Speaker 1: We have Evan mark Katz, a dating coach, dating advisor,
Speaker 1: dating expert, to help you find the love of your life.
Speaker 1: Evan welcometh Anny, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1: Of course, so let's talk more about dating and relationships.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about the fact that I that you hear
Speaker 1: there's like a desperation with women of a certain age
Speaker 1: that doesn't occur with.
Speaker 2: Men, and you hear women like it's just a neediness.
Speaker 2: There's a lot.
Speaker 1: I could think of two women off the top of
Speaker 1: my head that this week have texted me and been like,
Speaker 1: do you know anyone? And there's a there's a vibe
Speaker 1: about it, like there's just no one out there and
Speaker 1: this negativity and you know, all men suck and and
Speaker 1: I just don't really hear I mean, I hear men
Speaker 1: talk about women in a different way, like more like
Speaker 1: they're all operators or gold diggers or stupid or you
Speaker 1: have to be there everything. But it's like men and
Speaker 1: women don't seem to be on the same page. And
Speaker 1: the minute that I hear these women ask, it feels
Speaker 1: like the minute that these women ask in this way,
Speaker 1: you almost feel like they're not as marketable because there's something.
Speaker 1: Often it's what men aren't attracted to in women like
Speaker 1: men kind of want what they can have and they
Speaker 1: like the chase. And I don't really think it's necessarily
Speaker 1: about looks or age. I think there's like an energy
Speaker 1: and a woman gets to a certain age and if
Speaker 1: she maybe doesn't work or have a big career, it's
Speaker 1: hard for her to feel like she's bringing something to
Speaker 1: the table when men can date younger. So I think
Speaker 1: there's like a whole vibe that goes on with women
Speaker 1: and men that I want you to talk about.
Speaker 3: Yeah, listen, Bethanie. I think you're a great data philosopher.
Speaker 3: Every time I pop in here, you drop some wisdom,
Speaker 3: and I think you've identified a problem, that something's part
Speaker 3: of the zeitgeist. My coaching is usually just telling women
Speaker 3: something that they don't always feel that you're the CEO
Speaker 3: of your love life and if you're if you're going
Speaker 3: to be effective in dating, you need to treat men
Speaker 3: like the interns rather than giving him the CEO status
Speaker 3: and saying please pick me. So we're really talking about
Speaker 3: coming from a place of scarcity. If you feel that
Speaker 3: good men are lacking, and there's some evidence of that
Speaker 3: as well, and it's not. Let's not entirely dismiss that.
Speaker 1: Let's well, what do you mean, Let's talk about the numbers,
Speaker 1: because I think it seems like if you talk to men,
Speaker 1: they'll say, yeah, I've got all women and no men,
Speaker 1: Like what is what does that mean? Meaning men have
Speaker 1: men's wives are all asking do you know anybody? And
Speaker 1: the men are saying they've got they've got a scarcity
Speaker 1: of men. So what what other? Is there actually a
Speaker 1: scarcity of single men?
Speaker 3: I think there's a bigger thing that's going on in
Speaker 3: the world, world, like how global do you want to go?
Speaker 3: So we need to acknowledge stereotypes, right, the definition of
Speaker 3: a limiting belief something that's partially true but not totally true.
Speaker 3: Belief online dating is terrible. There's no good men. They're
Speaker 3: all looking for one thing. I'm too old, they're all
Speaker 3: looking for younger. There's some truth to those stereotypes. It
Speaker 3: just doesn't adhere to every situation. Okay, So if you're
Speaker 3: a my client, smart, strong, successful women looking for an
Speaker 3: equal partner, you need to reflect back their reality to
Speaker 3: them that hey, maybe indeed only ten percent of men
Speaker 3: are capable of being the man you want. Them to
Speaker 3: be and that's okay. The same way that you wouldn't
Speaker 3: just walk around a department store and buy ninety percent
Speaker 3: of the items there. You'll look around to find the
Speaker 3: ten percent of things that you like.
Speaker 1: Well, by the way, it's so funny you say that
Speaker 1: because for whatever reason, and I've been I've been burned,
Speaker 1: I've had some pretty I've I had a decade long
Speaker 1: terrible divorce. Always the same way I've always been with
Speaker 1: business and like opportunity. I always feel like it's like
Speaker 1: anything else. They're good apples, bad apples. They're good men,
Speaker 1: bad men, Like that's just life. Good women, bad women.
Speaker 1: I always feel like there are good men. It's the combination,
Speaker 1: I really do. And I also feel like scared money
Speaker 1: never wins, and you can't have that attitude. And also
Speaker 1: like I think it's liberating to not to know what
Speaker 1: you want at the buffet. If you walk up and
Speaker 1: like you're just looking at everything, you're gonna be like
Speaker 1: sick for the first three things you eat.
Speaker 2: Like this way you're like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Yes.
Speaker 4: I think it's great to be this age and have
Speaker 4: a big part of my job is I help people
Speaker 4: figure out the no, But you're also coming from a
Speaker 4: place of confidence and abundance that informs every aspect of
Speaker 4: your life.
Speaker 3: So and that's wonderful, right, Like you have a thing
Speaker 3: that is hard to teach but is a necessary component.
Speaker 3: You compared it to scared money. It is very much
Speaker 3: the same same thing. If you believe the worst in men,
Speaker 3: the the highest quality guy doesn't want to date a
Speaker 3: woman who thinks that little of herself or thinks of
Speaker 3: that little of men. Right, And so it's a it's
Speaker 3: a bit of a dance to get people into a
Speaker 3: confident place. Well why are people feeling insecure? Well, I'll
Speaker 3: have to do is look at their relationship history hasn't
Speaker 3: gone well, if you're a single one in your fifties,
Speaker 3: you have a lot of evidence. Right, it's a narrow
Speaker 3: it's a small sample size, but you have a lot
Speaker 3: of evidence that relationships equal. Just yesterday I was talking
Speaker 3: to someone. She was in a marriage, She felt small,
Speaker 3: she felt unheard, she stayed for twenty years because of
Speaker 3: the kids. That's a really common story. And now I'm
Speaker 3: dating at fifty when it's a very different more than
Speaker 3: when I was dating at thirty. The options available to
Speaker 3: me the complications, so we could acknowledge. Yes, it's difficult.
Speaker 3: Yes it's hard to find a quality guy, but it's
Speaker 3: not impossible. And as long as you know what you're
Speaker 3: doing and what you're looking for, there's a path. One
Speaker 3: more thing, Bethany, before I throw it back to you.
Speaker 3: People don't know what the looking for work, and that
Speaker 3: makes it so much harder. It's like driving a car
Speaker 3: without a GPS. Oh yeah, that's exactly right, and I
Speaker 3: feel the same. I feel the same exact way.
Speaker 1: You could also have somebody And the problem is some
Speaker 1: people want to like date sometimes and it's filler. And
Speaker 1: the problem is if you're in the wrong car, you
Speaker 1: might not be seeing the right car. And it's hard
Speaker 1: to know that when you feel lonely and should you
Speaker 1: just be alone and be like if this is if
Speaker 1: you alter, well, there's two things I want to get into,
Speaker 1: something about success levels. But before that, if you ultimately
Speaker 1: know that someone is not going to be someone that
Speaker 1: you're let's say you're in your fifties or forties.
Speaker 2: You want to get married, you want a life partner.
Speaker 1: You believe that that's what you want, but you meet
Speaker 1: someone that's great for like right now, but you're at
Speaker 1: an age where you should be thinking about the future.
Speaker 1: Are you supposed to like ride two horses at the
Speaker 1: same time, be dating and be intentional about that, but
Speaker 1: also have like your sort of your filler, your methadone,
Speaker 1: or you're supposed to be like dry County because you're
Speaker 1: not going to find the right person if you're dabbling
Speaker 1: with the wrong persons.
Speaker 3: There's so much packed into that question.
Speaker 4: Okay, is a good question, always a good question, But
Speaker 4: let's tease that out for a second.
Speaker 3: So you started with there's an age where you should
Speaker 3: be looking, so I want to just remove that for
Speaker 3: a second. Okay, if you are divorced, I just met
Speaker 3: someone this weekend who's divorced and she's not ready for
Speaker 3: the real deal yet. She okay, bloring what it's like
Speaker 3: to be single. You probably don't need a dating coach.
Speaker 3: You probably don't need a matchmaker. Go out, have your fun.
Speaker 3: If that's literally all you want is your freedom. There
Speaker 3: would probably be a time when you're looking to build
Speaker 3: something more. But that's a perfectly viable life choice for
Speaker 3: someone who's really looking for the real deal, who's looking
Speaker 3: to ultimately, if not get married, then have something that
Speaker 3: resembles a marriage. Every second you spend with the wrong
Speaker 3: guy is a second you're not looking for the right guy. Wow,
Speaker 3: And that's that's the hard part. It's not wrong. There's
Speaker 3: no value judgment. Lots of people. A lot of dating
Speaker 3: is people kind of men and women using each other
Speaker 3: for some purpose in some way, whether we know whether
Speaker 3: we acknowledge that or not. But I like the concept
Speaker 3: of people dating with intention and making that intention pretty clear.
Speaker 3: Once you become boyfriend girlfriend after about a month, hey
Speaker 3: we both want X. Let's explore this together over the
Speaker 3: next couple of years, rather than one person who's falling
Speaker 3: in love and the other person's like, you're good for now.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: But even the person who's saying you're good for now,
Speaker 1: they could be a person who's also looking for a relationship.
Speaker 1: So the good for now is not a good model.
Speaker 1: If anybody wants a real relationship, that's a bad that's
Speaker 1: not a great model. Or it is a model if
Speaker 1: everybody knows what's going on. But you said, if you're
Speaker 1: with the wrong but what is good for now? Being
Speaker 1: with the wrong person or good for now is like purgatory.
Speaker 3: You actually just nailed it. At the beginning of the question,
Speaker 3: And in my opinion, you have to know what you're
Speaker 3: looking for. If you're looking for good for now, you
Speaker 3: can date a recently divorced guy who's nowhere near wanting
Speaker 3: to get remarried and that relationship.
Speaker 1: But what if you're looking for good for forever but
Speaker 1: you're in a good.
Speaker 3: Then you're wasting your time in my.
Speaker 1: No, in your opinion, everything's your opinion. You're not you know,
Speaker 1: but your experience. I'm a dating coach for yes, successful
Speaker 1: women who have had a series of situationships that lead
Speaker 1: nowhere and want to figure out how do I identify
Speaker 1: more quickly? Is this guy just wasting my time? Am
Speaker 1: I going to fall in love with him? Is he
Speaker 1: going to tell me he loved me, treat me really well?
Speaker 1: And when I'm looking for some security some future, he's
Speaker 1: going to be like, hey, babe, this.
Speaker 3: Is all I want. I never want to get married.
Speaker 3: And she just sunk two years into her life with someone,
Speaker 3: So we just want to make sure that people are
Speaker 3: getting on the right track.
Speaker 2: You're kind of saying.
Speaker 1: So even if the woman says that she knows it's
Speaker 1: wrong and she's just sort of can handle it, a
Speaker 1: We've seen that women usually can't handle what they think
Speaker 1: they can in that regard, you know, they're not the
Speaker 1: same as men, by and large, where a man can
Speaker 1: compartmentalize and just get laid and like walk away from it.
Speaker 1: By and large, these are big sweeps, and a woman
Speaker 1: the muscle might get weak. Like the woman feels like
Speaker 1: she has someone to do something with. We're coming up
Speaker 1: to the holidays. The woman has someone to hang out
Speaker 1: with on the holidays, you know, So she's not exercising
Speaker 1: the muscle of finding the right person if that's what
Speaker 1: she really wants.
Speaker 3: That's exactly right. Like a lot of things, it's good
Speaker 3: in theory, yes, but it doesn't work that well in practice.
Speaker 3: Great when someone invests time, energy, emotion into someone and
Speaker 3: then catches feelings and then wonders, why is it so
Speaker 3: hard to extricate my front from my friend with benefits?
Speaker 3: He's never been anything but nice to me, He's never
Speaker 3: been anything but honest with me about his intentions, And
Speaker 3: why do I not want to go out with any
Speaker 3: other guys? Well, you fell in love with the guy
Speaker 3: who said don't fall.
Speaker 1: In love with me, and you also think you're going
Speaker 1: to change them he he's gonna leave his wife. They're
Speaker 1: gonna be this, They're gonna be a boyfriend or whatever.
Speaker 1: But by the way, you sometimes I was, but I
Speaker 1: but you always lay a boundary.
Speaker 2: This is two weeds.
Speaker 1: But I was with someone very briefly and it wasn't evolving.
Speaker 1: And I said, no, matter what I made, it has
Speaker 1: to be evolving. And he became. He went from a
Speaker 1: player to a boyfriend. But that was because I said
Speaker 1: that and set the boundary.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: You were the CEO, and you said, we don't have
Speaker 3: been frame it as an ultimatum. Here's what works for me.
Speaker 3: If you can't deliver on what I'm looking for, you're
Speaker 3: not the right fit for this position. Best of luck
Speaker 3: to you in the future. And that's what I mean
Speaker 3: by CEO energy.
Speaker 2: Oh I like that.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna that's great. Okay, so let's go to this. Now,
Speaker 1: this is a real thing.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: I hear this a lot, and I roll my eyes.
Speaker 1: And I'm one of these people. There's two, so sometimes
Speaker 1: I roll my eyes. Who one's like a man can't
Speaker 1: handle successful woman or he's intimidated by me or whatever.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. I've really experienced it and I've
Speaker 1: had people express it to me. I've had people actually
Speaker 1: express it to me. And the reason is, you know,
Speaker 1: when I think about people like a Martha Stewart or
Speaker 1: an Oprah Winfrey or whoever else, you know, like I
Speaker 1: think about Ellen Degenerous and Porsche, they created a good balance.
Speaker 1: They've been in a successful relationship for years.
Speaker 5: Like it.
Speaker 1: You know, it doesn't some people find the dynamic. But
Speaker 1: I have had people who feel that by most standards,
Speaker 1: they're very successful or wealthy. Sometimes it's someone's wealthy and
Speaker 1: people think they're successful because they have money, but they
Speaker 1: feel like they haven't really accomplished everything they want to
Speaker 1: or passion in their life. I've had a recurring theme
Speaker 1: where because every day there's like a new opportunity or
Speaker 1: a new deal. And the funny thing is, like I
Speaker 1: don't put that much effort on it. I work hard,
Speaker 1: but like I'll change up my career like it's nothing
Speaker 1: like I'll be like a reality star and I was
Speaker 1: a natural food chef and then I have Skinny Girl
Speaker 1: and now I'm an influenzer. Like because it's not the
Speaker 1: place I'm most noisy, it just comes to me I
Speaker 1: work hard and I'm passionate. But because I'm not like
Speaker 1: looking for it the way I do a relationship, it
Speaker 1: kind of triggers other people around me because they feel
Speaker 1: like they're falling short in life, like they're not doing enough,
Speaker 1: they're not successful enough, Opportunities aren't falling into their lap
Speaker 1: like mine, and they're trying to make it happen. And
Speaker 1: I that's why I have thought that I need to
Speaker 1: be with someone more successful than I am. That's why
Speaker 1: it's all roads have led me to there, and people
Speaker 1: try to convince me otherwise.
Speaker 2: At times, most people will agree with that. Most professionals
Speaker 2: agree with that.
Speaker 1: Okay, what I'm saying is, I guess the question is
Speaker 1: in society in twenty twenty four. I'm telling young women,
Speaker 1: go get your own work, your ass off, like Kim
Speaker 1: Kardashian did say, and you get to decide if you
Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship. If you don't want
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship, you want someone to support
Speaker 1: you, You don't want them to support you, you want to
Speaker 1: support them.
Speaker 2: It just gives you more cards.
Speaker 1: But with even though we're all feminists at heart, no
Speaker 1: matter what year it is, twenty twenty four, a woman
Speaker 1: wants a man to open the door, and there is
Speaker 1: still chivalry, and there will be a disparity and will
Speaker 1: be in a masculation if a woman is markedly more
Speaker 1: successful than man.
Speaker 2: This is my opinion.
Speaker 1: So women are out there going and getting theirs, being
Speaker 1: career driven, waiting a little longer to have kids, let's say,
Speaker 1: and then they're going to as a result, find that
Speaker 1: men are intimidated by their success.
Speaker 3: There's so much here this this might be its own hour.
Speaker 3: So I want to I just want to like just
Speaker 3: acknowledge the big can of wards the open because it
Speaker 3: is right. Like on my website Dating Coach for smart, strong,
Speaker 3: successful women, this is a conversation on having in some
Speaker 3: form every day hearing this version of events, not disagreeing
Speaker 3: with it, because you always got to validate your experience, right,
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna I'm not going to man explain your
Speaker 3: life experience to.
Speaker 5: You, right, might you might have a different perspective I'm
Speaker 5: learn I think if I want to, I want to
Speaker 5: add to the perspective.
Speaker 1: What's happening time and time again for me is because
Speaker 1: deals fall out of trees and stuff just shows up.
Speaker 1: That's so crazy, and so people around me always have
Speaker 1: felt intimidated by this men because it is pretty extreme.
Speaker 1: It's like not that normal even for like and what
Speaker 1: I call an NRP, a normal rich person, like a
Speaker 1: you know, it's because it's got wealth. It's also got
Speaker 1: like sparkly objects of like brand names and then powerful
Speaker 1: people and fame and all this stuff. And I genuinely
Speaker 1: kind of care about like don't care. It's all the
Speaker 1: same to me, but to people around me, it doesn't
Speaker 1: look the same. And they get very intimidated. They get
Speaker 1: in their own heads and they start thinking about what
Speaker 1: they're not doing in their lives, and I see it,
Speaker 1: and they didn't think about it in their last relationship,
Speaker 1: and now I'm a mirror and they're constantly like exasperated
Speaker 1: and overcompensated and feeling insecure because of me. And I
Speaker 1: don't want to dumb this shit down and have to
Speaker 1: dim my light for someone else. That's and the same
Speaker 1: thing that attracts them to me is they want my
Speaker 1: light is the thing that bothers them, and that's not
Speaker 1: good for me.
Speaker 2: That's what goes on repeatedly.
Speaker 3: Okay, that was great, really, it was a great observation.
Speaker 3: All Right, there's a trench in observation, and I identify
Speaker 3: and have walked a mile in your shoes and have
Speaker 3: coached for other people through similar things. And really only
Speaker 3: by fleshing out the picture, you know your version of
Speaker 3: events and it's accurate. There are plenty of men who
Speaker 3: are intimidated by the very thing that attracts them to
Speaker 3: you is the double edged sword that makes the relationship untenable.
Speaker 3: I was that way once upon a time. I had
Speaker 3: a girlfriend who hated the fact that I was a
Speaker 3: flirt and I was always surrounded by women, and she
Speaker 3: loved my personality, and she was very, very jealous of
Speaker 3: the attention that I would get when I was out
Speaker 3: in public as a male dating coach for women. And
Speaker 3: she broke up with me like three times because she
Speaker 3: wanted me to stop being who I was. So I
Speaker 3: get you. The butt were the end, because things are
Speaker 3: a zero sum game. And again, this is not going
Speaker 3: to be an attack on you and your amazing business
Speaker 3: ventures and this abundance life that you built for yourself,
Speaker 3: where stuff comes to you because of what you created.
Speaker 3: You're the son that has its own gravitational pull, right,
Speaker 3: Because you're the son that has its own gravitational poll
Speaker 3: you'll find a lot of people, certainly people in my
Speaker 3: industry is it would be hard to date another son, right,
Speaker 3: And that's what the big Hollywood marriages usually are. There're
Speaker 3: two people who had their own gravitational poll and nobody
Speaker 3: to peacocks, right, So nobody is it doesn't have to
Speaker 3: finish in second place, but one person is the supporter, right.
Speaker 3: Julia Roberts and her cameraman husband, or Matt Damon and
Speaker 3: his bartender wife or whatever that story was. Those tend
Speaker 3: to be a little bit more durable than the ben
Speaker 3: Affleck j Lo pairings, where they're both occupying their own orbit.
Speaker 3: So you can say, the only person who can handle
Speaker 3: me is a guy who's more me than me.
Speaker 2: Ah.
Speaker 3: But indeed, the guy who's more of you than you
Speaker 3: might need might want a first grade teacher now because
Speaker 3: he's intimidated you, but because he needs a different energy.
Speaker 3: He doesn't need a woman who's more him than him.
Speaker 3: He needs someone to nurture him and let him fly.
Speaker 1: Does it make sense, yes, But how does a how
Speaker 1: does a person like me be attracted to that person?
Speaker 1: When I'm attracted to success and idea sharing and elevating
Speaker 1: I you know, I it's like I've I've met with
Speaker 1: other dating coaches that say, you know, I can't be
Speaker 1: I'm the alpha and the man shouldn't be the beta
Speaker 1: with me. Like it's because because it's like it fox
Speaker 1: up gender roles. But maybe what you're saying is it
Speaker 1: should be like that, and so then we're supposed to
Speaker 1: adjust and feel like.
Speaker 3: No, no, let's do let's do both. Because when we
Speaker 3: talk about Martha Stewart or I don't know enough about Oprah,
Speaker 3: but certainly Martha Stewart documentary just came out and some
Speaker 3: people were talking about it the other day. We're not
Speaker 3: going to make women with masculine energy women with power wrong,
Speaker 3: We're not going to demonize that like like that that
Speaker 3: there's usually something that sounds like it's implicit in that
Speaker 3: women are equal to men that could do the same
Speaker 3: great things and the world's a better place for it. Right,
Speaker 3: But as women have killed it in a masculine world
Speaker 3: right to be hard working, aggressive, outspoken, right, men feel
Speaker 3: like they've lost some of the feminine and the nurturing
Speaker 3: that they crave from a relationship the same way a
Speaker 3: woman craves masculine leadership, and every woman I know who's who.
Speaker 3: She's a millionaire, she needs them to make a million
Speaker 3: in one. It's this perception thing. It may go back
Speaker 3: to biological evolutionary theory that we need a guy who's
Speaker 3: got more resources than we do to protect and provide,
Speaker 3: even though you do not need any protection or provision.
Speaker 3: So I think it's this is a dense and this
Speaker 3: is why I think that there's a narrow lane of people.
Speaker 3: You need a man who's smart, successful, and secure enough
Speaker 3: to handle you. But statistically speaking, you're more successful than
Speaker 3: ninety nine point nine percent of people. Right, So I'm
Speaker 3: using myself as any example. Right, I can handle you.
Speaker 3: You understand that, like you don't intimidate me, And it's
Speaker 3: not about me. I'm just using myself as an example
Speaker 3: because I'm here. I could handle your intellect. I love
Speaker 3: what you've created in the world. Right, My masculinity is
Speaker 3: not threatened by you. My girlfriend before my wife, was
Speaker 3: a senior vice president. That's somewhere when I was starting
Speaker 3: out as a dating coach, I wasn't intimidated by her.
Speaker 3: The problem, and this is the verse, is I think
Speaker 3: she looked down.
Speaker 2: On me exactly. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Right then, how could a guy be confident and masculine
Speaker 3: with a partner who looks down on him simply for
Speaker 3: choosing a job that has a lower ceiling.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know what her reason was, but I.
Speaker 3: But we'll bring it back to you. Is if you
Speaker 3: want a guy who's not intimidated by the fact that
Speaker 3: you're going to be more successful than just about everybody,
Speaker 3: then you need to make him feel as much of
Speaker 3: a man as he is, despite the fact that he
Speaker 3: doesn't have the trappings of the you know, hedge fun
Speaker 3: guy with the private jet. You got to make him
Speaker 3: feel that way, the same way anybody has to make
Speaker 3: his wife feel beautiful.
Speaker 1: But you're ultimately saying that I should flip the script
Speaker 1: that I should be with someone. It's the cell show
Speaker 1: isn't about me, But it seems like you're saying that
Speaker 1: I should be open to being with someone who's less
Speaker 1: successful than I am, which hasn't worked because they want
Speaker 1: to they want to use surp power in different ways
Speaker 1: because they feel they feel emasculated by my success. That's
Speaker 1: the problem, like the person ends up feeling because then
Speaker 1: you're just trying to make them feel better all day
Speaker 1: about the fact that their job is less than yours
Speaker 1: because maybe you didn't feel a certain way, but most
Speaker 1: men do.
Speaker 3: It's so hard to untangle. And I'm not even arguing
Speaker 3: with you. It's so hard to untangle. He's intimidated by me,
Speaker 3: and I make him feel less than because he's not
Speaker 3: more successful. I expect a guy who can do these
Speaker 3: things right, and so I'm not gonna again. I'm not
Speaker 3: going to blame anybody for it. I think the problem
Speaker 3: that you have, Bethany, is it's not necessarily a you problem.
Speaker 3: It's a math problem. Right. You can google the answer
Speaker 3: to the question how many how many men are worth
Speaker 3: one hundred million dollars? We have such a tiny supply
Speaker 3: of those men, and those men a are scarce, So
Speaker 3: it's one percent of one percent of men. B A
Speaker 3: lot of them, and you've dealt in this community for
Speaker 3: a long time. A lot of them are. It comes
Speaker 3: with the territory. Don't think rules apply to them. They're
Speaker 3: they're selfish, their egocentric, they're arrogant, they're emotionally unavailable. They
Speaker 3: don't do not want to be a a planet surrounding
Speaker 3: your son as well. They have too much of their
Speaker 3: own business ventures going on right, and don't want someone
Speaker 3: who's always away jet setting whatever. They might want someone
Speaker 3: who's there for them. And then the last piece of
Speaker 3: the alpha alpha pairing is two people who are the
Speaker 3: same often have friction. And that's why that makes sense.
Speaker 3: And it doesn't matter if the man is more traditionally
Speaker 3: powerful the woman's more traditionally powerful. Hilarity works well. I
Speaker 3: don't know anything about Doug m Hoff, but Kamalo is
Speaker 3: the one who went for president.
Speaker 1: Yes, and he know and he took a step down
Speaker 1: in what he was doing. Yeah, and he supported her
Speaker 1: some one.
Speaker 3: He's a bright guy. He's a decent looking guy. He
Speaker 3: has something going for him, but he's not he's.
Speaker 1: Not a sted man and Oprah, Yeah, you make it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it goes. Yes, yes, he may me.
Speaker 3: It's just a not no, you're gonna if you make it,
Speaker 3: he has to jump higher than knee. You've chriced everybody
Speaker 3: out of the market, Bethany.
Speaker 2: I mean jay Z and Beyonce figured it out, or
Speaker 2: did they? I don't know.
Speaker 5: If I'm a betting man, yeah, I'm betting that that's
Speaker 5: not the best marriage in the world. Interesting, I don't
Speaker 5: think it's a huge leap of faith, because a marriage
Speaker 5: is its own entity.
Speaker 3: And this is the other thing with powerful people. Right.
Speaker 3: There's a woman named Pat Allen who wrote an old
Speaker 3: book called Getting to I Do. It's kind of old school,
Speaker 3: very traditional. I met with her before I met with
Speaker 3: my wife. I've told this story before. And she says
Speaker 3: to me, are you a career man or a man
Speaker 3: with a career? And I had to think about that
Speaker 3: for a second. She speaks in these like aphorisms. I said,
Speaker 3: I'm a career man, like I'm really passionate about what
Speaker 3: I do. She goes, You're gonna cheat on your wife.
Speaker 3: I swear to god, this is like an account success.
Speaker 3: You're gonna cheat on your wife because your career comes
Speaker 3: first and your wife is not going to be your
Speaker 3: top priority. And so if everybody's got twenty four hours
Speaker 3: a day, a lot of people who put career first,
Speaker 3: their relationships suffer. And it doesn't mean they're bad people.
Speaker 3: It just means they have too many, too many things
Speaker 3: to serve the same time, and everything slowly deteriorates. I
Speaker 3: just read Ali Webb's book. You know Ali Webb from Drybar.
Speaker 2: I know I met her once.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, so I just read her book from Drybar
Speaker 3: and it was called The Messy Truth, and she was
Speaker 3: talking about how she was building a two hundred and
Speaker 3: fifty million dollar company and her relationships were suffering. And
Speaker 3: it doesn't mean you have to quit one to do
Speaker 3: the other. It means we have to really constantly battle
Speaker 3: internally with is this working for me right? And if
Speaker 3: historically it hasn't worked, how can I pivot? So I
Speaker 3: don't tell women to date men that they find on attractive,
Speaker 3: that they find intellectually on stimulating, that they don't respect.
Speaker 3: You're right, that's a ticket to disaster. But if Rupert
Speaker 3: Murdoch were single for the sixth time, he wouldn't be
Speaker 3: looking for another billionaire. He'd be looking for a blonde
Speaker 3: who's thirty years younger, who could fly with him wherever
Speaker 3: he goes, and he's going to pick up tabb and
Speaker 3: he's not going to worry too much about it.