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Speaker 1: Pushkin. Hey, doctor Laurie Santo's here here at the Happiness Lab.

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Speaker 1: We spend a lot of time talking about the happiness

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Speaker 1: benefits of being a fan, and it just so happens

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Speaker 1: that another Pushkin podcast has gone deep into this topic.

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Speaker 1: It's a show called Against the Rules, hosted by best

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Speaker 1: selling author Michael Lewis. Michael Lewis is the brains behind

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Speaker 1: books like Moneyball, The Big Shore, and Liar's Poker. This

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Speaker 1: season of Against the Rules is all about sports fandom,

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Speaker 1: but also sports gambling, which was legalized in the US

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Speaker 1: just a few years ago. From a happiness perspective, this

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Speaker 1: is a fascinating topic. Michael talks with gambling addicts, but

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Speaker 1: also pro basketball stars, Vegas bookies, and even experts in

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Speaker 1: casino design. I also get to make an appearance. I

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Speaker 1: really enjoyed our conversation, So if you're a little bit curious,

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Speaker 1: I urge you to check out Against the Rules and

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Speaker 1: subscribe time wherever you get your podcasts. Stress sucks, but

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Speaker 1: it's also a normal part of life and one that's

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Speaker 1: also kind of useful. Our stress response is just the

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Speaker 1: body's natural reaction to a perceived threat. Whenever we detect

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Speaker 1: an incoming challenge, the limpic systems of our brains kick in.

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Speaker 1: We switch from our usual breathing and digesting to a

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Speaker 1: physiological state that's revved up for action. Our stress response

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Speaker 1: is there to prepare us for big, scary events like

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Speaker 1: fighting off a tiger, giving an important presentation, or having

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Speaker 1: a tough conversation with our boss. But once less stressful

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Speaker 1: events are over, our bodies are supposed to return to normal.

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Speaker 1: Our breathing should slow down, and we should go back

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Speaker 1: to digesting lunch.

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Speaker 2: At least that's the idea.

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Speaker 1: Sadly, our modern stress responses aren't all that great at

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Speaker 1: turning off, especially since we keep challenges alive, ruminating about

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Speaker 1: past events and worrying about problems that haven't even come

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Speaker 1: up yet. Thought patterns like these cause our bodies to

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Speaker 1: react as if we're in immediate danger even when we are.

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Speaker 1: And what's most ironic, since we know that stress is

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Speaker 1: bad for us, we often get stressed out about just

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Speaker 1: feeling stressed. So how can we stop stressing about stress?

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Speaker 1: To figure that out, I've turned to one of my

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Speaker 1: favorite experts.

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Speaker 2: My name is doctor Jenny Tates. I'm a clinical psychologist,

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Speaker 2: and i am the author of stress resets how to

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Speaker 2: soothe your body and mind in minutes.

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Speaker 1: You're kind of an expert on this, But what is

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Speaker 1: stress like? How would we define it?

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Speaker 2: So, stress is when there's like this mismatch between our resources,

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Speaker 2: what we have internally and the demands that we're facing.

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Speaker 2: It's almost like our bandwidth. It's when there's just too

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Speaker 2: much coming at us and we feel like there's not

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Speaker 2: enough in us to cope. But the good news is

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Speaker 2: there's a lot we can do to improve our relationship

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Speaker 2: with stress. Small things can make a huge difference in

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Speaker 2: how we face stress. And the most common measure of

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Speaker 2: stress is actually the perceived stress scale, which says so

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Speaker 2: much about how stress is a lot about our perception.

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Speaker 1: And so give me a sense of like how stressed

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Speaker 1: out people are these days? Like, what are some stats

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Speaker 1: on what we're self reporting about our stress?

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Speaker 2: Recorders of people say that stress is a huge issue

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Speaker 2: in their lives, and stress is the most commonly searched

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Speaker 2: term that people want help with that they're asking Google

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Speaker 2: to help them solve. And that's kind of why I

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Speaker 2: wrote this book, because you shouldn't have to ask Google

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Speaker 2: for help with this. There are experts and there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of counterintuitive wisdom that a lot of people just

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Speaker 2: don't know about that I want people to know, and

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Speaker 2: a lot of it was even surprising to me and

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Speaker 2: researching this book.

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Speaker 1: As we think about stressors in some way, it sort

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Speaker 1: of makes sense evolutionarily, right, Like all animals have stress,

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Speaker 1: they've defined food, or maybe there's predators and so on.

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Speaker 1: But an interesting thing about humans is that we seem

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Speaker 1: to do it a little bit differently. We seem to

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Speaker 1: kind of exacerbate the normal kinds of stress. And so

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Speaker 1: explain why this is, like how humans make things worse

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Speaker 1: by the way we think about stress.

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Speaker 2: I love this. I mean, I think a downside to

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Speaker 2: being human is we have an when stress shows up

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Speaker 2: in our lives for inadvertently making it so much worse.

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Speaker 2: I mean it's almost like if you imagine you have

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Speaker 2: a small stain and you start trying to remove it

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Speaker 2: in a way that only spreads it. I mean, it's

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Speaker 2: painfully ironic. It's like people that are worried about money

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Speaker 2: can easily go into overspending. People that have a tough

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Speaker 2: deadline that there is ambitious to reach go into like

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Speaker 2: hyper perfectionism or total avoidance. And so I think one

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Speaker 2: of the reasons that stress excites me is when the

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Speaker 2: limbic system is on fire, we just don't think clearly.

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Speaker 2: But people are incredibly good at getting better if they're

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Speaker 2: given the right tools. And so if you even just

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Speaker 2: take a step back and think about it, I want

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Speaker 2: to first start by validating stress is a lot of

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Speaker 2: us are stressed for very good reasons right now. And

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Speaker 2: also that's all the more reason that we deserve to

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Speaker 2: be really kind to ourselves and compassionately. Notice if once

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Speaker 2: stress shows up in our lives, we fall into patterns

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Speaker 2: like overthinking and avoiding or acting in ways that keep

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Speaker 2: stress afloat. That could even be avoiding the thing that

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Speaker 2: might help you, like spending time with family or sticking

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Speaker 2: with a nice plan for yourself or an exercise goal,

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Speaker 2: even if the work is really piling on. And so

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Speaker 2: I think stress is real. And also we as people

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Speaker 2: animals don't overthink. We overthink, and that's a deep downside

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Speaker 2: to being human. But with the right strategies, we can

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Speaker 2: reduce our stress, I think exponentially.

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Speaker 1: And this is why I love your book so much,

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Speaker 1: because it's like this, like almost like a medicine cabinet

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Speaker 1: of different strategies that we can use when we're feeling

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Speaker 1: stressed out, Like if I'm feeling sick, like I could

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Speaker 1: go to my medicine cabinet and there are some like

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Speaker 1: cough drops, or I view profit or if I need

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Speaker 1: a band aid if I'm cut, and like your book

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Speaker 1: is almost like a version of this for stress. I

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Speaker 1: took away so many very practical tips that I've been using,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm so excited to share with my Happiness

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Speaker 1: Lab listeners. And so I want to go through my

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Speaker 1: favorite tips that we get from your book, starting with

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Speaker 1: tip number one, which is that there are strategies we

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Speaker 1: can use when we need to reevaluate stress. Explain why

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Speaker 1: how we think about stress.

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Speaker 2: Seems to matter. What we think about stress is so impawt,

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Speaker 2: so much so that people who have stress and believe

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Speaker 2: stress is bad for their health actually are forty three

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Speaker 2: percent more likely to die do to stress related causes.

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Speaker 2: And so worrying about stress just compound stress and make

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Speaker 2: stress more harmful and stresses you out more. It's almost like,

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Speaker 2: once you're really stressed, then someone tells you to calm

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Speaker 2: down might write you out more. And on the flip side,

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Speaker 2: normalizing stress seeing it as an opportunity for growth, almost

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Speaker 2: seeing it as a pop quiz in life about your

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Speaker 2: ability to manage emotions and live by your values. Seeing

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Speaker 2: stress as normal and adoptive, and also framing your body

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Speaker 2: stress response as helpful and useful and supporting you and

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Speaker 2: moving towards your goals actually reduces the negative impacts of corticol,

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Speaker 2: reduces your corticel levels and allows you to persist in

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Speaker 2: pursuing meaningful goals.

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Speaker 1: And so any specific strategies for helping us to reappraise

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Speaker 1: stress is a more positive thing.

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Speaker 2: I think to really believe, and this is something that

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Speaker 2: I wholeheartedly believe that stress is the price of a

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Speaker 2: meaningful life. That is not sitting on the couch watching

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Speaker 2: sports all day and eating whatever and barely having any

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Speaker 2: steps taken. That is doing hard things. And we know

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Speaker 2: when we treat patients with depression that behavioral activation creating

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Speaker 2: a schedule full of opportunities for both pleasure and accomplishment

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Speaker 2: and social connection which can be stressful, that is the

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Speaker 2: path forward. And so really changing your mindset about stress

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Speaker 2: and also looking at yourself of like what am I

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Speaker 2: doing when I'm living my best life? Maybe the things

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Speaker 2: that are most meaningful are also kind of stressful.

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Speaker 1: You've also talked about how we can reevaluate how our

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Speaker 1: emotions work. I think when we're in the thick of

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Speaker 1: really strong emotions like anxiety or kind of frustration, it

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Speaker 1: can feel like we're going to feel like that forever.

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Speaker 1: But what does the research really show about how quickly

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Speaker 1: emotions change? I love this, So emotions are really transient.

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Speaker 1: I was going to get a tattoo, which I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to get. It would be a small little picture

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Speaker 1: of a wave because this is one of my favorite

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Speaker 1: things to remind myself of Emotions come in waves, and again,

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Speaker 1: the downside to being human is when something's upsetting.

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Speaker 2: Our brain goes to I'm going to feel this way forever.

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Speaker 2: It's getting worse. This is how I feel now, I'll

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Speaker 2: never be able to survive. But that's just not life.

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Speaker 2: Our emotions really ebb and flow, and psychologists call this

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Speaker 2: effective forecasting. We're notoriously bad at predicting how we're going

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Speaker 2: to feel in the future, and we grossly underestimate our

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Speaker 2: ability to bounce back. And one of the interesting things

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Speaker 2: that I do with my clients is we watch movie clips.

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Speaker 2: I mean, people don't go to therapy expecting to watch

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Speaker 2: short movie clips, And we watch short clips of a

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Speaker 2: deathbed scene, which will make any person with a heart

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Speaker 2: you'll move to tears in a matter of sixty seconds.

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Speaker 2: We watch a scene where there's a gunshot and that

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Speaker 2: also understandably would evoke fear, so we go from sadness

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Speaker 2: to fear. There's a short clip on the cost of

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Speaker 2: college tuitions and how difficult it is to pay off

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Speaker 2: your college loans, which if evokes anger in most people.

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Speaker 2: Then we watch something happy and the Pharrell Happy song,

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Speaker 2: and people are dancing in their chair, and in a

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Speaker 2: mere matter of minutes people have gone through so many

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Speaker 2: different emotions, and in our own lives, we might get

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Speaker 2: really disappointing news. But then also if we're able to

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Speaker 2: anchor ourselves in the present moment, be fully present. We

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Speaker 2: might have a moment of awe when looking at an

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Speaker 2: adorable puppy passing us by, but the key is really

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Speaker 2: anchoring ourselves in the present moment.

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Speaker 1: It's time to take a quick break, but we'll soon

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Speaker 1: be back with another top tip, one that's especially helpful

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Speaker 1: if you let stress throw you into a doom loop.

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Speaker 1: The Happiness Lab will be right back. Clinical psychologist doctor

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Speaker 1: Jenny Tates believes that stress is the price of a

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Speaker 1: meaningful life. But what we do need to guard against,

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Speaker 1: she says, is dwelling on what's stressful, worrying about it,

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Speaker 1: and fearing it.

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Speaker 2: Rumination is what turns something briefly stressful into something chronically stressful.

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Speaker 2: So an event could have been a two minute exchange

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Speaker 2: with someone at work, and literally two weeks later it

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Speaker 2: could still be replaying on your mind. And this is

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Speaker 2: one of the habits that really correlates with an increased

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Speaker 2: risk of depression and anxiety. It is just awful for

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Speaker 2: our mental health. And as many of us know, we

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Speaker 2: could ruminate almost constantly. I talk about this myself, noticing

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Speaker 2: earlier in my career that I used to be in

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Speaker 2: yoga cross and notice that my mind was totally somewhere else.

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Speaker 2: And so this is such a sneaky habit that we

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Speaker 2: could have an internal news ticker that's going all the time,

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Speaker 2: that's very unpleasant, that steals any opportunity for present joy.

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Speaker 2: And if a person is asked in a research setting

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Speaker 2: to talk about in detail the most upsetting thing that

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Speaker 2: happened to them, even if it occurred decades ago, their

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Speaker 2: body recreates the same physiological stress response decades later. And

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Speaker 2: so even talking about your stressors in a lot of

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Speaker 2: detail might seem therapeutic and cathartic, but it actually can

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Speaker 2: be kind of a version of reminating out loud. And

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Speaker 2: even if you feel like you are a professional ruminator,

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Speaker 2: there are a lot of things that you can do

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Speaker 2: to break free of this noxious, sneaky habit.

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Speaker 1: So give us the details. How can we break for you?

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Speaker 1: What are some strategies we give you.

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Speaker 2: I think the first thing is taking a step back

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Speaker 2: and asking yourself what do you make of your thinking habit?

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Speaker 2: Because a lot of people have very interesting metacognition, these

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Speaker 2: beliefs about their thoughts. Some people think if there's a

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Speaker 2: problem that hasn't been solved, thinking about it is somehow

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Speaker 2: inching me closer to some sort of big solution or epiphany.

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Speaker 2: Other people think, I'm going to drive myself crazy. And

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Speaker 2: what's interesting is like the same person can have both

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Speaker 2: very negative and very positive beliefs about their thinking. So

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Speaker 2: I think taking a step back and really taking a

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Speaker 2: look at is this habit helping you? Are you getting

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Speaker 2: closer to your goals? Or is this removing you from

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Speaker 2: the ability to have a better perspective and managing your

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Speaker 2: emotions for a better problem solving. So I think the

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Speaker 2: first thing is really deciding that this is something you

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Speaker 2: want to put two feet into working on. And of

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Speaker 2: course if you do want to think about it, they're

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Speaker 2: constructive ways to think in a more thoughtful way. Problem

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Speaker 2: with solving is very different than this circular, vicious loop

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Speaker 2: that's unproductive. And if someone wants to start to work

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Speaker 2: on this and they feel like they do this all

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Speaker 2: the time, I think it's helpful to get really clear

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Speaker 2: on a specific goal. And so if you find that

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Speaker 2: you're repeating and upsetting work exchange age after hours and

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Speaker 2: it's coming up in your dinner conversations and it's gnawing

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Speaker 2: at you before work, really setting a goal of like

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Speaker 2: from six to seven thirty pm, I am going to

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Speaker 2: be present from seven am to eight am during my

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Speaker 2: morning commute and getting ready, I'm going to be setting

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Speaker 2: myself up for a better day. So setting reasonable goals.

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Speaker 2: I also really love swapping why thoughts with how thoughts?

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Speaker 2: Why did this happen? Why was I assign this annoying

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Speaker 2: assignment and someone else got a promotion. The why thoughts

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Speaker 2: with how how can I move forward? Because one is

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Speaker 2: kind of the tornado and a dead end and another

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Speaker 2: is kind of an empowered plan.

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Speaker 1: One of the ones I really love, and one that

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Speaker 1: we've talked about on the Happiness Lab before, is the

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Speaker 1: importance of switching from ruminating in your head to ruminating

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Speaker 1: maybe on paper, to kind of get into the mode

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Speaker 1: of expressive writing. How can writing help us kind of

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Speaker 1: get out of the ruminutative loop.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I would say that writing is a little

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Speaker 2: bit different than rumination because rumination is pretty circular, and

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Speaker 2: writing has a beginning, middle, and end, so it kind

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Speaker 2: of closes things out rather then keeps things in a spiral.

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Speaker 2: And the goal with expressive writing is to actually go

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Speaker 2: deeper into your feelings and so instead of just glossing

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Speaker 2: over things. The instruction that's given to people college students

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Speaker 2: who were given an assignment to write about the most

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Speaker 2: upsetting thing that happened to them in detail for twenty minutes,

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Speaker 2: and then go back the next day for twenty minutes

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Speaker 2: and write about how it had affected their life in

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Speaker 2: the past, and write again a third day for twenty

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Speaker 2: minutes about how it's affecting them in the present how

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Speaker 2: it might affect them in the future. People that wrote

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Speaker 2: in this very detailed, structured way, going deeper into their

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Speaker 2: feelings and actually like processing, were much less likely to

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Speaker 2: be depressed and had reductions on scores and rumination even

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Speaker 2: six months later, because writing is actually creating some working

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Speaker 2: distance and allowing you to feel rather than kind of

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Speaker 2: glossing over details with no structure.

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Speaker 1: So those are awesome tips for nipping your rumination in

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Speaker 1: the bud. Now we get to tip number three, which

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Speaker 1: is that we can reduce our stress by engaging in

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Speaker 1: a little distress tolerance. What's distress tolerance? Stress tolerance is

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Speaker 1: a combination of things. Distress tolerance is I like to

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Speaker 1: think about if you step back and think.

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Speaker 2: About, how are you making your life worse? You're usually

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Speaker 2: not accepting, overthinking and doing things that make you feel

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Speaker 2: better short term, but that are like high interest credit cards,

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Speaker 2: you pay a big price for it later. And so

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Speaker 2: distress tolerance is all about learning to radically accept what

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Speaker 2: is just as it is in this very moment that

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Speaker 2: sounds overwhelming, even accepting with your face, just relaxing your face.

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Speaker 2: The facial expression of acceptance actually creates this mindset that

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Speaker 2: allows you to be more accepting. If I'm sitting in

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Speaker 2: traffic and clenching and tensing, that's just creating a space

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Speaker 2: for me to get more judgmental in my mind. But

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Speaker 2: relaxing my face for myself, not for other people, actually

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Speaker 2: kind of starts from the outside and I start to

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Speaker 2: feel more accepting. I love the story. I have to

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Speaker 2: tell you. I just taught radical acceptance in a prison

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Speaker 2: last week, and I learned something so brilliant from one

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Speaker 2: of the people in my class who said it shouldn't

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Speaker 2: be called radical acceptance, it should be called radical options,

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Speaker 2: because when you stop fighting so many options. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: it's so insightful.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you've also talked about how we can do

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Speaker 1: this simply through the act of labeling, just by kind

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Speaker 1: of being a little bit more specific about which kinds

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Speaker 1: of distress tolerance we're going through.

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Speaker 2: Right, Even labeling your emotions, just putting a word onto

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Speaker 2: what you're feeling, whether that's angry, then getting really specific

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Speaker 2: about it. I'm feeling angry, like on a zero to

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Speaker 2: a ten scale, at a five. Just putting labels on

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Speaker 2: your emotions actually activates the part of your brain that

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Speaker 2: will help you regulate your emotions. And so it seems

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Speaker 2: very simple, like putting a word on your emotion, but

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Speaker 2: it actually starts the process of regulating your emotions. And

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Speaker 2: I even just think about it as like you go

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Speaker 2: from kind of swimming in it to getting some working

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Speaker 2: distance from it.

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Speaker 1: Using your example of the traffic, this is something that

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Speaker 1: I learned from your book. Is like the last time

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Speaker 1: I was sitting in really terrible traffic, I was likeugh,

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Speaker 1: limpic systems, you know, going ridiculously crazy. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: just use the effect labeling. I was just like frustrated,

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Speaker 1: like really frustrated and you know, kind of like annoyed,

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Speaker 1: a little bit sad, And it was so funny. It

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Speaker 1: sounds so silly, and I think even when I first

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Speaker 1: started it, I was almost doing it a little like facetiously,

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Speaker 1: like I'm doing effectly, but I'm kind of not sure

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Speaker 1: it's going to work well. Like ultimately I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's it's frustrated, Like that's what it is, Like, it's

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Speaker 1: just an emotion. I'll kind of get through it. So

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Speaker 1: it has this this active labeling has this power that

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Speaker 1: I think we often don't expect where it really takes

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Speaker 1: like the own thlot of our emotions when we realize,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's just a thing I'm experiencing.

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Speaker 2: Totally and one thing that I like to do. That's

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Speaker 2: kind of the next step to this, even just noticing

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Speaker 2: beyond the specific emotion. We all have different states of mind.

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Speaker 2: We all have a kind of an emotional mind where

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Speaker 2: we're governed by our feelings. We all have a reasonable

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Speaker 2: mind where we're just focused on the facts, and then

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Speaker 2: we all also have like wise mind, which is the

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Speaker 2: integration of head and part and our intuition. And so

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Speaker 2: sometimes we're feeling really intense emotions and we keep them

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Speaker 2: afloat by we're really angry, and then we're thinking more

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Speaker 2: angry thoughts and getting more suspicious and agitated. And even

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Speaker 2: just simply categorizing I feel angry, and an emotion mind

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Speaker 2: very likely to be like velcrow or quicksand for all

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Speaker 2: sorts of content that is going to exacerbate that feeling.

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Speaker 2: We have spam filters in our inboxes, but we need

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Speaker 2: kind of test spam filters in our minds. And this

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Speaker 2: is one of the first most practical steps to mindfulness

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Speaker 2: is just noticing I'm an emotion mind. I feel anxious,

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Speaker 2: I'm in emotion mind, and there's nothing wrong. By the way,

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Speaker 2: emotion mind is amazing. If you are at a concert,

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Speaker 2: if you're dancing, if you're watching an amazing movie, emotion

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Speaker 2: mind is amazing. We just want to make sure that

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Speaker 2: you're in the right state of mind at the right time.

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Speaker 2: So if you're about to go into a meeting and

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Speaker 2: you feel angry, noticing that you're on an emotion mind

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Speaker 2: is going to be a path towards freedom and wisdom.

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Speaker 1: And so that's a tip of we can like navigate

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Speaker 1: our distress. But you've also argued that we don't just

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Speaker 1: need to sit with our distress. We can do something different.

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Speaker 1: We can take action so that we feel less stressed.

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Speaker 1: Why is it so hard to remember that we can

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Speaker 1: kind of change our stressor out and take action to

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Speaker 1: fix things.

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Speaker 2: When we're stressed, we're just not thinking clearly. Our mind

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Speaker 2: goes to like big fixes. But I think we need

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Speaker 2: to remember that, like small wheels on a big suitcase,

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Speaker 2: a little can go a long way. And so because

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Speaker 2: we're bad at remembering this, I like to encourage people

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Speaker 2: to create a hope kit, like a collection of items

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Speaker 2: that you can keep handy that just reminds you about

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Speaker 2: the things that have enriched your life and give you

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Speaker 2: a sense of faith and perspective and joy and just

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Speaker 2: looking at them. And this sounds kind of silly, but

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Speaker 2: even people that are struggling with suicidality or people who

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Speaker 2: are facing a cancer diagnosis, having a hope kit actually

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Speaker 2: significantly increased hope. So again, our mind goes to kind

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Speaker 2: of selectively filtering. Everything is terrible. I need to do

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Speaker 2: something big that's going to make me feel better right

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Speaker 2: now and make me feel so much worse later. But

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Speaker 2: if we do something small that's less sexy, we've created

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Speaker 2: in a time of wisdom that we can access quickly,

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Speaker 2: we can make so much headway. And so for me,

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Speaker 2: just having a couple of notes people have written to

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Speaker 2: me handy and a picture of my grandma holding me

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Speaker 2: when I was a baby me bounce back so much

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Speaker 2: more in the face of rejection than what my mind

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Speaker 2: wants to do, which is like love every rejection on

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Speaker 2: top of the one that I'm experiencing in this moment.

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Speaker 2: And different things work for different people, and for people

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Speaker 2: thinking about what would I want to put in a

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Speaker 2: hope kit, I think really thinking about things that touch

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Speaker 2: your senses that help you be mindful. But it's really

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Speaker 2: hard to be mindful. But if you can be mindful

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Speaker 2: by really taking a few minutes to look at photos

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Speaker 2: of you and your friends and maybe have a nice

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Speaker 2: playlist going with the photos, and have your favorite scented candle,

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Speaker 2: you know, right at your desk so you don't have

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Speaker 2: to grab it from a closet, or like being truly

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Speaker 2: self compassionate. That the thing that I want to tell

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Speaker 2: people is like the difference between healthy self soothing or

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Speaker 2: having a hope kit, And what we often want to

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Speaker 2: do is we often kind of totally avoid and don't

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Speaker 2: do things to kind of give ourselves a quick pick

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Speaker 2: me up. We take a total like detour. We you know,

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Speaker 2: maybe we need a little bit of gas, but we

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Speaker 2: don't want to like park ourselves in the gas station

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Speaker 2: and not go to our final destination. And so the

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Speaker 2: hope kit is kind of a little pick me up

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Speaker 2: that can then actually bring you forward.

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Speaker 1: Another way that we can take action is to literally

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Speaker 1: act with the opposite. You've actually referred to this as

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Speaker 1: the ultimate mental health hack, this idea of behavioral activation.

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Speaker 2: What does this mean? So all Emotions aren't just something

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Speaker 2: that we feel. Emotions are created when we have thoughts,

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Speaker 2: and then the thoughts create physical sensations in our bodies,

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Speaker 2: and then we have action urges. And so if I

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Speaker 2: feel sad, I'm probably thinking thoughts about not being good

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Speaker 2: enough for things or too much for me to handle,

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Speaker 2: and I'm really overwhelmed and lonely, and then maybe in

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Speaker 2: my body I feel heaviness and tension, and then my

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Speaker 2: behavior might be something like withdrawing or overthinking or just

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Speaker 2: mindlessly doom scrolling. And so emotions don't just happen to us,

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Speaker 2: but we have a huge role in co creating them,

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Speaker 2: the same way we can co create our stress. And

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Speaker 2: so a lot of times people think that acting how

435
00:20:54,356 --> 00:20:56,796
Speaker 2: they feel will kind of help them, but these are

436
00:20:56,916 --> 00:21:00,196
Speaker 2: actually technically known as emotion driven behaviors, and what they

437
00:21:00,196 --> 00:21:03,356
Speaker 2: do is they intensify our feelings. And so you need

438
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:05,116
Speaker 2: to take a step back and notice what is the

439
00:21:05,116 --> 00:21:08,036
Speaker 2: emotion that you're feeling, what is the emotion driving you

440
00:21:08,116 --> 00:21:10,876
Speaker 2: to do, and is doing that thing ultimately going to

441
00:21:10,916 --> 00:21:14,276
Speaker 2: help you? And so short term, it might feel kind

442
00:21:14,276 --> 00:21:16,676
Speaker 2: of nice to do the thing that your emotion wants

443
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:18,236
Speaker 2: you to do, but if you actually want to change

444
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,316
Speaker 2: the course of your life, you need to act differently

445
00:21:20,356 --> 00:21:22,276
Speaker 2: than how you feel. So if you feel ashamed and

446
00:21:22,316 --> 00:21:25,716
Speaker 2: you withdraw, you're giving into shame. Shame is winning, you

447
00:21:25,756 --> 00:21:28,036
Speaker 2: are losing. You're going to maintain shame. You're going to

448
00:21:28,076 --> 00:21:31,556
Speaker 2: grow shame. Shame is going to be the defining quality

449
00:21:31,596 --> 00:21:33,076
Speaker 2: of your life. You're going to continue to feel like

450
00:21:33,116 --> 00:21:35,756
Speaker 2: the biggest loser. But if you feel shame and put

451
00:21:35,796 --> 00:21:38,076
Speaker 2: your phone away and make eye contact with people at

452
00:21:38,116 --> 00:21:40,076
Speaker 2: a party and introduce yourself to the people that you

453
00:21:40,116 --> 00:21:42,636
Speaker 2: actually want to speak to, like it's hard to believe,

454
00:21:42,636 --> 00:21:45,236
Speaker 2: like I'm okay. But when you have lived experience that

455
00:21:45,316 --> 00:21:48,276
Speaker 2: people are nodding and people are validating you, your shame

456
00:21:48,316 --> 00:21:52,356
Speaker 2: starts to shrink, and so across all mental health conditions.

457
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:55,556
Speaker 2: The evidence based treatment is what an emotion is not justified.

458
00:21:55,716 --> 00:22:00,036
Speaker 2: Acting opposite the emotion will significantly improve not only how

459
00:22:00,036 --> 00:22:02,916
Speaker 2: you feel, but your quality of life. And so, if

460
00:22:02,956 --> 00:22:05,636
Speaker 2: you're unhappy in your marriage, maybe you want to like

461
00:22:05,716 --> 00:22:08,676
Speaker 2: replay the pass with mistakes and send angry text messages

462
00:22:08,716 --> 00:22:11,676
Speaker 2: and complain to people, but doing something slightly nice for

463
00:22:11,956 --> 00:22:14,076
Speaker 2: your partner that feels like something you could do without

464
00:22:14,196 --> 00:22:17,156
Speaker 2: being resentful or begrudging. And the trick is that you

465
00:22:17,196 --> 00:22:19,356
Speaker 2: need to do this all the way. Opposite action is

466
00:22:19,396 --> 00:22:21,636
Speaker 2: like not the splits. It's two feet in it's mind

467
00:22:21,676 --> 00:22:23,556
Speaker 2: and body. So if you're doing something nice, you're not

468
00:22:23,596 --> 00:22:26,276
Speaker 2: having an inner narrative of no one does this for me,

469
00:22:26,396 --> 00:22:28,996
Speaker 2: This isn't right. It's with your head and heart that

470
00:22:29,156 --> 00:22:30,876
Speaker 2: I care about this person. I want them to have

471
00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:32,996
Speaker 2: a delicious cup of coffee when they wake up, and

472
00:22:33,276 --> 00:22:35,476
Speaker 2: see if my feelings will change as a result of this.

473
00:22:36,036 --> 00:22:39,076
Speaker 2: So opposit action is helpful with couples therapy. Opposite action

474
00:22:39,276 --> 00:22:42,236
Speaker 2: is the cornerstone of all treatments for anxiety disorders. When

475
00:22:42,236 --> 00:22:44,996
Speaker 2: your fear does not fit the situation you're in, acting

476
00:22:44,996 --> 00:22:47,996
Speaker 2: different than how you feel, whether that's actsing panic as

477
00:22:48,036 --> 00:22:51,116
Speaker 2: a cure for panic, or taking up public speaking if

478
00:22:51,116 --> 00:22:52,596
Speaker 2: that makes you want to run the other way.

479
00:22:52,876 --> 00:22:55,116
Speaker 1: And I think even kind of the typical emotions that

480
00:22:55,196 --> 00:22:58,956
Speaker 1: often go with stress, right like even when you're feeling overwhelmed,

481
00:22:59,036 --> 00:23:01,756
Speaker 1: I think sometimes acting opposite has been the sort of

482
00:23:01,836 --> 00:23:03,476
Speaker 1: thing that helps me, right Like I'll look at my

483
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,916
Speaker 1: calendar and the calendar will just be feeling like, oh

484
00:23:05,916 --> 00:23:08,396
Speaker 1: my god, it's overflowing. I'll take a moment and think like, well,

485
00:23:08,436 --> 00:23:10,796
Speaker 1: what are we doing If my calendar wasn't overflowing and

486
00:23:10,836 --> 00:23:13,876
Speaker 1: I was feeling overwhelmed, like I'd text a friend and

487
00:23:13,916 --> 00:23:16,076
Speaker 1: sort of check in. I'd use these five minutes and

488
00:23:16,156 --> 00:23:18,676
Speaker 1: there's sort of durishing ways rather than sort of rumitting

489
00:23:18,676 --> 00:23:20,516
Speaker 1: and checking my email and all of a sudden, When

490
00:23:20,556 --> 00:23:23,036
Speaker 1: you act like that, it doesn't change the overflowing schedule,

491
00:23:23,076 --> 00:23:24,836
Speaker 1: but it just puts you in a better mindset so

492
00:23:24,876 --> 00:23:28,196
Speaker 1: that your physiology is not feeling kind of overflowing and

493
00:23:28,276 --> 00:23:31,156
Speaker 1: overwhelmed in the same way. It's like such a powerful hack,

494
00:23:31,276 --> 00:23:33,036
Speaker 1: like even when you don't expect it to work, and

495
00:23:33,076 --> 00:23:35,076
Speaker 1: it's different than faking it. I think this is one

496
00:23:35,116 --> 00:23:37,436
Speaker 1: of the things that people get wrong about, this idea

497
00:23:37,436 --> 00:23:39,676
Speaker 1: of acting opposite. You think, well, I'll just pretend like

498
00:23:39,676 --> 00:23:40,956
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling overwhelmed.

499
00:23:40,956 --> 00:23:41,116
Speaker 2: No.

500
00:23:41,116 --> 00:23:44,196
Speaker 1: No, it's really about engaging in the actions right and

501
00:23:44,276 --> 00:23:45,756
Speaker 1: just to come back to the stress, because I think

502
00:23:45,756 --> 00:23:49,436
Speaker 1: that's so powerful. When we're stressed, we're often juggling too much.

503
00:23:49,676 --> 00:23:51,876
Speaker 2: We're again putting ourselves in this place where we can't

504
00:23:51,876 --> 00:23:54,676
Speaker 2: possibly meet the demands because we're juggling too many things.

505
00:23:54,676 --> 00:23:57,396
Speaker 2: We're carrying too many bags. Something's going to break. But

506
00:23:57,396 --> 00:23:59,156
Speaker 2: what if we just do one thing at a time.

507
00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:02,916
Speaker 2: Oftentimes when we're stressed, also we start doing like pseudo productivity,

508
00:24:02,916 --> 00:24:05,916
Speaker 2: which is called procrestivity, which is like clearing out your

509
00:24:05,916 --> 00:24:08,676
Speaker 2: inbox rather than working on the dog that you need

510
00:24:08,716 --> 00:24:11,876
Speaker 2: to do. And so just starting with a workable goal

511
00:24:12,196 --> 00:24:14,316
Speaker 2: and doing it with your singular focus and being clear

512
00:24:14,396 --> 00:24:15,676
Speaker 2: on like what is the thing I would do if

513
00:24:15,716 --> 00:24:18,156
Speaker 2: I felt capable of doing this, or if I really

514
00:24:18,396 --> 00:24:20,436
Speaker 2: was being a good friend to myself and a good cheerleader.

515
00:24:20,676 --> 00:24:22,276
Speaker 2: And so I love this because I think the only

516
00:24:22,276 --> 00:24:23,916
Speaker 2: way out of stress is doing what you would do

517
00:24:23,996 --> 00:24:27,476
Speaker 2: if you were acting spacious, which is, you know, not

518
00:24:27,556 --> 00:24:30,556
Speaker 2: being overly perfectionistic and actually facing the thing that you

519
00:24:30,596 --> 00:24:32,356
Speaker 2: need to face, one thing at a time.

520
00:24:32,556 --> 00:24:35,676
Speaker 1: And stopping this procrastivity. I had not heard that word,

521
00:24:35,756 --> 00:24:38,516
Speaker 1: and it's like my new favorite word for twenty twenty five.

522
00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:41,676
Speaker 1: That is a thing I need to reject very very much.

523
00:24:41,796 --> 00:24:43,636
Speaker 2: The cool thing about that is even noticing it is

524
00:24:43,716 --> 00:24:46,196
Speaker 2: kind of like labeling your emotions. It's like this light

525
00:24:46,236 --> 00:24:48,316
Speaker 2: bulb moment where it's like, oh no, I think I

526
00:24:48,356 --> 00:24:50,876
Speaker 2: need to start cleaning up my desk procrastivity, and then

527
00:24:50,876 --> 00:24:54,156
Speaker 2: it's like a nice pivot. The thing about faking it

528
00:24:54,196 --> 00:24:57,036
Speaker 2: is faking it is And when I think about that,

529
00:24:57,076 --> 00:24:59,956
Speaker 2: it's that sounds almost like suppressing your emotions. So it's

530
00:24:59,996 --> 00:25:02,196
Speaker 2: like pretending that you feel really calm when you're giving

531
00:25:02,196 --> 00:25:04,316
Speaker 2: a keynote, and that is going to be really stressful

532
00:25:04,356 --> 00:25:06,876
Speaker 2: if you feel really stressed. If instead you accept it

533
00:25:06,916 --> 00:25:09,596
Speaker 2: makes total sense that I feel a little shaky because

534
00:25:09,596 --> 00:25:12,756
Speaker 2: this situation really matters to me. And allow yourself to

535
00:25:12,756 --> 00:25:14,636
Speaker 2: feel those feelings, you're going to be in a much

536
00:25:14,636 --> 00:25:18,156
Speaker 2: better position to actually speak and sign up for those

537
00:25:18,236 --> 00:25:20,196
Speaker 2: kinds of opportunities. And so it's not faking it. And

538
00:25:20,236 --> 00:25:22,276
Speaker 2: some of my clients tell me that they don't feel

539
00:25:22,276 --> 00:25:24,596
Speaker 2: like their emotions are changing right away, and what I

540
00:25:24,636 --> 00:25:27,516
Speaker 2: tell them is it's okay. Like if you feel really

541
00:25:27,516 --> 00:25:30,236
Speaker 2: annoyed with someone in your family, but it matters to you.

542
00:25:30,556 --> 00:25:32,836
Speaker 2: Part of one of your values is including them in

543
00:25:32,836 --> 00:25:36,116
Speaker 2: your life, it's okay the first time you meet up

544
00:25:36,116 --> 00:25:38,956
Speaker 2: with them for coffee, don't immediately have more feelings. The

545
00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:41,076
Speaker 2: goal of opposite action is not just to feel better,

546
00:25:41,116 --> 00:25:43,596
Speaker 2: it's to have the life that you want to live.

547
00:25:44,636 --> 00:25:47,796
Speaker 1: Taking opposite action is such a clever strategy. If you're

548
00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:51,356
Speaker 1: feeling flustered and panicky, just act relaxed and you can

549
00:25:51,356 --> 00:25:53,556
Speaker 1: slow your role. If you're feeling like you want to

550
00:25:53,596 --> 00:25:56,236
Speaker 1: scream and let out your inner hulk, force yourself to

551
00:25:56,276 --> 00:25:57,836
Speaker 1: speak as calmly.

552
00:25:57,476 --> 00:25:58,636
Speaker 2: And gently as possible.

553
00:25:59,396 --> 00:26:01,756
Speaker 1: It's time for another short break, but Jenny will be

554
00:26:01,796 --> 00:26:04,436
Speaker 1: back with more tips when the Happiness Lab returns in

555
00:26:04,476 --> 00:26:04,876
Speaker 1: a moment.

556
00:26:10,316 --> 00:26:10,956
Speaker 2: Welcome back.

557
00:26:11,636 --> 00:26:14,076
Speaker 1: This final portion of the Happiness Labs guide on how

558
00:26:14,116 --> 00:26:18,596
Speaker 1: to Stop Stressing about stress is presented by Amazon. So far,

559
00:26:18,676 --> 00:26:21,516
Speaker 1: doctor Jenny Tates has explained that we need to acknowledge

560
00:26:21,556 --> 00:26:24,356
Speaker 1: and accept our stress response. But our next tip was

561
00:26:24,396 --> 00:26:27,276
Speaker 1: a big revelation, at least for me. Jenny says, we

562
00:26:27,356 --> 00:26:30,196
Speaker 1: deal better with stressful situations if we can keep in

563
00:26:30,236 --> 00:26:33,316
Speaker 1: mind that we're enduring the stress for some greater noble cause.

564
00:26:34,236 --> 00:26:36,836
Speaker 2: I think when we're stressed, we're just zooming in on

565
00:26:36,836 --> 00:26:38,836
Speaker 2: what's immediately in front of us, and we don't have

566
00:26:38,876 --> 00:26:42,036
Speaker 2: a broad perspective about what matters. And there's like a

567
00:26:42,116 --> 00:26:44,396
Speaker 2: Zen story about a man riding a horse and someone

568
00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:46,556
Speaker 2: asks him where you're going, and he says, I don't know.

569
00:26:46,596 --> 00:26:49,476
Speaker 2: Asd a horse, and that is a really stressful way

570
00:26:49,516 --> 00:26:52,516
Speaker 2: to live. The only reason to work in a job

571
00:26:52,516 --> 00:26:55,596
Speaker 2: that you don't necessarily like might be to feed your family.

572
00:26:55,876 --> 00:26:58,396
Speaker 2: And connecting the dots that I'm willing to do this

573
00:26:58,556 --> 00:27:01,116
Speaker 2: even though it's uncomfortable because I care about putting food

574
00:27:01,116 --> 00:27:04,596
Speaker 2: on the table actually makes something that's difficult a little

575
00:27:04,636 --> 00:27:07,516
Speaker 2: bit more tolerable and meaningful. And so having a larger

576
00:27:07,636 --> 00:27:09,356
Speaker 2: sense of purpose actually helps us me in out our

577
00:27:09,396 --> 00:27:11,756
Speaker 2: emotions and studies people that have a clear sense of

578
00:27:11,796 --> 00:27:15,036
Speaker 2: their life purpose actually bounce back faster when they're faced

579
00:27:15,076 --> 00:27:18,116
Speaker 2: with emotional content, like looking at painful pictures. People that

580
00:27:18,156 --> 00:27:20,876
Speaker 2: have a clear sense of purpose, their body stress response

581
00:27:20,916 --> 00:27:24,836
Speaker 2: bounces back faster. I just think if we just practically,

582
00:27:25,196 --> 00:27:26,996
Speaker 2: we all deserve to have kind of a sense of

583
00:27:27,116 --> 00:27:29,596
Speaker 2: what we want our lives to stand for. And one

584
00:27:29,596 --> 00:27:32,316
Speaker 2: of my favorite things to do when stress feels like

585
00:27:32,356 --> 00:27:35,756
Speaker 2: it's all consuming is simply taking a step back and listing.

586
00:27:36,116 --> 00:27:37,836
Speaker 2: If you like, I'm too busy, I don't have time

587
00:27:37,876 --> 00:27:39,636
Speaker 2: to think about my life purpose in like a big

588
00:27:39,636 --> 00:27:43,436
Speaker 2: way or like a mission statement that's really solidified, simply

589
00:27:43,436 --> 00:27:45,596
Speaker 2: taking a step back and thinking about, Okay, these are

590
00:27:45,596 --> 00:27:47,876
Speaker 2: the things in my life that matter to me. You know,

591
00:27:47,916 --> 00:27:49,276
Speaker 2: I would love for people to take a moment to

592
00:27:49,276 --> 00:27:53,636
Speaker 2: think about this right now. You know, health, relationships, hobbies,

593
00:27:53,876 --> 00:27:57,116
Speaker 2: giving back, career, and there's so many things that matter

594
00:27:57,156 --> 00:27:59,276
Speaker 2: to us, right and taking a step back to write

595
00:27:59,316 --> 00:28:01,556
Speaker 2: out what matters to you and then maybe how you

596
00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:04,116
Speaker 2: want to show up in each of those domains, and

597
00:28:04,156 --> 00:28:08,476
Speaker 2: then depicting the relative weight of each of those facets

598
00:28:08,596 --> 00:28:11,796
Speaker 2: of your life in a pie chart can even help

599
00:28:11,876 --> 00:28:14,036
Speaker 2: give me some perspective. If things are not going well

600
00:28:14,116 --> 00:28:17,996
Speaker 2: right now with a specific relationship, maybe that's ten percent

601
00:28:17,996 --> 00:28:19,916
Speaker 2: of your life II, but in our minds it can

602
00:28:19,956 --> 00:28:22,796
Speaker 2: easily become eighty five percent of our life by And

603
00:28:22,876 --> 00:28:25,516
Speaker 2: so having a clear purpose helps us see our lives

604
00:28:25,516 --> 00:28:28,996
Speaker 2: more holistically and helps us be more willing to do

605
00:28:29,036 --> 00:28:29,916
Speaker 2: the things that are hard.

606
00:28:29,996 --> 00:28:32,436
Speaker 1: As we talked about these strategies, like you've given us

607
00:28:32,436 --> 00:28:35,036
Speaker 1: so many awesome evidence based tips, but I know that

608
00:28:35,116 --> 00:28:38,116
Speaker 1: sometimes what happens when I'm stressed is like I know

609
00:28:38,236 --> 00:28:41,476
Speaker 1: these tips, but it can still feel like really overwhelming

610
00:28:41,596 --> 00:28:42,996
Speaker 1: to kind of engage with them.

611
00:28:43,116 --> 00:28:43,276
Speaker 2: Right.

612
00:28:43,316 --> 00:28:45,636
Speaker 1: There's this sort of hesitation that creeps in that even

613
00:28:45,676 --> 00:28:47,876
Speaker 1: though I know these strategies. It's like, Oh, I don't

614
00:28:47,876 --> 00:28:49,476
Speaker 1: have time to think about my purpose. I just need

615
00:28:49,516 --> 00:28:52,076
Speaker 1: to do something that's an incredibly quick hack. And one

616
00:28:52,076 --> 00:28:53,476
Speaker 1: of the reasons I really love your book is that

617
00:28:53,516 --> 00:28:56,396
Speaker 1: you also have strategies for that too. When everything is

618
00:28:56,396 --> 00:28:59,556
Speaker 1: feeling really overwhelming. And that gets to tip number six,

619
00:28:59,596 --> 00:29:01,876
Speaker 1: which is it when all else fails, we can sort

620
00:29:01,916 --> 00:29:04,276
Speaker 1: of hack our body. Why is hacking our body so

621
00:29:04,356 --> 00:29:05,716
Speaker 1: helpful when it comes to stress?

622
00:29:06,076 --> 00:29:08,076
Speaker 2: So many people think that they need something outside of

623
00:29:08,116 --> 00:29:12,756
Speaker 2: themselvescation or drink to feel better. But your body's actually

624
00:29:12,756 --> 00:29:17,036
Speaker 2: your best pharmacy, and we often forget how to lean

625
00:29:17,076 --> 00:29:19,116
Speaker 2: into our body being our best pharmacy. But in a

626
00:29:19,116 --> 00:29:21,756
Speaker 2: matter of minutes, you can dramatically improve how you feel

627
00:29:21,756 --> 00:29:22,436
Speaker 2: if you know how.

628
00:29:22,516 --> 00:29:24,796
Speaker 1: And so what are some like super simple hacks of

629
00:29:24,876 --> 00:29:26,556
Speaker 1: changing the way our body is responding.

630
00:29:26,596 --> 00:29:29,356
Speaker 2: There's one that I introduce called TIP, which I think

631
00:29:29,396 --> 00:29:32,356
Speaker 2: about as almost like the control all delete for your body.

632
00:29:32,556 --> 00:29:36,396
Speaker 2: And TIP is an acronym. TEA stands for temperature, I

633
00:29:36,676 --> 00:29:40,356
Speaker 2: is intense exercise, PA is paste breathing. At the final

634
00:29:40,396 --> 00:29:43,316
Speaker 2: PA is progressive muscle relaxation. And we'll go through those.

635
00:29:43,636 --> 00:29:46,396
Speaker 2: The first thing with the temperature is taking a salad

636
00:29:46,396 --> 00:29:49,196
Speaker 2: bowl and filling it with ice water and setting a

637
00:29:49,196 --> 00:29:52,436
Speaker 2: timer for thirty seconds, holding your breath, and submerging your

638
00:29:52,436 --> 00:29:54,796
Speaker 2: face in the ice water. This sounds like some sort

639
00:29:54,836 --> 00:29:57,596
Speaker 2: of weird TikTok trend, but there's a lot of research

640
00:29:57,636 --> 00:30:00,836
Speaker 2: behind it. We all have a minmilion diver reflex, and

641
00:30:00,916 --> 00:30:04,836
Speaker 2: when the human body is submerged in cold water without oxygen,

642
00:30:05,276 --> 00:30:08,436
Speaker 2: it slows down our heart rate and redirects blood flow

643
00:30:08,516 --> 00:30:11,476
Speaker 2: from not a sen to essential organs. And so even

644
00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:13,396
Speaker 2: if this sounds really weird, if you are wearing an

645
00:30:13,436 --> 00:30:16,516
Speaker 2: Apple watch, your heart rate will decrease significantly when you

646
00:30:16,556 --> 00:30:19,556
Speaker 2: do this. And yes, the point of life is not

647
00:30:19,556 --> 00:30:21,356
Speaker 2: to be submerging your face in ice water. But if

648
00:30:21,516 --> 00:30:23,716
Speaker 2: you're in a moment and you're making things worse for yourself,

649
00:30:23,756 --> 00:30:26,916
Speaker 2: and you feel like you're panicking, and you have thoughts

650
00:30:26,956 --> 00:30:29,596
Speaker 2: that aren't serving you, in thirty seconds, you can do

651
00:30:29,676 --> 00:30:32,676
Speaker 2: something that shifts your physiology and also shifts your mental

652
00:30:32,676 --> 00:30:34,756
Speaker 2: state and also reminds you that you can do something

653
00:30:34,796 --> 00:30:37,636
Speaker 2: difficult and that you can feel different in a matter

654
00:30:37,716 --> 00:30:39,996
Speaker 2: of seconds. I should just say that this is not

655
00:30:40,276 --> 00:30:42,996
Speaker 2: a good strategy for people that have part conditions, because

656
00:30:43,396 --> 00:30:45,956
Speaker 2: your heart rate will come down quickly. But the ice

657
00:30:45,996 --> 00:30:48,476
Speaker 2: face is something that people are really surprised when they're

658
00:30:48,636 --> 00:30:51,596
Speaker 2: in a vicious cycle of rumination or if they feel frozen.

659
00:30:51,756 --> 00:30:54,516
Speaker 2: Freezing your face will surprisingly unfreeze you. And then eye

660
00:30:54,556 --> 00:30:57,116
Speaker 2: is intense exercise. And this is not running a marathon

661
00:30:57,396 --> 00:31:00,996
Speaker 2: or going to a sixty minute workout class, just briefly

662
00:31:01,036 --> 00:31:04,436
Speaker 2: doing something like burpies for a minute or two, or

663
00:31:04,756 --> 00:31:06,676
Speaker 2: running in place, but bringing your knees up to your

664
00:31:06,716 --> 00:31:08,916
Speaker 2: nose as best you can. I'm doing something like that.

665
00:31:09,196 --> 00:31:11,676
Speaker 2: These things are changing your body and also in your mind,

666
00:31:11,716 --> 00:31:13,036
Speaker 2: you're not going to be able to be thinking the

667
00:31:13,076 --> 00:31:17,756
Speaker 2: same thoughts. Is peace. Breathing is slowing down your respiratory rate.

668
00:31:17,956 --> 00:31:20,596
Speaker 2: On average, we breathe about eighteen breaths per minute, and

669
00:31:20,676 --> 00:31:22,676
Speaker 2: if we slow our breath to about a third of

670
00:31:22,716 --> 00:31:25,716
Speaker 2: that by breathing in for five, we can all do

671
00:31:25,756 --> 00:31:28,236
Speaker 2: this together through your nose. You could gently close your

672
00:31:28,276 --> 00:31:37,556
Speaker 2: lips in for five and out for five. You do

673
00:31:37,636 --> 00:31:40,676
Speaker 2: that for several minutes, that actually lowers your blood pressure, or.

674
00:31:40,676 --> 00:31:43,476
Speaker 1: Even just once. Honestly, I just did that with you,

675
00:31:43,516 --> 00:31:45,316
Speaker 1: and now all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, I

676
00:31:45,356 --> 00:31:46,396
Speaker 1: actually do feel better.

677
00:31:46,516 --> 00:31:46,996
Speaker 2: Just so funny.

678
00:31:47,036 --> 00:31:48,516
Speaker 1: It's one of these things where people tell you if

679
00:31:48,556 --> 00:31:50,756
Speaker 1: you're upset, like take a deep breath, and it sounds

680
00:31:50,756 --> 00:31:53,636
Speaker 1: so kind of frustrating, but what it's really doing is

681
00:31:53,676 --> 00:31:55,876
Speaker 1: it's hacking a part of your body that's kind of

682
00:31:55,876 --> 00:31:59,436
Speaker 1: incredibly hard to hack. You really hacking your parisipittic nervousness totally.

683
00:31:59,716 --> 00:32:01,516
Speaker 2: I think the only qualifiers if you feel like you

684
00:32:01,596 --> 00:32:03,836
Speaker 2: can't breathe, that is not the one I would go to.

685
00:32:04,036 --> 00:32:06,956
Speaker 2: But other than times when you're feeling panic, yeah, taking

686
00:32:06,996 --> 00:32:08,356
Speaker 2: a deep breath. And I have to tell you, Laurie,

687
00:32:08,356 --> 00:32:11,156
Speaker 2: I was blown open working on this book. I interviewed

688
00:32:11,316 --> 00:32:14,676
Speaker 2: doctor Richard Brown and doctor Patricia Gerbarg, who or psychiatrists

689
00:32:14,676 --> 00:32:18,716
Speaker 2: affiliated with Columbia University who moved away from prescribing medications

690
00:32:18,956 --> 00:32:22,556
Speaker 2: to prescribing breath work, who are teaching breathing all over

691
00:32:22,636 --> 00:32:25,916
Speaker 2: the world, therapeutic breathing exercises, even right now to people

692
00:32:25,916 --> 00:32:29,876
Speaker 2: in Ukraine. And they are telling me that people in

693
00:32:30,476 --> 00:32:33,356
Speaker 2: war zones are actually finding tranquility within. And I was

694
00:32:33,396 --> 00:32:35,476
Speaker 2: so moved by this fact that a portion of the

695
00:32:35,516 --> 00:32:38,476
Speaker 2: proceeds from my book is going to their foundation. Because

696
00:32:38,556 --> 00:32:40,316
Speaker 2: we think, yeah, taking a breath is not going to

697
00:32:40,356 --> 00:32:43,076
Speaker 2: really change my reality, but it does. It expands your

698
00:32:43,076 --> 00:32:46,116
Speaker 2: ability to cope with your reality. And we need to

699
00:32:46,276 --> 00:32:49,636
Speaker 2: strengthen our inner system to deal with a stressful outer system.

700
00:32:50,316 --> 00:32:53,516
Speaker 2: And then the final p is progressive muscle relaxation. And

701
00:32:53,716 --> 00:32:55,836
Speaker 2: so a lot of times it might feel like the

702
00:32:55,916 --> 00:32:57,636
Speaker 2: only way for you to relax is to get a massage,

703
00:32:57,676 --> 00:33:00,396
Speaker 2: but you couldn't give yourself a quick massage. Even if

704
00:33:00,996 --> 00:33:02,916
Speaker 2: this isn't something you've tried before, this is quite easy

705
00:33:02,956 --> 00:33:06,876
Speaker 2: to do by tensing your forehead and releasing and noticing

706
00:33:06,876 --> 00:33:09,476
Speaker 2: the difference between tension and relaxation your forehead, then with

707
00:33:09,596 --> 00:33:12,636
Speaker 2: each in and out breath, releasing more, and then doing

708
00:33:12,756 --> 00:33:14,596
Speaker 2: the same with your lips, tensing your lips by bringing

709
00:33:14,596 --> 00:33:17,116
Speaker 2: your lips together releasing. A lot of us don't even

710
00:33:17,196 --> 00:33:19,676
Speaker 2: realize that we're our shoulders are touching our ears, and

711
00:33:19,756 --> 00:33:24,076
Speaker 2: we're scowling, and we're tightening our fists especially, and there's

712
00:33:24,116 --> 00:33:26,276
Speaker 2: so many things we can do to just create a

713
00:33:26,276 --> 00:33:28,956
Speaker 2: little bit more space in our bodies. And again, the temperature,

714
00:33:29,036 --> 00:33:32,476
Speaker 2: intense exercise, pacee breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation are things

715
00:33:32,516 --> 00:33:35,116
Speaker 2: we can all do really quickly in a matter of minutes,

716
00:33:35,436 --> 00:33:38,796
Speaker 2: and I don't think that you're going to have anything

717
00:33:38,916 --> 00:33:42,196
Speaker 2: but a sense of expansiveness and present focus.

718
00:33:42,396 --> 00:33:44,116
Speaker 1: Another thing we can do in a matter of minutes

719
00:33:44,236 --> 00:33:45,956
Speaker 1: is your tip number seven, which is that we can

720
00:33:46,076 --> 00:33:49,636
Speaker 1: hack our senses. One of my favorite versions of this

721
00:33:49,996 --> 00:33:52,636
Speaker 1: is your idea that we can comfort ourself with touch,

722
00:33:52,796 --> 00:33:54,636
Speaker 1: which is something that I've taken from your book, just

723
00:33:54,716 --> 00:33:57,316
Speaker 1: kind of remembering like, oh, I can put on some

724
00:33:57,476 --> 00:33:59,916
Speaker 1: fuzzy socks, you know, I can give myself a little

725
00:33:59,956 --> 00:34:02,156
Speaker 1: self hug. Talk about why our senses can be so

726
00:34:02,356 --> 00:34:04,516
Speaker 1: powerful for changing our stress response.

727
00:34:04,676 --> 00:34:06,836
Speaker 2: We get into this two punch of our mind is

728
00:34:06,916 --> 00:34:08,956
Speaker 2: bowling us and then our bodies feel like they're rebelling

729
00:34:08,996 --> 00:34:11,876
Speaker 2: it us. But doing something like if you just received

730
00:34:11,996 --> 00:34:14,996
Speaker 2: difficult feedback, like putting two hands on your heart can

731
00:34:15,236 --> 00:34:17,516
Speaker 2: really feel like a hug. And this sounds corny, but

732
00:34:17,556 --> 00:34:19,556
Speaker 2: there are studies that showed us to be true and

733
00:34:20,356 --> 00:34:23,676
Speaker 2: doing small things to self validate that communicate that our

734
00:34:23,716 --> 00:34:26,836
Speaker 2: feelings are moramal and to be expected. And I mean,

735
00:34:26,876 --> 00:34:29,476
Speaker 2: I think self compassion is so key and finding ways

736
00:34:29,836 --> 00:34:32,396
Speaker 2: through touch and from the moment we're born we're comforted

737
00:34:32,476 --> 00:34:34,836
Speaker 2: by touch, and this is something that people really crave

738
00:34:35,276 --> 00:34:39,036
Speaker 2: and really complained about during periods of isolation during the pandemic,

739
00:34:39,076 --> 00:34:41,196
Speaker 2: and giving your friends a hug is so lovely. And

740
00:34:41,996 --> 00:34:45,476
Speaker 2: if you're on your own, you know, massaging your shoulder.

741
00:34:45,276 --> 00:34:48,876
Speaker 1: Given yourself a hug works pretty well too. Yeah, so

742
00:34:48,996 --> 00:34:51,956
Speaker 1: those are all strategies we can use maybe after something

743
00:34:52,036 --> 00:34:54,756
Speaker 1: stressful happens, but your book also goes through things we

744
00:34:54,836 --> 00:34:57,636
Speaker 1: can do to get ahead of things before stress starts,

745
00:34:57,676 --> 00:34:59,476
Speaker 1: so we can kind of beat it. And one of

746
00:34:59,556 --> 00:35:02,116
Speaker 1: my favorite strategies in this, which is my tip number eight,

747
00:35:02,676 --> 00:35:06,276
Speaker 1: is that we could mentally rehearse to kind of protect ourselves.

748
00:35:06,516 --> 00:35:08,356
Speaker 1: What do you mean my mental rehearsal here, So.

749
00:35:09,116 --> 00:35:11,956
Speaker 2: There's this incredible thing that when we imagine a situation

750
00:35:12,076 --> 00:35:15,996
Speaker 2: in our mind, if we actually rehearse ourselves in that situation,

751
00:35:16,356 --> 00:35:18,076
Speaker 2: we use the same parts of our brain that will

752
00:35:18,076 --> 00:35:21,996
Speaker 2: actually use in the situation. And so oftentimes we're facing

753
00:35:22,036 --> 00:35:24,676
Speaker 2: something that seems overwhelming and we do the opposite of this.

754
00:35:24,996 --> 00:35:28,036
Speaker 2: We worry, we dread, we expect the worst. But if

755
00:35:28,076 --> 00:35:33,476
Speaker 2: we swap dread with coping ahead actually imagining, not overly idealistically,

756
00:35:33,516 --> 00:35:35,556
Speaker 2: but realistically, this thing is going to come up. I'm

757
00:35:35,556 --> 00:35:37,476
Speaker 2: going to sit down at my desk. I'm going to

758
00:35:37,556 --> 00:35:40,236
Speaker 2: want to go bounce around social media and news sites,

759
00:35:40,316 --> 00:35:42,836
Speaker 2: but instead I'm going to close everything out, set a

760
00:35:42,876 --> 00:35:45,356
Speaker 2: time or for this amount of time that actually sets

761
00:35:45,436 --> 00:35:48,036
Speaker 2: us up to do just that. The mental rehearsal, this

762
00:35:48,156 --> 00:35:51,036
Speaker 2: is something that a lot of sports psychologists use. It's

763
00:35:51,116 --> 00:35:53,476
Speaker 2: really helpful. I found it personally helpful with writing this book,

764
00:35:53,556 --> 00:35:55,396
Speaker 2: or just like the mental rehearsal of sitting down to

765
00:35:55,476 --> 00:35:57,836
Speaker 2: do deep work. But I think it's a powerful way

766
00:35:57,996 --> 00:36:00,636
Speaker 2: to use our resources to set us up for success

767
00:36:00,876 --> 00:36:03,676
Speaker 2: rather than to set us up for not believing in

768
00:36:03,716 --> 00:36:04,636
Speaker 2: ourselves and struggling.

769
00:36:04,876 --> 00:36:07,396
Speaker 1: Another resource we can use to help ourselves kind of

770
00:36:07,436 --> 00:36:09,236
Speaker 1: ahead of time is we can use a little bit

771
00:36:09,316 --> 00:36:12,436
Speaker 1: more humor. We can find humor before the stress kicks in.

772
00:36:12,756 --> 00:36:15,076
Speaker 1: How is humor so hopeful for fighting stress?

773
00:36:15,156 --> 00:36:16,556
Speaker 2: Oh? I love this. I just feel like if you

774
00:36:16,596 --> 00:36:18,716
Speaker 2: can make someone laugh and a hard moment, that really

775
00:36:18,756 --> 00:36:22,996
Speaker 2: shifts their perspective. I find humor so personally liberating and

776
00:36:23,236 --> 00:36:25,236
Speaker 2: joyful and we all need. I mean, I think it's

777
00:36:25,276 --> 00:36:27,556
Speaker 2: almost like life is like a seesaw. The more positive

778
00:36:27,596 --> 00:36:30,676
Speaker 2: emotions we elevate, the more negative emotions come down. And

779
00:36:30,756 --> 00:36:32,756
Speaker 2: this is something that's true even in the research people

780
00:36:32,796 --> 00:36:35,796
Speaker 2: that are focused on a newer treatment called positive ethic therapy,

781
00:36:35,956 --> 00:36:39,036
Speaker 2: they reduce their anxiety and depression, even if that's not targeted,

782
00:36:39,116 --> 00:36:42,036
Speaker 2: and so be able to laugh and play with yourself

783
00:36:42,196 --> 00:36:45,356
Speaker 2: and giving your anxiety of funny Like I don't know,

784
00:36:45,476 --> 00:36:47,516
Speaker 2: when I was living in New York, I lived on

785
00:36:47,556 --> 00:36:50,396
Speaker 2: top of a candy store, and in the window of

786
00:36:50,396 --> 00:36:52,276
Speaker 2: the candy store there was this big stuffed animal called

787
00:36:52,356 --> 00:36:55,476
Speaker 2: grumpy cat. Mayven just you know, noticing like, okay, grumpy

788
00:36:55,516 --> 00:36:58,716
Speaker 2: cats coming around. That's a quick way to kind of

789
00:36:58,756 --> 00:37:00,716
Speaker 2: get some distance and perspective and to play with it.

790
00:37:00,956 --> 00:37:04,556
Speaker 2: And I think going through life looking for funny things

791
00:37:04,676 --> 00:37:07,716
Speaker 2: kind of shifts your perspective and humor is not only

792
00:37:07,756 --> 00:37:09,676
Speaker 2: good for you, but also for the people around you.

793
00:37:09,996 --> 00:37:11,836
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a way of kind of regulating not just

794
00:37:11,956 --> 00:37:13,836
Speaker 1: your stress, but the stress of the people that you

795
00:37:13,916 --> 00:37:16,036
Speaker 1: happen to find yourself with. It's such a good tip

796
00:37:16,156 --> 00:37:19,316
Speaker 1: Number nine. Now we get to my final tip, which

797
00:37:19,396 --> 00:37:21,916
Speaker 1: sort of builds on this idea of bringing in positive emotions.

798
00:37:22,036 --> 00:37:25,316
Speaker 1: We can protect ourselves by plotting out our joy, and

799
00:37:25,476 --> 00:37:27,796
Speaker 1: you argue you should even make appointments with our joy

800
00:37:28,116 --> 00:37:28,836
Speaker 1: kind of explain what.

801
00:37:28,876 --> 00:37:31,276
Speaker 2: You mean there. It's so easy to feel like when

802
00:37:31,316 --> 00:37:34,916
Speaker 2: I have time, then I will call that friend or

803
00:37:35,516 --> 00:37:37,996
Speaker 2: finally go to see a movie in the theater, or

804
00:37:38,436 --> 00:37:41,876
Speaker 2: figure out a nice hiking trail in my neighborhood. But actually,

805
00:37:42,036 --> 00:37:45,516
Speaker 2: like we need to plot joy to have the energy

806
00:37:45,756 --> 00:37:48,796
Speaker 2: we need to again expand our inner resources and doing

807
00:37:48,876 --> 00:37:52,636
Speaker 2: things to cultivate positive emotions actually reduces our vulnerability to

808
00:37:52,716 --> 00:37:55,516
Speaker 2: negative emotions and creates a buffer for stress. And so

809
00:37:55,956 --> 00:37:59,156
Speaker 2: intentionally planning things to look forward to and then learning

810
00:37:59,196 --> 00:38:02,556
Speaker 2: to actually really savor them. So if you did something pleasant,

811
00:38:02,676 --> 00:38:05,356
Speaker 2: to repeat it in your mind or even actually say

812
00:38:05,356 --> 00:38:07,396
Speaker 2: it out loud is what experts say to do the

813
00:38:07,756 --> 00:38:10,756
Speaker 2: specific highlight of that experience, like if you met up

814
00:38:10,756 --> 00:38:12,476
Speaker 2: with a friend, like even just the moment of your

815
00:38:12,516 --> 00:38:15,276
Speaker 2: eyes catching one another's across the room and then running

816
00:38:15,316 --> 00:38:17,876
Speaker 2: to give each other a hug, like in this cute

817
00:38:17,916 --> 00:38:20,196
Speaker 2: coffee shop that smelled like I don't know a fall.

818
00:38:20,676 --> 00:38:23,036
Speaker 2: That is so helpful because again, I think we just

819
00:38:23,156 --> 00:38:25,556
Speaker 2: go from hard time to hard time, and we need

820
00:38:25,636 --> 00:38:29,276
Speaker 2: to realize that planning and savoring moments of pleasures like

821
00:38:29,356 --> 00:38:32,916
Speaker 2: putting money in your bank account that offsets your stress

822
00:38:33,036 --> 00:38:35,956
Speaker 2: and also allows you to enjoy your life. And a

823
00:38:36,076 --> 00:38:38,276
Speaker 2: huge thing that we need to remember is doing these

824
00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:40,116
Speaker 2: things is not just good for us, but good for

825
00:38:40,156 --> 00:38:42,276
Speaker 2: the people around us. And it's really hard to bring

826
00:38:42,356 --> 00:38:44,716
Speaker 2: positivity to the people that you care about if you

827
00:38:44,836 --> 00:38:45,956
Speaker 2: are running low.

828
00:38:46,156 --> 00:38:47,956
Speaker 1: One of my favorite things about the strategy is that

829
00:38:48,076 --> 00:38:51,036
Speaker 1: you talk about planning this ahead of time, because I

830
00:38:51,156 --> 00:38:53,756
Speaker 1: know that for me, especially when I'm feeling really stressed

831
00:38:53,796 --> 00:38:56,276
Speaker 1: and overwhelmed, there can be some friction about adding in

832
00:38:56,356 --> 00:38:58,956
Speaker 1: these pleasant things. But if it's already in the calendar,

833
00:38:59,076 --> 00:39:00,996
Speaker 1: right I already have a movie night with my friends,

834
00:39:01,076 --> 00:39:03,236
Speaker 1: or I've already planned dinner, you know, with people I

835
00:39:03,316 --> 00:39:04,876
Speaker 1: really care about, I'm going to have a really fun

836
00:39:04,956 --> 00:39:07,836
Speaker 1: time with weeks in advance, then it winds up sticking around.

837
00:39:07,956 --> 00:39:11,036
Speaker 1: So I love the sort of antsicipiatory adding the pleasure

838
00:39:11,116 --> 00:39:12,956
Speaker 1: in ahead of time so that it's there when you

839
00:39:13,076 --> 00:39:13,596
Speaker 1: really need it.

840
00:39:13,956 --> 00:39:16,956
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think what you're saying is so impactful

841
00:39:16,996 --> 00:39:19,556
Speaker 2: because we can anticipate it and savor it and then

842
00:39:19,636 --> 00:39:21,916
Speaker 2: re experience it afterwards. And then I think also just

843
00:39:21,956 --> 00:39:24,756
Speaker 2: strategically having it in your calendar. This happens to me

844
00:39:24,796 --> 00:39:26,316
Speaker 2: all the time. If I know that I have a

845
00:39:26,396 --> 00:39:29,356
Speaker 2: hard stop time, that makes the time right before that

846
00:39:29,556 --> 00:39:32,156
Speaker 2: much more productive. And so I think just knowing I

847
00:39:32,236 --> 00:39:33,796
Speaker 2: got to be finished by this time because I have

848
00:39:33,836 --> 00:39:37,116
Speaker 2: this dinner on the calendar actually leads to less you know,

849
00:39:37,236 --> 00:39:39,836
Speaker 2: bouncing around between tasks and more monotasking, and so I

850
00:39:39,916 --> 00:39:42,396
Speaker 2: think it's good for joint. It's also good for the

851
00:39:42,436 --> 00:39:44,556
Speaker 2: things that are stressing us out to actually tackle those.

852
00:39:44,956 --> 00:39:46,516
Speaker 1: So we've talked about kind of ways that we can

853
00:39:46,596 --> 00:39:50,036
Speaker 1: deal with stress, but you know, sometimes stress dips into

854
00:39:50,116 --> 00:39:52,316
Speaker 1: the clinical right for example, if somebody is going through

855
00:39:52,396 --> 00:39:55,596
Speaker 1: a moment of total panic, any particular tips for tackling

856
00:39:55,676 --> 00:39:57,756
Speaker 1: that when things get really out of hand for.

857
00:39:57,836 --> 00:40:00,756
Speaker 2: People that have panic. One of the most surprising things

858
00:40:00,796 --> 00:40:04,356
Speaker 2: people don't realize is that practicing panic is the path

859
00:40:04,436 --> 00:40:07,196
Speaker 2: out of panic. And so rather than worrying, I'm going

860
00:40:07,236 --> 00:40:09,756
Speaker 2: to be on the freeway and I'm going to start sweating,

861
00:40:09,956 --> 00:40:11,836
Speaker 2: and I'm going to feel like I can't breathe, and

862
00:40:11,916 --> 00:40:14,156
Speaker 2: I'm going to feel like I can't drive safely. Rather

863
00:40:14,236 --> 00:40:16,476
Speaker 2: than waiting for that moment to surprise you and catch

864
00:40:16,516 --> 00:40:19,316
Speaker 2: you off guard. If you can practice panic, if you

865
00:40:19,396 --> 00:40:22,636
Speaker 2: can recreate those very physical sensations that you are I

866
00:40:22,836 --> 00:40:24,516
Speaker 2: will never pop up in your life if you can

867
00:40:24,556 --> 00:40:27,076
Speaker 2: actually practice those on purpose in a safe space, spend

868
00:40:27,116 --> 00:40:31,916
Speaker 2: a minute hyperventilating surprisingly introceptive exposure or facing those physical

869
00:40:31,956 --> 00:40:34,316
Speaker 2: sensations that you want to avoid is one of the

870
00:40:34,356 --> 00:40:37,876
Speaker 2: most proven paths out of panic, and it works surprisingly well,

871
00:40:38,156 --> 00:40:40,476
Speaker 2: and it works in a relatively short amount of time.

872
00:40:40,956 --> 00:40:42,796
Speaker 2: Doing this in a safe environment helps you kind of

873
00:40:42,996 --> 00:40:45,356
Speaker 2: metaphorically put out a welcome that when these things show up,

874
00:40:45,436 --> 00:40:48,116
Speaker 2: because we often do as almost like a Chinese finger trap,

875
00:40:48,236 --> 00:40:51,756
Speaker 2: we feel physically uncomfortable, we judge it, we feel more constrictive.

876
00:40:51,916 --> 00:40:53,916
Speaker 2: The more we fight, the more stuck we are. But

877
00:40:53,996 --> 00:40:56,396
Speaker 2: if we can lean in and have an attitude of

878
00:40:56,516 --> 00:40:58,236
Speaker 2: been there, done that. I've practiced this at home, I

879
00:40:58,316 --> 00:41:00,916
Speaker 2: know what this is, just like my emotions come in waves,

880
00:41:01,556 --> 00:41:04,716
Speaker 2: my physiology changes when I don't hyper focus on it.

881
00:41:04,836 --> 00:41:07,996
Speaker 2: It's a really liberating technique that I've been blown away

882
00:41:08,036 --> 00:41:09,636
Speaker 2: by its impact on my clients.

883
00:41:09,996 --> 00:41:11,836
Speaker 1: So listeners should definitely check out the book, and they

884
00:41:11,836 --> 00:41:14,596
Speaker 1: should also check out this stress reset deck you have,

885
00:41:14,796 --> 00:41:17,356
Speaker 1: which is just like little cards I explain these things,

886
00:41:17,436 --> 00:41:18,836
Speaker 1: you don't have to flip through a whole book to

887
00:41:18,916 --> 00:41:21,636
Speaker 1: find them. I'm just so curious writing this book has

888
00:41:21,876 --> 00:41:24,436
Speaker 1: kind of having all these strategies that they're ready helped

889
00:41:24,476 --> 00:41:26,476
Speaker 1: you get through really stressful periods.

890
00:41:26,596 --> 00:41:29,316
Speaker 2: I wrote this book because having these strategies that I've

891
00:41:29,396 --> 00:41:32,476
Speaker 2: learned over the past couple of decades has changed my life.

892
00:41:32,556 --> 00:41:34,116
Speaker 2: I mean, these are like beads of a necklace that

893
00:41:34,156 --> 00:41:37,116
Speaker 2: I wear constantly, and I feel like they're too precious

894
00:41:37,196 --> 00:41:39,516
Speaker 2: to keep to myself and I want everyone to access them.

895
00:41:39,596 --> 00:41:42,516
Speaker 2: And certainly in moments when I stressed out, I take

896
00:41:42,516 --> 00:41:44,556
Speaker 2: a step back and notice what am I doing? How

897
00:41:44,636 --> 00:41:46,396
Speaker 2: is my thinking not serving me? And what is a

898
00:41:46,516 --> 00:41:49,396
Speaker 2: change in my behavior that I can quickly pivot towards.

899
00:41:49,836 --> 00:41:53,836
Speaker 2: Because we all deserve to improve our moments, and these

900
00:41:53,916 --> 00:41:56,276
Speaker 2: improve our days, and this improves our whole life, and

901
00:41:56,676 --> 00:41:58,796
Speaker 2: this creates a positive ripple effect not only in us,

902
00:41:58,876 --> 00:42:01,116
Speaker 2: but with the people around us. And so they certainly

903
00:42:01,196 --> 00:42:04,276
Speaker 2: have changed my life and opposite action is a total

904
00:42:04,876 --> 00:42:06,876
Speaker 2: way that I live my life lifestyle.

905
00:42:07,556 --> 00:42:10,116
Speaker 1: That final part of my interview with Jenny Tates on

906
00:42:10,236 --> 00:42:13,156
Speaker 1: how to Stop Stressing about stress was presented by Amazon

907
00:42:13,196 --> 00:42:17,516
Speaker 1: Pharmacy and Amazon one Medical Healthcare just got less painful.

908
00:42:18,116 --> 00:42:22,596
Speaker 1: Learn more at health dot Amazon dot com. I can't

909
00:42:22,596 --> 00:42:24,516
Speaker 1: recommend Jenny's Stress Resets book enough.

910
00:42:24,756 --> 00:42:26,076
Speaker 2: It's packed with so much.

911
00:42:25,956 --> 00:42:28,356
Speaker 1: Good advice, far more than we've been able to fit

912
00:42:28,436 --> 00:42:31,356
Speaker 1: into the show. Well, let's recap the wisdom that Jenny's shared.

913
00:42:31,716 --> 00:42:34,596
Speaker 1: Tip one sounds simple, but it's hard. You have to

914
00:42:34,676 --> 00:42:37,076
Speaker 1: accept that stress is the price of a fulfilling life.

915
00:42:37,716 --> 00:42:40,556
Speaker 1: Challenging things give us purpose and fun and all the

916
00:42:40,596 --> 00:42:43,756
Speaker 1: social connection we need. The next tip is to stop

917
00:42:43,796 --> 00:42:46,516
Speaker 1: all that rumination. Letting your mind think about a stressful

918
00:42:46,556 --> 00:42:49,396
Speaker 1: situation over and over doesn't do you any good. Nip

919
00:42:49,516 --> 00:42:52,076
Speaker 1: these looping thoughts in the butt by asking yourself how

920
00:42:52,116 --> 00:42:54,876
Speaker 1: you're going to move forward. Tip three is all about

921
00:42:54,956 --> 00:42:58,676
Speaker 1: building up distress tolerance. Practice accepting tough feelings when they

922
00:42:58,756 --> 00:43:01,556
Speaker 1: arise so you don't drown in them. Tip number four

923
00:43:01,676 --> 00:43:04,516
Speaker 1: is not to let stressors dictate your behavior. If you're

924
00:43:04,516 --> 00:43:07,916
Speaker 1: feeling down, do the opposite and try something fun and energetic.

925
00:43:08,316 --> 00:43:10,756
Speaker 1: If you're feeling in aged with someone, do something nice

926
00:43:10,796 --> 00:43:12,756
Speaker 1: for them, even if you actually want to be a

927
00:43:12,836 --> 00:43:16,476
Speaker 1: bit mean. Tip number five zoom out from your stress

928
00:43:16,756 --> 00:43:19,116
Speaker 1: and remember why you're doing what you're doing. Are you

929
00:43:19,316 --> 00:43:21,956
Speaker 1: enduring a difficult situation to improve your life or the

930
00:43:22,036 --> 00:43:24,356
Speaker 1: life of someone you love. A bit of stress might

931
00:43:24,436 --> 00:43:26,556
Speaker 1: start to seem worth it for that long term gain.

932
00:43:26,956 --> 00:43:29,556
Speaker 1: Tip number six, Hack your body. Don't reach for a

933
00:43:29,636 --> 00:43:31,636
Speaker 1: drink or a pint of ice cream to change your mood.

934
00:43:31,916 --> 00:43:34,316
Speaker 1: Shock yourself with a blast of water, a deep breath,

935
00:43:34,516 --> 00:43:36,716
Speaker 1: or even a burst of exercise to halt that stress

936
00:43:36,796 --> 00:43:40,156
Speaker 1: response in its tracks. Tip number seven follows along from

937
00:43:40,196 --> 00:43:40,236
Speaker 1: that