1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,400 Speaker 1: Native Blame Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: with Reason Choice Media. 3 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:11,119 Speaker 2: Welcome Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome home, y'all, we 4 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:14,040 Speaker 2: are here with this league mini pod, and I know 5 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 2: you all are going to find as relatable because Andrew 6 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:22,239 Speaker 2: had the great idea to talk about money, specifically loaning 7 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,520 Speaker 2: money to family and friends. And when you start making 8 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,000 Speaker 2: money and you become the person like JJ want to 9 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:32,159 Speaker 2: go to prom the loan, make that money for his tugs, 10 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 2: and Renee want to go to the Dans and she 11 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 2: needs money for her dress and all those things. We 12 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 2: certainly have been through that collectively. So Andrew, what made 13 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:41,199 Speaker 2: you want to talk about this? 14 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:41,920 Speaker 3: No? 15 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: I you know, I came across this clip and I 16 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 1: thought it was like quite something to hear a very 17 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 1: very very very rich woman share this problem that a 18 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 1: lot of us common folks also encounter. And I just 19 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: I just wanted to see if our audience might relate 20 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 1: similarly to how this particular person deals. 21 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 2: With she because not her, that's my only. 22 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:14,759 Speaker 3: This. 23 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,760 Speaker 1: The voice that you're going to hear if you're on 24 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:22,600 Speaker 1: the listening side is Melanie Hopson, who I'm sorry I 25 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,040 Speaker 1: say Melanie. You can have a D in your name 26 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:28,040 Speaker 1: all day of you a melody and I'm also. 27 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,480 Speaker 2: But she's I don't know, we know her, but a 28 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:35,040 Speaker 2: lot of people like may not actually know her. She's 29 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 2: the president of a Real Investments, which is a huge 30 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 2: management strategic planning firm, but really in finance. She also 31 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 2: happens to be married to George Lucas. 32 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,560 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, star Wars. 33 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 2: Wars fame, so collectively they are ballin' very She was 34 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 2: formerly on the board of Starbucks, but I don't think 35 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 2: she's on the board now. And I think she's on 36 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 2: the board of the Rockefellow Foundation as well. 37 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:09,799 Speaker 1: I mean, she's a big deal. She's a big Check 38 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,120 Speaker 1: her out. I will check it out. You should. I 39 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:12,840 Speaker 1: think you find it. 40 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 2: Interesting how when you become the one person in the 41 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:19,680 Speaker 2: family that makes money, how do you maintain relationships with 42 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 2: your family? 43 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 3: This would be hours of conversation, but I'm going to 44 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 3: give you the highlight reel. For me, I was my 45 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 3: mother's retirement plan. She fully expected and believed that, but 46 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 3: she put a lot of pressure. 47 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 2: On me, a lot. 48 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 3: We had a young woman who worked at Ariel. Her 49 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 3: father was the CEO of a big company She was 50 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,919 Speaker 3: a young white woman, and she was like, you lend 51 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:42,040 Speaker 3: your family members money, you take care of your parents. 52 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,639 Speaker 3: And we're all like, there are a bunch of black 53 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 3: people in the day. 54 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:45,639 Speaker 1: We're like, yeah, you. 55 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,919 Speaker 3: Have to set boundaries. You have just set very very 56 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,960 Speaker 3: clear boundaries. And what I did, which was a bit 57 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,080 Speaker 3: extreme because it became debilitating to me and it was 58 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,640 Speaker 3: going to end relationships that I had, was I put, 59 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 3: honestly an accountant between me and my family, and I 60 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 3: made it that you can't ever call me for money, 61 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,920 Speaker 3: but you can call this person. I'm not going to 62 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 3: talk to you about this. You have to call Tom. 63 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,360 Speaker 3: You have to call Tom. You have to call Tom. 64 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 3: It was ugly in the beginning. The last thing I 65 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,359 Speaker 3: tell people all the time is when you make that decision, 66 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,639 Speaker 3: just understand it's a donation. You're never going to say 67 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 3: it again. Whatever I do give, I do not expect back. 68 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,919 Speaker 3: I never said that to them, but emotionally that was 69 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,960 Speaker 3: my way of dealing with when I didn't get it back. 70 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 1: I could relate to that. First of all, the accounting 71 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 1: think that ain't in my league. I'll be clear clearly. 72 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: But but Tiff, I don't know about you. But when folks, 73 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 1: you know, sort of make up in their mind that 74 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 1: you're the one that has the resource as the relative, 75 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 1: and in my opinion, sort of suspend with the fact 76 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 1: that you got their kids and their family and got 77 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 1: all that, and it's sort of like, this is what 78 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 1: I need and can you help, and can I just 79 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,839 Speaker 1: borrow such and such an until next week or such 80 00:03:55,840 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: and such, you know, I like, like Melody said, once, 81 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 1: I once I gave money, even if it were a 82 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:09,360 Speaker 1: quote loan, I made up in my mind immediately it 83 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: wasn't coming back. Because early on when I really did 84 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 1: think people were asking for a loan, and they really 85 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,719 Speaker 1: were next Tuesday, don't pay me back. And then I 86 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,840 Speaker 1: saw them next week on Saturday, and they were buying 87 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:24,359 Speaker 1: themselves some kicks. And in my mind, I'm now resenting 88 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,880 Speaker 1: and I got judgment. Now I'm watching your spend, I'm 89 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,919 Speaker 1: watching all of it. And it wasn't that like I 90 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 1: needed the money back so badly. It was just the 91 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: principle of the matter, like you said, with your whole heart, 92 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: the next week Tuesday, you were going to do a thing, 93 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 1: and it's Saturday, and you didn't do that thing. You 94 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 1: didn't do the thing you said. But worse, you not 95 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 1: taking the money. You should be paying me back and 96 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,240 Speaker 1: buying shoes and this and that. And let's go to 97 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:53,719 Speaker 1: you know, restaurant X, Y and Z and get brunch. 98 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:57,159 Speaker 1: How you gonna get brunch? You owe me money? Right, 99 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 1: So that was that began to tear at relationships for me. 100 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: And I'm talking to you know, history forward, and so 101 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 1: it was like, Andrew, you got to make one or 102 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 1: two decisions. You either are going to say, no, I'm 103 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 1: not loaning money. I don't give no, I can't do that, 104 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 1: or you're going to say if it is a gift, 105 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,040 Speaker 1: if it's a loan, it's a gift, it is make 106 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 1: up in your mind. You you are never seeing it again. 107 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,400 Speaker 1: And that way I can release it right when I 108 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 1: release the money, that is gone. 109 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,520 Speaker 2: I think that's a good practice. So I didn't know 110 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 2: we were going to be talking about this, but just coincidentally, 111 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 2: of course, you know, I'm writing a book and I 112 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 2: write extensively about this, so I actually have some data 113 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,479 Speaker 2: on this. And the challenge with Andrew is, you well know, 114 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,359 Speaker 2: as a parent, sometimes you're now put in a position 115 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,840 Speaker 2: where now you're taking care of parents and you're taking 116 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:48,599 Speaker 2: care of children. So you're getting bled by both ends, 117 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,520 Speaker 2: which puts you in peril. So then the cycle continues. 118 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 2: You put your children in a position where they now 119 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 2: have to take care of you and their children. Then 120 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,600 Speaker 2: it's like, how do you stop right? But many of 121 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 2: us are doing just that. So in fact, nearly half 122 00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 2: all college educated black households are taking care of their 123 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 2: parents or you know, putting money back into their family, 124 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 2: while just sixteen percent of college educated white households do 125 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 2: the same. And more than a quarter of Black Americans 126 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 2: live in multi generational homes here. So you look at 127 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 2: what we're doing and also considering the wealth gap. So 128 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 2: I write about that, and it's not just data, but 129 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,719 Speaker 2: I also write about it through my own personal lens 130 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 2: and how I live my life. Look, this is one 131 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 2: of the challenging things for me. I am a giver. 132 00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:39,280 Speaker 2: If I have it, I will give it, and I 133 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 2: certainly you know, I have an immediate family member who 134 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 2: I take care of all of her needs as best 135 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 2: I can. I don't want her to want for anything. 136 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 2: And then outside of that, I get a little frustrated 137 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 2: because I made certain choices in life and I have 138 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 2: been a really amazing steward of my own finances. I 139 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:02,160 Speaker 2: have budgeted in a way that I have this pot 140 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,240 Speaker 2: of money to live off of every month. And since 141 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 2: since one of the comments in our survey was I 142 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,640 Speaker 2: don't talk about my personal life and tell all my 143 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 2: personal business, I'll tell you all a very specific story. 144 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 2: Just recently, I had budgeted where I paid for everything, 145 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 2: All bills are paid, family taken care of, you know, 146 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 2: grocery money, going out money, everything, And I just had 147 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 2: a thousand dollars surplus. You know, this was just free 148 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:31,760 Speaker 2: cash for me to do with whatever. If I wanted 149 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 2: to pay for dinner one night, if I wanted to 150 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 2: catch the train to New York to meet with my 151 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 2: publisher about just whatever, nothing silly your publisher, yeah, or 152 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 2: whomever in New York. No, not the kind you turned 153 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 2: off with the guy. I know he would be paying 154 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 2: for it if I was going to see him. But me, 155 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 2: you know, whatever appointments I might have to have to 156 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 2: go back and forth in New York all the time 157 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 2: is really expensive. And so just a thousand not free money. 158 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 2: You know, that's not allocated anywhere, not even to my 159 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 2: going out budget. And just like that, my family hit 160 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 2: me up. I need three hundred dollars. Okay, well that'sk 161 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 2: on another family member, I need three hundred dollars. Okay, 162 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 2: well now I'm down the six hundred. Then this family 163 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 2: needed something, Well now I'm down to five hundred. And 164 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 2: it just got whittled and whittled, and so now I 165 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 2: have a three hundred dollars surplus for myself. Now I 166 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,000 Speaker 2: didn't want for anything. I was well taken care of. 167 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,080 Speaker 2: But to be honest, I did have a little bit 168 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 2: of resentment because I budget my money for that reason, 169 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 2: and I do wonder, like, what are you doing that 170 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 2: you're not budgeting your money and the assumption that you're 171 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 2: going to borrow money and I know I'll never see 172 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 2: that money again. And then I also feel like an 173 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,319 Speaker 2: asshole for asking for the money, because you know, I 174 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 2: make my family can't comprehend. But I also live in 175 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 2: one of the most expensive cities, so it's not like 176 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 2: I'm out here ball and it's like, yeah, what I 177 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:58,600 Speaker 2: pay in rent might be their mortgage for six months, 178 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 2: you know, So it might look like I have this 179 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 2: surplus of cash, but I have this huge bucket of 180 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 2: expenses and I'm never you know, like the woman who 181 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 2: gave me life, and never like I always want her 182 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 2: to not have have what she needs, but we have 183 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:19,840 Speaker 2: what she wants as well. So I really appreciate you 184 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 2: bringing up this conversation because I don't have kids, and 185 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 2: I can't imagine trying to take care of children. But 186 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 2: it is exhausting. It's emotionally exhausting, it is financially taxing. 187 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 2: Then there's also those random tax bills that come up, 188 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 2: and so when you have, you know, I think some 189 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 2: of the income challenges and blessings that we have. That's 190 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 2: another thing. It's hard to explain that to family, like 191 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 2: you don't understand it. I'm paying a lawyer, or if 192 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,719 Speaker 2: I'm collecting the speaker fee, I'm paying an agent, I'm 193 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,719 Speaker 2: paying my speaking agent, I'm paying my overall agent. I'm 194 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 2: paying the manager, I'm paying an assistant. Every like, there 195 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 2: are things that I budgeted for and I allocated for this. Now, 196 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 2: I don't always feel like there's a lot of consideration 197 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 2: to that. I mean, I trust some people come to 198 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 2: me they feel bad and they've gone through all the things. 199 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,640 Speaker 2: But I also look back, like god damn, like when 200 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,560 Speaker 2: we were younger. This is why I was trying to 201 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,959 Speaker 2: tell you should do this, this like makes a different 202 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 2: decision and it didn't happen, and so I don't know. 203 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 2: I just I feel guilty. I class guilt for sure. 204 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:35,319 Speaker 1: No, I feel that. I feel that. And sometimes our friends, family, 205 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 1: wild ever sort of make us to feel, you know, 206 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,200 Speaker 1: sort of shamed or guilty in some way or another, 207 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,560 Speaker 1: because you remember, I gave my last for such and 208 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 1: such and such, and I did my and I know 209 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:50,000 Speaker 1: about those things, so we feel some obligation there. I 210 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,079 Speaker 1: guess if I could, if something could be different about 211 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,320 Speaker 1: the dynamic I get, for me, it will probably be 212 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 1: just don't call it alone if you don't really mean 213 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: for it. Yeah, it's just something about that that just 214 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:11,800 Speaker 1: doesn't feel right. Yeah, you feel really taking advantage of 215 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: and almost like playing for stupid, Like now you damn 216 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: ll no, you ain't paid back the last six and 217 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: you ain't about to pay back the seventh, and so 218 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:25,800 Speaker 1: don't say it, stop joshing me. Stop you know, acting 219 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 1: like I was born last night, because that did. Something 220 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 1: about that just doesn't feel honest with the relationship. And 221 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 1: that's what I would say I sort of missed the most. 222 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,679 Speaker 1: There was a period in time where I just didn't 223 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 1: want to take calls from them, you know, you know, 224 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,960 Speaker 1: from from from server. I knew what it was on 225 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,360 Speaker 1: the other end, and so I was like, you know what, 226 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,640 Speaker 1: I need peace today, Like I just can't get in 227 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 1: the middle of it. And then also got to a 228 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 1: stage where you know, you just need to leave a 229 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: text or voicemail with the amount and like and then 230 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,120 Speaker 1: that's done and this is over. Like I don't want 231 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 1: to have to fake I don't want to have to 232 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 1: fake it. I don't ask me how I'm doing, how 233 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:11,439 Speaker 1: you've been, and you don't mean it. You know, I 234 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,959 Speaker 1: can see from the ring, I know it from this 235 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: to the phone vibrates. Yeah. And but I also know 236 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,160 Speaker 1: that there are people who get out and they are 237 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:26,319 Speaker 1: working job. They're showing up to their job, they are 238 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: working their job. They are getting the paycheck from the job, 239 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 1: and before they can cash it, it is already spent 240 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 1: on the bills and obligations. I know that life all 241 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 1: too well. I remember trading, you know, paying you know, 242 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,560 Speaker 1: robing Peter to pay Paul, and then borrowing again, you know, 243 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,680 Speaker 1: off the Paul money and the serpent, you know, to 244 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 1: do this. So I don't I don't I try not 245 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,560 Speaker 1: to act like I don't know what's going on. I 246 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,439 Speaker 1: get it, but then I also want on the other 247 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,640 Speaker 1: side for you to know that just because you saw 248 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 1: me on a plane to d C the other day 249 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 1: and then I was in New York, that ain't my person. 250 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,720 Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not here ball and taking trips every week. 251 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:06,680 Speaker 2: That is, it's your life and get made money. But 252 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 2: they don't know as a work for somebody else's is 253 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:13,480 Speaker 2: putting the build. But all they said the highlight reel 254 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 2: and make assumptions. But my point is even if you 255 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,679 Speaker 2: see me land on the bit on the beach in 256 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 2: the Maldives, like so I budgeted for that, I worked 257 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,560 Speaker 2: for that, and I get to do that. So it's 258 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 2: this is a sensitive topic. I you know, I I 259 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 2: I didn't know we were going to talk about this. 260 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:34,120 Speaker 2: But it is making me feel even guilty right now, 261 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:38,079 Speaker 2: to be honest, because I also know like it's hard, 262 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:41,320 Speaker 2: Like there are people in my family where yes, we 263 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,079 Speaker 2: have the same opportunities, but we had different coping skills 264 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 2: with life, we had different goals in life, and so 265 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 2: I feel bad that I made certain decisions that other 266 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 2: people did not. But what I'm working through is living 267 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 2: for myself and choosing my joy because I can't carry 268 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:02,640 Speaker 2: other people's pain and it does. It pains me when 269 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,800 Speaker 2: my family it's even if their feelings are hurt, it 270 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 2: pains me. And so when they ask, like it is 271 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,840 Speaker 2: difficult for me to say no, actually I saved his money. 272 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 2: I wanted to get my hair done. You know, Johnny 273 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 2: Wright got a pretty penny. I was like, I wanted 274 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:23,040 Speaker 2: to get my hair but it looks like it but 275 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, I'm paying a lot of money, but 276 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,360 Speaker 2: I budgeted to be able to pay this money to 277 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 2: get my hair done. Or I'm you know, speaking at 278 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 2: this event and they're not paying for hair and makeup, 279 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 2: like that had to come out of my own pocket. 280 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 2: And so I feel like the asshole. And I'm like, damn, 281 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 2: you can't pay your phone bill and I have it, 282 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 2: except I want to go use it to get this 283 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 2: fancy haircut. And then I feel guilty, and then I 284 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 2: feel mad that I feel guilty about it, and I 285 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 2: just can I get resentful that I'm forced to feel 286 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:54,800 Speaker 2: all yes, yes, And so I I know what this 287 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,040 Speaker 2: society has done to our people. I understand the wealth gap. 288 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 2: I understand the decisions that our respective families have had 289 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 2: to make. I understand what my uncles and different people 290 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 2: in my life who have given me money and you know, 291 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 2: just gifted me things for surplus just because I was 292 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 2: their niece. But it can be taxing in every possible way. 293 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,880 Speaker 2: So I'm curious for my viewers if you guys can, 294 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:27,120 Speaker 2: if you are the the borrower, what are the circumstances 295 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:30,840 Speaker 2: that lead you to ask your auntie, a sister, a 296 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 2: cousin for money? Do you pay it back? Do you 297 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,360 Speaker 2: so uncomfortable? How do you handle it? And if you 298 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:40,400 Speaker 2: are the one who is issuing funds to family, how 299 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 2: do you guys handle it? And y'all know I read 300 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 2: the comments, but I'm also asking just because I want 301 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:49,640 Speaker 2: some guidance for myself as I navigate my own emotions 302 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 2: around it. Uh, how do y'all? How do y'all deal 303 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 2: with it? And I don't know this to my parents 304 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 2: for the record, like the people give me life, they 305 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 2: just get to, you know, do whatever. I don't mind that. 306 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,200 Speaker 1: If I got it, you got it. Basically is you know, 307 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 1: I think this is a charged topic for a lot 308 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 1: of us in our community, and we've come by it 309 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 1: the hard way because most of us know it so well, 310 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,960 Speaker 1: which is why we find ourselves so obedient to the 311 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,720 Speaker 1: request because at various points in our lives, and you know, 312 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: God forbid in our future life will wee ever find 313 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: ourselves on the on the side of need. But I 314 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,560 Speaker 1: will say, if I am ever on the side of need, 315 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,440 Speaker 1: when I have been on the side of need, I've 316 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,800 Speaker 1: made it my creed to pay people, and I like 317 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: to do it right when I say, and I hope 318 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,280 Speaker 1: it's the next, very very next week if it can, 319 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,160 Speaker 1: because I know the feeling of I'll pay you back 320 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: in I don't ever want. 321 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,760 Speaker 2: To be in character, and if I can't, I'm going 322 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 2: to acknowledge it. At least I'm going to say, hey, 323 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,120 Speaker 2: for sure say something right, but just the assumption, I mean, 324 00:16:56,120 --> 00:17:00,520 Speaker 2: that's just the behavior of men and women, grown adults. 325 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 2: This is how how that goes. 326 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 1: So yeah, that's real. Well, thank you all for indulging 327 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:09,200 Speaker 1: us in this conversation, and thank you TIF for sharing 328 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,720 Speaker 1: more of your personal love. Although I have to say 329 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 1: I disagree with that comment because I think you are very, 330 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:22,000 Speaker 1: very vulnerable and open about what's going well it certainly 331 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,719 Speaker 1: if you're you know, doing some experimental stuff. You just 332 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 1: you just set that camera up and we'll be the 333 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: judge of it. Okay, y'all, thank you for being with 334 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 1: us on this, on this mini pod. I hope you 335 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,359 Speaker 1: took something from it, and we are still expecting to 336 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,040 Speaker 1: get something from you. We want to hear your thoughts 337 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:39,480 Speaker 1: and reflections on how it is you negotiate. 338 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,480 Speaker 2: At this. 339 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 1: And we kept it brief, so get it in the 340 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 1: group chat. Take you everybody, Welcome Home. 341 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,760 Speaker 2: Native Lampod is a production of iHeartRadio and partnership with 342 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 2: Recent Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the 343 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,879 Speaker 2: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 344 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:17,480 Speaker 2: favorite shows.