1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you need 2 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,959 Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVFM dot com and 4 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:14,200 Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter 5 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,200 Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're gonna read this 6 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:19,920 Speaker 1: when you hear that right here, right now. Buggle up, 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,920 Speaker 1: hold on tight. We got it for you here. It 8 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:26,320 Speaker 1: is a Strawberry letter. Thank you. Nephew's subject my husband 9 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 1: likes other women, all right, Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm married 10 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: to one of the finest men in my whole town. 11 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: We've been together twenty four years and married for eighteen. 12 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,600 Speaker 1: He was my high school sweetheart and we married young 13 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,319 Speaker 1: and had two children early. We started having sex when 14 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 1: we were sixteen, so he was the only man I'd 15 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: been with until recently. He has cheated on me, and 16 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 1: I forgave him because I had checked out of our 17 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 1: marriage and was going through a little depression. We didn't 18 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 1: go of counseling because he refused to go. Instead, he 19 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 1: offered me a hall pass to make up for what 20 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 1: he did. I may have been depressed, but I'm not crazy, 21 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:11,880 Speaker 1: so I told him no thanks, and I went out 22 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: and had an affair on my own, very discreetly. There's 23 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:18,560 Speaker 1: no way he'll ever figure out what I'm doing on 24 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 1: the side because he's now checked out of our crazy marriage. 25 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,279 Speaker 1: It's nothing for me to find him on the couch 26 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,320 Speaker 1: with his feet up talking to another female and gossiping 27 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 1: with her like their girlfriends. He goes shopping with his 28 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 1: sister and his mother all the time, and they have 29 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,039 Speaker 1: even stayed out of town to go shopping at an 30 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,640 Speaker 1: outlet mall. My sister loves to come to me with 31 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: a bunch of rumors about my husband, and she tries 32 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,640 Speaker 1: to stir up mess. But I'm not that concerned about 33 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 1: what my husband is doing. She suggested I call his 34 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: mom and sister and ask about the shopping trips and 35 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: see how long my husband is really with them, or 36 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 1: if he ducks off to go see a female. I 37 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 1: don't have the energy for any any of that. So 38 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,960 Speaker 1: what if he likes other women. I'm cheating because I 39 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: wanted something different, So I see why he might be 40 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 1: interested in other women. My husband and I have been 41 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 1: best friends for almost twenty five years, and that's what's 42 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,920 Speaker 1: most important to me. Am I wrong? For not caring 43 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 1: what he's up to. I don't know what this is, 44 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:24,240 Speaker 1: but it's certainly not a marriage. I mean, this is 45 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,839 Speaker 1: a joke right here. Why don't you guys just put 46 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 1: yourself out of your misery. You're cheating, he's cheating. This 47 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 1: marriage unfortunately, sounds like it is run its course. And 48 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,960 Speaker 1: you ask, is it wrong that you don't care anymore? Well, 49 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,080 Speaker 1: I'll only say yes if you plan on staying married 50 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:47,080 Speaker 1: to him. But this is why people get divorced because 51 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: they don't care anymore. They don't give a darn. What 52 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: good is it being married if you don't care about 53 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 1: each other? Okay, your marriage is just pathetic at this point. 54 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 1: I mean, what are you holding on to? Is it 55 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: the memories from back in the day, the habits, what's comfortable? 56 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 1: Is it just familiar to you, you say, your best friends? 57 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:11,959 Speaker 1: Or are you waiting for a miracle or for something 58 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,880 Speaker 1: to change? I mean, what is it that you want? 59 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 1: You're tired and bored with you know, with each other, 60 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: because you guys simply neglected to do the work that 61 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,920 Speaker 1: it takes to keep your marriage strong. I mean, the 62 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 1: two of you have given up on yourselves. You've given 63 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: up on the marriage. You've given up on each other. 64 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 1: What do you what do you want? And what does 65 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 1: he want? Do you guys even have any idea? I 66 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: bet you both know what your side pieces need and want. 67 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,600 Speaker 1: I bet you do. And yes, his mom and sister 68 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: are definitely covering for him. I think when he hangs 69 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: out with them, if he won't go to counseling, why 70 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: don't you just go on your own? You know, if 71 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: you feel like there's something salvageable about this marriage, as 72 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 1: long as you're still married, there is a chance. It's 73 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 1: not too late. Marriages have come back from all kinds 74 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 1: of bad things. I mean, you say you don't care, 75 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: but I kind of think you do. Other why are 76 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 1: you writing up, Steve, this this marriage over this manage 77 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 1: or ain't no saving this? This is not salvageable. And 78 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 1: the reason I'm saying that it is because it's too many, 79 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,599 Speaker 1: too much back and forth, and there's more folth thing back. 80 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 1: So I don't really know where we're going with this, 81 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: but let's just give you my take because I'm a 82 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: little bit of hate shade in the early beginning, because 83 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:33,440 Speaker 1: I don't like when let a start like this. Dear Steven, Shirley, 84 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 1: I'm married to one of the finest men in the 85 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 1: whole town. Oh that's how you're going. You're gonna, you're gonna, 86 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 1: You're gonna come to me with that. I'm married to 87 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:51,479 Speaker 1: one of the finest men in my whole town. Well, 88 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: let me knock you down a little bit, because town 89 00:04:55,040 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 1: means small populated area. So now, if you was married 90 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 1: to de findest man in the city, you might have 91 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 1: something right now. But you married to the findest man 92 00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: in our town. Once again, town, small populated area. My 93 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 1: ranch was in Little Elm, population six hundred and thirty people. 94 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,440 Speaker 1: Hard to find a fine person out of six hundred 95 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,360 Speaker 1: and thirty, you got to give just somebody got ahead 96 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: of the title because out of the six hundred and 97 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 1: thirty people that lived in the township, all of them 98 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:46,720 Speaker 1: weren't adults all. I'm one young and a lot of 99 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 1: them probably used to be fine. So I just wanted 100 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 1: to say that and get that out the way. That's 101 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,799 Speaker 1: a little bit of shade and hate. And been together 102 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:58,479 Speaker 1: twenty four years, married eighteen high school sweetheart, started having 103 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 1: sex when y'all was sixteen. Y'all tied each other by 104 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 1: now it's the only man you've been with and until recently, 105 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:11,359 Speaker 1: oh latter took a turn. He has cheated on me, 106 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: and I forgave him because he's the first time I 107 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 1: had checked out of our marriage and was going through 108 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:23,600 Speaker 1: a little depression. I'm not really sure how to read that. 109 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: I don't know what a little depression is up next 110 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:30,960 Speaker 1: to a lot of depression. Most people I noticed depress 111 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 1: is just sad ass people. I don't know how you 112 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 1: be a little sad if your ass is just saying 113 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 1: hold on, Steve, hold on, we'll have two of your 114 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:45,719 Speaker 1: say about this. Let coming up at twenty three minutes 115 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:49,839 Speaker 1: after the hour. My husband likes other women is the subject. 116 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:54,799 Speaker 1: We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening show, 117 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 1: all right, Come on, Steve, Let's recap today's Strawberry letter. 118 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 1: The subject my husband like other women. Okay, here we 119 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 1: go once again. Let me I'm gonna just read and 120 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,919 Speaker 1: let it tad apart. I go till Stephen Sherley, I 121 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,559 Speaker 1: married the findest men and my whole town once again. 122 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 1: I'm told you about the little town stuff. You know? 123 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: So what you know? How many y'all stayed at two hundred? 124 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 1: It's easy to get the title when it are two 125 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 1: hundred people. Okay, so you're married to the little finest 126 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: man in town. I've been together twenty four years, married eighteen. 127 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: He was your high school sweetheart. You got married, you 128 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 1: had kids earlier. You've only had sex with him. You 129 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: started having sex at sixteen. You checked out the marriage. 130 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: He started cheating on you, and you forgave him because 131 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 1: you had checked out of your marriage. That's the first 132 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 1: time somebody checked out the marriage. So while you checked out, 133 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 1: he checked out two So y'all been checked out. Y'all 134 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 1: got married early. All this is understandable because you was 135 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:57,080 Speaker 1: going through a little depression. That ain't really why he 136 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:01,000 Speaker 1: checked out. You know that ain't with the why. But 137 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: you always trying to give a man an excuse for 138 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 1: why he messed up, So I guess you can let 139 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 1: him have that. All right. We didn't go to counseling 140 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 1: because he or he didn't want to. Because see here, 141 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: don't see nothing wrong. I told you you checked out, 142 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 1: he been checked out. He cheated because he wanted to. Instead, 143 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: he offered me a hall pass. Now ain't that a 144 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 1: guilt trip? So since I cheated, you can go out 145 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 1: and cheat to make up for what he did. Now, 146 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 1: you might have been depressed, but you ain't crazy, so 147 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:35,160 Speaker 1: I told him no thanks. And then right after you 148 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 1: told him no things. See that's another thing. You checked 149 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:44,680 Speaker 1: out the marriage. Then he cheated on you. Then he 150 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:49,079 Speaker 1: turned around gave you a hall pass. Then you told 151 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,920 Speaker 1: him no thanks because you ain't crazy. But you went 152 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:56,840 Speaker 1: out and had an affair on your own very discreetly. 153 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:02,360 Speaker 1: So now you didn't check back out the marriage again. 154 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 1: There's no way he'll ever figure out what I'm doing 155 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,439 Speaker 1: on the side, because now he's checked out of our 156 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 1: crazy marriage. Okay, now you checked out, you cheating. He 157 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,840 Speaker 1: been checked out, but you think he ain't, so now 158 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,680 Speaker 1: he didn't checked out again. Then you say it's nothing 159 00:09:23,679 --> 00:09:25,199 Speaker 1: for me to find him on the couch with his 160 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 1: feet up talking to another female gossip we win her 161 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 1: like their girlfriend. Then here's the part where it got 162 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 1: all unbelievable. He goes shopping with his sister and mama 163 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 1: all the time, and they stayed out of town to 164 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 1: go shopping at an outlet mall. Who go with their 165 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 1: mama and their sister to a damn outlet mall at 166 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 1: a time? What black dude, you know go out of 167 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,679 Speaker 1: town with him. Mama and his sister go shopping at 168 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: an outlet mall. Who do that? And you know, once 169 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: again we're back to how small your town is. How 170 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,440 Speaker 1: the hell you gotta go out of town to find 171 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 1: a damn all. That's really a small town. If you 172 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 1: got to go out of town to find an outletting mall, 173 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 1: do y'all stay in the village. Yeah, My sister loves 174 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: to come to me with a bunch of rumors about 175 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 1: my husband. She tries to stare up mess And here's 176 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,679 Speaker 1: another tell tale sign. But I'm not that concerned about 177 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 1: what my husband is doing. This is a woman who's 178 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:33,720 Speaker 1: completely checked out. She see as all these checkout red 179 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: flags in this marriage. She suggests that I call his 180 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: mom and sister asked about the shopping trips. See how 181 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,480 Speaker 1: long my husband's really with them, or if he ducks 182 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 1: out to see a female. Here's the next line. Now, 183 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 1: all these lines sum up the letter. I don't have 184 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 1: the energy for any of that red flag checked out? 185 00:10:55,040 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 1: Next line, So what if he likes other women? What? What? What? 186 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,840 Speaker 1: Oh wife says? So what if he likes other women? 187 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: All these sentences right here is to tell tell of 188 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 1: this whole letter. Next sentence, you're ready for this. I'm 189 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:22,480 Speaker 1: cheating because I wanted something different. What listen to the sentences? 190 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: All of these is back to back. You're ready for 191 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: the next sentence. I see why he might be interested 192 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 1: in other women. What any of these sentences by their self? 193 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: It's damaging evidence. But she put them all in the 194 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:45,319 Speaker 1: same paragraph. Hey, back to back to back. You're ready 195 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 1: for the next one. This is the one that's abserved. 196 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,440 Speaker 1: My husband and I have been best friends for twenty 197 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: five years, and that's what's most important to me. Are 198 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 1: you nuts? Y'all? Friend? Y'all best friends that don't give 199 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 1: a damn about each other? Am I wrong for not 200 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 1: caring what he's up to? No, you ain't wrong. You 201 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 1: don't care. How you wrong for not you don't care. 202 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,160 Speaker 1: I told you at the top of this letter. This 203 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 1: marriage is over. It's been over. You're not in a marriage, y'all. 204 00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 1: Is some mess y'all sitting up somewhere, y'all roommates. He 205 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,559 Speaker 1: got his feet up on a coffer table, talk coffee table, 206 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:41,199 Speaker 1: talking to other girls. You in the house, ain't no consequence, 207 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: ain't nobody busting no ass? Trail over nobody head you 208 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 1: know or a nobody all. Y'all got all the winners 209 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,439 Speaker 1: in the house. Yeah, I can drive off. Ain't none 210 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,720 Speaker 1: of his times flat, ain't no sugar in the gas 211 00:12:52,760 --> 00:13:02,560 Speaker 1: thing real when you need your baby. That's right, you're 212 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,040 Speaker 1: listening to the Dame Harvey Morning Show.