1 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:07,480 Speaker 1: Already. When you're sixteen year old calls you at five am, 2 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:11,039 Speaker 1: that's not normal. But she was screaming and saying that 3 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:15,880 Speaker 1: the police were in the house. That's Mattie Corman speaking 4 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: about the day her family's secret came to light. And 5 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:22,599 Speaker 1: I couldn't understand what she was saying. And I couldn't 6 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:26,320 Speaker 1: even comprehend that police were in our house, let alone 7 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 1: why they were there. And I could also hear that 8 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,560 Speaker 1: my boys, who were eleven at the time, were with her, 9 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 1: and I could hear them crying. And it was even 10 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:38,839 Speaker 1: right now, I feel like my face is going to 11 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,960 Speaker 1: fall off even just talking about this and remembering this moment, 12 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 1: because it was the moment that all of our lives 13 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:51,879 Speaker 1: changed forever. I'm Danny Shapiro, and welcome to the new 14 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: season of Family Secrets. I'm so excited to share ten 15 00:00:55,800 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: extraordinary stories with you. The thing about Family Secrets is that, well, 16 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: we all have them, I mean everybody. The pod now 17 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 1: has over twenty two million downloads. It turns out so 18 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: many of us can relate. This is our best season yet, 19 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: which drops on Thursday, December nine. Here's Adam Man's back 20 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 1: speaking about the night his life changed forever. The first 21 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: thing my father asked me was whether I was sitting down, 22 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 1: which I don't think anybody had ever asked me that 23 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,640 Speaker 1: in real life before. I guess that question is only 24 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,520 Speaker 1: asked when you think that the news you're about to 25 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,760 Speaker 1: deliver might literally knock somebody on their ass, that the 26 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 1: person's legs might stop working. I got off the phone 27 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: with my father and I stood there crying hysterically. And 28 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,360 Speaker 1: I don't think that I spoke out loud to my brother, 29 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 1: but I think I spoke in my head to my brother, 30 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,640 Speaker 1: said something along the lines of like, what have you done? 31 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: And this is key? And Julie Wang, who learned as 32 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: a young child that keeping a secret was the only 33 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 1: way to protect her family, m I think the message 34 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 1: of having to lie about the fact that I immigrated, 35 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,680 Speaker 1: the fact that English was my second language, the fact 36 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 1: that I was undocumented, embedded in me a deep shame 37 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 1: that went to the core of who I was. If 38 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: I couldn't tell people I was born in China, which 39 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: was at that point very central to my identity and 40 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 1: my life, it must have been to my childhood mind 41 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:31,680 Speaker 1: that pretty much everything about me was worth being ashamed about, 42 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: and everything about me should be kept secret. Trench Wrestler 43 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 1: grew up on a cattle ranch in South Dakota, a 44 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 1: place where being a gay man was a dangerous thing, 45 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 1: so he had to keep a secret, especially from his dad, 46 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: about the very essence of his identity. Queer people don't 47 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:55,919 Speaker 1: grow up as ourselves, you know. We grew up playing 48 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:59,720 Speaker 1: a version of ourselves, and we did these mental summersaults 49 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,799 Speaker 1: to try to justify who we are and present one 50 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: thing to the world and another thing that we keep inside. 51 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: And all of that erodes are authenticity and our sense 52 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: of self. And it totally has one purpose, which is 53 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:20,359 Speaker 1: to minimize our own humiliation and our own shame. You know, 54 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: I knew that if I came out, my parents would 55 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,880 Speaker 1: not be okay with it, and I knew it would 56 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 1: cause a rupture. I hope you'll join me and my 57 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:33,959 Speaker 1: amazing guests for this new season of family Secrets. Inside 58 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 1: every secret is a truth, and you know what they say, 59 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:42,040 Speaker 1: The truth will set us free. Coming Thursday, December ninth, 60 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 1: from my Heart Media and available wherever you get your podcasts.