Speaker 1: Attention Shoppers.
Speaker 2: Attention Shoppers Employees Only is an improvised comedy podcast about
Speaker 2: an official big box store. Any similarity to real stores
Speaker 2: or real people is completely coincidental.
Speaker 3: Okay, love your hair, are you doing those curls? Or
Speaker 3: was that like a curly guys?
Speaker 4: I just need everybody in the break room to please
Speaker 4: pay attention.
Speaker 1: Okay, I just please.
Speaker 4: All right, So we found that missing mannequin. It had
Speaker 4: just been misplaced out on the loading doc and uh,
Speaker 4: I want to personally apologize to Victor for accusing him
Speaker 4: of taking it home.
Speaker 1: I'm glad it wasn't you, Victor.
Speaker 5: In your defense, it could have been me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you you were the prime suspect.
Speaker 5: I often look around the store in search of companions.
Speaker 6: Everything.
Speaker 5: Oh, follow up there, Jerry, did you talk to corporate
Speaker 5: about getting me a new mop bucket? The one that
Speaker 5: I've been using still has a hairline fracture on the side.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, not now, Victory, Okay, because I've got a
Speaker 4: really important announcement, and that is that we are not
Speaker 4: getting a new shipment of that energy drink disrupt that
Speaker 4: all the middle schoolers love. It says here in this memo.
Speaker 4: It's it's sale has been suspended pending a legal ruling
Speaker 4: by the FDA.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 4: Luckily, we still have plenty of it in the store
Speaker 4: because all those eighth graders they come in here after
Speaker 4: school to buy it, and if they don't get there fixed,
Speaker 4: they are gonna set this place on fire.
Speaker 1: Guys, what is that swarping sound?
Speaker 6: Oh? Yeah, no, we are all drinking Disrupt. You have
Speaker 6: to suck it through this special nozzle. It's patented. Actually
Speaker 6: they call it the squeeze. Disrupt isn't just a drink, though,
Speaker 6: It's more of an experience.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, Jerry, it's the world's only energy drink
Speaker 5: slash game fuel slash meal replacement.
Speaker 6: People spend so much time like eating food when you
Speaker 6: could just disrupt that cycle with Disrupt.
Speaker 7: And it comes in like three flavors money, hustle, and bright.
Speaker 3: Actually it's the same flavor, just different colors.
Speaker 6: Yeah, puzzle and grind taste similar to similar.
Speaker 4: Okay, wait, we're running out of this stuff and y'all
Speaker 4: just drank a case of it.
Speaker 1: How much is left?
Speaker 4: Okay, listen, I want every bottle that is left rocked
Speaker 4: to me. Okay, we need to establish a one bottle
Speaker 4: per customer policy or those twins are gonna riot and
Speaker 4: uh before we open the store? Can I try a
Speaker 4: bottle because it looks it's kind of a fun looking
Speaker 4: I'd like to have a little sip.
Speaker 6: Okay, see the squeeze and then this nozzle.
Speaker 1: Ow, it hurts a little bit.
Speaker 6: You got to bite?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like it. It does burn.
Speaker 5: By Oh mercy?
Speaker 3: Okay, Victor, go ahead, tell us what's so dang amusing?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 5: Did you see the actor Timothy Shallo May was spotted
Speaker 5: kissing and canoodling with Kylie Jenner at a Beyonce concert?
Speaker 3: Victor, are you trying to make small talk again?
Speaker 5: Yes? I was told to try to initiate conversations about
Speaker 5: fun current events. I'm on a sort of a small
Speaker 5: talk reddit for uhim.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, it's not working, But good try, Victor, good try.
Speaker 5: But is it not interesting that Timothy Shallomet was spotted
Speaker 5: kissing and canoodling with Kylie Jenner at a Beyonce concert?
Speaker 6: Is he really hot or is he not? Because Kylie
Speaker 6: has a makeup line right, because like maybe she can
Speaker 6: draw some muscles on him, because without a shirt, he's
Speaker 6: Charlie Brown's Christmas tree I don't think he could pick
Speaker 6: up the bar that we put weight on to work
Speaker 6: out by some girls forget about it. I mean like
Speaker 6: Tibby Alice raises me put him against the wall and
Speaker 6: say move your toes up and down. I think we're
Speaker 6: maxing out at like three reps.
Speaker 2: Is he hot?
Speaker 6: You have to tell me if you think I don't understand.
Speaker 7: H No, I don't think he is hot. I'm more
Speaker 7: into a guy with like muscles and like facial hair
Speaker 7: and tattoos and the same age as my dad and
Speaker 7: maybe like a scar from where he was dad three.
Speaker 6: Out of five?
Speaker 7: Which three?
Speaker 6: How old is your dad?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 6: He left before he could tell you his age.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's like so tragic. This is good small talk.
Speaker 7: Victure does a second you fall in love with the
Speaker 7: Kardashian Your mind starts to unravel, and I am here
Speaker 7: for it. I can't wait to see what happens. Is
Speaker 7: Timothy going to show up to the like Oscars wearing
Speaker 7: a maga hat? Oh also have a site note. I
Speaker 7: think that's why Pete Davidson made it out fine, because
Speaker 7: he was already unraveled.
Speaker 5: I like his sad eyes. It also sort of makes
Speaker 5: sense when you think about the concept of celebrity. Beyonce
Speaker 5: is the Queen Bee, and she rules over all the
Speaker 5: lesser celebrity drones like Kylie Jenner and Timothay shallow Mate,
Speaker 5: whipping them into a mating frenzy so that they can
Speaker 5: produce a master race of celebrity uber minch to rule
Speaker 5: us all.
Speaker 3: They need one of those.
Speaker 7: You'll have a couple names, but it's like hard because
Speaker 7: Timilli sounds like something rednecks named their daughters, and Kylothe
Speaker 7: sounds like a colon medication. No, trust me, listen, try
Speaker 7: Kylothy to solve all of your colon health issues. Right,
Speaker 7: it's so spooky.
Speaker 6: Wait does it work though?
Speaker 7: What's going on with your colon? Timbo?
Speaker 6: Nothing? It's fine, what's going on with yours?
Speaker 3: Kylie Jenner's a billionaire and she's entitled to the same
Speaker 3: anorrectic movie star arm candy as any male billionaire. That's feminism.
Speaker 3: I wish Liz was here to back me up on
Speaker 3: that one.
Speaker 6: The name is confusing and his brand is confusing. Is
Speaker 6: he like a beta little cockboy or is he like
Speaker 6: an alpha babe player who spits game? Is constantly macin
Speaker 6: on like the most number ten out of ten women
Speaker 6: in the game. It's so confused. What is a man
Speaker 6: supposed to be? Someone tell me now.
Speaker 7: Timba, just schedule push ups. You need to calm down
Speaker 7: and your necker like me.
Speaker 3: There were these pics of Timothy smoking. It's like finding
Speaker 3: out your baby brother is smoking. You're hanging out with
Speaker 3: the wrong crowd, Timothy. This new girl is teaching you
Speaker 3: bad habits. You need to focus on your studies.
Speaker 5: Anyone see that Timothay shallowy movie Bones and All, where
Speaker 5: he's like a cannibal eats human flesh. Well, if I
Speaker 5: were him, I make sure that she didn't see it
Speaker 5: at this meet cute stage in their relationship. I once
Speaker 5: let a perspective girlfriend see me at a competitive eating contest,
Speaker 5: and that was a deal breaker.
Speaker 6: What date was this?
Speaker 5: There was a there was a young woman checking out
Speaker 5: at Home Goods, and while she was waiting in line,
Speaker 5: I started a conversation and showed her a video of
Speaker 5: me at a competitive eating contest on my phone. She
Speaker 5: checked out and I never saw the fair damsel again.
Speaker 6: My worldview almost erupted for a second, but it's better now.
Speaker 3: It was a nice date, though, y'all need to give
Speaker 3: Kylie a break. I would be so happy to have
Speaker 3: those seats at our Beyonce concert. I would have met
Speaker 3: out with Rudy Giuliani.
Speaker 8: Bye.
Speaker 3: Oh, my feet are killing me.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, my dogs are barking as well, say Marcia.
Speaker 5: If you see this latest news from the Ukraine.
Speaker 3: God damn it, Victor. Quit bringing up Ukraine as small talk.
Speaker 3: It's not good small talk.
Speaker 5: Okay, well, you're so right, you're so right. Yeah. So, apparently,
Speaker 5: according to this new biography, Elon Musk had a satellite
Speaker 5: network deactivated to prevent a Ukrainian drone attack on Russia.
Speaker 5: I mean, this book claims that Musk did it because
Speaker 5: he thought he was preventing a nuclear conflict.
Speaker 7: Oh my god, Russia needs to do something new, like,
Speaker 7: I don't know, invade somebody, maybe one of the Koreas,
Speaker 7: just to stay like fresh and buzzy.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 3: Elon Musk is good at turning things off. That makes
Speaker 3: me drier than an asphalt after street cleaning.
Speaker 7: I'm kinda team Husky Musky on this one. Really, yes, Okay,
Speaker 7: if you're a bagillionaire, you should be allowed to hit
Speaker 7: whatever buttons you want and then like cause a war.
Speaker 7: That's the entire point of being rich. That makes it fun.
Speaker 7: Real human lives like they're an app game on your phone.
Speaker 7: When I play the SIMS, I drowned everybody.
Speaker 6: Okay, Elon is a genius. So he's playing two dimensional
Speaker 6: chess and we don't even know what's going on in
Speaker 6: his head. Okay, he was the first man to come
Speaker 6: up with the idea of trying to own outer space.
Speaker 6: We look up there and we think that's space. That's
Speaker 6: for everyone. He thinks, no, that's for me.
Speaker 3: Okay, did he say that on Joe Rogan or something.
Speaker 5: I can't help but notice that he said two dimensional chess. Yeah,
Speaker 5: that's right, flat chess.
Speaker 6: We're out here trying to play one dimensional chess and
Speaker 6: he's playing two dimensional chess.
Speaker 7: Oh my god, stop talking about dimensions. It's making me
Speaker 7: drier than Mercia.
Speaker 5: I think that the satellite just accidentally exploded or something.
Speaker 5: And now he's just making the story up because he'd
Speaker 5: rather be thought of as a Bond villain than a
Speaker 5: total dumb ass.
Speaker 6: Elon satellite do not explode unless he wants them to explode,
Speaker 6: which maybe sometimes he does. Because he's playing two dimensional
Speaker 6: chess and you can't even see next.
Speaker 5: Movie, right, you'd only be able to see it if
Speaker 5: you were right above it.
Speaker 6: People always say like, oh, one person shouldn't have all
Speaker 6: that power. But let me explain something. There are wolves
Speaker 6: and there are sheep, okay, and Elon is a wolf,
Speaker 6: but he's a good wolf. So Ukraine is a sheep
Speaker 6: and Elon is a wolf and Russia okay, so there's
Speaker 6: two wolves, right. Russia is a wolf and Elon is
Speaker 6: the other wolf, and they're both like, these are my sheep.
Speaker 6: And then Ukraine's like, no, hold on, actually though, we
Speaker 6: bought weapons, so now we're a wolf. So there's three wolves.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go over by the whiteboard and try to
Speaker 5: work this out.
Speaker 6: Look it up. There's data to support all of this.
Speaker 6: Just google it, oh, think for yourself and find it
Speaker 6: on the internet.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I mean, we're sheep, right, No.
Speaker 6: Inside of every one of us, it's three wolves that
Speaker 6: have eaten the sheep that was there.
Speaker 5: But how many of the wolves are in sheep's clothing?
Speaker 8: By by w.
Speaker 7: And that's also a great place to hide merchandise that
Speaker 7: you've stolen from your job. Thank you so much for watching.
Speaker 7: Please like and subscribe.
Speaker 3: Okay, shy la, See you are your influencer. Tip, okay, girl,
Speaker 3: get it.
Speaker 6: Yes, obviously with this body, I'm also an influencer. But
Speaker 6: here's the thing. You gotta be careful the way you
Speaker 6: do that, because influencer very quickly becomes something else, like
Speaker 6: that influencer Danielle Miller who just got five years in prison.
Speaker 6: Her rand was like luxury, but she funded the whole
Speaker 6: thing by stealing people's identities and taking out COVID loans
Speaker 6: in their name, and then she used that money on
Speaker 6: private jets and luxury apartments and stuff. And at that point,
Speaker 6: like you're not influencing, you're doing I don't know, I
Speaker 6: guess just straight up crime.
Speaker 7: Dang, oh my god. How could you steal someone's identity? No, like, seriously,
Speaker 7: how could you do it? I really want to try that.
Speaker 5: I mean, she took out special COVID assistance loans for
Speaker 5: businesses and then use them to pay for a luxury apartment.
Speaker 1: Way.
Speaker 5: I say, there were only two flaws in those other
Speaker 5: was perfect plan one highly illegal, two blatantly displayed on
Speaker 5: Instagram for all to see. You must be secretive when
Speaker 5: you work against the machine.
Speaker 7: That is so true. If you're gonna steal stuff. You
Speaker 7: can't put it on Instagram. You have to post it
Speaker 7: where nobody goes, like Facebook, our LinkedIn. I mean this
Speaker 7: fur coat I lifted. I've only ever warned it in
Speaker 7: my profile pick for classmates dot Com.
Speaker 6: To be an influencer is to be the apex of humanity. Okay,
Speaker 6: they're a rare breed. They're alpha humans and the laws
Speaker 6: of regular humans don't apply to them, and they should
Speaker 6: really only be tried in the court of other influencers
Speaker 6: because those are their only peers. So if Addison Ray
Speaker 6: and Logan Paul say you're guilty, then the High Council
Speaker 6: has spoken and your followers must be revoked.
Speaker 7: I just support anything she does. Okay, this, that's just seriously,
Speaker 7: my queen. She had to pretend to be like ten
Speaker 7: different people, create fake ideas for all of them, apply
Speaker 7: for loans in their name, and she still picks like
Speaker 7: the perfect filter that exactly matched her outfit. Okay, if
Speaker 7: she was a man, she would be in the White
Speaker 7: House because she isn't.
Speaker 5: Nailing it truly, so it's quite a bit of talent.
Speaker 5: I mean, she wasted tax payer money on an excessively
Speaker 5: lavish lifestyle, but ultimately the only difference between her and
Speaker 5: a US senator is that she has more sway with voters.
Speaker 5: I'm talking about these clowns in Washington.
Speaker 6: You know, you know we got it.
Speaker 5: These bozos in the capital. Oh, I love, I love
Speaker 5: giving them a little roast every now and then.
Speaker 3: Pair for your luxury lifestyle with money that's been set
Speaker 3: aside to help people during COVID. I mean, not only
Speaker 3: do you deserve five years in prison, girl, you deserve
Speaker 3: five years of COVID, the new kind that they don't
Speaker 3: have a dang vaccine for yet.
Speaker 6: I don't have a vaccine for any of them.
Speaker 3: Yes, sweetie, I work in the pharmacy. I think I know.
Speaker 6: Oh no, they have one. They just don't do what
Speaker 6: you think they did.
Speaker 3: What do you think they do? Timbo?
Speaker 6: What do you think they do? Marsha?
Speaker 4: By damn it, I can't find any more cases of
Speaker 4: disrupt And those eighth graders are savaging our store in
Speaker 4: the online customer survey.
Speaker 1: Look, they're gonna tank our rating of Jerry.
Speaker 5: I gotta have a word with you about that mop bucket.
Speaker 1: Look.
Speaker 4: And then they're also spamming us the negative comments. I
Speaker 4: think they're creating fake accounts. Look, this one's called baby
Speaker 4: Yoda and this one's called pussy Slayer fourteen. That's not
Speaker 4: a normal handle, damn it. Eighth graders are so good
Speaker 4: at using the internet. Come on, Victor, we gotta find
Speaker 4: more disrupt There's there's gotta be a case somewhere in
Speaker 4: the store.
Speaker 1: Come on, man, Okay, hey you got it.
Speaker 6: No, I got it. Forty eight pack of Disrupt Crime Flavor,
Speaker 6: the last one on the loading dot.
Speaker 7: That is so perfect.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 7: With the shortage, I'm gonna be able to charge like
Speaker 7: fifty dollars a pop for this. We're gonna get wrech.
Speaker 7: I just have to make sure that this product is pure.
Speaker 6: Yeah, test it. This is the real stuff.
Speaker 7: Oh my god, Timber, where are your pecks dancing? That's
Speaker 7: super Just like that's upsetting.
Speaker 6: They just do that. I did some electra shock this
Speaker 6: morning and now I can't really control it.
Speaker 3: Oh hi, Marsha, are you guys running a disrupt black
Speaker 3: market out of the break room? Oh my god?
Speaker 7: Maybe yeah? Yeah, Oh my god, y'all, come on, Marsha,
Speaker 7: be cool. It's like totally fine.
Speaker 6: You should be cool for once in your life, marshalling.
Speaker 3: Once in my life. Oh oh, you don't think I'm cool.
Speaker 3: I'm cool. I'm cool.
Speaker 6: If you're real cool, you'd buy a bottle of Disrupt
Speaker 6: right now.
Speaker 3: Let me get one. Then, let me get one. Then
Speaker 3: you don't think I'm cool, I'm cool. I'll take the
Speaker 3: bottle of what is this grind? Grindlap, I'll take a.
Speaker 7: Grind okay, okay for you and I think Marshall, let's
Speaker 7: do like fifty.
Speaker 3: Three fifty three Okay, I see, I see what this is. Okay,
Speaker 3: you know what. I'm gonna go ahead and just tell
Speaker 3: Jerry what y'all are doing here in the break.
Speaker 7: But then you're just gonna go ahead and not drink
Speaker 7: any because he's just gonna sell it to all of
Speaker 7: our stupid customers.
Speaker 3: Okay, you got a point. They are very dumb. I'll
Speaker 3: be back. I'm gonna go to atm.
Speaker 6: Bye Way, Timbo.
Speaker 3: Why are you all wet.
Speaker 6: Because I work on the loading dock and it's raining outside?
Speaker 7: Oh my god, Speaking of rain, did you guys see
Speaker 7: those videos from Burning Matt It like rained a lot,
Speaker 7: and then they had to shut down the festival to
Speaker 7: try and get everybody out. They were like trapped in
Speaker 7: their cars for eight hours trying to get out hilarious.
Speaker 6: Oh damn it. I knew I should have gone this year.
Speaker 6: There were stranded billionaires out there that could have used
Speaker 6: my natural alpha hunter skills. I could have caught desert
Speaker 6: animals to cook for them while they listened to all
Speaker 6: my good business ideas. I have this idea for a
Speaker 6: restaurant called Side Hustle, whereas just Side.
Speaker 5: So it's sort of like Boston Market, but without the
Speaker 5: rotisserie Chicken.
Speaker 6: It's not like Boston Market because it's just Side.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 3: You know, I've read that Chris Rock was there, and
Speaker 3: imagine you're like in the middle of all this Burning
Speaker 3: Man stuff and you see Chris Rock. You'd be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: the drugs are kicking in.
Speaker 7: People know you can do drugs in the city too, right,
Speaker 7: Everyone at Burning Man is like, I want to do shrooms,
Speaker 7: but I also want it to be complicated.
Speaker 5: For no reason, it's interesting that the Burning Man organizers
Speaker 5: are essentially saying Burning Man is a festival emphasizing self reliance, transgression, spirituality,
Speaker 5: oneness with the earth. That said, if it rains, we
Speaker 5: will have to cancel.
Speaker 6: I don't know why these people were freaking out. It
Speaker 6: is page one of every single entrepreneur book I have ever,
Speaker 6: mostly read Disaster Equals Opportunity. Right, that many disruptors with
Speaker 6: that much hiahuasca out of the box solutions must have
Speaker 6: been flying left and right. They're probably like invented weather
Speaker 6: controlling technology that we will now use to fix climate change.
Speaker 6: Right on burning Man.
Speaker 5: Seriously, though, I have to applaud the naivete that you
Speaker 5: can burn a giant Wickerman on ancient Native American land
Speaker 5: while seventy thousand people open their third eye and not
Speaker 5: incur the wrath of Chaak, the rain god.
Speaker 7: I went two years ago. It was so white I
Speaker 7: started calling it sunburning Man.
Speaker 4: Bye.
Speaker 7: Well, oh my god, Jerry is such an old ball sack.
Speaker 7: He was complaining about the way I was dressed. Again.
Speaker 7: He's like, Sul, you have to talk in your polo
Speaker 7: to your slacks. I should be able to wear my
Speaker 7: clothes the way I want.
Speaker 6: Absolutely. I mean, what is this China? Yeah? What China
Speaker 6: is trying to pass a law where they can fine
Speaker 6: or detain you if you wear clothing with symbols that
Speaker 6: quote undermine the spirit or hurt the feelings of the
Speaker 6: Chinese nation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, look, half of my clothes hurt my
Speaker 3: own feelings. Now I gotta worry about the countries.
Speaker 5: Come on, some of you might say this new law
Speaker 5: is unfair, but to say that is disrespectful to the
Speaker 5: honest and forthright Chinese leaders who will eventually crush are
Speaker 5: weak and decaying American nation. They listen through our phones.
Speaker 3: I understand not wanting to hurt China steilings. I always
Speaker 3: use the chopsticks in a Chinese restaurant, but I think
Speaker 3: dropping food all over their booth ends up being more
Speaker 3: offensive than just using a fork. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 7: I don't want them taking over Their government is way
Speaker 7: more oppressive. In the US, you could wear like a
Speaker 7: tube top and pajama bottom support and you might still win.
Speaker 7: I mean, that's what I wore when I got out
Speaker 7: of that traffic ticket.
Speaker 3: I think we need that law at Buywell because I
Speaker 3: find our customer's clothing extremely upsetting. All those tank tops
Speaker 3: and just so much sunburnt skin. I have nightmares about melanoma.
Speaker 3: And that's hard for me to say, because like, that's
Speaker 3: not really a black people thing. That's y'all's culture. And
Speaker 3: I'm sorry for bringing it into the conversation right now.
Speaker 6: No, honestly, thank you. I feel like people aren't talking
Speaker 6: about my culture enough, so thank you for that. I,
Speaker 6: for one, welcome a massive corporate takeover and the earned
Speaker 6: discipline imposed by the Chinese leaders who will finally with
Speaker 6: the decaying husk of America into shape.
Speaker 5: They're always watching, Victor.
Speaker 6: I love you, but this is my least favorite part
Speaker 6: about you. This is an opportunity for us to win
Speaker 6: the economic war with China. We get tax credits for
Speaker 6: all women who are rocking yoga pants and bike shorts
Speaker 6: or anything with like side boob. The more skinned you show,
Speaker 6: the more you are fighting for your country. And it's hot,
Speaker 6: and I think we should do it, and I think
Speaker 6: we should start here, and I think we should start now.
Speaker 5: Okay, I guess be the change you want to see
Speaker 5: in the world.
Speaker 6: Okay, does anyone else want to follow Victor's example? Shila,
Speaker 6: maybe I'll do it too. Look suns out, guns out.
Speaker 7: I've never seen that many veins on a human body. Honestly,
Speaker 7: it's kind of fascinating.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 7: I like constellations, but like meaty and gross.
Speaker 6: That's almost the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Speaker 7: Well, that and your hands are all like gnarled from
Speaker 7: holding all of those weights. I don't think your fingers
Speaker 7: fully closed.
Speaker 6: Oh god, Charlotte, thank you for noticing they do not
Speaker 6: because they are too swollen.
Speaker 7: I'm sorry. Having Prince Charles sausage fingers is not sexy, Timbo.
Speaker 8: Okay, I thought it was, so I gotta go, bye way,
Speaker 8: bye way.
Speaker 4: Joe.
Speaker 6: Did you see me catch that shoplifter just now?
Speaker 3: No, we were hearing the break room. We've been in
Speaker 3: the breaking this full time.
Speaker 6: Sorry, Well it happened and it was awesome. The security
Speaker 6: guard was like where did you learn moves like that?
Speaker 6: And I was like, moone time, my guy, Timbo.
Speaker 3: They really couldn't use your help to catch that Brazilian
Speaker 3: murderer who escaped from prison in Philly.
Speaker 7: Like that video of him like crab walking vertically up
Speaker 7: a wall. I can't stop watching it. I'm goad here,
Speaker 7: I'll play it again. Look, he's such an escape artist.
Speaker 7: It's like move over, Chriss Angel mind, Frank Matess magic
Speaker 7: and like, I love magic man.
Speaker 5: I wish I was part of that search team as
Speaker 5: a maintenance man. I know all the nooks and crannies
Speaker 5: and crevices that people can hide in. In fact, I
Speaker 5: have occasionally discovered people living in this bywell, half starved
Speaker 5: and crawling through its walls, clawing their way along beneath
Speaker 5: the floorboards. Excuse me while I open this storage cupboard
Speaker 5: that we rarely look into. Oh, I knew my shot
Speaker 5: that attachment was in here.
Speaker 6: Yeah, Victor, you just triggered my fight or fight response.
Speaker 7: Prison is the worst thing you could do to somebody.
Speaker 7: It's like worse than killing them, because at least when
Speaker 7: you're dead, you don't have fomo.
Speaker 6: Like if you can escape prison and then survived for
Speaker 6: eight days, the law should be that you just get
Speaker 6: to go free, like hats off, you're gone. The US
Speaker 6: pedal system concedes that you are a dominant species that
Speaker 6: cannot be contained by our bars.
Speaker 5: Absolutely. I mean, this fell is Brazilian too, so perhaps
Speaker 5: he was able to leap over that razorwiler using capawera,
Speaker 5: the South American fighting art that looks like dance.
Speaker 3: Here we go, you and capuera.
Speaker 6: Victor all dances fighting, even ballet, especially ballet.
Speaker 5: Yes, ballet was invented by Louis the fourteenth as part
Speaker 5: of an elite tactical strike force that could leap and
Speaker 5: pure a wit to destroy the enemies of the Sun King.
Speaker 7: This explains why you were a band from your prom
Speaker 7: by Oh my god, I've already made twenty five hundred dollars.
Speaker 7: This is the bust in my life. I'm gonna cool
Speaker 7: sculpt all of the fat on my forehead. I am
Speaker 7: so excited. I think you would to both tx my pet.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you totally should. And then like after that, are
Speaker 6: you free? Or like what about after that?
Speaker 1: Is that a box of disrupt? I knew it.
Speaker 4: I knew you were selling disrupt out of the black
Speaker 4: market breakroom operation.
Speaker 1: I knew it.
Speaker 7: Oh my god, I'm so sorry. No, I said you
Speaker 7: were sweaty earlier. I meant you were glowing. Everything's fine.
Speaker 6: It's not what it looks like.
Speaker 4: It is what it looks like. There's an empty box
Speaker 4: of disrupt here. And I actually overheard Shilah talking about
Speaker 4: making twenty five hundred dollars because I'm standing right there
Speaker 4: using the coffee machine.
Speaker 1: It's not a huge break room.
Speaker 3: Victoria is out front of the store in his van
Speaker 3: and he says he wants to talk to you.
Speaker 1: You two are in big trouble.
Speaker 4: Stay right there. What the hell does Victor want? Victor,
Speaker 4: what the your van is full of cases of Disrupt?
Speaker 1: How did you do this?
Speaker 5: Jerry? I didn't tell you this morning, but I've been
Speaker 5: stockpiling my underground bunker with Disrupt for years. My subterranean
Speaker 5: crawl space is simply packed with pallets of this stuff.
Speaker 5: In the event of an apocalyptic nuclear conflict, Disrupt was
Speaker 5: going to be my primary source of fluids, Jerry. Because
Speaker 5: it's a gamer drink, it contains the electrolytes you need
Speaker 5: for living underground out and it has a shelf life
Speaker 5: of over seven hundred years. It's one hundred and ten
Speaker 5: percent preservative Jerry.
Speaker 4: Okay, well listen, how much do you want for the
Speaker 4: whole stash?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 5: Well, how's about face value plus the new mop bucket?
Speaker 6: Love?
Speaker 5: See, Jerry, this is how we play hardball checkmate a Victor.
Speaker 4: The mop bucket could be tricky, Okay, you have to
Speaker 4: fill out a requisition form for new equipment.
Speaker 1: I don't even know where those forms are, so.
Speaker 5: Well, I suppose it could be tricky getting these palettes
Speaker 5: back into the store as well.
Speaker 4: You drive a hard bargain, Victor, But fine, we will
Speaker 4: make it happen. Somehow, some way. It is a pleasure
Speaker 4: doing business with you, my fellow Titan of industry.
Speaker 5: It's a pleasure matching wits with you. Sir.
Speaker 1: Hey, kids, we have a new shipment of disrupt.
Speaker 3: Employees Only. Is produced by Imagine Audio and Pretty Fast
Speaker 3: for iHeartMedia. Produced by Timothy Furnara. The associate producer is
Speaker 3: Wesley Hayes. It is executive produced by Ron Howard, Brian
Speaker 3: Grazerkarra Welker, Nathan Cloke and Jared Logan. Editing by Timothy Furnara,
Speaker 3: Mixing by j Palizi, casting by Sherry Henderson. Original music
Speaker 3: composed by Alloy Tracks. Liz is played by Kara klink
Speaker 3: Rich is played by Kurt Bronneller. Victor is played by
Speaker 3: Ross Bryant. Marcia is played by Madison Shepherd. Arnold is
Speaker 3: played by James Odomiannia is played by Keisha Zohler, Shilah
Speaker 3: is played by Suba Argowall, and Darry is played by
Speaker 3: Jared Logan by