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Speaker 1: I can do bad. I welcome back to good Mom's

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Speaker 1: Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mela. Happy Wednesday, Happy

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Speaker 1: hump Day everyone.

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Speaker 2: We've already started the episode.

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Speaker 3: Before the episode started, I've already told our guest how

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Speaker 3: I've had six wet dreams. Or Jamila shared with our guests,

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Speaker 3: I've already had six wet dreams about Eminem, and our

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Speaker 3: guest has since confirmed that Eminem looks like he might

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Speaker 3: smell like he's been holding for forty eight hours waiting

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Speaker 3: for his public defender to come defend him.

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Speaker 4: So in the movie Here we Are a mile, Yes,

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Speaker 4: that's one thousand percent what he I think would smell

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Speaker 4: like in the basement scene where he's doing the wrap up.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I'm not I don't know. I don't know why this

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Speaker 3: keeps happening to me. But Eminem, call me, I'm here.

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Speaker 1: Your secrets are not safe. I would love for that

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Speaker 1: really happens.

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Speaker 4: I'll tell you what I'd love to see. I'd love

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Speaker 4: to see you do a peloton ad where you're riding

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Speaker 4: next to him.

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Speaker 1: Well, I don't know why that sounds so freakyrotic. I

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Speaker 1: was just like a bitching that, and it's like.

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Speaker 3: I can't even imagine Eminem working out.

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Speaker 1: I've said Eminem more than I've ever said his name

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Speaker 1: in my entire lifetime today. Okay, I did have a

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Speaker 1: crush on him too, back back in the day, and

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Speaker 1: there's little options.

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Speaker 2: There's something there.

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Speaker 1: Anyway. How's your week, guys? How are you feeling today?

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Speaker 2: I'm feeling good. I'm feeling great.

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Speaker 3: I'm a little I smoked a little bit earlier and

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Speaker 3: so I'm feeling relaxed. And my friend gave me these

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Speaker 3: like rose essence drops that she like made me, and

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Speaker 3: so I just put them under my tongue and they

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Speaker 3: give me like I don't know, they make me feel

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Speaker 3: like energized but positive.

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Speaker 4: So are they like a rose essence THC.

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Speaker 3: No, No, no, it's just some She's an herbalist and

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Speaker 3: she I have. I suffer from anxiety, which is why

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Speaker 3: I'm really happy you're here. Okay, help me, am I

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Speaker 3: gonna make it worse, I hope not.

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Speaker 1: Wait, let's introduce our guests. You're hearing a voice. It's

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Speaker 1: not ours. We have an amazing bad ass woman here.

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Speaker 1: She's an author.

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Speaker 3: She's a lawyer, international best selling author.

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Speaker 2: Really an audible icon. I would say, I think you're

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Speaker 2: an audible icon.

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Speaker 1: You are.

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Speaker 3: She has the most successful self published audible book.

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Speaker 2: Of all time.

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Speaker 4: It's true.

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Speaker 3: And you're a motivational speaker. You're a mother and hot smoker.

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Speaker 3: She has white pants on with a patch on her ass,

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Speaker 3: says bad Ass that she wore for us.

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Speaker 4: I did, and I also did not realize I was

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Speaker 4: coming to the headquarters of beauty blenders. So after I

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Speaker 4: put my foundation on with my hands, I subconsciously rubbed

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Speaker 4: them down the front of my white pants. So I

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Speaker 4: have a foundation streak like some loser right here.

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Speaker 1: Please get her beauty blender. I had one.

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Speaker 4: I just forgot to put it in my suitcase last.

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Speaker 1: Night, and I figure out here an extra one. It's

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Speaker 1: so crazy because me and Eric are so fucking professional.

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Speaker 1: Last time Mel was supposed to come here and wires

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Speaker 1: got crossed and she was here and we were not,

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Speaker 1: and we were in another meeting, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh no, Eric, I like, I have to call her.

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Speaker 1: I'm scared. Oh no. So I went outside.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, hello, I didn't help her at all.

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Speaker 3: I was like, she's gonna have to deal with Mel

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Speaker 3: Robbins is outside of the office. I'm like, she don'na

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Speaker 3: have to deal with that. I can't do I was.

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Speaker 3: I was in the midst of like that day. I

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Speaker 3: was like break, I like broke down and had like

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Speaker 3: this crazy anxiety moment, and I was like, I can't help.

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Speaker 1: You, bitch.

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Speaker 2: I should figure it out.

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Speaker 1: And I thought for sure I was gonna get like

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Speaker 1: your assistant. I was like perfect, like, hey, so we're

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Speaker 1: not there. She's like, no, this is mel I'm.

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Speaker 4: Like, you did call. But then she got on the

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Speaker 4: team and I said, give me that phone, right.

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Speaker 1: She got me, you did, she got me together, so

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Speaker 1: fucking why. I was like, shit, I was like, I

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Speaker 1: just got a coach. She's like, don't apologie. I stop apologizing.

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Speaker 1: It's fine. Shit happens. I'm like, you're okay, you're right,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sorry. I am sorry.

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Speaker 4: Sorry, No, do not say you're sorry.

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Speaker 1: Like your team needs to be on luck cause you're growing.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, your motherfucking right, that's right.

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Speaker 4: So so you asked me at the beginning, come to

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Speaker 4: the table with a mantra, and we're gonna talk why.

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Speaker 4: Most mantras are bullshit, but one mantra I love is

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Speaker 4: that I always say to myself, especially when the shit

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Speaker 4: hits the fan, or especially when I hear the anxiety

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Speaker 4: or I feel the anxiety. And for anxiety for me

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Speaker 4: always starts in my ankles and it rolls up like

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Speaker 4: a train through my body. And I always say to myself,

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Speaker 4: this moment is preparing me for something amazing that hasn't

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Speaker 4: happened yet. This moment is preparing me for something amazing

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Speaker 4: that hasn't happened yet. And so when I say that,

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Speaker 4: it's a way to flip yourself out of anxiety and

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Speaker 4: fear and self doubt and self rejection and self bashing

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Speaker 4: and flip into this thing I call a high five attitude,

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Speaker 4: which grounds you into faith and optimism and a little

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Speaker 4: bit of confidence when you need. Because the fact of

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Speaker 4: the matter is that was the perfect breakdown for you

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Speaker 4: to have for me to be out here in La.

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Speaker 4: I don't live in La to be standing here, you know,

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Speaker 4: drive forty five minutes, stand you know here, organize the

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Speaker 4: day around coming here, you know, like, and I'm not

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Speaker 4: saying this make you feel bad. I want you to

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Speaker 4: understand that the universe gives you the size of a

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Speaker 4: breakdown that you need in order to wake your ass up.

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Speaker 4: And I'm telling you you have probably had other scheduling breakdowns.

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Speaker 4: You have probably had other process breakdowns, but they weren't

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Speaker 4: big enough to make you go, fuck, I'm going to

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Speaker 4: pay attention now. And so when you stand in those

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Speaker 4: moments and go, this is preparing me for something amazing

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Speaker 4: that hasn't happened yet. What that moment prepared you for

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Speaker 4: is respecting the platform you're building and respecting yourselves so

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Speaker 4: that you take this moment and say, oh, I actually

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Speaker 4: have to level up.

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Speaker 1: In this moment.

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Speaker 4: I got to upgrade the systems around me. I got

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Speaker 4: to upgrade the calendaring, I got to upgrade the you know,

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Speaker 4: like whatever it is. And I can say that to

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Speaker 4: you because I have fucked up so many times. And

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Speaker 4: I think when you kind of get into something and

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Speaker 4: you're in it because you really want to connect with

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Speaker 4: people and you want to make an impact, and it

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Speaker 4: sort of just happens organically. Me personally, I was completely

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Speaker 4: naive about what it meant to have a business and

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Speaker 4: do have a brand where you're the face of it,

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Speaker 4: what it means for your family, what it means in

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Speaker 4: terms of liability, what it means in terms of how

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Speaker 4: fast things start coming at you. And so if I could,

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Speaker 4: as somebody who is probably I don't know, twenty five

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Speaker 4: more fuck ups ahead of you, save you the heartache

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Speaker 4: and the headache that I have caused myself, then I

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Speaker 4: would love to do that. And that's why I was

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Speaker 4: literally like, don't you dare apologize? Like just get the

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Speaker 4: lesson and like change the stuff. And the other reason

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Speaker 4: why I want you to not apologize, like apologize when

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Speaker 4: something happens to say like I really apologize or like whatever.

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Speaker 4: But what I want you to do instead, especially as

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Speaker 4: women and especially as two women that are gonna build

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Speaker 4: something monstrous, Okay, I want you to flip out of

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Speaker 4: your vocabulary the word i'm sorry, and I want you

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Speaker 4: to insert the word thank you, thank you, And I'll

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Speaker 4: tell you why, Because in that moment you're like i'm sorry,

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Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it becomes the focus goes on

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Speaker 4: you making the mistake, so you feel terrible. It also

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Speaker 4: makes the person on the receiving end of the i'm

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Speaker 4: sorry feel like I need to reassure you when instead,

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Speaker 4: in those moments where you, you know, legitimately have a

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Speaker 4: like breakdown, you didn't intentionally go fuck Mel Robbins. Let's

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Speaker 4: just ghost her and let's put out let's put a

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Speaker 4: video out front, and let's see what this bitch does.

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Speaker 1: That's not what happens. That's the core what she says

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Speaker 1: about us, and see.

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Speaker 4: Exactly that's not what happened a punk. Yeah, literally, that's

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Speaker 4: not what happened. So in you in those moments when

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Speaker 4: you can go, hey, look we had a break down.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for understanding, thank you for your patients. That's sorry,

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Speaker 4: I got three kids, I know what it feels like.

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Speaker 2: Whatever, just to see it's French fries.

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Speaker 1: Just go at least one thing.

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Speaker 4: But literally, see there you go, thank you like she

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Speaker 4: literally like when you go thank you for your patience,

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Speaker 4: thank you for your understanding, thank you for your flexibility.

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Speaker 4: You get it off the battering ram of hitting yourself

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Speaker 4: and making yourself wrong and making somebody feel like they

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Speaker 4: need to reassure you, and you step into your power

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Speaker 4: and you go things happen. I appreciate you your flexibility,

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Speaker 4: and I appreciate you. See what I'm saying, that's what

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Speaker 4: are you betting from that?

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Speaker 3: I'm just I'm thinking because I I definitely saying I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: It's definitely something I've I do a lot, but I've

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Speaker 3: also I've been trying to undo and I also encourage

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Speaker 3: my friends to not apologize too, but never really thinking

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Speaker 3: about how it makes the person that you're saying i'm

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Speaker 3: sorry to then have to reassure you not only maybe

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Speaker 3: you've inconvenienced them, but then you're also making them have

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Speaker 3: to reassure you that it's okay. You know, I never

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Speaker 3: really thought about that part, because you think that you're

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Speaker 3: doing them a service almost by saying I'm sorry, when

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Speaker 3: really it's it's not.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't change whatever has been done well.

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Speaker 3: It makes them have to, like, like you said, reassure you,

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Speaker 3: when like that's not their job either. Not only are

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Speaker 3: you sorry for whatever it is you did, but now

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Speaker 3: they're also having to reassure whatever choice is well.

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Speaker 4: And now, let me tell you the bigger thematic piece

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Speaker 4: of this, because it's so conditioned into women and girls

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Speaker 4: to say they're sorry. I was going to say that,

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Speaker 4: is that when it becomes so casual that you are

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Speaker 4: literally apologizing for ordering gluten free bread, right, I'm really sorry,

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Speaker 4: I'm sorry that I'm a pain in the ass when

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Speaker 4: I order. I'm sorry, but could I please have gluten free.

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Speaker 4: With that that that you are taking away your right

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Speaker 4: to ta space. You are invalidating what you need. You

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Speaker 4: are invalidating your right to request the things that support you.

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Speaker 4: Like if you feel self conscious because you don't have

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Speaker 4: a simple order, just say, hey, thank you so much.

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Speaker 4: This is a really important thing to make sure that

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Speaker 4: it's gluten free. Now you're acknowledging the waiter instead of

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Speaker 4: bashing yourself for having a.

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Speaker 2: Need, and you're actually empowering the waiter to do the job.

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Speaker 3: Well, yes, because now they're like, wow, okay, I'm going

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Speaker 3: to get this right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.

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Speaker 4: You can certainly apologize when you screw something up, but

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Speaker 4: then flip it into a thank you to acknowledge the

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Speaker 4: other person for giving you the grace to be human.

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Speaker 1: Right, yeah, I think sorry, it does take away giving

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Speaker 1: yourself grace to be human. Like, no, I didn't do

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Speaker 1: it on purpose. Yeah, that's so true. As women, we

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Speaker 1: apologize all the time, all day long. I say it

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Speaker 1: so so much that it just rolls off the tongue.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, hi, I'm sorry. I don't know why I

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Speaker 1: said that. I'm like scooting past people who are too close.

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Speaker 2: Sorry.

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Speaker 1: Sorry, no, bitch, back up. Yeah, you know, women were

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Speaker 1: just like I think, we are so conditioned to not

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Speaker 1: take up space to be seen but not heard almost

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Speaker 1: you know, Yeah, it feels uncomfortable to do it. If

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Speaker 1: even having the conversation, I'm like, damn, how am I

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Speaker 1: gonna substitute thank you for I'm sorry? That's gonna be

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Speaker 1: a lot of thank you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's so it's empowering because you literally feel

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Speaker 4: like you're in control of everything. Right, thank you for

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Speaker 4: waiting for me and shed if I'm sorry I'm late.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for being flexible with us, and thank you

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Speaker 1: for coming back and blessing us with these gems right

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Speaker 1: off the top. Like I told her, I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm excited for this interview now, I'm like, wow, she

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Speaker 1: just I don't know what. She was like, stop disrespecting

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Speaker 1: your business. That is what she told me. I was like, damn,

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Speaker 1: I never heard it put it that way. I'm gonna stop,

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Speaker 1: I swear to god. Guess what happened The next that week,

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Speaker 1: we had a fucking meeting. Everybody, like, you all, let's

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Speaker 1: get on a call because she is getting she was

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Speaker 1: slipping through the cracks, and it's our business. So we

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Speaker 1: got to get it together well.

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Speaker 4: And by the way, as you continue to level up,

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Speaker 4: you're going to have to do that again. And as

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Speaker 4: you continue to level up, you're going to have to

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Speaker 4: do that again. We're doing that right now with our

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Speaker 4: own social media team because we've just been in the

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Speaker 4: middle of this big book launch and now we need

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Speaker 4: to post mortem because you know, I think a lot

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Speaker 4: of times, especially in a space where you're building something new,

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Speaker 4: it's around something you're passionate about. You basically build the

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Speaker 4: airplane as you're flying it.

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Speaker 1: You've never put it so good when you said that

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Speaker 1: when you have a business that you've developed through passion,

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Speaker 1: that you really didn't even realize that that's you were

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Speaker 1: building it. And then you're like, oh, fuck, I'm in

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Speaker 1: a business and there's people that need to be paid,

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Speaker 1: and I there's all these moving parts that you really

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Speaker 1: didn't expect. So you didn't like have a business plan

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Speaker 1: and then implement the shit. It just happened because it

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Speaker 1: is a project of passion. And like, I'm so happy

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Speaker 1: to be sitting down with you because obviously you're ahead

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Speaker 1: of us in this and taking this advice means a lot.

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Speaker 1: Like sometimes we talk about it and we know it

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Speaker 1: it's true, but we're like, are we tripping ay terrible

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Speaker 1: business people. I'm like, kind of, this wasn't supposed to

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Speaker 1: be a business well, and that's.

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Speaker 4: The other thing. You're not going to be good at everything.

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Speaker 4: And so one of the biggest breakthroughs for me, and

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Speaker 4: this was one of the gifts of doing that daytime

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Speaker 4: talk show that I was eventually fired from, but one

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Speaker 4: of the gifts of it, again, this moment is preparing

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Speaker 4: you for something amazing. That's happening is to all of

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Speaker 4: a sudden step into a television show. One hundred and

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Speaker 4: thirty five people on the team Sony Pictures Television. We're

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Speaker 4: filming at the CBS Broadcast Center. I had never been

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Speaker 4: a part of a machine that big, one hundred and

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Speaker 4: seventy five episodes taped in about five months flat. Wow,

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Speaker 4: Like that is a machine. But what I realized is, Oh,

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Speaker 4: I'm actually a really shitty CEO. Like no wonder. It's

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Speaker 4: been painful and I've been a workaholic because I have

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Speaker 4: been disrespecting my business and I have been trying to

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Speaker 4: do everything and I have been so insecure that I

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Speaker 4: have not been confident enough to hire people around me

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Speaker 4: that have more experience than me. And when I got

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Speaker 4: into the right seat on that you know train that

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Speaker 4: was moving a million miles an hour, I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 4: I'm not supposed to be running the production. I'm supposed

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Speaker 4: to empower people to create a production machine around me

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Speaker 4: so I can do what I love doing and that

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Speaker 4: will make it grow. And so that's what I also

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Speaker 4: meant by stop disrespecting the business and yourselves. You two

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Speaker 4: have a genius. You have a particular thing or things

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Speaker 4: that you're remarkable at. I am horrible at execution. I

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Speaker 4: can walk into a meeting and ideas a fly off

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Speaker 4: of me. I can talk like we're gonna make a

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Speaker 4: million dollars something like all these ideas are gonna hit,

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Speaker 4: and they will the second I walk out of the door.

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Speaker 4: I'm not doing any of that. So if you don't

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Speaker 4: start to understand what piece of this makes the money,

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Speaker 4: what piece do I love doing, what's the piece that

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Speaker 4: we actually need to hire, You're at that stage, and

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Speaker 4: that's the scariest stage in any business. Doesn't matter. There's

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Speaker 4: a reason why my ask is to God.

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Speaker 1: It's like, we need you this week, not that week.

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Speaker 1: This is the day. This is the day we need

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Speaker 1: to hear all these messages. It's like I'm getting goosebumps,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 4: Oh, and I'm gonna give you one more. Everybody. The

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Speaker 4: most incredible thing that you could ever do is say.

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Speaker 1: No, like exercise saying no, no.

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Speaker 4: No, no no. In business, oh okay, let me tell

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Speaker 4: you why?

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Speaker 1: Okay?

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Speaker 4: You ready? So when it comes to negotiating, what happens

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Speaker 4: when you start to get into talking deal terms for example,

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Speaker 4: like this happened with Sony Pictures. They reached out to

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Speaker 4: us and at this point we're on like Audible number three.

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Speaker 4: I'm the most booked female speaker in the world. We've

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Speaker 4: got half a million students and online classes. We are

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Speaker 4: slaying it and doing it on terms, and they on

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Speaker 4: our terms. And so they reach out to us and

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Speaker 4: they say, we'd love to talk to you about a

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Speaker 4: daytime syndicated talk show. So I grew up in Western Michigan.

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Speaker 4: When I would come home from school, my mom would

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Speaker 4: have on Oprah Donahue Montel. I grew up with the

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Speaker 4: old school talk shows on. It had always been a

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Speaker 4: dream of mine to host my daytime, to host my

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Speaker 4: own daytime talk show, be on TV. Like amazing. So

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Speaker 4: even though I was like, I'm like a digital person

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Speaker 4: like like you two are, when it came in, I

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Speaker 4: was secretly like fuck, yeah, okay, yeah, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: they want me. But I'm like, why would I do that?

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Speaker 4: Like why would I do a daytime syndicated talk show.

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Speaker 4: And so we wrote back and said, no, no thanks,

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Speaker 4: we got a lot going on, not interested. And they

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Speaker 4: wrote back and said, wait, what, Yeah, you're not interested.

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Speaker 4: Why aren't you interested? And I said, well, here's all

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Speaker 4: the reason. I'll make more money than you'll pay me.

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Speaker 4: I make more money doing what I do than you're

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Speaker 4: ever gonna pay me. I own everything that I do.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to change or become a caricature of

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Speaker 4: what I am. Like that like I want to And

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Speaker 4: they wrote back and we're like, but would you still

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Speaker 4: talk to us? And so like what happens is this

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Speaker 4: in the deal? When you say no, there is this

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Speaker 4: chemical thing that floods somebody's body, especially if it's a dude.

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Speaker 4: The testosterone, the chase, the part of the brain that

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Speaker 4: is attracted to something you can't have. It literally takes

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Speaker 4: over and because you said no, you become more desirable

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Speaker 4: and more attractive. This also works for dating everybody.

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Speaker 2: With sounds familiar.

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Speaker 5: Yes.

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Speaker 4: So the more that you say no, the more you

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Speaker 4: become something that somebody wants to get.

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Speaker 1: Your value somehow raises because you're less accessible. Correct, They're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she's saying no, damn, Like maybe we should try harder

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Speaker 1: raise our price, remove these dumb ass this dumb ass

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Speaker 1: contractor we just proposed her. And because a lot of times,

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Speaker 1: how many people on a daytime fucking talk show everybody,

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Speaker 1: I wonder if I can be open, but like, how

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Speaker 1: many people are saying no to shitty ask deals? People

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Speaker 1: are like, oh, Sony pictures, I'm in and then fucked.

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Speaker 1: You know, all their shit that they've built is gone

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Speaker 1: because they've given everything over to someone. And like, you know,

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Speaker 1: we've obviously probably not to that to that standard yet,

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Speaker 1: but like, of course we've had proposals and companies and

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Speaker 1: production companies and they're like, but we'll own everything, Like, bitch,

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Speaker 1: are you crazy? No?

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Speaker 3: Too many years we recently said notice, like a big opportunity,

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Speaker 3: and we sat on it for a while.

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Speaker 2: Like should We were like like should we? We were

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Speaker 2: trying to work it out.

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Speaker 3: Everything in me was like no, no, and then when

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Speaker 3: it came down to it, we were like, no, well

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Speaker 3: what Ultimately it was the ultimately the best decision that

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Speaker 3: we've made. And I'm now like literally this week starting

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Speaker 3: to see why I said no, yes.

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Speaker 4: And you know, even the thing we were talking about,

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Speaker 4: I don't want to say what it was on a mic,

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Speaker 4: so I don't know if you're talking about it publicly.

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Speaker 4: You should consider.

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Speaker 2: Our book no no, okay, thing, You.

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Speaker 4: Should consider doing it yourself because then you have control

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Speaker 4: over it before it becomes a thing, and then the

390
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:11,359
Speaker 4: bigger fish buy the thing you created versus letting them

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Speaker 4: futs around with you know what you're doing right thing.

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Speaker 4: So you know, I ultimately said yes because we were

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Speaker 4: in La. I think I was in La for a speech,

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Speaker 4: and so I'm like, well, i'll swind buy and hear

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Speaker 4: what you have to say. And they're like, why did

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Speaker 4: you show up? And I said, well, I showed up

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Speaker 4: to honor the dream that I had as a little girl.

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Speaker 4: I want to find out, like, actually, what you're thinking

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Speaker 4: and why you're interested. And what they said is, well,

400
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Speaker 4: ever since Oprah left daytime, it's fucking crap. Well that's

401
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,200
Speaker 4: not the words they use. That's the word I use.

402
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Speaker 4: It's celebrity promotion, it is hot, hot breaking news topics,

403
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:52,439
Speaker 4: or it is such fake conflict that it is in

404
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Speaker 4: service to nobody. And when I started to understand the

405
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Speaker 4: demographic of a person who is still watching day time television,

406
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Speaker 4: it aligned directly with the impact that I'm out to

407
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Speaker 4: make in the world, which is to make life changing

408
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 4: concepts research science accessible to the everyday person. And when

409
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Speaker 4: I realized that we could create a show potentially that

410
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Speaker 4: could be a lifeline for folks that have been left

411
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Speaker 4: behind by resources, that have been left behind, by funding,

412
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,320
Speaker 4: that have been left behind when it comes to access

413
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Speaker 4: to therapy or when it comes access to personal development,

414
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Speaker 4: I thought, this is something I'm going to go for

415
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Speaker 4: and it was absolutely something that I was destined to do.

416
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Speaker 4: And then of course they found COVID and it was

417
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Speaker 4: a dream job. I loved every single day. I loved

418
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Speaker 4: working with that team. It was a dream come true.

419
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Speaker 4: I felt like I was in for the first time

420
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Speaker 4: of my life at the age of fifty one. I

421
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Speaker 4: thought I was in the right place. And then they

422
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Speaker 4: found COVID nineteen in the building on March tenth, and

423
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Speaker 4: they walked into our studio and said, you have five

424
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Speaker 4: minutes to evacuate shows, cancel.

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Speaker 1: You're fired.

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Speaker 4: That's it, We're done. And it was amazing, Like I

427
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Speaker 4: first ran upstairs and grabbed everything that wasn't nailed down

428
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Speaker 4: and stole everything I could for my dressing room, shut.

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Speaker 1: It all in sea fire me. Yeah, okay, we say

430
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Speaker 1: give it all this shit.

431
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Speaker 4: Okay, grab every blaser get let's get a couch. Yes exactly.

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Speaker 5: If I could have grabbed thataker, I would have.

433
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Speaker 4: I'm like, oh yeah, take it all this shit. So

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Speaker 4: I literally and as I was coming out of CBS

435
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 4: Broadcast Center in New York City, they were evacuating sixty

436
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:40,919
Speaker 4: minutes and entertainment tonight and our office is surreal. And

437
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 4: that was the backdrop for when this new book started.

438
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 4: Was life punched me in the face and said, yeah,

439
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,120
Speaker 4: I don't think so, Mel, you don't have it all handled.

440
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 4: And I think we all had that moment where we

441
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 4: knew the pandemic was going to turn your life upside down.

442
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,360
Speaker 4: Whether did you When was the moment for you where

443
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 4: you're like, oh shit.

444
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 1: We were in New York and it was the first

445
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,399
Speaker 1: week of March, and we had kept hearing about it,

446
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,159
Speaker 1: but me and Eric are the type of bitches. I

447
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 1: want to live in a bubble so it will pass

448
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 1: because we're not watching the news because it's negative. Don't talk,

449
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 1: don't bring that negativity here. But we were leaving New

450
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 1: York and kept hearing about it. I went on a

451
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: date in this guy. I was like, aren't you scared?

452
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 1: I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

453
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,639
Speaker 1: But when we were leaving, we went to an event

454
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,159
Speaker 1: speaking event. Erica was speaking and this woman was like.

455
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 1: We went out to reach her hand and she was like,

456
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,479
Speaker 1: I'm not shaking hands right now, and we were like,

457
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:42,680
Speaker 1: what the fuck is going on?

458
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 3: She wasn't wearing a mask because the mask thing happened,

459
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 3: but it was being yeah, passed through handshakes at that point.

460
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 1: But then we went But then we went to the

461
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,959
Speaker 1: airport and everyone was wearing a mask, and I'm like,

462
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,120
Speaker 1: do you think this shit is about to get real?

463
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 1: We're about to be in like a zombie apocalypse. She

464
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 1: was like, no, no, no, it's fine, and then she

465
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:04,239
Speaker 1: got fucking like two days later, schools was you know

466
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:05,679
Speaker 1: how mom's knew school was shut there?

467
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 2: Yeah?

468
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, the teacher was like she might not come back

469
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 1: this week. I'm like for how long? But she's like,

470
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was like, oh, no, it's real.

471
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:19,359
Speaker 1: What do you mean, don't it's Wednesday? That was my my?

472
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 2: I agree, I mean it was. It's a crazy time.

473
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 3: But I mean, obviously, I think this time really allowed

474
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,720
Speaker 3: people like us and I think overall to kind of

475
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 3: tap in, sit the fuck down, and figure out what now.

476
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 3: And I'm so glad that this time you created this

477
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 3: book that the high five habit, because I've been like

478
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,399
Speaker 3: skimming through it. I mean, I just got it. So

479
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 3: I haven't read the whole thing.

480
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 4: That's okay, but I know all about.

481
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 3: But I'm just like wow, And I guess what really

482
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,879
Speaker 3: intrigued me so far about this too is kind of

483
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 3: like the science behind it too that I never really

484
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 3: realized when I was reading this section about you know,

485
00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 3: how NBA players and I'm an athlete too and like

486
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:02,440
Speaker 3: high fiving and how like it really does like transform

487
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:07,639
Speaker 3: the way you perform and the neurons in your brain.

488
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 3: And just I was like, wow, that's so amazing that

489
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 3: this moment that she had in the mirror just happened

490
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 3: to also be backed by science too, Like this storory

491
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 3: alignment is crazy.

492
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:21,199
Speaker 4: It's the story is honest to god crazy. You know.

493
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,439
Speaker 4: It's not like I sat down and was like, Okay,

494
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,119
Speaker 4: I got to write a book, got to have a

495
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 4: five in it. You know, it's been almost five years.

496
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 4: That's not what happened. Life punched me in the face,

497
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,400
Speaker 4: like I lost everything I had been working on. Because

498
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,400
Speaker 4: the fact is, the second that I got home, drove

499
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 4: home to Boston, our kids now come home, two of

500
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 4: them in college. Their college experiences imploded. They're having cascading

501
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,440
Speaker 4: anxiety attacks and anger and grief. And the only one

502
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,919
Speaker 4: that seemed unfazed was our son, you know, who's fourteen,

503
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 4: is like, I don't care. I don't have to go

504
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 4: to school. This is amazing. I play video games all

505
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 4: day and mom and dad are drinking starting at ten am.

506
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:02,399
Speaker 4: They're leaving me alone. And so I literally book contracts

507
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,680
Speaker 4: canceled and I need to return money I've already spent.

508
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,880
Speaker 4: There are NOPP loans or whatever the fuck they're called.

509
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 4: So I didn't know how I was going to make payroll.

510
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,520
Speaker 4: Every speech started to cancel, which was really how I

511
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,119
Speaker 4: made a living. And it gave me a flashback to

512
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 4: two thousand and eight, when my husband were eight hundred

513
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 4: thousand dollars in debt. I was unemployed. He had gone

514
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 4: into the restaurant business with his best friend. The first

515
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,680
Speaker 4: one had done great. It was a little pizza joint.

516
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 4: So we cashed out everything like complete morons and shoved

517
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 4: it all into the business. And then the housing crisis

518
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 4: hit and everything in that business was secured by our home.

519
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 4: We tapped the home equity line, we tapped the credit cards.

520
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 4: There were leans on our house. I couldn't pay for groceries.

521
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,919
Speaker 4: That's when I invented the five second role. And I

522
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,640
Speaker 4: invented the five second role counting backwards five four, three

523
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 4: two one to get my ass out of bed, because

524
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 4: at that moment, the anxiety was pinning me to it

525
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 4: like a gravity blanket. So I was now fifty one

526
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 4: looking at the universe, going, are you fucking kidding me?

527
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 4: I've been after ten years of clawing my ass out

528
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 4: of that hole and like helping our family and repaying

529
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 4: this debt and helping all these people, and I'm like

530
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 4: a relatively okay, decent person, like I this is what

531
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 4: you're doing to me? Like I was so hissed. So

532
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 4: for the first three weeks of the pandemic. I literally

533
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 4: did not change out of my pajamas. I started drinking

534
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 4: and smoking weed at about ten o'clock in the morning,

535
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 4: and then we would just literally turn on all of

536
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:36,360
Speaker 4: the different series with our kids and watch television all day.

537
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,479
Speaker 4: And then one morning in April, I woke up and

538
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 4: I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.

539
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 4: And you don't even need the pandemic. Like this book

540
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 4: has exploded. I'm talking to six days from the release

541
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 4: for the number one audiobook in the world. What We

542
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,679
Speaker 4: are number one in Canada, we are in the top

543
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 4: ten on Amazon. It is cracking something open inside people

544
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:05,400
Speaker 4: because I think, especially after the past eighteen months, everybody

545
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 4: is hurting, and everybody feels beaten down and low energy

546
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 4: and is tired of the uncertainty and feels a little

547
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 4: stuck or lost. And it's just like, when are we

548
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 4: gonna like go back to a life that feels like

549
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 4: the shoe's not about to drop yet again? Right?

550
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

551
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,919
Speaker 3: I feel like there's been moments where like, oh, just

552
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,160
Speaker 3: when you're catching up, it's like I'm bringing back down.

553
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 3: It's been feeling just like this since completely.

554
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, And we are not designed to live with this

555
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 4: level of sustained uncertainty. The reason why you feel more

556
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 4: on edge, or you feel your anxiety is more easily triggered,

557
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,879
Speaker 4: or you feel like you cry more easily, or if

558
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 4: you're like me, you feel by one thirty in the

559
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 4: afternoon like you've just taken the SAT exam and you

560
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 4: need a martini. Like it's just like I can't focus

561
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 4: on anything. It's because your nervous system is permanently in

562
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 4: fight or flight. Right now, we wear a mask. We

563
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,119
Speaker 4: not wear a master. I wear a messing this spilling DRG.

564
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,440
Speaker 4: Are they going to school? They're not going to say

565
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 4: what's happening? I don't fucking know. Give me the joint.

566
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 4: So I I for real, for real, And so you know,

567
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 4: whether you're listening to us and you've just been broken

568
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 4: up with or you didn't get the promotion, or you

569
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,919
Speaker 4: can't get yourself to fill out the application to go

570
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 4: back to nursing school, or you listen to these two

571
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 4: amazing ladies and you're like, I need to start that

572
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:31,160
Speaker 4: podcast and you're like, uh, Like, whatever it is that's

573
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 4: pinning you to the bed and making you feel like

574
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 4: you're overwhelmed by your life, I think it's a universal feeling.

575
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 4: And that's what I felt in April of twenty twenty,

576
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 4: and so I used the five second rule five fourth

577
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 4: three two one. I got out of bed. I made

578
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 4: my bed. I always make my bed. That morning, I

579
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,719
Speaker 4: made my bed so I didn't climb back into it.

580
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 4: I dragged myself to the bathroom and I'm standing there

581
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 4: in my underwear and I catch a glimpse of my

582
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 4: reflection and I literally think, oh my.

583
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 2: God, you look like hell.

584
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 4: And then the beatdown starts. And this is the dirty

585
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 4: secret that no one's talking about, and that is every

586
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 4: human being has an ugly, awful habit, and I want

587
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 4: to just blow the doors wide open on it. Every

588
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 4: human being either stands in front of the mirror in

589
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 4: the morning and either picks apart all the things that

590
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 4: they need to fix, or this is unbelievable how common

591
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 4: this is. Can't even look at themselves in the mirror.

592
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 4: Fifty percent of men and women cannot even look at

593
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 4: themselves in the mirror. Wow, And that's how we're starting

594
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 4: our days. And it's so much a part of our

595
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 4: lives you don't even realize it. And so here I

596
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 4: am picking myself apart, which only makes me feel worse

597
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 4: about myself. And if you had walked into the bathroom

598
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 4: at that moment and you were like going through it,

599
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 4: I would have been able to spin on a and

600
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 4: lift you up, just like get it on the call, right, like, oh,

601
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 4: I got you right. But when it comes to picking

602
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 4: yourself up, fuck that. I pile drive myself. We all

603
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 4: do it. And I don't know what came over me,

604
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 4: because I think you can tell I am not really

605
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 4: a cheesy person, you know, like I'm not like somebody

606
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 4: that would just invent some fluffy fucking thing to sell books,

607
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 4: like that's just not my jam. But for whatever reason,

608
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,959
Speaker 4: standing there in my underwear, one boom hanging lower than

609
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,000
Speaker 4: the other, my gray hair coming in like saggy tits,

610
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 4: saggy neck, like I'm a lot older than you, guys,

611
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 4: just wait what's coming. And so I literally, just as

612
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 4: pathetic as it sounds, I'd never done this before. I

613
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 4: raised my hand in a high five of the woman

614
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 4: in the mirror because she looked like she.

615
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 1: Fucking needed I haven't tried this yet, fuck it.

616
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's not like lightning strike. It's not like

617
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 4: the Heaven's open and the angel sang like it's not like, ah,

618
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 4: that's not what happened. But I'll tell you what. From

619
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 4: the very first one, like something shifted and I felt

620
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 4: this bit of like energy come back, like fucking pull

621
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 4: it again, like you're not dead, you have a house,

622
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 4: get out there. It's not that bad, you know, Like

623
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 4: I didn't even think that stuff. That was sort of

624
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 4: the energy, but it was the second day. Wait to

625
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 4: hear this shit. The second day is when everything broke open.

626
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 4: And I want to unpack this for you because I

627
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 4: think you will really get this at a profound level.

628
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 4: So I wake up again, same shit's going on, No

629
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 4: idea how we're going to deal with this, financially overwhelmed, depleted,

630
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 4: lost five or three two on them up, make the bed.

631
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 4: I start walking to the bathroom, and all of a sudden,

632
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 4: before I even get to the bathroom, I have this

633
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 4: realization that I am feeling something I have never felt

634
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 4: in my entire adult life. And it was this. You

635
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 4: know how when you're about to walk into a bar

636
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 4: cafe and you're going to meet somebody really like really

637
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 4: great friend you haven't seen in a while, how do

638
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 4: you feel.

639
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 1: Tingly inside like a little butterflies?

640
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I felt that way about the idea of

641
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 4: seeing myself. I am going to be fifty three in

642
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 4: two days. I have never, at that point in my

643
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 4: adult life had the experience of being excited to see

644
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 4: me the human being. I've been excited to see an

645
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 4: outfit or what my makeup looks like.

646
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 1: Literally was going to say that.

647
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 2: I was like, well, I've been excited, my makeup is done.

648
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like.

649
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 2: Such a shouting.

650
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:34,880
Speaker 4: But to see yourself, no, I know. Yeah, when we

651
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 4: were kids, we weren't like that. We saw Jansen kissing yourself,

652
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 4: high five, trolling in the mirror, admiring yourself.

653
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 1: Look at me, look at me, mom, Mom.

654
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, they see their essence. And that's the other

655
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 4: thing is I started walking into the bathroom, I realized

656
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 4: the profound nature of what was happening, and I realized

657
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 4: for the first time, Holy shit, there are two people

658
00:32:56,680 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 4: in the bathroom every morning. There's you and there's a

659
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 4: woman in the mirror. And she has been waiting for

660
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 4: you to wake the fuck up and see her and

661
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 4: to see what she's trying, and that she needs you,

662
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 4: and she's tired of you beating her down and picking

663
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 4: her apart. She needs your support, she needs your love

664
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 4: like she needs you.

665
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: Wow, that is fucking profound.

666
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 3: You know what, As you're describing this my mind, I'm

667
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:28,719
Speaker 3: just thinking of a ray On Insecure pumping herself up

668
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 3: in the mirror and show yeah, and I'm like, yeah,

669
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 3: it's it is true.

670
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 2: There are two women in the room.

671
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 4: There are yeah, And.

672
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 1: We always forget to pump ourselves up. It's so easy

673
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 1: to pump other people up. It's so people to mother

674
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: your child, it's so easy to nurture other people and

675
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 1: like it's okay, girl, But like we rarely do that

676
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 1: to ourselves. You know, we rarely like it's okay, life

677
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:51,959
Speaker 1: goes on, You're going to be okay. We don't have

678
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: those pep talks sometimes, Like I'll go all the way

679
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 1: into Luna' school drop her off, and then someone looks

680
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 1: at me and I'm like, what the fuck do I

681
00:33:57,680 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: look like the same thing? And then I'll look in

682
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 1: the mirror and I'll I'm like, I didn't look in

683
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 1: the mirror at all. And I have a huge mirror

684
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 1: in my bedroom, Like you can't miss this shit. I

685
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 1: don't know how I've bean I brush my teeth.

686
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:08,359
Speaker 4: I don't know where I'm like, if you're thinking about

687
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 4: everybody else.

688
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: It's sometimes like I may have actually glanced in the mirror,

689
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,320
Speaker 1: but I did not look at myself. I'm I'm thinking,

690
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,800
Speaker 1: I literally think, like did I not just did I

691
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 1: see it? But not see it? Like you're really not

692
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: acknowledging yourself. Your reflection is always there, but it's you

693
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:27,760
Speaker 1: thinking so much that you're not even processing and acknowledging yourself.

694
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 1: And sometimes, like even standing in the mirror looking at

695
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 1: yourself for a very long time can feel almost.

696
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 4: Awkward because it intimate too.

697
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,840
Speaker 1: It's intimate you don't do it, and like even we

698
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 1: don't even look at our friends or each other that

699
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: often if someone's making eye contact with you back, we

700
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: rarely even do that because it's uncomfortable almost, so like

701
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 1: I can imagine how profound that was to be, Like, damn,

702
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 1: people need to hear about this.

703
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:53,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, well it didn't even hit then. So I had

704
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 4: just read a piece of research from Harvard, and it

705
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,399
Speaker 4: must be amazing since it's from Harvard, right, But I'd

706
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 4: read it the day before because I was trying to

707
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 4: figure out how the fuck am I going to keep

708
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 4: my team inspired? Like I'm in the gutter here, and

709
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 4: so I read this piece of research just the day

710
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,760
Speaker 4: before that was if you spend less than a minute

711
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 4: as a leader thinking about how you're going to show

712
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 4: up today, it changes your focus, your productivity, and the

713
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:19,320
Speaker 4: impact you make on people. And so, for whatever reason,

714
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 4: like I think it was like the universe, it was divine.

715
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 4: It popped into my mind and I did something I'd

716
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 4: never done before. I looked at my reflection and I

717
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,839
Speaker 4: asked myself this question, how am I going to show

718
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 4: up for her? What does she need for me? And

719
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 4: I think on that day I was sort of like, bitch,

720
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 4: stop like bitching about everything. I need you to actually

721
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 4: have a little I need to be kinder to me.

722
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 4: I need to like like actually believe we're going to

723
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 4: get through this, like stop with the death talk here

724
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 4: and so I and then I just raised my hand

725
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,759
Speaker 4: and high five myself. And so I did this every

726
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 4: morning for a couple of weeks. And then I literally

727
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 4: posted one photo on my story. Had I known it

728
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 4: was going to be this one in the book with

729
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 4: the BedHead and the retainer in, I might have picked

730
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,879
Speaker 4: a different morning. But I within literally if you turn

731
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 4: to chapter two, it's that it's photo there, but within

732
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 4: an hour, more than one hundred people around the world,

733
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 4: all shapes, colors, sizes, religions, ages, genders up, like every

734
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 4: started posting photos of themselves. I didn't even put any

735
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 4: instructions down, and I thought, holy shit, maybe I'm not

736
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 4: the only one who's feeling lost right now. And so

737
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 4: I spent the last year researching this. The science is

738
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 4: fucking crazy.

739
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 2: It's insane.

740
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 4: So let me unpack this for you. Because it's bananas banana.

741
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:38,879
Speaker 2: I know, I was reading.

742
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm sure it's even I didn't even get

743
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 3: to read the whole thing, but I was like, oh

744
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 3: my god.

745
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 4: Wow, here's the coolest part of all of this.

746
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:45,840
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

747
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,319
Speaker 4: The coolest part of all of this is that all

748
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 4: of the programming for why this works is already in

749
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:52,920
Speaker 4: your brain and your nervous system because you have been

750
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 4: high five in other people your whole life.

751
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 3: Kids, we just know, like we tell them to do it, like,

752
00:36:58,239 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 3: and then they do it, and then they can't stop

753
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 3: because it feel good.

754
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 4: Yes, We're just gonna aim all this shit back at you.

755
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 4: It's the coolest thing. So when you high five somebody else,

756
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,880
Speaker 4: what are you actually communicating? When you go to hear

757
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,919
Speaker 4: you and I hi five. Oh wait, now see what happens?

758
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 4: You do a shitty one. You gotta do it again. Yes,

759
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 4: there you go. Oh, I gotta hit you too. So

760
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 4: when you do that, what are you communicating to somebody?

761
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 1: Good job? Let's go.

762
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:24,360
Speaker 2: Ye you got this, you got this.

763
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 4: That's right. It says I believe you, I love you,

764
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 4: I see you. If somebody's attitude's going down, you hit

765
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 4: them high five. It's like, pick yourself up. I still

766
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 4: believe in you. All of that programming is in your

767
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 4: subconscious mind and it is fused with the action of

768
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,400
Speaker 4: a high five. This is called neuerroobics. I did not

769
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 4: know this when I stumbled into this. Neuroobics is the

770
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 4: fastest way to create a new mindset, to create new

771
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 4: thinking patterns. And basically, when you marry a physical action

772
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 4: with a different thought pattern, it plows a new neuropathway

773
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 4: into your mind. So when you go to raise your

774
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 4: hand to your reflection, you can stand in front of

775
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 4: the mirror. And this is the best part. First of all,

776
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 4: I don't want you to say or think anything when

777
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 4: you do this. There is no mantra you need to

778
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 4: have you can stand before yourself and go I'm fat,

779
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 4: I'm worthless, I hate myself, I have an ugly face,

780
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 4: I am damaged. I will You can think all that

781
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:20,880
Speaker 4: shit that you've been thinking forever. When you go to

782
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 4: raise your physical hand, your brain pulls all the programming

783
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 4: from your subconscious mind because it knows what a high

784
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 4: five is. It doesn't care if I'm high fiving either

785
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 4: one of you or my own reflection. It'll shut that

786
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:36,799
Speaker 4: voice up because the action has programming. You've never high

787
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,880
Speaker 4: five somebody and thought you're a failure. I hate you,

788
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:42,879
Speaker 4: I hope you lose. Ever, so it is neurologically impossible

789
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 4: to beat yourself up while you're high fiving your own reflection.

790
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 4: And we've had so many people now write to us

791
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 4: and say, and a weird thing has happened, because energetically,

792
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 4: your nervous system is hardwired for this. When you wave

793
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,839
Speaker 4: hello to somebody, you raise your hand. When you hug somebody,

794
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 4: raise your hand, when you cross a finish line, you

795
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 4: raise your hand. When you high five somebody, You raise

796
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 4: your hand when you do it to yourself. That kind

797
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:09,319
Speaker 4: of really corny, weird little what that you get. That's

798
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:14,720
Speaker 4: your nervous system wired for celebration. You're tapping into that. Also,

799
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 4: whenever anybody else has ever high five to you, your

800
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:22,399
Speaker 4: brain drips dopamine. You get the same fucking thing when

801
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:23,280
Speaker 4: you do it to yourself.

802
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 3: M it's that validation, it's that happiness. Yes, yeah, that

803
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:30,360
Speaker 3: makes sense. I mean I think when I was reading

804
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 3: that section too, and they were talking about like the children,

805
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 3: yes to dip the study that they did with the kids,

806
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 3: and basically that you know, the kids perform all the

807
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,799
Speaker 3: kids that were high fiving performed at a higher level.

808
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 3: That made sense to me because I felt like as

809
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 3: a child, like I feel like action is so important

810
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,600
Speaker 3: and for some reason, when as we get older, like

811
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 3: we kind of lose that part of us, like validating

812
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 3: each other in action. We just say a lot of things,

813
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 3: and you know, we're told even even us, like we're

814
00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 3: told we tell our listeners, like you know, talk nice

815
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,400
Speaker 3: to yourself, like say thing like for me, like in therapy,

816
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 3: one of the things that like my therapist helped me

817
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 3: with because I had body issues, especially after I had

818
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 3: my daughter, was like talking nice to my body and

819
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 3: like it took a while though, because I didn't believe

820
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 3: it for a while. It took me a while to

821
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 3: believe it. Eventually it did work, though, but it did

822
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,440
Speaker 3: take longer. And I was reading about like, you know,

823
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 3: the issues that you have with certain mantras or affirmations

824
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 3: is that like you don't actually believe them halfway.

825
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 4: Well, you experienced that, right, Yeah, So most people cannot

826
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 4: stand in front of a mirror and look at themselves

827
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:35,839
Speaker 4: if for the last couple of years or decades they

828
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 4: have hid in the back of every photo or they

829
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:42,399
Speaker 4: have gone ugh when they see themselves. They can't stand

830
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 4: in front of mirror and go I love my stretch

831
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:49,360
Speaker 4: marks because neurologically, their brain has been programmed repeatedly to

832
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 4: believe the opposite, and so repeating a mantra that you

833
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 4: don't actually believe makes you feel worse about yourself. And

834
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 4: what I love about the high five is, let's talk

835
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 4: a little bit about the two experiences that people have

836
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:04,279
Speaker 4: when they do this for the first time, because we've

837
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 4: studied this too.

838
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:06,479
Speaker 1: And what I.

839
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 4: Love about the high five is that the physical action

840
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 4: alone does the programming. So you're not only tapping into

841
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 4: the programming that's in there associated with a lifetime of

842
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 4: receiving and giving high fives to other people. But you

843
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:23,280
Speaker 4: are also tapping into something called behavioral activation therapy, which

844
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,880
Speaker 4: is shorthand for act like the person you want to become.

845
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 4: So if you normally have a habit of self rejection

846
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 4: in the mirror, picking yourself apart, which is self rejection,

847
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 4: or not even looking yourself, which is self rejection, and

848
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:42,840
Speaker 4: your brain sees you high fiving your reflection, your brain goes, oh,

849
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 4: we actually don't criticize that person. This is the person

850
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 4: we cheer for. And as you keep repeating it, that

851
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:53,280
Speaker 4: picture of you, along with the dopamine and the jolt

852
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 4: of energy, starts to seear in your mind and stay

853
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:58,440
Speaker 4: with you. And so it's an action that starts to

854
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:01,839
Speaker 4: prove to you that you actually do deserve support, You

855
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 4: do deserve encouragement because every morning you're giving yourself that

856
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 4: physical gesture, that means it.

857
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 2: So for the woman who doesn't, who is trying to

858
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 2: learn to love, their first stretch marks like, is that

859
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 2: when she does that high five? Does she say what?

860
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 4: She say?

861
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 2: Nothing?

862
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 4: No, And so let me tell you what happens. So

863
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,960
Speaker 4: there's only two reactions to doing this. I'm so geeked

864
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:24,720
Speaker 4: out about this, Like you, you cannot believe the testimonials

865
00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 4: that are coming in. Like we had a woman that

866
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 4: wrote to us who is in a domestic violent shelter,

867
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,879
Speaker 4: extraordinary trauma from the age of four to thirteen. Then

868
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 4: she escapes a wildly abusive four year relationship. She's lost everything,

869
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 4: she's in a domestic violent shelter. She said, by simply

870
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 4: doing the high five in the mirror and something else

871
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 4: that we'll talk about called high five in your heart,

872
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:50,759
Speaker 4: which is an incredible thing for anxiety that in five

873
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 4: days she knows she has a lifetime of healing. She

874
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:57,760
Speaker 4: has a long road that she needs to build to

875
00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 4: create her life again. But the high five in the

876
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 4: mirror is teaching her that no matter what, she still

877
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 4: has herself. And so what you're gonna experience is you're

878
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 4: either gonna experience when the first time you go to

879
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 4: do this, is you're gonna experience either a very positive experience.

880
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 4: So you'll either laugh out loud that's the dopamine, or

881
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 4: you'll weep in a very positive way. And it's a

882
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:29,919
Speaker 4: very positive emotional release because it's this joining in partnership

883
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,359
Speaker 4: with the human being you see in the mirror, your soul,

884
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 4: your spirit, and this release is finally like, finally, motherfucker,

885
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 4: you finally woke on, you finally see me, You're finally

886
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 4: kind to me, and it's powerful. So it's really common

887
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 4: to cry, But the more likely experience is negative because

888
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 4: what most people do is they stand before the mirror

889
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 4: and they resist it. And this is really sad, and

890
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 4: let me unpack what's happening. So there are three reasons

891
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 4: why people resist high fiving themselves, and it has to

892
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,479
Speaker 4: do with the two human beings, you and the human

893
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:13,879
Speaker 4: being in the mirror. Everybody brings their entire past into

894
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:17,759
Speaker 4: the bathroom every morning subconsciously, and it stands between you

895
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 4: and the human being in the mirror. So if you

896
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 4: are somebody like a lot of us, myself included, who

897
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 4: has experienced childhood trauma, if you've been sexually abused, which

898
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 4: I have as a young kid, if you have experienced discrimination,

899
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 4: if you've experienced poverty, abandonment, violence, microaggressions, negative, like anything

900
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:41,879
Speaker 4: in the plethora of experiences that a human being could

901
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,759
Speaker 4: experience that have been done to you that you're not

902
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:47,360
Speaker 4: responsible for. A ton of people drag it into the

903
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 4: bathroom and it makes them see a person that is unlovable, unworthy,

904
00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:54,279
Speaker 4: or damaged. And what I'm here to say is, if

905
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:57,680
Speaker 4: you've survived that shit and you're still breathing, you not

906
00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:01,239
Speaker 4: only deserve a high five, you fucking need one to

907
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 4: heal because you're saying I see you, I know what

908
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,360
Speaker 4: you've been through, and I still love you, and I

909
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 4: still got you, and I still encourage you. It's compassion,

910
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:15,479
Speaker 4: it's support, it's a healing gesture. The second reason why

911
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:17,640
Speaker 4: people resist this is because.

912
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 5: The other part of the past that we drag in

913
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 5: is all the shit we did that we don't like,

914
00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 5: which I got a lot of personally. The bad choices,

915
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:27,840
Speaker 5: oh yeah, more than bad choice, the lifestyle I was living,

916
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:32,319
Speaker 5: the cheating, the drinking, the addiction, the lying, the squandering

917
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:36,000
Speaker 5: of opportunity, the hurting people, the hurting myself, all of

918
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:38,480
Speaker 5: the shit you wish you could take back, stuff that

919
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 5: I'd forgive the two of you for, somebody would forgive

920
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 5: mel Robbins for. But when you stand in the mirror

921
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 5: in the morning, you stand in judgment of yourself, and

922
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,399
Speaker 5: you refuse to give yourself the forgiveness that you need

923
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 5: to move on and to grow. The high five doesn't

924
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 5: wipe that shit away. The high five is I know.

925
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 4: And I still love you, and I'm still going to

926
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:02,759
Speaker 4: be here for you, and I'm still going to support you.

927
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 4: And it's a way to repair your self esteem and

928
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:13,040
Speaker 4: your self worth by treating yourself with the encouragement and

929
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,920
Speaker 4: the support you still deserve. And then the third reason

930
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 4: why people resist it is because we have been so

931
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,439
Speaker 4: trained to believe, since we are very little, that you're

932
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 4: only worthy of celebration if you're winning, when you get

933
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 4: the good grade, when the team scores, when you're doing good,

934
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 4: everybody cheers for you. And so you start to become

935
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:31,799
Speaker 4: an adult where you're like, well, I didn't get to

936
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 4: the gym today, So do I still high five myself?

937
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:36,319
Speaker 4: But I don't weigh what I want to weigh? Do

938
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 4: I still high five myself, but I didn't do the

939
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 4: thing that I said I would do. Do I still yes, Yes, motherfucker,

940
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 4: you still high five yourself every fucking morning. And the

941
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:49,319
Speaker 4: reason why is because you need support and encouragement to

942
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 4: do the work to actually change your life.

943
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:56,760
Speaker 1: So fucking true, It's true. If you focus on the negative,

944
00:46:56,800 --> 00:47:01,160
Speaker 1: it will literally consume you. I've been there, like, bitch,

945
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:03,400
Speaker 1: you're talking so much shit, Like in my head, I'm

946
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: having these conversations like a crazy person, like we're going

947
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,760
Speaker 1: to get nowhere for just in this space, you literally

948
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: cannot do better and get to the next part. If

949
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 1: you're just dwelling on what you haven't done and what

950
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 1: you're what you're not good at, or what you don't have.

951
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 1: It literally does not work that way.

952
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:19,360
Speaker 4: No, it doesn't.

953
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 1: But it's so easy to criticize ourselves. It's so easy

954
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:25,400
Speaker 1: to be like you, like you did good, but what's next?

955
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 1: Like that was cool? Oh you got a book? Deal, cool,

956
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 1: what's next?

957
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 4: Well, I'll tell you why we've married, or at least

958
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:33,440
Speaker 4: I did. I'm married, whether or not I was worthy

959
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 4: of love with what I was doing. And when you

960
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:40,920
Speaker 4: realize you are worthy of love because you're breathing, everything changes.

961
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 4: So I think about our birthdays, right, what are we

962
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:45,320
Speaker 4: actually celebrating when you celebrate your birthday?

963
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 1: Your birth your existence? Correct solely your existence, not your existence,

964
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 1: and not your existence. And your book was the bomb

965
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:57,800
Speaker 1: on audible, not your existence? And you have a hot body.

966
00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 1: It's just purely solely you.

967
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 4: You're here, Yeah, you're still here.

968
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're here.

969
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 1: We forget that existing is the thing, you know, like

970
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 1: whomever you believe in, spirit, God, ancestors, whatever the mystics lay,

971
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 1: they brought you here and under these exact circumstances. And

972
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 1: I think like a part of the cool thing about

973
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 1: having this conversation with you is that you birth this

974
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:26,280
Speaker 1: amazing book and this amazing movement out of this dark

975
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:29,880
Speaker 1: place that you were in. But it's really the your purpose.

976
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:32,799
Speaker 1: You know, it's your passion. Because it's your purpose, it

977
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 1: became easy, it got to this height of success because

978
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:39,360
Speaker 1: it was what you were supposed to the message you

979
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 1: were supposed to tell the world. Yeah, and I think,

980
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 1: you know, people underestimate that little thing you know that

981
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: is planted, that seed, that's planet. That's like damn, maybe

982
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,520
Speaker 1: someone else is experiencing this because I needed to hear

983
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 1: this for a shift to happen, like even for me

984
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 1: and Erica. Like you're saying, like saying no to big

985
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 1: brands and big court you know, people who come in.

986
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:01,760
Speaker 1: It's like when you know your purpose and your passion

987
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 1: is fucking important, nobody can come in and put any

988
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 1: dollar price on it and say give it to me.

989
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 4: You know, I love that you're tying it back to

990
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 4: that and let me tell you why. Because if you

991
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:14,719
Speaker 4: start your day by picking yourself apart and then thinking, fuck,

992
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 4: I didn't do this, and then I got to do that,

993
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:18,400
Speaker 4: and you're kind of in this negative space and some

994
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 4: big brand rolls in, you'll be like, oh, thank god, Okay.

995
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 4: If you can start every day validating yourself, going I

996
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:31,080
Speaker 4: see you, I'm playing a big game. I got you,

997
00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:34,439
Speaker 4: and you demonstrate it, that's the important part. You don't

998
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 4: have to do the self talk. All you have to

999
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,440
Speaker 4: do is demonstrate it. Let's talk common sense. You're you know,

1000
00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:40,520
Speaker 4: you were mentioning the NBA study and we're going to

1001
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 4: unpack that cause I think it's important for people to understand.

1002
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:47,760
Speaker 4: If you think about your favorite sports teams, they don't

1003
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:52,320
Speaker 4: start a big game by going, well, you really sucked

1004
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 4: in the last one, and so I'm not throwing the

1005
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:56,920
Speaker 4: ball to you, and oh shit, like we're gonna lose

1006
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 4: and why are we even bothering and oh my god,

1007
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 4: you look like hell right now? Fuck this, That's not

1008
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:06,560
Speaker 4: how they start. They literally start by setting an intention

1009
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 4: about how they're gonna show up, and then they steal

1010
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 4: it with a high five and they send themselves into

1011
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 4: the game. I want you to send yourself into the

1012
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 4: game of life every fucking day, just knowing that, just

1013
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:16,879
Speaker 4: like that, I.

1014
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:17,640
Speaker 2: Just have this vision of me.

1015
00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:19,520
Speaker 3: My daughter had our kids had a soccer game this

1016
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:21,279
Speaker 3: weekend and in the car, I was like hyping my

1017
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 3: daughter up, and I was like, I was like, what

1018
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 3: are we gonna do?

1019
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:26,000
Speaker 1: Try it? What are we gonna do? Win? What are

1020
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 1: we gonna do? Quit?

1021
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 3: And then I like fifth pumped her yeah, and she

1022
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 3: was so pumped. And then this this weekend I was

1023
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,960
Speaker 3: reading your book and I was like, oh, I did

1024
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 3: that for her. I do that for her all the time.

1025
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:38,400
Speaker 3: I have all sorts of fucking weird ass handshakes with

1026
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 3: my kid.

1027
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 2: When the fuck do I high five myself never.

1028
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:47,000
Speaker 1: Never, ever, It's so fucking important. And she killed it.

1029
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:50,080
Speaker 1: She did so great as an adult. And I say

1030
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:52,400
Speaker 1: this all the time. My damn life is difficult. I

1031
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:55,120
Speaker 1: say like a lot. I'm like, how the fuck did

1032
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 1: I become an adult? Every day I take my kid

1033
00:50:57,160 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 1: to school and I get her to there on time,

1034
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, I kill on this shit. She cans there.

1035
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 1: My seven fifty five bitch has done it. But like

1036
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 1: it's because but it's because it's it feels like if

1037
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:10,840
Speaker 1: I feel strange, you guys, I still feel like I

1038
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:14,160
Speaker 1: can't believe this is I'm an adult, I'm someone's keeper.

1039
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 1: I'm responsible for you and myself.

1040
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:16,840
Speaker 2: You know.

1041
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 1: Sometimes I get scared. I'm like, are we gonna eat? Yes,

1042
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 1: they're gonna eat. Bitch, do we have somewhere to live?

1043
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 1: We have somewhere to live, check check, like you know,

1044
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 1: but like those are just the basic necessities of life.

1045
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 1: But like that shit is hard. People don't have support,

1046
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:33,320
Speaker 1: like when you're when you're like the looming, like responsibilities

1047
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:37,720
Speaker 1: of existing are so heavy. Sometimes we forget that every

1048
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:41,040
Speaker 1: day is a win, every day is a gift. When

1049
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:43,360
Speaker 1: we just said that this morning, like okay, like you

1050
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 1: have to wake up and it's crazy, and when you're

1051
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 1: saying when you're in the bed and you have to

1052
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,959
Speaker 1: you had to five four three to you. That's something

1053
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:52,919
Speaker 1: I use all the time because sometimes I just am

1054
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:54,799
Speaker 1: sleepy and I don't know why I didn't do shit.

1055
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:57,799
Speaker 1: I'm just tired and I can't. Probably it's depression and anxiety.

1056
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:01,120
Speaker 1: But if I can't. Even since I was a kid,

1057
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 1: I've used like I haveing a countdown and bitch, you

1058
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:04,600
Speaker 1: gotta get up. We got to do this stuff. You

1059
00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 1: gotta do it or else you you can you'll die here.

1060
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:14,399
Speaker 1: Well that's empowering, but like that five four three two one,

1061
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 1: make dinner boop. You got to go do it. But

1062
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:19,279
Speaker 1: like waking up every morning, because it's crazy. If you

1063
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:22,439
Speaker 1: observe yourself as a human being, some days you wake

1064
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:24,359
Speaker 1: up great and ready to go, and some days you're

1065
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 1: just not great. You have an attitude. Shit doesn't feel good,

1066
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 1: and you have to remind yourself. I have to remind

1067
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 1: myself like, what are you panicking about? Internally? What are

1068
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:33,240
Speaker 1: you not feeling good about?

1069
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 2: What is it?

1070
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:37,360
Speaker 1: What if the fuck you're doing good? Everyone's okay, But

1071
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:41,720
Speaker 1: it's just like you're we're so constantly in survival mode

1072
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:43,920
Speaker 1: that we forget to hype ourselves up. We forget to

1073
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:46,760
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, you're in a good, sweet space because

1074
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:51,240
Speaker 1: for one at least, I know my purpose in this life,

1075
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:53,799
Speaker 1: and like good moms, I feel like, okay, I know

1076
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 1: no matter what, this is my space. I'm supposed to

1077
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:59,840
Speaker 1: be empowering. I'm supposed to change minds. But if I

1078
00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:02,360
Speaker 1: can just a little bit of change in someone's thought process,

1079
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:05,880
Speaker 1: I've done my job. But like keeping that consistent energy

1080
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 1: every day is practice, Yeah, it really is. And like

1081
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:13,319
Speaker 1: unlearning the trauma, acknowledging the childhood shit and then saying,

1082
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 1: oh damn, I'm fucking thirty three and I'm still suffering

1083
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:19,720
Speaker 1: because I haven't done the work to just say it's okay,

1084
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:21,279
Speaker 1: move forward from it.

1085
00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what A couple things about that that

1086
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:28,320
Speaker 4: I want to just unpack and really highlight for people.

1087
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 4: And it's this I feel as though part of the

1088
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:35,400
Speaker 4: problem is none of us give ourselves any credit for

1089
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:39,560
Speaker 4: what we're actually doing. Like, honestly, life is hard. You

1090
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:42,239
Speaker 4: got out of bed high five, you made your bed

1091
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 4: high five, you walk the dog high five, You got

1092
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 4: those kids on the bossard to school high fucking five.

1093
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:51,200
Speaker 4: Like you are not even recognizing all the things you're

1094
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:54,560
Speaker 4: actually doing. And when you start to focus on all

1095
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,839
Speaker 4: the things that you're actually doing, you start to feel

1096
00:53:57,880 --> 00:53:59,640
Speaker 4: a little bit of wind at your back. You start

1097
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:02,920
Speaker 4: to build some small wins. You start to then feel

1098
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:05,680
Speaker 4: more emboldened that if I can, I got out of bed,

1099
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 4: I got myself to work, I got these kids where

1100
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:10,120
Speaker 4: they need to be, I remember to eat lunch. I

1101
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:12,440
Speaker 4: got a couple of emails off. When you start to

1102
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:19,560
Speaker 4: feel that now you are encouraging yourself to continue forward

1103
00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 4: and to also start doing some of the bigger stuffies.

1104
00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:31,239
Speaker 4: Researchers looked at NBA teams and they could predict who

1105
00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 4: were going to be the winning I came say winning

1106
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:37,320
Speaker 4: ast teams at the end of a season based on

1107
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:40,360
Speaker 4: one habit during the preseason, and it was the number

1108
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:42,719
Speaker 4: of pats on the back and fist bumps and high

1109
00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 4: fives that a team gives each other in the preseason

1110
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:47,879
Speaker 4: that determines whether or not they're successful in the end.

1111
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:50,440
Speaker 4: And the same is true about the teams that perform

1112
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:53,360
Speaker 4: the worst. They have the least number of pats on

1113
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 4: the back and high fives and fist bumps. And why

1114
00:54:57,040 --> 00:55:00,799
Speaker 4: that matters is because these small gestures build partners, they

1115
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:05,279
Speaker 4: build trust, they build momentum forward. And if you've ever

1116
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:07,640
Speaker 4: had a halftime speech, or you've ever had a coach

1117
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:09,759
Speaker 4: like just kind of rail into you and then high

1118
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:12,360
Speaker 4: five you to shake your attitude back, you know exactly

1119
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:16,400
Speaker 4: what I'm talking about. And so this is super important

1120
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 4: because I also think the average person does not feel

1121
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:24,480
Speaker 4: like every day is a gift. The average person has

1122
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:29,880
Speaker 4: an experience of feeling invisible, of feeling disrespected, of feeling stuck,

1123
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:33,359
Speaker 4: of feeling lost, and I'm here to tell you part

1124
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:36,000
Speaker 4: of the reason why it's hard to get out of

1125
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:39,120
Speaker 4: that feeling is because you're waiting for some outside force

1126
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:43,279
Speaker 4: to come along and validate you or say that you're

1127
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 4: worth it, some person you're going to date, or somebody's

1128
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 4: gonna like follow you or come up with like You've

1129
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 4: got to bring that shit back in house. You've got

1130
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 4: to learn how to validate yourself for where you are,

1131
00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:56,520
Speaker 4: even if it's not where you want to be, You're

1132
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 4: still fucking here.

1133
00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:01,759
Speaker 1: Because what happens we expect validation or put all of

1134
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 1: our you know, expecting validation from someone is what happens

1135
00:56:05,239 --> 00:56:07,839
Speaker 1: when they disrespect you. What happens when they don't tell

1136
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:11,280
Speaker 1: you you're beautiful, you're great. Then you're believing you're putting

1137
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 1: all of your inside and.

1138
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 3: Your back where you started in the hands of somebody else.

1139
00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:17,279
Speaker 3: You're exactly back where you started. When you have the

1140
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:19,520
Speaker 3: person in the room that knows you the best, knows

1141
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:21,879
Speaker 3: you the most, just been through everything you've been through,

1142
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:24,120
Speaker 3: because that person is you, and now's your look. She's

1143
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:27,080
Speaker 3: looking at you and you're like, oh shit, you know

1144
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:27,880
Speaker 3: all my shit.

1145
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:31,920
Speaker 1: Oh you got me, you got me, of course you know.

1146
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:33,799
Speaker 3: And then you add that high five, you add that

1147
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:37,040
Speaker 3: action to it, and it just I feel like I understand,

1148
00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:39,279
Speaker 3: I get it, Like why it feels empowering, Why it

1149
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 3: gets you not only counting backwards out of bed, but

1150
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:44,440
Speaker 3: walking out of the door to like do what you

1151
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:45,240
Speaker 3: gotta fucking.

1152
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 4: Do because you're gonna face all kinds of shit all

1153
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:49,719
Speaker 4: day long. And what's wonderful is if you start your

1154
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 4: day demonstrating that you like yourself. Even if somebody else

1155
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,440
Speaker 4: doesn't like you or disrespects you, it does not change

1156
00:56:55,440 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 4: the fact that you like yourself and you respect yourself.

1157
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:00,000
Speaker 4: They cannot take that away from you.

1158
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:03,480
Speaker 1: I hug myself. I love that Sometimes I hug myself.

1159
00:57:03,560 --> 00:57:08,080
Speaker 1: I'm like something like because the contact, you know, like

1160
00:57:08,239 --> 00:57:10,399
Speaker 1: just for a moment, you know, we hug each other,

1161
00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:12,840
Speaker 1: and that feels good. We need to connect, but sometimes

1162
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:14,480
Speaker 1: just like give me my Maybe that could be your

1163
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:17,200
Speaker 1: next book, the five second hug.

1164
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 4: Well, I want to teach you this high five in

1165
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 4: your heart, especially since you said the thing about anxiety.

1166
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 2: That's I wasn't ask you next. I was like, please you.

1167
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 3: We can't forget about the high fiving heart because I

1168
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:29,600
Speaker 3: need to know because I have, yeah, anxieties and something

1169
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:33,080
Speaker 3: that I've struggled with I think on and off, but

1170
00:57:33,120 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 3: I didn't know what anxiety, didn't have a word for

1171
00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:37,040
Speaker 3: it for a long time. I think like the word

1172
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:40,040
Speaker 3: anxiety has become I think it's always existed, right, but

1173
00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:42,760
Speaker 3: like it's it's finally people understand, like what the.

1174
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:44,160
Speaker 1: Feeling is, what is it for you?

1175
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:46,520
Speaker 3: Well, for me, like you said, your starts at the

1176
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:48,600
Speaker 3: bottom of your your feet and go works its way up.

1177
00:57:48,640 --> 00:57:51,360
Speaker 3: For me, it always starts right in my throat, and

1178
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:53,480
Speaker 3: I start to feel like I almost it feels like

1179
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:56,440
Speaker 3: I noticed that I haven't been breathing, and a lot

1180
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 3: of it my anxiety starts to build because I'm holding

1181
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:01,200
Speaker 3: my breath. I hold my breath all the time, and

1182
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:04,080
Speaker 3: I have to breathing as a real practice for me,

1183
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:08,200
Speaker 3: just normal breathing, Like Okay, I've just realized I just

1184
00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:11,560
Speaker 3: haven't really been breathing all day, And like I know

1185
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 3: people do this, like we have to do this to live,

1186
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:15,800
Speaker 3: but like I'm pretty sure I'm an expert, Like I

1187
00:58:15,800 --> 00:58:18,439
Speaker 3: could hold my breath for absurdly long amounts of time.

1188
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:21,440
Speaker 4: Do you remember when you first experienced it.

1189
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:22,680
Speaker 2: It's childhood trauma for sure.

1190
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 3: My father, like you know me feeling like anxious about

1191
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 3: you know him, like me having to go to his

1192
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:29,720
Speaker 3: house because I didn't.

1193
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:30,160
Speaker 2: Really know him.

1194
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 3: And that was when it first started. When I'd go

1195
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:35,400
Speaker 3: there and I'd be like, this is different. I don't

1196
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:37,800
Speaker 3: know how to act here. This isn't my home and

1197
00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 3: you're a stranger.

1198
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:40,000
Speaker 2: And it would happen.

1199
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:42,800
Speaker 3: He'd pick me up every like a few months, so

1200
00:58:42,960 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 3: I would notice like that's when it would happen.

1201
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:46,880
Speaker 2: And then it would get nervous.

1202
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:50,080
Speaker 3: And now obviously it's trickled into so many different areas

1203
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:50,720
Speaker 3: of my life.

1204
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:54,480
Speaker 4: Well, just any moment where you feel uncertain, uncertain, that's it.

1205
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 4: That's it. So I'm going to teach you something incredible.

1206
00:58:57,720 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 4: Do you do you experience anxiety too?

1207
00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:01,640
Speaker 1: I do? I do. I think I do hold my

1208
00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:03,880
Speaker 1: breath like I'll forget to breathe. I clench my jaw.

1209
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:07,120
Speaker 1: I do that, my jaw gets my body gets really tight.

1210
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:10,520
Speaker 1: I noticed that. I'm like, you know, I'm like, oh,

1211
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 1: what the fuck is going on? Why am I doing that?

1212
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:16,440
Speaker 1: But I'll just even be typing like clench the fuck up.

1213
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:17,760
Speaker 1: My body is so tense.

1214
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 4: And do you remember like when you first started experiencing that.

1215
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:24,920
Speaker 1: Mmm, probably I remember like high school that I can't remember,

1216
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:27,439
Speaker 1: just like tightening it, like my body getting really tense,

1217
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 1: just like drama with my parents, things that were uncomfortable

1218
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 1: for me that I don't want to talk about that

1219
00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 1: I felt triggered by.

1220
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:37,080
Speaker 4: Just yeah, got it? Well, I asked that because it's

1221
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:40,400
Speaker 4: important to kind of understand triggers to get control of it.

1222
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:42,560
Speaker 4: I'm going to teach you a science back technique that

1223
00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:47,000
Speaker 4: I call high fiving your heart. It's a lifesaver and

1224
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:49,840
Speaker 4: it also helps with trauma. So the way that I

1225
00:59:49,880 --> 00:59:52,880
Speaker 4: think about anxiety is anxiety as alarm system in your body,

1226
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 4: and it has a really important purpose. So let's say

1227
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:59,280
Speaker 4: that we're driving down the car or driving down the car.

1228
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:02,000
Speaker 4: See the joints are kicking in. We're driving down the

1229
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:06,360
Speaker 4: highway and we're just talking up a storm. We're playing

1230
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:12,920
Speaker 4: eminem it's fucking awesome. So we are literally driving down

1231
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:14,959
Speaker 4: the highway. It's an incredible time, and all of a sudden,

1232
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,440
Speaker 4: out of nowhere, this freaking semi truck like fucking pulls

1233
01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:20,520
Speaker 4: into our lane. What you feel in that moment as

1234
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:23,120
Speaker 4: you swerve out of the way and your armpits sweat,

1235
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:25,600
Speaker 4: and your throat tents and your body's shoulders go up

1236
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:28,720
Speaker 4: and your ankles have the hot flash go. That's anxiety.

1237
01:00:29,280 --> 01:00:32,000
Speaker 4: It's an alarm system that's saying, wake the fuck up, bitch,

1238
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:34,520
Speaker 4: Like that's what it's saying. Like that's what it is.

1239
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:38,320
Speaker 4: But what happens in your body when the semi truck

1240
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 4: pulls away and you realize you're safe.

1241
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 1: What happens releases.

1242
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:46,720
Speaker 4: Correct because anxiety in that moment makes sense intellectually. What

1243
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:50,240
Speaker 4: becomes a problem in life is when you feel that

1244
01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:54,040
Speaker 4: alarm response in your body and you're just making a

1245
01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:57,600
Speaker 4: cup of coffee in your kitchen. And there's also a

1246
01:00:57,680 --> 01:01:01,720
Speaker 4: connection between worrying, which sounds an alarm in your mind,

1247
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 4: because if you allow your mind to dwell too long

1248
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:05,880
Speaker 4: in the what if this and what if that? And

1249
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:09,320
Speaker 4: what if the other fucking thing and what, your body

1250
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:12,360
Speaker 4: starts to notice that your mind is alarmed. So the

1251
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:15,760
Speaker 4: body then starts to signal the alarm to And so

1252
01:01:15,800 --> 01:01:18,320
Speaker 4: you got to really watch your thoughts. And we can

1253
01:01:18,360 --> 01:01:20,720
Speaker 4: talk about this for the next time I come back

1254
01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:23,080
Speaker 4: I'll come and train you in like the hand to

1255
01:01:23,120 --> 01:01:26,080
Speaker 4: fist combat with your own mind. But for now, what

1256
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:29,160
Speaker 4: I want to teach you is how to master your

1257
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:32,080
Speaker 4: nervous system. Because this fucking shit is cool. Okay. So

1258
01:01:32,160 --> 01:01:34,040
Speaker 4: here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna take your hands

1259
01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 4: and you're gonna put them on your heart. That's called height.

1260
01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:37,040
Speaker 4: Like right, I put them right in the center. I

1261
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:38,760
Speaker 4: don't put it on like my boob or anything. I like,

1262
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:40,200
Speaker 4: put it right on the center and press in the

1263
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:41,840
Speaker 4: center and in the center of your chest. What you're

1264
01:01:41,840 --> 01:01:44,480
Speaker 4: gonna feel is you're gonna feel the vaguus nerve. This

1265
01:01:44,520 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 4: is a fucking treasure in your body. Okay. This is

1266
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:49,840
Speaker 4: like a range rover in your system, and you just

1267
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:53,280
Speaker 4: want the lottery. It goes from your ass, through every

1268
01:01:53,360 --> 01:01:56,080
Speaker 4: major organ, through your vocal cords, and up to the

1269
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 4: top of your head. This is your on off switch

1270
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:02,360
Speaker 4: between fight or flight and being calm and cool. I

1271
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:05,240
Speaker 4: already feel better, right, So when you put your hands here,

1272
01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:11,240
Speaker 4: we're going to take a deep breath. Now. I want

1273
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 4: you to repeat these three sentences after me. I'm okay,

1274
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:19,440
Speaker 4: I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm safe, I'm safe.

1275
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:21,840
Speaker 2: I'm loved, I'm loved.

1276
01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:24,400
Speaker 4: What do you feel peace?

1277
01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:26,000
Speaker 1: I feel a little at peace.

1278
01:02:26,760 --> 01:02:29,600
Speaker 3: I feel a lot more at peace because even talking

1279
01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:32,160
Speaker 3: about my anxiety gives me anxiety. So I started to

1280
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:34,400
Speaker 3: feel anxious when I was talking to you about it.

1281
01:02:35,080 --> 01:02:37,880
Speaker 3: And at that, literally the moment I put both my

1282
01:02:37,960 --> 01:02:39,640
Speaker 3: hands here, I felt.

1283
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 2: Like, Okay, I feel like this is something's happening.

1284
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:45,040
Speaker 3: And actually, our friend Bruna, she had told me something

1285
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:47,400
Speaker 3: like I had mentioned that whenever she starts to feel anxious,

1286
01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:49,040
Speaker 3: she has to do this, but she didn't have these

1287
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:53,960
Speaker 3: things to say. But it feels wow. Really, guys, if

1288
01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:55,560
Speaker 3: you're listening, do this shit right now?

1289
01:02:55,640 --> 01:02:57,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, you want to press here because here's the thing.

1290
01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:01,320
Speaker 4: And there are mornings when you know shit was going down,

1291
01:03:01,400 --> 01:03:04,360
Speaker 4: and I was just I would wake up and say

1292
01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:08,720
Speaker 4: this fifty three times. And it's a way to flip

1293
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:11,640
Speaker 4: the switch between what's called your sympathetic which is your

1294
01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:14,440
Speaker 4: fight or flight nervous system, and your parasympathetic, which is

1295
01:03:14,440 --> 01:03:18,440
Speaker 4: your grounded I call it your cool, calm nervous system.

1296
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:20,520
Speaker 4: This is your resting nervous system. This is where your

1297
01:03:20,560 --> 01:03:23,760
Speaker 4: power is when you're in your body, when you're grounded

1298
01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:26,880
Speaker 4: and so if you like, you can do it anytime

1299
01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:29,120
Speaker 4: a day. Teach it to your kids. It's free, it

1300
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:33,120
Speaker 4: uses science. Repeat that I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm loved.

1301
01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:35,720
Speaker 4: The I'm safe might make you cry a little bit,

1302
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 4: because part of the trigger for so many of us

1303
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:41,160
Speaker 4: that have childhood trauma is this sort of hard wiring

1304
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:43,520
Speaker 4: in your nervous system that you're not safe when things

1305
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:46,920
Speaker 4: are uncertain, because many of us weren't, and so your

1306
01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:50,320
Speaker 4: body remembers this. And so when you have this free tool,

1307
01:03:50,840 --> 01:03:53,080
Speaker 4: and I recommend five four three two one, get up,

1308
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:55,200
Speaker 4: get out of that bed, because nothing good is going

1309
01:03:55,240 --> 01:03:58,960
Speaker 4: to happen with you laying there feeling anxious, thinking, overthinking, worrying,

1310
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:01,640
Speaker 4: staring at the ceiling your phone. Once you're up, you

1311
01:04:01,640 --> 01:04:03,000
Speaker 4: can sit on the edge of the bed, or you

1312
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:05,640
Speaker 4: can stand up, high five your heart until you feel

1313
01:04:05,680 --> 01:04:08,520
Speaker 4: yourself coming back into your body. Then you're going to

1314
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:11,120
Speaker 4: walk into the bathroom, and as you're brush, I want

1315
01:04:11,160 --> 01:04:12,800
Speaker 4: you to right after you brush your teeth, because I

1316
01:04:12,840 --> 01:04:14,840
Speaker 4: want you to use science to remember to do this.

1317
01:04:15,360 --> 01:04:17,439
Speaker 4: We're going to stack the habit of brushing your teeth

1318
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:19,840
Speaker 4: because hopefully you're fucking brushing your mouth and getting that

1319
01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 4: nasty ass breath out, so you're not like spreading that

1320
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:26,200
Speaker 4: shit everywhere. Now, let's hie five you to get that

1321
01:04:26,320 --> 01:04:28,720
Speaker 4: nasty ass shit out of your mind, body and spirit.

1322
01:04:29,680 --> 01:04:32,320
Speaker 4: Like this could be generational shit that's going to end

1323
01:04:32,320 --> 01:04:34,200
Speaker 4: with you. I was talking with I don't know if

1324
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:38,640
Speaker 4: you guys know Jason Wilson, Mister Jason Wilson. He's incredible.

1325
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:41,240
Speaker 4: He's in Detroit. I'm a Michigan gal, so anybody from

1326
01:04:41,280 --> 01:04:44,880
Speaker 4: Michigan is a family to me. He runs a martial

1327
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:49,120
Speaker 4: arts what do they called a dojo in Detroit, and

1328
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:52,480
Speaker 4: his whole mission is about emotional fitness for boys and men.

1329
01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:56,720
Speaker 4: And he and I are great friends. And we were

1330
01:04:56,760 --> 01:04:59,760
Speaker 4: talking the other day. His books are Cry like a

1331
01:04:59,800 --> 01:05:04,600
Speaker 4: Man and Battle Cry, and he literally said, and he's

1332
01:05:04,600 --> 01:05:06,840
Speaker 4: a real soft spoken guy, and he's got a big

1333
01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:11,840
Speaker 4: white beard, beautiful bald heads. It now now you know me.

1334
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:16,200
Speaker 4: I'm here, I'm helping all these boys the emotionally fit.

1335
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:20,640
Speaker 4: Now I want to raise my hand to my mirror

1336
01:05:20,680 --> 01:05:25,080
Speaker 4: and my dojo, you know, ma'am. I realized it was

1337
01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:29,240
Speaker 4: so hard because my father never did that for me.

1338
01:05:29,360 --> 01:05:32,640
Speaker 4: My father wasn't in my life. And he started to

1339
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:36,720
Speaker 4: talk about how it really struck him deep. Even as

1340
01:05:36,760 --> 01:05:41,040
Speaker 4: self aware, as spiritual, as impactful as his work is,

1341
01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:44,760
Speaker 4: it hadn't occurred to him that he's always focused on

1342
01:05:44,800 --> 01:05:48,960
Speaker 4: what's next, He's never stopping to see himself, to celebrate

1343
01:05:49,040 --> 01:05:52,040
Speaker 4: himself every step of the way, because nobody did it

1344
01:05:52,040 --> 01:05:55,400
Speaker 4: for him, And so you know, I want you to

1345
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:58,080
Speaker 4: do that for yourself. Look at the human being in

1346
01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:01,680
Speaker 4: the mirror. Create a trust in partnership with yourself. You're

1347
01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:03,800
Speaker 4: gonna that's the one person you're going to go through

1348
01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:04,160
Speaker 4: life with.

1349
01:06:04,560 --> 01:06:05,480
Speaker 2: That's your bestie.

1350
01:06:05,640 --> 01:06:07,160
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I gonna make me cry over here.

1351
01:06:07,200 --> 01:06:10,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, I wasn't told enough as a child either.

1352
01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:12,880
Speaker 4: None of us were, because none of our parents were right.

1353
01:06:13,160 --> 01:06:16,760
Speaker 4: They were only doing you know, I'm not justifying anything

1354
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:19,920
Speaker 4: that they did when I seek to understand what happened

1355
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:24,400
Speaker 4: and kind of understanding that most of our parents didn't

1356
01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:27,760
Speaker 4: get any of their emotional needs met either. That's why

1357
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:30,800
Speaker 4: they didn't know how to meet ours. That doesn't that

1358
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:35,160
Speaker 4: does not excuse the fact that they didn't give you

1359
01:06:35,240 --> 01:06:38,520
Speaker 4: what you needed as a kid, but it certainly helps me.

1360
01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:43,200
Speaker 4: It helps explain it so that I can change how

1361
01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:45,960
Speaker 4: I treat myself how I can take ownership of the

1362
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,760
Speaker 4: next fifty years of my life. I can break free

1363
01:06:48,920 --> 01:06:51,920
Speaker 4: of the habits and the patterns that are not even mine.

1364
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:56,280
Speaker 4: They're generational patterns. And it's going to fucking stop with me.

1365
01:06:56,880 --> 01:06:58,520
Speaker 2: And you and your children.

1366
01:06:58,680 --> 01:07:00,640
Speaker 3: I mean, how do your children take and you know,

1367
01:07:00,800 --> 01:07:02,919
Speaker 3: all of your tools. I mean, because you know, kids

1368
01:07:02,920 --> 01:07:05,439
Speaker 3: were like so resistant of our parents. I know, even

1369
01:07:05,480 --> 01:07:08,560
Speaker 3: my mom, Like my mom created this an amazing tool, right,

1370
01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:10,320
Speaker 3: and she wanted me to use it, and I was like,

1371
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:11,960
Speaker 3: I'm good with my hands, Mom.

1372
01:07:11,800 --> 01:07:12,240
Speaker 1: I'm cool.

1373
01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:16,240
Speaker 3: Fast forward twenty years later. You know, no one's using

1374
01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:17,640
Speaker 3: their hands except mel Robbins when she.

1375
01:07:17,640 --> 01:07:20,960
Speaker 6: Forgets her I forgot to pack, and I'm sorry, but

1376
01:07:21,200 --> 01:07:23,400
Speaker 6: I'm curious to know, like how your kids, you know,

1377
01:07:23,480 --> 01:07:28,920
Speaker 6: react to this amazing you know, education, vice, lifestyle, just

1378
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:30,360
Speaker 6: you know.

1379
01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:34,720
Speaker 4: A gigantic eye roll at sometimes, but then they use

1380
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:37,600
Speaker 4: it when they need it. I know they're listening because

1381
01:07:37,640 --> 01:07:40,200
Speaker 4: they call me and they call their dad when the

1382
01:07:40,240 --> 01:07:43,960
Speaker 4: shit is hitting the fan, and they are in this book.

1383
01:07:44,080 --> 01:07:47,040
Speaker 4: So there's in chapter four. As I was writing this book,

1384
01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:49,280
Speaker 4: I got a text from one of my daughters that said,

1385
01:07:49,880 --> 01:07:52,040
Speaker 4: why do I always feel like the ugliest girl at

1386
01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:56,880
Speaker 4: the bar. Now something that breaks everybody's heart. But it

1387
01:07:56,960 --> 01:08:00,800
Speaker 4: is the perfect example of the fat act that it

1388
01:08:00,880 --> 01:08:03,760
Speaker 4: doesn't matter what I say to her. I could tell

1389
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:06,240
Speaker 4: her you're what do you mean you're not? Look at

1390
01:08:06,240 --> 01:08:10,400
Speaker 4: that ho over there, she's fucking hideous just the second of.

1391
01:08:10,440 --> 01:08:15,120
Speaker 1: Take a picture of the.

1392
01:08:14,680 --> 01:08:17,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, seriously, like I you could say all that, it

1393
01:08:17,240 --> 01:08:20,040
Speaker 4: wouldn't mean anything. I could. I could pump her up

1394
01:08:20,200 --> 01:08:23,080
Speaker 4: like I have. You're loyal, you're amazing, you're smart, you're

1395
01:08:23,080 --> 01:08:25,320
Speaker 4: hard working, you're beautiful, you're this, you're that, you're the

1396
01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:29,479
Speaker 4: other thing. Can't even hear it because she doesn't believe it.

1397
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:32,360
Speaker 4: That's why the high five habit is so important because

1398
01:08:32,360 --> 01:08:36,360
Speaker 4: it starts with you. Your relationship with yourself is everything.

1399
01:08:36,760 --> 01:08:39,040
Speaker 4: You can think you're the ugliest person at the bar

1400
01:08:39,240 --> 01:08:42,040
Speaker 4: and then high five yourself, and that beat down silences

1401
01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:45,880
Speaker 4: because you still see a human being that you're going

1402
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:48,559
Speaker 4: to encourage and support. And when you come from that

1403
01:08:48,680 --> 01:08:52,040
Speaker 4: place and you start an act of the defiant, it's

1404
01:08:52,080 --> 01:08:54,840
Speaker 4: like an act of defiant. So, yeah, fuck off, watch me.

1405
01:08:55,640 --> 01:08:57,439
Speaker 4: I'm not going to listen to this shit anymore from

1406
01:08:57,439 --> 01:09:00,160
Speaker 4: my own head. Like so you have to do the

1407
01:09:00,200 --> 01:09:04,280
Speaker 4: work yourself, because nobody can change your self doubt and

1408
01:09:04,320 --> 01:09:08,360
Speaker 4: your negative mindset and your self rejection. But you no

1409
01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:09,360
Speaker 4: one else can do this for.

1410
01:09:09,320 --> 01:09:09,840
Speaker 2: You, right.

1411
01:09:09,920 --> 01:09:12,640
Speaker 1: I think it's difficult to deal with self doubt and

1412
01:09:12,680 --> 01:09:16,080
Speaker 1: self rejection without giving yourself the grace. You know, we

1413
01:09:16,160 --> 01:09:18,800
Speaker 1: forget that, Like we can criticize ourselves all day and

1414
01:09:18,880 --> 01:09:21,920
Speaker 1: night when nobody's fucking perfect, But if you don't love

1415
01:09:21,960 --> 01:09:25,000
Speaker 1: on yourself equally as much, that shit's never going to

1416
01:09:25,040 --> 01:09:27,320
Speaker 1: come through. Just like if I'm talking to you all

1417
01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:29,720
Speaker 1: day like, you're not shit, You're not this book it's

1418
01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:32,400
Speaker 1: all right, I read it. It's okay, it's a five

1419
01:09:32,560 --> 01:09:35,280
Speaker 1: out of ten, you know. Like, but if I tell you, oh,

1420
01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:37,439
Speaker 1: it's good, you know, like if I'm always telling you

1421
01:09:37,479 --> 01:09:38,880
Speaker 1: talking shit to you, and then I tell you something

1422
01:09:39,000 --> 01:09:40,040
Speaker 1: you're not, you may not believe that.

1423
01:09:40,080 --> 01:09:43,840
Speaker 4: Well, it's interesting you say that because my daughters busted

1424
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:46,720
Speaker 4: me as I was writing this book. They allowed me

1425
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:49,360
Speaker 4: to share a bunch of like personal stories of stuff

1426
01:09:49,400 --> 01:09:52,479
Speaker 4: they were struggling with and something from our son. Not

1427
01:09:52,600 --> 01:09:54,760
Speaker 4: great parenting moments. By the way, these are not the

1428
01:09:54,760 --> 01:09:56,519
Speaker 4: things that are that I'm proud to write about. But

1429
01:09:57,040 --> 01:09:59,880
Speaker 4: it's interesting because my daughter, Candle, the one that's I

1430
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:03,880
Speaker 4: here in California studying, said well, you know why we

1431
01:10:03,920 --> 01:10:07,280
Speaker 4: trash ourselves? And I'm like no, She's like, well, because

1432
01:10:07,280 --> 01:10:09,040
Speaker 4: you fucking trash yourself all the time. I'm like, what

1433
01:10:09,040 --> 01:10:11,880
Speaker 4: are you talking about. She's like, every time we take

1434
01:10:11,920 --> 01:10:14,640
Speaker 4: a picture you and we show it to you, You're like,

1435
01:10:14,680 --> 01:10:17,679
Speaker 4: do I really look like that? And Mom, we think

1436
01:10:17,720 --> 01:10:22,000
Speaker 4: you're beautiful, So if you don't believe it, why would

1437
01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:24,880
Speaker 4: we think we're beautiful? If we think you are and

1438
01:10:24,920 --> 01:10:27,320
Speaker 4: you don't believe it, And I'm like, fuck, there's three

1439
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:28,520
Speaker 4: more years of therapy.

1440
01:10:28,760 --> 01:10:31,200
Speaker 2: Right, fuck, must write another books.

1441
01:10:31,360 --> 01:10:34,439
Speaker 4: Shit, well that is my brand of self help. Either

1442
01:10:34,560 --> 01:10:36,680
Speaker 4: fall in a hole or dig one myself and then

1443
01:10:36,720 --> 01:10:37,439
Speaker 4: I need a ladder.

1444
01:10:37,479 --> 01:10:40,160
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's literally what all this businesses, everything

1445
01:10:40,160 --> 01:10:41,960
Speaker 3: that we do. We're like, Okay, what do we need

1446
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:44,040
Speaker 3: to work on. Let's make it a challenge. What do

1447
01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:45,679
Speaker 3: we need to work Let's go on, we need healing,

1448
01:10:45,760 --> 01:10:46,519
Speaker 3: let's plan a retreat.

1449
01:10:46,640 --> 01:10:49,280
Speaker 1: Don't have sex you don't want we should stop having sex.

1450
01:10:49,320 --> 01:10:51,680
Speaker 3: Tell everyone's going to stop having sex with us? Like

1451
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:54,559
Speaker 3: I feel that, I really feel that.

1452
01:10:54,800 --> 01:10:57,280
Speaker 4: What did you two get from this conversation a lot,

1453
01:10:57,880 --> 01:10:59,599
Speaker 4: like what's the most important thing you think you at?

1454
01:11:00,120 --> 01:11:02,720
Speaker 1: I do need to be better at looking at the

1455
01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:06,600
Speaker 1: person in the mirror, being kinder to that person, acknowledging

1456
01:11:06,640 --> 01:11:09,280
Speaker 1: why maybe I'm not kind, or acknowledging the things that

1457
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:13,080
Speaker 1: are good. I'm getting emotional. I'm such a cancer.

1458
01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:16,120
Speaker 4: What are you getting emotional about?

1459
01:11:16,360 --> 01:11:18,880
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think that I do need to

1460
01:11:18,920 --> 01:11:23,320
Speaker 1: work on being nicer to myself. It's like, internally, why

1461
01:11:23,360 --> 01:11:26,240
Speaker 1: does that scare you? I don't know. I don't even

1462
01:11:26,280 --> 01:11:27,280
Speaker 1: know why I'm crying.

1463
01:11:27,760 --> 01:11:31,960
Speaker 4: I'll tell you why, because this shit hits deep. Like

1464
01:11:32,000 --> 01:11:34,160
Speaker 4: the interesting thing about this book is that it's the

1465
01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:35,519
Speaker 4: stupidest thing on its face.

1466
01:11:36,920 --> 01:11:38,719
Speaker 1: I know, I will be honest. I opened the book,

1467
01:11:38,760 --> 01:11:41,160
Speaker 1: I was like, high five have it? High five yourself?

1468
01:11:41,200 --> 01:11:42,840
Speaker 2: What total?

1469
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:47,200
Speaker 4: Everybody has that reaction because it's so pervasive to beat

1470
01:11:47,240 --> 01:11:50,160
Speaker 4: the shit out of yourself, and for a lot of us,

1471
01:11:50,200 --> 01:11:54,000
Speaker 4: being tough is a survival mechanism because we think if

1472
01:11:54,000 --> 01:11:59,519
Speaker 4: we get vulnerable or cry or you know, feel the pain,

1473
01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:03,800
Speaker 4: that that's gonna be even worse. Like I think it's

1474
01:12:03,880 --> 01:12:06,519
Speaker 4: hard to actually think about how much I fucked up

1475
01:12:06,520 --> 01:12:09,679
Speaker 4: in my life. That's why it was hard to forgive myself.

1476
01:12:09,720 --> 01:12:13,280
Speaker 4: I wouldn't actually go there because it was too painful

1477
01:12:13,320 --> 01:12:17,479
Speaker 4: to think about for just how long I hated myself

1478
01:12:17,520 --> 01:12:19,600
Speaker 4: and I was in survival mode because I didn't know

1479
01:12:19,680 --> 01:12:23,040
Speaker 4: any better. I didn't know how my childhood trauma was

1480
01:12:23,080 --> 01:12:27,040
Speaker 4: impacting me. And it's painful when you slow down and

1481
01:12:27,080 --> 01:12:29,479
Speaker 4: you see the person in the mirror that's hurting, that

1482
01:12:29,600 --> 01:12:32,680
Speaker 4: needs you. It's true, but it's also beautiful.

1483
01:12:33,439 --> 01:12:33,800
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1484
01:12:34,560 --> 01:12:37,800
Speaker 1: I was thinking this week, I've been needing my dad

1485
01:12:37,840 --> 01:12:39,360
Speaker 1: a lot this week because he's been helping me with

1486
01:12:39,400 --> 01:12:42,920
Speaker 1: my daughter. But all he does is talk shit. You guys,

1487
01:12:42,960 --> 01:12:45,280
Speaker 1: he is the number one shit talking dad of the

1488
01:12:45,320 --> 01:12:47,960
Speaker 1: fucking universe. I'm like, can you shut the fuck up?

1489
01:12:48,160 --> 01:12:49,720
Speaker 1: Literally told him that's how we talk to each other.

1490
01:12:49,760 --> 01:12:53,000
Speaker 1: It's not healthy. He lily, He like had a key

1491
01:12:53,040 --> 01:12:54,760
Speaker 1: to my house because he did something. He came in

1492
01:12:54,800 --> 01:12:56,960
Speaker 1: at one o'clock in the morning. Me and my daughter

1493
01:12:57,000 --> 01:13:00,000
Speaker 1: are asleep. He's like, where's my backpack? First one, I'll

1494
01:13:00,000 --> 01:13:03,920
Speaker 1: alarmed as fuck, I'm deserving a truder. He's like, it's

1495
01:13:03,920 --> 01:13:06,400
Speaker 1: to me. I'm I guess up here. He's literally talking

1496
01:13:06,439 --> 01:13:08,559
Speaker 1: shit to me as he's getting it. You parked in

1497
01:13:08,640 --> 01:13:11,400
Speaker 1: a straight where are the keys? You? What the fuck

1498
01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:13,519
Speaker 1: would you park like that? I was just like, I

1499
01:13:13,680 --> 01:13:17,639
Speaker 1: gonna even respond, but I had dawned on me this week.

1500
01:13:17,680 --> 01:13:20,479
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so used to being talked to this way.

1501
01:13:20,720 --> 01:13:23,840
Speaker 1: I'm so used to being criticized.

1502
01:13:24,240 --> 01:13:24,640
Speaker 4: So is he.

1503
01:13:25,200 --> 01:13:26,680
Speaker 1: And it's true. That's how we talk to each other.

1504
01:13:26,680 --> 01:13:29,160
Speaker 1: That's how my family talks to each other. And it's

1505
01:13:29,200 --> 01:13:31,879
Speaker 1: not healthy, but it's normal.

1506
01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:32,920
Speaker 2: And it's almost like.

1507
01:13:32,880 --> 01:13:36,040
Speaker 1: If we get sensitive, it's weird, like don't you know

1508
01:13:36,080 --> 01:13:40,040
Speaker 1: what I mean? And it's it's probably my inner voice

1509
01:13:40,200 --> 01:13:45,520
Speaker 1: is that criticism, And that's a crazy, weird realization.

1510
01:13:45,760 --> 01:13:49,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, your dad is your inner voice. Like that voice,

1511
01:13:49,720 --> 01:13:51,120
Speaker 4: the way that he talks is the way you talk

1512
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:53,639
Speaker 4: to yourself, and so it's not even yours. And here's

1513
01:13:53,680 --> 01:13:57,360
Speaker 4: the enormous opportunity. You're strong enough to withstand the eye

1514
01:13:57,400 --> 01:13:59,960
Speaker 4: rolls and the oh for God's sakes from your Fani

1515
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:02,759
Speaker 4: family to be the one that actually shifts the way

1516
01:14:03,080 --> 01:14:05,519
Speaker 4: that everybody shows up for each other. It would be

1517
01:14:05,600 --> 01:14:10,160
Speaker 4: transformational for you to go, hey, I am tired of

1518
01:14:10,160 --> 01:14:12,479
Speaker 4: this life is hard enough. I actually need some love

1519
01:14:12,479 --> 01:14:15,639
Speaker 4: from you, dad, and I love you, I need you,

1520
01:14:15,920 --> 01:14:19,120
Speaker 4: but I can't have you come over if you're gonna

1521
01:14:19,120 --> 01:14:21,080
Speaker 4: ship talk me. I need something else from you.

1522
01:14:21,479 --> 01:14:23,960
Speaker 2: It's so crazy to watch your parents your dynamic with him,

1523
01:14:23,960 --> 01:14:25,320
Speaker 2: because they love each other so much.

1524
01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:25,880
Speaker 4: I'm sure they do.

1525
01:14:26,360 --> 01:14:28,479
Speaker 3: He shows up for her like he like, you know,

1526
01:14:28,560 --> 01:14:29,920
Speaker 3: I mean, I know that you guys have your ship,

1527
01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:32,280
Speaker 3: but like he's a great grandfather, Like he shows up,

1528
01:14:32,320 --> 01:14:34,280
Speaker 3: but he does he talks shit the whole fucking time.

1529
01:14:34,920 --> 01:14:37,439
Speaker 3: But he's like he's like, has this happy demeanor as

1530
01:14:37,439 --> 01:14:39,920
Speaker 3: he does it, so it's like it's weird. And then

1531
01:14:39,960 --> 01:14:42,360
Speaker 3: they're talking shit. I'm listening to the talk shit the

1532
01:14:42,400 --> 01:14:44,920
Speaker 3: other day yesterday I was like, you guys, I was like,

1533
01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:49,720
Speaker 3: you guys only get one daughter and one and one's grandfather.

1534
01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:51,439
Speaker 3: I'm like, you guys need to stop talking shit to

1535
01:14:51,479 --> 01:14:54,280
Speaker 3: each other. Yeah, you guys are talking shit. He's literally

1536
01:14:54,840 --> 01:14:56,360
Speaker 3: to be like help doing everything.

1537
01:14:56,520 --> 01:14:58,400
Speaker 4: He's can you give us an example? What does he say?

1538
01:14:58,560 --> 01:15:00,439
Speaker 3: He was just like, oh god, God, I wish my

1539
01:15:00,520 --> 01:15:02,160
Speaker 3: daughter would just get her shit together, like she's just

1540
01:15:02,360 --> 01:15:05,920
Speaker 3: you know, everything's everywhere, and like what was he saying?

1541
01:15:05,960 --> 01:15:08,200
Speaker 3: He was just saying, like, yeah, he did say he

1542
01:15:08,240 --> 01:15:10,360
Speaker 3: even acknowledged that. He's like, and the way you parked

1543
01:15:10,360 --> 01:15:12,320
Speaker 3: in front of the house, it was fucking crazy. And

1544
01:15:12,400 --> 01:15:13,880
Speaker 3: she was like, well, Dad, you're at the fucking house

1545
01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:16,080
Speaker 3: at one in the morning, and Luna's there too, and

1546
01:15:16,120 --> 01:15:18,479
Speaker 3: they're both lunas to his her daughter, so she's hearing

1547
01:15:18,520 --> 01:15:21,439
Speaker 3: them talk the shit and it's so normal for them.

1548
01:15:21,640 --> 01:15:23,040
Speaker 3: It's not normal for me because that's not how me

1549
01:15:23,080 --> 01:15:24,960
Speaker 3: and my family communicate whatever. We have our own fucked

1550
01:15:25,000 --> 01:15:28,519
Speaker 3: up communication. But that's a whole other episode. But it's

1551
01:15:28,520 --> 01:15:33,479
Speaker 3: more passive aggressive, so it's like secret nice. They're just

1552
01:15:33,520 --> 01:15:35,840
Speaker 3: like straight, straight to the point. And I was like,

1553
01:15:36,040 --> 01:15:38,000
Speaker 3: this is hilarious. It was funny, but it's not funny.

1554
01:15:38,040 --> 01:15:39,479
Speaker 3: But it was funny because I was like, they love

1555
01:15:39,520 --> 01:15:42,320
Speaker 3: each other so much, they're literally doing things for one

1556
01:15:42,320 --> 01:15:45,599
Speaker 3: another as they're talking shit to each other.

1557
01:15:45,720 --> 01:15:47,760
Speaker 4: Well, it's sort of like if you're raised in a

1558
01:15:47,760 --> 01:15:50,719
Speaker 4: household that speaks English, you learn English.

1559
01:15:51,320 --> 01:15:51,679
Speaker 2: True.

1560
01:15:51,800 --> 01:15:56,120
Speaker 4: It's where whatever the vibe, the language, the content, the tone,

1561
01:15:56,479 --> 01:15:59,360
Speaker 4: whether it's passive aggressive, whether it's a silent treatment, whether

1562
01:15:59,400 --> 01:16:02,160
Speaker 4: it's shit talk. And maybe another way that you could

1563
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:05,680
Speaker 4: do this instead of like drawing a boundary is make

1564
01:16:05,720 --> 01:16:07,479
Speaker 4: a commitment to yourself and the game that you're going

1565
01:16:07,560 --> 01:16:09,559
Speaker 4: to play when you send yourself into the game of

1566
01:16:09,600 --> 01:16:11,680
Speaker 4: life with the high five is today, No matter what

1567
01:16:11,760 --> 01:16:13,680
Speaker 4: my father says, I'm not ship talking to him.

1568
01:16:13,920 --> 01:16:18,400
Speaker 2: Oh, do drive maybe say thank you Dad?

1569
01:16:18,520 --> 01:16:18,840
Speaker 1: Thank you.

1570
01:16:18,880 --> 01:16:20,720
Speaker 4: I know you're just worried about me. I love you too,

1571
01:16:21,280 --> 01:16:21,880
Speaker 4: and watch the.

1572
01:16:21,840 --> 01:16:23,680
Speaker 1: Time, which is also super hard for me to be

1573
01:16:24,479 --> 01:16:28,400
Speaker 1: to do that, to be nice to him. Well, sometimes

1574
01:16:28,680 --> 01:16:31,120
Speaker 1: it's hard for me to give words affirmation because that's

1575
01:16:31,120 --> 01:16:32,840
Speaker 1: not what I'm used to hearing, Like I can think

1576
01:16:32,880 --> 01:16:35,400
Speaker 1: about nice things and I'm kind. You know I'm kind.

1577
01:16:35,479 --> 01:16:36,320
Speaker 1: I'll do things for you.

1578
01:16:36,520 --> 01:16:38,920
Speaker 4: Well, do you know that you have the right to

1579
01:16:39,000 --> 01:16:41,760
Speaker 4: sit your father down and say I do not want

1580
01:16:41,800 --> 01:16:46,040
Speaker 4: my daughter to talk like this, and starting today, I

1581
01:16:46,120 --> 01:16:49,320
Speaker 4: need your help changing the way we treat each other. Dad,

1582
01:16:49,880 --> 01:16:52,479
Speaker 4: I love you. I do not want to go to

1583
01:16:52,520 --> 01:16:55,400
Speaker 4: the grave talking to each other like this. You show

1584
01:16:55,479 --> 01:17:00,360
Speaker 4: up physically, but emotionally verbally it's brutal. Can we work

1585
01:17:00,400 --> 01:17:02,160
Speaker 4: on this together for her?

1586
01:17:02,840 --> 01:17:10,400
Speaker 1: I'm so glad this is recorded. This is for me

1587
01:17:10,560 --> 01:17:11,519
Speaker 1: to you from health.

1588
01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:15,519
Speaker 4: Because trust me, he probably doesn't hear it. He doesn't

1589
01:17:15,520 --> 01:17:19,040
Speaker 4: know how much it hurts you. I don't know all back, right.

1590
01:17:19,240 --> 01:17:21,599
Speaker 2: It's how they communicate. I think that. I think that's

1591
01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:23,519
Speaker 2: so simply put. But I feel like that's all that

1592
01:17:23,600 --> 01:17:25,360
Speaker 2: really would. I feel like your dad would be receptive

1593
01:17:25,400 --> 01:17:27,840
Speaker 2: to that. I think he would. He's going to talk

1594
01:17:27,880 --> 01:17:29,639
Speaker 2: shit a little bit because it's just in his nature

1595
01:17:29,680 --> 01:17:31,800
Speaker 2: to talk shit, and it takes a second to do

1596
01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:34,720
Speaker 2: the unlearning. And maybe he needs to high five himself too.

1597
01:17:35,040 --> 01:17:35,200
Speaker 1: Well.

1598
01:17:35,280 --> 01:17:38,840
Speaker 4: That comes from like hardness and pain. I can't only

1599
01:17:38,880 --> 01:17:41,160
Speaker 4: imagine how he was talked to in his life that

1600
01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:44,280
Speaker 4: he does it so casually with you. And you've only

1601
01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:47,800
Speaker 4: ever known this, which is why you're accepting it. But

1602
01:17:47,880 --> 01:17:50,680
Speaker 4: you're no longer a child in his house. You're a

1603
01:17:50,760 --> 01:17:52,679
Speaker 4: grown ass woman in her own house.

1604
01:17:52,920 --> 01:17:53,040
Speaker 2: Right.

1605
01:17:53,400 --> 01:17:57,280
Speaker 4: You're building a fucking empire. And you get to say

1606
01:17:57,360 --> 01:18:00,200
Speaker 4: how somebody talks to you. Now you get to say

1607
01:18:00,760 --> 01:18:03,040
Speaker 4: what relationship you would like to build with your dad.

1608
01:18:03,120 --> 01:18:07,040
Speaker 4: Now you get to say where this habit is just

1609
01:18:07,080 --> 01:18:11,000
Speaker 4: a pattern ends in terms of your family, and you

1610
01:18:11,040 --> 01:18:15,000
Speaker 4: get to say what is acceptable around your daughter. That's powerful,

1611
01:18:16,600 --> 01:18:20,400
Speaker 4: not easy, not easy at all, not easy at all,

1612
01:18:21,120 --> 01:18:23,640
Speaker 4: but you can do it and high fiving yourself and

1613
01:18:23,680 --> 01:18:27,719
Speaker 4: affirming that you're worth. It is literally going to help

1614
01:18:27,760 --> 01:18:28,200
Speaker 4: you do it.

1615
01:18:30,560 --> 01:18:33,800
Speaker 3: I believe that, and I would say the things that

1616
01:18:34,080 --> 01:18:36,400
Speaker 3: something that I've learned today two is that I just

1617
01:18:36,439 --> 01:18:40,960
Speaker 3: feel like being able to master my neurosystem I think

1618
01:18:41,160 --> 01:18:44,200
Speaker 3: is something that I'm excited to try and do because

1619
01:18:44,560 --> 01:18:46,520
Speaker 3: it is out of fucking control.

1620
01:18:46,960 --> 01:18:49,400
Speaker 4: Oh, when you need to not only for your mental health.

1621
01:18:49,160 --> 01:18:50,240
Speaker 2: It is out of control.

1622
01:18:50,360 --> 01:18:53,200
Speaker 1: Would you call it neuonamics idea?

1623
01:18:53,360 --> 01:18:57,080
Speaker 4: Oh, neuerobic syno is that thing. It's the nervous system thing.

1624
01:18:57,200 --> 01:18:59,840
Speaker 4: And the nervous system responds with a high five job

1625
01:19:00,080 --> 01:19:02,400
Speaker 4: heart you're talking about, yeah, yeah, And then your mind

1626
01:19:02,439 --> 01:19:05,120
Speaker 4: will get rewired with the neuerobic activity of high fiving

1627
01:19:05,160 --> 01:19:06,719
Speaker 4: yourself in the mirror. And you don't have to say anything.

1628
01:19:06,800 --> 01:19:08,559
Speaker 4: Just let all the science in your body and the

1629
01:19:08,560 --> 01:19:11,400
Speaker 4: programming that's already there work for you. That's all that

1630
01:19:11,439 --> 01:19:13,720
Speaker 4: you need to do. The other reason why it is

1631
01:19:13,720 --> 01:19:17,040
Speaker 4: important and this was new to me, so I didn't

1632
01:19:17,120 --> 01:19:19,559
Speaker 4: know this, But when it makes sense when your nervous

1633
01:19:19,560 --> 01:19:22,640
Speaker 4: system is on edge, your prefrontal cortex, the part of

1634
01:19:22,640 --> 01:19:24,559
Speaker 4: your brain that you're going to use to build this

1635
01:19:24,640 --> 01:19:27,479
Speaker 4: empire and to change your relationship with your father for

1636
01:19:27,520 --> 01:19:31,360
Speaker 4: the better. It doesn't work properly because your nervous system

1637
01:19:31,400 --> 01:19:34,880
Speaker 4: overrides it. Like if somebody all if the fire alarm

1638
01:19:34,920 --> 01:19:37,000
Speaker 4: started going off in here for real and we smelled

1639
01:19:37,080 --> 01:19:39,960
Speaker 4: like real smoke, not just joint smoke, we wouldn't be

1640
01:19:40,000 --> 01:19:42,679
Speaker 4: able to solve a math problem because the alarm system

1641
01:19:42,680 --> 01:19:45,599
Speaker 4: in your body would take over. We've been and you've

1642
01:19:45,640 --> 01:19:50,280
Speaker 4: been on high alert for eighteen months or longer. When

1643
01:19:50,280 --> 01:19:53,200
Speaker 4: you think about the last administration, right and the bullshit

1644
01:19:53,240 --> 01:19:55,759
Speaker 4: that you've had to deal with. We've all seen unfolding

1645
01:19:55,800 --> 01:19:59,479
Speaker 4: on television, the fight for racial justice. All of it

1646
01:19:59,600 --> 01:20:03,439
Speaker 4: just boom boom boom at people. Your nervous system is

1647
01:20:03,479 --> 01:20:07,040
Speaker 4: on edge. Everybody's is. You're going to go build a business,

1648
01:20:07,080 --> 01:20:10,479
Speaker 4: You're going to heal this relationship and transform it. You

1649
01:20:10,520 --> 01:20:12,160
Speaker 4: need this part of your brain to be able to

1650
01:20:12,160 --> 01:20:16,880
Speaker 4: focus and think clearly. That's also why getting your nervous system.

1651
01:20:16,960 --> 01:20:19,080
Speaker 4: I like the word you use, though it was like nero.

1652
01:20:20,240 --> 01:20:23,439
Speaker 1: I don't know, You're like nerve, neuros, zeros.

1653
01:20:25,560 --> 01:20:26,760
Speaker 4: Yes, what's the word that is?

1654
01:20:26,800 --> 01:20:27,280
Speaker 1: I love that.

1655
01:20:28,760 --> 01:20:30,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, You're like, when you get that in order you

1656
01:20:30,880 --> 01:20:33,360
Speaker 4: will be able to sit in a businessman like nope,

1657
01:20:33,920 --> 01:20:36,400
Speaker 4: because you will be in your body and in your power.

1658
01:20:36,960 --> 01:20:39,400
Speaker 3: I'm going to use it because I've been struggling, and

1659
01:20:39,520 --> 01:20:43,240
Speaker 3: I'm going to also empower my friend to you know,

1660
01:20:43,680 --> 01:20:46,000
Speaker 3: with us together, Like do these high fives?

1661
01:20:46,200 --> 01:20:48,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, We're gonna going to see its high fiving in

1662
01:20:48,520 --> 01:20:49,559
Speaker 1: every major event ever.

1663
01:20:50,560 --> 01:20:52,960
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I think we need a high five. Our teamwore David.

1664
01:20:52,960 --> 01:20:53,760
Speaker 3: I'm high fiving you.

1665
01:20:53,960 --> 01:20:56,760
Speaker 1: High never not doing a session without a high five.

1666
01:20:57,000 --> 01:20:58,040
Speaker 2: I mean, I've learned a lot.

1667
01:20:58,080 --> 01:21:00,280
Speaker 3: I've learned a lot about like, yeah, how do how

1668
01:21:00,320 --> 01:21:03,559
Speaker 3: to you know, empower the people around me as a

1669
01:21:03,600 --> 01:21:08,760
Speaker 3: business woman, as a mother, as a friend, and you

1670
01:21:08,800 --> 01:21:13,599
Speaker 3: know how to control my crazy nurse neuros nervous system.

1671
01:21:14,479 --> 01:21:18,080
Speaker 2: And I'm just so grateful that you're here with us

1672
01:21:18,080 --> 01:21:20,800
Speaker 2: and that we connected and that you that thank you

1673
01:21:20,880 --> 01:21:25,720
Speaker 2: for coming back, thank you for inviting me, and yeah, wow.

1674
01:21:25,680 --> 01:21:27,479
Speaker 1: Wow, this is much more than I expected. I feel

1675
01:21:27,479 --> 01:21:29,360
Speaker 1: like I'm like in therapy with mal right now. Wow,

1676
01:21:29,560 --> 01:21:32,440
Speaker 1: Well you know I'm not a license therapist.

1677
01:21:33,479 --> 01:21:37,880
Speaker 3: Every thousands and thousands of dollars worth of THERAPYT had.

1678
01:21:37,800 --> 01:21:39,479
Speaker 4: A question, what car did we pull?

1679
01:21:40,520 --> 01:21:43,160
Speaker 1: Well, it's funny you may ask. I was wondering we

1680
01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:44,679
Speaker 1: forgot to do. I let it ride. I'm like, maybe

1681
01:21:44,680 --> 01:21:47,559
Speaker 1: it'll make more sense at the end. The car be

1682
01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:51,280
Speaker 1: pulled was the seven of brooms, which is the seven

1683
01:21:51,320 --> 01:21:56,280
Speaker 1: of wands generally, and it means after the success of

1684
01:21:56,360 --> 01:21:59,559
Speaker 1: six of wands, you are now in an inviable position

1685
01:21:59,640 --> 01:22:01,519
Speaker 1: in our being challenged by others who want to take

1686
01:22:01,560 --> 01:22:05,360
Speaker 1: your place. You worked hard to get to where you are,

1687
01:22:05,400 --> 01:22:08,360
Speaker 1: but some people covet what you have and are prepared

1688
01:22:08,400 --> 01:22:12,280
Speaker 1: to fight for it. While it is flattering that they

1689
01:22:12,280 --> 01:22:15,000
Speaker 1: strive for your success, it also makes for tense and

1690
01:22:15,080 --> 01:22:17,880
Speaker 1: competitive environment because you need to protect what you earned

1691
01:22:18,240 --> 01:22:22,720
Speaker 1: and must continually prove yourself. It is a sad fact

1692
01:22:22,760 --> 01:22:24,680
Speaker 1: of life, but the more visibility you have as a

1693
01:22:24,720 --> 01:22:26,920
Speaker 1: leader in your field and the bigger your audience, the

1694
01:22:26,920 --> 01:22:29,040
Speaker 1: more likely it is that you will need to grapple

1695
01:22:29,320 --> 01:22:32,160
Speaker 1: with this kind of pressure. Others see your success and

1696
01:22:32,200 --> 01:22:34,080
Speaker 1: will either challenge your point of view or want to

1697
01:22:34,120 --> 01:22:36,960
Speaker 1: take it down. The seven of wants may appear when

1698
01:22:36,960 --> 01:22:39,479
Speaker 1: you hold a contentious point of view or wish to

1699
01:22:39,560 --> 01:22:42,000
Speaker 1: voice your opinion in a public forum. Be ready to

1700
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:44,880
Speaker 1: support your argument and back yourself. Stand firm and your

1701
01:22:44,880 --> 01:22:48,080
Speaker 1: conviction of what you believe and why so that others

1702
01:22:48,080 --> 01:22:51,000
Speaker 1: do not topple you from your mountain of self belief.

1703
01:22:51,479 --> 01:22:54,519
Speaker 1: Sometimes this threat is opposition may catch you by surprise

1704
01:22:54,840 --> 01:22:57,799
Speaker 1: and you'll feel inadequately inadequately prepared.

1705
01:22:57,880 --> 01:23:00,600
Speaker 3: No, we won't because we're high fiving bitch, prepared for

1706
01:23:00,680 --> 01:23:04,479
Speaker 3: such a battle. I'm prepared. Okay, yes, but you know what.

1707
01:23:04,840 --> 01:23:06,400
Speaker 3: I'm safe, I'm powerful.

1708
01:23:06,560 --> 01:23:09,800
Speaker 1: But it's talking about someone in this translation, it's talking

1709
01:23:09,840 --> 01:23:12,280
Speaker 1: about maybe someone outside of you. But I think bigased

1710
01:23:12,320 --> 01:23:14,439
Speaker 1: on this conversation. I think the biggest lesson is that

1711
01:23:14,800 --> 01:23:18,800
Speaker 1: our biggest problem, our biggest opponent is often ourselves. And

1712
01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:22,960
Speaker 1: if you are not prepared to face yourself and face

1713
01:23:22,960 --> 01:23:27,280
Speaker 1: your dad and a shit talking or you know, your

1714
01:23:27,320 --> 01:23:31,000
Speaker 1: business or whatever parts of yourself that you're avoiding because

1715
01:23:31,000 --> 01:23:33,400
Speaker 1: you're drinking, you're getting blacked out drunk, or maybe you're

1716
01:23:33,400 --> 01:23:35,680
Speaker 1: having sex, or you're just sleeping and not wanting to

1717
01:23:35,680 --> 01:23:38,040
Speaker 1: get the fuck up out the bed or cleaning, it's

1718
01:23:38,160 --> 01:23:41,400
Speaker 1: really the part that needs to be tackled, which is

1719
01:23:41,520 --> 01:23:43,320
Speaker 1: in fact the person in the mirror.

1720
01:23:43,640 --> 01:23:45,800
Speaker 4: Correct all comes back to them, it does.

1721
01:23:47,400 --> 01:23:48,439
Speaker 2: This is good.

1722
01:23:49,040 --> 01:23:50,960
Speaker 1: I want to ask you something has nothing to do

1723
01:23:51,000 --> 01:23:51,880
Speaker 1: with any of these things.

1724
01:23:51,960 --> 01:23:55,479
Speaker 4: Sure, do you have a whory horr?

1725
01:23:55,640 --> 01:23:57,080
Speaker 1: We forgot to tell you because I don't think we

1726
01:23:57,120 --> 01:23:59,960
Speaker 1: were thinking about this, but it's a highly horrorsh story.

1727
01:24:00,520 --> 01:24:02,559
Speaker 1: Something you've done though was like very horrish. Maybe it

1728
01:24:02,560 --> 01:24:04,400
Speaker 1: could be with your husband, maybe before you're married.

1729
01:24:04,560 --> 01:24:06,960
Speaker 4: You mean, like the time that I was basically a

1730
01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:09,400
Speaker 4: port whoreor for a guy that was a Navy seal.

1731
01:24:13,600 --> 01:24:16,000
Speaker 1: Who stories what is.

1732
01:24:18,960 --> 01:24:21,720
Speaker 4: Like a groupie of the port No, meaning like you know,

1733
01:24:21,880 --> 01:24:24,320
Speaker 4: guys that are in the military have a different girlfriend

1734
01:24:24,360 --> 01:24:26,000
Speaker 4: in every city.

1735
01:24:26,160 --> 01:24:28,160
Speaker 1: Oh, so you're his what city you're.

1736
01:24:28,479 --> 01:24:31,799
Speaker 4: Well, I met him in Boston, but the real amazing

1737
01:24:31,840 --> 01:24:33,000
Speaker 4: hookup was in Chicago.

1738
01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:35,719
Speaker 1: Well, can you tell us quickly about the amazing hookup

1739
01:24:35,760 --> 01:24:36,320
Speaker 1: in Chicago?

1740
01:24:36,840 --> 01:24:37,760
Speaker 4: Sure? What do you want to know?

1741
01:24:37,880 --> 01:24:39,400
Speaker 1: I know what was so amazing about it? Was it

1742
01:24:39,520 --> 01:24:42,040
Speaker 1: like something something like you know what it was?

1743
01:24:42,120 --> 01:24:43,920
Speaker 4: I was in law school at the time and he

1744
01:24:44,040 --> 01:24:46,400
Speaker 4: was like fifteen years older than me. So it was

1745
01:24:46,439 --> 01:24:49,280
Speaker 4: the first time I had had sex with a fucking man.

1746
01:24:50,479 --> 01:24:53,200
Speaker 4: Like until that point, it had been boys and I

1747
01:24:53,280 --> 01:24:58,640
Speaker 4: was either learning with them or instructing them. This was

1748
01:24:58,920 --> 01:25:03,320
Speaker 4: like feeling like I was a fucking rag doll. Yeah,

1749
01:25:03,360 --> 01:25:04,719
Speaker 4: my god, yes.

1750
01:25:04,560 --> 01:25:06,160
Speaker 1: Your sub he was domining you.

1751
01:25:06,720 --> 01:25:08,600
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know what he was doing, but

1752
01:25:08,680 --> 01:25:12,000
Speaker 4: it was amazing, Like I had never experienced that with

1753
01:25:12,080 --> 01:25:15,799
Speaker 4: a fifteen to a twenty two year old man before,

1754
01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:18,519
Speaker 4: and this was a guy who I think was thirty

1755
01:25:18,520 --> 01:25:21,720
Speaker 4: five at the time. I can't believe I don't have

1756
01:25:21,720 --> 01:25:23,080
Speaker 4: a venereal disease.

1757
01:25:22,760 --> 01:25:26,519
Speaker 1: From Maybe he wasn't as much as a port horror

1758
01:25:26,520 --> 01:25:29,840
Speaker 1: as you thought. Maybe maybe not, maybe not, maybe not,

1759
01:25:30,040 --> 01:25:32,240
Speaker 1: maybe with those moves, probably yeah.

1760
01:25:32,280 --> 01:25:35,720
Speaker 4: And then I remember having that feeling. I don't even

1761
01:25:35,720 --> 01:25:37,800
Speaker 4: know how to describe it because a couple months later.

1762
01:25:37,840 --> 01:25:40,200
Speaker 4: You know, of course, we didn't have cell phones back then,

1763
01:25:40,240 --> 01:25:42,800
Speaker 4: so it's not like he could kind of ghost meet

1764
01:25:42,800 --> 01:25:46,599
Speaker 4: because you couldn't really reach anybody. But I remember being

1765
01:25:46,720 --> 01:25:50,160
Speaker 4: out at a restaurant in Boston and watching him come

1766
01:25:50,160 --> 01:25:54,040
Speaker 4: into a restaurant with somebody else, and that moment where

1767
01:25:54,360 --> 01:25:57,559
Speaker 4: you are admitting to yourself that you actually already had

1768
01:25:57,560 --> 01:26:00,000
Speaker 4: the fantasy in your mind that you were send around

1769
01:26:00,360 --> 01:26:02,040
Speaker 4: and they were going to come back and marry you

1770
01:26:02,320 --> 01:26:05,080
Speaker 4: and you are the one, and then he's clearly in

1771
01:26:05,120 --> 01:26:08,160
Speaker 4: a relationship with somebody or you know. It was kind

1772
01:26:08,160 --> 01:26:11,519
Speaker 4: of one of those moments you're like, I basically want

1773
01:26:11,520 --> 01:26:12,280
Speaker 4: to die right now.

1774
01:26:12,479 --> 01:26:15,479
Speaker 1: Okay, I've been thinking about you for months.

1775
01:26:15,200 --> 01:26:17,639
Speaker 4: Yes, exactly, clearly you haven't been.

1776
01:26:18,960 --> 01:26:20,120
Speaker 1: We've all had those moments.

1777
01:26:20,200 --> 01:26:23,639
Speaker 3: Yes, well, mel, thank you again for coming on the show.

1778
01:26:23,680 --> 01:26:26,479
Speaker 3: Can you tell our listeners where they can get the

1779
01:26:26,680 --> 01:26:28,439
Speaker 3: high five fat Habit and you.

1780
01:26:28,400 --> 01:26:30,600
Speaker 4: Can buy it anywhere you want. You can buy it

1781
01:26:30,640 --> 01:26:34,960
Speaker 4: anywhere you want. You can. It's coming out in twenty

1782
01:26:34,960 --> 01:26:37,920
Speaker 4: three languages and counting by the end of the year.

1783
01:26:37,800 --> 01:26:41,519
Speaker 1: Hopefully graduate fucking relation. Thank you. That's a big shit girl.

1784
01:26:41,720 --> 01:26:42,080
Speaker 4: Thank you.

1785
01:26:42,120 --> 01:26:43,040
Speaker 1: But they're killing it.

1786
01:26:43,080 --> 01:26:46,840
Speaker 4: Thank you. You know what, when you work your ass

1787
01:26:46,840 --> 01:26:50,720
Speaker 4: off and you are out to make an impact, it

1788
01:26:50,840 --> 01:26:52,960
Speaker 4: all does work out. It may not work out on

1789
01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:55,080
Speaker 4: the timeline that you want, but when you stay true

1790
01:26:55,640 --> 01:26:58,000
Speaker 4: to what you want to do in the world, when

1791
01:26:58,040 --> 01:27:00,519
Speaker 4: you keep telling yourself that this moment is pairing you

1792
01:27:00,600 --> 01:27:03,720
Speaker 4: for something amazing that's coming, and you stay true, it

1793
01:27:03,760 --> 01:27:06,280
Speaker 4: doesn't all ever unfold the way that you think it will,

1794
01:27:06,280 --> 01:27:10,439
Speaker 4: but it does. What's meant for you finds you period.

1795
01:27:10,920 --> 01:27:12,880
Speaker 4: And so one of the things that I wanted to

1796
01:27:12,920 --> 01:27:16,439
Speaker 4: say about this is that I am so committed because

1797
01:27:17,000 --> 01:27:19,640
Speaker 4: even with the five second rule, which has changed the

1798
01:27:19,680 --> 01:27:21,599
Speaker 4: lives of millions of people. We know of one hundred

1799
01:27:21,640 --> 01:27:24,520
Speaker 4: and eleven people who have stopped themselves from committing suicide

1800
01:27:24,680 --> 01:27:27,160
Speaker 4: by using five four three two one. It is helping

1801
01:27:27,200 --> 01:27:31,479
Speaker 4: people reprogram triggers associated with PTSD. Pediatricians use it to

1802
01:27:31,600 --> 01:27:35,560
Speaker 4: reframe worries for kids you know who have anxiety. It's extraordinary.

1803
01:27:36,880 --> 01:27:39,519
Speaker 4: This book is only out now five days. I think

1804
01:27:39,560 --> 01:27:42,720
Speaker 4: it's going to be a thousand times more impactful in

1805
01:27:42,720 --> 01:27:44,720
Speaker 4: people's lives than even the five second Rule, because the

1806
01:27:44,720 --> 01:27:47,720
Speaker 4: five second rule will help you push through shit. This

1807
01:27:47,800 --> 01:27:49,880
Speaker 4: goes down to the fucking core of who you are

1808
01:27:50,640 --> 01:27:53,040
Speaker 4: and how you feel about yourself, and when you change

1809
01:27:53,080 --> 01:27:55,040
Speaker 4: how you see yourself and how you treat yourself, it

1810
01:27:55,160 --> 01:27:58,600
Speaker 4: changes your whole life. And so I am so committed

1811
01:27:58,720 --> 01:28:00,840
Speaker 4: to sharing these tools. I want to thank you from

1812
01:28:00,880 --> 01:28:02,880
Speaker 4: the bottom of my heart for having me on to

1813
01:28:03,120 --> 01:28:06,679
Speaker 4: introduce this stuff to your audience. But I want everyone

1814
01:28:06,680 --> 01:28:08,880
Speaker 4: to know you don't need to buy the book. I

1815
01:28:08,880 --> 01:28:11,240
Speaker 4: am reading the book cover to cover for free every

1816
01:28:11,280 --> 01:28:14,640
Speaker 4: single day online. We have started on social media. I

1817
01:28:14,680 --> 01:28:17,000
Speaker 4: read two or three pages a day. I then coach

1818
01:28:17,080 --> 01:28:20,040
Speaker 4: people because I want people who can't afford the book

1819
01:28:20,160 --> 01:28:23,320
Speaker 4: or find it to be able to use it. And

1820
01:28:23,560 --> 01:28:26,760
Speaker 4: we also created something called the High five Challenge, which

1821
01:28:26,760 --> 01:28:28,479
Speaker 4: is you just go to high five Challenge dot com.

1822
01:28:28,520 --> 01:28:30,559
Speaker 4: There's eighty five thousand people in it right now from

1823
01:28:30,640 --> 01:28:32,960
Speaker 4: ninety one countries. It is free. You do not have

1824
01:28:33,000 --> 01:28:34,640
Speaker 4: to buy the book to be in it. It's not

1825
01:28:34,680 --> 01:28:37,080
Speaker 4: even on social media. I got an app to give

1826
01:28:37,120 --> 01:28:39,800
Speaker 4: everybody access for free, because you know there's nothing. You know,

1827
01:28:39,920 --> 01:28:42,080
Speaker 4: Facebook groups are pain in the ass because you see

1828
01:28:42,120 --> 01:28:45,080
Speaker 4: the ads. So this is you go to High five

1829
01:28:45,320 --> 01:28:48,479
Speaker 4: Challenge dot com just the number five and you can

1830
01:28:48,560 --> 01:28:50,920
Speaker 4: jump in it any time you're hearing this, and for

1831
01:28:51,080 --> 01:28:53,000
Speaker 4: five days, we will coach you. We will give you

1832
01:28:53,520 --> 01:28:56,479
Speaker 4: journaling prompts, and you'll have this massive global community of

1833
01:28:56,479 --> 01:28:59,559
Speaker 4: people who are all high fiving themselves, uploading photos during

1834
01:28:59,600 --> 01:29:02,240
Speaker 4: each other on to get you started. Because for me,

1835
01:29:02,520 --> 01:29:04,760
Speaker 4: this is so much bigger, just like it's so much

1836
01:29:04,800 --> 01:29:07,760
Speaker 4: bigger for the two of you. Like, it's not about

1837
01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:09,960
Speaker 4: the book deal, it's not really about the podcast. It's

1838
01:29:09,960 --> 01:29:13,200
Speaker 4: about something you're awakening in people who are listening. It's

1839
01:29:13,240 --> 01:29:16,920
Speaker 4: about something you're discovering about yourself as you're sharing your

1840
01:29:17,120 --> 01:29:19,400
Speaker 4: journey in life and everything that you're fucking up and

1841
01:29:19,400 --> 01:29:22,439
Speaker 4: that you're learning. I so want these tools out in

1842
01:29:22,479 --> 01:29:25,639
Speaker 4: the world because they're free. They fucking work. I don't

1843
01:29:25,680 --> 01:29:27,760
Speaker 4: care where you live, what language you speak, how old

1844
01:29:27,840 --> 01:29:31,040
Speaker 4: you are, what you do. Everybody needs to know how

1845
01:29:31,080 --> 01:29:33,080
Speaker 4: to look in the mirror and support the person they

1846
01:29:33,080 --> 01:29:36,240
Speaker 4: see staring back at them. So thank you for having

1847
01:29:36,240 --> 01:29:38,400
Speaker 4: me on and buy the book if you can. If

1848
01:29:38,400 --> 01:29:41,080
Speaker 4: you can't, just fucking share this shit everything. If you

1849
01:29:41,280 --> 01:29:44,240
Speaker 4: liked this podcast, you share this shit. Yeah, everybody who

1850
01:29:44,280 --> 01:29:45,599
Speaker 4: needs to hear it.

1851
01:29:45,720 --> 01:29:47,719
Speaker 2: Please, and everybody does.

1852
01:29:47,960 --> 01:29:51,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not a question. Let's just get it to them.

1853
01:29:52,320 --> 01:29:54,200
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. S mel I feel like I

1854
01:29:54,240 --> 01:29:55,280
Speaker 1: have a new best friend.

1855
01:29:55,479 --> 01:29:57,880
Speaker 4: Absolutely, and you have my cell phones, so you better

1856
01:29:57,920 --> 01:29:58,280
Speaker 4: text me.

1857
01:29:58,400 --> 01:30:00,799
Speaker 1: Can I put me on the pretext holding Okay, I'm sorry.

1858
01:30:00,920 --> 01:30:02,760
Speaker 1: I was keep here for myself. I'm gonna put us

1859
01:30:02,760 --> 01:30:04,840
Speaker 1: on the group text. I We're supposed to have a

1860
01:30:04,920 --> 01:30:07,000
Speaker 1: drink for your birthday, but I do have shit to do.

1861
01:30:07,400 --> 01:30:10,960
Speaker 1: Happy birthday, drink with you, Okay. I'm so honored that

1862
01:30:11,000 --> 01:30:13,880
Speaker 1: you get to come on our show and share with us.

1863
01:30:14,240 --> 01:30:18,439
Speaker 1: You guys. She is shout out to Mark and Europa Agency.

1864
01:30:18,840 --> 01:30:21,719
Speaker 1: She's on our literary agency with us. We're so blessed

1865
01:30:21,760 --> 01:30:24,960
Speaker 1: to be like represented by the same agency. I'm like

1866
01:30:25,000 --> 01:30:26,800
Speaker 1: so much pressure. This book better to be fucking good.

1867
01:30:28,080 --> 01:30:31,040
Speaker 4: Oh hell, yes, and count me on your launch team.

1868
01:30:31,240 --> 01:30:32,479
Speaker 4: Yes when it comes out.

1869
01:30:32,520 --> 01:30:34,479
Speaker 1: Please, Wow, I'm so excited. You have a hell of

1870
01:30:34,520 --> 01:30:40,599
Speaker 1: an email list over there. Anyway, I hope everyone heard

1871
01:30:40,640 --> 01:30:42,920
Speaker 1: this and this resonated. I know it did. Please pick

1872
01:30:43,000 --> 01:30:46,360
Speaker 1: up the high five habit five the number, and don't

1873
01:30:46,360 --> 01:30:49,479
Speaker 1: forget to rate and review us because it matters to us.

1874
01:30:49,560 --> 01:30:52,160
Speaker 4: Give them fucking five stars. Don't you dare listen to

1875
01:30:52,160 --> 01:30:53,920
Speaker 4: their shit and give them anything.

1876
01:30:53,640 --> 01:30:54,720
Speaker 1: Lest don't be a take her.

1877
01:30:54,840 --> 01:31:08,320
Speaker 4: You know this was free, by the way, ran them