Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is to remember that you usually don't have
Speaker 1: to talk about issues that you know will derail the
Speaker 1: conversation or send to certain people in predictable directions. You
Speaker 1: can choose to avoid these issues and the stress and
Speaker 1: discord that goes along with them. If you're going to
Speaker 1: poke the bear, be sure there's a good reason for
Speaker 1: poking the bear. Otherwise let it go. You probably know
Speaker 1: family members, friends, or colleagues who have beliefs or habits
Speaker 1: that you disagree with. You probably know people who immediately
Speaker 1: get tents or riled up whenever particular topics come up.
Speaker 1: It happens to all of us. So here's an idea.
Speaker 1: You can just choose to avoid these topics. I'm not
Speaker 1: necessarily talking about obvious hot button issues like politics. If
Speaker 1: any time your neighbor hears the phrase youth soccer, he
Speaker 1: launches into a lecture on how soccer is more dangerous
Speaker 1: now than when you are kids, and provides copious statistics
Speaker 1: about the prevalence of concussions. Don't mention to your neighbor
Speaker 1: that your daughters at soccer practice does refer to her
Speaker 1: after school activity. If any mention of snow sets your
Speaker 1: sister off on her battle with the township over the
Speaker 1: order in which roads are plowed, maybe just don't talk
Speaker 1: about the weather when you're making winter small talk. Likewise,
Speaker 1: if your boss launches into a tirade every time you
Speaker 1: mentioned the two week lead time that the communications department
Speaker 1: now requires for everything except crisis communications, just don't bring
Speaker 1: it up. Be sure you get your draft your boss,
Speaker 1: and plenty of time to get his approval so you
Speaker 1: can send the text to Communications for layout and design
Speaker 1: with two weeks to spare. There is really no need
Speaker 1: to poke this bear. Now. That's not to say that
Speaker 1: there aren't times when it's productive and necessary to have
Speaker 1: difficult conversations. If someone says or does something hurtful to someone,
Speaker 1: you can and should be an ally and speak up.
Speaker 1: If someone seems like they might potentially listen to calm
Speaker 1: arguments against a particular conspiracy theory that might be actively
Speaker 1: harming them, well by all means you can try. But
Speaker 1: there are also a lot of times when you can
Speaker 1: simply sidestep hot button issues or issues that are hot
Speaker 1: button for anyone else but are for that particular person.
Speaker 1: When bringing up a particular topic will only cause drama
Speaker 1: and distress without any positive benefits. Just don't do it.
Speaker 1: Don't poke the bear if you are not actively prepared
Speaker 1: to deal with the bear. And of course, here's the
Speaker 1: flip side of this. If someone else raises a comment
Speaker 1: that you find provoking, you can decide not to engage.
Speaker 1: When I'm in groups with people who are new to
Speaker 1: parenting or better yet expecting their first and they announced
Speaker 1: that they will never do X Y or z and
Speaker 1: don't see how anyone could do x Y or z,
Speaker 1: I tend to just let it go and trust that
Speaker 1: life will deliver its lessons soon enough, no need to
Speaker 1: go into it. You can also use pocket phrases to
Speaker 1: foreclose discussion about the contentious topic. Oh Joe, and you
Speaker 1: know we disagree on that, but I love how passionate
Speaker 1: you are. Are you going to the virtual high school
Speaker 1: parent orientation next week? Or I think lots of people
Speaker 1: have different perspectives on that issue. Are you guys doing
Speaker 1: anything for spring break this year? Unless you are talking
Speaker 1: with someone who is particularly dense or belligerent, the person
Speaker 1: you were talking with will probably understand your intentions here
Speaker 1: and move on again. I am a big fan of
Speaker 1: hard conversations when they are necessary. I am also not
Speaker 1: a fan of being a doormat or shying from conflict.
Speaker 1: And there are some people who really love a good argument,
Speaker 1: And there are also times when it's called for. Some
Speaker 1: people like to form small discussion circles with people who
Speaker 1: have different politics or different worldviews, precisely for how interesting
Speaker 1: this can be. Really, it can be invigorating and force
Speaker 1: you to hone your arguments and examine what you believe.
Speaker 1: But there's a big difference between seeking that out and
Speaker 1: just making conversation while you're waiting to pick up your
Speaker 1: kids at karate. In life, we should choose our battles.
Speaker 1: When everything's a battle, we burn ourselves out rather than
Speaker 1: holding our fire for when it will really matter. So today,
Speaker 1: be intentional about what topics you bring up or how
Speaker 1: you respond when people mention something contentious. You don't have
Speaker 1: to poke that bear. You can often get what you
Speaker 1: want in life by ignoring the sleeping bear and quietly
Speaker 1: walking past. In the meantime, this is Laura, Thanks for listening,
Speaker 1: and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody.
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod
Speaker 1: that's B the number four, then Breakfast p o D.
Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: podcast at i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,
Speaker 1: I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is
Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from
Speaker 1: my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I don't
Speaker 1: know yet