Speaker 1: Kabbooms.
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 3: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Speaker 3: Maler and Danny G Radio who will join us at
Speaker 3: some point over the weekend. Well, my marketing campaign has
Speaker 3: paid off. We have gotten you to show up here
Speaker 3: to this edition, a special spicy edition of The Fifth
Speaker 3: Hour as we kick off the weekend. If you're new
Speaker 3: here and you heard me blatantly promoting over the top
Speaker 3: promotion on the Overnight Show, which we just ended a
Speaker 3: few hours ago, thank you, Thank you for being here.
Speaker 3: We do this podcast every weekend, myself and Danny G.
Speaker 3: Danny normally joins me on Saturday and Sunday and sometimes
Speaker 3: on Friday, but it's just me here as we kick
Speaker 3: off the month of August. So the big reveal we
Speaker 3: are moments away from the big reveal on the edition
Speaker 3: of the Fifth Hour we have this edition, we have
Speaker 3: the penny has dropped and the Great key Lime Caper,
Speaker 3: among other things. But we'll focus on that and let's
Speaker 3: get the party started.
Speaker 1: Don't waste what are you doing? Bet? You made me
Speaker 1: come to this dumb podcast. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: here all right. Listen.
Speaker 3: After months of chatter among the mal Or militia, so
Speaker 3: many of you have sent me emails. We only have
Speaker 3: read a few of them on this podcast and on
Speaker 3: the radio show. I've gotten heartfelt letters, people that love
Speaker 3: Benny versus the penny.
Speaker 1: There have been social media.
Speaker 3: Posts, all of the good vibrations, all of them. Well, today,
Speaker 3: today is the day the cat is out of the bag.
Speaker 1: You have come to the right place.
Speaker 3: We have saved this announcement for here on the Fifth
Speaker 3: Hour podcast because this news is so important, right, so
Speaker 3: crucial that we want the hardcore p ones who are
Speaker 3: the foundation, the salt of the Earth and the Mala
Speaker 3: militia to hear it directly from us, not just in
Speaker 3: a short radio segment. We have a lot more time
Speaker 3: here on the podcast format.
Speaker 1: Now. It also does not hurt.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna lie to artificially boost the downloads on
Speaker 3: the Fifth Hour podcast.
Speaker 1: Man, Hey, full transparency, kids.
Speaker 3: We got a podcast to do every weekend, and if
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do it, we might as well drive people
Speaker 3: to the podcast. Now, regardless of that, the news is real.
Speaker 3: Our long national nightmare is over. The decision has been
Speaker 3: made on the future of Benny Versus The Penny on
Speaker 3: television in twenty twenty five, after all this time.
Speaker 1: So let's make it some fun, right, let's make it fun.
Speaker 3: We'll have multiple choice and I'll give you three options. A,
Speaker 3: Option A and B. C picked up season three. We
Speaker 3: are back baby later this month here in August, with
Speaker 3: a full season all the way through the Super Bowl
Speaker 3: in February. We'll have a preview show at the end
Speaker 3: of August, the kickoff here in early September, and that
Speaker 3: is just going to be amazing.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 3: Option B the show was canceled. We were dumped by NBC.
Speaker 1: Option C none of the above, all right, So those
Speaker 1: are the options.
Speaker 3: You got it. A. NBC picked up season three. We're
Speaker 3: back later this month. B the show was rudely canceled.
Speaker 3: CEE none of the above, some other option right, Danny
Speaker 3: G can you give me a drum roll, please go,
Speaker 3: I need a drum roll, please all right, Reveal answers,
Speaker 3: Reveal answers. Now, if you picked option A, you're a dreamer,
Speaker 3: a lovely loser. God bless you, because the correct answer
Speaker 3: is b. We have been put on waivers designated for assignment.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, NBC will.
Speaker 3: Not will not be bringing back Benny Versus the Penny
Speaker 3: for season three. You kill that now before you q
Speaker 3: the sad trombone and activate an insurgency with the foot
Speaker 3: Soldiers and the Mallord Militia. Let me stop you right now.
Speaker 3: This is not a sad day. It is not seriously,
Speaker 3: and I'm not blowing smoke here. I am Benny Brightside
Speaker 3: on this one absolutely now. I found out this news
Speaker 3: a little earlier in the week. It was not the
Speaker 3: news I was hoping for about getting poll acts from
Speaker 3: the TV show. But I've had time to process it,
Speaker 3: I've had time to reflect, and I feel nothing but gratitude.
Speaker 3: I got yeah to share that with you. Working on
Speaker 3: Benny Versus the Penny with John, Kevin, Vinnie, the Ride
Speaker 3: and Die team on that TV show was like breathing
Speaker 3: in a breath of fresh air in a very stale
Speaker 3: media world. I've heard over hers teamwork makes the dream work,
Speaker 3: and these cats were pros, pros, detail freaks, meticulous, obsessed
Speaker 3: with producing a quality show. They worked tremendously hard, They
Speaker 3: stayed late, they cared. It wasn't just a cheeseball weekend
Speaker 3: gambling show. It mattered right, and that was very important.
Speaker 3: As you might imagine. You don't need to tell you that,
Speaker 3: but you.
Speaker 1: Have to understand how much that meant to me. Right.
Speaker 3: Contrast that with much of my radio career as an adult,
Speaker 3: where and I love radio, I'm not. I love the business,
Speaker 3: but for better or worse, I've often been surrounded by
Speaker 3: people that don't have that. I've been a one man band,
Speaker 3: surrounded by folks who treat the job like it's the
Speaker 3: d and first one out of the building, last one
Speaker 3: in the antithesis of what we hear here with NFL
Speaker 3: training camps going on, where every quarterback's got to be
Speaker 3: the first one in, last one out. Well, and in
Speaker 3: my experience working with a lot of people over the
Speaker 3: years in radio, many of them have been first one
Speaker 3: out of the building, last one in. So as a result,
Speaker 3: I've felt like the onus has been on me, I've
Speaker 3: had to overprepare just to carry the load. Not that
Speaker 3: I wouldn't have done that, a lot of that anyway.
Speaker 3: So this TV experience this.
Speaker 1: Time was just different.
Speaker 3: It was energizing, right, It was really cool and of
Speaker 3: course a massive thank you to Bill Brighton.
Speaker 1: You might not know who that is.
Speaker 3: If you're not in television or media, you may not
Speaker 3: know his name. However, he is the big cheese over
Speaker 3: at NBC who believed in the gas bag you're listening
Speaker 3: to right now when few others would. He had been
Speaker 3: a listener to the Overnight Show as he was working
Speaker 3: his way up the television business over the years, and
Speaker 3: he had reached out to me and said, hey, Ben,
Speaker 3: I want to work with you.
Speaker 1: I want to get you a TV show.
Speaker 3: And I of course, immediately my kneesk reaction is, oh, yeah, right,
Speaker 3: you know I'm getting punked here, and you're not gonna
Speaker 3: give me a TV show.
Speaker 1: I'm doing an overnight radio show. I'm gonna get in
Speaker 1: a TV show.
Speaker 3: You're gonna put a guy with a face for radio
Speaker 3: on the National Broadcasting Company platform?
Speaker 1: Come on? Yeah? Right?
Speaker 3: And anyway, but he was a man of his word, Bill,
Speaker 3: and he has been nothing but kind to me and
Speaker 3: my wife, very generous and just just great.
Speaker 1: It was surreal.
Speaker 3: It really truly was surreal to do a TV show
Speaker 3: from a studio at Universal Studios in Hollywood, a place
Speaker 3: that I went as a kid. Remember I had a
Speaker 3: meltdown on a tour when I was a little.
Speaker 1: Kid at a FAM reunion.
Speaker 3: I've been there many times of the years, just as
Speaker 3: a tourist with people out of town, and to walk
Speaker 3: the famous back lot and to not get arrested for
Speaker 3: trespassing because I actually I had access to it. I
Speaker 3: was allowed to be there, I believe long there to
Speaker 3: be in the mix where so many great movies in
Speaker 3: the heyday of Hollywood were made and TV shows and
Speaker 3: iconic bigger than life celebrities worked And here I am,
Speaker 3: my fat ass is walking around there and it was
Speaker 3: just just awesome to walk around the sets and to
Speaker 3: get the vibe. And sometimes they'd be shooting movies there
Speaker 3: and we'd walk through it and they didn't you know,
Speaker 3: they didn't care, and it was wonderful. And then another
Speaker 3: experience that I've had the last couple of years to
Speaker 3: see my ugly face promoting Benny versus the Penny On
Speaker 3: a random Friday night Celtics game on NBC Sports Boston.
Speaker 3: They had a little graphic my face would pop up
Speaker 3: and then they said, coming up after the Celtic game,
Speaker 3: after postgame, it's Benny versus the Penny, or you're doing
Speaker 3: a Golden State Warrior game, or if it was early
Speaker 3: in the football season the Giants San Francisco Giants broadcast,
Speaker 3: or the old Oakland A's.
Speaker 1: In the Bay Area.
Speaker 3: It was mind blowing, it really was, right. It was
Speaker 3: a huge ego boost. It was stupefying all that stuff,
Speaker 3: and we got cleared in every major media market in
Speaker 3: law in America. I mean, we were in Los Angeles
Speaker 3: that we do the show from LA We were on
Speaker 3: the Lakers station and they they had very little programming,
Speaker 3: so they aired it like four or five times a
Speaker 3: day on the weekends. We were in Chicago. I got
Speaker 3: to text my cousins in Chicago say, hey, you got
Speaker 3: to turn on the NBC Sports station, which no longer
Speaker 3: is there, but at the time it was, and so
Speaker 3: that was kind of cool. And my brother, who you
Speaker 3: know in New York, who knows nothing, not a sports
Speaker 3: guy at all, And my brother's like, hey, I was
Speaker 3: at some pub in Manhattan and they had had sny
Speaker 3: on and the show was on there.
Speaker 1: At this pub, and so that was cool.
Speaker 3: And then this last year we went on Peacock, which
Speaker 3: opened it up to a lot of you that did
Speaker 3: not get cable television anymore. So that was neat. So
Speaker 3: the point is we were not just playing for the
Speaker 3: Mallard Militia. Not that I don't love playing for the
Speaker 3: Mallard Militia.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 3: You know, it's great, It's wonderful, right, It was a
Speaker 3: wonderful thing that we have. We've got a good community
Speaker 3: in the Mallard Militia, and you guys have been wonderful
Speaker 3: and continue to be wonderful. The TV show gave us
Speaker 3: a bigger audience, right, It's like off Broadway versus Broadway.
Speaker 3: We had a larger stage, bigger crowds. We got to
Speaker 3: grow the brand a little bit. And I would be remiss.
Speaker 3: I also I don't do shout outs on radio. This
Speaker 3: is a podcast, but a tremendous shout out to my
Speaker 3: on air double play partner, the one and Only Television's
Speaker 3: Tom Looney, my comrade, the Yin to my Yang, the
Speaker 3: peanut Butter to my jelly. That sounds kind of weird,
Speaker 3: tastes like a touchdown in your mouth.
Speaker 1: How dare you? But I know I've always worked very
Speaker 1: well with Looney.
Speaker 3: I thought of all the people I've done shows with
Speaker 3: over the years, the Blitz that myself and Looney did
Speaker 3: many years ago. It was the greatest weekend show Fox
Speaker 3: Sports Radio has I ever had. Management did not agree.
Speaker 3: But we just play well off each other. We have
Speaker 3: this good camaraderie. I don't believe in chemistry, but we
Speaker 3: just we get each other's vibe. He brought the drama,
Speaker 3: the fire, the flare, the razzle, dazzle, and I played
Speaker 3: off that, and then I would throw fire in his face.
Speaker 1: And I have fond memories already, even though we'll be
Speaker 1: doing more of these, I'm sure in the future.
Speaker 3: But the table reads at seven am at Universal Studios,
Speaker 3: right across the hall from the studio where the stuff
Speaker 3: of legend as we would do the dry run on
Speaker 3: the show, and the little cubby hole studio with a
Speaker 3: couple of chairs, a green screen at the camera, and
Speaker 3: the couple of people behind the scenes there who made
Speaker 3: that happen, and so it was all dream like.
Speaker 1: So this chapter has ended.
Speaker 3: Benny Versus the Penny on NBC has ended, as I
Speaker 3: learned from one of my great heroes as a child,
Speaker 3: when I was a little boy growing up. I don't
Speaker 3: know if you are familiar with the work of doctor Seuss,
Speaker 3: but doctor Seuss taught me not only greed, eggs and
Speaker 3: ham sam I am. Doctor Seuss also taught me that.
Speaker 3: And yes I'm using a doctor SEUs quote on this podcast.
Speaker 3: Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened. And
Speaker 3: that is my position. Oh Ben, you're going soft here, man,
Speaker 3: No I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 3: Now that said, this chapter may not be over. Like,
Speaker 3: we've already got some feelers out there's some interest that's
Speaker 3: been bubbling up here there.
Speaker 1: There will be more Benny Versus the Penny.
Speaker 3: That's why I'm not really all that upset, because I've
Speaker 3: done Benny Versus the Penny for a long time on radio,
Speaker 3: and I moved it to this podcast for a couple
Speaker 3: of years with Danny g and we did it on
Speaker 3: YouTube with Gascon for a period of time. It's now
Speaker 3: been on television for a couple of years. So it's
Speaker 3: just not gonna be on NBC for now.
Speaker 1: And who knows.
Speaker 3: Maybe down the line they'll come back to us and say, hey,
Speaker 3: we like the show, we want to get it back. Now,
Speaker 3: as to the nitty gritty on this fifth hour, the
Speaker 3: question of why so, I'm going to try to be
Speaker 3: proactive here, and the reason I want to be proactive
Speaker 3: is because I just don't want to deal with the
Speaker 3: nonsense of the email. I normally get a lot of
Speaker 3: email on this. You guys have been great, and you're
Speaker 3: like anything.
Speaker 1: I knew what happened, so why was it canceled? Now?
Speaker 1: You gotta understand, in the media business, you never really
Speaker 1: really know. There's always extenuating circumstances.
Speaker 3: However, I will tell you the people that I've dealt
Speaker 3: with at the network have been wonderful. Right, and this
Speaker 3: guy John, who's a Hall of Famer in Philadelphia produced
Speaker 3: Phillies games with Harry Callous, just a great dude, seasoned
Speaker 3: media guy oozes Philadelphia.
Speaker 1: So John.
Speaker 3: Had been very transparent, and I believe he wasn't blowing
Speaker 3: any smoke or anything like that. Really do appreciate it.
Speaker 3: This was not as I understand it. It was not
Speaker 3: because the ratings. It wasn't as no one was watching.
Speaker 3: We actually did well from Again, this is what I've
Speaker 3: been told from some of the people that worked on
Speaker 3: the show. We had some solid numbers in key demos
Speaker 3: in certainly in Boston. There were some weeks that we
Speaker 3: did really really well, like top three in the market,
Speaker 3: which is great. However, you go understand, gambling is still
Speaker 3: the wild wild West on television. It's a very dicey
Speaker 3: ad market. A lot of advertisers don't want to be
Speaker 3: involved in gambling because, let's face it, people lose money gambling, right,
Speaker 3: That's what happens, and very conservative buyers. There's limited options,
Speaker 3: there's limited inventory, and that's just the way it is.
Speaker 3: I wish it was different, but that's the landscape. And
Speaker 3: a lot of the gambling market, as I've been told,
Speaker 3: has matured, which means they don't spend as much money
Speaker 3: because they've got a good grip on it. So you
Speaker 3: need more gambling markets to open up.
Speaker 1: Now. There will be another gold rush, and I hope that.
Speaker 3: I'm still doing Benny versus the Penny when California, If
Speaker 3: the lunatics in California allows sports gambling, that will be
Speaker 3: a massive gold rush. There'll be a lot of money there,
Speaker 3: a lot of money to be made, but to take
Speaker 3: you behind the scenes. So NBC has had been keeping
Speaker 3: me and Tom Looney updated the original deadline. It was
Speaker 3: kind of vague on the radio show, but the original
Speaker 3: deadline was July first. Now we obviously blew way past July,
Speaker 3: for we're in August now and as recently as last Friday.
Speaker 3: So the last Friday in July, I was under the
Speaker 3: belief that we had a deal. We had the framework,
Speaker 3: the outline, the blueprint for season three. We had found
Speaker 3: a title sponsor, we were actually going to be on
Speaker 3: more affiliates than last year, that we were going to
Speaker 3: cross over to some other channels that we weren't even
Speaker 3: on in other markets. So I went to bed on
Speaker 3: Friday night thinking that we were pretty much said to
Speaker 3: the point where we had the schedule, and I was
Speaker 3: looking at airfare on when to fly back to Boston
Speaker 3: to film at NBC Sports Boston, when to film the
Speaker 3: promotion for the TV show, And then, like a summer
Speaker 3: storm in the desert, somehow between Friday and then Tuesday,
Speaker 3: it all vanished. It turned to dust and that show business, right,
Speaker 3: that show business. So this was actually my second run
Speaker 3: at NBC. You might remember the old NBC Sports network,
Speaker 3: You probably don't.
Speaker 1: Not a lot of.
Speaker 3: People watched it, so yeah, that folded also, So I'm
Speaker 3: batting a zero point zero zero at NBC. But you know,
Speaker 3: you know what they say, when one door closes, another
Speaker 3: one opens. Now sometimes sometimes there's a long hallway in between.
Speaker 3: So we've got big plans for that hallway. Sunny days,
Speaker 3: sunny days ahead. And to everyone who watched, who supported,
Speaker 3: who promoted, who messaged other people to get them to watch,
Speaker 3: or even those of you that are just haters and
Speaker 3: ballbusters and you thought this was the dumbest show in
Speaker 3: the world and you sent nasty messages from Afar, thank you.
Speaker 1: You were all part of the ride.
Speaker 3: You were all part of the journey and a great
Speaker 3: chapter in my media career.
Speaker 1: And no matter what happens, I've got that in my
Speaker 1: back pocket. So it's not over.
Speaker 3: And it's pretty late in the game this year. The
Speaker 3: football season began last night kind of with the Fugeese
Speaker 3: exhibition season, So we'll see what happens.
Speaker 1: But the penny has not flipped its last pick yet.
Speaker 3: And I was talking to Tom and we've we've got some.
Speaker 1: Logs on the.
Speaker 3: Fire and we'll see there's also the possibility that we
Speaker 3: bring Benny Versus the Penny to a podcast format like this.
Speaker 1: There's other streaming services there's available. There's been some.
Speaker 3: Talk of Patreon as well. There's a lot of options
Speaker 3: out there. So we will, we will have it for you,
Speaker 3: and we'll let you know. Obviously we want you to listen.
Speaker 3: So again, thank you. Not a sad day. Not a
Speaker 3: sad day, it's a it's a pivot point. We will
Speaker 3: return with another season of Benny Versus the Penny. Unfortunately,
Speaker 3: will just not be with our friends over at NBC,
Speaker 3: So turning the page on that. And this is very
Speaker 3: random and sometimes the stars just aligned. But today is
Speaker 3: National Homemade Pie Day.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 3: The only reason I bring that up is because I
Speaker 3: have a pie store, right and I'll give you that
Speaker 3: story in a minute, But first, in honor of alf
Speaker 3: the Alien, O Pinter and Ferg Dog and mister nice
Speaker 3: Guy and all you knuckleheads.
Speaker 1: Fun facts about pie. Yeah, I've got fun facts about pie.
Speaker 3: Is it true that the ancient Egyptians are the earliest
Speaker 3: known civilization to have had a pie dish?
Speaker 1: I'm nodding my head, yes. Now.
Speaker 3: It typically consisted from a deep dive on this. It
Speaker 3: consisted of a crust made from wheat, oats, rye or barley,
Speaker 3: and it was filled with honey.
Speaker 1: That sounds kind of like a granola bar, doesn't that
Speaker 1: wheat oat honey? Isn't that a granola bar? Now?
Speaker 3: The ancient Greeks and Romans also had pastries similar to
Speaker 3: what is known as today modern day pie. For example,
Speaker 3: and for reference, the Romans often coated meat with a
Speaker 3: pastry made out of flour, oil, and water. However, however,
Speaker 3: the dough was only intended to help preserve the meat.
Speaker 3: They didn't have refrigerators and things like that, not to
Speaker 3: be eaten as a meal. So there's a Roman cookbook
Speaker 3: that dates back to the first century that it was
Speaker 3: discovered to contain recipes similar to pie cases, so is
Speaker 3: that And then Terry and England or in Great Britain,
Speaker 3: pies were mainly used as a covering to preserve meat also,
Speaker 3: but that was when they were exploring the world the
Speaker 3: long sea voyages, and fresh meat could not be obtained.
Speaker 3: You can't really go hunting when you're in the middle
Speaker 3: of the Atlantic Ocean. And during medieval times the pies
Speaker 3: became more elaborate. The cooks tried out do each other. Allegedly,
Speaker 3: they had grand banquets. It was all about the presentation,
Speaker 3: and the pie was often the centerpiece. Now, one of
Speaker 3: the interesting things of note here in.
Speaker 1: The pie world.
Speaker 3: It wasn't until the fifteenth century when pies usually only
Speaker 3: contained meat or fish, but they became more of what
Speaker 3: we have today with fruit. They had custard pies, and
Speaker 3: it has been said that the very first pie was
Speaker 3: baked for Queen Elizabeth the First and that was during
Speaker 3: the sixteenth century about that. And then when the English
Speaker 3: settled to America, they brought the pie. And the early
Speaker 3: pies they brought were thick, heavy crust or a rigid flour.
Speaker 3: And shortly after that it became a trademark of America. Right,
Speaker 3: And we know it was a big jumping off point
Speaker 3: was in World War two, right they said, soldiers were
Speaker 3: asked why they were going off to war and they said,
Speaker 3: for mom and apple pie.
Speaker 1: There you go.
Speaker 3: And now now to the great key Lime Caper, the
Speaker 3: great key Lime Caper.
Speaker 1: So let me tell you something about key lime pie.
Speaker 3: Now I've learned this over the last year. It's not
Speaker 3: just dessert. It's not now in Florida, it's some ways currency.
Speaker 3: Some would call it a religion. In parts of Florida,
Speaker 3: it's diplomacy. Now, if you grow up in California, you
Speaker 3: probably love tacos and in and out Burger. My Guy
Speaker 3: sports with Coleman. He didn't grow up. He's from Atlanta,
Speaker 3: but he lived in Maryland so long. I would probably
Speaker 3: say crap cakes are sacred. If you're from the Northeast
Speaker 3: in Boston, you love the maybe you love the Canole's right, Texas,
Speaker 3: it's you deep fry everything you call it, call it
Speaker 3: a miracle. Everything's deep fried. In Cansa City, it's Ben
Speaker 3: Mallard chicken fingers and barbecue brisket. But in Florida, you
Speaker 3: gotta have some respect, put some respect on the pie.
Speaker 3: So I bring this up because p one listener Bobby
Speaker 3: from the Sunshine State, who apparently moonlights as both a
Speaker 3: pastry ambassador and a pie whisper in his spare time.
Speaker 1: He has been very generous.
Speaker 3: He shipped off a coconut flavored key lime pie from
Speaker 3: the Tropics to the main land. Now, I I did
Speaker 3: not realize that there was even a coconut flavor key
Speaker 3: lime pie. The only coconut I really eat. Is like
Speaker 3: the Almond Joy candy bar, which was always the last
Speaker 3: one in the.
Speaker 1: Bag on Halloween.
Speaker 3: So anyway, this pie arrived, and you don't ask questions,
Speaker 3: You thank the pie gods. You split it evenly among friends,
Speaker 3: You treat it with reverence as the pie deserves.
Speaker 1: Which brings us to the caper.
Speaker 3: So imagine the three musketeers, myself, Loreina, and Coop.
Speaker 1: There's one pie.
Speaker 3: So we have to divide the pie evenly, like ancient
Speaker 3: treasure after a fierce battle.
Speaker 1: You got to divide what you've got. So I took
Speaker 1: my slice, a very generous wedge. That still didn't feel
Speaker 1: like enough, because you know, my name's on the show.
Speaker 1: But it was. It was fine. It was a big
Speaker 1: piece of pie.
Speaker 3: And I had the pie given to me by Lorena,
Speaker 3: and she placed it on a party size paper plate,
Speaker 3: you know, those flimsy, flimsy plates, and so it very
Speaker 3: flims treacherous vessel, if you will, unworthy of the prestigious
Speaker 3: cargo that that pie was that it carried.
Speaker 1: And so but I had to be ready, right.
Speaker 3: We had a long journey from the studio back to
Speaker 3: the Malor mansion in the north Woods. Now, logically, one
Speaker 3: would think that you just seat belt the pie in
Speaker 3: you let it ride shotgun like a proper co pilot,
Speaker 3: and you're fine. But no, because I live in a
Speaker 3: fantasy world where highways stay open.
Speaker 1: At night, and normally they do for me. I work
Speaker 1: the overnight shift. I'm driving when most people are still sleeping,
Speaker 1: So I just assume the traffic's going to part like
Speaker 1: the Red Sea, and construction zones will not materialize like
Speaker 1: Poultergeist from the Underworld. Then I'll be fine.
Speaker 3: So for the first i'd say twenty five percent, first
Speaker 3: quarter or so of the journey with the Pie, it
Speaker 3: was on the seat next to me. It was exactly
Speaker 3: like the pie gods had ordained.
Speaker 1: It was very smooth. Wasn't a lot of traffic. I
Speaker 1: had the cruise control on.
Speaker 3: I was listening to some classic AM radio old school
Speaker 3: buzzing softly in the background. I could practically taste that
Speaker 3: delicious gram cracker crust, the whipped cream topping on top
Speaker 3: of the key lime pie.
Speaker 1: And then the.
Speaker 3: Unexpected plot twist, the dreaded detour slow for the cone zone,
Speaker 3: flashing lights. Right now, there was a parade as far
Speaker 3: as I could see of tail lights, and I saw
Speaker 3: a bunch of big rigs. I saw construction, some guy
Speaker 3: probably named Carl, Probably named Carl, He.
Speaker 1: Had one of those reflective vest things on. He was waving.
Speaker 3: Traffic off to the surface street purgatory. So my plan
Speaker 3: went up in smoke. Suddenly I am now Magellan Mallar
Speaker 3: with Apple Matt. I am navigating uncharted urban terrain in
Speaker 3: a CD part of town. They say nothing good happens
Speaker 3: after a certain hour, and I was out at that hour. Now,
Speaker 3: more importantly, I'm driving around and every turn I make,
Speaker 3: every turn is putting that delicious pie in danger of
Speaker 3: becoming roadkill. See, I can understand I had no choice.
Speaker 3: I at that point became the pie sentinel. I made
Speaker 3: a decision that I had to protect the pie.
Speaker 1: So my right hand.
Speaker 3: My right hand was getting a workout, was not getting
Speaker 3: a workout. My right hand extended and I gripped that
Speaker 3: flimsy plate, and I became Lady Liberty. I gripped it
Speaker 3: like the statue of Liberty torch. Now my left hand
Speaker 3: was steering the ship through turns.
Speaker 1: Right turn here, left turn there, red light here, yellow
Speaker 1: light there, pothole to the side.
Speaker 3: All of this while I'm praying, if you will, I
Speaker 3: don't know if that's the right word to the dessert gods.
Speaker 3: Please just get this thing home in one piece. I
Speaker 3: do not want to lose this pie. So we often
Speaker 3: hear people talk about multitasking, and I kind of rolled
Speaker 3: my eyes. I'm like, please, try holding a flimsy plate,
Speaker 3: wobbly plate with creamy coconut flavored. It was like a
Speaker 3: coconut flavored missile in the palm of your hand while
Speaker 3: cornering at twenty five miles an hour or more up
Speaker 3: to forty, you know, try making a left turn with
Speaker 3: one arm while mentally calculating the aerodynamics of what would
Speaker 3: happen to that whip topping on top of the So
Speaker 3: this was in many ways a symbiotic relationship.
Speaker 1: At that moment, I became one with the pie.
Speaker 3: And by mile nineteen on my journey, I was sweating
Speaker 3: like I had just run the Boston Marathon, and I
Speaker 3: was wearing a parka. While I was doing my right
Speaker 3: arm was locked in position like the old days when
Speaker 3: you used to have to hail a cab if you're
Speaker 3: old enough to know what that was like. But I
Speaker 3: was trying to hail a cab for an hour straight,
Speaker 3: and I swear to you, and I'm not just talking
Speaker 3: out of my took us.
Speaker 1: Here.
Speaker 3: I could feel the pie breathing, like the pie in
Speaker 3: my head, the cartoon bubble of my head. Don't look
Speaker 3: at me like that alf and fer dog in my head.
Speaker 3: The pie knew what was on the line here. The
Speaker 3: pie knew the steaks here if something went wrong, and
Speaker 3: it turned out, there was a great pie miracle.
Speaker 1: That pie survived. Not a smear of whipped.
Speaker 3: Cream or key lime on the upholstery, not a not
Speaker 3: a droplet of anything from the crust. Nothing was displaced,
Speaker 3: no casualties, no cleanup, no ruined upholstery.
Speaker 1: It reached the Malor.
Speaker 3: Mansion intact, untouched. And then, to quote one of the
Speaker 3: great characters in the history of Hollywood from the Austin
Speaker 3: Powers franchise, Fat Bastard, I said to that pie, get
Speaker 3: in my belly, is what I said. And I devoured
Speaker 3: that thing like I hadn't eaten in weeks. It was sweet,
Speaker 3: it was tangy, it was everything. The crust had the
Speaker 3: integrity that I was looking for. The filling was a
Speaker 3: citrus symphony, and while not as good, not as good
Speaker 3: as the original of the strawberry because of the intense
Speaker 3: coconut flavor, it was still delectable. So I wanted to
Speaker 3: write a thank you letter to Bobby and maybe we
Speaker 3: should nominate his pie generosity for the No Peace Prize
Speaker 3: in the Mall of Militia. Instead, I said, well, you know,
Speaker 3: I don't really have his email, so I'll just tell
Speaker 3: the story right here on the podcast. So what is
Speaker 3: the point of all this? Get to the point please, Well,
Speaker 3: it's simple. There are moments in the road of life
Speaker 3: where you're tested.
Speaker 1: Said, well, this is not a test, but a test
Speaker 1: is when you lose your job or a test, is it?
Speaker 3: No, this was a test, right, and it wasn't a
Speaker 3: huge test, but you're asked to call to rise above.
Speaker 3: There some men that carry torches, some men carry flags,
Speaker 3: and then there's some in the middle of the night
Speaker 3: that carry a coconut key lime pie down fifty miles
Speaker 3: of asphalt just to bring sweetness home. So God bless you, Bobby,
Speaker 3: and thank you so much. God blessed that pie lived
Speaker 3: a good life. And hey, my arm got a nice workout,
Speaker 3: my arch outstretched right arm.
Speaker 1: That kept that pile. All right, we'll get out on that.
Speaker 3: We'll have new podcasts all weekend, including a Malor Mover
Speaker 3: Malor movie review. Easy for me to say, Malor movie review.
Speaker 3: We will get to all of that as we go
Speaker 3: through the weekend. Danny should be with me on the
Speaker 3: Saturday and Sunday Mailbag podcast. If you do want a
Speaker 3: Sunday letter in for the mail bag, you can do that,
Speaker 3: but you should probably do it by probably this afternoon.
Speaker 3: I would say Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: You can join legends like Man Ryan from Shrewsbury and
Speaker 3: Barry from South Carolina and Ferg Dog and mister Irrigation
Speaker 3: and so many other legends that are regular Reggie from
Speaker 3: Detroit who are part of.
Speaker 1: That mail bag.
Speaker 3: So Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Have a
Speaker 3: wonderful rest of your Friday and we will yap at
Speaker 3: you tomorrow as the podcast does not stop later Skater,
Speaker 3: Oh wait, Danny, you want me to say? Oh, that's right,
Speaker 3: Austa Pasta.
Speaker 1: That's a Danny Lion, That's a Danny g Lion. I
Speaker 1: said it. It's the why are you still listening? The
Speaker 1: podcast is over. There's nothing else. It's over come on