WEBVTT - Fever Coat 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:07.120 Family Secrets as a production of I Heart Radio. It 0:00:07.280 --> 0:00:10.400 was the same year, my eighth grade year, when close 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:12.760 curtains became a hard and fast rule in our house. 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:16.640 Around that time, I was instructed to never answer the door, 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:20.279 even if I knew who it was. After the mail 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:23.360 went missing and the phone got shut off. A vulnerability 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:26.799 that wasn't there before seemed to permeate our daily lives. 0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:33.320 Anyone and anything outside those drapes, those limestone walls possessed 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:36.120 intentions we can never be sure of. We can only 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:40.400 trust one another. My dad becoming increasingly convinced Mom was 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:43.320 right that someone was out to get us, and trusting 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:46.599 me was keeping the property safe. He started saying things like, 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:49.559 if someone crosses the gate, there yours, you have to 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:54.120 protect the property. At fourteen, I became hyper vigilant, always 0:00:54.160 --> 0:00:57.080 on guard. At the end of each day, my neck 0:00:57.120 --> 0:01:00.000 and shoulders would ache from fatigue from long hours. If 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:04.280 keen attentiveness, I heard each passing car search the eyes 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:07.399 of every strange and familiar face at the store. That 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:10.479 my no nonsense father and brazen spiffire mother had failed 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:13.880 to protect us only convinced me that they needed my help. 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:18.039 Paranoia became an obligation, a twistic kind of duty to 0:01:18.040 --> 0:01:23.480 my family. That's Acton Bets Hamilton's reading from her book 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:27.039 The Less People Know About Us, a memoir of betrayal, 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:33.760 family secrets and stolen identity. Stolen identity. I can't imagine 0:01:33.800 --> 0:01:37.839 anything more unsettling than having your very sense of selfhood, 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:41.360 the thing we all think we can count on stolen. 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:45.039 The financial ruin is just the tip of the iceberg. 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:51.040 This is primal, terrifying personal stuff. To have your identity 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:55.080 stolen is to be handpicked by an invisible, malicious force 0:01:55.680 --> 0:02:00.560 singled out for ruin. That's what happened to Acton. From 0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:02.920 the time she was a kid she was told that 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:06.200 her parents were being targeted by a mysterious identity thief. 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:10.359 Years later, she found out that she had been targeted too, 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:14.800 and that the thief was the last person she possibly 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:29.399 could have imagined. I'm Danny Shapiro, and this is family secrets, 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:32.280 the secrets that are kept from us, the secrets we 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:36.040 keep from others, and the secrets we keep from ourselves. 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:42.320 How old were they when they had you? Mom was 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:50.720 and dad was where I drew up. Didn't my dad 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:54.520 would even say that they were considered older parents, you know, 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:58.960 by today's standards, I think around thirty ship for having 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:04.160 yourverse style was Yeah, back then they were considered over there. 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:07.120 Tell me a bit about your dad. What was he 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:10.280 like that always took me outside because her mom was 0:03:10.320 --> 0:03:13.320 always inside. But she she was in the house. She 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:16.000 was always watching soap o operas, which was a little 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:19.000 kids with the insane. Dad was the one who was outside. 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:21.720 He could hear of all the outside stuff and we 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:24.720 had it wasn't her property, and well it was really 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:27.760 a little Dad wanted to fill trails in the woods, 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:31.120 and so we cut trails in the woods and we 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:33.600 does a pond in the woods, you know, with the 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:36.600 tractive that he thought. And I was always with that 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:41.520 baby animals were Dad saying they weren't Moms saying. John 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:44.960 was always out in the barn with dad. Mom was 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:46.720 never wanted to be allowing the barn and to work. 0:03:47.880 --> 0:03:52.520 What were the first hints that there was something out 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:57.200 of control financially going on? Like, how did that first 0:03:57.240 --> 0:04:03.880 present itself to you? Parents? Males started bring up missing, 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:08.280 and then over time letters from my friends and sin 0:04:08.400 --> 0:04:13.880 pals were coming up missing. And at some point along 0:04:13.920 --> 0:04:16.400 the way and the discussions of all this missing mail. 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:19.640 Mom said that that's what people do when they still 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:25.479 your identity, and he said that her identity and identity 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:28.520 of One of the things that's striking to me is 0:04:28.600 --> 0:04:32.080 that identity theft, which is something that there's a lot 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:34.280 of media focus on now and there's a lot of 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:38.200 awareness of that. Back then, there might not have been 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:41.560 nearly that kind of awareness. Right, Oh, there was a 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:47.839 zero where you know, at a public level on identity, 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:52.040 nobody knew about it. Fact then um in fact, consumers 0:04:52.080 --> 0:04:56.960 were not considered victims of identity theft until with the 0:04:57.040 --> 0:05:00.560 passage of the identity theft and assumptions that aren't act 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:09.119 and visit started in nineteen. So the you know, the mail, 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:13.760 I think, probably started going missing at some point in 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:19.960 nine and then the words identity dusk became more and 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:23.599 more common in our house in nineteen. I'm sure nobody 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:26.400 else is talking about back then, you know that, you 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:31.200 know the way that we were, The creeping paranoia builds 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:34.760 and bills until no one can be trusted, the family 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:39.440 grows more isolated. They buy an early cellular phone. This 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:41.719 was back in the days when cell phones were gigantic 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:45.800 and expensive. The phone so big it had its own 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:49.080 special stool in their kitchen is only to be used 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:54.000 for emergencies. Acton's mom says that the person responsible for 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:57.440 all this must be someone intimate with them, someone who 0:05:57.480 --> 0:06:01.680 knows them very well, a close end, or a family member, 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:08.480 so better not to speak with anyone at all. We 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:11.520 didn't tell people why we weren't communicating with them anymore. 0:06:11.600 --> 0:06:15.520 We just withdrew from them and didn't encourage any contact. 0:06:15.600 --> 0:06:18.560 Of course, you don't have a landline trunk back in 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:22.360 the mid nineties, how can get hold of someone, So 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:28.160 it was easy for those relationships to fade away. And 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:33.000 during that time, one of the things that my parents 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:38.200 said was, Okay, this is someone who's really close to us, 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:42.440 so when you're home alone, don't answer the door, even 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:47.039 if you know who it is, or if someone goes 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:49.920 through the gate. So we had a gate separating our 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:53.160 front yards from a back there and that was a 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:55.080 rule as well, that is some of us to the gate. 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:57.560 You have to sit care of it because there's no 0:06:57.640 --> 0:07:00.120 one to call. You know, it's up to you to 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:03.400 defend the property, you knowing you to defend yourself from 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:07.320 any intruder. And it got to the point where I 0:07:07.600 --> 0:07:11.040 was maybe sixteen and seventeen, we're mom did want me 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:14.160 going back into the woods by myself. That wasn't allowed 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.600 in the front yard because she said that people drove 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:18.679 up and down the highway in front of our house 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:23.160 looking to snatch babies, including teenagers. So apparently though they're 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:26.720 always baby snatchers who were just lurking waiting to snatch me. 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:30.640 How did this affect you during those years? I mean, 0:07:30.720 --> 0:07:36.560 that is such an incredibly isolating way to be, you know, 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:41.240 a middle schooler and then a teenager. Well, I thought 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:45.520 I was doing the right thing by not answering the door, 0:07:45.680 --> 0:07:50.480 by not developing friendships, by just willing to be rest 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:55.320 along with I thought I was helping defend our families 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:59.680 from the identity space. So I had, you know, like 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:05.000 a warped perceptions of what I was doing. I was angry. 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:08.200 I didn't understand why someone was doing this to us, 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:13.320 and I wanted to know why, what made us good service? 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:16.560 Why did we have to live this way? And nobody 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:19.120 could be answered that, And that is what frustrated me 0:08:19.360 --> 0:08:23.920 for years. And then during this period of time, like 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:28.840 as a sort of backdrop to what's happening in the 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:36.199 identity theft department. Your mother is also obsessively shopping for 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:42.160 inexpensive jewelry, right, because so that started right after my 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:46.120 grandpa died, so will be her father. And I would 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:47.760 come home from school and I get off the bus 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:49.920 coming the house and she would be laying on the 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:54.880 couch with the Home Shopping Network or QVC on, and 0:08:56.280 --> 0:09:00.319 she would I what she called cheap, chunky jewelry, but 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:03.160 it was costume jewelry and she was ordering it from 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:08.240 these two networks. And to hide the packages from Dad, 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:11.920 she would make me go across the highway set the 0:09:12.000 --> 0:09:16.199 mail the family's mailboxes on the opposite side of the 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:19.200 road from the house. This is a busy two lane 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:23.240 highway where the speed limit is fifty A steady whoosh 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:27.640 of cars and trucks. Exton's eleven years old and her 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:30.400 mother makes her across the highway to get the deliveries 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:34.280 of costume jewelry from the mailbox. Yeah. Cats, And I 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:39.040 am a little cat geek, and I don't love my cats. 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:43.160 You know, having childood friends, I had cats as friends 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:46.520 and they would follow me everywhere. So the you know, 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:48.760 there were cats that would try and follow me across 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:50.240 the road, and I was afraid they were going to 0:09:50.320 --> 0:09:53.320 get hit. And she was asking you to collude with her, 0:09:53.520 --> 0:09:57.559 to be her partner in this obsessive shopping and hiding 0:09:57.600 --> 0:10:02.079 it from your dad, right and at a time, even 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:05.920 though even years old, thought was a grief thing, hoping 0:10:06.040 --> 0:10:09.040 with the fact that Grandpa died and at some point 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:12.640 it will stop. It didn't stop, no, if it didn't 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:16.839 for months, And I finally got to the point where 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:18.520 I knew that it was going off for too long, 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:20.760 and I knew that it was wrong. And I went 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:22.400 out in the barn one night and go dead what 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:25.160 mom was doing. And I don't know what was said, 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:34.440 but the flow of packages of junky jewelry stop. By 0:10:34.520 --> 0:10:38.000 the time she graduates from high school Accident is desperate 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:41.400 to get away from the speltifying atmosphere of her parents home. 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:46.040 She goes off to Purdue University, which, though still in 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:49.920 her home state, feels like a completely different universe full 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:54.280 of new and exciting possibilities. But during the first semester 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:57.360 of her freshman year, she receives a notice from the 0:10:57.440 --> 0:11:02.559 bursar's office her tuition check has bounced. She is so 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:05.040 certain that there must be some kind of mistake that 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:07.360 she walks over to the bursar's office to get it 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:11.839 straightened out. And that's the point in the conversations with 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:15.800 the customer service representative that I was faced chase with 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:18.559 and they were behind bars. I said, just show me 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:20.760 if happy to check. This isn't right. My mom wouldn't 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:23.160 do this, and I said, I no, my mom paid 0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:26.400 that bill. So let me come around in this full 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:29.959 of side room. And they brought out a copy of 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:33.199 the check and it was my mom's check, you know, 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:38.120 same design, same bank, same context, information at the cop 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:43.280 and the check was made out to Purdue for my 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:47.240 person amount. But the handwriting had been changed, but not 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:53.560 mom's handwriting, very smooth, small handwriting, and my mom's handwriting 0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:58.920 was big and really like lupy. And it looked like 0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:03.439 someone had gotten a hold of my mom's checkbook and 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:06.120 got in a hold of my tuition bill, which again, 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:09.040 you know, bill, you're still being stolen out of my 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:11.920 parents mail, and had written a bad check to Perdu. 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:15.760 What that point he got personal for me, because this 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:19.400 identity fief is now messing with my ability to go 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:23.840 to college, and Mom and Dad came over to visit 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:25.960 me a few days later, and I took the copy 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:27.600 the check and I shoved it under the mom's nose 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:30.240 nice as you can act exist, I think, I said, 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:34.600 why would someone get ahold of your checks and take 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:36.599 my tuition bill out of our mail and write a 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:38.360 bad check to to do? What's the point in that 0:12:39.360 --> 0:12:42.720 other than to just measure with me? The more explanation 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:46.959 was someone who had neared her checking account for the 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:53.679 purposes of money wanker. So you become an academic, you 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:58.679 finished per due, you go to graduate school, and you 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:04.280 become a researcher in identity theft. That's your field. Did 0:13:04.360 --> 0:13:06.920 that feel like a choice or a necessity? Or was 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:10.200 it that it permeated everything around you while you were 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:12.959 growing up? Or was it your way of thinking, if 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:17.280 I learn enough about this, and if I've become expert enough, 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:21.640 I will be able to solve this question. Oh, it 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:26.880 was absolutely. I wanted to learn as much as I 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:31.959 could to hopefully solve our case and help people as well, 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:37.000 help other victims, because I was frustrated with a lack 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:42.679 of response from creditors and the credit reporting agency and 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:47.079 the police regarding my case. Yeah, I want to be 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:50.719 Indian estate beliefs. Once I found out I was a 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:53.880 victim and thought, well, you know there's a right an 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:57.719 you go too, because they have jurisdiction over the whole state. Yea, 0:13:57.760 --> 0:13:59.319 they can look at my parents case, they can look 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:02.839 at my case because that you were obviously related, and 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:05.640 somebody will be after handing you. We're gonna have justice. 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:09.280 That didn't happen. I took a police report, gaming a 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.200 copy of it and said I don't need to show 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:17.640 this to creditors and good luck. At nineteen, I wanted, 0:14:17.920 --> 0:14:21.240 like sirens and as necessaryat hailed from fire that this 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:23.240 is kind of a kind of response I'm looking for, 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:27.120 and it's it just didn't happen. So out of frustration 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:31.280 with that and other interactions I had in trying to 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:35.520 clear my identity, I thought, well, I had a part 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:38.400 of the solution, and the way to be part of 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:45.360 the solution is setting and that's what I did, and I, 0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:49.880 you know, along in the way, I hope to sell 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:55.920 nine case. And even after starting my first accident of position, 0:14:56.760 --> 0:15:01.000 which would have been in eleven, because that's to myself, 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:05.560 you know, find thirteen is the year that will mark 0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:09.320 twenty years because probably wouldn't it be great to solve 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:13.640 the case In the twentie of year and in twenties thirteen, 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:19.280 I was invited to speak at a national conference on identity, 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:25.120 theft out and Washington Defeat and there were representatives there 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:28.360 from the Department of Justice and the FBI, you know, 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:31.960 befro feral agencies. After my presentation, I went up and 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:34.000 talk to them and said, would you have any interest 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:36.840 in solving my case? He said, all your case is 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:41.600 too old, the original documents have long been destroyed by 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:45.720 banks and creditors. Your case will never be solved. That 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:51.880 was on February fourth of I solved the fey. How 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:53.680 did it feel on that day to be told oh, 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:57.440 you're never going to solve this by people who were 0:15:58.000 --> 0:16:01.600 you know, national and international experts. It didn't the term 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:04.240 there was a problem you never name. I hope that 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:07.520 you know I was going to solve it in your 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:10.480 experience and in your research, you know, going to the 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:13.360 authorities and trying to get them to do something and 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:15.440 basically being told, well, you know, we don't have that 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:18.920 much interest in this. Really good luck? Was that part 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.640 of the course for people then? And is it still 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:25.280 part of the course for people now, yes and yes. 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:31.880 Unfortunately oftentimes victims don't. It's the health and support that 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:37.000 they need from government agencies like the police, or if 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:40.480 there's tax fraud involved, um, they don't get the support 0:16:40.520 --> 0:16:44.000 if they need from the I R S and predators 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:48.560 and credit reporting agencies often don't the level of support 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:53.800 that victims need to deserve. We'll be back in a 0:16:53.880 --> 0:17:06.159 moment with more family secrets. By now early February, Acton's 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:10.400 mother is very sick. She's been diagnosed with something called 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:14.920 Brickett's limphoplastic leukemia, which wasn't caught until she was in 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:19.920 stage four. So she's undergoing radiation. But there isn't much 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:27.439 reason for optimism. Your break comes very shortly after your 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:31.520 mother passes away. Thirteen days after she passes away, your 0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:35.720 dad calls you and what happens again, called me to 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:41.040 yell at me for except card statement has found in 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:45.960 a file walks of my mother's that was from two 0:17:46.040 --> 0:17:50.119 thousand one and those for a credit cartets and run 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:53.120 over limits. I said, yeah, I didn't want a credit 0:17:53.160 --> 0:17:56.160 card of the limit. What are you talking about? Yeah, 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:58.359 she did. I have a credit card statement right here 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:01.560 in my head and I said, well, what credit card 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:05.560 is it? And he said, well, first to A said, 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:08.280 I said that the first two I said. It was 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:09.800 one of the credit cards that was taken out in 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:13.520 my name, was part of the identity theft. What's mom 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:16.320 doing was that? He said, I don't know, but it's 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:20.040 sitting here in the file with your birth certificate. I 0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:24.520 knew right then. I knew right then because number one, 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:29.440 I had my birth certificate, and number two, there's no 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:32.159 reason for my birth certificate and the credit card statement 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:37.119 that was taken up as part of the identity to 0:18:37.440 --> 0:18:40.600 be in a file folder of moms unless she was 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:45.359 a perpetrat. Accon first came on my radar when she 0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:47.359 sent me an early copy of her book with a 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:52.640 personal note and the note she writes, so many people 0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:54.800 hear my story and asked me how could she have 0:18:54.920 --> 0:18:57.399 done that? Or how could you not have known? But 0:18:57.480 --> 0:19:02.120 the truth is that family members, his children, parents, siblings 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:05.840 almost never know each other completely. In my family, there 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:09.520 were just more secrets than usual to cover up. Well. 0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:11.199 I think it's true that we can never know each 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:14.680 other completely. I also think that there are thoughts we 0:19:14.800 --> 0:19:18.080 don't entertain, places we just don't touch when it comes 0:19:18.119 --> 0:19:21.480 to those closest to us. That's what family secrets is 0:19:21.520 --> 0:19:29.040 all about. What was that moment like for you? So 0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:32.320 it was two opposite emotions pulling on me at the 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:34.840 same time that I think canceled each other out into 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:37.680 some weird state of a membos. So there's you know, 0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:40.920 the one extream emotion was triumph, thinking of those folks 0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:43.280 that I've met two weeks earlier and at the Conference 0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:46.120 of Washington be used as the games will never resolved. 0:19:46.880 --> 0:19:51.119 I didn't know. I accomplished the impossible. And then the 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:54.680 other stream of emotion was, oh my god, it's Mom. 0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:59.080 It's Mom. She's responsible for how we've lived for last 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:05.760 twenty years and she's dead, right, so I can older accountable. Well, 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:08.920 I told him that what I thought it was, you 0:20:08.960 --> 0:20:13.119 know that Mom was the idea he all along. He said, no, no, no, 0:20:13.480 --> 0:20:16.800 does that be some of her explanations for this and 0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:19.440 what she was going through this outbuilding on our property 0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:23.359 where Mom kept a lot of things. And I told that, 0:20:23.480 --> 0:20:28.280 I said, anything that you find that's financial that doesn't 0:20:28.320 --> 0:20:30.359 make sense, set it aside and I'll look at it 0:20:30.760 --> 0:20:32.800 when I come back over spring break. But should have 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:37.960 been in two weeks, and by the time spring break 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:40.720 came and I went back in Vienna, there's a work 0:20:40.800 --> 0:20:43.560 bench in the south wellding and he had a mountain 0:20:43.720 --> 0:20:48.800 of papers on this workbench, of financial documents that were 0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:51.600 in my mother's posession that he just couldn't quite make 0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:56.200 sense of. This mountain of paper included letters from banks 0:20:56.520 --> 0:20:59.359 where Axton's mom had tried to establish checking accounts in 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:03.480 both her name men Acidon's dad in Wisconsin. There was 0:21:03.560 --> 0:21:06.520 a purchase agreement for a house in Delaware County, Indiana, 0:21:07.040 --> 0:21:10.000 not too far from where they lived, signed by everyone 0:21:10.119 --> 0:21:13.720 but her. There were paced dubs in her maiden name, 0:21:14.640 --> 0:21:16.760 documents related to a four oh one K that she 0:21:16.880 --> 0:21:21.800 cashed out. She had grown sloppy. Accidon's mom. Instead of 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:25.920 destroying the paper trail, she hid documents in random places, 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:30.000 between the pages of books, in the bottom of old purses, 0:21:30.680 --> 0:21:34.239 in between dresser drawers. So Accident and her dad now 0:21:34.359 --> 0:21:37.879 go through the house like c s I technicians. They 0:21:37.960 --> 0:21:42.000 find credit card statements, collection agency statements in her grandfather's name. 0:21:42.720 --> 0:21:47.399 Acidon's mom had stolen his identity as well. It's so 0:21:47.520 --> 0:21:52.320 interesting your mom knew that she was very ill and 0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:57.040 probably terminal. And you know, it's not like she died 0:21:57.080 --> 0:21:59.040 in an accident or of a heart attack and had 0:21:59.119 --> 0:22:02.640 no warning. So I wonder what went through her mind, 0:22:03.160 --> 0:22:05.120 because she could have cleaned all that up, I suppose, 0:22:06.000 --> 0:22:10.080 but she didn't. I think on some levels, she believed 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:13.280 she was going to get better, because her doctors said 0:22:13.760 --> 0:22:16.880 that the six months of treatment would be very difficult, 0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:21.760 particularly near the end, which Mom was diagnosed in August, 0:22:21.840 --> 0:22:25.280 and by this point it was February. But we're getting 0:22:25.280 --> 0:22:29.120 into the really worst part. I think because Mom thought 0:22:29.240 --> 0:22:31.639 that once she got through Mark she would turn the corner. 0:22:32.640 --> 0:22:35.600 I think she thought this was going to continue and 0:22:35.840 --> 0:22:37.920 that she wouldn't get caught. And then when she was 0:22:38.000 --> 0:22:41.680 put on hospice care, and you know, that would have 0:22:41.760 --> 0:22:45.080 been an appropriate time to tell me and or Dad 0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:48.320 at least something to the effect of you're going to 0:22:48.400 --> 0:22:51.040 find out bad things about me, or you know, I'm 0:22:51.080 --> 0:22:52.840 in trouble with the I R S. Because that was 0:22:52.840 --> 0:22:55.200 another thing that Mom did. She didn't pay the taxes 0:22:55.280 --> 0:22:58.520 for the majority of thirteen years. The I R S 0:22:58.600 --> 0:23:01.359 is on the Burgency being the house when we didn't 0:23:01.359 --> 0:23:04.640 know about until her Mom died, when was the point 0:23:04.760 --> 0:23:07.960 that your dad accepted that this really was the case, 0:23:08.040 --> 0:23:10.560 that this really had been your mom all along, Was 0:23:10.640 --> 0:23:12.359 it when you came back from spring break and you 0:23:12.400 --> 0:23:17.480 went through all those papers together. Yes, And how would 0:23:17.480 --> 0:23:22.800 you characterize his his response to that realization? To see 0:23:23.960 --> 0:23:27.720 this one of the situations you know, you really, really 0:23:27.960 --> 0:23:31.040 really want something to either be true or not be true, 0:23:31.160 --> 0:23:33.160 and then you find out the opposite of what you want, 0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:38.360 and then it takes the wind out of your sails. Accident. 0:23:38.480 --> 0:23:42.520 Finished college in three years. Partly this was to save money, 0:23:42.880 --> 0:23:46.119 but also because of the feeling that something was looming 0:23:46.560 --> 0:23:49.320 chasing her. She needed to keep moving to stay ahead 0:23:49.320 --> 0:23:52.919 of it. Now it's almost a decade later, she's an 0:23:52.920 --> 0:23:57.960 academic studying identity theft has become her professional life, and 0:23:58.080 --> 0:24:01.240 she's confronting the very thing that she didn't even know 0:24:01.400 --> 0:24:04.880 she was running from. Her mother has left a huge mess. 0:24:05.680 --> 0:24:10.200 Her mother had been, in the deepest sense, unknowable. Now 0:24:10.400 --> 0:24:14.240 it's Acton's job to sift through their shared history and 0:24:14.440 --> 0:24:17.159 understand as much as possible about who her mother had 0:24:17.240 --> 0:24:22.679 really been. So Acton goes where so many of us 0:24:22.760 --> 0:24:27.480 go when trying to figure somebody out Facebook. She starts 0:24:27.560 --> 0:24:31.440 contacting people. Her mother had been facebooking. She had over 0:24:31.600 --> 0:24:35.720 four thousand private messages that were very detailed and entirely 0:24:35.840 --> 0:24:41.520 fictitious about various businesses and properties she owned. Acton goes 0:24:41.600 --> 0:24:44.600 to her mother's fortie high school class reunion in Ohio. 0:24:45.440 --> 0:24:48.360 She's looking for information about her mom, but the more 0:24:48.480 --> 0:24:53.520 she digs, the more elusive her mom becomes. He portrayed 0:24:53.560 --> 0:24:58.760 herself as a very different person to different groups of people. 0:24:59.560 --> 0:25:03.200 She had her versions of herself, and some versions she 0:25:03.359 --> 0:25:06.959 was married and had a child, and other versions of herself. 0:25:07.080 --> 0:25:09.159 She was divorced and my dad had been beating her, 0:25:09.359 --> 0:25:12.200 and she had no kids, And she was by different names. 0:25:13.000 --> 0:25:15.280 Sometimes she went by her married name, sometimes she went 0:25:15.359 --> 0:25:18.960 by her maiden name. With her high school classmates, she 0:25:19.040 --> 0:25:21.400 went by her maiden name because you know, she was divorced, 0:25:21.440 --> 0:25:25.040 because my dad is beating her, and you know, so 0:25:25.200 --> 0:25:29.359 I went her forty years alumni banquet. I had the 0:25:29.440 --> 0:25:33.160 practice on the way they're introducing myself as Pam Elliott's daughter, 0:25:33.960 --> 0:25:37.240 because that's how these people knew hers, Pam Elliott. And 0:25:37.440 --> 0:25:41.119 nowhere's paying that like diving. Had the first under the 0:25:41.200 --> 0:25:45.399 deep end of the pool. I was felt sleazy, you know, 0:25:45.520 --> 0:25:48.480 introducing myself as Pam Elliott's daughter, because against who's that 0:25:49.840 --> 0:25:52.320 I didn't know. I didn't know pant Elliott. Um, I 0:25:52.400 --> 0:25:55.000 know the Pam Elliott that we're all kinds of risque 0:25:55.119 --> 0:26:00.240 Facebook messages. But understand your mom was. I had to 0:26:00.400 --> 0:26:04.680 dive into each of these worlds at first, and you 0:26:04.800 --> 0:26:08.480 do a lot of listening and ask a lot of questions, 0:26:08.920 --> 0:26:12.840