WEBVTT - Love Triangle 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.120 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:16.279 and the Black Effects. And just like that, we're back 0:00:16.280 --> 0:00:20.439 with yet another carefully Reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. Listen, 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:22.479 just fix my mess. I'm gonna jump straight into it. 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:25.480 We don't have any voice memos today. I find when 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:28.680 I do the voice memos, one person takes up the 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:31.280 whole episode. I'm not gonna stop doing them, but I'm 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:33.800 gonna do them every other week because i want to 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:37.600 give more people a chance to get their stories out there. 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:41.200 But the lengthy ones I will do every other week. 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:43.760 And listen, don't let that discourage you from sending your 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:46.720 voice memos. If you want me to hear your voice, 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:48.760 if you rather talk about it than write about it 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:51.199 or type about it, then you can certainly do it. 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:53.280 Just no, it may take a few weeks for you 0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:55.320 to hear yours, because I'm only gonna do the voice 0:00:55.360 --> 0:00:59.520 notes every other week. Okay, this woman sent in her 0:00:59.560 --> 0:01:03.040 story forst one, Jess. I pray this DM finds you. 0:01:03.480 --> 0:01:05.480 You are one of the ones I respect because you 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:08.319 keep it so real. Please fix my friend of twenty 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:11.240 years mess. Okay, I'm gonna make it quick, but you're 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:14.640 about to be like shit. Okay, my best friend been 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:17.360 married for eleven years with a boyfriend of nine years 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:20.600 who was married to his wife over fifteen years. Hold on, 0:01:20.720 --> 0:01:23.280 bit what wait a minute, Let me let me slow 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:25.839 this ship down, because, for one, why you ain't putting 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:29.560 no goddamn punctuation points in here. It's just one big, 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:32.560 long run on sentence ship. And then you're gonna write 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:35.280 in all caps like it's really really that good, if 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:37.960 it's all going together. I can't understand. Let me try 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:41.440 to make sense of this. Okay, my best friend been 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:45.360 married for eleven years with a boyfriend of nine years 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:49.760 who is married to his wife of over fifteen years. 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:52.760 I've been in this friendship and seen it all play 0:01:52.800 --> 0:01:56.040 out very peaceful. Both men loved that girl to death. 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:58.880 Her husband will kill her if he ever found out 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:02.400 about the boyfriend, and the boyfriend treats her like gold. 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:05.320 I'm scared for her, though, And the one time I 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:09.040 tell her to stop, we fall out and her boyfriend's 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:13.240 wife gets a message about them. I would have never 0:02:13.320 --> 0:02:16.000 done that, but she thinks it was me and haven't 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:18.760 spoken to me in months. I love my friend, but 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:22.280 the ship is foul and how is it love? I'm 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:24.600 married of ten years, but her ship got me on 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:28.920 my husband case all the time. Anyway, should I try 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:31.880 to fix us or say fuck us and our friendship? 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:34.160 For her to think I would go and tell that 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:37.679 woman anything about her and the woman's husband. I got 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:39.440 pics of them and everything. If I wanted to, I 0:02:39.480 --> 0:02:42.760 could let her know everything, but I would never because 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:45.280 she's my friend. I just want her to stop it 0:02:45.320 --> 0:02:49.040 because she's being dangerous. All right, So you are not 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:51.920 writing me for you, You're writing me for your friend. 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:54.560 First off, I want to say you are a good 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:58.520 friend for trying to get help with your friend's issue, 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:01.639 because that's exact actually what it is. That's a motherfucking 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:04.280 issue a k A. A problem b k A A 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:09.200 big motherfucking problem. What's going on? So your best friend 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:12.240 married for eleven years, but she has a boyfriend that 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:16.400 she's been with for nine years. That means she started 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:19.680 cheating very early in her marriage. She was only married 0:03:19.720 --> 0:03:22.800 to her husband for two years before she decided to 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:26.200 get with his boyfriend. Now the husband don't know does 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:28.640 the boyfriend know that she's married? See that's what you 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:30.480 didn't tell me. I want to know if the boyfriend 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:33.240 knows that she's married, because what would be easier, and 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:36.840 I'm not justifying or trying to give anybody any ideas 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:38.840 with how to get away would having a boyfriend and 0:03:38.840 --> 0:03:41.440 her husband, But it would be easier if one of 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:44.200 them knew. It's like, how the hell do you keep 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:48.200 up a nine year relationship and an eleven year marriage 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:50.920 without either of them finding out about each other. So 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:54.520 I would think her boyfriend knows that she's married. However 0:03:55.160 --> 0:03:58.480 she feeds him the fact that it's complicated. I just 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:00.880 feel like he just has to know because he's married 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:03.600 as well. So what she has to lose, he in 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:07.160 fact has to lose as well. So the only person 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:11.320 who don't know would be your best friend's husband and 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:15.880 her boyfriend's wife. Well, the wife knows now, but the 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:19.480 only person in the dark is the husband. Jesus Christ, 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:21.600 And you want to know from me if you should 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:24.440 try to reconcile with your best friend. She's been your 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:27.920 best friend for fifteen years. I don't feel the need 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:31.840 to throw away the friendship over this one. It's not 0:04:31.960 --> 0:04:34.760 your problem. I know that you love her. She's very 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:37.000 close to you. It seems you know and she's your 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:39.240 best friend. I mean, should I have one. I've been 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:41.559 best friends with my best friend, SHANEA for nine years, 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:45.360 so I definitely know how attached people are. So they're 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:49.960 best friends. Man. As far as you holding the grudge 0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:52.840 against her, being mad at her because she's mad at 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:56.599 you for something that you didn't even do, that's just friendship. 0:04:56.880 --> 0:05:02.040 That's friendship. Friendship, Okay. That that's a set down between 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:04.640 you two. That's a one on one lunch, that's a 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:07.400 link up, and y'all just sit down and talk about it, 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:11.280 because honestly, it's not like she feels that way for 0:05:11.320 --> 0:05:14.440 no reason. I mean you said when you told her listen, 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:16.520 they just need to stop. You got a husband and 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:18.320 you got a boyfriend, and it's like, yo, you know 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:20.680 your husband will kill you if he finds out that 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:23.159 you're cheating. Blah blah blah. You said, y'all fell out, 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:26.960 she blew up on you. Okay, that's because she's gotten 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:30.359 away with it for so long she doesn't feel the 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:32.920 need to stop. She's getting away with it. She's having 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:35.120 her cake and she's eating it too. You understand what 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:38.320 I'm saying. So in her mind, you're my best friend. 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:40.320 You're my ride or die. Even if I am doing 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:44.560 something wrong, you can tell me, but don't ever go 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:47.560 behind my back and snitch on me. You get what 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:51.719 I'm saying. So and coincidentally, even if you didn't reach 0:05:51.760 --> 0:05:55.240 out to the wife, it just coincidentally happened that the 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:58.520 wife had found out that her husband was cheating. I 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:00.120 don't know if she knew that he was she for 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:04.200 nine goddamn years. But I know for a fact that 0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:07.279 it was just coincidental. And it may have seemed like 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:09.320 because if I was your best friend, I would think 0:06:09.360 --> 0:06:11.720 the same thing. I would be like, Yo, it's mighty 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:13.719 funny that after you tell me that you don't like 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:15.960 what I'm doing and how I'm moving this nigga's wife, 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:18.800 after nine years of her not knowing anything, his wife 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:21.560 just hits me up. Even if you did go to 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:24.440 the wife, I ain't gonna hold you. I don't see 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:29.640 that completely wrong. However, it pulls your loyalty card with 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:32.480 your best friend, because before I will go and tell 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:35.039 this man's wife, I was set down with my best 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:37.600 friend's husband and tell him I ain't gonna hold you. Now, 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:40.400 I'm built very differently. I don't give a funk. I 0:06:40.480 --> 0:06:42.520 just don't do that. I don't condone that type of ship. 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:44.600 And I'm not saying that this is something that I 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:47.880 would definitely do. Oh, go to the husband, go to 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:50.000 my best friend's husband. No, I would just go to 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:53.320 my best friend's husband before I would go to my 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:58.200 best friend boyfriend's wife. That's two goddamn uh. And then 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:01.200 do you know both they in a relationship for nine years? 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:04.080 That means that boyfriend know you, because I'm not gonna 0:07:04.080 --> 0:07:05.760 be in a relationship with nobody for nine years and 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:08.160 not know their best friend, not being around their best friend, 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:10.320 not ever being the same vicinity with their best friend. 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:12.760 You know what I'm saying, This has been a nine 0:07:12.840 --> 0:07:15.720 year fucking affair. I know that you you've been around 0:07:15.720 --> 0:07:18.840 this man all the while, knowing that it's hard to 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:22.120 even be around him. And you know you're close with 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:24.720 her husband because that's who she married, and that's your 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:27.080 best friend. So you're in the middle. Whether you want 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:28.880 to believe it or not, you're in the middle. My 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:30.960 thing is that would make me take a step back 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:33.600 from my best friend too, just when people live their 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:37.760 lives recklessly and wildly like that, knowing that they're hurting 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.760 people knowing that they can possibly hurt someone. And you 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:43.600 even said it her husband would kill her. I don't 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:47.000 know if you meant in literal terms, but and ain't 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:50.680 like Wayne saying nothing like this before. People get caught cheating, 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:53.760 People kill each other. People, Oh my god, people kill 0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:57.960 over love. People commit suicide over love. People do crazy things, 0:07:58.000 --> 0:08:01.280 They kidnap people's children over love. It's all types of 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:03.600 ship in this world that we got going on right now, 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:08.000 and it's worse than it's ever been. So I think 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:12.040 you should try to salvage the relationship with your best friend. 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:15.520 I mean, because you two do owe each other a conversation. 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:18.480 And I'm not saying just you. Notice I said you too. 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:22.960 You both you both owe each other conversation. You both 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:25.880 owe each other redemption, you know. I don't know if 0:08:25.920 --> 0:08:29.120 you know if this relationship is still going on between 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:31.200 her and the boyfriend, because you said when the wife 0:08:31.240 --> 0:08:34.040 found out, you cut the story off there and you 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:36.760 wanted to know what you should do about your friendship. 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:39.360 I'm assuming you don't know because you haven't talked to 0:08:39.480 --> 0:08:43.880 or or whatever. But hopefully that wife found out for 0:08:43.960 --> 0:08:47.560 the fucking better and they're working on their marriage, and 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:50.360 your best friend is working on her marriage with her husband. 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:53.480 Was the two divorces going to funk on something? That 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:56.680 something either way? Because I kind of want to fix 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:59.720 her mess and not y'alls. God damn, this is crazy. 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:03.360 But have a conversation with her. Swallow your pride and 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:06.840 tell her listen. It really hurt me that you thought 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:11.000 that I would seriously go snitch on you behind your back. 0:09:11.440 --> 0:09:14.080 You cut me off when I was trying to tell 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:17.280 you that what you're doing is not right, it's not acceptable. 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:19.600 How would you like if your husband had a non 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:22.320 affair on you? How would you like to find that out? Like, 0:09:23.000 --> 0:09:26.280 that's not good. I'm married too, And what the funk 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:27.800 you got going on? I mean, looking at my my 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:31.360 husband crazy because you never know you're sleeping with a stranger. 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:34.920 Your husband been sleeping with your sneaky ass for nine 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:38.200 years and had no ankling, had no idea that you've 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:42.120 been cheating on him for nine fucking years. It's weird, 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:46.200 it's disgusting, it's a slap in the face. It's an 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:49.160 insult to the covenant that we had were married bitches, 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:51.320 And I just felt like, if you didn't want your 0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:53.480 husband girl, you could have stayed single, or you could 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:57.080 have got divorced. I was just being a friend telling 0:09:57.080 --> 0:09:59.679 you I would never go and snitch on you. These 0:09:59.720 --> 0:10:01.840 neat to be your key points when you talk. You 0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:05.079 need to let her know your frustration, but don't come 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:09.000 at her. Talk to her. Just talk to her. Don't 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:11.679 come at her now. It may get heated, but she 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:14.640 probably got so much to tell you. You just never know. 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.079 And honestly, she probably needs you more than anything right now, 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:21.360 but won't say it because y'all both got chips on 0:10:21.400 --> 0:10:23.199 your shoulders. Y'all want to be mad at each other, 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.360 but y'all miss each other. I can tell you've been 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:27.640 this girl's best friend for fifteen years. I know y'all 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:29.760 got inside as and all types of ship. Y'all. Y'all 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:32.079 probably want to send each other means and and funny 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:35.200 ship online all day. Like y'all, bitch, listen, go make 0:10:35.280 --> 0:10:38.800 up with your friends. And whether you guys make up 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.480 or not, you can say you tried. You can say 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:43.880 I redeemed myself. I just wanted you to know the truth. 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:46.600 If we walk away from here and we're never friends again, 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:48.920 I want you to know the truth. I did not 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:51.840 do what you accused me of. But I just want 0:10:51.840 --> 0:10:54.199 you to get your life together. Boom out, that's it, 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:57.160 that's done. All right, check back in with me, girl, 0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:01.640 Thank you Jesus. That's that's crazy. That's crazy. Hold up, 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:03.560 Hold up. I know the ship getting good. But listen 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:05.600 to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:10.079 you love me, you'll listen. Alright. Moving on, Hey, jos, 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:12.640 I'm here with an update as well as another question. 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:15.439 So to clear things up, I was with my boyfriend 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:18.319 for four years and never met his kids or family. 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:21.440 Oh I remember this story. Yes. I finally put it 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:23.319 all on the table and told him how I felt. 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:25.480 He claimed he never thought to include his kids in 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:29.880 his personal life. What he asked for time to work 0:11:29.920 --> 0:11:32.679 on my issues, and I said okay. Fast forward a 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.120 week later. We get into a very small disagreement and 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:37.840 he ignored me for a week. Well it couldn't have 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:40.760 been that damn small. He finally texted me out the 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:43.440 blue a week later and tells me I don't truly 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:46.000 love him. At this point, I just said fuck it. 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:48.640 I told him he never truly loved me and the 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:52.200 relationship he was giving I didn't want. Next thing. I know. 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:54.440 He's telling me I'll never hear from him again, and 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:56.400 if I see him out, then act like I don't 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:59.720 know him. The nerve of this motherfucker shaking my head. 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:02.960 It's been ten days and we haven't spoke since. I 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:05.560 know I'm better off without the relationship, But is it 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:08.040 crazy that I still want him as a friend. I'm 0:12:08.080 --> 0:12:11.000 alone in this state and could use his wisdom and advice. 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:14.120 He's forty three and I'm twenty nine. Let me know, 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:18.000 just boom that your question right there. So listen, his 0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:20.839 little forty three year old ass is playing games with 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.840 your baby ass. Okay, that's what it sounds like to me. 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:28.679 He's playing games with you. No, listen, not every older 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:31.880 guy sought out to play games with these younger girls. 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:35.120 Some some older guys just genuinely are attracted to younger females, 0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:38.840 not little girls, younger females, younger women. Um, and you 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:41.400 are a young lady, are almost thirty. Not saying that 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:44.640 you're too fucking young for him, but I think that 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:48.640 he's playing on your feelings and taking advantage of how 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:53.480 you feel and taking advantage of the fact also that 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:56.920 you moved to the state to be with him right, 0:12:57.520 --> 0:12:59.760 And he knows you don't know any want and you 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.600 can't just up and leaving, you know, uproot again and 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:04.920 go back home, or go back where you want to go, 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:08.480 or go wherever. He knows that. So he's playing on 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:12.880 that fact you you don't need him. I think you 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:15.520 got comfortable with knowing that he's always gonna be there. 0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:19.120 He's always, um gonna take care of you or gonna 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:21.400 make you feel better. And I think that he also 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:26.840 has spoiled you, and you spoiled him as well. With accessibility. 0:13:27.160 --> 0:13:30.080 He knows he always has access to you. He knows 0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:32.040 he can call you and make you feel a certain 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:33.720 way and you'll be feeling that way for a week. 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:36.400 He he knows, he, like you just said, he ignored 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:38.480 you for a fucking week. How to funn you do 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:40.200 that to somebody that you love? How the fun you 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:42.040 do that to somebody that you're in a relationship with. 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:44.480 How the hell can you do that? Going back to 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:46.280 the first time that you wrote me, you said that 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:48.079 you were in a relationship with this man for four 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:52.040 years and haven't met his kids. He told you kids 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:54.600 or any other family. I mean you you met in 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:56.960 passing a brother and a cousin. Who's to say they 0:13:56.960 --> 0:13:59.280 were his real family members? Though you don't know, you 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:00.800 have to pay attention and the ship like that. His 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:03.840 kids are his immediate family. Why the funk wouldn't he 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:07.439 think to include them in his personal life when they're 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:10.640 his people. They're his persons that came out of his 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:15.480 damn balls. How the hell don't you include your kids, 0:14:15.520 --> 0:14:18.760 whether they're grown or not. I've been your girlfriend for 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:21.120 four years. How the funk I don't know your children, 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:22.800 never seen them, never laid eyes on them a day 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:25.160 of my life. They've never spoken to me or anything. 0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:29.240 Wake your ass up, baby, Wake your ass up. Get 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:32.400 out there, get to know other people. I'm not saying 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:36.520 date established friendships. Go to a couple of barns and nobles. 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:39.160 I'm dead serious. Go take walks around the park. Start 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:43.120 doing ship for you, because once you start focusing on yourself, 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:46.160 that's how you make people mad. That's the sweetest revenge 0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:49.840 to work on yourself. Because you're a little damaged to 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:52.640 be sitting here dealing with this ship. It must be 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:54.840 something in you. I don't know if it's self esteem, 0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:58.200 or if it's you know you're comfortable, or you you know, 0:14:58.320 --> 0:15:01.800 complacent or you know you're twenty nine and you haven't 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:07.000 even reached your third decade of life yet. Seriously, I 0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:09.840 want you to get yourself to cather, get out there, 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:13.440 should go back to school, do something with yourself. You 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:15.120 don't need him as a friend. You don't. He ain't 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:16.640 gonna be no friend because he already know how to 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.680 unlock certain feelings and play on your heart strings. So 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:21.400 you don't need a friend like that. No, you don't. 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:24.080 He need to get itself together, and what you need 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:26.080 to do is take his advice. Do what he tell 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:28.280 you to do. Act like you don't know his ass. 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:31.160 All right, don't ever hit him up again. I mean, 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:33.160 I know it's easier said than done, but I've been 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:36.600 in your shoes, and I'm telling you you'll feel better 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:40.240 knowing what I know. Now. Oh, I would have loved 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:43.280 for just to fix my fucking mess and tell me. Oh, 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:45.840 do what he's saying, because once you really do it. 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:47.320 That's why I told you to do it, because he 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:49.600 knows you're not ever going to do it. You're not 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:51.040 gonna do that. You don't want to cut him off. 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:53.280 You're in love with him, but for real, for real, 0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:56.680 like I said, cut that motherfucker off and start living 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:59.040 for you and watch his as crawled right back up 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:00.760 in your ass. To believe that. If that's what you 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:03.920 want to go with it. If not, by boom, check 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:08.000 back in again. Thank you? All right, we got one 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:10.720 last one and then we're gonna get out of here, 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:14.320 says I need some advice on the podcast. Don't say 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:16.840 my name because he listens to. So. I was with 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:19.440 a guy for two years. Prior to that, I've been 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:23.440 in nothing but abusive relationships for over four years. My 0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:27.360 last dude chased me for about two years. Then when 0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:30.520 he finally got me, he did me bad, like real bad. 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:33.400 I found out he was positive. I found out he 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:37.360 cheated with a plethora of people. He has lied about 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:42.080 having sex with certain people and lied. He's abusive, narcissist, 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:45.840 and a manipulator. I'm twenty five, he's forty. I have 0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:47.680 my own and he does too. But he knows I 0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:50.400 have low self esteem as far as my looks and body, 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:53.680 and he plays on that badly. We've been broken up 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:56.200 for a year, but won't leave each other alone. What 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:59.160 should I do? By the way, just three days ago, 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:03.240 a I I know sent me messages of him fucking 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:07.760 him after he's saying he still hadn't had sex, so 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:15.720 he's a liar. Jess, Oh my lord, alrighty, already, already, already, sweetie, Jesus, 0:17:15.720 --> 0:17:18.719 what is up with these forty year old men messing 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:23.879 with these nine year old motherfucker's these people in the twenties. Okay, So, 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:28.240 judging from your page, which is private and you have 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:30.160 a cartoon thumbnail, I don't know if you're a guy 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:33.320 or a girl. However, I don't want to assume, so 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:35.480 I'm just gonna speak as if I'm talking to a 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:37.679 woman or man. It doesn't matter. Now you said he 0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:41.000 was positive. You didn't say he was positive? What like 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:45.800 he what covid? Uh? Gnarhea. It's a plethora of STDs, 0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:48.600 just like those plethora of people that he was fucking 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:53.040 lying about. He was cheating on you with those people. Hmmm. 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:57.199 I don't understand why you ask me what you should do, Like, 0:17:57.320 --> 0:17:59.720 just just listen. It's like sometimes people need to hear 0:17:59.760 --> 0:18:03.240 their story back to them. Sometimes you need to repeat 0:18:03.280 --> 0:18:06.119 people so they can hear just how crazy this is. 0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:08.520 You have to take yourself out of your situation and 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:12.000 look from the outside in and I'm going to help 0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:15.359 you do that. I understand why this is so hard 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:20.120 for you because you have been and nothing but abusive relationships, 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:24.280 whether that's emotionally, physically, sexually, whatever. You know, you've been 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:27.800 in abusive relationships over the past four years, so you've 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:32.080 kind of gotten used to abuse, which no one should 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:33.920 ever have to go through. Nobody should ever have to 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:37.920 feel this way. So you're you're kind of a magnet 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:42.760 for abuse, And don't take that the wrong way. That's true. 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:48.400 People attract certain spirits and certain behaviors and and then 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:52.240 they wonder why, because if I'm right, you're a people 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:54.800 pleaser and you think you can help everybody, and you 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:57.480 like to give everybody the benefit of the doubt because 0:18:57.520 --> 0:19:01.520 you also have low self esteem and you think you're 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:05.480 not good enough for the people that you really really 0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:07.840 want to date, that you really really see yourself with, 0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:10.439 or people that you've even tried to get within the 0:19:10.480 --> 0:19:12.960 past and it hasn't worked because you have low self 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:16.280 esteem being rejected all that ship. So you're taking who 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:21.600 takes you, You're accepting who accepts you, and ultimately you're settling. 0:19:22.119 --> 0:19:25.960 You're settling, and you are giving benefit of the doubt 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:29.920 to everyone because people change. Yeah, people change, but people 0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:33.160 can't change people. People change themselves. Now, you can help 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:36.960 people change, but you're not even in the right state 0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:39.240 of mind or where you need to be for you 0:19:39.320 --> 0:19:42.119 to help someone else. You know what I'm saying, because 0:19:42.119 --> 0:19:44.720 you're still suffering real with something. You're still you know 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:48.000 it's something about you reading your story. It's deeper than 0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:50.800 just dating. This is something else as well. You know. 0:19:51.240 --> 0:19:53.040 I need you to figure out what that is. Babe. 0:19:53.119 --> 0:19:56.880 I don't know if I can help you with with 0:19:56.880 --> 0:20:00.720 within yourself. I don't know, but I do. I want 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:02.720 you to know that I think that you should stay 0:20:02.760 --> 0:20:05.239 the funk away from this nigga. I'm telling you that 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:09.000 because when somebody shows you who they are and you 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:11.560 keep turning a blind eye to it, you're not being 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:14.399 real with yourself. Now, you're lying to yourself about this 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:17.479 person they're showing you. Now, they're not telling you who 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:20.639 they are. They're showing you, which is better because you 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:22.960 can tell me anything. But when you start showing me 0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:26.240 the type of person you are, that gives me the 0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:28.159 liberty to say, Okay, I don't want to deal with this, 0:20:28.320 --> 0:20:30.680 or I can deal with this, but you are settling 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:33.959 and you're staying in it because you just want someone 0:20:34.080 --> 0:20:37.320 to love you. You have a true desperation for love. 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:41.639