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Speaker 1: As we rolled into the fifteen minute morning show podcast,

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Speaker 1: for what would you talk about on your on your podcast? Firms?

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Speaker 1: All right, So as we were talking about what we're

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Speaker 1: gonna talk about on this podcast, Jake comes to the

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Speaker 1: window and he holds up a lighter that I received

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Speaker 1: from the Fat Jewish and some rose. Now, the thing was,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't laying out. It was in my studio in

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Speaker 1: a box, which means only means, which only means. Jake

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Speaker 1: went into the studio into the box that was open

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Speaker 1: with my name on it and pulled out the lighter

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Speaker 1: at supposed to go and hey, I saw you got

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Speaker 1: a box. Um, do you mind if I look at something?

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Speaker 1: He just went in and got something. You asked, did

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Speaker 1: you want to keep that lighters up? Yeah? Well the

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Speaker 1: box was open, and so I was just you know,

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Speaker 1: looking at what's in it? What do you need the

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Speaker 1: lighter for you smoking? No? I like, I have a

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Speaker 1: lot of candles at home. By the way, that's what

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Speaker 1: the candles. I went through the candle. But I will

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Speaker 1: tell you that that's why I sent all my all

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Speaker 1: my stuff to my home addressed now, because because people

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Speaker 1: have rightled through my ship. But it's not like take stuff.

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Speaker 1: It's not like I opened his drawer and was searching

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Speaker 1: the stuff. It just was sitting there and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I need a lighter, so didn't take it. As the

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Speaker 1: Garrett was the box open, the box the box was,

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Speaker 1: the box that it came in was open, but the

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Speaker 1: box itself that had the contents of it was closed.

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Speaker 1: The problem there is if a box is just sitting

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Speaker 1: out randomly and doesn't have your name on it has

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Speaker 1: my name on it was delivered. The outer box had

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Speaker 1: your name on, which it was still in. And that's

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Speaker 1: his studio in there anyway that he works. Is that

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Speaker 1: our studio? Well, that's what he works. I mean, you

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Speaker 1: don't just okay, I'm keeping your lighter and I'm leaving you.

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Speaker 1: Don't take stuff from you you asked. We need to

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Speaker 1: about something in this in this station that is a

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Speaker 1: free for all. Is that counter over there the refrigerator, No,

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Speaker 1: not the refrigerator, the white counter. Everybody puts their stuff

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Speaker 1: they don't want, and then you can take for that.

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Speaker 1: That's true. Not the refrigerator. You don't go eating ship

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Speaker 1: that's not your because it's not yours and it doesn't

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Speaker 1: have your name on it. Listen, and stuff is about

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Speaker 1: to go bad. I'm saving it. You are like a

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Speaker 1: garbage disposal. Where's Dr Fat Loss? We need to talk

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Speaker 1: to him again. Well, Scary is just as guilty at

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Speaker 1: times from from seeing something that might be laying around

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Speaker 1: not in the designated area and taking it from time

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Speaker 1: to time. So Jake is essentially learning from Scary. What

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Speaker 1: are you talking about? Scary went into Elvis's office and

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Speaker 1: took it. Took a toaster to ask you take this lighter.

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Speaker 1: It starts with a lighter and then it leads to

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Speaker 1: a toaster. I didn't think Elvis needed it, but I

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Speaker 1: was wrong. So what did I do? I confess to

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Speaker 1: the fact that I was the one who took the toaster.

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Speaker 1: They took pictures of me taking the toaster walking out

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Speaker 1: of the radio station, and then a couple of days later,

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Speaker 1: I brought the toaster back to the radio station and

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Speaker 1: I gave it to Elvis. Now Elvis, and then Elvis

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Speaker 1: took the toaster to his one of his houses. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and now you're not allowed in his office and you're

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Speaker 1: in trouble. Jig did ask I will give him that also,

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Speaker 1: like my thought, what process was, Garrett probably doesn't need

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Speaker 1: this lighter, so I'll take it. What else did you take?

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Speaker 1: What else did you take from the box? You take

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Speaker 1: the rose? No, you would probably drink the rose. What

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Speaker 1: about the hat? Though? Can I have the hat? You

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Speaker 1: want the hat? How much you're gonna give me for it? Uh?

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Speaker 1: You think it's the right to steal If you determine

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Speaker 1: the person doesn't really need it, it's not stealing. I'm

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Speaker 1: asking for permission to steal it. So if I go

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Speaker 1: to your house and determine you don't really need a

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Speaker 1: second television set, I can just take to the television.

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Speaker 1: Can have your TV? Did you ask that for that lighter? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: You asked for it. Yes, I still don't feel like

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Speaker 1: that he shouldn't have it. Why it's the fat Jewish

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Speaker 1: who's a comedian by the way, for you in the

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Speaker 1: case you don't know gave it to Garrett? Well you

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Speaker 1: know it's Garrett. People gave it to Garrett. It's not

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Speaker 1: like the fact you was just like, man, Garrett really

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Speaker 1: needs I know the fat Jewish? He mailed at himself.

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Speaker 1: He put his chubby little hands, and you don't feel

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Speaker 1: bad at all that you did that. Well, can I

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Speaker 1: have your lighter? Yes? Okay, Well technically you're asking him

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Speaker 1: for the light. You already have possessions nine tenths. You

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Speaker 1: already have it. You're not really helping nine calls here.

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Speaker 1: You stole the lighter. That's why I have to go

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Speaker 1: Okay when we talked about that, because we don't rely

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Speaker 1: even get into we got a little bit on the

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Speaker 1: Big Show. Jake stuck up his toilet and start asking

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Speaker 1: everyone called Greg t betub right bethub because he backed

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Speaker 1: it off and Putreino in it, and of course everything

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Speaker 1: clogged back out into the top. So I said you

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Speaker 1: should snake it, and he didn't know what that means.

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Speaker 1: And I'm wondering how you got to be your age

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Speaker 1: and not know how to fix household stuff. You shouldn't

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Speaker 1: be literally, well that's why I bought drain. Oh but

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Speaker 1: how do you not go on YouTube like look stuff?

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Speaker 1: I gotta be honest. It was also nine third night.

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Speaker 1: YouTube doesn't work at night thurday night. The same thing.

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Speaker 1: What happened, like all of a sudden, old this green

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Speaker 1: group just started coming at you. What are you doing

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Speaker 1: in the tub? That green group is in the so

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Speaker 1: I put I put the draino in the bathtub, and

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Speaker 1: I walked to the kitchens. How half of it? And

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Speaker 1: I walked to the kitchen. Yes, it says weight fifteen

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Speaker 1: gave you the gues like a kid. Yes, Jake lives

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Speaker 1: in an apartment building with other people, and it's like

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Speaker 1: years old. All the plumbing is connected, so maybe with

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Speaker 1: someone else's shower tub or toilet that way, you may

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Speaker 1: have neighbor crap. But it's been it's been a few

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Speaker 1: days of the water accumulating. So finally I was like,

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Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna get train. So I go to

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Speaker 1: do my dishes. While the drain I was sitting, I

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Speaker 1: turned on the water dishes in the bathtub. Let me

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Speaker 1: finish my story. I started on the kitchen sing, and

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Speaker 1: then I go back to the tub and now the

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Speaker 1: tub is fulled filled with dirty one At any point

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Speaker 1: before this happened, had you used a lighter? Okay, well

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Speaker 1: did you do you have a plunger? Can you plunge it?

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Speaker 1: Actually I did, Yeah, of course you did. Can you

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Speaker 1: plunge it? Yeah? I tried that, and then Brodie said snaked,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know what that means. Did you did you?

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Speaker 1: Did you inverse plunge it? What does that mean? Well,

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Speaker 1: the purpose of plunging is to take air and shove

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Speaker 1: it down. But if you put the plunger on and

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Speaker 1: pull up, then you're actually sucking this stuff back out. Huh.

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Speaker 1: Plunging goes in one direction. Well, it's supposed to down, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but if you if you go down, down, up, you're

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Speaker 1: actually pulling stuff back. Song. My kids don't about the tub.

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Speaker 1: I don't want that guy in my tub. Milk and cookie. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I'm hearing his chimes like Danielle dirty Bubbles al I have.

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Speaker 1: I have a top song, Scary is gonna pull it up?

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Speaker 1: I wrote Ernie from Sesame Street. Did you see the

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Speaker 1: dirty Ernie sent? You? Got it? Got it? Here we go.

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Speaker 1: Here's the top song for you. Oh go go go, go,

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Speaker 1: go go go, Ernie. It's your bathtime. We're gonna party

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Speaker 1: because it's your bathtime. We go sit for COTTI Coast.

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Speaker 1: It's your bathtime. To make sure you take your rubber,

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Speaker 1: pays your bath. You can find me in the tub

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Speaker 1: with my Mr Bob. Listen to this pretty so it

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Speaker 1: comes from my rubber duck. I'm into sitting down. I

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Speaker 1: ain't into standing up, So come give me a hug

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Speaker 1: if you're into getting scrubbed. As soon as I wake up,

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Speaker 1: I dream about my cub. I like the water deep

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Speaker 1: so it covers up my butt. People heard I live

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Speaker 1: with Bert, and they think that we're in love. I square.

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Speaker 1: I just live with him. I don't let him share

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Speaker 1: my club. But Ernie ain't gonna change. I won't stand up,

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Speaker 1: and I will stay there in my up until I'm

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Speaker 1: all pruned up. If you watch how I moved, your

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Speaker 1: mistake me for a puppet or Chip got a hand

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Speaker 1: up my book. But I don't walk with a limp

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Speaker 1: in the club of ladies saying love your striped shirt.

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Speaker 1: They like me. I want him to love me like

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Speaker 1: they love Bert. But on Sesame Street, the muppets will

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Speaker 1: tell you I'm local. Take a bath with your roommate

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Speaker 1: A bathtime is Kirk Kirk? Do you and Kirk take

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Speaker 1: baths together? No, neither of us really take bath You

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Speaker 1: call him the captain, but he's never heard that one before.

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Speaker 1: Should your girlfriend take a shower in the bath? Does

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Speaker 1: she take a shower in the bath in the bathtub. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: have you taken your girlfriend in the tub? She won't

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Speaker 1: be coming over. I've had three different apartments and I've

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Speaker 1: never ever taken a bath in any one of the three.

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Speaker 1: You smells that way. You don't seem like a bath guy.

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Speaker 1: I think, Guy, I think you would look awkward sitting

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Speaker 1: in the bath. I think, can you make a video

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Speaker 1: of you in the bathtub? A lot of guys would

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Speaker 1: look awkward in it? Who do you know any man

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Speaker 1: who take bath? I know if you guys. Yeah, Sheldon

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Speaker 1: take a but it's a British thing. Every now and

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Speaker 1: when we go to England. His mother takes bath's his

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Speaker 1: um with his mother's other half takes But I'm telling you,

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Speaker 1: Sheldon carry a person with red lipstick. Yeah, but it's

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Speaker 1: a British thing. Sleep. It's a British doesn't wear high

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Speaker 1: heels on Saturday. He wears a Fannie pack and high heels.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying. I'm trying to understand. Um. Yeah, the European people,

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Speaker 1: a lot of them do take baths. I've been to Europe.

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Speaker 1: They don't relax. You've been to Europe, like Foot has

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Speaker 1: been to Europe. That's really nice. We have lots of

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Speaker 1: people who listen to us that come from Europe. And

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Speaker 1: you just said there's stinking. No, I said a lot

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Speaker 1: of people in Europe with stinky. I didn't say Europeans

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Speaker 1: are stinking specifically talking about the French anyway. I did

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Speaker 1: not say the friend anyway. Um so, yes, if he

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Speaker 1: wants to relax a lot of times he will take

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Speaker 1: a bath. Okay, not to like wash himself, but to relax.

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Speaker 1: But how big is your bath? You have like a

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Speaker 1: normal size back. Well, we also have a jacuzzi and

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Speaker 1: you can fit like a half of a person in.

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Speaker 1: There are five pounds of green sloes. I just used

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Speaker 1: my baths as a freaking ice cooler. When I have parties,

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Speaker 1: I fill it up with ice and then all the

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Speaker 1: series that's where the beer goes, all the beer and

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Speaker 1: the wine and all that stuff. How do you have

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Speaker 1: so much ice? Do you not know how to buy

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Speaker 1: bags of ice? You know? Why buy ice when you

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Speaker 1: can make it? You're like Benjamin Button going back in time.

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Speaker 1: They have those bags in the freezer and you take

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Speaker 1: them home and you put them in the quel. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I know, mom, So you spend ten bucks on ice?

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Speaker 1: You have a free joiner can't make enough ice to

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Speaker 1: put in a tub. That's why I was asking. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: if you ever have a party and you need and bulk,

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Speaker 1: I'm never going to a party where there's ice in

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Speaker 1: Jake's bathroom. You don't want to do anything that touch Look,

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Speaker 1: you put green jello in there. But hey, do you

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Speaker 1: have a very tiny apartment? The bathroom is really small?

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Speaker 1: And what is it in New York City? You Drake

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Speaker 1: can't afford to live him in. He doesn't have silverware

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Speaker 1: or any of the other No I do, but that's

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Speaker 1: not like matching, you know, it's all he doesn't have

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Speaker 1: play You're so cute. Oh, I gotta take this call.

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Speaker 1: I'll be back my appointment whatever. Sorry, doesn't get a job.

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Speaker 1: Then I woke up this morning and the bathroom floor

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Speaker 1: was covering and water. She just had to get off

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Speaker 1: out of the podcast because the doctor was on the phone.

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Speaker 1: I think you show me a doctor who gets stopped

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Speaker 1: doing what he's doing to take a phone call her doctor. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: But but the doctor is one of those things that

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Speaker 1: you can never question unless you're a big a hole.

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Speaker 1: Because if it is a doctor, that that's fine. But

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Speaker 1: who were if we were to go, that's not the doctor,

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Speaker 1: then we look like it. But it's not the doctor.

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Speaker 1: It's his it's his assistant. But even so, it's still

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Speaker 1: the doctor's office. You cannot question a doctor. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: it's not like she's it's a big deal. It's it's

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Speaker 1: the one excuse you can never question. Hold on, let's

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Speaker 1: see what's hold on? Hey? Is it for a regular

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Speaker 1: checkup where you've got something serious logical? No form? My

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Speaker 1: mirantor Daniel. Even if it wasn't the doctor and you

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Speaker 1: said it was the doctor, we still can't question you

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Speaker 1: because the doctor is that excuse that you cannot get around.

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Speaker 1: But it was, it was my neurologis. But even even so,

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Speaker 1: let's just say it was it was a friend, but

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Speaker 1: you said it was the doctor. We cannot say, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's not the doctor, because we would look like a whole.

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Speaker 1: That is true. It's the one excuse you can always use.

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Speaker 1: Do you have one that you always use an excuse?

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Speaker 1: It's either the doctor or the kids. The kids is

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Speaker 1: the best excuse. You can't use that because you don't

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Speaker 1: have kids. In Scrican, I don't have any freaking excuse.

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Speaker 1: You you've got doctor, I have you have doctor. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that's it I got. I got to lose weight. What

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Speaker 1: what other excuses do you guys have that I that

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Speaker 1: we don't. My go to one is always explosive diarrhea?

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Speaker 1: Yeah I have. Nobody will ever question you, Danielle. Have

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Speaker 1: you ever used cramps? No? Never, never. Some people take advantage.

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Speaker 1: I don't use that. What do you have, Brodie? What's

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Speaker 1: your excuse? Oh? I've used my daughter twister rankled gymnastics.

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Speaker 1: I have to go pick her up efect infection. By

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Speaker 1: the way, I'll stop taking pictures you now. We believe

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Speaker 1: you because you sound like that and you still don't

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Speaker 1: feel good. But be honest, we really didn't believe you.

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Speaker 1: You know, I don't take off there, Jake. You're at

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Speaker 1: a party and you want to get out of there,

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Speaker 1: so you tell someone you have explosive diarrhea. No, I

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Speaker 1: would never use it for that if I'm at a party.

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Speaker 1: Was the last time you used explosive diarrhea as an excuse? College?

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Speaker 1: The last time I can't make out with you? I

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Speaker 1: have exposed to get out of college class. I always

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Speaker 1: tell them in advance, Hey, look, I'm stopping by it

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Speaker 1: somewhere else. I need to go after that. So this way,

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Speaker 1: in the event I don't want to be there anymore,

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Speaker 1: I can always lean on that to Hey, remember I

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Speaker 1: told you that before. But if I'm having fun, then

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, you know what, I just canceled my appointment. Wait, Jake,

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Speaker 1: did you poop in your bathtub? No? I did not

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Speaker 1: prove leave him alone. Now the thing is one of

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Speaker 1: his neighbors. Did somebody poops in my back? Why didn't

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Speaker 1: you call your parents for help? By the way, because

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Speaker 1: like that, normally I called my dad. Look like, I'm

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Speaker 1: so lame. But if not really know if my if

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Speaker 1: my husband's not around, because you know, if he's on

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Speaker 1: an appointment or something, I'll call my dad and my

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Speaker 1: dad will help me. First, I called my brother because

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Speaker 1: he's like the handyman of Phase twelve I was older. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just called my mom. He fixes everything, but he

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Speaker 1: couldn't fix my tobe. How do I use this croc pod?

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Speaker 1: I want to I want to do like your son's

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Speaker 1: on the phone. I just I've never I know I have,

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Speaker 1: I've had it for a while, but I've never really

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Speaker 1: used it. So I said, you know what, I want

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Speaker 1: to make something here, But I want to leave the house.

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Speaker 1: Is it okay to leave at you know, five o'clock

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Speaker 1: in the morning and then come back at like noon

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Speaker 1: and the house will be okay. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be like that TV show, only there was some electronic answer.

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Speaker 1: You see, my mom is my cooking go to as well,

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Speaker 1: though she like I eat things that I've grown up eating,

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Speaker 1: So everything that I make, she's probably made at some

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Speaker 1: point that I do the same thing. Call her the

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Speaker 1: Google recipes all the time too. Uncle, Mom, what was

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Speaker 1: that thing you put in your sauce? Can you tell

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Speaker 1: me what's that secret sauce recipe? But sauce rest a

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Speaker 1: p It's a different sauce that's in Jake's bathtub right now,

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Speaker 1: so curious. See what it looks like when I go home.

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of scary. Shower lighted your whole apartment. Oh,

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Speaker 1: that's gonna be great. Over the fifteen minute Morning Show,