1 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:17,960 Speaker 1: We have Evan mark Katz, a dating coach, dating advisor, 2 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:22,440 Speaker 1: dating expert, to help you find the love of your life. 3 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,520 Speaker 1: Evan welcometh Anny, thank you so much for having me. 4 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:31,840 Speaker 1: Of course, so let's talk more about dating and relationships. 5 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 1: Let's talk about the fact that I that you hear 6 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,120 Speaker 1: there's like a desperation with women of a certain age 7 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:40,839 Speaker 1: that doesn't occur with. 8 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 2: Men, and you hear women like it's just a neediness. 9 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 2: There's a lot. 10 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 1: I could think of two women off the top of 11 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,839 Speaker 1: my head that this week have texted me and been like, 12 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 1: do you know anyone? And there's a there's a vibe 13 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: about it, like there's just no one out there and 14 00:00:56,160 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: this negativity and you know, all men suck and and 15 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,800 Speaker 1: I just don't really hear I mean, I hear men 16 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 1: talk about women in a different way, like more like 17 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 1: they're all operators or gold diggers or stupid or you 18 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,880 Speaker 1: have to be there everything. But it's like men and 19 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 1: women don't seem to be on the same page. And 20 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,480 Speaker 1: the minute that I hear these women ask, it feels 21 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 1: like the minute that these women ask in this way, 22 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: you almost feel like they're not as marketable because there's something. 23 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:31,040 Speaker 1: Often it's what men aren't attracted to in women like 24 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,160 Speaker 1: men kind of want what they can have and they 25 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: like the chase. And I don't really think it's necessarily 26 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: about looks or age. I think there's like an energy 27 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: and a woman gets to a certain age and if 28 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,839 Speaker 1: she maybe doesn't work or have a big career, it's 29 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: hard for her to feel like she's bringing something to 30 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 1: the table when men can date younger. So I think 31 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: there's like a whole vibe that goes on with women 32 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 1: and men that I want you to talk about. 33 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, listen, Bethanie. I think you're a great data philosopher. 34 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 3: Every time I pop in here, you drop some wisdom, 35 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 3: and I think you've identified a problem, that something's part 36 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 3: of the zeitgeist. My coaching is usually just telling women 37 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 3: something that they don't always feel that you're the CEO 38 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,960 Speaker 3: of your love life and if you're if you're going 39 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,679 Speaker 3: to be effective in dating, you need to treat men 40 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 3: like the interns rather than giving him the CEO status 41 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 3: and saying please pick me. So we're really talking about 42 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:31,679 Speaker 3: coming from a place of scarcity. If you feel that 43 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,360 Speaker 3: good men are lacking, and there's some evidence of that 44 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,120 Speaker 3: as well, and it's not. Let's not entirely dismiss that. 45 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 1: Let's well, what do you mean, Let's talk about the numbers, 46 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,919 Speaker 1: because I think it seems like if you talk to men, 47 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 1: they'll say, yeah, I've got all women and no men, 48 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: Like what is what does that mean? Meaning men have 49 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 1: men's wives are all asking do you know anybody? And 50 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: the men are saying they've got they've got a scarcity 51 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 1: of men. So what what other? Is there actually a 52 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 1: scarcity of single men? 53 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 3: I think there's a bigger thing that's going on in 54 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 3: the world, world, like how global do you want to go? 55 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:07,359 Speaker 3: So we need to acknowledge stereotypes, right, the definition of 56 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 3: a limiting belief something that's partially true but not totally true. 57 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,799 Speaker 3: Belief online dating is terrible. There's no good men. They're 58 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,960 Speaker 3: all looking for one thing. I'm too old, they're all 59 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 3: looking for younger. There's some truth to those stereotypes. It 60 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 3: just doesn't adhere to every situation. Okay, So if you're 61 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 3: a my client, smart, strong, successful women looking for an 62 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:34,080 Speaker 3: equal partner, you need to reflect back their reality to 63 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 3: them that hey, maybe indeed only ten percent of men 64 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 3: are capable of being the man you want. Them to 65 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,440 Speaker 3: be and that's okay. The same way that you wouldn't 66 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 3: just walk around a department store and buy ninety percent 67 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 3: of the items there. You'll look around to find the 68 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:49,800 Speaker 3: ten percent of things that you like. 69 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 1: Well, by the way, it's so funny you say that 70 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 1: because for whatever reason, and I've been I've been burned, 71 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: I've had some pretty I've I had a decade long 72 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: terrible divorce. Always the same way I've always been with 73 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 1: business and like opportunity. I always feel like it's like 74 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: anything else. They're good apples, bad apples. They're good men, 75 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,960 Speaker 1: bad men, Like that's just life. Good women, bad women. 76 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: I always feel like there are good men. It's the combination, 77 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 1: I really do. And I also feel like scared money 78 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,480 Speaker 1: never wins, and you can't have that attitude. And also 79 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: like I think it's liberating to not to know what 80 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 1: you want at the buffet. If you walk up and 81 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,680 Speaker 1: like you're just looking at everything, you're gonna be like 82 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: sick for the first three things you eat. 83 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,159 Speaker 2: Like this way you're like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Yes. 84 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,599 Speaker 4: I think it's great to be this age and have 85 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 4: a big part of my job is I help people 86 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 4: figure out the no, But you're also coming from a 87 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:44,960 Speaker 4: place of confidence and abundance that informs every aspect of 88 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 4: your life. 89 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 3: So and that's wonderful, right, Like you have a thing 90 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 3: that is hard to teach but is a necessary component. 91 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 3: You compared it to scared money. It is very much 92 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:59,159 Speaker 3: the same same thing. If you believe the worst in men, 93 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 3: the the highest quality guy doesn't want to date a 94 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 3: woman who thinks that little of herself or thinks of 95 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,040 Speaker 3: that little of men. Right, And so it's a it's 96 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 3: a bit of a dance to get people into a 97 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 3: confident place. Well why are people feeling insecure? Well, I'll 98 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 3: have to do is look at their relationship history hasn't 99 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 3: gone well, if you're a single one in your fifties, 100 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 3: you have a lot of evidence. Right, it's a narrow 101 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,719 Speaker 3: it's a small sample size, but you have a lot 102 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,599 Speaker 3: of evidence that relationships equal. Just yesterday I was talking 103 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 3: to someone. She was in a marriage, She felt small, 104 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 3: she felt unheard, she stayed for twenty years because of 105 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 3: the kids. That's a really common story. And now I'm 106 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 3: dating at fifty when it's a very different more than 107 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 3: when I was dating at thirty. The options available to 108 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 3: me the complications, so we could acknowledge. Yes, it's difficult. 109 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,640 Speaker 3: Yes it's hard to find a quality guy, but it's 110 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 3: not impossible. And as long as you know what you're 111 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 3: doing and what you're looking for, there's a path. One 112 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 3: more thing, Bethany, before I throw it back to you. 113 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:00,840 Speaker 3: People don't know what the looking for work, and that 114 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,599 Speaker 3: makes it so much harder. It's like driving a car 115 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,840 Speaker 3: without a GPS. Oh yeah, that's exactly right, and I 116 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:08,840 Speaker 3: feel the same. I feel the same exact way. 117 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:11,359 Speaker 1: You could also have somebody And the problem is some 118 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: people want to like date sometimes and it's filler. And 119 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,560 Speaker 1: the problem is if you're in the wrong car, you 120 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: might not be seeing the right car. And it's hard 121 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 1: to know that when you feel lonely and should you 122 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 1: just be alone and be like if this is if 123 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: you alter, well, there's two things I want to get into, 124 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 1: something about success levels. But before that, if you ultimately 125 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: know that someone is not going to be someone that 126 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 1: you're let's say you're in your fifties or forties. 127 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 2: You want to get married, you want a life partner. 128 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,920 Speaker 1: You believe that that's what you want, but you meet 129 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,719 Speaker 1: someone that's great for like right now, but you're at 130 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 1: an age where you should be thinking about the future. 131 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: Are you supposed to like ride two horses at the 132 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,479 Speaker 1: same time, be dating and be intentional about that, but 133 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:53,040 Speaker 1: also have like your sort of your filler, your methadone, 134 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,840 Speaker 1: or you're supposed to be like dry County because you're 135 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: not going to find the right person if you're dabbling 136 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 1: with the wrong persons. 137 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 3: There's so much packed into that question. 138 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,159 Speaker 4: Okay, is a good question, always a good question, But 139 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,280 Speaker 4: let's tease that out for a second. 140 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 3: So you started with there's an age where you should 141 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 3: be looking, so I want to just remove that for 142 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:19,720 Speaker 3: a second. Okay, if you are divorced, I just met 143 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 3: someone this weekend who's divorced and she's not ready for 144 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 3: the real deal yet. She okay, bloring what it's like 145 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 3: to be single. You probably don't need a dating coach. 146 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,360 Speaker 3: You probably don't need a matchmaker. Go out, have your fun. 147 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 3: If that's literally all you want is your freedom. There 148 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 3: would probably be a time when you're looking to build 149 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 3: something more. But that's a perfectly viable life choice for 150 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 3: someone who's really looking for the real deal, who's looking 151 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 3: to ultimately, if not get married, then have something that 152 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 3: resembles a marriage. Every second you spend with the wrong 153 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 3: guy is a second you're not looking for the right guy. Wow, 154 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 3: And that's that's the hard part. It's not wrong. There's 155 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 3: no value judgment. Lots of people. A lot of dating 156 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 3: is people kind of men and women using each other 157 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 3: for some purpose in some way, whether we know whether 158 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 3: we acknowledge that or not. But I like the concept 159 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 3: of people dating with intention and making that intention pretty clear. 160 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 3: Once you become boyfriend girlfriend after about a month, hey 161 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 3: we both want X. Let's explore this together over the 162 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 3: next couple of years, rather than one person who's falling 163 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 3: in love and the other person's like, you're good for now. 164 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 2: Right. 165 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: But even the person who's saying you're good for now, 166 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: they could be a person who's also looking for a relationship. 167 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 1: So the good for now is not a good model. 168 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,000 Speaker 1: If anybody wants a real relationship, that's a bad that's 169 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,360 Speaker 1: not a great model. Or it is a model if 170 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,400 Speaker 1: everybody knows what's going on. But you said, if you're 171 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,840 Speaker 1: with the wrong but what is good for now? Being 172 00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 1: with the wrong person or good for now is like purgatory. 173 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 3: You actually just nailed it. At the beginning of the question, 174 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,600 Speaker 3: And in my opinion, you have to know what you're 175 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,600 Speaker 3: looking for. If you're looking for good for now, you 176 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 3: can date a recently divorced guy who's nowhere near wanting 177 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 3: to get remarried and that relationship. 178 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 1: But what if you're looking for good for forever but 179 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 1: you're in a good. 180 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 3: Then you're wasting your time in my. 181 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,320 Speaker 1: No, in your opinion, everything's your opinion. You're not you know, 182 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,839 Speaker 1: but your experience. I'm a dating coach for yes, successful 183 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:32,079 Speaker 1: women who have had a series of situationships that lead 184 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,160 Speaker 1: nowhere and want to figure out how do I identify 185 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 1: more quickly? Is this guy just wasting my time? Am 186 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:39,959 Speaker 1: I going to fall in love with him? Is he 187 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,959 Speaker 1: going to tell me he loved me, treat me really well? 188 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,559 Speaker 1: And when I'm looking for some security some future, he's 189 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: going to be like, hey, babe, this. 190 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,560 Speaker 3: Is all I want. I never want to get married. 191 00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 3: And she just sunk two years into her life with someone, 192 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 3: So we just want to make sure that people are 193 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 3: getting on the right track. 194 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 2: You're kind of saying. 195 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 1: So even if the woman says that she knows it's 196 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,240 Speaker 1: wrong and she's just sort of can handle it, a 197 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 1: We've seen that women usually can't handle what they think 198 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: they can in that regard, you know, they're not the 199 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 1: same as men, by and large, where a man can 200 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 1: compartmentalize and just get laid and like walk away from it. 201 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 1: By and large, these are big sweeps, and a woman 202 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 1: the muscle might get weak. Like the woman feels like 203 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 1: she has someone to do something with. We're coming up 204 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 1: to the holidays. The woman has someone to hang out 205 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 1: with on the holidays, you know, So she's not exercising 206 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: the muscle of finding the right person if that's what 207 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: she really wants. 208 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 3: That's exactly right. Like a lot of things, it's good 209 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 3: in theory, yes, but it doesn't work that well in practice. 210 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 3: Great when someone invests time, energy, emotion into someone and 211 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 3: then catches feelings and then wonders, why is it so 212 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 3: hard to extricate my front from my friend with benefits? 213 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 3: He's never been anything but nice to me, He's never 214 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:55,000 Speaker 3: been anything but honest with me about his intentions, And 215 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,440 Speaker 3: why do I not want to go out with any 216 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 3: other guys? Well, you fell in love with the guy 217 00:10:58,400 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 3: who said don't fall. 218 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 1: In love with me, and you also think you're going 219 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 1: to change them he he's gonna leave his wife. They're 220 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 1: gonna be this, They're gonna be a boyfriend or whatever. 221 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,320 Speaker 1: But by the way, you sometimes I was, but I 222 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,560 Speaker 1: but you always lay a boundary. 223 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,320 Speaker 2: This is two weeds. 224 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:14,319 Speaker 1: But I was with someone very briefly and it wasn't evolving. 225 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: And I said, no, matter what I made, it has 226 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 1: to be evolving. And he became. He went from a 227 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 1: player to a boyfriend. But that was because I said 228 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,200 Speaker 1: that and set the boundary. 229 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 2: Right. 230 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,760 Speaker 3: You were the CEO, and you said, we don't have 231 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,840 Speaker 3: been frame it as an ultimatum. Here's what works for me. 232 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 3: If you can't deliver on what I'm looking for, you're 233 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 3: not the right fit for this position. Best of luck 234 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,319 Speaker 3: to you in the future. And that's what I mean 235 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 3: by CEO energy. 236 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 2: Oh I like that. 237 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna that's great. Okay, so let's go to this. Now, 238 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 1: this is a real thing. 239 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 4: Now. 240 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 1: I hear this a lot, and I roll my eyes. 241 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 1: And I'm one of these people. There's two, so sometimes 242 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 1: I roll my eyes. Who one's like a man can't 243 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: handle successful woman or he's intimidated by me or whatever. 244 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,839 Speaker 1: But here's the thing. I've really experienced it and I've 245 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 1: had people express it to me. I've had people actually 246 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,280 Speaker 1: express it to me. And the reason is, you know, 247 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 1: when I think about people like a Martha Stewart or 248 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,559 Speaker 1: an Oprah Winfrey or whoever else, you know, like I 249 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 1: think about Ellen Degenerous and Porsche, they created a good balance. 250 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 1: They've been in a successful relationship for years. 251 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 5: Like it. 252 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: You know, it doesn't some people find the dynamic. But 253 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 1: I have had people who feel that by most standards, 254 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 1: they're very successful or wealthy. Sometimes it's someone's wealthy and 255 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: people think they're successful because they have money, but they 256 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 1: feel like they haven't really accomplished everything they want to 257 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,600 Speaker 1: or passion in their life. I've had a recurring theme 258 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,959 Speaker 1: where because every day there's like a new opportunity or 259 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,080 Speaker 1: a new deal. And the funny thing is, like I 260 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,679 Speaker 1: don't put that much effort on it. I work hard, 261 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 1: but like I'll change up my career like it's nothing 262 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: like I'll be like a reality star and I was 263 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,959 Speaker 1: a natural food chef and then I have Skinny Girl 264 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,760 Speaker 1: and now I'm an influenzer. Like because it's not the 265 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,960 Speaker 1: place I'm most noisy, it just comes to me I 266 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 1: work hard and I'm passionate. But because I'm not like 267 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 1: looking for it the way I do a relationship, it 268 00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 1: kind of triggers other people around me because they feel 269 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:11,760 Speaker 1: like they're falling short in life, like they're not doing enough, 270 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:15,480 Speaker 1: they're not successful enough, Opportunities aren't falling into their lap 271 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:17,840 Speaker 1: like mine, and they're trying to make it happen. And 272 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 1: I that's why I have thought that I need to 273 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 1: be with someone more successful than I am. That's why 274 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 1: it's all roads have led me to there, and people 275 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:28,440 Speaker 1: try to convince me otherwise. 276 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,079 Speaker 2: At times, most people will agree with that. Most professionals 277 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:31,719 Speaker 2: agree with that. 278 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: Okay, what I'm saying is, I guess the question is 279 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 1: in society in twenty twenty four. I'm telling young women, 280 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:43,199 Speaker 1: go get your own work, your ass off, like Kim 281 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 1: Kardashian did say, and you get to decide if you 282 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,079 Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship. If you don't want 283 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 1: to be in a relationship, you want someone to support 284 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:51,040 Speaker 1: you, You don't want them to support you, you want to 285 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 1: support them. 286 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 2: It just gives you more cards. 287 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 1: But with even though we're all feminists at heart, no 288 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,840 Speaker 1: matter what year it is, twenty twenty four, a woman 289 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 1: wants a man to open the door, and there is 290 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 1: still chivalry, and there will be a disparity and will 291 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,960 Speaker 1: be in a masculation if a woman is markedly more 292 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:09,800 Speaker 1: successful than man. 293 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:10,760 Speaker 2: This is my opinion. 294 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,280 Speaker 1: So women are out there going and getting theirs, being 295 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:17,600 Speaker 1: career driven, waiting a little longer to have kids, let's say, 296 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 1: and then they're going to as a result, find that 297 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,920 Speaker 1: men are intimidated by their success. 298 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:28,600 Speaker 3: There's so much here this this might be its own hour. 299 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 3: So I want to I just want to like just 300 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 3: acknowledge the big can of wards the open because it 301 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 3: is right. Like on my website Dating Coach for smart, strong, 302 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 3: successful women, this is a conversation on having in some 303 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 3: form every day hearing this version of events, not disagreeing 304 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,240 Speaker 3: with it, because you always got to validate your experience, right, 305 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 3: I'm not gonna I'm not going to man explain your 306 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,440 Speaker 3: life experience to. 307 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:53,280 Speaker 5: You, right, might you might have a different perspective I'm 308 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 5: learn I think if I want to, I want to 309 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 5: add to the perspective. 310 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 1: What's happening time and time again for me is because 311 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: deals fall out of trees and stuff just shows up. 312 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,960 Speaker 1: That's so crazy, and so people around me always have 313 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 1: felt intimidated by this men because it is pretty extreme. 314 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: It's like not that normal even for like and what 315 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 1: I call an NRP, a normal rich person, like a 316 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: you know, it's because it's got wealth. It's also got 317 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,040 Speaker 1: like sparkly objects of like brand names and then powerful 318 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 1: people and fame and all this stuff. And I genuinely 319 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: kind of care about like don't care. It's all the 320 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 1: same to me, but to people around me, it doesn't 321 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,680 Speaker 1: look the same. And they get very intimidated. They get 322 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 1: in their own heads and they start thinking about what 323 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,480 Speaker 1: they're not doing in their lives, and I see it, 324 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: and they didn't think about it in their last relationship, 325 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,480 Speaker 1: and now I'm a mirror and they're constantly like exasperated 326 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 1: and overcompensated and feeling insecure because of me. And I 327 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 1: don't want to dumb this shit down and have to 328 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 1: dim my light for someone else. That's and the same 329 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,520 Speaker 1: thing that attracts them to me is they want my 330 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 1: light is the thing that bothers them, and that's not 331 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 1: good for me. 332 00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,840 Speaker 2: That's what goes on repeatedly. 333 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 3: Okay, that was great, really, it was a great observation. 334 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 3: All Right, there's a trench in observation, and I identify 335 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 3: and have walked a mile in your shoes and have 336 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 3: coached for other people through similar things. And really only 337 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 3: by fleshing out the picture, you know your version of 338 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 3: events and it's accurate. There are plenty of men who 339 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 3: are intimidated by the very thing that attracts them to 340 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 3: you is the double edged sword that makes the relationship untenable. 341 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,120 Speaker 3: I was that way once upon a time. I had 342 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 3: a girlfriend who hated the fact that I was a 343 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,800 Speaker 3: flirt and I was always surrounded by women, and she 344 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 3: loved my personality, and she was very, very jealous of 345 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 3: the attention that I would get when I was out 346 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,280 Speaker 3: in public as a male dating coach for women. And 347 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,120 Speaker 3: she broke up with me like three times because she 348 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:47,040 Speaker 3: wanted me to stop being who I was. So I 349 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 3: get you. The butt were the end, because things are 350 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 3: a zero sum game. And again, this is not going 351 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 3: to be an attack on you and your amazing business 352 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 3: ventures and this abundance life that you built for yourself, 353 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 3: where stuff comes to you because of what you created. 354 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 3: You're the son that has its own gravitational pull, right, 355 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 3: Because you're the son that has its own gravitational poll 356 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,119 Speaker 3: you'll find a lot of people, certainly people in my 357 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:18,240 Speaker 3: industry is it would be hard to date another son, right, 358 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,680 Speaker 3: And that's what the big Hollywood marriages usually are. There're 359 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 3: two people who had their own gravitational poll and nobody 360 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:28,119 Speaker 3: to peacocks, right, So nobody is it doesn't have to 361 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:32,120 Speaker 3: finish in second place, but one person is the supporter, right. 362 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,399 Speaker 3: Julia Roberts and her cameraman husband, or Matt Damon and 363 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,920 Speaker 3: his bartender wife or whatever that story was. Those tend 364 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 3: to be a little bit more durable than the ben 365 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 3: Affleck j Lo pairings, where they're both occupying their own orbit. 366 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,639 Speaker 3: So you can say, the only person who can handle 367 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,119 Speaker 3: me is a guy who's more me than me. 368 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:50,920 Speaker 2: Ah. 369 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 3: But indeed, the guy who's more of you than you 370 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:59,120 Speaker 3: might need might want a first grade teacher now because 371 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,639 Speaker 3: he's intimidated you, but because he needs a different energy. 372 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 3: He doesn't need a woman who's more him than him. 373 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 3: He needs someone to nurture him and let him fly. 374 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:23,360 Speaker 1: Does it make sense, yes, But how does a how 375 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 1: does a person like me be attracted to that person? 376 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:31,359 Speaker 1: When I'm attracted to success and idea sharing and elevating 377 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,119 Speaker 1: I you know, I it's like I've I've met with 378 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 1: other dating coaches that say, you know, I can't be 379 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,199 Speaker 1: I'm the alpha and the man shouldn't be the beta 380 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,440 Speaker 1: with me. Like it's because because it's like it fox 381 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 1: up gender roles. But maybe what you're saying is it 382 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 1: should be like that, and so then we're supposed to 383 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 1: adjust and feel like. 384 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,960 Speaker 3: No, no, let's do let's do both. Because when we 385 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,400 Speaker 3: talk about Martha Stewart or I don't know enough about Oprah, 386 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 3: but certainly Martha Stewart documentary just came out and some 387 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,720 Speaker 3: people were talking about it the other day. We're not 388 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:05,160 Speaker 3: going to make women with masculine energy women with power wrong, 389 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 3: We're not going to demonize that like like that that 390 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 3: there's usually something that sounds like it's implicit in that 391 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 3: women are equal to men that could do the same 392 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 3: great things and the world's a better place for it. Right, 393 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,879 Speaker 3: But as women have killed it in a masculine world 394 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:27,919 Speaker 3: right to be hard working, aggressive, outspoken, right, men feel 395 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,680 Speaker 3: like they've lost some of the feminine and the nurturing 396 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,720 Speaker 3: that they crave from a relationship the same way a 397 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,560 Speaker 3: woman craves masculine leadership, and every woman I know who's who. 398 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,000 Speaker 3: She's a millionaire, she needs them to make a million 399 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 3: in one. It's this perception thing. It may go back 400 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 3: to biological evolutionary theory that we need a guy who's 401 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,880 Speaker 3: got more resources than we do to protect and provide, 402 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 3: even though you do not need any protection or provision. 403 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,679 Speaker 3: So I think it's this is a dense and this 404 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,640 Speaker 3: is why I think that there's a narrow lane of people. 405 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:03,680 Speaker 3: You need a man who's smart, successful, and secure enough 406 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,959 Speaker 3: to handle you. But statistically speaking, you're more successful than 407 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,680 Speaker 3: ninety nine point nine percent of people. Right, So I'm 408 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:16,240 Speaker 3: using myself as any example. Right, I can handle you. 409 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,720 Speaker 3: You understand that, like you don't intimidate me, And it's 410 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,520 Speaker 3: not about me. I'm just using myself as an example 411 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,360 Speaker 3: because I'm here. I could handle your intellect. I love 412 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,639 Speaker 3: what you've created in the world. Right, My masculinity is 413 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,119 Speaker 3: not threatened by you. My girlfriend before my wife, was 414 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,800 Speaker 3: a senior vice president. That's somewhere when I was starting 415 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,080 Speaker 3: out as a dating coach, I wasn't intimidated by her. 416 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,760 Speaker 3: The problem, and this is the verse, is I think 417 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 3: she looked down. 418 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,920 Speaker 2: On me exactly. That's what I'm saying. 419 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,879 Speaker 3: Right then, how could a guy be confident and masculine 420 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,840 Speaker 3: with a partner who looks down on him simply for 421 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,719 Speaker 3: choosing a job that has a lower ceiling. 422 00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 2: Well, I don't know what her reason was, but I. 423 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 3: But we'll bring it back to you. Is if you 424 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,119 Speaker 3: want a guy who's not intimidated by the fact that 425 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 3: you're going to be more successful than just about everybody, 426 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 3: then you need to make him feel as much of 427 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,479 Speaker 3: a man as he is, despite the fact that he 428 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,880 Speaker 3: doesn't have the trappings of the you know, hedge fun 429 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,680 Speaker 3: guy with the private jet. You got to make him 430 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,640 Speaker 3: feel that way, the same way anybody has to make 431 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:20,880 Speaker 3: his wife feel beautiful. 432 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,160 Speaker 1: But you're ultimately saying that I should flip the script 433 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 1: that I should be with someone. It's the cell show 434 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,119 Speaker 1: isn't about me, But it seems like you're saying that 435 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,240 Speaker 1: I should be open to being with someone who's less 436 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:34,680 Speaker 1: successful than I am, which hasn't worked because they want 437 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: to they want to use surp power in different ways 438 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,280 Speaker 1: because they feel they feel emasculated by my success. That's 439 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,679 Speaker 1: the problem, like the person ends up feeling because then 440 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: you're just trying to make them feel better all day 441 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,880 Speaker 1: about the fact that their job is less than yours 442 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,200 Speaker 1: because maybe you didn't feel a certain way, but most 443 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:51,760 Speaker 1: men do. 444 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,000 Speaker 3: It's so hard to untangle. And I'm not even arguing 445 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 3: with you. It's so hard to untangle. He's intimidated by me, 446 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,119 Speaker 3: and I make him feel less than because he's not 447 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,720 Speaker 3: more successful. I expect a guy who can do these 448 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:09,080 Speaker 3: things right, and so I'm not gonna again. I'm not 449 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,880 Speaker 3: going to blame anybody for it. I think the problem 450 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,960 Speaker 3: that you have, Bethany, is it's not necessarily a you problem. 451 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,720 Speaker 3: It's a math problem. Right. You can google the answer 452 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 3: to the question how many how many men are worth 453 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,879 Speaker 3: one hundred million dollars? We have such a tiny supply 454 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:31,399 Speaker 3: of those men, and those men a are scarce, So 455 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,679 Speaker 3: it's one percent of one percent of men. B A 456 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 3: lot of them, and you've dealt in this community for 457 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 3: a long time. A lot of them are. It comes 458 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 3: with the territory. Don't think rules apply to them. They're 459 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 3: they're selfish, their egocentric, they're arrogant, they're emotionally unavailable. They 460 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:53,800 Speaker 3: don't do not want to be a a planet surrounding 461 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:57,000 Speaker 3: your son as well. They have too much of their 462 00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 3: own business ventures going on right, and don't want someone 463 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,439 Speaker 3: who's always away jet setting whatever. They might want someone 464 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,239 Speaker 3: who's there for them. And then the last piece of 465 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:10,800 Speaker 3: the alpha alpha pairing is two people who are the 466 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 3: same often have friction. And that's why that makes sense. 467 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,680 Speaker 3: And it doesn't matter if the man is more traditionally 468 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:23,480 Speaker 3: powerful the woman's more traditionally powerful. Hilarity works well. I 469 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,080 Speaker 3: don't know anything about Doug m Hoff, but Kamalo is 470 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:27,280 Speaker 3: the one who went for president. 471 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,640 Speaker 1: Yes, and he know and he took a step down 472 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,480 Speaker 1: in what he was doing. Yeah, and he supported her 473 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:32,280 Speaker 1: some one. 474 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,639 Speaker 3: He's a bright guy. He's a decent looking guy. He 475 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,439 Speaker 3: has something going for him, but he's not he's. 476 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: Not a sted man and Oprah, Yeah, you make it. Yeah, 477 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 1: I mean it goes. Yes, yes, he may me. 478 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,840 Speaker 3: It's just a not no, you're gonna if you make it, 479 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:49,399 Speaker 3: he has to jump higher than knee. You've chriced everybody 480 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:50,520 Speaker 3: out of the market, Bethany. 481 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 2: I mean jay Z and Beyonce figured it out, or 482 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,199 Speaker 2: did they? I don't know. 483 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,400 Speaker 5: If I'm a betting man, yeah, I'm betting that that's 484 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 5: not the best marriage in the world. Interesting, I don't 485 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:06,359 Speaker 5: think it's a huge leap of faith, because a marriage 486 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 5: is its own entity. 487 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,680 Speaker 3: And this is the other thing with powerful people. Right. 488 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,680 Speaker 3: There's a woman named Pat Allen who wrote an old 489 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:17,680 Speaker 3: book called Getting to I Do. It's kind of old school, 490 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,919 Speaker 3: very traditional. I met with her before I met with 491 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,760 Speaker 3: my wife. I've told this story before. And she says 492 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,880 Speaker 3: to me, are you a career man or a man 493 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,199 Speaker 3: with a career? And I had to think about that 494 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,920 Speaker 3: for a second. She speaks in these like aphorisms. I said, 495 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 3: I'm a career man, like I'm really passionate about what 496 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,040 Speaker 3: I do. She goes, You're gonna cheat on your wife. 497 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:39,960 Speaker 3: I swear to god, this is like an account success. 498 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,200 Speaker 3: You're gonna cheat on your wife because your career comes 499 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,919 Speaker 3: first and your wife is not going to be your 500 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,200 Speaker 3: top priority. And so if everybody's got twenty four hours 501 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,439 Speaker 3: a day, a lot of people who put career first, 502 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,879 Speaker 3: their relationships suffer. And it doesn't mean they're bad people. 503 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 3: It just means they have too many, too many things 504 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:04,359 Speaker 3: to serve the same time, and everything slowly deteriorates. I 505 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,959 Speaker 3: just read Ali Webb's book. You know Ali Webb from Drybar. 506 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 2: I know I met her once. 507 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,359 Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, so I just read her book from Drybar 508 00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:12,919 Speaker 3: and it was called The Messy Truth, and she was 509 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,080 Speaker 3: talking about how she was building a two hundred and 510 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:19,359 Speaker 3: fifty million dollar company and her relationships were suffering. And 511 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,080 Speaker 3: it doesn't mean you have to quit one to do 512 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 3: the other. It means we have to really constantly battle 513 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:29,920 Speaker 3: internally with is this working for me right? And if 514 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 3: historically it hasn't worked, how can I pivot? So I 515 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,639 Speaker 3: don't tell women to date men that they find on attractive, 516 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:40,240 Speaker 3: that they find intellectually on stimulating, that they don't respect. 517 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:46,439 Speaker 3: You're right, that's a ticket to disaster. But if Rupert 518 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:52,239 Speaker 3: Murdoch were single for the sixth time, he wouldn't be 519 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,919 Speaker 3: looking for another billionaire. He'd be looking for a blonde 520 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 3: who's thirty years younger, who could fly with him wherever 521 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,399 Speaker 3: he goes, and he's going to pick up tabb and 522 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:21,280 Speaker 3: he's not going to worry too much about it.