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Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effects. And just like that, we're back

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Speaker 1: with yet another carefully Reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. Listen,

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Speaker 1: just fix my mess. I'm gonna jump straight into it.

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Speaker 1: We don't have any voice memos today. I find when

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Speaker 1: I do the voice memos, one person takes up the

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Speaker 1: whole episode. I'm not gonna stop doing them, but I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna do them every other week because i want to

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Speaker 1: give more people a chance to get their stories out there.

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Speaker 1: But the lengthy ones I will do every other week.

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Speaker 1: And listen, don't let that discourage you from sending your

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Speaker 1: voice memos. If you want me to hear your voice,

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Speaker 1: if you rather talk about it than write about it

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Speaker 1: or type about it, then you can certainly do it.

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Speaker 1: Just no, it may take a few weeks for you

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Speaker 1: to hear yours, because I'm only gonna do the voice

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Speaker 1: notes every other week. Okay, this woman sent in her

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Speaker 1: story forst one, Jess. I pray this DM finds you.

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Speaker 1: You are one of the ones I respect because you

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Speaker 1: keep it so real. Please fix my friend of twenty

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Speaker 1: years mess. Okay, I'm gonna make it quick, but you're

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Speaker 1: about to be like shit. Okay, my best friend been

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Speaker 1: married for eleven years with a boyfriend of nine years

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Speaker 1: who was married to his wife over fifteen years. Hold on,

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Speaker 1: bit what wait a minute, Let me let me slow

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Speaker 1: this ship down, because, for one, why you ain't putting

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Speaker 1: no goddamn punctuation points in here. It's just one big,

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Speaker 1: long run on sentence ship. And then you're gonna write

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Speaker 1: in all caps like it's really really that good, if

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Speaker 1: it's all going together. I can't understand. Let me try

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Speaker 1: to make sense of this. Okay, my best friend been

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Speaker 1: married for eleven years with a boyfriend of nine years

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Speaker 1: who is married to his wife of over fifteen years.

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Speaker 1: I've been in this friendship and seen it all play

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Speaker 1: out very peaceful. Both men loved that girl to death.

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Speaker 1: Her husband will kill her if he ever found out

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Speaker 1: about the boyfriend, and the boyfriend treats her like gold.

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Speaker 1: I'm scared for her, though, And the one time I

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Speaker 1: tell her to stop, we fall out and her boyfriend's

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Speaker 1: wife gets a message about them. I would have never

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Speaker 1: done that, but she thinks it was me and haven't

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Speaker 1: spoken to me in months. I love my friend, but

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Speaker 1: the ship is foul and how is it love? I'm

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Speaker 1: married of ten years, but her ship got me on

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Speaker 1: my husband case all the time. Anyway, should I try

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Speaker 1: to fix us or say fuck us and our friendship?

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Speaker 1: For her to think I would go and tell that

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Speaker 1: woman anything about her and the woman's husband. I got

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Speaker 1: pics of them and everything. If I wanted to, I

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Speaker 1: could let her know everything, but I would never because

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Speaker 1: she's my friend. I just want her to stop it

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Speaker 1: because she's being dangerous. All right, So you are not

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Speaker 1: writing me for you, You're writing me for your friend.

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Speaker 1: First off, I want to say you are a good

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Speaker 1: friend for trying to get help with your friend's issue,

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Speaker 1: because that's exact actually what it is. That's a motherfucking

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Speaker 1: issue a k A. A problem b k A A

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Speaker 1: big motherfucking problem. What's going on? So your best friend

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Speaker 1: married for eleven years, but she has a boyfriend that

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Speaker 1: she's been with for nine years. That means she started

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Speaker 1: cheating very early in her marriage. She was only married

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Speaker 1: to her husband for two years before she decided to

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Speaker 1: get with his boyfriend. Now the husband don't know does

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Speaker 1: the boyfriend know that she's married? See that's what you

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Speaker 1: didn't tell me. I want to know if the boyfriend

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Speaker 1: knows that she's married, because what would be easier, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not justifying or trying to give anybody any ideas

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Speaker 1: with how to get away would having a boyfriend and

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Speaker 1: her husband, But it would be easier if one of

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Speaker 1: them knew. It's like, how the hell do you keep

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Speaker 1: up a nine year relationship and an eleven year marriage

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Speaker 1: without either of them finding out about each other. So

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Speaker 1: I would think her boyfriend knows that she's married. However

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Speaker 1: she feeds him the fact that it's complicated. I just

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Speaker 1: feel like he just has to know because he's married

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Speaker 1: as well. So what she has to lose, he in

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Speaker 1: fact has to lose as well. So the only person

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Speaker 1: who don't know would be your best friend's husband and

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Speaker 1: her boyfriend's wife. Well, the wife knows now, but the

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Speaker 1: only person in the dark is the husband. Jesus Christ,

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Speaker 1: And you want to know from me if you should

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Speaker 1: try to reconcile with your best friend. She's been your

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Speaker 1: best friend for fifteen years. I don't feel the need

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Speaker 1: to throw away the friendship over this one. It's not

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Speaker 1: your problem. I know that you love her. She's very

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Speaker 1: close to you. It seems you know and she's your

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Speaker 1: best friend. I mean, should I have one. I've been

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Speaker 1: best friends with my best friend, SHANEA for nine years,

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Speaker 1: so I definitely know how attached people are. So they're

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Speaker 1: best friends. Man. As far as you holding the grudge

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Speaker 1: against her, being mad at her because she's mad at

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Speaker 1: you for something that you didn't even do, that's just friendship.

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Speaker 1: That's friendship. Friendship, Okay. That that's a set down between

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Speaker 1: you two. That's a one on one lunch, that's a

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Speaker 1: link up, and y'all just sit down and talk about it,

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Speaker 1: because honestly, it's not like she feels that way for

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Speaker 1: no reason. I mean you said when you told her listen,

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Speaker 1: they just need to stop. You got a husband and

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Speaker 1: you got a boyfriend, and it's like, yo, you know

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Speaker 1: your husband will kill you if he finds out that

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Speaker 1: you're cheating. Blah blah blah. You said, y'all fell out,

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Speaker 1: she blew up on you. Okay, that's because she's gotten

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Speaker 1: away with it for so long she doesn't feel the

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Speaker 1: need to stop. She's getting away with it. She's having

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Speaker 1: her cake and she's eating it too. You understand what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So in her mind, you're my best friend.

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Speaker 1: You're my ride or die. Even if I am doing

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Speaker 1: something wrong, you can tell me, but don't ever go

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Speaker 1: behind my back and snitch on me. You get what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So and coincidentally, even if you didn't reach

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Speaker 1: out to the wife, it just coincidentally happened that the

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Speaker 1: wife had found out that her husband was cheating. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if she knew that he was she for

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Speaker 1: nine goddamn years. But I know for a fact that

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Speaker 1: it was just coincidental. And it may have seemed like

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Speaker 1: because if I was your best friend, I would think

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Speaker 1: the same thing. I would be like, Yo, it's mighty

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Speaker 1: funny that after you tell me that you don't like

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Speaker 1: what I'm doing and how I'm moving this nigga's wife,

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Speaker 1: after nine years of her not knowing anything, his wife

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Speaker 1: just hits me up. Even if you did go to

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Speaker 1: the wife, I ain't gonna hold you. I don't see

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Speaker 1: that completely wrong. However, it pulls your loyalty card with

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Speaker 1: your best friend, because before I will go and tell

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Speaker 1: this man's wife, I was set down with my best

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Speaker 1: friend's husband and tell him I ain't gonna hold you. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm built very differently. I don't give a funk. I

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Speaker 1: just don't do that. I don't condone that type of ship.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that this is something that I

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Speaker 1: would definitely do. Oh, go to the husband, go to

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Speaker 1: my best friend's husband. No, I would just go to

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Speaker 1: my best friend's husband before I would go to my

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Speaker 1: best friend boyfriend's wife. That's two goddamn uh. And then

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Speaker 1: do you know both they in a relationship for nine years?

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Speaker 1: That means that boyfriend know you, because I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: be in a relationship with nobody for nine years and

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Speaker 1: not know their best friend, not being around their best friend,

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Speaker 1: not ever being the same vicinity with their best friend.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, This has been a nine

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Speaker 1: year fucking affair. I know that you you've been around

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Speaker 1: this man all the while, knowing that it's hard to

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Speaker 1: even be around him. And you know you're close with

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Speaker 1: her husband because that's who she married, and that's your

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Speaker 1: best friend. So you're in the middle. Whether you want

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Speaker 1: to believe it or not, you're in the middle. My

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Speaker 1: thing is that would make me take a step back

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Speaker 1: from my best friend too, just when people live their

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Speaker 1: lives recklessly and wildly like that, knowing that they're hurting

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Speaker 1: people knowing that they can possibly hurt someone. And you

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Speaker 1: even said it her husband would kill her. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you meant in literal terms, but and ain't

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Speaker 1: like Wayne saying nothing like this before. People get caught cheating,

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Speaker 1: People kill each other. People, Oh my god, people kill

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Speaker 1: over love. People commit suicide over love. People do crazy things,

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Speaker 1: They kidnap people's children over love. It's all types of

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Speaker 1: ship in this world that we got going on right now,

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Speaker 1: and it's worse than it's ever been. So I think

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Speaker 1: you should try to salvage the relationship with your best friend.

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Speaker 1: I mean, because you two do owe each other a conversation.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying just you. Notice I said you too.

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Speaker 1: You both you both owe each other conversation. You both

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Speaker 1: owe each other redemption, you know. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: you know if this relationship is still going on between

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Speaker 1: her and the boyfriend, because you said when the wife

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Speaker 1: found out, you cut the story off there and you

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Speaker 1: wanted to know what you should do about your friendship.

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Speaker 1: I'm assuming you don't know because you haven't talked to

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Speaker 1: or or whatever. But hopefully that wife found out for

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Speaker 1: the fucking better and they're working on their marriage, and

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Speaker 1: your best friend is working on her marriage with her husband.

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Speaker 1: Was the two divorces going to funk on something? That

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Speaker 1: something either way? Because I kind of want to fix

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Speaker 1: her mess and not y'alls. God damn, this is crazy.

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Speaker 1: But have a conversation with her. Swallow your pride and

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Speaker 1: tell her listen. It really hurt me that you thought

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Speaker 1: that I would seriously go snitch on you behind your back.

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Speaker 1: You cut me off when I was trying to tell

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Speaker 1: you that what you're doing is not right, it's not acceptable.

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Speaker 1: How would you like if your husband had a non

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Speaker 1: affair on you? How would you like to find that out? Like,

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Speaker 1: that's not good. I'm married too, And what the funk

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Speaker 1: you got going on? I mean, looking at my my

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Speaker 1: husband crazy because you never know you're sleeping with a stranger.

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Speaker 1: Your husband been sleeping with your sneaky ass for nine

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Speaker 1: years and had no ankling, had no idea that you've

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Speaker 1: been cheating on him for nine fucking years. It's weird,

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Speaker 1: it's disgusting, it's a slap in the face. It's an

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Speaker 1: insult to the covenant that we had were married bitches,

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Speaker 1: And I just felt like, if you didn't want your

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Speaker 1: husband girl, you could have stayed single, or you could

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Speaker 1: have got divorced. I was just being a friend telling

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Speaker 1: you I would never go and snitch on you. These

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Speaker 1: neat to be your key points when you talk. You

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Speaker 1: need to let her know your frustration, but don't come

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Speaker 1: at her. Talk to her. Just talk to her. Don't

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Speaker 1: come at her now. It may get heated, but she

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Speaker 1: probably got so much to tell you. You just never know.

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Speaker 1: And honestly, she probably needs you more than anything right now,

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Speaker 1: but won't say it because y'all both got chips on

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Speaker 1: your shoulders. Y'all want to be mad at each other,

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Speaker 1: but y'all miss each other. I can tell you've been

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Speaker 1: this girl's best friend for fifteen years. I know y'all

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Speaker 1: got inside as and all types of ship. Y'all. Y'all

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Speaker 1: probably want to send each other means and and funny

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Speaker 1: ship online all day. Like y'all, bitch, listen, go make

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Speaker 1: up with your friends. And whether you guys make up

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Speaker 1: or not, you can say you tried. You can say

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Speaker 1: I redeemed myself. I just wanted you to know the truth.

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Speaker 1: If we walk away from here and we're never friends again,

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Speaker 1: I want you to know the truth. I did not

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Speaker 1: do what you accused me of. But I just want

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Speaker 1: you to get your life together. Boom out, that's it,

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Speaker 1: that's done. All right, check back in with me, girl,

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Speaker 1: Thank you Jesus. That's that's crazy. That's crazy. Hold up,

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Speaker 1: Hold up. I know the ship getting good. But listen

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Speaker 1: to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If

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Speaker 1: you love me, you'll listen. Alright. Moving on, Hey, jos,

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Speaker 1: I'm here with an update as well as another question.

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Speaker 1: So to clear things up, I was with my boyfriend

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Speaker 1: for four years and never met his kids or family.

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Speaker 1: Oh I remember this story. Yes. I finally put it

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Speaker 1: all on the table and told him how I felt.

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Speaker 1: He claimed he never thought to include his kids in

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Speaker 1: his personal life. What he asked for time to work

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Speaker 1: on my issues, and I said okay. Fast forward a

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Speaker 1: week later. We get into a very small disagreement and

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Speaker 1: he ignored me for a week. Well it couldn't have

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Speaker 1: been that damn small. He finally texted me out the

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Speaker 1: blue a week later and tells me I don't truly

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Speaker 1: love him. At this point, I just said fuck it.

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Speaker 1: I told him he never truly loved me and the

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Speaker 1: relationship he was giving I didn't want. Next thing. I know.

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Speaker 1: He's telling me I'll never hear from him again, and

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Speaker 1: if I see him out, then act like I don't

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Speaker 1: know him. The nerve of this motherfucker shaking my head.

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Speaker 1: It's been ten days and we haven't spoke since. I

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Speaker 1: know I'm better off without the relationship, But is it

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Speaker 1: crazy that I still want him as a friend. I'm

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Speaker 1: alone in this state and could use his wisdom and advice.

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Speaker 1: He's forty three and I'm twenty nine. Let me know,

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Speaker 1: just boom that your question right there. So listen, his

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Speaker 1: little forty three year old ass is playing games with

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Speaker 1: your baby ass. Okay, that's what it sounds like to me.

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Speaker 1: He's playing games with you. No, listen, not every older

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Speaker 1: guy sought out to play games with these younger girls.

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Speaker 1: Some some older guys just genuinely are attracted to younger females,

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Speaker 1: not little girls, younger females, younger women. Um, and you

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Speaker 1: are a young lady, are almost thirty. Not saying that

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Speaker 1: you're too fucking young for him, but I think that

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Speaker 1: he's playing on your feelings and taking advantage of how

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Speaker 1: you feel and taking advantage of the fact also that

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Speaker 1: you moved to the state to be with him right,

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Speaker 1: And he knows you don't know any want and you

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Speaker 1: can't just up and leaving, you know, uproot again and

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Speaker 1: go back home, or go back where you want to go,

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Speaker 1: or go wherever. He knows that. So he's playing on

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Speaker 1: that fact you you don't need him. I think you

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Speaker 1: got comfortable with knowing that he's always gonna be there.

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Speaker 1: He's always, um gonna take care of you or gonna

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Speaker 1: make you feel better. And I think that he also

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Speaker 1: has spoiled you, and you spoiled him as well. With accessibility.

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Speaker 1: He knows he always has access to you. He knows

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Speaker 1: he can call you and make you feel a certain

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Speaker 1: way and you'll be feeling that way for a week.

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Speaker 1: He he knows, he, like you just said, he ignored

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Speaker 1: you for a fucking week. How to funn you do

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Speaker 1: that to somebody that you love? How the fun you

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Speaker 1: do that to somebody that you're in a relationship with.

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Speaker 1: How the hell can you do that? Going back to

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Speaker 1: the first time that you wrote me, you said that

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Speaker 1: you were in a relationship with this man for four

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Speaker 1: years and haven't met his kids. He told you kids

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Speaker 1: or any other family. I mean you you met in

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Speaker 1: passing a brother and a cousin. Who's to say they

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Speaker 1: were his real family members? Though you don't know, you

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Speaker 1: have to pay attention and the ship like that. His

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Speaker 1: kids are his immediate family. Why the funk wouldn't he

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Speaker 1: think to include them in his personal life when they're

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Speaker 1: his people. They're his persons that came out of his

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Speaker 1: damn balls. How the hell don't you include your kids,

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Speaker 1: whether they're grown or not. I've been your girlfriend for

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Speaker 1: four years. How the funk I don't know your children,

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Speaker 1: never seen them, never laid eyes on them a day

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Speaker 1: of my life. They've never spoken to me or anything.

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Speaker 1: Wake your ass up, baby, Wake your ass up. Get

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Speaker 1: out there, get to know other people. I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: date established friendships. Go to a couple of barns and nobles.

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Speaker 1: I'm dead serious. Go take walks around the park. Start

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Speaker 1: doing ship for you, because once you start focusing on yourself,

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Speaker 1: that's how you make people mad. That's the sweetest revenge

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Speaker 1: to work on yourself. Because you're a little damaged to

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Speaker 1: be sitting here dealing with this ship. It must be

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Speaker 1: something in you. I don't know if it's self esteem,

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Speaker 1: or if it's you know you're comfortable, or you you know,

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Speaker 1: complacent or you know you're twenty nine and you haven't

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Speaker 1: even reached your third decade of life yet. Seriously, I

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Speaker 1: want you to get yourself to cather, get out there,

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Speaker 1: should go back to school, do something with yourself. You

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Speaker 1: don't need him as a friend. You don't. He ain't

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Speaker 1: gonna be no friend because he already know how to

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Speaker 1: unlock certain feelings and play on your heart strings. So

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Speaker 1: you don't need a friend like that. No, you don't.

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Speaker 1: He need to get itself together, and what you need

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Speaker 1: to do is take his advice. Do what he tell

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Speaker 1: you to do. Act like you don't know his ass.

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Speaker 1: All right, don't ever hit him up again. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I know it's easier said than done, but I've been

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Speaker 1: in your shoes, and I'm telling you you'll feel better

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Speaker 1: knowing what I know. Now. Oh, I would have loved

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Speaker 1: for just to fix my fucking mess and tell me. Oh,

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Speaker 1: do what he's saying, because once you really do it.

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Speaker 1: That's why I told you to do it, because he

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Speaker 1: knows you're not ever going to do it. You're not

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Speaker 1: gonna do that. You don't want to cut him off.

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Speaker 1: You're in love with him, but for real, for real,

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Speaker 1: like I said, cut that motherfucker off and start living

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Speaker 1: for you and watch his as crawled right back up

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Speaker 1: in your ass. To believe that. If that's what you

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Speaker 1: want to go with it. If not, by boom, check

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Speaker 1: back in again. Thank you? All right, we got one

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Speaker 1: last one and then we're gonna get out of here,

322
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,320
Speaker 1: says I need some advice on the podcast. Don't say

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Speaker 1: my name because he listens to. So. I was with

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Speaker 1: a guy for two years. Prior to that, I've been

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Speaker 1: in nothing but abusive relationships for over four years. My

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Speaker 1: last dude chased me for about two years. Then when

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Speaker 1: he finally got me, he did me bad, like real bad.

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Speaker 1: I found out he was positive. I found out he

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Speaker 1: cheated with a plethora of people. He has lied about

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Speaker 1: having sex with certain people and lied. He's abusive, narcissist,

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Speaker 1: and a manipulator. I'm twenty five, he's forty. I have

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Speaker 1: my own and he does too. But he knows I

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Speaker 1: have low self esteem as far as my looks and body,

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Speaker 1: and he plays on that badly. We've been broken up

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Speaker 1: for a year, but won't leave each other alone. What

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00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,160
Speaker 1: should I do? By the way, just three days ago,

337
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:03,240
Speaker 1: a I I know sent me messages of him fucking

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Speaker 1: him after he's saying he still hadn't had sex, so

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00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:15,720
Speaker 1: he's a liar. Jess, Oh my lord, alrighty, already, already, already, sweetie, Jesus,

340
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,719
Speaker 1: what is up with these forty year old men messing

341
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:23,879
Speaker 1: with these nine year old motherfucker's these people in the twenties. Okay, So,

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00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:28,240
Speaker 1: judging from your page, which is private and you have

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00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,160
Speaker 1: a cartoon thumbnail, I don't know if you're a guy

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00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,320
Speaker 1: or a girl. However, I don't want to assume, so

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00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:35,480
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna speak as if I'm talking to a

346
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,679
Speaker 1: woman or man. It doesn't matter. Now you said he

347
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:41,000
Speaker 1: was positive. You didn't say he was positive? What like

348
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 1: he what covid? Uh? Gnarhea. It's a plethora of STDs,

349
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 1: just like those plethora of people that he was fucking

350
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:53,040
Speaker 1: lying about. He was cheating on you with those people. Hmmm.

351
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Speaker 1: I don't understand why you ask me what you should do, Like,

352
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,720
Speaker 1: just just listen. It's like sometimes people need to hear

353
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Speaker 1: their story back to them. Sometimes you need to repeat

354
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,119
Speaker 1: people so they can hear just how crazy this is.

355
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 1: You have to take yourself out of your situation and

356
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:12,000
Speaker 1: look from the outside in and I'm going to help

357
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,359
Speaker 1: you do that. I understand why this is so hard

358
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Speaker 1: for you because you have been and nothing but abusive relationships,

359
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 1: whether that's emotionally, physically, sexually, whatever. You know, you've been

360
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 1: in abusive relationships over the past four years, so you've

361
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:32,080
Speaker 1: kind of gotten used to abuse, which no one should

362
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,920
Speaker 1: ever have to go through. Nobody should ever have to

363
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,920
Speaker 1: feel this way. So you're you're kind of a magnet

364
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:42,760
Speaker 1: for abuse, And don't take that the wrong way. That's true.

365
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:48,400
Speaker 1: People attract certain spirits and certain behaviors and and then

366
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Speaker 1: they wonder why, because if I'm right, you're a people

367
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Speaker 1: pleaser and you think you can help everybody, and you

368
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 1: like to give everybody the benefit of the doubt because

369
00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:01,520
Speaker 1: you also have low self esteem and you think you're

370
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Speaker 1: not good enough for the people that you really really

371
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Speaker 1: want to date, that you really really see yourself with,

372
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Speaker 1: or people that you've even tried to get within the

373
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Speaker 1: past and it hasn't worked because you have low self

374
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 1: esteem being rejected all that ship. So you're taking who

375
00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 1: takes you, You're accepting who accepts you, and ultimately you're settling.

376
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,960
Speaker 1: You're settling, and you are giving benefit of the doubt

377
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,920
Speaker 1: to everyone because people change. Yeah, people change, but people

378
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,160
Speaker 1: can't change people. People change themselves. Now, you can help

379
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,960
Speaker 1: people change, but you're not even in the right state

380
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,240
Speaker 1: of mind or where you need to be for you

381
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:42,119
Speaker 1: to help someone else. You know what I'm saying, because

382
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,720
Speaker 1: you're still suffering real with something. You're still you know

383
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:48,000
Speaker 1: it's something about you reading your story. It's deeper than

384
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 1: just dating. This is something else as well. You know.

385
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 1: I need you to figure out what that is. Babe.

386
00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:56,880
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can help you with with

387
00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 1: within yourself. I don't know, but I do. I want

388
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,720
Speaker 1: you to know that I think that you should stay

389
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,239
Speaker 1: the funk away from this nigga. I'm telling you that

390
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 1: because when somebody shows you who they are and you

391
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 1: keep turning a blind eye to it, you're not being

392
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,399
Speaker 1: real with yourself. Now, you're lying to yourself about this

393
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,479
Speaker 1: person they're showing you. Now, they're not telling you who

394
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,639
Speaker 1: they are. They're showing you, which is better because you

395
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,960
Speaker 1: can tell me anything. But when you start showing me

396
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 1: the type of person you are, that gives me the

397
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,159
Speaker 1: liberty to say, Okay, I don't want to deal with this,

398
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,680
Speaker 1: or I can deal with this, but you are settling

399
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,959
Speaker 1: and you're staying in it because you just want someone

400
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 1: to love you. You have a true desperation for love.

401
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,639
Speaker 1: You have an unruly desperation for love. And you cannot

402
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 1: and will not be happy like that. You're not You're

403
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,680
Speaker 1: never gonna find happiness, never gonna be happy for long

404
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 1: like that. You're gonna end up miserable, and you can

405
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 1: end up losing your life like that as well. Because

406
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 1: this abusive ship, this is a cry for help, and

407
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,720
Speaker 1: I need you to go get help. Okay, leave that

408
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 1: motherfucker alone. Seriously, he's showing you who he is. You

409
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 1: don't need any more confirmation, you don't need. I don't

410
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,679
Speaker 1: care if he begs you, whatever the funk. I don't

411
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,760
Speaker 1: give a fuck. Y'all been broken up for a year,

412
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,640
Speaker 1: but y'all can't leave each other alone. Uh, that's because

413
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,080
Speaker 1: you know you ain't going to where leave you said.

414
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 1: He plays on the fact that you don't. You're not

415
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,640
Speaker 1: confident in your body and your face and how you look.

416
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 1: Leave because there is someone out there that's gonna love

417
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,920
Speaker 1: you for your body, your face, your personality. When you

418
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 1: wake up in the morning, somebody's gonna want to smell

419
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 1: that motherfucking morning breath when you go to bed and nice,

420
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,880
Speaker 1: somebody's gonna wanna cut it up and hold your ass.

421
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,479
Speaker 1: You understand, So, man or woman, whatever whoever you are,

422
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 1: I don't care. You need to let that go and

423
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:47,639
Speaker 1: start healing on yourself. And listen, you will never be healed.

424
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 1: That's what I want people to understand. There's no way

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Speaker 1: that you can be healed. Everybody always running around something.

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Speaker 1: Oh I want to I want to date somebody that's healed.

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00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,719
Speaker 1: I want to make it that's already healed. Already. Listen,

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Speaker 1: You're gonna be healing for the rest of your life.

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00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 1: Everybody who's been through something is going to be healing

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00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,520
Speaker 1: for the rest of their lives. Why, Because the world

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00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:13,160
Speaker 1: doesn't stop is new trauma every day, new situations, new

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00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,439
Speaker 1: ship that we can't even control, that are out of

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00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,119
Speaker 1: our hands, that are affecting us, that we didn't even

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00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 1: think had anything to do with us. Oh, but it does.

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00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,200
Speaker 1: So the things that you think don't affect you will.

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Speaker 1: It's almost humanly impossible to find someone that's completely fucking healed. Seriously,

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00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 1: Now you can be with someone that can assist you

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00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,800
Speaker 1: in your healing. Process that can help you heal. That's

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00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 1: called building together. That's called working, building a strong foundation,

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00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: open honest communication, doing everything the right way, not lying

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00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: about ship I'm talking about. That's how you start a

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00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 1: true healing process. And who's to ever say that you

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00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 1: will be healed one cent? But if you do it

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00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 1: the right way, you'll end up turning out better than

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Speaker 1: you would if you keep living life like this, sweetie.

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Speaker 1: So I want you to check back in with me, um,

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00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 1: and I want you to know something. I love you.

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00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,640
Speaker 1: I don't know you, don't know your name, I don't care,

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00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: but I love you just as a person you are.

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00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 1: You're enough. You're enough. Stop thinking that you aren't because

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00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,919
Speaker 1: a person says it. That's just another person with the

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00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 1: same skin you got. If you cut them, they're gonna

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00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:26,399
Speaker 1: bleed just like you. Just know that. And just like that,

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00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 1: we've come to the end of another Carefully Reckless session

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00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,399
Speaker 1: with Dr Jess because I'm fixing mess all day and

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00:23:32,400 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 1: then my deepest pam boys peace. Carefully Reckless is a

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00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For

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00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 1: more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart

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00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:56,360
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your

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00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 1: favorite shows,