Speaker 1: Welcome back to I Do Part two.
Speaker 2: It's your celebrity mentor Kelly Ben Simone and you hear
Speaker 2: us on every episode. We tell you listeners to call
Speaker 2: us and email us. The podcast is for you. I'm
Speaker 2: so excited today because it's exactly what we're doing, she
Speaker 2: wrote to us. She's a real life gal in her
Speaker 2: I Do Part two chapter and I can't.
Speaker 1: Wait to get to know all about her. Welcome Kate
Speaker 1: to the pod. Hi Kate, how are you?
Speaker 3: Bye? Thank you? Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 4: I love this subject so I actually I can't wait
Speaker 4: to break all this down.
Speaker 3: There's so much.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm so excited that you're open to this. So
Speaker 2: first of all, congratulations being on the podcast. We have
Speaker 2: a lot to deep dive deep into. So first of all,
Speaker 2: how long have you been divorced?
Speaker 3: I have been divorced three years.
Speaker 1: And how long were you guys married?
Speaker 3: We were married for seventeen and a half years.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Kate, that is crazy. Wait, how are
Speaker 2: you feeling?
Speaker 4: I feel amazing right now.
Speaker 3: I feel lighter.
Speaker 4: It sounds cliche, but I truly smell the roses now,
Speaker 4: even this morning out my window. They're the same roses
Speaker 4: that have been there for sixteen years, and it's really
Speaker 4: just recently, I'm just I take the little things in now.
Speaker 4: I'm just so much more grateful, whether you know it's
Speaker 4: the roses or being with friends. So yeah, I'm feeling great.
Speaker 4: That's not to say there aren't many highs and lows
Speaker 4: of this.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, Oh my godness. Wait, so do you
Speaker 1: do you have children?
Speaker 3: I do. I have one sixteen year old, a boy.
Speaker 1: You have a sixteen year old. You look like you
Speaker 1: are sixteen. Oh my god. So you have a sixteen
Speaker 1: year old.
Speaker 3: And I'm forty nine.
Speaker 1: You do not look forty nine. Gorgeous.
Speaker 2: So you have a little boy sixteen. So he's in
Speaker 2: the middle of his own maturation process.
Speaker 1: So walk me through now that.
Speaker 2: You're single after seventeen years, walk me through, like how
Speaker 2: you're dating with a younger son.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't be dating if he didn't give me the okay.
Speaker 4: So it was at the a about two year mark,
Speaker 4: and he had been out of town and I had
Speaker 4: gone on a lunch date on one day and a
Speaker 4: dinner date on on the other.
Speaker 3: And when he asked me what I had.
Speaker 4: Done over the weekend, it happened organically, and I told
Speaker 4: him I had gone out on two dates and he said,
Speaker 4: as long as they aren't weird and make me happy,
Speaker 4: that he doesn't mind. Kind of a typical boy teenager.
Speaker 4: I don't know what it would be like with a daughter.
Speaker 4: I think maybe it would be harder. But my son
Speaker 4: knows about me dating and he yes, he's very supportive.
Speaker 2: So a lot of a lot of our listeners ask
Speaker 2: about how to navigate dating with children.
Speaker 1: And I also had I had very.
Speaker 2: Young girls when I when I got separated and divorced
Speaker 2: from my ex husband.
Speaker 1: We were married for over ten years, and it.
Speaker 2: Was really difficult because on the one hand, I wanted,
Speaker 2: you know, I always wanted a family for my family,
Speaker 2: So I was like, oh my gosh, okay, how am I.
Speaker 1: Going to what does this look like? What is this
Speaker 1: you know, going to be like?
Speaker 2: And I just I was so nervous to introduce that
Speaker 2: to anyone for for a very very long time. And
Speaker 2: you know, even when I would be introducing them, it
Speaker 2: would be like a big group of people, so they
Speaker 2: didn't even know like who was who. They're like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's so one she works with it. They never really knew,
Speaker 2: like what was what? So I love that you guys
Speaker 2: are having this transparent conversation and I love that he's
Speaker 2: supporting you.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's so so sweet. It's so sweet.
Speaker 4: Now having said that, he has not well, he has
Speaker 4: not met anybody I've dated, because I would want to
Speaker 4: be in love before I introduced him to anybody. So
Speaker 4: I haven't even come close of wanting to introduce him
Speaker 4: to anybody, even though I have met some wonderful people.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: And so just like, I mean, that's just a big statement,
Speaker 2: like to being in love. I mean, are you are
Speaker 2: you nervous about doing that at some point?
Speaker 4: I'm not nervous because it hasn't even come close to that.
Speaker 3: You're like, not even close. I've only been dating a year.
Speaker 3: And when I say.
Speaker 4: That, I mean it's not like I'm going on all
Speaker 4: these dates all the time. They're just obviously being a
Speaker 4: mom that that doesn't happen.
Speaker 3: They're woven into your free time.
Speaker 4: Yes, And so I am not scared or it does
Speaker 4: not make me nervous because I know the person I
Speaker 4: introduce him to it will be a long term relationship.
Speaker 3: And I and I want to keep my dating separate
Speaker 3: from him, right.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that, and it's I mean, it's also difficult
Speaker 2: too because he's going, you know, he's in that magituation
Speaker 2: process and he's like, you know, hormonally, I'm sure, like
Speaker 2: all over the place and he's looking at girls.
Speaker 1: And then he's like, wait, my mom is dating. I'm dating.
Speaker 1: This is weird.
Speaker 2: Wait I'm pros saying this. I'm like, wait, this is weird.
Speaker 2: But I love how your handle it.
Speaker 1: So how have you been dating? Have you been just
Speaker 1: been meeting people?
Speaker 2: Are you telling your friends, hey, I'm single, Like, what's
Speaker 2: what's what have you been doing?
Speaker 4: So the first two dates I went on, I was
Speaker 4: set up through mutual friends.
Speaker 1: Okay, how is that?
Speaker 4: And I think it was so important for me to
Speaker 4: rip the band aid.
Speaker 3: It is very It is not for the faint of heart.
Speaker 3: It is so difficult.
Speaker 4: Even the getting ready process, something you do all the
Speaker 4: time that you think nothing of it, and even when
Speaker 4: they're not cute you it's just very nerve wracking. It
Speaker 4: is very nerve wracking.
Speaker 3: The going going with a total stranger.
Speaker 2: You have to give yourself a bone. I mean it
Speaker 2: has been two decades. I mean you were dressing for
Speaker 2: your husband and now you're dressing for a day. It's
Speaker 2: a totally kind of getting dressed. Okay, wait, tell me, like,
Speaker 2: so what's your go to off it do you have?
Speaker 2: Like okay, do you have a go.
Speaker 3: To Oh well, it depends.
Speaker 4: I live in the suburbs and I do love to
Speaker 4: go into the city for day and so, and it
Speaker 4: depends on the time of year and the location and
Speaker 4: what we're doing.
Speaker 2: It look great right now, So this is like, this
Speaker 2: is like a vibe, This is like a thing.
Speaker 4: This is I have my child's sporting event to go
Speaker 4: to this afternoon, and it is going to be hot,
Speaker 4: and I'm wearing the school colors.
Speaker 2: Okay, well you look great. Green looks really good on you.
Speaker 2: You know I always when people ask me, like what
Speaker 2: colors to what to wear? I always say, like, something colorful,
Speaker 2: because you know, men really love red, they love color.
Speaker 2: I mean the you know, women are always like I'm
Speaker 2: wearing black. Women don't necessarily. You know, one of my
Speaker 2: friends who owned a store, she was like, are you
Speaker 2: dressing for men? Are you dressing for women? And like, well,
Speaker 2: when you're on date, you're dressing for men. So men
Speaker 2: do tend to like more colorful things. You look you
Speaker 2: look rate in color, so you should wear more color
Speaker 2: that looks really good.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: I'm just curious you're like a blazer girl or are
Speaker 2: you like shirt?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 4: Uh, Cammi, Cammi blazer jeans. I went on a date
Speaker 4: a couple of weeks ago. I love Stod and in fact,
Speaker 4: this is Stad and I had a Stad skirt.
Speaker 3: With just a tank.
Speaker 4: I I like to keep it simple, classic, true, true
Speaker 4: to my personality and what I what I like to wear,
Speaker 4: you can't beat. For summer, I loved my white Chris
Speaker 4: blouse tied a little bit with white jeans. And it
Speaker 4: was a super casual place, so some sneakers honestly to
Speaker 4: just make it fun because it was. It was a
Speaker 4: meet and greet in the like around for four to
Speaker 4: six hours, so to speak.
Speaker 3: So I also don't want to look too dolled up.
Speaker 2: Right, But let's let's talk about that because I mean,
Speaker 2: obviously you're really pretty. And so when you're doing these
Speaker 2: meet and greek do you prefer like do you prefer dinner?
Speaker 2: Do you prefer you know, having a cocktail?
Speaker 1: Like? What is it? What exactly is a meat and greet?
Speaker 1: Let me in on this. I need to know this one.
Speaker 4: I called a meet and greet because he lived out
Speaker 4: of town and he was picking up his daughter from college,
Speaker 4: and so he was in town and he only had
Speaker 4: a two hour window, which fantastic because we did not
Speaker 4: do a FaceTime before, which I do like a FaceTime
Speaker 4: before to.
Speaker 3: Cut down on nerves.
Speaker 4: Okay, so it was I mean obviously at his picture,
Speaker 4: but you never know with the picture. So that's why
Speaker 4: I called it a meet and greek because it was.
Speaker 4: There was a hard stop, which was amazing because check
Speaker 4: the box.
Speaker 3: I got a date.
Speaker 4: In I met somebody new and I was home in
Speaker 4: my JAMMI and all comfy and watching a show.
Speaker 3: You know, it wasn't late because I did. I didn't
Speaker 3: go out with him again.
Speaker 2: It was a My goal is to wait wait before wait,
Speaker 2: wait before you tell me your goal. I just I'm
Speaker 2: obsessed with this. So because I love how you are.
Speaker 2: I love that you're like, Okay, I'm dating, this is
Speaker 2: me dating. This is I'm going to dress the part.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be one hundred percent there for it
Speaker 2: with my meet and greet, and then I have a
Speaker 2: hard stop because I need to go home to my
Speaker 2: jammys and to my favorite show.
Speaker 3: He gave me this out of having the hard stop.
Speaker 1: Oh he did what he's saying.
Speaker 4: He was in town before we set up the date.
Speaker 4: He was in town to pick up his daughter from college,
Speaker 4: so he had to pick her up at a certain
Speaker 4: time at college. So we even take out for her
Speaker 4: because she was going to be hungry, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: she would like this, she would like that. It's like,
Speaker 4: so I didn't have to have that anxietiety of wanting
Speaker 4: to high tail it and get out of there, because
Speaker 4: it was a lovely.
Speaker 3: I have the mentality on I think people.
Speaker 4: I mean, they're great people, And am I like super
Speaker 4: attracted to them or am I feeling sparks? No, But
Speaker 4: I think to sit down to a nice meal and
Speaker 4: get to know somebody that I find interesting, I enjoy,
Speaker 4: I enjoy the time. I just don't want to necessarily
Speaker 4: go again or you know, continue continue, you know, to
Speaker 4: explore it further, so to speak.
Speaker 2: So having said that, what do you think has changed
Speaker 2: with the dating scene, Because obviously it's been two decades
Speaker 2: since you've been on these dates, and all of a
Speaker 2: sudden you're like doing these meet and greets and face times.
Speaker 1: So what do you think has changed?
Speaker 4: We are all checking boxes right, No, when I was young,
Speaker 4: it is so boy me girl, girl thinks boy is
Speaker 4: super hot, and the boys into the girl. And you've
Speaker 4: met because you've gone to the same college and your
Speaker 4: sorority you know does things with his fraternity, or you've
Speaker 4: met during young adulting and you meet you know, you meet, oh,
Speaker 4: you meet at work, and it's based.
Speaker 1: On like Jess, chemical attraction.
Speaker 3: Connecting. You're not.
Speaker 4: Mentally going through your checkboxes because this part too so
Speaker 4: to speak of, which I am super excited for.
Speaker 3: But at the same time, if it doesn't happen, I am.
Speaker 4: I really am at peace for that because I don't
Speaker 4: know if it will. Well.
Speaker 2: Also, that's good though you have to stay I mean,
Speaker 2: I think that one of the most important parts of
Speaker 2: this I do era is that you're staying calm and
Speaker 2: that you're celebrating yourself and all of these new possibilities
Speaker 2: and opportunities. I mean, you never know, Like I mean,
Speaker 2: I think that's one thing for me because I called
Speaker 2: off my wedding last year, four days before I supposed
Speaker 2: to get married, and so you know, for me, I'm
Speaker 2: not thank you.
Speaker 3: I mean, it still feels like that could feel like
Speaker 3: a divorce.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, it just was like very It just made
Speaker 2: me feel very really really like very insecure. But I
Speaker 2: think one of the things that I've learned through this
Speaker 2: whole process is that I'm just more relaxed with who
Speaker 2: I am and like I want I obviously want men
Speaker 2: to you know, be.
Speaker 1: Attracted me in all these things, but I also want
Speaker 1: to just feel good myself.
Speaker 2: I'm just very I'm like very happy with that. Okay,
Speaker 2: what kind of guys do you like?
Speaker 1: Let's get into it.
Speaker 2: Come on, cake, give me the teeth, come on, Okay,
Speaker 2: what kind of guys do you like?
Speaker 1: So younger older?
Speaker 3: Brunet Speaking of older, I mentioned that I'm forty nine.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, you're not old, no one, you're forty nine,
Speaker 2: But I don't like the whole older.
Speaker 1: I mean, have you seen yourself in the mirror? You're gorgeous, Like, okay, ages,
Speaker 1: it's a number. I know, you're gorgeous. You could date anyone.
Speaker 4: The only people that I have been out with are
Speaker 4: fifty eight, fifty fifty nine.
Speaker 3: And there was one guy that on his.
Speaker 4: Profile said he was fifty four. To his credit, he
Speaker 4: looked dang good for sixty. And when I asked him
Speaker 4: on his date, you know, I weave it in like.
Speaker 3: Oh, when's your birthday?
Speaker 1: Oh wow?
Speaker 4: And then I say, oh, I just turned forty nine,
Speaker 4: Like how old are you?
Speaker 3: He absolutely wouldn't answer it.
Speaker 4: Well, it's called Google, Like, I just I'm positive he
Speaker 4: was sixty.
Speaker 2: So okay, but hold on, So how do you care
Speaker 2: if he's not his age?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't, you know, I don't.
Speaker 3: I really don't.
Speaker 4: I just feel I'm not saying that it couldn't work.
Speaker 2: Do you think these guys are like nervous about their age?
Speaker 2: I mean, do you think the tables have turned are
Speaker 2: like we like, are we now? The ones that are like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, why are you lying at your age?
Speaker 1: Because women were like the men are like, they're lying
Speaker 1: about their age. It's like, and so are you?
Speaker 3: Yeah. This it hasn't happened once.
Speaker 4: It's happened a couple times, and at least one guy
Speaker 4: he totally owned up.
Speaker 3: What app?
Speaker 4: Was it one of the apps? I think if you
Speaker 4: I don't know what it is? He said it was
Speaker 4: the AP's phalt. Okay, let's give him the benefit of
Speaker 4: the doubt. It was the apsphalt, but I think ten
Speaker 4: years older than I am, I would prefer like I would.
Speaker 3: Prefer fifty two, fifty three, fifty.
Speaker 4: Four, fifty five, but I don't know sixty for me
Speaker 4: at forty nine, I'm not saying never.
Speaker 3: But you know, it's just interesting that it has all
Speaker 3: been that age group.
Speaker 4: And then I think a lot about Okay, well, as
Speaker 4: the years go on, does that mean then my dating
Speaker 4: pool is going to be Like if I'm in my
Speaker 4: mid fifties, is it then going to be the sixties?
Speaker 3: And that's kind of overwhelming and scary to think about.
Speaker 2: Okay, but let's so, now that we've talked about the
Speaker 2: guys that are around your age, what about the guys.
Speaker 1: That are younger?
Speaker 3: Never tried it?
Speaker 1: You never know?
Speaker 3: Right on the apps, some of the.
Speaker 4: Some of the younger so forty forty four, some of
Speaker 4: them they haven't had kids yet and they want kids,
Speaker 4: and that for me is right sales.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, what about then if that's the case, Well,
Speaker 2: what about guys that just don't want kids?
Speaker 1: What about if they're like younger than what about their
Speaker 1: late thirties. There's a lot of way when to stay younger.
Speaker 3: I don't if they haven't had kids.
Speaker 1: You a lot of energy to your fun. You're like vivacious.
Speaker 3: I am, yes, so you need someone that.
Speaker 1: Has good energy, positive but.
Speaker 4: I am looking for somebody that's family oriented. Of course,
Speaker 4: the normal characteristics that we want in all the humans
Speaker 4: that we surround ourselves with, kind, loving, consistent values, values.
Speaker 3: Me and lets me be myself.
Speaker 4: One of the people I dated and he was fantastic,
Speaker 4: there just wasn't the physical connection for me. I love
Speaker 4: how I was completely unfiltered. I just he let me
Speaker 4: be me and he made me feel like a million bucks.
Speaker 1: But that sounds amazing. I love that. I know, like
Speaker 1: a million bucks. I know you should feel like that.
Speaker 4: I know. But for the long term, it just there
Speaker 4: wasn't the chemistry even though he So that's a great question.
Speaker 4: Even though he made me feel this way, there just
Speaker 4: wasn't the chemistry where I can show you a picture
Speaker 4: from an event we went to.
Speaker 2: But anyway, yeah, so what about have you been only
Speaker 2: been dating divorce men or single dads or what's been like.
Speaker 4: Your So I actually have been out on two dates
Speaker 4: with two separate widowska rest have been divorce single dads,
Speaker 4: and I do really connect with.
Speaker 3: The single dads because I love kids.
Speaker 4: I love well, particularly because it's the stage of life
Speaker 4: I'm in. I love hearing all about the teens, all
Speaker 4: about the young I call it the adulting stage, which
Speaker 4: is like the second four years, you know, post college.
Speaker 4: These kids who are living in New York, like living
Speaker 4: their best life.
Speaker 3: I'm I'm all about that.
Speaker 4: So I definitely connect with men on on that level.
Speaker 1: What was it like to date a widower? What was
Speaker 1: that like?
Speaker 4: They were both lovely? The first widower was only my
Speaker 4: second date? Whoa he was only my second date.
Speaker 1: Did you know that from the start that he was
Speaker 1: a widower or you found that out?
Speaker 3: Yes, it was a setup and it just felt like
Speaker 3: yet he was.
Speaker 4: A type of guy I definitely, you know, should like
Speaker 4: like just a good a good family man, a good person.
Speaker 3: He actually lived.
Speaker 4: About twenty five minutes away, so I had I had,
Speaker 4: I had background, which is nice versus when you're when
Speaker 4: you're on on the apps, and so it was a
Speaker 4: it was a great It was a great date.
Speaker 3: The end of the date, did I.
Speaker 4: Oh so on the way home when they put mints
Speaker 4: in their mouth? Because I was such a newbie on this,
Speaker 4: but I kind of thought it what.
Speaker 3: God, why is he in his mouth? And why is
Speaker 3: he offering me a mint? Even though I enjoyed myself,
Speaker 3: I have.
Speaker 4: No desire, you know, to kiss him, and so I
Speaker 4: just give kind of the halfway hug, you know, goodbye,
Speaker 4: and and he asked if I would want to do
Speaker 4: something again, and because I'm being open minded, you know,
Speaker 4: I say sure.
Speaker 3: And then he.
Speaker 4: Reaches back out just to like ask a question, and
Speaker 4: I answer the question. And then I went through the
Speaker 4: phase of wait, why isn't he texted in a couple
Speaker 4: of days? But what is going on? I wasn't that
Speaker 4: into him, So it was a little bit of a
Speaker 4: wake up call, I have to say.
Speaker 3: And then he continued texting, Wait.
Speaker 2: So hold on, So he didn't text you for a
Speaker 2: couple of days, and then he started up again.
Speaker 4: Correct, correct, And he asked a question. And I'm a
Speaker 4: detailed person and I kind of didn't know the whole
Speaker 4: I'm not calling it a game, but there is. When
Speaker 4: you're used to being with somebody for so long, your
Speaker 4: text can be long. And it's just one thing that
Speaker 4: I taught myself that in the beginning, like keep.
Speaker 3: It short, keep it short.
Speaker 4: And he asked me like what I was doing or
Speaker 4: something like that, and I went pretty detailed and I
Speaker 4: never heard from him again. To be honest, now I
Speaker 4: did find out he had been seeing somebody before he
Speaker 4: took me out, I think is the story.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you were basically goes to by a widower,
Speaker 2: But what shouldn't he.
Speaker 4: Be like I was, Annie has a dad, Bob.
Speaker 2: Hold on, but don't you think don't you think I
Speaker 2: should be like, oh, feel okay to be like you
Speaker 2: know their girlfriends say to them if you're going to
Speaker 2: go on a date, just people like and just say
Speaker 2: thank you so much, like you know, you know, I'm
Speaker 2: just dating right now.
Speaker 1: I love seeing you. I mean, I just think it's
Speaker 1: so I think it's.
Speaker 2: Just I don't know, it hurts my like hurts my
Speaker 2: feelings if someone regard, even in work or anything, if
Speaker 2: someone doesn't respond.
Speaker 1: So I'm always like, thank you so much, like it
Speaker 1: was really nice seeing you. Even if I'm interested.
Speaker 2: Or not interested in anything, I'm always I always respond.
Speaker 2: And I feel like at our age, like we're of
Speaker 2: the generation where we do like do that and but wow, I.
Speaker 3: Can't agree with you more.
Speaker 4: I never got and it is uncomfortable and you do
Speaker 4: feel bad, but it's much better to just say, hey,
Speaker 4: I had a really good time.
Speaker 2: By the way, Like, you never know who you're going
Speaker 2: to meet from somebody, So if I don't necessarily you
Speaker 2: know what I was when I when I'm dating, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't know who I'm going to meet.
Speaker 1: And that's part of it too.
Speaker 2: Just because you're going in a date doesn't mean you're
Speaker 2: like locked in for life. Let's talk about quicker or
Speaker 2: slower in terms of the physical aspect. Do you think
Speaker 2: these guys are taking these you know, popping them int,
Speaker 2: going for the kiss and then pull them in tight
Speaker 2: and trying to like have a deeper connection.
Speaker 4: I'm very good with my boundaries, very good with my boundaries.
Speaker 3: Do I feel like they would probably?
Speaker 4: Yes, would they want to take it further right off
Speaker 4: the bat, one hundred and ten percent.
Speaker 3: I just.
Speaker 1: Can I interview you every day because you're amazing.
Speaker 3: And that's why.
Speaker 4: That's why after a couple of dates, it's not necessarily
Speaker 4: that they're putting the pressure the pressure, but.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't want them to continue taking me out if
Speaker 4: I am just enjoying the company and I think they're
Speaker 4: a really great person because ultimately, you know, it should
Speaker 4: lead to a physical, you know, connection, And if I'm
Speaker 4: not going, if I don't see myself going down that path,
Speaker 4: then we shouldn't continue on the dates.
Speaker 3: And another thing I learned is.
Speaker 4: Sometimes when I see if I can't picture myself ever
Speaker 4: staying the night in their space, if I feel like
Speaker 4: I wouldn't, it's happened well a couple of times. If
Speaker 4: I can't say, see myself feeling comfortable staying the night,
Speaker 4: then I shouldn't continue.
Speaker 1: Well, you also have like a really nice aesthetic.
Speaker 2: I mean, your vibe is so great, and so I
Speaker 2: think that's probably part, Like you're clearly visual. But I
Speaker 2: think it interesting because I have I've got I mean
Speaker 2: I've gone on dates and like some guys I'll kiss
Speaker 2: and some guys I won't. And like I one guy
Speaker 2: be like, oh, yeah, we were like we went on
Speaker 2: in a couple of days after I was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: you know first day, Yeah, she wouldn't kiss me. And
Speaker 2: I'm like, why is this common knowledge? Why is everyone
Speaker 2: to know this? And it's just it's just something that
Speaker 2: happens or doesn't happen. I don't think it's like a
Speaker 2: rule or there's any kind of like relationship, you know code,
Speaker 2: but like there's some people that you want to and
Speaker 2: some people just don't. Yes, I don't know, but I'm
Speaker 2: not going to bring mints. I'm sorry, right, I'm not
Speaker 2: going to mince in my bag.
Speaker 3: It's happened.
Speaker 4: Like when they take out the gum, the gum or
Speaker 4: the mints and then offer you.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh gosh.
Speaker 1: First of all, mint makes me sneeze, so that would
Speaker 1: be awful. I'd be like you, you be like Kelly,
Speaker 1: you're sneezing. What's going on over there? Like your friends
Speaker 1: are they setting you up?
Speaker 3: Or so?
Speaker 4: The last time I was set up, I kind of
Speaker 4: kicked off my dating with two setups, and ever since then,
Speaker 4: nobody I haven't been set up. I live in a
Speaker 4: small community where really nobody is divorced, and that is
Speaker 4: not an overstatement. My best friends, my whole friend group,
Speaker 4: which I call my angel team, are all married and
Speaker 4: being with them is my happy place.
Speaker 3: And I'm super lucky.
Speaker 4: That I am still you know, included, even though I
Speaker 4: don't have a significant other. One thing that I've liked
Speaker 4: about dating is it's made me not feel alone by
Speaker 4: being divorced.
Speaker 3: Since there aren't divorced people in my community.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've learned there there are great people out there
Speaker 4: that are divorced.
Speaker 1: There are there are, let's talk there are. First of all,
Speaker 1: there are a lot of great people out there.
Speaker 2: Just because you went through you know, you had a
Speaker 2: marriage and you are divorced, doesn't mean that you're like,
Speaker 2: you know, there's a new opportunity for you. And I
Speaker 2: love the way you're handling I really like, I'm like,
Speaker 2: you're very cool.
Speaker 1: I am not as cool as you, not at all.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, just.
Speaker 3: Looking at you, I totally disagree.
Speaker 1: I am so not cool.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, persons there there are my feelings or
Speaker 2: they're like I'm like, oh my god, that person just
Speaker 2: thinks I'm a show pony and they don't want to
Speaker 2: get to know me or whatever. You know, all these
Speaker 2: stupid insecurities that I that I have. Let's go through
Speaker 2: your dating profile says the worst.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, hats offt you know, thank you.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that you are too. Let's go into your
Speaker 2: dating profile because I need to hear. Okay, let's talk
Speaker 2: about the photos. You can just describe like, like your photos.
Speaker 4: So nothing professional. Just that was on the way Christmas Eve.
Speaker 4: Do you want me to read my prompt or do.
Speaker 3: You want yes, I want to hear yeah, Or do
Speaker 3: you want to see.
Speaker 1: No, No, I could barely see, but just that your puppy.
Speaker 1: Or yeah, oh.
Speaker 4: That's I'm a baker and the last one I did
Speaker 4: to show up?
Speaker 3: Oh I love Yes, I loved to bake.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, and you're and you're a baker, Oh
Speaker 1: my god.
Speaker 2: That's I can make food for my children, but I
Speaker 2: don't make food for other people.
Speaker 4: It is my way of showing love to friends and family.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, first of all, I love that. What's the
Speaker 1: app Which one is it?
Speaker 4: This one's hinge, but I'm I'm on Hinge and the league.
Speaker 3: I wish you could see my pictures.
Speaker 1: I would love to see that. Wait we read me?
Speaker 4: Yes, So I have been told. I have been told
Speaker 4: on dates that I match my profile perfectly.
Speaker 3: I have been I have been told that.
Speaker 1: That's so good.
Speaker 4: So it says, uh, the prompt is my greatest strength.
Speaker 4: It says I'm sweet, grounded, nurturing, fit and fun, full
Speaker 4: of life and excited for the next chapter.
Speaker 3: I love showing up for the people.
Speaker 4: I care for sharing, laughter and building meaningful connect actions.
Speaker 4: And then the second prompts is my simple pleasures. It's
Speaker 4: a little repetitive because I say spending time with the
Speaker 4: people I love, sharing connection, laughter and memories, and even
Speaker 4: finding humor in life's challenges. I'm drawn to beautiful surroundings
Speaker 4: and thoughtful details. And then I name a couple of
Speaker 4: my favorite favorite places.
Speaker 3: And then the next.
Speaker 4: Picture is me at one of my favorite places, and
Speaker 4: that's the full body shot.
Speaker 1: Where is it? Where is your favorite place?
Speaker 3: Uh No, it's ConA on Hawaii.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Hawaii, Oh my god.
Speaker 3: I love that, And it says what if I told
Speaker 3: you that?
Speaker 4: And I respond with my life feels feels full in
Speaker 4: all the best ways, but I can't wait to share
Speaker 4: experiences with someone special alongside my wonderful family and friends,
Speaker 4: which is speaks to I hope that I could meet
Speaker 4: somebody that I fit into their life and they fit
Speaker 4: into my life, which is circles back to when I
Speaker 4: was saying, you asked me what's different now between dating
Speaker 4: so long ago.
Speaker 3: And when you're young. You're not thinking about, oh can
Speaker 3: I fit into his life? And will he fit into
Speaker 3: my life? I don't know about you. I never thought
Speaker 3: of that when I was in my twenties.
Speaker 1: Now, I was just like, who is this person?
Speaker 4: And then another thing that I love to think about
Speaker 4: is when you're young, it is all about the wedding
Speaker 4: and the baby, the baby or baby or babies, and
Speaker 4: I never thought about what life is going to be
Speaker 4: like as an empty nester. And obviously I never thought
Speaker 4: about I'm going to be building a relationship and it's
Speaker 4: not about.
Speaker 3: Making a family.
Speaker 4: And I just think that's very interesting to think about
Speaker 4: because the relationship isn't necessarily going to be around, you know,
Speaker 4: all the schedules and all the stuff that comes comes
Speaker 4: with kids.
Speaker 2: That is so interesting because when I when I was younger,
Speaker 2: I was a model and I married someone that was
Speaker 2: a lot older than I was, and we didn't have
Speaker 2: a traditional wedding. I didn't even go on a honeymoon.
Speaker 2: There was no like I just was pregnant one day.
Speaker 2: There was no planning, there was no like. All those
Speaker 2: things that you're talking about, I just never experienced. And
Speaker 2: I think that's one reason why I'm opposite, like I
Speaker 2: am looking for a family.
Speaker 1: For my family, I'm looking for the whole.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm like, I'm always like, oh, this is
Speaker 2: going to be great because I want that family. I
Speaker 2: just always wanted and I've just you know, raised my
Speaker 2: kids on my own for so long. I've been single
Speaker 2: for so long for the right reasons, not for the
Speaker 2: wrong reasons. And so it's like it's so different, we're
Speaker 2: so different, But okay, what are your We're so different,
Speaker 2: but we're very similar in a lot of ways. What
Speaker 2: are your deal breakers and your non negotiables?
Speaker 4: Deal breakers and non negotiables would be if you're an alcoholic,
Speaker 4: that's that's a that's a deal breaker, right, that's no
Speaker 4: smoking is it is a deal breaker. I mean that's
Speaker 4: just something like on the app that you can kind.
Speaker 3: Of filter filter through.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know myself and I know so many other
Speaker 4: women out there. We do put a lot of effort
Speaker 4: into how we look and how we present ourselves.
Speaker 3: And so if if I were to show up.
Speaker 4: On a day and you know, he's not presenting.
Speaker 3: Well, it's you know, it could be a deal breaker.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, if you.
Speaker 1: Know, right you are on department the same effort that
Speaker 1: you're putting forth.
Speaker 3: I it doesn't have to be the same. I mean,
Speaker 3: I might put in a little too much.
Speaker 1: What about like religion, politics.
Speaker 4: I'm very open minded on religion and politics.
Speaker 3: Those aren't deal breakers for me.
Speaker 1: What if he has younger kids, like younger, younger like
Speaker 1: seven six?
Speaker 3: Yes, I don't see it.
Speaker 4: I don't see it, but I would definitely be open minded.
Speaker 3: To a meet and greet.
Speaker 2: With a hard stop and then some fuzzy slippers and
Speaker 2: then a really great TV show.
Speaker 1: Why to get married again?
Speaker 4: I think if I'm in a long term if I'm
Speaker 4: in a long term relationship, I think it would bug
Speaker 4: me for years and years to have the title of girlfriend.
Speaker 3: So I do see myself as a wife again. Someday.
Speaker 4: I would love to have that role. I'm not afraid
Speaker 4: of it. Right, but again, it feels very far away, right.
Speaker 4: Quick question for you. So you mentioned you are looking
Speaker 4: to create a new family.
Speaker 3: Correct. Yes, so I would say it.
Speaker 4: It doesn't feel like it feels like a dream that
Speaker 4: I could find this. But my dream would be to
Speaker 4: find somebody that adds to my son's life as well.
Speaker 2: Oh one, But I mean like a person that's like like,
Speaker 2: for lack of a better word, like a community builder.
Speaker 2: Like I mean, I dated this one guy that was
Speaker 2: just like it was only me.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, no, no, no, I have two daughters, Like
Speaker 1: it's not just me, it's all of us. Uh.
Speaker 2: And that just I mean I quickly because I just
Speaker 2: was like, I can't do that. But then again, I
Speaker 2: dated someone that was about my same age and he
Speaker 2: had a daughter and he just was so disconnected from
Speaker 2: his daughter.
Speaker 1: I mean, his daughter had.
Speaker 2: Like she was this beautiful little nineteen year old and
Speaker 2: she had like mismatched.
Speaker 1: Socks, and I'm like, what is going on? Like that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff does not work for me.
Speaker 3: So I couldn't. I couldn't connect with anybody like that.
Speaker 4: Any of the dates I've gone on, I've been so
Speaker 4: impressed with the type of dads they are, and some
Speaker 4: of them went on multiple dates.
Speaker 1: Okay, what if they say bad things about their ex wife?
Speaker 1: Does that bother you?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you?
Speaker 3: Yes, yes I hate that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's like that's like that to me as a dale breaker,
Speaker 2: when you talk badly about your ex, because what are
Speaker 2: you going to say about me?
Speaker 1: It's like a friend, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: When they say something mean about something, You're like, m.
Speaker 3: I just don't think you need to go there, right.
Speaker 2: It didn't work out. You know, we uncoupled. I love
Speaker 2: the I love the Gwyneth Palott we uncoupled.
Speaker 1: It's very by. I mean just I just love that
Speaker 1: you make cookies. I have to tell your cookies. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, all I'm thinking about is talking to the cookies.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, So you've made dating for
Speaker 1: a year. What's the biggest thing you've learned about yourself?
Speaker 4: The best version of myself is my true, genuine self
Speaker 4: I am. I really am in my skin, and I
Speaker 4: think I was self conscious going into the dating world
Speaker 4: being a stay at home mom, and I am proud
Speaker 4: of that. I own it. It's so much a part
Speaker 4: of who I am. Not to say that I won't
Speaker 4: have a part two once my son goes to college
Speaker 4: and I could discover new things. And I don't know
Speaker 4: what that part too is, because I'm still focused.
Speaker 3: You know, on the part where he you know, he
Speaker 3: is still living at home.
Speaker 2: It's really important to just like we were talking about before,
Speaker 2: like just about you know, feeling good and you know
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter how long it takes, and you know
Speaker 2: what you have to remember, you know, people people when
Speaker 2: people talk about unraveling a relationship. They're not talking about
Speaker 2: the relationship. They're talking about, you know, emotionally, like talking
Speaker 2: about that person, the memories that you had with that person,
Speaker 2: kind of being able to put those in a in
Speaker 2: a you know, that was a really nice part of
Speaker 2: my life box and not like where you are now.
Speaker 1: Box. It's just it's not easy.
Speaker 2: And you know, people were like, I just want to
Speaker 2: be great and fun and sexy.
Speaker 1: Well it's like, you know, people, there's it's like damage control. Now.
Speaker 2: It's like you got to like, you know, do the
Speaker 2: things that you really really love and focus on your son.
Speaker 1: And I mean, I'm excited for you.
Speaker 2: I'm really excited You're going to be great.
Speaker 4: One thing that my mom pointed out is dating hat.
Speaker 4: Everybody that I have gone out with has has boosted
Speaker 4: my confidence. So what it has it has been. It
Speaker 4: has been healthy.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: I can't so now for anyone listening right now who's
Speaker 2: scared to start dating again, like what advice would you
Speaker 2: give them?
Speaker 4: You kind of need practice and that it's okay to
Speaker 4: go out with that person that isn't going to be
Speaker 4: the man.
Speaker 3: Of your dreams. Just start getting comfortable with.
Speaker 4: Be sharing a meal with with somebody and having conversation
Speaker 4: and learning to talk about yourself and to ask questions
Speaker 4: without it being an interview.
Speaker 3: And that's one I'm saying.
Speaker 4: That I caught on Real Fast. I don't like it
Speaker 4: when I'm being interviewed by by the date.
Speaker 1: I have another question for you.
Speaker 2: I have all these questions for you, like Kate's brand brand,
Speaker 2: I know you'd be great like rapid Fire.
Speaker 1: Have you ever asked a guy out in real life?
Speaker 4: No, because I am traditional in my relationships and I
Speaker 4: do have in my head you know that if if
Speaker 4: he wanted to, he would not.
Speaker 3: Not that I've because I'm that would apply more.
Speaker 4: I feel like if I was out and about in
Speaker 4: the city and maybe I worked, and you know, there
Speaker 4: was somebody that I was eyeing, and I wouldn't I
Speaker 4: wouldn't ask him out. I would I would wait. So No,
Speaker 4: I've never asked. I've never asked. I've never asked anybody out.
Speaker 1: So do you need a new dating challenge? Sure?
Speaker 3: What do you have?
Speaker 1: You never know? You are on id perto we we uh,
Speaker 1: you know we're open to all sorts of fun games.
Speaker 2: So my really good friend Luanne, because I was on Housewives,
Speaker 2: I don't know if you know that.
Speaker 1: But I was on Housewives and my friend Luanne I
Speaker 1: had her on and I asked her what I should do.
Speaker 2: So she said, write a note on a piece on
Speaker 2: a napkin and send it to a guy when you're
Speaker 2: at a bar, because you never asked him went out,
Speaker 2: So maybe you don't have to you don't have to
Speaker 2: verbally ask, but maybe like give all your number to somebody.
Speaker 3: No, that's not going to happen in this way.
Speaker 1: Just in case you're wondering, that's what I said.
Speaker 2: I was like.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, how
Speaker 1: about like just something casual like drink, question work. No,
Speaker 1: that's not that's that's a word.
Speaker 3: That's even more anxiety written.
Speaker 2: But you have to do something fun because actually, listen,
Speaker 2: when I did it, I was with two of my
Speaker 2: really good friends and I'm like, you know what, I'm
Speaker 2: just going to try this.
Speaker 1: There was a guy at the end of the bar.
Speaker 1: I asked for a drink. He came over.
Speaker 2: He happened to be a love hotel with Luan, which
Speaker 2: was very awkward, but I thought it was very very
Speaker 2: funny and I and I and I was like, I
Speaker 2: was very proud of myself.
Speaker 1: I was like, huh, look at me asking people out, and.
Speaker 3: I think I'm feeling plush just thinking about it. First
Speaker 3: of all, when.
Speaker 4: Even it's you have to you have to know that
Speaker 4: they're single, which would be I mean, yeah, I'm not
Speaker 4: up for that challenge.
Speaker 1: What about giving someone a compliment like I really like
Speaker 1: your shoes.
Speaker 3: Possibly, I'm just trying to think.
Speaker 4: I don't think I'm in environments much because the places
Speaker 4: that I frequent single.
Speaker 3: People really aren't there. So here, so my only.
Speaker 4: Access to meeting people really is the apps. I mean,
Speaker 4: I've been on vacation and I always keep my eye open.
Speaker 4: But unfortunately, Okay, I just thought of it, Kelly, Okay, great,
Speaker 4: what is it? So we were we were in Pebble
Speaker 4: Beach and there was dad having dinner with his son,
Speaker 4: and the sun was darling, and the dad looked cute,
Speaker 4: and I looked for a ring and there wasn't a ring.
Speaker 4: And if there was ever a circumstance to do what
Speaker 4: you're talking about, that would be the only circumstance. But
Speaker 4: I would have I would not have had the courage
Speaker 4: to do that because I also do not want to
Speaker 4: be hitting.
Speaker 3: On some they could have a girlfriend.
Speaker 4: So no, not doing your challenges because I'm stepping on
Speaker 4: somebody's toes.
Speaker 1: I feel like I have to walk with you in
Speaker 1: the supermarket. I feel like we had to be like,
Speaker 1: so are you a white flower? Or this is my
Speaker 1: weird friend Kelly.
Speaker 4: I don't think I'm I'm I'm not going to ever.
Speaker 4: I don't hit I just I like the compliments.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm a big compliment person, but not not
Speaker 2: in a disingenuous way. But I do look for things
Speaker 2: to say nice things to people.
Speaker 3: I do.
Speaker 1: I always do that.
Speaker 2: But so I compliment is kind of a nice icebreaker
Speaker 2: because guys don't really get compliments. They give compliments, but
Speaker 2: they don't really get them. So maybe like some kind
Speaker 2: of compliment I agree with you, I really think. By
Speaker 2: the way, one of my closest friends, he's like, he
Speaker 2: lives in Miami, and he was like, everybody goes to
Speaker 2: the supermarket on Sunday nights to meet people. I'm like
Speaker 2: what He's like, Yeah, I'm.
Speaker 1: Like which one He's like, obviously Whole Foods.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, okay, So maybe change up the routine
Speaker 2: of your shopping hours. Maybe like tell your son to
Speaker 2: be like, I'll wear it bag. Mommy has to go
Speaker 2: buy some chocolate chips at seven pm. He's like, Mom,
Speaker 2: you've got a storage unit full of them.
Speaker 1: Well, I need some more.
Speaker 4: I do switch up my routine. And remember I do
Speaker 4: live in the burbs. We're not talking there. There's a
Speaker 4: ton of you know, single people. And I also, like
Speaker 4: I say, very respectful. I kind of have the mindset
Speaker 4: of everybody around me is married. That's why I would
Speaker 4: never feel comfortable and hitting on somebody.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's let's check the boxes. Let's check the boxes.
Speaker 1: First of all, you're dating at profile fire. That's great.
Speaker 1: You're so beautiful and so real.
Speaker 2: And authentic, So that's good. You are looking for the
Speaker 2: right things, you have the right intentions.
Speaker 1: You're like ready, You're ready today.
Speaker 3: Agree.
Speaker 4: I do go with my gut, and my gut so far,
Speaker 4: knock on Wood hasn't served me wrong because I've met lovely,
Speaker 4: lovely people.
Speaker 3: But I'm afraid the apps are dead now. I don't know,
Speaker 3: so I might be going on a break.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'll go ahead from Kelly, go to the supermarket. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much really for helping me and for inspiring
Speaker 1: our listeners I really really appreciate and they appreciate it,
Speaker 1: and I appreciate it.
Speaker 3: If I can do it, they can do it.
Speaker 4: It's not easy, but honestly, it gives me an extra
Speaker 4: kick in my step, even when I'm not crushing.
Speaker 3: It's fun to get that text. It's fun the unknown.
Speaker 3: Could this be something? Okay, No, it wasn't. Well, you know,
Speaker 3: I have the other things I enjoy in life.
Speaker 2: So, Kate, I want you to keep up with us
Speaker 2: on the podcast about any new developments that have been
Speaker 2: happening in your dating life. The podcast is all about
Speaker 2: people like you and me not giving up on love.
Speaker 2: So thanks so much for sharing your story with us.
Speaker 2: Are you like Kate, I need help when it comes
Speaker 2: to dating? Call us or email us. All the info
Speaker 2: is in the show notes, follow us on socials, and
Speaker 2: make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do
Speaker 2: Part two an iHeartRadio podcast. We're falling in Love is
Speaker 2: the main objective.