WEBVTT - Aspirations Are Kicking My Butt (383)

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, hey, hey, we're back. We're black wee bah ambition ambition, ambition, ambition, ambition.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey manager, how are you doing today?

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<v Speaker 2>Girl?

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<v Speaker 1>Bathing? Okay, do you want to take it back? Let's

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<v Speaker 1>start off with that, because Lord knows I could use

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<v Speaker 1>it to Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, let's do a little everyone together, okay, and hell

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<v Speaker 2>for four, hold for seven, out for eight?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? Is that one too?

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<v Speaker 2>Out through the toes. I always imagine that my toes

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<v Speaker 2>have little mouth.

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<v Speaker 1>I like that though, because it kind of like allows

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<v Speaker 1>the breadth to go through your body.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, you imagine. I imagine I'm breathing into the top

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<v Speaker 2>of my head. I think I listened to that through

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<v Speaker 2>a meditation app one time, and I was, okay, y see,

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<v Speaker 2>you like pull up with your head and then just

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<v Speaker 2>like let it flow, visualize it going all the way

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<v Speaker 2>to your toe.

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<v Speaker 1>I like that.

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<v Speaker 2>So I go to sleep every night. Yeah, girl, I

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<v Speaker 2>feel like the season of too much is upon us.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm ready to throw October to the garbage gods. And

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<v Speaker 2>but I know, listen, no offense to you and other

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<v Speaker 2>October people. And if this was a month for you,

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<v Speaker 2>if you got engaged, if you had a baby, if

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<v Speaker 2>you if you've got an amazing whatever promotion then I

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<v Speaker 2>but personally me, I would like October to go mind

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<v Speaker 2>its damn business until next year because I just booked

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<v Speaker 2>my second flight to Georgia in three weeks. First, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>my uncle passed, My dad's brother passed, and it's so

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<v Speaker 2>fucking sad.

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<v Speaker 1>I know you talked about your uncle morn.

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<v Speaker 2>Now the holidays are coming, so my, my, my, my queens.

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<v Speaker 2>Who are from Uh why do I only want to

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<v Speaker 2>say broken homes just you know, modern homes where it's

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<v Speaker 2>like blended families and divorce and you have to like

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<v Speaker 2>figure out which family is going to get the cheft

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<v Speaker 2>this year because not everybody can be pleased. And as

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<v Speaker 2>much as I've worked on, like, you know, being at

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<v Speaker 2>peace with the fact that I can't please everybody, of

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<v Speaker 2>course still you want to please people are on the holidays,

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<v Speaker 2>so the mental gymnastics of like where are we going

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<v Speaker 2>to spend which holiday with? Who has begun along with

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<v Speaker 2>Like my son's school sent us a note last night

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<v Speaker 2>that this is Spirit Week, but thank god today was

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<v Speaker 2>pajama Day. I was like, can I be pajama day

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<v Speaker 2>every day? Can it be? You've worn those same pants?

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<v Speaker 1>In two days in our old day like that, I

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<v Speaker 1>am currently wearing pajamas I slept in, so look at

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<v Speaker 1>me on the that's to look at me on me.

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<v Speaker 1>But how are you overall? I know that you know

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<v Speaker 1>that was one of your favorite uncles.

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<v Speaker 2>Well he I mean favorite, Like we weren't super close.

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<v Speaker 2>But the thing about it is my uncle Mark. May

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<v Speaker 2>he rest in peace. The thing about Uncle Mark is

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<v Speaker 2>like he was just always he never asked anything of

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<v Speaker 2>us or of me. I'll talk about my relationship with him.

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<v Speaker 2>He was just always sweet and always giving and so proud.

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<v Speaker 2>And the one thing is he sent me. At the time,

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, what an interesting baby gift when I

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<v Speaker 2>had rio, Uncle Mark sent me this like giant package

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<v Speaker 2>of sesame street wash claus which was like such a

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<v Speaker 2>specific gift, and I'm like wow. But when I tell you,

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<v Speaker 2>I have gone through all like fifty of those things,

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<v Speaker 2>and they're always a thing I pull out instead of

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<v Speaker 2>like all the fancy baby you know, rags and burp

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<v Speaker 2>claws and all that kind of stuff. So whenever I

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<v Speaker 2>see those sesame street wash clause, I always think about him.

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<v Speaker 2>And the last text I sent him was like, do

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<v Speaker 2>you know I use much and the last conversation we had,

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<v Speaker 2>this is why it's so sad, And I'm gonna turn

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<v Speaker 2>it around because I'm trying to look at this from

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<v Speaker 2>like a use this moment to learn and to grow

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<v Speaker 2>for your family moment. Because my uncle he suffered from

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<v Speaker 2>kidney disease kidney failure like so many people in my

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<v Speaker 2>family do, and he was on dialysis for fourteen fifteen years,

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<v Speaker 2>and in recent weeks he had offered us comfort and

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<v Speaker 2>offered us sort of a window into what his life

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<v Speaker 2>on dialysis is like as I'm not trying but my

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<v Speaker 2>dad's business out there. But my dad is also potentially

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<v Speaker 2>going to be dealing with that as well. Anyway, But

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<v Speaker 2>Uncle Mark, he got on the phone with my brother,

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<v Speaker 2>my dad, and I and he was like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>this is what it's like. It's a part of my routine.

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<v Speaker 2>Your dad doesn't have to your dad and have to

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<v Speaker 2>suffer like he can make it a part of his life.

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<v Speaker 2>Like there's cruise ship where they do dialysis, all this

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<v Speaker 2>kind of stuff. And he was so comforting to us.

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<v Speaker 2>And so now two weeks later for him to die

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<v Speaker 2>from complications of that very disease and having gone to

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<v Speaker 2>my grandpa's funeral just three weeks ago, who died from

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<v Speaker 2>kidney cancer. And it is just it's humbling, but it's

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<v Speaker 2>also it feels like I'm finally awake in a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of ways like this, it's not the kidney disease that

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<v Speaker 2>has been killing so much of my family, my dad's

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<v Speaker 2>side the family, it's all the underlying chronic conditions. So

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<v Speaker 2>if you're someone with diabetes in your family and hypertension,

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<v Speaker 2>the way that it moves in my dad's side the family,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean in twenty twenty three, like, how can I

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<v Speaker 2>have an aunt who died from diabetes complications? Like that's

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<v Speaker 2>just to me, it's criminal, you know. But in our

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<v Speaker 2>community in Atlanta, like my dad's family, access to health

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<v Speaker 2>care is a real issue. Access to affordable insurance is

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<v Speaker 2>a real issue. When your primary care doctors are fucking

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<v Speaker 2>er and you have to wait hours to be seen,

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<v Speaker 2>they're not in there giving you like holistic care. No

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<v Speaker 2>primary care doctor has been on you about getting your

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<v Speaker 2>glucose levels tested and talking to you about the long term,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, impact of these chronic diseases. And it's like,

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<v Speaker 2>now my family is reaping the not the rewards. It's

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<v Speaker 2>just like it is finding out the consequences of not

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<v Speaker 2>not educating ourselves and not making changes, you know, and

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<v Speaker 2>not making it like our jobs, like making it a

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<v Speaker 2>part of our jobs to check on each other and

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<v Speaker 2>be on each other's you know, backs about taking care

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<v Speaker 2>of ourselves the way that you know. I feel like

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of the stress that my brother and I

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<v Speaker 2>have had around showing up for my dad now and

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<v Speaker 2>making sure that he has all of his appointments and

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<v Speaker 2>he meets those things. I'm like, where have I been?

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<v Speaker 2>My Dad's a hot I was like, where have I

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I take some of that ownership. I'm the eldest,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm his you know, first daughter, And so there's like

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<v Speaker 2>that pressure, and I know I'm going to go at

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<v Speaker 2>this funeral at the end of this week, and I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know what to say other than like, we have

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<v Speaker 2>to wake up and we have to start like my cousins,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, the young the No, I'm not that young anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>We're in our thirties and forties now. But we have

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<v Speaker 2>to get it together and break this cycle because this

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<v Speaker 2>is a last funeral I want to go to from

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<v Speaker 2>a preventable disease, you know, in our family and so

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<v Speaker 2>did I say I was going to turn it around

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<v Speaker 2>and like put a positive spin on it, because I

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<v Speaker 2>think I lost the spin.

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<v Speaker 1>But maybe no, I think that, you know, someone listening

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<v Speaker 1>is going to be like, have I checked in on

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<v Speaker 1>my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, and.

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<v Speaker 2>Are they telling me?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because sometimes you have to lay eyes. That's what

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<v Speaker 1>they call it, you know, like you know, is it zoom?

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<v Speaker 1>Is it? You know, if you're able to go see

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<v Speaker 1>them personally maybe they live in the town near you,

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<v Speaker 1>but not just that, are you I'm not gonna lie.

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<v Speaker 1>I have not been to the primary care doctor in

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<v Speaker 1>so long, really since before Dreell passed away, so it's

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<v Speaker 1>been over two years, and like I'm supposed to get

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<v Speaker 1>like a mammogram, you know, cause I'm forty four now,

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<v Speaker 1>I think I have not you know. I was like

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<v Speaker 1>I had all these things like okay, this is like

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<v Speaker 1>you know, my doctor gave me like a list of things,

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<v Speaker 1>and then she got sick with cancer and she was

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<v Speaker 1>gone for a while, and I just was like, I

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<v Speaker 1>just you know, you just are like, oh, I got

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<v Speaker 1>to find a new primary I gotta you know, I know.

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<v Speaker 1>ZocDoc is one of our sponsors. I was like, I

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<v Speaker 1>think that's what I actually used initially to find her,

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<v Speaker 1>and I, you know, you just like you kick the

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<v Speaker 1>can down them, you know, down the road. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>Drell passed away and just everything else full out the wind.

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<v Speaker 1>I just was like, I don't you know, I can't

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<v Speaker 1>even think about it. But just most recently, I've been

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<v Speaker 1>like Tiffany, like you don't know where you stand? Helpful.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, you know, I don't you know. When I

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<v Speaker 1>was doing IVF IVF, I mean I literally probably went

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<v Speaker 1>to the doctor two or three times a week, so

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<v Speaker 1>I was constantly blood pressure, blood work, and so it

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<v Speaker 1>was like I knew everything where I stood, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>But then when that process was over, I can honestly

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<v Speaker 1>tell you I have no idea. So I'm like, I know,

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<v Speaker 1>like I need to you know, I need to know.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, there are not too many things that I

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<v Speaker 1>know of that run in my family. My dad is

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<v Speaker 1>in his eighties. He doesn't have as far as I know,

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<v Speaker 1>high blood pressure. No, that's not true. Maybe a little,

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<v Speaker 1>but nothing something that's like comparable to his age, you

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<v Speaker 1>know what I mean. Like nothing, I mean not that

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<v Speaker 1>I know of that cancer or anything runs in our

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<v Speaker 1>family but still these things you don't know, you know, so.

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<v Speaker 2>Until you stood around the chat. Like in my family,

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<v Speaker 2>it's just such a part of the fabric on my

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<v Speaker 2>dad's side of like their daily lives, Like it was

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<v Speaker 2>never a conversation like did you know that grandpa is

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<v Speaker 2>suffering failure? Like if you go to it. When I

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<v Speaker 2>when I say I feel like the lights kind of

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<v Speaker 2>came on in my eyes. When I visited my dad

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<v Speaker 2>recently for my grandpa's funeral, which happened to be like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, he died the day my dad was discharged

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<v Speaker 2>from the hospital for anyway, And as we were driving

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<v Speaker 2>from the airport to my dad's house in the heart

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<v Speaker 2>of Atlanta, on the way to where he lives, like

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit south of Atlanta, when I tell you

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<v Speaker 2>the number of dialysis centers I saw, it was like

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<v Speaker 2>you know when you go down those streets with car

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<v Speaker 2>dealerships and there's just one on every side, there's like

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<v Speaker 2>ten there. It was like that, you know, when it's

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<v Speaker 2>like a diabetes and dialysis treatment center, and I'm just

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<v Speaker 2>like looking, yeah, look at the business. Look at the business.

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<v Speaker 2>Look at the billions that are being made on the

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<v Speaker 2>backs of people who were dying from an illness or

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<v Speaker 2>suffering from an ill inventice, you know, that's treated because

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<v Speaker 2>it's a symptom of these preventable you know, conditions. And

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<v Speaker 2>this is all Remember when we talked about it wasatic

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<v Speaker 2>not long ago. Ozempic is the you know, the Hollywood

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<v Speaker 2>drugs people are using to lose weight. Now. It was

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<v Speaker 2>started as a diabetes drug, and of course now it's

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<v Speaker 2>like a you know, a miracle drug for weight loss

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<v Speaker 2>and all of that. But the day that it came

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<v Speaker 2>out that they had just completed this came out like

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<v Speaker 2>last week or so, because I was sending it to

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<v Speaker 2>my brother and my dad and like harassing his doctors

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<v Speaker 2>because ozempic has been found to actually help with kidney disease,

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<v Speaker 2>chronic kidney disease, which makes sense because diabetes, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>is tied to that. Anyway, the stocks of these dialysis

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<v Speaker 2>companies started to go down. You know, the last thing

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<v Speaker 2>they want is to secure huge business, huge business on

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<v Speaker 2>black and brown bodies. I wish I had done a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit more research so I could share some stats

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<v Speaker 2>on how like much more prevalent these diseases are in

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<v Speaker 2>our communities. But I, yes, they are so and I

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<v Speaker 2>think it's on us to understand what our risk factors are.

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<v Speaker 2>Not let it doctor tell us, because your doctor may

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<v Speaker 2>not share the back of the same background, but hopefully

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<v Speaker 2>you know, it's great if they do. And I stopped

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<v Speaker 2>playing around. Glad that I stopped playing around with like

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know doctor Roulette or just not doctor Roulette,

0:12:14.120 --> 0:12:16.520
<v Speaker 2>but like I would be like, oh, I need a physical,

0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:18.160
<v Speaker 2>let me go find a different doctor because I would

0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:23.040
<v Speaker 2>move so much. I finally found a primary care this

0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:26.520
<v Speaker 2>past spring, and I was like, you're my lady. I'm

0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:29.720
<v Speaker 2>going to see you again because I need to be

0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:32.360
<v Speaker 2>you know, I want to be committed in a committed

0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:38.400
<v Speaker 2>PCP relationship. Yeah, so it's yeah, just your reminder and

0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:40.520
<v Speaker 2>tip get your mama, Graham girl, I know, like we

0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:42.000
<v Speaker 2>talked about this last year.

0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:45.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah probably, yeah, yeah.

0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:47.640
<v Speaker 2>Get your That sounds so uncomfortable. I don't blame you

0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:49.720
<v Speaker 2>for not want to go and get your smashed.

0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:51.720
<v Speaker 1>I know, maybe don't say.

0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:56.880
<v Speaker 2>Are you doing on the Today Show? Can go and

0:12:57.559 --> 0:12:59.520
<v Speaker 2>take a little camera with you and you know, make.

0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:03.040
<v Speaker 1>It reel and I know, like, I mean, I don't

0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:06.800
<v Speaker 1>know how old you're supposed to be when like colonoscopy like,

0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:08.120
<v Speaker 1>why isn't that coming up too?

0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:11.280
<v Speaker 2>Well? That started for me at twenty five because of

0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:13.880
<v Speaker 2>my family history that I knew.

0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:15.920
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so that's that's another one.

0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:18.160
<v Speaker 2>Loved me when he survived the Colon prep night.

0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:21.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I remember Darrell did it. One thing about Drell.

0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:23.920
<v Speaker 1>That's why I was so crazy when he just is

0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:27.200
<v Speaker 1>not here because he he when Oh who's a gentleman

0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:33.440
<v Speaker 1>that played from Wakanda? Uh Chadwick Boseman, Tawick Boseman. Yeah,

0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:35.960
<v Speaker 1>when he passed away. The next week he made an appointment.

0:13:36.480 --> 0:13:38.200
<v Speaker 1>And you know, because you know, Joe passed away when

0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:40.559
<v Speaker 1>he was forty one, so he wasn't typically they said

0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:42.680
<v Speaker 1>you waited at forty five. He said no, because he said,

0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:44.560
<v Speaker 1>I saw the research that said that black men should

0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:46.880
<v Speaker 1>start getting tested at forty And I remember the prep

0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:49.000
<v Speaker 1>the night before, drinking all that stuff and all the

0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:53.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, so I just like, yeah, I y'all know

0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:55.720
<v Speaker 1>my mom, well you might know where My mom is

0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:58.000
<v Speaker 1>a nurse, and so she's been getting out of Are

0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:00.400
<v Speaker 1>you getting your regular this? You know, like are you?

0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:03.840
<v Speaker 1>Because and you're right, I have to like, you know,

0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:06.360
<v Speaker 1>I have to like I'm I mean, I feel quote

0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:08.320
<v Speaker 1>unquote fine, but what does that even mean? So many

0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:12.600
<v Speaker 1>things are silent, you know, like you know whether they're

0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:16.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, pcos. Some people have you know, five boys,

0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:18.680
<v Speaker 1>y'all know I had five boys. I didn't even know.

0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:22.120
<v Speaker 1>There's so many things that if knowing ahead of time,

0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:25.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, you can navigate. Even now lately, I'm like,

0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:28.600
<v Speaker 1>I've had this really nasty cough for the last couple days.

0:14:28.600 --> 0:14:30.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, please don't tell me I have COVID, But

0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:32.640
<v Speaker 1>I took a test and said no.

0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.560
<v Speaker 2>But you know, I fall viruses.

0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:36.360
<v Speaker 1>That's what I'm just like, Oh, how great for me.

0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:37.880
<v Speaker 1>I had to use my damn asthma pump for the

0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:39.080
<v Speaker 1>first time in like two years.

0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:41.440
<v Speaker 2>You know. I was like, scramming around for the holiday

0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:44.080
<v Speaker 2>season was something that was just so girl, just like

0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:48.000
<v Speaker 2>from a kid's perspective. But now it's like, oh god,

0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:49.320
<v Speaker 2>it's like tax season almost.

0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:53.960
<v Speaker 1>Girl. It's like asthma aches pains my mad No.

0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:58.960
<v Speaker 2>But oh man, man, we feel you going through it.

0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:01.080
<v Speaker 1>And it's a lot right now.

0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:04.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so much. I think the best thing that my

0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.520
<v Speaker 2>mom that I inherited from my family is my sense

0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:09.800
<v Speaker 2>of humor, because the way it has saved my life

0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:13.880
<v Speaker 2>this past few months. Shout out to my mom and

0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:16.120
<v Speaker 2>my dad too, But my mom, I kind of got that, like,

0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, that that sense of humor, that bite, that

0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:21.480
<v Speaker 2>wit if I ever heard you with my words, my

0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:22.840
<v Speaker 2>mom taught me at a sharp.

0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:24.560
<v Speaker 1>Name.

0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:30.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, just humor and creating that soft landing for myself.

0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:35.120
<v Speaker 2>So having my therapist, you know, having my psychiatrist, and

0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:36.720
<v Speaker 2>so I don't have to go looking for them. I'm like,

0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:39.560
<v Speaker 2>there's a lot going on and I'm not even going

0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:41.360
<v Speaker 2>to waste time feeling bad about it that I'm having

0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:43.200
<v Speaker 2>a hard time managing. So let me get the help

0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:48.280
<v Speaker 2>I need and keep it moving. But yeah, and.

0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:50.920
<v Speaker 1>That includes mental health, you know, Like you know, you know,

0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:54.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm always bragging on doctor Green because she's like literally

0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:58.080
<v Speaker 1>helped to save my life and you know, having someone

0:15:58.200 --> 0:16:01.400
<v Speaker 1>to talk to. And there are different mental health specialists,

0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:04.520
<v Speaker 1>like doctor Green actually specializes in trauma. That's why she

0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:06.200
<v Speaker 1>was perfect for what I needed her for, you know.

0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:08.600
<v Speaker 1>And even now that's one of the questions. It's like

0:16:09.240 --> 0:16:11.440
<v Speaker 1>I love doctor Green, and I'm like, well, if this

0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:14.560
<v Speaker 1>is your specialty, if I'm no longer in this heightened

0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:17.720
<v Speaker 1>traumatic state, what does that look like? You know, like

0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:19.800
<v Speaker 1>in a year, do you do I find another therapy?

0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:22.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to ask her, you know, like what, yeah,

0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:26.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't

0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:27.680
<v Speaker 1>want to let go of doctor Green, but I also

0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:29.920
<v Speaker 1>want to be mindful that, like, you know, if it's

0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:34.000
<v Speaker 1>more maintenance, this is still appropriate. This because I don't

0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:36.080
<v Speaker 1>ever really want to stop going to therapy truthfully, because

0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:38.280
<v Speaker 1>I think it's just been so helpful. But I just

0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:40.600
<v Speaker 1>want to make sure that, like I am always aligned

0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:42.840
<v Speaker 1>with where I wanted to go. You know, even though

0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:45.040
<v Speaker 1>these hard times are hard times, I'm just seeing this

0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:48.240
<v Speaker 1>trend in people focusing inward, you know that I just

0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:50.000
<v Speaker 1>see so many people who are just like I'm not

0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:52.760
<v Speaker 1>doing all that. I'm focusing on my family, the people

0:16:52.760 --> 0:16:55.320
<v Speaker 1>I care about, my friends, like the work that moves me.

0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:57.960
<v Speaker 1>So there is a shift happ Remember before this shift

0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:00.600
<v Speaker 1>was toward like go go, go more more more work,

0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:03.800
<v Speaker 1>work work, You know that we were in our everybody's

0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:07.440
<v Speaker 1>in there, Gary Vee error, you know, but even Gary

0:17:07.480 --> 0:17:09.560
<v Speaker 1>Vee I recently heard him on the podcast er Come

0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:13.359
<v Speaker 1>Taught Me, and he was talking about slowing down and peace.

0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:17.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, wow, even Gary Vee is tired. So if

0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:21.600
<v Speaker 1>you're tired, that is okay. We are all tired. It's

0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:24.280
<v Speaker 1>okay to be tired. It is okay to say I

0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:28.840
<v Speaker 1>don't want to do quite as much, and it's okay. Like, honestly,

0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:31.399
<v Speaker 1>I am now reverse engineering where I'm looking at my

0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:34.480
<v Speaker 1>life and saying, how much do I really need? Not

0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:38.520
<v Speaker 1>from the excess, but from as little as possible to

0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:41.920
<v Speaker 1>live this? And so that way, how do I what

0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:44.119
<v Speaker 1>do I need to do to make just what I need?

0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:47.560
<v Speaker 1>You know, so I have more time for people, I

0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:50.240
<v Speaker 1>have more time for rest, I have more time for peace,

0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:52.919
<v Speaker 1>you know, like the Tiffany from ten years ago was

0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:55.320
<v Speaker 1>like more and more and more that more is more,

0:17:55.840 --> 0:17:57.959
<v Speaker 1>and now to me the more is different. Before it

0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:01.320
<v Speaker 1>was like more money, more accolades, and now it's more

0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:03.800
<v Speaker 1>time more. Like I had my sister sale with my

0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:06.000
<v Speaker 1>sisters this weekend. We do an annual sale. We do

0:18:06.040 --> 0:18:08.800
<v Speaker 1>a closet sale, and we clean out our closets and

0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:12.240
<v Speaker 1>then Lisa has a really cute apartment, a garden apartment

0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:14.600
<v Speaker 1>in Jersey City that's right on the corner, and so

0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:17.840
<v Speaker 1>we do like a sidewalk sale with all of our stuff, and.

0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:19.640
<v Speaker 2>No, I'm so freaking cute, I can't.

0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:21.520
<v Speaker 1>And so it was so nice because it was like

0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:25.399
<v Speaker 1>the sisters minus the one in Chicago, plus one of

0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:27.680
<v Speaker 1>my nieces Amelia, and.

0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:28.760
<v Speaker 2>Minus the one in Chicago.

0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:29.960
<v Speaker 1>See I'm that sister.

0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:36.240
<v Speaker 2>So it was great. It was a study that came

0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:38.520
<v Speaker 2>out that said people who have helped me relationship with

0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:41.639
<v Speaker 2>their sisters, like I saw that the better best lives

0:18:41.640 --> 0:18:42.200
<v Speaker 2>something like that.

0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:44.280
<v Speaker 1>I saw my sister.

0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:50.040
<v Speaker 2>I imported her from Wisconsin like a rare cheese she's visiting,

0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:50.920
<v Speaker 2>and I love that.

0:18:52.520 --> 0:18:54.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, sinces are just awesome. I just I just want

0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:56.920
<v Speaker 1>that for all of us, and that we are really

0:18:57.440 --> 0:18:59.280
<v Speaker 1>Like you are allowed to look at your money and

0:18:59.320 --> 0:19:03.000
<v Speaker 1>your finances and say, fit to the life that I want.

0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:06.280
<v Speaker 1>And if you are in your Gary b hustle, grind

0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:08.240
<v Speaker 1>more and more and more whatever, there's nothing. There's no

0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:10.240
<v Speaker 1>judgment here because we have been there. But if you

0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:13.600
<v Speaker 1>are in your laid back chill piece, the purpose of

0:19:13.640 --> 0:19:16.680
<v Speaker 1>your finances is to fit to the life that you're wanting,

0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:19.920
<v Speaker 1>and so don't be afraid to update the financial part

0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:22.040
<v Speaker 1>of your life to fit to wherever you're wanting to

0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:24.159
<v Speaker 1>go or wherever you are. Now, Like you are allowed

0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:26.080
<v Speaker 1>to update and change and say, I know, I said

0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:28.160
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to make three hundred thousand blah blah blah,

0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:30.960
<v Speaker 1>but one hundred and fifty is more than enough to

0:19:31.040 --> 0:19:32.840
<v Speaker 1>do the things that I want, and so I could

0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:34.680
<v Speaker 1>take a nap. You know how many.

0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:36.600
<v Speaker 2>Of us are getting beaten up by our own aspiration.

0:19:36.680 --> 0:19:43.320
<v Speaker 2>That's fine, now, how I said aspiration not ambition, because right,

0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:45.840
<v Speaker 2>it's a healthy amount of ambition. But I will say

0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:49.359
<v Speaker 2>that the I'm not going to move the way I

0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:51.399
<v Speaker 2>would have moved as a business owner if I started

0:19:51.400 --> 0:19:54.480
<v Speaker 2>my business at twenty two. You know, I'm moving as

0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:56.840
<v Speaker 2>a person. It's almost like I don't want to create

0:19:56.880 --> 0:20:00.720
<v Speaker 2>a business that requires me to be at one hundred

0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:03.080
<v Speaker 2>percent all the time, because the reality is like if

0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:05.560
<v Speaker 2>I can get like a solid sixty five percent on it,

0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:10.399
<v Speaker 2>I'm like today was good, you know, like I was

0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:13.600
<v Speaker 2>sixty sixty five percent of my uh you know, my

0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:17.960
<v Speaker 2>cup being being filled is like pretty decent. And the

0:20:18.040 --> 0:20:21.400
<v Speaker 2>days that were so last week was a week before that, yeah,

0:20:21.480 --> 0:20:23.359
<v Speaker 2>the week of the twentieth whenever fincn was that was

0:20:23.400 --> 0:20:25.520
<v Speaker 2>a week where I needed one hundred percent of myself

0:20:26.000 --> 0:20:27.440
<v Speaker 2>and I knew it. I was like, it's going to

0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:29.520
<v Speaker 2>be a tough week, but I felt good when I

0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:33.159
<v Speaker 2>booked everything, and then you know, all the shit started

0:20:33.160 --> 0:20:35.919
<v Speaker 2>happening with family and then my mental health and you know,

0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:39.560
<v Speaker 2>just like the seasons and all that, and I was like, Okay,

0:20:40.440 --> 0:20:42.879
<v Speaker 2>we have to we have to break. We have to

0:20:42.960 --> 0:20:44.879
<v Speaker 2>like break the image of the person I thought I

0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:47.159
<v Speaker 2>was going to be for this week. Yeah, because the

0:20:47.200 --> 0:20:49.119
<v Speaker 2>person I am can't do this. And I had to

0:20:49.119 --> 0:20:51.119
<v Speaker 2>back out of fin Con. I was supposed to give

0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:57.879
<v Speaker 2>a talk there. I had to cancel like several meetings

0:20:57.920 --> 0:21:00.600
<v Speaker 2>that were like big ideas for you know, maybe next

0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:02.560
<v Speaker 2>year kind of meanings and just like bring it back

0:21:02.600 --> 0:21:06.040
<v Speaker 2>to the bare minimum. And it sucked. But I was

0:21:06.080 --> 0:21:11.119
<v Speaker 2>also like do this or like what's it for his

0:21:11.800 --> 0:21:15.159
<v Speaker 2>for who to disappoint? To make me happy? Because no

0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:16.520
<v Speaker 2>one else is asking me to do everything?

0:21:16.680 --> 0:21:19.240
<v Speaker 1>You know, yes, and I'm so glad that you. It's

0:21:19.280 --> 0:21:22.399
<v Speaker 1>hard to make, especially for women who are ambitious. You know,

0:21:22.560 --> 0:21:24.920
<v Speaker 1>like we literally call this Brown ambition because we're both

0:21:24.960 --> 0:21:28.640
<v Speaker 1>brown and we're both really ambitious, and it's hard when

0:21:28.760 --> 0:21:32.480
<v Speaker 1>from that space to say I'm actually going to do less.

0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:35.280
<v Speaker 1>It's really hard to make the decision to do less.

0:21:35.400 --> 0:21:37.399
<v Speaker 1>It's one thing when life forces your hand, you're like, well,

0:21:37.720 --> 0:21:39.720
<v Speaker 1>but it's hard to make the and I hate the

0:21:39.760 --> 0:21:43.119
<v Speaker 1>word And maybe the word less has this negative connotation.

0:21:43.359 --> 0:21:47.960
<v Speaker 1>It's not really less. It's just like a reallocation of

0:21:48.000 --> 0:21:49.640
<v Speaker 1>the energy because it's more for.

0:21:49.560 --> 0:21:51.960
<v Speaker 2>You quality versus quantity.

0:21:52.160 --> 0:21:54.640
<v Speaker 1>Yes, yes, and I want that for us.

0:21:55.520 --> 0:21:58.200
<v Speaker 2>I want I want. I want to be where sixty

0:21:58.240 --> 0:22:01.480
<v Speaker 2>five percent of Mandy can you know, have a thriving

0:22:01.560 --> 0:22:03.720
<v Speaker 2>business that's paying the bills. I don't have to worry.

0:22:03.800 --> 0:22:06.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm working towards that. You know, yes, but one day

0:22:06.960 --> 0:22:10.159
<v Speaker 2>at a freak one hour at a freakin time, you

0:22:10.200 --> 0:22:10.760
<v Speaker 2>know when I'm trying.

0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:13.080
<v Speaker 1>And that's now you can see why. For those of

0:22:13.119 --> 0:22:14.720
<v Speaker 1>you who might have cringed when I said that I

0:22:14.720 --> 0:22:16.480
<v Speaker 1>bought my condo cash, even though I know I could

0:22:16.480 --> 0:22:19.800
<v Speaker 1>put in the market, it's because I didn't want to

0:22:19.880 --> 0:22:23.680
<v Speaker 1>have to worry about a mortgage, even though there's more

0:22:23.720 --> 0:22:26.000
<v Speaker 1>money in the long run. I have a lot of

0:22:26.040 --> 0:22:28.920
<v Speaker 1>money already, if I'm being candid. But I knew that

0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:31.120
<v Speaker 1>this was going to be a year well I might

0:22:31.160 --> 0:22:33.520
<v Speaker 1>not be able to fully show up, and I didn't

0:22:33.520 --> 0:22:35.119
<v Speaker 1>want to have to be like, of course I have

0:22:35.160 --> 0:22:38.159
<v Speaker 1>plenty of savings whatever, but there's an anxiety for me

0:22:38.400 --> 0:22:41.560
<v Speaker 1>to tap into emergency savings even though it's there. I

0:22:41.640 --> 0:22:45.280
<v Speaker 1>wanted to say, I know the budget needs to would

0:22:45.280 --> 0:22:48.119
<v Speaker 1>have to be closed down for me not to be

0:22:48.160 --> 0:22:49.879
<v Speaker 1>able to afford my life because I don't have a

0:22:49.920 --> 0:22:51.720
<v Speaker 1>mortgage on my current home and I don't have a

0:22:51.760 --> 0:22:54.399
<v Speaker 1>mortgage on them on the condo. But I did that

0:22:54.440 --> 0:22:59.159
<v Speaker 1>intentionally to relieve rates though, girl, to relieve some of

0:22:59.200 --> 0:23:01.679
<v Speaker 1>the stress of life. What you don't got to worry about, Tiffany,

0:23:01.800 --> 0:23:04.240
<v Speaker 1>is you just have to make the bare minimum to

0:23:04.280 --> 0:23:06.399
<v Speaker 1>make your you know, to afford your life. And so

0:23:06.480 --> 0:23:09.920
<v Speaker 1>I wanted that peace of mind over more money in

0:23:09.960 --> 0:23:12.600
<v Speaker 1>the long run. And to me, you know, it didn't hurt.

0:23:12.640 --> 0:23:14.440
<v Speaker 1>I mean, certainly it's like, oh, you really could have

0:23:14.480 --> 0:23:17.480
<v Speaker 1>made more. Maybe there's an extra six figure, I get it.

0:23:17.520 --> 0:23:19.120
<v Speaker 1>But I just was like, this is what I mean

0:23:19.160 --> 0:23:22.720
<v Speaker 1>about adjusting your financial life to fit how you want

0:23:22.720 --> 0:23:25.520
<v Speaker 1>your actual life to go. And so for me, you know,

0:23:25.560 --> 0:23:27.760
<v Speaker 1>after talking with my financial vibes, I didn't make the

0:23:27.800 --> 0:23:30.399
<v Speaker 1>decision lightly and she said, here's the difference. In the

0:23:30.400 --> 0:23:33.359
<v Speaker 1>long run, either way, You're fine, you know, it's just

0:23:33.400 --> 0:23:35.640
<v Speaker 1>a difference between a lot of money or a lot

0:23:35.680 --> 0:23:37.560
<v Speaker 1>of a little bit more than a lot of money.

0:23:37.760 --> 0:23:39.960
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, I'll take less. I'll take less

0:23:39.960 --> 0:23:41.480
<v Speaker 1>money in the long run for more peace in the

0:23:41.520 --> 0:23:42.240
<v Speaker 1>short term.

0:23:42.480 --> 0:23:42.840
<v Speaker 2>Amen.

0:23:43.400 --> 0:23:47.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So a man, you want to take a little

0:23:48.000 --> 0:23:49.000
<v Speaker 1>bit of a break and who's that?

0:23:50.600 --> 0:23:53.160
<v Speaker 2>Yes, my breath work the way that my lungs are

0:23:53.160 --> 0:23:57.080
<v Speaker 2>coming through, sending the breath. Let's let's let's go out

0:23:57.119 --> 0:24:00.960
<v Speaker 2>with another little like yes, four seconds and seven minutes,

0:24:01.000 --> 0:24:07.640
<v Speaker 2>hold seven seven deep sea diving and then eight four

0:24:07.720 --> 0:24:10.159
<v Speaker 2>seven eight breath. I love this, okay, okay, and for

0:24:10.280 --> 0:24:24.520
<v Speaker 2>four hold for seven out for eight through the toes.

0:24:29.000 --> 0:24:31.040
<v Speaker 2>You'll get my billy again. Goodbye, You'll be back, gonna

0:24:31.040 --> 0:24:32.320
<v Speaker 2>break back in a little.

0:24:32.080 --> 0:24:41.760
<v Speaker 1>Bit, and we're back, and I do feel calmer. Thanks Mandra.

0:24:42.000 --> 0:24:42.840
<v Speaker 1>That was beautiful.

0:24:43.480 --> 0:24:46.919
<v Speaker 2>Just repeat that every five minutes like I do. You

0:24:47.000 --> 0:24:52.160
<v Speaker 2>too can survive them. Oh man, Brown boosts brown break though.

0:24:52.320 --> 0:24:58.640
<v Speaker 1>Yes, right, and now it is time to boost top

0:24:58.760 --> 0:25:02.639
<v Speaker 1>break up boostp boost up, break up boost. Are you

0:25:02.680 --> 0:25:09.280
<v Speaker 1>gonna boost? Are you gonna break? What you're gonna do,

0:25:09.600 --> 0:25:16.960
<v Speaker 1>what you're gonna take? And I am I'm gonna because

0:25:17.000 --> 0:25:18.040
<v Speaker 1>I just have a short little boost, and I'm just

0:25:18.119 --> 0:25:19.280
<v Speaker 1>si you might have done it. Did you do your

0:25:19.320 --> 0:25:20.840
<v Speaker 1>dad book that you recommended to us?

0:25:21.240 --> 0:25:22.840
<v Speaker 2>Did I do what book that I recommended?

0:25:23.240 --> 0:25:25.280
<v Speaker 1>Did you boost last week? Attached?

0:25:26.200 --> 0:25:30.639
<v Speaker 2>Yes? Boost? Yeah you can. You can co boost it.

0:25:31.600 --> 0:25:33.280
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, so I'll go first, just because it's like

0:25:33.280 --> 0:25:37.880
<v Speaker 1>a short. But I changed everyone, girl. I owe you

0:25:37.960 --> 0:25:42.960
<v Speaker 1>a handheld a hand foot massage, right because that book.

0:25:44.119 --> 0:25:46.439
<v Speaker 1>Mandy suggested a book. And if you didn't listen to

0:25:47.119 --> 0:25:48.680
<v Speaker 1>I can't remember last time we had a boost break,

0:25:48.680 --> 0:25:52.120
<v Speaker 1>but our last boost break. Many recommended this book called Attachment.

0:25:52.160 --> 0:25:53.280
<v Speaker 1>It who's the author of attached?

0:25:53.520 --> 0:25:56.679
<v Speaker 2>It's called attached and it has a subtitle that I

0:25:56.720 --> 0:25:59.879
<v Speaker 2>can never remember, but hold on, I will find it

0:25:59.880 --> 0:26:02.720
<v Speaker 2>because there are several copies of several books called Attached

0:26:02.720 --> 0:26:03.080
<v Speaker 2>to parents.

0:26:03.080 --> 0:26:04.000
<v Speaker 1>Okay, yeah, that's like.

0:26:04.080 --> 0:26:10.400
<v Speaker 2>Which one by Adam Levine and Rachel S. F Heller Air.

0:26:10.520 --> 0:26:12.439
<v Speaker 1>You said, Adam Levine, which is hilarious. Oh look at

0:26:12.440 --> 0:26:14.800
<v Speaker 1>you did the tipthy you.

0:26:14.680 --> 0:26:17.840
<v Speaker 2>Did until the day the way that I just became dyslexic.

0:26:17.880 --> 0:26:19.600
<v Speaker 2>You're right. And I looked at it again and I

0:26:19.640 --> 0:26:21.439
<v Speaker 2>saw Adam, and I looked away, and I said, a mirror.

0:26:22.400 --> 0:26:24.760
<v Speaker 2>The New science of adult attachment and how it can

0:26:24.840 --> 0:26:26.879
<v Speaker 2>help you find and keep love.

0:26:28.680 --> 0:26:30.920
<v Speaker 1>And yes, I was gonna say what I love about

0:26:30.960 --> 0:26:33.639
<v Speaker 1>attached that although yes, the and they say this, they're like,

0:26:33.680 --> 0:26:37.440
<v Speaker 1>attachment theory is not just about romantic love. That really

0:26:37.480 --> 0:26:41.159
<v Speaker 1>attachment theory and attachment begins really at birth, you know,

0:26:41.240 --> 0:26:43.639
<v Speaker 1>with the way you attached to your person that is

0:26:43.720 --> 0:26:46.840
<v Speaker 1>raising you, your guardian, your mom, your dad, whoever. But

0:26:46.920 --> 0:26:49.960
<v Speaker 1>then this book really specifically kind of dies into how

0:26:50.000 --> 0:26:53.720
<v Speaker 1>this is potentially affecting your romantic life, whatever partnership looks

0:26:53.760 --> 0:26:57.520
<v Speaker 1>like for you in your romantic life, and well, bigger

0:26:57.560 --> 0:26:59.200
<v Speaker 1>than the romantic part, which we can get into a

0:26:59.240 --> 0:27:02.919
<v Speaker 1>little bit, but the bigger than romantic part is that

0:27:03.119 --> 0:27:07.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm really learning like about myself and how I show up,

0:27:08.640 --> 0:27:12.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, and how I've been showing up, and I'm

0:27:12.320 --> 0:27:14.480
<v Speaker 1>just like, oh. And then also to your point, Mandy,

0:27:14.520 --> 0:27:17.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm looking at like friends and family and I'm like, oh,

0:27:17.480 --> 0:27:20.560
<v Speaker 1>that's what's happening. And I'm learning what is I mean,

0:27:20.640 --> 0:27:23.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm only like halfway through, so certainly i'd love to

0:27:23.840 --> 0:27:25.359
<v Speaker 1>have just like, like, I think it would just be

0:27:25.440 --> 0:27:29.000
<v Speaker 1>great to just like talk about attachment in one episode

0:27:29.160 --> 0:27:32.239
<v Speaker 1>because it's just been so helpful. Like, in general, I

0:27:32.280 --> 0:27:34.679
<v Speaker 1>took like I took the quiz because you can take

0:27:34.680 --> 0:27:37.639
<v Speaker 1>an attachment quiz. In general, I show up in a

0:27:37.720 --> 0:27:44.600
<v Speaker 1>secure attachment style, which means that you know, I'm not anxious,

0:27:44.760 --> 0:27:48.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm not avoidant, that I'm like, I have healthy relationships

0:27:48.080 --> 0:27:52.919
<v Speaker 1>in general with in romantic spaces, and well, this is

0:27:52.960 --> 0:27:54.560
<v Speaker 1>like I want to say, one gerella is here in

0:27:54.880 --> 0:28:00.080
<v Speaker 1>pat and beyond or prior and in like spaces with

0:28:00.119 --> 0:28:03.520
<v Speaker 1>my family and loved ones whatever. But since I've started

0:28:03.560 --> 0:28:07.480
<v Speaker 1>to date, I said, let me see what my attachment

0:28:07.480 --> 0:28:14.239
<v Speaker 1>style is specifically now in dating. It is anxious. And

0:28:14.280 --> 0:28:17.240
<v Speaker 1>I was just like, wow, that really kind of blew

0:28:17.320 --> 0:28:21.240
<v Speaker 1>me away that like, okay, in general, Tiffany, you are secure,

0:28:21.359 --> 0:28:23.240
<v Speaker 1>but now that this new part of your life that

0:28:23.240 --> 0:28:26.240
<v Speaker 1>you have not had to do in over ten years

0:28:26.359 --> 0:28:29.879
<v Speaker 1>is here, I'm showing up with an anxious attachment. At

0:28:29.880 --> 0:28:33.080
<v Speaker 1>first I thought maybe it was avoidant, but that the

0:28:33.119 --> 0:28:35.359
<v Speaker 1>way you know you are avoided or not is like

0:28:35.600 --> 0:28:39.160
<v Speaker 1>do you crave intimacy or not? Do you want closeness

0:28:39.200 --> 0:28:42.160
<v Speaker 1>and intimacy? If you don't want closeness and intimacy, you're

0:28:42.200 --> 0:28:45.920
<v Speaker 1>likely and avoided if you do want closeness and intimacy,

0:28:46.080 --> 0:28:48.920
<v Speaker 1>then you're either secure or anxious, you know, like and

0:28:48.960 --> 0:28:50.480
<v Speaker 1>then you just have to see which how the rabbit

0:28:50.480 --> 0:28:53.400
<v Speaker 1>hole goes. So I do want closeness and intimacy now

0:28:53.520 --> 0:28:59.520
<v Speaker 1>because I miss companionship. But I am navigating from a

0:28:59.560 --> 0:29:03.400
<v Speaker 1>place of fear. You know. There's fear of like what

0:29:03.400 --> 0:29:05.760
<v Speaker 1>if it goes when something happens to this person. There's

0:29:05.800 --> 0:29:08.520
<v Speaker 1>all this anxiety that's being brought up that was not

0:29:08.680 --> 0:29:11.360
<v Speaker 1>here before when Jarrell was here. And I just like

0:29:11.560 --> 0:29:13.520
<v Speaker 1>there was a component. Actually I called you. I don't

0:29:13.520 --> 0:29:15.480
<v Speaker 1>even know if we talked about this last My memory

0:29:15.520 --> 0:29:18.320
<v Speaker 1>goes I called you because I read this component where

0:29:18.320 --> 0:29:23.040
<v Speaker 1>I was crying. There was a study in the book

0:29:23.120 --> 0:29:26.400
<v Speaker 1>that's called the Strange Thing Study or something to that effect,

0:29:26.400 --> 0:29:29.960
<v Speaker 1>where basically a baby is in the room with their

0:29:30.000 --> 0:29:34.000
<v Speaker 1>mom and a researcher. Mom holds baby, enters into the

0:29:34.080 --> 0:29:36.280
<v Speaker 1>room all these amazing baby toys, all the colors. You know.

0:29:36.360 --> 0:29:38.440
<v Speaker 1>The babies love the toys and lights them, and so

0:29:38.840 --> 0:29:40.760
<v Speaker 1>mom puts the baby down on the ground. Baby crawls

0:29:40.800 --> 0:29:43.760
<v Speaker 1>over to play with the toys, but glancing occasionally back.

0:29:43.840 --> 0:29:47.280
<v Speaker 1>Mom's still here playing with the toys. Enjoying myself, exploring,

0:29:48.080 --> 0:29:52.360
<v Speaker 1>glances back Mom is still here exploring. Then mom slips out,

0:29:52.760 --> 0:29:55.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, when the baby's busy playing. Baby looks to

0:29:55.280 --> 0:29:58.040
<v Speaker 1>make sure Mom's still here. She's not here. Baby looses

0:29:58.080 --> 0:30:01.080
<v Speaker 1>his shit, crawls over to the door, bangs on the door,

0:30:01.080 --> 0:30:03.680
<v Speaker 1>where's my mama? Basically but you know, maybe can't speak.

0:30:04.040 --> 0:30:07.240
<v Speaker 1>The researcher tries to re engage the baby, like these

0:30:07.280 --> 0:30:09.920
<v Speaker 1>toys are still here, though, babies like get out my face,

0:30:10.240 --> 0:30:14.640
<v Speaker 1>literally throws toy and researchers face like you thought. And

0:30:14.760 --> 0:30:18.880
<v Speaker 1>finally mom comes back. Baby you know, continues to cry,

0:30:19.120 --> 0:30:22.120
<v Speaker 1>is consoled. Once they feel better, they're like, put me

0:30:22.160 --> 0:30:23.960
<v Speaker 1>down because me and these toys about to play again.

0:30:24.120 --> 0:30:28.080
<v Speaker 1>But say, here's this, and so what mom represents in

0:30:28.160 --> 0:30:32.320
<v Speaker 1>that study was something called a secure base. This is

0:30:32.320 --> 0:30:35.960
<v Speaker 1>what the book was saying. And they find found that

0:30:36.000 --> 0:30:40.680
<v Speaker 1>when children have a secure base, those children explore and

0:30:40.840 --> 0:30:43.960
<v Speaker 1>experience the world from a place of like I can

0:30:44.040 --> 0:30:47.280
<v Speaker 1>do anything. I can navigate. I can because my base

0:30:47.320 --> 0:30:48.720
<v Speaker 1>secure and I'm not going to try to cry. But

0:30:49.360 --> 0:30:52.200
<v Speaker 1>I realize that one of the reasons, Remember I was like,

0:30:52.200 --> 0:30:53.200
<v Speaker 1>maybe I don't even know if I want to do

0:30:53.240 --> 0:30:55.600
<v Speaker 1>but any stay anymore, I don't know if I want

0:30:55.600 --> 0:30:58.719
<v Speaker 1>to do anything. I didn't realize how much of a

0:30:58.760 --> 0:31:05.080
<v Speaker 1>secure base that for me, Like yo, I mean, I

0:31:05.120 --> 0:31:07.600
<v Speaker 1>knew I had like this awesome husband, but I didn't

0:31:07.640 --> 0:31:10.880
<v Speaker 1>realize like how much, because I find myself to be

0:31:10.920 --> 0:31:13.520
<v Speaker 1>like hyper independent, you know, Like that's what I told

0:31:13.560 --> 0:31:16.560
<v Speaker 1>myself because I grew up hyper independent. The household that

0:31:16.600 --> 0:31:19.520
<v Speaker 1>I grew up in, it was like you could do it.

0:31:20.120 --> 0:31:21.720
<v Speaker 1>You know, you've got it. My dad was very much

0:31:21.720 --> 0:31:27.959
<v Speaker 1>girl power, and so I underestimated how much security I

0:31:28.000 --> 0:31:31.760
<v Speaker 1>got from having him in my life because literally the

0:31:31.840 --> 0:31:34.240
<v Speaker 1>year I moved in with Jiarel in the Halfway Hood,

0:31:34.600 --> 0:31:37.960
<v Speaker 1>I went from six figures to seven figures in business

0:31:38.280 --> 0:31:40.240
<v Speaker 1>because for the first time, I did not have to

0:31:40.240 --> 0:31:44.560
<v Speaker 1>be my own foundation, you know, that I had this space,

0:31:45.240 --> 0:31:47.080
<v Speaker 1>Like it's not like we didn't have any money or

0:31:47.080 --> 0:31:49.360
<v Speaker 1>anything like that, but I had this secure place to

0:31:49.360 --> 0:31:51.880
<v Speaker 1>be like I'll never hit the ground because he's there

0:31:51.920 --> 0:31:55.600
<v Speaker 1>covering it, you know. And I just was like, wow,

0:31:55.800 --> 0:31:58.720
<v Speaker 1>no wonder I felt so secure because I grew up

0:31:59.360 --> 0:32:01.880
<v Speaker 1>in a household which was a little bit emotionally chaotic,

0:32:01.960 --> 0:32:05.880
<v Speaker 1>if I'm being honest and Jirelle came into my life

0:32:05.920 --> 0:32:10.120
<v Speaker 1>and provided so much safety and security that my attachment

0:32:10.160 --> 0:32:14.760
<v Speaker 1>style shifted toward secure and across the board. It helped

0:32:14.800 --> 0:32:17.120
<v Speaker 1>us shift me And now that he's not here, I

0:32:17.160 --> 0:32:19.720
<v Speaker 1>feel a little bit lost, you know, not even a

0:32:19.720 --> 0:32:22.000
<v Speaker 1>little bit, a lot of it lost, And I don't

0:32:22.000 --> 0:32:24.360
<v Speaker 1>want to explore the world. The world seems so scary,

0:32:25.040 --> 0:32:29.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, like, and I don't necessarily want partnership anytime soon,

0:32:29.680 --> 0:32:32.120
<v Speaker 1>but I certainly miss companionship because being by yourself all

0:32:32.160 --> 0:32:36.320
<v Speaker 1>the time is really lonely. And so that's why dating

0:32:36.360 --> 0:32:39.520
<v Speaker 1>now brings up so much anxiety, you know for me,

0:32:39.600 --> 0:32:41.280
<v Speaker 1>Like there's one person in particular that I've been hanging

0:32:41.280 --> 0:32:43.320
<v Speaker 1>out with more than anybody else. He listens now, which

0:32:43.360 --> 0:32:44.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, great, hey.

0:32:45.000 --> 0:32:54.720
<v Speaker 2>I know, I know they still work the pod.

0:32:53.760 --> 0:32:58.600
<v Speaker 1>And so I yeah, but I'm navigating for a place

0:32:58.640 --> 0:33:00.920
<v Speaker 1>of like high anxiety, and.

0:33:01.240 --> 0:33:03.720
<v Speaker 2>Like this could be taken away. I don't trust that

0:33:04.160 --> 0:33:05.440
<v Speaker 2>yes forever.

0:33:05.840 --> 0:33:08.920
<v Speaker 1>Yes, or just yes or just like anything. I'm just like,

0:33:08.960 --> 0:33:11.320
<v Speaker 1>what does that mean? Oh well, you know, you know,

0:33:11.440 --> 0:33:15.120
<v Speaker 1>everything just feels so temporary, Like you know, I'm not

0:33:15.200 --> 0:33:19.920
<v Speaker 1>ready to invest here. I'm not. Oh yeah, it's just

0:33:20.000 --> 0:33:22.480
<v Speaker 1>it's just it's been great. And you made a suggestion

0:33:22.480 --> 0:33:24.440
<v Speaker 1>because you said you and husband were reading the book together,

0:33:25.880 --> 0:33:28.800
<v Speaker 1>which I love, and so I asked powerful what I

0:33:28.840 --> 0:33:30.680
<v Speaker 1>asked him, and we've been doing so we just got

0:33:30.760 --> 0:33:33.120
<v Speaker 1>to chapter four and one. I love the fact that

0:33:33.160 --> 0:33:35.200
<v Speaker 1>he said that he was more than open to doing so,

0:33:36.000 --> 0:33:37.800
<v Speaker 1>and so because he's a big reader anyway, So we've

0:33:37.800 --> 0:33:40.600
<v Speaker 1>been reading the book together and really like navigating chapter

0:33:40.680 --> 0:33:43.680
<v Speaker 1>by chapter and discussing what we're thinking and feeling, and

0:33:44.040 --> 0:33:50.240
<v Speaker 1>it's just been really an amazing experience. So yeah, I

0:33:50.240 --> 0:33:53.400
<v Speaker 1>still want partnership. That's what him because he'd be asking.

0:33:54.320 --> 0:33:55.080
<v Speaker 1>But that's fair.

0:33:55.360 --> 0:33:57.520
<v Speaker 2>Like the book for me is like a you talk

0:33:57.560 --> 0:34:00.440
<v Speaker 2>about like the perennial or the annual reader or whatever

0:34:00.480 --> 0:34:03.840
<v Speaker 2>perennial seller or annual seller. For me, it's like the

0:34:03.920 --> 0:34:09.480
<v Speaker 2>annual read. Let's revisit this book and take the take

0:34:09.520 --> 0:34:13.160
<v Speaker 2>the assessments again because like you said, a major life

0:34:13.160 --> 0:34:18.440
<v Speaker 2>event can change your attachment style, age, relationship, you know.

0:34:18.520 --> 0:34:21.080
<v Speaker 2>And I feel like this book. So many people commented

0:34:21.080 --> 0:34:24.360
<v Speaker 2>who said, my therapist recommended this book after my divorse,

0:34:25.160 --> 0:34:27.839
<v Speaker 2>and I feel like it could prevent a lot of divorces,

0:34:29.360 --> 0:34:32.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, whether by preventing people from marrying people who

0:34:32.680 --> 0:34:35.879
<v Speaker 2>are the wrong style for them, or helping you get

0:34:35.920 --> 0:34:40.359
<v Speaker 2>the tools to you know, strengthen your your relationship in

0:34:40.400 --> 0:34:43.520
<v Speaker 2>spite of you know, some differences that you have. It's

0:34:43.640 --> 0:34:46.560
<v Speaker 2>just been, you know, really eye opening. And it's it's

0:34:46.600 --> 0:34:48.799
<v Speaker 2>the first book I've read in a very long time

0:34:48.800 --> 0:34:51.560
<v Speaker 2>that I feel like I know myself better having read it.

0:34:51.600 --> 0:34:53.680
<v Speaker 2>And it's not only these books where it's like do

0:34:53.800 --> 0:34:57.759
<v Speaker 2>these things to achieve this goal. This is this is

0:34:57.760 --> 0:35:01.160
<v Speaker 2>sort of like understand the these things so that you

0:35:01.200 --> 0:35:04.880
<v Speaker 2>can know yourself better. Yes, And it just it created

0:35:04.920 --> 0:35:07.320
<v Speaker 2>like in the storm of the past month, it really

0:35:07.360 --> 0:35:10.880
<v Speaker 2>gave me like a sense of calm and acceptance for

0:35:11.960 --> 0:35:14.960
<v Speaker 2>at a great time because I never have needed so

0:35:15.040 --> 0:35:18.360
<v Speaker 2>much support then, I you know, maybe I have in

0:35:18.360 --> 0:35:20.320
<v Speaker 2>the past, but like I needed a lot of support,

0:35:20.680 --> 0:35:24.160
<v Speaker 2>and I know how to ask my person specifically what

0:35:24.280 --> 0:35:26.560
<v Speaker 2>I need now, and I know why I'm asking, and

0:35:26.640 --> 0:35:29.279
<v Speaker 2>I know and he understands because he's reading the book too,

0:35:29.840 --> 0:35:31.680
<v Speaker 2>why I need what I need and what happens if

0:35:31.719 --> 0:35:32.920
<v Speaker 2>I don't get it?

0:35:34.440 --> 0:35:37.200
<v Speaker 1>No, I love It's just you don't want to upset.

0:35:36.840 --> 0:35:37.960
<v Speaker 2>An anxious attachment.

0:35:38.840 --> 0:35:40.120
<v Speaker 1>Well, you know, one thing I will say I love

0:35:40.160 --> 0:35:42.000
<v Speaker 1>about the book is that there's no judgment on the

0:35:42.040 --> 0:35:43.440
<v Speaker 1>attachment style that you display.

0:35:43.760 --> 0:35:45.240
<v Speaker 2>There's no right or wrong one.

0:35:45.360 --> 0:35:47.960
<v Speaker 1>No, and so but what I love is that, like,

0:35:48.160 --> 0:35:52.359
<v Speaker 1>especially with someone who's displaying anxious attachment, it said, if

0:35:52.400 --> 0:35:54.880
<v Speaker 1>you can provide the safety and security, if you have

0:35:54.920 --> 0:35:58.279
<v Speaker 1>the patience to provide the safety, security and communication that

0:35:58.360 --> 0:36:03.560
<v Speaker 1>anxious attachment needs, you will be blessed with a hyper loving,

0:36:04.320 --> 0:36:06.000
<v Speaker 1>compassionate partner.

0:36:06.280 --> 0:36:08.760
<v Speaker 2>And I just love that describing why you should adopt

0:36:08.800 --> 0:36:15.520
<v Speaker 2>a dog like I am that like snaggly tooth must

0:36:16.040 --> 0:36:19.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's like you just look after me the shelter,

0:36:20.120 --> 0:36:21.640
<v Speaker 2>like you'll have the bestest friend.

0:36:22.080 --> 0:36:24.320
<v Speaker 1>You'll have the bestest like partner.

0:36:23.960 --> 0:36:28.480
<v Speaker 2>And so small children and ruin your carpet, you know

0:36:28.480 --> 0:36:30.600
<v Speaker 2>what I mean. But you know, I'm being really cute.

0:36:31.120 --> 0:36:31.680
<v Speaker 2>You'll love it.

0:36:32.200 --> 0:36:34.560
<v Speaker 1>But I just love like that. It's just so it's

0:36:34.600 --> 0:36:37.719
<v Speaker 1>just been one Yeah, that's so, it's just been really

0:36:37.760 --> 0:36:40.480
<v Speaker 1>eye opening for myself, but also too. You know, one

0:36:40.520 --> 0:36:44.880
<v Speaker 1>thing I do like about this person that I'm mostly

0:36:45.000 --> 0:36:49.520
<v Speaker 1>dating is that there's an openness, you know, like I

0:36:49.520 --> 0:36:52.520
<v Speaker 1>could talk about Jerrell all the time, and I do

0:36:53.160 --> 0:36:54.640
<v Speaker 1>which I'm not. You know, I don't even know how

0:36:54.680 --> 0:36:59.040
<v Speaker 1>he navigates that. But because Jerrelle, you know, he was

0:36:59.080 --> 0:37:02.920
<v Speaker 1>and still is a love of life. And I remember

0:37:03.000 --> 0:37:05.359
<v Speaker 1>him asking me distinctly, like do you think that you

0:37:05.400 --> 0:37:10.680
<v Speaker 1>could love again? And at first I thought, I don't know,

0:37:11.239 --> 0:37:15.960
<v Speaker 1>and then I thought about the way parents love children.

0:37:16.360 --> 0:37:19.360
<v Speaker 1>So I know when Rio first came, you were like, girl,

0:37:20.600 --> 0:37:22.680
<v Speaker 1>ain't no love greater than this love. Everybody could go

0:37:23.160 --> 0:37:26.480
<v Speaker 1>this is my boo, this is like. But what Rio,

0:37:27.120 --> 0:37:31.000
<v Speaker 1>I assume really did was opened up a different level

0:37:31.040 --> 0:37:34.799
<v Speaker 1>of capacity in your heart because now you have, you know,

0:37:34.880 --> 0:37:36.360
<v Speaker 1>this new baby, what's your new baby name? Kind of

0:37:36.400 --> 0:37:38.760
<v Speaker 1>kept like my mind is like doing a BA right now? Remy?

0:37:38.800 --> 0:37:41.640
<v Speaker 1>I know, right, So now you have Remy. So it

0:37:41.640 --> 0:37:43.640
<v Speaker 1>would be crazy to be like, well, I have Rio child,

0:37:43.680 --> 0:37:45.840
<v Speaker 1>I can't there's no space for another baby for me

0:37:45.880 --> 0:37:48.239
<v Speaker 1>to love another baby. That's not what Rio did. That

0:37:48.680 --> 0:37:53.080
<v Speaker 1>Rio helped to expand the capacity of your heart that

0:37:53.239 --> 0:37:54.799
<v Speaker 1>you can love Remy, and if you were to have

0:37:54.840 --> 0:37:58.200
<v Speaker 1>another baby, you would be able to love that baby

0:37:58.280 --> 0:38:00.919
<v Speaker 1>just as much. And I think that that's the way

0:38:01.760 --> 0:38:05.919
<v Speaker 1>really good partnered romantic love can do for you too.

0:38:06.560 --> 0:38:10.160
<v Speaker 1>That like, it's not that the buck stops with Darrell,

0:38:10.880 --> 0:38:12.279
<v Speaker 1>which is what I thought at first when he first

0:38:12.280 --> 0:38:14.600
<v Speaker 1>passed away for the first like year year and a half, right,

0:38:15.120 --> 0:38:17.279
<v Speaker 1>that is because of the kind of love I had

0:38:17.320 --> 0:38:21.239
<v Speaker 1>with Darell. It expanded my heart's capacity that I do

0:38:21.280 --> 0:38:24.560
<v Speaker 1>believe that I can love again, you know, because it's

0:38:24.600 --> 0:38:27.799
<v Speaker 1>like your heart can expand as much as the good

0:38:27.880 --> 0:38:29.839
<v Speaker 1>love that you have poured into it. So I do

0:38:29.880 --> 0:38:31.879
<v Speaker 1>believe that I just like, in this space and time,

0:38:32.320 --> 0:38:34.760
<v Speaker 1>doctor Green has been awesome because I told her, I said,

0:38:34.960 --> 0:38:37.240
<v Speaker 1>is there a reason why I'm just not wanting partnership?

0:38:37.280 --> 0:38:39.319
<v Speaker 1>I mean, obviously I know because I missed Jarell. But

0:38:39.719 --> 0:38:42.040
<v Speaker 1>bigger than that, she said, Tiffany, it sounds like to

0:38:42.080 --> 0:38:44.440
<v Speaker 1>me that you recognize that partnership takes a lot of

0:38:44.560 --> 0:38:46.760
<v Speaker 1>She said, I don't like the word work because work

0:38:46.920 --> 0:38:51.279
<v Speaker 1>sounds like a negative connotation. That partnership takes a lot

0:38:51.320 --> 0:38:56.280
<v Speaker 1>of investment. And right now, you are investing in yourself,

0:38:57.360 --> 0:38:59.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, because I'm still trying to find my footing,

0:38:59.400 --> 0:39:02.240
<v Speaker 1>and so I recognize I actually don't have the excess

0:39:02.360 --> 0:39:05.479
<v Speaker 1>investment to pour into someone else because I'm still trying

0:39:05.520 --> 0:39:08.799
<v Speaker 1>to get myself so it's not a judgment on you know,

0:39:08.840 --> 0:39:11.879
<v Speaker 1>whether someone's enough or not, or good or bad. It's

0:39:11.880 --> 0:39:13.960
<v Speaker 1>like not at all. It's literally a Tiffany choice that

0:39:14.040 --> 0:39:18.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I am reserving all of my resources to

0:39:18.640 --> 0:39:22.200
<v Speaker 1>invest in myself until I can feel stable again and

0:39:22.280 --> 0:39:25.360
<v Speaker 1>be open to partnership. Although I am open to companionship,

0:39:25.760 --> 0:39:28.440
<v Speaker 1>you know, but like not necessarily partnership right now. Like

0:39:28.440 --> 0:39:32.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm not trying to be nobody's you know, girl, woman,

0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:37.160
<v Speaker 1>like you know, wife, I can't even imagine, but you know,

0:39:37.239 --> 0:39:40.680
<v Speaker 1>maybe one day, you know. So, but the attachment attached

0:39:40.719 --> 0:39:42.960
<v Speaker 1>that book has really been so helpful for me to

0:39:43.040 --> 0:39:45.960
<v Speaker 1>see myself as I'm navigating, and so I can just

0:39:46.880 --> 0:39:51.000
<v Speaker 1>be kinder but then also to kinder to whomever I'm dating,

0:39:51.320 --> 0:39:54.239
<v Speaker 1>and also to navigate towards back to I want to

0:39:54.280 --> 0:39:58.560
<v Speaker 1>get back to the secured attachment style that I've enjoyed

0:39:58.560 --> 0:39:59.480
<v Speaker 1>for so long. You know.

0:40:00.160 --> 0:40:03.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, I mean I still feel like I think

0:40:03.960 --> 0:40:05.840
<v Speaker 2>we talked a little bit about this too, just because

0:40:05.880 --> 0:40:08.239
<v Speaker 2>it for me, it opened up my eyes to how

0:40:08.239 --> 0:40:10.640
<v Speaker 2>I moved through my friendships too, and I was like,

0:40:11.239 --> 0:40:14.920
<v Speaker 2>thank God for Tiffany, because I think that I've become

0:40:15.040 --> 0:40:18.360
<v Speaker 2>ready for a friend like you, because I, as an

0:40:18.440 --> 0:40:22.960
<v Speaker 2>anxious attachment person, was just always looking for friendship in

0:40:23.000 --> 0:40:27.279
<v Speaker 2>the wrong avoidant places. I just always had the one

0:40:27.400 --> 0:40:32.160
<v Speaker 2>avoidant bestie. And I think I'm finally decided that I

0:40:32.160 --> 0:40:35.960
<v Speaker 2>don't like the way avoidant besties make me feel. It's horrible,

0:40:36.360 --> 0:40:39.440
<v Speaker 2>it's awful, and it's not okay for me as an

0:40:39.480 --> 0:40:42.000
<v Speaker 2>anxious avoidant, I'm always like, oh, I'm the problem. When

0:40:42.000 --> 0:40:43.640
<v Speaker 2>they get too close to me, they realize that I'm

0:40:43.680 --> 0:40:47.000
<v Speaker 2>horrible and they don't want to and like. But but

0:40:47.040 --> 0:40:50.520
<v Speaker 2>they're reacting not because of me, because of anyway. So

0:40:50.680 --> 0:40:53.880
<v Speaker 2>find you a secure or bestie. And I was actually

0:40:53.920 --> 0:40:57.239
<v Speaker 2>talking to a brand Ambition former guest for Shikha Tolshian

0:40:57.320 --> 0:40:59.839
<v Speaker 2>who wrote Inclusion on Purpose. I think I had her

0:41:00.160 --> 0:41:02.960
<v Speaker 2>when you were actually on when you were it was

0:41:03.000 --> 0:41:06.880
<v Speaker 2>after Darrell passed. But anyhow, Rashika was asking me about

0:41:07.040 --> 0:41:10.440
<v Speaker 2>she's writing an amazing book called Uncompete, Sidebar, Sidebar. I

0:41:10.560 --> 0:41:12.280
<v Speaker 2>have to have her on to talk about. It's basically

0:41:12.320 --> 0:41:15.319
<v Speaker 2>about how there's so much more to gain by not

0:41:15.360 --> 0:41:18.160
<v Speaker 2>competing with one another as women. But she asked me

0:41:18.200 --> 0:41:21.160
<v Speaker 2>for an example of anyway, and I was like yes,

0:41:21.280 --> 0:41:25.080
<v Speaker 2>I have a secure friendship in Tiffany. She's secure and

0:41:25.120 --> 0:41:27.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't have to worry about I don't have to

0:41:27.640 --> 0:41:29.760
<v Speaker 2>like watch what I say. I can just be myself

0:41:29.840 --> 0:41:32.319
<v Speaker 2>and it's a beautiful thing. It really is.

0:41:33.000 --> 0:41:36.640
<v Speaker 1>I love you, Mandy, I love you too. Yeah. No,

0:41:36.719 --> 0:41:38.480
<v Speaker 1>for real, Cama was like, whenever you called me, You're like,

0:41:38.640 --> 0:41:41.200
<v Speaker 1>did I say? I was like, huh, girl, barely what

0:41:41.239 --> 0:41:41.799
<v Speaker 1>we talked about.

0:41:41.840 --> 0:41:45.560
<v Speaker 2>So when I said that thing that I'm overthinking now,

0:41:47.280 --> 0:41:50.399
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, what thing? But at least at least I'll

0:41:50.400 --> 0:41:52.279
<v Speaker 2>pick up the phone now, because before I would just like,

0:41:52.680 --> 0:41:53.960
<v Speaker 2>is she gonna show up next week?

0:41:57.320 --> 0:42:00.600
<v Speaker 1>Honestly, I never there's never been a coversation where I

0:42:00.640 --> 0:42:03.759
<v Speaker 1>felt like, you know, like Mandy said something that offended me.

0:42:03.880 --> 0:42:05.839
<v Speaker 1>So when I told you, as much as I love

0:42:05.880 --> 0:42:07.920
<v Speaker 1>the BA listeners, y'all are good, but I'm only I

0:42:07.960 --> 0:42:11.040
<v Speaker 1>only came back honestly because of you, Mandy. Like, if

0:42:11.040 --> 0:42:13.440
<v Speaker 1>this was like a solo podcast I was doing by myself,

0:42:13.640 --> 0:42:15.719
<v Speaker 1>y'all would have been like, well, grand opening grand clothes.

0:42:15.800 --> 0:42:18.480
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't. I wouldn't be back, you know. I literally

0:42:18.520 --> 0:42:20.680
<v Speaker 1>came back because of my friendship with Mandy, and I

0:42:20.800 --> 0:42:23.920
<v Speaker 1>enjoy having this time, so as I forget that, like

0:42:23.960 --> 0:42:26.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, we're taping because I'm like I said that, damn,

0:42:27.480 --> 0:42:29.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, I was just talking to Mandy, you know,

0:42:29.880 --> 0:42:32.560
<v Speaker 1>like literally I came back for you. I came back

0:42:32.600 --> 0:42:35.560
<v Speaker 1>because I enjoyed this time. I came back because you know,

0:42:35.719 --> 0:42:37.359
<v Speaker 1>like you're my friend and I love you and I

0:42:37.400 --> 0:42:39.960
<v Speaker 1>want to continue to do this for as long as

0:42:39.960 --> 0:42:43.319
<v Speaker 1>we want to do it. And so yeah, no, so yes,

0:42:43.400 --> 0:42:46.560
<v Speaker 1>Thankfully that part of myself is still secured, like my

0:42:46.800 --> 0:42:49.480
<v Speaker 1>I still navigate from secure attachment and friendships. It's just

0:42:49.560 --> 0:42:52.799
<v Speaker 1>this this new space you know that I'm like navigating.

0:42:52.840 --> 0:42:54.840
<v Speaker 1>But who.

0:42:56.640 --> 0:42:59.200
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm saying, if you guys want to have a

0:42:59.200 --> 0:43:02.320
<v Speaker 2>woo child moment, you gotta get that book. Let me

0:43:02.480 --> 0:43:04.800
<v Speaker 2>let us know how you're what you're learning about yourselves

0:43:04.840 --> 0:43:09.200
<v Speaker 2>through that book attached oof. It's such a game changer.

0:43:09.520 --> 0:43:10.319
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you want to do.

0:43:12.200 --> 0:43:14.399
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'm gonna do a boost because something that put

0:43:14.440 --> 0:43:17.719
<v Speaker 2>a huge vile smile on my face today is that

0:43:17.960 --> 0:43:19.759
<v Speaker 2>The Color Purple is a book that I could read

0:43:19.800 --> 0:43:22.160
<v Speaker 2>one hundred times and not read it enough. And I've

0:43:22.160 --> 0:43:25.479
<v Speaker 2>seen the movie. I've seen the Broadway show twice once

0:43:25.520 --> 0:43:30.560
<v Speaker 2>with Fantasia. The last time was within Cynthia Arrivo. And

0:43:30.760 --> 0:43:33.560
<v Speaker 2>there's a movie coming out this holiday season, I think

0:43:33.640 --> 0:43:36.040
<v Speaker 2>Christmas time, and they just released a new trailer and

0:43:36.200 --> 0:43:38.360
<v Speaker 2>every trailer I'm just like, I put me on the

0:43:38.360 --> 0:43:40.640
<v Speaker 2>mailing list. I want to subscribe to every version of

0:43:40.640 --> 0:43:43.440
<v Speaker 2>this trailer. It's got Fantasia, it's got to Raji p Henson,

0:43:45.120 --> 0:43:48.359
<v Speaker 2>it's got so much heart, and the trailer is up.

0:43:48.400 --> 0:43:49.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna post we can post a link in the

0:43:49.960 --> 0:43:53.920
<v Speaker 2>show notes so that you see it. But the music

0:43:54.200 --> 0:43:59.799
<v Speaker 2>like Taragi's playing Oh I can't shug Avery in the

0:44:00.200 --> 0:44:04.600
<v Speaker 2>in the in the movie, and I think Fantasia is

0:44:04.760 --> 0:44:09.160
<v Speaker 2>still playing Seay and then Danielle Brooks is playing Oprah.

0:44:10.120 --> 0:44:11.479
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I love it.

0:44:12.719 --> 0:44:14.920
<v Speaker 2>Yes, it's gonna be so freaking good. And it just

0:44:14.960 --> 0:44:19.200
<v Speaker 2>it's about sisterhood, it's about friendship, it's about everything. So

0:44:20.160 --> 0:44:23.239
<v Speaker 2>if you didn't know what's happening, now you do. That's

0:44:23.280 --> 0:44:23.760
<v Speaker 2>my boost.

0:44:24.440 --> 0:44:27.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, this whole podcast is about sisterhood and friendship. I

0:44:27.520 --> 0:44:30.319
<v Speaker 1>love it. We love to see it. And if you

0:44:30.400 --> 0:44:34.440
<v Speaker 1>need anything, Mandra you know, like food delivered, you know,

0:44:34.640 --> 0:44:36.120
<v Speaker 1>I love That's like one of my favorite things to

0:44:36.120 --> 0:44:37.719
<v Speaker 1>do when someone's going through a like sometimes the last

0:44:37.760 --> 0:44:40.880
<v Speaker 1>thing you want to worry about it is chittoper. You know, yes,

0:44:41.560 --> 0:44:44.799
<v Speaker 1>you get the answer. Yes, send me like like, you know,

0:44:44.840 --> 0:44:46.520
<v Speaker 1>three or four things are your favorite things? And then

0:44:46.600 --> 0:44:49.200
<v Speaker 1>I could just be like randomly like, oh the way.

0:44:49.120 --> 0:44:53.879
<v Speaker 2>Yes, things that I don't have to cook. Yes, because

0:44:53.880 --> 0:44:55.480
<v Speaker 2>at the end of the night, I'm like, oh, yeah,

0:44:55.560 --> 0:44:58.480
<v Speaker 2>I probably need to eat something. It's not cool. It's

0:44:58.520 --> 0:45:00.680
<v Speaker 2>gotten there again. So that's so sweet.

0:45:00.680 --> 0:45:02.759
<v Speaker 1>Thanks, Tiff, of course I got you.

0:45:02.880 --> 0:45:03.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:45:04.280 --> 0:45:07.440
<v Speaker 1>Checking on your loved ones, you know, checking on us.

0:45:08.120 --> 0:45:11.720
<v Speaker 2>Check in and see them, see go physically be present.

0:45:12.160 --> 0:45:14.279
<v Speaker 2>Even a phone call is not enough sometimes with these

0:45:14.400 --> 0:45:17.080
<v Speaker 2>lion ass pair I mean, with your family and friends,

0:45:17.360 --> 0:45:18.919
<v Speaker 2>you may not tell me the whole truth and nothing

0:45:18.960 --> 0:45:19.560
<v Speaker 2>but the truth.

0:45:21.239 --> 0:45:24.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yes, bye.

0:45:25.680 --> 0:45:34.120
<v Speaker 2>I always say until next week. Hello on Friday,