Speaker 1: With Alexi Napola and Marisol Patton and iHeartRadio Podcast.
Speaker 2: Hi, guys, welcome to another episode of I So Listen guys.
Speaker 2: You guys didn't get to see this, but we had
Speaker 2: a little bit of technical difficulties.
Speaker 1: Oh brother.
Speaker 2: We were trying out our new space, which is here
Speaker 2: at Marisol's house and her casita and her poolhouse in
Speaker 2: the back, which you guys are gonna absolutely love. It's phenomenal,
Speaker 2: it's gorgeous and it was so perfect, except the Wi
Speaker 2: Fi was not working back there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, something's not something knows something's not right. Someone tripped
Speaker 1: a wire.
Speaker 2: It's always something. But so we brought things back in
Speaker 2: here and we're gonna kill it. We're gonna make the
Speaker 2: best that we can. We're gonna have so much fun
Speaker 2: with this episode. We haven't done any ask me questions
Speaker 2: like at a time and.
Speaker 1: Ask us anything from the audience episode.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope we're due, and I feel like our
Speaker 2: beautiful fans have written a lot, so let's just get
Speaker 2: right to it.
Speaker 1: Get right to it. So we received a lot of
Speaker 1: questions about friendships and friend groups. Yikes, what's your advice
Speaker 1: for a new friend who joins an already established friend group.
Speaker 2: Hmmmm, well there's so much to say. I feel like
Speaker 2: new friends when they're coming into a group they didn't
Speaker 2: get UBI got and so yeah, so they need to
Speaker 2: come in the humble, you know, with an open heart
Speaker 2: and an open mind. Yeah, kind of like under the radar,
Speaker 2: and you know, listen and observe and kind of like
Speaker 2: stay quiet. You have nothing nice to say, don't say it.
Speaker 1: That's very good advice, e Lecta. Yeah. I think that
Speaker 1: when you're starting fresh in a new group, you kind
Speaker 1: of just need to test the waters, you know, check
Speaker 1: everyone's temperature, get to know everyone, and then if you're
Speaker 1: gonna go in for the juggler, it better be like
Speaker 1: how long before you can go join don't go in
Speaker 1: for the queen? Yeah? How long do you think someone
Speaker 1: needs to wait before they, you know, join a new
Speaker 1: friend group, before they can just go in and start
Speaker 1: insulting people or go for the jugular?
Speaker 2: You know. I think that that depends on the front group.
Speaker 2: But I do think that it's not so much the
Speaker 2: amount of time, like the amount of weeks or the
Speaker 2: amount of months. I think that you need to have
Speaker 2: some kind of trust established and the girls need to
Speaker 2: know you and you know, some kind of.
Speaker 1: Like bond before you go there.
Speaker 2: You know, I just don't think you can come in
Speaker 2: crazy hothead, you know and just say, you know, whatever
Speaker 2: you want to say and insult people because you haven't
Speaker 2: earned it.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I feel like you need to earn your position in
Speaker 2: the group, in the friend group, and by that I
Speaker 2: mean the girls need to trust you. The girls need
Speaker 2: to feel safe around you, and you have to be
Speaker 2: careful with you with your trust.
Speaker 1: Your judgment before they can trust your words for sure. Wow,
Speaker 1: and you know what, that's not gonna happen overnight. You know.
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of these girls friends group
Speaker 1: and they're really thirsty and you know they want the attention,
Speaker 1: so they're kind of like yes, so you know they'll
Speaker 1: be like fake nice, you know to a lot of
Speaker 1: the girls, and you know, I just think that they
Speaker 1: need to and then show colors afterwards. It's happened to
Speaker 1: me a million times.
Speaker 2: Well I feel like that's eventually that's what happens. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, you can't fake it, you know, until you
Speaker 2: make it in these friend groups.
Speaker 1: I know that anything not in our friend girl because
Speaker 1: in two seconds, so you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: I love that our fans like confide in us and
Speaker 2: look to us to give them advice because you know,
Speaker 2: we've gone through it all and we want to share
Speaker 2: our wisdom and just our experience, right, And that's you know,
Speaker 2: our fans are loyal listeners and they're always looking for
Speaker 2: for questions and answers, and I love that we can
Speaker 2: share that with them. But you know, I think that
Speaker 2: not only the front group needs to be a little patient,
Speaker 2: you know, also and kind of be open and warm,
Speaker 2: you know, to the new front coming out.
Speaker 1: When you come into a new group, someone that everybody
Speaker 1: wants in the group. That's usually how it works. You're
Speaker 1: joining a group because everyone's like, oh, meet my new friend.
Speaker 1: She's so awesome, and everybody gets to know this new
Speaker 1: person and you have to follow them.
Speaker 2: You might think she's so awesome, but the other girls
Speaker 2: might have a different They.
Speaker 1: Get to know everybody to not be.
Speaker 2: Judge, you know, come in with an open heart and
Speaker 2: open mind. Don't criticize, you know, because we're all different.
Speaker 2: You know, get to know us before you talk, you know,
Speaker 2: don't don't and you know, don't you talk shit behind
Speaker 2: her back. You know, if you have anything to say.
Speaker 1: We always find out. Yeah, just you know, I find
Speaker 1: out everything. You sure do. I get the d MS
Speaker 1: about everything. I don't know why the audience likes to
Speaker 1: confide in me and give me on the info. And
Speaker 1: I don't always shore you'll use it. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't I tell it to you. I don't always share
Speaker 1: it with everybody unless you know, I feel like people
Speaker 1: aren't being their true selves and then actually acting on
Speaker 1: the way they really feel.
Speaker 2: You just have to be real and organic and genuine
Speaker 2: and authentic.
Speaker 1: And I just kind of ride low and get to
Speaker 1: know everything and get to know everybody you know, and
Speaker 1: everybody can be friends. Okay, So when is it too
Speaker 1: soon to start name calling or start conflict when you're
Speaker 1: new to a friend group. How do you earn your
Speaker 1: place within a friend group when you are a newbie. Well,
Speaker 1: I think we just established that you need to give
Speaker 1: everyone time get to know them. Name calling is never okay.
Speaker 2: Well it's never okay, I mean not even like after
Speaker 2: I mean I get it. You know, when there's name
Speaker 2: calling after many years of like friendship, you know, it's
Speaker 2: kind of like sisters, you know, because in sul done,
Speaker 2: you know, we insult each other and two minutes later
Speaker 2: or like I love you, I love you, But again,
Speaker 2: that's what I meant about earning it. It's like you
Speaker 2: earned it. There's a pond, there's a friendship, there's a
Speaker 2: level of us.
Speaker 1: So then after like, how many years do you think
Speaker 1: you get a pass for saying to someone when they
Speaker 1: said something rude to you? And then you call them
Speaker 1: and ask how many years do you think we need
Speaker 1: to get through to get to that point? Do you feel?
Speaker 2: Because I feel like at least five, you think five five.
Speaker 1: Five for me to be like, okay, you said that
Speaker 1: and I can say you're in and we can move forward.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's happening a lot sooner in friend groups,
Speaker 1: at least in the ones I've been part of. I
Speaker 1: think there's a five year rule. Can we establish that?
Speaker 1: By the way, I like half a decade. Okay, half
Speaker 1: a decade works for me, but.
Speaker 2: Definitely then UB never wants to come into a group
Speaker 2: and start like, you know, bad mouthing peace.
Speaker 1: You can't rock the boat too soon because then everybody
Speaker 1: goes down.
Speaker 2: Our our echa. One fan writes, I went out with
Speaker 2: my girlfriends the other day even though everyone knew I
Speaker 2: was in funing well. One friend took it upon herself
Speaker 2: to confront me about something I did that she didn't like,
Speaker 2: and it really rubbed me the wrong way, and I'm
Speaker 2: still pretty upset about it. Am I wrong? I guess
Speaker 2: that this is what happened. I guess I'd use some
Speaker 2: friends that were out and one friend wanted to speak
Speaker 2: to her friend about something she had done that I
Speaker 2: erupted her the wrong way and her friend wasn't ready
Speaker 2: for that. Her friend was like, I'm not feeling very
Speaker 2: well and I have that conversation with you right now.
Speaker 1: Right. Oh yeah, listen. That actually happened to me recently.
Speaker 1: I was on a crazy, fun, you know, get away
Speaker 1: with my friends and one of my friends was feeling
Speaker 1: a certain type of way about me and wanted to
Speaker 1: sit down and have a chat with me, but waited
Speaker 1: until I was leaving the trip because I was feeling
Speaker 1: unwell and I needed to leave a little sooner than
Speaker 1: everyone else, and said, hey, let me walk you out,
Speaker 1: and I said, okay, that's very nice, thank you. Walks
Speaker 1: me and goes, hey, why do I have a seat
Speaker 1: right here? Have something to say to you, and then
Speaker 1: listed huge list of grievances to.
Speaker 2: Me about iPhone you did at that moment, and you
Speaker 2: wanted to walk out of the boat because you were
Speaker 2: I mean.
Speaker 1: I was really unwell and this person is looking at
Speaker 1: it and like grow up on them because I was
Speaker 1: that bad and I needed to just get.
Speaker 2: Home and she needed to get it off her shoes.
Speaker 1: I needed to get out.
Speaker 3: And I'm just looking at her and saying, thinking to myself,
Speaker 3: I've been with you for fourteen hours. Why are you
Speaker 3: choosing now to pull me aside when I'm really ill
Speaker 3: and leaving and I really can't have a conversation with anyone.
Speaker 1: You know, nothing good is going to come from this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so they need to get it out when they want.
Speaker 1: It never really changes the conversation. It was yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: I mean I don't remember what I said, but my
Speaker 1: tone was not pleasant because I was like, I, you're
Speaker 1: really doing this right now? I'm like, was there any
Speaker 1: name calling? Uh? No name calling? No, no name calling.
Speaker 1: You know, it was just like uncomfortable. It was just
Speaker 1: like unpleasant, unnecessary. It could have waited, or it could
Speaker 1: have been done sooner earlier, you know, not when you're
Speaker 1: trying to get out and escape because you're that bad.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. It was a bender of lots
Speaker 1: of cocktails and festivities and cigarettes smoking, and you know,
Speaker 1: nothing good comes from that. The next day I was like,
Speaker 1: why don't you catch me when I was on my
Speaker 1: upswing at one am? Right, Well, I don't know.
Speaker 2: That could have been worse. So you would have advised
Speaker 2: your friend, yeah, I did this to you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I would have been like, hey, listen, I've been here
Speaker 1: for fourteen hours. You could have told me this yesterday. Oh,
Speaker 1: can we talk about it maybe tomorrow, next week, yeah,
Speaker 1: or another day. I feel like there were some other
Speaker 1: friends in the group that did that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I agreed, like we're not going to talk now, we're
Speaker 2: not ready to talk, which I actually think it's smart.
Speaker 1: Do you agree with that? Absolutely? Listen that both friends
Speaker 1: need to be ready at the same energy, ready to do,
Speaker 1: an energy to talk about and so absolutely you can't
Speaker 1: have one ready to fire them off and the other
Speaker 1: one's like ready to go to the hospital. It's never
Speaker 1: going to work out. So that's what happened. So you
Speaker 1: didn't work. Basically, you didn't work anything out. I felt
Speaker 1: like I felt good about it, even though I was
Speaker 1: feeling terrible. I was like, you know what, that's all
Speaker 1: I gotta give right now, and that's all you're going
Speaker 1: to get, And you probably wasn't the best scenario. You
Speaker 1: definitely want to absolutely talk to someone when they're in
Speaker 1: their best frame of mind to get the best possible
Speaker 1: awers and result to your conflict and situation. So are
Speaker 1: you still upset about it? My friend was feeling a
Speaker 1: certain way. I was feeling a certain way. I wasn't
Speaker 1: in the best position to resolve anything, and you got
Speaker 1: what you got, you know, you know.
Speaker 2: I feel like we can also do that. That's like friendships,
Speaker 2: but we can also like take that into our personal
Speaker 2: lives right well, Like the wife is ready to talk
Speaker 2: about something and the husband is ready, or vice versa.
Speaker 2: The husband wants to talk about something that like the
Speaker 2: wife doesn't want to.
Speaker 1: You can't force it.
Speaker 2: You can't force it. And reading the advice that I
Speaker 2: would give our fans, it's like, you can't force it.
Speaker 2: You have to know how to read the room. You
Speaker 2: have to know read the vibes. If your friend is
Speaker 2: not ready and she's in your case, you weren't feeling
Speaker 2: it was like a medical thing. It's like you weren't
Speaker 2: feeling good. It wasn't like your mind didn't want you
Speaker 2: to do it.
Speaker 1: I was listen, when you're not when you're not well,
Speaker 1: your mind isn't there, nothing is there.
Speaker 2: You can't Maybe she thought you were just trying to
Speaker 2: avoid her.
Speaker 1: Oh god, really some of the girls I we were
Speaker 1: like hanging out for fourteen hours. Yeah, we had a
Speaker 1: lot of time to do that. Not when I was
Speaker 1: trying to escape and go home and you know, you
Speaker 1: weren't feeling it was bad. No, No, like escape to
Speaker 1: get to my house and lay down and shower and
Speaker 1: close my eyes and just try to start feeling better.
Speaker 2: If you really want to resolve whatever conflict it is
Speaker 2: or you're in, guys, girls, you need to pick the
Speaker 2: right time.
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: Another fan wrote in and said, I have a friend
Speaker 2: that's always notoriously late. Oh so do I to our plans?
Speaker 2: She's always late and we're all very patient with her.
Speaker 1: I think that's a Miami thing, though, Alexi. Everybody's late
Speaker 1: and I'm just close to telling her off. What should
Speaker 1: I say to her? Well, I feel like, so, my friend,
Speaker 1: you're not the only one that that's in that position,
Speaker 1: Like Marisol says, we have so many friends, right that
Speaker 1: we can think of, that are always late and they
Speaker 1: think that their time is more valuable than anybody else's time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and there's times that you put up with it, you
Speaker 1: justify it your understanding.
Speaker 2: But then come there, then there comes that one day
Speaker 2: that you just want to, like.
Speaker 1: You snap because how many times are you going to
Speaker 1: go through it? And then and then you also get
Speaker 1: to the point like how many times you have to
Speaker 1: tell your friend, Oh, listen, you tell them the time
Speaker 1: to show up is two hours earlier than everybody else's
Speaker 1: and they're still later than everybody else.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that person wants to know what should she say
Speaker 2: to her friend? Like, what would you say to your friend?
Speaker 2: You said?
Speaker 1: You know what? So I know I have many friends
Speaker 1: that are like that. Like I said, I grew up
Speaker 1: in Miami like you did, and some people, like a
Speaker 1: lot of people here, do not respect respect everybody else's time.
Speaker 1: And I just don't even want to hang out with
Speaker 1: people that an make me wait. I already know I'm
Speaker 1: not going to make a plan with this person because
Speaker 1: I'm going to be waiting all the time. And then
Speaker 1: I think it's rude and disrespectful, and it's it's habitual.
Speaker 1: When it's habitual, you cannot bend it.
Speaker 2: The thing is also like I feel like it's very circumstantial,
Speaker 2: like is this person only late when it's with your
Speaker 2: particular friend group or are they late to like let's say,
Speaker 2: like they work out at the gym, or they go
Speaker 2: to an exercise costume? Are they late there? Are they
Speaker 2: late to pick up their children? I mean, because there's
Speaker 2: like late like.
Speaker 1: Throughout the day? Are you do you really have a
Speaker 1: problem with tardiness when it applies to everything across the
Speaker 1: border like taking your kids to school, like making your
Speaker 1: doctor's appointments, your your your gin whatever. Maybe or you're
Speaker 1: only late when it comes to hanging out with us.
Speaker 1: That mean that I can't answer, but that's pretty dreadful,
Speaker 1: Like how do you even get that foreign life if
Speaker 1: you ever make it on time anywhere?
Speaker 2: But that's a question that maybe I'm telling our listener,
Speaker 2: you know, as far as what she should say to her,
Speaker 2: maybe it's a conversation you should sit down with your
Speaker 2: friend and say, listen, I'm taking this really personal because
Speaker 2: every time we make plans to hang out, you are
Speaker 2: notoriously late, and I mean late, like an hour two hours.
Speaker 2: So I have a question, is this directly just to me?
Speaker 2: Or do you have this problem when you're driving your
Speaker 2: children to school or picking them up or going to
Speaker 2: your doctor? I mean, do you go to your doctor's
Speaker 2: appointment two hours late? Or do your your dinner reservations?
Speaker 1: I mean your whole day to your Botok, the whole
Speaker 1: day consists that workout.
Speaker 2: Your whole day consists of being in places on time,
Speaker 2: like there's you know, that's why we have and we
Speaker 2: have time. Of course it's called I feel it's a
Speaker 2: conversation that you need to have with your friend before
Speaker 2: things get ugly, because things will get ugly.
Speaker 1: Listen, that's just that's just I mean, that's just the
Speaker 1: way that person is. If they've been doing this for
Speaker 1: a while, then I think you kind of know that
Speaker 1: they're just going to continue doing that, and then you
Speaker 1: just don't make plans with them. You see them in
Speaker 1: big groups and hang out with them. In a different
Speaker 1: type of scenario, if I had a friend that was
Speaker 1: always late, I would not make plans. I just wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to take it. I'd be so annoyed.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to have fun By the time
Speaker 1: she showed up, because that for me is a huge
Speaker 1: pet peeve. Well, I mean I feel like.
Speaker 2: Whenever this happens, like in a friend group, I feel
Speaker 2: like the person gets away with it because they justify it,
Speaker 2: they understand it. Oh, well, you know I had this,
Speaker 2: or do I had that to do? Or like you
Speaker 2: don't understand my life, you don't understand this, and we're
Speaker 2: like empathetic and compassionate and we're trying to justify it.
Speaker 2: And at the end we're just like hurting that person
Speaker 2: because we're like enabling them to do it and we're
Speaker 2: okay with it. So, I mean, if you really care
Speaker 2: about your friend, I feel like this person that wrote
Speaker 2: us this question, this fan, I feel like you should
Speaker 2: sit down with her and you should have a conversation
Speaker 2: where you really tell her how much this is bothering
Speaker 2: you and how much it's affecting your friendship. So when
Speaker 2: the time when she shows up, like you're already a
Speaker 2: snap at her, it kind of like changes the home
Speaker 2: mod of the group.
Speaker 1: And after you have this chat with her, if she
Speaker 1: continues to be late, then you know, don't make plans
Speaker 1: with this.
Speaker 2: Is I'm sorry, part of being a friend is being
Speaker 2: aware and caring about your friend's feelings. So if your
Speaker 2: friend's telling you like, I can't do this anymore, Like
Speaker 2: I'm really upset every time you show up two hours late.
Speaker 2: So you know what, you can go on? Make like
Speaker 2: you said, make friends with other friends, but like I'm
Speaker 2: not in find new friends. Yeah, here's that's another one.
Speaker 2: When do you feel like it's time to give up
Speaker 2: on a friendship? What are some red flags when figuring
Speaker 2: this out? That's a loaded question. It's so it's kind
Speaker 2: of very open. Gosh, you know what I mean. The
Speaker 2: red flags are there. I feel like in every friendship,
Speaker 2: just like any relationship, whether it's with your spouse, or
Speaker 2: with your parents, or at your workplace or with your friends,
Speaker 2: there's always red flags. It's whether we choose to see
Speaker 2: them or not. I feel like in any relationship, I
Speaker 2: think the biggest red flag is friends not validating each
Speaker 2: other's feelings and emotions and words. You know, that could
Speaker 2: go for like any kind of relationship. Again, like I said,
Speaker 2: with your parents, with your spouse at work, right, you know,
Speaker 2: I feel just witted to listen to each other and
Speaker 2: if you're hurting, okay, I'm sorry. I didn't see that
Speaker 2: was hurting you. But if it hurt you and I
Speaker 2: love you and you're my friend, I'm sorry that I
Speaker 2: did that. So we need to learn how to validate
Speaker 2: each other's feelings and emotions and just like be better
Speaker 2: listeners and be like aware.
Speaker 1: For me, one of my biggest red flaxes, and it
Speaker 1: always takes me a long time to figure it out,
Speaker 1: is that I'm giving more in the relationship that I'm
Speaker 1: getting in return. I find that I like to help people.
Speaker 1: It makes me feel good to teach people the things
Speaker 1: like you and I love to do here on the podcast.
Speaker 1: We like to teach people all the things we've learned
Speaker 1: to manage pain and disappointment and how to get beyond it.
Speaker 1: And when I spend my time helping people do that
Speaker 1: or just connecting them because I know a lot of people,
Speaker 1: when I help them in business or whatever, I do
Speaker 1: that with a lot of joy because it makes me
Speaker 1: feel good. But you know, after a while, when you
Speaker 1: realize it's all one sided, then I'm like, I'm I
Speaker 1: can't do it anymore, Like I'm out. I feel like
Speaker 1: I give all my energy to a person or a friendship,
Speaker 1: and then I'm not getting anything back. It's like it
Speaker 1: takes me a while to figure it out and then
Speaker 1: I got to go, that's my That's a big one
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 2: I mean, you've been my friend for so many years,
Speaker 2: so I've seen you, you know, and I'm still in
Speaker 2: your life. Soone says a lot much, you know, best
Speaker 2: friends and great friends. But I feel like now that
Speaker 2: you're saying that, I feel like throughout other years that
Speaker 2: I've known you, that you like when you meet like
Speaker 2: a new girl, like a new friend, like you want
Speaker 2: to become friends with them like so soon because you're
Speaker 2: like that giving and they're like and then you know
Speaker 2: they see that you're that so they like suck you
Speaker 2: in and they see what they you.
Speaker 1: Can do for them.
Speaker 2: So that's where you're referring to, like that you give
Speaker 2: so much more they don't give a return, and then
Speaker 2: you figure out who they are and then they're like gone, anyways, M.
Speaker 1: Stabbing in the back and I'm like, but what did
Speaker 1: I do to deserve this? Object? Was ever to help?
Speaker 1: It's happened so many times. But you know, sometimes you
Speaker 1: don't see the red flags. Now you don't don't see
Speaker 1: the red flags, don't Yeah, I don't. I don't because
Speaker 1: I feel like there's still so much to give and
Speaker 1: help and it makes me feel good to do it.
Speaker 2: No, but I feel like now you're more jaded. Now
Speaker 2: you have, you know all, you protect yourself more.
Speaker 1: I've had a wall and a few have slipped through.
Speaker 1: But I'm not. I'm just not doing it anymore. I'm
Speaker 1: just not. I'm not. It needs to be fifty to fifty, right,
Speaker 1: I'm even okay with seventy thirty. But most people don't
Speaker 1: even have thirty to give.
Speaker 2: That's a sign, Like, that's definitely a red flag because
Speaker 2: what happens is now you already know what to expect
Speaker 2: and what you want, what you can accept and not.
Speaker 2: So that's very important, like having boundaries and just knowing
Speaker 2: you know what's going to be okay for you and
Speaker 2: with you and what's not what's not you just push
Speaker 2: them away and that's it. Yeah, which, like for me,
Speaker 2: another red flag is accountability, Like I can't stand when
Speaker 2: you're friends or whoever it may be, takes no accountability.
Speaker 2: It's like, okay, no, everything was your fault, Like I
Speaker 2: did no wrong. I did nothing wrong. So to me,
Speaker 2: that's a huge because I think it's really hard to
Speaker 2: be in any kind of relationship, whether again, like I said,
Speaker 2: with your parents in this case, we're talking about friends
Speaker 2: or work, whatever, that they never see that they hurt you.
Speaker 2: They never see that they did something wrong. They never say,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm sorry, like I didn't see that
Speaker 2: that way, like in your case, oh my god, you
Speaker 2: felt sick. You're right, I shouldn't have told you. Let's
Speaker 2: talk about it.
Speaker 1: I'm my biggest critic, and I know you're also. For me,
Speaker 1: it's all about getting to know myself better and being better, right,
Speaker 1: And you're very good at also, Alexia applaud you on this.
Speaker 1: You always put yourself in the other person's shoes and
Speaker 1: you try to look at it at their point of
Speaker 1: view too, so and then you can self reflect and
Speaker 1: then you say, you know what, You're right, I could
Speaker 1: have handled that better, And you're very good to apologize.
Speaker 1: You're you're good that way. Not many people can see
Speaker 1: their own faults, and then it becomes everybody else's.
Speaker 2: Fault, you know, because I feel like I could take
Speaker 2: criticism even if people think I can, but I can by.
Speaker 1: The way within reason. Within reason, I mean.
Speaker 2: Of course, constructive criticism and it's all about the delivery,
Speaker 2: and it's just kind of like hooney and saying, you
Speaker 2: know what, you're right. I do see it that way,
Speaker 2: but now I see it. You know, I want to
Speaker 2: fix it. I want to make it better.
Speaker 1: And you know what you just said something really important
Speaker 1: popping on up. The delivery is very important. You can
Speaker 1: say things the right way and you can say them
Speaker 1: the wrong way. If you're going to deliver a complaint
Speaker 1: or a quandary or concern to me in a negative way,
Speaker 1: you're gonna get a negative answer. If you deliver it,
Speaker 1: you wrap it up in a ball and you say
Speaker 1: it in a nice i'mone, like, you know what, You're right,
Speaker 1: You're right. I should have done that better. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I agree. Yeah, it's all about the delivery. I'm working.
Speaker 2: But sometimes it's like when they get you when you're
Speaker 2: delivering something you have to.
Speaker 1: Full time. Fama, didn't they grab me when you're sick
Speaker 1: trying to like, wait, it wasn't supposed to be like this,
Speaker 1: But that's poor timing. Okay, So this next set of
Speaker 1: questions are about R H O N. Who is your
Speaker 1: closest friend aside for each other, and who would you
Speaker 1: like to get to know closest friend aside from each other.
Speaker 1: I feel like Lisa and Larsa, right you and me?
Speaker 2: From me, it would be Julia and Larsa. Larcia and Larsa.
Speaker 2: I've become very close to Julia and and Larsa has
Speaker 2: always been a friend. She's always been She's always given
Speaker 2: me very good advice. She's always been a friend. And yeah, Larson.
Speaker 2: For me, it would be Larsa and Julia. I want
Speaker 2: to put Lisa up there too, because Lisa is also
Speaker 2: a dear good friend. We have a lot of history together.
Speaker 2: But you know, we always say she's a different kind
Speaker 2: of friends, you know, but again, your.
Speaker 1: Friends are your friends.
Speaker 2: My friends are my friends with reason and with no reason,
Speaker 2: and Lisa is one of them, and so is you know,
Speaker 2: Julia and and Larsa.
Speaker 1: Who do you want to get to know better?
Speaker 2: I continue I'm continuing to get to know Keiki, so
Speaker 2: that's key. Gee, I actually want to get I want
Speaker 2: to get to know all the girls better. I want
Speaker 2: to get to know Gerty better. Uh, you know, I'm
Speaker 2: pretty close to Kiki, but I really want to get
Speaker 2: to know all the girls better. Like I love having
Speaker 2: girlfriends you know, and I feel like all of them
Speaker 2: have been really great friends these last couple of months
Speaker 2: to me, So I want to get to know them
Speaker 2: all better.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, me too too. I I've been getting to
Speaker 1: know Julia better. We have a lot of fun together.
Speaker 1: Julia's a lot of fun, yeah, her and her Dan,
Speaker 1: Virginia Slims. Yeah, I agree with you. I'd like to
Speaker 1: get to know a group of girls.
Speaker 2: You know. And you know, it's it's hard when you
Speaker 2: put you know, nine women together, you know, and and
Speaker 2: we all come from different walks of life. We all
Speaker 2: have had everyone's very opinion here.
Speaker 1: You know, we have.
Speaker 2: Backstory, we have all had different lives, and you know,
Speaker 2: but we do have in common is that we're all
Speaker 2: there for each other.
Speaker 1: You know, in some back everyone rallies regardless of how
Speaker 1: you feel about someone else in the group. And you're not,
Speaker 1: you know, like pretty sensitive. We may be too sensitive science,
Speaker 1: but that's the good part because everyone can be empathetic
Speaker 1: with each other. Have you ever asked the show to
Speaker 1: cut a scene you filmed out of an edited episode? Oh?
Speaker 1: I did. I think I said the PUSSI word, and
Speaker 1: I was like, please don't put that in there. The
Speaker 1: p U S S. I. I don't remember what word
Speaker 1: I said, So.
Speaker 2: I've never called. I mean, I have called to say
Speaker 2: that I'm very disturbed and I didn't like certain episodes
Speaker 2: or certain scenes let's call it, with the editing. But
Speaker 2: you know, I know that that's what I signed up
Speaker 2: for and I couldn't change it. What I've changed it
Speaker 2: in my real life would've wanted wanted things different in
Speaker 2: certain scenes. And I think anybody could attest to those
Speaker 2: scenes that have to do with my family. Yes, for me,
Speaker 2: it's very very hard to you know, to watch those scenes.
Speaker 2: And I I did call, but I knew they weren't
Speaker 2: going to do anything about it. And like I said,
Speaker 2: it's something that we, you know, signed up to do
Speaker 2: so and the bad we gotta take it, you know,
Speaker 2: we got to take it. But I'm definitely not gonna
Speaker 2: call because I said the p U S S. Y.
Speaker 1: Maybe I said titty. I remember the way one of
Speaker 1: those there's I mean, are you kidding me? You thought
Speaker 1: that they were really going to edit that? Well, it
Speaker 1: was kind of like I feel like I said, punch it.
Speaker 1: It was like punch wait something like that. Yeah, something
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, I thought it was. I thought it
Speaker 1: was like like I passed it. You know what they
Speaker 1: did instead they they dubbed it. They they you could
Speaker 1: like put it. You could see my mouth moving. And
Speaker 1: then I think they put it in Spain. I don't
Speaker 1: remember what they did, but they kind of masked it
Speaker 1: and it worked, you know what, it worked out. It's
Speaker 1: usually worse when you call them and tell them to
Speaker 1: do it. That's when they want to get you. They're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: now it's really going to come out. It wasn't anything.
Speaker 1: It was just like that wasn't really necessary. We can
Speaker 1: leave that out. I gave you all these other good nuggets.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It's just like I just felt like it wasn't I
Speaker 1: don't know, it was silly. It was. We were like
Speaker 1: we were in the Hamptons and everybody was you know,
Speaker 1: I was in the pool and everybody in the box.
Speaker 1: Nobody cares about it. Yeah, well I didn't want it,
Speaker 1: and I was like, can we just can we just
Speaker 1: omit that? Please?
Speaker 2: I mean I think that the more you call and
Speaker 2: the more you tell them to.
Speaker 1: I think that's the only time I've done that.
Speaker 2: To edit something is when they don't do it. And
Speaker 2: and in my case, Like I said, there would have been.
Speaker 2: There's been a few scenes where I've called because I've been,
Speaker 2: you know, so hurt and upset about it because I
Speaker 2: knew it was going to be bad, you know.
Speaker 1: For me and my family. Yeah, yeah, Okay.
Speaker 2: So the next set of questions is about relationships. And
Speaker 2: we have a few fans that are very inquisitive and
Speaker 2: very curious, and they really want to know how we
Speaker 2: would rebuild trust in a partner after they have betrayed
Speaker 2: or hurt you, but have not cheated.
Speaker 1: But why are we rebuilding trust if they have betrayed us?
Speaker 2: M Yeah, after In this case, I guess it's a fan,
Speaker 2: and I guess it's someone that has been betrayed and
Speaker 2: but not cheated on, because you know, people see betrayed
Speaker 2: a lot of times as cheating, like lying as cheating. No,
Speaker 2: I mean cheating like with another woman or another man, right.
Speaker 1: I know. But sometimes when someone lies to right.
Speaker 2: It's a betrayal for sure. So how do you build
Speaker 2: trust again with that person? Well, I mean basically, you
Speaker 2: would just have to give the person the opportunity to try.
Speaker 1: But I mean after a while, I mean, after like
Speaker 1: like half a decade, just kidding. Listen, after a few times,
Speaker 1: if the person's habitual in their behavior, you can't trust anymore.
Speaker 1: You got to keep it moving because people just don't change.
Speaker 1: You know that you have to. I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: know the level of betrayal, but if you're hurt and
Speaker 1: it bothered you, and and it's habitual, you know, you
Speaker 1: give them a chance. And if it's happened like more
Speaker 1: than four times, I'd be like, Okay, it's just going
Speaker 1: to keep happening. It's time to move it on, right.
Speaker 2: I guess it's something like very personal.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It's you know, you never know when it's too much
Speaker 2: time or you know, how many opportunities are you going
Speaker 2: to give the person or not. It's just something that
Speaker 2: you have to feel in your heart and know, like
Speaker 2: in your mind. Okay, well, you know it's you know,
Speaker 2: you have to set boundaries. I mean I feel like
Speaker 2: you have to, you know, set boundaries and and and
Speaker 2: boundaries are different, you know for everyone.
Speaker 1: You know something there could be more. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: how much you're willing to put up with that's up
Speaker 1: to you. I mean I I don't I don't put
Speaker 1: up with too much.
Speaker 2: I you know, and building trust takes time also, you know,
Speaker 2: and for me it's kind of like what I always
Speaker 2: you know, tell like everyone is kind of like your
Speaker 2: actions have to match your words totally. So you know
Speaker 2: you can tell me, but you know you have to
Speaker 2: show me right. So I feel like, you know, Sally
Speaker 2: for example, that's writing in should really focus on, you know,
Speaker 2: giving the person you know time to prove it to earth,
Speaker 2: to say you know this person is you know doing
Speaker 2: the best right?
Speaker 1: Or what are your heart outs? Like? What are those
Speaker 1: things that you can just not live with and then
Speaker 1: don't put up with that? And then what you can
Speaker 1: live with and put up with it until you can't anymore.
Speaker 1: We all know what our heart outs are.
Speaker 2: The next question from another fan is, oh, and there's
Speaker 2: sexual attraction to an X and there is comfortability in
Speaker 2: being with them. How do you not fall into your
Speaker 2: old habits? Okay, so there's sexual attraction to an X,
Speaker 2: and there's and you're comfortable with them right and being
Speaker 2: with them right, how do you not fall into your
Speaker 2: old habits?
Speaker 1: Well, they're an X for a reason, so all the
Speaker 1: reasons why they were an ex. How do you not
Speaker 1: fall back into that even though you still have the
Speaker 1: hots form mm hmm or her that's true. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: dicey again. Like I said in the last question, at
Speaker 1: least for me, I have my heart outs. If you
Speaker 1: continue to do the things that I just can't live with,
Speaker 1: then it's going to be a one and done for me,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: So again, I mean, I just feel like you have
Speaker 2: to the way you don't fall back into those habits
Speaker 2: is by talking about it, by sending setting boundaries and
Speaker 2: just kind of like you know, know in your head
Speaker 2: that you don't want to go back to that place,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, and you actually have to
Speaker 2: do something about it. So it's maybe doing new things,
Speaker 2: you know, and not falling back into those old habits.
Speaker 1: And if the partner that you broke up with that
Speaker 1: you're back with now is showing you that they're willing
Speaker 1: to work within you're both giving one hundred, then that
Speaker 1: can work too. But again, it's like our relationships, everybody
Speaker 1: has to give an even amount of effort or it's
Speaker 1: just not going to work. A seventy thirty is not working.
Speaker 2: But it's easy to fall into old habits, it.
Speaker 1: Is, But you have to have your all, your heart out.
Speaker 1: The one thing that You're like, I can't live with that.
Speaker 1: I can't put it all that on that. That's the problem,
Speaker 1: the heart on and the heart that's your heart out right. Okay, Marisol,
Speaker 1: you have said before that when when you first met Steve,
Speaker 1: you didn't leave for three days. Did you know right
Speaker 1: away he was different from other men you have met?
Speaker 1: Absolutely not. I had no idea, he liquered me up.
Speaker 1: He did.
Speaker 2: He thought that he was like the other guys that
Speaker 2: you had ever met. I mean, I had a feeling
Speaker 2: he wasn't.
Speaker 1: Well you. I mean I didn't know. I had never
Speaker 1: even met him before. I showed up at his house
Speaker 1: to pick up a bathing suit and just hang out
Speaker 1: for some cocktails.
Speaker 2: I ever left again, I didn't, but you know, you
Speaker 2: saw his face.
Speaker 1: His face was super cute and super nice. You can
Speaker 1: see he's a kind of person. I saw him and
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, ooh cute. And then
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, you know, I might stay a
Speaker 1: little longer, but I'm just thinking more than an hour
Speaker 1: and pick up my swimsuit. Yeah, before I knew it, it
Speaker 1: was like three am and I needed a place to sleep,
Speaker 1: and I stayed and then I woke up and he
Speaker 1: just you know, it was just like a whirlwind, the
Speaker 1: fun and festivities and but you know, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: I've been around a long time and that wasn't you know,
Speaker 1: that's happened before, So I didn't know. You just don't
Speaker 1: know because people suck you in and they're really nice
Speaker 1: because they want to be close to you, and then
Speaker 1: eventually they show their true colors and then it's too
Speaker 1: late because.
Speaker 2: You're already in. Don't you think that's so? But it
Speaker 2: worked out for me, That's what I was going to say.
Speaker 1: Worked.
Speaker 2: What advice would you give, because I mean, this was
Speaker 2: this question. Thank you Carmen for your question. This class
Speaker 2: question was from arisol and directly, so I feel like
Speaker 2: what Krmen's trying to say is like you weren't scared,
Speaker 2: like you just kind of like inta, like you gave
Speaker 2: him that opportunity and just you know, you say said yourself,
Speaker 2: you stayed here for three days and you never.
Speaker 1: Want listen dating in Miami, you cannot have fear. I
Speaker 1: had lost my fear a long time ago. By the
Speaker 1: time I came turned twenty one. Yeah, I started to
Speaker 1: learn you can where you were going. So in case,
Speaker 1: I had your back. Really, why are we calling all
Speaker 1: my friends? Said worse? Marisoon each other your friends.
Speaker 2: Of course you're worried about I knew that you like
Speaker 2: them because I know that that's like what you do.
Speaker 1: He's in the other room, forgot about Listen. It was
Speaker 1: a beautiful surprise. And I cannot tell you when you
Speaker 1: know off the bat. It takes time. It takes time
Speaker 1: because people give you their best behavior, and then they
Speaker 1: read that they reveal themselves over time. Listen. I was
Speaker 1: ready the day I was born to meet somebody nice
Speaker 1: and have a nice relationship. But it didn't work out
Speaker 1: that way. It didn't work out that way until I
Speaker 1: met him. And I have this that I feel like
Speaker 1: when the first half of your life is really great,
Speaker 1: you have a nice relationship, you build a family, and
Speaker 1: you're happy, the second half is harder. Sometimes that second
Speaker 1: half is harder. My first half was really hard and
Speaker 1: my second half is going well. I think that you
Speaker 1: get a half life.
Speaker 2: We talked about it the girls the other day weber
Speaker 2: you don't remember with Lars and Julia as we drank
Speaker 2: and smoked our cigarettes. Actually that was one of that's
Speaker 2: what we said and and you.
Speaker 1: Know, I do believe that you have a point there.
Speaker 1: There's some truth to that.
Speaker 2: So thank you to all of our fans for all
Speaker 2: the relationship questions. I know that we are not experts,
Speaker 2: but we think we are even know we we do
Speaker 2: have a lot of knowledge and wisdom and lessons that
Speaker 2: we've learned and we love to share them with you.
Speaker 2: We were We are going to jump onto the next
Speaker 2: set of questions, and it's about health and beauty.
Speaker 1: Not anything I'm good at.
Speaker 2: Are healthy and beautiful.
Speaker 1: Thanks, my friend. What's something that you should hate about
Speaker 1: your body but you secretly love my chicken legs? It's true,
Speaker 1: I love my chicken legs. Yeah that's just me though,
Speaker 1: but it says very thin legs. For those who don't
Speaker 1: know me, and I actually want.
Speaker 2: People might say that, like, well, you would like hate
Speaker 2: your legs, but you secretly love them.
Speaker 1: I think that's amazing. M yeah I do. I do.
Speaker 1: What about you? What about me? That's a hard one
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 2: My legs, because I always wanted your checking legs by
Speaker 2: the way.
Speaker 1: Really last You're always like they're so.
Speaker 2: Skinny, But like you said, I felt like I want
Speaker 2: them like I was wanting long skinny legs, and I'm like, whatever, legs.
Speaker 2: I really didn't like my legs, but I secretly don't
Speaker 2: love them.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't hate mine. They could be a
Speaker 1: little more tone, but I don't know if we're going
Speaker 1: to pick something. And then are there any beauty I.
Speaker 2: Didn't hit my boat when I was growing up because
Speaker 2: nobody had like a like a bun when I was
Speaker 2: going on, well, but I'm just saying like, but you know,
Speaker 2: like I secretly I'm like why but back in the day,
Speaker 2: nobody had like big legs and a big bun, So, like,
Speaker 2: you know, I didn't like it because I was growing
Speaker 2: up during those times, were like that was not like attract.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the face was doing all the works.
Speaker 2: And then but then the secretly I was like, I
Speaker 2: kind of like my boy, I don't know, nobody likes it,
Speaker 2: but I like it.
Speaker 1: I'm sure nobody said they didn't like it.
Speaker 2: Are there any beauty hacks that men have taught you
Speaker 2: that's funny, either from your partner or someone you dated
Speaker 2: or friend. We love these questions, Beauty Hawk a friend Toppy.
Speaker 2: You know, there's a lot of metro sexual guys out
Speaker 2: there that have a lot of great beauty tricks.
Speaker 1: I don't use men's beauty tips.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm kind of wondering. No, you know what, My
Speaker 2: guys have been pretty like not so much into beauty,
Speaker 2: So we don't have an answer for that one. Guys, Yeah,
Speaker 2: but we'll get back. Are there any beauty hacks that
Speaker 2: men have taught you, either from your partner or someone
Speaker 2: you dated or friend.
Speaker 1: No, I don't have one. I can't's right now.
Speaker 2: I can't even stand like a guy that looks in
Speaker 2: numbror more than I do. Have you ever dated some
Speaker 2: guys like that that with.
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Okay, good, because that's a bad sign.
Speaker 1: Don't do gay friends that do that, but not him?
Speaker 1: I know. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, well you should never date a guy that
Speaker 2: has beauty tips.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a that's a red flag. Speaking of red flags,
Speaker 1: you should look into that before you get more involved. Okay,
Speaker 1: Well that was fun.
Speaker 2: Ask us anything. I mean, we're so open, we're so free,
Speaker 2: we are freestyling.
Speaker 1: You can ask us anything.
Speaker 2: Until next time.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
Speaker 4: If thanks for listening, follow us on Instagram at iPort
Speaker 4: for podcast. Make sure to write us a review and
Speaker 4: leave us five stars.
Speaker 1: At all a proxima