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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, Wherever

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Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to

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Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode another topic as

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Speaker 1: we break down the psychology of our twenties. Before we

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Speaker 1: get into it, I just want to say that this

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Speaker 1: topic was a suggestion from one of our wonderful listeners

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Speaker 1: and I saw her message and I could not believe

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Speaker 1: that we hadn't spoken about it before, because it is

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Speaker 1: just that universal. So thank you to Abby in California

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Speaker 1: for your incredible suggestion and inspiration. If you have a

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Speaker 1: topic that you want me to cover, something going on

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Speaker 1: in your life, or that you've seen in the world

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Speaker 1: that you wish you had a psychological explanation for, please

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Speaker 1: feel free to DM me on Instagram at that Psychology Podcast.

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Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you and whatever is

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Speaker 1: on your mind. But let's get back into it and

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Speaker 1: talk about our topic today, which is why do we

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Speaker 1: replay conversations. This happens to me all of the time,

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Speaker 1: almost at I would say, an unimaginable level, and not

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Speaker 1: just in the moments after the conversation or interaction, but

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Speaker 1: for days afterwards, and most of the time the conversations

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Speaker 1: I am replaying are not necessarily negative or awkward or

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable in the moment. I just can't shake this like

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Speaker 1: need to give myself a continuous play by play, watching

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Speaker 1: for things I may have said that were weird or embarrassing,

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Speaker 1: what the other person may have thought of me, examining

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Speaker 1: every very small minute detail. Maybe you're in the same

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Speaker 1: boat you relate to this description. You are also repeatedly

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Speaker 1: thinking over everything you know your boss may have said

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Speaker 1: at that last meeting, or that conversation you have with

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Speaker 1: a stranger at a house party, late night chats with

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Speaker 1: your partner, every small interaction with an acquaintance on the

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Speaker 1: street where you barely said a few words. It can

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Speaker 1: be so small, insignificant even, but you're left thinking, was

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Speaker 1: that strange? Was that awkward? What is their perception of me?

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Speaker 1: After that? Perhaps you're thinking back to that one thing

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Speaker 1: you said that maybe was a little bit weird, and

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Speaker 1: you're magnifying it as if it was the only thing said,

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Speaker 1: rather than in the context of a lot of other things,

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Speaker 1: and you're just wishing that you could take it back,

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Speaker 1: or sometimes we wish that we pushed deeper, we'd said more.

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Speaker 1: I think that is especially the case when we're having

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Speaker 1: conversations about things that are inherently vulnerable, like mental health,

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Speaker 1: where in the moment we're not quite sure what to say,

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Speaker 1: but afterwards we think of everything we wished we had said.

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Speaker 1: If you are someone in your twenties and you haven't

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Speaker 1: experienced that, I think you may be the anomaly, because

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Speaker 1: it's a feeling that emerges from so many secondary emotional

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Speaker 1: experiences that we're having in this decade, Feeling awkward, feeling

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Speaker 1: strange in our own skin, feeling insecure and inadequate, trying

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Speaker 1: to figure out how to manage nuanced and complicated emotions,

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Speaker 1: not just other people's emotions as well, but our own.

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Speaker 1: And it's not all about the conversation. In fact, I

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Speaker 1: think it rarely is about the contents of the conversation

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Speaker 1: that we're worried about. It is the personal weight that

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Speaker 1: we place on other people's perceptions and opinions of us.

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Speaker 1: It stems from our very deep desire to be accepted,

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Speaker 1: so we scan our memories for anything that indicates that

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Speaker 1: this person maybe didn't like us or thinks of us

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Speaker 1: in a way that is not aligned with the version

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Speaker 1: of us that we want people to see, who we

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Speaker 1: want people to think that we are. I think this

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Speaker 1: occurs for a few reasons. Number one is because our

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Speaker 1: brains are not relegating those unimportant conversations and forgetting about

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Speaker 1: them as we probably should. Our brains are holding them

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Speaker 1: at the same level of priority as more important situations

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Speaker 1: or interactions. So it causes this confusion between what is

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Speaker 1: actually worth us remembering and what is not. When we

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Speaker 1: replay conversations, what we're really experiencing is rumination. Involves repetitive

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Speaker 1: thinking or dwelling on past experiences and events, particularly the

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Speaker 1: negative aspects, sometimes, like we said, for weeks even months afterwards.

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Speaker 1: How I describe it is that our brains are stuck

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Speaker 1: in this loop or mental maze that we can't break

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Speaker 1: out of even when we want to. This preoccupation with

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Speaker 1: some small, probably negligible social interaction takes up so much

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Speaker 1: space in our mind. When we are replaying conversations, we

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Speaker 1: are experiencing two distinct types of this rumination pattern. Firstly,

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Speaker 1: we have post event processing, which is the pervasive, detailed

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Speaker 1: reviewing of socially failed or embarrassing activities or situations that

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Speaker 1: are perceived even more negatively in hindsight than they actually

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Speaker 1: work because of our anxiety, because of our the kind

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Speaker 1: of spotlight that we put on them. And secondly is

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Speaker 1: stress reactive rumination. So this involves constantly thinking about situations

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Speaker 1: that maybe cause stress or will cause stress in the

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Speaker 1: future as a way to dull their importance and look

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Speaker 1: for a solution to prepare for things that might arise

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Speaker 1: might not. It's almost like, you know, catastrophizing the future

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Speaker 1: by looking at the past. So when I say that

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Speaker 1: rumination can dull the importance of conversations or the things

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Speaker 1: we may have said wrong, this may seem counterintuitive, but

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Speaker 1: really rumination exists as a way to self soothe or

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Speaker 1: emotionally regulate, even if it's maladaptive. By turning over a

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Speaker 1: memory or a conversation in our head over and over again,

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Speaker 1: it's like pushing on a fresh bruise. Right. It hurts,

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Speaker 1: but it also feels less painful the more we do

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Speaker 1: it because we're desensitizing ourselves. The metaphor I always give

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Speaker 1: is that rumination does to our memories as the ocean

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Speaker 1: kind of does to a pebble. With every moment we

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Speaker 1: spend thinking about it, we slowly smooth it out. We

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Speaker 1: slowly feel more comfortable with our thoughts or reflections of

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Speaker 1: what we said. We make ourselves more comfortable with our discomfort,

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Speaker 1: the same way that the ocean kind of smooths out

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Speaker 1: all the crevices on a rock. Some studies also suggest

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Speaker 1: that rumination provides us with an illusion of control. So

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Speaker 1: if we think about that interaction more and more, we

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Speaker 1: feel like we have more control over the event because

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Speaker 1: we've spent so much time thinking about it. Right, it's

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Speaker 1: kind of the same with overthinking. So when you worry

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Speaker 1: about something you mulled over, you're kind of trying to

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Speaker 1: prepare for if this person comes back and says to you, Hey,

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Speaker 1: that was really weird. Why did you say that? And

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Speaker 1: it's strangely satisfying to us because it allows us to

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Speaker 1: feel like we can kind of predict that this might happen.

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Speaker 1: We're in some way in control, prepared for what's coming.

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Speaker 1: By forcing ourselves to replay it again and again and again,

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Speaker 1: and of course that's not true. Unfortunately, you know, the

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Speaker 1: conversation is in the past. There's nothing we can do

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Speaker 1: to change it. Thinking about it more is not going

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Speaker 1: to change what someone else's perception of us is in

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Speaker 1: the moment. But rehashing future conversations based on past experiences

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Speaker 1: is another way that we keep ourselves stuck in these memories,

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Speaker 1: and I think it evolves as a way for us

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Speaker 1: to obviously prepare for how we want to change our behavior,

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Speaker 1: what we want to say in the future. If we

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Speaker 1: can identify what went wrong in that interaction that's causing

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Speaker 1: us embarrassment, we can prevent it from occurring again, so

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Speaker 1: we protect ourselves from the potential future opportunities to feel

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Speaker 1: cringe or to feel bad about ourselves. But that can

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Speaker 1: also morph into anticipatory anxiety, where when we are constantly

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Speaker 1: trying to prepare what we might say in a conversation,

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Speaker 1: how we're going to guide the conversation, we're making like

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Speaker 1: a mental checklist of topics, we actually become really fearful

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Speaker 1: of these imagined scenarios where we might not be as

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Speaker 1: socially adept as we would like to be. And these scenarios.

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Speaker 1: They only exist in our heads, but they are causing

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Speaker 1: us really quite tangible and real fear. I think in

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Speaker 1: those moments, we have to remind ourselves why we care.

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Speaker 1: Why does this person's opinion matter so much that we

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Speaker 1: are taking allowing it to take up so much of

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Speaker 1: our limited cognitive capacity? Right? Is their opinion going to

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Speaker 1: do us physical harm? Is it going to stop the

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Speaker 1: real people in our life from loving us? Is it

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Speaker 1: going to make you any less happy? That is a

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Speaker 1: big question. Is it going to reduce your enjoyment of life?

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Speaker 1: Probably not unless you put emphasis on it, unless you

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Speaker 1: decide to think about it. Their thoughts are neither our

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Speaker 1: problem or our business. Honestly, who cares if you came

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Speaker 1: off weird? I say that is so much more authentic

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Speaker 1: than the people who are preoccupied with impressing other people

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Speaker 1: at their own expense, And it really doesn't matter all

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Speaker 1: that much. We talk to thousands of people across a year.

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Speaker 1: Not all of those conversations are going to be like incredible.

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Speaker 1: We're not always going to say the perfect thing. We're

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Speaker 1: always going to have regrets. We cannot hold on to

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Speaker 1: those because there's just so many of them that we

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Speaker 1: would have to keep locked up in our brain. Also

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Speaker 1: as an important reminder, people's memories are a lot shorter

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Speaker 1: than we think, and they are normally always too focused

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Speaker 1: on themselves to be critically analyzing our behavior. But that

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Speaker 1: inherent need to care, that needs to overthink small moments

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Speaker 1: comes from that social, very intuitive, social side of us

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Speaker 1: that craves closeness and fears alienation or social exclusion. To

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Speaker 1: explain this, let's talk about this idea of rejection sensitivity.

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Speaker 1: For those of us who are chronic overthinkers and replayers

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Speaker 1: when it comes to our social interactions, sometimes it can

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Speaker 1: come down to actually something deeper that's going on in

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Speaker 1: our brain, rejection sensitivity dysphoria and our old favorite social anxiety,

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Speaker 1: so rejection sensitivity dysphoria. This relates to our inability to

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Speaker 1: regulate our emotional responses to perceived rejection, not actual rejection,

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Speaker 1: but our own interpretation of a situation. For example, if

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Speaker 1: someone kind of slightly turns away from you or leaves

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Speaker 1: to go to the bathroom at a party whilst we're

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Speaker 1: in conversation with you. In five minutes later you see

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Speaker 1: them talking to someone else, You're going to pick up

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Speaker 1: on that maybe there is an explanation for why they

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Speaker 1: behave this way, but that is not obvious to you,

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Speaker 1: because you are more hyper vigilant to the social cues

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Speaker 1: that someone gives off that they are going to reject you.

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Speaker 1: And it also causes us to replay those interactions again

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Speaker 1: and again, because what if we missed one of those cues.

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Speaker 1: What if we are blindsided in the future by some

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Speaker 1: memory that we cringe out and that we're not prepared for.

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Speaker 1: What if a small moment or infraction is a symptom

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Speaker 1: to us of some greaterst social exodus. It's probably not,

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Speaker 1: but this also really links You know, the relationship between rumination,

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Speaker 1: replaying conversations, and social anxiety as well. You know that

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Speaker 1: this is the important thing. You would not be worried

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Speaker 1: about these people if you are not socially in tune

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Speaker 1: with yourself. And I saw this quote from a therapist

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Speaker 1: that I think captures this perfectly. She said, my most

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Speaker 1: anxious patients are often my smartest patients, because that anxiety

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Speaker 1: you are feeling comes from a feeling that you can

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Speaker 1: solve a problem by thinking about it more because you

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Speaker 1: are quite intelligent, and so we spend a lot more

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Speaker 1: time in our own heads. And it's also what makes

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Speaker 1: anxious people such perfectionists, because we're used to being able

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Speaker 1: to solve a problem by thinking about it more. Anxiety,

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Speaker 1: as we know it, comes in a lot of forms.

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Speaker 1: Anything that our brain can find scary or intimidating will

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Speaker 1: cause anxiety, especially for some people, certain or even all,

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Speaker 1: social situations. When we are socially anxious, that makes us

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Speaker 1: more alert to our potential flaws or quirks, all the

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Speaker 1: weird things that we say, and it causes us to

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Speaker 1: linger on them for a lot longer. Because we are

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Speaker 1: terrified of a perceived cost or consequence of being perceived negatively,

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Speaker 1: we see that as a threat. Not only does that

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Speaker 1: lead to a lot of excessive rumination, but potentially even

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Speaker 1: future avoidance of certain situations where we might not know anybody,

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Speaker 1: or we've had a weird experience with someone else who

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Speaker 1: is going, or there'll be big groups of people. Because

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Speaker 1: we are so hypervigilant towards those situations as potentially being

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Speaker 1: threatening to our sense of security and our sense of

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Speaker 1: social acceptance, we just don't go. We avoid them. It's

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Speaker 1: that disproportionate fear of social situations whereby our brain has

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Speaker 1: unintentionally elevated the importance of other people's opinions and judgments

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Speaker 1: such that they become a really deep catalyst for worry, stress,

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Speaker 1: even panic at times. So we replay conversations, I think

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Speaker 1: as a conclusion because a it is a way for

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Speaker 1: us to feel secure and to soothe ourselves and be

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Speaker 1: as a way to quote unquote identify our mistakes and

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Speaker 1: correct them, or be vigilant and aware of situations where

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Speaker 1: we may have socially sabotaged ourselves or where people might

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Speaker 1: think that we're weird because we appreciate that the opinions

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Speaker 1: of others matter to us. All of this can explain

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Speaker 1: the reasons why some of us find it hard to

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Speaker 1: let go of embarrassing conversations situations, even years after they happened.

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Speaker 1: It's like a permanent time capsule. I remember one time

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Speaker 1: talking to this person who I had like a massive

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Speaker 1: crush on at university, and I had a few glasses

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Speaker 1: of wine and I mispronounced this like one word and

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Speaker 1: then kind of like stumbled over my words, and he

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Speaker 1: laughed and like kind of looked around me to see

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Speaker 1: if anyone else had noticed. And still to this day,

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Speaker 1: I look at that memory, and I want to roll

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Speaker 1: into a ball and hide. It is so small, it

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Speaker 1: is such a small moment. But sometimes I even intentionally

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Speaker 1: bring it to mind to see if it still has

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Speaker 1: that same impact, and it always does. It's like the

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Speaker 1: feeling of embarrassment has not gone away. It's like a

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Speaker 1: permanent little scar in my mind of that one time

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Speaker 1: five years ago I said one thing weird to this

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Speaker 1: one person. So how do we let go of this

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Speaker 1: need to hold on to these memories, this instinct to

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Speaker 1: keep going over things in the past, conversation, social interactions,

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Speaker 1: whatever they may be. That is what I really want

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Speaker 1: to talk about next. How to stop overthinking your actions,

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Speaker 1: how to stop replaying conversations and letting yourself fall into

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Speaker 1: the mental trap that these people their opinion of you,

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Speaker 1: matters more than your own, and that somehow their judgments

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Speaker 1: of you carry a bigger weight than they actually do.

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Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about all of that and

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Speaker 1: more after this shortbreak. Spending so much time in our

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Speaker 1: brains and in thought patterns and spirals that we don't

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Speaker 1: want to be having can be really exhausting, to say

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Speaker 1: the very least, especially when we feel like we have

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Speaker 1: no control over the contents of these memories. Such is

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Speaker 1: always the case with things that happened in the past.

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Speaker 1: So let's break down what we can do to change

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Speaker 1: this by kind of stripping back the rumination process. Firstly,

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Speaker 1: put things into perspective by leaning into the what if.

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Speaker 1: The easiest way to identify whether a thought is a

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Speaker 1: product of out anxiety or if it is real is

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Speaker 1: if the thought starts with what if. When we replay conversations,

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Speaker 1: the what if is often what if this person doesn't

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Speaker 1: like me? What if they thought I was awkward? What

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Speaker 1: if I said something weird? Instead of trying to work

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Speaker 1: through that thought spiral by getting stuck in the worst

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Speaker 1: case scenario, follow that scenario through to its end with me,

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Speaker 1: what if they don't like me, Well, then they may

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Speaker 1: not want to be my friend or spend time with me. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so what if they don't want to spend time with me, Well,

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Speaker 1: then I'll feel isolated and alone. What if I feel

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Speaker 1: isolated and alone, Well then I'll feel bad. What if

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Speaker 1: I feel bad? What next? Well, when you challenge that thought,

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Speaker 1: you find the baseline feeling that you actually are worried

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Speaker 1: about in this situation. It's not that you're worried about

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Speaker 1: this person's opinion, It's that you're worried about what their

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Speaker 1: opinion might cause for you, which is loneliness, which is rejection,

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Speaker 1: which is feeling isolated. So, instead of working towards fixing

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Speaker 1: your kind of ten and seed to replay conversations, work

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Speaker 1: towards increasing your confidence around your value and your enjoyment

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Speaker 1: of your own company, and you know, really strengthening the

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Speaker 1: friendships and your appreciation of the friendships and relationships that

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Speaker 1: will be there regardless of what you said in this

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Speaker 1: one conversation one time. Talking about our what ifs and

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Speaker 1: taking them to what I call their natural conclusion also

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Speaker 1: just shows us how irrational so many of our fears are.

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Speaker 1: Is it really the case that one thing you've said

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Speaker 1: in a conversation or one weird social interaction is going

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Speaker 1: to ruin you, is going to bring down your entire life?

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Speaker 1: Have you ever seen that happen to someone before? And

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Speaker 1: I'm not talking about people who choose to be really

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Speaker 1: racist or sexist or homophobic, but people who maybe just

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Speaker 1: laughed at the wrong time or revealed maybe a little

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Speaker 1: bit too much. These people, their lives are not ruined

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Speaker 1: because they said one weird thing one time, but our

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Speaker 1: brains do like to catest and overthink. You know what

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Speaker 1: if we're the first one who that happens to. Like

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Speaker 1: I said, it is a way of problem solving. So

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Speaker 1: it's looking for the worst case scenario to prepare yourself,

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Speaker 1: despite the chances of that happening being very low. So

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Speaker 1: it's important to realize that your appraisal of a situation,

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Speaker 1: what you think this person might think about you is

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Speaker 1: a probably incorrect and be very irrational. We also need

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Speaker 1: to shift our attention our behavioral intention from valuing what

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Speaker 1: other people may think of us to valuing our own

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Speaker 1: authenticity and peace. Behavioral intentions are so powerful for changing

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Speaker 1: a number of behaviors, from things like diet to exercise habits,

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Speaker 1: how we treat others, and also how we treat ourselves.

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Speaker 1: Before going into a situation that you know might cause

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Speaker 1: you to ruminate after the fact or could be stressful,

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Speaker 1: set a behavioral intention in there. I am going to

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Speaker 1: let myself behave as I would like. I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to worry about other people. I'm going to say what's

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Speaker 1: on my mind without feeling embarrassed by it. I think

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Speaker 1: it's important to set a behavioral intention with yourself because

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Speaker 1: it reinforces this kind of your authenticity firstly, but this

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Speaker 1: positive belief that you are actually in control of a

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Speaker 1: situation and you are in control of whether you choose

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Speaker 1: to behave in a way that is true to yourself

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Speaker 1: or in a way that is attempting to make others

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Speaker 1: like you. Literally, you can talk to yourself and say,

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Speaker 1: I can choose to think about this, I can choose

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Speaker 1: to replay this conversation, or I can spend my time

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Speaker 1: on something more valuable. Which do I choose, and then

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Speaker 1: rationalize the urge to choose the replaying conversation option. I

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Speaker 1: know that I'm only doing this because I'm overthinking and

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Speaker 1: because of my social hypervigilance, not because of anything that

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Speaker 1: actually happened. I know that if I choose to replay

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Speaker 1: this conversation, it won't actually change anything about what was said.

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Speaker 1: It won't change a single thing, and even at the

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Speaker 1: end of the day, if it could, it doesn't really

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Speaker 1: matter if this person chooses to think of me some

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Speaker 1: way that is not my business, that has nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with me, unless they choose to bring it up.

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Speaker 1: Allow yourself to be emotionally detached from what other people

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Speaker 1: think about you. You're not invested in that. You can

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Speaker 1: also channel that urge because I know it is quite

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Speaker 1: a powerful urge and sometimes it's not easy to counteract.

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Speaker 1: But instead of suppressing it, you can also channel it

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Speaker 1: into more positive outlets, like discussing it with your friend

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Speaker 1: or your boyfriend. Whoever is removed from the situation might

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Speaker 1: be able to provide you with a rational voice when

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Speaker 1: you can't. Finally, we can process our needs to rep

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Speaker 1: conversations by taking ourselves out of our minds and into

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Speaker 1: our bodies, channeling that nervous contemplative energy into a different source.

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Speaker 1: Our anxiety is just as physical as it is mental.

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Speaker 1: It manifests in restlessness, fast breathing, headaches, being stick to

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Speaker 1: your stomach, and that all exacerbates our sense of emotional stress.

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Speaker 1: So it's kind of like this ongoing circle or cycle.

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Speaker 1: How we can interrupt that is, provide these anxious thoughts

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Speaker 1: with an outlet by activating what is known as our

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Speaker 1: skeletal muscle brain axis through tensing or contracting and then

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Speaker 1: releasing our muscles. So start from your calves all the

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00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: way to your neck, tense your muscles, release them. By

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Speaker 1: doing that, you're releasing a lot of that mental anguish

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Speaker 1: as well, and there are so many studies that demonstrate

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Speaker 1: the effect this has on relieving our spiraling or persistent thoughts,

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Speaker 1: or just anxiety in general. We can also participate in

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Speaker 1: obviously sports, go to the gym, exercise, particularly activities that

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Speaker 1: give you a sense of moving forward, not in a

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Speaker 1: symbolic or a spiritual way, but literally just physically moving forward.

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Speaker 1: When we engage in these kinds of exercise, what we're

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Speaker 1: actually engaging in is this thing called lateral eye movement,

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Speaker 1: basically to break this down anxiety. And when we replay

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Speaker 1: conversations that is anxiety. It is a fear response that

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Speaker 1: has evolved to help us confront danger. And the way

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Speaker 1: that we did this in the past and still to

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Speaker 1: this day is either by fighting back or fleeing, by

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Speaker 1: running away, and when we did this, all of that

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Speaker 1: adrenaline that was initially pumped into our body has a

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Speaker 1: place to go. We begin to feel calmer, we begin

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Speaker 1: to feel more focused, we feel like we're doing something

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Speaker 1: about the problem. By either fighting back or fleeing, you

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Speaker 1: can replicate that feeling of being active in the face

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Speaker 1: of danger when you go for a run or a

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Speaker 1: walk or a cycle. That forward movement makes you feel

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Speaker 1: like you're escaping a threat. So in this case, that

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Speaker 1: might be someone's potential negative judgments. You can take that

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Speaker 1: anxiety and feel like you are progressing past it by

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Speaker 1: physically moving forward. And the exercise in itself also allows

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Speaker 1: a lot of that adrenaline, that cortisol, just that stress

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Speaker 1: to be kind of expelled from your body. I know

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Speaker 1: it sounds really strange, but it really does work. Next

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Speaker 1: time you're sitting there being like, oh my gosh, what

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Speaker 1: does this person think of me? I'm gonna be fined,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna lose my job, this person's never gonna speak

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Speaker 1: to me again. I know it sounds so silly, but

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Speaker 1: go for a run and you'll feel that a lot

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Speaker 1: of the anxiety in that moment will definitely dissipate for you.

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Speaker 1: Here is your final reminder to give yourself a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a reality check. Here. I say it all

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Speaker 1: the time, but no one is looking at you as

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Speaker 1: closely as you are looking at yourself. Can you remember

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Speaker 1: the last time you thought about something someone had said

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Speaker 1: and judged them for it permanently, and can you remember

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00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,400
Speaker 1: exactly what they said? How did that change the relationship,

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00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,359
Speaker 1: What did it really mean for you? You probably can't

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00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 1: remember that level of detail just as someone else can't

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00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,640
Speaker 1: remember that level of detail about the conversation that you

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00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 1: just had with them. Try and replay your last conversation

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Speaker 1: that you had with I don't know, your coworker or

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00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,880
Speaker 1: your friend. Replay every single moment in your head right now.

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00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: And I know that sounds counterintuitive, but when you start

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00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,120
Speaker 1: to do that, you realize that there is a lot

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Speaker 1: of things that you can't really recall. And the same

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00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 1: goes for the other person. Our brain wants to pay

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00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 1: really great attention to our own actions and feelings rather

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Speaker 1: than others, and the same goes for the person that

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Speaker 1: you were talking to. Most of the time, we are

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00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:09,159
Speaker 1: quite inward focused, and when it comes to replaying conversations,

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00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 1: recognizing that fact is something that can actually help put

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Speaker 1: things into perspective. No one is ever really that focused

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00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: on you, and that is quite liberating. It's freeing, and

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Speaker 1: it takes time to really embrace that. But the outcome

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00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 1: of recognizing that you really are just a lot more

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00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,639
Speaker 1: critical than you need to be is that you release

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00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 1: yourself from that spiral and from that social examination. Furthermore,

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00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 1: even if you did something weird or you did something off,

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00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 1: So what human's memory. Our memory is so fallible. It

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00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,679
Speaker 1: doesn't last as long as we think it does. And

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00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:54,199
Speaker 1: like most things, that embarrassment is temporary. It's like a

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00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 1: small scab that may take a while to heal, but

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00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:01,479
Speaker 1: it will eventually. And to get really eca tessential. The

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00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 1: world is so large, there are so many people living

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00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: their own independent lives. There's like millions of other people

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00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 1: on this planet, and we're really only here for a

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00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 1: short time. That conversation you had, that weird thing you said,

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Speaker 1: is such a small moment in comparison to not just

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Speaker 1: like the length of your life and how much you

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Speaker 1: will do, but just in terms of the world and

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00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: everything else that's going on. You don't need to worry.

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00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 1: Everything is temporary. This feeling of embarrassment, of cringe, of

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00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 1: awkwardness is temporary. You will move past it. And I

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Speaker 1: promise you that most people probably don't even remember the

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Speaker 1: thing that you spend hours worrying about. So for all

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Speaker 1: of my fellow people who love the conversational replay, I

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Speaker 1: really hope that this episode has helped you out. I

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Speaker 1: know I gave a lot of advice here, but I

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Speaker 1: will say I still do struggle with this. I think

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Speaker 1: if you're naturally like also an EmPATH, you're natural really

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Speaker 1: very like socially aware or socially conscious, self conscious more

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Speaker 1: like it. It's really hard to break that habit because

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Speaker 1: you have spent so many years of your life learning

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Speaker 1: to prioritize other people's opinions. So I hope that this

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Speaker 1: is just one small step to kind of greater mental

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Speaker 1: freedom when it comes to this rumination pattern. I hope

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Speaker 1: it gave you some practical tips to help you out.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to say it again, thank you to Abby

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Speaker 1: who provided this episode suggestion. If you have an episode suggestion,

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00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: please feel free to message me at that Psychology Podcast.

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Speaker 1: We love getting some feedback, We love getting some suggestions,

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00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 1: some inspiration, some motivation, And if you enjoyed this episode,

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00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 1: please feel free to leave a five star review on

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Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now and

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00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 1: follow along. There are some really good episodes coming out.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to give it away, but December is

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Speaker 1: going to be a killer month for the podcast, so

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Speaker 1: make sure that you're here for it, and we will

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Speaker 1: be back next week with another episode m