Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. After
Speaker 1: perhaps the most hapless ninety six hours of his presidency,
Speaker 1: the most hapless, worst ninety six hours of the worst
Speaker 1: presidency of all time, the most fail in the shortest span,
Speaker 1: the mentally deteriorating, untethered from reality, Trump must resign and
Speaker 1: take his idiot sick ephants with him. The last ninety
Speaker 1: six hours, his un speech sounding like an escape ee
Speaker 1: from a psych ward, his tailenol news conference sounding like
Speaker 1: an escapee from a psych ward who's been living on
Speaker 1: the street for a month. His suggestion NATO country shoot
Speaker 1: down Russian jet. His sudden embrace of Zelenski either another
Speaker 1: stall or stupid dared putin Maga's rage at his sudden
Speaker 1: embrace of Zelenski. The cover of a London right wing daily,
Speaker 1: his picture on it in seventy two point type, the
Speaker 1: word deranged. The ice shooting in Dallas, His sidistic Homeland
Speaker 1: Chief pretending the victims were agents when they were detainees,
Speaker 1: His idiots simpering Vice President pretending the victims were agents
Speaker 1: when they were detainees. His corrupt, venal, cross eyed FBI
Speaker 1: director pretending the victims were agents when they were detainees,
Speaker 1: his Ice chief not denying he took fifty thousand dollars
Speaker 1: in a paper bag, his staff then denying the man
Speaker 1: took fifty thousand dollars in a paper bag. His cancelation
Speaker 1: of a meeting with Democrats, making certain that if there
Speaker 1: is a government shutdown, it is all his fault. His
Speaker 1: crack pot pal melay of the Sideburns, crashing the Venezuelan
Speaker 1: economy and needing us to base ail him out. His
Speaker 1: paranoia over the stopped teleprompter at the UN that was
Speaker 1: the White House staff's fault. His paranoia over the stopped
Speaker 1: escalator at the UN that was his own vanity videographer's fault.
Speaker 1: His desire to arrest the UN escalator technician or the
Speaker 1: UN escalator button pusher, his desire to arrest the escalator
Speaker 1: and James Comy. The election of Raoul Grihalva's daughter to Congress,
Speaker 1: the fact that Adalita Grihalvo will be the last representative
Speaker 1: needed to force a vote on releasing the Trump. Epstein
Speaker 1: files his self humiliation at the Kirk Memorial, ABC reinstating
Speaker 1: Jimmy Kimmel meaning Disney told him to f off, meaning
Speaker 1: the National Football League told him to f off, meaning
Speaker 1: they all told his propagandists it Sinclair to f off Kimmel,
Speaker 1: then shoving him in a locker using only a monologue.
Speaker 1: Kimmel getting a record six million viewers and twenty two
Speaker 1: more million online in just the first twenty hours, Kimmel
Speaker 1: and his show getting new life and maybe a new contract.
Speaker 1: His self owning confession that he and his goons used
Speaker 1: threats to get Kimmel canceled, except they didn't get Kimmel canceled.
Speaker 1: The fact that Kimmel and ABC and Bob Iger and
Speaker 1: Disney at America told Trump to shove his threats up
Speaker 1: his ass. And that's just since Sunday night. Resign. Take
Speaker 1: Vance with you, Take Nome with you, Take Home Man
Speaker 1: with you, Take me Lay with you. Leave the Epstein files.
Speaker 1: He lost to a escalator. Let me start with the
Speaker 1: biggest surprise of all these things. Remember the South African
Speaker 1: pastor who woke up from a dream couple weeks back
Speaker 1: and proclaimed there would be a rapture at sunset in Israel,
Speaker 1: which would have been eleven thirty six am this Tuesday.
Speaker 1: I think there was a rapture because something sure disappeared
Speaker 1: into the sky the hours before and after that sunset.
Speaker 1: And that's something, was Trump's feeling of invulnerability. That collection
Speaker 1: of disasters that's two dozen in four days, is worse
Speaker 1: than it seems because they are all self owns, all
Speaker 1: of them mistakes, self delusions, obsessions, self indulgences, self destructions,
Speaker 1: quicksand that Trump and Trump alone could voluntarily dive into
Speaker 1: an average of one every four hours. Kimmel looms above, around,
Speaker 1: and behind every one of them, and I'll get to
Speaker 1: him in a moment, But cause, to paraphrase the Baseball
Speaker 1: Hall of Famer and builder Rube Foster, Kimmel is the ship.
Speaker 1: All else is the sea. However, the Zelensky surprise is
Speaker 1: the most meaningful because we have yet to hear Putin's reaction,
Speaker 1: and the silence lends more credence to the theory that
Speaker 1: this is just another new, admittedly novel, way for Trump
Speaker 1: to further stall on Putin's behalf. And even if it isn't,
Speaker 1: it still included Trump's insistence that any action taken and
Speaker 1: any money spent be taken and spent by Europe, including
Speaker 1: shooting down Russian planes or drones during incursions over Pole
Speaker 1: and Estonia, maybe Denmark, maybe Wherever's next. Nothing for us
Speaker 1: to worry about here, of course, because we have an
Speaker 1: ocean between us, and as another president wants asked rhetorically,
Speaker 1: shall we expect some transatlantic military giant to step the
Speaker 1: ocean and crush us at a blow? Never, all the
Speaker 1: armies could not by force take a drink from the
Speaker 1: Ohio or make a track on the Blue Ridge in
Speaker 1: a trial of one thousand years. Of course, the president
Speaker 1: who said that was Lincoln said it in eighteen thirty nine,
Speaker 1: and there were no airplanes or rockets, or battleships or
Speaker 1: submarines in eighteen thirty nine. And apparently, either Trump has
Speaker 1: not yet found out that there are now airplanes and
Speaker 1: rockets and battleships and submarines, or more likely Trump still
Speaker 1: thinks it's still eighteen thirty nine. The Grijalva election, of course,
Speaker 1: will be the most meaningful going forward, because the new
Speaker 1: representative is not only the daughter of as quiet and
Speaker 1: effective and strategic a progressive as the House has had
Speaker 1: in this century, my friend Raoul Grijalva, but she has
Speaker 1: said that the day she is sworn in by the Speaker,
Speaker 1: she will sign on to the Massy motion to force
Speaker 1: a House vote on releasing the Epstein files. Massy has
Speaker 1: two hundred and seventeen votes right now he needs two
Speaker 1: hundred and eighteen. Atalida Grihava will be number two hundred
Speaker 1: and eighteen. And this now means that to stop the
Speaker 1: vote and stop putting his pet speaker Mike Johnson in
Speaker 1: an untenable position, Trump has only one option then, which
Speaker 1: is to force Johnson and House Republicans to actually shut
Speaker 1: the government down. Because a government shut down delays swearing
Speaker 1: in Adalita Grihalva vote number two hundred and eighteen, and
Speaker 1: delaying swearing in Adalita Grihalva may be Trump's last way
Speaker 1: out of the Epstein files. And now to the Gettysburg
Speaker 1: Address of Late Night Comedy Monologues, The I'm as mad
Speaker 1: as hell and I'm not going to take it any
Speaker 1: more of Late Night Comedy Monologue, the Ten Commandments of
Speaker 1: Late Night Comedy Monologues. I can confess this now. I
Speaker 1: really thought even Jimmy Kimmel, who makes my Nate palming
Speaker 1: of Bridges look like nothing, was returning to save the
Speaker 1: jobs of his staff and the other two hundred people
Speaker 1: or so whose livelihoods depend on his show still existing.
Speaker 1: I thought he would pull a lot of punches, or
Speaker 1: a couple or maybe one, or at minimum, not do
Speaker 1: a monologue so searing, so masterful, so declaring of his
Speaker 1: ownership of Trump that Jimmy had to take a commercial
Speaker 1: break in the middle of it before he even got
Speaker 1: to the part about Robert de Niro playing in perfect
Speaker 1: form a mafioso version of FCC Commissioner Brendan Carr. Well,
Speaker 1: I got that wrong. Huh If that was done without
Speaker 1: Bob Eiger's approval, I'll be just as shocked and just
Speaker 1: as wrong. Again, he knew that was coming. Is it
Speaker 1: a compromise, Maybe, jim you say whatever you want now
Speaker 1: and we'll just shut the show down in a year.
Speaker 1: Or is it Eiger waking up to the fact that
Speaker 1: the sixteen million dollar settlement bribe with Trump bought him nothing,
Speaker 1: nothing but more trouble, nothing but more threats, nothing but
Speaker 1: more blackmail. Was it Eiger's realization that he chairs the
Speaker 1: leading entertainment company in the country and Trump's true approval
Speaker 1: rating is down to around thirty two percent. Here and
Speaker 1: even most right wingers realized that if Trump could get
Speaker 1: Kimmel fired, President Fritzker or President AOC. We'll be able
Speaker 1: to get everybody at Fox News fired and maybe all
Speaker 1: of their podcasts canceled. What is Ted Cruz? If there
Speaker 1: is no Ted Cruz podcast, He's just an idiot asshole, Senate. Sure,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter which it was, either way or any
Speaker 1: other way. This is a landmark moment. This is a
Speaker 1: bullying victim coming back and hitting Scott Farcus Trump in
Speaker 1: the nuts and better than that. After Trump's long suffering,
Speaker 1: perpetual rake stepping Minion spent a week insisting Trump had
Speaker 1: nothing to do with it, and Brendan Gebbel's car had
Speaker 1: nothing to do with it, and the FCC had nothing
Speaker 1: to do with it, nothing to do with Kimmel's sidelining.
Speaker 1: Trump then boasted that he and car and the FCC
Speaker 1: had not only done it, they thought that ABC had surrendered. Quote.
Speaker 1: I can't believe ABC, fake news gave Jimmy Kimmel his
Speaker 1: job back. The White House was told by ABC that
Speaker 1: his show was canceled. That's a confession. Something happened between
Speaker 1: then and now, because his audience is gone and his
Speaker 1: talent was never there. Well, he's wrong about that too,
Speaker 1: as the numbers will show. Why would they want someone
Speaker 1: back who does so poorly? All things considered, more people
Speaker 1: watch Kimmel than watch Trump's inauguration this year. Why would
Speaker 1: they want something made prob not funny? Puts the network
Speaker 1: in jeopardy, but puts the network in jeopardy. What does
Speaker 1: he mean? Oh, he is yet another arm of the DNC,
Speaker 1: and the best of my knowledge, that would be a
Speaker 1: major illegal contribution, illegal campaign contribution. I think we're going
Speaker 1: to test ABC out on this. Well, there are no
Speaker 1: laws that would allow him to test this out. So
Speaker 1: what's the plan. Let's see how we do. Last time
Speaker 1: I went after them, they gave me dollars, signed sixteen
Speaker 1: million dollars. This one sounds even more lucrative. A true
Speaker 1: bunch of losers. Let Jimmy Kimmel rot in his bad ratings. Yo, h,
Speaker 1: they didn't have bad ratings. He had four times his
Speaker 1: normal ratings. It's one thing if you bully a company
Speaker 1: into bribing you because it has business before the f
Speaker 1: TC or FCC or any other government agency. You have
Speaker 1: perverted it into many pollot bureaus using Trump brand coercion.
Speaker 1: It's another, though, if you have convinced yourself that the
Speaker 1: bribes these other people paid to shut you up for
Speaker 1: ten minutes were in fact something you earned in some way,
Speaker 1: or something that a court awarded to you in some way.
Speaker 1: Trump should sue ABC over Kimmel, and then Kimmel should
Speaker 1: sue the FCC for tortious interference, and ABC should sue
Speaker 1: the FCC and Sinclair and Next Star for damages. All right,
Speaker 1: they don't have to. I haven't worked in local news
Speaker 1: since nineteen ninety one, at a local station since the
Speaker 1: end of nineteen ninety one. But guess what, the local
Speaker 1: station arrangement hasn't changed all that much. Local stations that
Speaker 1: are not owned by the networks used to regularly silence
Speaker 1: network shows. The Smothers Brothers used to be preempted. The
Speaker 1: ABC evening News wasn't considered good enough for like Zanesville, Ohio,
Speaker 1: every late night show of the sixties and seventies. At
Speaker 1: some point on February fifth, nineteen sixty nine, Channel five,
Speaker 1: the ABC station in Cleveland, allegedly bailed out of the
Speaker 1: network's new comedy show Turn On during the first commercial break.
Speaker 1: But then, and it turns out, now this comes at
Speaker 1: a price if you are an ABC affiliate and you
Speaker 1: do not run an ABC show, you have to pay
Speaker 1: a postponement fee each time you don't run it. In
Speaker 1: Kimmel's case, that's five nights a week. And if you
Speaker 1: cancel enough network shows, ABC has the right to cancel
Speaker 1: your contract. And the next thing you know, Sinclair stations
Speaker 1: aren't running Dancing with the Stars or any sports or
Speaker 1: the twenty twenty seven Super Bowl, but non Sinclair stations
Speaker 1: in the same cities are. Oh and even before that,
Speaker 1: in the short run, if the Sinclair station will not
Speaker 1: show Kimmel long term, ABC can offer it to other
Speaker 1: stations in those markets for like two dollars an episode.
Speaker 1: Don't bring a tweet to a businessman's fight Trump. By
Speaker 1: the way, this is how unprepared MAGA was for a
Speaker 1: full one hundred percent humiliation and extinction level loss an
Speaker 1: ass kicking like Kimmel and ABC utterly destroying Trump as
Speaker 1: he did. The attempt to both sides this thing. Steven
Speaker 1: Miller's wife, Katie got off of her broom and screamed
Speaker 1: that the left didn't scream free speech when Tucker Carlson
Speaker 1: was canceled, so there, neglecting obviously that Carlson had a
Speaker 1: cable show, and the worst any government could ever do
Speaker 1: to a cable show as to threaten the Fox broadcast
Speaker 1: station licenses, which wouldn't have done a thing to Fox
Speaker 1: News and very little to Rupert Murdoch. So other MAGA
Speaker 1: then moved on from Tucker Carlson a losing comp to
Speaker 1: asking why the left didn't scream free speech when Lou
Speaker 1: Dobbs was fired again Cable, no FCC jurisdiction, Plus Carlson
Speaker 1: and Dobbs were fired by Rupert Murdock entirely by surprise,
Speaker 1: entirely without government prodding or pushing or posting or podcasts
Speaker 1: in which the head of the FCC says, we can
Speaker 1: do this easy way, or we can do this the
Speaker 1: hard way. That's my impression of Ted Cruz doing an
Speaker 1: ethnic accent. Incidentally, Lou Dobbs is dead now, and I
Speaker 1: always heard that he'd had enough event at Fox or
Speaker 1: events at Fox that they had to act that it
Speaker 1: wasn't just editorial. He had an event when I was
Speaker 1: at CNN, he had an event in Atlanta involving CNN management.
Speaker 1: The head of CNN Sports, my boss, Bill McPhail, took
Speaker 1: Dobbs's wife off long form sports anchoring after she walked
Speaker 1: off a show in the middle live when she got
Speaker 1: irretrievably lost trying to read the script and worse, read
Speaker 1: the prompter. Dobbs allegedly then burst into Bill mcphial's office
Speaker 1: and told him to stand up and start throwing punches.
Speaker 1: Dobbs challenged him to a fistfight. Dobbs was thirty eight
Speaker 1: and Bill McPhail was sixty three. Anyway, that's the best
Speaker 1: they had, Tucker Carlson and lou Dobbs and Trump confessing
Speaker 1: to personally using the government to attack the free press
Speaker 1: part of the First Amendment. And then, of course all
Speaker 1: of those viewers what twenty two nearly twenty three million
Speaker 1: viewers combined for Jimmy Kimmel, and now ABC is thinking
Speaker 1: maybe we want to give him a new ten year contract. Also,
Speaker 1: who was that who told you Kimmel was coming back
Speaker 1: before the end of the month, maybe before the end
Speaker 1: of the week. Okay, what before the tile and all idiocy?
Speaker 1: Trump and anybody he might have told bought advil stock.
Speaker 1: Since that disaster, hours have been spent analyzing Trump and
Speaker 1: tailanol and internet rumors being inflated to the level of
Speaker 1: a presidential news conference, when the whole thing could have
Speaker 1: been summarized by this simple reality. Thailand All was introduced
Speaker 1: in nineteen fifty five. Autism was discovered classified defined in
Speaker 1: nineteen forty three. Of all the stupid arguments in the world,
Speaker 1: to argue tailanol causes autism is stupider even than it
Speaker 1: would be to argue that autism caused tailandhol What's more,
Speaker 1: that news conference was not what he and pantiless Bobby
Speaker 1: Kennedy had reportedly agreed upon. Politico has quoted a series
Speaker 1: of White House sources who said Trump overruled even the
Speaker 1: quacks that masturbating Bob relied on to go on and
Speaker 1: try to make sure that people got sick the way
Speaker 1: that Trump made sure people got sick during COVID I'll
Speaker 1: quote Politico. The initial plan was to release a literature
Speaker 1: review on the state of research into autism causes and
Speaker 1: treatment options on September twenty ninth. Thailand All is one
Speaker 1: of thirty one hypotheses. Next, they planned an announcement that
Speaker 1: working groups would begin new studies next year. They expected
Speaker 1: initial findings from those efforts. To their frustration, Trump wanted
Speaker 1: to move forward anyway. Politico didn't say that, but of
Speaker 1: course moving forward anyway amounted to Trump just standing there yelling,
Speaker 1: don't take Dailand, all, don't take tailand all take what
Speaker 1: I take. Paint thin A. It is, in retrospect surprising
Speaker 1: that Trump didn't declare the makers of tailanhol to be
Speaker 1: a domestic terrorist organization. He did that to Antifa, even
Speaker 1: though a there is no such organization. It's like declaring
Speaker 1: short people to be a terrorist organization, or, to be fair,
Speaker 1: declaring tall people to be a terrorist organization, or men
Speaker 1: who wear eyeliner to be a terrorist organization. The president
Speaker 1: also has new legal right or route to declare anything
Speaker 1: a domestic terrorist organization. Congressman Dan Goldman pretty much summed
Speaker 1: this up and pretty much stuffed Trump into yet another locker.
Speaker 1: He's asking Trump, via social media, quote name one member
Speaker 1: of Antifa if it quote explicitly calls for the overthrow
Speaker 1: of the US government. Where can I find that statement? Trump,
Speaker 1: Goldman says, is trying to suppress opposition by labeling anyone
Speaker 1: who dissents as a domestic terrorist. Do not be fooled.
Speaker 1: This is lawless and unconstitutional, and of course now Trump
Speaker 1: may yet declare building maintenance and teleprompter operations at the
Speaker 1: United Nations terrorist organizations. He posted a nice, calm one
Speaker 1: thousand word run on paragrap at sunset last night about
Speaker 1: arresting somebody for something. I mean, maybe they can charge
Speaker 1: Jim Comey with this. I think it actually improves the
Speaker 1: story to tell the conclusion first. The reality is reported
Speaker 1: by the Associated Press UN correspondent for nush Amiri quote.
Speaker 1: A UN official said, the UN understands that someone from
Speaker 1: the President's party who ran ahead of him inadvertently triggered
Speaker 1: the stop mechanism on the escalator and just says don't
Speaker 1: run on escalators or escalator will stop. That's what happened,
Speaker 1: she continues. The official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said
Speaker 1: the White House was operating the teleprompter for Trump. This,
Speaker 1: of course, did not stop the Trump's freak shows of paranoids,
Speaker 1: conspiracy theorists, idiots, bullshit artists, and Saint Paul beer girl
Speaker 1: press secretaries from insisting the thing with the escalator was
Speaker 1: really an assassination attempt. Caroline live it if someone at
Speaker 1: the UN intentionally stopped the escalator, as the President and
Speaker 1: First Lady we're stepping on. They need to be fire
Speaker 1: red and investigated immediately. The Times reported this on Sunday.
Speaker 1: To mark Trump's arrival, UN staff members have joked they
Speaker 1: may turn off the escalators and elevators and simply tell
Speaker 1: him they ran out of money, so he has to
Speaker 1: walk up the stairs. Cute, Caroline, and it's nice that
Speaker 1: you recognize the word elevator or escalator in there. Except
Speaker 1: what they're saying here is that they were going to
Speaker 1: turn them all off so he'd have to walk up
Speaker 1: from the front door, which as we know, is medically impossible.
Speaker 1: They didn't say something about stopping the escalator after he
Speaker 1: got on, but those words from Caroline Levitt. It's one
Speaker 1: of the rare times when Caroline Levitt does not look
Speaker 1: like the biggest asshole in the bunch, the guy Cernovich.
Speaker 1: What happened today at the UN was a dry run
Speaker 1: for an assassination. Our enemies were able to see the
Speaker 1: reaction or lack thereof. Trump was a sitting duck. Extreme
Speaker 1: measures will now be taken against the UN, including leaving
Speaker 1: the UN totally. Mike Lee, Senator from the Internet. Is
Speaker 1: the UN trying to give us a hint by orchestrating
Speaker 1: escalator and teleprompter malfunctions, or is this just random coincidence.
Speaker 1: Either way, we should defund the UN. Mike also believes
Speaker 1: nobody knows he has a comb over Brendan Dilley, who's
Speaker 1: an influencer for morons. If we discover that the UN
Speaker 1: deliberately turned off the escalator and risk injuring the president
Speaker 1: first lady, we should bomb them, all of them. Presume
Speaker 1: he means the individual nations in the UN, or or
Speaker 1: he means over there to Tutor City in Manhattan, right
Speaker 1: across the street from Trump Building. Gotta tell you, one
Speaker 1: of the safest places in the city. When Trump finally
Speaker 1: loses it and stops starts, you know, blowing things up
Speaker 1: in the country, one of the safest places will be
Speaker 1: in the UN because it's across the street from the
Speaker 1: Trump UN Plaza, Wall Street mav which I believe is
Speaker 1: one of those India bots, or it's a guy in
Speaker 1: India who's an influencer gets paid for this. Trump's escalator
Speaker 1: stopped as soon as he stepped on it, then his
Speaker 1: teleprompter goes out right when he starts his speech. No way,
Speaker 1: those were accidents. I'd bet UN staff, which wouldn't have
Speaker 1: jobs without our taxes, conspired to embarrass President Trump. Now
Speaker 1: why would they waste their time doing that when, as
Speaker 1: I just mentioned, Trump embarrassed himself twenty four times in
Speaker 1: ninety six hours. You do not need to embarrass Donald Trump.
Speaker 1: He is self embarrassing a muse poetic justice. Someone thought
Speaker 1: it would be funny to break the escalator as soon
Speaker 1: as Trump stepped on. Presumably the same people broke his
Speaker 1: teleprompter just as he began his fifteen minute speech. Due
Speaker 1: to the malfunction, Trump extended his speech is speech an
Speaker 1: additional forty minutes. Those who sought to silence him were
Speaker 1: awarded with almost an hour of solid gold from the President.
Speaker 1: I hope you mean solid gold, actual gold, because there
Speaker 1: was none of it in the speech. And of course
Speaker 1: the Alexes chime in Alex bruce Witz is either in
Speaker 1: the government or is a government adjacent guy. Someone very
Speaker 1: clearly tried to sabotage Trump at the un completely unacceptable.
Speaker 1: Someone must be held accountable. Yeah, apparently it was one
Speaker 1: White House photographer. And whoever runs prompter Alex Jones sabotage
Speaker 1: escalator at the un HQ stops abruptly when Trump steps
Speaker 1: onto it and teleprompter malfunctions because before he begins speaking,
Speaker 1: when you read a whole bunch of conspiracy theorists and
Speaker 1: only Alex Jones sticks to the facts or close to
Speaker 1: the facts, you know we have a serious problem in
Speaker 1: this country. And then lastly, har Meet K. Dillon, the
Speaker 1: woman from the West Coast who is I don't know,
Speaker 1: Deputy Secretary of not doing anything, simply writes deport the UN.
Speaker 1: On Fox, Jesse Waters says, quote, this is an insurrection
Speaker 1: and what we need to do is either leave the
Speaker 1: UN or we need to bomb them. There is some
Speaker 1: evidence that Waters was trying to make a joke there,
Speaker 1: but it's hard to confirm because everything that Bill O'Reilly's
Speaker 1: former errand boy does is a joke. Besides, if that
Speaker 1: were a liberal saying something like that, even in jest,
Speaker 1: there there would be an immediate demand that the FBI
Speaker 1: or the FCC or the NCAA investigate that threat of violence,
Speaker 1: and the demand would come from Jesse Waters. So ultimately,
Speaker 1: amid all of this paranorleia, somebody has to say this,
Speaker 1: and it might as well be me, boy That escalatord quickly.
Speaker 1: Also of interest here, so The New York Post is
Speaker 1: making stuff up about me again. This is a ritual
Speaker 1: as old as time itself. They've been doing it since
Speaker 1: the nineties. The bullshit machine is pointed at a different
Speaker 1: liberal every day of the week, or maybe every week
Speaker 1: of the year. It's my turn again. And Derek Van
Speaker 1: Orden wants to defund No, not the un the Mayo
Speaker 1: Clinic because Charlie Kirk, because Charlie Kirk is Jesus, and
Speaker 1: you don't f with the Jesus. That's next. This is countdown.
Speaker 1: This is Countdown with Keith Olberman still ahead on this
Speaker 1: edition of Countdown. Yes, Brendan Carr of the FCC should
Speaker 1: be investigated, impeached, and if possible, prosecuted for threatening ABC,
Speaker 1: ABC News, Disney, Jimmy Kimmel, et cetera, and for whatever
Speaker 1: quid pro quo existed between him and the next star
Speaker 1: Sinclair people that he only revealed in public on a podcast.
Speaker 1: But other than that, face it, Kimmel and ABC single
Speaker 1: handedly defeated MAGA on this one, and defeated Trump on
Speaker 1: this one, and defeated all of their angry, stupid, terrified minions,
Speaker 1: especially the ones at Fox News and the other Murdoch
Speaker 1: crap shaft, so naturally they need new targets, and I'm
Speaker 1: beginning to suspect I've seen these tea leaves before that
Speaker 1: it's my turn again to be a Murdoch target. The
Speaker 1: New York Post has invented two stories about me this
Speaker 1: week alone. They have given somebody named Isabelle Vincent the
Speaker 1: task of calling people I used to work with to
Speaker 1: talk about me. She's recently been doing mop up operations
Speaker 1: trying to whitewash the hate speech of the late Charlie Kirk,
Speaker 1: and her bio says she began by covering Pablo Escobar
Speaker 1: and the Medaine drug cartel. So poor Iszy must have
Speaker 1: really hit the skids if she's being forced to call
Speaker 1: people I worked with in two thousand and five, Hey,
Speaker 1: you know what, Call the people I worked with at
Speaker 1: Fox Sports in ninety nine and two thousand and two
Speaker 1: thousand and one. Call them and ask them if if
Speaker 1: Murdoch really is still resentful that he had to pay
Speaker 1: me nine million dollars in that deal. Anyway, The Post,
Speaker 1: for that reason and many others, has been making up
Speaker 1: and distorting stuff about me since literally nineteen ninety six.
Speaker 1: I think it was when I refuted a story they
Speaker 1: made up and distorted about two hockey stars I was
Speaker 1: with the night of the sb Awards. I wasn't even mentioned.
Speaker 1: They just lied about these two guys. Eric Lindross was
Speaker 1: one of them. Every year or so, it's somebody else
Speaker 1: from the Post writing something else that isn't true but
Speaker 1: isn't legally actionable, except for the time they literally made
Speaker 1: up an entire story about me after Tim Russert died
Speaker 1: and the Post actually ran away scared under the threat
Speaker 1: of lawsuit and published nothing. The saga of the New
Speaker 1: York Post and Rupert Murdoch making things up about me
Speaker 1: for now thirty years. Next in Things I Promised not
Speaker 1: to tell first, Believe it or not, there's still more
Speaker 1: new idiots to talk about. The roundup of the miscreants,
Speaker 1: Morons Dunning, Kruegerfect Specimens who constitute two Day's other worst
Speaker 1: persons in the world. Theron's Jason Whitlock, who used to
Speaker 1: be a sports writer. He had his own vertical at
Speaker 1: ESPN dot com if you can believe that, and he
Speaker 1: didn't get anything published, and I mean he had months.
Speaker 1: I never got this internet. Parts of the Internet, the
Speaker 1: idea that you could have months to publish something and
Speaker 1: still not get anything done. I mean on the air.
Speaker 1: The show starts at eight o'clock. Whether you're ready or not. Well,
Speaker 1: I'll be here in eight months. From no eight o'clock.
Speaker 1: I'm going to need eight months to prepare the show.
Speaker 1: In any event. Jason Whitlock smelled more money in fascism
Speaker 1: and got fired from ESPN and everything else in the
Speaker 1: real world, and he now writes crap like this quote.
Speaker 1: What you're witnessing is Christian nationalism. If you're ashamed of it,
Speaker 1: that's your problem, not mine. You've been brainwashed by Marxists.
Speaker 1: They all learned a new word, Marxist. You've been brainwashed
Speaker 1: by Marxist to believe that wanting government respectful of Jesus
Speaker 1: Christ is a bad thing. I've rejected the brainwashing. This
Speaker 1: memorial is awesome a correction, Jay Dubb. It's Christo fascism,
Speaker 1: not Christian nationalism, and of course you've rejected the brainwashing.
Speaker 1: Can't be brainwashed if you have no brain left to wash. Fella.
Speaker 1: Runner up Conresson Derek Van Orden of Wisconsin. Same problem.
Speaker 1: An HR guy who works somewhere in the vast organization
Speaker 1: that is the Mayo Clinic tweeted some of the things
Speaker 1: Charlie Kirk actually said. And then after that memorial that
Speaker 1: got Jason ol Chubby the Memorial Service and Trump Grievance
Speaker 1: show last weekend in Arizona, this guy from the Mayo Clinic,
Speaker 1: on a private account, by the way, referred to the
Speaker 1: widow as the winner of an acting award. Robbie Starbuck,
Speaker 1: one of Kirk's henchmen, then outed the man and demanded
Speaker 1: that the Mayo Clinic fire him. Not enough for Derek
Speaker 1: Van Orton quote, we will be working to remove every
Speaker 1: single penny of federal funding from the Mayo Clinic unless
Speaker 1: this is resolved. Well, of course, if you're gonna support
Speaker 1: RFK Junior, everybody's gonna be dead anyway. Don't need any
Speaker 1: more clinics. One way to cut down on hospitalizations have
Speaker 1: everybody follow Robert F. Kennedy Junior right off the FN cliff.
Speaker 1: We will be working and remove every single penny of
Speaker 1: federal funding from the Mayo Clinic unless this is resolved.
Speaker 1: He did not add my head hurts. My head really
Speaker 1: hurts when somebody helped me. Van Orden then went on
Speaker 1: a radio show that the Mayo Clinic was inciting violence.
Speaker 1: Derek Van Orden has so many stories, just the ones
Speaker 1: I've covered here of this severe anger management problem that
Speaker 1: I say this with actual sincerity. I don't think he
Speaker 1: can be trusted with a position of responsibility in a bakery,
Speaker 1: let alone a government. But just as sincerely, he's got
Speaker 1: PTSD going big time, probably from his service. Maybe it's CTE.
Speaker 1: In fact, the only thing he should be doing about
Speaker 1: the Mayo Clinic is going to it. But the winner,
Speaker 1: speaking of paranoia, Christy Nome. You know her, Christy Nome
Speaker 1: is Tom fifty thousand dollars Homan's boss. Gavin Newsom's social
Speaker 1: media manager, tweeted that Christy Nome was going to have
Speaker 1: a bad day and of course apropos of the Post's
Speaker 1: latest crap about me. This is a phrase, She's going
Speaker 1: to have a bad day. This is a phrase that
Speaker 1: MAGA and Trump and the Trumpsts get to use every
Speaker 1: damn day about every liberal and every politician. But if
Speaker 1: it's used by others about MAGA or Trump, it's a
Speaker 1: death threat. Now I agree, it's bad phrasing. There's no
Speaker 1: reason to leave the slightest impression of violence, even when
Speaker 1: it's an incorrect impression. I did that myself this week.
Speaker 1: I wasn't careful enough. You have to remember it's a
Speaker 1: bad time for that. Plus, the great dirty secret of
Speaker 1: the right wingers is they are utter snowflakes, holy cow,
Speaker 1: and they're looking for things to make a big deal
Speaker 1: out of. They always need somebody evil on the other side.
Speaker 1: And the idea that their softest church music evidence of that.
Speaker 1: Christino her response to Fox about that tweet, the tweet
Speaker 1: that foretold she'd have a bad day, which turned out
Speaker 1: to be because they knew that Tom Holman story was
Speaker 1: about to break. Quoting her, it was cryptic and it
Speaker 1: was really menacing. It immediately panicked my family. Unquote, well, Christy,
Speaker 1: I'm giving you this. It was cryptic, but hey, you
Speaker 1: don't have any friends. B If that's really menacing to you,
Speaker 1: you need to get to a convent or somewhere, or
Speaker 1: at least I mean, I don't know, a convent sounds
Speaker 1: like a good idea. I mean, you'd have a lot
Speaker 1: of explaining to do before they let you in the convent.
Speaker 1: But they're forgiving people. Even if I was just thinking
Speaker 1: of the guy with the Trump campaign that she's her advisor,
Speaker 1: her confidant, You need to get into a convent because
Speaker 1: you're just not meant for this society. You never know
Speaker 1: when someone might come up to you and say you're
Speaker 1: going to have a bad day, and then you immediately
Speaker 1: go into cardiac seizure or something. But on this part
Speaker 1: about it panicked my family and friends. Did it panic
Speaker 1: them more or less than the day at your house
Speaker 1: when you picked up a shotgun and went hunting for
Speaker 1: and then murdered your daughter's puppy, Christy. I kill innocent
Speaker 1: animals and then boast about it in my autobiography, probably
Speaker 1: in hopes of appealing to Trump and showing him I'm
Speaker 1: a sadist gnome two day's other worst person, and you
Speaker 1: the number one story on the countdown and my favorite topic,
Speaker 1: me and things I promised not to tell. And here
Speaker 1: we go again, Rupert Murdoch's quote news outlets unquote shooting
Speaker 1: themselves in the groin yet again while they were aiming
Speaker 1: at me. A little timeline is required on this one.
Speaker 1: April eighteen sixty five, Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States,
Speaker 1: was assassinated May twenty twenty, maybe earlier May twenty twenty,
Speaker 1: was the earliest I remembered or found. Trump started claiming
Speaker 1: he had been treated far worse than Abraham Lincoln had.
Speaker 1: March sixteenth, twenty twenty four, Trump said it again. Then
Speaker 1: Biden Harris Headquarters tweets the clip, adding Trump says he's
Speaker 1: been treated worse than Abraham Lincoln, who was assassinated. Also
Speaker 1: March sixteenth, twenty twenty four, I retweeted that, adding there's
Speaker 1: always the hope. March eighteenth, twenty twenty four, Fox News
Speaker 1: publishes a story first headlined Keith Olderman appears to hope
Speaker 1: for Trump assassination, but the headline was then changed to
Speaker 1: Keith Olderman sparks outrage by hinting at trump assassination with
Speaker 1: a blue stripe over my face, reading blue blood bath,
Speaker 1: meaning on some level, I am the same as Trump.
Speaker 1: To the New York Post and the Fox News and
Speaker 1: all the rest of Murdoch's outlets, well, I was tempted
Speaker 1: to answer this by saying I was just referring to
Speaker 1: the auto industry. In reality, obviously I was and am
Speaker 1: hoping that Trump will be right and that he will
Speaker 1: be treated worse than Abraham Lincoln, something worse than assassination,
Speaker 1: which would be that Trump is convicted and dies in prison.
Speaker 1: I don't know how many times I have said this,
Speaker 1: maybe more than Trump's ludicrous charge that he's been treated
Speaker 1: worse than Lincoln. I may have actually said it more
Speaker 1: than he has said that. I think I first said
Speaker 1: I hope he dies in prison. I expect he dies
Speaker 1: in prison in twenty sixteen. This is because I hope
Speaker 1: he dies in prison. But of course the point of
Speaker 1: this is Murdoch and Fox, and especially the New York
Speaker 1: Post have been doing this to me since about nineteen
Speaker 1: ninety six, always always getting it wrong, ever since I
Speaker 1: caught the Post in a lie that year about a
Speaker 1: couple of hockey players that it claimed had been thrown
Speaker 1: out of a New York City bar for knocking over tables,
Speaker 1: to the horror of customers, when in fact I was
Speaker 1: with them, and they left the place in their own
Speaker 1: form of horror, because as one of them, Eric Lindross,
Speaker 1: stood up, he almost knocked over the chair he was
Speaker 1: sitting in. He said to the other, John Leclair, I
Speaker 1: think I've had enough. We got to go home, Johnny,
Speaker 1: and they politely left, but not before asking if I
Speaker 1: needed a lift. In two thousand and one, The Post
Speaker 1: slammed me because I attended a New York Mets game
Speaker 1: while wearing cargo shorts. A few years later, the Post
Speaker 1: showed a picture somebody had snapped of me leaning against
Speaker 1: one of the gates of Central Park here in New
Speaker 1: York and said I was alone and depressed. Actually, I
Speaker 1: was alone and early to my dental appointment across the street,
Speaker 1: and I was trying to talk myself into actually going
Speaker 1: into my doctor's office. There was a brief interruption in
Speaker 1: the year during the two and a half years or
Speaker 1: so that I worked for Murdoch in Sports, a brief
Speaker 1: interruption in these constantly hilarious stories before Murdoch personally fired
Speaker 1: me after I had reported, with his office's full approval
Speaker 1: in advance that he was working behind the scenes to
Speaker 1: sell the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team, which he was.
Speaker 1: Murdoch later boasted about firing me, but he didn't say that.
Speaker 1: He didn't boast about it until after he had sold
Speaker 1: the LA Dodgers baseball team. The origin of the Post's
Speaker 1: quarter century of badly aimed shots at me stems from
Speaker 1: that firing. When Murdoch fired me, his minions did it
Speaker 1: slowly in stages over the course of a couple of days,
Speaker 1: in hopes that they could get me angry and bait
Speaker 1: me into attacking Fox and News Corp. In the newspapers
Speaker 1: so that then they could fire me for cause that
Speaker 1: way they wouldn't owe me the rest of the money
Speaker 1: on my contract instead. As I've mentioned here before, given
Speaker 1: the choice between waiting eight months to insult someone and
Speaker 1: getting a lot of money, or getting no money and
Speaker 1: yelling at them right now, I'll always wait the eight months.
Speaker 1: I remained quiet for eight lovely months, and Rupert had
Speaker 1: to pay me one hundred thousand dollars a month to
Speaker 1: do that best job I ever had. So whenever this
Speaker 1: happens and somebody says, why don't you sue Murdoch, Go,
Speaker 1: sue News Corp? Sue the New York Post, I always say,
Speaker 1: what kind of money could I get from them that
Speaker 1: could hurt them more than that eight hundred thousand dollars
Speaker 1: back in two thousand and one. Also, most of the
Speaker 1: stuff they do is so hilariously wrong, like the Worse
Speaker 1: than Life story, that it's transparently desperate. But twice they
Speaker 1: threatened me with stories that I had to take some
Speaker 1: action about once they completely made one up, and once
Speaker 1: they ran a story even though the FBI and the
Speaker 1: Department of Homeland Security specifically asked them not to run it.
Speaker 1: The obligatory reminder before I tell you those two stories,
Speaker 1: you should never believe any source story you read in
Speaker 1: the New York Post, or indeed on any media outlet
Speaker 1: owned by the Murdochs like Fox. They occasionally report real things,
Speaker 1: but just as often they make stuff up. Not exaggerate
Speaker 1: or get slightly wrong or twist, but utterly fabricate. On
Speaker 1: April eleventh, two thousand and five, the New York Post
Speaker 1: was to run exactly the kind of story I'm talking about,
Speaker 1: only under threat of multiple lawsuits did they actually spike it.
Speaker 1: I hadn't told this story before, but I was reminded
Speaker 1: of it. I think going through the mechanics of it
Speaker 1: will illustrate just how evil an organization News Corp. Actually
Speaker 1: Is and more importantly, how unreliable it is as a
Speaker 1: source of news. As a New York Post page six
Speaker 1: gossip story, this one, though, had everything it attacked MSNBC,
Speaker 1: it had quotes from informed sources, and even at one
Speaker 1: points it had a witness. Now the witness disappeared during
Speaker 1: the evolution of this story, but at one point it
Speaker 1: had a witness. It had somebody prominent insulting Peter Jennings,
Speaker 1: the newscaster, right after he had revealed he had lung cancer.
Speaker 1: And it was constructed in such a way that if
Speaker 1: I did not comment on it, they could print the story,
Speaker 1: then come back the next day, rehash it and add
Speaker 1: that I was still refusing to comment on it. But
Speaker 1: there was one overriding problem. It was a complete fabrication,
Speaker 1: and thus it was full of events that didn't happen
Speaker 1: and people who did not exist. New York Post Page
Speaker 1: six contacted MSNBC's then media relations guy Jeremy Gaines on Thursday,
Speaker 1: April seventh, two thousand and five, with the following story.
Speaker 1: Keith Olderman, a quote frequent critic of President Bush, had
Speaker 1: refused to anchor the coverage of the death of Pope
Speaker 1: John Paul the Second, pretended to be ill and called
Speaker 1: in sick instead. There was, as I suggested earlier, a
Speaker 1: major problem here. I had anchored the coverage of the
Speaker 1: death of Pope John Paul the Second. I had been
Speaker 1: anchoring the primetime coverage four hours each weeknight day after
Speaker 1: day leading up to the pottiffs passing. There were viewers
Speaker 1: who had seen me. There were studio staffers. Carl Bernstein
Speaker 1: was there. He was the in studio papal expert. He
Speaker 1: was on the air with me every night for like
Speaker 1: six nights in a row. There were video tapes. Joe Tory,
Speaker 1: then the manager of the New York Yankees, called me
Speaker 1: to compliment me on my reverential coverage of the Pope's illness.
Speaker 1: That did not stop. The New York Post in the
Speaker 1: first version that page six told us it was going
Speaker 1: to print their unnamed source had been on board an
Speaker 1: Amtrak Asella train going from Washington, DC to New York,
Speaker 1: sitting near my agent as my agent talked to somebody
Speaker 1: on a cell phone. This is apparently a very favorite
Speaker 1: construction when The New York Post wants to make up
Speaker 1: a story about somebody their witness said. My agent complained
Speaker 1: that I had had a quote meltdown after quote, calling
Speaker 1: in sick. Rather than anchoring the papal coverage, which I anchored,
Speaker 1: but there was more quote. Alderman, a frequent critic of
Speaker 1: the president's policies, said it was better in sports. They
Speaker 1: quoted my agent quoting me into the phone. I'll be
Speaker 1: dealing with this all day now. Apart from the fact
Speaker 1: that I had anchored the coverage they said I had
Speaker 1: not anchored. There was another major flaw in this story.
Speaker 1: My agent was not on a train from Washington to
Speaker 1: New York on the day in question, or the week
Speaker 1: in question, or the month, or in fact, the year
Speaker 1: in question. My agent told me she thought she had
Speaker 1: once been on a train from Washington to New York
Speaker 1: in the year nineteen sixty seven. My agent at that
Speaker 1: time lived a top Mount Shasta in California, and so
Speaker 1: seldom left there that when she once drove to town
Speaker 1: to get the mail, I asked her for the details
Speaker 1: of her trip because I jokingly suggested to her we
Speaker 1: should lead the newscast with it. So the next day, Friday,
Speaker 1: April eighth, two thousand and five, New York Post, page
Speaker 1: six came back with a different version of this same story.
Speaker 1: They had misheard their source. Of course, it wasn't my
Speaker 1: agent on the train from DC to New York. It
Speaker 1: was a woman who worked for my agent, a woman
Speaker 1: named Susan. A woman named Susan whom I had they
Speaker 1: would report already phoned three times that morning, and I
Speaker 1: was to meet her urgently at the boat House in
Speaker 1: Central Park, presumably because meeting her in the middle of
Speaker 1: Penn Station when she got off that train would have
Speaker 1: been a little too public. MSNBC's Jeremy Gaines responded again
Speaker 1: with some irrefutable refutations. Nobody named Susan worked for my agent.
Speaker 1: In fact, nobody at all worked for my agent. She
Speaker 1: was independent. She had a working relationship with a small
Speaker 1: agency in Los Angeles, and basically they covered her phone
Speaker 1: calls when she was on vacation, which she almost never was,
Speaker 1: because she never left the top of Mount effing Shasta.
Speaker 1: We called that agency and they confirmed that not only
Speaker 1: did they not have anybody working for them named Susan,
Speaker 1: but nobody from that agency was even on the East
Speaker 1: Coast or had been so far that entire year. At
Speaker 1: this point I called the television columnist of The New
Speaker 1: York Post and off the record, explained to him that
Speaker 1: I was kind of furious, and this time I was
Speaker 1: actually going to sue, but that NBC was far angrier
Speaker 1: than I was, and that they were going to sue
Speaker 1: as well, and sue the editor of Page six personally,
Speaker 1: I calmly went through the facts of this. This guy,
Speaker 1: the TV guy, had a conscience, he sighed. He said
Speaker 1: he got those kind of calls more often than I
Speaker 1: would believe. And I said, no, I believe it. And
Speaker 1: he said he would go to the editor of page
Speaker 1: six and explain somebody was lying to him, the editor,
Speaker 1: and he was going to get himself sued into bankruptcy
Speaker 1: over a really obviously untrue and completely disproved story. Okay,
Speaker 1: So now a couple hours later, New York Post Page
Speaker 1: six calls again demanding a comment from me on the
Speaker 1: third different version of their exhaustive papals scoop. No, the
Speaker 1: woman their witness heard, who they first said was my agent,
Speaker 1: then said she had gotten it wrong. It was a
Speaker 1: woman named Susan who worked for my agent. She had
Speaker 1: now become a woman who worked for my agent, whose
Speaker 1: name the witness never heard, but she was talking to
Speaker 1: somebody else named Susan. And there was an additional quote
Speaker 1: now thrown in, I'll be dealing this all day now,
Speaker 1: had morphed into I'll be dealing with this all day now.
Speaker 1: The same week Peter Jennings makes his announcement about having
Speaker 1: lung cancer. This idiot, a frequent critic of President Bush
Speaker 1: is sitting around in his pajamas calling me about this.
Speaker 1: I'll spare you how I know this was not true.
Speaker 1: It has something to do with the fact that I
Speaker 1: don't wear pajamas. Years later, a former gossip reporter in
Speaker 1: Murdoch's employ explained to me that his celebrity and gossip
Speaker 1: people are taught never to back down from a confrontation,
Speaker 1: and that if the subject of one of their hit
Speaker 1: jobs fires back or tries to refute, or especially threatens
Speaker 1: legal action, to keep making story worse and worse for them.
Speaker 1: And in the first decade of this century, anyway, you
Speaker 1: were supposed to try to work in a defense of
Speaker 1: George W. Bush. But there's also what she said, they
Speaker 1: called an emergency exit. If there is no question that
Speaker 1: the story is nonsensical, if the basic spine of the
Speaker 1: story does not line up with provable facts, just abandon it.
Speaker 1: Abandon it. Don't tell the subject of your attack that
Speaker 1: you are abandoning it. Just don't make any more phone calls,
Speaker 1: don't send any more emails about it. Just vanish, just
Speaker 1: disappear the story, and then send the name of the
Speaker 1: subject of the story that you've just punted. Send it
Speaker 1: around to all the other Murdoch operations to see if
Speaker 1: they can come up with any dirt on the subject,
Speaker 1: to punish them for fighting back against Rupert Murdoch's lies.
Speaker 1: So they abandoned the story, and it took the New
Speaker 1: York Post a year and ahe half to get me back,
Speaker 1: and to get back the Department of Homeland Security and
Speaker 1: the FBI. On September twenty sixth, two thousand and six,
Speaker 1: I opened an envelope bearing a California postmark at my
Speaker 1: home in New York. I shouldn't have done it, but bluntly,
Speaker 1: I'll confess to this. I thought it was some baseball
Speaker 1: cards I had bought off eBay. Well it wasn't. The
Speaker 1: envelope contained a sticky substance looked like draino mixed with
Speaker 1: talcum powder, and it fell out, and accompanying notes said
Speaker 1: it was anthrax. Now I and other liberals would get
Speaker 1: a taste of our own medicine. Even reading those chilling
Speaker 1: words and having covered the actual anthrax letters terrorist attacks
Speaker 1: of two thousand and one when I was with CNN,
Speaker 1: I knew it was an anthrax. The guy who supposedly
Speaker 1: sent the actual anthrax in two thousand and one. Was
Speaker 1: an expert in the field, and even he masshandled the
Speaker 1: stuff so badly that supposed he gave himself anthrax and
Speaker 1: died of it. On the other hand, I know the
Speaker 1: odds were impossible, but what if I was wrong. My
Speaker 1: apartment building was filled with little old ladies who had
Speaker 1: lived there since Roosevelt was president. I only assumed that
Speaker 1: meant Franklin, not Theodore. The odds were I don't know
Speaker 1: one in a billion that it was anthrax. But who
Speaker 1: was I to dismiss this one in a billion chance
Speaker 1: that these little old ladies were going to get anthrax?
Speaker 1: Who was I to make that call? So instead I
Speaker 1: made a call. I called the FBI. Well, it was
Speaker 1: quite an evening. The cops showed up. The FBI showed up.
Speaker 1: They said, of course it's not anthrax, but we have
Speaker 1: to act like it is. Welcome to our new world.
Speaker 1: The hasmat squad came in. They set up a command
Speaker 1: post in the building. They swept my apartment and they said, okay,
Speaker 1: now you have to go to the emergency room for tests.
Speaker 1: And I said, it's not anthrax. You just said so.
Speaker 1: And they said if we have to do this. You
Speaker 1: have to do this too, I laughed. Plus, if you don't,
Speaker 1: we can arrest you as a threat to public health,
Speaker 1: and we could make you go to the hospital. So
Speaker 1: out I went into an ambulance dressed in a hazmat
Speaker 1: suit one size too small that really cut in the groin.
Speaker 1: I spent the night getting checked out. The FBI then
Speaker 1: called and said, it's like it's like draino with ivory
Speaker 1: soap flakes. But they also said there had been other
Speaker 1: letters that had arrived that night and the night before,
Speaker 1: sent to people like the chairman of CBS and David
Speaker 1: Letterman's office, and Nancy Pelosi and some poor guy who
Speaker 1: happened to have the name John Stuart who was not
Speaker 1: the John Stuart. And they couldn't make me do this,
Speaker 1: but it would really help if I did not report
Speaker 1: what happened on my TV show that night, just for
Speaker 1: the one day do it tomorrow, because they had a
Speaker 1: lead on and the guy who had sent all these letters,
Speaker 1: and they didn't want to scare them off, And I said, sure,
Speaker 1: I'm a patriot. The next day, while we were still
Speaker 1: observing the embargo on the story, my story planning to
Speaker 1: run it at eight o'clock at night. New York Post
Speaker 1: page six led with a picture of me with the
Speaker 1: headline powder puff spooks Keith and making sure to identify
Speaker 1: me as Quote, a frequent critic of President Bush's policies.
Speaker 1: The New York Post mocked me for not just assuming
Speaker 1: it was fake antrax and ignoring it, and claimed I
Speaker 1: insisted the cops should take me to the hospital. Quote
Speaker 1: whether they gave him a lollipop on the way out
Speaker 1: isn't known. By the way, one of the actual anthrax
Speaker 1: letters in two thousand and one, one of the letters
Speaker 1: with actual anthrax in it that got some people sick
Speaker 1: and killed a little old lady, had been mailed to
Speaker 1: the New York Post, and one of their staffers had
Speaker 1: contracted anthrax. And still this was their attitude towards anthrax threats. Anyway,
Speaker 1: as it turned out, there was a guy in California
Speaker 1: sending out these threatening letters, each with fake antracks, to
Speaker 1: about a dozen people. He sent me four of them. Ultimately,
Speaker 1: I soon knew the FBI guys by their first names.
Speaker 1: I pointed out to FBI Doug that the last envelope
Speaker 1: I received had a bar code on it. Maybe they
Speaker 1: could track the guy that way, and he said, oh,
Speaker 1: you're right. And the next thing I knew the FBI
Speaker 1: had just videotaped the suspect mailing yet another letter to me,
Speaker 1: the fifth from his home in Woodland Hills, California. And
Speaker 1: I swear to god he actually lived in his mother's
Speaker 1: basement at age thirty seven or something. And FBI Doug said,
Speaker 1: do we have your permission to pull a letter out
Speaker 1: of the mailbox and open it? I said sure, And
Speaker 1: the next thing I knew the guy was sentenced to
Speaker 1: prison for like eighteen months, but not before FBI Doug said,
Speaker 1: by the way, that barcode, you noticed it connected to
Speaker 1: the post office here, and that's where we found his address.
Speaker 1: And we also found the fact that he purchased a
Speaker 1: postal money order for fifteen dollars made out to the
Speaker 1: Catherine Harris for Florida Senate campaign, if you remember her
Speaker 1: from Gore V. Bush and his online history. We looked
Speaker 1: that all up. It's all about how she Katherine Harris
Speaker 1: and some woman named Laura something or another. They are
Speaker 1: the most beautiful women in history. And I said, Laura,
Speaker 1: Laura Ingram, and FBI Doug said, yeah, that's it, Laura Ingraham.
Speaker 1: And if that isn't ten years of my life in
Speaker 1: one sentence courtesy of the New York effing Post, I
Speaker 1: don't know what is. And as I said earlier, the
Speaker 1: Post is cooking up something as we speak. It may
Speaker 1: be about my evil, evil tweets. I know it's it's
Speaker 1: not something you're going to read. It's not something I'm
Speaker 1: going to read. It's like that's Saturday Night Live sketch
Speaker 1: all those years ago about me and how terrible I was.
Speaker 1: I mean, it was so long and not interesting that
Speaker 1: I began to look for a hockey game in the
Speaker 1: middle of the sketch, and the sketch was about me.
Speaker 1: Same thing with the Post. But I mean, it's not
Speaker 1: easy to find forty pages of red meat to throw
Speaker 1: at Murdoch's idiot readers every day. I understand that. All right,
Speaker 1: I've done all the damage I can do here. Thank
Speaker 1: you for listening. Most of our Countdown music was a
Speaker 1: range produced and performed by Brian Ray and John Phillips Ale,
Speaker 1: our musical directors have Countdown. It was produced by Tko Brothers.
Speaker 1: Mister Ray was on the guitars, bass and drums. Mister
Speaker 1: Chanel handled orchestration and keyboards. That's them playing now. Our
Speaker 1: satirical and pithy musical comments are by the best baseball
Speaker 1: stadium organist ever, Nancy Faust. The Old Woman theme from
Speaker 1: ESPN two, written by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN, Inc.
Speaker 1: Is the sports music. Other music arranged and performed by
Speaker 1: the group No Horns Allowed. My announcer today was my
Speaker 1: friend Larry David, and everything else was as always my fault.
Speaker 1: Sorry for the hoarseness. It was dog grooming day at
Speaker 1: the house and so the air is thick with small
Speaker 1: doggie hair. I don't think Walter Cronkite ever said that
Speaker 1: on his show That's Countdown for Today, Day two hundred
Speaker 1: and forty nine of America held hostage just one and
Speaker 1: twenty four days until the scheduled end of Trump's lame
Speaker 1: duck and lame brain term unless unless he listens and resigns,
Speaker 1: unless he is removed sooner by MAGA and Jeffrey Epstein,
Speaker 1: or the pavement stuck on his hand, or a stuck
Speaker 1: escalator or tail and all, or Jimmy Kimmel the next
Speaker 1: schedule count down his Monday until then, I'm Keith Oldraman
Speaker 1: good morning, good afternoon, good night, and good luck. Countdown
Speaker 1: with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts.