WEBVTT - You don’t have to talk about it 

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to remember that you usually don't have

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<v Speaker 1>to talk about issues that you know will derail the

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<v Speaker 1>conversation or send to certain people in predictable directions. You

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<v Speaker 1>can choose to avoid these issues and the stress and

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<v Speaker 1>discord that goes along with them. If you're going to

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<v Speaker 1>poke the bear, be sure there's a good reason for

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<v Speaker 1>poking the bear. Otherwise let it go. You probably know

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<v Speaker 1>family members, friends, or colleagues who have beliefs or habits

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<v Speaker 1>that you disagree with. You probably know people who immediately

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<v Speaker 1>get tents or riled up whenever particular topics come up.

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<v Speaker 1>It happens to all of us. So here's an idea.

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<v Speaker 1>You can just choose to avoid these topics. I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>necessarily talking about obvious hot button issues like politics. If

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<v Speaker 1>any time your neighbor hears the phrase youth soccer, he

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<v Speaker 1>launches into a lecture on how soccer is more dangerous

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<v Speaker 1>now than when you are kids, and provides copious statistics

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<v Speaker 1>about the prevalence of concussions. Don't mention to your neighbor

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<v Speaker 1>that your daughters at soccer practice does refer to her

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<v Speaker 1>after school activity. If any mention of snow sets your

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<v Speaker 1>sister off on her battle with the township over the

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<v Speaker 1>order in which roads are plowed, maybe just don't talk

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<v Speaker 1>about the weather when you're making winter small talk. Likewise,

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<v Speaker 1>if your boss launches into a tirade every time you

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<v Speaker 1>mentioned the two week lead time that the communications department

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<v Speaker 1>now requires for everything except crisis communications, just don't bring

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<v Speaker 1>it up. Be sure you get your draft your boss,

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<v Speaker 1>and plenty of time to get his approval so you

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<v Speaker 1>can send the text to Communications for layout and design

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<v Speaker 1>with two weeks to spare. There is really no need

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<v Speaker 1>to poke this bear. Now. That's not to say that

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<v Speaker 1>there aren't times when it's productive and necessary to have

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<v Speaker 1>difficult conversations. If someone says or does something hurtful to someone,

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<v Speaker 1>you can and should be an ally and speak up.

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<v Speaker 1>If someone seems like they might potentially listen to calm

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<v Speaker 1>arguments against a particular conspiracy theory that might be actively

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<v Speaker 1>harming them, well by all means you can try. But

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<v Speaker 1>there are also a lot of times when you can

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<v Speaker 1>simply sidestep hot button issues or issues that are hot

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<v Speaker 1>button for anyone else but are for that particular person.

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<v Speaker 1>When bringing up a particular topic will only cause drama

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<v Speaker 1>and distress without any positive benefits. Just don't do it.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't poke the bear if you are not actively prepared

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<v Speaker 1>to deal with the bear. And of course, here's the

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<v Speaker 1>flip side of this. If someone else raises a comment

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<v Speaker 1>that you find provoking, you can decide not to engage.

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<v Speaker 1>When I'm in groups with people who are new to

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<v Speaker 1>parenting or better yet expecting their first and they announced

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<v Speaker 1>that they will never do X Y or z and

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<v Speaker 1>don't see how anyone could do x Y or z,

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<v Speaker 1>I tend to just let it go and trust that

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<v Speaker 1>life will deliver its lessons soon enough, no need to

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<v Speaker 1>go into it. You can also use pocket phrases to

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<v Speaker 1>foreclose discussion about the contentious topic. Oh Joe, and you

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<v Speaker 1>know we disagree on that, but I love how passionate

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<v Speaker 1>you are. Are you going to the virtual high school

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<v Speaker 1>parent orientation next week? Or I think lots of people

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<v Speaker 1>have different perspectives on that issue. Are you guys doing

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<v Speaker 1>anything for spring break this year? Unless you are talking

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<v Speaker 1>with someone who is particularly dense or belligerent, the person

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<v Speaker 1>you were talking with will probably understand your intentions here

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<v Speaker 1>and move on again. I am a big fan of

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<v Speaker 1>hard conversations when they are necessary. I am also not

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<v Speaker 1>a fan of being a doormat or shying from conflict.

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<v Speaker 1>And there are some people who really love a good argument,

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<v Speaker 1>And there are also times when it's called for. Some

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<v Speaker 1>people like to form small discussion circles with people who

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<v Speaker 1>have different politics or different worldviews, precisely for how interesting

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<v Speaker 1>this can be. Really, it can be invigorating and force

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<v Speaker 1>you to hone your arguments and examine what you believe.

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<v Speaker 1>But there's a big difference between seeking that out and

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<v Speaker 1>just making conversation while you're waiting to pick up your

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<v Speaker 1>kids at karate. In life, we should choose our battles.

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<v Speaker 1>When everything's a battle, we burn ourselves out rather than

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<v Speaker 1>holding our fire for when it will really matter. So today,

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<v Speaker 1>be intentional about what topics you bring up or how

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<v Speaker 1>you respond when people mention something contentious. You don't have

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<v Speaker 1>to poke that bear. You can often get what you

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<v Speaker 1>want in life by ignoring the sleeping bear and quietly

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<v Speaker 1>walking past. In the meantime, this is Laura, Thanks for listening,

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<v Speaker 1>and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

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<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod

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<v Speaker 1>that's B the number four, then Breakfast p o D.

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<v Speaker 1>You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>podcast at i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,

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<v Speaker 1>I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is

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<v Speaker 1>a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from

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<v Speaker 1>my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

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<v Speaker 1>or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know yet