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Speaker 1: Do you even feel like you're you're close to being done? Man?

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Speaker 1: Physically I feel great.

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Speaker 2: I don't think i'm I think I have a few

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Speaker 2: more in me, But really it's just a year to

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Speaker 2: year thing at this point.

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Speaker 1: For me.

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Speaker 2: It's as much mental as it is physical, emotional as

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Speaker 2: much as is physical. So I've been blessed to have

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Speaker 2: an amazing career so far. But at the end of

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Speaker 2: the day, I'm just trying to focus on this week.

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Speaker 1: The Next Man of podcast is presented by Lansdown Resort.

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Speaker 1: From kickoff to checking score, game change and get away

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Speaker 1: in the heart of Lounders. Lansdown Resort, proud partner of

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Speaker 1: the Washington Commanders Command is family for our Next Man Up.

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Speaker 1: We have one of the best tight ends to ever

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Speaker 1: do it, and he truly is one of the best

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Speaker 1: to ever do it, making history over and over again.

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Speaker 1: Woke me in our Next Man Up, Zach Ers Brother,

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Speaker 1: how you feeling man?

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Speaker 3: I feel good man.

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Speaker 2: Obviously tough loss Monday night, but feel like the energy

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Speaker 2: has been good in the building. Guys are working hard,

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Speaker 2: doing everything they can and get ready for Sunday.

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Speaker 1: What about for you, man? Year two? I think what

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Speaker 1: we're in week eight. Now going on a week nine,

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Speaker 1: how are you feeling.

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Speaker 2: I feel good physically, feel great, mentally, in a great spot.

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Speaker 2: Family is good. So obviously want to win some more

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Speaker 2: football games for us. Ultimately, that's what you're measured at

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Speaker 2: at this point in the year. But from a physical standpoint,

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Speaker 2: I'm in a good spot.

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Speaker 1: And that's a blessing in itself, right because we know

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Speaker 1: at this point in the season, we've seen it with

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Speaker 1: this team. It's easy to get banged up, it's easy

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Speaker 1: to go it's hard to go through a whole season.

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Speaker 1: But you've been through this before. A lot of these

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Speaker 1: young guys have it. Man, how have you been able

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Speaker 1: to help this locker room deal with all of these injuries,

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Speaker 1: all of these ups and downs that we've talked about.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, obviously we've been hit hard by the

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Speaker 2: injuries the first few weeks. You know, the injury rate

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Speaker 2: in the NFL is one hundred percent, So it's just

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Speaker 2: one of those things that we've had a lot of

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Speaker 2: guys missed some time. But it comes down to the

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Speaker 2: guys just filling in doing everything they can to be prepared,

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Speaker 2: whether it's during the game or preparing for a game.

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Speaker 2: You never know when your numbers, when your numbers are

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Speaker 2: going to be called in this league, So you have

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Speaker 2: to be prepared each and every week like you are

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Speaker 2: the starter, like your numbers are going to be called,

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Speaker 2: like you're going to play a lot of football, and

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Speaker 2: just from where we at in the season, it's about

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Speaker 2: improving every week as players, as a team. It's a

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Speaker 2: long season. Obviously we wish our record was better, but

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Speaker 2: it's our fault that we are where we are. So

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Speaker 2: it's up to us to go out there and fix it.

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Speaker 2: And that's only through improving as a football team. It's

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Speaker 2: not by talking about it. It's not by giving speeches.

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Speaker 2: It's about going out there and earning it every week

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Speaker 2: on the practice field. And so I think that's the

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Speaker 2: message this week, this past week, whatever the situation is,

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Speaker 2: it's just been improving as a football team and just

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Speaker 2: getting better every week.

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Speaker 1: It's one thing for things to be good, to have

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Speaker 1: these slogans and talk about brotherhood when things are good, right,

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Speaker 1: but it's different. You really see what people are made

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Speaker 1: of when you go through this adversity when things aren't

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Speaker 1: going so great. I feel like you've seen what this

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Speaker 1: team is made of. As a leader, Can you explain

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Speaker 1: that because I feel like there's always lessons in losses.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I think just a way that guys

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Speaker 2: come about in the building every day, the mentality that

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Speaker 2: guys have, it really is a culture of working. It's

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Speaker 2: not a culture of just seeing who we are on

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Speaker 2: quote unquote paper and going out there and playing. You

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Speaker 2: got to earn it every week. Got to earn it

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Speaker 2: on the practice shield, you got to earn it in

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Speaker 2: the meet room. You gotta earn it the way you

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Speaker 2: take care of your body. And it really is a

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Speaker 2: week to week business in this league. Whatever happens Sunday,

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Speaker 2: you gotta flush it the next day, watch the film,

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Speaker 2: see how you can improve, and then beyond to the

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Speaker 2: next opponent. And so for us, it's just about flip

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Speaker 2: flipping that switch early in the week. Don't let one

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Speaker 2: loss compound, don't let the way we feel out that

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Speaker 2: a Kansas City game compound and impact the way we're

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Speaker 2: approaching this game on Sunday.

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Speaker 1: And it's easier said than done, especially for a guy

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Speaker 1: in year two like Jayden Daniels who hasn't had to

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Speaker 1: deal with this type of adversity before. But I know

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Speaker 1: you guys have a very close relationship. I've seen you

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Speaker 1: have your arm around him giving him advice. What advice

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Speaker 1: have you given him? Just through this process, even though

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Speaker 1: we all know Jaden is way wise beyond his years.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, he may be young in NFL terms,

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Speaker 2: but he got old soult, So I don't really have

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Speaker 2: to tell.

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Speaker 1: Them too much. Honestly.

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Speaker 2: The adversity, it's not only adversity in the NFL. People

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Speaker 2: have been facing that adversity of their entire life. You

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Speaker 2: don't get into the NFL by not facing adversity at

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Speaker 2: some point, and a losing streak is going to happen. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: we had a last year with a three game losing streak,

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Speaker 2: so we got to make sure we we approach this

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Speaker 2: game the right way. And like I said, just don't

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Speaker 2: let a compound, don't let the emotions of Monday night

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Speaker 2: impact the way you prepare this week. You should be

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Speaker 2: giving your all each and every week. Whether you win

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Speaker 2: lose it, it really doesn't matter to me. My approach, my

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Speaker 2: process is the same and that's what I'm focused on.

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Speaker 1: And he doesn't just get to learn from you, He

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Speaker 1: gets to learn from a guy like Marcus Marioda, which

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Speaker 1: I know, we're all lucky to have a guy like

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Speaker 1: that as a backup, right, you don't have a guy

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Speaker 1: of guys step up like a Marcus Marioda that could

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Speaker 1: come in and really work this offense. How great is

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Speaker 1: it been to see a guy make Marcus Mariold or

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Speaker 1: somebody you have a relationship with as well, come in,

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Speaker 1: step up and still try to help you guys find

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Speaker 1: ways to win.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I don't think anyone have used Marcus as

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Speaker 2: a quote unquote backup quarterback in this league. Everyone's got

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Speaker 2: full confidence that he is one of the best thirty

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Speaker 2: two quarterbacks in the NFL. And it's not only on

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Speaker 2: the field what he does, but off the field as well.

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Speaker 2: Like you spoke on just his ability to influence that room.

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Speaker 2: He was the number two overall pick, just like Jaden was.

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Speaker 2: He's dealt through all this stuff in Tennessee, and so

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Speaker 2: he just has so much wisdom for a young player

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Speaker 2: like Jaden that he's able to impart on him, whether

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Speaker 2: it be handling players, whether it be the media, whether

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Speaker 2: it be the coaches. He just has such a wealth

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Speaker 2: of knowledge that he's able to impart on Jayden. And

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Speaker 2: Jaden has no ego in the sense that he's open

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Speaker 2: to all years. He's trying to learn from anyone and everyone,

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Speaker 2: And I truly think that's one of the characteristics that

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Speaker 2: says to Jaden apart.

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Speaker 1: Exact, one thing that's been cool about you it is

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Speaker 1: no matter who's been that quarterback, you still found ways

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Speaker 1: to contribute and get it done. Man. Like I said,

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Speaker 1: to start, made history one of six tight ends with

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Speaker 1: eight hundred receptions. Man, let's really dive into that, because

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Speaker 1: did you know that that was coming? Like, do you

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Speaker 1: know as a player, when you're in it, that these

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Speaker 1: milestones are approaching.

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Speaker 2: Solely because of the quote unquote outside noise and the

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Speaker 2: way people talk about it. But when you're playing, you

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Speaker 2: don't think about it. When I'm out there preparing, I

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Speaker 2: don't think about it. I don't I think throughout my career,

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Speaker 2: you know, I've been fortunate enough to be surrounded by

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Speaker 2: some amazing people. I truly don't feel like I accomplished

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Speaker 2: any of this on my own, and so I think

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Speaker 2: it's a estimate to the people that have been around me,

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Speaker 2: the people that have pushed me, that have designed things

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Speaker 2: for me. And I just go out there each and

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Speaker 2: every day, whether I have one catch. Whether I have

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Speaker 2: fifteen catches in a game or zero catches, it really

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Speaker 2: doesn't I'm just going out there through the week and

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Speaker 2: doing everything I can to get open as much as

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Speaker 2: I can, to create as much separation as I can.

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Speaker 2: And so whether it's Marcus, whether it's Jaden whoever, whatever

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Speaker 2: quarterback I'm playing with, I'm trying to make it as

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Speaker 2: easy for them as possible.

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Speaker 1: And so that's all I think about when it happened,

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Speaker 1: when you got that catch, were you able to bask

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Speaker 1: in that moment at all? Have you basked that move on?

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Speaker 1: I know you're a true professional, know what it's all

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Speaker 1: about the wins, but have you taken time to just

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Speaker 1: be proud of yourself? No? You know, I was bummed.

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Speaker 2: I was a little ticked off that it wasn't a

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Speaker 2: first down.

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Speaker 1: On the head about that. So that was kind of

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Speaker 1: the thing in the moment that you think of.

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Speaker 2: But the milestones, whatever happens in this career, I'm trying

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Speaker 2: to give it everything I have, and the milestones, whatever

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Speaker 2: I accomplished, I can look back at my career and say, man,

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Speaker 2: I did everything I could to be the best version

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Speaker 2: of myself every day and I can retire whenever that

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Speaker 2: is knowing I gave it my all. I'm not wishing, man,

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Speaker 2: if only I worked a little harder, if only I

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Speaker 2: did a little more, if only if I didn't do X,

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Speaker 2: Y and Z, I would have had a better career.

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Speaker 2: So my whole goal throughout this thing has been I'm

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Speaker 2: giving it all I can for the season of life,

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Speaker 2: and then whenever I'm done, I can look back and say, man,

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Speaker 2: I gave it all.

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Speaker 1: It's crazy for you to even mention the war retirement

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Speaker 1: because yeah, you're in year thirteen, but it don't look close.

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Speaker 1: Like we call you on the pregame show all the time,

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Speaker 1: the ageless wonder, because every time you look younger, you

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Speaker 1: move in good like it just it looks really really good.

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Speaker 1: Do you even feel like you're you're close to being done?

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Speaker 2: Man, Physically I feel great. I don't think i'm I

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Speaker 2: think I have a few more in me. But really

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Speaker 2: it's just a year to year thing at this point.

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Speaker 1: For me.

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Speaker 2: It's as much mental as it is physical, emotional as

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Speaker 2: much it is physical. So I've been blessed to have

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Speaker 2: an amazing career so far. But at the end of

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Speaker 2: the day, I'm just trying to focus on this week.

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Speaker 2: The decision is not my own. Whenever that time comes,

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Speaker 2: it's a family decision at this point, you know, with

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Speaker 2: a wife and three kids and amazing people supports system.

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Speaker 2: But I'm not focused on that at all. I feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm playing good football. I feel like I'm still

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Speaker 2: a factor in the game playing so the defense still

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Speaker 2: got account for me. And so when that stops happening,

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Speaker 2: I feel like then I'll be done when the defense

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Speaker 2: doesn't have to worry about me lining up on third

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Speaker 2: down or in the red zone. But for now, I

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Speaker 2: love it. I love the process. I love coming to work.

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Speaker 2: I love practicing like I love practicing. I love working

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Speaker 2: on my craft every day. The best part about sports

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Speaker 2: is you're never a perfect player. Like there's even Michael

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Speaker 2: Jordan miss shots and he always, i would imagine, was mad.

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Speaker 1: When he missed a shot.

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Speaker 2: And so for me, if I get covered, if I

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Speaker 2: didn't have the right steps, if I didn't have the

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Speaker 2: right footwork, if there wasn't enough separation, like, how can

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Speaker 2: I still improve in that aspect?

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Speaker 1: Is what I still love. And Zach, you don't get

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Speaker 1: to thirteen years without putting in a lot of work

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Speaker 1: on that field, a lot of work off the field,

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Speaker 1: but you also got to take time for some downtime,

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Speaker 1: for some me time and maybe even some family time.

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Speaker 1: And our partners down at lands Down Resort, they like

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Speaker 1: to know you getting that work done, but they also

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Speaker 1: know that you'd like to relax as well. So how

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Speaker 1: do you spend down time, Zach Erth do you do

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Speaker 1: your own thing? I know you're a family you guys,

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Speaker 1: will man, what are your favorite things of doing your

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Speaker 1: down south?

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Speaker 2: I mean it's really just be a dad, be a husband,

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Speaker 2: be a dad, be a son. I don't really have

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Speaker 2: a lot of hobbies outside of football, just trying to

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Speaker 2: be present with my family when I get home. I

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Speaker 2: try and do everything I can at the facility so

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Speaker 2: that when I am home, I'm not watching film or

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Speaker 2: doing or thinking about football. It's really just be the

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Speaker 2: best dad husband I can be when I go home.

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Speaker 2: And those those three little boys are running around all

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Speaker 2: the time. So those are my quote unquote hobbies. And

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Speaker 2: it's not a hobby, it's just life. It's a fun

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Speaker 2: stage of life. Three year old and then we have

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Speaker 2: two boys that are one twins as well, so it's

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Speaker 2: just a fun, fun fun, fun season of life right now,

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Speaker 2: and I'm trying to make sure I'm president as much

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Speaker 2: as I can.

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Speaker 1: And another way, you are spending you down sound You're

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Speaker 1: very humble man, and go family God for sure. But

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Speaker 1: it's giving back. You were named and honoree for the

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Speaker 1: Salute to Service for the Commanders. I know that's a

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Speaker 1: big deal for you, man. I know giving back and

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Speaker 1: spending that time with the community means a lot to you.

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Speaker 1: Can you just talk about that a little bit and

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Speaker 1: why the military aspect came of walk because I know

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Speaker 1: you laid reefs down at Arlington Cemetary. I know you

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Speaker 1: helped in the Pack for Truth and why is that

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Speaker 1: so important for you with such a busy schedule you have.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you know.

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Speaker 2: Like I said earlier, I understand I didn't get here

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Speaker 2: by myself playing on Sundays. It's not just for yourself.

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Speaker 2: You feel like I feel the love every time I

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Speaker 2: step into the field on Sunday at the stadium that

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Speaker 2: I feel the love of the fans. And so how

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Speaker 2: can I return that love? Not only by the way

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Speaker 2: I play, obviously, but how I want to help off

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Speaker 2: the field and being in this city, being the service

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Speaker 2: nominee is. I feel like Carrie is another weight just

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Speaker 2: because of where we are, the way of the city.

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Speaker 2: And so with the military, you know, Julie and I

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Speaker 2: have always tried to go above and beyond because we

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Speaker 2: understand that we're not able to do what we love

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Speaker 2: to do without the men and women that protect us

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Speaker 2: each and every day. That I laid the foundations of

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Speaker 2: this country, each and every day, and so for us,

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Speaker 2: it's just about finding small ways. You know, we unders

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Speaker 2: staying we can't make some drastic, drastic change a lifelong thing,

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Speaker 2: but we can maybe change the day of someone and

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Speaker 2: help someone for a day, and maybe just change the

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Speaker 2: outlook of someone for a day, or give them hope,

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Speaker 2: or give them love and just show them love or

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Speaker 2: show them that someone cares about them. Whether it's through

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Speaker 2: our foundation or whether it's through just going to pack

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Speaker 2: packed baggies for the military. If we can just impact

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Speaker 2: people that, I mean, that is ultimately what we're called

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Speaker 2: here to do. The stats, the yards, all that stuff

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Speaker 2: will fade away, but people are gonna remember how you

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Speaker 2: treat them every day. They're gonna remember how you made

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Speaker 2: them feel, show them that you cared about them.

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Speaker 1: And so for me. That's what we're trying to do exact.

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Speaker 1: That's so important. Man, You're impacted so many people. Let

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Speaker 1: me tell you somebody with two parents from the military

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Speaker 1: were actually laying my father the rest of Arlington in

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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks. Man, So that it means a lot, man,

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Speaker 1: it means a lot. My sister's in service. So thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for what you do. In Commanders, fans,

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Speaker 1: you can vote for Zachers right now, go to Commanders

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Speaker 1: dot com and y'all can help hit win this award

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Speaker 1: because we know our got deserves it. In closing, man,

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Speaker 1: we got Someday night football the Seattle Seahawks big Dog.

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Speaker 1: What can the command of fans expect from our commanders

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Speaker 1: when they go out on prom time?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I think we're gonna do everything we

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Speaker 2: can to find a way to win the football game. Ultimately,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't matter how it looks, doesn't matter how it

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Speaker 2: looks early, it doesn't matter how it looks like. The

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Speaker 2: goal is to go out there and win a football

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Speaker 2: game against a really good football team that's playing really well,

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Speaker 2: that's extremely well coached, and it's going to be a battle,

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Speaker 2: and we need our fans behind us to give it

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Speaker 2: everything we have. You know, I love playing at home.

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Speaker 2: I love playing at home at night. I feel like

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Speaker 2: there hasn't been enough home game so far to season,

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Speaker 2: So for me, I feel like coming home, being able

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Speaker 2: to be at home in our stadium, in front of

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Speaker 2: our fans just gives us a little extra boost and

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Speaker 2: so I can't wait.

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Speaker 1: It's funny whenever we play off. Prom Ton Santana says,

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Speaker 1: this feels like a zach Ertz. Can I got a

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Speaker 1: feeling Sunday night would be a zach Er Zach Appreciate you, brother, commanders, family,

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Speaker 1: our next man up, our salute to service nominee or honoree.

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Speaker 1: Zach Ertz, Thank you brother, Thank you. Hey Marylanders play

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Speaker 1: multi Match from the Maryland Lottery, Maryland's only in state

325
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,240
Speaker 1: jackpot game. A two dollars ticket gives you a chance

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00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:02,520
Speaker 1: to win a jackpot starting at five hundred thousand dollars

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00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:07,199
Speaker 1: drawings Mondays and Thursdays. And remember please play responsibly. They

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Speaker 1: say your work defines who you are. Monday through Friday

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Speaker 1: nine to five, you are clocking in what happens on

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Speaker 1: the weekend, what happens to your time. You could take

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Speaker 1: it easy or you could use your time to get better.

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Speaker 1: In the US Army, we think differently. Your time should

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Speaker 1: be used to improve the skills you do have to

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Speaker 1: learn some you don't to put yourself in new ways,

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Speaker 1: because it's those days that truly define who you are.

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Speaker 1: That's how you make progress. That's how you make impact

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Speaker 1: on the world around you. It's your time. How you

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Speaker 1: spend it is up to you. It's your time. The

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Speaker 1: US Army Reserve Commanders family back to the show for

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Speaker 1: our Next Man Up. You know, we love having the legends,

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Speaker 1: whether they call in or whether they pull up. But

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Speaker 1: when they pull up, it hits a little different. And

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Speaker 1: this legend was requested by the best fans in the

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Speaker 1: NFL are Commanders fans welcoming in for the second time

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Speaker 1: on Next Man Up. Former Washington running back out for more. So, brother,

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Speaker 1: how you're feeling.

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Speaker 4: I'm good man, Thanks for man. It feels good though,

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Speaker 4: to be in the studio. Man, it's kind a.

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Speaker 1: Little different, Yeah, it is.

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Speaker 3: I'm glad to be here, man. I'm glad it's worked out.

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Speaker 1: It's it's dope to have you back. Man. I appreciate

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Speaker 1: you taking the time because we know you've busly know

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Speaker 1: you got a lot going on, but we've been seeing

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Speaker 1: you a little more like me just talking off a that.

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Speaker 1: You know, you've been in the arena, you've been in

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Speaker 1: the stadiums, you've been pulling up. Man, what has it

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Speaker 1: been like being back in the fold and backing around

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Speaker 1: the burgundy and goal because you know, looking at these pictures,

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Speaker 1: you put some working in that burgundy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I did.

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Speaker 4: Man, it's been really good. It's been just where I'm

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Speaker 4: at in life. It's just been kind of refreshing, I

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Speaker 4: guess I can say. And I'm seeing different size of

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Speaker 4: the burgen and goals that I didn't like. I said,

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Speaker 4: I've never been in the stadium Normally it's locker room field,

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Speaker 4: back to the locker room home, you know. So it's

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Speaker 4: just nice to like kind of see some of the

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Speaker 4: sweet sea because some of the views you get from

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Speaker 4: like from a stand from a fan standpoint, so it's

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Speaker 4: like really cool to see that and just just flashback.

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Speaker 4: I'n't been here in Ashburn in years, man, And it's

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Speaker 4: so much a change. More data centers popped up, you know,

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Speaker 4: it's just i mean, even the facilities here, it's just

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Speaker 4: so much has changed. I'm like let me pick me,

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Speaker 4: pick me up on the curtain, you know, like I

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Speaker 4: do want to see a little bit, you know. So

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Speaker 4: it's just it's been really good man, and refreshing.

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Speaker 1: And I love when you guys pull up because like

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Speaker 1: even while we're walking, right, I can see you just

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Speaker 1: like looking around and I can see like the odds,

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Speaker 1: Like it's that nostalgia here right when you walked back

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Speaker 1: onto this onto this campus we'll call it, and you

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Speaker 1: looked over and you saw the guys practicing. Man, I

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Speaker 1: was that for you. But I feel like that was

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Speaker 1: kind of a moment for you, like dang, man, I'm back.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it was.

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Speaker 4: And I really flashed back to my rookie year. I

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Speaker 4: thought one of the pictures a rookie year but too.

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Speaker 4: It's funny I can remember that, but but I just

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Speaker 4: I remember just like the thoughts I had streaming, Like, man,

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Speaker 4: there's times I was like an O.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I ain't making it.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna get cut cut And I was like nah nah,

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Speaker 4: Just like if I can look myself in the mirror

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Speaker 4: every day and know I gave my all and I

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Speaker 4: can I can confidently say that. And I was like whatever,

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Speaker 4: happens like happens, and I can I can leave it

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Speaker 4: all out there.

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Speaker 3: So just that I start thinking about like the first.

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Speaker 4: The only time I got fined the NFL because I

401
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Speaker 4: and I got fine because I listened.

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Speaker 3: It was five hundred dollars, you know, like it's a story.

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Speaker 4: And they said it's like, hey, y'all need to stop

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Speaker 4: and sign for the fans. You know this camp. This

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Speaker 4: is when we had camp here. I did this before

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Speaker 4: the year before you went to Richmond. And uh So

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Speaker 4: I'm sitting there, I'm I'm in the tunnel, you know,

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Speaker 4: all that fields right there, and I'm sign and stuff

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Speaker 4: and I hate a horn. Hey, y'all gotta go. I

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Speaker 4: gotta go to the field. So I'm thinking I'm good.

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Speaker 4: I get a notice on my like later, I get

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Speaker 4: a little thing and I say, like, you mean if

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Speaker 4: I'm like I went to peek and I'm like, why.

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Speaker 3: Did I get fined?

415
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Speaker 4: Like I was?

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Speaker 1: He was like, well you were.

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Speaker 4: I was like, no, I was. I was doing what

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Speaker 4: y'all told me to do. And he was like, well,

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Speaker 4: you didn't want them to feel before the horn, And

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Speaker 4: I was like, well, I ain't doing that no more.

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Speaker 4: That's the only fine I ever got in the NFL.

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Speaker 4: It's super crazy. But yeah, so start memories nostalogia like

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Speaker 4: you said, and it was just like dang, like the

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Speaker 4: steal apartments, like.

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Speaker 3: Man, I miss it, you know, like I miss it, and.

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Speaker 4: If anybody's playing, you know, in the thick of it,

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Speaker 4: just like enjoy it while you can, because it ends

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Speaker 4: for all of us, you know. So, and that's just real.

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Speaker 4: And that's not like there was a time that I

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Speaker 4: was like I miss it. You know, it's full of

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Speaker 4: regrets and remorse and just like I should have, could

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Speaker 4: have would he But now it's like I missed the

433
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,560
Speaker 4: game and I'm thankful I got to.

434
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,000
Speaker 3: Do what I was able to do though while I

435
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:10,679
Speaker 3: was there, you know.

436
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,360
Speaker 4: So it's a different little perspective now, just going through

437
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,760
Speaker 4: some of the things I've been through lately.

438
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,879
Speaker 1: So when you look at that perspective, right, because now

439
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,640
Speaker 1: you do have that different lens, what are those things

440
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,120
Speaker 1: about the game that you missed? Like if you could

441
00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:21,240
Speaker 1: put into words.

442
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,720
Speaker 3: Everybody'll tell you it's always the locker room and it's

443
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:24,159
Speaker 3: the people.

444
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,159
Speaker 4: Man. It says yes, like I would love to like

445
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,320
Speaker 4: put my shoulder pads and my helmet on again and

446
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,240
Speaker 4: go out there and just hear all the you know,

447
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:33,560
Speaker 4: the screaming fans and things like that. But it's really

448
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,000
Speaker 4: just like my brother's next to me, Like you miss

449
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,560
Speaker 4: the hajakiky and you know the jokes, you know, just

450
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,280
Speaker 4: the shenanigans. You know, it's always it's in the locker

451
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,640
Speaker 4: room's never short on characters. No matter what leve I've

452
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,720
Speaker 4: been on, I've always enjoyed a locker room. I always

453
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,720
Speaker 4: enjoyed my teammates and even bigger than that, just what

454
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,639
Speaker 4: I call my stadium fan or just you know the

455
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,600
Speaker 4: different security people. Like you start seeing people that around

456
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,960
Speaker 4: enough and you like kind of like create relationships. Miss

457
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,200
Speaker 4: j used to sit here, you know, the receptionist for forever,

458
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,800
Speaker 4: you know so so, but yeah, things like that.

459
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,640
Speaker 3: It's just like it's always the people. That's what I.

460
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,040
Speaker 4: Missed, and I just missed the moments and the memories.

461
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,520
Speaker 4: And it's like, dang, I wonder what they helped you

462
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,520
Speaker 4: right now? You know, so you just kind of miss people.

463
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,280
Speaker 1: I love that nostalgia, man, and I love like getting

464
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,199
Speaker 1: the half you guys in here because we get to

465
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,119
Speaker 1: have that nostalgia. I told you, I'm off air. We

466
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,399
Speaker 1: were talking to Ricky Irvis and I asked him about

467
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,480
Speaker 1: like that moment where he knew it was time to retire,

468
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,000
Speaker 1: right and me and you kind of talked about it

469
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 1: a little bit, and I'd love to talk about it

470
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,600
Speaker 1: on air because I asked you, was it hard to

471
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,959
Speaker 1: make that decision? Was it hard to come with terms

472
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,400
Speaker 1: that your NFL career was over math to playing your

473
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 1: entire life working so hard to get to that point,

474
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,200
Speaker 1: Like you even said, Man, it was some times didn't even

475
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 1: know if you were gonna make it, but you did

476
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,879
Speaker 1: make it. Man. You talk about that a little bit

477
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,679
Speaker 1: and how tough it was to leave the game that

478
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:44,400
Speaker 1: you loved so much.

479
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, So, like I told you, mine was like a

480
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 4: delayed hard It wasn't so. I was with the Giants,

481
00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:54,159
Speaker 4: I was in Camp twenty one, and you know I

482
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:54,920
Speaker 4: was cultn't.

483
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,080
Speaker 3: Release numbers game. I get it.

484
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,879
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm a vet at this point, like I've

485
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 4: done this before. Table gonna call me back.

486
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:00,440
Speaker 3: They did.

487
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,479
Speaker 4: They three times they called me back, and I ended

488
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 4: up turning them down. But the reason why is because

489
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,159
Speaker 4: the summit up simply is like my family needed a

490
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:09,200
Speaker 4: husband and the father and not.

491
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,480
Speaker 3: A professional athlete anymore.

492
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,240
Speaker 4: And that's and I had to that's what kind of

493
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,320
Speaker 4: trying to try to talk myself, well, if I can

494
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,760
Speaker 4: get another game, if I can you know, one more

495
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,440
Speaker 4: credited season and all these different things, It's like, nah,

496
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,400
Speaker 4: I couldn't talk myself into doing it again.

497
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 3: What really still to deal for me?

498
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:23,800
Speaker 1: Though?

499
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,480
Speaker 4: As while I was home before they called me back,

500
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 4: my daughter came to me. My daughter is like really

501
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,960
Speaker 4: like type A, my oldest DAUGHTERY and I have four

502
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,399
Speaker 4: of them, but she's Type A. And like once she

503
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,080
Speaker 4: said her mind to do something she's gonna do and

504
00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 4: she can't. She's like, how to ride my bike? And

505
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:39,679
Speaker 4: I was like, all right, let's do it. So we

506
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,560
Speaker 4: spend hours out there just up and down street, up

507
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,120
Speaker 4: and down the street, you know, failing, cheering, and it's

508
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,679
Speaker 4: just like and I just had a moment. Then we

509
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,679
Speaker 4: went from that to like electric stride or you know

510
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 4: the little balance bikes, but as they try, they have

511
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,159
Speaker 4: like a little motor on a little battery, so you

512
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,680
Speaker 4: can like balance, but you also can go like it's

513
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,399
Speaker 4: just like a dirt bike or something. And I just

514
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,159
Speaker 4: had this this moment of like, man, if I was

515
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 4: in camp, right, if I was still playing right now,

516
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,080
Speaker 4: I would have missed this moment with my daughter. And

517
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:09,400
Speaker 4: I was like I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. So

518
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,359
Speaker 4: but I threw myself into something else. So it was

519
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 4: just like I never That's why I was delayed, because

520
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 4: I was just I went to the next.

521
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,640
Speaker 3: Thing, like yeah, i'm home now, I'm done.

522
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 4: I'm walking away from it, but like I'm gonna throw

523
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 4: myself into the next thing.

524
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,119
Speaker 3: And then I threw myself at another thing.

525
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,680
Speaker 4: And then you know, it wasn't until like I think

526
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:28,440
Speaker 4: it was twenty four, actually twenty three, twenty four, it

527
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:33,720
Speaker 4: was twenty four. I had this epiphany of just like dang,

528
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 4: like I'll never play again, you know. So at this point,

529
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 4: like I just to kind of jump back and up.

530
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,440
Speaker 4: I started doing like therapy consistently because I was like

531
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 4: something something not right. I'm off and I was like

532
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,439
Speaker 4: I just I need to talk to somebody, you know.

533
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,040
Speaker 4: So I started doing therapy consistently, and my therapist, who

534
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,199
Speaker 4: I still you She was saying that a lot of

535
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,840
Speaker 4: times guys, we released stress and pressure through like contact,

536
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 4: and I was like, you know what that means. I

537
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 4: didn't realize how therapeutic football was for me because I

538
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 4: can go out there and just release all the stress

539
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 4: and pressure on game day, you.

540
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:04,400
Speaker 3: Know, and practice.

541
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,960
Speaker 4: And so I was in a I was at the

542
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,200
Speaker 4: chiropractice and they're connected to this gym and they have

543
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:11,200
Speaker 4: heavy punching back.

544
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 3: So I was thinking about what she said.

545
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,159
Speaker 4: So I was pushing a heavy bag and letting it

546
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,520
Speaker 4: run into me and I was just like just throwing

547
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,160
Speaker 4: my shoulder into like as I was, you know, running

548
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,359
Speaker 4: somebody over, and I just had this moment of like, dang,

549
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,359
Speaker 4: I'll never play again. And that's when it hit me

550
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,920
Speaker 4: and it's like this is I was done in twenty one.

551
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,360
Speaker 3: It's three years later, man.

552
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 4: You know, so it was delayed and then then I

553
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,880
Speaker 4: had to start dealing with that and that that was hard.

554
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 3: Last you know, like year, ten years, ten months.

555
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 4: A year has been really really challenging, really really like hard,

556
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:43,200
Speaker 4: and just it's been real and transparent. It's like it's

557
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 4: it was dark, you know, but now I'm in a

558
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 4: better place. But like going through that now, like I said,

559
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 4: like I appreciate I have a different lens, not gonna

560
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,600
Speaker 4: look through and look back on my career and look

561
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,879
Speaker 4: back on time spent here and just you know, I

562
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,560
Speaker 4: don't I don't have like the regrets to shame, remorse. Yeah,

563
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,400
Speaker 4: still there, but it doesn't have the weight it want did.

564
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,600
Speaker 4: And now it's like I'm able to see it like dang,

565
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 4: like I had an impact.

566
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,119
Speaker 3: Dang, like I lived my dream.

567
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,679
Speaker 4: Dang. I was like I did what I said I

568
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 4: was gonna do you know what I did do on

569
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 4: a high level, you know, so like I can, I

570
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:16,200
Speaker 4: can appreciate it more. I start noticing all the little winds,

571
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,119
Speaker 4: and those little winds add up, man, and it's like

572
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 4: before it's like, ain't a grand slam, don't mean nothing,

573
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:23,120
Speaker 4: Like I want the graand slam and nothing. So now

574
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 4: it's like those basis, those sacrifice pop flies and things

575
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,560
Speaker 4: like that. It's like, dang, those little wins, and it's

576
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,680
Speaker 4: like you start seeing it the bigger picture. It's like, man,

577
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 4: that mattered, you know, like that that that mattered. So yeah, man,

578
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,440
Speaker 4: so I just a different little light now and just

579
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 4: like really was just my family. It was a really

580
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,520
Speaker 4: big you know, push to like I just kind of

581
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,359
Speaker 4: lost my heart to play it. And now I feel

582
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 4: like physically I can still do it, like I really

583
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 4: but it's like like I think mentally, I think it's

584
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 4: one of those things I don't know if I can

585
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,439
Speaker 4: flip the switch again to go out there and do it,

586
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 4: you know, so like I ain't trying to do it,

587
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,160
Speaker 4: but but like it's it's like hey, like sometimes like hey,

588
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 4: fourth to one go line, put me in coach, I

589
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 4: might be able to do.

590
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 3: So I give you one. I give you.

591
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 1: Alfie.

592
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:09,439
Speaker 3: Man.

593
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 1: We appreciate that transparency because there's so many people watching,

594
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 1: whether they're an athlete right in life life you have

595
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,359
Speaker 1: to pivot. You have to change those things, man, And

596
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: it's also okay to go through those dark times. It's

597
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 1: okay to know that you had hard times within this

598
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: bro because you have given so much of a game,

599
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:28,919
Speaker 1: and people do not realize how hard it is, especially

600
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 1: as a grown man, to pivot in anything, whether that's

601
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 1: the pivot in fatherhood, marriage, a new career. Man, it

602
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 1: gets tough. So I appreciate your transparency and that if

603
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 1: we can stay on that for a little bit, because

604
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: I think people need to hear it, right. I think

605
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,679
Speaker 1: people need to understand that somebody that they looked up

606
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 1: to that watched goes through real stuff because you're a

607
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 1: human being at the end of the day. Man. So

608
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 1: when you when you're at that gym and you and

609
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,199
Speaker 1: you're hitting that bag and you said it hits you,

610
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 1: How does it hit you? What are you feeling? What

611
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 1: are you thinking? How do you deal with those feelings?

612
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 1: Because it's one thing to have it hit you the

613
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 1: minute you make that decision to say I'm retiring. Three

614
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 1: years later, bro, that is a lot of bottled up tension.

615
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,359
Speaker 1: That is a lot of bottled up time. Man, what

616
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,399
Speaker 1: was that moment truly? Like for you? It was?

617
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 3: It was sad and I got really emotional, almost cry

618
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:14,640
Speaker 3: Like I just like, are.

619
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: You an emotional person normally? Not?

620
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 2: Really?

621
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 4: No, I'm like care free, laugh and always smiling, you know,

622
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 4: Like I mean, even as smiling people would be like tackling.

623
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,680
Speaker 4: I'll be laughing at him like you know, like I

624
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,880
Speaker 4: be SIU. I'm like, I am serious, this is like fun.

625
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 4: I'm serious. But I love what I do, you know,

626
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 4: So I enjoyed it, but not overly. I mean, his

627
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 4: life has knocked me down a few times, and part

628
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 4: of me is like I lively just listening to podcasts

629
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 4: and now I'm part of the generations like my family

630
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,360
Speaker 4: raised us and I ain't saying it's right, but.

631
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 3: Like talk about that crying.

632
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,120
Speaker 4: Boys don't cry, you know, So it's like we got

633
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 4: in trouble for crying. So it's just like you had

634
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 4: to learn how, especially as a male, you to learn

635
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 4: to bottle that up and just not share that. But

636
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 4: since now I'm I'm more emotional. I think my wife's

637
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 4: seen me cry more now, h in the last two years,

638
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,200
Speaker 4: and I've ever done and I you know, previous what

639
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 4: like nine ten years before that, you know. So it's

640
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 4: just like it's things are happening and shifting, so I

641
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 4: have no regrets. But yeah, it was just it was

642
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,360
Speaker 4: really sad and just I did something for so long.

643
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 4: I started playing organized football when I was five, you know,

644
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 4: so twenty eight years in my life was still organized football,

645
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 4: you know. And that's I don't care what that is,

646
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 4: Like you said, like pivoting for anyone, whether you're a firefighter,

647
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 4: police officer, politician, whatever, it is, Like a doctor, like

648
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 4: at some point you do have to retire. You just

649
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 4: have to shift and pivot and do something else. And

650
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,680
Speaker 4: this challenging. This is one of the things the piece

651
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,959
Speaker 4: of well things I heard, I guess I say it's

652
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 4: a piece of advice that it's like, we don't resist,

653
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 4: you know, change, because I'm like it was almost part

654
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 4: of me was like resistant because I wanted to change.

655
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:53,360
Speaker 4: It's like, sorry, it wasn't man, I'm I just lost it.

656
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 4: Now it'll come back to me so good and again.

657
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 1: Man. And that's rightfully so, man, because again, this is

658
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 1: a lot, right. You probably never even really got the

659
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 1: chance to talk about this, but that's why we love

660
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 1: having y'all on because y'all deserve a platform. Y'all deserve

661
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,119
Speaker 1: a way to talk because again, it helps people. Right,

662
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:10,159
Speaker 1: Like I remember growing up and you talk about all

663
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,400
Speaker 1: these pivots. My dad was in the military twenty plus

664
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: years then retired and had to be a civilian, but

665
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,399
Speaker 1: you know, he still working still a young man, and

666
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: watching him go through that life pivot again a guy

667
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,399
Speaker 1: that's old school like us, where hey, man, don't cry

668
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,479
Speaker 1: because nobody gonna feel bad for you. They suck it up. Man,

669
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: you got to just keep going. That's how my dad

670
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 1: wasn To see him going to go through that and

671
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 1: see how heavy it was for him as a man.

672
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,639
Speaker 1: It makes me understand, like, hey, we go through these

673
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: pivots in life and now as a grown man, I've

674
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 1: gone through these pivots as well, and I understand more

675
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 1: than most how tough it is to flip that switch

676
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 1: when you don't express emotion, when your lady's never seen

677
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,200
Speaker 1: you cry, your kids have never seen you cry. Right,

678
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 1: how did you get comfortable feeling and expressing yourself and

679
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 1: having that human thing? Because again, that's not innate to us.

680
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 1: That is not something, especially our culture, that were raised

681
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 1: to do. We are told to not go to counseling.

682
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: We are told to suck it up, likes truly, And

683
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 1: how did you get past that? Bro? Because again, it's

684
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 1: hard to break those generational curses.

685
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 4: Man, I hit a wall, man, And I just remember

686
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 4: when I was like, something's wrong. I need help, you know,

687
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,120
Speaker 4: And I told my wife that, And I think that

688
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,359
Speaker 4: that was the start of that confession. You know.

689
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,200
Speaker 3: I heard that can and I believe it to be true.

690
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 4: Now that confession, it's closer close related to repentance.

691
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:21,240
Speaker 1: You know.

692
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 4: I don't know what people believe in, but like it is,

693
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 4: so I think when we hold it in and we

694
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 4: hold them, I need just emotions, but just things we're

695
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 4: struggling with.

696
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 3: It doesn't help as only hinders.

697
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 4: It becomes a burden that weighs us down more, and

698
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 4: then what do we do? We just kind of keep

699
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,119
Speaker 4: holding in and just weighs more. We just keep keeping

700
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,400
Speaker 4: more of that burden onto us. So I think by

701
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 4: just me talking out and just admitting, like, hey, something,

702
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 4: something's wrong. So the way the way I look at

703
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 4: it now is just like that kind as awareness. How

704
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 4: do you know something is wrong? Like if I have

705
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 4: a car, how do I know something in my car?

706
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 4: Just usually a light on a pop with chicken echine

707
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 4: light or something like that. So you need to be aware.

708
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 4: It brings me aware and it's not that I am aware

709
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,199
Speaker 4: to it, like I need to look into this, you know.

710
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 4: So it's like something's wrong, something's right, I need help,

711
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,440
Speaker 4: Like I'm aware of this now and it's like something's off.

712
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 4: So it's like let me start looking to figure out

713
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 4: what that is. And then you go from awareness to

714
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:13,359
Speaker 4: you like, hey is this you know It's like, oh, shoot, okay,

715
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 4: I'm aware of this. I've been told what it is.

716
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 4: But now like then you start wrestling with it. In

717
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 4: that wrestling eventually what comes and accept it. You can

718
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,199
Speaker 4: continue deny it and get keeping on his burdens or

719
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:24,639
Speaker 4: you can get to a point and it's like you

720
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 4: know what, yeah I am. I am struggling with that

721
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 4: and that's okay, you know, but I ain't gonna stay there.

722
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,239
Speaker 4: So you start accepting. Once you can accept it, then

723
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 4: you can start dealing with it, you know what I mean.

724
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:34,120
Speaker 3: And it's just.

725
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 4: So it becomes like my little I don't know, I want,

726
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 4: I don't want to call it trauma.

727
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 3: Baby, but but it's just like it's this is.

728
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,719
Speaker 4: Burden and I'm starting to like unpack it and just

729
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 4: take things off. So it's just and it was, like

730
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 4: I said, it was hard man. I had some dark

731
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 4: days and just that was just to be I'm always transparent,

732
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 4: I don't have to say that.

733
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 3: But there was a time for.

734
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 4: Like a month, like I couldn't get out of bed,

735
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,959
Speaker 4: like I couldn't like like my wife got to come

736
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 4: get like coax me out of the bed. Like at

737
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 4: first when it first happened, I was like I don't tripping, man,

738
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 4: get your butt up, you know, like like come on,

739
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 4: you driven man. But like no matter how much self

740
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 4: talk I did, I could not get myself.

741
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 3: Out of the bed.

742
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 4: But for my family, my wife, like I would I

743
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 4: would do things, but I just like all motivation to

744
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,239
Speaker 4: do anything for myself. It was just like I was

745
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 4: like it was an identity crisis.

746
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:20,239
Speaker 3: It was.

747
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 4: It was a lot of things, honestly, you know, but

748
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 4: it was just like I just I finally hit a

749
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 4: wall and I didn't have anything to run keep running towards,

750
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 4: and I just I couldn't. And so my wife would

751
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 4: come like, come on, let's get out of bed, let's

752
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 4: start our date. Like it's okay, We're gonna be okay,

753
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 4: you know, and she man, she's God.

754
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 3: Saying for real man, So yeah, for real man. So

755
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 3: she she.

756
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 4: Helped me and then just just been the biggest encouragement,

757
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:47,200
Speaker 4: biggest encouragement even through and just like like, hey you

758
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 4: should try that out. Hey you should do this, Hey

759
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 4: you should And I'm like, man, I want to. But

760
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 4: then eventually this was like years before, like you really

761
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 4: hit the fan, but now I'm like, yeah, I want

762
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 4: to try that. I'm gonna do that, Like come on,

763
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 4: I'll try anything right now because I'm like where I'm

764
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 4: now it's not where I.

765
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 3: Want to stay and this ain't good and I want

766
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 3: to get out of this.

767
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 4: So I mean, yeah, just like almost like a desperation

768
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:08,719
Speaker 4: to like get back to like the Alpha that I know,

769
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 4: the Alford that is like like the happy go lucky just.

770
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 3: Always smile and always yeah. And it was like man.

771
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 4: It got hard, man, like I people need to hear this.

772
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 4: And that's like even me sharing this, it's like I

773
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 4: want to do this because like it helps me too.

774
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 4: And the more I confess it, the more I share,

775
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 4: the more like the light of my burden gets, you

776
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 4: know what I mean.

777
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 3: So it's just like I.

778
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 4: Like I had to I couldn't even cook a meal,

779
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 4: bro like so much like you asked me to do.

780
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 4: I can't do that. I can't chop, I can't boil.

781
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 4: I can't do this. And then put all this together

782
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 4: and then like you asked me to do too much,

783
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 4: I can't do that. I literally was like sometimes I

784
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 4: look back and I laugh about a lot of stuff

785
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 4: because it's like I can't believe I was there, you know.

786
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 4: And it's like I literally like if you asked me,

787
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 4: I could turn a stove on you, but you asked

788
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 4: me to like like hey, I want you to you know, cook,

789
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 4: you know, I don't know chicken stirve for I'm like, no,

790
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 4: I can't do that.

791
00:30:57,760 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 3: That's too much.

792
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 4: I don't know how to do that, like you like,

793
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 4: there's too many things, too many over March, it was

794
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 4: and it was just it was debilitating.

795
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,479
Speaker 3: It was just like I had no confidence.

796
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 4: In myself my abilities anymore, and I didn't know how

797
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 4: to translate. That's one thing I've been learning. How do

798
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 4: I translate all these skills I know on the football field,

799
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 4: Like how do I translate it into real life?

800
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 3: You know?

801
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 4: And it's just like I couldn't see like the parallel,

802
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 4: Like if you ask me, like football, I average played

803
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 4: six seconds. So much happens before snap, you know, before

804
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 4: doing and after pre post pre doing and post you

805
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 4: know snap, Like people like, oh, you're just leant up

806
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 4: to go, kid, No, I don't I line up. I'm like,

807
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 4: hey's the four downs and three down okay?

808
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 3: Okay?

809
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 4: Or the safety's rotatord or this words the linebackers. It's

810
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 4: so many things going through this go and you go,

811
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 4: and if you fly around, it's just like then, like

812
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,080
Speaker 4: not only that, I got to make sure my steps

813
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 4: are right.

814
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,480
Speaker 3: I have to make sure I'm on the right angle.

815
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 4: I make sure I'm in phase with my guard, you know,

816
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 4: because we did a lot of outside zone.

817
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 3: Make sure my favor If I'm not, I'm getting it

818
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 3: in the back.

819
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 4: If I'm not, like somebody's going backside back door and

820
00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 4: I'm you know, that's a top of loss, that's a fumble,

821
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 4: that's me messing up the mess.

822
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 3: So there's so many things that happen.

823
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:04,920
Speaker 4: But it's like like now I'm in life and I

824
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 4: don't have, you know, my therapeutic football anymore, and it's

825
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 4: just like like like it was supposed to go this way.

826
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 3: Its supposed to be a to be what just happened.

827
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 4: We went from A and now I'm on Z and

828
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 4: it's like wait, wait, wait, wait wait, what happened?

829
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 3: Like too much?

830
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 4: Like now I'm like trying to adjust in life and

831
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 4: it's just like I don't know how to do that.

832
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:24,240
Speaker 4: But it's like I know how to do in the

833
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 4: football field because it's like must marriage just second nature.

834
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 4: But now you asked me to do some of these

835
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 4: things off the field, and I was like, I don't

836
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 4: know how to like translate that, you know. So I

837
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 4: think that's one of the hard parts of like when

838
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 4: you say your dad coming from military, because hey man,

839
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 4: you have family. I haven't realized suit anybody who joins military.

840
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 4: I don't think it was a route for me because

841
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 4: it wasn't. I don't think like if they I was like,

842
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 4: I'm just not that. I don't have that mindset for that,

843
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 4: you know. But like it's like they teach, they train

844
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 4: you to be this, and then you have to go

845
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 4: back in real life and it's like, well how do

846
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 4: I I.

847
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 3: Can't do this and that, Like I can't you know,

848
00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 3: like okay.

849
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 4: One of the things I did was medical device sales,

850
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 4: and people were like low key flex on me in

851
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 4: times like it's it's it's really like it's a it's

852
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 4: a relation's very relational, and it's like people like are

853
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 4: they're protective of their business. So you know, I'm a

854
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 4: new guy in the room, and like these some of

855
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 4: these other reps were like kind of step in my like.

856
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 3: Well I'm trying.

857
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 4: Like I was like actually in surgeries, had scrubs on

858
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 4: everything in surgery, watching people get cut on. And then

859
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 4: it's one of the things I ran into after it,

860
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 4: like I just jumped through myself into it and they

861
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 4: would come stand in front of me and I was like, broah,

862
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 4: punch you in the back of your head, you know,

863
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 4: like you know, like you don't realize, Like in my mind,

864
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 4: I just like two PC you you know what I mean,

865
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 4: you know like you and but like I can't do that.

866
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 3: I can't just go put a help and show paths

867
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 3: and just run through you, you know.

868
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 4: Like I'm like, I'll body you, bro, like and I

869
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 4: was like, that's that's like off the f hockey.

870
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 3: On the field. I'm like, man, I will I will.

871
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: Hurt you, bro. It's hard to shape that.

872
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 4: You got that in you. It's hard to shake that

873
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 4: real world I can't do I can't. I'm being like

874
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 4: some of the dogs will be talking. I was like, boy,

875
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 4: know you're car Like I will meet you at your car, like,

876
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 4: but it's like I'm going to jail, you know, like

877
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 4: I'm getting arrested. So you just can't do that. So

878
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 4: like that stuff just doesn't translate well. But through all

879
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,600
Speaker 4: the therapy and different things and just getting in groups

880
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 4: with other NFL players, they were like struggling, you know,

881
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 4: And it's like I think that's another thing that a

882
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,320
Speaker 4: lot of men do, not just us NFL, but we

883
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 4: we struggle, We we suffering silence. We never speak up,

884
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 4: speak out because you said it's like like in the

885
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,840
Speaker 4: black community's just been real, like you get therapy, like

886
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 4: you that's a.

887
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 1: Men defeat, bro, like to get help straight.

888
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 3: If you ain't helping your own self, like like no,

889
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 3: string up and boosht lace them up, tighten them up,

890
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:37,799
Speaker 3: go get it. You know. That's that was the mentality had.

891
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 4: But like, like, man, it's I think it's admirable and

892
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:42,799
Speaker 4: stronger for someone to say like, hey, I need help,

893
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 4: not that I've been through it now that I see

894
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 4: like the fruit that are produced. Like I went from

895
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 4: not being able to get out a bed for a month,

896
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 4: you know, without help. So now like I'm sitting there

897
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 4: talking and talking about it on the microphone. You know,

898
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 4: it's like and I'm I'm not even I have no shame,

899
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 4: I have no reservation, I have nothing about this, Like

900
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 4: I'm being real because this is what I It was hard,

901
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:05,279
Speaker 4: my delay, my delay, like I guess transition out of

902
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 4: the league was hard. Is the hardest thing I've been

903
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,319
Speaker 4: through in my entire life. Tired, like and I'm still

904
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 4: going through it, but I'm on I'm on the other

905
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 4: end of it. It's like I can see the lighters

906
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 4: in the tunnel, you know, and it's I think.

907
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:16,880
Speaker 3: Life is just a journey.

908
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 4: It's always going to be I'm never gonna get there,

909
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 4: like if you ever get there, Like, I mean, I

910
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 4: think that's your death day because you're always always dealing.

911
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:25,800
Speaker 1: Things are always happening.

912
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 3: It's never ending until the day we call home.

913
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 1: Man.

914
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 3: So but yeah, so I'm just I'm I'm on the

915
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 3: other side of it.

916
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:31,799
Speaker 1: Man.

917
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:34,319
Speaker 4: I call it the darkness, one of the things. So

918
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 4: I just once again October twenty twenty four, so it

919
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 4: let me flashed back. So June twenty three, I'm in

920
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,359
Speaker 4: mid sales. I ended up in the hospital. They say

921
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 4: I had rapped on my license. Rap though they call

922
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,240
Speaker 4: it for short, basically your.

923
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 3: Muscles, uh they basically creating is at least too much

924
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,839
Speaker 3: in your body at one time, and it can become like.

925
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 4: Uh, it produces these mile globbins. I'm probably bushing it,

926
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 4: but anyways, it can mess your kidneys up, amongst other things.

927
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 3: There was a I think it was Iowa. They had

928
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 3: a bunch of kids when I was like, come out.

929
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:07,919
Speaker 3: Actually one of the guys they.

930
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 4: Had like twelve student twelve fourteen that all had this

931
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:11,319
Speaker 4: and they were like messed up.

932
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:12,920
Speaker 3: They like put them out of commission.

933
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,839
Speaker 4: So they said I had I don't believe I had

934
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 4: that because two things that happened part of me going

935
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:20,320
Speaker 4: to the hospital. I've never been hospitalized in my life,

936
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,280
Speaker 4: and I was. I spent four nights in the hospital

937
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:24,440
Speaker 4: and they said it's rap though. So two things that happened.

938
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,880
Speaker 4: My speech changed and I lost motor function. Like I

939
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:32,319
Speaker 4: literally was like like season wow, and I like in

940
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 4: my mood, I was talking so and I was like

941
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 4: and I asked the doctor and I was like, hey, like, okay,

942
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 4: you said I've rapped though, but what is this? Why

943
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 4: does these two things happen? He's like, I don't know,

944
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 4: and they never checked on it. So I believe it's like, yeah,

945
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 4: I had a hard work out. Yeah I probably had

946
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 4: some high CK levels. But at the same time, I

947
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 4: think it was just a stress of what I was

948
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,760
Speaker 4: doing trying to run away from. Like I wasn't dealing

949
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 4: with like the football piece and I was throwing myself

950
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 4: at something else and it was just frustrating because I

951
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 4: wasn't getting the results I thought I wanted to get.

952
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,359
Speaker 4: So it just was like beat me down. I should

953
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:03,560
Speaker 4: have walked away then I didn't stayed in it. So

954
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,399
Speaker 4: twenty twenty four, now October I finally get like, I'm

955
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 4: literally like just I'm always.

956
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 3: Gonna be real.

957
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 4: Like I was sobbing driving to work, like and I

958
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 4: was like, I don't want to do this.

959
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 3: This is not what I'm supposed to be doing. Like

960
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:16,319
Speaker 3: I'm I can't keep doing this.

961
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 4: But I was like, I have a family provide for,

962
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 4: you know, like, like I have to. I can't just

963
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 4: sit around and do nothing. I didn't get that big contract.

964
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 4: I feel like I should have. I deserve that I

965
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 4: earned it.

966
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 1: You know.

967
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 4: I put a lot of time and work in my

968
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:29,839
Speaker 4: four years here and it didn't pan out the way

969
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 4: I wanted to.

970
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 3: But that's okay.

971
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 4: So but I so finally walk away from October seventeenth,

972
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm resigning.

973
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 3: I can't do this anymore. I put my two weeks in.

974
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:41,719
Speaker 3: I'm done. And October thirtieth of.

975
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 4: Twenty twenty four, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

976
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 4: And I say, I say, I call the depression.

977
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 3: I called it the abyss, you know, like, and that's

978
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:51,440
Speaker 3: a Nereister moment.

979
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,319
Speaker 4: It is, man, that darkness gets you, and it's like

980
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,720
Speaker 4: life feels dull like and.

981
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 1: You can't get too high, struggle to get too low.

982
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: You're just you're just coasting.

983
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 3: Like it was. Everything was colorless.

984
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,439
Speaker 4: Man, It's like I could see green, I see grass green,

985
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 4: I could see this, you know whatever.

986
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:08,320
Speaker 3: But it's just everything just felt dull. I just felt

987
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:09,280
Speaker 3: numb to everything.

988
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,760
Speaker 4: And I just was like they ain't this ain't living,

989
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 4: you know so much so to I tried every I've tried.

990
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 4: I hope this is not bad, but I've tried different therapies.

991
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 4: Kende me and I tried TMS, which trans cranial magnetic stimulation.

992
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 3: I've done. I've been a hyperbag chamber. I've done I

993
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,239
Speaker 3: already said a Keademy. I went. I actually went to.

994
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 4: The facility for thirty days, like and I was like, hey,

995
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,600
Speaker 4: like I need help, Like I'm wasn't to do anything.

996
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:40,279
Speaker 4: Medicine done it all I have, and but that bus

997
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 4: man that gets on you, and it's like there's still

998
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 4: times I get to the edge of it and I

999
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:45,360
Speaker 4: was like, I ain't going back to the business. But

1000
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 4: now I have tools that I can like utilize to

1001
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 4: be able to like I know.

1002
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 3: How to stay look to the void that like yes,

1003
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 3: the Tyro. Just just two.

1004
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 4: Days ago, I was feel like I was on the

1005
00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 4: edge of the cliffs, were about to fall into the

1006
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 4: bist again, and I was like, just hold on. I

1007
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,479
Speaker 4: actually listened to a podcast, went out of podcast listening

1008
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:06,040
Speaker 4: to sermon of my body Balkman, who, since he's recently

1009
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 4: passed away, my buddy loves and he's always sending me stuff.

1010
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:10,399
Speaker 4: But I just ran across it and it was about

1011
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 4: spiritual warfare and.

1012
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 3: He was like, talking about this thing.

1013
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 4: It's like, it's not us as warfare and it's the Lord,

1014
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,320
Speaker 4: you know, And then that that's that's really what honestly,

1015
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 4: that's who pulled.

1016
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 1: Me out of That is God.

1017
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,839
Speaker 4: And I don't care what you believe in. That's that's

1018
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:25,759
Speaker 4: who saved me. I got to the point, I'll get there.

1019
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,839
Speaker 4: But in there he was talking about just after you've

1020
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 4: done all that, you can't stand firm. So in that

1021
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 4: moment when I was like I was on the edge

1022
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,720
Speaker 4: about to drop into that bitch, I was like, stand firm,

1023
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:36,839
Speaker 4: Stand firm, It's okay, It's gonna pass.

1024
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,359
Speaker 3: Like it's okay, man, Like just stand firm. Whatever you do.

1025
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 4: All gotta do is hold on and stand firm and

1026
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 4: like the rescue and to God's gonna take care of it.

1027
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,400
Speaker 4: And I did, and I like it turned around a

1028
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:49,280
Speaker 4: day totally different. You know, It's just in that moment

1029
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 4: like I could have gave in to that. You know

1030
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:54,319
Speaker 4: that now I'll go back to like I was doing

1031
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 4: TMS and it's literally just like this magnet thing. It

1032
00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 4: feels like somebody just tapping on your brain. It's different ways.

1033
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,800
Speaker 4: There's one for anxiety, it's one for depression. And you

1034
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 4: can look at uscar TMS. If you look up TMS

1035
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 4: therapy you'll find it. And one day in that I

1036
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 4: feel like it was just that tapping was just like

1037
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 4: I had to put a mouthpiece in and just chattered

1038
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:15,399
Speaker 4: and it just really did something to me that day

1039
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 4: and to the point that I literally felt like I

1040
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,239
Speaker 4: was a little kid getting bullied and somebody was just

1041
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:22,279
Speaker 4: pushing my head into saying I could do nothing about it,

1042
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 4: and I just remember why I was doing the therapy.

1043
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,200
Speaker 4: I started crying, and for the first time in my life,

1044
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 4: I got to places like I don't want to live anymore,

1045
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:30,799
Speaker 4: Like how crazy is that? Man? Like I laughed by

1046
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 4: it now, still tearing up, but I'm smiling about it

1047
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 4: because like, I know what I came out of now, because.

1048
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:36,720
Speaker 3: I've been through that darkness.

1049
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:39,399
Speaker 4: Man, I can sing all the more loudly like I've

1050
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 4: can say, like, Man, God is real, you know, like

1051
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 4: he's so good.

1052
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 3: He brought me out of that.

1053
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 1: Man.

1054
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 3: Man, he did that. I didn't do anything. All I

1055
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 3: did was standing firm, you know.

1056
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:51,440
Speaker 4: And even when I couldn't stand firm, He's like, I

1057
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:52,680
Speaker 4: got you, you.

1058
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 3: Know, And that's real, man.

1059
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 4: So anybody was struggling with anything, like you're never too

1060
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 4: far gone. I never in my life thought i'ld get

1061
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 4: to a place that I thought like I did want

1062
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 4: to live anymore. I'm happy, go lucky. I'm always like

1063
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,280
Speaker 4: a silver line and sivil line and a glass half fool.

1064
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 3: It's always half fool, you know. So for the first

1065
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 3: time my life got to places like I don't want

1066
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 3: to do this anymore. I was in deep, deep despair,

1067
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 3: and I was dragged out of that. I was brought

1068
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 3: out of that, you know.

1069
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,760
Speaker 4: So I know I still have more to do, man,

1070
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 4: and I want to talk more about it, man.

1071
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,520
Speaker 3: So that's why I'm I'm glad we're talking about this.

1072
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 1: I didn't know I had no idea that you was

1073
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,879
Speaker 1: going through this man when we sat down, I had

1074
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 1: no clue. But I'm so grateful brother that you are

1075
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 1: giving this testimony right now, that you feel comfortable talking

1076
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 1: about this, and man, I have a lot of things

1077
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 1: I'm feeling right now because I didn't know this right now.

1078
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:42,480
Speaker 1: First thing I want to say, missus Morris, if you're listening, wife,

1079
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 1: if you listening, thank you so much for just being

1080
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 1: here for this man and protecting him. Because not a

1081
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 1: lot of people can handle that. Not a lot of

1082
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 1: people can handle seeing their significant other, their man, their friend,

1083
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 1: their brother, their son go through these type of things.

1084
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: But I want that to be a a reminder to

1085
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 1: you of who you are. Because she don't stand by

1086
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 1: a man that's not a great man, that's not a

1087
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 1: great father, that isn't worth fighting for.

1088
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 3: I appreciate so she fought for you.

1089
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:13,279
Speaker 1: And you know, again, you probably don't need to hear

1090
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,280
Speaker 1: this from me, but it is on my spirit because

1091
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:19,760
Speaker 1: you know, I understand that identity crisis when you're trying

1092
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 1: to pivot, right. We all got to pivot in life.

1093
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 1: But you know, you said something earlier that hit me,

1094
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 1: and you said, you know, I don't. I don't know

1095
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 1: what I'm doing. I don't know what to do. I

1096
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 1: have these skills and I don't know how to use them.

1097
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,359
Speaker 1: But brother, use those skills every single day when you

1098
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 1: teach your daughter how to ride that bike, when you

1099
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:35,399
Speaker 1: wake up every morning, and just be a man because

1100
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 1: you had You.

1101
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 3: Said you have four daughters.

1102
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 1: I don't know how old they are, but they are

1103
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 1: all looking at you as the man, the example of

1104
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 1: what a man is. Right. Their husbands, their relationships with friends, guys, whatever,

1105
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 1: are going to be based off of you. So just no, brother,

1106
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:51,439
Speaker 1: even though you're going through these hard times, there's still

1107
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,719
Speaker 1: so much value and positivity that I have no doubt

1108
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 1: that you're bringing. Because again, wife, don't stand by a sucker.

1109
00:42:58,560 --> 00:42:59,759
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Wife, you don't stand by

1110
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 1: a man, and that isn't a good man. And God right,

1111
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,400
Speaker 1: God being there for you and believing in you and

1112
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,840
Speaker 1: picking you up through that, Brother, that is also a

1113
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,839
Speaker 1: testament to who you are because that means you're one

1114
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 1: of God's favors, right, Like I hear you tell this,

1115
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 1: and I'm just so grateful that you had to wear

1116
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:17,279
Speaker 1: a fall of what you were feeling because so many times,

1117
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 1: especially men, we don't know what we're going through or

1118
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 1: we don't even have the wear of thought to accept Hey, broh,

1119
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 1: I need help. You had the opportunity to say I

1120
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 1: need help, and so many times it's too late. So

1121
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 1: manytimes it's too late. People ask for help or never

1122
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:34,319
Speaker 1: ask for it, and it's too late, brother, And I

1123
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaker 1: want you to also know that it is okay to

1124
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 1: go to those dark places. It is okay that as

1125
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 1: a man you went there because you're a human being. Brother,

1126
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 1: you've been through a lot and probably things that we

1127
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 1: can't even talk about on here that you've probably been through, right,

1128
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:48,360
Speaker 1: and just know that it is okay to go to

1129
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 1: those dark places. But it's how you handle it when

1130
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 1: you get there. And brother, it seems like you have

1131
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 1: handled it in a great, great way. It takes a

1132
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 1: lot of confidence to come up here and talk about

1133
00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,839
Speaker 1: this and share that story. Well, bro let me tell you, man,

1134
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 1: you are helping so many people. Because I'm somebody that

1135
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: I've gone through dark days, right, I lost my dad

1136
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: last year. It's been tough and it's been really tough

1137
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 1: to deal with. So to hear another man just talk

1138
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 1: about the things he's going through and knowing that you

1139
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 1: have a great wife like I do, that helps you

1140
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,120
Speaker 1: get through those things. Brother, it is such such a blessing.

1141
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:17,239
Speaker 1: And truly, you know what, man, I wanted to talk

1142
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 1: to you about Bill. I want to talk to you

1143
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 1: about the Cowboys. I want to talk to you about football,

1144
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 1: but brother, we have so much time to talk about

1145
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 1: those things. Brother, I truly just want to know that

1146
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 1: you are doing okay, and that if you ever are

1147
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 1: not feeling okay, that you also know that you have

1148
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:34,880
Speaker 1: me as a brother, as well as somebody that's going

1149
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,200
Speaker 1: to pray for you, somebody that's gonna want to check

1150
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 1: in out. I'm checking in on you now.

1151
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 3: I got to.

1152
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make sure I check in on you, brother,

1153
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 1: because again, man, we never want you to get to

1154
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 1: that dark place again. But just know it's okay. It

1155
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 1: is completely okay, bro, because we are all human man.

1156
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 1: And it doesn't change nothing about this brother. All that

1157
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 1: you went through doesn't change what you accomplished on that field,

1158
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 1: doesn't a change that you accomplished your dream, a dream

1159
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 1: that a lot of people never get to accomplish. You

1160
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 1: did that, man, and I just want to say thank you.

1161
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 1: Thank you for taking the time to speak. It spoke

1162
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,279
Speaker 1: to me, I know, it spoke to my director and

1163
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 1: now so she probably in tears right now. No, no, no,

1164
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 1: but don't apologize because it is. It is good. It

1165
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 1: is good to get that tears. I'm so grateful that

1166
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: you were able to cry and let that out. Brother,

1167
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,800
Speaker 1: you got to let that out for broad a fester.

1168
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 1: And I'm just so grateful again that you had to

1169
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 1: wear with all to say I need help. So many

1170
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 1: people need to do that and don't have the courage,

1171
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:29,719
Speaker 1: don't have the strength, don't have the support system. And brother,

1172
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you did that.

1173
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 4: Man, appreciate It's one of the hardest things on this

1174
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:34,359
Speaker 4: last thing, but the hardest thing I've ever done, but

1175
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:37,719
Speaker 4: the wisest and bravest though, and because of that, I'm

1176
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:39,400
Speaker 4: better because of it. If I would have just let

1177
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:42,359
Speaker 4: that fester, like you said, who knows where I would

1178
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:44,839
Speaker 4: be right those would be here exactly, man. So I'm

1179
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 4: thankful that, like I had to, I had just that

1180
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:52,359
Speaker 4: function to be like something's wrong and I need help,

1181
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 4: you know, to other that. So I just want to

1182
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,279
Speaker 4: encourage anybody who's maybe on the custom of that. Man

1183
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 4: just asks for help. Man, don't suffer in silence with

1184
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 4: the male female. It don't matter, man, Like, just asks

1185
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:07,320
Speaker 4: for help, Like there's somebody like you, you have somebody.

1186
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:09,839
Speaker 4: We have a friend in Jesus, man, And I'll see

1187
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 4: that from the mountaintops. And because of what I went

1188
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,840
Speaker 4: through and cuently I am still going through, man, I

1189
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 4: can say it all the more, you know, boldly, and

1190
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:21,759
Speaker 4: all the more like truly that like I serve a

1191
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 4: guy who loves me. I serve a guy who cares

1192
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 4: about mess with a guy who will never leave me

1193
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 4: north for sakey because he didn't, you know. So I

1194
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:31,880
Speaker 4: can't say that if I'm on the mountaintop. But I'm

1195
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 4: in that valley, and he gets real in those valleys, man,

1196
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 4: and like so shadow of death, like he's with me

1197
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 4: and it's Rod and his staff.

1198
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 3: It comforted me.

1199
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 4: So I'm beyond thankful, and I would like to say

1200
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:44,000
Speaker 4: it I'm seeing all the more gladly. And I ain't

1201
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 4: trying to force somebody to believe what I believe.

1202
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 3: But I'm just telling you like truth and like you know,

1203
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 3: like this is live, this is lived experience, and just

1204
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 3: knowing that I couldn't ever come out of this on

1205
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,839
Speaker 3: my own, you know. But yeah, man, but it's also

1206
00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:58,279
Speaker 3: helps her have.

1207
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 4: A really strong, brave Like even when I was on

1208
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 4: the hospital, man, that girl Ice Ice going through her veins, man.

1209
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 1: Like, she she kept watch man, your partner to go

1210
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:09,399
Speaker 1: through that man. She like.

1211
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:12,960
Speaker 3: I was like, I know I married the right. I know,

1212
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 3: but I knew before then.

1213
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:15,879
Speaker 4: But when I saw I'm like, when I look back

1214
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 4: and I remember, just man that I can do a

1215
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 4: whole session on that alone. Just me like I had

1216
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:24,239
Speaker 4: a out of body experience. Bro Like literally like I

1217
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 4: was looking down on the car. My wife is hanging

1218
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:29,239
Speaker 4: out of her sprinting Sage brand. She was, she was

1219
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 4: on the steps, She's in the car. I knew I

1220
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 4: was in that car, and I'm like, what the heck?

1221
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 4: I was looking down in that car and I could

1222
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 4: see my wife and I couldn't see myself.

1223
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:37,440
Speaker 3: But I knew I was in that car, like I

1224
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 3: was not in my body.

1225
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:40,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's like I said, I can do a whole

1226
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:44,080
Speaker 4: little on that show that that's super crazy and that

1227
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 4: was super scary.

1228
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 3: And just watching my wife see me go through. I

1229
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 3: remember looking at her. I was like, I'm sorry, I'm

1230
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 3: not trying to scare you. But I love you.

1231
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 4: I love you, and I was gone, bro, like I would.

1232
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:57,279
Speaker 4: Two times, I like faded out, you know which, and

1233
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 4: they say this rapped. So I was like, bro, I ain't.

1234
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 4: That wasn't no rap though, Bruh, it wasn't. I think,

1235
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 4: just a stress and hold on the subject.

1236
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 1: But yeah, man, but folks don't realize what trauma does

1237
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 1: to the body, what it does to the stomach, what

1238
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 1: it does to the brain, what it does to the skin. Trauma,

1239
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 1: bruh is such And like I've had those moments where

1240
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm talking to you know, my pastor, and

1241
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:19,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I'm going through this, and he's like, dude,

1242
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 1: that's that is also your trauma. That is also your

1243
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 1: grief that you're going through. No, you haven't got no

1244
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 1: stomach issue, bro, you is going through it that your

1245
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:29,440
Speaker 1: body responds to that. So I appreciate you saying that too,

1246
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:32,440
Speaker 1: because like, again, there's so many times, especially not the

1247
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 1: I want to say it's men, because everybody goes through

1248
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:36,279
Speaker 1: things right where you don't realize you're going through it,

1249
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 1: where everybody else will realize it first that hey man,

1250
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 1: soon's not right, Hey are you? Are you feeling like yourself?

1251
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:44,920
Speaker 1: And sometimes they don't even feel comfortable telling us or

1252
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 1: asking us if we're doing okay because we're men, or

1253
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 1: because they know we're going to say I'm not. We good,

1254
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 1: not now we good? We ain't worried about that. We're good.

1255
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 1: And so man again, Man, just so grateful. I'm grateful

1256
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:56,239
Speaker 1: for God. I'm grateful for your wife. I'm grateful for

1257
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 1: your kids. That you had so many reasons to live,

1258
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 1: you had so many reasons to keep going and not

1259
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:03,719
Speaker 1: go down that pit. Because, let me tell you, when

1260
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 1: you're in that valley, when you're in that pit, you

1261
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:08,319
Speaker 1: really learn what you're made of. You you learn who you are.

1262
00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:10,840
Speaker 1: And everybody can say that they pray or say that

1263
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:13,840
Speaker 1: they're God fearing, but when you're really in it, he

1264
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:15,640
Speaker 1: gonna see what you're about, and he gonna see where

1265
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 1: your spirit lies. And I'm just so grateful that you

1266
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 1: didn't lose your spirit, my brother. It's easy to do it, man,

1267
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:21,680
Speaker 1: it's easy to do it. So salute to you, man,

1268
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 1: God bless you, brother.

1269
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 3: Man, thanks you. I appreciate it.

1270
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:25,319
Speaker 1: Man, got you. Man, We'll have you back on and

1271
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 1: talk a little later.

1272
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 3: Brother.

1273
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:28,880
Speaker 1: But I feel like this is a great way to

1274
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:30,800
Speaker 1: edit because again I think your testimony is going to

1275
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 1: help a lot of people. My brother, and again, thank

1276
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 1: you so much. Command his family, our Next Man Up.

1277
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 1: A true legend, but he's also a father, he's also

1278
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 1: a husband, he's a son and of course the son

1279
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 1: of God, our brother right here who belongs here, and

1280
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 1: we're so happy he's here out for more.

1281
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 3: Thank you, brother, I appreciate you.

1282
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 1: Man.

1283
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 3: This is fine.

1284
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:52,560
Speaker 1: This was dope. Command this family. We hope you've enjoyed

1285
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 1: this episode of Next Man Up. You can stream all

1286
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 1: of the Next Man episodes, even last seasons, on the

1287
00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 1: Commander's YouTube page, or stream the audio wherever you get

1288
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,920
Speaker 1: your podcast. We appreciate the love so much. We will

1289
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Speaker 1: see y'all Monday night for some primetime action against the

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Speaker 1: Chicago Bears. Make sure to do what y'all do best,

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Speaker 1: show up and show out for our commanders until next week.

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Speaker 1: This is Next Man Up. I'm your host, Brian Cooley,

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Speaker 1: Jun