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Speaker 1: Lisa Lampinelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.

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Speaker 1: She is a meddling advice giving yanta. I know it all,

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Speaker 1: and her words come from her head, her heart, and

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Speaker 1: often out of her ass. This podcast should not be

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Speaker 1: misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge

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Speaker 1: strain of salt for entertainment purposes only.

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Speaker 2: These.

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Speaker 3: You need help, You're the problems.

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Speaker 4: Come on, come do.

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Speaker 3: Go leab take a pill. I think you're insane. Do

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Speaker 3: what I say, dumb ass, listen to me. You do

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Speaker 3: I start now? Cool? Guess what, everybody, I thought you

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Speaker 3: were getting a break from Lisa Lampinelli, Well in no

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Speaker 3: fucking way. My huge insecurity of being forgotten is driven

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Speaker 3: me back after season one wrapped, and we're gonna give

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Speaker 3: you a little taste of l L every week until

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Speaker 3: season two starts in January. So I have decided that

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Speaker 3: shrink this will take one letter that we ignored brutally

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Speaker 3: during each episode last season, and we're going to address

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Speaker 3: it now in a tin ol te bad. If you

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Speaker 3: want your letter answered, send it to shrink this show

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Speaker 3: at gmail dot com. That shrinked this show at gmail

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Speaker 3: dot com to help me as my lovely and talented assistant.

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Speaker 3: He's a teacher with me, a teacher, a professor emeritus,

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Speaker 3: an professor emeritus with no master's degree or PhD like myself. Sucked,

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Speaker 3: but I don't care. It's Chris O'Neill. Hello, Chris. Are

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Speaker 3: you a big fan of shrink this?

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Speaker 4: Say? I love it?

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Speaker 3: Oh, You're such a liar.

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Speaker 4: I can't believe I'm in here. This is so this

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Speaker 4: is like crazy to me.

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Speaker 3: That's cool. Thanks for doing this. Tell people where they

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Speaker 3: can find you.

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Speaker 4: You can find me at Chris O Show, just anywhere.

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Speaker 3: Listen, let me tell you something about Chris. We are

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Speaker 3: going to do a future episode with him. We're going

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Speaker 3: to talk all things therapy, because Chris and I teach

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Speaker 3: school together at the normal Conservatory of the Arts or

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Speaker 3: for the Arts or whatever the fuck they're calling themselves

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Speaker 3: these days. And he was a very nice guy, put

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Speaker 3: all over the place, and I said, this guy needs therapy.

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Speaker 3: Well he thought of it on his own and he

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Speaker 3: went and now he is the better for it, and

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Speaker 3: I feel our friendship is the better for it. And

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Speaker 3: I would argue therapy is for everyone. So thank you.

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Speaker 3: We're going to do that full episode in the future.

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Speaker 3: For now, let's revisit the episode we did on Alone Time.

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Speaker 3: I believe it was episode two and we called it Me,

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Speaker 3: Myself and my Bullshit or some shit like that. And

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Speaker 3: I don't care because I don't memorize stuff. I kind

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Speaker 3: of like just live it. Okay, that's my thing. So, Chris,

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Speaker 3: we have a letter that we sadly ignored. Oh boy,

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Speaker 3: would you please.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely it's a little bite on this one. Oh maybe,

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Speaker 4: Dear Lisa.

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Speaker 2: As a mother of four young kids, my alone time

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Speaker 2: is almost non existent. By eight o'clock at night, when

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Speaker 2: my oldest goes to bed, I'm fucking done. I don't

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Speaker 2: want to talk to anyone. I don't want to see anybody.

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Speaker 2: I just want to lie in bed and play with

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Speaker 2: my phone. Then my husband gets home from work.

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Speaker 4: And wants to talk life.

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Speaker 2: So second he walks in, then he wants to watch

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Speaker 2: a show with me. How do I give him the

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Speaker 2: attention he needs but at the same time allow myself

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Speaker 2: the alone time that I crave with my phone?

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Speaker 4: Thanks so much, Dana.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, this is why I'm not married. Seriously,

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Speaker 3: I don't think I was ever built to live with

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Speaker 3: someone and have a conversation with somebody at their bidding.

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Speaker 3: I enjoy and knowing that about yourself, I think is

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Speaker 3: important because then it helps you stray from the areas

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Speaker 3: that are not a fit for your life. So sometimes

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Speaker 3: I'll sit there on the couch with my three little

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Speaker 3: let's just call them not right in the head rescue dogs,

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Speaker 3: and They'll be sitting there breathing, and I'll be like,

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Speaker 3: thank God, I don't have to talk to you. I

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Speaker 3: could just pet you. I could say nothing more than

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Speaker 3: who's a good boy? Who is a good girl? And treat?

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Speaker 3: Because if a guy came in, or even a friend,

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Speaker 3: suppose I had some down on their luck, ne'er do

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Speaker 3: well friend who needed a place to live, and they

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Speaker 3: would come in and they'd say words to me. I

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Speaker 3: don't want to hear those words. I want to hear

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Speaker 3: the one word that every woman wants to hear, treat.

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Speaker 3: That's it. So how do you, Chris? You have a wife,

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Speaker 3: she's real nice. I say, keep her because she's an

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Speaker 3: earner they than you do. She's You're a sugar, she's

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Speaker 3: a sugar mama. So you have a nice wife. Do

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Speaker 3: you ever struggle with that?

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Speaker 2: So one thing wife and I do, which has been

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Speaker 2: the greatest thing for our relationship. We will have the

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Speaker 2: tough talks. We'll sit down and go, this is gonna suck,

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Speaker 2: but let's talk. I didn't like the way this happened,

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Speaker 2: and bah blah blah, and we just open it up

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Speaker 2: and afterwards we're like, wow, we feel a lot better.

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Speaker 2: So we also have our own little personal sessions like that,

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Speaker 2: and it's it's really great. And one of the things

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Speaker 2: she says sometime like this hit home to me, this letter.

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Speaker 2: Really she goes, there's times where I just I need

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Speaker 2: my own time, and I go for all the shit

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Speaker 2: you do at work and with the kids and all this,

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Speaker 2: and she's the she schedules this and budgets this, and

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Speaker 2: I go, you take all the fucking time you want.

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Speaker 2: So sometimes she just wants to sit and be and

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Speaker 2: I go, I couldn't respect that more.

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Speaker 3: Me too. I just feel so like, I don't know

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Speaker 3: what's hopeful when you hear that a couple talks to

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Speaker 3: each other about these things instead of feeling so, oh

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Speaker 3: my god, I can't bring up that I need alone time.

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Speaker 3: They'll take it personally, sure, but it's a I think

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Speaker 3: the point is if this what's this Clam's name again, Dana,

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Speaker 3: Dana Clam. If you you actually have chosen correctly, you've

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Speaker 3: chosen an adult male to build your life with, you

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Speaker 3: can withstand those conversations. So if you pick badly like

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Speaker 3: I have in the past, like I've picked, and they

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Speaker 3: weren't bad people, it was just a bad match. There

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Speaker 3: wasn't that openness to say, hey, man, you know what

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Speaker 3: I feel like every time you talk to me, touch me,

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Speaker 3: or look at me, I want you to die. I've

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Speaker 3: wanted to say that, never did. I just remember it

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Speaker 3: is a little bit of a red fire, maybe the

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Speaker 3: pink one, maybe more crimskin magenta. I remember once I

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Speaker 3: was living with somebody and I looked at me and

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Speaker 3: wouldn't leave the house, and I said.

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Speaker 4: Why are you here?

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Speaker 3: It should have probably been a calm discussion, but the

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Speaker 3: screaming wire you here probably isn't great. So I think

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Speaker 3: you're right. If she can say to the husband, honey,

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Speaker 3: I need a half hour. I need an hour to

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Speaker 3: scroll in my dumb phone. Don't judge what I'm scrolling,

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Speaker 3: don't judge what I'm watching. You can do whatever you

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Speaker 3: want in the other room. Can we just take that

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Speaker 3: cute little hour a day to do that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And we've and it's been a work in progress

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Speaker 2: over the years because there's times where I'd walk down

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Speaker 2: and she's watching some you know, bullshit dumb show or something,

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Speaker 2: and I'll just I can't help but comment of course,

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Speaker 2: now she just stops it and I'll go, I'm gonna leave.

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Speaker 4: This is your time.

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Speaker 2: She'll just stop and wait for me to leave. And

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Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, I know that about myself now, and

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna work on that. So when we have these conversations,

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Speaker 2: I really take them the heart. If I ever get

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Speaker 2: if I talk to someone that I love and respect

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Speaker 2: and they go, you're really fucking up here or doing

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Speaker 2: this wrong. I genuinely, even if I'm like defensive at

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Speaker 2: first to some degree, I really take it home and

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Speaker 2: think about it and go, all right, let me how

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Speaker 2: do I work this out?

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Speaker 4: How do I figure this out? And it sure be better?

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Speaker 3: But what is the thing too, that about this letter?

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Speaker 3: Doesn't she say something? Give my husband the attention something?

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Speaker 3: What does she say?

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Speaker 2: My husband gets home from work and walks wants to

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Speaker 2: talk the second he walks in, then he wants to

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Speaker 2: watch a show with me.

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Speaker 4: So how do I give him the attention he.

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Speaker 2: Needs, but at the same time allow myself the alarm

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Speaker 2: time that I cray with my phone.

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Speaker 3: I think the problem is I as someone who catered

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Speaker 3: a lot to my parents, you know, I always felt

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Speaker 3: responsible for them as they got older. Yeah, I'm lucky

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Speaker 3: enough I had a brother and sister to help, but

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Speaker 3: it's still a lot of responsibility with aging and dying parents.

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Speaker 3: I finally felt free of having someone need something from me,

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Speaker 3: and I'm not romantic about it. Where it's that thing.

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Speaker 3: What's that song from Company Someone to hold Me Too Close?

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Speaker 3: You know that day ass bullshit Bobby sings in the

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Speaker 3: second act, and it's such a crescendo. Is that the

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Speaker 3: eleven o'clock number? I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I know a lot about it.

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Speaker 3: I do know way too much about that. No, but

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Speaker 3: it's like I get that that's I guess maybe that's

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Speaker 3: something to work on internally, like me not wanting to

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Speaker 3: be needed or need anyone. Yeah, because that's a block too.

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Speaker 3: But also sometimes after four kids are pulling on youre I.

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Speaker 4: Have two kids. Yeah, and I don't know, she said,

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Speaker 4: young kids. It's oh god, I mean, it.

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Speaker 2: Is a lot of work. It's the greatest thing in

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Speaker 2: the world. Holy shit, there really is very little time

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Speaker 2: for yourself. And there's times where.

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Speaker 4: I talk to my wife and go it.

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Speaker 2: We're just constantly like sprinting and it's for everyone else,

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Speaker 2: and we're trying to do this and put up this

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Speaker 2: fire in this fire, and every once in a while,

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Speaker 2: if we ever get the chance to go to dinner,

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Speaker 2: we're like, wow, we really I still love you, we

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Speaker 2: have I still have a question you. We have these

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Speaker 2: great little moments that's cute. So but a lot of

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Speaker 2: it is just putting fires out and doing this and

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Speaker 2: then and my wife is amazing with like she's constantly

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Speaker 2: make sure the kids are in camp and doing this

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Speaker 2: and extra curriculars. And I'm like boo, yeah, okay, you

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Speaker 2: tell me where to go, and you know, she tells

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Speaker 2: me I need to just I just need a sit.

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Speaker 3: Well, you're right, because you know a lot of women

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Speaker 3: they did I heard a podcast on mental labor, so

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Speaker 3: they're like remembering which doctor's appointment did disappointment all this.

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Speaker 3: So the amount of mental load that the primary parent

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Speaker 3: has is a lot, and it's stuff you don't see

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Speaker 3: and that you can only sort of go, oh, she

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Speaker 3: needs the hour on TikTok Great, no judgment. I'll see

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Speaker 3: sometimes couples I know, I'll be like, what are you doing? Like, oh,

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Speaker 3: he did this and I did this, And at first,

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Speaker 3: because I'm older, a little judgment comes up where I'm like,

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Speaker 3: why aren't they just hang out together? Like shouldn't they

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Speaker 3: be together? It's like, no, no, no, you need what you need. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and if it's an hour, I mean, some women go

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Speaker 3: away for the weekend with their friends, some guys going

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Speaker 3: it's a gay thing called golfing. I don't like that.

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Speaker 3: That's a weird little black balls. Oh no, wait, that's

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Speaker 3: a different that's a different podcast altogether. But you need

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Speaker 3: what you need and as long as you can come

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Speaker 3: to some kind of compromise and agreement, I think with me,

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Speaker 3: I always go, I compromise it enough already.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I have to fill the tank.

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Speaker 2: And that's what that's like the metaphor that my wife

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Speaker 2: and I always talk about.

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Speaker 4: You can't drive a car.

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Speaker 2: We want to drive to every stop and drop people

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Speaker 2: off and pick them up and this that, But you

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Speaker 2: need to refill the tank. And a lot of times,

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Speaker 2: even if it's just doing something mundane, like I'm just

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Speaker 2: gonna scroll on TikTok for an hour or whatever it is. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it fills the tank to some degree, or at least

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Speaker 2: it's just like, you know, just turn the car off

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Speaker 2: and you get to just relax.

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Speaker 4: So I totally get that.

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Speaker 3: Yo. What bothers me?

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Speaker 4: Though?

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Speaker 3: People think TikTok is a waste of time, and I'll

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Speaker 3: tell you why it's not. I didn't discover TikTok as

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Speaker 3: the audience knows until like a year ago January. I

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Speaker 3: think January February around the Golden Globe Super Bowl kind

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Speaker 3: of thing. And I find it fricking educational. They think

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Speaker 3: I'm a black man, I think because I get lots

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Speaker 3: of social justice stuff.

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Speaker 4: Uh huh.

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Speaker 3: Then I think there was things I'm a gay man

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Speaker 3: because I got a lot of Jonathan Bailey content, which

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Speaker 3: is rare. But you do learn a lot about issues.

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Speaker 3: You learn a lot about what's going on in the

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Speaker 3: world politically and everything. So I heard someone say TikTok

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Speaker 3: is like live theater because you never know what's next

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Speaker 3: and you're always kind of That's why you don't go

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Speaker 3: to sleep with it because it's too heightened. It's like

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Speaker 3: watching a little play. So whatever way someone chooses to

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Speaker 3: have their little downtime. I think it's fine.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's necessary. I don't think it's just fine.

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Speaker 2: I think you need that because then you start like

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Speaker 2: resenting the other person.

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Speaker 4: And then when he comes home and.

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Speaker 2: He's like, hey, let's go sit and watch a show,

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Speaker 2: and she's just like okay, and she's grinning through it, and.

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Speaker 4: She's like, I kill you.

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Speaker 3: She hate to, Yeah, for sure.

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Speaker 2: So like being you know, who knows what kind of

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Speaker 2: relationship it is. I'm sure it's fine. You have four

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Speaker 2: wonderful children talk to each other to say I love you,

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Speaker 2: but I just need to just be by myself for

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Speaker 2: a little while.

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Speaker 4: It's nothing against you, it's not about you.

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Speaker 2: It's literally only about me in this moment because everything

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Speaker 2: else is I'm putting out to everyone else. I'm trying

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Speaker 2: to make sure everyone else is okay, and it's just

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Speaker 2: refilling that tank. And I think the husband should be like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I totally understand that.

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Speaker 3: And if not couples therapy for sure, nothing wrong with that.

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Speaker 3: I know plenty of good couples who are in couples

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Speaker 3: therapy just to keep it on track. And also the

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Speaker 3: fact you said she probably has four wonderful children. They're

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Speaker 3: probably four shitty kids. Let's be honest. Every kid is

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Speaker 3: be beautiful and wonderful. And that is what Lisa Lampinelli

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Speaker 3: has to say about that. Thank you, Chris for helping

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Speaker 3: me with this interim little tidbit to tide people over

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Speaker 3: to season two. If you haven't yet listened to the

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Speaker 3: full season one of Shrink This, please go back and

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Speaker 3: listen and catch up. You'll be titillated. We'll see you

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Speaker 3: next week. Oh and don't forget to listen on your

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Speaker 3: iHeartRadio app. I know that sounded phony, but I'm sincere

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Speaker 3: b