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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Carly and this is Dakota, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My brother's new girlfriend lost it because someone else ordered

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Speaker 3: the meals she wanted.

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Speaker 4: Oh I'm sorry. They only make one thing for one person.

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Speaker 3: I don't even understand why this is an issue, but

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Speaker 3: the drama and the fallout is getting to me and

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Speaker 3: I'm tired of hearing about it. By the way, this

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Speaker 3: comes from Okay Lobster sixteen ninety two, and if you

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Speaker 3: want to asmit your own stories, go to the r slush.

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Speaker 3: Okay Storytime severed it. I'm Sophia, I'm Savannah, I'm Carly,

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Speaker 3: and we're here to give good advice scoofy, but we

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Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 3: And Opie says my thirty two male younger brother Dave

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Speaker 3: thirty one male, has a new girlfriend, Rachel thirty's female.

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Speaker 3: My parents fifty four male and female, already met her

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Speaker 3: once and they said they would take everyone out for

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Speaker 3: dinner so she could meet the rest of us. Myself

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Speaker 3: and my older brother, Steve thirty three mail. We didn't

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Speaker 3: go anywhere expensive. My parents just took us to Canadian

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Speaker 3: brew House. At first, everything was fine, but then it

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Speaker 3: got weird when it came time for us to order.

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Speaker 3: After Steve gave his order mac and cheese, Rachel said, but.

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Speaker 4: I was going to order that you can.

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Speaker 3: We were all confused because no one said Rachel couldn't

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Speaker 3: also order the mac and cheese. Our server was confused too,

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Speaker 3: and told Rachel the kitchen.

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Speaker 4: Wasn't sold out of mac and cheese.

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Speaker 3: But Rachel said she needed another minute with the menu.

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Speaker 3: She asked Steve twice before the server came back if

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Speaker 3: he was sure about his order. She ended up ordering

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Speaker 3: something different, but for the rest of the night she

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Speaker 3: kept talking about how she wanted was the mac and cheese.

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Speaker 4: It was really weird.

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Speaker 3: Dave is mad at Steve for not ordering something else

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Speaker 3: to accommodate Rachel, and at the rest of us for

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Speaker 3: not defending her.

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Speaker 4: Defending her over what you two can both get that

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Speaker 4: same dish. I'm confused. Did she never learn how to share?

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Speaker 4: And she's not even sharing her food I'm.

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Speaker 2: Confused if she was like trying to plan, like they'd

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Speaker 2: each order something and then share it. I have no idea,

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Speaker 2: because that's the only way that it makes sense to

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Speaker 2: not order the same thing, and.

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Speaker 4: That's just order the same thing. That's what you want,

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Speaker 4: Just get it to you and another person might want

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Speaker 4: you might just be like, I'm also in the mood

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Speaker 4: for mac and cheese. Boom.

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Speaker 3: I don't even know what he means by that. The

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Speaker 3: rest of the dinner was so awkward because Rachel kept

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Speaker 3: talking about wanting the mac and cheese.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, girl, give it up.

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Speaker 3: My parents picked the restaurant because Dave said Rachel had

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Speaker 3: been there before and liked the food.

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Speaker 4: It was so weird.

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Speaker 3: My dad and I both ordered the same sandwich with

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Speaker 3: the side salad, and there was no problem with us

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Speaker 3: eating the exact same thing, even though Rachel asked us

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Speaker 3: twice if one of us wanted to change or order.

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Speaker 3: Is this some sort of like no divergencies?

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Speaker 4: Goodoo, Yeah, that's I mean, that's the only explanation I

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Speaker 4: would yeah, like take, because why else would she be

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Speaker 4: really weird about people? Just I want her to go

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Speaker 4: somewhere where it's like there's only two different meals, and

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Speaker 4: then she's like, no one else can have the steak,

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Speaker 4: You guys can all take the chicken. What does she

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Speaker 4: do on airplanes?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I honestly don't get what the issue was or

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Speaker 3: why she was so upset about Steve for ordering the

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Speaker 3: same things she wanted. I know this is a small

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Speaker 3: thing compared to some of the things that get posted here,

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Speaker 3: but I'm tired of Dave being upset and causing drama

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Speaker 3: over this. He wants Steve to apologize to his girlfriend,

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Speaker 3: but obviously Steve says he didn't do anything wrong. I

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Speaker 3: just need an event about how I'm sick of Dave

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Speaker 3: making a big deal about this and bothering me and

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Speaker 3: everyone else about how hurt Rachel is. I don't even

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Speaker 3: get why it's a problem. Rachel gave no explanation, and

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Speaker 3: neither has Dave and comments. Mapauline says, Rachel sounds exhausting.

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Speaker 3: Opie says she is. When Dave first started mentioning her,

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Speaker 3: everyone was happy for him. Steve and I were excited

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Speaker 3: because we both served in the Armed Forces and found

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Speaker 3: out she did as well, and we thought we would

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Speaker 3: have lots in com with her. But now all this

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Speaker 3: has soured me on her. Steve can barely stand to

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Speaker 3: be around her after how she and Dave acted hungary.

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Speaker 3: Breadfruit says she's served. Opie says, yes, she served in

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Speaker 3: the RCAF, different branch than either Steve and Iren.

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Speaker 4: But we still thought we would have lots in common

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Speaker 4: with her. Well wait, was she the only one serving?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, other people's also, was anyone else in that group?

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Speaker 3: Douc Wedding says, does she try to sample what everyone

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Speaker 3: else ordered? Either way, other people's food orders are not

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Speaker 3: her business.

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Speaker 4: Oh Pie says no.

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Speaker 3: As I mentioned in my post, the restaurant we had

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Speaker 3: gone to are not the kind where everyone orders for

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Speaker 3: the table and chairs. Everyone orders their own separate meal,

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Speaker 3: and no one would share it, especially with someone they

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Speaker 3: barely know. Missus Peanut Butter says, only thing I can't

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Speaker 3: imagine is that it's some kind of OCD. But whatever

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Speaker 3: it is, it's her responsibility to manage. It's absolutely wild

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Speaker 3: that they won't explain and just seem to expect you

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Speaker 3: all to know what a grave sins Steve committed out

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Speaker 3: of cre curiosity. Did she react at all to you

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Speaker 3: and your dad eating the same thing at the restaurant,

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Speaker 3: like keep glancing over or seem uncomfortable or anything.

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Speaker 4: I mean, we already know that. She asked them if

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Speaker 4: they were gonna do Wait, are you sure you guys

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Speaker 4: want to eat the same thing. She's like, ooh, that's

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Speaker 4: not a good sign. The f guy's gotta break down

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Speaker 4: the door. Everyone's gonna get arrested. Oh, pisas.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she asked both of us if we were sure

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Speaker 3: that we didn't want to order something else twice. She

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Speaker 3: brought it up multiple times once the food came. She

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Speaker 3: doesn't like it when anyone orders the same meal, even

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Speaker 3: if it is other people. It's so bizarre. And we

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Speaker 3: have an update seven months later. Any thoughts, I mean,

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Speaker 3: this girl, I don't know what's wrong. There has to

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Speaker 3: be some underlying thing that no one's mentioning, because this

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Speaker 3: makes absolutely no sense to a normal, sane person. So yeah,

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Speaker 3: I do think like if she did have OCD or

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Speaker 3: something else, it would be so easy for them to say, oh, hey,

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Speaker 3: you know, girlfriend, Rachel just has this quirk. If you

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Speaker 3: could accommodate it in a like saying that in advance.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Also, I don't think that, like it's the family's

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Speaker 4: duty to appease this girl, no, especially with absolutely no communication. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: and no explanation either.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Bo, We've got an update seven months later.

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Speaker 3: It's not a long update or exciting story, but the

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Speaker 3: update is that I will no longer go to restaurants

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Speaker 3: if Rachel is gonna be there.

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Speaker 4: She doesn't get upset if.

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Speaker 3: We're having dinner at someone's home and everyone is eating

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Speaker 3: the same thing. My parents met her once before the incident.

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Speaker 3: In my first post, they made lasagna for dinner, and

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Speaker 3: Rachel didn't say a thing about everyone getting a piece

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Speaker 3: of lasagna from the same pan. She ate it without complaining.

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Speaker 3: Rachel only gets weird and upset if we're at a

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Speaker 3: restaurant or getting takeout, not if it's a home cooked

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Speaker 3: meal at someone's home. After the first incident, the one

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Speaker 3: I mentioned in my first post, Dave was insistent that

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Speaker 3: Steve apologized to Rachel and make amends, even though Steve

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Speaker 3: didn't do anything wrong. Dave always defends Rachel when she

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Speaker 3: acts weird about this. I get that you're supposed to

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Speaker 3: be on the same team as whoever you're dating, but

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Speaker 3: Dave refuses to see that Rachel isn't the wrong and

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Speaker 3: I'm not the only one who's tired of it. The

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Speaker 3: last draw for me was at my cousin's sixteenth birthday.

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Speaker 3: Rachel got upset because my cousin ordered the meal that

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Speaker 3: she wanted, and she tried to get my cousin to

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Speaker 3: change his mind. My aunt and my uncle were not happy,

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Speaker 3: and they really don't like Rachel. Now, no one knows

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Speaker 3: what her problem is. She just says she doesn't like

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Speaker 3: it when people order the same thing and won't explain more.

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Speaker 3: She even asks other people who order the same meal

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Speaker 3: if one of them wants to change their order. I

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Speaker 3: don't understand why this bothers her so much, but I

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Speaker 3: just won't go to restaurants if she's there now, because

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Speaker 3: she makes such a big deal about it and you

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Speaker 3: can't even enjoy yourself. I'm not the only one who

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Speaker 3: avoids her either. Successful Witch says, did anyone ask her

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Speaker 3: why she didn't order the mac and cheese? Opie says,

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Speaker 3: she just said it was because someone already ordered it.

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Speaker 3: She didn't elaborate or explain when asked. She was asked

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Speaker 3: at least once to elaborate before the server returned to

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Speaker 3: finished taking our orders or the rest of the dinner.

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Speaker 3: We kept trying to change the topic whenever she brought

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Speaker 3: up the mac and cheese because it was so awkward. Now,

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Speaker 3: Dave won't give an explanation when anyone asks why this

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Speaker 3: caused such a problem for Rachel, even if he gets

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Speaker 3: asked why. I honestly have no idea why this became

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Speaker 3: such a big issue. My dad and I both ate

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Speaker 3: the exact same thing, and everything's fine, op to a

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Speaker 3: long thread. If Dave and Rachel didn't want to order

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Speaker 3: the same thing so they could share it, it wouldn't

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Speaker 3: be weird, same for my parents. It was weird because

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Speaker 3: Rachel didn't want to order the same food as her

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Speaker 3: boyfriend's brother, someone who would not be sharing with her.

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Speaker 3: Even if two people in a relationship wanted to share

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Speaker 3: their meals with each other, the restaurant we were at

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Speaker 3: wasn't the kind where people normally share. Each person got

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Speaker 3: their own separate meal. Rachel and Steve are not dating

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Speaker 3: and I'd just met each other for the first time.

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Speaker 3: It was also weird because Rachel asked slash hinted that

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Speaker 3: Steve should change his order and wouldn't stop talking about

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Speaker 3: it for the rest of the night.

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Speaker 4: I just don't understand what the issue is. Like, there

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Speaker 4: has to be like, you know, I just want to

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Speaker 4: reason an explanation as to what is going on, Like

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Speaker 4: you don't need to go too far into detail if

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Speaker 4: you don't feel comfortable, but just be like, you know,

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Speaker 4: you could even just say, oh, it's just something that I,

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Speaker 4: you know, feel uncomfortable with. But they're not even saying that. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: just like just no one gets an explanation, and it's

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Speaker 4: just like, just don't order the same thing because I

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Speaker 4: want that. You can't have it because I want it.

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Speaker 3: Not Actually that's actually also the end of the story

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Speaker 3: because everything was dis repeating. It was just that the

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Speaker 3: comments were all saying the same thing.

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Speaker 4: There's just no explanation. We just don't know why. We'll

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Speaker 4: never know why.

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Speaker 3: That's the worst, Okay, but I think Gop was mad

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Speaker 3: made the right decision and just saying, you know what,

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Speaker 3: just not going to go to restaurants with her anymore.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, if that's the thing that's bothering everyone,

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Speaker 4: But that's just like annoying that every single person, including

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Speaker 4: the waiter, was like, yeah, we're not out of it. Actually,

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Speaker 4: if you also want it, no, no, no, just like

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Speaker 4: I want it, but I don't want it. If someone

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Speaker 4: else is thinking about eating it, I will not even

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Speaker 4: touch it.

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Speaker 3: She's like, I'm doing you, guys a favor. The people

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Speaker 3: next to you have the same Why would you tell

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Speaker 3: me about.

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Speaker 4: It's like an ratitude when they're like, oh, do you

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Speaker 4: want something else?

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Speaker 5: We want?

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Speaker 4: We want something new, we want something off the menu.

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Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

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Speaker 2: to the next one.

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Speaker 4: I bought a camera to shoot my brother's wedding for free.

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Speaker 4: Now he refuses to pay me back for what My

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Speaker 4: brother and my now sister in law got married back

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Speaker 4: in October. My spouse and I agreed to help them

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Speaker 4: out by being the photographers for this wedding as long

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Speaker 4: as they paid for the camera required to do the

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Speaker 4: work back in July for the camera, yes, three months

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Speaker 4: before the wedding. We asked what their budget was for

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Speaker 4: the camera, as we had the extra cash to purchase

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Speaker 4: it in advance, and they told us no more than

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Speaker 4: six hundred dollars. So we went to the store and

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Speaker 4: found an open box deal for a camera at five

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Speaker 4: fifty plus tax. By the way, hey, this comes from

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Speaker 4: Risky one Delta twenty five and if you want to

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Speaker 4: spit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 4: storytime Separate and I'm Savannah, I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and

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Speaker 4: we are here to give some good advice on little

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Speaker 4: Goofy Way. But we don't have all the answers. You

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Speaker 4: only tell you what we would do. We usual let

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Speaker 4: us know what you would do down in the comments.

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Speaker 4: As Opie says, we confirmed the price point again via

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Speaker 4: phone call and then bought the camera. We were told

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Speaker 4: they would pay us back for the camera before the

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Speaker 4: end of October. After a little while, my sister in

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Speaker 4: law and brother called me and asked if I can

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Speaker 4: ordain their wedding as they had a fight with the

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Speaker 4: cousin who initially was going to and wanted to change ministers,

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Speaker 4: and I am an ordained minister. I agreed to do

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Speaker 4: such and agreed not to charge them as a gift

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Speaker 4: to them. I was later also called a clown for

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Speaker 4: my hair color and told I needed to diet back

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Speaker 4: to natural colors and get it cut because her mom

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Speaker 4: did not approve of my hair, as well as being

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Speaker 4: told I needed to wear a suit since I was

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Speaker 4: assigned mail at birth. In my spouse wear a dress.

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Speaker 4: I would I would have to cover these expenses.

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Speaker 3: What if you were not if you don't identify it

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Speaker 3: as a male and you want to wear a dress, you.

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Speaker 4: Should wear a dress. Yep, you should be able to

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Speaker 4: do that.

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Speaker 3: And genuinely, if they were like, oh well, we just

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Speaker 3: we need you to do this and this and change

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Speaker 3: like who you are and also pretend to be something

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Speaker 3: that you're not, I'm not going to be doing photography

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Speaker 3: for free.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, I don't like it. But luckily my family

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Speaker 4: stood up for me and threatened to cancel over it.

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Speaker 4: Given they covered a fair portion of the wedding expenses,

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Speaker 4: but that's regardless to me. The wedding day comes and goes,

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Speaker 4: and my spouse and I do the job as well

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Speaker 4: as a boudoir session as an extra gift. One issue,

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Speaker 4: we have not received any payment for the camera. We

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Speaker 4: were also not informed of the wedding dates and rehearsal

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Speaker 4: times until less than a month out, on top of

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Speaker 4: several other issues throughout the process. Their wedding wasn't mid October,

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Speaker 4: so I didn't say anything, assuming they would have the

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Speaker 4: money to us soon. But after a week or two

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Speaker 4: we are contacted and told they didn't have the full

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Speaker 4: amount and would have to pay us in installments of

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Speaker 4: twenty every week or every other week, as well as

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Speaker 4: being told that she was pregnant. Oh lord. She initially

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Speaker 4: sent us two payments of twenty dollars and then has

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Speaker 4: sent nothing that says, so we got forty dollars of

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Speaker 4: the five hundred dollars five hundred and fifty okay, so

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Speaker 4: we still have five hundred and ten left.

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Speaker 3: Nice just for future reference. When someone says, oh, can

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Speaker 3: you buy this for me, they send.

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Speaker 4: You the money first, and then we buy it with

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Speaker 4: that money, yes, or just take their car be You're like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I'll take your car and bring it back.

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Speaker 1: You go buy.

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Speaker 4: We had left the camera with my father after the

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Speaker 4: wedding as we were going out of town very quickly

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Speaker 4: after the wedding and things were hectic. It stayed with

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Speaker 4: my father until this past week, where we got it

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Speaker 4: back from him after he moved. I was not concerned

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Speaker 4: with retrieving the camera and photos as we had not

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Speaker 4: been paid even half of what is owed. They are

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Speaker 4: now saying they only agreed to a three hundred dollars

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Speaker 4: camera and only agreed to pay for half of the

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Speaker 4: camera one hundred and fifty dollars and that we need

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Speaker 4: to give them the photos and that they will sue

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Speaker 4: us if we don't. How are you gonna sue us

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Speaker 4: for that? How am I the a hole for refusing

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Speaker 4: the photos since they have not met their end of

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Speaker 4: the deal.

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Speaker 3: No, you're not gonna get that money if you do

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Speaker 3: give them the photos. This is your only leverage.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Literally, I was gonna say, this is your only

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Speaker 4: only leverage against them because you don't like give the money.

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Speaker 4: Give me my money. It's very easy. It's very easy. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And if they really want the photos that bad, then

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Speaker 3: make them sign some sort of contract that says you're

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Speaker 3: gonna pay me back. Yeah, and then I'm gonna sue

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Speaker 3: you if you don't deal with it.

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Speaker 4: I miscilla. Do they have the text?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, they have to. I'm sure they would have to

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Speaker 4: have some sort of trail. Yeah. There's an edit here.

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Speaker 4: Thanks to everyone for the responses. So general update and

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Speaker 4: clearing up of things. My spouse was the one doing

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Speaker 4: any photography outside of one or so hours on wedding

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Speaker 4: day for them to rest. I also remember they did

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Speaker 4: photos at the bridal shower too, which only adds to

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Speaker 4: the cost of the whole fair.

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Speaker 3: Oh boy, I don't give them the photos. Don't give

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Speaker 3: them the photos. That's my final thought.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't have to. And like you could just

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Speaker 4: refer be like refer back to you know what you

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Speaker 4: said before. Yeah, like you said six hundred dollars was

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Speaker 4: the limit. We went five point fifty, even got you

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Speaker 4: a deal. Yeah, you're welcome, took all your photos, and

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Speaker 4: now you're like, yeah, give us our photos and we're

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Speaker 4: going to give you one hundred and fifty. That's not

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Speaker 4: even half of what you paid for it, yeah, or

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Speaker 4: what you even prescussed. So yeah, nope, Now, sir, my

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Speaker 4: spouse gave them the options to pay the full amount

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Speaker 4: by January thirty first, or to be polite as this

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Speaker 4: is my family, to pay us over the course of

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Speaker 4: the next couple of weeks. Given their supposed struggles financially,

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Speaker 4: they have continued to buckle down and hold their ground

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Speaker 4: and have now brought my name properly into the situation

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Speaker 4: and said they would pay my grandfather the money in

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Speaker 4: place of my spouse because I owe my grandfather for

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Speaker 4: my car. Wait, give me the money. Yeah what they now,

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Speaker 4: it's like you just don't want to give them the

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Speaker 4: money specifically, but you're still gonna pay the amount but

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Speaker 4: give it to someone else. Ridiculous Give me the money?

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Speaker 4: Come on, Yeah, my spouse and I have separated financials

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Speaker 4: and accounts. This money is not mine in the slightest.

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Speaker 4: I reiterated what we had said to them, and we

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Speaker 4: are waiting on their move. Thank you to everyone. We

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Speaker 4: have definitely learned and we'll never do anything like this again.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Well, I hope that you know you can get the

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Speaker 4: money back or honestly sell the camera.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you can probably get some money back that way,

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Speaker 3: maybe not exactly the amount that you got.

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Speaker 4: But a little bit. Yeah, but definitely like you'll just

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Speaker 4: be like, yeah, no, actually I sold it. So yeah,

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Speaker 4: I'm sure you'll get all.

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Speaker 2: But the one fifty that they are willing to pay

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Speaker 2: you back.

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Speaker 4: Yes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you only used it once and that's the end

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Speaker 2: of this story. We're gonna go to the next one.

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Speaker 6: My son doesn't want his grandma at his surgery, and

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Speaker 6: the guilt is eating me alive.

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Speaker 4: Well, come on, Grandma's been there for everything.

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Speaker 5: To start.

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Speaker 6: I am a single mother with two boys aged fifteen

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Speaker 6: and six. I have a very small very loving village

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Speaker 6: of supporters in our lives, and the grandmother in question

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Speaker 6: has been a significant part of that for many years.

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Speaker 6: This post involves my fifteen year old who will call

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Speaker 6: Fury for his love of cars.

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Speaker 7: Okay, all right, naturally, his younger brother who will call

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Speaker 7: Grimlin for his spice naturally, sure, and Grandma who will

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Speaker 7: still call Grandma.

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Speaker 5: You can't do that.

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Speaker 6: You can't have two baller names and just Grandma.

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Speaker 5: Golly.

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Speaker 6: By the way, this comes from Christy zero three two five.

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Speaker 6: Oh and if you want to spa on stories, you

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Speaker 6: know exactly where to go.

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Speaker 4: I'm Riley, I'm Savannah, I'm Carly, and.

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Speaker 6: We're gonna be hearing this of reading about Fury and

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Speaker 6: Grimlin ruthfully. If you have anything you want to add,

394
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Speaker 6: please add them down.

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Speaker 5: Below a few cents.

396
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Speaker 6: Fury was born with a heart condition that requires two

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Speaker 6: surgeries and will now be needing his third. He'll continue

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Speaker 6: to have several more throughout his life, but in the

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Speaker 6: grand scheme of things, he's doing well. Last month, we

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Speaker 6: traveled to a well known children's hospital and another providence

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00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,440
Speaker 6: for testing, which is what decided the need.

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Speaker 5: For this surgery.

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Speaker 6: We were told Fury would be added to the surgeon's list,

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00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,280
Speaker 6: and that we'd likely be notified sometime this summer of

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00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,200
Speaker 6: when it would be scheduled. A month before the surgery,

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00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,639
Speaker 6: we'll need to go back to the hospital for some

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00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,879
Speaker 6: closer scans so the surgeon can map out a plan,

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Speaker 6: speak with us about what to expect, and have us

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Speaker 6: signed papers. Well, those appointments come with much sooner than expected.

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Speaker 6: We're scheduled for those scans about two weeks, and we

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Speaker 6: apparently get the surgery date sent home with us. Now,

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00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,120
Speaker 6: for the reason for this post, Fury does not want

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Speaker 6: me to tell grandma about any of this until we

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00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,359
Speaker 6: have the surgery dates. What and now we're reading it

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Speaker 6: that this is the problem.

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Speaker 5: This is the problem. This is the problem we're reading about.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, he doesn't want to tell his grandma about his surgery.

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Speaker 6: It doesn't seem like that big of a deal from

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Speaker 6: just reading that, does it not.

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Speaker 4: I feel like probably the grandma is like very worried

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Speaker 4: and is probably someone who is maybe just very scared

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Speaker 4: when it comes to that stuff, and so like she

423
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,679
Speaker 4: worries and worries or worries and probably gets on his

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Speaker 4: nerves a little bit.

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Speaker 6: His reasoning that he doesn't want her constantly hounding him

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Speaker 6: with phone calls and messages asking how he's feeling about

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Speaker 6: the date approaching.

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Speaker 8: There you go.

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Speaker 6: Grandma also has a terrible habit of never keeping news

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Speaker 6: to herself and fury. He doesn't want to wage through

431
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:39,440
Speaker 6: the inevitable onslaught of her friends and family. People he's

432
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 6: well acquainted with constantly ask him if he's ready, or

433
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Speaker 6: if he's nervous, or probing for details. Sadly, every one

434
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 6: of his concerns is valid. We've dealt with it before.

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Speaker 6: He also doesn't want Grandma inserting herself into the decisions

436
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,680
Speaker 6: he's making about the procedure, or trying to invite herself

437
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 6: to the surgery itself. I understand where he's coming from.

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Speaker 6: Grandma can be loud, overbearing, and careless when she gets

439
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,399
Speaker 6: on a ramble. I know if you feel like that,

440
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:10,439
Speaker 6: but she's also very loving and would bend over backwards

441
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,480
Speaker 6: for him. Anne has been a massive support to us

442
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,360
Speaker 6: over the years when his father her son didn't step up.

443
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:18,760
Speaker 5: I also know people like that.

444
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 6: She stepped in for the first time a couple of

445
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 6: years ago of Grimlin's life, who has complex needs. When

446
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:29,399
Speaker 6: his father and family vanished. I would have crumbled much

447
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 6: further if it hadn't been for her. So Grandma's pretty solid.

448
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:34,840
Speaker 5: She just likes to talk.

449
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, and she's also overbearing, like it's like, oh, are

450
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 4: you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? I'd be like, okay,

451
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,679
Speaker 4: So I'm asking me about it. I don't know it's surgery,

452
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 4: and I don't think anyone's ever ready for surgery. They're not,

453
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 4: They're not okay.

454
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:52,399
Speaker 6: Because of that sense of gratitude, I'm feeling incredibly guilty.

455
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 5: Keeping this from her.

456
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 6: I know she'll be her to be left out of

457
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:58,680
Speaker 6: such a certificate medical news about her grandson. She'll feel

458
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 6: oscillated and it'll gut her. She's been involved in every

459
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,919
Speaker 6: previous medical situation up until this point. But Fury is

460
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,959
Speaker 6: his own person, and even at his age where he

461
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,320
Speaker 6: can deny having a surgery at all if he doesn't

462
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 6: want to, and I, as his mother, won't it be

463
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 6: able to do anything about it?

464
00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:16,879
Speaker 5: What should I do?

465
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 6: I feel like if I don't let her in on

466
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:23,120
Speaker 6: the development, she'll be resentful and even back off from

467
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,440
Speaker 6: helping or seeing the kids in the future. And selfishly,

468
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,479
Speaker 6: I really can't imagine doing this without a member of

469
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,600
Speaker 6: my little village in our corner. But Fury deserves for

470
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 6: me to respect his decision. And it's not like she

471
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:37,840
Speaker 6: won't find out about the surgery once we know the

472
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:38,840
Speaker 6: date ourselves.

473
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 5: So would I be the a hole if I kept.

474
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 6: The news of my son's upcoming appointments from his grandmother. Update,

475
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:50,280
Speaker 6: we're letting her know when we're certain about the surgery date.

476
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:51,439
Speaker 6: She's still gonna know.

477
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 4: She's just not gonna know for like weeks prior.

478
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 2: From what I heard, I think that it's totally valid

479
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,959
Speaker 2: his concerns of life, like I don't want to explain

480
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 2: to everyone while I'm getting a surgery. Let me let

481
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 2: me have it and then we can tell grandma and

482
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 2: then she doesn't have to freak out.

483
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, the thing is, they would still be telling

484
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 4: her the date like oh, by the way, like there's

485
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,359
Speaker 4: another surgery coming up on this date, but like they're

486
00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 4: gonna be telling her probably a couple days before or

487
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 4: that day to be like, oh, yeah, we're going in

488
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 4: for surgery blah blah blah, and you know, and you

489
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 4: can even honestly, you can kind of lie and be

490
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,120
Speaker 4: like oh, yeah, you know, it came out of nowhere.

491
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 4: We were supposed to be scheduled like a month later,

492
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 4: but they had an opening and so we're just going in.

493
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 4: We meant to tell you about it, you know, type

494
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 4: of thing. I could say that and then have the

495
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 4: conversation after once everything's settled, and be like, hey, listen,

496
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 4: you know he doesn't really like you know, he feels

497
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,639
Speaker 4: kind of pressured and frustrated or whatever.

498
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 5: So updates.

499
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,399
Speaker 6: I need to make one thing clear that I must

500
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 6: not have calm across in my original post given some

501
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 6: of the responses. I am absolutely not going against any

502
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 6: of my son's wishes, and I will not be telling

503
00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 6: his grandmother or anything he does not want her to know.

504
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 8: Ever.

505
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 6: Oh right, that's awesome, right, Yeah, I like this. If

506
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,399
Speaker 6: he's ever asked me to keep anything private, I've kept

507
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 6: it private. He and I have a very good relationship.

508
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 6: He tells me everything all the time and trust me

509
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 6: with things I'm sometimes shocked he'd ever share. I would

510
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 6: never risk that by going behind his back.

511
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 5: So we got a solid fortitude of trust right here.

512
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

513
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 6: I caim to read it in regard to my own

514
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 6: feelings of guilt, and I guess looking for some validation

515
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,160
Speaker 6: that I'm doing the right thing, even when it has

516
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 6: always been a no brainer. I deal with severe anxiety,

517
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 6: and I'm always questioning myself. Questioning and feeling guilty is

518
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,399
Speaker 6: very second nature to me. I'd also like to share

519
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 6: more context around the why of my guilt, since I

520
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 6: saw a few comments about it. When I say Grandma

521
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,239
Speaker 6: is part of my village and helped me pick up

522
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 6: my broken pieces, I mean it. I struggle with high

523
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,359
Speaker 6: anxiety and oppression, and I work very hard not to

524
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 6: let them get in the way of taking.

525
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:58,679
Speaker 5: Care of my children.

526
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 6: While all my folks and energy went into the kids,

527
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:06,879
Speaker 6: Grandma made sure I was still taking care of me, eating, sleeping, showering.

528
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 6: She prompted me to do it all. When things got

529
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 6: really bad in twenty nineteen, she come over and watched

530
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 6: the kids while I did so lean up after me

531
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 6: when I made us all dinner, put the kids to

532
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:21,360
Speaker 6: bed for me. From the outside, I appeared to be okay,

533
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,120
Speaker 6: and people were shocked when I finally explained how thinly

534
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 6: my thread was holding on. I'm not mentioning this because

535
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,920
Speaker 6: I want to reward I'm just trying to paint how

536
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 6: much attention has always been on my children regardless of

537
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 6: whatever state I'm in. My favorite thing about myself is

538
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,480
Speaker 6: how well I've kept my struggles away from my kids awareness.

539
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,639
Speaker 6: I never want them to worry about anything beyond the

540
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,479
Speaker 6: crap life has already dealt them beyond that. Grandma has

541
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 6: been there for me every single medical emergency. When Fury's

542
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 6: father didn't want to attend an appointment, she came and said,

543
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,240
Speaker 6: so we wouldn't be alone, and as second set of

544
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 6: ears for me under stress, I struggled to retain information.

545
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,120
Speaker 6: So a second pair of ears is always preferred. When

546
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 6: Fury had a magical emergency, Grandma came to the first

547
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,640
Speaker 6: hospital with us and stayed behind to chew his father out.

548
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 6: When his excuse for not coming was not wanting to

549
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:13,479
Speaker 6: miss a marathon he was in more context?

550
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 5: How do we feel about this? Do we want more?

551
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 5: Do we want more context? I mean, do we want

552
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:18,680
Speaker 5: more context? Everyone?

553
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,400
Speaker 4: I feel like I get it now.

554
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 5: Carl, would you like some more context?

555
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,679
Speaker 2: I'm trying to see if there's any other good context coming?

556
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 3: Yeah?

557
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,720
Speaker 5: How we feel? This is what I expected? I knew

558
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 5: this was gonna happen.

559
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 6: I already knew this well, I didn't know no, but

560
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 6: I got the vibe of it.

561
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 2: I feel like the next one shows the dad.

562
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 4: A little bite, a little bit more of a poo poo.

563
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,880
Speaker 4: Now we're bringing in big Daddy showing his POV.

564
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 6: After Fury's second open heart surgery in twenty twenty one,

565
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 6: it was Grandma and Grandpa who drove three and a

566
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 6: half hours across two provinces to pick.

567
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 5: Us up after Fury's father had.

568
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 6: Left us stranded at the hospital with no way home

569
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 6: and no money. She also helped me arrange drives to

570
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 6: and from this far away hospital to cut costs since

571
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 6: I can't drive, I'm partially and progressively blind, and I'm

572
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,919
Speaker 6: very low income. She's been there for my lowest moments

573
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 6: so I could keep the truth of those hardships from

574
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 6: my kids.

575
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 5: I'm sorry that was so long.

576
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 4: At least she notices taken accountability.

577
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 8: I like that.

578
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 6: Maybe knowing all that helps explain where my guilt comes from.

579
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 6: It's simply because she's always been a part of the equation.

580
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 6: Very used to seek her out, even and wanted her there.

581
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 6: This is actually the first time he's expressed not wanting

582
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 6: her involved. And although it surprised me, I'm not gonna

583
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 6: disrespect him by blurting his personal business and risk breaking

584
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 6: his trust. Also, just to mention this, his father is

585
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,440
Speaker 6: no longer in the picture. As of January of twenty

586
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 6: twenty six, Very no longer sees or speaks to him

587
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,560
Speaker 6: due to their poor relationship and the terrible way his

588
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,400
Speaker 6: father would talk to him. I never wanted to send

589
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 6: him over for core ordered weekends, but I was obligated to. Eventually,

590
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,400
Speaker 6: Fury had enough and told himself that he was done.

591
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 6: He obviously also does not know about these appointments or

592
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 6: future surgery. Doesn't sound like you care. Lastly, I'd be

593
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,919
Speaker 6: lying if I said I didn't depend on the support

594
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,399
Speaker 6: of Grandma and my village to keep me sane. But

595
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 6: her feelings don't outweigh my children's, and they never will.

596
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 6: My need for support doesn't outweigh my child's wishes. I've

597
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 6: shut Grandma down before and set boundaries with her for

598
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 6: overstepping or oversharing that she mostly abided by. But she

599
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:33,160
Speaker 6: gets rambly and she will overshare.

600
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 2: Hmm.

601
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 4: I feel like that runs to the family.

602
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 6: Fury has brought forward this boundary of his own, and

603
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,919
Speaker 6: it's clear and needs to be drawn. She doesn't do

604
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,400
Speaker 6: it with ill intentions, and she's expressed genuine regret when

605
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 6: called out. Sometimes she doesn't catch herself until she's called out,

606
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,199
Speaker 6: but good intentions don't exempt her from the her or

607
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,439
Speaker 6: stress her negligence has caused. I'll be talking with her

608
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 6: privately to remind her of her boundaries and enforce them

609
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,680
Speaker 6: point blank. I will stand end up four and by

610
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:02,400
Speaker 6: my children.

611
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 5: Always.

612
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 6: It's about them, not me, not her, not their baby

613
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 6: juice donors them. I suppose I was just looking for

614
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 6: others to hear this situation and tell me I'm being

615
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 6: lily for filling unwarranted guilt and worry. And I eventually

616
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 6: did get that, But for now, I really want to

617
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 6: stress that my grandmother story is just a very, very

618
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,560
Speaker 6: awesome person. So when Fury was about six years old,

619
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 6: I was not feeling the best and I was I

620
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 6: think I had a cold, But Grandma came through and

621
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:34,640
Speaker 6: she gave me.

622
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,159
Speaker 2: We're just gonna do that. And now you and me

623
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 2: can keep talking, Savannah. They can't hear Riley anymore. I

624
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 2: mute at him, we can't hear them.

625
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 4: Look at that. He's so funny. He's continuing to go.

626
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 6: And I really just help me in under an hour.

627
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're going to

628
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 2: go to the next one. Hey, it's Carly, your favorite

629
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 2: Axeltel host.

630
00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 4: Here.

631
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 2: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

632
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 2: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

633
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 4: My sister made me her maid of honor while I'm ill,

634
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 4: so I left before her wedding.

635
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 2: I'm too sick for this.

636
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 4: Let's start with the history. I, twenty five female, and

637
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 4: my sister, thirty female, have a dysfunctional relationship. Let's call

638
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 4: her Carissa. Carissa as my parents first adopted daughter after

639
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 4: a struggle with infertility, and became a literal answer to

640
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 4: prayers for them. He never told her no, never offered discipline,

641
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 4: and overall, Carissa turned out as well as she could

642
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 4: given the lack of being taught accountability. When she was

643
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 4: five years old, I was adopted as an infant. Carissa

644
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 4: remembers asking her parents to bring her home a sister.

645
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 4: She even took me as her kindergarten show and tell

646
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 4: when I came home. That's kind of sweet, though, I

647
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 4: would say.

648
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 2: My aunt took my dad as show and tell one year.

649
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 4: That's so cute. I would say. We had a fairly

650
00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 4: normal sibling relationship. I noticed a pattern early of Chrissa's

651
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 4: inclination for victimization, and it in turn taught me my

652
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 4: role of being the apologizer. A vivid memory I have

653
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,239
Speaker 4: is when I was in middle school, Carissa and I

654
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 4: had thought about something silly while doing dishes, and it

655
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 4: prompted our mom to call a family meeting. Our mom

656
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 4: asked Carissa what she would say was the root of

657
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 4: all the problems, and in turn, Carissa threw both of

658
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 4: her arms out extended towards me without another word. By

659
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from Cultural Log eighteen thirteen. And

660
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, good to

661
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 4: the Arslash Showcase Storytime severn at. I'm Savannah, I'm Carly,

662
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 4: and we are here to dog about some stuff, maybe

663
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 4: give some advice. But we really don't have all the answers.

664
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 4: We only tell you what we would do, but you

665
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 4: shall let us know what you would do down in

666
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 4: the comments. As OPI says, Carissa also has a history

667
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 4: of rewriting the past in her mind and wholly believing

668
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 4: in as fact, she has fully convinced herself she had

669
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 4: to raise herself since she was five because our parents

670
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 4: were too busy with me. She has fully convinced herself

671
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 4: we had an absentee father, a blatant lie. She has

672
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 4: fully convinced herself our parents had never done enough for her,

673
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,959
Speaker 4: which is ironic considering what I'm going to say next.

674
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 4: When Chrisa graduated junior college, my parents bought her a

675
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 4: house in a very wealthy, private neighborhood. Dang, a house

676
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 4: as a graduation gift. That's crazy. Oh my god, I

677
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 4: think I just got like maybe like one hundred dollars.

678
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 2: With my dad and like a graduation party and like

679
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 2: a like.

680
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 4: A card from a mom. Oh yeah, this is junior college.

681
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 4: Is that high school? I'm guessing. Yeah, I just got

682
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 4: a graduation party if it's high school graduation party. When

683
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 4: I graduated college, it was during the VID so I

684
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 4: didn't have anything, So that was fun.

685
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 1: Uh.

686
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 4: She got a roommate, didn't like it, and moved home.

687
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 4: The next year, Chrissa moved into another house my parents

688
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 4: bought for her with one of her cousins. She didn't

689
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 4: like it, moved home. When I graduated high school, my

690
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 4: parents moved Chrissa and I into another home they bought.

691
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 4: During that time living together, Carrissa would verbally mistreat me

692
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,239
Speaker 4: for my body, my clothing, my boyfriend who is now

693
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,960
Speaker 4: my husband after six years of dating, and my job.

694
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,719
Speaker 4: I still have the voice recording of her referring to

695
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 4: me as a salute for wearing mid thigh length shorts

696
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 4: during our one hundred and nine plus degree summer. I

697
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 4: ended up moving now from behind her back and into

698
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 4: a crappy Rundown apartment with my boyfriend. She wasn't able

699
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 4: to afford living there on her own and was forced

700
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 4: to move home a third time. Bear in mind, my

701
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 4: family kept this home as a rental property important for later.

702
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 4: During the year or so after I left living with her,

703
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 4: it was expressed to me by our mom that the

704
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 4: fact we were distant now was hurting her heart. My

705
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 4: mom begged me to try and repair things, so I

706
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 4: started trying again to foster a relationship with my sister one.

707
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 4: I did not want all to make sure my parents'

708
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 4: emotions were catered to. Oh there is an absurdity warning here,

709
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 4: Oh fabulous. Fast forward to November of twenty twenty four,

710
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 4: Wicked is released in theaters. Yes, this is Caris and

711
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 4: I went to see it together and had a wonderful

712
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 4: night now a bit of a sidebar. My now mother

713
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,719
Speaker 4: in law's favorite movie is Wizard of Oz, and she

714
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 4: was inclined to see Wicked. My own mom loved Wicked

715
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 4: and wanted to see it too, so I reached out

716
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 4: to my now mother in law and checked what show

717
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 4: times worked best for her. So I invited Carissa, letting

718
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 4: her know we were going to buy tickets and seeing

719
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 4: if she was available to come too. Unfortunately, she had

720
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:29,959
Speaker 4: a prior commitment with her horse. Yeah, unfortunately I have

721
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 4: horse duty.

722
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:32,959
Speaker 2: Sorry guys, I can't my horse.

723
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 4: We let her know it was no big deal and

724
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 4: got our three tickets, me, mom, and my mother in law.

725
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 4: Eight or so hours later, that same day, Carissa texts

726
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 4: me stating how hurt and unwanted I made her feel

727
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 4: for not trying to be more flexible and including her

728
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 4: to see the movie a second time. She went off Suddenly,

729
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 4: this was the catastrophe of the century. I was selfish.

730
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 4: I was intentionally hurting her. I was robbing her of

731
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 4: the opportunity to feel part of something, and I had

732
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 4: had enough. I ended up sending a very hateful text,

733
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 4: fueled by about five to six years worth of pent

734
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 4: up rage. I told her. She was a self absorbed person.

735
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 4: She was always playing victim, that she treats our family

736
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 4: like crap, and that I was done catering to her

737
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:19,120
Speaker 4: childish excuses for the way she acts. Carissa cut me

738
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 4: off until after New Year's and those couple months were

739
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,400
Speaker 4: the happiest I had been. See, that's how you know

740
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 4: you made the right decision.

741
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, when like your peace.

742
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, when you get rid of something and then you're like, wow,

743
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 4: what a weight off my shoulder. You're like, wait a second,

744
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 4: hold on. That is until her mom came back to

745
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 4: me saying how hurt she was by her strained relationship.

746
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 4: In November twenty twenty five, I got married. During my

747
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 4: last year of engagement, I went through a devastating set

748
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:49,320
Speaker 4: of medical crises that have since resulted in a terminal

749
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 4: illness diagnosis. I have now been battling terminal illness for

750
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 4: nine months. During those medical episodes, it coincided with my

751
00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 4: bridal showers and a bachelorette party. So was my main

752
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,840
Speaker 4: of honor. Not because they chose her, but because that

753
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 4: expectation was thrust upon me by both her and our mom.

754
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 4: To preserve the peace, Carissa never bothered to plan a

755
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 4: bachelorette for me, and the day of the bachelorette she

756
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,839
Speaker 4: skipped my bridal shower and the party that followed that night.

757
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 4: Now Carissa was able to meet someone via online dating,

758
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 4: and he is the physical embodiment of Jaba.

759
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 8: The hut.

760
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 9: Ah.

761
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 4: Some people like that and guess where They started living

762
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,399
Speaker 4: together in a fourth home my parents bought for her

763
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 4: once they started to get more settled in Japa and

764
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:40,840
Speaker 4: her didn't have enough space, so, surprise, surprise, they moved

765
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 4: into the home my parents had kept as a rental.

766
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,320
Speaker 4: Carissa got engaged and her wedding will be June twenty

767
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 4: twenty six, seven months after mine. The man she has chosen, Jaba,

768
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 4: is thirty three, divorced and has two children by two

769
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 4: different women. Okay, oh a hold on. He also pays

770
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 4: no child support and has no relationship with either child.

771
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 4: He works three days a week, allows Chrissa to be

772
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,879
Speaker 4: the bread winner, and has Carissa take on financials for

773
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 4: his hobbies. He has no living family aside from his

774
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 4: two children, and plans to take our family's last name.

775
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 4: So this guy is a sucubis. He does not subis,

776
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:21,359
Speaker 4: so he's a leech.

777
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 2: He's a good one.

778
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's a He's a leech. He's just latching on

779
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 4: and taking whenever he can. Thanks, what a little parasite.

780
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,960
Speaker 4: I am currently Carrissa's maid of honor, something I was

781
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 4: told I wasn't allowed to decline in order to say

782
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 4: it with me preserve the peace. I am expected to

783
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 4: partake in planning Carissa's bridal shower, bachelorette party, and deliver

784
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 4: a speech at her wedding, all things she failed to

785
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 4: do or failed it with my wedding. Now Here is

786
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,400
Speaker 4: why I am asking if I would be in the wrong.

787
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:56,360
Speaker 4: Carissa comprehends that I am battling terminal illness, something I

788
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 4: have recently in the last two months started chemo therapyfore

789
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 4: after multiple rounds of immunotherapy treatments. With my treatment plan,

790
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 4: I also have to give myself injections of an immunosuppressant

791
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 4: at home every two weeks. When planning dress fittings for

792
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 4: the bridal party, every day Carissa has picked coincides with

793
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 4: one of my at home injections. She has told me,

794
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 4: if you effing care, you'll make it work and be there.

795
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,360
Speaker 4: My god, my, I mean give her a break.

796
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,320
Speaker 2: And this is why I'm dropping out of your wedding.

797
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, my god, girl, god awful person.

798
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 2: I mean we know from the title that you know

799
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,719
Speaker 2: what you gotta do, so I'm I'm glad that you

800
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 2: know to just stop helping her because she sounds awful.

801
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's just really I think if you just keep

802
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:45,239
Speaker 4: doing what she asks, nothing's gonna change. The only thing,

803
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 4: Like I understand, you want to keep or preserve the

804
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:50,839
Speaker 4: piece you know, as your mom says, preserve the peace

805
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:54,959
Speaker 4: with your sister. But she's a witch, you god, I mean,

806
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,360
Speaker 4: she can't think of one nice thing to do for

807
00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 4: someone that's insane. Her bridles shall or coincides with both

808
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 4: my at home injections and my chemo schedule. I am

809
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 4: still expected to not only be there, but run the

810
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 4: games we will play and follow up the shower with

811
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 4: a bachelorette outing that night. I can and do forgive

812
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,920
Speaker 4: her for my wedding meaning nothing, to her for blowing

813
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,799
Speaker 4: off my bridal shower, for majorly dropping the ball on

814
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,879
Speaker 4: my bachelorette, but not being able to be bothered enough

815
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 4: to check in on my sister with terminal illness, going

816
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 4: through chemo, and having upwards of thirty hospitalizations under her

817
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:34,360
Speaker 4: belt in the last eight months. That to me is unforgivable.

818
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 4: So would I be the a hole for cutting my

819
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:41,479
Speaker 4: sister off two months before her wedding? No, I see.

820
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:42,919
Speaker 4: The thing is, I feel like you have a really

821
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 4: good excuse, but I don't want you to be weaponizing

822
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:52,440
Speaker 4: that because that I don't know, it just could go

823
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,799
Speaker 4: in a bad direction. I mean, the thing is, it's

824
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:58,719
Speaker 4: gonna go in a bad direction just because you're canceling

825
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,880
Speaker 4: on someone's wedding. There's never I've never known someone to

826
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 4: just be like, oh, yeah, that's fine, but she.

827
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 2: Doesn't want a relationship with her anyway.

828
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, what doesn't matter. And she also like didn't give

829
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 4: her didn't give op any of what she wanted for

830
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:15,439
Speaker 4: her wedding, So it's kind of, you know, fair game

831
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 4: at this point. I would, you know, I would still

832
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 4: try to be a part of the wedding, maybe just

833
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 4: drop out as made of honor or something, and also

834
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,720
Speaker 4: maybe have a discussion with like your mom and sister

835
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:31,239
Speaker 4: saying I don't know if you know this, but I'm

836
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:34,840
Speaker 4: actually going through chemo right now and I can't do

837
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:38,440
Speaker 4: a lot in terms of like planning parties when I

838
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:41,760
Speaker 4: literally have to inject myself every two weeks with something

839
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 4: that helps me live. She knows she's going through that,

840
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:47,640
Speaker 4: Yeah she does, but she doesn't care. I would just

841
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 4: kind of maybe reiterate again, which is.

842
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 2: Why I don't think that you should care about dropping

843
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 2: out of her wedding.

844
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think you. I don't think it would

845
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 4: be the a hole because you do have other things

846
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 4: going on that are bigger than her wedding.

847
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 2: You have a terminal illness. Yeah, you're like, no, spend

848
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 2: your time in peace away from her.

849
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 1: True.

850
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:07,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think as long as you have peace of

851
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,360
Speaker 4: mind in whatever decision you make, I think you should

852
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 4: be good.

853
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

854
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:15,799
Speaker 2: to the next one. I bought a DNA kit to

855
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 2: plan a vacation. It exposed a secret kept hidden for years.

856
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,799
Speaker 4: Uh oh, what have momben up?

857
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,239
Speaker 2: Two? I haven't really discussed this with anyone since it's

858
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 2: a touchy subject, but figured why not drop it here

859
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 2: and get it off my chest since it's the most

860
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,879
Speaker 2: dramatic thing that's happened in my life so far. By

861
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from after store sixty eight oh nine,

862
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 2: And if you want to make your own stories, go

863
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:42,920
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay storytime sub brought it.

864
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 4: I'm Carly, I'm Savannah, and.

865
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 2: We're here to give good advice Goofily, but we don't

866
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 2: have all the answers. We only know what we would do.

867
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 2: Let us know what you would do in the comments

868
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 2: and no pieceas So a little backstory. My mom and

869
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 2: dad ended up getting divorced when I was ten, and

870
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:57,839
Speaker 2: my dad has been out of my life since for

871
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 2: the most part. He's a heavy dream and ended up

872
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,959
Speaker 2: losing visitation rights for a bit and then was able

873
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,880
Speaker 2: to have supervised visits that were few and far between

874
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:11,320
Speaker 2: and eventually stopped when I was around fourteen. No birthday cards,

875
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 2: no request to visit or meet up. Even when I

876
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 2: got into my adult years. There are photos of him

877
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,279
Speaker 2: holding me as a baby, and I ended up with

878
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,200
Speaker 2: the exact same hair and eye color, so there was

879
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 2: no thought in my mind that he wasn't my dad.

880
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,880
Speaker 2: I grew up with a lot of guilt and shame

881
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 2: that I was potentially the reason they ended up getting divorced,

882
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 2: and then anger that he chose booze overseeing his kids. Anyways,

883
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 2: lots of drama with all of that. Flash forward to

884
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 2: April thirtieth, twenty twenty three, I twenty seven female at

885
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 2: the time, decided to purchase an ancestry DNA kit. At

886
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 2: the time, I was big into watching Outlander and got

887
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 2: the itch to investigate my bloodline and history since I

888
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 2: have a common Irish last name and I knew I

889
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 2: was of Irish and slash Scottish descent on my dad's side,

890
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,760
Speaker 2: and I wanted to travel to the UK at some point.

891
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 2: I sent in my sample, got my results, and began

892
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 2: building my tree with a little help from my maternal grandmother,

893
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:09,319
Speaker 2: just to get my mom's side filled out the best

894
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,239
Speaker 2: I could. I went to her house and we spent

895
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 2: the day pouring over family history documents she had in

896
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 2: a binder, and it was so fun comparing the information

897
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 2: she had to what was already inside the ancestry database.

898
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:23,400
Speaker 2: I texted my mom and told her what I was

899
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,160
Speaker 2: up to and if she knew much about Dad's side

900
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 2: that I could put in. She didn't respond with anything helpful,

901
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 2: and I figured she was busy with work. But I

902
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 2: moved on and continued filling it out myself. Jump scared

903
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 2: a Mother's Day May fourteenth, I head to the store

904
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:40,280
Speaker 2: and pick up flowers and cards for my mom and grandma,

905
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 2: which I honestly had never done, but I must have

906
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 2: been feeling nostalgic or whatever. I had to my grandma's

907
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:47,840
Speaker 2: house for lunch and to hang out with the family.

908
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 2: It's our typical group of seven at the time, myself,

909
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 2: my grandma, grandpa, mom, brother, sister, and her boyfriend. We

910
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 2: go through the day hanging out and have lunch chatting,

911
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 2: and I even bring up the ancestry thing during lunch

912
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,280
Speaker 2: and talk about possibly planning a trip with my siblings

913
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:06,960
Speaker 2: to Ireland to check things out. Eventually, lunch ends and

914
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 2: my mom declares that we need to convene in the

915
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 2: living room for something important, just my brother's sister and me.

916
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,759
Speaker 2: My first thought is that someone's passing away based on

917
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,799
Speaker 2: past experiences with conversations that start like this.

918
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 4: The four of us head.

919
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:24,320
Speaker 2: Into the living room and instantly the mood is tense

920
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:26,879
Speaker 2: and we just prowd my mom to spit it out.

921
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 2: She proceeds to tell me that I'm adopted, that my

922
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 2: birth father is a guy that my mom went to

923
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:34,879
Speaker 2: high school with who was a few years older than her.

924
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 4: Wait Adopted is a crazy way of saying, yeah, I

925
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 4: had a baby before I was married to your dad. Yeah,

926
00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:48,000
Speaker 4: like that's what I'm getting here, but you're mine.

927
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 2: He didn't want a baby, didn't need to know that.

928
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 2: Thanks Mom. She tells me that he signed away his

929
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:55,120
Speaker 2: rights after I was born, and she updated my birth

930
00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 2: certificate with my dad's last name and put him down

931
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 2: as the father. He is apparently never reached out since then.

932
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 2: I was obviously feeling a slew of emotions all at once. Shock, confusion, hurt, embarrassment, anger, shock.

933
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 2: This was the very last thing I thought would be

934
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 2: coming out of her mouth, of all the things she

935
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 2: could have said that was not on my Bengo card. Confusion.

936
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 2: I had gone my whole life with the thought that

937
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 2: this other man was my father, and suddenly I was

938
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 2: being told that there was an other that existed in

939
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,719
Speaker 2: a parallel universe that I had just never met, and

940
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 2: that just didn't make sense to me.

941
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:29,720
Speaker 1: Hurt.

942
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 2: I was almost thirty, and this had never been brought

943
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,960
Speaker 2: up by her, or anyone on my mom or dad's

944
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 2: side that had known this information and kept it from me.

945
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 2: It couldn't be real. I would have noticed at some

946
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 2: point that something was off right. How had I not embarrassment,

947
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 2: everyone had known and it was the odd man out

948
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,279
Speaker 2: of my own parentage. Why was she telling me this

949
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 2: life changing information in front of my siblings now half siblings,

950
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:58,719
Speaker 2: No offense, but this was obviously triggering information that I

951
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 2: would think she would have wanted to discuss one on one,

952
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 2: not in a group of others to witness anger all

953
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 2: the reasons above, Why would she wait so long to

954
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 2: say something? I was almost thirty, for Christ's sake? How

955
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,400
Speaker 2: could she pass up all the opportunities in life to

956
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 2: tell me something so vital? If I had never started

957
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 2: looking into my genealogy, would she have ever said anything?

958
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 2: Would I still be in the dark? Why would she

959
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 2: not afford to give me the courtesy of getting to

960
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:27,719
Speaker 2: process this alone with her instead of with my siblings

961
00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 2: to witness. I ended up going home right after all

962
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,640
Speaker 2: of this as I needed space to process. Passed forward

963
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 2: to now it's been over two years and I still

964
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 2: haven't contacted the other. I found his mom on Facebook,

965
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 2: confirmed her profile pick with him in it, and I

966
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,880
Speaker 2: think his sister, but I don't think they've used the

967
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 2: app much and I haven't been able to find him

968
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 2: on anything.

969
00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 4: M Yeah, so you know, not your fault that your

970
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 4: parents divorced.

971
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:58,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think I can understand the shock and

972
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:01,239
Speaker 2: her but she probably just was thinking that deep into

973
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 2: it unfortunately, or maybe she thought you'd want your siblings there.

974
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 2: I don't know.

975
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 4: I don't know. I mean, I wonder what. I guess

976
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 4: the ancestry kit is what prompted that, because I was like,

977
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 4: why did she even say anything with the dads? That's true.

978
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 2: I tried messaging the sister, but she hasn't read the message.

979
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 2: I finally friend requested both about a month ago, just

980
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:27,279
Speaker 2: to see if I could make contact and get the

981
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:30,240
Speaker 2: ball rolling and nothing. How do I go about making

982
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 2: contact without encroaching on their lives and dragging them into

983
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 2: a mess? Should I even reach out? It's obvious that

984
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,120
Speaker 2: if you wanted to know me, he would have contacted

985
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 2: my mom or found a way to reach me. I'm conflicted,

986
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 2: but I do want to speak to him at least once,

987
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 2: just so that I can explore that part of my

988
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,959
Speaker 2: life and decide what to do from there. My mother

989
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,719
Speaker 2: and I's relationship has been tense ever since, and I'm

990
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 2: pretty much in a no contact situation with her for

991
00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 2: my own insanity I'd rather figure this out on my

992
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 2: own than have her help. Very healthy, I know. Anyways,

993
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:04,080
Speaker 2: any advice would be very helpful and sorry for the novel. Honestly,

994
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 2: my advice was going to be it's probably easiest to

995
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 2: go through your mom, and I know that's not what

996
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:08,839
Speaker 2: you want to hear.

997
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I'm sure mom has his number at least,

998
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 4: you know, I would think, but also I don't know,

999
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 4: maybe maybe they don't. But also, op this, we always

1000
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 4: get these in like these, you know, adoption stories of

1001
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 4: like I want to contact my birth parents, I want

1002
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:32,240
Speaker 4: to do this, I want to do that, which great,

1003
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:34,440
Speaker 4: if that's what you want to do, totally do it.

1004
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 4: But you also have to be prepared for the outcome.

1005
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 4: It could be good, it could be bad, or you

1006
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:42,719
Speaker 4: could just not receive an answer, and you have to

1007
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:45,320
Speaker 4: be okay with that as well. There's so many factors

1008
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:48,839
Speaker 4: that go into it, and I think that you are.

1009
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:52,480
Speaker 4: It's a huge thing right now and you're trying to

1010
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:57,000
Speaker 4: find some sort of uh, some sort of way to

1011
00:47:57,120 --> 00:48:01,360
Speaker 4: cope and being like, oh, like my family, you know

1012
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:03,879
Speaker 4: they lied to me for all these years, blah blah blah.

1013
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 4: I want to go see what this other family is

1014
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:09,439
Speaker 4: about and then they obviously either don't use social media

1015
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:12,360
Speaker 4: or recognize your name and are like, no, we're not

1016
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 4: gonna do that. So but that has no reflection on

1017
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:18,359
Speaker 4: you though, Like you have to understand that everything that

1018
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 4: you have done for yourself and all the things that

1019
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 4: you have been through you know shape who you are.

1020
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 4: But you can't like judge yourself on what other people

1021
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,279
Speaker 4: think or do towards like what you want, you know.

1022
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:34,279
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1023
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:35,800
Speaker 2: to the next one.

1024
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite good time boy host.

1025
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 9: Here.

1026
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

1027
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:43,440
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1028
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 3: My fiance demanded I change my last name after marriage.

1029
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 4: I almost called off the wedding.

1030
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,080
Speaker 5: Well that's a power move.

1031
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,240
Speaker 3: My fiance thirty three male, and I thirty three female,

1032
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:58,720
Speaker 3: have been together for five years, engaged for six months.

1033
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 3: We recently started designing or save the dates and had

1034
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 3: a huge argument over me not changing my last name.

1035
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:08,239
Speaker 3: We both have extremely generic last names, and a good

1036
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:12,759
Speaker 3: example of what I'm talking about is Schultz versus Schultz Oi.

1037
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 3: That's the same name, it just has a C in it.

1038
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 3: Can I get a OIV It is the difference of

1039
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 3: a single silent letter. I explained to my fiance that

1040
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:26,840
Speaker 3: I do not want to change my last name because

1041
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 3: I am a journalist and all of my work is

1042
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:30,359
Speaker 3: tied to my current name.

1043
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 4: If I were to change my name, it would mess

1044
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:34,960
Speaker 4: up my future career opportunities.

1045
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:38,720
Speaker 3: And by the way, Kean, who does this come from?

1046
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:41,359
Speaker 8: This comes from last name? Throw?

1047
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:44,960
Speaker 3: And if you want to spent your own stories, you

1048
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 3: should go to our slash okay storytime separate it.

1049
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're here to give.

1050
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 4: Good advice scoofly. But we don't have all the answers.

1051
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 3: We only know what we do, So let us know

1052
00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 3: what you do in the comments. And Opie says, plus,

1053
00:49:57,600 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 3: my name is the traditional spelling, while my fia is

1054
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:04,960
Speaker 3: the americanized spelling. What he just got off ellis island.

1055
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 4: Change it back.

1056
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,360
Speaker 3: My fiance has told me that he could not fathom

1057
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:11,640
Speaker 3: having a wife with a different last name, but his

1058
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 3: only explanation was that it bothered him. He said that

1059
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:18,319
Speaker 3: it wasn't about tradition, it just felt wrong to him.

1060
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 3: I already offered that our children would have his last name,

1061
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:23,839
Speaker 3: but we're at an impasse. It just feels like he

1062
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 3: doesn't care about how this will impact my career, or

1063
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:29,279
Speaker 3: even that we already share the same last name. The

1064
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 3: argument was such a huge blow up that I don't

1065
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,520
Speaker 3: want to get married if it means having to give

1066
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:35,840
Speaker 3: in to what feels like an unreasonable demand.

1067
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:36,799
Speaker 4: On top of.

1068
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 3: Everything, changing my name would be a huge pain in

1069
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:42,839
Speaker 3: the butt, as I would probably do everything over and

1070
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,920
Speaker 3: over again because companies are assuming my last name is

1071
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:49,319
Speaker 3: misspelled instead of seeing it as my new married name.

1072
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 3: And we do have some relevant comments, but do you

1073
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 3: got any comments of your own?

1074
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:55,799
Speaker 1: I mean, there's people in our chad being like, well,

1075
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,399
Speaker 1: then he should change his last name.

1076
00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1077
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:03,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone knows what a last name is. That's lame,

1078
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 1: it's a lamb, it's a lame. You've got a fame

1079
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 1: as your first name and a lame fame name.

1080
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,760
Speaker 3: That is also an option if it doesn't affect his job.

1081
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 3: But also it is kind of ridiculous that he's making

1082
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:14,399
Speaker 3: such a huge.

1083
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:16,480
Speaker 4: Deal out of it, And why did this not come

1084
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:17,600
Speaker 4: up before?

1085
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I've been super up, you know,

1086
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:23,440
Speaker 3: upfront to everyone I know that I want to keep

1087
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 3: my last name. Yeah, So I feel like, if that

1088
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 3: was something that was important to you, why was no

1089
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:29,959
Speaker 3: one talking about it and he did?

1090
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:31,680
Speaker 4: Why did he change up?

1091
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:34,400
Speaker 1: I want to point out Kim finding our comments section,

1092
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,440
Speaker 1: he says, a boo booe he worked at our old school,

1093
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,719
Speaker 1: sick and you will always remember boe boe. M hmm,

1094
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:43,760
Speaker 1: just like you would always remember Sultz Schultz. The fiery

1095
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: commentary of op Schul Schultz.

1096
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 4: Schultz relevant comments from future.

1097
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:51,840
Speaker 3: Crazy cat Lady says, if he insists that it isn't

1098
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:54,720
Speaker 3: tradition but just that it feels wrong to have different names,

1099
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:57,799
Speaker 3: you could take yours right, especially if he isn't in

1100
00:51:57,840 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 3: a career that depends on older work. Did you discuss

1101
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 3: that option? Opie says, he was something that I brought

1102
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 3: up and he is adamantly opposed, and ironically it's for

1103
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 3: the same reasons he doesn't want the work he's published

1104
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:11,880
Speaker 3: to not be tied to him if he changed his

1105
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:15,000
Speaker 3: last name. Panic Bread says, that kind of tells you

1106
00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:17,799
Speaker 3: all you need to know about his reasonableness, doesn't it.

1107
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,920
Speaker 3: What else is he going to refuse to compromise on

1108
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 3: in the marriage Opie says, out of the five years

1109
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 3: we've been together, this is the only thing we have

1110
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:28,560
Speaker 3: ever not been able to work past. He is reasonable

1111
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 3: on everything except this, and he said that he feels

1112
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 3: horrible about it, but he doesn't think he could marry

1113
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:35,000
Speaker 3: someone without her.

1114
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 4: Taking his last name deleted.

1115
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 3: Says, I see your point, but at one point you

1116
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,400
Speaker 3: call your last name generic. Do you really want to

1117
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 3: take the argument to the heights. It's going over something

1118
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:47,719
Speaker 3: you find generic, and if you're in a fight that

1119
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 3: is blown up to these proportions to where you think

1120
00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 3: you may not even marry the guy. If he doesn't concede,

1121
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 3: then you don't need to get married when something really

1122
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 3: big comes up. Will that be your solution or train

1123
00:52:57,280 --> 00:53:00,319
Speaker 3: of thought? Also, Opie said, it is generic, but my

1124
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 3: last name is the traditional spelling. If I asked to

1125
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:05,800
Speaker 3: spell either one of our names after hearing it, ninety

1126
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:07,800
Speaker 3: nine out of one hundred people would spell it the

1127
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,360
Speaker 3: way my last name is spelled, not the way his

1128
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:11,040
Speaker 3: is spelled.

1129
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:12,040
Speaker 1: This is so dumb.

1130
00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:15,080
Speaker 8: This is literally just like my from my point of view, yeah,

1131
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:16,920
Speaker 8: to my point of view, it's just like.

1132
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:19,680
Speaker 1: Honestly, yeah, my point of view, the Jedi are even well,

1133
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 1: then you are lost.

1134
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 3: I don't think it matters how it's spelled. I think

1135
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:27,280
Speaker 3: the real issue here is that your careers are affected.

1136
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:27,560
Speaker 9: Yeah.

1137
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 1: No, the real issue is you guys are totally passing

1138
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:33,040
Speaker 1: up the opportunity of a lifetime to get you know,

1139
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 1: all of the storious news articles. People are like, I

1140
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 1: don't want to read that. But the news article of

1141
00:53:38,719 --> 00:53:42,799
Speaker 1: like this quirky couple overcame their differences by taking the

1142
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:46,959
Speaker 1: name Schultz Schultz, and it's hilarious. Everyone's gonna know about.

1143
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 1: You're gonna be a vital sensation. You're on the Tonight Show,

1144
00:53:49,239 --> 00:53:51,759
Speaker 1: You're on the Today Show, You're on every time of day.

1145
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 3: Imagen Michaels versus Michael or Green versus and.

1146
00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:58,520
Speaker 1: Those are two different names.

1147
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:01,360
Speaker 3: This is the only major dis agreement we have ever had.

1148
00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:03,920
Speaker 3: Things got a bit heated, but it was never to

1149
00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:06,720
Speaker 3: the point of yelling. We each just set our side,

1150
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,120
Speaker 3: couldn't agree, and then went to bed. Delete it says,

1151
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 3: but you're seriously contemplating not getting married over it, op says,

1152
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:16,440
Speaker 3: I will not marry someone who I feel does not

1153
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 3: respect who I am and my career.

1154
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:20,560
Speaker 4: If that's unreasonable, then I don't know what to say.

1155
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 8: I can see them both shouting at each other from

1156
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:24,080
Speaker 8: both hills that.

1157
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 4: They're on I don't know.

1158
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:28,040
Speaker 3: I'm personally on Op's side, and Obody doesn't want to

1159
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:29,120
Speaker 3: change their name.

1160
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,319
Speaker 8: As someone who has both last names. Just do both

1161
00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:32,920
Speaker 8: last names.

1162
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:33,680
Speaker 5: Schltz.

1163
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:38,360
Speaker 1: Like you can eat green greens, We're the green greens.

1164
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:41,680
Speaker 1: Come on, dude. Could have been fun, Come on.

1165
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:43,919
Speaker 4: Man, but we got an update two days later.

1166
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:46,640
Speaker 3: I was planning on updating this yesterday before I went

1167
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 3: to bed, but decided to wait until this morning. I

1168
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:51,560
Speaker 3: also had to repost this since I edited a major

1169
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 3: part of the text and kept forgetting to put the tldrn't.

1170
00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:56,879
Speaker 3: I first posted on Wednesday while waiting to lead work.

1171
00:54:57,120 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 3: It gave me a lot of time to think, so

1172
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:02,800
Speaker 3: I I decided to drop the conversation until after Christmas

1173
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 3: to think about everything, and also to not cause more

1174
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:09,239
Speaker 3: unneeded stress at the holidays. A lot of people suggested

1175
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,520
Speaker 3: that I take my husband's last name and keep my

1176
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,520
Speaker 3: maiden name for professional use, and.

1177
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:14,839
Speaker 4: I have one thing to say to you all.

1178
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:17,720
Speaker 3: I have had my name for a thirty three years

1179
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:20,319
Speaker 3: so far, and suggesting that I do the one thing

1180
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:23,640
Speaker 3: I don't want to do, which has changed my name

1181
00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:26,840
Speaker 3: in any form is just really shortsighted. With the difference

1182
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:29,279
Speaker 3: of one letter. No one would assume my name is

1183
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:32,440
Speaker 3: different because I'm married. They would assume it's a typo

1184
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:34,920
Speaker 3: since a letter was deleted, which is far more of

1185
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:38,400
Speaker 3: a nightmare than changing my name to something completely different.

1186
00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:40,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, why don't you guys just decide on a brand

1187
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:41,879
Speaker 1: new last name.

1188
00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:43,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, change the spelling entirely.

1189
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:46,520
Speaker 3: As I said in one of my comments, I had

1190
00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:49,319
Speaker 3: already spoken to my fiance's parents about it before I

1191
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 3: posted it. Had heard our argument. We live in that

1192
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 3: same house. Now, it's not weird because the house is huge.

1193
00:55:56,280 --> 00:55:58,600
Speaker 1: Okay, it's not weird.

1194
00:55:58,920 --> 00:55:59,840
Speaker 4: It's a big house.

1195
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:00,600
Speaker 1: Were you say anything?

1196
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:01,200
Speaker 5: Though, it's not weird.

1197
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 4: It's a lot of room for all the Schultzes.

1198
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:07,200
Speaker 3: And my fiance's dad, father in law, has agreed with me.

1199
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 3: His wife, my fiance's mom, mother in law, had kept

1200
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:12,440
Speaker 3: her maiden name and it wasn't an issue at all.

1201
00:56:12,719 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 3: So his mom did the same thing. And he still

1202
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:17,080
Speaker 3: doesn't get it.

1203
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:18,160
Speaker 8: This is what your parents did.

1204
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:20,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, my mom kept her maiden name. Yeah, and then

1205
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:22,000
Speaker 3: we got obviously my.

1206
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:25,239
Speaker 8: Dad's and look how Cypia turned out perfect.

1207
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:27,760
Speaker 4: My father in law had to talk with my fiance

1208
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:29,359
Speaker 4: on Christmas.

1209
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 3: Before I had woken up. I don't know what all

1210
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:33,279
Speaker 3: the details were, but the part of it was that

1211
00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:36,480
Speaker 3: their family name had been Schultz for hundreds of years

1212
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,200
Speaker 3: before it was changed to Schultz, and that my fiance

1213
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:43,040
Speaker 3: was technically going against centuries of family history by insisting

1214
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,240
Speaker 3: that I changed my name and that he would actually

1215
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 3: be honoring the family by bringing back the traditional name. Wow,

1216
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:53,800
Speaker 3: marketing level one hundred. This guy's a genius.

1217
00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:56,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, so what if you just instead spin that around?

1218
00:56:56,719 --> 00:56:59,439
Speaker 1: You go, oh, well, just like we started the new

1219
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:02,320
Speaker 1: tradition centuries ago, we were going to start a new

1220
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:06,839
Speaker 1: new tradition now, and hundreds of years from now, our

1221
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:11,480
Speaker 1: children will look back and say, oh, well, our children's

1222
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:13,800
Speaker 1: children's children will say.

1223
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 9: Oh, three hundred years ago, family changed from Shultz with

1224
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:23,720
Speaker 9: his ee to Shultz with a nest.

1225
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 4: This what is all right?

1226
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:30,240
Speaker 3: After I woke up, my fiance asked if I would

1227
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:32,480
Speaker 3: talk with him. I agreed, and he and I had

1228
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:35,160
Speaker 3: a long discussion about the whole thing. The talk was

1229
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 3: with his dad about why it bothered him, et cetera.

1230
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 3: My fiance told me that he loved me regardless of everything,

1231
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:43,480
Speaker 3: and that it just hadn't occurred to him that he

1232
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:46,120
Speaker 3: was demanding that I change a fundamental part of me.

1233
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 3: He also added that my stubbornness about the issue is

1234
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 3: part of why he likes me. He was like, I

1235
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:55,600
Speaker 3: really was attracted when you were trying to say no

1236
00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:56,400
Speaker 3: the whole time.

1237
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:58,200
Speaker 4: It made me love you more, and that's why I

1238
00:57:58,240 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 4: kept pushing.

1239
00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 8: I don't know, this is weird because I'm.

1240
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 4: Not the type of woman to roll over it.

1241
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:04,160
Speaker 1: They called me in high school.

1242
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 4: Tuck and roll or final thoughts.

1243
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 1: Both both of those things.

1244
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:12,080
Speaker 8: Tucking thoughts, happy not marriage.

1245
00:58:13,520 --> 00:58:15,280
Speaker 4: I guess happy not marriage.

1246
00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:15,760
Speaker 1: I guess.

1247
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:16,960
Speaker 4: I think they've resolved.

1248
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:17,960
Speaker 5: Is it resolved?

1249
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 4: Seems so okay. I think he's coming to an understanding.

1250
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:24,160
Speaker 3: In the end, my fiance and I agree that he

1251
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 3: would keep his name, I would keep my name, and

1252
00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 3: our children.

1253
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:29,520
Speaker 4: Will be named Schultz.

1254
00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:30,440
Speaker 8: Which one?

1255
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:31,000
Speaker 4: Which one?

1256
00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:31,880
Speaker 8: Is that exactly?

1257
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 4: But then they could choose whatever they like once they

1258
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:34,800
Speaker 4: turn it toe.

1259
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:39,080
Speaker 8: Wow, you're giving them really two yes, small doors here,

1260
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:40,000
Speaker 8: all right, children.

1261
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:42,720
Speaker 1: I'm really holding out that the kids pick something funny.

1262
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:44,440
Speaker 8: I really hope. Yeah, It's like I really hope the

1263
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:45,240
Speaker 8: kids pick Schultz.

1264
00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:47,959
Speaker 4: Yeah. Wow, but Opie finishes off.

1265
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:50,360
Speaker 3: As for his mom, it was clear after we kept

1266
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:53,280
Speaker 3: talking during the first argument that made make my first

1267
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:55,920
Speaker 3: post that he hadn't even thought about it. He told

1268
00:58:55,960 --> 00:58:58,440
Speaker 3: me yesterday that thinking about his mom made him change

1269
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,120
Speaker 3: his mind because he had never seen any problems come

1270
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:03,560
Speaker 3: between his parents that were caused by a last name.

1271
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:05,920
Speaker 3: After we did some more talking, he let me know

1272
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:09,040
Speaker 3: that he felt weird, partially because it wouldn't feel like

1273
00:59:09,080 --> 00:59:11,080
Speaker 3: a family, but he didn't need to look beyond his

1274
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 3: own parents to see that was untrue. But that's the

1275
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:14,200
Speaker 3: end story.