,600 Speaker 1: I guess a girl was hit like she was a 298 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,280 Speaker 1: little older and she was like, oh you loving a 299 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:33,160 Speaker 1: shelter and I remember like do like I was like upset, 300 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:41,760 Speaker 1: like but like she but she like started out because 301 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 1: you can't leave after certain time a tisitha And I 302 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,880 Speaker 1: know because my cousin like so it was like it 303 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,920 Speaker 1: was embarrassing, like as a kid. And then then like 304 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 1: so now you're you're living in this building where it's 305 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 1: like all these people from different backgrounds, and you know, 306 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:59,400 Speaker 1: some people, I feel like they've become homeless just because 307 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: like life just throws it at them. And as some people, 308 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,440 Speaker 1: I feel like it's they make a lot of bad decisions, um, 309 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,880 Speaker 1: and they they're aware that they're making these bad decisions, 310 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,359 Speaker 1: and they just continue. And it's kind of like a 311 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,119 Speaker 1: family thing. Family lineage not always the best. Some of 312 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,680 Speaker 1: these people have like mental health issues. So I remember 313 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 1: my mother again, she's like a single parent at the 314 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:26,200 Speaker 1: time and struggling single parent by choice because my dad 315 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,680 Speaker 1: was offering to help and stuff in but you weren't 316 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,480 Speaker 1: wanting him. Um, so she would like leave us with 317 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:36,199 Speaker 1: like other people's kids. So I remember, like I'm in 318 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,879 Speaker 1: elementary school and she leaves me with like this boy 319 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,439 Speaker 1: that's in high school and and like he ended up 320 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:47,360 Speaker 1: like molesting me. Um, and she I feel like she 321 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 1: knew because a lot of people in my family, like 322 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,800 Speaker 1: they have like these dreams when like think when bad 323 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,440 Speaker 1: things happen, they have these dreams. And she's always been 324 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:59,000 Speaker 1: very on point with her dreams. And I feel like 325 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 1: she would just like these little comments. And I was 326 00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:04,120 Speaker 1: scared because at the time, the boy was like, oh 327 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 1: you tell anyone, Um, you know, I'm gonna get you, 328 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna kill you and your family, dada da, 329 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,280 Speaker 1: and like in my like fourth I was probably a 330 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,040 Speaker 1: fifth grade. Yeah, I was just scared. I'm scared. Yeah, 331 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 1: And so I'm really I'm like, I'm I'm gonna shut up. 332 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,639 Speaker 1: And in my head, I was like, because it was 333 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 1: it was monstation, not rape, I was like, it could 334 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,800 Speaker 1: have been worse, Like in my little brain, so did 335 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,480 Speaker 1: you know what it was? You knew what being molested? 336 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,320 Speaker 1: Rape wasn't at that age. So at that age, I 337 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,679 Speaker 1: didn't like those words. I didn't know like that act. 338 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:41,159 Speaker 1: So basically he just had me like touching his penis 339 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 1: and he was like rubbing his penis like on my face. Um. So, 340 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,440 Speaker 1: like I knew because my mother had already spoken to 341 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,600 Speaker 1: me about sex and what like penetration was, because she 342 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,760 Speaker 1: she was like, oh, like you could get pregnant. She 343 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 1: didn't have like a I guess, the normal sex talk 344 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 1: with me. She was just like, you can get pregnant. 345 00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:01,120 Speaker 1: Don't let anyone sit the penis in you. In my head, 346 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:04,920 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well he didn't do that. Um, 347 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,399 Speaker 1: but I knew it was wrong because he had threatened me. 348 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 1: Mm hm. So I think I've also always been that 349 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 1: type of person, Like if maybe if he wouldn't have 350 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,720 Speaker 1: threatened me, I would have been like, oh, like this 351 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,199 Speaker 1: is normal, like this is all right. But because he 352 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,919 Speaker 1: threatened me, I was like, Okay, whatever you're doing to 353 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: me right now is not okay. So what thank you? 354 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:26,400 Speaker 1: Why do you feel like she kind of knew because 355 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 1: she just would make like comments like oh, you probably 356 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: think you're a woman, and like just like just strange 357 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 1: comments that wouldn't make sense to say to it elementary 358 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:43,160 Speaker 1: like a girl in elementary school. And again, like I 359 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:47,840 Speaker 1: wasn't promiscuous like I wasn't how they was a kid, 360 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,119 Speaker 1: you know, I was a kid. Um and even how 361 00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 1: as I say that, it's crazy that people ever can 362 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 1: call like when people be calling girls fast and so 363 00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 1: I'm like their children, like what are you really talking 364 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:03,000 Speaker 1: about right now? Um? But yeah, I think you're back. 365 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,200 Speaker 1: Like I used to be like a tomboy, Like I 366 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,439 Speaker 1: used to wear baggy ass clothes. And I remember she 367 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,359 Speaker 1: used to like try to wear like have me where 368 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 1: like quote unquote girly clothes like tighter jeans and lagians 369 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:17,360 Speaker 1: and stuff like that, like types and stuff. Um, and 370 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,040 Speaker 1: I remember I like I used to cry like no, 371 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:20,880 Speaker 1: I don't want to wear that that that. So it's 372 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,720 Speaker 1: like it was very weird that she would like make 373 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:26,360 Speaker 1: those comments to me. But like fast forward, like as 374 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,760 Speaker 1: an adult, she like blames me because I did end 375 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 1: up unfortunately like getting raped run I was in middle school. Um, 376 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,199 Speaker 1: and she my my cousin told her, like because I 377 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:38,760 Speaker 1: kept it to myself, I was like, she's not going 378 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,439 Speaker 1: to help me because she had also but she has 379 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,399 Speaker 1: sent me to like a CS like it was just 380 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,639 Speaker 1: a whole bunch of ship happening. Um. So then my 381 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,679 Speaker 1: cousin like I think she was talking to my aunt 382 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,320 Speaker 1: and my cousin was like, like, do you know what 383 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,120 Speaker 1: she's gone through? Like so my cousin starts like yelling 384 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,199 Speaker 1: at her and telling her all that ship and my 385 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 1: mom basically tells her, well, that's her fault. Um, So 386 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: she kind of I feel like she's kind of always 387 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:06,399 Speaker 1: just like try to meet anything like sexual mindfault and 388 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,879 Speaker 1: I don't really know why. She's probably gone through something 389 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,439 Speaker 1: like now like psychologists bringing me. I'm like, you probably 390 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,919 Speaker 1: went through some ship and nobody protected you, so you 391 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,040 Speaker 1: didn't really know how to protect me. Um, And I'm 392 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,439 Speaker 1: not okay, but you know what, or you make a 393 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:24,120 Speaker 1: good point? Where is uh? So she thinks she came 394 00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: out okay and she survived. She know you the same right, 395 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,280 Speaker 1: And it's just like not be like I could have 396 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,199 Speaker 1: went the complete opposite way. Like sometimes when I like 397 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:38,200 Speaker 1: compare myself, I'm jumping around here, but like sometimes when 398 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,119 Speaker 1: I compare myself to like people that was like in 399 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 1: the same set as me, Um, we don't all like 400 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,520 Speaker 1: we have resiliency looks different and so many different people. 401 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 1: So my resiliency was like getting my ass out to 402 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,560 Speaker 1: Hood's not really I'm still living in the hood, but 403 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:57,520 Speaker 1: like getting an education the bground, y'all. We've recording those zooms. 404 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 1: I see the kitchen, I think the family don't look 405 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:08,720 Speaker 1: good to me. I'm just saying some blue furniture child 406 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:14,120 Speaker 1: don't look good the neighborhood food. You are the story, y'all. 407 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:20,439 Speaker 1: I don't think she but what do I know? My 408 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:25,680 Speaker 1: friends are having cat yet, so maybe I'm hating. I'm 409 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 1: so in the middle of Brooklyn Yard. I just I'm 410 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:33,359 Speaker 1: an aesthetic queen. I like everything to be aesthetically appealing. 411 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 1: So I could bearly in the middle of a podcast, 412 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,920 Speaker 1: but it's gonna feel like roty and a bitch. So 413 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,280 Speaker 1: oh but yeah, so but like just looking at them 414 00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 1: and like some of them like like there's like there's 415 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,240 Speaker 1: people like in their thirties still game bang game like 416 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 1: like that thinks that should is like cool and okay, 417 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,640 Speaker 1: um so, but like that's how they know how to survive. 418 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,320 Speaker 1: Um so, residency really looks differently. I forgot how we 419 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:04,639 Speaker 1: got here. But yeah, so you make a good point. 420 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,640 Speaker 1: Um So I want to say that I'm just so 421 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,359 Speaker 1: sorry that I heard um that you went through everything 422 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:13,520 Speaker 1: as far as like me and Raven molested. And I 423 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 1: remember when I first met you in your book club 424 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,439 Speaker 1: and I was telling our met for a friend. I 425 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: was like, yo, who is she? I am so intrigued 426 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:21,200 Speaker 1: by her, like I want to learn more about her 427 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,480 Speaker 1: and all this other stuff. So I really appreciate she 428 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,880 Speaker 1: sharing your story. Thank you. It was funny. I saw 429 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 1: him recently. I was like, why you been hiding Like 430 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 1: I'm not for years, in years and years, I'm like, 431 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,320 Speaker 1: why you hiding her? And he was like, oh, like 432 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,439 Speaker 1: I don't know, Like he was really like I don't know, 433 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:42,399 Speaker 1: like I just don't make it right, like that's a 434 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,119 Speaker 1: lie because I'm met all your male friends, like I 435 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 1: know all your male beds friends. I like, I don't 436 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 1: want to hear it um. And then I was telling him. 437 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,040 Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I spoke to her and 438 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,200 Speaker 1: I was telling her like all this really traumatic ship 439 00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,280 Speaker 1: and like it's something about her energy because typically when 440 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 1: I talk about this stuff, like my boys be cracking all. 441 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 1: Bobby got started trying and like, I don't know why, 442 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,440 Speaker 1: but there was just something about you, like I could 443 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:08,000 Speaker 1: just say the ship, release it and it's just like 444 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: like I feel it, like I feel it inside, but 445 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 1: it's like I could still kind of maintain composure. So 446 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, she's special, like I like cloths, 447 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,639 Speaker 1: Like I'm going to keep in contact with her because 448 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: I like her energy, her vibes, like she's had a 449 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:23,480 Speaker 1: calming energy to her. Thank you, y'all. I was on 450 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 1: for like two hours talking about all types of ship 451 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:31,080 Speaker 1: back first time. On the third oh, like we were 452 00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 1: talking about everything, y'all like it. It went from this 453 00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:37,160 Speaker 1: conversation like us getting to know each other to like spirituality, 454 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:44,399 Speaker 1: signing contracts and it was yeah, over now in middle school, 455 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 1: you were introduced to gang life in seventh grade? Tell 456 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:52,840 Speaker 1: us about that. Yeah, so so yeah, so now we're 457 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,840 Speaker 1: out the shelter. Um she has found like permanent housing. 458 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,080 Speaker 1: The shelter was in Brownville. Now we have like permanent 459 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,560 Speaker 1: housing and each New York um. But I was still 460 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:05,040 Speaker 1: going to school and Flatbush in the Flapush area. So 461 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:13,119 Speaker 1: girl like all this that's when my grandma lived at 462 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:18,120 Speaker 1: the Brownsville Yeah she like you do remember that that 463 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:22,960 Speaker 1: power outage? Yeah, girl, bro, I thought I was living 464 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:24,760 Speaker 1: in the bill Like we're in the shelter during that 465 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:30,439 Speaker 1: power outage, and like niggas was working wallet wallet and 466 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,160 Speaker 1: like I'm a little kid, like now people body bust 467 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,360 Speaker 1: into this house, like we don't know abody bust into 468 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:40,560 Speaker 1: this house, Like people are wallet anyways. So yeah, so 469 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 1: now we're living in East York, um, and I'm going 470 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,080 Speaker 1: to school and flat Bush mind you, like I'm like 471 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 1: in a gifted program, Like I'm like in this class 472 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 1: like smart kids. Um, but I still feel like I'm 473 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 1: not I'm not really being change and all this stuff 474 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,479 Speaker 1: is like I'm figuring this out as an adult, Like 475 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 1: why was I like this? Like why was I always 476 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,400 Speaker 1: cut in school? Why was I never in flas? All? 477 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,119 Speaker 1: Was I was always doing all this stuff? And I 478 00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 1: realized like, oh, I just wasn't being challenged, like because 479 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,000 Speaker 1: I used to finish my work real fast and then 480 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,480 Speaker 1: be bored Like so now I'm starting in trouble. So 481 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,360 Speaker 1: I ended up like meeting. So I used to chill 482 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,240 Speaker 1: with like the older kids a lot, just because like 483 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 1: the kids my age, I feel like they were like 484 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,560 Speaker 1: super immature. They didn't really get it. I'm like, y'are 485 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 1: not like raising your little brother, like what do you know? 486 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,840 Speaker 1: So I'm kind of like snoughty about it. Um. So 487 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:27,679 Speaker 1: I used to really talk to the older kids. So 488 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: I end up meeting a bunch of the kids, um 489 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,199 Speaker 1: in mainstream that's what we used to call it. So 490 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,480 Speaker 1: it's like mainstream, and I guess like the special ed kids. 491 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,000 Speaker 1: So those are all the kids who weren't in the 492 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:41,479 Speaker 1: gifted classes, but those kids were typically like a bit older. UM. 493 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,359 Speaker 1: So I started like hanging out with them, and then 494 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 1: I get introduced to this guy who's in high school, um, 495 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 1: and he's in a gang. Um he's prip or whatever. 496 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,879 Speaker 1: And so we end up rocking like we saw it 497 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,119 Speaker 1: or whatever, and I become his blue pearl. And a 498 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:00,560 Speaker 1: blue pearl is basically like someone that's crip, like like 499 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:05,880 Speaker 1: they're wifey basically. Um. And then so I'm like so 500 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 1: like I'm like me and this thing is like attached, 501 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,000 Speaker 1: like wherever he go, I go, wherever I go, he 502 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:15,080 Speaker 1: goes type things. UM. So like one day, like he 503 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 1: leaves me with his boys or whatever, and a lot 504 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,880 Speaker 1: of people they think like, oh, they see a girl 505 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,880 Speaker 1: with a bunch of guys, like she's a smart she's 506 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,359 Speaker 1: the whole whatever the case is, um, or she's for 507 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,560 Speaker 1: the team. So like some dude have like tried it, 508 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,679 Speaker 1: So I like I punched them in the face, like, 509 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:32,680 Speaker 1: so I'm like, oh, like, you're not about to talk 510 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,439 Speaker 1: about me like that, not in front of me. And 511 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,800 Speaker 1: just because my man left, you thought like like you 512 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,639 Speaker 1: thought this was gonna be a thing. Um. So the 513 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,920 Speaker 1: boy like hits me back. So we start like Brooklyn Sufflin. 514 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:47,440 Speaker 1: I lose that fight because like I'm a scrawny little 515 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 1: girl like um. But like the other people like in 516 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,720 Speaker 1: the set, they was like, oh, like you're about it, 517 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 1: like you have a heart um like, and there wasn't 518 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: like a lot of girls in this set, so feels 519 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,480 Speaker 1: like not we need you. So I ended up playing 520 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,159 Speaker 1: the square or whatever. Um. And that's like basically when 521 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:10,320 Speaker 1: you get jumped in um. And then I became like, 522 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:16,240 Speaker 1: remember was I scared when you got jumped in? Or 523 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,560 Speaker 1: what did you like? Would you like, oh, she like 524 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:23,640 Speaker 1: it's about to go down ah, because it was like 525 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,639 Speaker 1: I know certain things we're not gonna go too deep into. Yeah. 526 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:31,440 Speaker 1: It was like definitely like what four people A gives 527 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:36,119 Speaker 1: you six? Six six people agaves you like, so I 528 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,680 Speaker 1: had six and remember there's no like there were at 529 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,600 Speaker 1: that time, I want to say, there was only three 530 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 1: other girls. So it was three girls and then they 531 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:49,040 Speaker 1: picked the three smallest guys. Um, I want to say, 532 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,760 Speaker 1: I feel like I was scared, but also like my 533 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:55,840 Speaker 1: adrenaline was Russian, like I think I was more I was. 534 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 1: So I was like very like because people used to 535 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,800 Speaker 1: be like, yo, you're so pretty. Why you do all 536 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,480 Speaker 1: this ship? You're so pretty? So I was really like, yeo, 537 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,400 Speaker 1: what they sunk up my face? Like that was my 538 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 1: main Like I don't think I was scared about nothing else. 539 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:08,800 Speaker 1: It's just like, y'all, I hope they don't sunk up 540 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:11,000 Speaker 1: my face. I think that was like my real thing. 541 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,120 Speaker 1: And then with the adrenaline, it's just like so I know, 542 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,880 Speaker 1: you have to show that you can, like you can 543 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,120 Speaker 1: like you're not going to cry, You're not gonna break down. 544 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,720 Speaker 1: So like I had all that kind of like going 545 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:25,600 Speaker 1: for me. So I think it was just too many 546 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:31,800 Speaker 1: emotions all at once. Um, yeah, definitely. And then honestly, 547 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,840 Speaker 1: in that moment it felt super super long. But afterwards 548 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 1: I was like like, I don't even I don't remember 549 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 1: half the ship. I know there was one like they 550 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 1: was hitting me man hard, but like I don't know, 551 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,600 Speaker 1: Like afterwards, I'm like, oh, like that wasn't terrible terrible. 552 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,120 Speaker 1: I used to see worse like they used to like 553 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 1: picture up hit people. But like I used to see 554 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,680 Speaker 1: some ship. I was like, oh, I feel like they 555 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 1: weren't even on me. I ain't gonna front like I 556 00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,160 Speaker 1: feel like they weren't a little easy on me. Listen 557 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,720 Speaker 1: when we were talking to y'all, I tell her if 558 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:06,240 Speaker 1: something go down, I got my money on her because 559 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:12,200 Speaker 1: I'm like listening, They ain't No way, did I tell 560 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,200 Speaker 1: you when when she told me she was in the gang, 561 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 1: I said it was crip, wasn't It was like and 562 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 1: I say, because every Crip I know is mad intellectual. 563 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,960 Speaker 1: And I was telling you, I'm like, yo, people be 564 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,360 Speaker 1: thinking we'd be having these meetings like so we have 565 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,440 Speaker 1: like meetings where you have to meet up and just 566 00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,320 Speaker 1: talk about like different missions that we got to go 567 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,200 Speaker 1: to and stuff like that, or if you do something wrong, 568 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,160 Speaker 1: like you have to hit the square and stuff like that. 569 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,880 Speaker 1: So but I was telling how I was like, you know, 570 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,080 Speaker 1: we wasn't really on the horship like we would be 571 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,560 Speaker 1: talking about like business and politics, and we're talking about 572 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,600 Speaker 1: like being like having our third I opened like I'm 573 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:56,080 Speaker 1: telling you, like me really used to like that into 574 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,960 Speaker 1: these talk about conspiracy theories, Like I'm like people beating 575 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:01,920 Speaker 1: think that we're just talking about like drugs and guns 576 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 1: and stuff. I'm like not not at all, Like because 577 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:08,440 Speaker 1: he's recommended bok toe each other, like crip that was 578 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,880 Speaker 1: not woke. Every crip I met is like like it's 579 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 1: a different level of wokens. Yes, it's And then I 580 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:20,360 Speaker 1: don't really know that many m blood people, but I 581 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,800 Speaker 1: feel like it's the ViBe's not the same. Like I'm like, oh, 582 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:24,960 Speaker 1: y'all be on your ratchet ship, like I want to 583 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 1: party and bullshit. Right? Is it true that in most 584 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:34,240 Speaker 1: gangs some of the girls get sucked in? So it's 585 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:40,560 Speaker 1: it's twofold, right, So girls do get quote unquote in, 586 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,760 Speaker 1: but the girls who get sucked in typically the people, 587 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:47,959 Speaker 1: like the people within the set. You don't consider that 588 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,880 Speaker 1: person all part of the game. So that's like a 589 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,640 Speaker 1: tactic that some of the guys used just to run 590 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: a train on girls. Um, And that's actually, Um, that's 591 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 1: see how I ended up getting sexually assaulted like in 592 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:06,480 Speaker 1: middle school. Um. Because so when you do something wrong, 593 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:11,400 Speaker 1: like you have to hit the square and I just 594 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:16,440 Speaker 1: so it's just basically like you have to fight um, 595 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:18,160 Speaker 1: and they give you a certain number of people that 596 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 1: you have to fight, and the certain amount of time 597 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:24,160 Speaker 1: ranges from three to six minutes, um, depending on what 598 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 1: game you are, Um, well what set you're in, Like 599 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:30,400 Speaker 1: every set has like their own set of rules. UM. 600 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 1: So yeah, so that's just what hitting the square is, 601 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:39,040 Speaker 1: just fighting. Um But yeah, so basically those girls they're 602 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 1: not really in that, like they just become the sets 603 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,480 Speaker 1: kind of like there their person to have sex with, 604 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:51,280 Speaker 1: Like they take advantage those girls. Um. So the set 605 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,320 Speaker 1: that I was in that wasn't allowed. There was no 606 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:56,240 Speaker 1: such thing as getting sucked in. Um. And then there 607 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:59,400 Speaker 1: actually was a girl who kind of sluck with everyone 608 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,320 Speaker 1: in the set, but she could fight. Like that bitch 609 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:03,960 Speaker 1: still hit the square like she sucked everyone, but that's 610 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,560 Speaker 1: not how she got into the set, Like she just 611 00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:11,240 Speaker 1: ended up also sucking everyone. That was just her prerogative. Um. 612 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,800 Speaker 1: But yeah, that's definitely a thing. But that's actually like 613 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:15,760 Speaker 1: it's like a misconception, Like a lot of people think 614 00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 1: like that's the only way that girls get in And 615 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:21,200 Speaker 1: I was like, well, actually, like those girls typically aren't 616 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,840 Speaker 1: considered a part of the set, like they're just they're 617 00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:27,440 Speaker 1: like groupies. Mm hmmm. What would you say are some 618 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 1: other misconceptions of of being in the game, Because I 619 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,320 Speaker 1: feel like, you know, I'm not trying to glamorize the 620 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:38,160 Speaker 1: gang culture book. We both know that when games were 621 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:42,040 Speaker 1: first started, it was to protect the community. Yes, it 622 00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:46,760 Speaker 1: surely was. It surely was, um and not to glamorize 623 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 1: it either. But honestly, it was the only family I had, 624 00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 1: like growing up like around that age, like I didn't 625 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:58,920 Speaker 1: really have anyone in like my immediate blood family who 626 00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,760 Speaker 1: would protect me if something was to go left. Um, 627 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:08,000 Speaker 1: So I provided that sense of protection. Um. It provided 628 00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,320 Speaker 1: I don't know, like a safe haven like whenever ship 629 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,120 Speaker 1: went wrong, even like emotionally, like you could tap into 630 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 1: people in your set. Um. I remember my mom had 631 00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:26,160 Speaker 1: kicked me out, and like like they would take me 632 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,160 Speaker 1: to like churches to eat. Like they'd be like, oh, 633 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,520 Speaker 1: this church, there's like hot meals, and they would take 634 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,400 Speaker 1: me there, or they will take me to like their 635 00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:39,920 Speaker 1: grandma's house. Like. Um, the people that I've met, like 636 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:42,839 Speaker 1: I said, I had closer relationships like with them and 637 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,879 Speaker 1: their families than I think anyone else that I've ever met, 638 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,840 Speaker 1: like and been friends with. Oh, it was just like 639 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:54,200 Speaker 1: really interconnected, like it was really community. Um. And I 640 00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,520 Speaker 1: want to say, like I don't know, we just also 641 00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,960 Speaker 1: like really held each other accountable, like you knew you 642 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,400 Speaker 1: would have to hit the square if you did some 643 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:04,319 Speaker 1: ship wrong, Like you had to be loyal. There was 644 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:08,280 Speaker 1: no such thing as being disroyal. Um. Like I remember 645 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,919 Speaker 1: the first time I got locked up, Like the first 646 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 1: time I went to Julie, I didn't even do ship. 647 00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:15,920 Speaker 1: Like the dude I was with had robbed somebody. I thought, 648 00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,879 Speaker 1: silly bee was like I'm gonna stay on the block, 649 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:21,600 Speaker 1: like I robbed him. Um. The boy had came around 650 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,120 Speaker 1: um with the police and he had like pointing me out, 651 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,160 Speaker 1: like oh she was with him, and they took me 652 00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:30,080 Speaker 1: in and like I I didn't say a word. Um. 653 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:33,040 Speaker 1: But like just having someone that's that that that is 654 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:37,080 Speaker 1: that loyal to you, I feel like I don't know. 655 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,120 Speaker 1: But then again, like as an adult now like that's 656 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:43,000 Speaker 1: a little toxic um. But at that time, like I said, yeah, 657 00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,320 Speaker 1: like no one should be that loyal, Like I'm sorry, 658 00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:50,040 Speaker 1: like you putting you putting yourself on the line for 659 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:54,160 Speaker 1: somebody else, um, but somebody for somebody else's bad decision 660 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:55,920 Speaker 1: at that it's not even like this was like a 661 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,200 Speaker 1: good like no, like they just stow somebody's falling or 662 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,839 Speaker 1: whatever cas is um m. But yeah, I don't know. 663 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:05,120 Speaker 1: It was just like real close knit. And I feel 664 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:08,239 Speaker 1: like the reason why people join these gangs is because 665 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:12,200 Speaker 1: they're looking for that connection with somebody. Right, do you 666 00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:23,040 Speaker 1: ever miss it? Uh? I don't, Yes, and no, I 667 00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:26,680 Speaker 1: don't miss being in a gang. But I missed my people, 668 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:31,000 Speaker 1: like because they not thought they wrote me off like 669 00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:35,719 Speaker 1: we got the um, but they really was like so 670 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:40,840 Speaker 1: I got sent away? Oh don't okay, all right, but 671 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:42,880 Speaker 1: all right, So I'm just gonna say that I just 672 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:44,960 Speaker 1: missed the people because they can't they let me go 673 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,000 Speaker 1: um And I was just like, dang, y'all letting me go? 674 00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:52,640 Speaker 1: Like yeah, not like I think like y'all, like y'are 675 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,840 Speaker 1: really extant communication, Like I don't I feel like an 676 00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:58,440 Speaker 1: Amish person, you know, like person get kicked out of 677 00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:03,239 Speaker 1: their community. They're like you're you're like okay, So we're 678 00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:05,680 Speaker 1: gonna talk about that part then, because that comes out 679 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,879 Speaker 1: to another part of y'all story. Y'all, y'all would think 680 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:13,040 Speaker 1: this girl was like pushing forty like you got mad 681 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:16,600 Speaker 1: like is she not even dirty? Ye, which is crazy? 682 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:20,359 Speaker 1: But what was the role that you play and being 683 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,560 Speaker 1: in the game, because I know you was with the ship. 684 00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:28,239 Speaker 1: I was with this ship all the fucking time a 685 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:34,000 Speaker 1: little bit too often, um so. And I wasn't even 686 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:35,600 Speaker 1: in it for that long. I was really just in 687 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:39,520 Speaker 1: it from seven to like tenth grade. Um so like 688 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,799 Speaker 1: telling you like three years. Um. But like I used 689 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,920 Speaker 1: to do like a lot of missions. So um the 690 00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:48,160 Speaker 1: boys really did, I want to say, like the quote 691 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:53,680 Speaker 1: unquote like dangerous work like actually selling stuff. Um. Actually, 692 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,839 Speaker 1: like they would actually like you know, have weapons and 693 00:37:57,120 --> 00:38:00,160 Speaker 1: using them. Um. I feel like I was more. They 694 00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:01,919 Speaker 1: always used to say, like I do too much because 695 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,600 Speaker 1: I would always be like I'm not jumping nobody, so 696 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,319 Speaker 1: like if someone has to hit the square, I would 697 00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:08,359 Speaker 1: participate in squares, but like if we had to like 698 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:11,879 Speaker 1: fight someone outside of this set, like people would jump 699 00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:13,759 Speaker 1: people and like no, like we're fighting one on one, 700 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,520 Speaker 1: Like if I can't handle this person one on one, 701 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,000 Speaker 1: like that's a problem, would be like, oh, you do 702 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,520 Speaker 1: too much, You've got too many rules that um So 703 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:25,480 Speaker 1: I remember like that. Um But basically, like I used 704 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,280 Speaker 1: to like hold weight for the boys, because like girls 705 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,200 Speaker 1: didn't like we didn't really get searched this, we didn't 706 00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:34,759 Speaker 1: really get stopped like during that stopping frisk error. Um. Yeah, 707 00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,160 Speaker 1: so like I could get away and like I was 708 00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,640 Speaker 1: also one of the younger people because I was still 709 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:42,479 Speaker 1: in middle school at the time. Um, so I could 710 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,520 Speaker 1: like move around the hood and nobody would like really 711 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,680 Speaker 1: look twice at me. Um. I don't remember. At one 712 00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:49,560 Speaker 1: point my mom had kicked me out, like I was 713 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,360 Speaker 1: like living in the Trap house. So like I was 714 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:57,200 Speaker 1: like kind of like I had like this, I was 715 00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,200 Speaker 1: talking to any about this, like how I'm so good 716 00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,920 Speaker 1: at like helping entrepreneurs that kind of figure their ship out, 717 00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:04,520 Speaker 1: but I can't give it for myself. So I remember 718 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:07,160 Speaker 1: like I used to like put systems in place like 719 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:09,960 Speaker 1: at the Trap like like oh, like we need to 720 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,920 Speaker 1: do it this way because it will run smoother and 721 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:15,480 Speaker 1: tod of that. And I remember like the Big Homies um, 722 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:18,320 Speaker 1: and that's just like a title like they got the 723 00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,719 Speaker 1: Foot Soldiers, A Little Homies, Big Homies, O GS and 724 00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:23,680 Speaker 1: all that. So um, like I don remember like the 725 00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:27,560 Speaker 1: Big Homies would be like like you're smart, like you're young, 726 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:29,880 Speaker 1: but you got this, Like so they would like really 727 00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:33,319 Speaker 1: sit there and listen to me. Um. So I feel 728 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:36,480 Speaker 1: like I was more like doing like logistics. And I 729 00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:38,960 Speaker 1: guess like in terms of missions, that was really doing 730 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:42,520 Speaker 1: more like holding shipped down and like deliberate stuff rather 731 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:46,839 Speaker 1: than doing like dirty dirty work. I guess yeah. And 732 00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,640 Speaker 1: then of course if the guys got into an issue 733 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,520 Speaker 1: with a female, they just sent my ask to go 734 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,960 Speaker 1: handle it. Right. Do you ever think about all the 735 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,759 Speaker 1: bitches you beat up all the time? So when some 736 00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,719 Speaker 1: he tries me now, like as an adult, I just 737 00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:05,000 Speaker 1: looked at them. I'll be like I can fuck your 738 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:06,960 Speaker 1: shut up right now. Like I just like with the 739 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,200 Speaker 1: fingers that are like in my head, I'm like, suck 740 00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:13,200 Speaker 1: your ship up right now, um or like or sometimes 741 00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:16,280 Speaker 1: I get scared. So I don't know how many times, 742 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:19,120 Speaker 1: like I've like walked down the block and like I'll 743 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,839 Speaker 1: see like I'll see girls who look like me when 744 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,360 Speaker 1: I was growing up, like with a bunch of guys 745 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:27,920 Speaker 1: like looking like they, and yeah, and I'm like, do 746 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:29,720 Speaker 1: I still got it? Like if this little bit trying 747 00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:31,719 Speaker 1: me right now, like do I still got it? So 748 00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,920 Speaker 1: I'll be thinking about that. I'm like I used to 749 00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:36,719 Speaker 1: suck some bitches up. When I was younger, I was like, 750 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:40,359 Speaker 1: I don't know if I still got it. Um, So 751 00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:44,040 Speaker 1: like a little stuff like that, I will think about um. 752 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:46,680 Speaker 1: But I actually discussed this in book club because we're 753 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,000 Speaker 1: talking about like, um, violence now and how it shows 754 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,120 Speaker 1: up for us, especially if you like live like with 755 00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,799 Speaker 1: a childhood that I was really violent, and like how 756 00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:59,120 Speaker 1: that shows up now. And that's sometimes like my first 757 00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,319 Speaker 1: solution to ship is I should suck some shut up. 758 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:04,280 Speaker 1: I don't because I'm grown, I'm healed. While I'm healing, 759 00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:08,160 Speaker 1: you're always healing. Um. But yeah, I definitely be like, yeah, 760 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,280 Speaker 1: I used to put yourself in my day, like, don't 761 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:15,799 Speaker 1: in my head. I can't say when I'll be in 762 00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:20,400 Speaker 1: like meetings. Don't somebody trying me? I like you know 763 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,120 Speaker 1: that said that. When I be on the train and 764 00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,600 Speaker 1: I see if I see a bit just kind of suss, 765 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:28,120 Speaker 1: I was thinking, like, yo, like what's my plan, because 766 00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,520 Speaker 1: like I need to because sometimes you know, bits will 767 00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,000 Speaker 1: size you up and then it'd be bigger bitches than you. 768 00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,799 Speaker 1: So I didn't I'll be having my keys in my head. 769 00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,359 Speaker 1: I would like, yo, bitch, you need to make sure 770 00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,040 Speaker 1: you got it. Like the little bit run up on 771 00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:42,719 Speaker 1: you because these but just gonna sucking try you. They 772 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:46,640 Speaker 1: well they surely surely will. I don't play with me 773 00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:50,000 Speaker 1: though I haven't, like God, please use these hesh child, 774 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:54,440 Speaker 1: but something that's good to know. And I learned this 775 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,920 Speaker 1: as they kids. So I do not matter. No, I 776 00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,239 Speaker 1: don't do not matter as long as you know what 777 00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:02,239 Speaker 1: you're doing. Do not matter. Because eventually at a certain 778 00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:04,080 Speaker 1: point I was I'm not gonna say I was sucking 779 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,000 Speaker 1: every nigger up like that I got into a fight 780 00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:07,799 Speaker 1: with at some point, like I could get the upper 781 00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,520 Speaker 1: hand on the guy and like people be like people 782 00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:12,839 Speaker 1: would automatically just assume because they're a guy, they would 783 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:15,799 Speaker 1: like kept upper hands. But like once because they so 784 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,160 Speaker 1: during meeting, it's like they would show like I had 785 00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:20,400 Speaker 1: slap box in and stuff like showing people how to 786 00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:25,000 Speaker 1: throw their hands. Um. So yeah, at a certain point, 787 00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:28,120 Speaker 1: I was like, I who drive to meet up like 788 00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:32,680 Speaker 1: once a week. Girl. It really all dependent sometimes it 789 00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:39,560 Speaker 1: it's all like after school like like sometimes like sometimes 790 00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:41,239 Speaker 1: it was like three times a week, more times of 791 00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:44,160 Speaker 1: the week, every day, and like sometimes it wasn't even 792 00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:45,960 Speaker 1: like we had to do like a real being like 793 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:48,160 Speaker 1: nibe just wanted to chill with each other and connect. 794 00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:52,640 Speaker 1: Um but yeah, girl, it was like having a job. 795 00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,399 Speaker 1: Feel like you gotta clocking to clock out. You're gonna 796 00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,000 Speaker 1: get in trouble with your super but if you don't 797 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:02,839 Speaker 1: show up. Like so, you were arrested twice as a 798 00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:07,400 Speaker 1: kid and once as an adult. As a kid, we 799 00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:09,560 Speaker 1: know the one charge when the when the guy snitched 800 00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,319 Speaker 1: on you and said he was with your what the 801 00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:15,239 Speaker 1: other guy? Remember? Yeah, so that was for robbery and 802 00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:20,080 Speaker 1: the second time was also for robbery. Um and looking 803 00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:22,359 Speaker 1: back on this ship, it was stupid. So I had 804 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:25,919 Speaker 1: this guy, Um he kind of like took me on 805 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:28,880 Speaker 1: like as like I guess I was like his mentee, 806 00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:32,000 Speaker 1: I guess. Um so, but he was like older, like 807 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,360 Speaker 1: he was much older than everyone. Um So at the 808 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,680 Speaker 1: time I didn't realize that the show wasn't okay. But 809 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,600 Speaker 1: he was working with like girls in high school. Um 810 00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:46,400 Speaker 1: and he had got like huh, he was older. He 811 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:50,719 Speaker 1: was older like he was he was probably like mid twenties. 812 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:55,480 Speaker 1: He was probably like twenty six. Yeah, um so, because 813 00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:59,839 Speaker 1: remember like these getting like you're old. G's pretty old 814 00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:05,840 Speaker 1: like typically um so, yeah, so he was working within 815 00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:08,239 Speaker 1: and then again who looked at who he's around, like 816 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,319 Speaker 1: people in his set are I'm in middle school and 817 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,560 Speaker 1: like my boyfriend was in high school, so like these 818 00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,759 Speaker 1: kids are young. So anyways, and then the boys would 819 00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:19,920 Speaker 1: bring these girls from their school around. So he was 820 00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:23,360 Speaker 1: working with these high school girls and at the time, like, 821 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:25,680 Speaker 1: I don't sucking no no better and I really feel 822 00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:29,080 Speaker 1: bad about this ship now. Um, but he was working 823 00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,600 Speaker 1: with this girl. The girl told her mom that like 824 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:33,680 Speaker 1: he was old or whatever the case is. He ends 825 00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:37,120 Speaker 1: up getting arrested and he like calls me from jail 826 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,640 Speaker 1: and he's like, like, you gotta gotta do something to her, 827 00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:43,839 Speaker 1: and I'm I'm just following orders. I'm like I bet 828 00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,279 Speaker 1: so I ended up like sucking her up and like 829 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:48,080 Speaker 1: robbing her, like I just made it seem like it 830 00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:52,880 Speaker 1: was like a like a robbery. Um. And then so me, 831 00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:55,239 Speaker 1: I didn't get caught that week, I ended again caught 832 00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:59,520 Speaker 1: like a month later because my damba, I'm always you 833 00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,000 Speaker 1: really like it's funny because in the book we're reading, 834 00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,360 Speaker 1: we talked about like how this guy feels like he's invincible, 835 00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:06,600 Speaker 1: like they just be walking like they could have shot 836 00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,759 Speaker 1: you yesterday, and you want the same block the next day. 837 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,040 Speaker 1: For me, I had just sucked this bitch up last month, 838 00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:15,160 Speaker 1: wobbed her, and I was back on the block like 839 00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,839 Speaker 1: a month later, just chilling, hanging out, and she ended 840 00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:20,840 Speaker 1: up like calling the police and pointing me out. And 841 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:23,000 Speaker 1: I guess she had made a police report the day 842 00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,319 Speaker 1: that I had did it, so they already had like 843 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:30,439 Speaker 1: my description and everything. They were just waiting on my ass. 844 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:34,399 Speaker 1: So they fucking took me in for that ship. Um. 845 00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:38,480 Speaker 1: And you know what, it's crazy, Um, the girls that 846 00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:41,320 Speaker 1: I wasn't I have, I wasn't spafored the girls that 847 00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:43,759 Speaker 1: I wasn't spotfored with. I've seen at least three of 848 00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:46,319 Speaker 1: them bitches when my mom had sent me um she 849 00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:49,080 Speaker 1: had called a c I saw me like when I 850 00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:53,680 Speaker 1: was younger, wasn't before after I've seen them same girls, 851 00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:56,399 Speaker 1: And so you could really see like the bridge like 852 00:45:57,719 --> 00:45:59,439 Speaker 1: of like how you could end up from one place 853 00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:02,640 Speaker 1: to me. It's a gradual progression, like from going from 854 00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:05,360 Speaker 1: here you are supposed to be getting help and services, 855 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,400 Speaker 1: but then you still end up in fucking Judie. Right, 856 00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,160 Speaker 1: So I kind of like now I'm like, oh, ship, 857 00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:13,040 Speaker 1: Like now that I think of it, Like the bitches 858 00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,520 Speaker 1: that I was in a c S with um because 859 00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:18,520 Speaker 1: it was like, um, it was like this building that 860 00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,880 Speaker 1: they had took us to and we was like it 861 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,400 Speaker 1: felt kind of a little bit like jail, but a 862 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:28,239 Speaker 1: little bit like nicer, like like yeah, like but they 863 00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:29,799 Speaker 1: had like a bunch of us in one room with 864 00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:34,080 Speaker 1: like these single beds. Not that comfortable. Um, but yeah. 865 00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:37,040 Speaker 1: So that was the two times when I was a kid, 866 00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,760 Speaker 1: and then as an adult, I got locked up fucking 867 00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:45,680 Speaker 1: in grad school. Um. And I'm in grad school and 868 00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:48,799 Speaker 1: the program that I'm doing, like we have to do 869 00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:54,200 Speaker 1: background checks, so this is like this is the year 870 00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:57,520 Speaker 1: before my last year. So I'm like I'm working in 871 00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:01,359 Speaker 1: like an institution where I get background checks are being done, 872 00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,800 Speaker 1: and I get locked up because my baby father was 873 00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:06,680 Speaker 1: playing with me. Um. He was supposed to be like 874 00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:10,239 Speaker 1: paying my rent. Um, but then I had kicked him out, 875 00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:12,200 Speaker 1: like there was like domestic guns. He was cheating on 876 00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:13,759 Speaker 1: like a bunch of ships. So I kicked them out, 877 00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:15,520 Speaker 1: but I was like, you still got paid his rent though, 878 00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:19,719 Speaker 1: because I'm in school. Um, and he started dating like 879 00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,719 Speaker 1: this new younger bitch and like I guess shortly told 880 00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:26,239 Speaker 1: him like don't pay the rent. Anymore, son start paying 881 00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:29,759 Speaker 1: the rent, so I pull up to his job. Wasn't 882 00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:32,360 Speaker 1: the best idea pull up to his job, Like, yo, 883 00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:34,239 Speaker 1: where the is the rent money? You're playing with me? 884 00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:39,200 Speaker 1: I think he grabbed my arm and child, I lost it, 885 00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:43,400 Speaker 1: Like I just started swinging and this niggas like he 886 00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:46,160 Speaker 1: was stronger than me. So he like had picked me 887 00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:48,920 Speaker 1: up through me against like some shelves or whatever the cases. 888 00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:51,279 Speaker 1: So now I really start willing, so like I take 889 00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:53,840 Speaker 1: like a flash you know them police flashlights that you 890 00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:57,960 Speaker 1: could like break a window with. I take his job 891 00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:01,480 Speaker 1: sold those, so I take up flashlight. I was like, oh, 892 00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:04,359 Speaker 1: I can't beat you, no problem. Bo outside started sucking 893 00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:06,319 Speaker 1: attacking his car and it wasn't his car with his 894 00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:11,840 Speaker 1: grandmother's car. Um. Yeah, police end up getting called, and 895 00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:14,040 Speaker 1: I'm thinking, like I'm your baby mom. It's like, you're 896 00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:18,480 Speaker 1: not gonna let them take me, let them take me. 897 00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:20,080 Speaker 1: But they end up taking him to so they took 898 00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:23,120 Speaker 1: both of us. Yeah, I will take your ass to 899 00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:26,960 Speaker 1: come to my child acting like a beast? Are you crazy? 900 00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:33,839 Speaker 1: You guys to Oh my god, are you sucking up 901 00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:38,480 Speaker 1: my grandma car? Grandma girl? I was I was wanting, 902 00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,880 Speaker 1: but like you see where like angry get you because 903 00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,359 Speaker 1: in my head that was really the only solution. Like 904 00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:46,759 Speaker 1: at that time, I was like yeah, I was like 905 00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:48,640 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to funk your ship up, like that's 906 00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:50,480 Speaker 1: that's the only way that you're gonna make this make 907 00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:54,960 Speaker 1: this ship makes makes sense. Um but he had me 908 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,960 Speaker 1: speat that ship out though, so like he made it 909 00:48:57,960 --> 00:49:00,120 Speaker 1: seemed like he was gonna crash charges. He made go 910 00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:03,240 Speaker 1: to like two parts appearances and then after the second 911 00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:06,120 Speaker 1: one he ended up dropping the charges. But like someone Calton, 912 00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,000 Speaker 1: they was like yo, like you want to funk up 913 00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:13,719 Speaker 1: her life like like her like her whole career, Like 914 00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,160 Speaker 1: you can't, like you can't do this to so he 915 00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:19,560 Speaker 1: ended up he ended up dropping the drap. But um, 916 00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:22,319 Speaker 1: but I I was I was panicking, like I was like, 917 00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:25,120 Speaker 1: oh because my my school got alerted. Like it was like, oh, 918 00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:29,359 Speaker 1: you gotta arrest it because it dangs like automatically, like 919 00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:32,239 Speaker 1: the minute you got arrested. Like everyone who's like associated 920 00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,480 Speaker 1: with you that you work with, um where they run 921 00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:37,760 Speaker 1: those background texts, they get alert, they're getting email. So 922 00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:44,600 Speaker 1: everybody's like questioning me, uh, like I don't really know 923 00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:46,920 Speaker 1: how to explait myself like this ship sounded mad, dub 924 00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:51,279 Speaker 1: and mind you, I'm already like I'm a mental health 925 00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:54,880 Speaker 1: provider at this point. So so also, guys, for anyone 926 00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:59,200 Speaker 1: listening mental health providers, guy issues too, So please be contract. 927 00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,880 Speaker 1: But yeah, but I was a baby mental health provide. 928 00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:04,520 Speaker 1: I was still starting out. I didn't I didn't have 929 00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:09,200 Speaker 1: all my ships together yet. Listen, ship, you might catch 930 00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:14,680 Speaker 1: you on the wrong day, y'all. I'm so much about 931 00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:18,799 Speaker 1: it now. I'm so much of that girl. Ask forward 932 00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:20,560 Speaker 1: to your mom to me, you wait till a boarding 933 00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:24,440 Speaker 1: school in Missouri, now, y'all. When she was telling me 934 00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:27,239 Speaker 1: this part, I was like, let me do. Let me 935 00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:31,840 Speaker 1: go to Google University. Now this is not no regular 936 00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:34,160 Speaker 1: boarding school where you go and get your ship together. 937 00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:38,640 Speaker 1: This religious boarding school was in the media about numerous 938 00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:43,799 Speaker 1: allegations of all types of abuse. Tell us about the 939 00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:47,560 Speaker 1: events that led up to you being there. Okay, this 940 00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:53,239 Speaker 1: is well, yeah, this is wild. So now so this 941 00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:55,120 Speaker 1: is time grade. This is how I got out the game. 942 00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:59,920 Speaker 1: Um so um. Basically, now I'm dating I have a 943 00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,600 Speaker 1: new boyfriend. I'm dating this guy who sells coke or whatever, 944 00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:05,279 Speaker 1: and I'm holding some cooke in my room. For him, 945 00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:07,040 Speaker 1: and I guess my mom like went through my room, 946 00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,120 Speaker 1: she found the code. Doesn't tell me that she found 947 00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:14,359 Speaker 1: the code. Um, and she she devises this plan. Um, 948 00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:18,879 Speaker 1: mind you I already have like, I have a guess 949 00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:20,719 Speaker 1: it was a probation officer at the time. I have 950 00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:23,040 Speaker 1: a probation officer, so I guess she had spoken with 951 00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:25,560 Speaker 1: my probation officer. And my probation officers are actually the 952 00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:29,440 Speaker 1: person who recommended the boarding school. Um. And it was 953 00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:35,160 Speaker 1: like this military Baptist boarding school slash ranch. They lumped 954 00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:38,040 Speaker 1: a bunch of ship together to make it sound pretty. Um. 955 00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:41,239 Speaker 1: So she lies to me, you already know the type 956 00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:46,000 Speaker 1: people we're dealing with. Yes, so shortly makes up a 957 00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,520 Speaker 1: whole lot, says, Oh, your aunt is getting married. This 958 00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:51,439 Speaker 1: is my favorite aunt. Y'all like, because typically I don't 959 00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:53,520 Speaker 1: trust this lady, like me and my mom have a 960 00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:55,440 Speaker 1: really bad relationship, so I don't trut this late. I'm 961 00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:57,640 Speaker 1: not traveling with you. But she's like, my favorite aunt 962 00:51:57,680 --> 00:51:59,120 Speaker 1: is getting married, and she wants me to be a 963 00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:00,920 Speaker 1: part of the wedding. So I'm like, I bet we 964 00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:05,840 Speaker 1: out mhm. So we're traveling. We're traveling and my aunt 965 00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:09,960 Speaker 1: lives in Massachusetts. I realized we're going to Missouri. I'm like, 966 00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:12,719 Speaker 1: why are we going to Missouri? And she was like, oh, 967 00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:16,000 Speaker 1: the man she's marrying is in the military and he's 968 00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:19,080 Speaker 1: from Missouri. So I'm like, I'm thinking about my aunt. 969 00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:21,000 Speaker 1: If you don't sound like how but I'm just wronging 970 00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:23,279 Speaker 1: with the punches. I'm I'm dumb. I'm a dumb, little 971 00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:26,279 Speaker 1: tough grade at this point. So we get to the 972 00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:30,680 Speaker 1: hotel or whatever, um, and it's like this old white 973 00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:34,040 Speaker 1: man and this old white woman, um, and they're just 974 00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:37,719 Speaker 1: like waiting for me, like with like the stern faces 975 00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:42,080 Speaker 1: like like my got little bitch like that type of 976 00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:48,160 Speaker 1: like attitude. I'm lott Cottage cheese right right, because they 977 00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:50,200 Speaker 1: looked like that when I met them, Like they had 978 00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:55,400 Speaker 1: like all them wrinkles and stuff like. So yeah, so 979 00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:59,680 Speaker 1: then there's like like there was like no the four play. Basically, 980 00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:02,839 Speaker 1: they get me straight away. They're like, yeah, we're taking you. 981 00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:06,640 Speaker 1: Were like say goodbye, you're a bad person, like all 982 00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:10,640 Speaker 1: these things. And my mother just hands me off to 983 00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,080 Speaker 1: be to all white people that she never met her 984 00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,480 Speaker 1: a day in her life. I'm from New York. We're 985 00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:19,160 Speaker 1: in fucking Missouri. You know nothing about this place. Um. 986 00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:22,359 Speaker 1: I called her all types of bitches and I later 987 00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:25,280 Speaker 1: got in trouble for that with the people. Then. Um, 988 00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:27,080 Speaker 1: and it was a Sunday, so they had church that 989 00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:30,400 Speaker 1: you used to spend all day Sunday at church. So 990 00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:33,319 Speaker 1: they took me. They took me there, and the first 991 00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:35,400 Speaker 1: thing they did was restraining. It was like, oh, you 992 00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:37,319 Speaker 1: want to call your mother a bitch? Da da. They 993 00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:41,040 Speaker 1: restrained me. And when they restrained you, they basically throw 994 00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:44,200 Speaker 1: you on the ground. They punch your arms behind your back, 995 00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:47,920 Speaker 1: and then they would have the other girls sit on 996 00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:52,000 Speaker 1: you and then they would just do that for however long. 997 00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:57,080 Speaker 1: So that was that's my first night there. Then it's 998 00:53:57,280 --> 00:53:59,880 Speaker 1: morning time and this is like a real ranch, like 999 00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:03,719 Speaker 1: areas fucking horses and chickens and cows, like it's a 1000 00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:07,120 Speaker 1: real ranch. Um. So we start off the morning by 1001 00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:10,759 Speaker 1: like doing chores. So I'm from the city. So I 1002 00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:13,759 Speaker 1: was actually the only one in that program that was 1003 00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:15,719 Speaker 1: from the East coast, and I was only one of 1004 00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:19,319 Speaker 1: two black girls. Was the other black? Yeah, So I 1005 00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:21,719 Speaker 1: was one of two black girls. It was all girls, 1006 00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:25,319 Speaker 1: um school. Um. And the other black girl had like 1007 00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:28,120 Speaker 1: white adopted parents and she she had those pants her 1008 00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:32,000 Speaker 1: whole life, so like she kind of like she kind 1009 00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,279 Speaker 1: of already like knew what the deal was. And I'm like, 1010 00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:39,640 Speaker 1: where the funk am I? Like I'm confused? Um so yeah, So, 1011 00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:42,040 Speaker 1: like the duty I had was to pick up the 1012 00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:45,960 Speaker 1: horseship and it's called manure, and they would like punt 1013 00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:49,239 Speaker 1: it um like with the plants or whatever to help it, girl, 1014 00:54:49,280 --> 00:54:52,560 Speaker 1: like help it fertilize. Um. So that was like my job. 1015 00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:54,840 Speaker 1: So like I come back from doing chores or whatever. 1016 00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:58,400 Speaker 1: And so I was never a morning person, like to 1017 00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:02,680 Speaker 1: eat in the morning. And and I'm Caribbean, so I 1018 00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:07,080 Speaker 1: eat like bigest saltfish. And like my mom's side is, uh, 1019 00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:09,520 Speaker 1: well she's both she's patients like it. So like I 1020 00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:12,479 Speaker 1: eat like mangol and stuff like I eat planting and 1021 00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:16,839 Speaker 1: these people gave me like biscuits and gravy. Um. So 1022 00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:20,120 Speaker 1: I'm looking at the ship like one when I'm not hungry, 1023 00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:23,279 Speaker 1: Like I'm honestly not hungry. And too, I've never seen 1024 00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:25,160 Speaker 1: fiship in my life, Like why are you eating me 1025 00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:29,600 Speaker 1: biscuits and gravy in the morning? Like I'm confused? Um, 1026 00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:32,960 Speaker 1: so I wasn't eating it. And then like I remember, 1027 00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:36,200 Speaker 1: like the girls are like like eat, eat, and I'm 1028 00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:39,120 Speaker 1: like I'm looking at them like y'all dumb, like why 1029 00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:40,919 Speaker 1: you don't even like why are you trying to force 1030 00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:42,359 Speaker 1: me to eat right out? Like I'm not hungry. I'm 1031 00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:46,440 Speaker 1: not hungry. So then he because like we were in 1032 00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:49,520 Speaker 1: our own house and then across the street they had 1033 00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:52,439 Speaker 1: their house and we didn't have no neighbors for miles 1034 00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:55,279 Speaker 1: and miles and miles like were dead in the blue 1035 00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:57,799 Speaker 1: dogs like we're in the middle of nowhere, like there 1036 00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:01,239 Speaker 1: was like coyotes, like where we were at like our backyard. 1037 00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:04,080 Speaker 1: I guess I'm a call of the backyard. It was scary. 1038 00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:09,680 Speaker 1: So he comes over whatever the case is, and I 1039 00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:13,480 Speaker 1: guess someone tells him like new girl didn't eat, and 1040 00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:17,160 Speaker 1: this man he's like, so like the kitchen was like downstairs, 1041 00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:20,520 Speaker 1: so like now we're like upstairs in the living room area. 1042 00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:23,920 Speaker 1: I guess um. So he's like, oh, like go get 1043 00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:26,360 Speaker 1: your plate. So I'm like I'm looking at him and 1044 00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:28,440 Speaker 1: he's like so now he's like yelling, He's like get 1045 00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:31,120 Speaker 1: your plate. So I go downstairs, I go get the plate, 1046 00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:35,120 Speaker 1: and each so each girl, so we had like different 1047 00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:38,080 Speaker 1: colors of shirts so when you're a new person, you 1048 00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,680 Speaker 1: get an orange shirt and someone was like a purple 1049 00:56:40,760 --> 00:56:43,759 Speaker 1: shirt or a red shirt had to be like your guy. 1050 00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:45,680 Speaker 1: So this person always has to be with you at 1051 00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:48,200 Speaker 1: all times. So I had a purple shirt with me. 1052 00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:50,600 Speaker 1: She was my guide or whatever. So she like grabs 1053 00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:52,920 Speaker 1: me and we go downstairs to go get the plate. 1054 00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:58,520 Speaker 1: We come upstairs. Um, he grabs the plate and he's like, 1055 00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:01,920 Speaker 1: is my daughter's food because daughter with the cook is 1056 00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:03,960 Speaker 1: my daughter's food not good enough for you? And I'm 1057 00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:05,880 Speaker 1: like I'm really looking at this man like I'm just 1058 00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:08,520 Speaker 1: not hungry, Like why are y'all so angry? Like why 1059 00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:11,680 Speaker 1: are you so agitated? And he takes the plate and 1060 00:57:11,719 --> 00:57:15,200 Speaker 1: he was like shoved it into my face, bangs it 1061 00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:18,760 Speaker 1: into my face, bust my lips. Food on the floor, 1062 00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:21,200 Speaker 1: plates on the floor. He then tells me to like 1063 00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:24,000 Speaker 1: get on my knees and eat the food. I guess 1064 00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:30,720 Speaker 1: where my assad my needs. This concludes part one of 1065 00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:35,280 Speaker 1: this week's episode. Please stay tuned for part two, dropping 1066 00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:39,080 Speaker 1: next Tuesday. Until next time, Everyone Later,