1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,199
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

2
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,920
Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,920
Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

4
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:09,039
Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

5
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,600
Speaker 2: My girlfriend's bringing her husband to a party, but no

6
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,320
Speaker 2: one knows they're divorced.

7
00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:16,720
Speaker 3: Keeping up appearances. Messy, messy.

8
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,600
Speaker 2: I have thirty five mail been with my girlfriend forty

9
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,800
Speaker 2: four female for nine months. When we met, she was

10
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:25,639
Speaker 2: open about the fact that she had fully separated from

11
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:30,600
Speaker 2: her ex and that they would be starting official divorce proceedings.

12
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,479
Speaker 2: Those started around one month ago and are basically still

13
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,239
Speaker 2: in the early stages. By the way, this comes from

14
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,000
Speaker 2: Cute as Ducks, and if you want to submit your

15
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,600
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime suburt it.

16
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,159
Speaker 3: I'm Sophia and I'm Vincent.

17
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,600
Speaker 2: And we're here to give good advice. Goofy, But we

18
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,720
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

19
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,080
Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

20
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,000
Speaker 2: Yesterday we were talking about we're Christmas parties and she

21
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,760
Speaker 2: told me her workplace was currently running a poll where

22
00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:00,600
Speaker 2: the options were go alone, go with your partner, or

23
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,480
Speaker 2: say you're not going. When I asked what she was

24
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,160
Speaker 2: thinking of doing, she said she needed to talk to

25
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,680
Speaker 2: her ex husband about it, because she was going to

26
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:12,280
Speaker 2: take him if that option won. Her reason was that

27
00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:14,720
Speaker 2: she didn't want to sit alone while everyone else was

28
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:19,720
Speaker 2: there with their spouses. Obviously, I reacted pretty badly to this.

29
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,760
Speaker 2: She said she couldn't bring me because nobody at her

30
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,039
Speaker 2: workplace knew about me or us. She had started her

31
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,800
Speaker 2: job about three months before we met, and everyone there

32
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,680
Speaker 2: was basically under the impression that she was still married,

33
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,120
Speaker 2: since that's how things have been when she joined. She

34
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,959
Speaker 2: said she didn't like people knowing her personal business, such

35
00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:42,240
Speaker 2: as her separation or divorce, so she just went along

36
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,640
Speaker 2: with it. She said that bringing me would therefore be weird,

37
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,800
Speaker 2: and that she temporarily wanted everything to still look normal

38
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:53,040
Speaker 2: by bringing him. She said she couldn't bring me because

39
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:55,560
Speaker 2: nobody at her workplace knew about me or us. She

40
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,400
Speaker 2: had started her job about three months before we met,

41
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:01,720
Speaker 2: and everyone there was basically under the impression that she

42
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,600
Speaker 2: was still married, since that's how things had been when

43
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,040
Speaker 2: she joined. She said she didn't like people knowing her

44
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,880
Speaker 2: personal business, such as her separation or divorce, so she

45
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,960
Speaker 2: just went along with it. She said that bringing me

46
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,320
Speaker 2: would therefore be weird, and that she temporarily wanted everything

47
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,839
Speaker 2: to still look normal by bringing him. I questioned why

48
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,480
Speaker 2: she would need to go and pretend to essentially strangers.

49
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,840
Speaker 2: I told her she could easily just go on her

50
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:29,119
Speaker 2: own instead, and she told me I didn't understand how

51
00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,000
Speaker 2: difficult it was for her. She said I was making

52
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:35,400
Speaker 2: all about me by asking to be prioritized, which in

53
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,480
Speaker 2: my eyes was just basic consideration. She said I was

54
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,120
Speaker 2: acting irrational and jealous, and that she didn't have to

55
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,400
Speaker 2: run any of her decisions by me. She then started crying,

56
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,760
Speaker 2: hung up on me and texted me to say she

57
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:50,160
Speaker 2: wanted space for a few hours. But she hasn't been

58
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,800
Speaker 2: in touch since, and that was twenty four hours ago.

59
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,720
Speaker 2: I haven't reached out because I feel I haven't done

60
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,000
Speaker 2: anything wrong. I feel really horrible about her wanting to

61
00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:02,000
Speaker 2: take him along so so easily, because it feels like

62
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,080
Speaker 2: she hasn't considered my feelings at all. We didn't have

63
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,560
Speaker 2: a conversation about it. She just told me her plan.

64
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,360
Speaker 2: To me, that feels a little disrespectful to me in

65
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:15,239
Speaker 2: our relationship. I know We've not been together for very long,

66
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,760
Speaker 2: so maybe I don't have the right to be involved

67
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,440
Speaker 2: in her decisions, but I would still expect to at

68
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,560
Speaker 2: least have a conversation about something that directly affects us.

69
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,760
Speaker 2: I also don't understand why she needs to pretend to

70
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,959
Speaker 2: people she doesn't really know, or why she couldn't have

71
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,800
Speaker 2: just used the opportunity to explain the situation. But I

72
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,880
Speaker 2: don't know if I'm being selfish like she said, am

73
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,400
Speaker 2: I the Ale? I've never been married, so I don't

74
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:44,840
Speaker 2: know if I've just majorly downplayed everything and been inconsiderate. Honestly,

75
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,560
Speaker 2: I appreciate everyone's advice and opinions. Comment one says, not

76
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:52,040
Speaker 2: the Ale, this is a massive red flag. You're worried

77
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,160
Speaker 2: about reacting badly, but the real problem is that nine

78
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:59,600
Speaker 2: months into a relationship, she is actively choosing to prioritize

79
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:03,560
Speaker 2: the appear apearance of an intact marriage over publicly acknowledging

80
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:07,480
Speaker 2: her actual relationship with you. She isn't worried about people

81
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,640
Speaker 2: knowing her business. She's worried about admitting she's moved on

82
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:14,080
Speaker 2: before the divorce is final, which suggests she is keeping

83
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,960
Speaker 2: open the option of reconciliation. The excuse that it would

84
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,039
Speaker 2: be weird to bring you, but normal to bring the

85
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:24,599
Speaker 2: man she's divorcing is absurd and deeply disrespectful to you.

86
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:29,800
Speaker 2: Demand honesty and transparency or walk away, because right now

87
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,600
Speaker 2: you are her secret and the ex is her preferred

88
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:33,480
Speaker 2: public face.

89
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:38,719
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I don't like that. Like she's again she's

90
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,320
Speaker 3: trying to keep up appearances. Yeah, but like if the

91
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,200
Speaker 3: appearances aren't the truth, then what's it worth?

92
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,680
Speaker 2: And she says, oh, I don't want people to know

93
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,920
Speaker 2: about my private life, then why why do you even

94
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,840
Speaker 2: care about lying to them? You just you don't know

95
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:52,479
Speaker 2: him anything.

96
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:56,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, Also, go alone, go alone, go alone and tell people, yeah,

97
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,560
Speaker 3: I'm going through a divorce proceeding. Yeah, like you don't

98
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,400
Speaker 3: need to. You can if you're if you don't want

99
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,520
Speaker 3: to tell people you've been dating someone for nine months

100
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:08,120
Speaker 3: before you're getting a divorce. Yeah, just go alone and

101
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,680
Speaker 3: be like yeah we're splitting, or even you.

102
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,039
Speaker 2: Just say I'm here alone, Like you don't even have to.

103
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,159
Speaker 2: Like if someone says always your husband.

104
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,080
Speaker 3: Could make it or whatever, you're like, no, yeah, make

105
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,120
Speaker 3: up a line, make it say on a car, actually,

106
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,680
Speaker 3: like make it, make it tragic get sympathy.

107
00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:23,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're like, I'm so sorry.

108
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:24,880
Speaker 3: You're like, thank you, thank you.

109
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,120
Speaker 2: I don't even want to talk about.

110
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,480
Speaker 3: I knew that you might get a cast role out

111
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:28,679
Speaker 3: of it. People feel sorry.

112
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:32,839
Speaker 2: People always give cast roles. Ope responds and clarifies the

113
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,520
Speaker 2: timeline of his relationship and how long the girlfriend had

114
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:39,599
Speaker 2: the job before meeting Ope. Op says, glad you brought

115
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,240
Speaker 2: this up, because, to be honest, I can't answer this

116
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,760
Speaker 2: either now that I think about it. From what she

117
00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:48,400
Speaker 2: told me, the relationship had been basically done a good

118
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:51,880
Speaker 2: year before they separate. She started the job in October,

119
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,800
Speaker 2: and they had separated before we began dating in January,

120
00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,919
Speaker 2: so I guess maybe she talked about him in the crossover.

121
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,440
Speaker 2: Ope responds some comments about his girlfriend's motives to hold

122
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,960
Speaker 2: on to him and still not being over her ex husband.

123
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:08,120
Speaker 2: OHP says, just wanted to say thank you for this

124
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,960
Speaker 2: and for sharing your experience. Finally, this helps me understand

125
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,880
Speaker 2: what her motives or intentions might have been. She had

126
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,360
Speaker 2: a bad experience with the previous workplace and was out

127
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,920
Speaker 2: of work for quite some time, which left her scarred.

128
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,480
Speaker 2: She was constantly worrying the same thing would happen at

129
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:27,279
Speaker 2: this job, and it's a high power role, so I

130
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,520
Speaker 2: can totally understand why she might have wanted to make

131
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,599
Speaker 2: out that everything was okay like you did, so that

132
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,640
Speaker 2: personal issues couldn't be used against her. I guess if

133
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,160
Speaker 2: you're that scared, you would to some extent try to

134
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,839
Speaker 2: keep up the charad, especially because she's only been in

135
00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:44,679
Speaker 2: the job a year, which isn't solid ground. In our country.

136
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,400
Speaker 2: You need too to be safe from sudden sackings. I

137
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:52,360
Speaker 2: just wish she'd explained that if she had said, look,

138
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,640
Speaker 2: this is what I'm thinking of doing, because right now,

139
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,880
Speaker 2: it feels safer for me to make out that everything's

140
00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:00,320
Speaker 2: fine so they don't think I'm distracted from my job.

141
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,120
Speaker 2: Since it's getting a bit meaty now, I would have understood.

142
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,479
Speaker 3: That she's under Yeah, but still I feel like it

143
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,280
Speaker 3: would show more strength that like, yeah, I'm facing this

144
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,280
Speaker 3: thing and I can still rock my job.

145
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,000
Speaker 2: Like if I was super stressed at work and we

146
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,960
Speaker 2: had like an event where I needed a plus one,

147
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,280
Speaker 2: I'm not bringing my ex. Like, let's say, like they

148
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,120
Speaker 2: didn't know that I had a new boyfriend, I'm not

149
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,160
Speaker 2: bringing my ex.

150
00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:26,400
Speaker 3: Also, imagine imagine if that went wrong. Yeah, just like, oh, hi,

151
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,080
Speaker 3: how you guys are doing? And her ex husband's like, yeah,

152
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,000
Speaker 3: we're breaking up?

153
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,840
Speaker 2: Yeah? Is he gonna stick to the scripts?

154
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:36,360
Speaker 3: Yeah? What if he just like throws gasoline on that,

155
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,800
Speaker 3: this is my ex wife. I think that would be

156
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:43,200
Speaker 3: that's a funny TV episode. Yeah, that's a funny TV episode.

157
00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:45,080
Speaker 2: I bring my ex husband.

158
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:48,280
Speaker 3: I bring my ex husband, and he's just like, he's terrible,

159
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:49,280
Speaker 3: crapping on everything.

160
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,280
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'd have been super comfortable with it.

161
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,520
Speaker 2: I still think she could have gone alone and made

162
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,680
Speaker 2: an excuse, but I get why. Maybe that would have

163
00:07:56,720 --> 00:08:00,560
Speaker 2: looked weird too. But if we worked out boundary together,

164
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,920
Speaker 2: then it could have been okay. And like you said,

165
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,360
Speaker 2: if only the not running decisions by me, the silent

166
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,360
Speaker 2: treatment and making me feel bad for having what turned

167
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,960
Speaker 2: out to be legit concerns hadn't happened, all of this

168
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:18,960
Speaker 2: could have been resolved. However, it's that behavior that's not okay,

169
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,800
Speaker 2: as everyone hears helped me see, so it's that behavior

170
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:26,800
Speaker 2: which concludes my decision. Thank you so much for giving

171
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:29,960
Speaker 2: me this perspective and for future understanding. I hope you

172
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,040
Speaker 2: and your kiddo are doing well. Now we do have

173
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:32,600
Speaker 2: an update.

174
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:33,200
Speaker 3: Okay.

175
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,680
Speaker 2: There were a lot of repeating questions that I didn't

176
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,640
Speaker 2: answer in the post because it all moved way too quick,

177
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,560
Speaker 2: so I wanted to answer those now in case those

178
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:46,040
Speaker 2: commentars were still wondering who filed and did I definitely

179
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,880
Speaker 2: know they were divorcing. My ex girlfriend has always made

180
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,600
Speaker 2: out that she had begun proceedings. Honestly, I don't know

181
00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:55,120
Speaker 2: for deafinit that they are, but she did have a

182
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,079
Speaker 2: few meetings with the lawyer when I was with her,

183
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,200
Speaker 2: and she'd moved into her own place in March, so

184
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,080
Speaker 2: to me, all the signs pointed that way. But of

185
00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,240
Speaker 2: course it may not have been the truth too. Why

186
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,360
Speaker 2: would her ex not X husband agree to go This

187
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,080
Speaker 2: is a solid question, and if I'm honest from what

188
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,760
Speaker 2: she told me about him, I genuinely don't think he

189
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,440
Speaker 2: would have. One of the reasons she gave for their

190
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:21,280
Speaker 2: marriage collapsing was that he became more antisocial and introverted

191
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,600
Speaker 2: and stop wanting to go anywhere and do anything with her.

192
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,080
Speaker 2: I think that's why it felt worse, because if she

193
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,640
Speaker 2: was telling the truth about him, she was willing to

194
00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:33,240
Speaker 2: take someone who had previously on multiple occasions said he

195
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,439
Speaker 2: didn't want to go and do these things. If I'm

196
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:38,120
Speaker 2: honest on reflection, I think that this is an example

197
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:41,760
Speaker 2: of her refusing to face reality and clinging onto her

198
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,280
Speaker 2: old identity. Thank you so much to the commoners who

199
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,360
Speaker 2: gave me this insight. She just thought he'd agree because

200
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:52,280
Speaker 2: previously he probably always begrudgingly has and she hadn't appreciated

201
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,560
Speaker 2: or logically thought about the weight of what she would

202
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:58,120
Speaker 2: be asking. If it was me, I certainly would have

203
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,800
Speaker 2: said no, like everyone else said they would too. So

204
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:05,760
Speaker 2: on to the update we split up, which I.

205
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,360
Speaker 3: Think is the movie, I think that's fair. There's too

206
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,360
Speaker 3: many red flags for this to be a relationship that

207
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,719
Speaker 3: has longevity. Yeah, you can't build a can't build a

208
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,760
Speaker 3: skyscraper on to the loose sand.

209
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,960
Speaker 2: Yeah no, absolutely, I mean not only was it just

210
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,120
Speaker 2: the the audacity to say, I'm bringing my ex to

211
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:24,719
Speaker 2: an event because I don't want to tell people that

212
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:25,440
Speaker 2: I'm dating.

213
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:29,520
Speaker 3: You instead of going alone. It's so avoidable.

214
00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:33,080
Speaker 2: Absolutely, But then even after that you have all of

215
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,559
Speaker 2: this kind of gas lighting op saying why are you upset?

216
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,360
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter blah blah bah.

217
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:42,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, like just yeah, not okay, Op, you're not the

218
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:43,319
Speaker 3: bad guy here.

219
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:46,640
Speaker 2: Not the bad guy, get someone new thanks to all

220
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,080
Speaker 2: the perspectives here. I texted her to say that I

221
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,800
Speaker 2: hope she was okay and that the space had given

222
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,960
Speaker 2: me time to reflect on the situation. I explained that

223
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,040
Speaker 2: I could see things from her perspective and what her

224
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,040
Speaker 2: intentions might have been, but I was hurt that she

225
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,320
Speaker 2: hadn't felt she could communicate that with me first, as

226
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:07,560
Speaker 2: if she had, the outcome might have been different and

227
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,720
Speaker 2: we could have worked something out. However, I felt her

228
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,319
Speaker 2: behavior in calling me selfish and the not running decisions

229
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:18,320
Speaker 2: by me, etc. Was disrespectful and inconsiderate, and that was

230
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:22,040
Speaker 2: now my major problem in moving forward with relationship. She

231
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,520
Speaker 2: replied to say that if I was going to just

232
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,040
Speaker 2: bring another source of pain and stress to her life,

233
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,880
Speaker 2: then I may as well go, because I was still

234
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,720
Speaker 2: making the whole thing about me and my feelings and

235
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,600
Speaker 2: not appreciating her not breaking apart at the seems while

236
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:39,079
Speaker 2: her life did, so she'd be taking more space until

237
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,240
Speaker 2: I decided what I wanted. There is a little bit

238
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,320
Speaker 2: left to the story, but what a response. Yeah, to

239
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,600
Speaker 2: take the fact that you haven't gotten over your previous

240
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,960
Speaker 2: relationship and are not in the right mental headspace to

241
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:55,480
Speaker 2: be in a relationship and blame that on your partner.

242
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,320
Speaker 2: You didn't have to look for a relationship if you

243
00:11:59,320 --> 00:11:59,960
Speaker 2: weren't ready for one.

244
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:04,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, it sounded like she either dove into this thing

245
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:08,199
Speaker 3: with op yeah way too early and needed to process

246
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:12,439
Speaker 3: whatever mm hmm was going on with that divorce first,

247
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,760
Speaker 3: or yeah, it's just red flags.

248
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:20,560
Speaker 2: Red flags. Good job in breaking up. Yeah, that was

249
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,600
Speaker 2: the right move, but ope finishes. Thanks to all of you,

250
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:28,120
Speaker 2: I realized how invalidating and again manipulative that was. So

251
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,599
Speaker 2: I told her we'd make the space permanent and was

252
00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,800
Speaker 2: sure all the best. Her response was just okay and

253
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,040
Speaker 2: asking if she could still use my Netflix password. No,

254
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,720
Speaker 2: so I changed it. Then she texted again a little

255
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,920
Speaker 2: while later asking why I changed it and could I

256
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,920
Speaker 2: put it back because it had locked her out of

257
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:50,280
Speaker 2: a show she was watching. I had a good laugh

258
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,480
Speaker 2: to myself about the irony of decision making without running

259
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:57,439
Speaker 2: it by her, and didn't respond. On to better things

260
00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:01,080
Speaker 2: and definite lesson learned for the future seeing the red

261
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:05,360
Speaker 2: flags once again. A massive thanks to this community. And

262
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,480
Speaker 2: that's the end of the story. I got dumped, but

263
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,480
Speaker 2: I didn't even know it.

264
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,960
Speaker 4: Was in a relationship surprise.

265
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,640
Speaker 2: I was just dumped a couple of hours ago, but

266
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,120
Speaker 2: I didn't go how I thought it was supposed to go.

267
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,840
Speaker 2: In my view, I've been seeing this guy for a

268
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:23,319
Speaker 2: couple of months casually. Sometimes we see each other three

269
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:27,240
Speaker 2: or four times a week, sometimes once every two weeks.

270
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,719
Speaker 2: We text, put nothing in depth. We hang out, hook up,

271
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:35,319
Speaker 2: sometimes spend the night and ridense and repeat. I'm paraphrasing

272
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,960
Speaker 2: what happens today. By the way, this comes from what

273
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:40,400
Speaker 2: even is My Life? Sixty nine and if you want

274
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,120
Speaker 2: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

275
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,280
Speaker 2: Okay Storytime Separate.

276
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,520
Speaker 3: I'm Sophia and I'm Vincent.

277
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,719
Speaker 2: We're here to give good advice goofly, but we don't

278
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,960
Speaker 2: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

279
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,200
Speaker 2: so let us know what you would do in the comments,

280
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,319
Speaker 2: and Op says he wanted to talk, so I met

281
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,200
Speaker 2: him for breakfast today at his place. He was very

282
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,560
Speaker 2: apologetic and sad and said, this has been great getting

283
00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:03,720
Speaker 2: to know you, but I don't think this is working

284
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,560
Speaker 2: out anymore. I basically said, do you still want to

285
00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:09,480
Speaker 2: have breakfast in my head. I was like, he's ending

286
00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:12,920
Speaker 2: the casual relationship. It's fine because we had this talk

287
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,319
Speaker 2: in the beginning about either of us ending it whatever.

288
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,079
Speaker 2: He just kept looking at me while we were eating,

289
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:21,280
Speaker 2: and finally he said, you know, you don't have to

290
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,359
Speaker 2: hold it in. It's okay to be sad. I was confused,

291
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,720
Speaker 2: so I said, why would I be sad? I enjoyed

292
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:31,000
Speaker 2: my time with you. It's ended. He then said, well,

293
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,240
Speaker 2: we were in a relationship, so it's not like ending

294
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,080
Speaker 2: a hookup. This is where I messed up. I said, yeah,

295
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:41,120
Speaker 2: but it's a casual relationship. He said, what do you

296
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:46,560
Speaker 2: mean casual? We've been exclusive for over three months now. No,

297
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,520
Speaker 2: we haven't. We never had to talk about being exclusive.

298
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,440
Speaker 2: We literally only met up to do fun activities and

299
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,479
Speaker 2: then hook up. When did we decide we were exclusive?

300
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,160
Speaker 2: My face showed that this was brand new information to me.

301
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,080
Speaker 2: We kept spending time together. It was implied that we

302
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,760
Speaker 2: were exclusive. Oh, he says, no, it wasn't, and I

303
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,320
Speaker 2: told him that. He then asked if I had been

304
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:12,480
Speaker 2: seeing other people, to which I was just silent, which

305
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:16,400
Speaker 2: basically answered it for him. He started yelling and getting

306
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:20,240
Speaker 2: angrier because I wouldn't answer his questions. But I literally

307
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,600
Speaker 2: felt like I was having an out of body experience.

308
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,840
Speaker 2: It was too much information to process at once. I

309
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,960
Speaker 2: left because he was now saying I cheated on him.

310
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,400
Speaker 2: He's now blowing up my phone and saying that we

311
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,280
Speaker 2: have to talk because he's been loyal while I haven't.

312
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,040
Speaker 2: I just don't even know what to say, like what

313
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,280
Speaker 2: we never had a talk about exclusivity and we've got

314
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:46,960
Speaker 2: some comments. Croy says, communication is apparently a superpower nowadays.

315
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,760
Speaker 2: Robbie R says this is the perfect scenario for a

316
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:53,640
Speaker 2: Seinfeld episode. Raging Flower five eighty says, and George is

317
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,600
Speaker 2: definitely the man in this scenario. At Night says, I

318
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,320
Speaker 2: just text him, tell him there's nothing to talk about

319
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,320
Speaker 2: and his next relationship. You should make it clear and

320
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:06,120
Speaker 2: not think because he thinks something is implied that it is,

321
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,600
Speaker 2: then block him. Life is too short for drama. Update

322
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,280
Speaker 2: months later, do you any thoughts before we get into

323
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:13,760
Speaker 2: the update?

324
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,520
Speaker 3: Uh? I mean, yeah, he's Costanza right now.

325
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 2: He's big time costanziing.

326
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,240
Speaker 3: Full Costanza, never never go focused.

327
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,280
Speaker 2: Mmmm mmm yeah, I think, Op, you're fine. I think

328
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,200
Speaker 2: you're in the clear and you just have to cut

329
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,960
Speaker 2: this guy off, Yeah, but we got an update months later.

330
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,480
Speaker 2: Basically in the original post, I thought I had a

331
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,680
Speaker 2: friends with benefit situation with a friend, but he thought

332
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,040
Speaker 2: it was something more, and when he was dumping me,

333
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:44,080
Speaker 2: I found out he thought we were exclusive for three

334
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:47,400
Speaker 2: months and that us being in a relationship was implied,

335
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:51,040
Speaker 2: though we had never talked about being anything other than casual.

336
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,960
Speaker 2: Just answer some questions, Hey, how were we able to

337
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,520
Speaker 2: see each other so much? We're college students. Our apartments

338
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,360
Speaker 2: are literally a street apart. We could go over to

339
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,679
Speaker 2: each other's place all the time whenever we wanted b

340
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,880
Speaker 2: What was the relationship like? We would literally text each

341
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:10,600
Speaker 2: other memes or funny things or ask when the other

342
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,199
Speaker 2: person was free to hook up. There were no in

343
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:17,720
Speaker 2: depth conversations, dates or anything like that. Sometimes we would

344
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,840
Speaker 2: hook up multiple times a week, sometimes once in two weeks.

345
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:26,040
Speaker 2: See what were the fun activities? Movies, bowling, indoor golf,

346
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,879
Speaker 2: and just walking on a trail, et cetera. We're in

347
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:33,800
Speaker 2: college and not rich D was what was expected? Discussed? Yes,

348
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:38,320
Speaker 2: in detail. Before we started a spicy relationship. We discussed

349
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,400
Speaker 2: what we expected, the rules, what we wanted, and what

350
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,080
Speaker 2: we would do if someone changed their mind. We both

351
00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,920
Speaker 2: wrote the rules down in our phone, and the biggest

352
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 2: rule was to communicate if something changed for you. How

353
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:54,040
Speaker 2: many people were you looking up with one other person?

354
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,679
Speaker 2: Believe it or not, I had him and another person.

355
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,920
Speaker 2: If one was busy, another was another was usually available.

356
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,440
Speaker 2: F did he know you were hooking up with other people?

357
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,119
Speaker 2: I told him early on I was talking and hooking

358
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,520
Speaker 2: up with another person, but I didn't explicitly tell him

359
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,120
Speaker 2: who that person was. I used protection and have been

360
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:18,320
Speaker 2: tested for both. After leaving his apartment after the initial posts,

361
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:21,720
Speaker 2: we didn't talk for months. I did a semester abroad

362
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,000
Speaker 2: and he did an internship in another city. When we

363
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,640
Speaker 2: were both on the same campus again, I messaged him

364
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 2: to discuss things. I asked him, did he really think

365
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:35,639
Speaker 2: we were in a committed relationship. He said no, though

366
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 2: he was down for friends with benefits. Once he saw

367
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,600
Speaker 2: me talking to a guy at a bar, he got

368
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,600
Speaker 2: jealous and didn't want me talking to anyone else there.

369
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 2: It is, He's like I knew it was exclusive. I

370
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,879
Speaker 2: just wanted it to be and I made it your problem.

371
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,200
Speaker 3: Also, like they're in college, I feel like this might

372
00:18:54,240 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 3: be like a first relationship. Ye sing, and first spicy relationship.

373
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:01,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably so he might.

374
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,159
Speaker 3: He might have just gotten a little possessive and got

375
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:07,880
Speaker 3: his feelings mixed up in it a bit. Mind.

376
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, it seems so. Why did he act like we

377
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,680
Speaker 2: were in a committed relationship because he wanted to see

378
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,520
Speaker 2: my reaction. If I was hurt that he was ending it,

379
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,200
Speaker 2: then he would have changed his mind and given another chance.

380
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,199
Speaker 2: Weird way to do that, but exclusively this time? Was

381
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,679
Speaker 2: he hooking up with other people too? Yes, so he

382
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 2: was never exclusive with me and made up the relationship

383
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 2: angle as a lie. But uh, there is a little

384
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,280
Speaker 2: bit left to this story. Do you got any any

385
00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 2: last thoughts?

386
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:40,920
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, the kid he got his feelings hurt

387
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 3: because he got a little too relationship.

388
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 2: But he was doing the same thing, which is crazy.

389
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was hooking up. I think he wanted to

390
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 3: feel special.

391
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,440
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's like I want to be able to hook

392
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,200
Speaker 2: up with anyone I want, but you're not allowed to

393
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,399
Speaker 2: do that because it makes me feel angry and I

394
00:19:58,440 --> 00:19:59,639
Speaker 2: don't know how to handle my emotion.

395
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:00,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

396
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:05,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, he needs to realize that other people are people, Yeah,

397
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 3: with their own nice people.

398
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:07,640
Speaker 2: What people are people? Man?

399
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, with their own desires and they're.

400
00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 2: Not all about you. But we got a little bit

401
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 2: left to this story. I honestly panicked in that initial conversation,

402
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,680
Speaker 2: and I apologized if I heard him in any way.

403
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 2: But until that point I thought we had both been

404
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 2: transparent with each other. Turns out he didn't really like

405
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,120
Speaker 2: the idea of me hooking up with anyone else but him,

406
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 2: and made up this committed relationship. We are now good

407
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:36,560
Speaker 2: and back to being platonic friends, and it's we barely

408
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,440
Speaker 2: see each other now. I haven't hooked up with him

409
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 2: since before the breakup convo, and don't ever plan to

410
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,000
Speaker 2: do it again, since I know there were feelings on

411
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,159
Speaker 2: his end that I don't reciprocate. I can see what

412
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 2: he did was manipulative, but I don't really care to

413
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 2: get an apology from him. I will just maintain my distance.

414
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 2: I appreciate the concern, though comment one says, I don't

415
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,960
Speaker 2: think he was lying in the first place. Sounds to

416
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,960
Speaker 2: me like he felt too oh and said, yeah, I

417
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 2: was seeing other people as an attempt to save face.

418
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 2: That's kind of yeah, that's a good point.

419
00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,719
Speaker 3: I think that's valid. Yeah, if he was that upset,

420
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:13,480
Speaker 3: that's some fragile male.

421
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course I was hooking with so I was

422
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 2: hooking out with models.

423
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 3: I was, I'm like, so cool. I didn't got any.

424
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 2: Girl, any girl, and I don't even need you. Thought

425
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,400
Speaker 2: you thought I wanted your relationship with you? That's crazy.

426
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,720
Speaker 2: Any girl reply, I'm with you on this. It was

427
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,439
Speaker 2: probably insanely mortifying to him that she didn't give a

428
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,000
Speaker 2: single f that he was breaking up with her, didn't

429
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,399
Speaker 2: even register it as a breakup. So we invented this

430
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 2: weird explanation. Comment two says, imagine hearing I lied to

431
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 2: you about thinking we were exclusive. I lied to you

432
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,800
Speaker 2: about hooking up with other people. I deliberately toyed with

433
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 2: your emotions to see if you would react how I

434
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:57,200
Speaker 2: wanted you to. We're good and answering, Yep, we're good.

435
00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:02,080
Speaker 2: Unfathomable replies Some people use friends as a catch all

436
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 2: for anyone between intimacy and hate. Reply says, I once

437
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,119
Speaker 2: mentioned having like three friends and the person I was

438
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 2: in and uh, I once mentioned having like three friends

439
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 2: and the person I was with, saying, you have more

440
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,479
Speaker 2: friends than that, not the kind it would help me

441
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 2: hide a body. It was a dark joke, but my

442
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 2: point stands. Comment three says, why would she continue being

443
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 2: friends after that? I feel like anyone in the sketch group.

444
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,399
Speaker 3: Body, anyone in the sketch group. I think we could

445
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:36,400
Speaker 3: make a body, will help me make a body, get

446
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:41,200
Speaker 3: rid of that.

447
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 2: They would take someone out and then we'd hide the body.

448
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,479
Speaker 3: Take that one out. Why are we taking them out?

449
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 2: Don't don't Dulla's actually we don't want to know.

450
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 3: I've been waiting for you. I've been waiting for this.

451
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 2: I'm ready. Reply. I suspect they're only friends in the

452
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 2: sense of being able to be at the same party

453
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 2: without making things weird. Reply says, and given they live

454
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 2: near each other and saw each other a lot, it's

455
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 2: probably her way of protecting yourself from a dude who

456
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 2: clearly has issues, satisfy his ego and stay off his

457
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 2: target list. Terrifying. It is something women have to do

458
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,359
Speaker 2: to stay safe at times. Reply says, Yeah, this is

459
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 2: Facebook's fault. Before Facebook, there were friends and acquaintances, like

460
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 2: people you knew but weren't friends with or friends of friends. No,

461
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,640
Speaker 2: everyone is your friend. It's kind of weird. I don't

462
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 2: think this is a Facebook thing. I think I just yeah,

463
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't think it's that big of

464
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 2: a deal.

465
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 3: I think they were like, they were close. It was convenient.

466
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,919
Speaker 3: Someone caught feelings and he's learning how to deal with

467
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:45,160
Speaker 3: his emotions about women. Yeah.

468
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 2: I think everyone in the comments has just hung up

469
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 2: on the use.

470
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,400
Speaker 3: Of friend Yeah.

471
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 2: The people use it pretty yeh.

472
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,640
Speaker 3: Just semantics, common forces. Ah.

473
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 2: College mass people get involved in sloppy into personal situations,

474
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 2: and some lend i'll you have a life. Lesson reply

475
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 2: says I've called college adulting with training wheels, usually the

476
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:09,119
Speaker 2: biggest taste of independence yet, but relatively highly structured, with

477
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 2: clear expectations and design in a way that pushes people

478
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 2: to interact and form relationships. It's often better to f

479
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,320
Speaker 2: up like this in college rather than later. So true,

480
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 2: so true. I loved college. But that's the end of

481
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 2: that story, folks. I got a shut up ring, so

482
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 2: I walked away surprised.

483
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 3: Here comes the Bride.

484
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,080
Speaker 2: This community was a real light for me when I

485
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 2: was in thick of it, and I you'm gonna skip this, okay.

486
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 2: I wanted to share my story and hope it finds

487
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 2: who it needs to find today to maybe give them encouragement.

488
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Fantastic Sale three four

489
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 2: four seven, and if you want to submit your own stories,

490
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay story time separed it.

491
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 2: I'm Sophia, I'm Vincent, and they're here to give good advice. Goofy.

492
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

493
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 2: what we do, so let us know what you would

494
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 2: do in the comments. Also, I'm no longer with my

495
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,199
Speaker 2: ex partner, and I'm also not engaged now, so I

496
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 2: don't have it all figured out. I think it's important

497
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 2: to share that I'm so happy now because sometimes I

498
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,359
Speaker 2: roll my eyes at people who come back to my

499
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 2: post about advice only after they've gotten engaged. Here's my story.

500
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 2: My ex partner and I let's call him Tim, were

501
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 2: together for about nine years. What I couldn't see then

502
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 2: but I can see now, was that there was a

503
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 2: pattern of non commitment from day one. Tim took about

504
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 2: a year to commit to being my boyfriend. At the time,

505
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 2: I chalked it up to us being young and in college,

506
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 2: but the pattern continued fast forward to postgrad and we

507
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 2: were both employed and doing really well. Even still, he

508
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:45,919
Speaker 2: found excuses he needed to be promoted first. Then was promoted,

509
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 2: and then a new excuse would arise. Then he claimed

510
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 2: it was money, yet he bought himself a new car

511
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 2: and motorcycle. I stood my ground. A few times we

512
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 2: would break up, and then I'd backside and get back together.

513
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 2: After nine years of tuggle war, we did get engaged

514
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 2: and it was one hundred percent a shut up ring.

515
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 2: I was hopeful that that was the magic trick that

516
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 2: would make me feel whole. It wasn't. He wasn't involved

517
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,120
Speaker 2: in the wedding planning, and everything felt wrong. A lot

518
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 2: of other things happened in our relationship, and eventually I

519
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:22,440
Speaker 2: called the wedding off. Everything was booked already and it

520
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 2: was really terrifying. The months following, I did feel like

521
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 2: I was passing away and having to lose someone I

522
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 2: did love but ultimately knew wasn't the best for me,

523
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 2: nor for me. Sorry, wasn't the best for me nor

524
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 2: for him. I also worried about losing friends since our

525
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,440
Speaker 2: friend group was so enmeshed, and losing his family, who

526
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:46,400
Speaker 2: I knew so well. All of the things healing took

527
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 2: a long time. Therapy, good friends, volunteering, and rediscovering who

528
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 2: I was through hobbies, being okay to be alone. It

529
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:59,400
Speaker 2: took all those things also. The key was no contact.

530
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 2: Fast forward, almost two years after breaking off the engagement,

531
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 2: I had actually found someone new. I was not looking.

532
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,440
Speaker 2: It was one of those things I can only now

533
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 2: see was a sweet, invisible string waiting for me to find.

534
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 2: My ex knew this and showed up to my house

535
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 2: to repropose and brought all the things I had once

536
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 2: said would be my dream proposal. It hurt for many reasons.

537
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 2: If he wanted to, he would. He's only doing this

538
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 2: because he can't have me. He doesn't care about my happiness.

539
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 2: He knows I'm healed and moved on and is willing

540
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 2: to jeopardize that. All that to say, I stood my

541
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,359
Speaker 2: ground and denied him and told him I was with

542
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 2: someone new. There was a small fear in me to

543
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 2: be like, wait, am I going to say no to

544
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 2: what I always dreamed of for the potential of this

545
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:51,399
Speaker 2: new partner? But then I realized I wasn't saying no

546
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 2: for the potential of the new partner. I was saying

547
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 2: yes to maintaining this new version of me. This version

548
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 2: of me was joyful and liked yourself and didn't realize

549
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 2: how much that old relationship had made me dull and insecure,

550
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 2: so I feel like I broke a curse. I'm no

551
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,199
Speaker 2: longer obsessed with getting married because I don't see it

552
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 2: as something that will validate my worth, but will be

553
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 2: something to celebrate my love with my partner. I don't

554
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 2: get upset seeing other engagements. I'm overjoyed for them. So yes,

555
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 2: now I'm with a lovely person who's got the best

556
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 2: version of me, a woman who knows her worth and

557
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:30,840
Speaker 2: claims it. I've set high standards and he met them

558
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 2: each without me asking. He's even told me about his

559
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 2: plans to propose, though I've never initiated that conversation and

560
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,200
Speaker 2: I'm not even worrying about it. And it's a complete

561
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 2: one eighty. So hopefully I'll have an engagement to share

562
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 2: one day. But also if I don't, that's okay, and

563
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 2: that's the point I hope you. If you find yourself

564
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 2: not being fully you, fully vibrant, check in on the

565
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,479
Speaker 2: relationship you're waiting on. They may just be keeping you

566
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 2: from the most magical version of yourself and maybe an

567
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 2: amazing part partner too, who will be everything you want

568
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 2: and more. And there are some comments Zorvictia says, what

569
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 2: is it with men who won't commit in motorcycles? When

570
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 2: I was going through it with my AX, he was

571
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,719
Speaker 2: also like, I make so much money, but I'm not

572
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 2: financially stable enough for a ring. I do want to

573
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 2: buy a motorcycle soon, though that doesn't quite make sense.

574
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 3: No.

575
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 2: Also, congrats on getting out of there. It can be hard.

576
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 2: Purple fat Nose says, the fact is that Tim only

577
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 2: proposed so he can tell himself, well, hey, I tried

578
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 2: my best, she's the problem before he goes to sleep

579
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 2: every night. Nope, he says this. He Foreshore did it

580
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 2: to evade guilt and convince others he was the victim.

581
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,239
Speaker 2: And update three months later, But before we get into

582
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 2: that one, do you have any thoughts?

583
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 3: What are your thoughts on merit?

584
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 2: Just in general?

585
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 3: In general?

586
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 2: I want to get married one day, yeah, but like

587
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 2: at like thirty something, yeah.

588
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 3: When like it's too adult. Yeah, and we're like not weep,

589
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 3: but like I'm thinking with me and Mi, yeah friend,

590
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 3: we've been together also almost ten years. Yeah, and like

591
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 3: we've had these conversations absolutely, like I feel for for

592
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 3: where you're coming from, and.

593
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 2: Like haven't that They were nine years.

594
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, but we've also right now, it depends on like

595
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 3: well right right now, we're both working on my career stuff.

596
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 3: Absolutely life and then marriage is a celebration of that

597
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 3: life you at least for me, that life we built

598
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 3: together and will continue to build.

599
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, you want that stability before you, you know, look

600
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 2: into building something with another person.

601
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I like, especially like diving into that young

602
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 3: or I guess, but they've been together for nine years.

603
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't know with the committal stuff. Yeah,

604
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,719
Speaker 3: that's a red flag if he's not if he's not

605
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 3: having that conversation or he's like, I don't want to

606
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 3: do it. But he's also.

607
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 2: Had it because he thought she was going to leave him. Yeah,

608
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 2: because that's not good either. If one person really wants

609
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 2: to get married and one person it's not ready and

610
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 2: the only reason that you propose is because the other

611
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 2: person wants it, then it's it's also not great.

612
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, And like I get the anxiety about money because

613
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 3: like looking at divorce rates and everything, money is a issue.

614
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 3: Like money is one of the main things that contributes

615
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 3: to that. But also he's buying cars, he's buying Yeah,

616
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 3: he's not spending it on like something.

617
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, it seems like all of his stuff is

618
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 2: to fund his own lifestyle and not a shared one,

619
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 2: so keep an eye out for that update. Three months later,

620
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 2: my fiance, the new partner from the post, proposed to

621
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 2: me a few weekends back. It was truly the most magical,

622
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 2: surreal thing. He did it on a trip, and did

623
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 2: it during the beginning of the trip so we could

624
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 2: enjoy and celebrate the whole time together. I've been reflecting

625
00:31:56,680 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 2: on how wonderful this dating engagement experience has been. Here

626
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 2: are some things I used to believe when I was

627
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 2: the waiting for wed version of me, compared to what

628
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 2: I believe now. A proposal is synonymous with an engagement.

629
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 2: I must conjure up signs and clues that indicate he

630
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 2: is going to propose. Proposals can be a surprise, but

631
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 2: the engagement shouldn't. I genuinely used to think that a

632
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 2: guy would just propose and there was no agreement or

633
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 2: understanding beforehand on the process. I'm sure this is the

634
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 2: case for some. In my case, we've been informally engaged

635
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 2: for some time, and the fun part was having him

636
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 2: surprise me with a beautiful proposal in the prior relationship,

637
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 2: I would be left in the dark and clue hunting

638
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,840
Speaker 2: and tea leaf reading. With my fiance, we agreed that

639
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,960
Speaker 2: we wanted to take this next step, and then he

640
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 2: asked me how much I wanted to know about the

641
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 2: process so we could agree on the surprises. I told

642
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 2: him I wanted to know when he got the ring

643
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 2: and when he asked my family for their blessing. Outside

644
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 2: of that surprised me. What I loved about this was

645
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 2: he removed any anxiety and instead it was fun anticipation.

646
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 2: Second thing that OP originally thought getting engaged matters to me,

647
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 2: not my boyfriend. It's not something guys care about. What

648
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 2: OP knows now my partner should have just as much

649
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 2: enthusiasm as I do about the engagement. Next thing, OPI thought,

650
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,880
Speaker 2: my friends and families don't love my partner because they

651
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 2: don't get it. Our love is deep and complicated, and

652
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 2: it's us against the world. OPI now knows my friends

653
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 2: and family will be thrilled when it's the right when

654
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 2: it's the right person. What OPI thought originally, my partner

655
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 2: isn't good at gift giving or planning. Those aren't his

656
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 2: love language, and that's why he hasn't x y Z

657
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 2: and OP now knows. Regardless of my partner's love language,

658
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 2: they are capable caring and value the details because they

659
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 2: know it's important to me. Once we get engaged, these

660
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 2: issues or that gnawing feeling that this isn't right will

661
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 2: go away. Waiting on the ring is our only issue.

662
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 2: A ring will not magically change your relationship. There is

663
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 2: a little bit left to the story. But do you

664
00:33:56,080 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 2: have any thoughts that you can provide? But love relationship,

665
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:01,880
Speaker 2: love marriage?

666
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, marriage is what you want, is what you want

667
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:10,840
Speaker 3: to be. It's not what you want, it's not what

668
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 3: other people want it for you anything like that. It

669
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 3: should be a celebration of what that couple is. When

670
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 3: your couple is Yeah, that's what I can think of

671
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:24,400
Speaker 3: at the moment. You I agree.

672
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 2: I think that I don't think there's ever a rush

673
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 2: to get married, but I think you should be having

674
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,360
Speaker 2: especially around that time, you know, like after a couple

675
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 2: of years. I think it's especially if you're older, you know,

676
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 2: like when you're in your twenties or something and it's

677
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 2: been like a four year relationship, probably have talked about it, maybe,

678
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:46,440
Speaker 2: but it's like it's like, yeah, it's coming later, but

679
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 2: like it should be talked about, It should be discussed.

680
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 2: Shouldn't be something that you know is just kind of

681
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:56,720
Speaker 2: under the surface festering. Yeah, be on the same page

682
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 2: and maybe you know, maybe you've talked about like how

683
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,239
Speaker 2: you guys never want to get married or yeah, like

684
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:02,320
Speaker 2: get that all out in the open.

685
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. Also living together before marriage.

686
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 2: Thoughts on that, I personally am big on that. I like,

687
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 2: I want to at least I feel like my timeline

688
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 2: it probably varies, but like after two or three years

689
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 2: of being in a relationship, I'd love to start living

690
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,360
Speaker 2: with the partner. Depends on you know, like obviously I

691
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,440
Speaker 2: live in my workplace, so it Yeah, you know, it

692
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:25,759
Speaker 2: might not work out exactly on that timeline, but then

693
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 2: I would want to live with my partner for it

694
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 2: at least two years, Yes, before any marriage talk, you know,

695
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 2: or before getting married or anything.

696
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 3: I agree, I highly recommend living with your partner that

697
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 3: way you guys know each other. Is just if your

698
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 3: living style is.

699
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:44,319
Speaker 2: Compatible exactly, because it could be so different and then

700
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:45,920
Speaker 2: you find out so I mean, I think you just

701
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 2: also find out a lot about a person and yourself

702
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 2: when you live with them. Just like even with roommates,

703
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 2: like you always find like I feel like people always

704
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:55,760
Speaker 2: have crazy roommate stories.

705
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 3: Oh.

706
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,439
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and you don't usually find that out until after

707
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,440
Speaker 2: like a year or something of living with them person.

708
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, because when you move in with someone, oh it's

709
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 3: honeymoon fee. Yeah, they're perfect and they're on their best behavior.

710
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:07,040
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

711
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 3: Spend enough time with someone, go through the dot, the

712
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:13,400
Speaker 3: darker time, two low times, when everything is in sunshine, rainbows,

713
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:14,880
Speaker 3: and there's still your person.

714
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 2: Heck yeah uh ohp he continues. I write all this because,

715
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 2: as I said in my original post, I have the

716
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 2: biggest soft spot for those waiting to wed. It's an

717
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 2: incredibly isolating, confusing, and difficult place to be. I hope

718
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 2: this post gives some encouragement and makes them stand up

719
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 2: for their worth and wants. I also wanted to share

720
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 2: an update because I received so many kind words on

721
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 2: my original post and wanted to share how it all

722
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 2: shook out, and we do have some comments. Comment Want

723
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 2: says good for her her current partner sounds lovely. Also,

724
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 2: now that she's engaged, her ex boyfriend will probably be

725
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,919
Speaker 2: married within the next six months too. Reply says even better,

726
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:53,919
Speaker 2: he thinks that's going to make ope you chase after

727
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 2: him once again when blatantly ignoring how indifferent she is

728
00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 2: towards him for years. Comment Too says, excellent story update.

729
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 2: I don't know her, but I am so proud she

730
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:05,240
Speaker 2: had the guts to cancel her wedding and walk away

731
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 2: when she realized it wouldn't fix a bad relationship and

732
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 2: magically give her happiness. And three he says, Oh, thank

733
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,760
Speaker 2: god that she stopped obsessing over getting engaged and getting married.

734
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 2: I suspect that was a big part of how her

735
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 2: ex was able to string her along. And that is

736
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 2: the end of that story.

737
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

738
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,360
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of bads form our sponsors.

739
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 2: I started treating my husband the way he treads me

740
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 2: and he completely lost it.

741
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 4: It looks like he can give it, but you can't

742
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 4: take it.

743
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:35,920
Speaker 2: Yesterday we had a huge fight about household chores. My

744
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 2: husband helps with laundry every Saturday and empties the dishwasher

745
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 2: at best once a week.

746
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:44,479
Speaker 4: You mean you only do dishes once a week?

747
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 2: That's it. Last night he got pissed while he was

748
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 2: drinking and decided to go clean his toilet and bathroom

749
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 2: floor like ten at night with the woe is me.

750
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 2: I can't believe I had to do this.

751
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 4: Well, you should have thought that you should thought about

752
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:04,560
Speaker 4: that before you were a stinky boy at a bathroom.

753
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 2: And he kept arguing with me from the bathroom. I

754
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 2: told him that just because he cleans his pissy bathroom

755
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,439
Speaker 2: once every three months, that doesn't make him effing Cinderella.

756
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Chrismas. And if you

757
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:18,840
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

758
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:23,320
Speaker 2: slash Okay storytime separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Carly,

759
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice. Goofy, but we

760
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

761
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

762
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 2: And Opie says him, saying that he asked to do

763
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 2: everything around the house got me seeing red. I went

764
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:43,320
Speaker 2: to bed without washing the dishes or clearing the kitchen.

765
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:47,360
Speaker 2: This morning, I got my breakfast, did not touch the dishes,

766
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 2: and sat in front of my computer. When I was

767
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,400
Speaker 2: done eating, I put my dishes on the counter and

768
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 2: left them there. I'm not doing those dishes, and I'm

769
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 2: not cooking dinner. We have sat down and had several

770
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:03,399
Speaker 2: conversations about this several times. I bet my father never

771
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,200
Speaker 2: had to clean the bathroom, is the kind of response

772
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:09,800
Speaker 2: I usually get from him. Updates. Are we eating dinner tonight?

773
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:16,359
Speaker 2: I don't know. Are you cooking dinner? Oh? Okay? Wow? Well,

774
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:18,640
Speaker 2: I figured since you said you do everything around here,

775
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:20,880
Speaker 2: I could just chill and you take care of it

776
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:24,759
Speaker 2: like you always do. He made himself. He made himself

777
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:28,959
Speaker 2: a sandwich and had dinner at his computer. I made

778
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 2: myself some food and ate it in the living room

779
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:34,680
Speaker 2: a couple A couple hours later, he announced he ran

780
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 2: the dishwasher because the dirty dishes stunk. He asked if

781
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 2: I was boycotting that too. Well, like I said, since

782
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 2: you do everything around here, I figured you had it

783
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:49,439
Speaker 2: under control. He said, I was brutal. He leaned over

784
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:53,799
Speaker 2: to drink some water, and guess what, No, Wanner. In

785
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 2: sixteen years, he hasn't done that chore once. I told

786
00:39:57,719 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 2: him that crap doesn't just happen by magic and turned

787
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 2: off the light. No water, No, I mean, I'm assuming

788
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 2: it's like a britta or something.

789
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 4: That's what I refilled the water filter.

790
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:10,279
Speaker 2: I opened up to a friend who had been through

791
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 2: a divorce and had some good advice. Was it divorce?

792
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 2: My next step is to get an appointment with a therapist,

793
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 2: And there is an update sixteen months later.

794
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 4: Wow, you know what, I'm gonna go out on a

795
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,080
Speaker 4: limb here and say that everything has changed.

796
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's turned his whole life around. The marriage is perfect.

797
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm gonna say that he woke up.

798
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:34,319
Speaker 2: About two months after the original post. I made my

799
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 2: first therapy appointment. I've been seeing them weekly since then.

800
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 2: Having someone to talk to that I had no stake

801
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 2: in the game made the most difference. I didn't even

802
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 2: realize how isolated I was till I just started hearing

803
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 2: things like that's not normal and a respectful, equitable relationship.

804
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,600
Speaker 2: Opening up to my therapist helped me open up to

805
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:57,720
Speaker 2: other people. First a friend who had gone through divorce,

806
00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:01,319
Speaker 2: then more friends than my sister, sure that my mother.

807
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,840
Speaker 2: What I heard across the board was that's not normal.

808
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:09,719
Speaker 2: He's in ale. We met twenty years ago, moved in

809
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 2: together seventeen years ago, and got married thirteen years ago.

810
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 2: You've been dealing with this for that long?

811
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 4: Maybe has it always been that bad.

812
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:22,799
Speaker 2: I wonder I was twenty three when we met and

813
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 2: had never lived with a partner before when the beratings started.

814
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 2: Because it wasn't pulling my weight. Once I moved into

815
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 2: his house, I just thought I'm so lazy. I didn't

816
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 2: think it was weird that he let his elderly mother

817
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,839
Speaker 2: cook for him every night despite her health issues, or

818
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,840
Speaker 2: that his dry cleaning became my responsibility even though he

819
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 2: drove by the cleaners four times a day, or that

820
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 2: he would talk about his money, his house, his bedroom.

821
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 2: Whenever I brought my concerns to him, he would give

822
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 2: very long speeches about everything I didn't do and all

823
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 2: the bad things happening to him, which excused him from responsibility.

824
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:02,879
Speaker 2: He was the king of I'm sorry, but I would

825
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 2: end up comforting him, so I'd locked myself in my

826
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 2: bathroom to cry. After a while, I stopped trying, and

827
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 2: after years of this, I stopped crying.

828
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 4: Oh no, tragic. Oh.

829
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 2: He was fifty one when we met. I was twenty three. Wow, yep, yep,

830
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 2: there it is yep, hipip yep. Yeah, wow, I'm sorry.

831
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:34,319
Speaker 2: He was fifty three having his sickly mother make him

832
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 2: dinner every night, and then he found a twenty three

833
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:42,280
Speaker 2: year old maid to marry. How old is he now? Seventies? Geez?

834
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 4: Are we in a nightmare? Why did we do this?

835
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 2: He had been married twice before. When his DNA results

836
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 2: from an ancestry kit showed up, I found out he

837
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 2: had a son he knew about all along and gave

838
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:59,920
Speaker 2: up for adoption. This was fifteen years after we met

839
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 2: and nine years after we got married. Eventually they met

840
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 2: in person and I started observing his interactions with his

841
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 2: son and noticed the same patterns. And I thought, if

842
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,959
Speaker 2: it makes me upset that he treats his son that way,

843
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 2: why am I not as upset that he treats me

844
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 2: that way too. After a lot of therapy and educating myself,

845
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 2: I was ready to accept I was in an unhappy,

846
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,959
Speaker 2: harmful marriage. He got a full medical work up after

847
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:32,799
Speaker 2: he developed encephalopathy from booze withdrawal that won him a

848
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 2: stay in the ICU. I went with him to the

849
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 2: results appointment and there were no traces of anything wrong.

850
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:40,919
Speaker 2: As soon as we got home, I sat him down

851
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 2: and for two hours I vomited out all my concerns, fears, disappointments.

852
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 2: I set two boundaries. I would not purchase booze for him,

853
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 2: and I would not talk about our relationship if he

854
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:55,400
Speaker 2: had been drinking. I laid out a plan for how

855
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 2: our marriage could be more equitable. I asked him to

856
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,759
Speaker 2: go to counseling. He said he was crazy. I asked

857
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:04,400
Speaker 2: him to be in charge of dinner one night a week.

858
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 2: I have a full time job. He is retired, but

859
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,359
Speaker 2: his health issues would always be bothering him that exact day.

860
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 2: He would not participate in household chores, always giving the

861
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:17,840
Speaker 2: excuse that his pain would not allow it. So I

862
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 2: asked for things he could do sitting at his computer,

863
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 2: plan meals, fine recipes, text the lawn guy That didn't

864
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 2: work either. Too depressed, too anxious, too overwhelmed. He would

865
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,919
Speaker 2: text me while I was working so I could call

866
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 2: someone for him, even though he was home. When I

867
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:35,960
Speaker 2: moved to the States, I had a man who loved me,

868
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:38,279
Speaker 2: and I was looking forward to my new life. But

869
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,879
Speaker 2: he was looking forward to a younger woman who would

870
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 2: cater to all of his needs and take care of

871
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 2: him in his old age. I was the chef, the maid,

872
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 2: the planner, the therapist, the nurse. I was also the too sensitive,

873
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 2: the lazy butt, the radical feminist, last radical feminism.

874
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, making a man too b a sick household toes.

875
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 2: This is ridiculous. My father would never have stood for this.

876
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:09,239
Speaker 4: I built that railroad with my big toes, and you're

877
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 4: not gonna make me do the dishes when I have

878
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 4: chronic big toe pain.

879
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,640
Speaker 2: And that's what he said. Last Christmas twenty twenty three,

880
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 2: I told him I wanted to do a small holiday.

881
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 2: We'd get a small tree, maybe make ornaments together, but

882
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 2: he pouted and didn't participate. As we were watching our

883
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,840
Speaker 2: Christmas Eve movie and he was witching about how I

884
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 2: didn't make his favorite shrimp, a switch flipped to me,

885
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,399
Speaker 2: and I just knew our marriage was over.

886
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:39,920
Speaker 4: Bruh. That switch should have been flipped.

887
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 2: Twenty years ago. Oho, But I'm glad it flipped now.

888
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 2: A week later, I started browsing rental ads early in

889
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:50,800
Speaker 2: twenty twenty four, I contacted landlords and after unanswered applications,

890
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 2: my therapist mentioned an apartment building. I called and someone

891
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:56,880
Speaker 2: would be moving out in about a month. When I

892
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:59,440
Speaker 2: saw it, I knew that was my next step. I

893
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 2: got my key. He was about a month ago, and

894
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,919
Speaker 2: I spent and spent many days sneaking my stuff out.

895
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,840
Speaker 2: When I had taken everything I could without him noticing,

896
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 2: I brainstorm with my therapist, best friend, sister, and mother

897
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 2: on ou to break the news.

898
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:14,879
Speaker 4: Your sister and mother like, we're okay with this.

899
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 2: I well, it seems like they were all when ok

900
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,240
Speaker 2: and told him what it was going on. They all said,

901
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 2: that's terrible, that's not okay. He's an ale. I mean,

902
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 2: why maybe they were just holding it in.

903
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:26,800
Speaker 4: If if I had a family member who is twenty

904
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 4: three getting married to a fifty year old man, yeah,

905
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:34,720
Speaker 4: I'm like, all right, every element of this has gotta

906
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 4: be a plus territory. If this is gonna be a

907
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 4: great a sign, hey, we're okay with this. Yeah.

908
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 2: I walked up to him and said, for the sake

909
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 2: of our marriage and for both our sakes, I cannot

910
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 2: be here anymore. And I'm he just got really down,

911
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:54,120
Speaker 2: and that's sorry for himself. It was the weirdest two

912
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 2: days ever, where I'd be packing and quietly crying, while

913
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,840
Speaker 2: he'd just be sitting there, either talking about other things

914
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 2: or not talking at all. Two days later, I had

915
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 2: packed ninety five percent of my things, kept asking if

916
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 2: I had everything I needed, even made me a care

917
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 2: package with sleeping aids. I put clean sheets on the bed,

918
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 2: hugged him, hugged my dogs, and left. I have never

919
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 2: cried so much in my life. Years of unhappiness and

920
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 2: repressed emotions all came back. But I realized the crying

921
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,920
Speaker 2: wasn't hurting me. It was the fear of crying that

922
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:32,400
Speaker 2: was giving me anxiety. So I started letting myself cry.

923
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:35,439
Speaker 2: My boss, who was also a close friend, really showed

924
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 2: up for me. She made sure I felt supported at work,

925
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:41,240
Speaker 2: had meals with me, and let me vent. I moved

926
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:46,320
Speaker 2: out on Wednesday. That day was emotionally horrifying. Thursday was

927
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 2: also horrible. But on Friday, after dinner with my boss,

928
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 2: I put on some music and realized I actually effing

929
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:55,759
Speaker 2: did it. I moved out. I advocated for myself and

930
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,840
Speaker 2: made it happen. My therapist told me my husband was

931
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:03,000
Speaker 2: showing self absorbed behaviors. I was shocked because he's always

932
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 2: down on himself and needs validation. She said. Narth is

933
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 2: deeply rooted in insecurity and can present in different ways.

934
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 2: I had no idea there was covert or vulnerable nurism.

935
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 2: The more I read, the more, it sounded exactly like him.

936
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 2: There is no fixing a marriage with someone with NPD,

937
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:25,320
Speaker 2: but there is a little bit left to this story.

938
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 2: Any final thoughts, congratulation, Nice, good job. I'm proud of you, Opie.

939
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:37,399
Speaker 2: That was a big, big leap to make, and.

940
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 4: He did it, especially after the amount of time you've

941
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 4: been there. Yeah, a lot of people probably would not

942
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:44,880
Speaker 4: ever get out of that until their partner just like

943
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 4: passed away.

944
00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

945
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 2: When I left, he was bizarrely calm and loving, but

946
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:53,400
Speaker 2: later that night the pestering started again. He said I

947
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:55,799
Speaker 2: was leaving him alone. He had no one to take

948
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 2: care of him. He hurt too much to make food

949
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:01,680
Speaker 2: or order food, and I was going to a begging

950
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:04,680
Speaker 2: me to drop him off food literal, all caps. I'm

951
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 2: begging you several times. I didn't cave because he's a

952
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:11,719
Speaker 2: grown butt man, and I decided it was time to

953
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 2: take care of myself. I've been back twice to see

954
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 2: my dogs. I was not able to find a place

955
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 2: that would allow large dogs, and it was basically me

956
00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:22,280
Speaker 2: hanging out with the dogs while he went on about

957
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 2: his misfortunes.

958
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, dude, for real, Hey, Buddy's survival of the fittest.

959
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 4: If you can't figure out how to order food to

960
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,800
Speaker 4: your house, I don't know what to tell you. Yep,

961
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 4: you might not be cut out for it. You know.

962
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 2: I agreed, a divorce is definitely in the cards, but

963
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:39,920
Speaker 2: a lot more of my ducks need to be in

964
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:42,799
Speaker 2: a row for that. And that is the end of

965
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:47,320
Speaker 2: that story. Leave that man behind and live your best life. Girl,

966
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:49,839
Speaker 2: you got this, oh boy?

967
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 4: Mother of goodness?

968
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:54,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, what a terrible guy? Is truly dreadful.

969
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

970
00:49:57,160 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 4: the next one. My husband refused to hold our newborn,

971
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:06,320
Speaker 4: but he was never like this. Ye get him away, babies,

972
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 4: I'm allergic. My husband has yet to hold our son.

973
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 4: He won't call him by his name, He always refers

974
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 4: to him as the baby, and he won't do anything

975
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 4: to help take care of him. On Tuesday, my husband

976
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:21,960
Speaker 4: moved into the camper to get quote quiet time as

977
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:25,240
Speaker 4: he calls it. I've seen him for maybe ten minutes

978
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 4: since Tuesday. Up until our son was born. We had

979
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:31,280
Speaker 4: a great marriage. I don't know what to do. Any

980
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 4: advice please, And by the way, this comes from user

981
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 4: Bloodhound Puppy and if you want to submit your own stories.

982
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 4: Go to the r slash Okay storytime suburt it.

983
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:42,359
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and.

984
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 4: We're here to give you good advice. Goofy. But we

985
00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 4: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

986
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 4: would do, So if you would do something different, let

987
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 4: us know in the comments. As Op says, last night,

988
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:54,239
Speaker 4: I called the fire station and talked to a firefighter

989
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,759
Speaker 4: about my husband's strange behavior. Since our son was born,

990
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 4: with my husband's history of head trauma, since he was

991
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 4: a boxer from twelve to twenty eight, I was concerned

992
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 4: extremely relevant information.

993
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 2: Yeah uh.

994
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:10,759
Speaker 4: They sent an ambulance. The paramedics evaluated him and told

995
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 4: me something wasn't right. They decided to take him to

996
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:16,240
Speaker 4: the hospital. We've been there all night while my husband

997
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:19,239
Speaker 4: was getting scanned and tested. They did all kinds of

998
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 4: tests involving memory. They used flashcards and mental quizzes and puzzles.

999
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 4: I'm in shock as to how bad my husband's mental

1000
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:26,719
Speaker 4: state is.

1001
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:27,240
Speaker 2: Wow.

1002
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 4: It's embarrassing that I didn't notice how far he had declined.

1003
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 4: Maybe I didn't want to notice. Maybe it was a

1004
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:35,480
Speaker 4: conscious decision. I doubt that.

1005
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 2: No, I mean literally somebody maybe too, and you were

1006
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:42,160
Speaker 2: pregnant before, I mean, you had a lot going on.

1007
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 4: I watched him struggle to name his hometown. He had

1008
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:47,960
Speaker 4: lived there the first twenty two years of his life,

1009
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:51,640
Speaker 4: and he could not do it. Mother's name, father's name.

1010
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 4: He struggled with answering the most basic questions. I had

1011
00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:58,200
Speaker 4: noticed in recent years that he talked about the past

1012
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 4: less and less. He rarely stories about his past anymore.

1013
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,440
Speaker 4: I didn't know that it was because he basically doesn't

1014
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 4: have a past anymore. All those pictures around the house

1015
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:10,400
Speaker 4: hold no real meaning for him. He doesn't remember our

1016
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 4: first kiss when he proposed to me, or very much

1017
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:16,160
Speaker 4: about our wedding. He knows these things happened, but the

1018
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 4: specifics of those events are lost to him. A psychiatrist

1019
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:22,439
Speaker 4: met with him, but she wasn't very helpful. She kept

1020
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:25,400
Speaker 4: asking about self harm. My husband isn't going to do that.

1021
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:28,880
Speaker 4: She asked him misleading questions, like she was trying to

1022
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:31,600
Speaker 4: trick him into admitting it. When I brought up how

1023
00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:33,920
Speaker 4: my husband hasn't bonded with our son, she waved me

1024
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:38,760
Speaker 4: off and told me she had rounds. The neurologist is awesome.

1025
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:43,359
Speaker 4: He really cares. My husband's boss and some coworkers came

1026
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 4: this morning. They were more honest with me today than

1027
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 4: I think they have been in a long time. My

1028
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 4: husband hasn't been a trainer in two years. He used

1029
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 4: to go and get trained on all the new JD

1030
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 4: technology and then train the other texts. It got to

1031
00:52:58,200 --> 00:53:00,879
Speaker 4: the point where he couldn't do it anymore. He also

1032
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:03,759
Speaker 4: has notebooks filled with notes and procedures he should know

1033
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 4: by heart. They're like his crutches so he can do

1034
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,800
Speaker 4: his job. He rarely goes on field calls alone anymore.

1035
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 4: He usually takes someone with him. I met with a

1036
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 4: counselor that the Neurology Department employs to help patience families

1037
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 4: deal with the fallout. She told me to prepare to

1038
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:22,000
Speaker 4: take on more and more of the responsibilities around the house.

1039
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 4: It is a worry because my husband is the breadwinner

1040
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:28,360
Speaker 4: and I can't replace his income with my skills and education.

1041
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 4: She explained that patients with the trauma my husband has

1042
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 4: exists on routine. When something disrupts that routine, like a

1043
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:39,840
Speaker 4: new baby, they often can't cope. My husband is staying

1044
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 4: for a few more days tomorrow. He meets with a

1045
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 4: different psychiatrist and then is being transferred to a more

1046
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,959
Speaker 4: advanced neurology center three hours away. With a little luck,

1047
00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 4: I'll have a more definitive care plan and have him

1048
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 4: home by Wednesday or Thursday. Take care of your brain, kids.

1049
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:57,760
Speaker 4: And there is a second update.

1050
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:01,719
Speaker 2: Oh, just terrifying, especially again like oh, he's already trying

1051
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:03,360
Speaker 2: to figure out how to care for a new baby.

1052
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:06,799
Speaker 4: This, uh really is a kind of a PSA like

1053
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:09,680
Speaker 4: not doing yeah, you know, I mean that's what all

1054
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 4: of like, the people who are like at the apex

1055
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,400
Speaker 4: of those sports just are usually like, don't do this.

1056
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:19,600
Speaker 2: My mom never let Sam do any like like football,

1057
00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:22,800
Speaker 2: any contact sports. Yeah, just because especially when you're a kid,

1058
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:25,600
Speaker 2: it's just so dangerous.

1059
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 4: It's yeah, it's uh, it's dangerous. I've being number two.

1060
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:33,400
Speaker 4: It has been a long and difficult week. My husband

1061
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:36,279
Speaker 4: went to the city to the major neurological center on

1062
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 4: Monday and they confirmed his diagnosis of CTE. He was

1063
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 4: there until Wednesday, and then he came home. We worked

1064
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 4: with a counselor there and my husband held his son

1065
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:48,839
Speaker 4: for the first time. He had this kind of bewildered

1066
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:51,560
Speaker 4: look on his face. Then he teared up and said,

1067
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 4: this is all I ever wanted and I can't even

1068
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:55,040
Speaker 4: enjoy it.

1069
00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:56,400
Speaker 2: Ah.

1070
00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 4: That broke my heart and I had to leave the

1071
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:02,279
Speaker 4: room for a while. Injuries are tricky. The neurologists said,

1072
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 4: the best case is my husband doesn't deteriorate any more

1073
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:08,280
Speaker 4: than he already is. When I asked about the worst case,

1074
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 4: they told me to be prepared to put him in

1075
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 4: assisted living. That's something you never want to hear. This

1076
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:17,040
Speaker 4: whole journey is a roller coaster. We're working with a

1077
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:19,360
Speaker 4: counselor through a church in the area to try and

1078
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:22,920
Speaker 4: develop some coping strategies. The Biblical counseling is a ministry

1079
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:25,840
Speaker 4: supported by tithing, so it doesn't cost us anything. We

1080
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:29,440
Speaker 4: have a standing appointment every Friday at four With my

1081
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 4: husband's injury, he can function well on a routine, but

1082
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 4: babies don't do routine. Five am, my husband gets up,

1083
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:42,280
Speaker 4: then he goes for a six mile run, then calisthenics, shower, shave, brush, teeth, breakfast,

1084
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 4: and then he starts his day. If his routine is disrupted,

1085
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:48,840
Speaker 4: he can't recover and adjust. Our dog adjusted to my

1086
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,759
Speaker 4: husband's routine at five am. She is ready to go

1087
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 4: for a run. Babies don't do schedules. It's hard not

1088
00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 4: to get discouraged. I see my husband struggle so hard

1089
00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:01,239
Speaker 4: to adapt. It hurts him that he can't learn new

1090
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:05,320
Speaker 4: tasks quickly. I'm patient and supportive, but he still gets frustrated.

1091
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:08,440
Speaker 4: Like packing the diaper bag. He knows that we need stuff,

1092
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:11,279
Speaker 4: he just can't do it without a checklist. Screw it,

1093
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:14,680
Speaker 4: I'm making checklists, The nurse said. It's important to try

1094
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,560
Speaker 4: and make things as normal as possible. Watching a thirty

1095
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:19,399
Speaker 4: five year old man not be able to figure out

1096
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 4: how many diapers to take on a trip to Walmart

1097
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:25,120
Speaker 4: is heartbreaking. I made checklists for everything. If it's something

1098
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:27,879
Speaker 4: he does all the time, he's better. It's learning new

1099
00:56:27,920 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 4: things that are hard. This might be one of the

1100
00:56:31,239 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 4: situations where like like the the a, like the overlay,

1101
00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:40,000
Speaker 4: like glasses and like AI might actually be like incredibly

1102
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:43,640
Speaker 4: helpful for somebody check because you could have right in

1103
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:46,839
Speaker 4: front of you, you know, just like what am I doing,

1104
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 4: and it's like bank like oh okay, this and that

1105
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:55,080
Speaker 4: and this and that got it, Like yeah, and first

1106
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:58,839
Speaker 4: time I've ever thought that, Yeah, I know, I made

1107
00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:01,479
Speaker 4: checklists for everything. If it's something he does all the time.

1108
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:04,920
Speaker 4: He's better. It's learning new things that are hard for

1109
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:07,799
Speaker 4: the past couple of years. In hindsight, it's baffling. I

1110
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:10,279
Speaker 4: didn't notice. All I can say is I must have

1111
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:14,080
Speaker 4: fallen into the comfortable routines with him. I didn't question anything.

1112
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,440
Speaker 4: If I asked him to do something and he refused,

1113
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 4: I just did it myself. It never occurred to me

1114
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:21,480
Speaker 4: that maybe he wants to go out to eat breakfast

1115
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:25,080
Speaker 4: because making breakfast causes him anxiety. He'd rather not deal with.

1116
00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:27,439
Speaker 4: Go ahead and nominate me for why for the year,

1117
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 4: although I'll probably be runner up to Lorraina. Bobbitt. The

1118
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:33,880
Speaker 4: owner of the dealership took us and the service manager

1119
00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:36,000
Speaker 4: out to dinner on Saturday to come up with a

1120
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:39,040
Speaker 4: plan for keeping my husband earning. The owner is kind

1121
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:41,400
Speaker 4: of old fashioned and is adamantly opposed to seeing a

1122
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,760
Speaker 4: young man like my husband depend on handouts to defeed

1123
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:47,160
Speaker 4: his family. Thank God, they're going to assign a junior

1124
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 4: tech to work with my husband full time. They'll be

1125
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:52,720
Speaker 4: there on every job helping my husband out. The dealership

1126
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 4: also has a bunch of old equipment on the lot

1127
00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:57,880
Speaker 4: that they can't sell. It's mostly scrap. They're going to

1128
00:57:57,920 --> 00:57:59,959
Speaker 4: clear out the lot in an auction, and whatever money

1129
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:01,760
Speaker 4: he has made will go to us to help pay

1130
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:05,240
Speaker 4: for medical bills. Dude, shout out this business owner. Yeah

1131
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:08,520
Speaker 4: for taking carry all. The general manager is also checking

1132
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:10,520
Speaker 4: with John Deere Corporate to see if they have any

1133
00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:14,120
Speaker 4: assistance programs a dealer Tech would qualify for. I think

1134
00:58:14,120 --> 00:58:17,280
Speaker 4: there's a foundation or something. They're also giving my husband

1135
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:19,600
Speaker 4: a forty hour check for his last week and not

1136
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:23,720
Speaker 4: docking his PTO. My husband agreed to let me take

1137
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 4: over the finances. I don't think we're behind on anything,

1138
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 4: and our credit is good, so it should be pretty easy.

1139
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 4: Paying the bills and balancing a checkbook has been a

1140
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:35,200
Speaker 4: real burden on him. It explains why he stopped letting

1141
00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:37,360
Speaker 4: me have access to the bank account a while back.

1142
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 4: He told me to just charge everything to the credit

1143
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 4: card and he'd take care of it. Another gigantic red

1144
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:46,400
Speaker 4: flag that I missed. Looking back, there are so many

1145
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 4: red flags I missed. I feel like an idiot. I

1146
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 4: mean I used to tease him about forgetting stuff. I

1147
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:55,120
Speaker 4: made jokes about him being the punch drunk old boxer.

1148
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 4: I feel awful. I feel about two inches tall. I

1149
00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 4: can't imagine how bad I embarrassed him over the years.

1150
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 4: If I live to be two thousand years old, I'll

1151
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:05,520
Speaker 4: never be able to make it up to him. You

1152
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:09,959
Speaker 4: didn't do anything wrong. A lot of people don't understand

1153
00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 4: like the nature of these kind of injuries, and a

1154
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:16,840
Speaker 4: lot of people think like, oh, well, if you have

1155
00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 4: like a brain injury, or you have CTE or you

1156
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:22,040
Speaker 4: have you know, it's like you'd notice immediately because it's

1157
00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:25,800
Speaker 4: like you wouldn't be able to hindsight to do anything. Yeah,

1158
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:29,640
Speaker 4: and that's just not the way it usually goes well,

1159
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 4: he continues. The baby is doing great, and we're taking

1160
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:35,920
Speaker 4: things one day at a time now that I'm not

1161
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:38,240
Speaker 4: so oblivious, it's getting easier to take care of my

1162
00:59:38,360 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 4: husband and baby. My parents left on Sunday, and his

1163
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 4: dad flies home tomorrow and then it's just us again.

1164
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:47,320
Speaker 4: It was great having help for a little while. It's

1165
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:50,200
Speaker 4: too bad we live in such a rural area. The

1166
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:54,640
Speaker 4: neurology center in the city has outpatient programs that would help.

1167
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:57,680
Speaker 4: It's six hours round trip. It's just too much to

1168
00:59:57,680 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 4: make the trip three times a week. We're kind of

1169
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:01,360
Speaker 4: stuck where we're at.

1170
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:04,520
Speaker 2: Which that's hard because it's like, yeah, maybe you should move,

1171
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:06,160
Speaker 2: but then that also disrupts routine.

1172
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:08,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, that would Yes, yeah, Do you have any

1173
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:09,560
Speaker 4: final thoughts here?

1174
01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:13,960
Speaker 2: I mean no, be easy with yourself, Be gentle. This

1175
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:18,160
Speaker 2: is already a hard, hard task to raise a child

1176
01:00:18,360 --> 01:00:21,600
Speaker 2: and take care of your husband, and you're literally doing

1177
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:25,360
Speaker 2: everything that you possibly could be doing. So be gentle

1178
01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 2: with yourself.

1179
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:30,080
Speaker 4: We're going to keep a monthly appointment at the neurology

1180
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 4: center for monitoring. It's the best we can do. It's

1181
01:00:33,280 --> 01:00:36,400
Speaker 4: not like TV where people can effortlessly uproot their lives

1182
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 4: and do its best. In the real world, you sometimes

1183
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:41,800
Speaker 4: have to take the worst option. We meet with a

1184
01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:45,520
Speaker 4: lawyer from our church on Wednesday to set up some

1185
01:00:45,640 --> 01:00:49,320
Speaker 4: documentation so I can handle the finances and make medical decisions.

1186
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:52,200
Speaker 4: I think it's called a power of attorney. He's going

1187
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:54,160
Speaker 4: to get us all set up for the price of

1188
01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:55,960
Speaker 4: one of my homemade apple pies.

1189
01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:56,840
Speaker 2: Wow.

1190
01:00:57,040 --> 01:00:58,280
Speaker 4: Shout out to community.

1191
01:00:58,360 --> 01:01:02,439
Speaker 2: Wow, Like true, such a heartwarming element of the story

1192
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:04,080
Speaker 2: is just the community around you guys.

1193
01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:07,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you all for your support. And that is

1194
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,200
Speaker 4: the end of that story.

1195
01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:12,160
Speaker 2: I was, I mean, like really devastating, but also just

1196
01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:18,760
Speaker 2: like very beautiful example of partnership and community and resilience.

1197
01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:21,840
Speaker 4: Absolutely, hey, John Ogi, hoist here.

1198
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:23,760
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

1199
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:25,840
Speaker 1: three minute break of ads from a sponsor's keeping the

1200
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 1: show alive.

1201
01:01:27,080 --> 01:01:30,720
Speaker 2: A video of my wife's affair went viral, and now

1202
01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 2: the whole town.

1203
01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:34,400
Speaker 4: Knows, Hey, it's time to monetize that baby. Let's make

1204
01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:34,840
Speaker 4: some money.

1205
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:38,080
Speaker 2: About a week ago, I got contacted by my wife's

1206
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:42,440
Speaker 2: best friend's husband asking if we could meet up and talk.

1207
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 2: Long story short, he dropped a bomb on me, telling

1208
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:49,440
Speaker 2: me our wives were cheating on us, and showed me

1209
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:51,600
Speaker 2: a video that had been spreading on adult sites of

1210
01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:54,600
Speaker 2: our wives and their friend having spicy sleep at their

1211
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 2: old house with some guys we've never seen before. By

1212
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:02,120
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from Random Throw nineteen seventy seven.

1213
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 2: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

1214
01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:06,080
Speaker 2: to the arslash. Okay, storytime separed it.

1215
01:02:06,280 --> 01:02:09,640
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and.

1216
01:02:09,520 --> 01:02:11,520
Speaker 2: We're here to give good advice. Goofy, But we don't

1217
01:02:11,560 --> 01:02:13,640
Speaker 2: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

1218
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:15,040
Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the

1219
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:19,320
Speaker 2: comments and Opie says, when I confronted my wife about it,

1220
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:22,200
Speaker 2: she went through all the stages of emotions and all

1221
01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:24,960
Speaker 2: the excuses she could come up with. She even said

1222
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:29,120
Speaker 2: it wasn't her, even though her face is clearly visible.

1223
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:32,920
Speaker 2: I immediately called my lawyer and explained everything to what He

1224
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 2: told me to take a breather, collect my thoughts, and

1225
01:02:36,080 --> 01:02:38,000
Speaker 2: he sent me an email with things to do so

1226
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:40,960
Speaker 2: I can take it step by step. I forty six

1227
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:44,080
Speaker 2: mail and my wife forty four female, have three kids,

1228
01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:48,320
Speaker 2: our daughters twelve and four, and our son nine. They

1229
01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:51,000
Speaker 2: all go to school where we live. They're all doing

1230
01:02:51,040 --> 01:02:54,400
Speaker 2: sports or activities. They love it here. They're doing great.

1231
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 2: And this is where the biggest issue comes in. We

1232
01:02:57,080 --> 01:03:00,360
Speaker 2: live in a small town and word has definitely gotten around.

1233
01:03:00,840 --> 01:03:03,439
Speaker 2: A lot of things I noticed before knowing this had

1234
01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:07,000
Speaker 2: happened make so much more, so much more sense now.

1235
01:03:07,560 --> 01:03:11,080
Speaker 2: Weird looks, people ignoring me or flat out excusing themselves

1236
01:03:11,160 --> 01:03:14,560
Speaker 2: quickly when they talk to me. People know people have

1237
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:18,760
Speaker 2: seen it, and I'm so scared for my kids. Our

1238
01:03:18,840 --> 01:03:21,680
Speaker 2: eldest daughter has already received comments about it in the

1239
01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 2: school along the lines of your mother is a B

1240
01:03:24,960 --> 01:03:27,960
Speaker 2: word and as someone who's bullied a lot in school,

1241
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:30,840
Speaker 2: and knowing that these videos are close to impossible to

1242
01:03:30,920 --> 01:03:33,840
Speaker 2: take down, I'm terrified they're going to get bullied and

1243
01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 2: that their lives are going to be destroyed. Genuinely, I

1244
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,520
Speaker 2: think you have to move now, like, get them out

1245
01:03:39,560 --> 01:03:43,680
Speaker 2: before this is even you know, an issue. The only

1246
01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:46,320
Speaker 2: possible option for me seems to be leave town and

1247
01:03:46,400 --> 01:03:49,000
Speaker 2: start over elsewhere. But I don't want my kids to

1248
01:03:49,000 --> 01:03:52,040
Speaker 2: miss out on their friends, their hobbies, and their activities.

1249
01:03:52,240 --> 01:03:54,480
Speaker 2: It's going to rip them out of their lives. But

1250
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:59,400
Speaker 2: staying here where everyone knows seems incredibly unsafe. I'm probably

1251
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:01,720
Speaker 2: missing a lot that I should be adding. Please, if

1252
01:04:01,720 --> 01:04:04,840
Speaker 2: there's any information left to share, I will update. But

1253
01:04:05,040 --> 01:04:07,360
Speaker 2: for the last week, all I've been grinding my head

1254
01:04:07,360 --> 01:04:09,760
Speaker 2: about is how to keep my kids safe? Is there

1255
01:04:09,800 --> 01:04:12,720
Speaker 2: anything I can do at all? I mean, I think

1256
01:04:12,840 --> 01:04:16,280
Speaker 2: talk to your older kids, explain what happened. They're gonna

1257
01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:18,960
Speaker 2: find out, say, there's a video of your mom cheating online.

1258
01:04:19,640 --> 01:04:21,360
Speaker 2: Obviously for the younger kids different.

1259
01:04:21,760 --> 01:04:26,320
Speaker 4: You get industrial equipment and you build a bunker, and

1260
01:04:26,400 --> 01:04:29,600
Speaker 4: once you build that bunker, you tell your children that

1261
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:32,080
Speaker 4: the world is coming to an end and they must

1262
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:34,840
Speaker 4: live in the bunker, and there is no internet in

1263
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:39,240
Speaker 4: the bunker, and Mom didn't make it, so it's just

1264
01:04:39,400 --> 01:04:41,400
Speaker 4: you and the kids in the bunker forever.

1265
01:04:42,120 --> 01:04:43,840
Speaker 2: My point is, I think you need to tell them

1266
01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:46,040
Speaker 2: the truth, tell them now, and I think you need

1267
01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:50,320
Speaker 2: to get the heck at a Dodge update. It's been

1268
01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:52,439
Speaker 2: getting a lot of comments, and I'd like to thank

1269
01:04:52,480 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 2: you all for doing so. It really helps, even if

1270
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:58,520
Speaker 2: it's just someone listening in. I wanted to post somewhat

1271
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:00,800
Speaker 2: of an update to clarify things a bit more since

1272
01:05:00,840 --> 01:05:04,520
Speaker 2: I didn't really share enough information Initially. People end up

1273
01:05:05,120 --> 01:05:08,040
Speaker 2: ended up giving great advice, but I asked the wrong questions,

1274
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:11,360
Speaker 2: so to speak. My son is autistic. He's very attached

1275
01:05:11,480 --> 01:05:15,960
Speaker 2: to his teacher, who's made incredible progress with him. He

1276
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:19,160
Speaker 2: doesn't respond well the changes in his life, having him

1277
01:05:19,200 --> 01:05:23,120
Speaker 2: move places away from his mom, his grandma's friends, his school,

1278
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:26,960
Speaker 2: et cetera, is going to be incredibly different difficult for him,

1279
01:05:26,960 --> 01:05:28,600
Speaker 2: to the point where I don't know how he could

1280
01:05:28,640 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 2: recover from that. My daughter is an early teen. She

1281
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:34,840
Speaker 2: has so many changes going on already, and she's finally

1282
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:37,440
Speaker 2: found a group she's close with and fits in. Do

1283
01:05:37,480 --> 01:05:39,760
Speaker 2: you think I should take them away from her, completely,

1284
01:05:39,760 --> 01:05:42,880
Speaker 2: flipping their lives upside down if it means I can

1285
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:46,680
Speaker 2: protect them from what's to come, bullying My mother, who

1286
01:05:46,680 --> 01:05:49,720
Speaker 2: loves her grandkids, Anne loves my wife, lives in a

1287
01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:53,160
Speaker 2: retirement home. She's unwell and knows something is going on,

1288
01:05:53,880 --> 01:05:57,960
Speaker 2: but doesn't know exactly what. If I tell her exactly

1289
01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:00,240
Speaker 2: what happened, I fear that I'm going to break her

1290
01:06:00,280 --> 01:06:02,200
Speaker 2: and hurt her to the point where she gets sicker

1291
01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:04,640
Speaker 2: and sicker. Do I tell her what happened? Or do

1292
01:06:04,720 --> 01:06:06,680
Speaker 2: I tell her a white lie to not risk it.

1293
01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:09,800
Speaker 2: She can't come and visit us often. We usually go

1294
01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:12,640
Speaker 2: to her unless it's holidays or about once every two months,

1295
01:06:13,080 --> 01:06:15,720
Speaker 2: I pick her up and bring her home. Moving means

1296
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:18,280
Speaker 2: that's going to be more difficult. The kids love her,

1297
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:20,280
Speaker 2: and I don't want to take them away from each other.

1298
01:06:20,880 --> 01:06:23,360
Speaker 2: Maybe we can move her too, or in a new place.

1299
01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:26,760
Speaker 2: The last couple of hours, I've been getting more texts

1300
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:29,680
Speaker 2: from people who are concerned or are warning me about

1301
01:06:29,760 --> 01:06:33,360
Speaker 2: videos going around in WhatsApp groups on All the effort

1302
01:06:33,400 --> 01:06:35,800
Speaker 2: we a close friend and I took to take down

1303
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:39,520
Speaker 2: videos has been useless because it's going around town. And

1304
01:06:39,560 --> 01:06:41,720
Speaker 2: there's no way to stop it. All I can do

1305
01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:44,360
Speaker 2: now is damage control. I just don't know what the

1306
01:06:44,440 --> 01:06:47,439
Speaker 2: right steps are for my kids, and so far, both

1307
01:06:47,440 --> 01:06:50,040
Speaker 2: my close friends and Reddit are almost fifty to fifty

1308
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 2: about it. My lawyer and I will discuss custody. I'm

1309
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:57,000
Speaker 2: not sure how to do this yet. The kids love

1310
01:06:57,040 --> 01:06:59,560
Speaker 2: their mom and she loves them, and taking them away

1311
01:06:59,560 --> 01:07:02,400
Speaker 2: from one of might not be the best option. On

1312
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:04,400
Speaker 2: the other hand, if she's seen with our kids and

1313
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:07,120
Speaker 2: people put two and two together, they might still be

1314
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:10,920
Speaker 2: unsafe even if we move. Therapy is being worked on

1315
01:07:11,040 --> 01:07:14,720
Speaker 2: for the kids and myself. I'm definitely divorcing my wife.

1316
01:07:15,000 --> 01:07:17,040
Speaker 2: I'm going to talk with the school board this week,

1317
01:07:17,080 --> 01:07:19,640
Speaker 2: and they've already started watching the kids for their safety.

1318
01:07:20,240 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 2: My wife called me and she wants to talk. I'm

1319
01:07:22,880 --> 01:07:24,640
Speaker 2: thinking about whether I should right now.

1320
01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:26,880
Speaker 4: I think if you talk to her, you should record it.

1321
01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:29,040
Speaker 4: And I think you should probably consult a lawyer to

1322
01:07:29,080 --> 01:07:31,480
Speaker 4: see what kind of reparations you would get for having

1323
01:07:31,600 --> 01:07:34,400
Speaker 4: to pay for moving your family because of your wife's

1324
01:07:34,440 --> 01:07:36,640
Speaker 4: actions in order to protect your children.

1325
01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:41,000
Speaker 2: Agreed. My brother called, who's about thirty kilometers away, asking

1326
01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:44,360
Speaker 2: me what's going on because he's seen the video in

1327
01:07:44,440 --> 01:07:46,120
Speaker 2: a WhatsApp group as well.

1328
01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:49,480
Speaker 4: Use WhatsApp board, dude, That's what I'm wondering.

1329
01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:52,080
Speaker 2: I'm like, what WhatsApp groups are you guys in. I'm

1330
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:54,400
Speaker 2: having a talk with my oldest daughter tomorrow and I'm

1331
01:07:54,440 --> 01:07:56,840
Speaker 2: going to give her the space and time to express

1332
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 2: her feelings. I'm going to listen to her and let

1333
01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:02,080
Speaker 2: her make up her own mind. I'm going to support

1334
01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:04,360
Speaker 2: her and tell her I'm there for if she needs me,

1335
01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:06,800
Speaker 2: and I'm going to try and explain it to her

1336
01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:09,760
Speaker 2: in a way that's understandable. I'm not going to slander

1337
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:11,840
Speaker 2: my wife in front of her or any of our

1338
01:08:11,920 --> 01:08:14,800
Speaker 2: kids for that matter. I think that's all for now.

1339
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:17,160
Speaker 2: I'll try to keep up with comments and get back

1340
01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:19,840
Speaker 2: to you as much as I can. Again, thank you

1341
01:08:19,960 --> 01:08:23,360
Speaker 2: so much for your advice and for listening. My wife

1342
01:08:23,360 --> 01:08:25,680
Speaker 2: has not been talking up until just now, and I'm

1343
01:08:25,720 --> 01:08:27,880
Speaker 2: going to talk to her about what she's going to

1344
01:08:27,920 --> 01:08:30,800
Speaker 2: do to protect our kids. And there is a second

1345
01:08:30,880 --> 01:08:32,920
Speaker 2: update four months later.

1346
01:08:33,680 --> 01:08:35,439
Speaker 4: Oh no, I saw the first line.

1347
01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:40,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I still think you gotta move or boarding school

1348
01:08:40,640 --> 01:08:43,720
Speaker 2: or maybe I mean it still wouldn't be great, but

1349
01:08:43,880 --> 01:08:49,720
Speaker 2: maybe home school. Four months later life has not been

1350
01:08:49,800 --> 01:08:52,760
Speaker 2: good the last few months. Four months ago, I learned

1351
01:08:52,760 --> 01:08:55,280
Speaker 2: that my wife cheated on me and that it was

1352
01:08:55,320 --> 01:08:59,200
Speaker 2: recorded and spreading on adult websites. The biggest problem has

1353
01:08:59,200 --> 01:09:01,719
Speaker 2: been the safety and well being of our three kids.

1354
01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:05,080
Speaker 2: I've divorced my wife, I've lawyered up, and we decided

1355
01:09:05,120 --> 01:09:08,600
Speaker 2: to move to another town. Yeah, because we lived in

1356
01:09:08,640 --> 01:09:11,559
Speaker 2: a small community and the damage was done. Our daughter

1357
01:09:11,600 --> 01:09:14,800
Speaker 2: received nasty comments and I couldn't risk the kids being

1358
01:09:14,840 --> 01:09:18,360
Speaker 2: more exposed. It wasn't just the nasty comments, it's the

1359
01:09:18,360 --> 01:09:20,280
Speaker 2: looks you get and the fact that you know the

1360
01:09:20,439 --> 01:09:23,360
Speaker 2: entire town is talking about you and has seen the

1361
01:09:23,400 --> 01:09:26,280
Speaker 2: mother of your kids in such a way. First, my daughter,

1362
01:09:27,040 --> 01:09:29,519
Speaker 2: people suggested I should speak to her as soon as

1363
01:09:29,560 --> 01:09:32,280
Speaker 2: possible when I found out what happened, to try and

1364
01:09:32,360 --> 01:09:34,960
Speaker 2: do damage control and be there for her. I did

1365
01:09:35,000 --> 01:09:37,400
Speaker 2: speak to her, and she already knew about it. She

1366
01:09:37,439 --> 01:09:40,920
Speaker 2: had also received nasty comments. In short, I feel like

1367
01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:43,880
Speaker 2: I was too late because I held off talking to

1368
01:09:43,920 --> 01:09:46,879
Speaker 2: her since I didn't know how to, or I was scared.

1369
01:09:47,400 --> 01:09:50,200
Speaker 2: She's in therapy, but she's not doing well. Moving schools

1370
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:52,679
Speaker 2: was hard on her because she was finally making friends

1371
01:09:52,680 --> 01:09:55,519
Speaker 2: and what is a confusing time for young girl. She's

1372
01:09:55,640 --> 01:09:58,160
Speaker 2: quiet and I have a hard time communicating with her.

1373
01:09:58,640 --> 01:10:01,040
Speaker 2: I'm told that therapy could take and that three to

1374
01:10:01,080 --> 01:10:03,680
Speaker 2: four months isn't all that much, but it hurts me

1375
01:10:03,760 --> 01:10:06,120
Speaker 2: to see her unhappy. She doesn't want to talk to

1376
01:10:06,160 --> 01:10:09,360
Speaker 2: me about the situation, which I completely understand. I have

1377
01:10:09,439 --> 01:10:11,879
Speaker 2: assured her that if she wants to talk about anything,

1378
01:10:12,040 --> 01:10:15,599
Speaker 2: I'm there for. My son isn't doing well either. He's

1379
01:10:15,680 --> 01:10:18,120
Speaker 2: autistic and it takes a long time for him to

1380
01:10:18,160 --> 01:10:22,000
Speaker 2: adjust and settle. He's had an amazing teacher and caretaker

1381
01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:25,240
Speaker 2: in school who he trusted that's gone from his life,

1382
01:10:25,400 --> 01:10:28,880
Speaker 2: and he's just very uneasy about it. His parents split up,

1383
01:10:29,000 --> 01:10:32,800
Speaker 2: we changed houses and locations on all. It's been very

1384
01:10:32,840 --> 01:10:34,680
Speaker 2: hard on him, and we're trying to get him to

1385
01:10:34,720 --> 01:10:38,880
Speaker 2: feel secure and at ease, but so far it's been difficult.

1386
01:10:39,439 --> 01:10:42,920
Speaker 2: Our youngest is doing fine, Thankfully, she's too young to

1387
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:45,960
Speaker 2: grasp what's been going on, even though she's been asking

1388
01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:48,880
Speaker 2: about mom and dad and why we moved. But she's

1389
01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:51,320
Speaker 2: actually enjoying herself, which is kind of a blessing at

1390
01:10:51,320 --> 01:10:54,599
Speaker 2: this point. My mother passed away two months ago. She's

1391
01:10:54,640 --> 01:10:57,280
Speaker 2: been unwell and living in a retirement home. I took

1392
01:10:57,280 --> 01:10:59,639
Speaker 2: the kids to see her as much as possible, which

1393
01:10:59,680 --> 01:11:02,720
Speaker 2: God as we move places and when, and was one

1394
01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:05,320
Speaker 2: of the factors I had to take into consideration about

1395
01:11:05,320 --> 01:11:08,639
Speaker 2: moving or staying. I never told her exactly what happened,

1396
01:11:08,680 --> 01:11:11,640
Speaker 2: because I just couldn't. It would have wrecked her. I

1397
01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:13,600
Speaker 2: told her we were moving and that my wife and

1398
01:11:13,640 --> 01:11:16,840
Speaker 2: I split up. She asked why, of course, but I

1399
01:11:16,920 --> 01:11:18,920
Speaker 2: just told her we weren't seeing eye to eye about

1400
01:11:18,960 --> 01:11:21,040
Speaker 2: things and that everything was going to be all right.

1401
01:11:21,640 --> 01:11:24,080
Speaker 2: I feel conflicted about lying to her, but at the

1402
01:11:24,120 --> 01:11:26,800
Speaker 2: same time, I didn't want to burden her with something

1403
01:11:26,840 --> 01:11:28,160
Speaker 2: that's not going to get better.

1404
01:11:28,600 --> 01:11:29,040
Speaker 4: A lot of.

1405
01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:32,240
Speaker 2: People were asking me things about my wife, the cheating situation,

1406
01:11:32,800 --> 01:11:35,840
Speaker 2: the video, etc. And I haven't really touched on that

1407
01:11:35,960 --> 01:11:39,719
Speaker 2: before because it simply wasn't a priority. So I wanted

1408
01:11:39,800 --> 01:11:42,439
Speaker 2: to touch on that here. Some people ask if there

1409
01:11:42,439 --> 01:11:46,720
Speaker 2: were signs of her cheating, and the short answer is yes,

1410
01:11:47,560 --> 01:11:49,640
Speaker 2: I just didn't see it or pay attention to it

1411
01:11:49,680 --> 01:11:52,360
Speaker 2: because you're in love, you got kids to take care of,

1412
01:11:53,160 --> 01:11:56,439
Speaker 2: and I might have been naive. Basically, she was more

1413
01:11:56,479 --> 01:12:00,559
Speaker 2: distant towards me, and we weren't intimate often. I figured

1414
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:04,160
Speaker 2: she was just exhausted, as life can be, especially with kids.

1415
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:07,040
Speaker 2: She started going out more with her friends, paid a

1416
01:12:07,040 --> 01:12:11,320
Speaker 2: lot more attention to her looks, makeup, clothing, etc. She

1417
01:12:11,400 --> 01:12:14,639
Speaker 2: bought shoes she'd never wear, she was protective of her phone.

1418
01:12:15,120 --> 01:12:16,920
Speaker 2: I just thought she was having a good time with

1419
01:12:16,960 --> 01:12:20,080
Speaker 2: her friends, and I thought she deserved that, minus the

1420
01:12:20,160 --> 01:12:23,280
Speaker 2: infidelity part. I got a lot of questions about AI

1421
01:12:23,439 --> 01:12:26,760
Speaker 2: and deep fake technology being involved in the video. Well,

1422
01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:28,600
Speaker 2: we already know that the wife admitted to it, so

1423
01:12:29,560 --> 01:12:32,920
Speaker 2: the answer is new. The video was recorded at my

1424
01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:36,240
Speaker 2: wife's friend's house. This was confirmed to me by her husband,

1425
01:12:36,520 --> 01:12:40,040
Speaker 2: who initially informed me about the situation. I'm aware AI

1426
01:12:40,160 --> 01:12:43,919
Speaker 2: can do scary things, but I recognized my wife easily.

1427
01:12:44,160 --> 01:12:47,679
Speaker 2: I recognized one of her friends, I recognized her shoes

1428
01:12:47,680 --> 01:12:51,160
Speaker 2: and clothes, and my wife confessed to the whole thing eventually.

1429
01:12:51,800 --> 01:12:54,679
Speaker 2: Is the video still online? Yes, and it's not ever

1430
01:12:54,800 --> 01:12:57,840
Speaker 2: coming down. A friend of mine works in it, and

1431
01:12:57,880 --> 01:13:00,280
Speaker 2: he did everything he could as soon as I got

1432
01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:04,800
Speaker 2: the news, but it's basically impossible to remove completely. How

1433
01:13:04,840 --> 01:13:08,599
Speaker 2: did the cheating start or happen? How long were they wasted?

1434
01:13:08,840 --> 01:13:12,679
Speaker 2: Coerced or pressured. My wife locked herself in her bedroom

1435
01:13:12,840 --> 01:13:16,879
Speaker 2: for a long time, refusing to properly talk about anything.

1436
01:13:17,280 --> 01:13:19,639
Speaker 2: To be honest, I didn't ask much because the kids

1437
01:13:19,680 --> 01:13:23,160
Speaker 2: had absolute priority. I've been having therapy myself and it

1438
01:13:23,240 --> 01:13:25,559
Speaker 2: was recommended that I do talk about it with my

1439
01:13:25,640 --> 01:13:28,559
Speaker 2: wife to get some closure, but only when I felt

1440
01:13:28,600 --> 01:13:31,080
Speaker 2: ready for it. I ended up talking to my wife,

1441
01:13:31,080 --> 01:13:35,000
Speaker 2: her friend, and her friend's husband separately. The cheating my

1442
01:13:35,080 --> 01:13:38,240
Speaker 2: wife did was a one time thing. According to her,

1443
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:43,200
Speaker 2: The unmarried friend has always been a promiscuous woman. Apparently

1444
01:13:43,280 --> 01:13:44,960
Speaker 2: she had been hooking up with the guy she met

1445
01:13:44,960 --> 01:13:47,280
Speaker 2: on a forum and dragged my wife and the other

1446
01:13:47,360 --> 01:13:50,360
Speaker 2: married friend into it. There was a thrill to it,

1447
01:13:50,840 --> 01:13:54,400
Speaker 2: and they had been spicy texting this guy and other

1448
01:13:54,479 --> 01:13:57,400
Speaker 2: guys they met before they went to a club somewhere,

1449
01:13:57,520 --> 01:14:01,439
Speaker 2: had drinks and ended up home. I see sleep. The

1450
01:14:01,560 --> 01:14:04,160
Speaker 2: video was taken by one of the men, and at

1451
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:07,760
Speaker 2: the time they all deny giving consent to it, but

1452
01:14:07,920 --> 01:14:11,439
Speaker 2: were aware they were being filmed. At some point, two

1453
01:14:11,479 --> 01:14:13,160
Speaker 2: of them look at the camera. Well. There is a

1454
01:14:13,320 --> 01:14:18,160
Speaker 2: huge difference between giving consent to filming something and giving

1455
01:14:18,200 --> 01:14:22,080
Speaker 2: consent to releasing an online. They could absolutely I mean,

1456
01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:24,000
Speaker 2: you know, obviously your wife is an ale for cheating

1457
01:14:24,040 --> 01:14:28,400
Speaker 2: and all that, but she could absolutely sue whoever released

1458
01:14:28,400 --> 01:14:31,120
Speaker 2: this footage and y'all could get a lot of money.

1459
01:14:31,600 --> 01:14:34,120
Speaker 2: After that night, my wife had been spicy texting one

1460
01:14:34,160 --> 01:14:37,040
Speaker 2: of the men for quite some time, but says she

1461
01:14:37,160 --> 01:14:40,639
Speaker 2: never acted on it again. Both her friends kept seeing them.

1462
01:14:41,240 --> 01:14:43,680
Speaker 2: The story is still vague, as they the women have

1463
01:14:43,840 --> 01:14:47,120
Speaker 2: conflicting stories about what happened. But this was the gist

1464
01:14:47,120 --> 01:14:49,760
Speaker 2: of it, and I knew enough. But there is a

1465
01:14:49,760 --> 01:14:52,600
Speaker 2: little bit left to this story. What a doozy it was?

1466
01:14:52,960 --> 01:14:58,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, boy, Yeah, maybe she can sue for damages and

1467
01:14:58,920 --> 01:15:01,760
Speaker 4: then you can can get paid most of it. Yes,

1468
01:15:01,920 --> 01:15:02,720
Speaker 4: get damaged.

1469
01:15:02,960 --> 01:15:08,000
Speaker 2: It damaged you. Yeah, I'm probably missing out on a

1470
01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:12,519
Speaker 2: lot still, and I'm willing to answer any questions right now.

1471
01:15:12,560 --> 01:15:15,040
Speaker 2: I'm in therapy, and so are my kids. My ex

1472
01:15:15,040 --> 01:15:17,439
Speaker 2: wife still lives back in her hometown with her mother.

1473
01:15:18,120 --> 01:15:20,799
Speaker 2: The house is going up for sale. I'm still focused

1474
01:15:20,840 --> 01:15:23,679
Speaker 2: on getting my kids whatever they need, and I'm hopeful

1475
01:15:23,720 --> 01:15:27,719
Speaker 2: they'll get through this. The video is still being shared

1476
01:15:27,840 --> 01:15:31,320
Speaker 2: and occasionally I get someone online asking me about it,

1477
01:15:31,880 --> 01:15:32,719
Speaker 2: never in person.

1478
01:15:32,960 --> 01:15:34,760
Speaker 4: Dude, who's doing that?

1479
01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:38,000
Speaker 2: Truly However, the worst seems to be over, and despite

1480
01:15:38,040 --> 01:15:39,960
Speaker 2: the worries I have for my kids not doing well

1481
01:15:39,960 --> 01:15:42,360
Speaker 2: at the moment, I still think moving was the right

1482
01:15:42,439 --> 01:15:45,360
Speaker 2: choice because back home things got out of control.

1483
01:15:46,120 --> 01:15:53,240
Speaker 4: Wow, out of control is an understatement. M boo, yikes, yauza.

1484
01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:57,200
Speaker 2: And someone says she wants to because the men probably

1485
01:15:57,200 --> 01:15:59,200
Speaker 2: know the truth and the wives knew what they were doing.

1486
01:15:59,600 --> 01:16:01,840
Speaker 2: But again, and there is a difference between knowing that

1487
01:16:01,880 --> 01:16:05,719
Speaker 2: you were being filmed and consenting to having that spread around.

1488
01:16:07,080 --> 01:16:10,479
Speaker 2: So yeah, that is definitely you know, could be sued

1489
01:16:10,520 --> 01:16:10,720
Speaker 2: for that.