Speaker 1: Okay, Hi, Hello Chelsea, Hi, how are you. I'm good.
Speaker 1: It's it's a bright, beautiful day today here in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: I had a good recovery from my week of shows.
Speaker 1: I slept for thirteen hours from Sunday to Monday, and
Speaker 1: then Monday I went to bed at nine with Joe.
Speaker 1: I like when he goes to sleep early too, and
Speaker 1: we just I just catch my sleep during the week,
Speaker 1: you know. I Actually this is gonna sound so l a,
Speaker 1: but I had a meeting with a shaman weeks ago.
Speaker 1: I love yes, and as he did basically like a
Speaker 1: body scan and pulled cards like these animal cards for
Speaker 1: each part of my body. And one thing he told
Speaker 1: me was he asked when I'm sleeping. He told me
Speaker 1: it's kind of later in the night, to know, maybe
Speaker 1: a little later in the morning then maybe like someone
Speaker 1: with kids or something. But he told me I need
Speaker 1: to start going to bed at nine pm and waking
Speaker 1: up at verse six. He said, the time between nine
Speaker 1: and midnight is when your body is in healing mode.
Speaker 1: So he said, you're not allowing your body to heal
Speaker 1: from midnight on. It's like preparing for the next day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I kind of blew my mind a little bit.
Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe I should try this. I love going
Speaker 1: to bed at nine o'clock. I mean, nothing gives me
Speaker 1: more pleasure than knowing because then I'm so energized in
Speaker 1: the morning and I'm so clear. I love it. I
Speaker 1: love sleep. I can't tell you how much I love sleep.
Speaker 1: I just love it. Are you a good sleeper? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean I wake up a lot, so that's annoying.
Speaker 1: But if I don't drink, I can have a really
Speaker 1: good night's sleep. I mean I pee. I have to
Speaker 1: pee like twice a night, so that's that's annoying. I'm
Speaker 1: sure that will only get worse as time goes on.
Speaker 1: But Joe doesn't get up to pe in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night. I envy him for that. My husband
Speaker 1: will drink like a liter of water right before bed,
Speaker 1: and then he has to get up. I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: there's a reason for that. Hello, we understand why. But
Speaker 1: he just gets very thirsty. He's very thirsty. Well at
Speaker 1: least yeah, Well, I guess he's thirsty while he's sleeping,
Speaker 1: which is an unusual phenomenon. Right, I have shows coming
Speaker 1: up tomorrow night. I am in Springfield, Massachusetts, that's June
Speaker 1: sevente and I'm in Windsor, Ontario at Caesar's Windsor the Coliseum.
Speaker 1: And I'm coming to Vancouver and Calgary and Honolulu and
Speaker 1: Cahulu Cahulu, Hawaii. That's on Maui, Honolulu and Mauie. I
Speaker 1: will be there July one and July three, and I
Speaker 1: will have my lover with me there, so I know
Speaker 1: how much Hawaiian's love that excellent. I do have an
Speaker 1: update for us, Chelsea. What is it? What is this?
Speaker 1: Is from remember the woman who called in who her
Speaker 1: daughter heard her having sex and was very upset. Well,
Speaker 1: the daughter wrote in, I'm very excited about it. The
Speaker 1: subject line is twenty year old daughter overhearing mother having sex.
Speaker 1: I am the daughter, Dear Chelsea. She says, just listen
Speaker 1: to the episode comic stating comment in which I was
Speaker 1: featured in a story my mother quote, Jenny wrote it,
Speaker 1: I love this. This is the story of my life.
Speaker 1: Is talking about someone who I don't think is ever
Speaker 1: going to listen to the platform I'm on and finding
Speaker 1: out within thirty seconds. Yes, she said, I'm not looking
Speaker 1: for any sort of public update, but I thought i'd
Speaker 1: feel you guys, in in case you were curious. I
Speaker 1: don't live with my mom, but was home visiting from
Speaker 1: college for one night. That's the night she chose to
Speaker 1: have someone over, so surely it was intentional. I also
Speaker 1: didn't call her perverted or a slot, but I did
Speaker 1: say I felt disgusted because well I did. This is
Speaker 1: the third or fourth time I've experienced her doing this,
Speaker 1: and after having many conversations, I was quite honestly over it,
Speaker 1: which resulted in me not speaking to her for a
Speaker 1: few months. Once I was able to get the image
Speaker 1: somewhat out of my head, I was ready to speak again.
Speaker 1: I love my mom, and she's made me a very
Speaker 1: strong woman who's unashamed of my sexuality. I all so.
Speaker 1: I think she's a badass and a beautiful woman who
Speaker 1: should be able to bang every man on the black. However,
Speaker 1: I'd like it if our sex lives could be kept separate.
Speaker 1: I love the podcast and listen to every episode. I
Speaker 1: have no clue how I missed this episode until now,
Speaker 1: probably because I wasn't talking to my mom L O L. However,
Speaker 1: we're all good now, and although our relationship won't be
Speaker 1: quite the same, it is somewhat back to normal. I
Speaker 1: emailed her asking if it was okay to share this.
Speaker 1: She said sure, I'll look forward to listening. I wanted
Speaker 1: to add that my mom offered me tickets to Chelsea's
Speaker 1: show in Jacksonville, and it was definitely the icebreaker we needed,
Speaker 1: maybe a subtle bribe, but also there was no point
Speaker 1: in staying angry since it all worked out. We loved
Speaker 1: the show. Thanks the profane daughter. Wow, I love that.
Speaker 1: I know what a cutie. Yeah, I mean that is
Speaker 1: sucked up, like if your mom saves them one night
Speaker 1: for you when you're home. But how did your the
Speaker 1: daughter know that it's that one night that she doesn't
Speaker 1: funk all the time, you know what I mean? And
Speaker 1: that that's just like her daughter's there. It's like that
Speaker 1: can't be too much of an inconvenient I agree with her, though,
Speaker 1: there's no reason of sex while your daughter's home. You
Speaker 1: can't take a couple of nights off of fucking, Like,
Speaker 1: come on, do a popcorn and a movie night with
Speaker 1: your daughter. Yeah, put a plug in it or something. Jeez,
Speaker 1: but I'm glad they're all back together. That sounds nice. Yeah, exactly. Well,
Speaker 1: before we get to all the fun stuff, we'll take
Speaker 1: a quick break. Okay, sounds good. We'll be right back. Okay.
Speaker 1: So we have a very good friend of mine on
Speaker 1: the podcast today. She's an author, she's a memoirist. She's
Speaker 1: got a new book coming out that I'm really excited about.
Speaker 1: It's called City of Likes. She also has a podcast.
Speaker 1: Joe and I were her very first guest on her podcast.
Speaker 1: It's called third Wheel. We tell our love story on
Speaker 1: that podcast. Oh and City of Likes is already being
Speaker 1: adapted into a TV show with Diablo Cody attached. So
Speaker 1: that's another person that I like a lot that I'm
Speaker 1: friends with. I'm friends with a lot of people that
Speaker 1: I do not like, but I'm also friends with a
Speaker 1: lot of people that I do like. That's not true.
Speaker 1: I'm not friends with anyone I don't like. I don't
Speaker 1: have time for that kind of those kinds of shenanigans.
Speaker 1: But her name is Jenny Mullin. Hello, Hi are you on? Hi?
Speaker 1: Hi sid Biggs. I'm said Biggs today in London. Oh
Speaker 1: you're in London? Yeah? Oh my god. Later for her,
Speaker 1: it's seven o'clock right. I don't even know anymore. I
Speaker 1: took any ambient yesterday. I'm just I'm on an ambien now, Jenny,
Speaker 1: so don't worry. Fabulous, I love it. I always like
Speaker 1: to take an ambien or a muscle relaxer. Right before
Speaker 1: I got started, I didn't know you were going to London.
Speaker 1: I just had Katherine. I just had dinner with Jenny
Speaker 1: and Jason in the city the other night, Joe, Jenny,
Speaker 1: and because we're a quartet now, the four of us,
Speaker 1: they're so they're so excited. Oh yeah, we all wore
Speaker 1: Khaki and we all yeah, and they're so excited that
Speaker 1: I actually have a real boyfriend that people like, you know,
Speaker 1: people just are so psyched about it. And then we
Speaker 1: saw Sarah Silverman's play The Bedwetter. Yes, yeah, it was great.
Speaker 1: There's this girl and it who's awesome, the girl that
Speaker 1: plays Sarah so Rman as a young girl. She was
Speaker 1: really awesome. And we had a lot of book talk
Speaker 1: because Jenny, who is a really good friend of mine,
Speaker 1: has a new book coming out which has she has
Speaker 1: been toiling away on in the same vein as you
Speaker 1: know Ernest Hemingway pretty much. She was working on this
Speaker 1: book for so long and so fiercely that it is
Speaker 1: really something to celebrate that It has been printed and
Speaker 1: is coming out on June. Yes, everybody, It's called City
Speaker 1: of Likes So long. That last time Chelsea sent me
Speaker 1: her book, the inscription said, here's my book, Where the
Speaker 1: fuck is yours? So long? It literally before ever this one.
Speaker 1: It's like a pregnancy that won't end. Yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: really long pregnancy. So talk to us a little bit.
Speaker 1: Tell our listeners about the book, because I would describe
Speaker 1: it as a great commentary on modern society, present day society,
Speaker 1: and the embarrassing nature we all have towards social media. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's definitely takes wipes at a lot of these influencers
Speaker 1: that you know, we either follow, we hate follow, or
Speaker 1: we just like still have them in our feed like
Speaker 1: we don't know how to get rid of them, we
Speaker 1: don't know how to like pull away. And it really
Speaker 1: gets into this culture that we're living in right now,
Speaker 1: where we are so addicted to this need for external validation.
Speaker 1: And I really wanted to write a book that dealt
Speaker 1: with the stuff that I was seeing in Manhattan, where
Speaker 1: you know, when I got to New York, I felt
Speaker 1: like in l A the currencies fame. So you're only
Speaker 1: as good as the last pilot, you shot like, that's
Speaker 1: the only reason people will only talk to you if
Speaker 1: you're like on a billboard or a TV show. When
Speaker 1: I got to New York, it was interesting though, because
Speaker 1: I sort of came with these strings attached. I had
Speaker 1: this following of women between the ages of eighteen to
Speaker 1: twenty five with a little bit of buying power, and
Speaker 1: these influencers but also brands. And it's not really ladies
Speaker 1: who lunch anymore, it's ladies who launched. So they all
Speaker 1: have their own companies. Whether they're fake companies are real,
Speaker 1: doesn't really matter. But I was embraced by them, and
Speaker 1: I was brought into this weird, underground sort of society
Speaker 1: where it was like mommy supper clubs, power moms supper clubs,
Speaker 1: and like weddings for dogs and fashion Week, crazy, these
Speaker 1: parties that you would just like not believe we're real.
Speaker 1: And a friend of mine said, Jenny, you can't write
Speaker 1: another memoir right now. You need to write about what's
Speaker 1: actually happening to you. And what I was seeing was
Speaker 1: just this disparity between how we were like curating motherhood
Speaker 1: and how we were presenting it to sort of our
Speaker 1: fans and friends and followers, and then like what was
Speaker 1: really going on? And that just kind of haunted me,
Speaker 1: and whether I wanted to write a memoir or not,
Speaker 1: I knew I will be driven out of New York
Speaker 1: City if I don't call this book fiction. So that's
Speaker 1: where we're starting off. Guys, that's funny. I mean, how
Speaker 1: would you describe your relationship with social media? I would
Speaker 1: say that before the pandemic, it was like a cigarette
Speaker 1: that I would hide from my children, the other woman
Speaker 1: in my marriage. You know. It was something that I
Speaker 1: was doing that I knew I shouldn't be doing as
Speaker 1: much as of it as I was doing. I didn't
Speaker 1: really want to admit it to myself or my family.
Speaker 1: And then once the pandemic hit and we were just
Speaker 1: stuck in a house together, nobody could go anywhere. It
Speaker 1: was like, guys, this is the real thing. What happening?
Speaker 1: Are we gonna live or die? You know? Refresh every
Speaker 1: ten fucking seconds. No, but I grapple with it all
Speaker 1: the time. It's when you have kids, you're just riddled
Speaker 1: with guilt in general, and all you kind of sit
Speaker 1: there wondering is how am I going to suck them up?
Speaker 1: And for me, it always comes back to I am
Speaker 1: so desperately. I'm just so scared that one day my
Speaker 1: kids are gonna look at me and say, like, why
Speaker 1: did you choose that stranger on the phone over like
Speaker 1: the people that were sitting in front of you, Why
Speaker 1: did you reach for that? Even if it is a
Speaker 1: path lavic reaction, it just it kills me to think
Speaker 1: that this thing that I have this relationship for, this
Speaker 1: like insatiable beast that I keep eating in order to
Speaker 1: sustain my career is going to really impact my children.
Speaker 1: That's just like for me, kill me. Yeah, but not
Speaker 1: enough for you to stop using social media, especially right
Speaker 1: now because I gotta sell the fucking box. Maybe I
Speaker 1: can throw my phone out the window. Yeah, that's so funny.
Speaker 1: It's so fucking true, though, I mean, who does who
Speaker 1: feels I want to know who feels good after they
Speaker 1: look at social media, especially if you're on a train
Speaker 1: and you're just scrolling for a long period of time,
Speaker 1: like if you're spending an hour or something doing it,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden you realize that you've
Speaker 1: been doing it and you don't have any remorse. Is
Speaker 1: really where where the question lies? Because I feel like
Speaker 1: that's pretty much where we are in society. Nobody gives
Speaker 1: a funk about how shallow or empty it is. Vapid
Speaker 1: is really the word, right, You're just like looking at
Speaker 1: other people to decide what do you think about when
Speaker 1: the phone tells you. The worst is when the phone
Speaker 1: says you've scrolled enough, You've seen all there is to see.
Speaker 1: There are no more update. It's like the person at
Speaker 1: the bar being like, I think you're good. All right, right,
Speaker 1: I've scrolled too much. My phone is telling me. Now,
Speaker 1: first of all, I've never gotten that message, so I
Speaker 1: think you. I think I think you're advance. Yeah have
Speaker 1: you ever seen that? I have not. But I have
Speaker 1: like a limiter. Oh yeah, my my thing. I did
Speaker 1: once get to the end of Facebook, like back in
Speaker 1: the day, and I was like, this was a waste
Speaker 1: of a Friday night. It was. It was a terrible feeling.
Speaker 1: It says you're all caught up. Oh my god. No,
Speaker 1: I have like a limiter on there, and I always
Speaker 1: in like fifteen more minutes, fifteen more minutes. The limit
Speaker 1: does not exist. Give me fifteen more. Yeah, you have
Speaker 1: a tier on Okay, that's that's a good idea, doesn't
Speaker 1: do it? I've heard, I've heard of people having timers,
Speaker 1: but you have to have will power in addition to
Speaker 1: the timer. And now it's hard, it's so hard. Press
Speaker 1: your situation. The marriage in the book is a big
Speaker 1: part of it, and I think that mirrors your relationship
Speaker 1: with j Sit a little bit right or a lot.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, I really I knew when I
Speaker 1: was writing the book that I didn't want the husband
Speaker 1: to be Jason. So I was very conscious the whole
Speaker 1: time that I didn't want to write him just because
Speaker 1: I have memoirs and I wanted that dynamic to be different.
Speaker 1: But it does talk about a relationship with you know,
Speaker 1: somebody coming into your marriage and kind of pulling you out.
Speaker 1: And not only have I had that happened, because I
Speaker 1: do find these mentor figures that come into my life.
Speaker 1: And or Chenny likes to like fixate on, you know,
Speaker 1: somebody that she's either met or has stated, someone she's
Speaker 1: stated or someone you know, Jason stated. She gets fixated
Speaker 1: and she likes, Yeah, she likes to really focus on
Speaker 1: that because she's fascinated by that person and she wants
Speaker 1: to know everything that It's like, it's just so there's
Speaker 1: just so much low hanging fruit there comedy. I just
Speaker 1: love it, But no, I also find myself. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: always finding these mommy figures and I attached and the
Speaker 1: and they become men tours, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I find myself just like kind of serving these narcissists
Speaker 1: on some level. And there's no greater When the narcissist
Speaker 1: shines their light on you, you like there is no
Speaker 1: greater high. You just feel so seen, You're like I
Speaker 1: am chosen. But when that light blows off, it's just
Speaker 1: it can be so painful. And I know that in
Speaker 1: these female relationships, we do sort of date each other,
Speaker 1: and there are and I've experienced these relationships that do
Speaker 1: kind of get toxic and and have on occasion pulled
Speaker 1: me from maybe priorities at home what have you. And
Speaker 1: I wanted to really get into that and discuss sort
Speaker 1: of that dance that we do as women with other women.
Speaker 1: So that's kind of more what in terms of the marriage,
Speaker 1: There were definitely fights with Jason and I along the
Speaker 1: way in regard to how much time I was spending
Speaker 1: with this one particular person and how my life started
Speaker 1: to revolve around this person and so I wanted to
Speaker 1: really kind of talk about that and just like the
Speaker 1: pain that comes along with it, because I think that
Speaker 1: when you have to end it, it's hard, especially if
Speaker 1: they represent your mother on just being family can have
Speaker 1: You've known me for years, I can tell you everything,
Speaker 1: but also especially when your husband has to see you
Speaker 1: more in a relationship that was only taking away from him,
Speaker 1: which is, you know, essentially on some level an affair
Speaker 1: in his mind. You know, yes, yeah, exactly, It's like
Speaker 1: watching your wife more in her ex lover, right, Like
Speaker 1: what I have to be privy to this? Yes, why
Speaker 1: do I shoulder you're crying on Jason's Definitely we have
Speaker 1: a similar dynamic with our relationships. Yes, you're in charge
Speaker 1: and I'm in charge, and they're both they both are
Speaker 1: total men, but they both like will defer to us
Speaker 1: on major decisions right, completely completely. That's why I feel
Speaker 1: so good about this relationship for you, because I feel
Speaker 1: like you're finally with adjacent type and I like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like Joe doesn't put up with any of my ship either.
Speaker 1: I came home Sunday Sunday morning from New York. We
Speaker 1: went shopping and we've grabbed some lunch and we were
Speaker 1: going into get a Starbucks and I said, Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna just go to this shop. We had like two
Speaker 1: hours together before he had to go to leave for
Speaker 1: his show. I go, hey, I'm just gonna go into
Speaker 1: this little boutique because I didn't wanted to grab some clothes.
Speaker 1: And I go, I'm just gonna go and hear while
Speaker 1: you get a coffee. And he turned around and looked
Speaker 1: at me, goes, no, you're not. We have two hours together,
Speaker 1: get your fucking ass over here. And I just I
Speaker 1: just started laughing because I was like, yeah, it's totally right,
Speaker 1: Like that's a fucking dick move. But of course I'm
Speaker 1: a dick, so I didn't even think about it. You know. No,
Speaker 1: I have the perfect comeback for you. You've just said
Speaker 1: him like, you're the fucking person who made me a shopper. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I go that's I thought you'd be happy I was shopping.
Speaker 1: Yeah right. But I also like that he's just like, no,
Speaker 1: you're not going there, don't even Yeah it's hot, yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: But I think as a strong woman, you definitely need
Speaker 1: somebody who can like give you that push back. My
Speaker 1: husband I have a very similar dynamic and for a
Speaker 1: long time I thought like, oh, am I being too bossy.
Speaker 1: Am I like making all the decisions. And it took
Speaker 1: like eight or nine years before I was like, he
Speaker 1: actually married because he wants a bossy woman in his life,
Speaker 1: Like he wants to make decisions when he wants to,
Speaker 1: but also like he wants veto power. But if it's
Speaker 1: like where we're going to dinner or what we're gonna
Speaker 1: do for the weekend, he's like, just lets you pick,
Speaker 1: Like Jason claims he wants me to have control. And
Speaker 1: for instance, where we're doing some like redecorating the house
Speaker 1: and he's like, I don't care, do whatever you want.
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, things up here. He's like,
Speaker 1: that'scons war work, no way, Oh that looks terrible. He's like,
Speaker 1: we need more light here, we need It's like he
Speaker 1: has so many fucking opinions. But then you know, the
Speaker 1: stuff starts showing up to his house and and it
Speaker 1: just immediately leaves. He sends it away. No. Yeah, decorating
Speaker 1: between couples is also a big no no. That's no
Speaker 1: fun to do. I think that's like a whole reality show.
Speaker 1: And just te him to go away. For three months
Speaker 1: while you sort some things out and then get back
Speaker 1: to him. Yeah, he'll come back to the finished product.
Speaker 1: It will be beautiful. Yeah, I love it. He's like,
Speaker 1: you're going to give away everything because I do tend
Speaker 1: to just like ship his things out while you're a
Speaker 1: woman and Jason's technically a man. Okay, So we're going
Speaker 1: to take some callers, Jenny, We're gonna have some people
Speaker 1: right in. Some people call in and you'll see, and
Speaker 1: we're just giving them real advice. Okay, great. Yeah, before
Speaker 1: we get to that, we will take a quick break
Speaker 1: and be back with Jenny Mullen and Chelsea. And we're
Speaker 1: back with Jenny Mullen and Chelsea and Catherine hi Well.
Speaker 1: Our first email today comes from Kristen. She says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I have a bit of an unusual question for you.
Speaker 1: I've been together with my husband for four years now.
Speaker 1: Over the years, I've noticed that he farts really often
Speaker 1: and they're always loud, but never stinky. We became vegan
Speaker 1: a year and a half ago, and I was a
Speaker 1: big mistake. I was hoping that taking dairy out of
Speaker 1: our diet would make his gas better, but it stayed
Speaker 1: the same. It's hard to ignore his farts because they
Speaker 1: are so loud and they're really starting to annoy me.
Speaker 1: I've asked him to walk out of the room to fart,
Speaker 1: but he thinks that's too much effort. What do you
Speaker 1: think I should do? Sincerely, Kristen, Oh wow, way to
Speaker 1: start off the episode. I Jenny knows more about dieting
Speaker 1: and what causes farting than I do, probably because she
Speaker 1: has all these issues and she has to eat very clean. So, Jenny,
Speaker 1: what do you have to say about the fart? On
Speaker 1: the subject of farting, I think I would say that
Speaker 1: I agree maybe he should leave the room if it's
Speaker 1: bothering you, if it's starting to become like an issue
Speaker 1: in the relationship. But I would also ask what he's
Speaker 1: being fed making him part all the time. I feel
Speaker 1: like that he could do some simple changes, maybe some
Speaker 1: food combining, which basically food combining. It's like you don't
Speaker 1: eat your mains and your meats together. So you have
Speaker 1: a grain and you want to do star cheat vegetables
Speaker 1: with that, fine, so have that you have to wait
Speaker 1: three or four hours. Then if you're going to introduce
Speaker 1: an animal protein or have the animal protein, but you
Speaker 1: can't choose something from every category and have it at once.
Speaker 1: That's just creating a terrible situation for you. Also, like
Speaker 1: if you're eating dairy, you might be lactose and tolerant
Speaker 1: without knowing it. You might be allergic to gluten, you
Speaker 1: might have all these food allergies. So a go get
Speaker 1: his food allergies tested, so you could just eliminate Sometimes
Speaker 1: it just takes eliminating one thing and you don't even
Speaker 1: have to eliminate it forever. Sometimes you can reintroduce it
Speaker 1: after the fact. And the other thing is, I don't
Speaker 1: know what you want to do about him farting and
Speaker 1: leaving the room. I mean, the whole farting thing seems
Speaker 1: like a real bummer, So I would immediately get to
Speaker 1: the root of the problem rather than worrying about if
Speaker 1: he should leave the room or not. And if he's
Speaker 1: farting while he's sleeping, what's he gonna get up in
Speaker 1: the middle of the night and walk out? And then
Speaker 1: I mean that doesn't make any sense either. That actually
Speaker 1: think it's enjoying the farting because I think Jason really
Speaker 1: Relish is a good fart. He wants to create a
Speaker 1: scene with it. He likes the drama that comes with Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I mean, what was her name? What was our Kristen? Yeah,
Speaker 1: So get to the root of the matter. Otherwise you're
Speaker 1: just putting a band aid on it and it's not
Speaker 1: going to be gone anyway, whether he leaves the room
Speaker 1: or not. Just find out what the problem is. Because
Speaker 1: farting is gross. You don't want to be doing that
Speaker 1: on the constant. It takes away from the special moments
Speaker 1: and that Jenny's talking about with Jason, like when you
Speaker 1: have it and he's starting in the other room r
Speaker 1: right now. But when you have it happened once in
Speaker 1: a while, it's more of an event than you know,
Speaker 1: a recurrence, right, it can be a special moment. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think the food issue is really not where I
Speaker 1: expected this to go. But my youngest son, we go
Speaker 1: to restaurants. Then I had to tell him. I said,
Speaker 1: you can't scream. I farted out loud, and so now
Speaker 1: he goes, mommy, but I'm not gonna say, I thought,
Speaker 1: my god, he doesn't quite understand. But yeah, there is
Speaker 1: an announcement in my house I live within. Yes, it's
Speaker 1: a whole entertain anything in your house. Yes, Well, Kristen,
Speaker 1: have his allergies checked and get back to us. Let
Speaker 1: us know how it goes for you. Yeah, or don't
Speaker 1: get back to us right well. Our next email comes
Speaker 1: from Jessica. She is in Australia, so she's on an
Speaker 1: even later time zone than you are, Jenny. She says,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, years ago, when I was seventeen, I dumped
Speaker 1: my girlfriend of a year, and then one month later
Speaker 1: she started dating my mom, fucking lesbians. Two years later
Speaker 1: they got married, and then shortly after divorced. Surprise, surprise
Speaker 1: and special. Oh my god, Yeah that would that's like Meady,
Speaker 1: I'd be writing all about that. Yes, that's the short version.
Speaker 1: The result of this is I really struggle to open
Speaker 1: up to people about it without talking about as a joke.
Speaker 1: This has obviously created a lot of tension towards my
Speaker 1: mom and has kept me from being as close to
Speaker 1: my family as I like to be, even though we
Speaker 1: now joke about the whole situation. I'm a writer and
Speaker 1: a poet, and I'm in university to hopefully publish a
Speaker 1: poetry book. I'm nervous, but no, I can be successful
Speaker 1: if I open up. I'm currently working on writing a
Speaker 1: one woman show. How do I share my truest realist
Speaker 1: writing with the world without being terrified of the repercussions
Speaker 1: and alienating my entire family? Jessica, Hi, Jessica. Hello. This
Speaker 1: is Jenny. Jenny's our special guest today, and this is Catherine. Hello.
Speaker 1: How are you good? How are you? I'm good? Thank
Speaker 1: you well. Jenny has written about some very personal situations,
Speaker 1: so I thought that she would be great to help
Speaker 1: us with this issue. Yeah, so you are contemplating basically
Speaker 1: telling your story, which is totally your right, right right
Speaker 1: it is. I mean, my boyfriend's dealing with this. I've
Speaker 1: done this, and Jenny's done this and much and in
Speaker 1: all different sorts of ways. But I think the bottom
Speaker 1: line is that everyone has a right to tell their
Speaker 1: version of their story. Jenny, why don't you take it
Speaker 1: from here? Yes? I agree. I feel like if your
Speaker 1: mom and no offense to your mom, but if that
Speaker 1: she felt comfortable enough to be with your ex girlfriend
Speaker 1: and marry her, then she deserves you do. Can't think
Speaker 1: about her work, but I think she kind of deserves
Speaker 1: you to be open and honest with your story, and
Speaker 1: you have a right to tell your truth and your
Speaker 1: side of things. I mean, you know, my parents definitely
Speaker 1: didn't love hearing all of the things I had to
Speaker 1: say about my childhood, but on some level, because they're
Speaker 1: both kind of narcissists, they were thrilled. My mom now
Speaker 1: when she meets people should be like, I don't believe
Speaker 1: everything you hear. She like loves it. She loves that.
Speaker 1: She comes off like this crazy, fun, eccentric person that
Speaker 1: you'd love to have a dinner party. And it's never
Speaker 1: as bad as you think. I feel like, when you're
Speaker 1: writing the book, you always think, oh, fuck, these people
Speaker 1: are going to kill me. Everybody's gonna hate me. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna alienate this person and this person. But once it's
Speaker 1: in the world, it's funny. It doesn't ever have the
Speaker 1: impact you really think and you and I think you
Speaker 1: should just kind of embrace it as being your truth.
Speaker 1: As long as you're self deprecating and really get into
Speaker 1: your feelings on the subject, you have every right too.
Speaker 1: And I think that your family should be proud of
Speaker 1: you for taking that jump and risk. Well, thank you.
Speaker 1: My mom is like classically a narcissist, so she'll love it.
Speaker 1: She'll be trust me. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like
Speaker 1: she doesn't really pay attention to anything I do unless
Speaker 1: she can brag about it, so she'll love it. You
Speaker 1: have a book. Any closer than that, she's going to
Speaker 1: be psyched. My daughter has a book, that's it. Okay,
Speaker 1: Well that makes me feel a little bit better. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But on a more, on a more, this really has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with anything I'm about to say. But
Speaker 1: on a more personal how just out of curiosity, how
Speaker 1: long were you dating this woman? When you dated her, so,
Speaker 1: I was like sixteen to seventeen, and she was about
Speaker 1: seven years older than me looking back, is obviously gross. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then my mom was eleven years older than her,
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's gross. It's all gross. It's so gross.
Speaker 1: Are you do you hang out with them? You know
Speaker 1: they're divorced now surprised. Oh yeah, that's a good thing
Speaker 1: to mention. Yeah, for any other mothers out there who
Speaker 1: are listening to this thinking about hitting on their daughter's
Speaker 1: ex girlfriends, please do not. People are so fucked up.
Speaker 1: It's so fucked up. So yeah, that's kind of they've
Speaker 1: broken up, and we were really close for a little while,
Speaker 1: but then I stopped giving her what she needed, which
Speaker 1: was some healing from her divorce. But I never got
Speaker 1: that back from her for what happened with everything. Has
Speaker 1: she never apologized or said she regretted it. No, not one.
Speaker 1: They're still friends, I think. And when they were together,
Speaker 1: you did you spend time with them? Yeah, we did.
Speaker 1: Because my sister had a baby yesterday, so I have
Speaker 1: to go and see my mom to are Oh, i'd
Speaker 1: take congratulations, but I guess yeah, But that's kind of
Speaker 1: the main reason I paper relationship with her is obviously
Speaker 1: for my siblings and my nieces and nephews. So well,
Speaker 1: that's big of you. Yeah, yeah, I think you have
Speaker 1: to get into the relationship with your mom. I mean
Speaker 1: that seems like a bigger story than even just this woman.
Speaker 1: I think that you could fill a whole book just
Speaker 1: with stories, probably with her, And I think that you're
Speaker 1: going to help a lot of people. I think that
Speaker 1: when people you know, that is such a common dynamic,
Speaker 1: not necessarily stealing somebody's person and marrying them, although I
Speaker 1: do know somebody has a baby with one of their
Speaker 1: kids ex boyfriends girlfriends. But I think that I think
Speaker 1: it's a story that needs to be told, and I
Speaker 1: think it will feel really cathartic for you to just
Speaker 1: get it on paper. Yeah, that's what I'm hoping. I
Speaker 1: just want to like get She's never going to give
Speaker 1: you what you want. I hate to tell you this,
Speaker 1: like I'm still waiting for my parents approval. You have
Speaker 1: to write it. Okay. That makes me feel a lot better.
Speaker 1: Thank you and waited for you. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm
Speaker 1: just like, I'm just scared. But my my siblings know
Speaker 1: what she's like, and like everyone kind of knows, like
Speaker 1: everyone knows what the situation is, but everyone's just really
Speaker 1: nice to each other. So no, it will set you free.
Speaker 1: I think you have to do it, Okay, I hope.
Speaker 1: So thank you. Did you say you wanted to put
Speaker 1: this up as a one woman show too, or as
Speaker 1: a Yeah, I'm hoping to make it a pretty show.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's a good idea too. Yeah. I think it'll
Speaker 1: be great for you. And everyone's telling their story. That's
Speaker 1: what everyone's doing as an artist. So it's your story.
Speaker 1: You have every right to it. It happened to you.
Speaker 1: You were like essential character in the story. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be awesome for you to do that and
Speaker 1: experience it and all your siblings are probably gonna just
Speaker 1: love seeing it put up like that, you know, like, oh,
Speaker 1: we finally, this is what we all experienced and someone
Speaker 1: has the guts to do it and say it. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, thank you so much. I feel so validated.
Speaker 1: Well great, well, good luck. Let us know what happens.
Speaker 1: Keep us posted. I will do. Thank you so much, sealthy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you here, Jessica, whoopsie doodle, that is a fucked
Speaker 1: up situation. I mean, I suppose you would have to
Speaker 1: be a narcissist to funk your daughter's girlfriend. And also
Speaker 1: that relationship was illegal. I'm like, yeah, what's the age
Speaker 1: of consent? I also had an illegal relationship when I
Speaker 1: was younger, underage, But at the time, you know, I
Speaker 1: thought at the time, you just think like, oh, this
Speaker 1: older guy, like they're interested in me, and then later
Speaker 1: you're like, wow, that was so gross. But even me,
Speaker 1: just what's wrong with that guy? You're like, you can
Speaker 1: only impress somebody with seventeen a little looser. I know,
Speaker 1: nobody's only even give him the time of day. I'm
Speaker 1: sure that's why. No. I definitely would feel responsible for
Speaker 1: my relationship with an older man because I definitely I
Speaker 1: know that no man has any right to be around
Speaker 1: a girl that's under eighteen years old. Now, at that time,
Speaker 1: I believe I said used him. I convinced him. I
Speaker 1: convinced him to be with me. I convinced him even
Speaker 1: though he had reservations about my age. I was like, no, no,
Speaker 1: you don't understand, like I made this guy have a
Speaker 1: relationship with me and he had no chance to not help.
Speaker 1: So I don't want to lay the blame where it's undo.
Speaker 1: But yeah, now we know that men aren't even allowed
Speaker 1: to think about that. And then when you think about it,
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, what are you thinking? It doesn't matter
Speaker 1: how mature or cool you are. But on the subject though,
Speaker 1: because this comes up a lot talking about our stories
Speaker 1: and how you shroud certain people, because it's like you
Speaker 1: have your right to your own family. I mean they
Speaker 1: can sue you potentially if you disclose their information without
Speaker 1: them signing something and using their real names. Yes, they
Speaker 1: can sue you. Because the my second book, I started
Speaker 1: off saying, you know, all the people's names have been changed,
Speaker 1: characters blah blah blah, except my mom. Her name's Peggy.
Speaker 1: I don't know what the English I didn't want to
Speaker 1: sue you. Well, no, your mom's not gonna sue you, though,
Speaker 1: Like I mean, are you probably had her sign something
Speaker 1: You're I'm sure you did. Maybe you should send her
Speaker 1: a text right now, be like I need you to
Speaker 1: sign this. Send her what's that thing I released? You know,
Speaker 1: what's one of those forms that you that you can
Speaker 1: sign digitally? Now that the docus I gotta fucking doctors
Speaker 1: sign it, just go quickly, or a video recording saying
Speaker 1: I give you the right and the right and allowance
Speaker 1: to use my name and likeness in your book and
Speaker 1: just put it on. Yeah, that's funny because in my
Speaker 1: first books, like I gave my brothers and sisters different names,
Speaker 1: and then it was like why was I doing that?
Speaker 1: Because it's so easy to find out what their names are.
Speaker 1: So for like the second book on I just started
Speaker 1: using their real names. And no, I love that about
Speaker 1: your books, saying the names literally just change. And she's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm too lazy. I'm like, let me just tell you
Speaker 1: their real names. It's not like it's a secret. It's
Speaker 1: so easy to look up and half the time I'm
Speaker 1: doing things with them. So ye, but I do know
Speaker 1: when you're talking about someone, or you're telling a real
Speaker 1: story about someone, especially if they're of note, you have
Speaker 1: to change their name, likeness, occupation, all of the things
Speaker 1: that could connect a stranger to who they are. Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: which is totally reasonable. Reasonable. We are going to take
Speaker 1: a quick break so you can hear and add and
Speaker 1: then we'll be right back. Our next question comes from Liza.
Speaker 1: She's thirty eight living in New York and she's a photographer.
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I spent most of my mid twenties to
Speaker 1: mid thirties building a photography career that I became very
Speaker 1: proud of. I was in l A for ten years,
Speaker 1: where I met my husband, and by the end of
Speaker 1: my time there, I was shooting for clients like Betsy
Speaker 1: Johnson and l Magazine. Given that I was always the
Speaker 1: kid with no direction growing up, I was beyond proud
Speaker 1: of myself. We left l A and twenty nineteen for
Speaker 1: New York because my husband got a job, and while
Speaker 1: it seems like the transition would be an easy one
Speaker 1: from one big city to the next, my photography career
Speaker 1: plummeted once COVID hit. We landed in the Hudson Valley,
Speaker 1: a place I love, but also a place where I
Speaker 1: feel more lost than ever. The career I had in
Speaker 1: l A is realistically not feasible where I am, unless
Speaker 1: I want to spend lots of time traveling, which no
Speaker 1: longer sounds ideal. So my question for you is what
Speaker 1: advice do you have for someone who found their passion
Speaker 1: and once thrived in their life, but now lives a
Speaker 1: completely different lifestyle without a clue as to where to
Speaker 1: pivot next. I'm okay with a career shift, but I
Speaker 1: don't know where to begin or what I'd even do,
Speaker 1: and I definitely don't have the hustle energy I had
Speaker 1: in my twenties. Any advice would be so helpful. Lisa, Hi, Liza, Hi, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you? This is Jenny, our guest today, and
Speaker 1: this is Catherine, who you've met. I'm assuming Hi. Hello.
Speaker 1: So you're in the Hudson Valley, yes, And there's no
Speaker 1: opportunity there for you to apply your photography there to
Speaker 1: do anything with it. I mean, it's not like I'm
Speaker 1: sure they do shoots up here for all sorts of things.
Speaker 1: I just don't have the connections that I have in
Speaker 1: l A. And I'm I'm just just still kind of
Speaker 1: stuck because I'm up here, like my husband's working and
Speaker 1: I'm just sort of sitting here at a computer every day,
Speaker 1: And what were you shooting? What kind of photography were
Speaker 1: you doing? So I was working a lot with modeling agencies,
Speaker 1: doing advertising, editorial look books for fashion brands. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I feel like you can still do all of
Speaker 1: that there. I mean you're not that far from New
Speaker 1: York City. I mean that's not an unreasonable commute. It's
Speaker 1: not like flying to Los Angeles. You just have to
Speaker 1: do networking on that end. I mean, they are doing
Speaker 1: shoots in Hudson Valley all the time. Although I mean
Speaker 1: you see that in Magazine's Town and Country. You see
Speaker 1: it with people's homes up there. Architectural Digest does stuff
Speaker 1: up there. I mean there's room for you to maneuver
Speaker 1: and like figure out some kind of line of communication
Speaker 1: for opportunities that are coming up there to shoot, and
Speaker 1: also take advantage of the fact that you're so close
Speaker 1: to New York City. I don't think you have to
Speaker 1: change careers. Yeah, I mean it was tough when I
Speaker 1: moved because I like so my work in l A
Speaker 1: was so it's sort of carved down a niche for
Speaker 1: myself where everything was like blue skies and palm trees,
Speaker 1: and that's what I shot, like, I shot outdoor sunshine.
Speaker 1: I wasn't like a studio photographer. So when I came
Speaker 1: to New York, I think I was just sort of
Speaker 1: blissfully naive, thinking that things would carry over. And we
Speaker 1: moved in the dead of winter, and I was like, oh, ship, Like,
Speaker 1: I can't do what I did in l A in
Speaker 1: New York. And I mean, like, you're completely right about
Speaker 1: the networking thing. I'm just really bad at that. And
Speaker 1: I feel like I spent thirteen years doing it in
Speaker 1: l A that I'm just tied, like I had all
Speaker 1: my connections there. Yeah, but I think you need to
Speaker 1: just get good at it. These are all excuses. You
Speaker 1: can do all of these things. You just don't feel
Speaker 1: like doing it. And just because Hudson Valley looks the
Speaker 1: way it does in the winter, doesn't look like that
Speaker 1: in the summer or the spring or the fall. It's
Speaker 1: like a complete opposite of what you were shooting in
Speaker 1: l A. It's rustic, it's woods, it's greenery, it's more beautiful,
Speaker 1: I would argue, So you can create all of these opportunities.
Speaker 1: I understand what you mean about not having the ambition
Speaker 1: you did when you were twenties. I can completely relate
Speaker 1: to that. But there's times to hustle, and this is
Speaker 1: one of them, and so thinking about changing career seems
Speaker 1: like a lot bigger burden than just hustling for like
Speaker 1: a good six months and making the connections you need
Speaker 1: to make to sustain a career that can then last
Speaker 1: twenty plus years. Right now, that's a very point. Do
Speaker 1: you still have the passion for photography that you did?
Speaker 1: I do, but I like there is a part of
Speaker 1: me that wonders if the hustle isn't in me, then
Speaker 1: maybe that says it all. And that's what sort of
Speaker 1: scares me too, because I'm like, well, maybe I'm ready
Speaker 1: for a shift, but I have no idea what that
Speaker 1: shift would be because I've basically gotten good at something
Speaker 1: for ten years, and before that I was in the
Speaker 1: service industry, and the skills that I have are very specific. Jenny,
Speaker 1: what do you think? Well, I think that there are
Speaker 1: either twos. One if you think that it might not
Speaker 1: be what's right for you and maybe this is what
Speaker 1: you should do regardless. Is I think that you need
Speaker 1: to take the time and not guilt yourself about needing
Speaker 1: to throw yourself into a career. Again, I think I'm
Speaker 1: very competitive with my husband, so like I understand when
Speaker 1: your husband's working, you're like, I'm sitting here at home,
Speaker 1: I'm not doing anything, and you start to spin and
Speaker 1: then you start to shame yourself and you just get
Speaker 1: into this like negative headspace. I think you need to
Speaker 1: rewrite that narrative for yourself and say, I'm giving myself
Speaker 1: time because I don't want to jump into a career
Speaker 1: if I'm already burnt out on it. Like, what is
Speaker 1: the point of even starting something up if I'm not
Speaker 1: going to find joy from it. So I think you
Speaker 1: need to say, allow yourself the time to really sit
Speaker 1: there and decide is this what I want to do next,
Speaker 1: and explore some other options before you make a move
Speaker 1: in any direction. And if it is self photography, I
Speaker 1: think your best bet. And this is like antithetical to
Speaker 1: what my book is about, but I think you need
Speaker 1: to get online. I think you need to start shooting
Speaker 1: outside and I think you need to start posting on
Speaker 1: to talk and Instagram and show people what you can do.
Speaker 1: I think that is so so I hate networking in person.
Speaker 1: I much prefer just like you know, posting something and
Speaker 1: waiting to see who sees it. It's so much easier
Speaker 1: than going out and having a billion drinks with somebody
Speaker 1: or a billion different people and trying to just like
Speaker 1: get in and and social climate or whatever you have
Speaker 1: to do. All that bullshit drives me crazy. So I
Speaker 1: let your work speak for itself if that is what
Speaker 1: you want to do, but first give yourself the time
Speaker 1: to really marinate and think about what is the next
Speaker 1: step for me? What what do the next ten years
Speaker 1: of my life look like? Yeah, you're allowed that you've hustled,
Speaker 1: you worked your ass off. Yeah, And I think that's
Speaker 1: a good point that networking post covid looks a little
Speaker 1: bit different than it did pretty covid, where it's just
Speaker 1: like go to parties, go to parties, put in FaceTime
Speaker 1: all this garbage, and like now it's very different. It's
Speaker 1: it's online and agree Instagram and TikTok. I feel like
Speaker 1: Instagram sort of punishes new creators, but go on TikTok
Speaker 1: obviously for photography it's a little bit different, but people
Speaker 1: will come to you. Basically, you can shoot there like
Speaker 1: all over you. Yeah, especially all these like fashion influencers.
Speaker 1: They're like, would you like some more experience for your book?
Speaker 1: And maybe you're thinking not really, bench why don't you
Speaker 1: pay me? But you know, maybe you do want to
Speaker 1: just have that person make an appearance and repost you
Speaker 1: sometimes that you know it gets more work. And also
Speaker 1: in terms of networking, it's like just also reaching out
Speaker 1: with the to the context that you do have from
Speaker 1: all of your experience thus far, whether it's in l
Speaker 1: A or not. People are always working in New York
Speaker 1: and London, in l A, in Paris, so like just
Speaker 1: reminding people, oh, hey, I moved to Hudson Valley. If
Speaker 1: anything comes across you, just keep those conversations going because
Speaker 1: you never know what's going to drop into your lap
Speaker 1: that way, and just by applying any sort of hustle
Speaker 1: to any situation, you're going to find out what you're
Speaker 1: gonna want to do if it isn't photography. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's a very good point. Anything creative that
Speaker 1: you can do, even if it feels sort of disjointed
Speaker 1: from what you've done in the past, is going to
Speaker 1: get those creat of juice is flowing. I mean That's
Speaker 1: really why I landed in podcasting, because I was like
Speaker 1: dipping my toe in this water. I was writing, I
Speaker 1: was doing voice over, I was doing all these different
Speaker 1: random things, and then I started my first podcast, and
Speaker 1: that's sort of like the it's snowballed and I found
Speaker 1: myself being so creatively fulfilled by it that, you know,
Speaker 1: some of the other things that I had been really
Speaker 1: passionate about before fell away, but I was able to
Speaker 1: use the skills I learned doing them in podcasting. Right,
Speaker 1: that's a really good point. Yeah, it finds you. I
Speaker 1: think if you put that energy out there, it finds you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I've connected with actually people downstairs that we're doing
Speaker 1: a creative shoot today. Amazing actually have a job right
Speaker 1: now because I'm not actually working as a photographer right now.
Speaker 1: So I don't even know what this call is about. No,
Speaker 1: it's just it's a creative shoot, but like just to meet,
Speaker 1: Like I've connected with them randomly online, their makeup artists here,
Speaker 1: and they seem amazing. The model came up from New York,
Speaker 1: so shall see. Thank you, because I mean thank you
Speaker 1: to all of you. But like I do feel like
Speaker 1: sometimes it's it's difficult when you're just like sitting by yourself,
Speaker 1: and like you said, you get in your head. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been where I'm just like sitting and like I
Speaker 1: want to create and I want to do stuff and
Speaker 1: I really want to work. I just don't, you know,
Speaker 1: I just don't know what to do. It's like there's
Speaker 1: so many options that I just don't Yeah, but you
Speaker 1: do know, Just start with the first thing, you know,
Speaker 1: start with the Instagram, the TikTok. If that seems too big,
Speaker 1: send a couple of emails to people you've worked with
Speaker 1: to just say where you're moving and be proactive, don't
Speaker 1: be defeatist. That energy turns into negativity and then you're
Speaker 1: just sitting there for having a pitty party for yourself,
Speaker 1: which is how you entered this call. So get your
Speaker 1: ship together and go get us a good update and
Speaker 1: follow back up with us and give us some good news. Please.
Speaker 1: I needed that. Thank you, Okay, see you later, Thanks
Speaker 1: for calling. Sky. I had a mentor who told you
Speaker 1: to go get your ship together. Basically she was like,
Speaker 1: moved a coast. You don't belong in Chicago. The creatives, yes,
Speaker 1: but no, she called it. And especially for for Liza,
Speaker 1: who says she had no direction growing up, and obviously
Speaker 1: she's a creative. But this mentor, Debbie Phillips called it
Speaker 1: stomping your perimeter. What that means is like all these
Speaker 1: random jobs or experiences in your life eventually go into
Speaker 1: what becomes your dream job, and they all get used,
Speaker 1: they all get used, and then eventually, you know, you
Speaker 1: might have a new dream job that uses your skills
Speaker 1: you you got from your first dream job. But she'll
Speaker 1: get there. She just needs to keep those juices flowing. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I know that feeling where you're just like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, it's it feels like this just like insurmountable thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And also just spending that kind of time alone, what
Speaker 1: that does to your psyche. Like you could just tell
Speaker 1: by her whole demeanor that she's just been alone too long.
Speaker 1: She's just in her head and like, uh, because that
Speaker 1: feeling sucks. You know, that's when you really need an adderall.
Speaker 1: But we can't prescribe medication because we're not doctors, and
Speaker 1: adderall it's not something that I would prescribe if I
Speaker 1: were a doctor, even though I've had some good times
Speaker 1: on adderall. Well. Our next question comes from Jess Jess says,
Speaker 1: you're Chelsea. I'm about to turn thirty seven and have
Speaker 1: been married for two years. After suffering two miscarriages and
Speaker 1: nine months we decided to try IVF. It's been a
Speaker 1: brutal past two months. To put it lightly. The reason
Speaker 1: I'm writing this is that this whole pregnancy, loss and
Speaker 1: infertility process has given me zero interest in sex. I
Speaker 1: jokingly refer to myself as a laborate these days. With
Speaker 1: all the doctor's appointments, tests, surgeries, shots, et cetera. Lately
Speaker 1: I view my body in a strictly medical fashion. I
Speaker 1: don't feel sexy or desire any pleasure physically. We probably
Speaker 1: have sex about once a month. My husband has been
Speaker 1: wonderful about it, but it can't help but to feel
Speaker 1: terribly guilty, like I'm failing him as a wife. I
Speaker 1: know sex is such an important component to marriage, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to deprive my husband, especially so early
Speaker 1: on into marriage. While I'm super attracted to my husband
Speaker 1: and love him to death, I just have no desire
Speaker 1: these days. So I guess my question is should I
Speaker 1: put in more of an effort and just do it,
Speaker 1: or is it okay to take this time during this
Speaker 1: difficult journey to use my body how I feel most comfortable,
Speaker 1: which is not having sex. Thanks Jess, Jenny, you didn't
Speaker 1: have to do in vitro. Right, No, I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: probably had kids because I think that Jason would have
Speaker 1: done in vitro. He was desperate to have children. His
Speaker 1: biological clock was drinking and we needed to like have
Speaker 1: a baby to make him happy. And and I'm so
Speaker 1: glad we did. But he really had to force me
Speaker 1: off that ledge. Like I was white knuckling it to
Speaker 1: the bitter end. I was just so afraid to be
Speaker 1: a mom. But no, we didn't do i v F.
Speaker 1: But I know a lot of friends that have been
Speaker 1: through it, and it's brutal. It's just like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: emotional journey is insane. And the thing is it's not permanent,
Speaker 1: but it is annoying. But it's like that's how people
Speaker 1: feel when they do IVF. Overwhelmingly, that's the consensus that
Speaker 1: you don't want to have sex. So I think that
Speaker 1: is your right to not want to have sex during
Speaker 1: this time. And to explain that, I think you said
Speaker 1: it nicely, like using your body for the purposes of
Speaker 1: getting pregnant and getting healthy and having a successful pregnancy.
Speaker 1: Could you try more? I mean that's up to you,
Speaker 1: like if you want to, yeah, sure, but you don't
Speaker 1: have to, and just remind yourself like it's not going
Speaker 1: to be like this. It does take a tole on
Speaker 1: the marriage because men need to fuck their moody, and
Speaker 1: that is what helps their mood. Unfortunately, it's as basic
Speaker 1: as that. Is that true, guys, then I should be
Speaker 1: having more sex too, because I don't even put enough now.
Speaker 1: I think that men really appreciate having sex like it
Speaker 1: helps that. I think it helps them calm down. Do
Speaker 1: you think it to calm down? Do I need to
Speaker 1: be having more sex with you? Because like she's saying, word,
Speaker 1: I be up. I'm still having sex one once a
Speaker 1: month that I'm thinking that's fucking great. It sounds like
Speaker 1: a lot. No, Jenny, once a month is not good
Speaker 1: if you're not going through I V for Jason. Am
Speaker 1: I gonna have to Jason again? Yes? And I think
Speaker 1: it's okay. Let me talk to Joe about that. Joe,
Speaker 1: but like he is sort of interfering with that. Little
Speaker 1: Joe requires a hundred of my time. But anyway, back
Speaker 1: to the person who actually called in for some serious advice.
Speaker 1: That's my advice is everything I just said, you know,
Speaker 1: absolutely take this time. If that's what you need, then
Speaker 1: that is your right. Yes, and I think that you
Speaker 1: should be having less sex because I think you're going
Speaker 1: through a lot. You don't even need to put out
Speaker 1: once a month. Yeah, and like there are other things
Speaker 1: you can do to satisfy his needs without him having
Speaker 1: to get all up in your space, watch some porn exactly,
Speaker 1: or like helping you know, give him a hand whatever
Speaker 1: else a fucking child. Yes, I find a hand job
Speaker 1: to be even sillier than a blow and Harry, it's
Speaker 1: almost just like you're just jerking someone off. It's there's
Speaker 1: something very I don't think I've ever given a hand happen.
Speaker 1: I know, like that just seems like a long way
Speaker 1: to go. Like there's so many more effective ways to
Speaker 1: make that happen, Like a hand job. Who has time
Speaker 1: for that? It's so silly. You can just read a
Speaker 1: book while you're doing Yeah it is. Yeah, anyway, so
Speaker 1: whatever you do, don't give a hand job. That's the
Speaker 1: title of this episode. Yes, well, Jess, let us know
Speaker 1: how it goes. And also like get yourself a massage.
Speaker 1: From someone who's not trying to have sex with you,
Speaker 1: so you can like feel good about your body. Yeah,
Speaker 1: good good, That good one, Catherine. So our last little
Speaker 1: question here, and this is a quickie, is Dear Chelsea. First,
Speaker 1: I want to say you are amazing. I'm a huge
Speaker 1: fan and really appreciate all that you do. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to ask for book recommendations. I know you're an
Speaker 1: avid reader and was just wondering if you knew of
Speaker 1: any good reads for shifting one's mindset to more positive
Speaker 1: thoughts and gaining self confidence. Also, if you have any
Speaker 1: recommendations on fiction books or a series you really like,
Speaker 1: I would definitely appreciate it. Thanks Chelsea from Virginia. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm reading this book Between Two Kingdoms. But it's not
Speaker 1: necessarily upbeat, but it does it will make you grateful
Speaker 1: for your own life and existence because this is a
Speaker 1: story about a woman who gets diagnosed with this blood
Speaker 1: cancer when she's twenty two and then everything that happens after,
Speaker 1: and it's it's brutal, like in terms of what you
Speaker 1: could you realize that the human body can endure. But
Speaker 1: it's really also really well written. Till Between Two Kingdoms,
Speaker 1: it's a great book. It actually really I read it
Speaker 1: this weekend and I came away feeling very grateful and optimistic.
Speaker 1: So that's a good way to make yourself feel good
Speaker 1: and grateful for all the things that you have and
Speaker 1: don't have to experience. And it's an eye opener. But
Speaker 1: in terms of what's a good fiction book, I always
Speaker 1: recommend Cercy That by Madeline Miller. That's a good fictional
Speaker 1: book and that takes you to another place and it's
Speaker 1: just like magic Land, and usually I don't like that
Speaker 1: kind of ship, but I do love that book. Jenny,
Speaker 1: have you read any good fiction lately? I read this
Speaker 1: book it's called Mouth to Mouth and it was really fun.
Speaker 1: I loved it because I don't want to give it away,
Speaker 1: but it's these two guys. They meet up in an
Speaker 1: airport and they haven't seen each other since they went
Speaker 1: to school together when they were younger, and just the
Speaker 1: story that sort of unfolds the ending is killer. I
Speaker 1: just I really loved it. It was a great read,
Speaker 1: so different, it just yeah, really captured me. I also
Speaker 1: just read the new Rebecca Searl book recently, One Italian Summer,
Speaker 1: which is a great summer beach read, and then don't
Speaker 1: forget to order City of Likes, which is coming out
Speaker 1: June four, but you can preorder it now on Amazon.
Speaker 1: City of Likes by Jenny Mullin. It's better than all
Speaker 1: of these books, so to order that. No. And then
Speaker 1: as far as a self help or like a you know,
Speaker 1: really working on your self type book, I always come
Speaker 1: back to The Untethered Soul whenever I'm having a panic
Speaker 1: attack or I'm feeling scared that something's going awry or
Speaker 1: I'm gonna die. I read The Untethered Soul and chapter
Speaker 1: two mind blowing. I I love chapter two of the
Speaker 1: bookshets the best chapter, but that's a great one. All right,
Speaker 1: Well that's a good list of recommendations. We've talked about
Speaker 1: that book before. Yeah, start there. We're going to take
Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be back with Jenny and Chelsea.
Speaker 1: And we're back, Jenny, Do you have any advice you'd
Speaker 1: like to get from Chelsea? Yeah, I'm curious as somebody
Speaker 1: who is touring with comedy, who's out there telling jokes
Speaker 1: in this post COVID world, post Trumpian era. I'm afraid
Speaker 1: to be on Twitter these days, and I've really I'm
Speaker 1: just so much more self conscious about the things that
Speaker 1: I'll joke about publicly. I'm wondering has it changed your comedy,
Speaker 1: and like, what are your thoughts on that? What would
Speaker 1: you advise people who are out there running off of
Speaker 1: the mouth. I think it's made me sharper and more clever.
Speaker 1: Like I think my stand up is stronger than it
Speaker 1: ever has been because of the very essence of being
Speaker 1: mindful of others, you know what I mean, and not
Speaker 1: going for the cheap joke or the easy joke or
Speaker 1: the low hanging fruit. Actually being sharp about what you're
Speaker 1: going to talk about and what your point of view
Speaker 1: about it is. Because there's still plenty to make fun
Speaker 1: of it. All we have to do is not be
Speaker 1: sexist and racist, you know what I mean. That's not
Speaker 1: at all order, especially for for so many comics. Like
Speaker 1: That's why I keep having these conversations about reviving Chelsea
Speaker 1: Lately into Chelsea Later, because I feel I've seen so
Speaker 1: many comics on the road now it's like, this isn't
Speaker 1: a hard time to be funny or be yourself. There's
Speaker 1: just parameters that have been set that should have been
Speaker 1: set frankly a long time ago. So I think you're
Speaker 1: going to enjoy it. It's just it's as a creative
Speaker 1: all you ever want to do is have more clarity
Speaker 1: and be sharper. And what about politically do you avoid
Speaker 1: or do you go straight forward the jugular? Well, with politics,
Speaker 1: I think I had so much. I didn't do a
Speaker 1: lot of good. I don't think by being so politically
Speaker 1: out there like people, it was very divisive Because of
Speaker 1: my personality, I engage much more on a different decibel,
Speaker 1: is what I've learned about my own political activism. My
Speaker 1: opinions are of course the same and hopefully you know,
Speaker 1: changing as time goes on all the time. But I
Speaker 1: wasn't making the kind of traction and the kind of
Speaker 1: things happened that I wanted to. And I realized there's
Speaker 1: a different volume associated with every part of what you do,
Speaker 1: and you can be much more effective if you pay
Speaker 1: attention to that. Yeah, yeah, And on that upbeat note,
Speaker 1: I um going to go in the bathroom and finger
Speaker 1: blast myself, Chelsea. Is that a hand up? Talk about
Speaker 1: low hanging fruit? Jenny, I love you so much, Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for being here today. I'm so excited
Speaker 1: for your book. Everybody please grab a copy. City of
Speaker 1: likes and let us know yeah start book clubs and
Speaker 1: tag us and tag Jenny. That's great, Thank you, thank
Speaker 1: you so much. This was so fun. Tell Jason, I
Speaker 1: said to funk Off. Okay, okay, tell Joe the next
Speaker 1: time we're getting together, the next look we're gonna go
Speaker 1: for is like all Sailor we did, We already did,
Speaker 1: Army Medic. Next, he had some good stuff from that
Speaker 1: Martha's Vineyard brand. What's it called? With the whale your advice,
Speaker 1: He's got a great how I already have his outfit
Speaker 1: checked out. Yeah, yeah, okay, no problems, okay, thanks. So
Speaker 1: if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, email us
Speaker 1: at r Chelsea Project at gmail dot com