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Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, we're back. We're black wee bah ambition ambition, ambition, ambition, ambition.

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Speaker 1: Hey manager, how are you doing today?

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Speaker 2: Girl?

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Speaker 1: Bathing? Okay, do you want to take it back? Let's

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Speaker 1: start off with that, because Lord knows I could use

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Speaker 1: it to Okay.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, let's do a little everyone together, okay, and hell

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Speaker 2: for four, hold for seven, out for eight?

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Speaker 1: Okay? Is that one too?

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Speaker 2: Out through the toes. I always imagine that my toes

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Speaker 2: have little mouth.

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Speaker 1: I like that though, because it kind of like allows

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Speaker 1: the breadth to go through your body.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you imagine. I imagine I'm breathing into the top

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Speaker 2: of my head. I think I listened to that through

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Speaker 2: a meditation app one time, and I was, okay, y see,

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Speaker 2: you like pull up with your head and then just

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Speaker 2: like let it flow, visualize it going all the way

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Speaker 2: to your toe.

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Speaker 1: I like that.

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Speaker 2: So I go to sleep every night. Yeah, girl, I

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Speaker 2: feel like the season of too much is upon us.

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Speaker 2: I'm ready to throw October to the garbage gods. And

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Speaker 2: but I know, listen, no offense to you and other

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Speaker 2: October people. And if this was a month for you,

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Speaker 2: if you got engaged, if you had a baby, if

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Speaker 2: you if you've got an amazing whatever promotion then I

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Speaker 2: but personally me, I would like October to go mind

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Speaker 2: its damn business until next year because I just booked

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Speaker 2: my second flight to Georgia in three weeks. First, you know,

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Speaker 2: my uncle passed, My dad's brother passed, and it's so

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Speaker 2: fucking sad.

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Speaker 1: I know you talked about your uncle morn.

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Speaker 2: Now the holidays are coming, so my, my, my, my queens.

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Speaker 2: Who are from Uh why do I only want to

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Speaker 2: say broken homes just you know, modern homes where it's

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Speaker 2: like blended families and divorce and you have to like

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Speaker 2: figure out which family is going to get the cheft

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Speaker 2: this year because not everybody can be pleased. And as

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Speaker 2: much as I've worked on, like, you know, being at

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Speaker 2: peace with the fact that I can't please everybody, of

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Speaker 2: course still you want to please people are on the holidays,

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Speaker 2: so the mental gymnastics of like where are we going

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Speaker 2: to spend which holiday with? Who has begun along with

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Speaker 2: Like my son's school sent us a note last night

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Speaker 2: that this is Spirit Week, but thank god today was

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Speaker 2: pajama Day. I was like, can I be pajama day

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Speaker 2: every day? Can it be? You've worn those same pants?

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Speaker 1: In two days in our old day like that, I

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Speaker 1: am currently wearing pajamas I slept in, so look at

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Speaker 1: me on the that's to look at me on me.

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Speaker 1: But how are you overall? I know that you know

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Speaker 1: that was one of your favorite uncles.

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Speaker 2: Well he I mean favorite, Like we weren't super close.

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Speaker 2: But the thing about it is my uncle Mark. May

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Speaker 2: he rest in peace. The thing about Uncle Mark is

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Speaker 2: like he was just always he never asked anything of

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Speaker 2: us or of me. I'll talk about my relationship with him.

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Speaker 2: He was just always sweet and always giving and so proud.

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Speaker 2: And the one thing is he sent me. At the time,

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Speaker 2: I was like, what an interesting baby gift when I

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Speaker 2: had rio, Uncle Mark sent me this like giant package

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Speaker 2: of sesame street wash claus which was like such a

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Speaker 2: specific gift, and I'm like wow. But when I tell you,

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Speaker 2: I have gone through all like fifty of those things,

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Speaker 2: and they're always a thing I pull out instead of

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Speaker 2: like all the fancy baby you know, rags and burp

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Speaker 2: claws and all that kind of stuff. So whenever I

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Speaker 2: see those sesame street wash clause, I always think about him.

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Speaker 2: And the last text I sent him was like, do

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Speaker 2: you know I use much and the last conversation we had,

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Speaker 2: this is why it's so sad, And I'm gonna turn

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Speaker 2: it around because I'm trying to look at this from

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Speaker 2: like a use this moment to learn and to grow

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Speaker 2: for your family moment. Because my uncle he suffered from

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Speaker 2: kidney disease kidney failure like so many people in my

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Speaker 2: family do, and he was on dialysis for fourteen fifteen years,

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Speaker 2: and in recent weeks he had offered us comfort and

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Speaker 2: offered us sort of a window into what his life

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Speaker 2: on dialysis is like as I'm not trying but my

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Speaker 2: dad's business out there. But my dad is also potentially

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Speaker 2: going to be dealing with that as well. Anyway, But

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Speaker 2: Uncle Mark, he got on the phone with my brother,

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Speaker 2: my dad, and I and he was like, you know,

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Speaker 2: this is what it's like. It's a part of my routine.

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Speaker 2: Your dad doesn't have to your dad and have to

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Speaker 2: suffer like he can make it a part of his life.

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Speaker 2: Like there's cruise ship where they do dialysis, all this

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Speaker 2: kind of stuff. And he was so comforting to us.

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Speaker 2: And so now two weeks later for him to die

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Speaker 2: from complications of that very disease and having gone to

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Speaker 2: my grandpa's funeral just three weeks ago, who died from

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Speaker 2: kidney cancer. And it is just it's humbling, but it's

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Speaker 2: also it feels like I'm finally awake in a lot

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Speaker 2: of ways like this, it's not the kidney disease that

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Speaker 2: has been killing so much of my family, my dad's

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Speaker 2: side the family, it's all the underlying chronic conditions. So

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Speaker 2: if you're someone with diabetes in your family and hypertension,

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Speaker 2: the way that it moves in my dad's side the family,

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Speaker 2: I mean in twenty twenty three, like, how can I

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Speaker 2: have an aunt who died from diabetes complications? Like that's

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Speaker 2: just to me, it's criminal, you know. But in our

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Speaker 2: community in Atlanta, like my dad's family, access to health

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Speaker 2: care is a real issue. Access to affordable insurance is

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Speaker 2: a real issue. When your primary care doctors are fucking

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Speaker 2: er and you have to wait hours to be seen,

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Speaker 2: they're not in there giving you like holistic care. No

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Speaker 2: primary care doctor has been on you about getting your

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Speaker 2: glucose levels tested and talking to you about the long term,

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Speaker 2: you know, impact of these chronic diseases. And it's like,

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Speaker 2: now my family is reaping the not the rewards. It's

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Speaker 2: just like it is finding out the consequences of not

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Speaker 2: not educating ourselves and not making changes, you know, and

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Speaker 2: not making it like our jobs, like making it a

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Speaker 2: part of our jobs to check on each other and

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Speaker 2: be on each other's you know, backs about taking care

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Speaker 2: of ourselves the way that you know. I feel like

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Speaker 2: a lot of the stress that my brother and I

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Speaker 2: have had around showing up for my dad now and

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Speaker 2: making sure that he has all of his appointments and

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Speaker 2: he meets those things. I'm like, where have I been?

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Speaker 2: My Dad's a hot I was like, where have I

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Speaker 2: you know, I take some of that ownership. I'm the eldest,

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Speaker 2: I'm his you know, first daughter, And so there's like

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Speaker 2: that pressure, and I know I'm going to go at

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Speaker 2: this funeral at the end of this week, and I

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Speaker 2: don't know what to say other than like, we have

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Speaker 2: to wake up and we have to start like my cousins,

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Speaker 2: you know, the young the No, I'm not that young anymore.

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Speaker 2: We're in our thirties and forties now. But we have

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Speaker 2: to get it together and break this cycle because this

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Speaker 2: is a last funeral I want to go to from

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Speaker 2: a preventable disease, you know, in our family and so

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Speaker 2: did I say I was going to turn it around

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Speaker 2: and like put a positive spin on it, because I

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Speaker 2: think I lost the spin.

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Speaker 1: But maybe no, I think that, you know, someone listening

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Speaker 1: is going to be like, have I checked in on

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Speaker 1: my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, and.

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Speaker 2: Are they telling me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because sometimes you have to lay eyes. That's what

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Speaker 1: they call it, you know, like you know, is it zoom?

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Speaker 1: Is it? You know, if you're able to go see

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Speaker 1: them personally maybe they live in the town near you,

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Speaker 1: but not just that, are you I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 1: I have not been to the primary care doctor in

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Speaker 1: so long, really since before Dreell passed away, so it's

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Speaker 1: been over two years, and like I'm supposed to get

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Speaker 1: like a mammogram, you know, cause I'm forty four now,

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Speaker 1: I think I have not you know. I was like

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Speaker 1: I had all these things like okay, this is like

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Speaker 1: you know, my doctor gave me like a list of things,

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Speaker 1: and then she got sick with cancer and she was

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Speaker 1: gone for a while, and I just was like, I

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Speaker 1: just you know, you just are like, oh, I got

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Speaker 1: to find a new primary I gotta you know, I know.

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Speaker 1: ZocDoc is one of our sponsors. I was like, I

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Speaker 1: think that's what I actually used initially to find her,

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Speaker 1: and I, you know, you just like you kick the

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Speaker 1: can down them, you know, down the road. I mean,

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Speaker 1: Drell passed away and just everything else full out the wind.

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Speaker 1: I just was like, I don't you know, I can't

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Speaker 1: even think about it. But just most recently, I've been

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Speaker 1: like Tiffany, like you don't know where you stand? Helpful.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I don't you know. When I

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Speaker 1: was doing IVF IVF, I mean I literally probably went

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Speaker 1: to the doctor two or three times a week, so

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Speaker 1: I was constantly blood pressure, blood work, and so it

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Speaker 1: was like I knew everything where I stood, you know.

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Speaker 1: But then when that process was over, I can honestly

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Speaker 1: tell you I have no idea. So I'm like, I know,

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Speaker 1: like I need to you know, I need to know.

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Speaker 1: You know, there are not too many things that I

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Speaker 1: know of that run in my family. My dad is

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Speaker 1: in his eighties. He doesn't have as far as I know,

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Speaker 1: high blood pressure. No, that's not true. Maybe a little,

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Speaker 1: but nothing something that's like comparable to his age, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like nothing, I mean not that

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Speaker 1: I know of that cancer or anything runs in our

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Speaker 1: family but still these things you don't know, you know, so.

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Speaker 2: Until you stood around the chat. Like in my family,

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Speaker 2: it's just such a part of the fabric on my

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Speaker 2: dad's side of like their daily lives, Like it was

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Speaker 2: never a conversation like did you know that grandpa is

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Speaker 2: suffering failure? Like if you go to it. When I

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Speaker 2: when I say I feel like the lights kind of

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Speaker 2: came on in my eyes. When I visited my dad

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Speaker 2: recently for my grandpa's funeral, which happened to be like,

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Speaker 2: you know, he died the day my dad was discharged

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Speaker 2: from the hospital for anyway, And as we were driving

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Speaker 2: from the airport to my dad's house in the heart

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Speaker 2: of Atlanta, on the way to where he lives, like

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Speaker 2: a little bit south of Atlanta, when I tell you

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Speaker 2: the number of dialysis centers I saw, it was like

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Speaker 2: you know when you go down those streets with car

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Speaker 2: dealerships and there's just one on every side, there's like

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Speaker 2: ten there. It was like that, you know, when it's

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Speaker 2: like a diabetes and dialysis treatment center, and I'm just

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Speaker 2: like looking, yeah, look at the business. Look at the business.

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Speaker 2: Look at the billions that are being made on the

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Speaker 2: backs of people who were dying from an illness or

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Speaker 2: suffering from an ill inventice, you know, that's treated because

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Speaker 2: it's a symptom of these preventable you know, conditions. And

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Speaker 2: this is all Remember when we talked about it wasatic

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Speaker 2: not long ago. Ozempic is the you know, the Hollywood

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Speaker 2: drugs people are using to lose weight. Now. It was

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Speaker 2: started as a diabetes drug, and of course now it's

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Speaker 2: like a you know, a miracle drug for weight loss

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Speaker 2: and all of that. But the day that it came

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Speaker 2: out that they had just completed this came out like

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Speaker 2: last week or so, because I was sending it to

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Speaker 2: my brother and my dad and like harassing his doctors

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Speaker 2: because ozempic has been found to actually help with kidney disease,

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Speaker 2: chronic kidney disease, which makes sense because diabetes, you know,

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Speaker 2: is tied to that. Anyway, the stocks of these dialysis

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Speaker 2: companies started to go down. You know, the last thing

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Speaker 2: they want is to secure huge business, huge business on

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Speaker 2: black and brown bodies. I wish I had done a

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Speaker 2: little bit more research so I could share some stats

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Speaker 2: on how like much more prevalent these diseases are in

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Speaker 2: our communities. But I, yes, they are so and I

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Speaker 2: think it's on us to understand what our risk factors are.

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Speaker 2: Not let it doctor tell us, because your doctor may

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Speaker 2: not share the back of the same background, but hopefully

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Speaker 2: you know, it's great if they do. And I stopped

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Speaker 2: playing around. Glad that I stopped playing around with like

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Speaker 2: I don't know doctor Roulette or just not doctor Roulette,

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Speaker 2: but like I would be like, oh, I need a physical,

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Speaker 2: let me go find a different doctor because I would

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Speaker 2: move so much. I finally found a primary care this

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Speaker 2: past spring, and I was like, you're my lady. I'm

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Speaker 2: going to see you again because I need to be

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Speaker 2: you know, I want to be committed in a committed

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Speaker 2: PCP relationship. Yeah, so it's yeah, just your reminder and

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Speaker 2: tip get your mama, Graham girl, I know, like we

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Speaker 2: talked about this last year.

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Speaker 1: Yeah probably, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Get your That sounds so uncomfortable. I don't blame you

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Speaker 2: for not want to go and get your smashed.

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Speaker 1: I know, maybe don't say.

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Speaker 2: Are you doing on the Today Show? Can go and

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Speaker 2: take a little camera with you and you know, make.

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Speaker 1: It reel and I know, like, I mean, I don't

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Speaker 1: know how old you're supposed to be when like colonoscopy like,

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Speaker 1: why isn't that coming up too?

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Speaker 2: Well? That started for me at twenty five because of

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Speaker 2: my family history that I knew.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so that's that's another one.

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Speaker 2: Loved me when he survived the Colon prep night.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember Darrell did it. One thing about Drell.

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Speaker 1: That's why I was so crazy when he just is

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Speaker 1: not here because he he when Oh who's a gentleman

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Speaker 1: that played from Wakanda? Uh Chadwick Boseman, Tawick Boseman. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: when he passed away. The next week he made an appointment.

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Speaker 1: And you know, because you know, Joe passed away when

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Speaker 1: he was forty one, so he wasn't typically they said

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Speaker 1: you waited at forty five. He said no, because he said,

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Speaker 1: I saw the research that said that black men should

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Speaker 1: start getting tested at forty And I remember the prep

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Speaker 1: the night before, drinking all that stuff and all the

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Speaker 1: you know, so I just like, yeah, I y'all know

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Speaker 1: my mom, well you might know where My mom is

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Speaker 1: a nurse, and so she's been getting out of Are

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Speaker 1: you getting your regular this? You know, like are you?

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Speaker 1: Because and you're right, I have to like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I have to like I'm I mean, I feel quote

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Speaker 1: unquote fine, but what does that even mean? So many

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Speaker 1: things are silent, you know, like you know whether they're

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Speaker 1: you know, pcos. Some people have you know, five boys,

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Speaker 1: y'all know I had five boys. I didn't even know.

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Speaker 1: There's so many things that if knowing ahead of time,

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Speaker 1: you know, you can navigate. Even now lately, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I've had this really nasty cough for the last couple days.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, please don't tell me I have COVID, But

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Speaker 1: I took a test and said no.

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Speaker 2: But you know, I fall viruses.

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Speaker 1: That's what I'm just like, Oh, how great for me.

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Speaker 1: I had to use my damn asthma pump for the

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Speaker 1: first time in like two years.

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Speaker 2: You know. I was like, scramming around for the holiday

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Speaker 2: season was something that was just so girl, just like

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Speaker 2: from a kid's perspective. But now it's like, oh god,

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Speaker 2: it's like tax season almost.

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Speaker 1: Girl. It's like asthma aches pains my mad No.

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Speaker 2: But oh man, man, we feel you going through it.

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Speaker 1: And it's a lot right now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so much. I think the best thing that my

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Speaker 2: mom that I inherited from my family is my sense

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Speaker 2: of humor, because the way it has saved my life

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Speaker 2: this past few months. Shout out to my mom and

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Speaker 2: my dad too, But my mom, I kind of got that, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, that that sense of humor, that bite, that

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Speaker 2: wit if I ever heard you with my words, my

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Speaker 2: mom taught me at a sharp.

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Speaker 1: Name.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, just humor and creating that soft landing for myself.

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Speaker 2: So having my therapist, you know, having my psychiatrist, and

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Speaker 2: so I don't have to go looking for them. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: there's a lot going on and I'm not even going

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Speaker 2: to waste time feeling bad about it that I'm having

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Speaker 2: a hard time managing. So let me get the help

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Speaker 2: I need and keep it moving. But yeah, and.

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Speaker 1: That includes mental health, you know, Like you know, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm always bragging on doctor Green because she's like literally

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Speaker 1: helped to save my life and you know, having someone

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Speaker 1: to talk to. And there are different mental health specialists,

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Speaker 1: like doctor Green actually specializes in trauma. That's why she

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Speaker 1: was perfect for what I needed her for, you know.

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Speaker 1: And even now that's one of the questions. It's like

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Speaker 1: I love doctor Green, and I'm like, well, if this

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Speaker 1: is your specialty, if I'm no longer in this heightened

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Speaker 1: traumatic state, what does that look like? You know, like

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Speaker 1: in a year, do you do I find another therapy?

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Speaker 1: I'm going to ask her, you know, like what, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to let go of doctor Green, but I also

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Speaker 1: want to be mindful that, like, you know, if it's

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Speaker 1: more maintenance, this is still appropriate. This because I don't

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Speaker 1: ever really want to stop going to therapy truthfully, because

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Speaker 1: I think it's just been so helpful. But I just

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Speaker 1: want to make sure that, like I am always aligned

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Speaker 1: with where I wanted to go. You know, even though

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Speaker 1: these hard times are hard times, I'm just seeing this

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Speaker 1: trend in people focusing inward, you know that I just

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Speaker 1: see so many people who are just like I'm not

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Speaker 1: doing all that. I'm focusing on my family, the people

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Speaker 1: I care about, my friends, like the work that moves me.

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Speaker 1: So there is a shift happ Remember before this shift

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Speaker 1: was toward like go go, go more more more work,

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Speaker 1: work work, You know that we were in our everybody's

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Speaker 1: in there, Gary Vee error, you know, but even Gary

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Speaker 1: Vee I recently heard him on the podcast er Come

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Speaker 1: Taught Me, and he was talking about slowing down and peace.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, even Gary Vee is tired. So if

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Speaker 1: you're tired, that is okay. We are all tired. It's

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Speaker 1: okay to be tired. It is okay to say I

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Speaker 1: don't want to do quite as much, and it's okay. Like, honestly,

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Speaker 1: I am now reverse engineering where I'm looking at my

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Speaker 1: life and saying, how much do I really need? Not

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Speaker 1: from the excess, but from as little as possible to

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Speaker 1: live this? And so that way, how do I what

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Speaker 1: do I need to do to make just what I need?

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Speaker 1: You know, so I have more time for people, I

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Speaker 1: have more time for rest, I have more time for peace,

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Speaker 1: you know, like the Tiffany from ten years ago was

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Speaker 1: like more and more and more that more is more,

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Speaker 1: and now to me the more is different. Before it

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Speaker 1: was like more money, more accolades, and now it's more

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Speaker 1: time more. Like I had my sister sale with my

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Speaker 1: sisters this weekend. We do an annual sale. We do

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Speaker 1: a closet sale, and we clean out our closets and

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Speaker 1: then Lisa has a really cute apartment, a garden apartment

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Speaker 1: in Jersey City that's right on the corner, and so

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Speaker 1: we do like a sidewalk sale with all of our stuff, and.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm so freaking cute, I can't.

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Speaker 1: And so it was so nice because it was like

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Speaker 1: the sisters minus the one in Chicago, plus one of

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Speaker 1: my nieces Amelia, and.

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Speaker 2: Minus the one in Chicago.

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Speaker 1: See I'm that sister.

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Speaker 2: So it was great. It was a study that came

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Speaker 2: out that said people who have helped me relationship with

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Speaker 2: their sisters, like I saw that the better best lives

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Speaker 2: something like that.

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Speaker 1: I saw my sister.

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Speaker 2: I imported her from Wisconsin like a rare cheese she's visiting,

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Speaker 2: and I love that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sinces are just awesome. I just I just want

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Speaker 1: that for all of us, and that we are really

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Speaker 1: Like you are allowed to look at your money and

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Speaker 1: your finances and say, fit to the life that I want.

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Speaker 1: And if you are in your Gary b hustle, grind

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Speaker 1: more and more and more whatever, there's nothing. There's no

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Speaker 1: judgment here because we have been there. But if you

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Speaker 1: are in your laid back chill piece, the purpose of

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Speaker 1: your finances is to fit to the life that you're wanting,

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Speaker 1: and so don't be afraid to update the financial part

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Speaker 1: of your life to fit to wherever you're wanting to

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Speaker 1: go or wherever you are. Now, Like you are allowed

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Speaker 1: to update and change and say, I know, I said

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Speaker 1: I wanted to make three hundred thousand blah blah blah,

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Speaker 1: but one hundred and fifty is more than enough to

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Speaker 1: do the things that I want, and so I could

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Speaker 1: take a nap. You know how many.

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Speaker 2: Of us are getting beaten up by our own aspiration.

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Speaker 2: That's fine, now, how I said aspiration not ambition, because right,

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Speaker 2: it's a healthy amount of ambition. But I will say

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Speaker 2: that the I'm not going to move the way I

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Speaker 2: would have moved as a business owner if I started

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Speaker 2: my business at twenty two. You know, I'm moving as

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Speaker 2: a person. It's almost like I don't want to create

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Speaker 2: a business that requires me to be at one hundred

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Speaker 2: percent all the time, because the reality is like if

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Speaker 2: I can get like a solid sixty five percent on it,

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Speaker 2: I'm like today was good, you know, like I was

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Speaker 2: sixty sixty five percent of my uh you know, my

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Speaker 2: cup being being filled is like pretty decent. And the

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Speaker 2: days that were so last week was a week before that, yeah,

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Speaker 2: the week of the twentieth whenever fincn was that was

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Speaker 2: a week where I needed one hundred percent of myself

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Speaker 2: and I knew it. I was like, it's going to

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Speaker 2: be a tough week, but I felt good when I

403
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:33,159
Speaker 2: booked everything, and then you know, all the shit started

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00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,919
Speaker 2: happening with family and then my mental health and you know,

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Speaker 2: just like the seasons and all that, and I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: we have to we have to break. We have to

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Speaker 2: like break the image of the person I thought I

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Speaker 2: was going to be for this week. Yeah, because the

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Speaker 2: person I am can't do this. And I had to

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Speaker 2: back out of fin Con. I was supposed to give

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Speaker 2: a talk there. I had to cancel like several meetings

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Speaker 2: that were like big ideas for you know, maybe next

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Speaker 2: year kind of meanings and just like bring it back

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Speaker 2: to the bare minimum. And it sucked. But I was

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Speaker 2: also like do this or like what's it for his

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Speaker 2: for who to disappoint? To make me happy? Because no

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Speaker 2: one else is asking me to do everything?

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Speaker 1: You know, yes, and I'm so glad that you. It's

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Speaker 1: hard to make, especially for women who are ambitious. You know,

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Speaker 1: like we literally call this Brown ambition because we're both

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Speaker 1: brown and we're both really ambitious, and it's hard when

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Speaker 1: from that space to say I'm actually going to do less.

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Speaker 1: It's really hard to make the decision to do less.

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Speaker 1: It's one thing when life forces your hand, you're like, well,

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Speaker 1: but it's hard to make the and I hate the

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Speaker 1: word And maybe the word less has this negative connotation.

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Speaker 1: It's not really less. It's just like a reallocation of

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Speaker 1: the energy because it's more for.

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Speaker 2: You quality versus quantity.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and I want that for us.

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Speaker 2: I want I want. I want to be where sixty

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Speaker 2: five percent of Mandy can you know, have a thriving

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Speaker 2: business that's paying the bills. I don't have to worry.

434
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,880
Speaker 2: I'm working towards that. You know, yes, but one day

435
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:10,159
Speaker 2: at a freak one hour at a freakin time, you

436
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 2: know when I'm trying.

437
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 1: And that's now you can see why. For those of

438
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 1: you who might have cringed when I said that I

439
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,480
Speaker 1: bought my condo cash, even though I know I could

440
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 1: put in the market, it's because I didn't want to

441
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,680
Speaker 1: have to worry about a mortgage, even though there's more

442
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: money in the long run. I have a lot of

443
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 1: money already, if I'm being candid. But I knew that

444
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,120
Speaker 1: this was going to be a year well I might

445
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 1: not be able to fully show up, and I didn't

446
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,119
Speaker 1: want to have to be like, of course I have

447
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,159
Speaker 1: plenty of savings whatever, but there's an anxiety for me

448
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 1: to tap into emergency savings even though it's there. I

449
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 1: wanted to say, I know the budget needs to would

450
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 1: have to be closed down for me not to be

451
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 1: able to afford my life because I don't have a

452
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: mortgage on my current home and I don't have a

453
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 1: mortgage on them on the condo. But I did that

454
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 1: intentionally to relieve rates though, girl, to relieve some of

455
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,679
Speaker 1: the stress of life. What you don't got to worry about, Tiffany,

456
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 1: is you just have to make the bare minimum to

457
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 1: make your you know, to afford your life. And so

458
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,920
Speaker 1: I wanted that peace of mind over more money in

459
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 1: the long run. And to me, you know, it didn't hurt.

460
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 1: I mean, certainly it's like, oh, you really could have

461
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 1: made more. Maybe there's an extra six figure, I get it.

462
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 1: But I just was like, this is what I mean

463
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 1: about adjusting your financial life to fit how you want

464
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 1: your actual life to go. And so for me, you know,

465
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 1: after talking with my financial vibes, I didn't make the

466
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 1: decision lightly and she said, here's the difference. In the

467
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 1: long run, either way, You're fine, you know, it's just

468
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,640
Speaker 1: a difference between a lot of money or a lot

469
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: of a little bit more than a lot of money.

470
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'll take less. I'll take less

471
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: money in the long run for more peace in the

472
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 1: short term.

473
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 2: Amen.

474
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, So a man, you want to take a little

475
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 1: bit of a break and who's that?

476
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 2: Yes, my breath work the way that my lungs are

477
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 2: coming through, sending the breath. Let's let's let's go out

478
00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 2: with another little like yes, four seconds and seven minutes,

479
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:07,640
Speaker 2: hold seven seven deep sea diving and then eight four

480
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 2: seven eight breath. I love this, okay, okay, and for

481
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 2: four hold for seven out for eight through the toes.

482
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 2: You'll get my billy again. Goodbye, You'll be back, gonna

483
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 2: break back in a little.

484
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 1: Bit, and we're back, and I do feel calmer. Thanks Mandra.

485
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: That was beautiful.

486
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,919
Speaker 2: Just repeat that every five minutes like I do. You

487
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 2: too can survive them. Oh man, Brown boosts brown break though.

488
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:58,640
Speaker 1: Yes, right, and now it is time to boost top

489
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:02,639
Speaker 1: break up boostp boost up, break up boost. Are you

490
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: gonna boost? Are you gonna break? What you're gonna do,

491
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 1: what you're gonna take? And I am I'm gonna because

492
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 1: I just have a short little boost, and I'm just

493
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: si you might have done it. Did you do your

494
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 1: dad book that you recommended to us?

495
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 2: Did I do what book that I recommended?

496
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: Did you boost last week? Attached?

497
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 2: Yes? Boost? Yeah you can. You can co boost it.

498
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 1: So yeah, so I'll go first, just because it's like

499
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 1: a short. But I changed everyone, girl. I owe you

500
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 1: a handheld a hand foot massage, right because that book.

501
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,439
Speaker 1: Mandy suggested a book. And if you didn't listen to

502
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 1: I can't remember last time we had a boost break,

503
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:52,120
Speaker 1: but our last boost break. Many recommended this book called Attachment.

504
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 1: It who's the author of attached?

505
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,679
Speaker 2: It's called attached and it has a subtitle that I

506
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 2: can never remember, but hold on, I will find it

507
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 2: because there are several copies of several books called Attached

508
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 2: to parents.

509
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, that's like.

510
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 2: Which one by Adam Levine and Rachel S. F Heller Air.

511
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,439
Speaker 1: You said, Adam Levine, which is hilarious. Oh look at

512
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,800
Speaker 1: you did the tipthy you.

513
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 2: Did until the day the way that I just became dyslexic.

514
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,600
Speaker 2: You're right. And I looked at it again and I

515
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,439
Speaker 2: saw Adam, and I looked away, and I said, a mirror.

516
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 2: The New science of adult attachment and how it can

517
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,879
Speaker 2: help you find and keep love.

518
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 1: And yes, I was gonna say what I love about

519
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 1: attached that although yes, the and they say this, they're like,

520
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:37,440
Speaker 1: attachment theory is not just about romantic love. That really

521
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:41,159
Speaker 1: attachment theory and attachment begins really at birth, you know,

522
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,639
Speaker 1: with the way you attached to your person that is

523
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 1: raising you, your guardian, your mom, your dad, whoever. But

524
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 1: then this book really specifically kind of dies into how

525
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 1: this is potentially affecting your romantic life, whatever partnership looks

526
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: like for you in your romantic life, and well, bigger

527
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,200
Speaker 1: than the romantic part, which we can get into a

528
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,919
Speaker 1: little bit, but the bigger than romantic part is that

529
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:07,720
Speaker 1: I'm really learning like about myself and how I show up,

530
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 1: you know, and how I've been showing up, and I'm

531
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 1: just like, oh. And then also to your point, Mandy,

532
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,360
Speaker 1: I'm looking at like friends and family and I'm like, oh,

533
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: that's what's happening. And I'm learning what is I mean,

534
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 1: I'm only like halfway through, so certainly i'd love to

535
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 1: have just like, like, I think it would just be

536
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: great to just like talk about attachment in one episode

537
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,239
Speaker 1: because it's just been so helpful. Like, in general, I

538
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,679
Speaker 1: took like I took the quiz because you can take

539
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,639
Speaker 1: an attachment quiz. In general, I show up in a

540
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: secure attachment style, which means that you know, I'm not anxious,

541
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 1: I'm not avoidant, that I'm like, I have healthy relationships

542
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:52,919
Speaker 1: in general with in romantic spaces, and well, this is

543
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 1: like I want to say, one gerella is here in

544
00:27:54,880 --> 00:28:00,080
Speaker 1: pat and beyond or prior and in like spaces with

545
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 1: my family and loved ones whatever. But since I've started

546
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: to date, I said, let me see what my attachment

547
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:14,239
Speaker 1: style is specifically now in dating. It is anxious. And

548
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 1: I was just like, wow, that really kind of blew

549
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 1: me away that like, okay, in general, Tiffany, you are secure,

550
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 1: but now that this new part of your life that

551
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: you have not had to do in over ten years

552
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 1: is here, I'm showing up with an anxious attachment. At

553
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: first I thought maybe it was avoidant, but that the

554
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 1: way you know you are avoided or not is like

555
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 1: do you crave intimacy or not? Do you want closeness

556
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 1: and intimacy? If you don't want closeness and intimacy, you're

557
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 1: likely and avoided if you do want closeness and intimacy,

558
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 1: then you're either secure or anxious, you know, like and

559
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 1: then you just have to see which how the rabbit

560
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 1: hole goes. So I do want closeness and intimacy now

561
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 1: because I miss companionship. But I am navigating from a

562
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: place of fear. You know. There's fear of like what

563
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 1: if it goes when something happens to this person. There's

564
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 1: all this anxiety that's being brought up that was not

565
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 1: here before when Jarrell was here. And I just like

566
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 1: there was a component. Actually I called you. I don't

567
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 1: even know if we talked about this last My memory

568
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 1: goes I called you because I read this component where

569
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:23,040
Speaker 1: I was crying. There was a study in the book

570
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 1: that's called the Strange Thing Study or something to that effect,

571
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 1: where basically a baby is in the room with their

572
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 1: mom and a researcher. Mom holds baby, enters into the

573
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 1: room all these amazing baby toys, all the colors. You know.

574
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 1: The babies love the toys and lights them, and so

575
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: mom puts the baby down on the ground. Baby crawls

576
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 1: over to play with the toys, but glancing occasionally back.

577
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 1: Mom's still here playing with the toys. Enjoying myself, exploring,

578
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 1: glances back Mom is still here exploring. Then mom slips out,

579
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 1: you know, when the baby's busy playing. Baby looks to

580
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 1: make sure Mom's still here. She's not here. Baby looses

581
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 1: his shit, crawls over to the door, bangs on the door,

582
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 1: where's my mama? Basically but you know, maybe can't speak.

583
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 1: The researcher tries to re engage the baby, like these

584
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: toys are still here, though, babies like get out my face,

585
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: literally throws toy and researchers face like you thought. And

586
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: finally mom comes back. Baby you know, continues to cry,

587
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 1: is consoled. Once they feel better, they're like, put me

588
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 1: down because me and these toys about to play again.

589
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: But say, here's this, and so what mom represents in

590
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: that study was something called a secure base. This is

591
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 1: what the book was saying. And they find found that

592
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 1: when children have a secure base, those children explore and

593
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: experience the world from a place of like I can

594
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 1: do anything. I can navigate. I can because my base

595
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 1: secure and I'm not going to try to cry. But

596
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 1: I realize that one of the reasons, Remember I was like,

597
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:53,200
Speaker 1: maybe I don't even know if I want to do

598
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 1: but any stay anymore, I don't know if I want

599
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,719
Speaker 1: to do anything. I didn't realize how much of a

600
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: secure base that for me, Like yo, I mean, I

601
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 1: knew I had like this awesome husband, but I didn't

602
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: realize like how much, because I find myself to be

603
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 1: like hyper independent, you know, Like that's what I told

604
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 1: myself because I grew up hyper independent. The household that

605
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 1: I grew up in, it was like you could do it.

606
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 1: You know, you've got it. My dad was very much

607
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:27,959
Speaker 1: girl power, and so I underestimated how much security I

608
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 1: got from having him in my life because literally the

609
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: year I moved in with Jiarel in the Halfway Hood,

610
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 1: I went from six figures to seven figures in business

611
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 1: because for the first time, I did not have to

612
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 1: be my own foundation, you know, that I had this space,

613
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 1: Like it's not like we didn't have any money or

614
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: anything like that, but I had this secure place to

615
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 1: be like I'll never hit the ground because he's there

616
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 1: covering it, you know. And I just was like, wow,

617
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 1: no wonder I felt so secure because I grew up

618
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 1: in a household which was a little bit emotionally chaotic,

619
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest and Jirelle came into my life

620
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 1: and provided so much safety and security that my attachment

621
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 1: style shifted toward secure and across the board. It helped

622
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 1: us shift me And now that he's not here, I

623
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 1: feel a little bit lost, you know, not even a

624
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 1: little bit, a lot of it lost, And I don't

625
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 1: want to explore the world. The world seems so scary,

626
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 1: you know, like, and I don't necessarily want partnership anytime soon,

627
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 1: but I certainly miss companionship because being by yourself all

628
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: the time is really lonely. And so that's why dating

629
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 1: now brings up so much anxiety, you know for me,

630
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: Like there's one person in particular that I've been hanging

631
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 1: out with more than anybody else. He listens now, which

632
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:44,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, great, hey.

633
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 2: I know, I know they still work the pod.

634
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 1: And so I yeah, but I'm navigating for a place

635
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 1: of like high anxiety, and.

636
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 2: Like this could be taken away. I don't trust that

637
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 2: yes forever.

638
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 1: Yes, or just yes or just like anything. I'm just like,

639
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 1: what does that mean? Oh well, you know, you know,

640
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 1: everything just feels so temporary, Like you know, I'm not

641
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 1: ready to invest here. I'm not. Oh yeah, it's just

642
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 1: it's just it's been great. And you made a suggestion

643
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 1: because you said you and husband were reading the book together,

644
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 1: which I love, and so I asked powerful what I

645
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 1: asked him, and we've been doing so we just got

646
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 1: to chapter four and one. I love the fact that

647
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: he said that he was more than open to doing so,

648
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 1: and so because he's a big reader anyway, So we've

649
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 1: been reading the book together and really like navigating chapter

650
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 1: by chapter and discussing what we're thinking and feeling, and

651
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 1: it's just been really an amazing experience. So yeah, I

652
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 1: still want partnership. That's what him because he'd be asking.

653
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: But that's fair.

654
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 2: Like the book for me is like a you talk

655
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 2: about like the perennial or the annual reader or whatever

656
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 2: perennial seller or annual seller. For me, it's like the

657
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 2: annual read. Let's revisit this book and take the take

658
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 2: the assessments again because like you said, a major life

659
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 2: event can change your attachment style, age, relationship, you know.

660
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 2: And I feel like this book. So many people commented

661
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 2: who said, my therapist recommended this book after my divorse,

662
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 2: and I feel like it could prevent a lot of divorces,

663
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 2: you know, whether by preventing people from marrying people who

664
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:35,879
Speaker 2: are the wrong style for them, or helping you get

665
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:40,359
Speaker 2: the tools to you know, strengthen your your relationship in

666
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 2: spite of you know, some differences that you have. It's

667
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 2: just been, you know, really eye opening. And it's it's

668
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 2: the first book I've read in a very long time

669
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 2: that I feel like I know myself better having read it.

670
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 2: And it's not only these books where it's like do

671
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 2: these things to achieve this goal. This is this is

672
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 2: sort of like understand the these things so that you

673
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 2: can know yourself better. Yes, And it just it created

674
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 2: like in the storm of the past month, it really

675
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 2: gave me like a sense of calm and acceptance for

676
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 2: at a great time because I never have needed so

677
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 2: much support then, I you know, maybe I have in

678
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,320
Speaker 2: the past, but like I needed a lot of support,

679
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 2: and I know how to ask my person specifically what

680
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 2: I need now, and I know why I'm asking, and

681
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,279
Speaker 2: I know and he understands because he's reading the book too,

682
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 2: why I need what I need and what happens if

683
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 2: I don't get it?

684
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 1: No, I love It's just you don't want to upset.

685
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 2: An anxious attachment.

686
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: Well, you know, one thing I will say I love

687
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 1: about the book is that there's no judgment on the

688
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 1: attachment style that you display.

689
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:45,240
Speaker 2: There's no right or wrong one.

690
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 1: No, and so but what I love is that, like,

691
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:52,359
Speaker 1: especially with someone who's displaying anxious attachment, it said, if

692
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 1: you can provide the safety and security, if you have

693
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 1: the patience to provide the safety, security and communication that

694
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:03,560
Speaker 1: anxious attachment needs, you will be blessed with a hyper loving,

695
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 1: compassionate partner.

696
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,760
Speaker 2: And I just love that describing why you should adopt

697
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 2: a dog like I am that like snaggly tooth must

698
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,760
Speaker 2: you know, it's like you just look after me the shelter,

699
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 2: like you'll have the bestest friend.

700
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,320
Speaker 1: You'll have the bestest like partner.

701
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 2: And so small children and ruin your carpet, you know

702
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 2: what I mean. But you know, I'm being really cute.

703
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 2: You'll love it.

704
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 1: But I just love like that. It's just so it's

705
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 1: just been one Yeah, that's so, it's just been really

706
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 1: eye opening for myself, but also too. You know, one

707
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 1: thing I do like about this person that I'm mostly

708
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:49,520
Speaker 1: dating is that there's an openness, you know, like I

709
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: could talk about Jerrell all the time, and I do

710
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: which I'm not. You know, I don't even know how

711
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 1: he navigates that. But because Jerrelle, you know, he was

712
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:02,920
Speaker 1: and still is a love of life. And I remember

713
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,359
Speaker 1: him asking me distinctly, like do you think that you

714
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 1: could love again? And at first I thought, I don't know,

715
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 1: and then I thought about the way parents love children.

716
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:19,360
Speaker 1: So I know when Rio first came, you were like, girl,

717
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 1: ain't no love greater than this love. Everybody could go

718
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 1: this is my boo, this is like. But what Rio,

719
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 1: I assume really did was opened up a different level

720
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 1: of capacity in your heart because now you have, you know,

721
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 1: this new baby, what's your new baby name? Kind of

722
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,760
Speaker 1: kept like my mind is like doing a BA right now? Remy?

723
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 1: I know, right, So now you have Remy. So it

724
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 1: would be crazy to be like, well, I have Rio child,

725
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 1: I can't there's no space for another baby for me

726
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 1: to love another baby. That's not what Rio did. That

727
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: Rio helped to expand the capacity of your heart that

728
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 1: you can love Remy, and if you were to have

729
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 1: another baby, you would be able to love that baby

730
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,919
Speaker 1: just as much. And I think that that's the way

731
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:05,919
Speaker 1: really good partnered romantic love can do for you too.

732
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 1: That like, it's not that the buck stops with Darrell,

733
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 1: which is what I thought at first when he first

734
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 1: passed away for the first like year year and a half, right,

735
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 1: that is because of the kind of love I had

736
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 1: with Darell. It expanded my heart's capacity that I do

737
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 1: believe that I can love again, you know, because it's

738
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,799
Speaker 1: like your heart can expand as much as the good

739
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:29,839
Speaker 1: love that you have poured into it. So I do

740
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:31,879
Speaker 1: believe that I just like, in this space and time,

741
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,760
Speaker 1: doctor Green has been awesome because I told her, I said,

742
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,240
Speaker 1: is there a reason why I'm just not wanting partnership?

743
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:39,319
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously I know because I missed Jarell. But

744
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 1: bigger than that, she said, Tiffany, it sounds like to

745
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 1: me that you recognize that partnership takes a lot of

746
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,760
Speaker 1: She said, I don't like the word work because work

747
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 1: sounds like a negative connotation. That partnership takes a lot

748
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:56,280
Speaker 1: of investment. And right now, you are investing in yourself,

749
00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 1: you know, because I'm still trying to find my footing,

750
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,240
Speaker 1: and so I recognize I actually don't have the excess

751
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,479
Speaker 1: investment to pour into someone else because I'm still trying

752
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,799
Speaker 1: to get myself so it's not a judgment on you know,

753
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,879
Speaker 1: whether someone's enough or not, or good or bad. It's

754
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 1: like not at all. It's literally a Tiffany choice that

755
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, I am reserving all of my resources to

756
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 1: invest in myself until I can feel stable again and

757
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 1: be open to partnership. Although I am open to companionship,

758
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 1: you know, but like not necessarily partnership right now. Like

759
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be nobody's you know, girl, woman,

760
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: like you know, wife, I can't even imagine, but you know,

761
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: maybe one day, you know. So, but the attachment attached

762
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: that book has really been so helpful for me to

763
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: see myself as I'm navigating, and so I can just

764
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 1: be kinder but then also to kinder to whomever I'm dating,

765
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,239
Speaker 1: and also to navigate towards back to I want to

766
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 1: get back to the secured attachment style that I've enjoyed

767
00:39:58,560 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 1: for so long. You know.

768
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean I still feel like I think

769
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:05,840
Speaker 2: we talked a little bit about this too, just because

770
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 2: it for me, it opened up my eyes to how

771
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 2: I moved through my friendships too, and I was like,

772
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 2: thank God for Tiffany, because I think that I've become

773
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:18,360
Speaker 2: ready for a friend like you, because I, as an

774
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 2: anxious attachment person, was just always looking for friendship in

775
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 2: the wrong avoidant places. I just always had the one

776
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 2: avoidant bestie. And I think I'm finally decided that I

777
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 2: don't like the way avoidant besties make me feel. It's horrible,

778
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 2: it's awful, and it's not okay for me as an

779
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 2: anxious avoidant, I'm always like, oh, I'm the problem. When

780
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 2: they get too close to me, they realize that I'm

781
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 2: horrible and they don't want to and like. But but

782
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 2: they're reacting not because of me, because of anyway. So

783
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,880
Speaker 2: find you a secure or bestie. And I was actually

784
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 2: talking to a brand Ambition former guest for Shikha Tolshian

785
00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:59,839
Speaker 2: who wrote Inclusion on Purpose. I think I had her

786
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 2: when you were actually on when you were it was

787
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:06,880
Speaker 2: after Darrell passed. But anyhow, Rashika was asking me about

788
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:10,440
Speaker 2: she's writing an amazing book called Uncompete, Sidebar, Sidebar. I

789
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:12,280
Speaker 2: have to have her on to talk about. It's basically

790
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:15,319
Speaker 2: about how there's so much more to gain by not

791
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 2: competing with one another as women. But she asked me

792
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 2: for an example of anyway, and I was like yes,

793
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 2: I have a secure friendship in Tiffany. She's secure and

794
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 2: I don't have to worry about I don't have to

795
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:29,760
Speaker 2: like watch what I say. I can just be myself

796
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 2: and it's a beautiful thing. It really is.

797
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 1: I love you, Mandy, I love you too. Yeah. No,

798
00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 1: for real, Cama was like, whenever you called me, You're like,

799
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 1: did I say? I was like, huh, girl, barely what

800
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:41,799
Speaker 1: we talked about.

801
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 2: So when I said that thing that I'm overthinking now,

802
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,399
Speaker 2: I'm like, what thing? But at least at least I'll

803
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 2: pick up the phone now, because before I would just like,

804
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 2: is she gonna show up next week?

805
00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: Honestly, I never there's never been a coversation where I

806
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 1: felt like, you know, like Mandy said something that offended me.

807
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:05,839
Speaker 1: So when I told you, as much as I love

808
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:07,920
Speaker 1: the BA listeners, y'all are good, but I'm only I

809
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 1: only came back honestly because of you, Mandy. Like, if

810
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 1: this was like a solo podcast I was doing by myself,

811
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:15,719
Speaker 1: y'all would have been like, well, grand opening grand clothes.

812
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I wouldn't be back, you know. I literally

813
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 1: came back because of my friendship with Mandy, and I

814
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 1: enjoy having this time, so as I forget that, like

815
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 1: you know, we're taping because I'm like I said that, damn,

816
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,680
Speaker 1: you know, I was just talking to Mandy, you know,

817
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 1: like literally I came back for you. I came back

818
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 1: because I enjoyed this time. I came back because you know,

819
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:37,359
Speaker 1: like you're my friend and I love you and I

820
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 1: want to continue to do this for as long as

821
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:43,319
Speaker 1: we want to do it. And so yeah, no, so yes,

822
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 1: Thankfully that part of myself is still secured, like my

823
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,480
Speaker 1: I still navigate from secure attachment and friendships. It's just

824
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,799
Speaker 1: this this new space you know that I'm like navigating.

825
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,840
Speaker 1: But who.

826
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 2: Well, I'm saying, if you guys want to have a

827
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:02,320
Speaker 2: woo child moment, you gotta get that book. Let me

828
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,800
Speaker 2: let us know how you're what you're learning about yourselves

829
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 2: through that book attached oof. It's such a game changer.

830
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:10,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, you want to do.

831
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,399
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna do a boost because something that put

832
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 2: a huge vile smile on my face today is that

833
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 2: The Color Purple is a book that I could read

834
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 2: one hundred times and not read it enough. And I've

835
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:25,479
Speaker 2: seen the movie. I've seen the Broadway show twice once

836
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 2: with Fantasia. The last time was within Cynthia Arrivo. And

837
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 2: there's a movie coming out this holiday season, I think

838
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 2: Christmas time, and they just released a new trailer and

839
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,360
Speaker 2: every trailer I'm just like, I put me on the

840
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 2: mailing list. I want to subscribe to every version of

841
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:43,440
Speaker 2: this trailer. It's got Fantasia, it's got to Raji p Henson,

842
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:48,359
Speaker 2: it's got so much heart, and the trailer is up.

843
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 2: I'm gonna post we can post a link in the

844
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:53,920
Speaker 2: show notes so that you see it. But the music

845
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:59,799
Speaker 2: like Taragi's playing Oh I can't shug Avery in the

846
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 2: in the in the movie, and I think Fantasia is

847
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 2: still playing Seay and then Danielle Brooks is playing Oprah.

848
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it.

849
00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:14,920
Speaker 2: Yes, it's gonna be so freaking good. And it just

850
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 2: it's about sisterhood, it's about friendship, it's about everything. So

851
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 2: if you didn't know what's happening, now you do. That's

852
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:23,760
Speaker 2: my boost.

853
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, this whole podcast is about sisterhood and friendship. I

854
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 1: love it. We love to see it. And if you

855
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 1: need anything, Mandra you know, like food delivered, you know,

856
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 1: I love That's like one of my favorite things to

857
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:37,719
Speaker 1: do when someone's going through a like sometimes the last

858
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,880
Speaker 1: thing you want to worry about it is chittoper. You know, yes,

859
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:44,799
Speaker 1: you get the answer. Yes, send me like like, you know,

860
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:46,520
Speaker 1: three or four things are your favorite things? And then

861
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 1: I could just be like randomly like, oh the way.

862
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:53,879
Speaker 2: Yes, things that I don't have to cook. Yes, because

863
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:55,480
Speaker 2: at the end of the night, I'm like, oh, yeah,

864
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 2: I probably need to eat something. It's not cool. It's

865
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 2: gotten there again. So that's so sweet.

866
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 1: Thanks, Tiff, of course I got you.

867
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 2: Yeah.

868
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 1: Checking on your loved ones, you know, checking on us.

869
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:11,720
Speaker 2: Check in and see them, see go physically be present.

870
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:14,279
Speaker 2: Even a phone call is not enough sometimes with these

871
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 2: lion ass pair I mean, with your family and friends,

872
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:18,919
Speaker 2: you may not tell me the whole truth and nothing

873
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 2: but the truth.

874
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, bye.

875
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 2: I always say until next week. Hello on Friday,