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Speaker 1: A hawk attacked me.

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Speaker 2: Well, I was jogging, but I have a trick up

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Speaker 2: my sleeve to destroy this god forsaken bird.

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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole?

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Speaker 3: It's called a gun. I am going to shoot the bird.

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Speaker 3: The bird is going to die.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's what I call a solution.

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Speaker 3: That's what I call a solution. Actually reminds me. In Australia,

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Speaker 3: they have these things called magpies that you literally on

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Speaker 3: your bike. You have to put eyes like pace on

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Speaker 3: eyes in the back of your helmet or they'll attack

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Speaker 3: you because they think you're not looking at them.

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Speaker 1: What is it like? What described the creature?

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Speaker 3: The magpie is like a black and white crow. A

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Speaker 3: black and white crow. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Interesting.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And they'll literally attack people all the time, and

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Speaker 3: so you have to wear like googly eyes on the

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Speaker 3: back of your head so it looks like you're looking

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Speaker 3: at them.

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Speaker 2: Still, that's the same. And the fact that they can

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Speaker 2: tell those are like.

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Speaker 3: Eyes, yeah, wild and dumbas it's stupid.

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Speaker 2: So I was running early in the morning like I've

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Speaker 2: done for years.

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Speaker 3: I am also a morning runner. I'm with you, OPI

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Speaker 3: there we go.

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Speaker 2: Runners unit, except fuck the runners go bikers. Yeah, laziness

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Speaker 2: a gang biker gang.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Literally, I had on a day low yellow beanie and

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Speaker 2: a headlamp, but the headlamp was turned off because I

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Speaker 2: was on a well lit neighborhood street. As I was

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Speaker 2: running on the sidewalk, I felt this big whack scrape

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Speaker 2: on the side of my head and it took me

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Speaker 2: a few moments to figure.

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Speaker 1: Out it was a hawk.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, Q hawk sound.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty good. I don't know what it is, but

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Speaker 1: it sounds exaccurate. He swooped.

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Speaker 2: I tried to grab my head, then flew back before

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Speaker 2: landing on some nearby telephone wires. Needless to say, I

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Speaker 2: screamed my head off and ran as fast as I could.

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Speaker 2: I turned my headlamp up to the sky and turned

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Speaker 2: it on, but still felt pretty freaked out.

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Speaker 1: I'm not at all hurt. The beanie is pretty thick.

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Speaker 2: I'm also totally aware of how ridiculous the story is.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Ope, the hawk's looking for blood though it's a terrorist

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Speaker 3: hawk Bombit's it's ready, it's ready to fire, fear and

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Speaker 3: you know, it's tired of the humans taking it's It's

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Speaker 3: it's HOWK time, HOWK time, hock time, hawk time, thirty.

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Speaker 1: Black hawk down there.

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Speaker 3: It is.

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Speaker 2: But that being said, I can't help but be nervous

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Speaker 2: about getting back out there.

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Speaker 3: Sounds like Op just got rejected by a girl or something.

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Speaker 3: It just like I don't know if I can go

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Speaker 3: back on the dating scene.

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Speaker 1: But you got to don't worry about these stupid hawks.

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Speaker 3: There's plenty of hawks in the sky. Hawks in the sky.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there we go.

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Speaker 2: I'm afraid to wear my Daglo beanie, which has been

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Speaker 2: keeping me warm on these cold runs.

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Speaker 3: Well, I feel like that's been the beanie that was

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Speaker 3: protecting OPI so Op he should continue to wear it.

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Speaker 2: But maybe it's I mean, this is attracting a yellow

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Speaker 2: beanie that is like, hey, foods right here.

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Speaker 3: He's attack bing bing bing. Might as well put some

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Speaker 3: salami on top of that beanie, literally some fish or

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Speaker 3: some fish right up the riverhead.

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Speaker 2: I can't understand why the hawk went for my head.

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Speaker 2: Anyone having an ideas, anyone have something like this happened

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Speaker 2: to them?

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Speaker 1: How to get over it.

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Speaker 2: I'm going for a run right now, but I'm going

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Speaker 2: to have my headlamp pointing up the entire time.

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Speaker 1: Now, Sam, there is an.

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Speaker 3: Update, I want the hawktail attack again. This guy deserves

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Speaker 3: a second attack. Wow, man, this Sam woke up and

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Speaker 3: shows a violence a gentleman. But I want to know

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Speaker 3: what solutions you would suggest. Well, so I mean one,

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Speaker 3: wear a helmet maybe what I was saying earlier, like literally,

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Speaker 3: in Australia, a lot of people bike, and when I

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Speaker 3: was living in Australia when I was younger, on my

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Speaker 3: skateboard helmet, I would put eyes in the back of

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Speaker 3: my helmet so magpies wouldn't attack me because magpies are

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Speaker 3: like known for attacking people when they're like not looking,

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Speaker 3: and so you have to make it like you're always

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Speaker 3: looking and put eyes on the back of your head.

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Speaker 3: So I would recommend op put eyes on the beanie

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Speaker 3: maybe to like like pointing up to be like, oh shit,

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Speaker 3: like this guy's looking at me. Or wear a helmet

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Speaker 3: and also put eyes on the helmet. Eyes are essential.

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Speaker 2: An interesting prediction. Will we will get in to it.

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Speaker 2: It's a long story short. I live in an area

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Speaker 2: known for aggressive slash territorial owls.

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Speaker 3: So as a hawker an owl, I guess we're gonna

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Speaker 3: find out.

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Speaker 2: I run early in the morning and during the winter

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Speaker 2: I've had to deal with owl swoopings and head grabs.

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Speaker 2: I've been attacked a total of four times yo, twice

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Speaker 2: actual contact to very close swoops.

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Speaker 3: I feel like owls, you know, are just saying like, hey,

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Speaker 3: this is our turf. Get the fuck out. They're trying

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Speaker 3: they're trying to lay down the lot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I respect the owls.

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Speaker 1: I mean, low key.

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Speaker 2: We came in, just some guardians of ghool action right here.

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Speaker 2: We just we just popped up on their turf, like really.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, owls have been here forever. Yeah, in North America.

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Speaker 3: They I don't know. I like that.

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Speaker 1: All feelings of facts.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I was desperate to find a solution and reached out

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Speaker 2: to the community and the bird subreddit. Oh okay, a

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Speaker 2: few users actually suggested sewing eyes on the back.

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Speaker 1: Of my house. I call that.

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Speaker 3: I so called it.

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Speaker 1: There you go, your boy, No fucking bird Wait.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I was attacked by a few birds in Australia.

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Speaker 3: What's up?

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Speaker 1: Oh, what's up? They didn't do it, though. I was

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Speaker 1: jumped into the bird gang. That's right.

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Speaker 3: God damned yeah, knighted indicted.

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Speaker 2: I'm ready to fight it. Yeah yeah, get so, let's go,

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Speaker 2: get so. Sam the bird slayer man hawk down what

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Speaker 2: is it? Black? Down down?

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Speaker 1: Howkdown? This little birdie just woke up.

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Speaker 2: I had purchased giant googly eyes, but honestly they were

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Speaker 2: tough to addhre. I hot glued safety pins on the

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Speaker 2: eyes and then attached them to the hat and a

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Speaker 2: pain to take off when I wanted to wash the hat.

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Speaker 2: Slash not run with googly eyes. I've included a pick

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Speaker 2: for your laughs. This was the pick attached.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, those are giant googly eyes right. Oh

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Speaker 3: look kind of like a sick hat.

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Speaker 1: Oh it is it is.

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Speaker 3: I think it's cool with the google eye.

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Speaker 2: It almost it looks like something someone in La would wear.

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Speaker 1: Like cool, It's.

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Speaker 3: Like a street street street man.

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Speaker 2: So I thought this was going to be my kind

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Speaker 2: of annoying solution until my sister sent me this mask

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Speaker 2: as a funny. Ha ha. You have a bizarre owl

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Speaker 2: problem joke.

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Speaker 1: So here is the second solution.

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Speaker 3: Yo, that goes hard, bro.

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Speaker 1: I mean she's not playing around with you.

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Speaker 3: You know, if you get afraid of the owls, become

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Speaker 3: the a batman.

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Speaker 1: You've heard of batman? Have you heard of owl man?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god?

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Speaker 2: Well, joke's on her because this mask was exactly what

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Speaker 2: I needed. With its easy elastic band and flimsy plastic front,

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Speaker 2: the mask easily fits on the back of my head.

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Speaker 3: You're joking, man's running with it owl mask? Nope.

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Speaker 2: It's also easy to remove, so if I want a

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Speaker 2: long run that seeps into the daylight, I can take

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Speaker 2: it off instead of being that weirdo runner lady with

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Speaker 2: a backward mask on. And you know what, it works.

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Speaker 2: I started wearing the mask in September slash October of

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Speaker 2: last year, and I haven't been attacked by an owl since.

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Speaker 2: I was actually just featured on my local blog about

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Speaker 2: my solution. A big thank you to everyone for coming

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Speaker 2: up with some great ideas like peeing on the owl

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Speaker 2: to mark my territory and making sure I'm not a

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Speaker 2: bit Disney princess and moving.

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Speaker 1: A big f you to.

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Speaker 2: Everyone who told me to watch the HBO show The

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Speaker 2: Staircase because the scene with the owl was so triggering. Also,

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Speaker 2: maybe that was a crazy owl, but in the four

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Speaker 2: times that I've encountered one, they hit them fly away,

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Speaker 2: so yeah, he definitely killed her owl. See myself out.

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Speaker 3: A good note, good note to end on. Wow Wow, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I mean that is ever real? Thing that happens, like

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Speaker 3: like birds do attack you if you're if you're running,

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Speaker 3: you know, through their territory.

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Speaker 2: So it's funny, is I'd never heard of that. I

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Speaker 2: had heard of my aunt and uncles area in Florida.

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Speaker 2: Hawks were taking very small dogs. I'm talking about taking

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Speaker 2: taking like they're gone.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that happens in Topenga in La. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you gotta be careful because there'll be birds that will

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Speaker 3: take your dog away and coyotes too. Yeah, more coyotes

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Speaker 3: I guess than the hawks. But yeah, it's super small,

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Speaker 3: like one of those little ratchuawa dogs.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what it was. And my aunt had a

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Speaker 1: small dogs. She's like, no, we're not we're not.

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Speaker 3: Even we're not alligators in Florida, Like like, what's the

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Speaker 3: what's the protocol for ali?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah.

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Speaker 2: So in kindergarten they teach you literally the same thing

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Speaker 2: as the no no square, the same presentation. There's the

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Speaker 2: alligator run basically, so the out the way.

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Speaker 3: What's the no square presentation?

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Speaker 2: Hey don't touch me there, it's like, hey, don't let

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Speaker 2: someone touch your the parts that your bathing suit covers. That.

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Speaker 1: It was the same. Yeah, we had that talk, and

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Speaker 1: it was the same.

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Speaker 3: Guy, it's a legit that those are a legit talk.

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Speaker 3: I just like, I just remember in middle school. I

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Speaker 3: don't think we ever got that talk, but I remember

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Speaker 3: the song Hey don't touch me there, that's my no

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Speaker 3: no square.

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Speaker 2: There was there was a legit person who, which actually

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Speaker 2: was good. He was basically like, hey, any area of

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Speaker 2: bathing suit covers you shouldn't let and this we were

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Speaker 2: legit six years old, yeah, I mean we were small.

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Speaker 2: So he's like, hey, if there's ever someone a stranger,

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Speaker 2: if there's ever a stranger, anyone who wants to touch

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Speaker 2: you with your bathing suits.

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Speaker 1: Cover, you should tell an adult. Good like, very like.

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Speaker 1: It was great.

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Speaker 2: So if that was the beginning of the talk, the

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Speaker 2: end of the talk was like, okay, so if an

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Speaker 2: alligator is ever chasing you, literally, they are very fast

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Speaker 2: when they go straight, but they have a hard time

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Speaker 2: turning on land, so you have to zigzag as you

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Speaker 2: run in order to slow them down. And it's very

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Speaker 2: counterintuitive because your internal desire is to just bolt, but

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Speaker 2: they can be too fast on land, so you have

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Speaker 2: to zig zag in or they'll they'll try to turn

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Speaker 2: with you and they'll be too slow, and that's what

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Speaker 2: will help you get away.

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Speaker 3: Zig zig zag all right, you may have just saved

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Speaker 3: future Sam's life and probably someone in the audience exactly.

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Speaker 3: Zig zag of an alligator's taxing, zag.

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Speaker 2: Of alligator's attacking you. But there's something that we want

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Speaker 2: to attack us, Sam.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and it is you typing in the comments. Yes,

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Speaker 3: your opinions and thoughts. I think like the question that

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Speaker 3: I have is have you ever had an animal attack

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Speaker 3: you or someone you know?

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Speaker 2: Ye?

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Speaker 3: Talk about your gruesome animal attack stories please, And I

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Speaker 3: got some comments from the video. My stepdad stole my

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Speaker 3: inheritance to buy a house. This is my revenge. And

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Speaker 3: public subscriber Nicole Condor says, as long as the dad

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Speaker 3: put in writing that the inheritance is the sons, I

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Speaker 3: would take them to court. You can't go against his will.

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Speaker 3: Public subscriber Marion Bathy says, get a copy of your

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Speaker 3: father's will, see a solicitor and have the funds transferred

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Speaker 3: to your name as well as the title of the house.

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Speaker 3: And Gabby b says the mom and stepdad are such

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Speaker 3: axholes and had no right to do what they did

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Speaker 3: as the money wasn't theirs to use. Great takes. Great

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Speaker 3: take love the takes from all of our public subscribers.

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Speaker 3: Please put your comments below about any animal attack stories

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Speaker 3: that you have.

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Speaker 1: Give them to us.

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Speaker 3: You give them to us, we want to hear them.

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Speaker 3: With that, We'll see you soon.

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Speaker 1: The next time.

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Speaker 2: Today, fed up by telling my zoo keeper girlfriend not

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Speaker 2: to worry too much about her hygiene.

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Speaker 3: But you know she's thank though.

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Speaker 2: When you're rolling around in that hippo pooh bro, you

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Speaker 2: smell like a hippo doo. It doesn't don't smell good.

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Speaker 2: I'll dive into that hip pussy. I'd be lying if

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to. I'd be lying if I didn't

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Speaker 2: want to taste that big cat hip on.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, there we go.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to leam her close.

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Speaker 2: We're trying. I twenty five male, have been dating this

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Speaker 2: woman for a few months now, and honestly, we.

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Speaker 3: Get along really well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's crazy, she's like an animal in the sheets.

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Speaker 2: She's learning from the lion, she's studdying the pole of bears.

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Speaker 2: She's fucking the penguins. Oh god, not the penguins. About

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Speaker 2: a month ago, I met her for dinner one night

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Speaker 2: at a semi fancy restaurant around six pm. She arrived

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Speaker 2: a little bit late and was very apologetic, saying, oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh, I'm so sorry. I probably smell so funky

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Speaker 2: right now. I tried my best to wash and scrub,

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Speaker 2: but I know it wasn't enough.

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Speaker 3: Not here she like rolling around in this shit.

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Speaker 2: She's just like going up to like like hippodokie and

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Speaker 2: just say.

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Speaker 3: I saw this video on Reddit where it was like

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Speaker 3: a zoo keeper helping with a constipated elephant and she literally,

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Speaker 3: like gloved, had to reach into the elephant asshole and

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Speaker 3: pick out the poop. But there was so much pressure

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Speaker 3: build up that it literally just like blew up in

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Speaker 3: her face.

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Speaker 2: You will, guys, no matter what happens in this podcast,

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Speaker 2: you will never catch me working at a zoo. Understand that.

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Speaker 2: Understand that. Now here's the deal. She was pretty stinky.

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Speaker 2: She she works as an animal caretaker at the zoo

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Speaker 2: and had to stay late that night, so I understood.

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Speaker 2: The night was the first night I really noticed her

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Speaker 2: stinking of any animals. It was strong at the table,

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Speaker 2: something between old fish and a ferret cage.

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Speaker 1: Yuck. Yeah, that does even.

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Speaker 2: Ferrets get such a bad rap. First, you cannot tell

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Speaker 2: me that ferret stink is like I've never I've never

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Speaker 2: smelled the ferret.

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Speaker 3: I'm just saying ferrets are cute as fuck, and like

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Speaker 3: they just get a bad rap.

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Speaker 1: They do get it.

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Speaker 2: They probably smell bad, they do they age, you know,

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Speaker 2: the festerings.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, the festerings. I mean a ferret cage smell worse

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Speaker 3: than like a guinea pig cage.

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Speaker 1: I mean, just by pure size.

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Speaker 2: I guess this is this is a slight throwback to

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Speaker 2: when to say, what was it? Oh? I said, that's uh,

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Speaker 2: they're close to possums or something.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah they're not. They're not so much cute. We

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Speaker 3: are they are, but agreed to that's a fair guy.

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Speaker 2: I guess he's a fairy guy. And the stench was

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Speaker 2: rather unappetizing trying to eat dinner, just like gagging, but

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Speaker 2: not the sort of thing you could smell across the room.

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Speaker 1: So I saw no.

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Speaker 3: Reason that it should ruin the whole dinner.

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Speaker 1: So probably good.

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Speaker 3: Uh.

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Speaker 2: So I tried to reassure her and say, oh, no,

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Speaker 2: you don't, and she said, oh, don't lie, there's no

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Speaker 2: way I smell okay right now? So I said, I mean,

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Speaker 2: I guess there is a light smell, but it just

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Speaker 2: shows you worked hard. I've never been one of those

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Speaker 2: weak stomach guys who would complain about that. I really

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Speaker 2: don't mind, honestly, I'm used to animal smells anyways. To

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Speaker 2: my surprise, her eyes lit up. She said, Wow, really,

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Speaker 2: are you serious? That is so reassuring to hear. Dude,

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Speaker 2: she's in love, She's She was like, finally someone can

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Speaker 2: deal with my stench. She started opening up about how

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Speaker 2: it was so hard to make sure she always smell good,

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Speaker 2: and that she'd often have to scrub for half an

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Speaker 2: hour after work to even be somewhat presentable, and sometimes

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Speaker 2: even that wasn't enough. Bro, this is some crazy stank,

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Speaker 2: dude god, and she would have to change her clothes, boots,

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Speaker 2: et cetera.

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Speaker 3: I mean, definitely changing the clothes makes sense, but oh yeah,

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Speaker 3: scrubbing for half an hour, that seems like take a bath.

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Speaker 3: Maybe yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: And then she said she has to sometimes pick days

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Speaker 2: to schedule dates with me, or run errands around her

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Speaker 2: off days, or which animals she'd be working with that day,

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Speaker 2: so she made sure she wouldn't stink too bad.

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Speaker 3: That's so funny.

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Speaker 2: Yikes, I said, wow, I had no idea it was

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Speaker 2: that tough I had. I asked how other keepers dealt

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Speaker 2: with it, and she said most were either single or

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Speaker 2: data within the profession, and it was rare to find

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Speaker 2: someone like me who genuinely didn't mind.

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Speaker 3: Wow, Like like Op's date really thinks she's lucked out.

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Speaker 3: She's like, oh my god, this is the perfect man smell.

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Speaker 2: So I reassured her that, yeah, she doesn't need to

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Speaker 2: be overly concerned about that. With me, I could tell

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Speaker 2: it meant a lot to her.

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Speaker 3: I'm one of the cool guys.

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Speaker 2: I'm one of the nice guys, is what they call me.

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Speaker 2: But this turned out to be a big mistake. Over

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Speaker 2: the past month, we've seen each other more often, and

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Speaker 2: she's usually smelled okay, but there's been four or five

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Speaker 2: occasions where she smelled horrible. Outride stanky. Also, like going

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Speaker 2: in public with someone that smells that bad is kind

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Speaker 2: of like awkward.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's not not good.

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Speaker 2: Wow, ten to twenty times worse than the night in

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Speaker 2: the restaurant. Ten to twenty times that is, that is,

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Speaker 2: she's stanky, and he could already smell her at the

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Speaker 2: table like that is egregious. There have been house dates

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Speaker 2: and not at restaurants, et cetera. I have to breathe

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Speaker 2: lightly to even try to stomach it, and it really

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Speaker 2: kills my mood and leaves my house freaking yikes.

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Speaker 3: Bro, yikes, this is so bad. This is so I

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Speaker 3: feel so bad for her.

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Speaker 1: It sucks. But at the end of the day, it's

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Speaker 1: kind of like.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it's fair for him to because like

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Speaker 2: it sucks for her because like this is what she

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Speaker 2: loves doing. I'm sure, and da da da da da.

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Speaker 2: But then it's like, bro, this this guy has has

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Speaker 2: to sit through it.

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Speaker 3: Like yeah, I mean, just like maybe tell her. Maybe

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Speaker 3: maybe the dates are all like hey, let's shower together,

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Speaker 3: or let's like let's run a bath together.

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Speaker 2: He's got to tell her because in the ocean one day,

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Speaker 2: he's just gonna throw up.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, if you can barely breathe.

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Speaker 2: Broisa to twenty times he has to dollar, oh my god, collar,

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Speaker 2: what is it that's.

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Speaker 3: That you've got op? Come clean? She can be clean,

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Speaker 3: but