Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, we're back. We're black wee bah ambition ambition, ambition, ambition, ambition.
Speaker 1: Hey manager, how are you doing today?
Speaker 2: Girl?
Speaker 1: Bathing? Okay, do you want to take it back? Let's
Speaker 1: start off with that, because Lord knows I could use
Speaker 1: it to Okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's do a little everyone together, okay, and hell
Speaker 2: for four, hold for seven, out for eight?
Speaker 1: Okay? Is that one too?
Speaker 2: Out through the toes. I always imagine that my toes
Speaker 2: have little mouth.
Speaker 1: I like that though, because it kind of like allows
Speaker 1: the breadth to go through your body.
Speaker 2: Yes, you imagine. I imagine I'm breathing into the top
Speaker 2: of my head. I think I listened to that through
Speaker 2: a meditation app one time, and I was, okay, y see,
Speaker 2: you like pull up with your head and then just
Speaker 2: like let it flow, visualize it going all the way
Speaker 2: to your toe.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 2: So I go to sleep every night. Yeah, girl, I
Speaker 2: feel like the season of too much is upon us.
Speaker 2: I'm ready to throw October to the garbage gods. And
Speaker 2: but I know, listen, no offense to you and other
Speaker 2: October people. And if this was a month for you,
Speaker 2: if you got engaged, if you had a baby, if
Speaker 2: you if you've got an amazing whatever promotion then I
Speaker 2: but personally me, I would like October to go mind
Speaker 2: its damn business until next year because I just booked
Speaker 2: my second flight to Georgia in three weeks. First, you know,
Speaker 2: my uncle passed, My dad's brother passed, and it's so
Speaker 2: fucking sad.
Speaker 1: I know you talked about your uncle morn.
Speaker 2: Now the holidays are coming, so my, my, my, my queens.
Speaker 2: Who are from Uh why do I only want to
Speaker 2: say broken homes just you know, modern homes where it's
Speaker 2: like blended families and divorce and you have to like
Speaker 2: figure out which family is going to get the cheft
Speaker 2: this year because not everybody can be pleased. And as
Speaker 2: much as I've worked on, like, you know, being at
Speaker 2: peace with the fact that I can't please everybody, of
Speaker 2: course still you want to please people are on the holidays,
Speaker 2: so the mental gymnastics of like where are we going
Speaker 2: to spend which holiday with? Who has begun along with
Speaker 2: Like my son's school sent us a note last night
Speaker 2: that this is Spirit Week, but thank god today was
Speaker 2: pajama Day. I was like, can I be pajama day
Speaker 2: every day? Can it be? You've worn those same pants?
Speaker 1: In two days in our old day like that, I
Speaker 1: am currently wearing pajamas I slept in, so look at
Speaker 1: me on the that's to look at me on me.
Speaker 1: But how are you overall? I know that you know
Speaker 1: that was one of your favorite uncles.
Speaker 2: Well he I mean favorite, Like we weren't super close.
Speaker 2: But the thing about it is my uncle Mark. May
Speaker 2: he rest in peace. The thing about Uncle Mark is
Speaker 2: like he was just always he never asked anything of
Speaker 2: us or of me. I'll talk about my relationship with him.
Speaker 2: He was just always sweet and always giving and so proud.
Speaker 2: And the one thing is he sent me. At the time,
Speaker 2: I was like, what an interesting baby gift when I
Speaker 2: had rio, Uncle Mark sent me this like giant package
Speaker 2: of sesame street wash claus which was like such a
Speaker 2: specific gift, and I'm like wow. But when I tell you,
Speaker 2: I have gone through all like fifty of those things,
Speaker 2: and they're always a thing I pull out instead of
Speaker 2: like all the fancy baby you know, rags and burp
Speaker 2: claws and all that kind of stuff. So whenever I
Speaker 2: see those sesame street wash clause, I always think about him.
Speaker 2: And the last text I sent him was like, do
Speaker 2: you know I use much and the last conversation we had,
Speaker 2: this is why it's so sad, And I'm gonna turn
Speaker 2: it around because I'm trying to look at this from
Speaker 2: like a use this moment to learn and to grow
Speaker 2: for your family moment. Because my uncle he suffered from
Speaker 2: kidney disease kidney failure like so many people in my
Speaker 2: family do, and he was on dialysis for fourteen fifteen years,
Speaker 2: and in recent weeks he had offered us comfort and
Speaker 2: offered us sort of a window into what his life
Speaker 2: on dialysis is like as I'm not trying but my
Speaker 2: dad's business out there. But my dad is also potentially
Speaker 2: going to be dealing with that as well. Anyway, But
Speaker 2: Uncle Mark, he got on the phone with my brother,
Speaker 2: my dad, and I and he was like, you know,
Speaker 2: this is what it's like. It's a part of my routine.
Speaker 2: Your dad doesn't have to your dad and have to
Speaker 2: suffer like he can make it a part of his life.
Speaker 2: Like there's cruise ship where they do dialysis, all this
Speaker 2: kind of stuff. And he was so comforting to us.
Speaker 2: And so now two weeks later for him to die
Speaker 2: from complications of that very disease and having gone to
Speaker 2: my grandpa's funeral just three weeks ago, who died from
Speaker 2: kidney cancer. And it is just it's humbling, but it's
Speaker 2: also it feels like I'm finally awake in a lot
Speaker 2: of ways like this, it's not the kidney disease that
Speaker 2: has been killing so much of my family, my dad's
Speaker 2: side the family, it's all the underlying chronic conditions. So
Speaker 2: if you're someone with diabetes in your family and hypertension,
Speaker 2: the way that it moves in my dad's side the family,
Speaker 2: I mean in twenty twenty three, like, how can I
Speaker 2: have an aunt who died from diabetes complications? Like that's
Speaker 2: just to me, it's criminal, you know. But in our
Speaker 2: community in Atlanta, like my dad's family, access to health
Speaker 2: care is a real issue. Access to affordable insurance is
Speaker 2: a real issue. When your primary care doctors are fucking
Speaker 2: er and you have to wait hours to be seen,
Speaker 2: they're not in there giving you like holistic care. No
Speaker 2: primary care doctor has been on you about getting your
Speaker 2: glucose levels tested and talking to you about the long term,
Speaker 2: you know, impact of these chronic diseases. And it's like,
Speaker 2: now my family is reaping the not the rewards. It's
Speaker 2: just like it is finding out the consequences of not
Speaker 2: not educating ourselves and not making changes, you know, and
Speaker 2: not making it like our jobs, like making it a
Speaker 2: part of our jobs to check on each other and
Speaker 2: be on each other's you know, backs about taking care
Speaker 2: of ourselves the way that you know. I feel like
Speaker 2: a lot of the stress that my brother and I
Speaker 2: have had around showing up for my dad now and
Speaker 2: making sure that he has all of his appointments and
Speaker 2: he meets those things. I'm like, where have I been?
Speaker 2: My Dad's a hot I was like, where have I
Speaker 2: you know, I take some of that ownership. I'm the eldest,
Speaker 2: I'm his you know, first daughter, And so there's like
Speaker 2: that pressure, and I know I'm going to go at
Speaker 2: this funeral at the end of this week, and I
Speaker 2: don't know what to say other than like, we have
Speaker 2: to wake up and we have to start like my cousins,
Speaker 2: you know, the young the No, I'm not that young anymore.
Speaker 2: We're in our thirties and forties now. But we have
Speaker 2: to get it together and break this cycle because this
Speaker 2: is a last funeral I want to go to from
Speaker 2: a preventable disease, you know, in our family and so
Speaker 2: did I say I was going to turn it around
Speaker 2: and like put a positive spin on it, because I
Speaker 2: think I lost the spin.
Speaker 1: But maybe no, I think that, you know, someone listening
Speaker 1: is going to be like, have I checked in on
Speaker 1: my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, and.
Speaker 2: Are they telling me?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because sometimes you have to lay eyes. That's what
Speaker 1: they call it, you know, like you know, is it zoom?
Speaker 1: Is it? You know, if you're able to go see
Speaker 1: them personally maybe they live in the town near you,
Speaker 1: but not just that, are you I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: I have not been to the primary care doctor in
Speaker 1: so long, really since before Dreell passed away, so it's
Speaker 1: been over two years, and like I'm supposed to get
Speaker 1: like a mammogram, you know, cause I'm forty four now,
Speaker 1: I think I have not you know. I was like
Speaker 1: I had all these things like okay, this is like
Speaker 1: you know, my doctor gave me like a list of things,
Speaker 1: and then she got sick with cancer and she was
Speaker 1: gone for a while, and I just was like, I
Speaker 1: just you know, you just are like, oh, I got
Speaker 1: to find a new primary I gotta you know, I know.
Speaker 1: ZocDoc is one of our sponsors. I was like, I
Speaker 1: think that's what I actually used initially to find her,
Speaker 1: and I, you know, you just like you kick the
Speaker 1: can down them, you know, down the road. I mean,
Speaker 1: Drell passed away and just everything else full out the wind.
Speaker 1: I just was like, I don't you know, I can't
Speaker 1: even think about it. But just most recently, I've been
Speaker 1: like Tiffany, like you don't know where you stand? Helpful.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I don't you know. When I
Speaker 1: was doing IVF IVF, I mean I literally probably went
Speaker 1: to the doctor two or three times a week, so
Speaker 1: I was constantly blood pressure, blood work, and so it
Speaker 1: was like I knew everything where I stood, you know.
Speaker 1: But then when that process was over, I can honestly
Speaker 1: tell you I have no idea. So I'm like, I know,
Speaker 1: like I need to you know, I need to know.
Speaker 1: You know, there are not too many things that I
Speaker 1: know of that run in my family. My dad is
Speaker 1: in his eighties. He doesn't have as far as I know,
Speaker 1: high blood pressure. No, that's not true. Maybe a little,
Speaker 1: but nothing something that's like comparable to his age, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like nothing, I mean not that
Speaker 1: I know of that cancer or anything runs in our
Speaker 1: family but still these things you don't know, you know, so.
Speaker 2: Until you stood around the chat. Like in my family,
Speaker 2: it's just such a part of the fabric on my
Speaker 2: dad's side of like their daily lives, Like it was
Speaker 2: never a conversation like did you know that grandpa is
Speaker 2: suffering failure? Like if you go to it. When I
Speaker 2: when I say I feel like the lights kind of
Speaker 2: came on in my eyes. When I visited my dad
Speaker 2: recently for my grandpa's funeral, which happened to be like,
Speaker 2: you know, he died the day my dad was discharged
Speaker 2: from the hospital for anyway, And as we were driving
Speaker 2: from the airport to my dad's house in the heart
Speaker 2: of Atlanta, on the way to where he lives, like
Speaker 2: a little bit south of Atlanta, when I tell you
Speaker 2: the number of dialysis centers I saw, it was like
Speaker 2: you know when you go down those streets with car
Speaker 2: dealerships and there's just one on every side, there's like
Speaker 2: ten there. It was like that, you know, when it's
Speaker 2: like a diabetes and dialysis treatment center, and I'm just
Speaker 2: like looking, yeah, look at the business. Look at the business.
Speaker 2: Look at the billions that are being made on the
Speaker 2: backs of people who were dying from an illness or
Speaker 2: suffering from an ill inventice, you know, that's treated because
Speaker 2: it's a symptom of these preventable you know, conditions. And
Speaker 2: this is all Remember when we talked about it wasatic
Speaker 2: not long ago. Ozempic is the you know, the Hollywood
Speaker 2: drugs people are using to lose weight. Now. It was
Speaker 2: started as a diabetes drug, and of course now it's
Speaker 2: like a you know, a miracle drug for weight loss
Speaker 2: and all of that. But the day that it came
Speaker 2: out that they had just completed this came out like
Speaker 2: last week or so, because I was sending it to
Speaker 2: my brother and my dad and like harassing his doctors
Speaker 2: because ozempic has been found to actually help with kidney disease,
Speaker 2: chronic kidney disease, which makes sense because diabetes, you know,
Speaker 2: is tied to that. Anyway, the stocks of these dialysis
Speaker 2: companies started to go down. You know, the last thing
Speaker 2: they want is to secure huge business, huge business on
Speaker 2: black and brown bodies. I wish I had done a
Speaker 2: little bit more research so I could share some stats
Speaker 2: on how like much more prevalent these diseases are in
Speaker 2: our communities. But I, yes, they are so and I
Speaker 2: think it's on us to understand what our risk factors are.
Speaker 2: Not let it doctor tell us, because your doctor may
Speaker 2: not share the back of the same background, but hopefully
Speaker 2: you know, it's great if they do. And I stopped
Speaker 2: playing around. Glad that I stopped playing around with like
Speaker 2: I don't know doctor Roulette or just not doctor Roulette,
Speaker 2: but like I would be like, oh, I need a physical,
Speaker 2: let me go find a different doctor because I would
Speaker 2: move so much. I finally found a primary care this
Speaker 2: past spring, and I was like, you're my lady. I'm
Speaker 2: going to see you again because I need to be
Speaker 2: you know, I want to be committed in a committed
Speaker 2: PCP relationship. Yeah, so it's yeah, just your reminder and
Speaker 2: tip get your mama, Graham girl, I know, like we
Speaker 2: talked about this last year.
Speaker 1: Yeah probably, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Get your That sounds so uncomfortable. I don't blame you
Speaker 2: for not want to go and get your smashed.
Speaker 1: I know, maybe don't say.
Speaker 2: Are you doing on the Today Show? Can go and
Speaker 2: take a little camera with you and you know, make.
Speaker 1: It reel and I know, like, I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: know how old you're supposed to be when like colonoscopy like,
Speaker 1: why isn't that coming up too?
Speaker 2: Well? That started for me at twenty five because of
Speaker 2: my family history that I knew.
Speaker 1: Okay, so that's that's another one.
Speaker 2: Loved me when he survived the Colon prep night.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember Darrell did it. One thing about Drell.
Speaker 1: That's why I was so crazy when he just is
Speaker 1: not here because he he when Oh who's a gentleman
Speaker 1: that played from Wakanda? Uh Chadwick Boseman, Tawick Boseman. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when he passed away. The next week he made an appointment.
Speaker 1: And you know, because you know, Joe passed away when
Speaker 1: he was forty one, so he wasn't typically they said
Speaker 1: you waited at forty five. He said no, because he said,
Speaker 1: I saw the research that said that black men should
Speaker 1: start getting tested at forty And I remember the prep
Speaker 1: the night before, drinking all that stuff and all the
Speaker 1: you know, so I just like, yeah, I y'all know
Speaker 1: my mom, well you might know where My mom is
Speaker 1: a nurse, and so she's been getting out of Are
Speaker 1: you getting your regular this? You know, like are you?
Speaker 1: Because and you're right, I have to like, you know,
Speaker 1: I have to like I'm I mean, I feel quote
Speaker 1: unquote fine, but what does that even mean? So many
Speaker 1: things are silent, you know, like you know whether they're
Speaker 1: you know, pcos. Some people have you know, five boys,
Speaker 1: y'all know I had five boys. I didn't even know.
Speaker 1: There's so many things that if knowing ahead of time,
Speaker 1: you know, you can navigate. Even now lately, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I've had this really nasty cough for the last couple days.
Speaker 1: I'm like, please don't tell me I have COVID, But
Speaker 1: I took a test and said no.
Speaker 2: But you know, I fall viruses.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm just like, Oh, how great for me.
Speaker 1: I had to use my damn asthma pump for the
Speaker 1: first time in like two years.
Speaker 2: You know. I was like, scramming around for the holiday
Speaker 2: season was something that was just so girl, just like
Speaker 2: from a kid's perspective. But now it's like, oh god,
Speaker 2: it's like tax season almost.
Speaker 1: Girl. It's like asthma aches pains my mad No.
Speaker 2: But oh man, man, we feel you going through it.
Speaker 1: And it's a lot right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so much. I think the best thing that my
Speaker 2: mom that I inherited from my family is my sense
Speaker 2: of humor, because the way it has saved my life
Speaker 2: this past few months. Shout out to my mom and
Speaker 2: my dad too, But my mom, I kind of got that, like,
Speaker 2: you know, that that sense of humor, that bite, that
Speaker 2: wit if I ever heard you with my words, my
Speaker 2: mom taught me at a sharp.
Speaker 1: Name.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just humor and creating that soft landing for myself.
Speaker 2: So having my therapist, you know, having my psychiatrist, and
Speaker 2: so I don't have to go looking for them. I'm like,
Speaker 2: there's a lot going on and I'm not even going
Speaker 2: to waste time feeling bad about it that I'm having
Speaker 2: a hard time managing. So let me get the help
Speaker 2: I need and keep it moving. But yeah, and.
Speaker 1: That includes mental health, you know, Like you know, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm always bragging on doctor Green because she's like literally
Speaker 1: helped to save my life and you know, having someone
Speaker 1: to talk to. And there are different mental health specialists,
Speaker 1: like doctor Green actually specializes in trauma. That's why she
Speaker 1: was perfect for what I needed her for, you know.
Speaker 1: And even now that's one of the questions. It's like
Speaker 1: I love doctor Green, and I'm like, well, if this
Speaker 1: is your specialty, if I'm no longer in this heightened
Speaker 1: traumatic state, what does that look like? You know, like
Speaker 1: in a year, do you do I find another therapy?
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask her, you know, like what, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: want to let go of doctor Green, but I also
Speaker 1: want to be mindful that, like, you know, if it's
Speaker 1: more maintenance, this is still appropriate. This because I don't
Speaker 1: ever really want to stop going to therapy truthfully, because
Speaker 1: I think it's just been so helpful. But I just
Speaker 1: want to make sure that, like I am always aligned
Speaker 1: with where I wanted to go. You know, even though
Speaker 1: these hard times are hard times, I'm just seeing this
Speaker 1: trend in people focusing inward, you know that I just
Speaker 1: see so many people who are just like I'm not
Speaker 1: doing all that. I'm focusing on my family, the people
Speaker 1: I care about, my friends, like the work that moves me.
Speaker 1: So there is a shift happ Remember before this shift
Speaker 1: was toward like go go, go more more more work,
Speaker 1: work work, You know that we were in our everybody's
Speaker 1: in there, Gary Vee error, you know, but even Gary
Speaker 1: Vee I recently heard him on the podcast er Come
Speaker 1: Taught Me, and he was talking about slowing down and peace.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, even Gary Vee is tired. So if
Speaker 1: you're tired, that is okay. We are all tired. It's
Speaker 1: okay to be tired. It is okay to say I
Speaker 1: don't want to do quite as much, and it's okay. Like, honestly,
Speaker 1: I am now reverse engineering where I'm looking at my
Speaker 1: life and saying, how much do I really need? Not
Speaker 1: from the excess, but from as little as possible to
Speaker 1: live this? And so that way, how do I what
Speaker 1: do I need to do to make just what I need?
Speaker 1: You know, so I have more time for people, I
Speaker 1: have more time for rest, I have more time for peace,
Speaker 1: you know, like the Tiffany from ten years ago was
Speaker 1: like more and more and more that more is more,
Speaker 1: and now to me the more is different. Before it
Speaker 1: was like more money, more accolades, and now it's more
Speaker 1: time more. Like I had my sister sale with my
Speaker 1: sisters this weekend. We do an annual sale. We do
Speaker 1: a closet sale, and we clean out our closets and
Speaker 1: then Lisa has a really cute apartment, a garden apartment
Speaker 1: in Jersey City that's right on the corner, and so
Speaker 1: we do like a sidewalk sale with all of our stuff, and.
Speaker 2: No, I'm so freaking cute, I can't.
Speaker 1: And so it was so nice because it was like
Speaker 1: the sisters minus the one in Chicago, plus one of
Speaker 1: my nieces Amelia, and.
Speaker 2: Minus the one in Chicago.
Speaker 1: See I'm that sister.
Speaker 2: So it was great. It was a study that came
Speaker 2: out that said people who have helped me relationship with
Speaker 2: their sisters, like I saw that the better best lives
Speaker 2: something like that.
Speaker 1: I saw my sister.
Speaker 2: I imported her from Wisconsin like a rare cheese she's visiting,
Speaker 2: and I love that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sinces are just awesome. I just I just want
Speaker 1: that for all of us, and that we are really
Speaker 1: Like you are allowed to look at your money and
Speaker 1: your finances and say, fit to the life that I want.
Speaker 1: And if you are in your Gary b hustle, grind
Speaker 1: more and more and more whatever, there's nothing. There's no
Speaker 1: judgment here because we have been there. But if you
Speaker 1: are in your laid back chill piece, the purpose of
Speaker 1: your finances is to fit to the life that you're wanting,
Speaker 1: and so don't be afraid to update the financial part
Speaker 1: of your life to fit to wherever you're wanting to
Speaker 1: go or wherever you are. Now, Like you are allowed
Speaker 1: to update and change and say, I know, I said
Speaker 1: I wanted to make three hundred thousand blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: but one hundred and fifty is more than enough to
Speaker 1: do the things that I want, and so I could
Speaker 1: take a nap. You know how many.
Speaker 2: Of us are getting beaten up by our own aspiration.
Speaker 2: That's fine, now, how I said aspiration not ambition, because right,
Speaker 2: it's a healthy amount of ambition. But I will say
Speaker 2: that the I'm not going to move the way I
Speaker 2: would have moved as a business owner if I started
Speaker 2: my business at twenty two. You know, I'm moving as
Speaker 2: a person. It's almost like I don't want to create
Speaker 2: a business that requires me to be at one hundred
Speaker 2: percent all the time, because the reality is like if
Speaker 2: I can get like a solid sixty five percent on it,
Speaker 2: I'm like today was good, you know, like I was
Speaker 2: sixty sixty five percent of my uh you know, my
Speaker 2: cup being being filled is like pretty decent. And the
Speaker 2: days that were so last week was a week before that, yeah,
Speaker 2: the week of the twentieth whenever fincn was that was
Speaker 2: a week where I needed one hundred percent of myself
Speaker 2: and I knew it. I was like, it's going to
Speaker 2: be a tough week, but I felt good when I
Speaker 2: booked everything, and then you know, all the shit started
Speaker 2: happening with family and then my mental health and you know,
Speaker 2: just like the seasons and all that, and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: we have to we have to break. We have to
Speaker 2: like break the image of the person I thought I
Speaker 2: was going to be for this week. Yeah, because the
Speaker 2: person I am can't do this. And I had to
Speaker 2: back out of fin Con. I was supposed to give
Speaker 2: a talk there. I had to cancel like several meetings
Speaker 2: that were like big ideas for you know, maybe next
Speaker 2: year kind of meanings and just like bring it back
Speaker 2: to the bare minimum. And it sucked. But I was
Speaker 2: also like do this or like what's it for his
Speaker 2: for who to disappoint? To make me happy? Because no
Speaker 2: one else is asking me to do everything?
Speaker 1: You know, yes, and I'm so glad that you. It's
Speaker 1: hard to make, especially for women who are ambitious. You know,
Speaker 1: like we literally call this Brown ambition because we're both
Speaker 1: brown and we're both really ambitious, and it's hard when
Speaker 1: from that space to say I'm actually going to do less.
Speaker 1: It's really hard to make the decision to do less.
Speaker 1: It's one thing when life forces your hand, you're like, well,
Speaker 1: but it's hard to make the and I hate the
Speaker 1: word And maybe the word less has this negative connotation.
Speaker 1: It's not really less. It's just like a reallocation of
Speaker 1: the energy because it's more for.
Speaker 2: You quality versus quantity.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and I want that for us.
Speaker 2: I want I want. I want to be where sixty
Speaker 2: five percent of Mandy can you know, have a thriving
Speaker 2: business that's paying the bills. I don't have to worry.
Speaker 2: I'm working towards that. You know, yes, but one day
Speaker 2: at a freak one hour at a freakin time, you
Speaker 2: know when I'm trying.
Speaker 1: And that's now you can see why. For those of
Speaker 1: you who might have cringed when I said that I
Speaker 1: bought my condo cash, even though I know I could
Speaker 1: put in the market, it's because I didn't want to
Speaker 1: have to worry about a mortgage, even though there's more
Speaker 1: money in the long run. I have a lot of
Speaker 1: money already, if I'm being candid. But I knew that
Speaker 1: this was going to be a year well I might
Speaker 1: not be able to fully show up, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to have to be like, of course I have
Speaker 1: plenty of savings whatever, but there's an anxiety for me
Speaker 1: to tap into emergency savings even though it's there. I
Speaker 1: wanted to say, I know the budget needs to would
Speaker 1: have to be closed down for me not to be
Speaker 1: able to afford my life because I don't have a
Speaker 1: mortgage on my current home and I don't have a
Speaker 1: mortgage on them on the condo. But I did that
Speaker 1: intentionally to relieve rates though, girl, to relieve some of
Speaker 1: the stress of life. What you don't got to worry about, Tiffany,
Speaker 1: is you just have to make the bare minimum to
Speaker 1: make your you know, to afford your life. And so
Speaker 1: I wanted that peace of mind over more money in
Speaker 1: the long run. And to me, you know, it didn't hurt.
Speaker 1: I mean, certainly it's like, oh, you really could have
Speaker 1: made more. Maybe there's an extra six figure, I get it.
Speaker 1: But I just was like, this is what I mean
Speaker 1: about adjusting your financial life to fit how you want
Speaker 1: your actual life to go. And so for me, you know,
Speaker 1: after talking with my financial vibes, I didn't make the
Speaker 1: decision lightly and she said, here's the difference. In the
Speaker 1: long run, either way, You're fine, you know, it's just
Speaker 1: a difference between a lot of money or a lot
Speaker 1: of a little bit more than a lot of money.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'll take less. I'll take less
Speaker 1: money in the long run for more peace in the
Speaker 1: short term.
Speaker 2: Amen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So a man, you want to take a little
Speaker 1: bit of a break and who's that?
Speaker 2: Yes, my breath work the way that my lungs are
Speaker 2: coming through, sending the breath. Let's let's let's go out
Speaker 2: with another little like yes, four seconds and seven minutes,
Speaker 2: hold seven seven deep sea diving and then eight four
Speaker 2: seven eight breath. I love this, okay, okay, and for
Speaker 2: four hold for seven out for eight through the toes.
Speaker 2: You'll get my billy again. Goodbye, You'll be back, gonna
Speaker 2: break back in a little.
Speaker 1: Bit, and we're back, and I do feel calmer. Thanks Mandra.
Speaker 1: That was beautiful.
Speaker 2: Just repeat that every five minutes like I do. You
Speaker 2: too can survive them. Oh man, Brown boosts brown break though.
Speaker 1: Yes, right, and now it is time to boost top
Speaker 1: break up boostp boost up, break up boost. Are you
Speaker 1: gonna boost? Are you gonna break? What you're gonna do,
Speaker 1: what you're gonna take? And I am I'm gonna because
Speaker 1: I just have a short little boost, and I'm just
Speaker 1: si you might have done it. Did you do your
Speaker 1: dad book that you recommended to us?
Speaker 2: Did I do what book that I recommended?
Speaker 1: Did you boost last week? Attached?
Speaker 2: Yes? Boost? Yeah you can. You can co boost it.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so I'll go first, just because it's like
Speaker 1: a short. But I changed everyone, girl. I owe you
Speaker 1: a handheld a hand foot massage, right because that book.
Speaker 1: Mandy suggested a book. And if you didn't listen to
Speaker 1: I can't remember last time we had a boost break,
Speaker 1: but our last boost break. Many recommended this book called Attachment.
Speaker 1: It who's the author of attached?
Speaker 2: It's called attached and it has a subtitle that I
Speaker 2: can never remember, but hold on, I will find it
Speaker 2: because there are several copies of several books called Attached
Speaker 2: to parents.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, that's like.
Speaker 2: Which one by Adam Levine and Rachel S. F Heller Air.
Speaker 1: You said, Adam Levine, which is hilarious. Oh look at
Speaker 1: you did the tipthy you.
Speaker 2: Did until the day the way that I just became dyslexic.
Speaker 2: You're right. And I looked at it again and I
Speaker 2: saw Adam, and I looked away, and I said, a mirror.
Speaker 2: The New science of adult attachment and how it can
Speaker 2: help you find and keep love.
Speaker 1: And yes, I was gonna say what I love about
Speaker 1: attached that although yes, the and they say this, they're like,
Speaker 1: attachment theory is not just about romantic love. That really
Speaker 1: attachment theory and attachment begins really at birth, you know,
Speaker 1: with the way you attached to your person that is
Speaker 1: raising you, your guardian, your mom, your dad, whoever. But
Speaker 1: then this book really specifically kind of dies into how
Speaker 1: this is potentially affecting your romantic life, whatever partnership looks
Speaker 1: like for you in your romantic life, and well, bigger
Speaker 1: than the romantic part, which we can get into a
Speaker 1: little bit, but the bigger than romantic part is that
Speaker 1: I'm really learning like about myself and how I show up,
Speaker 1: you know, and how I've been showing up, and I'm
Speaker 1: just like, oh. And then also to your point, Mandy,
Speaker 1: I'm looking at like friends and family and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's what's happening. And I'm learning what is I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm only like halfway through, so certainly i'd love to
Speaker 1: have just like, like, I think it would just be
Speaker 1: great to just like talk about attachment in one episode
Speaker 1: because it's just been so helpful. Like, in general, I
Speaker 1: took like I took the quiz because you can take
Speaker 1: an attachment quiz. In general, I show up in a
Speaker 1: secure attachment style, which means that you know, I'm not anxious,
Speaker 1: I'm not avoidant, that I'm like, I have healthy relationships
Speaker 1: in general with in romantic spaces, and well, this is
Speaker 1: like I want to say, one gerella is here in
Speaker 1: pat and beyond or prior and in like spaces with
Speaker 1: my family and loved ones whatever. But since I've started
Speaker 1: to date, I said, let me see what my attachment
Speaker 1: style is specifically now in dating. It is anxious. And
Speaker 1: I was just like, wow, that really kind of blew
Speaker 1: me away that like, okay, in general, Tiffany, you are secure,
Speaker 1: but now that this new part of your life that
Speaker 1: you have not had to do in over ten years
Speaker 1: is here, I'm showing up with an anxious attachment. At
Speaker 1: first I thought maybe it was avoidant, but that the
Speaker 1: way you know you are avoided or not is like
Speaker 1: do you crave intimacy or not? Do you want closeness
Speaker 1: and intimacy? If you don't want closeness and intimacy, you're
Speaker 1: likely and avoided if you do want closeness and intimacy,
Speaker 1: then you're either secure or anxious, you know, like and
Speaker 1: then you just have to see which how the rabbit
Speaker 1: hole goes. So I do want closeness and intimacy now
Speaker 1: because I miss companionship. But I am navigating from a
Speaker 1: place of fear. You know. There's fear of like what
Speaker 1: if it goes when something happens to this person. There's
Speaker 1: all this anxiety that's being brought up that was not
Speaker 1: here before when Jarrell was here. And I just like
Speaker 1: there was a component. Actually I called you. I don't
Speaker 1: even know if we talked about this last My memory
Speaker 1: goes I called you because I read this component where
Speaker 1: I was crying. There was a study in the book
Speaker 1: that's called the Strange Thing Study or something to that effect,
Speaker 1: where basically a baby is in the room with their
Speaker 1: mom and a researcher. Mom holds baby, enters into the
Speaker 1: room all these amazing baby toys, all the colors. You know.
Speaker 1: The babies love the toys and lights them, and so
Speaker 1: mom puts the baby down on the ground. Baby crawls
Speaker 1: over to play with the toys, but glancing occasionally back.
Speaker 1: Mom's still here playing with the toys. Enjoying myself, exploring,
Speaker 1: glances back Mom is still here exploring. Then mom slips out,
Speaker 1: you know, when the baby's busy playing. Baby looks to
Speaker 1: make sure Mom's still here. She's not here. Baby looses
Speaker 1: his shit, crawls over to the door, bangs on the door,
Speaker 1: where's my mama? Basically but you know, maybe can't speak.
Speaker 1: The researcher tries to re engage the baby, like these
Speaker 1: toys are still here, though, babies like get out my face,
Speaker 1: literally throws toy and researchers face like you thought. And
Speaker 1: finally mom comes back. Baby you know, continues to cry,
Speaker 1: is consoled. Once they feel better, they're like, put me
Speaker 1: down because me and these toys about to play again.
Speaker 1: But say, here's this, and so what mom represents in
Speaker 1: that study was something called a secure base. This is
Speaker 1: what the book was saying. And they find found that
Speaker 1: when children have a secure base, those children explore and
Speaker 1: experience the world from a place of like I can
Speaker 1: do anything. I can navigate. I can because my base
Speaker 1: secure and I'm not going to try to cry. But
Speaker 1: I realize that one of the reasons, Remember I was like,
Speaker 1: maybe I don't even know if I want to do
Speaker 1: but any stay anymore, I don't know if I want
Speaker 1: to do anything. I didn't realize how much of a
Speaker 1: secure base that for me, Like yo, I mean, I
Speaker 1: knew I had like this awesome husband, but I didn't
Speaker 1: realize like how much, because I find myself to be
Speaker 1: like hyper independent, you know, Like that's what I told
Speaker 1: myself because I grew up hyper independent. The household that
Speaker 1: I grew up in, it was like you could do it.
Speaker 1: You know, you've got it. My dad was very much
Speaker 1: girl power, and so I underestimated how much security I
Speaker 1: got from having him in my life because literally the
Speaker 1: year I moved in with Jiarel in the Halfway Hood,
Speaker 1: I went from six figures to seven figures in business
Speaker 1: because for the first time, I did not have to
Speaker 1: be my own foundation, you know, that I had this space,
Speaker 1: Like it's not like we didn't have any money or
Speaker 1: anything like that, but I had this secure place to
Speaker 1: be like I'll never hit the ground because he's there
Speaker 1: covering it, you know. And I just was like, wow,
Speaker 1: no wonder I felt so secure because I grew up
Speaker 1: in a household which was a little bit emotionally chaotic,
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest and Jirelle came into my life
Speaker 1: and provided so much safety and security that my attachment
Speaker 1: style shifted toward secure and across the board. It helped
Speaker 1: us shift me And now that he's not here, I
Speaker 1: feel a little bit lost, you know, not even a
Speaker 1: little bit, a lot of it lost, And I don't
Speaker 1: want to explore the world. The world seems so scary,
Speaker 1: you know, like, and I don't necessarily want partnership anytime soon,
Speaker 1: but I certainly miss companionship because being by yourself all
Speaker 1: the time is really lonely. And so that's why dating
Speaker 1: now brings up so much anxiety, you know for me,
Speaker 1: Like there's one person in particular that I've been hanging
Speaker 1: out with more than anybody else. He listens now, which
Speaker 1: I'm like, great, hey.
Speaker 2: I know, I know they still work the pod.
Speaker 1: And so I yeah, but I'm navigating for a place
Speaker 1: of like high anxiety, and.
Speaker 2: Like this could be taken away. I don't trust that
Speaker 2: yes forever.
Speaker 1: Yes, or just yes or just like anything. I'm just like,
Speaker 1: what does that mean? Oh well, you know, you know,
Speaker 1: everything just feels so temporary, Like you know, I'm not
Speaker 1: ready to invest here. I'm not. Oh yeah, it's just
Speaker 1: it's just it's been great. And you made a suggestion
Speaker 1: because you said you and husband were reading the book together,
Speaker 1: which I love, and so I asked powerful what I
Speaker 1: asked him, and we've been doing so we just got
Speaker 1: to chapter four and one. I love the fact that
Speaker 1: he said that he was more than open to doing so,
Speaker 1: and so because he's a big reader anyway, So we've
Speaker 1: been reading the book together and really like navigating chapter
Speaker 1: by chapter and discussing what we're thinking and feeling, and
Speaker 1: it's just been really an amazing experience. So yeah, I
Speaker 1: still want partnership. That's what him because he'd be asking.
Speaker 1: But that's fair.
Speaker 2: Like the book for me is like a you talk
Speaker 2: about like the perennial or the annual reader or whatever
Speaker 2: perennial seller or annual seller. For me, it's like the
Speaker 2: annual read. Let's revisit this book and take the take
Speaker 2: the assessments again because like you said, a major life
Speaker 2: event can change your attachment style, age, relationship, you know.
Speaker 2: And I feel like this book. So many people commented
Speaker 2: who said, my therapist recommended this book after my divorse,
Speaker 2: and I feel like it could prevent a lot of divorces,
Speaker 2: you know, whether by preventing people from marrying people who
Speaker 2: are the wrong style for them, or helping you get
Speaker 2: the tools to you know, strengthen your your relationship in
Speaker 2: spite of you know, some differences that you have. It's
Speaker 2: just been, you know, really eye opening. And it's it's
Speaker 2: the first book I've read in a very long time
Speaker 2: that I feel like I know myself better having read it.
Speaker 2: And it's not only these books where it's like do
Speaker 2: these things to achieve this goal. This is this is
Speaker 2: sort of like understand the these things so that you
Speaker 2: can know yourself better. Yes, And it just it created
Speaker 2: like in the storm of the past month, it really
Speaker 2: gave me like a sense of calm and acceptance for
Speaker 2: at a great time because I never have needed so
Speaker 2: much support then, I you know, maybe I have in
Speaker 2: the past, but like I needed a lot of support,
Speaker 2: and I know how to ask my person specifically what
Speaker 2: I need now, and I know why I'm asking, and
Speaker 2: I know and he understands because he's reading the book too,
Speaker 2: why I need what I need and what happens if
Speaker 2: I don't get it?
Speaker 1: No, I love It's just you don't want to upset.
Speaker 2: An anxious attachment.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, one thing I will say I love
Speaker 1: about the book is that there's no judgment on the
Speaker 1: attachment style that you display.
Speaker 2: There's no right or wrong one.
Speaker 1: No, and so but what I love is that, like,
Speaker 1: especially with someone who's displaying anxious attachment, it said, if
Speaker 1: you can provide the safety and security, if you have
Speaker 1: the patience to provide the safety, security and communication that
Speaker 1: anxious attachment needs, you will be blessed with a hyper loving,
Speaker 1: compassionate partner.
Speaker 2: And I just love that describing why you should adopt
Speaker 2: a dog like I am that like snaggly tooth must
Speaker 2: you know, it's like you just look after me the shelter,
Speaker 2: like you'll have the bestest friend.
Speaker 1: You'll have the bestest like partner.
Speaker 2: And so small children and ruin your carpet, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. But you know, I'm being really cute.
Speaker 2: You'll love it.
Speaker 1: But I just love like that. It's just so it's
Speaker 1: just been one Yeah, that's so, it's just been really
Speaker 1: eye opening for myself, but also too. You know, one
Speaker 1: thing I do like about this person that I'm mostly
Speaker 1: dating is that there's an openness, you know, like I
Speaker 1: could talk about Jerrell all the time, and I do
Speaker 1: which I'm not. You know, I don't even know how
Speaker 1: he navigates that. But because Jerrelle, you know, he was
Speaker 1: and still is a love of life. And I remember
Speaker 1: him asking me distinctly, like do you think that you
Speaker 1: could love again? And at first I thought, I don't know,
Speaker 1: and then I thought about the way parents love children.
Speaker 1: So I know when Rio first came, you were like, girl,
Speaker 1: ain't no love greater than this love. Everybody could go
Speaker 1: this is my boo, this is like. But what Rio,
Speaker 1: I assume really did was opened up a different level
Speaker 1: of capacity in your heart because now you have, you know,
Speaker 1: this new baby, what's your new baby name? Kind of
Speaker 1: kept like my mind is like doing a BA right now? Remy?
Speaker 1: I know, right, So now you have Remy. So it
Speaker 1: would be crazy to be like, well, I have Rio child,
Speaker 1: I can't there's no space for another baby for me
Speaker 1: to love another baby. That's not what Rio did. That
Speaker 1: Rio helped to expand the capacity of your heart that
Speaker 1: you can love Remy, and if you were to have
Speaker 1: another baby, you would be able to love that baby
Speaker 1: just as much. And I think that that's the way
Speaker 1: really good partnered romantic love can do for you too.
Speaker 1: That like, it's not that the buck stops with Darrell,
Speaker 1: which is what I thought at first when he first
Speaker 1: passed away for the first like year year and a half, right,
Speaker 1: that is because of the kind of love I had
Speaker 1: with Darell. It expanded my heart's capacity that I do
Speaker 1: believe that I can love again, you know, because it's
Speaker 1: like your heart can expand as much as the good
Speaker 1: love that you have poured into it. So I do
Speaker 1: believe that I just like, in this space and time,
Speaker 1: doctor Green has been awesome because I told her, I said,
Speaker 1: is there a reason why I'm just not wanting partnership?
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously I know because I missed Jarell. But
Speaker 1: bigger than that, she said, Tiffany, it sounds like to
Speaker 1: me that you recognize that partnership takes a lot of
Speaker 1: She said, I don't like the word work because work
Speaker 1: sounds like a negative connotation. That partnership takes a lot
Speaker 1: of investment. And right now, you are investing in yourself,
Speaker 1: you know, because I'm still trying to find my footing,
Speaker 1: and so I recognize I actually don't have the excess
Speaker 1: investment to pour into someone else because I'm still trying
Speaker 1: to get myself so it's not a judgment on you know,
Speaker 1: whether someone's enough or not, or good or bad. It's
Speaker 1: like not at all. It's literally a Tiffany choice that
Speaker 1: I'm like, I am reserving all of my resources to
Speaker 1: invest in myself until I can feel stable again and
Speaker 1: be open to partnership. Although I am open to companionship,
Speaker 1: you know, but like not necessarily partnership right now. Like
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be nobody's you know, girl, woman,
Speaker 1: like you know, wife, I can't even imagine, but you know,
Speaker 1: maybe one day, you know. So, but the attachment attached
Speaker 1: that book has really been so helpful for me to
Speaker 1: see myself as I'm navigating, and so I can just
Speaker 1: be kinder but then also to kinder to whomever I'm dating,
Speaker 1: and also to navigate towards back to I want to
Speaker 1: get back to the secured attachment style that I've enjoyed
Speaker 1: for so long. You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean I still feel like I think
Speaker 2: we talked a little bit about this too, just because
Speaker 2: it for me, it opened up my eyes to how
Speaker 2: I moved through my friendships too, and I was like,
Speaker 2: thank God for Tiffany, because I think that I've become
Speaker 2: ready for a friend like you, because I, as an
Speaker 2: anxious attachment person, was just always looking for friendship in
Speaker 2: the wrong avoidant places. I just always had the one
Speaker 2: avoidant bestie. And I think I'm finally decided that I
Speaker 2: don't like the way avoidant besties make me feel. It's horrible,
Speaker 2: it's awful, and it's not okay for me as an
Speaker 2: anxious avoidant, I'm always like, oh, I'm the problem. When
Speaker 2: they get too close to me, they realize that I'm
Speaker 2: horrible and they don't want to and like. But but
Speaker 2: they're reacting not because of me, because of anyway. So
Speaker 2: find you a secure or bestie. And I was actually
Speaker 2: talking to a brand Ambition former guest for Shikha Tolshian
Speaker 2: who wrote Inclusion on Purpose. I think I had her
Speaker 2: when you were actually on when you were it was
Speaker 2: after Darrell passed. But anyhow, Rashika was asking me about
Speaker 2: she's writing an amazing book called Uncompete, Sidebar, Sidebar. I
Speaker 2: have to have her on to talk about. It's basically
Speaker 2: about how there's so much more to gain by not
Speaker 2: competing with one another as women. But she asked me
Speaker 2: for an example of anyway, and I was like yes,
Speaker 2: I have a secure friendship in Tiffany. She's secure and
Speaker 2: I don't have to worry about I don't have to
Speaker 2: like watch what I say. I can just be myself
Speaker 2: and it's a beautiful thing. It really is.
Speaker 1: I love you, Mandy, I love you too. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: for real, Cama was like, whenever you called me, You're like,
Speaker 1: did I say? I was like, huh, girl, barely what
Speaker 1: we talked about.
Speaker 2: So when I said that thing that I'm overthinking now,
Speaker 2: I'm like, what thing? But at least at least I'll
Speaker 2: pick up the phone now, because before I would just like,
Speaker 2: is she gonna show up next week?
Speaker 1: Honestly, I never there's never been a coversation where I
Speaker 1: felt like, you know, like Mandy said something that offended me.
Speaker 1: So when I told you, as much as I love
Speaker 1: the BA listeners, y'all are good, but I'm only I
Speaker 1: only came back honestly because of you, Mandy. Like, if
Speaker 1: this was like a solo podcast I was doing by myself,
Speaker 1: y'all would have been like, well, grand opening grand clothes.
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I wouldn't be back, you know. I literally
Speaker 1: came back because of my friendship with Mandy, and I
Speaker 1: enjoy having this time, so as I forget that, like
Speaker 1: you know, we're taping because I'm like I said that, damn,
Speaker 1: you know, I was just talking to Mandy, you know,
Speaker 1: like literally I came back for you. I came back
Speaker 1: because I enjoyed this time. I came back because you know,
Speaker 1: like you're my friend and I love you and I
Speaker 1: want to continue to do this for as long as
Speaker 1: we want to do it. And so yeah, no, so yes,
Speaker 1: Thankfully that part of myself is still secured, like my
Speaker 1: I still navigate from secure attachment and friendships. It's just
Speaker 1: this this new space you know that I'm like navigating.
Speaker 1: But who.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm saying, if you guys want to have a
Speaker 2: woo child moment, you gotta get that book. Let me
Speaker 2: let us know how you're what you're learning about yourselves
Speaker 2: through that book attached oof. It's such a game changer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you want to do.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna do a boost because something that put
Speaker 2: a huge vile smile on my face today is that
Speaker 2: The Color Purple is a book that I could read
Speaker 2: one hundred times and not read it enough. And I've
Speaker 2: seen the movie. I've seen the Broadway show twice once
Speaker 2: with Fantasia. The last time was within Cynthia Arrivo. And
Speaker 2: there's a movie coming out this holiday season, I think
Speaker 2: Christmas time, and they just released a new trailer and
Speaker 2: every trailer I'm just like, I put me on the
Speaker 2: mailing list. I want to subscribe to every version of
Speaker 2: this trailer. It's got Fantasia, it's got to Raji p Henson,
Speaker 2: it's got so much heart, and the trailer is up.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna post we can post a link in the
Speaker 2: show notes so that you see it. But the music
Speaker 2: like Taragi's playing Oh I can't shug Avery in the
Speaker 2: in the in the movie, and I think Fantasia is
Speaker 2: still playing Seay and then Danielle Brooks is playing Oprah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's gonna be so freaking good. And it just
Speaker 2: it's about sisterhood, it's about friendship, it's about everything. So
Speaker 2: if you didn't know what's happening, now you do. That's
Speaker 2: my boost.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this whole podcast is about sisterhood and friendship. I
Speaker 1: love it. We love to see it. And if you
Speaker 1: need anything, Mandra you know, like food delivered, you know,
Speaker 1: I love That's like one of my favorite things to
Speaker 1: do when someone's going through a like sometimes the last
Speaker 1: thing you want to worry about it is chittoper. You know, yes,
Speaker 1: you get the answer. Yes, send me like like, you know,
Speaker 1: three or four things are your favorite things? And then
Speaker 1: I could just be like randomly like, oh the way.
Speaker 2: Yes, things that I don't have to cook. Yes, because
Speaker 2: at the end of the night, I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: I probably need to eat something. It's not cool. It's
Speaker 2: gotten there again. So that's so sweet.
Speaker 1: Thanks, Tiff, of course I got you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Checking on your loved ones, you know, checking on us.
Speaker 2: Check in and see them, see go physically be present.
Speaker 2: Even a phone call is not enough sometimes with these
Speaker 2: lion ass pair I mean, with your family and friends,
Speaker 2: you may not tell me the whole truth and nothing
Speaker 2: but the truth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, bye.
Speaker 2: I always say until next week. Hello on Friday,