Speaker 1: Wilmer has that I've been up for a couple of days.
Speaker 2: Look, yeah, set about.
Speaker 1: Why do you look like that?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: I decided, uh yeah, that in order for me to
Speaker 3: lose as much sleep as I possibly can.
Speaker 1: Yeah, as you have a second child. Ah yeah, that'll
Speaker 1: do it.
Speaker 2: I thought, I tell her, we'll do it. I said,
Speaker 2: let me try it.
Speaker 3: A lot of my friends have tried this, like, I
Speaker 3: don't want to sleep anymore.
Speaker 1: Because you don't have enough going on.
Speaker 3: No, And I just talked to myself like, besides all
Speaker 3: the things that are happening and going on, like, how
Speaker 3: can I put the icing on my sanity?
Speaker 2: Right? Welcome everyone, This is Warmer Valderama.
Speaker 1: This is Freddie Rodrick.
Speaker 2: This is Do Amigos podcast.
Speaker 3: Thank you all for listening, and thank you all for
Speaker 3: tuning in and downloading and watching it on YouTube and
Speaker 3: all that. Thank you also to all of our guests.
Speaker 3: We've had some really great guests and we have a
Speaker 3: couple of episodes. I hope people enjoyed the wisdom some
Speaker 3: of them have brought to this space of serenity. And
Speaker 3: we are smoking a cigar and I know what's up.
Speaker 1: You have to be can well see that back there.
Speaker 1: Wimer has this great humid door.
Speaker 2: We gotta just finish, you know, we'll have the cigar episode.
Speaker 1: I remember a couple of months ago you brought out
Speaker 1: a cigar and you were like you were talking the
Speaker 1: cigar up and you were you were telling me how fancy.
Speaker 2: It was made.
Speaker 1: But then you put it back in the in the humidor.
Speaker 3: I want to because I just felt like, Okay, you know,
Speaker 3: I just came back from occasion.
Speaker 2: I had a couple of cigars. I didn't have to
Speaker 2: have that there.
Speaker 3: But we have to figure out because we got to
Speaker 3: have the cigar my wife had, My lady had our
Speaker 3: second time, Yes.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Me, congratulations, Thank you very much.
Speaker 3: She is an absolute hero. She did incredible and I
Speaker 3: mean odd of what women do. Were you there, Yes,
Speaker 3: this is my second time. I'm witnessing my lady bring
Speaker 3: miracles to that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty amazing.
Speaker 2: Just yes, I mean were you there when?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's unbelievable. You know, like it's impossible to not
Speaker 3: be like, can I rub.
Speaker 2: Your feet today? You know, because you don't have to
Speaker 2: push a baby out. It's like we need to do
Speaker 2: more for them, right, But it was really beautiful shout
Speaker 2: out to everybody.
Speaker 3: A theater Sinaide, joining a great house friend over there
Speaker 3: who really helped us with everything. But you know, Cedars
Speaker 3: are really taking care of us two children now there,
Speaker 3: They're just unbelievable.
Speaker 1: She was born there too.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, and he was born on seven eleven,
Speaker 3: which a lot of people call me immediately like wow,
Speaker 3: how cool, free slur piece.
Speaker 1: As if you planned it that way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we know that he was supposed to be
Speaker 2: born on the twenty fifth.
Speaker 3: It was a do date, and he came on the eleventh,
Speaker 3: which was great because I was going back to work
Speaker 3: on the sixteen, so he gave me a couple of
Speaker 3: days just to be home before I had to get
Speaker 3: clocked back into t n c I S.
Speaker 1: But where the name? Where'd the name come from?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 3: Well, so, for like so many years, the wolf has
Speaker 3: been my spirit animal. I just love the wolf mentality,
Speaker 3: the pac mentality, examily mentality. I love the way they
Speaker 3: organize for survival and all that stuff, and and and
Speaker 3: how they ride for each other, you know, and and
Speaker 3: so I always kept with that my friends, and you know,
Speaker 3: like we're all kind of been subliminately the wolf pack,
Speaker 3: you know. So Amanda surprised me with that. She's like, hey,
Speaker 3: I really like Wolf, and I was like, yeah, I
Speaker 3: didn't want to say like, I love it too, so
Speaker 3: it'd be like it's your idea, Yes, it's your idea.
Speaker 2: And I was like, yeah, that sounds so great.
Speaker 3: Well you named this one, you know, because I obviously
Speaker 3: got away with mine with Nicando, you know.
Speaker 2: But but we both agreed Wolf was a cool spirit,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 3: And then his name, his middle name is Monte, and
Speaker 3: Monte and kind of an Italian means mountains. So we thought,
Speaker 3: you know, she's the ocean. Her middle name is Oshiana,
Speaker 3: so we thought she's the tranquility in the balance of
Speaker 3: the ocean, and he's the you.
Speaker 2: Know, the she's the ocean too, you know, to his mountain.
Speaker 1: That's pretty cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's been it's been kind of cool to
Speaker 3: see if we're no longer here with them, Yeah, that
Speaker 3: they know they can have each other and coexistence. So
Speaker 3: they became a little bit more profound than than just
Speaker 3: to name. But so he's the Wolf and she's the
Speaker 3: honorable Geisha, the female warrior.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about getting ready to wipe butt again?
Speaker 1: That's three in the morning.
Speaker 2: I'm glad you asked and I'm glad you asked it.
Speaker 3: And this is gonna also turn into an advice to
Speaker 3: every dad out there, whether it's your first, or your
Speaker 3: second or your third.
Speaker 2: I cannot stress this enough.
Speaker 3: Change the first diaper, and change as many diapers as
Speaker 3: you possibly can could it is it is a privilege,
Speaker 3: an honor to change your sons or.
Speaker 1: Daughter's kulito to wipe that.
Speaker 3: But yeah, like that, that is the most a beautiful
Speaker 3: offering of care and nurturing you and your kid. And
Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell all dads also that change as many
Speaker 3: diapers as you can until they turned one, so then
Speaker 3: your wife will never be able to say that they
Speaker 3: never change diapers.
Speaker 1: Are you guys on shifts?
Speaker 2: Are you?
Speaker 1: Are you the are you the three o'clock in the
Speaker 1: morning guy? To wipe the diaper, to wipe the butter?
Speaker 3: Well, we have to change his diaper every time he feeds,
Speaker 3: because every time he feeds, it gets very festive.
Speaker 1: It gets festive. Yeah, yes, yeah.
Speaker 3: It's like confetti, Like there's just a confetti little popper
Speaker 3: that happens as soon as he tastes that delicious dairy, right.
Speaker 1: And he's not on sid wait wait, wait till he
Speaker 1: gets on You remember that, right.
Speaker 3: Yea, yeah, and that's what I said, potato, So they
Speaker 3: have solids, right to be like, hey, change to eat
Speaker 3: that print, take it a break.
Speaker 1: And then when it's three in the morning and he
Speaker 1: starts to have solids and she's elbowing you together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I gotta take one for the team, you know.
Speaker 2: But you know, I actually don't don't really mind it
Speaker 2: very much.
Speaker 3: It's it's it's part of it, right, It's like part
Speaker 3: of the whole thing. And you just think about this.
Speaker 3: One day you're not going to change a diaper and
Speaker 3: you'll realize, wow, I kind of that was a moment, right,
Speaker 3: and it went and it no longer here. But Nakano
Speaker 3: like she's you know, she goes and takes care of
Speaker 3: her own business and and like, yeah, and that feels
Speaker 3: funny because she's like, I did all by myself, daddy,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, but I want to help now.
Speaker 2: It's very funny.
Speaker 1: But but yeah, anyways, is there anything that you learned
Speaker 1: from your experience with Ncano that that you're like, I
Speaker 1: wish I would have known that with Nacano, But now
Speaker 1: that I do know that I'm going to apply it
Speaker 1: with Wolf.
Speaker 3: I think, like we practice a certain level of frequency
Speaker 3: at the house, you know, like there's no like high tensions.
Speaker 3: You know, we don't you know, we don't have discussions
Speaker 3: or arguments in front of the kids.
Speaker 2: You know, like there's a level.
Speaker 3: We also have to show a certain level of balance
Speaker 3: when we deal with adversity in front of our kids,
Speaker 3: you know, so they understand that's also a choice for them.
Speaker 3: I think that's the biggest one for me. It's just
Speaker 3: to say, hey, you know, take a deep breath first. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know, And that's what we've tried to teaching account
Speaker 3: As soon as she's feeling her emotions are hard to control.
Speaker 2: Hold on, let's low down, take a deep breath all
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 3: And now when you have your attention, okay, tell me
Speaker 3: what's going on, this and this and this, Okay, cool,
Speaker 3: then let's go. You know, let's change your socks and
Speaker 3: it doesn't hurt anymore when you wear your little jellies,
Speaker 3: you know. Like so it's like stuff like that, that,
Speaker 3: like there's simple equations that if you I don't know,
Speaker 3: if you offer that, they have the choice to slow
Speaker 3: things down a little bit. So they can see the
Speaker 3: clear path, maybe it turns into some type of like
Speaker 3: how do I see down the road? So I think
Speaker 3: that's the one thing I think I really want to
Speaker 3: pass down to.
Speaker 1: Why did you make that conscious choice with her? You know?
Speaker 3: I think I saw when I was really young, I
Speaker 3: saw something with my family, my mom and my dad
Speaker 3: that should have been a more frantic reaction. There was
Speaker 3: something that happened, you know, and it was like really
Speaker 3: really impactful.
Speaker 1: Right. It's like we were at some you know, we
Speaker 1: were at you know, at a soccer.
Speaker 3: Field, you know, and you know, some guys came up
Speaker 3: and confronted a guy and it like escalated very quickly,
Speaker 3: and my dad, without missing it, beat, he's like, your soccer,
Speaker 3: grab your things, whatever we're getting in the car, gets
Speaker 3: in the car, and then we left. But other people
Speaker 3: were like running and this and whatever, you know. And
Speaker 3: it was the way that my dad and my mom
Speaker 3: reacted to this high moment of intensity that told me, oh,
Speaker 3: had a choice to kind of slow things down a
Speaker 3: little bit. Take it the breath one two through what
Speaker 3: are the steps?
Speaker 2: Pace one?
Speaker 3: Face two, phase three And and I've carried us since
Speaker 3: I was a little since a little boy, you know,
Speaker 3: I haven't reacted with emotions first, you know, I kind
Speaker 3: of just like listen first, and I think that's what.
Speaker 3: Then he listened to his environment, he did what he
Speaker 3: had to do to get us out of there, and
Speaker 3: then it made me feel like, oh, that's how you
Speaker 3: react to.
Speaker 2: High tense situations.
Speaker 3: Then, you know, then I had to teach myself, which
Speaker 3: they didn't teach me this part because they themselves, as
Speaker 3: you know, our parents swallow the trauma, right, they don't
Speaker 3: deal with it, they don't talk about it whatever.
Speaker 2: Then I had to teach myself later to like how
Speaker 2: do I let it go? You know? How do I
Speaker 2: process it?
Speaker 1: Yea?
Speaker 3: How do you how do you grab that energy that
Speaker 3: you not suppressed but you process differently?
Speaker 1: And like what did it turn into for you later?
Speaker 3: And you know, and it's not a very weird mathematical
Speaker 3: scientific equestion and it's just more of like, am I
Speaker 3: okay with what happened?
Speaker 1: M hm?
Speaker 2: Check with yourself? You feel good? Okay? Cool?
Speaker 3: Onto original programming, you know, but I think that's kind
Speaker 3: of where it came from.
Speaker 1: And there's also you know, that saying I don't remember
Speaker 1: what the person said, I ali remember how they made
Speaker 1: me feel. You've heard that saying. I always feel like
Speaker 1: with kids, you know, at that age, they only they
Speaker 1: only absorb how you make them feel, right, And so
Speaker 1: like to your point, like, if there is tension in
Speaker 1: the house, if there is arguing, is there you know,
Speaker 1: they don't know what the argument is about, right, They're
Speaker 1: only aware of how you're making them feel in that moment.
Speaker 1: And so by you approaching it and being calm and
Speaker 1: you know everything you just said, it's controlling how you're
Speaker 1: making her feel at the stage because.
Speaker 3: There are a moment for you that when you were
Speaker 3: growing up that also made you oh, this is how
Speaker 3: I handle this is how I deal with this, or
Speaker 3: like this is something you have to relearn to do
Speaker 3: later when you realize maybe it wasn't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I made a conscious decision. You know, I
Speaker 1: grew up around gangs and drugs and all that stuff
Speaker 1: my whole life, and I sort of I made a
Speaker 1: real conscious decision that when the kids were coming up,
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna put them in that environment, you know.
Speaker 1: I you know, as much as people made fun of
Speaker 1: me at the time, they're like, oh, you're moving to
Speaker 1: the suburbs. I'm like, I don't care. I don't want
Speaker 1: to surround them around that. And sometimes what happens when
Speaker 1: you grow up in that environment, and especially when you
Speaker 1: have kids when you're younger, people are like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: you're you're not raising your kids with any street smarts.
Speaker 1: But I didn't care about that. I just cared about
Speaker 1: not surrounding them with the trauma that I underwent that
Speaker 1: I saw, and how gangs and drugs and all that
Speaker 1: stuff that I was surrounded with, how it made me feel.
Speaker 1: Right as we talk about feel, you know, and you
Speaker 1: talk about suppressing trauma, it was a lot of trauma
Speaker 1: that myself and my brothers underwent growing up in that
Speaker 1: type of environment that we found that we had to
Speaker 1: kind of suppress and deal with it when we got older,
Speaker 1: you know, because when you grow up in that kind
Speaker 1: of environment, you're just trying to survive, so you're suppressing that,
Speaker 1: you know. So anyway, I just think that that that
Speaker 1: applies to everything, you know, whether it's whether it's Nakano
Speaker 1: at home and you're choosing not to argue in front
Speaker 1: of her and stuff. You know, like at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, when you're young, you're only absorbing how
Speaker 1: people and environments are making you feel you know.
Speaker 2: Also, the biggest one I think to me is how
Speaker 2: you treat others. Right, it's you know.
Speaker 3: You you you could be flowing how you used to
Speaker 3: flow with everyone in the but somebody else is now watching,
Speaker 3: and you don't teach them how to handle their feelings
Speaker 3: or you don't teach them how to communicate with the world.
Speaker 3: They watch you do it and then they repeat it
Speaker 3: a right and so, and you said that to me,
Speaker 3: you know, you said, they're always watching. That's always watching, man,
Speaker 3: They're always watching. They're always paying attention to everything you're doing.
Speaker 3: And I've noticed that with the kind of since you
Speaker 3: and I talked about that, she noticed her. And see
Speaker 3: the way she walks into a room. She comes to
Speaker 3: visit me on set, and she's saying hi to everyone,
Speaker 3: shaking anyone's hands. She gives hugs when they when they're due,
Speaker 3: and you know, and like she shows up and she's
Speaker 3: not She doesn't fear strangers, right, but she you know,
Speaker 3: she knows that when Daddy and Mommy moved, she has
Speaker 3: to go too. She doesn't stay with anyone, but she
Speaker 3: also understands the importance of like, hi, how are you,
Speaker 3: I'm the condo, and it's like, and you.
Speaker 1: Think that that's from watching you do that, because I
Speaker 1: come in, I'm.
Speaker 3: Like hello, And like the thing about that is that
Speaker 3: is that, you know, you set a tone for how
Speaker 3: you want that moment to be for you. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: she has control over that. And I noticed that, you know,
Speaker 3: and I love you know, we both like, we both
Speaker 3: love people.
Speaker 2: We walk into a room, we.
Speaker 3: Like, well, we're going to have a conversation with anyone
Speaker 3: who wants to have a conversation, right, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And she's kind of developing that.
Speaker 3: She comes to work, she goes to a restaurant, the
Speaker 3: way she talks to waiters and whatever.
Speaker 2: She's like very open.
Speaker 3: She's like enjoying this and bringing people into her own experience,
Speaker 3: which I think is really healthy.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's really interesting. You know, even even to this day,
Speaker 1: you know, my kids are older and they still like,
Speaker 1: every once in a while we'll say something and I'm like,
Speaker 1: how do you know that. They're like, oh, because I
Speaker 1: was watching you, Dad. I saw you did this, or
Speaker 1: I saw you say this, or I saw them. I'm like,
Speaker 1: damn it.
Speaker 2: Even when you get older, you were watching.
Speaker 1: They were always always watching always watching. Yeah, you were
Speaker 1: talking about wiping butt and diapers and all that. And
Speaker 1: I text this to you when the day you had
Speaker 1: your child, and you and I were texting back and forth,
Speaker 1: and I said to you, wait until your kids turn
Speaker 1: twenty one, for example, and you get to have a
Speaker 1: beer with them. Oh, and you get to look them
Speaker 1: in the eye and you get to say, I used
Speaker 1: to wipe your butt.
Speaker 2: I used to wipe your butt.
Speaker 1: I say that to my kids all the time. I
Speaker 1: used to wipe your but all right, dad, Yeah, it's crazy,
Speaker 1: but it's wild when you look at your kids at
Speaker 1: that age and they're older and you're like, wow, like
Speaker 1: you're a grown man. But I used to wipe here.
Speaker 3: I can't even I mean, my my daughter is four
Speaker 3: years old, and I you know, I look forward to,
Speaker 3: uh you know, to yeah, to like having a you know,
Speaker 3: have a little glass of champagne with my daughter a
Speaker 3: New Year's Eve, yeah know, or like going on vacation,
Speaker 3: having pinacolidas together, like you know, like that kind of
Speaker 3: silly stuff, like you're celebrating life with your kids.
Speaker 2: It's a it's a different feeling, you know.
Speaker 1: And how do you think she's going to handle it
Speaker 1: was she receptive to love them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, my baby, my baby is I want to
Speaker 3: meet I want you to meet my baby.
Speaker 2: I want you to meet my baby.
Speaker 1: She calls him my baby.
Speaker 3: Not Somebody gave me a word of advice that I
Speaker 3: thought was super important and said, someone said, make sure
Speaker 3: that she knows that this is also happening to her.
Speaker 1: Huh.
Speaker 3: So when you have an only child and then you
Speaker 3: have a second child come in, Yeah, you know, they
Speaker 3: could be that first impression. How you prep your first
Speaker 3: child for the arrival of the second is absolutely everything.
Speaker 3: And I realized that the more and more I thought
Speaker 3: about it while he was in the belly, the more
Speaker 3: it was reinforsing to Nakano that this is happening for
Speaker 3: all of us, for the family, This is for you.
Speaker 3: This is going to be your baby too, you know.
Speaker 3: So she took a level of ownership. So she was
Speaker 3: asking when is the baby coming? When is the baby coming?
Speaker 3: So when the baby came, she already wanted to hold them.
Speaker 3: She wanted to put a different outfit on. She's like,
Speaker 3: I want to hold them, you know, And it's so it's.
Speaker 2: A really cool thing. And it really did.
Speaker 3: Make a difference in her because right now she has
Speaker 3: a level of ownership. When she comes home from her
Speaker 3: little school or camp, her daily camp over here, she
Speaker 3: runs saying, she's like, I gotta go, I gotta go
Speaker 3: kiss my baby. And then she like rolls into his room,
Speaker 3: cases him, says Hi, tells him one or two things
Speaker 3: about school, and then gets out about her day or
Speaker 3: like she's going to go to bed, she's like she
Speaker 3: has to kiss him good night because that's her baby,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 2: So that's been really cool.
Speaker 1: Do you think there's like a maternal instinct that's kicking in.
Speaker 2: At this because it was the other way around?
Speaker 3: Yeah, a pillow in somebody's face, No, no, no, but yeah,
Speaker 3: so I think Nikano has really taken ownership of that
Speaker 3: and really has appreciated, you know, what he means. Like
Speaker 3: to her, she's like wanted to share her toys until
Speaker 3: he reaches out for it.
Speaker 2: Right Like, we'll see why when.
Speaker 3: That happens, you know, But for now, she's taken ownership
Speaker 3: and she loves it.
Speaker 1: Did your parents ever tell you how it was? Because
Speaker 1: you're the oldest, right, did your parents ever like tell
Speaker 1: you stories about how it was when your sisters came
Speaker 1: home and then you know what you're reaction.
Speaker 3: I mean I was like, you know, this is a transformer,
Speaker 3: you know. Yeah, like especially Stephanie. So I was a
Speaker 3: little older with Stephanie, but but with Maryland, we were
Speaker 3: one year apart, so it was kind of like, you know,
Speaker 3: it wasn't as.
Speaker 1: Bad, right, yeah, you're apart, but I just was like it.
Speaker 2: You know, I was a tiny earthquake, you know.
Speaker 3: So my mom has been very open about saying that
Speaker 3: she really wanted to send me back but.
Speaker 2: I really couldn't.
Speaker 1: But uh yeah.
Speaker 3: But but then as time went along, you know, I
Speaker 3: put my efforts into soccer, you know, the things or whatever,
Speaker 3: and I had all the outlets, you know, so I
Speaker 3: became a lot more manageable. But my mom was like, man,
Speaker 3: I hated on a restaurant with you.
Speaker 2: It's like really really bad.
Speaker 3: Oh we would you act up at on the table,
Speaker 3: the table underneath the table.
Speaker 2: You know, It's like you were that guy. I was
Speaker 2: that dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, screaming at a restaurant. Yeah, screaming on an airplane
Speaker 1: like that, I think.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she did say in an airplane, I couldn't just
Speaker 3: sit still, Yeah, I didn't jumping.
Speaker 2: I had to be running around or whatever. So shout
Speaker 2: out to all the parents.
Speaker 3: Yeah who put you know, who put up with all
Speaker 3: of that stuff early in your years. And and don't
Speaker 3: feel shy to tell your sons and daughters. You know,
Speaker 3: this is how you used to be, right, you.
Speaker 1: Know, I do it, I do it. We we we
Speaker 1: we we shared that with them. How they were My
Speaker 1: boys were so but they were they were cool man,
Speaker 1: you know, and thank god they were. They were pretty
Speaker 1: well behaved for the most part. I was such a
Speaker 1: young dad. I'm like, I don't know how I would
Speaker 1: have taken having sort of a hurricane in the house.
Speaker 1: My youngest was a little more of like a hurricane.
Speaker 1: But for the most part, it was good. And they
Speaker 1: were partners in crime, you know, so they had each other.
Speaker 1: So now you've given the kind of a partner in
Speaker 1: crime and they're only what.
Speaker 2: Four years apart? Yeah that's what changed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's not bad. How far are you
Speaker 1: and your youngest sister, younger think eight years? Eight years?
Speaker 1: Oh wow, are you really eight years older? I didn't
Speaker 1: realize that. Yeah, and you and you and Stephanie are
Speaker 1: only a year apart.
Speaker 3: I mean, Maryland, when you're a party eight years apart,
Speaker 3: and so she was the ay always right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she came so late in the game.
Speaker 1: I never realized that that she was that much younger
Speaker 1: than you.
Speaker 2: But she's phenomenal. She's like, it's such a grade.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's hilarious's dry, sarcastic, a little grumpy, but she's awesome.
Speaker 1: And how are your parents reacting to the new addition
Speaker 1: to the family.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's true, but they say, like, your parents
Speaker 3: are gonna love your children more than they love you, right, I.
Speaker 1: Mean you see that already.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's like whatever they want, they get, you know,
Speaker 3: but you know, we all know that we are going
Speaker 3: to eventually inherit the job, you know, a good cup
Speaker 3: back cup, Like, who's that good back up in your house?
Speaker 1: I'm the good cop, yeah, Elsie. Elsie's the bad cop.
Speaker 1: She was, you know, like I said, you know, it's
Speaker 1: one of the downfalls of having kids. You're so young,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I was like a teenager, so I
Speaker 1: was still a kid myself, you know, uh, but but
Speaker 1: but I was I was firm. I was firm, but
Speaker 1: she was she was definitely a little more firm than
Speaker 1: than I.
Speaker 3: Feel like you were subliminately defaulting into what your parents did.
Speaker 2: For you and with you.
Speaker 1: I think so, right, because.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm using the same terminologies and I look
Speaker 3: myself in the middle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because what other example do you have, right, unless
Speaker 1: you're like reading parenting books. You know, I didn't read
Speaker 1: any parenting books. I was just like, you know, my
Speaker 1: parents were old school, and I think they did a
Speaker 1: pretty good job. So I just reverted to like what
Speaker 1: they did, you know. Minus you know, and both of
Speaker 1: our parents are from different well you know, my'm from
Speaker 1: Puerto Rico, but different sort of countries per se, right,
Speaker 1: And I think that's sometimes the parenting style or it's
Speaker 1: a little different from over there.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: You know, you got the chunk lit that right?
Speaker 2: You can literally did you see it? In my eyes?
Speaker 3: I believe in that because the image of the chuklit alone, yeah,
Speaker 3: inspires discipline. You don't even have to use chunk unlikely
Speaker 3: way from your foot to from your feet to your hands, right, Like,
Speaker 3: you don't have to engage that just the symbol of
Speaker 3: the chunk clit.
Speaker 2: That's like, I don't know what that feels like.
Speaker 1: And that's what I don't want to know what it feels.
Speaker 2: And I don't want to find out that's what my
Speaker 2: dad did to me. Oh yeah, my dad.
Speaker 3: My dad used like right, he used the belt, and
Speaker 3: I didn't know what I was going to feel like,
Speaker 3: and because I didn't know what it felt like, I
Speaker 3: would just drop it whatever I was doing.
Speaker 1: So so it never it never got there, and that never.
Speaker 1: There was one time that my dad used.
Speaker 2: Shoelace. The shoelace, yeah, he dunked it in water.
Speaker 1: Huh.
Speaker 3: He told me to put my hand on the front
Speaker 3: and hit the top of my hand, not the palm,
Speaker 3: just over the head, you know, like over the hand,
Speaker 3: and he just like whipped it one time.
Speaker 1: Why are your hand? Were you stealing?
Speaker 2: No, my hand?
Speaker 3: Because my mom was trying to reprimand me, and I
Speaker 3: kind of stood up with my mom and it looked
Speaker 3: like I was gonna, you know, raise my hand. Yeah
Speaker 3: I didn't technically raise my hand, but like it looked
Speaker 3: like I was standing up to my mom, and my Mom's.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, okay, that's what we're gonna do now. She
Speaker 2: called my dad. My dad drove home from work.
Speaker 3: He drove home from work, and he my mom intersected
Speaker 3: him at the front yard, and all I'm hearing's like
Speaker 3: she's like, I'm just seeing their mouths move.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't hear it.
Speaker 3: But there was a clear shot from my bedroom across
Speaker 3: the living room and into the front and out the
Speaker 3: front door into the front yard where I could see
Speaker 3: my parents from my room talking outside.
Speaker 2: And then just like a movie.
Speaker 3: My dad turns beams his eyes across the entire interior
Speaker 3: of the house and into my bedroom run yard.
Speaker 1: Like the clin Eastwoods, slow mo, like yeah.
Speaker 3: And then he makes that content he goes, oh okay, yeah,
Speaker 3: he walks in airthing snow motion, earthing's terrifying, and all
Speaker 3: of a sudden, it's like me, me in the backyard,
Speaker 3: and I go, this is how I die. I go
Speaker 3: to the backyard. And the reason why I wanted to
Speaker 3: go in the backyard because we used to have those
Speaker 3: old the old tankers and the washing boards. You know,
Speaker 3: my wife used to wash everything by hand. Oh right,
Speaker 3: we didn't have washing and dryers, right, so my mom,
Speaker 3: my mom would grab the clothes and wash it. You know,
Speaker 3: she would board with the thing. But back then she
Speaker 3: would just use the same clothes to to wear because
Speaker 3: we didn't have the That was the fancy version I had,
Speaker 3: like the ri. It was just like simple tank withdrained
Speaker 3: and then the tank on the side with all the water,
Speaker 3: so she you know, half a coconut boom water water
Speaker 3: and then rains brains and then hang. My dad took
Speaker 3: me over there to that place, grab this key chain
Speaker 3: that had like one of those shoelaces that went like
Speaker 3: spira spir spirer spiral and they had like a little slack.
Speaker 2: At the end. He dipped it in the tank, put
Speaker 2: me to hand my hand out and then.
Speaker 3: One time and you know that like scream that it's
Speaker 3: like a dog whistle, you know, somebody hits you at
Speaker 3: the top of your head and you're just your your
Speaker 3: know and your body is screaming.
Speaker 2: But now the sound is not coming out. Oh oh
Speaker 2: that's what I was experiencing.
Speaker 1: Ah what.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like your face is making the face the voice
Speaker 4: is coming out, but voices not coming out. And they slowly,
Speaker 4: a tiny little voice starts like bleeding through your vocals, you.
Speaker 2: Know, all of a sudden it's like a full un scream.
Speaker 2: That's how painful that was.
Speaker 1: Oh, I never I never heard of that. I've never
Speaker 1: heard of the shoelace, A wet wet shoelace on the knuckles.
Speaker 2: You've never heard the heavier.
Speaker 1: No, I get why, but I've just never heard that's
Speaker 1: that's very creative. I wonder if that.
Speaker 2: Was passed down like this, well, I mean it's.
Speaker 3: Either that or like you know, power cable or or
Speaker 3: like they just rip down one of the wires that
Speaker 3: you hang your clothes on or yeah.
Speaker 2: Or like one of those two.
Speaker 3: But but you know, I will say, like it only
Speaker 3: took that one time and I never again.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 3: And the idea is that, like they just have to
Speaker 3: understand there's consequences to their actions.
Speaker 2: And I think that's important.
Speaker 3: And that's one thing I feel like the Latino community has,
Speaker 3: you know, they all explained to you three times what's
Speaker 3: kind of happened?
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, Like it doesn't just come out of nowhere.
Speaker 3: You know, you get strike one, strike two, strike three,
Speaker 3: and then and then when the chant.
Speaker 2: Gets right right or the belt?
Speaker 1: Was that was that a conscious like decision in terms
Speaker 1: of the parenting style or Amanda, when you know, I
Speaker 1: think it was.
Speaker 3: Like what you and I were talking about, all of
Speaker 3: a sudden, it just woke up in you like sign
Speaker 3: it uploaded from the parents.
Speaker 1: It was and she was with it like that same.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, look we yeah, so we've had the
Speaker 3: conversation like where are we at with this?
Speaker 2: What happens when this happens?
Speaker 3: And you know, we're both like, I guess we're going
Speaker 3: to find out when it does, you know. So we
Speaker 3: didn't really have a plan for it, but we had
Speaker 3: a philosophy that you know, you have to reason first.
Speaker 3: Somebody has to understand that, you know, and just taking
Speaker 3: the TV away it's not enough, like they have to
Speaker 3: truly understand what would just happened, you know, and you know,
Speaker 3: at this early age it's very primitive, it's very small,
Speaker 3: very emotional for them.
Speaker 2: It's just they can't control the emotions.
Speaker 3: They don't know the measurements. And you got to meet
Speaker 3: them where they're at so you can really communicate. That's
Speaker 3: what I think. But how did it happen for you?
Speaker 2: We?
Speaker 1: You know, Elsie and I we come from very very
Speaker 1: similar backgrounds. You know, we grew up a couple of
Speaker 1: blocks from each other. So the parenting style just fit
Speaker 1: right in because it was basically the same. Our parents
Speaker 1: disciplined us the same and so we you know, we
Speaker 1: had discussions about what we liked about it, what we didn't,
Speaker 1: and you just kind of learn as you go along. Man.
Speaker 1: You know, it's going to be trial and error. There's
Speaker 1: gonna be mistakes, there's going to be stuff that works,
Speaker 1: stuff that doesn't, and then eventually you just sort of
Speaker 1: figured out.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I think that sometimes growing up old school, I think
Speaker 1: that the disciplinary aspect of it is sometimes the scale
Speaker 1: is unbalanced, right, it's tipped a little more to the
Speaker 1: disciplinary aspect, you know, and I feel like that's no
Speaker 1: good because then I feel like the kids rebel against you.
Speaker 1: Right then there's a form of resentment that settles in.
Speaker 1: But then if the scale is tipped the other way,
Speaker 1: and it's like just just too much love and no discipline,
Speaker 1: and then sometimes kids tend to walk all over you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So, so I think that there's we decided really early
Speaker 1: on that there was going to be a healthy balance
Speaker 1: between the two and you never needed to, you said,
Speaker 1: because obviously your kids felt like they were kind of
Speaker 1: in line with the energy. You're, yeah, yeah, the energy.
Speaker 1: That's a really good description of it. You know, we
Speaker 1: set a tone, we set an energy, and you know,
Speaker 1: kids aren't perfect, right, but but but for the most part,
Speaker 1: they got it, you know, and I felt like we
Speaker 1: implemented enough of that healthy balance that that it motivated
Speaker 1: them to fall in line.
Speaker 3: No, No, we we feel the I feel like we
Speaker 3: have a very similar situation that kind of has really
Speaker 3: taken to that frequency. You know, there's no fire drills
Speaker 3: in this house, you know. So yeah, that's one thing.
Speaker 3: I really will say that. It's like, it's beautiful to
Speaker 3: see that n I kinda has just really comprehended. And
Speaker 3: I will say it's probably the gift of being a girl.
Speaker 3: She has developed so quickly. She's so smart. Yeah, she's
Speaker 3: so intuitive, and she like, for example, like I'll tell
Speaker 3: you this, tells you everything.
Speaker 2: She's four years old. She comes up to me, she goes.
Speaker 3: Daddy can have some of this candy, but after I
Speaker 3: have my food, because otherwise I'm gonna have a Tommy ache.
Speaker 1: She she knew you were going to say.
Speaker 3: What your response was, That's okay, honey, that's a really
Speaker 3: good idea.
Speaker 2: OK, just do that. Absolutely you can have that. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean so like the fact that she has the
Speaker 3: sophistication to be like, I'm gonna predict what you're gonna say.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna do it anyways, but
Speaker 3: I'm gonna but I want to have this.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: It's like where does she get that for three years old? Yeah? Right,
Speaker 1: Like where do you get that foresight? Like you're so
Speaker 1: aware of.
Speaker 2: I think reputation?
Speaker 3: Right's like you say it a few times and you're like, you, honey,
Speaker 3: you can have that, but you have to have some
Speaker 3: food because if you have that on an empty stomach,
Speaker 3: your your tommy can get upset. Yeah, and you said
Speaker 3: that in a few times that she's immediately like, I
Speaker 3: don't want to get a tummy ache. And you know,
Speaker 3: she doesn't have a sweet tooth, but she wants candy,
Speaker 3: but she'll have like the one bite and then she
Speaker 3: doesn't finish it. She wants ice cream, but she'll have
Speaker 3: like the one two scoops. So I think like for her,
Speaker 3: it's that kind of the ceremonial thing or having something
Speaker 3: that kind of like makes her happy, you know. And
Speaker 3: I think it's very cool that she like practice up
Speaker 3: and she doesn't excessively do it.
Speaker 1: So how do you how do you feel about And
Speaker 1: this is where we differ. You know, my kids are older, right,
Speaker 1: so like I was bringing them up before the sort
Speaker 1: of the social media and the invention of social media, right, Like,
Speaker 1: how do you feel now having a four year old
Speaker 1: and a newborn. It's just so different, Like people ask me,
Speaker 1: how would you have been raising your kids? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know how I would have been, right, because
Speaker 1: it's like social media is such an integral part of
Speaker 1: even their social circles, right, and and them being young
Speaker 1: and being kids and being teenagers, and so how do
Speaker 1: you how do you how do you strike a balance
Speaker 1: with that or how do you I mean, obviously you
Speaker 1: must not be dealing with that yet, not yet, but.
Speaker 3: We are constantly talking about it because you know, she
Speaker 3: has other friends already have like.
Speaker 2: Little reass wow at that a tablet.
Speaker 1: In their hands, right, you know, but where they're watching
Speaker 1: like cartoons.
Speaker 2: And still like there's people.
Speaker 3: In her life right now that are like, you know,
Speaker 3: i'd like, you know, they come in to hang out
Speaker 3: with her and they go to a corner and they're
Speaker 3: just watching, watching the table the entire time for like
Speaker 3: eight hours, so you know, and I get the preference, right,
Speaker 3: Like some parents are okay with that, parents are monitoring
Speaker 3: w they're watching, and that's fine too, but I'm gonna
Speaker 3: delay that as much as possible. She watching a movie
Speaker 3: is a decompression reward, not like not like you ate
Speaker 3: your food, now you get to watch a movie.
Speaker 2: But we don't do that.
Speaker 3: So it's kind of like, you know, we're gonna eat
Speaker 3: our food, get ready for bed, and then we'll see
Speaker 3: how if it's late or early, and then if it's
Speaker 3: if it's too late, we're gonna go to sleepy time.
Speaker 3: And if it's early enough, then we can watch a
Speaker 3: few minutes and more. Oftentimes it's too late, right, it's
Speaker 3: like closer to eight, and you're like, well, we got
Speaker 3: to go down.
Speaker 2: And so she understands that.
Speaker 3: She understands that, you know, maybe she got distracted and
Speaker 3: kind of burned some of the time before she got
Speaker 3: ready to go to sleep, and so I remind her, so, honey,
Speaker 3: you were running around a lot, you were playing a
Speaker 3: lot with your other toys, and therefore, now we don't
Speaker 3: have enough time to watch the you know, a little
Speaker 3: bit of the movie. She's like, okay, Daddy, you're right,
Speaker 3: and then, you know, so she's a very conscience of that.
Speaker 3: But it is a struggle because I know that it's
Speaker 3: coming right. I know if there is a tidal wave
Speaker 3: of not wanting to miss out on what's happening in
Speaker 3: the world, especially when your friends are talking about it
Speaker 3: all the time.
Speaker 1: You don't want to be the odd but becomes part
Speaker 1: of the social fabric of her.
Speaker 3: So I think to me, I'm going to try my
Speaker 3: best to delay the arrival of that as possible and
Speaker 3: as late as possible. And you know, she still likes
Speaker 3: she still loves reading books. She's four and a half.
Speaker 2: She likes reading a book before you goes to sleep.
Speaker 3: I like telling her stories about this young princess named
Speaker 3: Na Kinda that lived in a mountain and how to
Speaker 3: you know, had a friend unicorn who could fly, and
Speaker 3: she went down to the village and save the town.
Speaker 3: And she was the smartest and brightest and you know,
Speaker 3: most powerful, you know, young princess of the land, and like,
Speaker 3: you know, and like, so I would tell these stories
Speaker 3: and she's like thinking about it and like and then
Speaker 3: she fought a dragon and she overcame that and saved
Speaker 3: the people.
Speaker 2: I call. So I can tell all these fantastic stories
Speaker 2: and she loves.
Speaker 1: So you're regulating sort of the TV time, movie time
Speaker 1: with books.
Speaker 3: Like it's okay to listen to a story and it's
Speaker 3: okay to read a book. So I think she does
Speaker 3: it right now. She's not like I want to watch
Speaker 3: the TV I wanted to be.
Speaker 2: I want to be.
Speaker 3: She wants to play. She wants to connect with people.
Speaker 3: Like if I'm in the office, she wants to go
Speaker 3: play with, you know, with Leo, you know, our producer.
Speaker 3: She wants to play with Lauren, our executive assistant. Like
Speaker 3: she you know, she wants to connect with people right now,
Speaker 3: and so we're trying to really.
Speaker 2: Expose her to as much all that's possible. But but
Speaker 2: to your.
Speaker 3: Point, like who knows when when all her friends are
Speaker 3: like did you see this and she's like, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or the or the images of when she gets older, right,
Speaker 1: the images of of what her peer group is saying
Speaker 1: she should and even when he gets.
Speaker 3: When she gets her cell phone, freddie, Yeah, I'm going
Speaker 3: to tell her always rather talk on the phone then
Speaker 3: text somebody.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you.
Speaker 3: Got to keep that alive, your ability to communicate with
Speaker 3: another human, receiving the energy, feeling each other's moods, Like,
Speaker 3: you know, if you want to use the phone, call somebody,
Speaker 3: don't just text them. I'm going to try to see
Speaker 3: how long she can go with continue to communicate with people,
Speaker 3: because that's how you develop your ability to conversate and
Speaker 3: have real life conversations with people that are not hidden
Speaker 3: behind a text chain.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's funny you say that. I was talking to
Speaker 1: a kid, will Say and he was like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: hanging out with my friends this weekend. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's cool. Are they coming over your house or are
Speaker 1: you going there? He goes, no, we don't go over
Speaker 1: each other's houses. We're going to hang out online. And
Speaker 1: it blew my mind.
Speaker 2: I was like, that's how.
Speaker 1: You hang out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's fun in that?
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, that's how And he was looking at
Speaker 1: me like I was crazy, you know, like yeah, that's
Speaker 1: how we do it now, you know. It blew my
Speaker 1: mind that that that the kids, you know, I'm sure
Speaker 1: not all kids in this generation, but a lot of
Speaker 1: them sort of lock that sort of like social interaction
Speaker 1: and then much rather do it in like chat rooms,
Speaker 1: and you know it's crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is crazy.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, we wish all the parents at home,
Speaker 3: you know, all the serenity or the peace, all the happiness,
Speaker 3: you know, and we're definitely trying to call through it it.
Speaker 3: We don't have all the answers here, but we're trying
Speaker 3: to figure it out as we go.
Speaker 2: And thank you to everyone who related to the chunk
Speaker 2: and look it up.
Speaker 1: And for those of you who don't know what it is,
Speaker 1: look up chunk lit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a mystical artifact from our ancient years, mystic
Speaker 3: rtifest you know, I think it was.
Speaker 2: It dates back to the Aztecs. Actually, yeah, that's where
Speaker 2: the Chacolta was born.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but they where they perfected the throwing style.
Speaker 3: If you like those amigos, share with a friend, tell
Speaker 3: him where to watch film, tell him where to listen
Speaker 3: to And this episode was helpful.
Speaker 2: I love you guys, Thank you. This is Wilmer.
Speaker 3: Valdorama, Freddie Rodriguez, and you watched and listened to those Amigos.
Speaker 3: See you next time.
Speaker 1: Those Amigos is a production from w V Sound and
Speaker 1: iHeartMedia's Michael through That Podcast Network, hosted by Me, Freddie
Speaker 1: Rodriguez and Wilmer of Aaldorama.
Speaker 3: Those Amigos is produced by Aaron Burleson and Sophie Spencers Abos.
Speaker 1: Our executive producers are Wilmer Valdorama, Freddie Rodriguez, Aaron Burlson,
Speaker 1: and Leo Klem at w V sound.
Speaker 3: This episode was shot and ended it by Ryan Posts
Speaker 3: and mixed by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Speaker 3: Madison Devin and Halo boy.
Speaker 1: Our cover art photography is by David Avalos and designed
Speaker 1: by Deny.
Speaker 3: Holtzklau and thank you for being here third Amigo today.
Speaker 3: I appreciate you guys always listening to those amos.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My Heart, visit the ir Heart
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
Speaker 1: favorite shows.
Speaker 2: See you next week.