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Speaker 1: I submit to her all day. So when I say

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Speaker 1: to you, I need you to do X, Y and Z, I.

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Speaker 2: Expect you to submit to my provision. Why because I

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Speaker 2: submit to you all day. This is a dance. This

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Speaker 2: is the this is the viral moment. You know, the

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Speaker 2: clips that they play before the episode.

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Speaker 1: Here we go right here.

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Speaker 2: The woman has all the power in the house, how

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Speaker 2: to use it, just don't know how to use it?

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Speaker 1: Another here comes another clip. Is not the problem.

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Speaker 3: The job is the problem.

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Speaker 1: This is the taking over the game, all right?

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Speaker 4: Everybody, Welcome to Truth after dark?

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Speaker 2: I know that feeling.

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Speaker 4: I started picking more on Jalen Brunson's points, SGA points,

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Speaker 5: It's good to be right.

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Speaker 6: Hello, beautiful people, Welcome to another episode of the Truth

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Speaker 6: after Dark.

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Speaker 5: I'm your host, Zar Faraday.

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Speaker 6: Well Pierce, and today we have a very special guest

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Speaker 6: we're super excited about about actor, author, activists, somebody who's

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Speaker 6: been entertaining us for years, but now he's really focused

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Speaker 6: on purpose and impact. Acting is the passion, but activation

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Speaker 6: is the mission. He just released a powerful book called

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Speaker 6: Mail Versus Man. He's working on a new book that's

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Speaker 6: all about growth, accountability, and becoming better.

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Speaker 5: Please welcome Andre Woodfield.

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Speaker 2: Right here is I feel like I just kicked my

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Speaker 2: shoes off. You should be.

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Speaker 4: We could just look because this is fab this. I'll

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Speaker 4: tell you that a situation at the gym. I swear,

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Speaker 4: I swear if he wasn't there, it could have got ugly.

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Speaker 4: And you know, I ain't gonna get all deep into it,

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Speaker 4: but I'm telling you, like he was, it was like

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Speaker 4: we had to be there that day, Like it was

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Speaker 4: like it felt like it was my design.

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Speaker 1: Yes, like you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: I do.

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Speaker 4: Like it was a situation. It could have really got

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Speaker 4: because there I was. There are certain type of people

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Speaker 4: that was there. If a couple of us we wasn't there,

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Speaker 4: it would have got ugly.

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Speaker 6: He really knew what to say.

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Speaker 1: Really, you really calmed that whole situation down, you know what.

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Speaker 2: God, So this is why this is so I wish

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Speaker 2: I was awaring this because so everybody could see the

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Speaker 2: me covered in goosebumps. Because I always say, you never

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Speaker 2: know who's watching. You never know who's watching, and the

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Speaker 2: people who are watching you do what it is that

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Speaker 2: you do, are gleaning something from watching.

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Speaker 1: You do what it is that you do.

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Speaker 4: For sure.

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Speaker 2: The one thing that I told this brother, and it's

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Speaker 2: you know, this is a very well known individual for

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Speaker 2: both his artistry and for his violence, both well known.

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Speaker 2: But I know that he's choosing a different trajectory for

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Speaker 2: his life. And based on peeple tell you, based on

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Speaker 2: whoever had the strongest messaging in his ear that day,

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Speaker 2: that's where it was going.

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Speaker 1: Respectfully.

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Speaker 2: There was a couple of cats that are connected to

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Speaker 2: the street and they said, they said to me, Dre,

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Speaker 2: I got it, I got it, I got it.

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Speaker 1: So I moved aside and I waited.

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Speaker 2: I heard the messaging I was like, they don't know

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Speaker 2: that they throwing gasoline on this fire. And what I

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Speaker 2: literally did was and this is a big dude, this

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Speaker 2: is not a brother like. Honestly, I couldn't have stopped

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Speaker 2: him physically. I had to stop him intellectually and spiritually. Sure,

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Speaker 2: I grabbed him by the traps and I looked him

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Speaker 2: in the eye and I said, fam, I know you,

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Speaker 2: and I know your heart. I said, watch this. If

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Speaker 2: you go in there and you get this dude and

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Speaker 2: you drag him out here, which we all know you're

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Speaker 2: gonna do.

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Speaker 1: We all know you're.

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Speaker 2: Gonna do it, you will gain no one's respect. Why

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Speaker 2: because everybody knows that you're well capable of doing that,

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Speaker 2: So we already respect you for the kind of violence

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Speaker 2: that you're capable of. You're gonna gain nobody's respect. But

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Speaker 2: if you don't, you're gonna gain everybody's respect. And let

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Speaker 2: me tell you something. I said, you got your you

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Speaker 2: got your son's in there. He got two grown sons.

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Speaker 2: It was in the gym. I said, you are modeling

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Speaker 2: what you want them to mirror. So now the question becomes,

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Speaker 2: are you gonna model the kind of behavior that destroyed

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Speaker 2: part of your life, or are you gonna model the

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Speaker 2: kind of behavior that's changing the trajectory of your manhood?

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Speaker 1: And he looked away.

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Speaker 2: Right here. He looked away, and he looked back at

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Speaker 2: me like his thought was, he's like he got me

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Speaker 2: because he was because his flesh wanted to, but his

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Speaker 2: spirit was like, yo, I said, my bro, he said.

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Speaker 2: He looked at me and I said, I know. I said,

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Speaker 2: I love you too. He goes, I love you too. Fam.

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Speaker 2: And we walked in there and he got on the

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Speaker 2: treadmill and cooled in a fam and let me tell

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Speaker 2: you something.

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Speaker 1: Cat after cat came up to me.

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Speaker 2: And they said, yo, man, I was really impressed by

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Speaker 2: what he did.

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Speaker 1: And it taught me something that was so impact Like though, right, people,

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Speaker 1: because no quick speech, we are we're to bring we

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Speaker 1: had to bring him that.

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Speaker 2: But that but that is about that really is about

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Speaker 2: look and I'm sure people will people will agree with this.

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Speaker 2: Look at every every man that you know. That's why

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Speaker 2: I wrote my book Mail Versus Man. Right. The concept

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Speaker 2: of the book was that males look to be served

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Speaker 2: while men look to be of service.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so what what.

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Speaker 2: Guys have to become proficient at first before anything else?

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Speaker 1: We gotta become.

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Speaker 2: Proficient at being a man first, because watch, this is

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Speaker 2: at the center of everything that you want to accomplish

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Speaker 2: in your life. If you become proficient at being a man.

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Speaker 2: Let's say, okay, let's take being a basketball player for instance.

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Speaker 2: Coach tells you, this is what I need you to do.

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Speaker 2: If you're not proficient at manhood, you might bark back

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Speaker 2: at the coach, get yourself bitched or cut because you're

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Speaker 2: not proficient at being a man yet. So now you're

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Speaker 2: gonna respond like a boy and give the kind of

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Speaker 2: pushback that the coach goes. I can't trust him, right,

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Speaker 2: because a team is.

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Speaker 1: About what serving everybody else.

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Speaker 2: You could pad your stats, but at the end of

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Speaker 2: the day, it's not gonna be about whether you score

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Speaker 2: forty points. It's gonna be about whether the team won.

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Speaker 2: It's gonna be about what you contributed for your team

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Speaker 2: to win.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So now.

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Speaker 2: Let's extend that I got a woman, now I got children.

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Speaker 2: Now is it about me or is it about my team?

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Speaker 2: So I gotta become proficient at being a man in

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Speaker 2: order for me to understand how to get all of

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Speaker 2: the teams that I'm a part of in my life

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Speaker 2: to win, my basketball.

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Speaker 1: Team, my family, even being up.

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Speaker 2: We work out to get we working this work out

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Speaker 2: in the same crew, shout out to the yard. Right,

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Speaker 2: So we're a part of a team. What how do

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Speaker 2: I need to show up to get my team to win?

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Speaker 2: The brother that we talked about and me talking about

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Speaker 2: talking him down and not fighting, he's a part of

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Speaker 2: my team. That's my brother. I gotta get him to win.

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Speaker 2: If he loses, I lose. If he wins, we all win.

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Speaker 2: So I can't let him fail himself. Because this is

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Speaker 2: about real talk.

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Speaker 1: Pee. You notice every sister in that gym was looking

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Speaker 1: to see what was.

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Speaker 2: Going to happen.

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Speaker 1: Right, everybody stopped working out. Everybody stopped working out.

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Speaker 2: And then as soon as it didn't happen, you could

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Speaker 2: see instantly every sister in there felt safer. Every brother

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Speaker 2: in the gym walked higher. Why that was a representation

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Speaker 2: of us? That was that really was that was a

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Speaker 2: representation of us. That was a big day right there

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Speaker 2: for real. For that to how that came together and

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Speaker 2: how you stepped in and took the lead on all

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Speaker 2: of that, that was that was huge. That was huge

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Speaker 2: for the just the gym culture. There. That was Team

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Speaker 2: black Man right there represented the whole culture, no question,

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Speaker 2: no question. I love that.

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Speaker 5: That's really that's that's amazing. I feel like you're the

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Speaker 5: big brother that.

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Speaker 2: We all need.

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Speaker 1: It's so funny that it's so funny that you said,

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Speaker 1: now here's what's so funny. Didn't you say that? Right?

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Speaker 2: So, Deren Katz, including that brother who is much bigger

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Speaker 2: than I am, who calls me big Bro, whether they

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Speaker 2: whether they're whether they're older than me, bigger than me,

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Speaker 2: make more money than I do, Big.

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Speaker 1: Bro, has become the monic.

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Speaker 2: Why because the honestly I care about I hug people

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Speaker 2: before people even really knew me. Why because that's my bro,

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Speaker 2: before we got to know each other as men. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: that's my brother. So when I see him and he

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Speaker 2: know all the cats we got some we got for real,

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Speaker 2: We got for real gorillas in our work. Okay, every

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Speaker 2: single one of them will tell you. I don't do that.

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Speaker 2: We do a whole lot of you know, cats do

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Speaker 2: a whole lot of the fist bump and you know,

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Speaker 2: the kind of because that's what we that's what we learned.

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Speaker 2: We safeguard ourselves like that. I don't play that uh,

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Speaker 2: I'm bringing bring it in And here's why. Now we're

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Speaker 2: getting serious, and I'm gonna take off the glasses.

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Speaker 1: At the end of the day.

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Speaker 2: If something happens to this man, I'm gonna be tremendously

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Speaker 2: affected by that. So every day that I see him,

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Speaker 2: it's my opportunity to show him how much I love

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Speaker 2: him by.

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Speaker 1: Grabbing his hand, pulling him in and giving him the

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Speaker 1: kind of love. Watch this. Many of us never got

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Speaker 1: this kind.

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Speaker 2: Of love from our fathers, absolutely, and it leaves a

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Speaker 2: gigantic hole in our heart. As brothers, our job is

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Speaker 2: to give each other the supplemental love that we didn't

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Speaker 2: get from our father that we're supposed to get from

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Speaker 2: our brother because that's a mirror of our father, My father,

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Speaker 2: May he rest in peace. I lost my father three

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Speaker 2: times in my life. The first time was when my

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Speaker 2: father kidnapped me when I was six years old for

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Speaker 2: my mother. The second time was when he went to

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Speaker 2: prison for manslaughter when I was thirteen years old, and

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Speaker 2: the last time was when he left this earth. But

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Speaker 2: the phenomenal thing about our relationship was it went from

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Speaker 2: me being resentful of him, angry at him, and then

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Speaker 2: proud of him. So every single day I think about

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Speaker 2: the times that I could have had with my father,

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Speaker 2: like the times that I have with my son, who's

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Speaker 2: now sixteen, and I just sometimes, I'm gonna be honest

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Speaker 2: with you, I cry for my younger self that didn't

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Speaker 2: get that from my father. Like there's times that I

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Speaker 2: do stuff with my son now that I just go, Wow,

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Speaker 2: little me missed out on a whole lot because I

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Speaker 2: wish I would have been able to do that with

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Speaker 2: my father.

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Speaker 1: So whenever I see my brother, I'm like, nah, man,

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Speaker 1: I got it.

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Speaker 2: I'm an extension of his father that didn't give him

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Speaker 2: what he was supposed to get from him. Because look,

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Speaker 2: your your manhood defines your humanity.

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Speaker 1: Your purpose defines your happiness.

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Speaker 2: So if we don't understand what our purpose is, if

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Speaker 2: we don't understand why we're here on this earth, then

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Speaker 2: we get disconnected from our happiness. Now let me dive

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Speaker 2: into I'm working on this. My new book is about purpose.

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Speaker 2: It literally is the key to sustained happiness. And here's

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Speaker 2: why everybody tells us that all the stuff that we

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Speaker 2: get from our careers, the money, the trophy that's supposed

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Speaker 2: to make you out of.

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Speaker 1: Now what's this.

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Speaker 2: Here's how it feels like happiness. It's such a great

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Speaker 2: when you when you when when you won your.

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Speaker 1: Your championship, how did you feel? You know what?

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Speaker 4: It made me happy because of the work and the

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Speaker 4: sacrifice of time loss that I put in from doing

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Speaker 4: other things that really like losing family time, losing like

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Speaker 4: time with man. I'm telling you when I came home

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Speaker 4: one year my mom got old. I was just like, damn,

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Speaker 4: where did time go? And I was like, I've been

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Speaker 4: doing all this thinking that's what it was, but I'm

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Speaker 4: missing out over here.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so this is perfect freeze. So you win the championship.

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Speaker 2: You got it, Lombardi Trophy. Wow?

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Speaker 1: You like, yeah, the big shot of dopamine. Yeah right,

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Speaker 1: that's what it is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, impersonates happiness. Yep, happiness is sustainable. But after a year,

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Speaker 2: after two years after you see your mom gil older

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Speaker 2: and you missed that time? Yo, why is this not

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Speaker 2: making me happy? I still have the trophy. It didn't

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Speaker 2: go nowhere. I still got the championship ring. It's big

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Speaker 2: as big as hell. It didn't go nowhere. Why am

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Speaker 2: I not happy?

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Speaker 1: Because it's it's just on the surface.

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Speaker 2: So watch this if you believe that you are divine

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Speaker 2: being created by a divine creator, which.

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Speaker 1: Most of us do.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not here to tell nobody whether that's God

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Speaker 2: Allah Jehovah. That's another show for another time. But if

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Speaker 2: you believe that you were created by a divine being,

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Speaker 2: make it make sense that the divine being that created

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Speaker 2: you created you to hoard your love and resources. There's

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Speaker 2: no way the divine being created you to be a

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Speaker 2: divine human being, to move the needle for humanity in

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Speaker 2: a profound way.

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Speaker 1: That's your purpose in life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. The vast majority of people that you know that

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Speaker 2: are unhappy are unhappy because they don't know why they're here. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: they think that it's because of the passion they chose.

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Speaker 2: He chose basketball, that's his passion. Okay, how old were

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Speaker 2: you when you retire? P? Thirty seven? Still, bro, you

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Speaker 2: understand what I'm saying. You get what I'm getting at.

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Speaker 2: I gotta go this whole life and the thing that

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Speaker 2: was supposed to make me happy is over. Right. If

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Speaker 2: the purpose was for you to be a basketball player,

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Speaker 2: and that's it, after you won your trophy, after you retired,

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Speaker 2: you would have died. Yeah, right, you feel me? Exactly.

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Speaker 2: You're still here because you are the man that got

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Speaker 2: sent for sure that to move the needle for humanity

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Speaker 2: in some profound way.

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Speaker 1: Now the question becomes, what way is that? What is that?

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Speaker 2: That's right?

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Speaker 6: This is the more or Less segment brought to you

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00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,000
Speaker 6: by price Fix, where you can win real cash by

320
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00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,120
Speaker 5: So we have you today. We're super excited.

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Speaker 6: I'm just gonna give you some questions and you're just

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Speaker 6: gonna answer rapid fire, like it's what's more disrespectful?

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Speaker 5: Okay? So what do you think is more disrespectful?

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Speaker 6: You can give an explanation if you like posting a

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Speaker 6: thirst trap or liking a thirst trap, posting, posting.

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Speaker 2: It, posting it. Okay, yeah, for sure, for sure the

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Speaker 2: flesh as opposed to just like like.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's more, it's worse. I agree.

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Speaker 6: I can one hundred percent agree with you hiding your

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Speaker 6: phone from someone and being sneaky or going through.

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Speaker 2: Your partner's phone, going through your partner's phone.

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Speaker 5: Agreed, Yeah, why would you say that?

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Speaker 2: Because I feel like it violates a confidence that you

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Speaker 2: should have in place. And honestly, if you feel like

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Speaker 2: you got to go through your your partner's phone, the

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Speaker 2: chances are you probably don't need to be with them

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Speaker 2: in the first place.

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Speaker 6: That's a fact. I agree with that one hundred percent.

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Speaker 6: Texting your ex or deleting messages from someone new.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, that might be a tie.

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Speaker 5: They're both horrible. Well, yeah, wow, those are.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna just say I'm gonna just

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Speaker 1: say same.

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Speaker 7: With that.

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Speaker 6: Okay, you I think you said the leading message from

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Speaker 6: someone new because you're like, who is someone new?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't like either one, So I'm agree with you.

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Speaker 1: It was a nasty word. This is the thing about

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Speaker 1: the ex.

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Speaker 4: You can have an ex that new your mom, your

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Speaker 4: mom passing, you text her because she had a relationship

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Speaker 4: with your ex.

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Speaker 1: You just let her know it just it just depends.

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Speaker 2: But like.

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Speaker 5: Saying, I don't think something.

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Speaker 6: My ex texted me because his grandmother and grandparents passed

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Speaker 6: and he asked me to come to the funeral and everything,

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Speaker 6: and it's like, you know, I'm not doing you see

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Speaker 6: what I'm saying. I'm in a relationship that's not gonna work.

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Speaker 6: I'm not showing up to your.

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Speaker 2: Grand That's the only reason he prays, not for Grandma.

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Speaker 4: But no.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but I'm like, that is not my issue.

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Speaker 6: Okay, how about this venting about your relationships to your

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Speaker 6: friends or venting to the opposite sex.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, venting to the opposite yeah, because that kind of

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Speaker 2: creates like a tie. And depending on listen, real talk,

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Speaker 2: there are a lot of there are a lot of women. Look,

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Speaker 2: guys get the heat for being for doing crazy work.

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Speaker 2: Women be doing some crazy work. Yo, let me tell

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Speaker 2: you something. At one point, like, well, my wife and

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Speaker 2: I were dating. I was like, Yo, let me tell

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Speaker 2: you something. I can tell you about a couple of

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Speaker 2: your homies that would love to throw it in my direction.

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Speaker 1: So don't don't think for a second, yo, women do

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Speaker 1: some stuff where you go. Women. Women. Honestly, the stories that.

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Speaker 2: I have about women are way worse than the ones

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Speaker 2: that I got about dudes.

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Speaker 1: Women do some stuff that.

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Speaker 2: Can I'll give you a perfect Guys, when we got

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Speaker 2: beef with each other, well we'll settle it real quick,

385
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Speaker 2: we'll get the fisticuff, it'll be over. Women do dvs

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Speaker 2: stuff trying to like kill your whole social life for

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Speaker 2: like five years, selling your name, get the police, all

388
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Speaker 2: kinds of stuff, like they do crazy.

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Speaker 6: They drag you and they're trying to really women your name,

390
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Speaker 6: break your relationship up, quit, really dog your stuff.

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Speaker 2: And if they can't get your man, then they we'll

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Speaker 2: try to like dirty up your relationship.

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Speaker 1: They do that, you don't, I've seen it happen.

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Speaker 6: Sad it happened to me. I already know women will

395
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Speaker 6: do that. Women will get very spiteful because it's time.

396
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Speaker 6: They'll just be like, I'm gonna break this relationship up.

397
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Speaker 6: I'm gonna tell everything. But that's where men have to

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Speaker 6: be careful though, because what women don't realize is women

399
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Speaker 6: are doing that.

400
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Speaker 5: So if you give a woman an ounce of attention,

401
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Speaker 5: she's gonna take that.

402
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Speaker 6: She's gonna tell your girl, she's gonna drag you, she's

403
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Speaker 6: gonna blast you, and it becomes crazy. And it's like

404
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,880
Speaker 6: that's where men have to be more smart because man

405
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 6: can just get.

406
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Speaker 2: Lost like I had to. There's a woman, Oh my gosh,

407
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 2: there's a woman who who knows my wife, and and

408
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 2: one day she really tried to like she really tried

409
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 2: to throw like the path like I'm talking about like

410
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Speaker 2: I had to. I had to be careful about the

411
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Speaker 2: way I kept her off of me because I knew

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Speaker 2: that it could have easily have been turned into me

413
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Speaker 2: assaulting her. But for real, she was at the she

414
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Speaker 2: was at my buttons, on the on the jeans real

415
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Speaker 2: talk like I'm talking about, she was down there.

416
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Speaker 1: I had to seriously get her off me.

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Speaker 5: Damn well, good for you for getting her off yo.

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Speaker 2: And let me tell you something, and I'm not talking

419
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 2: about I'm not talking about No, let me tell you something.

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Speaker 2: Nine point seventy five men that I know would have

421
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Speaker 2: been like, yo, I would have hit. That's how she looked.

422
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 2: That's how accomplished she is. They'd have been like, I

423
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Speaker 2: don't even know how you did that. They would have hit.

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Speaker 5: How was it your wife was in your mind.

425
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Speaker 1: Or you just know it's me?

426
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Speaker 2: It was on my mind.

427
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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So because watch this, here's the secret that no one

429
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Speaker 1: tells you.

430
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Speaker 2: There's certain kinds of and I have I have cheated

431
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 2: in certain relationships in the past because because that's what

432
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 2: you get taught, you get taught again your the value

433
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 2: of yourself as a guy is tied to how many

434
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 2: women you sleep with. I was sexual at far too

435
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,040
Speaker 2: young an age, and it destroyed me.

436
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 1: That's what a lot of men will never tell you.

437
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:21,160
Speaker 2: I was sexually active early teens, early teens.

438
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Speaker 1: It destroyed me.

439
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:29,720
Speaker 2: Because it destroyed the way I went about relationships.

440
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 1: It destroyed the way.

441
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 2: I saw women, and I had to do a lot

442
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 2: of work in that area in order for me to

443
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 2: get myself in order. Yeah, it happens to a lot

444
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 2: of us in that way, and it robs us of

445
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:52,919
Speaker 2: our own discipline, because if you can't be sexually disciplined,

446
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 2: then there's other areas of your life that you will

447
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 2: always lack discipline in.

448
00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,159
Speaker 5: Yeah, based on that.

449
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 6: For men, for sure, I believe a man who is

450
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,160
Speaker 6: sexually disciplined is so powerful.

451
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 5: Boy, it's probably the.

452
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 2: Moment when I when I know to her, when I

453
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:12,639
Speaker 2: tell you she was so pistol, particularly after everything that

454
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 2: she did and who she You know what I'm saying,

455
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 2: who she was and how she looks.

456
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 1: Yo.

457
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,479
Speaker 6: Men don't like Listen, I've never heard heard a man

458
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 6: say I never did that to a man. But I'm saying,

459
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 6: in my lifetime, no man has ever told me no,

460
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 6: So to see, I haven't. I haven't even heard a

461
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,160
Speaker 6: man say I'm in a relationship.

462
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,640
Speaker 5: No, thank you. Like, men don't hear that. So when

463
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 5: I hear men say that, I'd be like, now that

464
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 5: I'm order.

465
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 6: I hear a man be like, oh no, I love

466
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,120
Speaker 6: my girl, like just talking when she's not around, I'm like, wow,

467
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 6: that's dope.

468
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 2: Women don't hear that men.

469
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: We as men, we've we've been told no our whole lives.

470
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we're used to know. Women are never told

471
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 2: because when they get to know, that's like the shots fired.

472
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 6: How rare it is for a man to do that,

473
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,320
Speaker 6: for a man to be in a relationship and literally

474
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 6: be like, yes, no, I'm in a relationship.

475
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 2: I'm good, Yes I do.

476
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 5: Like that's why women on trust men, because we don't

477
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 5: hear that ever, like you're never in a relationship.

478
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 1: We get it off anyways.

479
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,360
Speaker 5: We appreciate that. Yeah, no, that was good. That was good,

480
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:21,600
Speaker 5: And thank you for that.

481
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 6: And thank you to our good friends at price Picks,

482
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,000
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483
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,280
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484
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485
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Speaker 6: your first five dollars.

486
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: Right.

487
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 2: So, what I'm working on in the book and this

488
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 2: is how I got to writing mail versus Man. The

489
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 2: thing that propelled me into writing mail versus Man was

490
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 2: I lost my best friend in a motorcycle accident. I

491
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 2: used to be I used to be, I used to

492
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 2: be hell on wheels. I was literally trying to validate

493
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,479
Speaker 2: my existence.

494
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 1: By Yeely. You know that, you know when you go

495
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 1: up los you know that hill that that ends into sunset.

496
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 2: You know, you know how you know how pet I

497
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 2: used to wheeling up that hill. I used to wheeling

498
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 2: up that hill. You got something gotta be wrong with

499
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 2: you doing that, Something gotta be wrong with you. I

500
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 2: was chasing the validation of those around me that I

501
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 2: never got in all the places that I that I

502
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 2: should have.

503
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, yeah, yeah, I understand that.

504
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 2: I never had my father say I'm proud of you.

505
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 2: Damn you understand and subsequently, guess what we look what

506
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 2: we do? Look we we we we We're in l a.

507
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 1: Gang bagging because with yourself you got me. And guess what.

508
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 1: So watch this. What that young brother says is hold up.

509
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 2: I never had nobody say that they love me enough

510
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 2: or show or demonstrate to me that they love me

511
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 2: enough to even open the door for me, but you

512
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 2: willing to demonstrate to me that you love me enough

513
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 2: to take.

514
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 1: Somebody else's life.

515
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 2: For me. I got you, I got you. That's how

516
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 2: we create monsters because we don't care for And that's

517
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,160
Speaker 2: why look look how full circle. That's why every single

518
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 2: day I see my brother, I gotta pull him in

519
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 2: because I gotta get him to know he bigger than basketball.

520
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 2: I gotta get him to know he bigger than the streets.

521
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 2: I gotta get him to know he bigger than anything

522
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 2: that he could do with a gang of women. He

523
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 2: bigger than all of that. Right because at the end

524
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 2: of the day, we are the men that God sent

525
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 2: to move the needle for humanity in a profound way.

526
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 2: So me writing this book is trying to give our

527
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 2: folks and of course our sisters, same thing. Give you

528
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 2: a perfect example right now, if you look at social media,

529
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 2: you see what's going on. There's a whole lot of

530
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 2: bashion of men right now. Man, it's not fashionable. It's

531
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 2: not very fashionable to be a man right now. Yeah,

532
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 2: for sure.

533
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 1: If you don't think men are under attack, you're not

534
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:38,719
Speaker 1: paying attention or are you in denial?

535
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 5: What kind I ask you this? Do you believe that

536
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 5: women are being bashed as well.

537
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 2: Now throughout history, unfortunately, our sisters have been bashed.

538
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:51,280
Speaker 1: Right.

539
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, but while we are taking care of our sisters,

540
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 2: we can't forget about our brothers in the process. We

541
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 2: can't kick our men in the chest in order to

542
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 2: uplift our sisters. That can't happen because this is community.

543
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 2: I shouldn't feel bad in order for you to feel good,

544
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 2: you feel me.

545
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: Now watch this.

546
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 2: Let's let's let let let's check in real time and

547
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 2: see how how this works. Our sisters will say, constantly

548
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:36,760
Speaker 2: we hear how men are underperforming, while at the same

549
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 2: time we hear how unnecessary men are. That's crazy, that's crazy.

550
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 2: Hold up, hold up, rewind y'all missed it. How can

551
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 2: we be hearing constantly how men are underperforming and at

552
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 2: the same time here how unnecessary men are?

553
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 1: Sense that that don't even make any sense.

554
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 2: If we are unnecessary, why would it be possible to

555
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 2: examine our performance exactly? P As a basketball player, you're

556
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 2: only going to determine whether a dude is proficient at

557
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 2: a specific thing or not. Why because you need him?

558
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 2: And if the coach is talking about how he underperforms

559
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 2: and you tell him after they get yo. Bro, Hey, hey, bro,

560
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 2: need you to step it up? Why would you do that?

561
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 2: You're not going to do that to the dude that's

562
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 2: at the end of the bitch. Are you why? Because

563
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 2: he ain't He ain't getting in the game, he's not

564
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 2: making an impact on the game. You are only talking.

565
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 2: I guarantee you it was only you kJ Ray kg

566
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 2: Ray rays on. Right, y'all are having the kinds of

567
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 2: discussions with each other, like, Bro, where were you tonight?

568
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 1: For sure?

569
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 2: Where were you tonight? We needed you tonight? Bro? Why

570
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 2: because your performance matters. So whenever anybody is talking about

571
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 2: you underperforming.

572
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 1: It automatically means that you are necessary. That's right, exactly.

573
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 1: Nobody's talking about you if you're unnecessary. So now watch this.

574
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: We hear our sisters say, I raised my son all

575
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 1: by myself. His father didn't do nothing.

576
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:35,760
Speaker 2: Okay, Is this the same dude who is now toxic

577
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 2: that every woman thinks it's dangerous? The boy that you

578
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 2: raised on your own. You raised him, You said it.

579
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:48,800
Speaker 2: I didn't say that, you said it. You said you

580
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 2: raised him all by yourself. Ma'am.

581
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 1: Women are saying that your son is toxic and dangerous.

582
00:34:57,960 --> 00:34:59,839
Speaker 5: Well, a lot of women don't have the option, though

583
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 5: some women get in the situation.

584
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:08,840
Speaker 2: Okay, now man leaves now absolutely yeah. Sisters always have

585
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:13,040
Speaker 2: an option. There's always a Paul Pierce, a Dodre Whitfield

586
00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 2: somewhere in your circumference where you say, listen to me.

587
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 2: I can teach my son how to be a lot

588
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,800
Speaker 2: of things, not a man, but a man is not

589
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:24,319
Speaker 2: one of them.

590
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:24,920
Speaker 5: I agree with that.

591
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 2: So here's what I'm gonna do as your sister. I'm

592
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 2: gonna drop my son off to you at two o'clock.

593
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,400
Speaker 2: I need you to do your man business between two

594
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 2: and three, two and four, whatever you're gonna do, because

595
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 2: you gotta be the drill instructor for his manhood.

596
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 4: M because I can't do that. See, that's the disconnect

597
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 4: right there, big time. That's the disconnect, big time, especially

598
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,960
Speaker 4: if y'allre not together yet. You know what I'm saying,

599
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,959
Speaker 4: How do you convince the woman? Because I've been putting

600
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,479
Speaker 4: that situation. It's like, you know, this is my time,

601
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 4: Will I'm like, dude, like you gotta have an understanding.

602
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 4: Like I'm looking I'm looking at like my son right now,

603
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 4: like he needs me more than ever.

604
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 1: Nou How old is he? He twelve? You know what

605
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 1: I'm saying.

606
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 2: Bro, So like I really want him to kind of

607
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 2: like stay with me, like now really right now. He

608
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:21,759
Speaker 2: needs you, He needs you now more than ever. Like

609
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 2: he lived like ten minutes from me. You know what

610
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 2: I'm saying. Yeah, it's just never enough time on my time.

611
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 2: It's like you got to be in the house with

612
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 2: the kid, definite, you know, And so like what do

613
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 2: I do? Like what kind of conversation is that? You

614
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. A man's voice hits different. Yeah, man,

615
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:43,240
Speaker 2: I might need to get a new bedframe.

616
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 4: After I take Roe sparks, after dissolves under my tongue,

617
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 4: I could get right in fifteen minutes on average, nice,

618
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 4: and they last up to thirty six hours.

619
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 1: So anytime she gives me that look this weekend, I'm

620
00:36:58,280 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 1: ready to go.

621
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 4: This is why I always keep roast sparks on hamp

622
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,240
Speaker 4: from when she starts giving me the signals.

623
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 6: And what's really crazy is that Rose sparks can actually

624
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 6: make men fooler and bigger. And that's one of the

625
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626
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627
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628
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629
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631
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634
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635
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636
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:58,040
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637
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638
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639
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:08,600
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640
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641
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 1: Watch this.

642
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,279
Speaker 2: Me and my wife have been together for twenty eight years.

643
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 2: Shout out to my baby.

644
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 5: That's that's that's a Richards.

645
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 2: Whitfield twenty eight years together, twenty three years, twenty three

646
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 2: years married. Now the reason why I say Whitfield on

647
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 2: that and some people were like, well, why does that matter.

648
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:42,360
Speaker 2: Here's why it matters. I am my wife's cover. Mm hmmmm.

649
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 5: And can I say this. I remember meeting you when

650
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 5: we were at Sheena's house. Yes, you had that thing.

651
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 5: I won't get into it.

652
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 2: Yes, And so it's somebody always had a place where.

653
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 6: Elve and we can't talk about what was going on

654
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:03,919
Speaker 6: or who was there was no, no, no, we can't.

655
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 5: I'm sure. But yeah, it was someone there speaking to us.

656
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 6: You were there with your wife, right, Yeah, I will

657
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,320
Speaker 6: never forget this because it was a man there speaking

658
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 6: to us and it was a crowd of people who

659
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 6: were listening. She set this up and it was private

660
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,720
Speaker 6: and it was just all the exclusive people that she loved,

661
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 6: and we came over there and literally, I remember you

662
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 6: said something like seriously, this stuck with me.

663
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 5: That's why you said you never know who watched?

664
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 2: Right.

665
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:34,920
Speaker 6: You were there with your wife and you were like,

666
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:38,279
Speaker 6: so listen you asked him. You were like, listen, I

667
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:42,560
Speaker 6: made a mistake with my family, my wife. I told

668
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 6: my wife to follow my lead and do something.

669
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 2: And I was wrong.

670
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 6: So now what do I need to do to make

671
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 6: it right? Because my wife followed my lead in my

672
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 6: family and I listen, this is years ago, right, I

673
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 6: remember this till this day that you said that exact thing,

674
00:39:57,560 --> 00:40:00,080
Speaker 6: because I remember thinking like, wow, I need a and

675
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 6: that is like that, you know, like I have to

676
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:06,360
Speaker 6: have a man that could be like listen, I'm the leader,

677
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:09,360
Speaker 6: I'm doing this and I made a mistake, this is

678
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 6: this is now what do I do? But like to

679
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 6: trust your man to be a leader is really important,

680
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,760
Speaker 6: Like to have that respect to be like I trust

681
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:21,920
Speaker 6: your leadership because as women, we question.

682
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 5: Things and we you know we're gonna automatically be that way.

683
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 6: But like when you build that trust, you solely see like, wow,

684
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:30,840
Speaker 6: you're leading me in the right direction. Even if you

685
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:34,800
Speaker 6: make a mistake, that's intention, that's there to do the

686
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:35,359
Speaker 6: right thing.

687
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 5: So I can trust that that's right, you know.

688
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:41,680
Speaker 4: That's always us as men. Yes, women can't do that.

689
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 4: So here's what women have a hard time doing that.

690
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,479
Speaker 5: Oh, taking accountability is what you're saying.

691
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, as a man, I hear about my mistakes all

692
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:02,919
Speaker 2: day time, so we used as a as a man,

693
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 2: I hear about my mistakes all day every day. Women

694
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,399
Speaker 2: are and I say this as a joke, but it's

695
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 2: so serious. Wives are not built to be husbands.

696
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 5: I agree with that.

697
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 2: And here's why.

698
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 1: If I treated my wife how she treats.

699
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 5: You, sensitive worth too sensitive.

700
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 2: Let me tell you so when I say, when I

701
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 2: say complete, lock up, lockdown, right, so now watch this,

702
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 2: let me let me so.

703
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: I coach couples, right.

704
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,880
Speaker 2: And one of the things that I get from the

705
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 2: couples that I work with, particularly when I'm when I'm

706
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 2: just beginning to work with a couple, someone invariably one

707
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,880
Speaker 2: of them will say I can't be with them no

708
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,359
Speaker 2: more because we just not We're just not the same.

709
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 2: I got that.

710
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:06,959
Speaker 1: They don't see it the way I see it. I can't.

711
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 2: And the first thing I say is amen, and they're

712
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 2: like huh. I'm like, yeah, you're you're you were not

713
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:19,239
Speaker 2: meant to see everything that I see.

714
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 5: That's it right there, though, Look that's it right there.

715
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:25,800
Speaker 1: Look, I'm gonna break it down for you very simply.

716
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 2: If if somebody, if I'm facing north, a great couple

717
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 2: is not you know, they go well, behind a good

718
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,359
Speaker 2: man is a good woman. Behind a good woman as

719
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 2: a good man. But my wife is not behind me.

720
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 2: She's just to my back and we are back to back.

721
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:49,480
Speaker 1: Right.

722
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 2: Why I'm looking north, she's looking south. We both can

723
00:42:56,680 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 2: see east and west. That's the part where we have

724
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 2: to be you understand. So now we got the same

725
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 2: vision here because we both can see this way.

726
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:08,719
Speaker 1: Watch this.

727
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 2: I can see what's in her blind spot, yes, absolutely, yep,

728
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 2: and what she can see what's in my blind spot.

729
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 2: So let's deal with the word compatibility. What does compatibility

730
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:28,360
Speaker 2: Some people think that. Okay, before I go to the

731
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 2: relationship part. Let's take a device. When you buy one

732
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 2: device and it's meant to pair with another device, it

733
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 2: says it's compatible with that device. The compatibility means that

734
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 2: they are equally important, but not equal in function.

735
00:43:54,719 --> 00:44:00,799
Speaker 5: M So, like you said, we're equally important.

736
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,920
Speaker 2: We are not the same because we got different you understand,

737
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 2: because we serve different functions.

738
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 5: We're not equal in traits, but we're equally important. You

739
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 5: got me. I agree with that.

740
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:17,320
Speaker 2: You got you got me? So so my wife because

741
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:22,719
Speaker 2: she has certain uh strengths that I lack.

742
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 1: Vice versa.

743
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 2: There's certain strengths that I have that she likes in.

744
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 2: There's certain stuff that she'll call me.

745
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: She'd be like babe, I.

746
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:39,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know, stressed out, Yeah, and.

747
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 1: I'm over here.

748
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:46,919
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, because I'm a superhero in that area,

749
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 2: just like she's a superhero in another area, which makes

750
00:44:51,360 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 2: us compatible. Compatible now means that together we complete the package.

751
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:06,879
Speaker 2: Too many relationships right now, instead of completing, are competing,

752
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 2: and they wonder why we having so many problems sustaining marriages.

753
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:21,439
Speaker 2: Why women and men are like, yeah, no, I'm good,

754
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 2: I'm cool.

755
00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 1: I'm good.

756
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:27,800
Speaker 6: You feel me us versus each other, not us versus

757
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 6: the problem. It's like me and you are fighting this

758
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 6: problem together.

759
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 2: That's right.

760
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 6: I'm not fighting you, You're not fighting me. No, we

761
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 6: gotta be looking at this problem side by sidelight. We're

762
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 6: about to fight this problem.

763
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:40,880
Speaker 1: Watch this.

764
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:46,759
Speaker 2: We're so distracted by how we're fighting the problem that

765
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:48,920
Speaker 2: now we think that we're fighting.

766
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:52,160
Speaker 1: Each other exactly, so we never even.

767
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 2: Get to tackling the problem. Meanwhile, the problem is like

768
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 2: look at these two morons right here.

769
00:45:56,880 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, problem too, problem cross.

770
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 2: Problem like our way.

771
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,759
Speaker 1: That's like in locker room fighting.

772
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 2: Right You're like, hey, bro, the.

773
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 4: Competition that's you know how many times I've done that.

774
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,399
Speaker 4: We've been in the locker room and everybody arguing. I said, dude,

775
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:21,399
Speaker 4: if you showed this shame passion towards that that them

776
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 4: down there.

777
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 1: We'll win, We'll be winning, We'll be winning. Meanwhile, that's

778
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 1: so many times, and what's that line is this?

779
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 2: What's that line?

780
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:33,799
Speaker 1: Is this? That we're doing it here in this locker room?

781
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,320
Speaker 2: Who gets to go to the Hall of Fame for

782
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:42,960
Speaker 2: for breaking each other down in the locker room? Who

783
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 2: wins the championship in the Oh you wanted you won

784
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 2: the championship? Uh uh, the the the locker room championship

785
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 2: because you wanted the argument in the locker room?

786
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 1: So many times?

787
00:46:56,640 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 5: That's real? Yes, When do you know like the problem

788
00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 5: is too big?

789
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 6: Like is there ever that situation where like, hey, it's

790
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,800
Speaker 6: time to walk away the problem is too big? Or

791
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 6: is it just about saying like we're choosing each other,

792
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 6: we're gonna battle the problem and we're gonna get through

793
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:22,920
Speaker 6: it and being on that same wavelength, no.

794
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:27,760
Speaker 2: Problem is too big. I want to say, your wound

795
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 2: maybe too big for the moment.

796
00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 5: Okay, So let me break that down please.

797
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 2: M As a child, my mother is a is a

798
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 2: phenomenal woman and she did the kind of job like

799
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 2: my mother was a superhero because she had me at

800
00:47:57,719 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 2: a very young age, and my grandmother made she recipes

801
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:08,080
Speaker 2: who was my Angel? But she put it on my

802
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 2: mother when my mother got pregnant. I shouldn't have made it.

803
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 2: I shouldn't have made it. My mother is a walking superhero.

804
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 2: When you have a young mother in a turbulent environment,

805
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:36,720
Speaker 2: it produces much anxiety because she's trying to do everything

806
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:40,320
Speaker 2: that she can do to protect her child in this

807
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:48,320
Speaker 2: dangerous and turbulent environment. And sometimes when a child is

808
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 2: raising a child, you will make decisions that are child like,

809
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 2: and sometimes in the midst of that of being in

810
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 2: that turbulent environment, you can sometimes do some things that

811
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:10,240
Speaker 2: can be damaging. And so my mother would use certain

812
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:13,320
Speaker 2: language and we would kind of get into it, especially

813
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:17,399
Speaker 2: when a boy is like twelve thirteen. After a while,

814
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:20,560
Speaker 2: like his mother's voice is like the voice of the

815
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:24,839
Speaker 2: teacher or Charlie Brown wa he don't even because he's like, yo,

816
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 2: you are not the model that I'm trying to mirror,

817
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 2: and right now you're just irritating real.

818
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:35,720
Speaker 1: And so what begins to happen is now it becomes

819
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:36,759
Speaker 1: a war in the house.

820
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 4: Man.

821
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:41,680
Speaker 1: I was dealing with that. Every boy goes through this

822
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:43,839
Speaker 1: with his mom, particularly.

823
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:47,839
Speaker 2: When there is no man in the house to take

824
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 2: over the next portion of the life lesson to help

825
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 2: that boy matriculate into manhood.

826
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 1: Now, she gotta get out of the way.

827
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 2: Like literally, there are times my son I'm sixteen years

828
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:03,520
Speaker 2: old and I'm talking to him and my wife tries

829
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:07,319
Speaker 2: to interject, and I, respectfully, I go, babe, not now,

830
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 2: not while I'm raising my son.

831
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:12,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, And here's why.

832
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 2: Because at the end of the day, if I don't

833
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 2: teach my son what he's supposed to know, when he

834
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 2: goes out here, he underperforms. You know what everybody's gonna say,

835
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:27,239
Speaker 2: where was his father? Why didn't his father teach him.

836
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 1: This?

837
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:33,680
Speaker 2: That the third that is never gonna happen on my watch.

838
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 2: So knowing that that is exactly what's going to happen,

839
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:42,400
Speaker 2: I refuse to let anybody interrupt that right now, getting

840
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:46,600
Speaker 2: back to your point, because me and my mom had wars.

841
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:54,800
Speaker 2: There are certain times that's certain volumes and certain hurtful

842
00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:59,360
Speaker 2: words when they come out of the mouth of a woman,

843
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:12,160
Speaker 2: opens up that wound. So if my wife mirrors that language,

844
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:18,520
Speaker 2: that tone, that timing, the little boy inside of me,

845
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 2: who now is a man, who now got base, who

846
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:33,160
Speaker 2: now has like advocacy, self advocacy, Hold up for real,

847
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:38,320
Speaker 2: who you talking to when it gets too hot and

848
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:42,000
Speaker 2: they're go, oh wow, my wound is now taking over.

849
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 2: Now the man, the husband that I am, is not

850
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:50,719
Speaker 2: even having this conversation. Now the wounded little warrior now

851
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:54,760
Speaker 2: takes over the conversation, and now I gotta go. Okay,

852
00:51:57,520 --> 00:51:59,919
Speaker 2: Dedre is so funny. In my book, I talk about

853
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 2: the fact that there's two versions of myself. There's Brooklyn

854
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 2: Dre because that's where I grew up, Brooklyn Dre and

855
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 2: Disciple Dedre. So for the most part, when you see me,

856
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 2: that's who you talk to, the Disciple Dedre. But every

857
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:25,800
Speaker 2: once in a while, when the switch gets flipped, Brooklyn

858
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 2: Dre shows up in order to protect Disciple Dendre. So

859
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 2: whenever Brooklyn Dre comes into my house, I'm like, oh, oh,

860
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:38,360
Speaker 2: this gonna end badly.

861
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 1: I need to step off or I need to be quiet.

862
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:44,279
Speaker 6: This segment is brought to you by Roe Sparks. So

863
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 6: today I'm gonna ask you some rapid fire questions. You

864
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,440
Speaker 6: can't think about it too long, Just pick one and

865
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 6: if you want you can explain after. Okay, So, being

866
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 6: right or keeping the peace.

867
00:52:58,560 --> 00:52:59,160
Speaker 1: Being all right.

868
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:01,560
Speaker 5: You rather be right than keep the peace.

869
00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 2: I gotta be right. Why, well, right, it's right. Truth

870
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 2: is truth?

871
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:11,279
Speaker 1: What you mean? It's right?

872
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 4: And you just said this to me. You know you

873
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 4: gotta let it spill it all out there? Did you

874
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,920
Speaker 4: just say something like this? Just you need to just

875
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,680
Speaker 4: go ahead and say it. This right, it's right, and

876
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 4: it might not be peaceful at first, but at least

877
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:26,000
Speaker 4: you let it all out.

878
00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: And it is what it is.

879
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:31,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's true. I agree with you winning the argument

880
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:32,959
Speaker 5: or winning the relationship.

881
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 1: Win in the arguments.

882
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:40,400
Speaker 5: So you rather win the argument than just have a

883
00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 5: piece in your relationship.

884
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:41,799
Speaker 2: Yeah.

885
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:43,520
Speaker 1: I never win the arguments, that's why. So I need

886
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:44,000
Speaker 1: to get a win.

887
00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:44,839
Speaker 2: You need to get away.

888
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:45,960
Speaker 1: You just need to get a win.

889
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 5: I think you'd be winning arguments.

890
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 2: I don't win no argument.

891
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 5: I can't tell.

892
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:54,839
Speaker 6: Okay, saying what you feel or saying what won't start

893
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 6: a fight. We already know you're about to say what

894
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 6: you feel based on all these other questions.

895
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:02,919
Speaker 5: Saying what you feel, yeah, or saying what won't start

896
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 5: a fight.

897
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:08,400
Speaker 4: That's the fine line between the two, because you be

898
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,320
Speaker 4: just like damn, you already know if you say this

899
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 4: it's gonna start a fight, but you want to say

900
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 4: what you feel. It's always like a double less sore.

901
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:17,359
Speaker 4: Sometime it just depends on the mood at the time.

902
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:19,520
Speaker 4: But for the most part, you want to say what

903
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 4: you feel.

904
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 6: Okay, apologizing even when you feel justified, or standing.

905
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 1: On your pride, standing on business, we're good.

906
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 6: Okay, walking away to cool off or talking it out immediately, that's.

907
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:36,719
Speaker 1: A good one.

908
00:54:37,239 --> 00:54:39,880
Speaker 4: I've done both. I've walked away to cool off. I

909
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 4: think I need to talk. I need to walk away

910
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 4: to cool off for the most part, because when I'm hot,

911
00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:46,919
Speaker 4: I'm gonna say something I don't mean and it's gonna

912
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:47,640
Speaker 4: hurt some feelings.

913
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:50,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, I get that. I like to talk it out immediately.

914
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:55,000
Speaker 5: That's my problem. Protecting your ego or protecting your partner's feelings.

915
00:54:56,880 --> 00:54:58,960
Speaker 2: I think you gotta protect your partner feelings.

916
00:54:59,560 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 6: You know.

917
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:03,480
Speaker 4: Ego and pride can just be dropped a lot, you know,

918
00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 4: because you got to drop that and your pride for

919
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:06,319
Speaker 4: some time for shit to work.

920
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:07,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, understand that.

921
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 4: You know, I play sports, so you gotta drop your

922
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 4: ego sometime at the door and like, look, this is

923
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:13,919
Speaker 4: for the betterment of the team.

924
00:55:14,239 --> 00:55:20,480
Speaker 6: Yeah. Facts letting small things slide or addressing everything small thing.

925
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 4: Small things need to slide. I think in all relationships

926
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:25,800
Speaker 4: you need to pick your battles. Everything can't be a

927
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:29,160
Speaker 4: battle every day, you know, it's just It's just you're

928
00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 4: gonna have little ship to pick them every day if

929
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:31,640
Speaker 4: you want to.

930
00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:33,960
Speaker 1: I think it's important to pick your battles.

931
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:36,920
Speaker 4: When you start needling somebody and needle and think about it,

932
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,600
Speaker 4: Like if you press a balloon softly, softly, eventually that

933
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 4: shit gonna pop even if you press it with the

934
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:43,400
Speaker 4: same pressure you just keep needling it.

935
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just you just gotta pick your battles. I think.

936
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 6: Okay, changing your behavior or expecting your partner to keep

937
00:55:52,239 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 6: to accept you as is, I.

938
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 1: Think it's a I think I think you gotta evolve.

939
00:55:58,040 --> 00:55:58,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know what I mean.

940
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:01,440
Speaker 1: Like people all always say that this is who I am,

941
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:02,239
Speaker 1: this is who I am.

942
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:04,880
Speaker 2: I think as you grow, you gotta evolve facts.

943
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:07,279
Speaker 4: Now, you can't be the same person you was five

944
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:10,239
Speaker 4: years ago, still doing the same old shit. And I

945
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:12,759
Speaker 4: think you gotta grow with your person and see how

946
00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:14,319
Speaker 4: they growing in and grow with them.

947
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:18,160
Speaker 5: Okay, love that being understood or being loved.

948
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:24,839
Speaker 4: Being understood you know what, probably be in love because

949
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:26,440
Speaker 4: most people don't understand me now.

950
00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:28,040
Speaker 2: So okay, it even matter.

951
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:35,600
Speaker 6: Okay, loyalty when it's hard, or just happiness in the moment,

952
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:38,279
Speaker 6: like would you rather someone be loyal.

953
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:42,360
Speaker 5: To you even when it's hard, or just like, who cares?

954
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:43,520
Speaker 5: I'm happy?

955
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:44,920
Speaker 2: I like loyalty.

956
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:50,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, ain't nothing like some loyalty because that's gonna separate

957
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:52,640
Speaker 4: the real from the fake facts at the end of the.

958
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:57,440
Speaker 5: Day over time, I agree forgiveness or never forgetting.

959
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:06,000
Speaker 4: Forgiveness is a key. Yeah, I don't think you'll ever

960
00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:08,760
Speaker 4: forget things, you know. I've learned to forgive some things

961
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:12,960
Speaker 4: and I don't forget them, but it's still there some

962
00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 4: things that just happen to you just you're just never

963
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 4: gonna forget.

964
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:17,600
Speaker 1: But you can forgive a person. But that don't mean

965
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 1: I'm a you know, I'm gonna be fucking with you.

966
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can forgive someone. That doesn't mean you have

967
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:23,560
Speaker 5: to be locked with them.

968
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 2: No more.

969
00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:28,560
Speaker 5: Forgiveness is really for you. Okay. I love that you

970
00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:31,040
Speaker 5: have some good answers. I agree with you on a

971
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:34,120
Speaker 5: lot of that. Thank you to Roast Sparks.

972
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:38,480
Speaker 6: If prescribed new sexual health patients get fifteen dollars off

973
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:41,480
Speaker 6: their first order of sparks on a recurring plan. Connect

974
00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:45,280
Speaker 6: with provider at row dot Co slash tad to find

975
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 6: out if prescription roast sparks are right for you.

976
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:51,560
Speaker 1: Watch this. I tell this to sisters all the time.

977
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:57,080
Speaker 1: Imagine you were locked in a cage with a lion.

978
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:02,960
Speaker 2: How would you talk to that lion? Would you say,

979
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 2: I wish you would lion?

980
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:09,880
Speaker 1: Uh huh, bite me, I wish you would, please do it?

981
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:11,440
Speaker 2: Please do it?

982
00:58:12,520 --> 00:58:14,680
Speaker 1: Would would you talk to that lion like that? And

983
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 1: that locked up in that cage?

984
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:16,840
Speaker 4: No?

985
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:20,040
Speaker 2: You know why, because you're gonna get bit and you're

986
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 2: probably gonna die.

987
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:22,880
Speaker 1: Your man.

988
00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:28,040
Speaker 2: Is a lion and you are in a locked cage

989
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:33,720
Speaker 2: with a lion. Yeah, you have the power which your

990
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:41,240
Speaker 2: language to either set him on fire or turn him

991
00:58:41,360 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 2: all the way down. Yeah, every woman. And you know

992
00:58:46,520 --> 00:58:49,760
Speaker 2: why he ain't said nothing yet? You know why be

993
00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:53,120
Speaker 2: this say nothing? Because right on, Tommy, yes or no?

994
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:59,600
Speaker 2: The woman, I'm gonna just go on the right. This

995
00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:01,360
Speaker 2: is the this is the viral moment, you know the

996
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:03,600
Speaker 2: clips that they play before the episode.

997
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:04,520
Speaker 1: Here we go right here.

998
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:12,920
Speaker 2: The woman has all the power in the house. How

999
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:18,480
Speaker 2: to use it, just don't know how to use it

1000
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 2: all day long. And I have said this in another

1001
00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:30,720
Speaker 2: viral clip talking about the word submission. I submit to

1002
00:59:30,920 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 2: my wife all day every day. She dictates what we eat,

1003
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 2: when we eat, what side of the bed we sleep on,

1004
00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:40,720
Speaker 2: where we say, what time we go to sleep, the

1005
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:44,480
Speaker 2: physical intimacy when if we don't have sex, how the

1006
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:45,480
Speaker 2: temperature in the house.

1007
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:46,440
Speaker 5: All of that.

1008
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:53,760
Speaker 2: My wife dictates all of that. I submit to her

1009
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:57,400
Speaker 2: all day. So when I say to you, I need

1010
00:59:57,520 --> 01:00:00,080
Speaker 2: you to do X, Y and Z, I expec be

1011
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 2: you to submit to my provision. Why because I submit

1012
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 2: to you all day. This is a dance. This is

1013
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:08,960
Speaker 2: a dance.

1014
01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:10,400
Speaker 1: Your turn.

1015
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:13,240
Speaker 2: Here go your song. Okay, now we now we talk

1016
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 2: to your song. Because this is your song. I'm getting

1017
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,960
Speaker 2: ready to play my song. Get you better, you better,

1018
01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:22,960
Speaker 2: get up. You bet it's time to dance because we

1019
01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:25,680
Speaker 2: don't get tired. Now. Don't tell me your feet hurt

1020
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 2: now because we dance to your song three times.

1021
01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:33,880
Speaker 1: They played your song back to back to back. You know,

1022
01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:37,240
Speaker 1: I don't even like that song, but I dance with

1023
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 1: you because you are my woman.

1024
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 2: I love you.

1025
01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:44,200
Speaker 1: That's what that's my job. You feel me.

1026
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 2: This is the stuff that we are this is the

1027
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 2: stuff that we are missing, and a lot of it

1028
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:54,800
Speaker 2: gets missed. Again, back to your point, because the wounds

1029
01:00:55,080 --> 01:00:58,640
Speaker 2: get too big for the moment, They get too big

1030
01:00:58,800 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 2: to deal with the problem.

1031
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:03,920
Speaker 1: It's never about the problem. It usually is about the person.

1032
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:07,680
Speaker 6: Well, because you see things through the lens of your trauma. Yes,

1033
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:11,960
Speaker 6: so you can say something to me that people might

1034
01:01:12,040 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 6: think that was not a big deal.

1035
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:14,200
Speaker 1: Big deal, but my.

1036
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:15,520
Speaker 5: Trauma was triggered.

1037
01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 1: Gigantic deal.

1038
01:01:16,680 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 6: I had this happened, that's right, And when this happened, X,

1039
01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 6: Y and Z followed, that's right. So right now I'm

1040
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:26,200
Speaker 6: viewing this from my triggers. And again that's the saying

1041
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:28,960
Speaker 6: where we're bleeding on people who didn't cut us. So

1042
01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:31,280
Speaker 6: I'm coming from a place of pure intention because I

1043
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:35,320
Speaker 6: love you and the things I'm saying are real and honest,

1044
01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:37,520
Speaker 6: and it's to get us to the next place. But

1045
01:01:37,640 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 6: I'm hearing it from whether it's your mom, your dad's

1046
01:01:41,120 --> 01:01:44,680
Speaker 6: whoever it was, and it didn't land me in a

1047
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 6: good space. So now I'm triggered, yes, and I'm going

1048
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 6: to attack. And that's I think happens to a lot

1049
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:54,400
Speaker 6: of people. When we don't understand our traumas. So for me,

1050
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:56,600
Speaker 6: I reflect and I'm like, is this because I have

1051
01:01:56,720 --> 01:01:59,880
Speaker 6: another trauma that happened, or is this because I genuinely

1052
01:02:00,040 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 6: feel like this is disrespectful?

1053
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 5: I don't like this or I don't So.

1054
01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:08,960
Speaker 2: You used a very interesting word, use the word attacked.

1055
01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:17,240
Speaker 2: Now in the street, we got cold, Me and Pete.

1056
01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:19,600
Speaker 2: We are only going to speak to each other in

1057
01:02:19,680 --> 01:02:23,920
Speaker 2: a very specific way. Why because the threat of violence

1058
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:29,400
Speaker 2: is real. Yeah, you understand what I'm saying. I can't.

1059
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:31,640
Speaker 1: I can't come talk to him any old kind of way.

1060
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:34,640
Speaker 1: Why hands can get thrown at any.

1061
01:02:34,560 --> 01:02:39,680
Speaker 2: Moment about you like your brother talking crazy?

1062
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:41,880
Speaker 1: Like the same thing you.

1063
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:47,959
Speaker 2: Got hold up because we know met me and people,

1064
01:02:48,120 --> 01:02:51,840
Speaker 2: but we like, bro, who who are you talking to?

1065
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:52,080
Speaker 4: Bro?

1066
01:02:52,720 --> 01:02:52,760
Speaker 6: Like?

1067
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:55,200
Speaker 1: You got to hit me with some respect so that

1068
01:02:55,360 --> 01:02:58,600
Speaker 1: we can so we can keep it respectful. That means

1069
01:02:58,720 --> 01:02:59,600
Speaker 1: full of respect.

1070
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 2: Right.

1071
01:03:00,480 --> 01:03:02,560
Speaker 1: So now watch this again.

1072
01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:05,000
Speaker 2: This is why I say wives are not built to

1073
01:03:05,040 --> 01:03:10,439
Speaker 2: be husbands, because all of our sisters know that they're

1074
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:14,040
Speaker 2: eventually going to get a pass because they can attack

1075
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:18,280
Speaker 2: and the man is expected not to attack back. Right.

1076
01:03:19,160 --> 01:03:21,640
Speaker 6: Well, you know what's crazy about this? And I think

1077
01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:24,360
Speaker 6: actually I said something. It was viral clip. You were

1078
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:26,760
Speaker 6: posted it a long time ago, right, And I said

1079
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:30,000
Speaker 6: this because I mean it and I have. I grew

1080
01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:32,200
Speaker 6: up in household with the mom and dad still married,

1081
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:34,560
Speaker 6: sister and brother. You know, a lot of my family

1082
01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:38,000
Speaker 6: is married, as you know, and so I was always

1083
01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:40,640
Speaker 6: taught like, even though it's not right, and I don't

1084
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 6: think a man will put his hands on you, you

1085
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:44,880
Speaker 6: have to move as if a man can, because there's

1086
01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:48,640
Speaker 6: a visceral reaction that a man can have, right, So

1087
01:03:48,840 --> 01:03:51,160
Speaker 6: if something is thrown out a man, he might react.

1088
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:53,000
Speaker 5: That's a visceral instinct.

1089
01:03:53,160 --> 01:03:56,120
Speaker 6: Okay, So me saying certain things to a man like,

1090
01:03:56,160 --> 01:03:58,120
Speaker 6: I've never caught a man out of his name, never

1091
01:03:58,200 --> 01:03:59,360
Speaker 6: caught a man to be worried.

1092
01:03:59,240 --> 01:03:59,760
Speaker 5: To his face.

1093
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:02,800
Speaker 6: I have said it to my homegirl like's, but never

1094
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:05,760
Speaker 6: to never to his face, because I've always been taught

1095
01:04:06,200 --> 01:04:10,360
Speaker 6: that a man can react, and his visceral, visceral instinct

1096
01:04:10,720 --> 01:04:11,960
Speaker 6: is to be reactive.

1097
01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:13,520
Speaker 5: That's to protect himself.

1098
01:04:13,600 --> 01:04:14,160
Speaker 1: That's exactly.

1099
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:16,440
Speaker 5: You will get hurt doing that.

1100
01:04:16,640 --> 01:04:19,440
Speaker 6: That's so you have to be careful how you speak

1101
01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:21,320
Speaker 6: to a man, how you approach a man, and how

1102
01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:23,560
Speaker 6: you talk to a man, and so I've been taught

1103
01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:24,919
Speaker 6: that from a very young age.

1104
01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:26,800
Speaker 2: Okay, so wat say this, this is this is fair

1105
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:29,840
Speaker 2: tapped up because your father was smart. So I taught

1106
01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:32,439
Speaker 2: my daughter. I was like, listen, you know how when

1107
01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:35,600
Speaker 2: you got into tussles with boys when you were like

1108
01:04:35,680 --> 01:04:37,960
Speaker 2: in the second grade, and like you beat them up.

1109
01:04:38,520 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 2: Like yeah, I'm like, now that you this is when

1110
01:04:41,400 --> 01:04:43,360
Speaker 2: she was in high school. I'm like, now that you're

1111
01:04:43,400 --> 01:04:47,480
Speaker 2: in high school. Yeah, don't do that right right, because

1112
01:04:47,680 --> 01:04:52,160
Speaker 2: you're gonna wind up as a viral clip being body slammed. Okay,

1113
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:55,960
Speaker 2: And here's this not because it it's easy. I can

1114
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:58,160
Speaker 2: I can hear all the sisters right now. That's because

1115
01:04:58,320 --> 01:05:05,400
Speaker 2: the boy is a punk. Two things. Any human being

1116
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:12,560
Speaker 2: can do something like that's what I did. But that's

1117
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:15,640
Speaker 2: not who I am. There's a difference.

1118
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:17,360
Speaker 5: I know exactly what you're saying.

1119
01:05:17,400 --> 01:05:19,160
Speaker 2: Okay, so watch this. Let me let me, let me,

1120
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,360
Speaker 2: let me drill that down a little a little further.

1121
01:05:22,480 --> 01:05:24,520
Speaker 2: Have you ever gone to the doctor and the doctor

1122
01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:26,840
Speaker 2: takes a rubber mallet and hits your knee?

1123
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:27,320
Speaker 1: What happens?

1124
01:05:34,360 --> 01:05:38,360
Speaker 2: That's a reflex. Now you talked about traumas, do you

1125
01:05:38,480 --> 01:05:41,480
Speaker 2: know what that man's traumas are do you know what's

1126
01:05:41,560 --> 01:05:46,400
Speaker 2: going to activate his traumas? And because he does something

1127
01:05:46,760 --> 01:05:49,960
Speaker 2: that's what I did, That's not who I am. We

1128
01:05:50,160 --> 01:05:53,120
Speaker 2: live in a time now where every guy, no matter

1129
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:54,480
Speaker 2: what he does, that's.

1130
01:05:54,320 --> 01:05:56,880
Speaker 1: Who he is, no matter what.

1131
01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:02,200
Speaker 2: Is that true for our assists? This absolutely not. She

1132
01:06:02,320 --> 01:06:09,520
Speaker 2: could go a crazy yeah that crazy. Yeah, that's not

1133
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:15,440
Speaker 2: who she is. She was just driven to that point. Yeah. Right,

1134
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:18,840
Speaker 2: So we don't have the same kind of grace true

1135
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:24,720
Speaker 2: for our brothers as we do for our sisters. Listen,

1136
01:06:25,960 --> 01:06:29,680
Speaker 2: let me just say this real quick. Okay, okay, So

1137
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:33,760
Speaker 2: it's not that the man has the problem. He's trying

1138
01:06:33,760 --> 01:06:37,240
Speaker 2: to figure out what his job is in this equation.

1139
01:06:38,360 --> 01:06:40,800
Speaker 2: The woman is trying to figure out what her job

1140
01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:44,720
Speaker 2: is in the equation. This is not a man problem.

1141
01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:49,040
Speaker 2: This is not a woman problem. This is a human condition,

1142
01:06:49,680 --> 01:06:52,520
Speaker 2: and we're trying to figure out how we navigate our

1143
01:06:52,640 --> 01:06:54,360
Speaker 2: way to the other side of this problem.

1144
01:06:56,160 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 1: Women got problems. Men have problems.

1145
01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:02,080
Speaker 2: Now, what we're trying to do is we're trying to

1146
01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:04,600
Speaker 2: figure out how do we have the kind of language

1147
01:07:05,080 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 2: that gets us to be able to become back to

1148
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:10,959
Speaker 2: the team concept again, How do we become a team.

1149
01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:16,320
Speaker 2: That has to be a daily practice. My daily practice,

1150
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:20,240
Speaker 2: my hugs. My daily practice is my checkings every brother

1151
01:07:20,360 --> 01:07:23,520
Speaker 2: that you know, wat's this? He'll probably tell you this too.

1152
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:28,480
Speaker 2: My boy, my producer Tilman is back there. He'll tell you.

1153
01:07:28,640 --> 01:07:33,760
Speaker 2: Every sister in our gym, not every single one, but

1154
01:07:33,880 --> 01:07:36,320
Speaker 2: the vast majority of the sisters that are in that gym.

1155
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:41,320
Speaker 2: I check in with them, Hey says, how you you good?

1156
01:07:42,120 --> 01:07:43,440
Speaker 1: Okay? You need me, big bros?

1157
01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:43,600
Speaker 2: Here?

1158
01:07:45,280 --> 01:07:47,800
Speaker 1: Why? Because I want my sister to feel safe?

1159
01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:52,040
Speaker 2: What's this? I'll give you one better. When I go

1160
01:07:52,160 --> 01:07:55,880
Speaker 2: to the grocery store and we're in an environment where

1161
01:07:56,040 --> 01:08:00,040
Speaker 2: it's mostly our Caucasian cousins that are.

1162
01:08:00,160 --> 01:08:00,600
Speaker 1: In the store.

1163
01:08:01,840 --> 01:08:06,000
Speaker 2: Whenever I see a sister, any sister of color, I

1164
01:08:06,160 --> 01:08:11,080
Speaker 2: walk right up to her sister, how you feel, I'm good?

1165
01:08:11,160 --> 01:08:15,560
Speaker 1: That's good. You need anything while you're in here? You

1166
01:08:15,680 --> 01:08:16,280
Speaker 1: come find me.

1167
01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:23,240
Speaker 2: I got you when I tell you the emotional and

1168
01:08:23,479 --> 01:08:28,720
Speaker 2: spiritual breakdown that happens in her that and I could

1169
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:31,599
Speaker 2: tell she's going through it, but I leave her there

1170
01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:36,880
Speaker 2: with it. When I tell you she is doing emotional

1171
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:43,639
Speaker 2: and spiritual gymnastics, because she might not have ever gotten

1172
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:48,000
Speaker 2: that from her father. She might have ever had a

1173
01:08:48,280 --> 01:08:52,240
Speaker 2: DNA brother to give her that kind of cover And

1174
01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:55,679
Speaker 2: many of our sisters grow up in turbulent environments where

1175
01:08:55,680 --> 01:08:57,400
Speaker 2: they don't feel that kind of covering.

1176
01:08:57,760 --> 01:09:02,240
Speaker 6: But also too even then, a lot of women, including myself,

1177
01:09:02,439 --> 01:09:05,639
Speaker 6: have been constantly sexualized by men. Yes, and we never

1178
01:09:05,800 --> 01:09:08,360
Speaker 6: really out the opportunity like I'm lucky enough to have

1179
01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:11,000
Speaker 6: like a brother or whatever. But you know, he's my

1180
01:09:11,040 --> 01:09:13,400
Speaker 6: brother in law, he's my sister, been there for like

1181
01:09:13,439 --> 01:09:16,479
Speaker 6: thirty years. I'm thirty four, so he's a brother to me.

1182
01:09:16,560 --> 01:09:19,280
Speaker 6: But like, we don't get the opportunity to have a

1183
01:09:19,320 --> 01:09:22,240
Speaker 6: lot of men that don't sexualize us, or we have

1184
01:09:22,360 --> 01:09:24,799
Speaker 6: to feel like we're on our edge a little.

1185
01:09:24,600 --> 01:09:26,880
Speaker 5: Bit to just be able to talk to you know.

1186
01:09:27,240 --> 01:09:29,639
Speaker 6: And I think it's important to have that because having

1187
01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:32,280
Speaker 6: male advice, especially if you're in a relationship and thing

1188
01:09:32,920 --> 01:09:36,200
Speaker 6: like a different perspective. Women and men, their minds are

1189
01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:40,680
Speaker 6: so vastly different. We operate differently. There's one little thing

1190
01:09:40,760 --> 01:09:42,439
Speaker 6: that could make me go off the edge, like he

1191
01:09:42,479 --> 01:09:44,720
Speaker 6: doesn't love me, or this is never and you could

1192
01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:47,680
Speaker 6: simply just be like no, like men think this way

1193
01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:48,720
Speaker 6: and this is what it is.

1194
01:09:49,400 --> 01:09:50,000
Speaker 5: And women.

1195
01:09:50,200 --> 01:09:53,840
Speaker 6: We lack that so much because the people who I

1196
01:09:54,000 --> 01:09:56,280
Speaker 6: have maybe thought were my friends then tried to do

1197
01:09:56,479 --> 01:09:59,760
Speaker 6: something weird and I'm like, oh no. So having some

1198
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:03,160
Speaker 6: who's completely platonic that really wants to see good for

1199
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 6: you and a man is.

1200
01:10:05,080 --> 01:10:08,080
Speaker 2: Rare for a lot of women, completely understood, which is

1201
01:10:08,160 --> 01:10:12,920
Speaker 2: why I do. And usually I lead with like my sister,

1202
01:10:13,160 --> 01:10:17,400
Speaker 2: I'm first of all say I am married.

1203
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:22,040
Speaker 1: I'm here as your brother, right.

1204
01:10:21,520 --> 01:10:24,160
Speaker 2: Leading with that. You need me, you come see me.

1205
01:10:24,640 --> 01:10:28,040
Speaker 2: Because so many of us watch this, I'm gonna give

1206
01:10:28,040 --> 01:10:34,120
Speaker 2: you a little secret. Most of us who grew up

1207
01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:38,800
Speaker 2: in the hood like me, like p we get taught.

1208
01:10:40,080 --> 01:10:41,160
Speaker 1: That manhood is.

1209
01:10:43,880 --> 01:10:47,599
Speaker 2: How much money can you make, right? How many women

1210
01:10:47,680 --> 01:10:51,800
Speaker 2: can you sleep with? And how strong are you m

1211
01:10:56,439 --> 01:10:58,719
Speaker 2: None of those things have anything to do with manhood

1212
01:10:58,720 --> 01:11:01,920
Speaker 2: at all. They have a lot to do with masculinity, right,

1213
01:11:03,960 --> 01:11:05,599
Speaker 2: but they don't have anything to do with manhood.

1214
01:11:05,600 --> 01:11:06,200
Speaker 1: I can prove it to you.

1215
01:11:06,920 --> 01:11:09,599
Speaker 2: There's a whole bunch of great men who don't make

1216
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:13,080
Speaker 2: a lot of money. There's a whole bunch of great

1217
01:11:13,160 --> 01:11:16,599
Speaker 2: men who haven't been with a lot of women. There's

1218
01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:19,000
Speaker 2: a whole bunch of great men that couldn't bitch press

1219
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:21,639
Speaker 2: one hundred pounds if you help them with fifty of them.

1220
01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:28,519
Speaker 2: Manhood has absolutely nothing to do with any of those areas. Nothing,

1221
01:11:30,439 --> 01:11:32,639
Speaker 2: but those are the first concepts that we get introduced

1222
01:11:32,680 --> 01:11:37,080
Speaker 2: to when we in the hood. So now you all

1223
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:40,080
Speaker 2: of a sudden, you got a brother who is twenty

1224
01:11:40,160 --> 01:11:42,919
Speaker 2: something years old, he got a fifty million dollar contract,

1225
01:11:43,160 --> 01:11:45,000
Speaker 2: and you keep trying to figure out why he keep

1226
01:11:45,080 --> 01:11:52,519
Speaker 2: making life mistakes? What's this? The first thing that I say,

1227
01:11:53,120 --> 01:11:55,120
Speaker 2: and this is why I say we need to start

1228
01:11:55,200 --> 01:11:57,840
Speaker 2: giving our brothers the kind of grace that we give

1229
01:11:57,880 --> 01:12:03,960
Speaker 2: our sisters. Is this young brother had from the time

1230
01:12:04,479 --> 01:12:08,479
Speaker 2: that he was playing aau basketball what did he have

1231
01:12:09,520 --> 01:12:12,519
Speaker 2: hit a coach to teach him how to play the

1232
01:12:12,600 --> 01:12:19,120
Speaker 2: game of basketball? What coach did he have to teach

1233
01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:24,040
Speaker 2: him how to play the game of manhood? And then

1234
01:12:24,080 --> 01:12:27,479
Speaker 2: you wonder why he keeps making mistake after mistake after mistake,

1235
01:12:27,880 --> 01:12:28,840
Speaker 2: mistake after mistake.

1236
01:12:29,560 --> 01:12:31,439
Speaker 5: That's why mentorship is so important.

1237
01:12:32,120 --> 01:12:35,360
Speaker 6: It's like, in so important when you meet people around

1238
01:12:35,439 --> 01:12:38,320
Speaker 6: you that can guide you and help you. And we

1239
01:12:38,560 --> 01:12:43,280
Speaker 6: lack that today in this community, and especially the black community.

1240
01:12:43,360 --> 01:12:46,240
Speaker 6: It's like we don't have that mentorship anymore.

1241
01:12:46,439 --> 01:12:47,400
Speaker 1: And that's why.

1242
01:12:48,120 --> 01:12:50,040
Speaker 2: And I want I'm just gonna say, here we go

1243
01:12:50,120 --> 01:12:54,639
Speaker 2: another moment. So my brothers, I want you to claim.

1244
01:12:56,200 --> 01:12:59,720
Speaker 2: I want you to claim the young brothers that you

1245
01:13:00,280 --> 01:13:03,840
Speaker 2: in your circumference. Go have a conversation with his mom.

1246
01:13:04,600 --> 01:13:08,760
Speaker 2: Say listen, I have as a man. There's a couple

1247
01:13:08,840 --> 01:13:13,599
Speaker 2: of lessons that I think your son would benefit from

1248
01:13:14,720 --> 01:13:17,240
Speaker 2: having time with me. I think your son will benefit

1249
01:13:17,640 --> 01:13:20,840
Speaker 2: for me. And I'm having this conversation with you because

1250
01:13:20,960 --> 01:13:23,759
Speaker 2: I'm trying to have this be as respectful as possible

1251
01:13:24,680 --> 01:13:27,120
Speaker 2: as your brother. What I'm trying to do is to

1252
01:13:27,200 --> 01:13:31,720
Speaker 2: give my bonus nephew the kind of wisdom that he

1253
01:13:31,920 --> 01:13:34,240
Speaker 2: needs in order for him to matriculate in the man.

1254
01:13:34,960 --> 01:13:39,720
Speaker 2: We gotta start claiming our our young And I call

1255
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:44,040
Speaker 2: every every kid that I know that's not mine. I

1256
01:13:44,240 --> 01:13:47,320
Speaker 2: see his father and his mother like my brother and

1257
01:13:47,400 --> 01:13:51,719
Speaker 2: my sister, so that by virtue makes him my bonus nephew.

1258
01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:54,920
Speaker 1: And I'm like, nephew, come holler at me.

1259
01:13:55,280 --> 01:13:58,840
Speaker 2: I got a cat in our gym, big as hell

1260
01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:05,360
Speaker 2: till me no long talking about I call him Wolverine.

1261
01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:09,560
Speaker 2: He's so big, he got like a haircut, looked like

1262
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:14,000
Speaker 2: and he's just and what's up. I'm like, what's up, nephew.

1263
01:14:14,240 --> 01:14:16,720
Speaker 2: I'm looking up to him. Every time he hugged me,

1264
01:14:16,840 --> 01:14:18,200
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm disappearing.

1265
01:14:18,560 --> 01:14:20,720
Speaker 1: He's just, but I am.

1266
01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:24,960
Speaker 2: He is my bonus nephew, because here my mind, my

1267
01:14:25,120 --> 01:14:29,200
Speaker 2: wisdom is vast, it's expansive, and my job is to

1268
01:14:29,760 --> 01:14:35,240
Speaker 2: is to broaden his. As a matter of fact, just today,

1269
01:14:36,120 --> 01:14:38,880
Speaker 2: just today, so crazy and just bringing this up. Just today,

1270
01:14:39,280 --> 01:14:42,680
Speaker 2: he came over to me, stole the moment with me

1271
01:14:42,760 --> 01:14:46,280
Speaker 2: and said, I've been having a rough week this week.

1272
01:14:49,080 --> 01:14:52,400
Speaker 2: I think I said, say less hit me. I got you,

1273
01:14:53,560 --> 01:14:53,920
Speaker 2: he said.

1274
01:14:54,640 --> 01:14:55,080
Speaker 1: Literally.

1275
01:14:55,200 --> 01:14:58,320
Speaker 2: We had to break out of the moment because he

1276
01:14:58,479 --> 01:15:02,840
Speaker 2: was starting to get emotional. And these are the kinds

1277
01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:06,240
Speaker 2: of things we need to start looking at our brothers.

1278
01:15:06,840 --> 01:15:09,880
Speaker 2: We need to start looking at men like the human

1279
01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:15,719
Speaker 2: beings that we are that also suffer. Yes, our sisters suffer,

1280
01:15:16,800 --> 01:15:20,799
Speaker 2: but our brothers suffer in a different way. We suffer

1281
01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:26,040
Speaker 2: in silence because they're shame in when we are short.

1282
01:15:27,600 --> 01:15:29,640
Speaker 6: I under say, as a woman, I can call my

1283
01:15:29,760 --> 01:15:32,040
Speaker 6: homegrown cry for yes hours.

1284
01:15:31,920 --> 01:15:35,599
Speaker 5: And to judge me, I can speak on that man.

1285
01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:38,080
Speaker 5: They can't when they usually call their homeboys let's go out.

1286
01:15:38,160 --> 01:15:38,400
Speaker 1: Okay.

1287
01:15:39,200 --> 01:15:42,519
Speaker 2: Look, remember the little viral clip pee when they what

1288
01:15:42,680 --> 01:15:46,680
Speaker 2: you called, they'd be like, I just want to call

1289
01:15:46,720 --> 01:15:50,000
Speaker 2: you sweet dreams, Sweet dreams. Are you going through something

1290
01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:56,800
Speaker 2: You're trying to kill yourself. It was hilarious because everybody

1291
01:15:56,960 --> 01:16:00,400
Speaker 2: laughed because they know it's true. You can't hit your

1292
01:16:00,439 --> 01:16:02,960
Speaker 2: brother with a yo. Man, just trying to see if

1293
01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:06,160
Speaker 2: you all right? You know everything is cool? Just looking

1294
01:16:06,240 --> 01:16:10,240
Speaker 2: at like I watch this, I shake up all of

1295
01:16:10,360 --> 01:16:13,240
Speaker 2: my brothers with Look, a couple of our brothers have

1296
01:16:15,080 --> 01:16:19,360
Speaker 2: let's just say, seeing the inside. Okay, yeah, okay, so

1297
01:16:19,479 --> 01:16:25,479
Speaker 2: they've been locked up. When I get to a certain

1298
01:16:25,760 --> 01:16:31,639
Speaker 2: level in our friendship, in our brotherhood, I don't care

1299
01:16:31,680 --> 01:16:36,200
Speaker 2: how they feel about it. When when we leave, I

1300
01:16:36,320 --> 01:16:38,000
Speaker 2: go a fam You see a man.

1301
01:16:38,320 --> 01:16:38,800
Speaker 1: Love you, bro.

1302
01:16:40,840 --> 01:16:41,240
Speaker 5: I love that.

1303
01:16:42,280 --> 01:16:45,680
Speaker 1: Love you bro, Love you bro, And I don't care

1304
01:16:45,760 --> 01:16:49,560
Speaker 1: how you feel about it. I don't care how you

1305
01:16:49,720 --> 01:16:50,360
Speaker 1: feel about it.

1306
01:16:51,560 --> 01:16:52,040
Speaker 2: Love you bro.

1307
01:16:52,400 --> 01:16:52,760
Speaker 1: Watch this.

1308
01:16:54,040 --> 01:16:58,960
Speaker 2: What I have found is that over time, because all

1309
01:16:59,040 --> 01:17:05,760
Speaker 2: we're doing, like think of like it like like like decay, right,

1310
01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:10,679
Speaker 2: and you're just chipping away at it, eventually you actually

1311
01:17:11,400 --> 01:17:13,519
Speaker 2: get in touch with the human being that's in there.

1312
01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:17,600
Speaker 2: Touch a heart, string and one day I love you, bro,

1313
01:17:18,640 --> 01:17:19,160
Speaker 2: love you too.

1314
01:17:19,280 --> 01:17:19,360
Speaker 4: Bro.

1315
01:17:21,200 --> 01:17:24,200
Speaker 2: Now I don't say nothing, but my inside, my heart,

1316
01:17:24,360 --> 01:17:30,240
Speaker 2: the human being is like yo, yeah, yo, we just

1317
01:17:30,360 --> 01:17:34,559
Speaker 2: went to another level. My brother just became another human

1318
01:17:34,680 --> 01:17:39,080
Speaker 2: being in this moment, and that's how we got to

1319
01:17:39,160 --> 01:17:40,080
Speaker 2: care for each other.

1320
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:42,280
Speaker 6: But you know, you have a certain level of wisdom,

1321
01:17:42,360 --> 01:17:44,519
Speaker 6: and I say this, when you have that wisdom, it

1322
01:17:44,640 --> 01:17:46,519
Speaker 6: is your responsibility to spread that.

1323
01:17:46,760 --> 01:17:47,400
Speaker 1: Definitely you do.

1324
01:17:47,400 --> 01:17:50,479
Speaker 6: You don't have a choice, no, right, I have wisdom too,

1325
01:17:50,560 --> 01:17:53,040
Speaker 6: A lot of it is God given. Yes, I can't

1326
01:17:53,080 --> 01:17:53,600
Speaker 6: explain it.

1327
01:17:53,760 --> 01:17:53,920
Speaker 1: Yep.

1328
01:17:54,040 --> 01:17:56,479
Speaker 6: People are drawn to you. People come to you even

1329
01:17:56,520 --> 01:17:58,880
Speaker 6: when I see you. You're like a mentor a big brother.

1330
01:17:59,040 --> 01:17:59,599
Speaker 2: Right, yep.

1331
01:18:00,120 --> 01:18:04,280
Speaker 6: That is your responsibility, your purpose to spread that information

1332
01:18:04,520 --> 01:18:07,240
Speaker 6: because you have been blessed with that. So it's on

1333
01:18:07,439 --> 01:18:10,200
Speaker 6: your heart, it's on your head. That's why you're writing

1334
01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:12,320
Speaker 6: the books and that's why you have that purpose.

1335
01:18:12,600 --> 01:18:14,360
Speaker 1: You know what, though, let me tell you something.

1336
01:18:15,280 --> 01:18:19,040
Speaker 2: I'm glad that you said that because whenever I deal

1337
01:18:19,160 --> 01:18:22,360
Speaker 2: with with somebody in that way and I see them

1338
01:18:22,439 --> 01:18:26,360
Speaker 2: transition to a new place, I messed a life up

1339
01:18:26,880 --> 01:18:29,160
Speaker 2: in a great way because I go, Okay, So you

1340
01:18:29,240 --> 01:18:32,200
Speaker 2: see what's been happening right now, Like, now that you know,

1341
01:18:32,800 --> 01:18:35,800
Speaker 2: you can't unknown yeah. And now that you know you

1342
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:39,200
Speaker 2: have now you have an assignment. Yeah, because the way

1343
01:18:39,240 --> 01:18:42,160
Speaker 2: that you leveled up, now your job is to level

1344
01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:43,040
Speaker 2: somebody else up.

1345
01:18:44,040 --> 01:18:45,000
Speaker 1: That's how this is done.

1346
01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:45,360
Speaker 2: Well.

1347
01:18:45,439 --> 01:18:48,040
Speaker 6: The burden of knowing is is strong, no question that

1348
01:18:48,160 --> 01:18:50,880
Speaker 6: when you know, that means now you're there's a difference

1349
01:18:50,920 --> 01:18:55,000
Speaker 6: between just doing something unintentionally and now harming when you

1350
01:18:55,120 --> 01:18:57,479
Speaker 6: start to harm as when you know. The burden of

1351
01:18:57,600 --> 01:19:00,599
Speaker 6: knowledge is important. That's why they say the ignorant is bliss.

1352
01:19:01,080 --> 01:19:03,320
Speaker 6: You know, the more you know, the harder it gets.

1353
01:19:03,360 --> 01:19:05,400
Speaker 6: Because the more you have the responsibility to show up

1354
01:19:05,400 --> 01:19:07,439
Speaker 6: in a certain way, no question, you know. And I

1355
01:19:07,640 --> 01:19:09,920
Speaker 6: have that burden on me too, And you have to

1356
01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:11,920
Speaker 6: show up in a way even if it doesn't feel good,

1357
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:14,120
Speaker 6: even if it hurts you, or if you know and

1358
01:19:14,280 --> 01:19:16,560
Speaker 6: you don't want to say this because it might affect you,

1359
01:19:17,040 --> 01:19:17,960
Speaker 6: you gotta do it.

1360
01:19:18,760 --> 01:19:20,240
Speaker 5: It's not even an option.

1361
01:19:20,520 --> 01:19:26,840
Speaker 2: It is your It is the divine yes design for

1362
01:19:27,040 --> 01:19:32,160
Speaker 2: your assignment. Like there's certain things like when I wake up.

1363
01:19:32,680 --> 01:19:35,320
Speaker 2: So one of the things that I touch on in

1364
01:19:35,680 --> 01:19:43,200
Speaker 2: this new book is I started studying blue zones. Blue

1365
01:19:43,280 --> 01:19:48,880
Speaker 2: zones are the parts of the world where they they

1366
01:19:49,000 --> 01:19:54,040
Speaker 2: have people who live to be one hundred years or more. Right,

1367
01:19:54,479 --> 01:19:57,280
Speaker 2: and they started talking about all the things that these

1368
01:19:57,360 --> 01:20:00,080
Speaker 2: people in these blue zones have in common. Now you

1369
01:20:00,080 --> 01:20:04,600
Speaker 2: would immediately start thinking about diet, right, exercise, all of

1370
01:20:04,680 --> 01:20:11,000
Speaker 2: that community. Community, the one thing that they all had

1371
01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:11,599
Speaker 2: in common.

1372
01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:17,360
Speaker 7: And in Japan, in Okay, now they call it ekey guy.

1373
01:20:17,800 --> 01:20:22,799
Speaker 7: I know, I know, guy, mission, which is purpose.

1374
01:20:24,080 --> 01:20:25,800
Speaker 5: I studied a whole book.

1375
01:20:25,840 --> 01:20:29,080
Speaker 2: Okay, So when you wake up every day, what what?

1376
01:20:30,040 --> 01:20:34,360
Speaker 2: So Here in the West we get rid of our elders.

1377
01:20:35,520 --> 01:20:39,479
Speaker 2: We we we treat them like their elderly so we

1378
01:20:39,560 --> 01:20:42,400
Speaker 2: put them in o folks homes, we cast them aside.

1379
01:20:42,760 --> 01:20:47,519
Speaker 2: Right in these other regions of the world, they treat

1380
01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:53,439
Speaker 2: their elders like the walking encyclopedias that they are, because

1381
01:20:53,479 --> 01:20:58,600
Speaker 2: they got wisdom. The elders, when they wake up, they

1382
01:20:58,680 --> 01:21:01,200
Speaker 2: wake up with assignment, because they go, I got to

1383
01:21:01,280 --> 01:21:03,840
Speaker 2: teach my kids, I got to teach my grandkids, I

1384
01:21:03,920 --> 01:21:07,519
Speaker 2: got to teach my my community. So they wake up

1385
01:21:07,640 --> 01:21:13,960
Speaker 2: with purpose. That's what keeps them alive. The person I know,

1386
01:21:14,080 --> 01:21:18,840
Speaker 2: a person I can't say who, but this is an

1387
01:21:19,040 --> 01:21:27,560
Speaker 2: elder who had great influence and impact on the community

1388
01:21:27,680 --> 01:21:31,720
Speaker 2: that he worked with, and all he talked about with

1389
01:21:31,880 --> 01:21:36,759
Speaker 2: me was retirement. Oh I can't, I can't wait to retire.

1390
01:21:37,080 --> 01:21:39,240
Speaker 2: Oh I can, I can. And I was like, oh,

1391
01:21:39,320 --> 01:21:43,200
Speaker 2: I understand, I understand. I never asked him, what do

1392
01:21:43,280 --> 01:21:46,200
Speaker 2: you plan on doing once you retire? I never asked

1393
01:21:46,240 --> 01:21:49,800
Speaker 2: him that because he was so excited about retirement that

1394
01:21:49,880 --> 01:21:52,760
Speaker 2: I was just like, that's nope, that's nope, that's dope.

1395
01:21:53,479 --> 01:22:01,959
Speaker 2: When he retired, I saw his health drastically and immediately declined.

1396
01:22:02,200 --> 01:22:04,719
Speaker 5: Line yeah, because he felt like he lost his purpose.

1397
01:22:05,400 --> 01:22:07,040
Speaker 2: He did, he didn't have nothing to wake up for it.

1398
01:22:08,640 --> 01:22:12,679
Speaker 2: Your coffee cannot be your purpose. Your glass of wine

1399
01:22:12,920 --> 01:22:16,200
Speaker 2: or two or three at night cannot be your purpose.

1400
01:22:16,600 --> 01:22:20,160
Speaker 1: You sitting on your swing set cannot be your purpose.

1401
01:22:20,560 --> 01:22:21,240
Speaker 5: Let me ask you this.

1402
01:22:22,320 --> 01:22:24,799
Speaker 6: For a long time in my life I lacked purpose

1403
01:22:25,120 --> 01:22:28,680
Speaker 6: and it depressed me. Yes, I felt like, Wow, what

1404
01:22:29,280 --> 01:22:31,200
Speaker 6: is this? And even though I knew I had so

1405
01:22:31,400 --> 01:22:33,600
Speaker 6: much wisdom and so many people drawn to me to

1406
01:22:33,680 --> 01:22:36,240
Speaker 6: do this and that I didn't know how to execute it.

1407
01:22:36,360 --> 01:22:37,960
Speaker 5: I didn't know if it was real. I didn't know

1408
01:22:38,000 --> 01:22:39,720
Speaker 5: if I'm just making it up.

1409
01:22:39,800 --> 01:22:43,880
Speaker 6: Right, And I know that feeling, a feeling so defeated

1410
01:22:44,120 --> 01:22:46,880
Speaker 6: by not feeling like you have a reason to be here,

1411
01:22:46,960 --> 01:22:50,160
Speaker 6: empty empty, Right now, I have a purpose and I

1412
01:22:50,280 --> 01:22:54,240
Speaker 6: live very I live through it every day. But what

1413
01:22:54,479 --> 01:22:57,040
Speaker 6: do you say to people who are trying to find

1414
01:22:57,120 --> 01:22:59,320
Speaker 6: that and they don't really know and they're lost?

1415
01:22:59,479 --> 01:23:05,960
Speaker 2: Okay? When I wrote mel versus Man and I talked

1416
01:23:06,000 --> 01:23:08,000
Speaker 2: to you about me losing my best friend in that

1417
01:23:08,080 --> 01:23:15,519
Speaker 2: motorcycle accident, me losing him was so profound to me

1418
01:23:15,720 --> 01:23:25,840
Speaker 2: because I felt the assignment of he was a beginner writer.

1419
01:23:25,960 --> 01:23:28,599
Speaker 2: He was a novice writer, and I was an experienced writer.

1420
01:23:30,400 --> 01:23:33,880
Speaker 2: And one day we're out this was going to be

1421
01:23:34,000 --> 01:23:37,000
Speaker 2: like the first day. He's like on like the freeway.

1422
01:23:37,320 --> 01:23:39,800
Speaker 2: He had just like been doing the streets before that.

1423
01:23:42,600 --> 01:23:47,519
Speaker 2: And we were on our way to Pasadena. We're on

1424
01:23:47,600 --> 01:23:51,040
Speaker 2: a one ten freeway and you know that one big

1425
01:23:51,200 --> 01:23:54,599
Speaker 2: sweeping turns just before it lets you out onto like traffic,

1426
01:23:54,760 --> 01:23:57,720
Speaker 2: like light to light traffic. When you get to Pasadena,

1427
01:23:58,040 --> 01:24:01,040
Speaker 2: there's a big sweeping turn. Me and my boys, we

1428
01:24:01,160 --> 01:24:03,760
Speaker 2: used to go through that turn doing one hundred miles

1429
01:24:03,800 --> 01:24:07,760
Speaker 2: an hour. What hour need down, like the biggest adrenaline

1430
01:24:07,840 --> 01:24:13,000
Speaker 2: rush like ever, well, now on this day me one

1431
01:24:13,080 --> 01:24:17,560
Speaker 2: of my homeboys was another experienced writer, G and my

1432
01:24:17,680 --> 01:24:25,080
Speaker 2: best friend Amon Parker. And my spirit is telling me,

1433
01:24:26,240 --> 01:24:30,439
Speaker 2: don't do it, not today, because your assignment is to

1434
01:24:30,479 --> 01:24:34,680
Speaker 2: look after your brother, who's not an experienced writer. You

1435
01:24:35,000 --> 01:24:38,040
Speaker 2: gotta be back here in order to make sure he's okay.

1436
01:24:39,800 --> 01:24:43,559
Speaker 2: My flesh is like, yeah, man, every time we hit

1437
01:24:43,640 --> 01:24:45,800
Speaker 2: this turn, we we gotta do it. We gotta do

1438
01:24:45,920 --> 01:24:50,360
Speaker 2: My spirit is going, which was really God, not today,

1439
01:24:51,040 --> 01:24:57,320
Speaker 2: take take care of your brother. My flesh negotiates the moment, says, well,

1440
01:24:57,320 --> 01:25:00,120
Speaker 2: you know, if you just communicate to him what's going on,

1441
01:25:01,560 --> 01:25:04,120
Speaker 2: then you could do your thing. So I'll be get

1442
01:25:04,200 --> 01:25:07,679
Speaker 2: explained to him. Hey, it's a turn up ahead. I'm

1443
01:25:07,680 --> 01:25:11,160
Speaker 2: gonna go up, but you you stay here. You slow down,

1444
01:25:11,320 --> 01:25:15,639
Speaker 2: slow down. I'm gonna go up. You stay here, slow down,

1445
01:25:15,840 --> 01:25:18,400
Speaker 2: turn up ahead. Look, he looks, he nods at me.

1446
01:25:18,680 --> 01:25:23,679
Speaker 2: I said, I communicated to him three times. He nods

1447
01:25:23,720 --> 01:25:29,639
Speaker 2: his head three times. I go up into this turn.

1448
01:25:30,640 --> 01:25:33,400
Speaker 2: Me and my my my boy G. We go up

1449
01:25:33,439 --> 01:25:40,320
Speaker 2: into this turn. We get through the turn. It's as

1450
01:25:40,880 --> 01:25:45,680
Speaker 2: exciting as it has ever been. We get to the light,

1451
01:25:46,920 --> 01:25:51,639
Speaker 2: tap up each other, and we turn over our shoulder

1452
01:25:51,760 --> 01:25:56,800
Speaker 2: to look back into the turn, and nobody's coming out

1453
01:25:56,880 --> 01:25:57,320
Speaker 2: of that term.

1454
01:25:57,960 --> 01:25:58,759
Speaker 5: I'm so sorry.

1455
01:25:59,360 --> 01:26:01,560
Speaker 2: Car comes up and says, hey, you guys got a

1456
01:26:01,600 --> 01:26:06,599
Speaker 2: bike down back there. My best friend lost his life

1457
01:26:08,160 --> 01:26:08,760
Speaker 2: on that day.

1458
01:26:10,120 --> 01:26:10,439
Speaker 5: Sorry.

1459
01:26:13,760 --> 01:26:19,200
Speaker 2: I was in a spiritual prison for ten years of

1460
01:26:19,280 --> 01:26:31,840
Speaker 2: my life because I felt like I abandoned my post.

1461
01:26:38,680 --> 01:26:41,960
Speaker 2: I knew God had an assignment for me that day,

1462
01:26:42,280 --> 01:26:47,800
Speaker 2: and I abandoned my post, and I said, this is

1463
01:26:47,920 --> 01:26:51,479
Speaker 2: never going to happen again. This is never going to

1464
01:26:51,560 --> 01:26:56,639
Speaker 2: happen again. My daughter was two months from being born.

1465
01:26:57,760 --> 01:27:00,639
Speaker 2: His last name was Parker. My daughter's name Ms. Parker.

1466
01:27:03,840 --> 01:27:09,200
Speaker 2: The most profound pain that I ever felt about, not

1467
01:27:09,960 --> 01:27:14,280
Speaker 2: feeling like I was in the highest degree of manhood,

1468
01:27:15,320 --> 01:27:17,599
Speaker 2: came at the expense of me losing my best friend.

1469
01:27:20,240 --> 01:27:24,240
Speaker 2: I say all of that to say that the thing

1470
01:27:24,320 --> 01:27:28,320
Speaker 2: that you're most in pain about is probably your purpose.

1471
01:27:31,400 --> 01:27:34,479
Speaker 2: And most people never get to their purpose because we're

1472
01:27:34,520 --> 01:27:38,640
Speaker 2: so busy running from pain. Yeah, so the thing that

1473
01:27:38,840 --> 01:27:43,599
Speaker 2: you should you know, the thing that you're running away from,

1474
01:27:44,240 --> 01:27:47,439
Speaker 2: is actually the thing that you should be running too. Oh.

1475
01:27:47,760 --> 01:27:49,519
Speaker 5: I always say, everything you want is on the other

1476
01:27:49,600 --> 01:27:50,879
Speaker 5: side of the fear. You're avoiding.

1477
01:27:52,240 --> 01:27:55,160
Speaker 2: Mm hm, so so many people. We we live in

1478
01:27:55,200 --> 01:28:00,719
Speaker 2: a culture where we're taught to run from pain. Anything

1479
01:28:00,760 --> 01:28:04,720
Speaker 2: that makes you uncomfortable, anything that's painful, you.

1480
01:28:05,080 --> 01:28:07,320
Speaker 5: Get away from, run to face it. You got to

1481
01:28:07,360 --> 01:28:07,640
Speaker 5: face it.

1482
01:28:07,720 --> 01:28:10,639
Speaker 2: So the vast majority of people, if you if, if

1483
01:28:10,960 --> 01:28:16,600
Speaker 2: you sustained happiness, if the key to sustained happiness is

1484
01:28:16,760 --> 01:28:19,720
Speaker 2: knowing your purpose, and the thing that you're most in

1485
01:28:19,800 --> 01:28:24,680
Speaker 2: pain about is probably your purpose. That's probably why you

1486
01:28:24,800 --> 01:28:28,720
Speaker 2: are completely disconnected from your happiness, because you're disconnected from

1487
01:28:28,800 --> 01:28:32,920
Speaker 2: your purpose because you keep running from your pain. Mm hmm.

1488
01:28:34,120 --> 01:28:39,040
Speaker 5: That's a bar. Thank you for giving us so many

1489
01:28:39,479 --> 01:28:41,080
Speaker 5: gems on this episode.

1490
01:28:41,320 --> 01:28:42,960
Speaker 1: This was like hanging out with the family.

1491
01:28:43,160 --> 01:28:43,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, it is.

1492
01:28:46,880 --> 01:28:47,280
Speaker 2: Everything.

1493
01:28:47,760 --> 01:28:50,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I'm like, I'm gonna have to call you different.

1494
01:28:51,800 --> 01:28:55,120
Speaker 6: Jazz, but no, I really appreciate you coming on. This

1495
01:28:55,439 --> 01:28:57,520
Speaker 6: was really a special episode.

1496
01:28:58,120 --> 01:28:59,080
Speaker 5: You're going back.

1497
01:28:59,680 --> 01:29:00,920
Speaker 1: The book is done. I'm coming back.

1498
01:29:03,040 --> 01:29:03,840
Speaker 2: We need you back.

1499
01:29:04,920 --> 01:29:05,960
Speaker 1: I got today.

1500
01:29:06,520 --> 01:29:10,120
Speaker 4: This was so incredible, so much And we had these

1501
01:29:10,200 --> 01:29:11,719
Speaker 4: cards and I look at the questions.

1502
01:29:11,760 --> 01:29:17,320
Speaker 1: You answered everything that's given to you.

1503
01:29:17,439 --> 01:29:18,960
Speaker 2: This is like pretty much a lot of the stuff

1504
01:29:18,960 --> 01:29:21,400
Speaker 2: you covered all our question It was like you cover

1505
01:29:21,640 --> 01:29:24,840
Speaker 2: it yeah, you cover. But that's that's a part. That's

1506
01:29:24,880 --> 01:29:28,240
Speaker 2: a part of assignment, like just knowing, Okay, I know

1507
01:29:28,360 --> 01:29:29,080
Speaker 2: what I'm here to do.

1508
01:29:29,439 --> 01:29:30,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, do that.

1509
01:29:30,960 --> 01:29:32,960
Speaker 2: And when you do, like tonight, when I tell you,

1510
01:29:33,360 --> 01:29:36,360
Speaker 2: I'm gonna sleep so good, because that's what happens when

1511
01:29:36,400 --> 01:29:38,960
Speaker 2: you're walking out purpose, when you're walking.

1512
01:29:38,800 --> 01:29:41,280
Speaker 5: In it, you're operating from your genius.

1513
01:29:41,360 --> 01:29:44,280
Speaker 6: Oh my god, everything feels organic, it's flowing, and it's

1514
01:29:44,280 --> 01:29:46,120
Speaker 6: how it's supposed to be. I always say when I

1515
01:29:46,200 --> 01:29:49,280
Speaker 6: feel like that and I'm operating from my genius because

1516
01:29:49,320 --> 01:29:53,000
Speaker 6: God has and there's no thinking that's what it is,

1517
01:29:53,160 --> 01:29:58,719
Speaker 6: operating from regin. So it's so like organic, it feels natural.

1518
01:29:59,400 --> 01:30:02,120
Speaker 6: And this was a amazing Again, thank you for coming

1519
01:30:02,200 --> 01:30:02,800
Speaker 6: on this show.

1520
01:30:03,439 --> 01:30:03,639
Speaker 2: Y'all.

1521
01:30:03,720 --> 01:30:07,040
Speaker 6: Make sure you guys get his book Mail Versus Man.

1522
01:30:07,520 --> 01:30:10,200
Speaker 6: I already know I'm going to read that and also

1523
01:30:10,439 --> 01:30:12,559
Speaker 6: your new book coming out. We're going to have them

1524
01:30:12,600 --> 01:30:14,439
Speaker 6: back when that comes out. But you guys have to

1525
01:30:14,560 --> 01:30:18,080
Speaker 6: really tap in with the coaching and everything that you do.

1526
01:30:18,360 --> 01:30:21,439
Speaker 6: It's incredible. I feel like I got a little coaching

1527
01:30:21,560 --> 01:30:22,280
Speaker 6: lesson tonight.

1528
01:30:22,680 --> 01:30:23,400
Speaker 5: I feel good.

1529
01:30:24,560 --> 01:30:27,320
Speaker 6: But yeah, thank you guys for tuning in and we'll

1530
01:30:27,360 --> 01:30:30,519
Speaker 6: put all his information below, the links, the books and everything.

1531
01:30:31,280 --> 01:30:32,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, man.

1532
01:30:32,560 --> 01:30:35,360
Speaker 4: The thing I got from this seriously or just like

1533
01:30:36,600 --> 01:30:38,800
Speaker 4: with all your youth out there, to have a disconnect

1534
01:30:38,840 --> 01:30:43,080
Speaker 4: with the OG's out there who need you know, some mentors,

1535
01:30:43,760 --> 01:30:47,000
Speaker 4: you know, and we reach out to these cats, you know,

1536
01:30:47,240 --> 01:30:50,080
Speaker 4: and the problem is, I think the disconnect is the

1537
01:30:50,120 --> 01:30:53,800
Speaker 4: social media. They just don't know how to talk to us. Yeah,

1538
01:30:54,200 --> 01:30:56,720
Speaker 4: but I think us as older generation, we got to

1539
01:30:56,800 --> 01:30:59,880
Speaker 4: just continue to push, to keep pushing, keep pushing, keep

1540
01:31:00,200 --> 01:31:01,800
Speaker 4: you know, because I reach out some cats and they

1541
01:31:01,920 --> 01:31:04,679
Speaker 4: you know, whatever, whatever, pee, but you gotta you gotta

1542
01:31:04,720 --> 01:31:05,200
Speaker 4: stay with it.

1543
01:31:05,240 --> 01:31:09,479
Speaker 2: You gotta do it, you gotta put you gotta That's

1544
01:31:09,560 --> 01:31:11,240
Speaker 2: part of and that's what I was like, you.

1545
01:31:13,160 --> 01:31:14,200
Speaker 5: Can't give up.

1546
01:31:15,680 --> 01:31:18,640
Speaker 2: I love that that giving up on them is like

1547
01:31:19,040 --> 01:31:23,280
Speaker 2: other people who gave up on us. We just couldn't

1548
01:31:23,320 --> 01:31:25,439
Speaker 2: see and we just didn't know. And now now that

1549
01:31:25,560 --> 01:31:27,479
Speaker 2: we know, now we gotta do better.

1550
01:31:29,880 --> 01:31:32,240
Speaker 5: Well, thank you guys so much, Thank you Andre.

1551
01:31:32,400 --> 01:31:34,000
Speaker 2: We really appreciate pleasure.

1552
01:31:34,000 --> 01:31:34,960
Speaker 1: I can't wait to come back.

1553
01:31:35,160 --> 01:31:38,400
Speaker 4: Yes, let's get it in the yard, give it down

1554
01:31:38,439 --> 01:31:39,799
Speaker 4: to the yard. Were in the yard tomorrow.

1555
01:31:39,880 --> 01:31:39,960
Speaker 1: Ba.

1556
01:31:41,680 --> 01:31:42,240
Speaker 2: I love it.

1557
01:31:42,520 --> 01:31:43,040
Speaker 6: I love it.

1558
01:31:43,640 --> 01:31:46,479
Speaker 2: Pulling up. I love it.

1559
01:32:04,080 --> 01:32:12,680
Speaker 4: This is the taking over the game, all right, everybody,

1560
01:32:13,280 --> 01:32:15,599
Speaker 4: welcome to truth after Dark.

1561
01:32:16,520 --> 01:32:20,839
Speaker 5: Do you think that men or women are more toxic