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Speaker 1: Guys, we made it through another year. Three seasons. We

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Speaker 1: love y'all.

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Speaker 2: Three seasons.

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Speaker 1: Three seasons in the year.

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Speaker 2: Oh, three seasons in the year.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, see's episode of fifteen season twelve. Four years right, right, long,

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Speaker 1: it's been longer than four years because we used to

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Speaker 1: do two seasons in the year. So shoot, we're going

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Speaker 1: to twenty eighteen. Yeah, it's the last one. I could

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Speaker 1: do whatever I want to do. In this last sound bite.

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Speaker 2: You the boys fact you were the boss. Yeah, the boss.

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Speaker 3: It's not KaraOK your time. But were tired, clearly if

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Speaker 3: you're watching, you set on ropes. Yes, it's toasty. It's

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Speaker 3: giving end of the year, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: We're tired and it's been a long one and we're

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Speaker 3: trying to be cozy, so.

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Speaker 1: It sound like we tired. Yes.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 2: Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 4: Li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk.

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Speaker 4: About through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead

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Speaker 4: ass is a term that we say every day. So

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Speaker 4: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one

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Speaker 4: hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: Were about to take philosof to our whole new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna choose the final karaoke song you not

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Speaker 1: of the year. No, because somebody here saw Beyonce five times,

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Speaker 1: and you better know a song after being there five times.

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Speaker 1: Pick a song that you learn.

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Speaker 3: Well, it's funny you said that because the sound by

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Speaker 3: I said, we're cozy, and you know, don't act like

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Speaker 3: you're gonna be knowing the songs too.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.

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Speaker 2: Comfy within my skin, cozy with who I am, I

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Speaker 2: love myself, goddamn cozy.

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Speaker 1: That's one of my favorite.

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Speaker 3: I know it is the value. Were trying to act

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Speaker 3: like he not a high member this point, baby listen

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Speaker 3: and at this point the movie when listen, when the

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Speaker 3: movie tickets went listen, I was in Kansas City, all right,

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Speaker 3: that's when I saw the trailer for the movie, got

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Speaker 3: the tickets a couple of days after, they went to

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Speaker 3: go watch with me.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have a choice of another choice. I saw

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Speaker 1: the show two times. I didn't need to see a

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Speaker 1: movie of the show. I didn't, but I will be

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Speaker 1: in support of my wife and whatever she wants to do.

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Speaker 2: You know. It was a date night. And then he

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Speaker 2: got to get a show after the show.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that was what I was waiting for.

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Speaker 2: You're welcome.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and you performed, You performed. I was in the KHive.

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Speaker 2: Yes, in there, Honeybee, all right.

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Speaker 3: First listener letter of the episode. I love these particular

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Speaker 3: episodes because I feel like y'all run the show.

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Speaker 2: We're just here, you know, giving our little two cents.

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Speaker 3: Hey, guys, I'm a regular listener to your show, and

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Speaker 3: y'all are awesome.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for writing in.

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Speaker 3: I've been working out consistently for four months, and although

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Speaker 3: I feel good, I'm not dropping this weight like I

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Speaker 3: feel I should. I started off at one seventy nine

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Speaker 3: and four months later I am one seventy five.

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Speaker 2: This is stupid and I'm over it.

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Speaker 3: And by the point in my fitness journey where I

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Speaker 3: feel it feels wrong not to work out a good thing.

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Speaker 3: But when I see these pounds ain't dropping, I get

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Speaker 3: in my feelings and want to quit. It feels like

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Speaker 3: an ice ship's diet is the only way. No, but

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Speaker 3: that ain't gonna happen. I'm a American Houstonian. But but, but, but,

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Speaker 3: and these foods be calling. I heard Houston has some

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Speaker 3: really good Withsydian food. So discipline and consistency have betrayed me,

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Speaker 3: and I need some advice.

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Speaker 2: How can I drop this weight? I could cry?

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Speaker 3: Sincerely, a fat ass listener is trying to be fine, girl,

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Speaker 3: Do not claim that over your life.

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Speaker 2: You just want to have a fat ass, not be

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Speaker 2: a fat ass listener. You know what I'm saying. But listen,

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Speaker 2: the scale is a lie. That's the first thing.

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Speaker 3: You may legitimately be shedding, toning, sculpting your body and

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Speaker 3: not see the difference in the scale, because why must

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Speaker 3: more than fat?

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Speaker 2: I think sometimes the better guide guide, or the.

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Speaker 3: Better gauge rather is to see how your clothing is

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Speaker 3: fitting measure.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like, it depends on the type of workout you're doing.

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Speaker 1: First of all, she says, the foods be calling her,

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Speaker 1: So realistically, you're not going to just lose weight if

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Speaker 1: you continue to eat poorly.

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Speaker 3: And this saying you can't out work exercise a bad

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Speaker 3: diet facts.

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Speaker 1: But here's the truth. Though, you can make lifestyle changes

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Speaker 1: and still eat the foods you love. Like Kadeen and

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Speaker 1: I still eat all the foods that we want to eat.

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Speaker 1: The difference is, rather than eating a half a plate

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Speaker 1: of rice, if you're a Jamaican Houstonian, how about you

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Speaker 1: cut that to just two spoonfuls of rice and add

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Speaker 1: an additional prote to add more vegetables. Right, so you

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Speaker 1: can still have rice, cabbage, and a stewed chicken, but

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Speaker 1: eat twice as much chicken, half as much rice, and

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Speaker 1: more cabbage.

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Speaker 3: If you go into the restaurants, you know they'd be

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Speaker 3: singing on the face, especially if it's oxtale.

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Speaker 2: Forget it.

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Speaker 3: Don't even do that because that's just our habit, right,

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Speaker 3: that's what we've been accustomed to. You fill up on

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Speaker 3: the rice, which is the starch, and that of course

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Speaker 3: is not going to help your finished journey because you

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Speaker 3: want to be more protein heavy.

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Speaker 1: So here's the key. Keep doing what you're doing. If

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Speaker 1: you're working out consistently, eat more protein, more vegetables, less carbs.

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Speaker 1: I can guarantee you that in itself, that in itself

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Speaker 1: will help you lose somebody fat. Now, what Kadeen said,

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Speaker 1: if you're lifting weights, do not expect to lose a

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Speaker 1: lot of weight because lifting weight increases bone density and

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Speaker 1: increases muscle. So if you're increasing bone density and muscle,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna be heavier. But you can be heavier and

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Speaker 1: look smaller because when you increase muscle, it burns body fat.

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Speaker 1: So as the muscle is growing, you say you want

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Speaker 1: that booty, do more squats, more lunges, more dead lifts.

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Speaker 1: Your legs are going to grow, but your waist is

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Speaker 1: going to shrink, which means you'll look better. So be patient.

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Speaker 1: Four months is not an eternity and a fitness journey.

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Speaker 1: Four months is typically just the beginning. Give yourself a year,

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Speaker 1: give yourself a yet year. Be consistent.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I didn't really start seeing changes

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Speaker 3: in myself until I feel like that first two weeks

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Speaker 3: is like your body is like, Okay, what are you

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Speaker 3: trying to do? Yeah, Then the first four weeks in

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Speaker 3: it's just like, oh okay, I see what you're trying

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Speaker 3: to do. And then those first two months, it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: I'm catching my rhythm. So by four months, yeah, you

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Speaker 3: may or may not see too many significant changes, but

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Speaker 3: I know that becomes the point where a lot of

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Speaker 3: people like to stop.

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Speaker 2: They feel like, damn, I've been doing this for four months.

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Speaker 3: And then you know, you're like, it's almost like that

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Speaker 3: point where you're like, okay, either a stop now because

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Speaker 3: it's not working, or you pushed past it. So you

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Speaker 3: might be in that push past it phasis. And there's

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Speaker 3: certain things that you should also watch, like sugar intake.

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Speaker 3: You know, we've my gosh, juices and sodas and stuff

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Speaker 3: like that. Cut that drastically and then find other ways

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Speaker 3: around it. So with water, coconut water. At one point

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Speaker 3: all summer Devout was juicing water. You just have to

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Speaker 3: find substitutions for the things that you really love to eat.

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Speaker 3: Because listen from one drum American to another, there's certain

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Speaker 3: things that I'm not getting rid.

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Speaker 2: Of, like I'm just not doing it okay.

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Speaker 1: And for cardio, I know people hate jogging. Get on

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Speaker 1: a treadmill right, put that incline up to six to nine, yes,

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Speaker 1: put the speed on three point five and try to

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Speaker 1: walk thirty minutes power you watch how your body leans

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Speaker 1: out like just a power walk, and you can put

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Speaker 1: on a book you'd like to listen to, or put

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Speaker 1: on a television, watch the show, put on some music.

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Speaker 1: But that really helped Kazen and I Boss lean out,

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Speaker 1: especially get into this older age where you don't want

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Speaker 1: to necessarily sprint and run all the time. Let me

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Speaker 1: protect Well, I'm twenty five, but some of us turned

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Speaker 1: forty a couple of weeks ago. And when I say

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Speaker 1: some of us, I don't mean me.

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Speaker 3: And you wish you could look this good forty, well,

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Speaker 3: we all can.

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Speaker 1: Look as good if we put the incline on six

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Speaker 1: to nine and the speed.

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Speaker 2: On three points start there.

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Speaker 3: You know, I've been doing consistently twelve inclined three point

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Speaker 3: zero speed for thirty minutes, and that's second a minimum,

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Speaker 3: like even on days when I'm just like damn, I

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Speaker 3: really just I don't have it in me at the

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Speaker 3: very at the very least, that's all I'm going to do.

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Speaker 3: In addition to weights as well, because we.

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Speaker 1: Wait trained squats, deadlifts, lunges, lap pulled down chain, yep eels.

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Speaker 1: That's mainly what you do is la area swatts, push ups.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about opper bodyes lot pull down push ups

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Speaker 1: on everything, anything pushing. Yes, that's what Kadean does, work.

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Speaker 2: Rose things like that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, well, I hope this hopes you'll shouts to

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Speaker 3: you for getting on that fitness journey. I love that

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Speaker 3: for you, Yes, ma'am, all right, second one, you want

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Speaker 3: to go babe?

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Speaker 1: Hey, Deval and Kadeen. My husband and I got married

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Speaker 1: just two months ago after a long term relationship. We've

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Speaker 1: never lived together for an extended period of time, and

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Speaker 1: appreciate this hard work as oh, we've never We never

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Speaker 1: lived together for the extended period before, and I appreciate

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Speaker 1: his hard work as our provider. However, since we got

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Speaker 1: married here there's been a significant change. He really initiates

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Speaker 1: intimacy and he's hardly around when I'm awake. His routine

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Speaker 1: involves waking up at ten am, diving into work without

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Speaker 1: getting dressed or even brushing up, and he keeps working

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Speaker 1: late into the night, even on weekends. I'm feeling increasingly

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Speaker 1: unhappy and lonely. We rarely discuss our feelings or goal.

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Speaker 1: That's the problem, and it's all about his work. I've

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Speaker 1: talked to him about this, but he claims to be

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Speaker 1: too busy. Am I being selfish or once for wanting

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Speaker 1: more attention and emotional connection. I'm struggling to understand and

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Speaker 1: address this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I would

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Speaker 1: say this, No, I don't. You can't be selfish for

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Speaker 1: expressing what you require, what you need, what you want,

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Speaker 1: what you desire from your life. You have a life

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Speaker 1: partner that's not selfish to express it. What selfish is

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Speaker 1: giving someone an ultimatum and saying, if you don't provide

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Speaker 1: this for me right now, I'm leaving. No. Expressing it

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Speaker 1: is not selfish. Building a plan on how you both

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Speaker 1: can get everything you desire out of life is what

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Speaker 1: marriage is about. And that starts with conversations, and it

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Speaker 1: starts with being honest. So I don't think she's being

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Speaker 1: selfish at all.

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Speaker 2: And it looks like he is.

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Speaker 3: She says, a routine involves waking up and then diving

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Speaker 3: right into work, so it looks like he's working from home. Yes,

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Speaker 3: and we know what that can look like. Sometimes a

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Speaker 3: lot of people have complained. I've heard several people, actually

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Speaker 3: from different facets, complain about the detriment that working from

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Speaker 3: home has been to them and then their life and

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Speaker 3: their motivation and their drive and anything in general. Even

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Speaker 3: my sister mentioned it. She was just like, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: like I've gained a little weight. I just feel like

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Speaker 3: I don't feel like myself because you're not going through

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Speaker 3: the process of getting up, getting ready, getting outside, getting outdoors,

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Speaker 3: being in the sun, and then knowing that when you

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Speaker 3: leave that space, you know, depending on what your job is,

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Speaker 3: you can leave work there and come home and actually

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Speaker 3: have some downtime. So I think maybe having the discussion

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Speaker 3: with him about same, babe. I know that work is,

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Speaker 3: you know, important to you. I love the fact that

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Speaker 3: you're a provider. I love that you are, you know,

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Speaker 3: putting that as a priority for us. But also we

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Speaker 3: have to prioritize time together, and having not lived together

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Speaker 3: for an extended period of time too, you're also probably

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Speaker 3: just getting accustomed to how each other functions in the

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Speaker 3: household together, and that's something that a lot of people

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Speaker 3: have to kind of push through and learn people's habits

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Speaker 3: and stuff. So I think having the conversation and I

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Speaker 3: don't think, I know, having the conversation with him is

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Speaker 3: going to be very very important about finding time to

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Speaker 3: draw the line, because I had to do that with

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Speaker 3: you a couple times with work.

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Speaker 1: Yes, work together, Yes, she said, though we rarely discuss

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Speaker 1: our feelings and goals. That is a problem because here's

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Speaker 1: all this other stuff about oh, he works too late,

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Speaker 1: and D she does this, and I require this. All

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Speaker 1: of that can be solved by discussing your feelings and

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Speaker 1: your goals. Kadeen and none, since the age of eighteen

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Speaker 1: have been discussing our goals, our not mine, not hers,

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Speaker 1: our goals collectively and individually, and then curating a life

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Speaker 1: to get those goals together. If you're not discussing goals

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Speaker 1: and what are you discussing, then that means you're your relationship.

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Speaker 1: If you can't discuss feelings and goals, your relationship is.

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Speaker 2: Based on what there's no relationship really, you.

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Speaker 1: Know what I'm saying. It's very like that. It just

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Speaker 1: seems like.

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Speaker 2: A individualistic approach.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and I mean she did say that she loves

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Speaker 1: the fact that he provides, which means he's a sole

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Speaker 1: provider and she doesn't provide. She doesn't say that she works,

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Speaker 1: so if he provides, he probably feels like, well, I

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Speaker 1: have to do what I have to do to be

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Speaker 1: able to provide for my family, and I don't want

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Speaker 1: you questioning me on how I'm providing. Sometimes that becomes

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Speaker 1: an issue, and that becomes an issue when you don't

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Speaker 1: discuss your feelings.

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Speaker 3: Or goals right, or how about maybe like you know,

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Speaker 3: if it is at home that he's working from, like saying, hey, babe,

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Speaker 3: you know what's your estimated time to be done today?

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Speaker 3: I'd love to schedule a date night and then you

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Speaker 3: guys maybe go out out of the home so that

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Speaker 3: you can have some time outside of it, and then

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Speaker 3: over dinner, you know, discussing goals, feelings, you know, things

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Speaker 3: that you have on your mind.

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Speaker 2: You have to keep the conversations going. There's just no

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Speaker 2: own way around it.

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Speaker 3: And you have to hope too that he's going to

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Speaker 3: be receptive to you when you express your feelings and

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Speaker 3: not judge you for feeling the way you feel, but

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Speaker 3: you know, taking into consideration. So I'm hoping that since

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Speaker 3: you guys are newly married, that this is something you

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Speaker 3: guys can work past.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and just she says, am I being selfish for

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Speaker 1: wanting more attention and emotional connection? Absolutely not, No, You're

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Speaker 1: not being selfish at all, go get what you want

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Speaker 1: to like, baby, you only get one of those. You

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Speaker 1: don't owe it to anybody. And I'm telling that to anybody,

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Speaker 1: man or woman. You don't owe anybody in the world

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Speaker 1: except for the children you create because they didn't ask

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Speaker 1: to be here. But everybody else. Tell them what you want,

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Speaker 1: what you desire.

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Speaker 3: That's a fact we still tell I'm still telling me

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Speaker 3: what you want, and I still can't get that shit

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Speaker 3: right sometimes, So don't feel no kind of way.

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Speaker 1: It's not that you can't. Sometimes you don't be wanting

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Speaker 1: to get it right because you be like I just

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Speaker 1: want to do it the way I want to do it,

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Speaker 1: and that's and that's marriage, right, Like we all go

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Speaker 1: through that and we keep having a.

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Speaker 3: Discussion until I don't know, right, we know until I

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Speaker 3: don't know. So sometimes like, listen to you when they

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Speaker 3: tell you what they want. That is a valuable lesson

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Speaker 3: so many arguments.

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Speaker 1: Listen to people when they tell you what they want.

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Speaker 1: When you ask somebody, When you ask somebody what do

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Speaker 1: you want and they tell you don't give them what

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Speaker 1: you want to give them. You asked me, why would

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Speaker 1: you ask me? And they look look look at her,

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Speaker 1: faking her fingers.

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Speaker 3: You see, my problem is that I wanting to put

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Speaker 3: my special sauce and stuff and devout on me.

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Speaker 2: The more of my special sauce, he said, give me,

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Speaker 2: give me this. I asked for this old the sauce.

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Speaker 1: I don't mind these special sauce. But when the special

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Speaker 1: sauce be less than what I asked for, how was

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Speaker 1: itouse specialists? That motherfucker. I'm just saying. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, like to if I got But God, you

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Speaker 1: see how we can joke and laugh about this. You

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Speaker 1: know why we can joke and laugh about this because

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Speaker 1: we've discussed this, had tough conversations.

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Speaker 2: You know, the arguments and the fights and the tears,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 1: But we choose to be here. So we hear period

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Speaker 1: loving on each other. And she take all my special sauce.

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Speaker 1: Shut up? You look as ye do? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Uh wait a minute, did that number three on that note?

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Speaker 3: Look?

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Speaker 1: Look, she got all flushed about what we were talking about.

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Speaker 1: Forgot to take a break. How about you?

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Speaker 2: I forgot to take the break. I forgot to pay

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Speaker 2: the bills. Child, That would be another argument. Let's do that.

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Speaker 2: Let's take a break.

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Speaker 3: We'll stop talking about devo on special saws and we

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Speaker 3: will take a break and get into these ads. Then

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Speaker 3: we'll come back with more listening letters and we're gonna

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Speaker 3: keep the ball rolling. With the third listener letter of

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Speaker 3: the day today, I'm writing you, guys an appreciation letter.

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Speaker 2: Oh this is a noise. Thank you.

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Speaker 3: I was listening to one of your previous shows where

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Speaker 3: you talked about the importance of vacations and reconnecting as

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Speaker 3: a couple. The subject really hit home for me. My

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00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,160
Speaker 3: husband and I have just nine years just bought and

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Speaker 3: moved into our first home back in yes and as

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Speaker 3: exciting as that news was, the insane movie expenses really

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Speaker 3: set us back.

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Speaker 1: Trust me, we understood.

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Speaker 3: Che We decided the best way to rebuild our finances

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Speaker 3: was to skip out on some things. That meant taking

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Speaker 3: a break from the things like eating out and going

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Speaker 3: on dates, planning vacations at least for a while understood.

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Speaker 3: In addition to that, we both began working longer hours,

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Speaker 3: spending more time away from one another. I was beginning

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Speaker 3: to feel lonely and missed time with my husband, even

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Speaker 3: with us being in the same damn house. Been there,

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Speaker 3: and after listening to the show, I was inspired with

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Speaker 3: an idea. I decided to surprise my husband one Saturday

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Speaker 3: night with the romantic at home date.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 3: I stopped by an art studio where they make personalized

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Speaker 3: canvases to paint with kids included. I went home, set

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Speaker 3: up a nice scene with candles and wine, laid out

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Speaker 3: all the paints and brushes, and we had a beautiful

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Speaker 3: time painting the canvases together. The best part was when

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Speaker 3: we put down our phones, played some music and we

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Speaker 3: had each other's full undivided attention.

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Speaker 2: We talked, we laughed, had some wine, smoked.

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Speaker 3: Some good and it was some of the best quality

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Speaker 3: time we had in a long time.

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Speaker 2: I love this for you, guys. By the end of

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Speaker 2: the night, we made love for so long that I

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Speaker 2: just thank my father for.

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Speaker 1: We know.

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Speaker 3: I just had to write into thank you guys for

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Speaker 3: the inspiration to reconnect with my husband. It was long overdue,

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Speaker 3: very much needed, and even though it wasn't as lavis

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Speaker 3: as a vacation, the time we spent was an unforgettable experience.

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Speaker 3: We're currently making plans in our busy schedules or in

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Speaker 3: between our busy schedules, rather to have more nights like

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Speaker 3: that one. Thank you guys.

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Speaker 1: Yo. First of all, I love that's mad though, because

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Speaker 1: so many people don't calling or write in with complaints

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Speaker 1: about marriage. To hear people applying some things that they

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Speaker 1: might have learned from us means a lot. And the

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Speaker 1: reason why it means a lot is because one thing

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Speaker 1: I hope you guys learned from Kadeen and I is

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Speaker 1: that we don't come on social media or have a

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Speaker 1: podcast to influence people, or to tell people to live

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Speaker 1: like us, or to brag or bolt, or even to

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Speaker 1: complain about each other. We come to share, and we

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Speaker 1: hope that in sharing our experiences, the good and the bad,

396
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Speaker 1: someone can say, you know what, either I like that,

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Speaker 1: I'll try it, or I see why that didn't work

398
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,239
Speaker 1: for them, I'll leave that alone. It's just sharing, it

399
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Speaker 1: really is. That's all of this. So to hear some

400
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Speaker 1: of these stories about people who have received some ideas

401
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,119
Speaker 1: about how to exist in their life just based on

402
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Speaker 1: what we've shared, makes me feel good.

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Speaker 3: And it's nice to see that, you know, in a

404
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Speaker 3: day of social media where it seems like everybody's traveling

405
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Speaker 3: and everybody's having these lavist vacations and everybody's all over

406
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Speaker 3: the globe, and you know, stuff like that. It's nice

407
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,560
Speaker 3: to see that there's ways to reconnect and disconnect.

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Speaker 2: You know that you're doing.

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Speaker 3: The comfort of your own home absolutely, that doesn't require

410
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,760
Speaker 3: too much, that doesn't cost too much. You don't have

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Speaker 3: to break the bank for it. Because when you talked

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Speaker 3: about this sacrificial period of not eating out, not going

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Speaker 3: on dates, not buying things, like we had that at first,

414
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Speaker 3: like five years of our marriage, that was just like

415
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,040
Speaker 3: grind sacrific. It was all sacrifice, and although we understood

416
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,080
Speaker 3: the sacrifice, it didn't remove the fact that we missed

417
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Speaker 3: each other in the process. Our relationship at that point

418
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Speaker 3: was in shambles because we just didn't know how to

419
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Speaker 3: effectively be there for each other when we felt like

420
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Speaker 3: we weren't in a space to provide for each other,

421
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Speaker 3: not knowing that the simple things that were needed were

422
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Speaker 3: just time, attention, like you said, the affection, you know,

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Speaker 3: putting on the phone down.

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Speaker 1: One of our favorite things to do is put on

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Speaker 1: R and B music, listen to it. We joke and

426
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Speaker 1: laugh about all of the things in the past that

427
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Speaker 1: we had been through for sure, and we kiss on

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Speaker 1: each other, love on each other sometimes each other. Sometimes

429
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 1: it ends in sect. Sometimes it don't. Sometimes we just

430
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Speaker 1: be joking and laughing about things in the past and

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Speaker 1: then we wake up and then we hug each other, like, yo.

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Speaker 2: That was just dope, that dope night.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. Sometimes like that intimacy that's spending the

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Speaker 1: time and not having your partners still looking at their

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Speaker 1: phone or having to split time with whatever your partner

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Speaker 1: is looking at. That means so much to just sit

437
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 1: down and oh, you're only focused on me right now.

438
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 3: Right, especially when you're so connected to someone, because a

439
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 3: lot of times you just miss your best friend, right yep.

440
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 3: And even working, you know, us working together a lot,

441
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 3: sometimes I say devour. I don't want devour the business

442
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 3: partner or the co host or you know, or the dad.

443
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,399
Speaker 3: I just want like devour my boyfriend. You know. So

444
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,160
Speaker 3: shout out to y'all. I'm so happy that you've implemented this.

445
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 3: Keep doing it, keep going, keep going more of those.

446
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 3: If something works one time, don't just stop.

447
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 1: And you'll be surprised how things don't get corny. So

448
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,760
Speaker 1: you did it once, then it becomes once a week, right,

449
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 1: Then once a week becomes your natural habit. Like Kadeena

450
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 1: and I go on date nights every night. But then

451
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,560
Speaker 1: now we have a date night, but then there's a

452
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,120
Speaker 1: random night in between us, like let's go do something else.

453
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,439
Speaker 1: Then it becomes two nights a week, and before you

454
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,600
Speaker 1: know it, you've created a habit about loving on the

455
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,399
Speaker 1: person that you're sharing the rest of your life with.

456
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 1: People say all the time like and you and Gadeen

457
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,320
Speaker 1: a sickening y'all like that all the time out on

458
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 1: each other. Yeah, it's become a habit for us to

459
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 1: love on each other. Yeah, you know, for no other

460
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 1: reason than that's just what I'm used to now. I'm

461
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: just so used to just seeing her grabbing a butt,

462
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,640
Speaker 1: grabbing a hug, choking her a little bit while she's

463
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,959
Speaker 1: standing there, and her biting her lip, Like these are

464
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,639
Speaker 1: small things that we just do to each other that

465
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 1: people be like, Okay, I'm leaving, and we're like, it

466
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,679
Speaker 1: ain't going nowhere. That's just what we do. Like we

467
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,880
Speaker 1: do that. Then she go make a sandwich for the kids,

468
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 1: you know.

469
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 2: So it's just alment. Yeah, and help.

470
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:36,439
Speaker 1: Number four. I'm liking the so far hey from OHI

471
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 1: from a woman that just hit her thirties and although

472
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 1: wishing that I had a relationship question for you, these

473
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 1: single streets. Woo child, I actually have a question about

474
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 1: a career dilemma that I'm picking my brain about. I

475
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,280
Speaker 1: live in LA and I'm pursuing Korean entertainment on the

476
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 1: executive track, trying to get trying to be the change

477
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:55,919
Speaker 1: that I want to see all over the amazing for

478
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,160
Speaker 1: all of the amazing creatives out there, like you both

479
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 1: looking up to you all the raise and Tyler Perry's

480
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: of the world. My question is really simple. I know

481
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,720
Speaker 1: you have had careers and lives in both LA and Atlanta,

482
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 1: don't forget New York, and knowing that Atlanta is another

483
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 1: entertainment hub outside of LA, I would like to know

484
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 1: what you both thought about the difference differences in regards

485
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,880
Speaker 1: to pursuing a career and entertainment or just the entertainment

486
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: industry there overall. I am originally from the South and

487
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 1: all my family is there. I have spent most of

488
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 1: my twenties in LA and now that I'm in my thirties,

489
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 1: I'm finding myself wanting to be closer to family and

490
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 1: loved ones. I miss out on so much with my

491
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 1: family pursuing this dream and the thought of what a

492
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,640
Speaker 1: career in Atlanta would look like has been something to consider.

493
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 1: Thank you for all you share and do for us

494
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,639
Speaker 1: as fans. Sincerely, Should I take my ass back to

495
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: the South?

496
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 2: Oh that's cool?

497
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,200
Speaker 3: Well, girl, you know, we came from New York born

498
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,360
Speaker 3: and raised, went over to LA for a little bit

499
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 3: with the idea of thinking this was just the necessary

500
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,440
Speaker 3: step that you had to take in the entertainment industry

501
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,679
Speaker 3: to go to LA, you know, rub shoulders network, go

502
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,959
Speaker 3: to a hopefully go on more in personal auditions. And

503
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 3: then we were throwing the monkey wrench that is COVID

504
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 3: that happened six months into our journey. And then having children.

505
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 3: I don't know if you have children, that doesn't seem

506
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,480
Speaker 3: like you do. But in having children and also having

507
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 3: the dilemma of wanting to be close to family, because

508
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 3: that was a challenge, you know, with COVID of course,

509
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,040
Speaker 3: but then distance, it just kind of made sense for

510
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 3: us to try to find out where we wanted to

511
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 3: have our roots with our family, our immediate family, and

512
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:31,879
Speaker 3: then be accessible to extended family. I don't think that

513
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:35,119
Speaker 3: you necessarily need to live in a certain place in

514
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 3: order to be in the entertainment industry, meaning you don't

515
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 3: have to necessarily live in an LA or in Atlanta

516
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 3: or in a New York. But it is good to

517
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 3: be in a big city in terms of major differences

518
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:51,880
Speaker 3: that we might have seen between LA and Atlanta, I mean,

519
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,679
Speaker 3: you have access to people in both places, and I

520
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 3: think Atlanta is a good Yeah, Atlanta is a good

521
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 3: like median point I think between for us at least

522
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 3: New York and LA. But there are definitely a lot

523
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 3: more people in LA in the industry that you have

524
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,159
Speaker 3: access to and events and things like that.

525
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:10,920
Speaker 2: Now that outside is back open.

526
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 1: I'll say this, we have to give her advice where

527
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 1: she is. For us, living in Atlanta made more sense

528
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 1: because we have four children who are looking to buy

529
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 1: a home. The property value is better in Atlanta. Yeah,

530
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 1: I work on on two shows at TPS, so what's

531
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: easier here. But if I'm meeting her where she is

532
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,920
Speaker 1: single just turn thirty, I'm staying in LA. And the

533
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,679
Speaker 1: reason why I stay that is because when Kadeen and

534
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 1: I were in LA, we established a ton of relationships.

535
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 1: Because when you're in LA and an event's happening, they

536
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 1: can call and be like are you available? You can

537
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 1: show up and realistically, the entertainment industry is no different.

538
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,479
Speaker 1: In athletics is no different than these Fortune five hundred companies,

539
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:52,239
Speaker 1: it's no different than tech. It's not about what you know,

540
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,120
Speaker 1: and it's not about who you know. It's about who

541
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,880
Speaker 1: knows you. And when I mean who knows you, it's

542
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 1: who are the people who are making these decisions. You

543
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 1: said you want to get there on the executive track.

544
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,120
Speaker 1: Who are the people in these seats who can say

545
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 1: I'm looking for an executive And if those people don't

546
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: know who you are, you'll never get pulled into those

547
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: meetings to even get an opportunity. And the only way

548
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 1: you get into those meetings and you get to know

549
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 1: those people are being in a proximity where those people

550
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 1: get to know who you are. Outside of the entertainment industry,

551
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,960
Speaker 1: it is not what you see. It is not about

552
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 1: resumes and auditions. It's not that's fake acade.

553
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,680
Speaker 3: But also to get the job, sometimes you don't necessarily

554
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 3: have to be in that state.

555
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:33,880
Speaker 1: You know, no, you don't have to be in the state.

556
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 1: But think about it, how often were we in LA

557
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 1: think about NCIS. N CIS was only hiring locals. Most

558
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 1: of the industries hire New York or LA for films,

559
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,880
Speaker 1: it's La. For TV shows, it's New York. Right. It's

560
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: very rare that you have someone that you want to

561
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 1: bring in from a smaller market. Atlanta is a smaller market.

562
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: She's an executive all of those. That's what I'm saying.

563
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:02,159
Speaker 1: We have to meet her where she is not thinking

564
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,160
Speaker 1: about everything we right for her to be an executive,

565
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 1: she has to be there. Like Robbie Reid lives in

566
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 1: La Latania was living in LA. These are all people

567
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 1: who are now executives.

568
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 2: Decision makers or decision.

569
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,880
Speaker 1: Makers who we met going to events while we were

570
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 1: in LA.

571
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 2: That is true. We don't get invited to a lot

572
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 2: of stuff out here in Atlanta. And if we do,

573
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 2: with stuff that we don't necessarily care to attend.

574
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, beneficial, I'm gonna be honest. I'm

575
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: not throwing shade on anyone. So when I say this,

576
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 1: don't take it as oh, he's throwing shade. Different industries

577
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: have different hubs. If you want to get into the

578
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 1: reality TV space, you want to get into that. Real

579
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: Husbands or Real Wives of Atlanta's a perfect spot because

580
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: the blog site, the blogs love Atlanta. It's easy to

581
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:51,199
Speaker 1: become popular and get in front of those people for

582
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 1: those type of shows in Atlanta. If you want to

583
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 1: get into reality shows, you can't live in New York

584
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: at LA, you know, because most of those shows use

585
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 1: white people. As you know, the Real Housewives of New

586
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 1: York or LA, they're mestly white. But for pot Potomac

587
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 1: is is DC DC. But if you want to get

588
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 1: into the entertainment industry with TV and film, you got

589
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,120
Speaker 1: to be New York at LA, especially if you want

590
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 1: to get those opportunities.

591
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,919
Speaker 3: But I do, I said in the beginning, I do.

592
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,400
Speaker 3: I was also trying to understand where she was coming from,

593
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 3: and I can empathize with missing family and proximity and

594
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 3: you know that portion of it too. But if you're

595
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,679
Speaker 3: really like grinding in your career, then you know, sometimes

596
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 3: it has to kind of take a back seat to

597
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 3: where she want to be the easiest industry.

598
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: I wish we knew where she was lifestyle wise, because

599
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 1: if she's like, I'm looking for a husband, I'm trying

600
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 1: to settle down, and then I would understand, Okay, make

601
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: this choice. But she's all she said was career, a career,

602
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 1: And I be honest, if I had no kids, even

603
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: if I was married, we would be in LA.

604
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 2: That's true. We did say that we would be in

605
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 2: l A.

606
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were just want to visit Kendall and Donorra

607
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,119
Speaker 3: this past summer, and yeah, we said the same thing.

608
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 3: We were like, had we not had children, we've just

609
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 3: still been out there with a cute little apartment in

610
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 3: the sky out in LA.

611
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 2: So, well, good luck to you whatever it is that

612
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 2: you're doing.

613
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 3: I love that you know that you want to be

614
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,400
Speaker 3: the change that you want to see for creatives out there.

615
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 3: We appreciate people like that who have the vigor and

616
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 3: the drive and the want to do that. So good

617
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 3: luck to you. Hope that was helpful. I think we

618
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 3: got out some more bills to pay, you know what

619
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 3: I'm saying. So we're gonna do that and then we'll

620
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 3: come back for the last batch of listener letters. So

621
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 3: stick around, y'all. All right, number five, All right, y'all

622
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 3: were back. Let's see what this last batch got to

623
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 3: say for me. All right, let me start by saying,

624
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 3: I really appreciate the platform y'all have created. I've really

625
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 3: learned a lot about myself and my husband through strategies.

626
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 3: I've gotten from listening to your content.

627
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:00,479
Speaker 2: Thank you.

628
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 3: My first opinion, sorry, my first option has always been

629
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 3: to get advice from a couple that has been through

630
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 3: or going through some shit and maintain the dedication devotion

631
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 3: that is to making it work in the relationship. I

632
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 3: hope the Lord continues to bless you guys because y'all

633
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 3: out here.

634
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 2: Doing his work. Thank you so much for that. Appreciate it.

635
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 3: My husband and I have been together in each other's

636
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 3: lives since I was fourteen and him fifteen. We have

637
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 3: the same birthday one year apart. Oh, same birthday, November scorpioss. Yeah,

638
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 3: we were teenage. We were teenage parents by sixteen and seventeen.

639
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,360
Speaker 3: Everything you can expect the young couple to go through

640
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 3: we did. After thirteen years of marriage, four kids, and

641
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 3: your content as a form of theory, I feel that

642
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 3: we are in a much better space.

643
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 1: That's what's up, okay.

644
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 3: Our current dilemma is about money. I love that man

645
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 3: and will take a bullet for him any day of

646
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 3: the week, But that motherfucker gets my nerves changed quickly.

647
00:29:58,640 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 1: Sounds about right.

648
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:04,280
Speaker 3: It comes with the territory. He has always been secretive

649
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 3: about his money. I've become more financially responsible, and that

650
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 3: doesn't work for me anymore. I know I need to

651
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 3: know what comes in and what goes out so that

652
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 3: I know how we can and what we can and

653
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 3: cannut of for I'm sorry, this is like.

654
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 2: He does not like nor want. Sorry what else I

655
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 2: got you ahead?

656
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 1: He does not like or agree with that. He stated

657
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: that as long as we as long as he was

658
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 1: able to move when it was time to, I should

659
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 1: not be on him about his money. As a compromise,

660
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 1: I agreed. No. Now here's the problem. A business plan

661
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 1: that we have been working on for a couple of

662
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 1: years got some traction and we needed to make a

663
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 1: twelve thousand dollars purchase. And guess who didn't have their

664
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 1: half of the money. I didn't want the opportunity to pass,

665
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 1: so I put up the money myself, and therefore I

666
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 1: no longer want them to be a joint business venture.

667
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 1: That's how business works. We have a couple of solo

668
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 1: projects already, so I didn't think it would be a

669
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: problem to take ownership of this one. We were already

670
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 1: budding has about this specific business plan which caused the

671
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 1: delay in progress. Now I no longer feel the need

672
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 1: to negotiate. He feels that I am overreacting and that

673
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 1: I am no and I'm acting funny. Oh no, you

674
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: are not, he felt short, and I don't even need

675
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 1: to hear this. No more. Listen, listen, let me listen.

676
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 2: This is another first time he's made me question it

677
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 2: for businesses.

678
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 1: He's like, I'll finish it. She says, I believe my

679
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: first mistake was going into business with my husband. It

680
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 1: is not for everybody. What can I say or what

681
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,360
Speaker 1: can I do to maintain my stance without causing conflict

682
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 1: in my marriage? Oh man, all right, First of all,

683
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 1: give my wife some grace. Okay, she has been dealing

684
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 1: with a ton of family issues over the past three weeks.

685
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sorry.

686
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 1: You already know she can read way better than I can.

687
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,480
Speaker 1: But even last night she was just like she was

688
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: a little bit in tears, a little bit, and I

689
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: was like, what's the matter. She was just like, I

690
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 1: just have a lot, and I just I was, babe,

691
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 1: I can carry her tomorrow. Let us do. She's like, no,

692
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 1: I got it, So you get grace. Don't even trip

693
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 1: about it. Y'all know my baby can read. We hope

694
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 1: hopefully she ain't get her master's degree, not knowing how

695
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: to read, but.

696
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 2: I can read before. I'm just sorry. It was the

697
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 2: fifth one and then the words just started dancing on

698
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 2: the page. So I apologize, y'all, thank you for your grace.

699
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 1: But but this is the truth. Though, okay, because we

700
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 1: dealt with this, and I'm not going to out anybody.

701
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 1: But there were another group, another couple. Another couple went

702
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: in together on buying a property. Right, the young lady

703
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 1: put the down payment on the home and the young

704
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 1: man was supposed to maintain the property right when she

705
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 1: put the money down payment on the property, and he

706
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 1: was maintaining that. She did not agree with how he

707
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: was maintaining the property, so she said, you deal with

708
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,000
Speaker 1: the property. You do it, it's yours. I did my part.

709
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 1: I'm done. He was dealing and maintaining the property, and

710
00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 1: there were some times when he came up short with finance,

711
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 1: so he asked his girlfriend, yo, well his wife at

712
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 1: the time, can you help me with the property. She said,

713
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 1: file for bankruptcy. My hands are done. The young man

714
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 1: was able to borrow some money from some outside investors,

715
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 1: was able to turn the property around and was now

716
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 1: ready to sell the property for a lot of money.

717
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 1: Here comes the wife, and the wife says, yo, I

718
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 1: want my percentage is going fifty nah. Nah, that's not

719
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 1: how business works. The only thing you are, realistically, the

720
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 1: only thing you are, since you've already washed your hands

721
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 1: of the property, the only thing you are entitled to

722
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 1: is the down payment you put down. If that person

723
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 1: decides to give you your down payment back, and this is business,

724
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 1: not married, does not matters his business. When two people

725
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 1: go into an investment together, if that investment fails, both

726
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: people have lost their money. That's it. So when the

727
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 1: investment was about to fail, and rather than help your

728
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 1: partner and just say, hey, file for bankruptcy, I'm good,

729
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 1: you at that point relinquished all rights to any profits

730
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 1: that come to that business. So since that person decided,

731
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: you know where, I'm going to go ahead and forfeit

732
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 1: any self respect I have and ask or borrow money

733
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 1: from people so that I can maintain this property. Once

734
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 1: the property turns a profit, it is now that person's

735
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 1: responsibility to pay the person back that they had to

736
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 1: borrow from and then they now have the rights to

737
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 1: the property. That's just what it is.

738
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 2: Bruh.

739
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 1: This to me sounds like the same thing when you're married.

740
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: But but the truth is business is business. Yes, if

741
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,479
Speaker 1: he did not have the money to invest, he has

742
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,280
Speaker 1: no entitlement to any profits that come from that business.

743
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 1: And seeing as how he decided, that's like, Yo, what

744
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,279
Speaker 1: I do with my money is on me and you

745
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 1: shouldn't ask me as long as I'm ready to go

746
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 1: when it's time to move. You can't now feel a

747
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 1: way because your wife moved in a direction to make

748
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 1: herself money and you wasn't.

749
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 3: You wasn't ready, So like people can't ask you about

750
00:34:57,239 --> 00:34:58,759
Speaker 3: your money, but then you claim you have your money,

751
00:34:58,760 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 3: but then when time's come for the money, you don't

752
00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:00,439
Speaker 3: have of money.

753
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:02,880
Speaker 1: So you know what this is, right, This is someone

754
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 1: trying to use marriage as a tool when it's convenient,

755
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,880
Speaker 1: when it's convenient. Now, you my wife, you're supposed to

756
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 1: share with me. You overreacting, But as your wife when

757
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,439
Speaker 1: she's asking you, where's your money going? Where it's coming,

758
00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 1: you like, I don't need to tell you that. You

759
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,280
Speaker 1: see what I'm saying. That's using marriage when it's convenient.

760
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,840
Speaker 3: That's not very very lapside and very wish. Yeah, this

761
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 3: is what you do, is what you do passion.

762
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 1: Because because fair is fair. I'm all about fairness. Triple

763
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: Didn't we talk about this last night. One thing I

764
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 1: always say is stuff has to be fair. I don't

765
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,799
Speaker 1: care if it's a man, woman, child, adult, If it's

766
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: not fair, we got to call out the person that's

767
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 1: not being fair. And my man was not being fair.

768
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: She asked, how do I move forward with this without

769
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,839
Speaker 1: causing harm to my marriage? This is the first thing

770
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,680
Speaker 1: I'm going to say, and I'm not judging. I'm just

771
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: telling you, based on my perspective, your marriage was in

772
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 1: trouble when you guys decided to not do everything collectively.

773
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 1: When one person in a marriage says, yo, I'll be

774
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 1: ready when it's my time, you don't have the right

775
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: to ask me or discuss that. That's a problem. So

776
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:10,400
Speaker 1: now this bigger problem can only be solved by solving

777
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 1: that problem. First. Let's come to say, babe, let's come

778
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 1: to the table. Let's put everything out on the table

779
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: so we know we're working with If we're not going

780
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: to work like that, and you want to treat me

781
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 1: like a separate business partner that doesn't have to disclose

782
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 1: his finances, then I'm going to treat you like that

783
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 1: same business partner, which means when the profits come in,

784
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 1: I don't have to share it. I'm only matching your energy. Now,

785
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:35,359
Speaker 1: if you want to be business partners and you want

786
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: to be a fully invested married couple, let's start here.

787
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,120
Speaker 1: If not, and this is the way you want to continue,

788
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to move like a soul entity by myself.

789
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 1: And if he doesn't like that, then there's bigger conversations

790
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 1: of whether or not y'all even want to be in

791
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:53,800
Speaker 1: business together or married because me personally, and once again

792
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: I'm not judging them, but if a dollar come in

793
00:36:57,719 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 1: here and you say to me, well, this is just

794
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: and I don't got to talk to you about it,

795
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,439
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a problem because I do the same thing.

796
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 1: When I come in with all my money, I'm like, hey,

797
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 1: this is what we got, this is how we're using

798
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,880
Speaker 1: because there's only one way for us to plan, and that's.

799
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:12,920
Speaker 2: Together, to plan together.

800
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:16,839
Speaker 3: Man, That's the first that I've witnessed it how money

801
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 3: can completely divide a married couple completely by even just

802
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,800
Speaker 3: separating finances and just not even be on the same accord.

803
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 2: Everybody moving and they own you know, it's just it's

804
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 2: a recipe for the disaster. So I think that that

805
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,800
Speaker 2: was very, very passionate about what he said. And listen,

806
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 2: he could have just kept his mouth shut and just

807
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,920
Speaker 2: reaped the benefits of her in a business too. Because

808
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 2: y'all are married coming back together, essentially it should be

809
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 2: one household. But I understand that everybody functions that way.

810
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 1: And they're still young. It still sounds to me as

811
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,640
Speaker 1: if his ego is getting involved. I'm the man. I

812
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:53,120
Speaker 1: want to control my finances though, you know what I'm saying.

813
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 2: Seventeen thirteen years married, for kids, I get it.

814
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,320
Speaker 1: It's still in late twenties going on. But this is

815
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,399
Speaker 1: stuff that they can work out if they continue talk

816
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 1: about it, for sure.

817
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 2: All right, rolling around to the last one.

818
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 3: Let's see if I can attempt this here, babe, and

819
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,320
Speaker 3: if if I struggle, you know, the words start floating.

820
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 2: Around the page.

821
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 3: Gotcha, you know I'm gonna tag you in, all right,

822
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 3: Haykadina de val Hope all as well. I've been a

823
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 3: supporter from back when I was in college and you

824
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:18,399
Speaker 3: posted videos in the Brooklyn Apartment. I love how people

825
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,840
Speaker 3: talk about the Brooklyn Department like it's a whole set okay.

826
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 2: I absolutely love you, both your family and your book.

827
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 2: We over me. It's helped me think about my relationship

828
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 2: in a new way and opened up room for conversations

829
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,279
Speaker 2: I never thought about having. Now let's get into it.

830
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 2: I love that. That's what it's about. Have you gotten

831
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 2: your book? Have you gotten your book? Get your book.

832
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:38,800
Speaker 3: My boyfriend and I have been together for five and

833
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 3: a half years. When I met him, he had his

834
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 3: own apartment, his own car, and was making over one

835
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,799
Speaker 3: hundred k a year. He checked all the boxes and

836
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,759
Speaker 3: everything seemed just fine. Fast forward to a year and

837
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 3: a half into our relationship, and I noticed that he

838
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 3: had a gambling problem, specifically with sports betting on apps

839
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:59,880
Speaker 3: like fundual FanDuel. I noticed bad habits like driving to

840
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,920
Speaker 3: different states such as Pennsylvania or back home to New York,

841
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 3: where both of our families still live, because the sports

842
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,719
Speaker 3: betting apps at the time were not legal in the

843
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 3: DMV area. I told him if he didn't stop, then

844
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 3: I couldn't be with him because it was getting out

845
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 3: of hand. He broke down, was upset, and promised to

846
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,719
Speaker 3: stop gambling because he couldn't see a future without me.

847
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 3: Fast forward to year four, I thought he'd stop gambling,

848
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 3: but he just became really good at hiding it. One day,

849
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 3: he became extremely angry and was yelling and throwing a

850
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 3: fit because he lost four thousand dollars from gambling. He

851
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 3: had a long discussion. We had a long discussion, and

852
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 3: I found out he is sixty k in credit card

853
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:37,800
Speaker 3: debt from his gambling habits.

854
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:39,239
Speaker 2: Wow.

855
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,400
Speaker 3: I was furious when I found out and tried to

856
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,319
Speaker 3: help him by creating a budget tracker for all his expenses.

857
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,839
Speaker 3: He ended up getting rid of his car, moving back

858
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 3: to New York with his mom, and living paycheck to

859
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:55,800
Speaker 3: paycheck because of the ridiculous credit card bills. Besides the gambling,

860
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 3: He's a great guy. I will just never get it

861
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 3: out of my head, the fact that he has this problem.

862
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,160
Speaker 3: I'm currently twenty seven and he's twenty nine. I think

863
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 3: about our future often and I'm stuck. I want marriage

864
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 3: and kids, and I personally know I'm ready for the

865
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 3: next step. Unfortunately, my boyfriend's financial situation pushes my desires

866
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 3: of marriage and motherhood back a few years. I consider

867
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 3: myself old fashioned, meaning no kids before a ring, and

868
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 3: I'm not shacking up with him. Man, unless he's paying

869
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 3: the rent and mortgage. Clearly he is unable to give

870
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 3: me these things right now, and I'm unsure how long

871
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 3: it will take until he is in a better financial situation.

872
00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 3: I'm honestly conflicted because I truly hope he has not

873
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,879
Speaker 3: gambled recently due to his current financial situation. But then again,

874
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 3: I just never know. I don't know if I'm a

875
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 3: fool in love hoping he will change, or should I

876
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,719
Speaker 3: wait to see if he actually changes and gets his

877
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 3: finances in order. My question is, do you believe I'm

878
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 3: doing more harm by waiting? Or are these clear red flags?

879
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 3: And I'm being naive? Signed a confused twenty seven year

880
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,360
Speaker 3: old Wow, very well written.

881
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 2: She gave us the full scope. See thousand dollars in

882
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:02,760
Speaker 2: debt on a credit card devello.

883
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: Yo, yo, I ain't even gonna hold you, bro.

884
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:12,640
Speaker 3: Ain't no amount of gambling in the world. See, I

885
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:14,759
Speaker 3: can't relate, So I don't understand. I've never had a

886
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 3: gambling issue. I don't understand it.

887
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:22,720
Speaker 1: So this is important to say. Gambling is a vice,

888
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:25,839
Speaker 1: just like alcoholism, just like drugs, just like sex. Right,

889
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:29,359
Speaker 1: people don't become addicted to the gambling more than they do.

890
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,960
Speaker 1: The adrenaline rush and the dopamine hit they get when

891
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 1: they win. Right. But the problem is is then gambling

892
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 1: you typically lose way more than you win, so you

893
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: end up chasing that adrenaline rush of dopamine and you

894
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,439
Speaker 1: continuously throw money at it hoping you find it. It's

895
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: no different than an addiction right to alcohol or drugs.

896
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 1: This is what I will say. You can't hope for

897
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:58,440
Speaker 1: him to change. He has to decide that he no

898
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 1: longer wants this vice to have a hold or grab

899
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 1: on his life. If he hasn't made that decision on

900
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,359
Speaker 1: his own, you can't force him. If he hasn't made

901
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 1: this decision on his own, he will always choose that vice,

902
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 1: or that vice will always choose him over her, and

903
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 1: she'll forever feel like I'm second place in his life.

904
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 1: Meaning I don't think that you're a bad person or

905
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 1: you're dumb if you're waiting, but just know that you're

906
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:27,399
Speaker 1: waiting for someone who hasn't decided yet to put you

907
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 1: as a priority, or has he.

908
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 3: Seen the issue, because some people don't even see that

909
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:32,279
Speaker 3: they have an issue.

910
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 1: Well, well, based on what she's saying, there's more than

911
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: just one issue, there's the issue at hand. Then you

912
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 1: have sixty thousand dollars in credit card debt. Then you

913
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 1: also lost your apartment, so you have to you're living

914
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 1: with your mom. He has a lot of things that

915
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 1: he needs to deal with before he's even healthy enough

916
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship. She has to decide if

917
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,359
Speaker 1: she wants to wait or do she wants to get

918
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,719
Speaker 1: married sooner than later. You know what I would do.

919
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,919
Speaker 1: I wouldn't just dispose of him, but I wouldn't put

920
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,879
Speaker 1: my life in intimacy on hold. What if someone else

921
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,400
Speaker 1: who checks all the boxes but also it's considering me

922
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 1: a priority comes along. Am I going to block that

923
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:10,880
Speaker 1: blessing because I want this person? Maybe God is telling

924
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 1: you that this person.

925
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 3: Maybe that's the bigger message in it, because she did say,

926
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 3: am I avoiding clear red flags? That could be a

927
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:22,320
Speaker 3: red flas or several at this point? So I agree.

928
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 3: I agree, But this is hard. It's hard when you

929
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 3: know that you love someone, you care for them, like

930
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 3: you can see a clear future with them, and you

931
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:29,719
Speaker 3: just know, like, man, if you just fix this one

932
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 3: little thing here, you know, things could be so perfect.

933
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 3: And unfortunately that's not even your cross to bearses real,

934
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:37,479
Speaker 3: it's not.

935
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 1: It's not really not. And I feel like her saying,

936
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 1: like I've tried, I'm trying to talk. There's no talking

937
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 1: to a person right. Oh no, I'm gonna say this,

938
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 1: and I'm glad we're talking about this, especially going to

939
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 1: the end of the year. Right. I see people say

940
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 1: all the time, what was Sierra's prayer? Right? Like? What

941
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 1: was it? Some people said, well, I want to know

942
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:00,120
Speaker 1: what Kadeen's prayer was or and God's be like, what

943
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 1: did you do to get Kadeen to start doing I said, guys,

944
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 1: I didn't do anything to get Kadeen to start doing nothing.

945
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 1: Kadeen didn't pray anything to get me to start acting

946
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 1: a certain way. I had to decide that I wanted

947
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 1: to be the husband and I am four k She

948
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,839
Speaker 1: had to decide she wanted to be the wife. She

949
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 1: wants to be for me, and if those things work

950
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 1: in synergy, then we have a good marriage. Me hoping

951
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 1: or praying or talking or demanding certain things.

952
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:31,799
Speaker 2: Ultimatum, if she doesn't want to do it.

953
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 1: She's not doing it. If this man don't want to

954
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 1: stop gambling, it don't matter what you do, he's going

955
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,840
Speaker 1: to learn how to hide it better until he gets caught.

956
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 1: So if it's me, I'm like, look, let him decide

957
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:46,759
Speaker 1: on his own time. But in that interim, you don't

958
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,359
Speaker 1: stop living your life. Thank you.

959
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 3: Yep, I agree the ghosts. Hope that helps you know

960
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:54,319
Speaker 3: what right back in and let us know how it goes.

961
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 1: I want to know.

962
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 3: I love a touch base too, because you listen when

963
00:44:57,680 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 3: y'all continue to write and for listen letters. If we've

964
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 3: discussed letter and you feel free to write back in

965
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 3: and say, y'all you know you address my letter, here's

966
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 3: an update, or y'all were spot on, or guys, y'all

967
00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:09,720
Speaker 3: had this wrong or out this detail.

968
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 2: I'm not above a follow up.

969
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 3: Okay, follow up, And as we go into a new

970
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 3: season in a new year, please continue to write into us.

971
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 2: We really, really thoroughly enjoy hearing from you, guys.

972
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 3: We love engaging with you in this way and it

973
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 3: adds so much more to our show.

974
00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:24,879
Speaker 2: Because we look forward to the listen letter portion.

975
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 3: So continue to write in to be featured as part

976
00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 3: of a listener letter segment. Email us at dead ass

977
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 3: Advice at gmail dot com.

978
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,120
Speaker 1: That's D E A D A S S A D

979
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:37,800
Speaker 1: v I. C. E at gmail dot com.

980
00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 3: Moment of truth time and my moment of truth is

981
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 3: always very consistent when it comes to listen letter portions

982
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:44,920
Speaker 3: because we always geared towards what the show is about,

983
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:48,720
Speaker 3: and for this one being listener letters, I just always

984
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,439
Speaker 3: want to give you guys your flowers right and thank

985
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 3: you all for your loyalty and for your support and

986
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 3: for spreading the word and continuing to love on the

987
00:45:56,560 --> 00:46:00,560
Speaker 3: Elliss The Ellis Family, Dead Ass Podcast. So many things

988
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:02,480
Speaker 3: that we have to offer you, guys. We're always looking

989
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:06,399
Speaker 3: to grow and evolve as a couple, as individuals, as

990
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 3: content creators. You know, we just thoroughly love and enjoy

991
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,439
Speaker 3: and so appreciate the support that you guys have shown

992
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 3: us over the years. I smile every time someone tells

993
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:18,160
Speaker 3: us when they started following us on this journey, whether

994
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 3: it was from YouTube or the Brooklyn Apartment or Black Love,

995
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:24,560
Speaker 3: or they just found out about us through sisters or

996
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 3: you know, there's so many different avenues that you guys

997
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 3: have tagged along with us on this journey, So we

998
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,360
Speaker 3: thank you make it that much sweeter and we cannot

999
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 3: do it without you guys. So as we end out

1000
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 3: the year. All the best to you guys, all the

1001
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 3: best to your families, and thank you for continuing to

1002
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:40,400
Speaker 3: love on the eelesns.

1003
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:43,760
Speaker 1: Yes, ma'am, I appreciate that. Baby on Mine is simple.

1004
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 1: Take what we say with a grain of salt. We

1005
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 1: are not experts. All we are doing is providing a

1006
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 1: different perspective for your already life, your already existing life. On.

1007
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:56,319
Speaker 1: What we say isn't always right, what we say isn't

1008
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: always wrong. Hopefully what we say just give you a

1009
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 1: different look at it, can see it from a different side,

1010
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:04,239
Speaker 1: and just continue to think about how to make your

1011
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:07,759
Speaker 1: life better. So if we said something that you disagree with,

1012
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,799
Speaker 1: don't feel like, oh if the val and Kadeena doing this,

1013
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 1: this must be right and I must be wrong. No,

1014
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 1: we can damn well very much be wrong to effect.

1015
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:18,520
Speaker 1: Just take whatever we say with a grant of salt.

1016
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:21,239
Speaker 1: We hope that we've entertained you during this process, but

1017
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 1: we hope that we've enlightened you to just see things differently.

1018
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 1: That's my moment of truth. With listening letters, I love y'all.

1019
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,560
Speaker 1: I appreciate y'all taking the time writing in and also

1020
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 1: loving on us as well.

1021
00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 2: Oh for sure, all right, and for the last time

1022
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:35,799
Speaker 2: this year until a new year. Be sure to find

1023
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 2: us on Patreon to see exclusive dead Ask podcast video content,

1024
00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:43,160
Speaker 2: as well as more Ellis family content. You guys are

1025
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,439
Speaker 2: seeing how much the boys are growing. It's insane.

1026
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:48,839
Speaker 3: It's insane, and be sure to buy your tickets if

1027
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:51,880
Speaker 3: you have not yet Love Against the World holiday season

1028
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:55,399
Speaker 3: time listen. It's a great stock and stuff for yes,

1029
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:56,920
Speaker 3: it's a great let me buy to take it in

1030
00:47:57,000 --> 00:48:00,160
Speaker 3: since somebody the screenshot because we go in type of vibes,

1031
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 3: date night, whatever it is, girls' night, guys night. I

1032
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 3: always say that y'all should be bringing out droves of

1033
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:07,479
Speaker 3: single men, single women.

1034
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 2: Y'all ask about the dating scene.

1035
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 3: We don't know what it looks like, but bring your

1036
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 3: people to the show.

1037
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:14,239
Speaker 2: I'm sure we can have some mix and mingling going

1038
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 2: on there.

1039
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,319
Speaker 3: So buy your tickets now for the Love Against the

1040
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:18,880
Speaker 3: World tour in the city near you, and continue to

1041
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 3: follow us on social media.

1042
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 2: Dead Ass the podcast. You can find me at Kadeen

1043
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 2: I Am.

1044
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 1: And I Am devou and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

1045
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe, and most importantly,

1046
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 1: for the last time of the year. Last, but not least,

1047
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 1: make sure you get your copy of We Over Me,

1048
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 1: The Counterintuitive approach to getting everything you want out of

1049
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:40,520
Speaker 1: your relationship. Remember to love on each other. This book

1050
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:44,840
Speaker 1: is available everywhere books are sold. Also, the audible is available,

1051
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 1: and remember this. Kadeen and I Love you. Yes, we

1052
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:51,080
Speaker 1: will be away from the podcast decks for the next

1053
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,759
Speaker 1: two weeks, but you can still keep up with us

1054
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 1: on Patreon. Like a d say, we will still have

1055
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 1: the after show, we will still have de Vous Truth,

1056
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:00,719
Speaker 1: we will still have All day Care, and we will

1057
00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:04,360
Speaker 1: still have all things Deadass Podcast Live show to prepare

1058
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 1: you for the show that's coming in February.

1059
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:09,400
Speaker 2: Baby, for sure, we love y'all.

1060
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:11,759
Speaker 1: Have a happy New Year, have a happy end of

1061
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 1: this year.

1062
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 2: Yes, we love y'alls.

1063
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:18,880
Speaker 4: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network, and

1064
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:22,440
Speaker 4: it's produced by Donor Opinya and Triple Follow the podcast

1065
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 4: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never

1066
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 4: miss a Thing.