Speaker 1: Guys, we made it through another year. Three seasons. We
Speaker 1: love y'all.
Speaker 2: Three seasons.
Speaker 1: Three seasons in the year.
Speaker 2: Oh, three seasons in the year.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, see's episode of fifteen season twelve. Four years right, right, long,
Speaker 1: it's been longer than four years because we used to
Speaker 1: do two seasons in the year. So shoot, we're going
Speaker 1: to twenty eighteen. Yeah, it's the last one. I could
Speaker 1: do whatever I want to do. In this last sound bite.
Speaker 2: You the boys fact you were the boss. Yeah, the boss.
Speaker 3: It's not KaraOK your time. But were tired, clearly if
Speaker 3: you're watching, you set on ropes. Yes, it's toasty. It's
Speaker 3: giving end of the year, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: We're tired and it's been a long one and we're
Speaker 3: trying to be cozy, so.
Speaker 1: It sound like we tired. Yes.
Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Speaker 2: Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 4: Li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk.
Speaker 4: About through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead
Speaker 4: ass is a term that we say every day. So
Speaker 4: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one
Speaker 4: hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: Were about to take philosof to our whole new level.
Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna choose the final karaoke song you not
Speaker 1: of the year. No, because somebody here saw Beyonce five times,
Speaker 1: and you better know a song after being there five times.
Speaker 1: Pick a song that you learn.
Speaker 3: Well, it's funny you said that because the sound by
Speaker 3: I said, we're cozy, and you know, don't act like
Speaker 3: you're gonna be knowing the songs too.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2: Comfy within my skin, cozy with who I am, I
Speaker 2: love myself, goddamn cozy.
Speaker 1: That's one of my favorite.
Speaker 3: I know it is the value. Were trying to act
Speaker 3: like he not a high member this point, baby listen
Speaker 3: and at this point the movie when listen, when the
Speaker 3: movie tickets went listen, I was in Kansas City, all right,
Speaker 3: that's when I saw the trailer for the movie, got
Speaker 3: the tickets a couple of days after, they went to
Speaker 3: go watch with me.
Speaker 1: I didn't have a choice of another choice. I saw
Speaker 1: the show two times. I didn't need to see a
Speaker 1: movie of the show. I didn't, but I will be
Speaker 1: in support of my wife and whatever she wants to do.
Speaker 2: You know. It was a date night. And then he
Speaker 2: got to get a show after the show.
Speaker 1: Yes, that was what I was waiting for.
Speaker 2: You're welcome.
Speaker 1: Yes, and you performed, You performed. I was in the KHive.
Speaker 2: Yes, in there, Honeybee, all right.
Speaker 3: First listener letter of the episode. I love these particular
Speaker 3: episodes because I feel like y'all run the show.
Speaker 2: We're just here, you know, giving our little two cents.
Speaker 3: Hey, guys, I'm a regular listener to your show, and
Speaker 3: y'all are awesome.
Speaker 2: Thank you for writing in.
Speaker 3: I've been working out consistently for four months, and although
Speaker 3: I feel good, I'm not dropping this weight like I
Speaker 3: feel I should. I started off at one seventy nine
Speaker 3: and four months later I am one seventy five.
Speaker 2: This is stupid and I'm over it.
Speaker 3: And by the point in my fitness journey where I
Speaker 3: feel it feels wrong not to work out a good thing.
Speaker 3: But when I see these pounds ain't dropping, I get
Speaker 3: in my feelings and want to quit. It feels like
Speaker 3: an ice ship's diet is the only way. No, but
Speaker 3: that ain't gonna happen. I'm a American Houstonian. But but, but, but,
Speaker 3: and these foods be calling. I heard Houston has some
Speaker 3: really good Withsydian food. So discipline and consistency have betrayed me,
Speaker 3: and I need some advice.
Speaker 2: How can I drop this weight? I could cry?
Speaker 3: Sincerely, a fat ass listener is trying to be fine, girl,
Speaker 3: Do not claim that over your life.
Speaker 2: You just want to have a fat ass, not be
Speaker 2: a fat ass listener. You know what I'm saying. But listen,
Speaker 2: the scale is a lie. That's the first thing.
Speaker 3: You may legitimately be shedding, toning, sculpting your body and
Speaker 3: not see the difference in the scale, because why must
Speaker 3: more than fat?
Speaker 2: I think sometimes the better guide guide, or the.
Speaker 3: Better gauge rather is to see how your clothing is
Speaker 3: fitting measure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like, it depends on the type of workout you're doing.
Speaker 1: First of all, she says, the foods be calling her,
Speaker 1: So realistically, you're not going to just lose weight if
Speaker 1: you continue to eat poorly.
Speaker 3: And this saying you can't out work exercise a bad
Speaker 3: diet facts.
Speaker 1: But here's the truth. Though, you can make lifestyle changes
Speaker 1: and still eat the foods you love. Like Kadeen and
Speaker 1: I still eat all the foods that we want to eat.
Speaker 1: The difference is, rather than eating a half a plate
Speaker 1: of rice, if you're a Jamaican Houstonian, how about you
Speaker 1: cut that to just two spoonfuls of rice and add
Speaker 1: an additional prote to add more vegetables. Right, so you
Speaker 1: can still have rice, cabbage, and a stewed chicken, but
Speaker 1: eat twice as much chicken, half as much rice, and
Speaker 1: more cabbage.
Speaker 3: If you go into the restaurants, you know they'd be
Speaker 3: singing on the face, especially if it's oxtale.
Speaker 2: Forget it.
Speaker 3: Don't even do that because that's just our habit, right,
Speaker 3: that's what we've been accustomed to. You fill up on
Speaker 3: the rice, which is the starch, and that of course
Speaker 3: is not going to help your finished journey because you
Speaker 3: want to be more protein heavy.
Speaker 1: So here's the key. Keep doing what you're doing. If
Speaker 1: you're working out consistently, eat more protein, more vegetables, less carbs.
Speaker 1: I can guarantee you that in itself, that in itself
Speaker 1: will help you lose somebody fat. Now, what Kadeen said,
Speaker 1: if you're lifting weights, do not expect to lose a
Speaker 1: lot of weight because lifting weight increases bone density and
Speaker 1: increases muscle. So if you're increasing bone density and muscle,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be heavier. But you can be heavier and
Speaker 1: look smaller because when you increase muscle, it burns body fat.
Speaker 1: So as the muscle is growing, you say you want
Speaker 1: that booty, do more squats, more lunges, more dead lifts.
Speaker 1: Your legs are going to grow, but your waist is
Speaker 1: going to shrink, which means you'll look better. So be patient.
Speaker 1: Four months is not an eternity and a fitness journey.
Speaker 1: Four months is typically just the beginning. Give yourself a year,
Speaker 1: give yourself a yet year. Be consistent.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I didn't really start seeing changes
Speaker 3: in myself until I feel like that first two weeks
Speaker 3: is like your body is like, Okay, what are you
Speaker 3: trying to do? Yeah, Then the first four weeks in
Speaker 3: it's just like, oh okay, I see what you're trying
Speaker 3: to do. And then those first two months, it's like, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm catching my rhythm. So by four months, yeah, you
Speaker 3: may or may not see too many significant changes, but
Speaker 3: I know that becomes the point where a lot of
Speaker 3: people like to stop.
Speaker 2: They feel like, damn, I've been doing this for four months.
Speaker 3: And then you know, you're like, it's almost like that
Speaker 3: point where you're like, okay, either a stop now because
Speaker 3: it's not working, or you pushed past it. So you
Speaker 3: might be in that push past it phasis. And there's
Speaker 3: certain things that you should also watch, like sugar intake.
Speaker 3: You know, we've my gosh, juices and sodas and stuff
Speaker 3: like that. Cut that drastically and then find other ways
Speaker 3: around it. So with water, coconut water. At one point
Speaker 3: all summer Devout was juicing water. You just have to
Speaker 3: find substitutions for the things that you really love to eat.
Speaker 3: Because listen from one drum American to another, there's certain
Speaker 3: things that I'm not getting rid.
Speaker 2: Of, like I'm just not doing it okay.
Speaker 1: And for cardio, I know people hate jogging. Get on
Speaker 1: a treadmill right, put that incline up to six to nine, yes,
Speaker 1: put the speed on three point five and try to
Speaker 1: walk thirty minutes power you watch how your body leans
Speaker 1: out like just a power walk, and you can put
Speaker 1: on a book you'd like to listen to, or put
Speaker 1: on a television, watch the show, put on some music.
Speaker 1: But that really helped Kazen and I Boss lean out,
Speaker 1: especially get into this older age where you don't want
Speaker 1: to necessarily sprint and run all the time. Let me
Speaker 1: protect Well, I'm twenty five, but some of us turned
Speaker 1: forty a couple of weeks ago. And when I say
Speaker 1: some of us, I don't mean me.
Speaker 3: And you wish you could look this good forty, well,
Speaker 3: we all can.
Speaker 1: Look as good if we put the incline on six
Speaker 1: to nine and the speed.
Speaker 2: On three points start there.
Speaker 3: You know, I've been doing consistently twelve inclined three point
Speaker 3: zero speed for thirty minutes, and that's second a minimum,
Speaker 3: like even on days when I'm just like damn, I
Speaker 3: really just I don't have it in me at the
Speaker 3: very at the very least, that's all I'm going to do.
Speaker 3: In addition to weights as well, because we.
Speaker 1: Wait trained squats, deadlifts, lunges, lap pulled down chain, yep eels.
Speaker 1: That's mainly what you do is la area swatts, push ups.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about opper bodyes lot pull down push ups
Speaker 1: on everything, anything pushing. Yes, that's what Kadean does, work.
Speaker 2: Rose things like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, well, I hope this hopes you'll shouts to
Speaker 3: you for getting on that fitness journey. I love that
Speaker 3: for you, Yes, ma'am, all right, second one, you want
Speaker 3: to go babe?
Speaker 1: Hey, Deval and Kadeen. My husband and I got married
Speaker 1: just two months ago after a long term relationship. We've
Speaker 1: never lived together for an extended period of time, and
Speaker 1: appreciate this hard work as oh, we've never We never
Speaker 1: lived together for the extended period before, and I appreciate
Speaker 1: his hard work as our provider. However, since we got
Speaker 1: married here there's been a significant change. He really initiates
Speaker 1: intimacy and he's hardly around when I'm awake. His routine
Speaker 1: involves waking up at ten am, diving into work without
Speaker 1: getting dressed or even brushing up, and he keeps working
Speaker 1: late into the night, even on weekends. I'm feeling increasingly
Speaker 1: unhappy and lonely. We rarely discuss our feelings or goal.
Speaker 1: That's the problem, and it's all about his work. I've
Speaker 1: talked to him about this, but he claims to be
Speaker 1: too busy. Am I being selfish or once for wanting
Speaker 1: more attention and emotional connection. I'm struggling to understand and
Speaker 1: address this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I would
Speaker 1: say this, No, I don't. You can't be selfish for
Speaker 1: expressing what you require, what you need, what you want,
Speaker 1: what you desire from your life. You have a life
Speaker 1: partner that's not selfish to express it. What selfish is
Speaker 1: giving someone an ultimatum and saying, if you don't provide
Speaker 1: this for me right now, I'm leaving. No. Expressing it
Speaker 1: is not selfish. Building a plan on how you both
Speaker 1: can get everything you desire out of life is what
Speaker 1: marriage is about. And that starts with conversations, and it
Speaker 1: starts with being honest. So I don't think she's being
Speaker 1: selfish at all.
Speaker 2: And it looks like he is.
Speaker 3: She says, a routine involves waking up and then diving
Speaker 3: right into work, so it looks like he's working from home. Yes,
Speaker 3: and we know what that can look like. Sometimes a
Speaker 3: lot of people have complained. I've heard several people, actually
Speaker 3: from different facets, complain about the detriment that working from
Speaker 3: home has been to them and then their life and
Speaker 3: their motivation and their drive and anything in general. Even
Speaker 3: my sister mentioned it. She was just like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: like I've gained a little weight. I just feel like
Speaker 3: I don't feel like myself because you're not going through
Speaker 3: the process of getting up, getting ready, getting outside, getting outdoors,
Speaker 3: being in the sun, and then knowing that when you
Speaker 3: leave that space, you know, depending on what your job is,
Speaker 3: you can leave work there and come home and actually
Speaker 3: have some downtime. So I think maybe having the discussion
Speaker 3: with him about same, babe. I know that work is,
Speaker 3: you know, important to you. I love the fact that
Speaker 3: you're a provider. I love that you are, you know,
Speaker 3: putting that as a priority for us. But also we
Speaker 3: have to prioritize time together, and having not lived together
Speaker 3: for an extended period of time too, you're also probably
Speaker 3: just getting accustomed to how each other functions in the
Speaker 3: household together, and that's something that a lot of people
Speaker 3: have to kind of push through and learn people's habits
Speaker 3: and stuff. So I think having the conversation and I
Speaker 3: don't think, I know, having the conversation with him is
Speaker 3: going to be very very important about finding time to
Speaker 3: draw the line, because I had to do that with
Speaker 3: you a couple times with work.
Speaker 1: Yes, work together, Yes, she said, though we rarely discuss
Speaker 1: our feelings and goals. That is a problem because here's
Speaker 1: all this other stuff about oh, he works too late,
Speaker 1: and D she does this, and I require this. All
Speaker 1: of that can be solved by discussing your feelings and
Speaker 1: your goals. Kadeen and none, since the age of eighteen
Speaker 1: have been discussing our goals, our not mine, not hers,
Speaker 1: our goals collectively and individually, and then curating a life
Speaker 1: to get those goals together. If you're not discussing goals
Speaker 1: and what are you discussing, then that means you're your relationship.
Speaker 1: If you can't discuss feelings and goals, your relationship is.
Speaker 2: Based on what there's no relationship really, you.
Speaker 1: Know what I'm saying. It's very like that. It just
Speaker 1: seems like.
Speaker 2: A individualistic approach.
Speaker 1: Yes, and I mean she did say that she loves
Speaker 1: the fact that he provides, which means he's a sole
Speaker 1: provider and she doesn't provide. She doesn't say that she works,
Speaker 1: so if he provides, he probably feels like, well, I
Speaker 1: have to do what I have to do to be
Speaker 1: able to provide for my family, and I don't want
Speaker 1: you questioning me on how I'm providing. Sometimes that becomes
Speaker 1: an issue, and that becomes an issue when you don't
Speaker 1: discuss your feelings.
Speaker 3: Or goals right, or how about maybe like you know,
Speaker 3: if it is at home that he's working from, like saying, hey, babe,
Speaker 3: you know what's your estimated time to be done today?
Speaker 3: I'd love to schedule a date night and then you
Speaker 3: guys maybe go out out of the home so that
Speaker 3: you can have some time outside of it, and then
Speaker 3: over dinner, you know, discussing goals, feelings, you know, things
Speaker 3: that you have on your mind.
Speaker 2: You have to keep the conversations going. There's just no
Speaker 2: own way around it.
Speaker 3: And you have to hope too that he's going to
Speaker 3: be receptive to you when you express your feelings and
Speaker 3: not judge you for feeling the way you feel, but
Speaker 3: you know, taking into consideration. So I'm hoping that since
Speaker 3: you guys are newly married, that this is something you
Speaker 3: guys can work past.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and just she says, am I being selfish for
Speaker 1: wanting more attention and emotional connection? Absolutely not, No, You're
Speaker 1: not being selfish at all, go get what you want
Speaker 1: to like, baby, you only get one of those. You
Speaker 1: don't owe it to anybody. And I'm telling that to anybody,
Speaker 1: man or woman. You don't owe anybody in the world
Speaker 1: except for the children you create because they didn't ask
Speaker 1: to be here. But everybody else. Tell them what you want,
Speaker 1: what you desire.
Speaker 3: That's a fact we still tell I'm still telling me
Speaker 3: what you want, and I still can't get that shit
Speaker 3: right sometimes, So don't feel no kind of way.
Speaker 1: It's not that you can't. Sometimes you don't be wanting
Speaker 1: to get it right because you be like I just
Speaker 1: want to do it the way I want to do it,
Speaker 1: and that's and that's marriage, right, Like we all go
Speaker 1: through that and we keep having a.
Speaker 3: Discussion until I don't know, right, we know until I
Speaker 3: don't know. So sometimes like, listen to you when they
Speaker 3: tell you what they want. That is a valuable lesson
Speaker 3: so many arguments.
Speaker 1: Listen to people when they tell you what they want.
Speaker 1: When you ask somebody, When you ask somebody what do
Speaker 1: you want and they tell you don't give them what
Speaker 1: you want to give them. You asked me, why would
Speaker 1: you ask me? And they look look look at her,
Speaker 1: faking her fingers.
Speaker 3: You see, my problem is that I wanting to put
Speaker 3: my special sauce and stuff and devout on me.
Speaker 2: The more of my special sauce, he said, give me,
Speaker 2: give me this. I asked for this old the sauce.
Speaker 1: I don't mind these special sauce. But when the special
Speaker 1: sauce be less than what I asked for, how was
Speaker 1: itouse specialists? That motherfucker. I'm just saying. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, like to if I got But God, you
Speaker 1: see how we can joke and laugh about this. You
Speaker 1: know why we can joke and laugh about this because
Speaker 1: we've discussed this, had tough conversations.
Speaker 2: You know, the arguments and the fights and the tears,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: But we choose to be here. So we hear period
Speaker 1: loving on each other. And she take all my special sauce.
Speaker 1: Shut up? You look as ye do? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Uh wait a minute, did that number three on that note?
Speaker 3: Look?
Speaker 1: Look, she got all flushed about what we were talking about.
Speaker 1: Forgot to take a break. How about you?
Speaker 2: I forgot to take the break. I forgot to pay
Speaker 2: the bills. Child, That would be another argument. Let's do that.
Speaker 2: Let's take a break.
Speaker 3: We'll stop talking about devo on special saws and we
Speaker 3: will take a break and get into these ads. Then
Speaker 3: we'll come back with more listening letters and we're gonna
Speaker 3: keep the ball rolling. With the third listener letter of
Speaker 3: the day today, I'm writing you, guys an appreciation letter.
Speaker 2: Oh this is a noise. Thank you.
Speaker 3: I was listening to one of your previous shows where
Speaker 3: you talked about the importance of vacations and reconnecting as
Speaker 3: a couple. The subject really hit home for me. My
Speaker 3: husband and I have just nine years just bought and
Speaker 3: moved into our first home back in yes and as
Speaker 3: exciting as that news was, the insane movie expenses really
Speaker 3: set us back.
Speaker 1: Trust me, we understood.
Speaker 3: Che We decided the best way to rebuild our finances
Speaker 3: was to skip out on some things. That meant taking
Speaker 3: a break from the things like eating out and going
Speaker 3: on dates, planning vacations at least for a while understood.
Speaker 3: In addition to that, we both began working longer hours,
Speaker 3: spending more time away from one another. I was beginning
Speaker 3: to feel lonely and missed time with my husband, even
Speaker 3: with us being in the same damn house. Been there,
Speaker 3: and after listening to the show, I was inspired with
Speaker 3: an idea. I decided to surprise my husband one Saturday
Speaker 3: night with the romantic at home date.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: I stopped by an art studio where they make personalized
Speaker 3: canvases to paint with kids included. I went home, set
Speaker 3: up a nice scene with candles and wine, laid out
Speaker 3: all the paints and brushes, and we had a beautiful
Speaker 3: time painting the canvases together. The best part was when
Speaker 3: we put down our phones, played some music and we
Speaker 3: had each other's full undivided attention.
Speaker 2: We talked, we laughed, had some wine, smoked.
Speaker 3: Some good and it was some of the best quality
Speaker 3: time we had in a long time.
Speaker 2: I love this for you, guys. By the end of
Speaker 2: the night, we made love for so long that I
Speaker 2: just thank my father for.
Speaker 1: We know.
Speaker 3: I just had to write into thank you guys for
Speaker 3: the inspiration to reconnect with my husband. It was long overdue,
Speaker 3: very much needed, and even though it wasn't as lavis
Speaker 3: as a vacation, the time we spent was an unforgettable experience.
Speaker 3: We're currently making plans in our busy schedules or in
Speaker 3: between our busy schedules, rather to have more nights like
Speaker 3: that one. Thank you guys.
Speaker 1: Yo. First of all, I love that's mad though, because
Speaker 1: so many people don't calling or write in with complaints
Speaker 1: about marriage. To hear people applying some things that they
Speaker 1: might have learned from us means a lot. And the
Speaker 1: reason why it means a lot is because one thing
Speaker 1: I hope you guys learned from Kadeen and I is
Speaker 1: that we don't come on social media or have a
Speaker 1: podcast to influence people, or to tell people to live
Speaker 1: like us, or to brag or bolt, or even to
Speaker 1: complain about each other. We come to share, and we
Speaker 1: hope that in sharing our experiences, the good and the bad,
Speaker 1: someone can say, you know what, either I like that,
Speaker 1: I'll try it, or I see why that didn't work
Speaker 1: for them, I'll leave that alone. It's just sharing, it
Speaker 1: really is. That's all of this. So to hear some
Speaker 1: of these stories about people who have received some ideas
Speaker 1: about how to exist in their life just based on
Speaker 1: what we've shared, makes me feel good.
Speaker 3: And it's nice to see that, you know, in a
Speaker 3: day of social media where it seems like everybody's traveling
Speaker 3: and everybody's having these lavist vacations and everybody's all over
Speaker 3: the globe, and you know, stuff like that. It's nice
Speaker 3: to see that there's ways to reconnect and disconnect.
Speaker 2: You know that you're doing.
Speaker 3: The comfort of your own home absolutely, that doesn't require
Speaker 3: too much, that doesn't cost too much. You don't have
Speaker 3: to break the bank for it. Because when you talked
Speaker 3: about this sacrificial period of not eating out, not going
Speaker 3: on dates, not buying things, like we had that at first,
Speaker 3: like five years of our marriage, that was just like
Speaker 3: grind sacrific. It was all sacrifice, and although we understood
Speaker 3: the sacrifice, it didn't remove the fact that we missed
Speaker 3: each other in the process. Our relationship at that point
Speaker 3: was in shambles because we just didn't know how to
Speaker 3: effectively be there for each other when we felt like
Speaker 3: we weren't in a space to provide for each other,
Speaker 3: not knowing that the simple things that were needed were
Speaker 3: just time, attention, like you said, the affection, you know,
Speaker 3: putting on the phone down.
Speaker 1: One of our favorite things to do is put on
Speaker 1: R and B music, listen to it. We joke and
Speaker 1: laugh about all of the things in the past that
Speaker 1: we had been through for sure, and we kiss on
Speaker 1: each other, love on each other sometimes each other. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it ends in sect. Sometimes it don't. Sometimes we just
Speaker 1: be joking and laughing about things in the past and
Speaker 1: then we wake up and then we hug each other, like, yo.
Speaker 2: That was just dope, that dope night.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. Sometimes like that intimacy that's spending the
Speaker 1: time and not having your partners still looking at their
Speaker 1: phone or having to split time with whatever your partner
Speaker 1: is looking at. That means so much to just sit
Speaker 1: down and oh, you're only focused on me right now.
Speaker 3: Right, especially when you're so connected to someone, because a
Speaker 3: lot of times you just miss your best friend, right yep.
Speaker 3: And even working, you know, us working together a lot,
Speaker 3: sometimes I say devour. I don't want devour the business
Speaker 3: partner or the co host or you know, or the dad.
Speaker 3: I just want like devour my boyfriend. You know. So
Speaker 3: shout out to y'all. I'm so happy that you've implemented this.
Speaker 3: Keep doing it, keep going, keep going more of those.
Speaker 3: If something works one time, don't just stop.
Speaker 1: And you'll be surprised how things don't get corny. So
Speaker 1: you did it once, then it becomes once a week, right,
Speaker 1: Then once a week becomes your natural habit. Like Kadeena
Speaker 1: and I go on date nights every night. But then
Speaker 1: now we have a date night, but then there's a
Speaker 1: random night in between us, like let's go do something else.
Speaker 1: Then it becomes two nights a week, and before you
Speaker 1: know it, you've created a habit about loving on the
Speaker 1: person that you're sharing the rest of your life with.
Speaker 1: People say all the time like and you and Gadeen
Speaker 1: a sickening y'all like that all the time out on
Speaker 1: each other. Yeah, it's become a habit for us to
Speaker 1: love on each other. Yeah, you know, for no other
Speaker 1: reason than that's just what I'm used to now. I'm
Speaker 1: just so used to just seeing her grabbing a butt,
Speaker 1: grabbing a hug, choking her a little bit while she's
Speaker 1: standing there, and her biting her lip, Like these are
Speaker 1: small things that we just do to each other that
Speaker 1: people be like, Okay, I'm leaving, and we're like, it
Speaker 1: ain't going nowhere. That's just what we do. Like we
Speaker 1: do that. Then she go make a sandwich for the kids,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: So it's just alment. Yeah, and help.
Speaker 1: Number four. I'm liking the so far hey from OHI
Speaker 1: from a woman that just hit her thirties and although
Speaker 1: wishing that I had a relationship question for you, these
Speaker 1: single streets. Woo child, I actually have a question about
Speaker 1: a career dilemma that I'm picking my brain about. I
Speaker 1: live in LA and I'm pursuing Korean entertainment on the
Speaker 1: executive track, trying to get trying to be the change
Speaker 1: that I want to see all over the amazing for
Speaker 1: all of the amazing creatives out there, like you both
Speaker 1: looking up to you all the raise and Tyler Perry's
Speaker 1: of the world. My question is really simple. I know
Speaker 1: you have had careers and lives in both LA and Atlanta,
Speaker 1: don't forget New York, and knowing that Atlanta is another
Speaker 1: entertainment hub outside of LA, I would like to know
Speaker 1: what you both thought about the difference differences in regards
Speaker 1: to pursuing a career and entertainment or just the entertainment
Speaker 1: industry there overall. I am originally from the South and
Speaker 1: all my family is there. I have spent most of
Speaker 1: my twenties in LA and now that I'm in my thirties,
Speaker 1: I'm finding myself wanting to be closer to family and
Speaker 1: loved ones. I miss out on so much with my
Speaker 1: family pursuing this dream and the thought of what a
Speaker 1: career in Atlanta would look like has been something to consider.
Speaker 1: Thank you for all you share and do for us
Speaker 1: as fans. Sincerely, Should I take my ass back to
Speaker 1: the South?
Speaker 2: Oh that's cool?
Speaker 3: Well, girl, you know, we came from New York born
Speaker 3: and raised, went over to LA for a little bit
Speaker 3: with the idea of thinking this was just the necessary
Speaker 3: step that you had to take in the entertainment industry
Speaker 3: to go to LA, you know, rub shoulders network, go
Speaker 3: to a hopefully go on more in personal auditions. And
Speaker 3: then we were throwing the monkey wrench that is COVID
Speaker 3: that happened six months into our journey. And then having children.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you have children, that doesn't seem
Speaker 3: like you do. But in having children and also having
Speaker 3: the dilemma of wanting to be close to family, because
Speaker 3: that was a challenge, you know, with COVID of course,
Speaker 3: but then distance, it just kind of made sense for
Speaker 3: us to try to find out where we wanted to
Speaker 3: have our roots with our family, our immediate family, and
Speaker 3: then be accessible to extended family. I don't think that
Speaker 3: you necessarily need to live in a certain place in
Speaker 3: order to be in the entertainment industry, meaning you don't
Speaker 3: have to necessarily live in an LA or in Atlanta
Speaker 3: or in a New York. But it is good to
Speaker 3: be in a big city in terms of major differences
Speaker 3: that we might have seen between LA and Atlanta, I mean,
Speaker 3: you have access to people in both places, and I
Speaker 3: think Atlanta is a good Yeah, Atlanta is a good
Speaker 3: like median point I think between for us at least
Speaker 3: New York and LA. But there are definitely a lot
Speaker 3: more people in LA in the industry that you have
Speaker 3: access to and events and things like that.
Speaker 2: Now that outside is back open.
Speaker 1: I'll say this, we have to give her advice where
Speaker 1: she is. For us, living in Atlanta made more sense
Speaker 1: because we have four children who are looking to buy
Speaker 1: a home. The property value is better in Atlanta. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I work on on two shows at TPS, so what's
Speaker 1: easier here. But if I'm meeting her where she is
Speaker 1: single just turn thirty, I'm staying in LA. And the
Speaker 1: reason why I stay that is because when Kadeen and
Speaker 1: I were in LA, we established a ton of relationships.
Speaker 1: Because when you're in LA and an event's happening, they
Speaker 1: can call and be like are you available? You can
Speaker 1: show up and realistically, the entertainment industry is no different.
Speaker 1: In athletics is no different than these Fortune five hundred companies,
Speaker 1: it's no different than tech. It's not about what you know,
Speaker 1: and it's not about who you know. It's about who
Speaker 1: knows you. And when I mean who knows you, it's
Speaker 1: who are the people who are making these decisions. You
Speaker 1: said you want to get there on the executive track.
Speaker 1: Who are the people in these seats who can say
Speaker 1: I'm looking for an executive And if those people don't
Speaker 1: know who you are, you'll never get pulled into those
Speaker 1: meetings to even get an opportunity. And the only way
Speaker 1: you get into those meetings and you get to know
Speaker 1: those people are being in a proximity where those people
Speaker 1: get to know who you are. Outside of the entertainment industry,
Speaker 1: it is not what you see. It is not about
Speaker 1: resumes and auditions. It's not that's fake acade.
Speaker 3: But also to get the job, sometimes you don't necessarily
Speaker 3: have to be in that state.
Speaker 1: You know, no, you don't have to be in the state.
Speaker 1: But think about it, how often were we in LA
Speaker 1: think about NCIS. N CIS was only hiring locals. Most
Speaker 1: of the industries hire New York or LA for films,
Speaker 1: it's La. For TV shows, it's New York. Right. It's
Speaker 1: very rare that you have someone that you want to
Speaker 1: bring in from a smaller market. Atlanta is a smaller market.
Speaker 1: She's an executive all of those. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: We have to meet her where she is not thinking
Speaker 1: about everything we right for her to be an executive,
Speaker 1: she has to be there. Like Robbie Reid lives in
Speaker 1: La Latania was living in LA. These are all people
Speaker 1: who are now executives.
Speaker 2: Decision makers or decision.
Speaker 1: Makers who we met going to events while we were
Speaker 1: in LA.
Speaker 2: That is true. We don't get invited to a lot
Speaker 2: of stuff out here in Atlanta. And if we do,
Speaker 2: with stuff that we don't necessarily care to attend.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, beneficial, I'm gonna be honest. I'm
Speaker 1: not throwing shade on anyone. So when I say this,
Speaker 1: don't take it as oh, he's throwing shade. Different industries
Speaker 1: have different hubs. If you want to get into the
Speaker 1: reality TV space, you want to get into that. Real
Speaker 1: Husbands or Real Wives of Atlanta's a perfect spot because
Speaker 1: the blog site, the blogs love Atlanta. It's easy to
Speaker 1: become popular and get in front of those people for
Speaker 1: those type of shows in Atlanta. If you want to
Speaker 1: get into reality shows, you can't live in New York
Speaker 1: at LA, you know, because most of those shows use
Speaker 1: white people. As you know, the Real Housewives of New
Speaker 1: York or LA, they're mestly white. But for pot Potomac
Speaker 1: is is DC DC. But if you want to get
Speaker 1: into the entertainment industry with TV and film, you got
Speaker 1: to be New York at LA, especially if you want
Speaker 1: to get those opportunities.
Speaker 3: But I do, I said in the beginning, I do.
Speaker 3: I was also trying to understand where she was coming from,
Speaker 3: and I can empathize with missing family and proximity and
Speaker 3: you know that portion of it too. But if you're
Speaker 3: really like grinding in your career, then you know, sometimes
Speaker 3: it has to kind of take a back seat to
Speaker 3: where she want to be the easiest industry.
Speaker 1: I wish we knew where she was lifestyle wise, because
Speaker 1: if she's like, I'm looking for a husband, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to settle down, and then I would understand, Okay, make
Speaker 1: this choice. But she's all she said was career, a career,
Speaker 1: And I be honest, if I had no kids, even
Speaker 1: if I was married, we would be in LA.
Speaker 2: That's true. We did say that we would be in
Speaker 2: l A.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were just want to visit Kendall and Donorra
Speaker 3: this past summer, and yeah, we said the same thing.
Speaker 3: We were like, had we not had children, we've just
Speaker 3: still been out there with a cute little apartment in
Speaker 3: the sky out in LA.
Speaker 2: So, well, good luck to you whatever it is that
Speaker 2: you're doing.
Speaker 3: I love that you know that you want to be
Speaker 3: the change that you want to see for creatives out there.
Speaker 3: We appreciate people like that who have the vigor and
Speaker 3: the drive and the want to do that. So good
Speaker 3: luck to you. Hope that was helpful. I think we
Speaker 3: got out some more bills to pay, you know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying. So we're gonna do that and then we'll
Speaker 3: come back for the last batch of listener letters. So
Speaker 3: stick around, y'all. All right, number five, All right, y'all
Speaker 3: were back. Let's see what this last batch got to
Speaker 3: say for me. All right, let me start by saying,
Speaker 3: I really appreciate the platform y'all have created. I've really
Speaker 3: learned a lot about myself and my husband through strategies.
Speaker 3: I've gotten from listening to your content.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: My first opinion, sorry, my first option has always been
Speaker 3: to get advice from a couple that has been through
Speaker 3: or going through some shit and maintain the dedication devotion
Speaker 3: that is to making it work in the relationship. I
Speaker 3: hope the Lord continues to bless you guys because y'all
Speaker 3: out here.
Speaker 2: Doing his work. Thank you so much for that. Appreciate it.
Speaker 3: My husband and I have been together in each other's
Speaker 3: lives since I was fourteen and him fifteen. We have
Speaker 3: the same birthday one year apart. Oh, same birthday, November scorpioss. Yeah,
Speaker 3: we were teenage. We were teenage parents by sixteen and seventeen.
Speaker 3: Everything you can expect the young couple to go through
Speaker 3: we did. After thirteen years of marriage, four kids, and
Speaker 3: your content as a form of theory, I feel that
Speaker 3: we are in a much better space.
Speaker 1: That's what's up, okay.
Speaker 3: Our current dilemma is about money. I love that man
Speaker 3: and will take a bullet for him any day of
Speaker 3: the week, But that motherfucker gets my nerves changed quickly.
Speaker 1: Sounds about right.
Speaker 3: It comes with the territory. He has always been secretive
Speaker 3: about his money. I've become more financially responsible, and that
Speaker 3: doesn't work for me anymore. I know I need to
Speaker 3: know what comes in and what goes out so that
Speaker 3: I know how we can and what we can and
Speaker 3: cannut of for I'm sorry, this is like.
Speaker 2: He does not like nor want. Sorry what else I
Speaker 2: got you ahead?
Speaker 1: He does not like or agree with that. He stated
Speaker 1: that as long as we as long as he was
Speaker 1: able to move when it was time to, I should
Speaker 1: not be on him about his money. As a compromise,
Speaker 1: I agreed. No. Now here's the problem. A business plan
Speaker 1: that we have been working on for a couple of
Speaker 1: years got some traction and we needed to make a
Speaker 1: twelve thousand dollars purchase. And guess who didn't have their
Speaker 1: half of the money. I didn't want the opportunity to pass,
Speaker 1: so I put up the money myself, and therefore I
Speaker 1: no longer want them to be a joint business venture.
Speaker 1: That's how business works. We have a couple of solo
Speaker 1: projects already, so I didn't think it would be a
Speaker 1: problem to take ownership of this one. We were already
Speaker 1: budding has about this specific business plan which caused the
Speaker 1: delay in progress. Now I no longer feel the need
Speaker 1: to negotiate. He feels that I am overreacting and that
Speaker 1: I am no and I'm acting funny. Oh no, you
Speaker 1: are not, he felt short, and I don't even need
Speaker 1: to hear this. No more. Listen, listen, let me listen.
Speaker 2: This is another first time he's made me question it
Speaker 2: for businesses.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'll finish it. She says, I believe my
Speaker 1: first mistake was going into business with my husband. It
Speaker 1: is not for everybody. What can I say or what
Speaker 1: can I do to maintain my stance without causing conflict
Speaker 1: in my marriage? Oh man, all right, First of all,
Speaker 1: give my wife some grace. Okay, she has been dealing
Speaker 1: with a ton of family issues over the past three weeks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: You already know she can read way better than I can.
Speaker 1: But even last night she was just like she was
Speaker 1: a little bit in tears, a little bit, and I
Speaker 1: was like, what's the matter. She was just like, I
Speaker 1: just have a lot, and I just I was, babe,
Speaker 1: I can carry her tomorrow. Let us do. She's like, no,
Speaker 1: I got it, So you get grace. Don't even trip
Speaker 1: about it. Y'all know my baby can read. We hope
Speaker 1: hopefully she ain't get her master's degree, not knowing how
Speaker 1: to read, but.
Speaker 2: I can read before. I'm just sorry. It was the
Speaker 2: fifth one and then the words just started dancing on
Speaker 2: the page. So I apologize, y'all, thank you for your grace.
Speaker 1: But but this is the truth. Though, okay, because we
Speaker 1: dealt with this, and I'm not going to out anybody.
Speaker 1: But there were another group, another couple. Another couple went
Speaker 1: in together on buying a property. Right, the young lady
Speaker 1: put the down payment on the home and the young
Speaker 1: man was supposed to maintain the property right when she
Speaker 1: put the money down payment on the property, and he
Speaker 1: was maintaining that. She did not agree with how he
Speaker 1: was maintaining the property, so she said, you deal with
Speaker 1: the property. You do it, it's yours. I did my part.
Speaker 1: I'm done. He was dealing and maintaining the property, and
Speaker 1: there were some times when he came up short with finance,
Speaker 1: so he asked his girlfriend, yo, well his wife at
Speaker 1: the time, can you help me with the property. She said,
Speaker 1: file for bankruptcy. My hands are done. The young man
Speaker 1: was able to borrow some money from some outside investors,
Speaker 1: was able to turn the property around and was now
Speaker 1: ready to sell the property for a lot of money.
Speaker 1: Here comes the wife, and the wife says, yo, I
Speaker 1: want my percentage is going fifty nah. Nah, that's not
Speaker 1: how business works. The only thing you are, realistically, the
Speaker 1: only thing you are, since you've already washed your hands
Speaker 1: of the property, the only thing you are entitled to
Speaker 1: is the down payment you put down. If that person
Speaker 1: decides to give you your down payment back, and this is business,
Speaker 1: not married, does not matters his business. When two people
Speaker 1: go into an investment together, if that investment fails, both
Speaker 1: people have lost their money. That's it. So when the
Speaker 1: investment was about to fail, and rather than help your
Speaker 1: partner and just say, hey, file for bankruptcy, I'm good,
Speaker 1: you at that point relinquished all rights to any profits
Speaker 1: that come to that business. So since that person decided,
Speaker 1: you know where, I'm going to go ahead and forfeit
Speaker 1: any self respect I have and ask or borrow money
Speaker 1: from people so that I can maintain this property. Once
Speaker 1: the property turns a profit, it is now that person's
Speaker 1: responsibility to pay the person back that they had to
Speaker 1: borrow from and then they now have the rights to
Speaker 1: the property. That's just what it is.
Speaker 2: Bruh.
Speaker 1: This to me sounds like the same thing when you're married.
Speaker 1: But but the truth is business is business. Yes, if
Speaker 1: he did not have the money to invest, he has
Speaker 1: no entitlement to any profits that come from that business.
Speaker 1: And seeing as how he decided, that's like, Yo, what
Speaker 1: I do with my money is on me and you
Speaker 1: shouldn't ask me as long as I'm ready to go
Speaker 1: when it's time to move. You can't now feel a
Speaker 1: way because your wife moved in a direction to make
Speaker 1: herself money and you wasn't.
Speaker 3: You wasn't ready, So like people can't ask you about
Speaker 3: your money, but then you claim you have your money,
Speaker 3: but then when time's come for the money, you don't
Speaker 3: have of money.
Speaker 1: So you know what this is, right, This is someone
Speaker 1: trying to use marriage as a tool when it's convenient,
Speaker 1: when it's convenient. Now, you my wife, you're supposed to
Speaker 1: share with me. You overreacting, But as your wife when
Speaker 1: she's asking you, where's your money going? Where it's coming,
Speaker 1: you like, I don't need to tell you that. You
Speaker 1: see what I'm saying. That's using marriage when it's convenient.
Speaker 3: That's not very very lapside and very wish. Yeah, this
Speaker 3: is what you do, is what you do passion.
Speaker 1: Because because fair is fair. I'm all about fairness. Triple
Speaker 1: Didn't we talk about this last night. One thing I
Speaker 1: always say is stuff has to be fair. I don't
Speaker 1: care if it's a man, woman, child, adult, If it's
Speaker 1: not fair, we got to call out the person that's
Speaker 1: not being fair. And my man was not being fair.
Speaker 1: She asked, how do I move forward with this without
Speaker 1: causing harm to my marriage? This is the first thing
Speaker 1: I'm going to say, and I'm not judging. I'm just
Speaker 1: telling you, based on my perspective, your marriage was in
Speaker 1: trouble when you guys decided to not do everything collectively.
Speaker 1: When one person in a marriage says, yo, I'll be
Speaker 1: ready when it's my time, you don't have the right
Speaker 1: to ask me or discuss that. That's a problem. So
Speaker 1: now this bigger problem can only be solved by solving
Speaker 1: that problem. First. Let's come to say, babe, let's come
Speaker 1: to the table. Let's put everything out on the table
Speaker 1: so we know we're working with If we're not going
Speaker 1: to work like that, and you want to treat me
Speaker 1: like a separate business partner that doesn't have to disclose
Speaker 1: his finances, then I'm going to treat you like that
Speaker 1: same business partner, which means when the profits come in,
Speaker 1: I don't have to share it. I'm only matching your energy. Now,
Speaker 1: if you want to be business partners and you want
Speaker 1: to be a fully invested married couple, let's start here.
Speaker 1: If not, and this is the way you want to continue,
Speaker 1: I'm going to move like a soul entity by myself.
Speaker 1: And if he doesn't like that, then there's bigger conversations
Speaker 1: of whether or not y'all even want to be in
Speaker 1: business together or married because me personally, and once again
Speaker 1: I'm not judging them, but if a dollar come in
Speaker 1: here and you say to me, well, this is just
Speaker 1: and I don't got to talk to you about it,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a problem because I do the same thing.
Speaker 1: When I come in with all my money, I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is what we got, this is how we're using
Speaker 1: because there's only one way for us to plan, and that's.
Speaker 2: Together, to plan together.
Speaker 3: Man, That's the first that I've witnessed it how money
Speaker 3: can completely divide a married couple completely by even just
Speaker 3: separating finances and just not even be on the same accord.
Speaker 2: Everybody moving and they own you know, it's just it's
Speaker 2: a recipe for the disaster. So I think that that
Speaker 2: was very, very passionate about what he said. And listen,
Speaker 2: he could have just kept his mouth shut and just
Speaker 2: reaped the benefits of her in a business too. Because
Speaker 2: y'all are married coming back together, essentially it should be
Speaker 2: one household. But I understand that everybody functions that way.
Speaker 1: And they're still young. It still sounds to me as
Speaker 1: if his ego is getting involved. I'm the man. I
Speaker 1: want to control my finances though, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Seventeen thirteen years married, for kids, I get it.
Speaker 1: It's still in late twenties going on. But this is
Speaker 1: stuff that they can work out if they continue talk
Speaker 1: about it, for sure.
Speaker 2: All right, rolling around to the last one.
Speaker 3: Let's see if I can attempt this here, babe, and
Speaker 3: if if I struggle, you know, the words start floating.
Speaker 2: Around the page.
Speaker 3: Gotcha, you know I'm gonna tag you in, all right,
Speaker 3: Haykadina de val Hope all as well. I've been a
Speaker 3: supporter from back when I was in college and you
Speaker 3: posted videos in the Brooklyn Apartment. I love how people
Speaker 3: talk about the Brooklyn Department like it's a whole set okay.
Speaker 2: I absolutely love you, both your family and your book.
Speaker 2: We over me. It's helped me think about my relationship
Speaker 2: in a new way and opened up room for conversations
Speaker 2: I never thought about having. Now let's get into it.
Speaker 2: I love that. That's what it's about. Have you gotten
Speaker 2: your book? Have you gotten your book? Get your book.
Speaker 3: My boyfriend and I have been together for five and
Speaker 3: a half years. When I met him, he had his
Speaker 3: own apartment, his own car, and was making over one
Speaker 3: hundred k a year. He checked all the boxes and
Speaker 3: everything seemed just fine. Fast forward to a year and
Speaker 3: a half into our relationship, and I noticed that he
Speaker 3: had a gambling problem, specifically with sports betting on apps
Speaker 3: like fundual FanDuel. I noticed bad habits like driving to
Speaker 3: different states such as Pennsylvania or back home to New York,
Speaker 3: where both of our families still live, because the sports
Speaker 3: betting apps at the time were not legal in the
Speaker 3: DMV area. I told him if he didn't stop, then
Speaker 3: I couldn't be with him because it was getting out
Speaker 3: of hand. He broke down, was upset, and promised to
Speaker 3: stop gambling because he couldn't see a future without me.
Speaker 3: Fast forward to year four, I thought he'd stop gambling,
Speaker 3: but he just became really good at hiding it. One day,
Speaker 3: he became extremely angry and was yelling and throwing a
Speaker 3: fit because he lost four thousand dollars from gambling. He
Speaker 3: had a long discussion. We had a long discussion, and
Speaker 3: I found out he is sixty k in credit card
Speaker 3: debt from his gambling habits.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: I was furious when I found out and tried to
Speaker 3: help him by creating a budget tracker for all his expenses.
Speaker 3: He ended up getting rid of his car, moving back
Speaker 3: to New York with his mom, and living paycheck to
Speaker 3: paycheck because of the ridiculous credit card bills. Besides the gambling,
Speaker 3: He's a great guy. I will just never get it
Speaker 3: out of my head, the fact that he has this problem.
Speaker 3: I'm currently twenty seven and he's twenty nine. I think
Speaker 3: about our future often and I'm stuck. I want marriage
Speaker 3: and kids, and I personally know I'm ready for the
Speaker 3: next step. Unfortunately, my boyfriend's financial situation pushes my desires
Speaker 3: of marriage and motherhood back a few years. I consider
Speaker 3: myself old fashioned, meaning no kids before a ring, and
Speaker 3: I'm not shacking up with him. Man, unless he's paying
Speaker 3: the rent and mortgage. Clearly he is unable to give
Speaker 3: me these things right now, and I'm unsure how long
Speaker 3: it will take until he is in a better financial situation.
Speaker 3: I'm honestly conflicted because I truly hope he has not
Speaker 3: gambled recently due to his current financial situation. But then again,
Speaker 3: I just never know. I don't know if I'm a
Speaker 3: fool in love hoping he will change, or should I
Speaker 3: wait to see if he actually changes and gets his
Speaker 3: finances in order. My question is, do you believe I'm
Speaker 3: doing more harm by waiting? Or are these clear red flags?
Speaker 3: And I'm being naive? Signed a confused twenty seven year
Speaker 3: old Wow, very well written.
Speaker 2: She gave us the full scope. See thousand dollars in
Speaker 2: debt on a credit card devello.
Speaker 1: Yo, yo, I ain't even gonna hold you, bro.
Speaker 3: Ain't no amount of gambling in the world. See, I
Speaker 3: can't relate, So I don't understand. I've never had a
Speaker 3: gambling issue. I don't understand it.
Speaker 1: So this is important to say. Gambling is a vice,
Speaker 1: just like alcoholism, just like drugs, just like sex. Right,
Speaker 1: people don't become addicted to the gambling more than they do.
Speaker 1: The adrenaline rush and the dopamine hit they get when
Speaker 1: they win. Right. But the problem is is then gambling
Speaker 1: you typically lose way more than you win, so you
Speaker 1: end up chasing that adrenaline rush of dopamine and you
Speaker 1: continuously throw money at it hoping you find it. It's
Speaker 1: no different than an addiction right to alcohol or drugs.
Speaker 1: This is what I will say. You can't hope for
Speaker 1: him to change. He has to decide that he no
Speaker 1: longer wants this vice to have a hold or grab
Speaker 1: on his life. If he hasn't made that decision on
Speaker 1: his own, you can't force him. If he hasn't made
Speaker 1: this decision on his own, he will always choose that vice,
Speaker 1: or that vice will always choose him over her, and
Speaker 1: she'll forever feel like I'm second place in his life.
Speaker 1: Meaning I don't think that you're a bad person or
Speaker 1: you're dumb if you're waiting, but just know that you're
Speaker 1: waiting for someone who hasn't decided yet to put you
Speaker 1: as a priority, or has he.
Speaker 3: Seen the issue, because some people don't even see that
Speaker 3: they have an issue.
Speaker 1: Well, well, based on what she's saying, there's more than
Speaker 1: just one issue, there's the issue at hand. Then you
Speaker 1: have sixty thousand dollars in credit card debt. Then you
Speaker 1: also lost your apartment, so you have to you're living
Speaker 1: with your mom. He has a lot of things that
Speaker 1: he needs to deal with before he's even healthy enough
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship. She has to decide if
Speaker 1: she wants to wait or do she wants to get
Speaker 1: married sooner than later. You know what I would do.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't just dispose of him, but I wouldn't put
Speaker 1: my life in intimacy on hold. What if someone else
Speaker 1: who checks all the boxes but also it's considering me
Speaker 1: a priority comes along. Am I going to block that
Speaker 1: blessing because I want this person? Maybe God is telling
Speaker 1: you that this person.
Speaker 3: Maybe that's the bigger message in it, because she did say,
Speaker 3: am I avoiding clear red flags? That could be a
Speaker 3: red flas or several at this point? So I agree.
Speaker 3: I agree, But this is hard. It's hard when you
Speaker 3: know that you love someone, you care for them, like
Speaker 3: you can see a clear future with them, and you
Speaker 3: just know, like, man, if you just fix this one
Speaker 3: little thing here, you know, things could be so perfect.
Speaker 3: And unfortunately that's not even your cross to bearses real,
Speaker 3: it's not.
Speaker 1: It's not really not. And I feel like her saying,
Speaker 1: like I've tried, I'm trying to talk. There's no talking
Speaker 1: to a person right. Oh no, I'm gonna say this,
Speaker 1: and I'm glad we're talking about this, especially going to
Speaker 1: the end of the year. Right. I see people say
Speaker 1: all the time, what was Sierra's prayer? Right? Like? What
Speaker 1: was it? Some people said, well, I want to know
Speaker 1: what Kadeen's prayer was or and God's be like, what
Speaker 1: did you do to get Kadeen to start doing I said, guys,
Speaker 1: I didn't do anything to get Kadeen to start doing nothing.
Speaker 1: Kadeen didn't pray anything to get me to start acting
Speaker 1: a certain way. I had to decide that I wanted
Speaker 1: to be the husband and I am four k She
Speaker 1: had to decide she wanted to be the wife. She
Speaker 1: wants to be for me, and if those things work
Speaker 1: in synergy, then we have a good marriage. Me hoping
Speaker 1: or praying or talking or demanding certain things.
Speaker 2: Ultimatum, if she doesn't want to do it.
Speaker 1: She's not doing it. If this man don't want to
Speaker 1: stop gambling, it don't matter what you do, he's going
Speaker 1: to learn how to hide it better until he gets caught.
Speaker 1: So if it's me, I'm like, look, let him decide
Speaker 1: on his own time. But in that interim, you don't
Speaker 1: stop living your life. Thank you.
Speaker 3: Yep, I agree the ghosts. Hope that helps you know
Speaker 3: what right back in and let us know how it goes.
Speaker 1: I want to know.
Speaker 3: I love a touch base too, because you listen when
Speaker 3: y'all continue to write and for listen letters. If we've
Speaker 3: discussed letter and you feel free to write back in
Speaker 3: and say, y'all you know you address my letter, here's
Speaker 3: an update, or y'all were spot on, or guys, y'all
Speaker 3: had this wrong or out this detail.
Speaker 2: I'm not above a follow up.
Speaker 3: Okay, follow up, And as we go into a new
Speaker 3: season in a new year, please continue to write into us.
Speaker 2: We really, really thoroughly enjoy hearing from you, guys.
Speaker 3: We love engaging with you in this way and it
Speaker 3: adds so much more to our show.
Speaker 2: Because we look forward to the listen letter portion.
Speaker 3: So continue to write in to be featured as part
Speaker 3: of a listener letter segment. Email us at dead ass
Speaker 3: Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's D E A D A S S A D
Speaker 1: v I. C. E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: Moment of truth time and my moment of truth is
Speaker 3: always very consistent when it comes to listen letter portions
Speaker 3: because we always geared towards what the show is about,
Speaker 3: and for this one being listener letters, I just always
Speaker 3: want to give you guys your flowers right and thank
Speaker 3: you all for your loyalty and for your support and
Speaker 3: for spreading the word and continuing to love on the
Speaker 3: Elliss The Ellis Family, Dead Ass Podcast. So many things
Speaker 3: that we have to offer you, guys. We're always looking
Speaker 3: to grow and evolve as a couple, as individuals, as
Speaker 3: content creators. You know, we just thoroughly love and enjoy
Speaker 3: and so appreciate the support that you guys have shown
Speaker 3: us over the years. I smile every time someone tells
Speaker 3: us when they started following us on this journey, whether
Speaker 3: it was from YouTube or the Brooklyn Apartment or Black Love,
Speaker 3: or they just found out about us through sisters or
Speaker 3: you know, there's so many different avenues that you guys
Speaker 3: have tagged along with us on this journey, So we
Speaker 3: thank you make it that much sweeter and we cannot
Speaker 3: do it without you guys. So as we end out
Speaker 3: the year. All the best to you guys, all the
Speaker 3: best to your families, and thank you for continuing to
Speaker 3: love on the eelesns.
Speaker 1: Yes, ma'am, I appreciate that. Baby on Mine is simple.
Speaker 1: Take what we say with a grain of salt. We
Speaker 1: are not experts. All we are doing is providing a
Speaker 1: different perspective for your already life, your already existing life. On.
Speaker 1: What we say isn't always right, what we say isn't
Speaker 1: always wrong. Hopefully what we say just give you a
Speaker 1: different look at it, can see it from a different side,
Speaker 1: and just continue to think about how to make your
Speaker 1: life better. So if we said something that you disagree with,
Speaker 1: don't feel like, oh if the val and Kadeena doing this,
Speaker 1: this must be right and I must be wrong. No,
Speaker 1: we can damn well very much be wrong to effect.
Speaker 1: Just take whatever we say with a grant of salt.
Speaker 1: We hope that we've entertained you during this process, but
Speaker 1: we hope that we've enlightened you to just see things differently.
Speaker 1: That's my moment of truth. With listening letters, I love y'all.
Speaker 1: I appreciate y'all taking the time writing in and also
Speaker 1: loving on us as well.
Speaker 2: Oh for sure, all right, and for the last time
Speaker 2: this year until a new year. Be sure to find
Speaker 2: us on Patreon to see exclusive dead Ask podcast video content,
Speaker 2: as well as more Ellis family content. You guys are
Speaker 2: seeing how much the boys are growing. It's insane.
Speaker 3: It's insane, and be sure to buy your tickets if
Speaker 3: you have not yet Love Against the World holiday season
Speaker 3: time listen. It's a great stock and stuff for yes,
Speaker 3: it's a great let me buy to take it in
Speaker 3: since somebody the screenshot because we go in type of vibes,
Speaker 3: date night, whatever it is, girls' night, guys night. I
Speaker 3: always say that y'all should be bringing out droves of
Speaker 3: single men, single women.
Speaker 2: Y'all ask about the dating scene.
Speaker 3: We don't know what it looks like, but bring your
Speaker 3: people to the show.
Speaker 2: I'm sure we can have some mix and mingling going
Speaker 2: on there.
Speaker 3: So buy your tickets now for the Love Against the
Speaker 3: World tour in the city near you, and continue to
Speaker 3: follow us on social media.
Speaker 2: Dead Ass the podcast. You can find me at Kadeen
Speaker 2: I Am.
Speaker 1: And I Am devou and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe, and most importantly,
Speaker 1: for the last time of the year. Last, but not least,
Speaker 1: make sure you get your copy of We Over Me,
Speaker 1: The Counterintuitive approach to getting everything you want out of
Speaker 1: your relationship. Remember to love on each other. This book
Speaker 1: is available everywhere books are sold. Also, the audible is available,
Speaker 1: and remember this. Kadeen and I Love you. Yes, we
Speaker 1: will be away from the podcast decks for the next
Speaker 1: two weeks, but you can still keep up with us
Speaker 1: on Patreon. Like a d say, we will still have
Speaker 1: the after show, we will still have de Vous Truth,
Speaker 1: we will still have All day Care, and we will
Speaker 1: still have all things Deadass Podcast Live show to prepare
Speaker 1: you for the show that's coming in February.
Speaker 2: Baby, for sure, we love y'all.
Speaker 1: Have a happy New Year, have a happy end of
Speaker 1: this year.
Speaker 2: Yes, we love y'alls.
Speaker 4: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network, and
Speaker 4: it's produced by Donor Opinya and Triple Follow the podcast
Speaker 4: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never
Speaker 4: miss a Thing.