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Speaker 1: How's it going? Who was celebrating last night?

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Speaker 2: Ride?

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Speaker 1: Who's excited about our new mayor?

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Speaker 3: About a month ago, the day after Zoron Mdani was

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Speaker 3: elected in New York City, we kept the celebration going

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Speaker 3: with an exciting live Boys Sober event that Who's Dating?

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Speaker 4: Right on?

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Speaker 1: How's it Going? This is an intimate group. I feel

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Speaker 1: like we can tell secrets in here are you on

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Speaker 1: the apps? It was our first ever live podcast taping,

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Speaker 1: and in true Boysober fashion, I wanted to take some

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Speaker 1: time to connect with the audience by asking everyone to

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Speaker 1: spill their guts. Before the show started, we asked everyone

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Speaker 1: to write down their answer to the question what's something

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Speaker 1: you're thankful for leaving behind? My ex for stringing me

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Speaker 1: along for nine years. Had the breakup never happened, I

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Speaker 1: never would have risen like a phoenix from the ashes.

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Speaker 1: I'm grateful for letting go of my toxic relationship with

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Speaker 1: my dad Wolf. I'm leaving behind chasing Ooh. Comparing myself

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Speaker 1: to others. There is no need to in no place

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Speaker 1: for it. I am me and no one else is me,

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Speaker 1: and that is amazing. Yes, comparison is the thief of

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Speaker 1: all joy and that's kind of like the whole voiceover

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Speaker 1: conversation is about, like what should you sort of let

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Speaker 1: go of? What is it that you do that you

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Speaker 1: need to let go of.

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Speaker 3: I'm hopewordered and welcome to boys over a space where

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Speaker 3: we're learning and I'm learning all the myths we're taught

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Speaker 3: about love and relationships. Today, we're bringing you a very

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Speaker 3: special recording of Boiceover's first ever live interview, which was

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Speaker 3: held at the opening festival for the Light House in Brooklyn.

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Speaker 3: I was joined by the lovely, the brilliant, the beautiful

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Speaker 3: Kate Glavin, who has been a fixture on social media

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Speaker 3: making content about health and wellness, lifestyle, politics, and more

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Speaker 3: over the years. Beyond those topics, she's known for her

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Speaker 3: vulnerability and her strong opinionated presence online. In the past

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Speaker 3: couple of years, Kate's had a lot of transitions in

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Speaker 3: life and in love, so I thought she'd be a

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Speaker 3: great person to talk to about what we need to

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Speaker 3: shed in order to live the life we want.

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Speaker 2: Hi, how are we doing good?

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Speaker 1: Kate? How are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm good?

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Speaker 1: Where should we start?

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Speaker 2: I don't know? Should I talk about myself? Do you

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Speaker 2: want to ask all the people?

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Speaker 1: Tell the people, a little something about yourself, maybe a

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Speaker 1: fun fact coun back.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't live in New York right now. I

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Speaker 2: live in London. That's fun. That kind of relates to dating.

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Speaker 2: I live there with my boyfriend. But I moved to

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Speaker 2: London about a year ago. I was in New York

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Speaker 2: for like seven years before that. Started doing social media

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Speaker 2: when I was in high school, but like not, you know,

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Speaker 2: making money kind of before influencing content creation was really

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Speaker 2: a thing. Thought I was going to be a lawyer,

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Speaker 2: do something related to like civil rights, environmental law. Got

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Speaker 2: on TikTok, you know, graduated during COVID and stumbled onto

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Speaker 2: social media, which is now what I do. So been

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Speaker 2: online for a good bit and yeah, I'm excited to

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Speaker 2: be here and chat about all that.

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Speaker 1: I want you to answer the prompt we gave the crowd,

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Speaker 1: what's something you're thankful for leaving behind?

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Speaker 2: It actually is like rules. I think my brain was

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Speaker 2: really fucked. Can I swear sorry?

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Speaker 1: Please?

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Speaker 2: Okay, my brain was really fucked from all of the

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Speaker 2: dating advice on social media. I'm a very much like

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Speaker 2: a late bloomer with dating. Didn't have my first kiss

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Speaker 2: till I was twenty one. What was it like was

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Speaker 2: it good? No? Unmemorable, but like my first and this

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Speaker 2: was also crazy, like my first experience is dating because

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Speaker 2: like the boys in my high school egged my house

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Speaker 2: because I was a feminist, so like dating wasn't really

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Speaker 2: happening there, and my first experiences ever dating were just

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Speaker 2: entering the pits of hell of getting on New York

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Speaker 2: City dating apps, like never had a high school sweetheart,

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Speaker 2: never had like a like you know, I had crushes

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Speaker 2: weren't reciprocated, so like getting on a dating app when

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Speaker 2: you're twenty one and having kissed a boy in New

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Speaker 2: York City is crazy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, did you identify as like a chronic yearner?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I was, like I always had crushes. Who right,

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Speaker 2: crushes like get you through dark times? So your question, yes,

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Speaker 2: what did I leave behind? I think listening to like noise,

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Speaker 2: because like I think dating is so individual, like it

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Speaker 2: relates to your family trauma and like your experience dating

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Speaker 2: and you and them, and like, yeah, I think I

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Speaker 2: really had to unlearn like rules or advice as I

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Speaker 2: like entered which is now my like first real relationship,

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Speaker 2: and just listened to like my own intuition, which I

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Speaker 2: lost for a while, you know.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember like what your rules were in the

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Speaker 1: earlier parts of your like dating history in New York,

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Speaker 1: Like did you have any hard and fast ones?

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Speaker 2: Not really hard and fast, But I think I realized that,

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Speaker 2: you know, being like very into pendant young woman. And

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Speaker 2: when I started dating, it was like I felt like

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Speaker 2: I was losing that part of me because I was

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Speaker 2: trying to like appeal to men so hard. She now

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Speaker 2: relates to the boy sober of it all, like always

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Speaker 2: trying to appeal to the male gaze. And so when

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Speaker 2: I would go on dates, I would just try to

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Speaker 2: be getting them to like me. Of course, didn't fucking

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Speaker 2: matter if I liked them or ever. You know, I

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Speaker 2: was performing. I'm sure they had a good time, but

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Speaker 2: like I didn't get shit out of it. So I

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Speaker 2: really had to kind of figure out, like how do

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Speaker 2: I become, Like how do I date without losing like

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Speaker 2: who I am, you know, changing what I talk about.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I don't talk about politics. Maybe I like really

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Speaker 2: lean into what they like and pretend I give a

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Speaker 2: fuck about this sports team that I don't care about.

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Speaker 2: So it was tough. Yeah, I feel like the early days,

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Speaker 2: I was just so in my head about like really

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Speaker 2: grasping and like white knuckling it, like wanting it to

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Speaker 2: work out so badly.

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Speaker 1: What is your relationship to the internet now? And like

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Speaker 1: being a woman who's sort of like seen and heard online.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like both of us experience like being online.

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Speaker 2: There's a certain level of like surveillance state. And as

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Speaker 2: a creator, you know, you build this platform because of

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Speaker 2: your authenticity and sharing about your personal life, and I

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Speaker 2: think sometimes there can be an expectation that like you

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Speaker 2: need to share everything, and like, you know, when I

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Speaker 2: was on social I was like, you know, I'm twenty

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Speaker 2: six now, but I was like twenty years old and like,

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Speaker 2: let's just treat this as my diary. And I think

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Speaker 2: as you get older, you decide, you know, I don't

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Speaker 2: want to share about that. I want to pull back.

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Speaker 2: I want to pivot a different way. And sometimes people

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Speaker 2: don't like seeing that because they know you for one thing,

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Speaker 2: and they're scrolling for those videos expecting it. And so

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Speaker 2: I think as you change, and I'm sure this happens

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Speaker 2: to all the people that we follow online, you're constantly

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Speaker 2: thinking about, you know, your audience and like what are

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Speaker 2: people here for? And maybe if I talk about this,

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Speaker 2: They're not going to care now, Like I think I've

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Speaker 2: had eras where like, you know, marathon running was my

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Speaker 2: biggest thing, and then I was talking about dating, and

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Speaker 2: then I was talking about health and wellness, and now

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Speaker 2: I'm talking a lot about politics and living abroad. So

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Speaker 2: it's kind of weird to think about who you are

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Speaker 2: making those videos for and like, well, they stay around

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Speaker 2: just because it's me, even if I talk about like

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Speaker 2: my cats or something right, you know. So it's kind

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Speaker 2: of a weird relationship of how to find that balance

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Speaker 2: between being vulnerable and sharing and finding those moments without

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Speaker 2: feeling like you are, you know, doing stuff you don't

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Speaker 2: want to do.

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Speaker 1: We talked about this backstage. The headline I don't know

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Speaker 1: if y'all have seen this headline recently British Vogue British

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Speaker 1: Vogue in case you missed the discourse. The British Folgue

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Speaker 1: article is it Embarrassing to Have a Boyfriend? Was making

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Speaker 1: its rounds online at the time of our event. The

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Speaker 1: writer chant Joseph starts by acknowledging that more and more

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Speaker 1: women aren't posting their boyfriends online and guesses at the

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Speaker 1: reasons spanning from women trying to decenter men to heterosexuality

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Speaker 1: becoming less and less of the norm.

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Speaker 2: To add to that, because I'm someone who now has

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Speaker 2: a boyfriend, but majority of my time online has been

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Speaker 2: me being single, and so it's very interesting to track

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Speaker 2: the audience, you know, response to that. And I didn't

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Speaker 2: share my boyfriend online. I didn't share his face for

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Speaker 2: the first year of dating. I was like, I need

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Speaker 2: some time to test this out before you get to

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Speaker 2: the internet and people, you know, go length.

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Speaker 1: It's almost like introducing a boy to your family. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like obviously not that intimate, but it's like I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't introduce a boy to my mom unless I felt

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Speaker 1: like it was serious.

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Speaker 2: Right, And then you think about it, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: a lot of his friends when we first started dating,

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Speaker 2: since I'm online, like knew who I was and he didn't.

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Speaker 2: But like they're like, oh, she's a TikTok person and

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Speaker 2: he's like what you know? So like, you know, and

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Speaker 2: before we were texting, we met on Hinge, you know,

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Speaker 2: just how my parents met the old fashioned way. But

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Speaker 2: we met on Hinge and I was in Hinge, hell,

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Speaker 2: and like, really was you know, deleting the apps? Going

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Speaker 2: on the apps all that stuff. But before our first date,

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Speaker 2: he texted like, lol, you came up on my like

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Speaker 2: TikTok for you page and I was like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I do that and he's like, well, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to watch it before I meet you, like you know,

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Speaker 2: and he said that, and at the time, I was like,

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Speaker 2: he's probably fucking watching these videos like my my digital celebrity,

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Speaker 2: and well all I can find about him was his LinkedIn,

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Speaker 2: Like there's not much tea there and there's like decades

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Speaker 2: of tea on me right right. But I really respected

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Speaker 2: that because he was like, I want to meet you

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Speaker 2: for who you are, Like I know that you're probably

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Speaker 2: your authentic self online, but like I want to give

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Speaker 2: you that benefit of the doubt versus like learning you online. Anyways,

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Speaker 2: it has been interesting because some people liked watching me

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Speaker 2: when I was single and down bad and depressed, and

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Speaker 2: now that I'm in a relationship, they don't like that.

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Speaker 2: And I've also like not posted about my relationship a

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Speaker 2: lot because I'm like, you're following for me, You're not

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Speaker 2: following me for that man. So I think I read

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Speaker 2: the article to mean that I think a lot of

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Speaker 2: women like that are influencers celebrities et cetera are like

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Speaker 2: not sharing their man as much because it's like this

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Speaker 2: is about me, you know, and like you didn't subscribe

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Speaker 2: to this. The first time I ever said I'm going

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Speaker 2: over to my boyfriend's apartment in a TikTok, I was

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Speaker 2: kind of like that was gross, Like why did I

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Speaker 2: say that? You know? Because I also, like was single

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Speaker 2: for so long and I understand the streets are fucking

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Speaker 2: hell and it's bad out there, and you don't want

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Speaker 2: to like be bragging and be like I got a

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Speaker 2: good one, yeah, and like yeah, exactly, and no, I'm

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Speaker 2: like fuck you to myself. I'm like fuck you for

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Speaker 2: like bragging or like whatever, because I think there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of dating advice on TikTok. Once again, that's like

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Speaker 2: if you do these three things, you will have a boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: And here's how to hack Hinde algorithm and do this.

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Speaker 2: And it's like if you were single and like doing

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Speaker 2: those things and you don't find someone, you feel like

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Speaker 2: a piece of shit. Right, Like I've been there and

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Speaker 2: all my friends are like, ill happened to you? And

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Speaker 2: you're not looking. I'm like I've really like I've really

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Speaker 2: never been looking bait. It's like, is he falling out

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Speaker 2: of the fucking sky. Yeah. So I think all of

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Speaker 2: that dating advice can get so annoying, and so I

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Speaker 2: feel like that's why the whole like my boyfriend shit

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Speaker 2: is annoying, because I feel like the whole category is

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Speaker 2: just exhausted.

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Speaker 3: Online, right, and so many people are out here like

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Speaker 3: not having luck and they feel it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's nothing personal, just like it's bad, right,

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Speaker 2: and even if you're like like me. I So I

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Speaker 2: moved to London about eight months into dating my boyfriend,

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Speaker 2: and I posted online I'm moving to London, And at

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Speaker 2: that point my audience knew that I had a boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: I didn't say if I was moving with him or not.

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Speaker 2: So of course I'm getting the comments and the judgment

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Speaker 2: how dare you leave your boyfriend in New York you

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Speaker 2: just started dating? No way whatever? Or oh my god,

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Speaker 2: is your boyfriend coming with you and you're gonna have

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Speaker 2: this little London life? And I'm like, damned if you do,

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Speaker 2: damned if you don't. I think, yeah, the surveillance that's

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Speaker 2: kind of on women, and I think a lot of

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Speaker 2: times when women are posting their boyfriends and the audience

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Speaker 2: is like, well, he didn't do this, or he looks

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Speaker 2: sad in your videos, so like break up with him,

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Speaker 2: you know. And I think a lot of women are

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Speaker 2: pulling back because your followers are not in your relationship,

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Speaker 2: right right, yeah, but.

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Speaker 1: They would like to be right, Like something about romance

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Speaker 1: on the internet works so well, like it's like a

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Speaker 1: rom com on TikTok happening. It's like people are obsessed with.

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Speaker 2: Him, yeah, or following the journey or even like that

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Speaker 2: one forget what the take was, Whereas like the seventeen

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Speaker 2: part series about like I found out my husband and was.

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Speaker 1: Whatever that was like so many seventeen parts series, yea

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Speaker 1: that I need to catch up on, right. I'm wondering, Kate,

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Speaker 1: if you have ever like done something like going boy sober,

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Speaker 1: stepping away from dating, or like really taking a big

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Speaker 1: step back to sort of like unlearn or maybe fix

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Speaker 1: some habits that you felt like you wanted to change.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it wasn't that long, but it was. It was

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Speaker 2: a few months where I was just like fuck this

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Speaker 2: because I feel like I was like I'm going to

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Speaker 2: delete hinge. I'm back. I'm gonna delete hinge. I'm back.

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Speaker 2: And I was in that cycle for a while, but

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Speaker 2: in this August of twenty twenty three, well, for a

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Speaker 2: few months, I was in like situationship from hell, Like

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Speaker 2: I think the guy was sent from Satan to like

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Speaker 2: harm me, you know, just like mess me up in

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Speaker 2: like millions of ways. And like two months of like

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Speaker 2: just seeing each other was not serious, right.

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Speaker 1: And were you like obsessed with him? Though? No, Okay,

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Speaker 1: he was.

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Speaker 2: Kind of a fighter, and I'm like, babe, and my

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Speaker 2: Mom's like, it's been a month, why are you fighting?

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Speaker 2: And I'm like I don't know. Anyways, So that happened.

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Speaker 2: I ended things with him in a screaming match over

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Speaker 2: the phone, which is crazy. And then the next week

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Speaker 2: my mom calls me and says that my dad has

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Speaker 2: staged four terminal cancer. So that was like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 2: in hell. And then of course no one to talk to,

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Speaker 2: you know, that intimacy that you lose of like having

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Speaker 2: someone to like talk to, and like all my family's

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Speaker 2: in Minnesota, I was in New York and then obviously

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Speaker 2: went back to see my dad and my family, and

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Speaker 2: at that point I was like, I'm not dating. I

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Speaker 2: got to like work on my shit. How old were

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Speaker 2: you twenty four?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, gosh.

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Speaker 2: And so I went home to Minnesota. I had to

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Speaker 2: come back for something New York related and then wake

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Speaker 2: up to a phone call that like, this is Dad's

295
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Speaker 2: in the hospital. He's dying right now. Fly back home.

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Speaker 2: So my dad passed away like twenty days after diagnosis.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: So like that was September and not to trauma. But

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Speaker 2: I talk about my grief very openly. I think it's

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Speaker 2: good to do. But yeah, I was twenty four September

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Speaker 2: of twenty twenty three, and obviously I think grief and

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Speaker 2: love have this very like interesting dynamic uplay, right, like

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Speaker 2: you know, seeing my parents who are like best friends, lovers,

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Speaker 2: all of that, getting to see their marriage and seeing

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Speaker 2: how like quickly that can just go. And so those

306
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,440
Speaker 2: months after that, of course I was not dating. I

307
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Speaker 2: was like working through my shit. And I remember I

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Speaker 2: was home for Christmas in twenty twenty three, so like

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Speaker 2: two three months. I can't do math. Three months after

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Speaker 2: my dad died and was going through my dad's possessions

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Speaker 2: and like to be corny about love, I found all

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Speaker 2: these letters that my mom had written for my dad

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Speaker 2: that my dad kept, and it was like faxes and

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Speaker 2: like you know all these notes and stuff, and at

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Speaker 2: that point I think I had it was a real

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Speaker 2: pivot in my dating obviously and just be generally, but

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Speaker 2: I had really prided myself on being like a stone

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Speaker 2: cold bitch and like this guy doesn't like me, whatever,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to go and do this shit and like

320
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Speaker 2: do this big thing or start this career thing or whatever,

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Speaker 2: like I don't need men. And at that moment I

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Speaker 2: was like, no, we're all human, Like you really do

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Speaker 2: need love, and like I was trying to convince myself

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Speaker 2: that it was something I didn't want. I think also

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00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,120
Speaker 2: on social media as a woman who like you know,

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Speaker 2: you have your shit together, you have your career, you're

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Speaker 2: this If you say I felt this trap for a while,

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Speaker 2: you say like I want to be in a relationship,

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Speaker 2: it's like, no, you're so strong, you don't need a man.

330
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Speaker 2: You don't need a man, and it's like, well fuck me,

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Speaker 2: sorry if I do well, you know, or if I

332
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Speaker 2: want connection, right.

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Speaker 1: It really just so capitalist, as it's a capitalist version

334
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Speaker 1: of feminism to be like you don't need anyone.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you kind of community is kind of cool.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

337
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Speaker 2: December, I did a lot of like reflection and stuff.

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Speaker 2: And that's when I was like, I'm going to get

339
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:47,240
Speaker 2: on hinge and like try to do this differently. And

340
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,960
Speaker 2: I made this list that I still have in my

341
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,800
Speaker 2: notes app where I was like this or nothing, and

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00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,640
Speaker 2: it was like a very serious list of like twenty

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Speaker 2: five or something things that I was like, he has

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00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,560
Speaker 2: to meet this where I like, I am not seeing

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Speaker 2: him again.

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Speaker 1: Wait, do you have the list?

347
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:00,440
Speaker 3: I do?

348
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,440
Speaker 1: Oh can't we read it?

349
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,680
Speaker 2: Oh my god? Of course really wrong. Yeah, I've posted

350
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,240
Speaker 2: about on the internet and a lot of people are like,

351
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,160
Speaker 2: I'm going to do this and manifest my husband. I'm like,

352
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,440
Speaker 2: I can't promise that for you, Like I don't know.

353
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,640
Speaker 2: I was just in hell and I was like maybe this,

354
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:19,480
Speaker 2: this or nothing. December twenty third, twenty twenty three. I mean,

355
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,120
Speaker 2: some of these are like I've I've talked about this

356
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,600
Speaker 2: in the internet, Like some of them are embarrassing that

357
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,080
Speaker 2: I had to put this. I love you know what

358
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,720
Speaker 2: I mean. Yeah, when you're settling, there's no wrong answer.

359
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,560
Speaker 2: Strong sense of self, desires to get to know me.

360
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,240
Speaker 2: That one's embarrassing, Like, come on, has it justed me,

361
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,600
Speaker 2: respects me, values me, takes care of their health, curious

362
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:41,520
Speaker 2: lifelong learners, strong communication skills, affectionate, caring, wants commitment, hard

363
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,320
Speaker 2: to find, taller than me I'm six feet tall, hard

364
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,520
Speaker 2: find loves to cook, passionate about their thing, has a

365
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:52,280
Speaker 2: proper bedtime, hard to find. Yeah, it's not going to

366
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,920
Speaker 2: be me. Strong personal style, lives an active lifestyle, prioritizes

367
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:59,920
Speaker 2: a routine, enjoys learning, romantic, wants to be lovers and

368
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,600
Speaker 2: best friends. Good relationship or tries to with their family,

369
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,040
Speaker 2: which is like subjective because obviously if you're eighty that's hard.

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Speaker 1: I'm in the dries two category.

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00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, yeah, like if it's toxic, do don't

372
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,359
Speaker 2: try that. But I think after losing my dad, I

373
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,520
Speaker 2: was like, oh, no, family's like good or like I

374
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,680
Speaker 2: wanna yeah, like it's important to me protect it. Yeah,

375
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:22,520
Speaker 2: politically aware, emotionally intelligent, kissed me on the forehead. It

376
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,600
Speaker 2: makes me feel like the most special girl in the world.

377
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,680
Speaker 2: So that was my list, And so I of course

378
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,840
Speaker 2: get back into the streets on Hinge and I'm like, fuck,

379
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,440
Speaker 2: my life's whatver fucking happened? And it built a really

380
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,639
Speaker 2: interesting relationship that I obviously still have with my mom

381
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,399
Speaker 2: about like you know, she's losing my dad. I'm trying

382
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,600
Speaker 2: to find someone. And it was a very beautiful kind

383
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,400
Speaker 2: of like thing that happened. But I match with like

384
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,679
Speaker 2: ten guys over Christmas, and I remember I was like,

385
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,800
Speaker 2: all right, we're gonna like try we got to try

386
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,680
Speaker 2: to do this, And I went on one day left

387
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,760
Speaker 2: after thirty minutes just not the vibe. Figured it out

388
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,639
Speaker 2: very quickly, and then the next day I went on

389
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,560
Speaker 2: with was with my current boyfriend Henry, and we texted

390
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,199
Speaker 2: a little bit before the date, but I remember I

391
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,800
Speaker 2: went on it and was like walking up to meet

392
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,240
Speaker 2: him at dinner and I was like, oh, like he

393
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 2: feels like familiar in some weird way. And I've been

394
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,159
Speaker 2: on like hundreds of first dates, so like it was

395
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,439
Speaker 2: a very special first date. I feel like it was

396
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,719
Speaker 2: very comfortable in a way that I hadn't had, and

397
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,400
Speaker 2: it just progressed in a way that I like also

398
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,360
Speaker 2: hadn't had. But I think I was being much more

399
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:21,480
Speaker 2: strict about like if he's gonna like I need to

400
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,400
Speaker 2: find someone that meets this list and be honest with myself, right,

401
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,840
Speaker 2: But I think I was almost more open to like

402
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,760
Speaker 2: letting people into you know. I think grief can really

403
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,280
Speaker 2: like wreck you in a way. And of course I

404
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:33,440
Speaker 2: was like, you go to first date, tell me about

405
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,480
Speaker 2: your family. I was like, right, okay, which version do

406
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,440
Speaker 2: I give? And I didn't tell him about my dad

407
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,199
Speaker 2: passing until like third date, I think, right, because I

408
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,359
Speaker 2: was like, I don't need to like dump on a

409
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 2: stranger first date, but like that is a big part

410
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,359
Speaker 2: of where I am right now. And I also was

411
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,000
Speaker 2: like maybe I say that, and he's like, best of luck.

412
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,399
Speaker 2: I don't want to be with you, like you just

413
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,480
Speaker 2: lost your dad, right, But he's been accepting of it.

414
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,760
Speaker 2: So that's kind of where my list got me.

415
00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:58,639
Speaker 1: I feel like you're probably processing a lot of grief

416
00:18:58,680 --> 00:18:59,120
Speaker 1: with him.

417
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:02,480
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, how's that going. It's good. He's never really

418
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,200
Speaker 2: like lost anyone in an intimate way. But I think originally,

419
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,160
Speaker 2: of course, I was scared to cry in front of him,

420
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,520
Speaker 2: to break down about it. Also, it's this weird thing

421
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,560
Speaker 2: of like knowing he's never going to meet my dad

422
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,199
Speaker 2: and like having to like describe my dad or like

423
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,199
Speaker 2: on anniversaries. It's hard. And he's met my other family members,

424
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 2: but like obviously all of us are different, you know,

425
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 2: my mom especially is like different and I wish that

426
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 2: he could meet my mom and my dad and you know,

427
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 2: and it was really weird too, this like a funny one.

428
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 2: I remember four months into dating Henry's like, I had

429
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:32,960
Speaker 2: a dream last night and I was like, what is

430
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,600
Speaker 2: it about? He's like, I had a dream that I

431
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,360
Speaker 2: was like driving with your dad in.

432
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:37,800
Speaker 1: A car, And how did that make you feel?

433
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:38,000
Speaker 4: Well?

434
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 2: I'm like, not me traumatizing you in your fucking sleep

435
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,920
Speaker 2: about my dad dad? Like that's crazy, right, But I

436
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 2: think that's love. I think it's been hard to like

437
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,720
Speaker 2: feel joy just generally with grief. It's like hard to

438
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,520
Speaker 2: feel like proud of yourself or like on accomplishing stuff

439
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,520
Speaker 2: with that without that person there. So it's been hard

440
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,280
Speaker 2: to like celebrate, like I have a new relationship and

441
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,119
Speaker 2: a love, but it's kind of stepped in there, like

442
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,639
Speaker 2: as I've been grieving. So I think it's just given

443
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,360
Speaker 2: me like bigger emotions if anything.

444
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:10,040
Speaker 1: Sure it's deepened things, Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. My last

445
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 1: question for you, and this is a question we ask everybody,

446
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,200
Speaker 1: is what is one thing you've had to unlearn about love?

447
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think just like rules about like if a

448
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,600
Speaker 2: guy does this, he likes you or make sure that

449
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 2: you do this or make sure whatever, and like it's

450
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:26,800
Speaker 2: so situational, you know, and also especially like the if

451
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:30,040
Speaker 2: a man doesn't do this, that means he doesn't like you,

452
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,080
Speaker 2: like chasing and attracting or like that. And I'm like,

453
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,880
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of all these corny TikTok phrases

454
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 2: like he wanted to, he will right right, I'm like, Okay,

455
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 2: well I want to, or maybe he doesn't have the

456
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,480
Speaker 2: time or the confidence or whatever. So I think just

457
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,399
Speaker 2: on learning that because I feel like a lot of

458
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,080
Speaker 2: those rules are trying to protect you, like make you

459
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 2: feel like you have control over something, and it's like

460
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, like it can change

461
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,640
Speaker 2: so quickly, like they can. I mean, you can dump

462
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 2: me whenever you want, right, and to feel like you

463
00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 2: are almost like have this knowledge, jamou what's going to

464
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 2: happen and you can like give a magic eight ball,

465
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,680
Speaker 2: you're predicting it. I think that's what the rules were

466
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 2: like doing versus being like in the moment.

467
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,760
Speaker 1: No, I totally agree. Well, Kate, thank you so much

468
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 1: for coming on all that time. Go out and break

469
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:16,679
Speaker 1: some rules tonight and subscribe to our podcast. Thank you.

470
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 1: So much.

471
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,720
Speaker 3: Thank you again to Kate and to the Lighthouse for

472
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 3: having us. Be sure to look out for the return

473
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 3: of Kate's hit podcast, Seams Earlies, coming out in January.

474
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:32,840
Speaker 1: And if our conversation.

475
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 3: Inspired you, we'd love to hear your thoughts right now.

476
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,879
Speaker 3: We want to know what are your dating resolutions for

477
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,639
Speaker 3: twenty twenty six. Feel free to send us a voice

478
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 3: note to voiceoverpodcast at gmail dot com or leave us

479
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 3: a voicemail at five one eight eight three seven six'

480
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 3: two three. Seven thank you so much for, listening And

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00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 3: i'll talk to y'all next.

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00:21:53,480 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 1: Week Boy sover.

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