WEBVTT - Give praise that works

0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:06.720
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:14.320
<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

0:00:15.080 --> 0:00:19.319
<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to give praise that works. That is,

0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:22.800
<v Speaker 1>praise that leaves the person feeling good, and that increases

0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:27.720
<v Speaker 1>the chances that the behavior will occur again. When it

0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:30.880
<v Speaker 1>comes to praise, there are really just two important lessons

0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:34.280
<v Speaker 1>to keep in mind, whether you're praising adults or kids

0:00:34.880 --> 0:00:38.680
<v Speaker 1>at work or in your personal life. First, you should

0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:43.960
<v Speaker 1>praise the process rather than labeling the person. It's really

0:00:44.000 --> 0:00:48.520
<v Speaker 1>easy to praise someone by proclaiming them a genius, a Picasso,

0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:53.960
<v Speaker 1>Ceo material or the like. Labels like these just roll

0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:57.320
<v Speaker 1>off the tongue and don't require us to think or

0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:01.920
<v Speaker 1>reflect much about the person's performance or its impact. They

0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:04.839
<v Speaker 1>can feel good in the moment, though they can also

0:01:04.920 --> 0:01:09.319
<v Speaker 1>come off as insincere or meaningless because they're so vague.

0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:13.960
<v Speaker 1>But there's a bigger issue than their vagueness. When we

0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:17.319
<v Speaker 1>give praise. By labeling people, we can make them less

0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:20.720
<v Speaker 1>willing to take on a challenge and risk failure in

0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:25.000
<v Speaker 1>the future. They become so attached to the label that

0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:27.800
<v Speaker 1>they're reluctant to do something that might cause them to

0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:32.679
<v Speaker 1>lose it. Psychologist Carol Dweck and her team famously conducted

0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:36.679
<v Speaker 1>research on the effect of praising children's effort versus praising

0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:40.240
<v Speaker 1>their intelligence. They found that kids who were praised for

0:01:40.240 --> 0:01:43.240
<v Speaker 1>success on a set of problems with words like wow,

0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:47.200
<v Speaker 1>you must have worked really hard, that is, praising their effort,

0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:50.680
<v Speaker 1>wanted to take on more challenging problems in the future.

0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:55.840
<v Speaker 1>On the other hand, kids whose intelligence was praised, wow,

0:01:56.160 --> 0:01:59.040
<v Speaker 1>you must be smart at this I didn't want to

0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:02.880
<v Speaker 1>take on challenging problems and perform less well. They didn't

0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:05.760
<v Speaker 1>want to try something hard for fear that they would

0:02:05.760 --> 0:02:10.240
<v Speaker 1>no longer be seen as smart. Do what concludes that

0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:14.360
<v Speaker 1>we're better off praising effort or process rather than labeling

0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:18.160
<v Speaker 1>people as having fixed traits. So rather than tell a

0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:21.639
<v Speaker 1>kid good job on her homeworker, you're such a math genius,

0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:25.560
<v Speaker 1>you might say that was a challenging fraction problem and

0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:29.200
<v Speaker 1>you solved it. I see you tried several different approaches

0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:33.079
<v Speaker 1>until you've found one that worked. And rather than tell

0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:36.480
<v Speaker 1>an employee that she's a great speaker, you might say,

0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:39.400
<v Speaker 1>I've heard you mentioned that presentations are stressful to you.

0:02:40.080 --> 0:02:42.560
<v Speaker 1>Let me tell you your preparation and practice on this

0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:46.800
<v Speaker 1>one really paid off. You spoke fluidly and made your

0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:52.680
<v Speaker 1>points clearly, nicely done. Praising the process rather than labeling

0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:56.639
<v Speaker 1>the person also works because process is within our control.

0:02:57.520 --> 0:03:00.280
<v Speaker 1>If you praise my use of multiple strategy needs to

0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:03.720
<v Speaker 1>solve a tough problem, or my clear communication, or my

0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:06.880
<v Speaker 1>willingness to put in the time to practice, I see

0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:10.960
<v Speaker 1>that those behaviors are valued and effective, and later, when

0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:14.040
<v Speaker 1>I encounter a similar situation, I'll be more likely to

0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:17.720
<v Speaker 1>turn to those behaviors which are within my control and

0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:21.560
<v Speaker 1>are likely to lead to good outcomes. Again, the second

0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:24.800
<v Speaker 1>part of giving praise that works connect your praise with

0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:29.360
<v Speaker 1>the positive impact the praised behavior had. The Center for

0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:35.400
<v Speaker 1>Creative Leadership has an approach called situation behavior Impact. This

0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:40.320
<v Speaker 1>method lets people know how their behavior influenced outcomes. Here's

0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:43.400
<v Speaker 1>how it works. For giving praise. You might say to

0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:46.440
<v Speaker 1>a kid, Molly, I liked how you suggested that you

0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:49.440
<v Speaker 1>and Jenny use a timer to help you take turns

0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:52.840
<v Speaker 1>with the tire swing. You each had some fun and

0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:56.440
<v Speaker 1>there were no tears or at work, Sam, you were

0:03:56.480 --> 0:04:00.280
<v Speaker 1>so well prepared for that meeting. You'd anticipated every question

0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.520
<v Speaker 1>our client had. Whether we land this contract or not.

0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:07.280
<v Speaker 1>I know you gave her a positive impression of our company.

0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.760
<v Speaker 1>This sort of praise is encouraging and better yet, now

0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:14.800
<v Speaker 1>just people to make equally smart choices in the future.

0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:20.280
<v Speaker 1>In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and

0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:29.080
<v Speaker 1>here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:31.440
<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:35.120
<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

0:04:35.160 --> 0:04:39.520
<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod

0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:44.560
<v Speaker 1>that's B the number four, then Breakfast p o D.

0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:48.280
<v Speaker 1>You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast

0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:51.719
<v Speaker 1>podcast at i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast

0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:54.400
<v Speaker 1>is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,

0:04:54.440 --> 0:05:02.640
<v Speaker 1>should I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast

0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:05.800
<v Speaker 1>is a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts

0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:08.640
<v Speaker 1>from I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app,

0:05:08.920 --> 0:05:12.120
<v Speaker 1>Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:14.520
<v Speaker 1>H