WEBVTT - S2: Ep 3 - Risk All 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:04.120 Before we get started, I want to let you know 0:00:04.160 --> 0:00:07.200 that we'll be talking about eating disorder behaviors pretty candidly 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:10.480 in this episode. If you find that topic triggering, please 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:13.480 feel free to skip this one. Risking your health just 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:25.640 isn't worth it. What was your first impression of Balanching 0:00:25.920 --> 0:00:27.680 like the first time you actually saw him in person? 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:32.080 Most of it was first hearsay because there was such 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:34.720 a cult around all of it. In the school, of course, 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:39.480 it was an insular world into which we were permitted 0:00:39.520 --> 0:00:45.040 to enter and chosen, and so I don't even know 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:48.440 really what that first impression could have been, other than 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:53.560 nervous anticipation and excitement and a desire to be seen. 0:00:58.720 --> 0:01:01.760 Stephanie the Land is a form dancer. When she stepped 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:04.280 into Balancine School for the first time, he was in 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:08.520 his mid sixties. Stephanie was fourteen, and she knew the 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:11.600 only way to dance for Balancine in his company was 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:14.640 to trade in his school, the School of American Ballet. 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:19.320 People were not taken from the outside. We had to 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:21.240 go through the school for at least two or three 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:24.160 years even to be considered for the company. Nobody ever 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:27.200 came from the outside. We always had to be an insider. 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:31.320 It was definitely a unique situation in that way. 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:35.800 And getting into that school wasn't easy to do. Do 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:39.160 you remember your first day at the School of American Ballet. 0:01:41.240 --> 0:01:48.760 I first remember my audition. I think I went in 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:54.520 sixty eight. It was a private audition, and I went 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:57.160 in and I was fourteen and a half and I 0:01:57.200 --> 0:02:00.960 only had had occasional classes. And I was told point shoes. 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:03.680 I didn't have point shoes. I'd never been on point. 0:02:05.760 --> 0:02:08.000 Stephanie didn't know a lot of the names of the steps. 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:11.919 So Diana Adams, a famous balanchine dancer who'd retired from 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:15.720 the stage and was running the school, demonstrated every step for. 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:20.079 Her and she showed me everything. I imitated her by 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:24.040 all standards of what I understand now. I was extremely 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:30.800 unsophisticated and it was terrifying. I came out and she 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:34.200 came to my mother and she said, well, she's years behind. 0:02:34.240 --> 0:02:36.239 I'll put her in with the eleven year olds. It's 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:39.720 unlikely that it's going to work. Wow, but she does 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:43.520 have some turnout. That was it. 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:49.480 Fourteen year old Stephanie towered over the eleven year olds 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:51.799 in her class, but it didn't deter her. 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:55.640 I love to move, I love to dance. I was 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:59.240 fascinated by where I was, and I was enchanted by 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:00.440 the people around me. 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:04.000 Stephanie didn't know what she was doing, but she imitated well. 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:06.880 She could copy the other students and replicate the movement, 0:03:07.520 --> 0:03:09.880 even when she didn't know what steps came next or 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:10.880 even what it was called. 0:03:11.560 --> 0:03:14.600 And three months later I was moved up. It was exciting, 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:18.120 and I thought everybody was the most beautiful creatures on 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:21.280 the earth that I'd ever seen, and they were so talented. 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:24.959 So I'd come home report about all these people I'd 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:39.280 seen and how beautiful they were. And also there's something 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:43.560 about being elite, you know. I'm just going to say that, 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:46.080 as much as I don't like to say that about 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:54.120 being chosen and elite, you know, there's this ego. Part 0:03:54.320 --> 0:04:00.800 of your sense of self recognizes that that you are 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:07.600 being selected and selected in our particular arena where it 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:12.840 is so super refined and quite close to the outside world. 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:18.240 We were christened, we were graced to be allowed in 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:21.800 the school and allowed to be in that studio, and 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:27.040 allowed to be in relationship to that organization, to the organization. 0:04:28.680 --> 0:04:30.320 It's like when you first fall in love and you 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:33.039 feel like you're the person. Oh my god, it's me. 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:45.520 How can that not be? Throwing from my heart? 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:49.320 Podcasts and Rococo Punch, This is the turning Room of Mirrors. 0:04:50.360 --> 0:05:08.480 I'm Erica Lance, Part three call. When Stephanie started at 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.520 the School of American Ballet, she was entering something big. 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:13.919 New York was in the middle of what came to 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:17.400 be known as the dance boom in the sixties and seventies. 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:19.919 New York was a hub for all kinds of dance. 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:23.679 I was going to two or three performances a week. 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:27.200 Dance historian Lynn Garifola remembers being at the start of 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:29.640 her career as a critic and writer in the seventies. 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:32.719 It seemed like everyone was talking about dance. 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:40.000 There were performances everywhere, Tickets were still relatively cheap. There 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:44.159 were ballet companies coming from many different places. So I 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:52.919 think there was this sense of energy and possibility. 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:54.200 And at the center of this movement was Balancing. By then, 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:56.880 he'd been in the US for thirty years, He'd built 0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:59.960 a ballet school and a ballet company. As far as 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:02.560 the dance world was concerned, he'd become the Shakespeare of 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:06.000 neoclassical ballet, and audience has got to watch him write 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:08.480 his masterpieces right in front of them. 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:12.080 Balancine and the New York City Ballet became really one 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:16.400 of the pre eminent artistic institutions. These were just one 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:20.159 of the preeminent cultural moments in New York City. 0:06:20.560 --> 0:06:22.120 This is historian Jim Steikin. 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:25.400 He got people who aren't necessarily into ballet to care 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:29.360 about ballet. He made ballet something that was on TV 0:06:29.480 --> 0:06:35.040 on a regular basis. He turned certain ballerinas into cultural 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:39.080 icons that girls wanted to emulate and inspire them to 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:39.919 study ballet. 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:50.120 One thing I would like to say is that it's 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:53.520 pretty clear when you read all the reviews beginning in 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:57.880 the late sixties, nineteen seventies into the nineteen eighties, but 0:06:58.000 --> 0:07:01.000 Balancin is portrayed as someone who could do no wrong, 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:05.520 even when he does really terrible ballet. The language is 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:09.600 kind of nice. I mean, who read some of those things. 0:07:09.600 --> 0:07:12.640 It's like he could do no wrong. It's like he 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:13.200 was a god. 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:21.960 Balancine was ever present in the school. He could walk 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:25.920 into any class any day and wait to see what 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:26.960 would catch his eye. 0:07:27.560 --> 0:07:31.120 As the world around her worshiped Balancine. Stephanie Land was 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:35.320 still a teenager, hoping to join his company someday. One 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:37.480 day she was asked to be part of these performances 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:40.560 they called lecture demos, where students would go to public 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:44.720 schools to demonstrate ballet. First, they had to learn the choreography. 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:48.520 There were three couples dancing. Stephanie and her partner were 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:50.160 in the back behind the lead couple. 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:54.800 I wasn't very good at ballet in my mind, not yet. 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:58.480 She remembers. That day. A talented dancer named Fernando Bojones 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:01.640 was there sitting on the steae radio floor at the front, 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:06.720 and then Balanjing walked in. She'd never met him before. 0:08:06.800 --> 0:08:09.000 And I thought, well, nobody looks at the people in 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:12.880 the back. And I thought, well, he's not watching me. 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:15.280 Valentine's not watching me, so it really doesn't matter. I 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:19.320 can do whatever I want back here. And Fernando said, well, 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:20.760 he didn't take his eyes off of you. 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:24.600 For one minute. 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:28.000 You know, by the time he saw me, I don't 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:31.600 know how old he was. He had seen so many dancers, 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:37.319 he'd lived such a long life. If you spark his curiosity, 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:40.440 that's a good thing. He never wanted to be told 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:44.000 who to like, and very often, in fact, I think 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:46.200 he went the other way. So if the heads of 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:49.160 the schools, who were his Russian colleagues at the time, 0:08:49.160 --> 0:08:51.840 would say we like this and this and this person, 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:55.079 likely he would turn his head and look for somebody else. 0:08:57.040 --> 0:09:01.040 Balancing wanted good dancers, but Stephanie says he was also 0:09:01.080 --> 0:09:04.000 looking for someone unformed, someone's still. 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:07.800 Raw, somebody who doesn't quite have it all, and he 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:11.280 could shape them, He could form them. She doesn't quite 0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:14.760 know what she's doing, but there's something and it was 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:19.000 very what you say, Chavian Pygmalion little bit, you know, 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:23.840 Eliza Doolittle. There's perhaps a sculpture in that marble. He 0:09:23.880 --> 0:09:26.280 could make sixty mistakes and one was going to come 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:30.240 out of full sculpture. And that was basically how he 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:32.560 saw it. And he even would talk about, you know, 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:34.720 it could be a field of grass, but one flower. 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:45.199 Could Stephanie be that flower. Stephanie quickly learned how much 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:48.920 the school of American Ballet was about balancing and his choreography. 0:09:50.080 --> 0:09:57.600 People were trained to hone his particular sensibilities, even his ethics, 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:03.640 so that there would be a readiness definitely a readiness 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:06.920 in all of us to fall right into the company, 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:13.719 efficient and ready to be useful, immediately, ready to execute 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:16.840 and embody his visions. 0:10:20.440 --> 0:10:23.320 Usually when you're a teenager, you don't meet the one 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:26.920 person who will make all of your career decisions. But 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:28.600 that's kind of what balancing was. 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:34.960 Balancing was basically the be all, end all answer to 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:36.600 the rest of your life. 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:54.559 That's why, as a student, Stephanie Land learned there were 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:57.840 many expectations for dancers at the School of American Ballet, 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:02.400 some explicit, some so ingrained in the culture they didn't 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:03.400 have to be said aloud. 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:10.320 There's a certain stringent criteria for body types and adhering 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:13.959 to those body types. There were criteria that were very 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:18.640 very clear and in no uncertain terms. What were the 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:24.160 criteria generally long limbed, tall, long neck, small heads, that 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:28.760 was understood, fair skin. I think I've even heard something 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:31.400 like when you slice an apple open, that kind of 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:36.720 the whiteness of the fruit. There was certainly exceptions, but 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:39.560 that was it. 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:42.600 It's well documented that Balancine had a preference for pale, 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:46.600 thin dancers, for dancers he loved. He'd praised them with 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:50.880 phrases like alabaster princess, or pale skin that reflected the light. 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:54.800 He had a lot of opinions about dancers bodies. Here 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:57.719 he is in a nineteen sixty three interview on WNYC 0:11:57.960 --> 0:12:02.760 talking about how he evaluates female dances, specifically girls. He 0:12:02.840 --> 0:12:06.000 starts by comparing the pros and cons of two girls' bodies. 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:08.400 One girl is tall, It's. 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:13.360 Very very tall, with beautiful legs and a fantastic extension. 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:19.800 One but doesn't turn as fast and has a beautiful expression, 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:23.720 marble face, you know, almost like angel you see. 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:25.480 Where another girl is short. 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:30.520 The other one would be shorter, with shorter legs, dark face. 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:35.960 She can't jump very high and stretch her legs, but 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:42.800 she could be very faster, and maybe her ability to express. 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:45.640 With a face, maybe she exceeds the first in terms 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:46.800 of artistic expression. 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:50.120 I mean, they're all different animals. 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:52.319 Balance, She says, you can't say who is better. 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:58.360 It's like to say what's better a leopard or jaguar, 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:02.400 or line or a pussycat or ada. 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:06.840 He had animals and images for everyone. One dancer said 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:12.120 she was a porcupine, her friend a delicious mushroom. Whether 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:15.920 this was playful or dehumanizing. It's hard to tell, but 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:18.280 if you made the cut, it might have been because 0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:22.880 of your idiosyncrasies, your individual style. It might be a 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:26.360 shimmer of something balancing could mold into a timeless sculpture. 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:38.720 When Valentine choreographs, it's like it fits like a glove, 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:43.480 you know, It's like it's meant for you, and that's 0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:46.800 so special. It's a glove that fits. 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:50.960 Deborah Austin entered the school as a shy thirteen year old. 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:53.680 She'd always depended on dance to draw her out of 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:57.679 her cocoon. Then she found herself vying for a position 0:13:57.800 --> 0:13:58.920 with Valancine's company. 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:01.880 They told parents that most likely I would never get 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:04.720 into the New York City Ballet because I would not 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:05.360 fit in. 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:08.920 The message came from a teacher at the school that 0:14:09.000 --> 0:14:10.880 she would not fit in because of the color of 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:14.839 her skin, because she's black. They said she could never 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:17.240 dance in the court of ballet, the group of dancers 0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:20.800 you often see dancing behind the soloists, because she wouldn't match. 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:23.960 You know, I would have to be a soloist if 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:25.960 that was possible, And I'm looking at them at thirteen 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:30.760 years old, thinking, I know I have talent, but not 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:32.160 a soloist. 0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:33.880 You've got to beginning me. 0:14:35.400 --> 0:14:39.800 Jumping from student to soloists seemed impossible, but Deborah wanted 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:41.400 to dance for me. 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:43.320 It was like there was not going to be a no. 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:45.960 I mean, I was going to achieve this on my 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:49.280 own merit, no matter what color I was, no matter 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:53.160 what I did. You had to sparkle something for him 0:14:53.200 --> 0:14:56.920 to be interested in you. I mean, just being there 0:14:57.120 --> 0:15:03.360 was not exactly ideal. You had to really show your worth. 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:06.840 Balancing had been watching her, and she did get in. 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:10.480 At age sixteen, she was the first black female dancer 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:13.840 admitted into the company. She danced in the Core in 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.720 Swan Lake, a role she'd been told she could never dance, 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:22.440 and she danced soloist roles, one that Balanging specifically choreographed 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.160 for her. 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:31.520 He was so kind, just the way he took your 0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:35.080 hand and said, come here, dear. You know yet you 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:38.560 were still scared of him, or at least I was. 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:42.800 He could be tough, but he was a father figure, 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:51.200 you know, to some of us, and we were his disciples. 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:55.200 I think he cared more about individuality than he cared 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:59.760 about a look. I think he cared about how you 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:05.960 were as an artist. I really don't believe that. 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:08.440 There was a specific type that he wanted. 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:12.120 I mean, supposedly he wanted the skin tone to be 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:17.400 the color of a fresh peeled apple. My skin color 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.600 was not the color of a freshly peeled apple by 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:22.240 no stretch of the imagination. 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:24.720 So there you have it. 0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:31.920 Still, the reality was that Balancine's company was almost entirely white. 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:34.120 For the nine years Debor dance at the New York 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:37.680 City Ballet, she was the only black female dancer there. 0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:40.320 I might have paid something. 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:42.760 I literally made a driveway, but. 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:47.640 I was there for nine years by myself. 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:52.680 It might have hindered me, you know, in some ways 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:54.560 because of what I was told when I was younger. 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.560 I feel like it wanted to fit in, keep down inside. 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:04.560 Possibly I went back into my cocoon and myself for 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:06.920 many years in the company. 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.480 Debra believes that Balanging didn't have one type in mind, 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:17.760 that he was open to many kinds of dancers, and 0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:19.960 this is one of those areas where Balancine seems to 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:23.760 hold opposites at the same time. Did he want dancers 0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:27.000 to conform to his aesthetics or did he value variety? 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:32.000 What was clear was that being thin was important. 0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:34.560 I mean, I just wanted to be thinner because I 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:36.680 knew being thinner was going to get me parts and 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:39.080 he was going to like me more. And you want 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:42.280 it so badly, you know, you please him. Then he 0:17:42.400 --> 0:17:45.200 used to call us all briotious because we were all 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:49.439 like young and our bodies changed from being these skinny 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:54.080 little things to like becoming women. But he wanted us 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:58.960 thinner than we probably were being cubes and young girls. 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:01.879 Now looked pictures of myself when I was younger in 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:04.320 those photographs and I go, oh my god, they called 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:06.400 me fat, Like how is that even possible? 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:20.000 We were definitely indoctrinated with a certain esthetic that was 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:21.639 known as the Balanchine body. 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:26.720 Stephanie and Deborah overlapped at the company in one piece. 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:30.640 They danced back to back solos while Debora spins off 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:34.640 stage in a joyful mix of PK turns and jumps. Stephanie, 0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:38.760 almost mirroring Deborah, twirls on stage all length and speed. 0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:45.280 The preference for very long legs for thin I did 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:48.680 not match that. In all moments. I was a little 0:18:48.680 --> 0:18:53.880 more round than the preferred body. There were times when 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:56.560 I was taken out of ballet's because of my weight, 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:02.800 and this was before it was politically incorrect to address it, 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.080 so basically I'd just be called fat and pulled out. 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:11.000 So I had those phases in those conflicts and self 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:16.240 deprecation certainly, and went through them. 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:21.199 Some see balancing as the person most responsible for changing 0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:25.280 the expectation of ballerina's bodies not just to be slim, 0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:28.160 but to be absolutely as thin as possible. 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:32.040 If you look at photos of the late nineteenth century ballerinas, 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:35.439 they're very, very different from the ballerinas of the nineteen 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:40.560 twenties or the nineteen forties. In the nineteen fifties, slender 0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:44.359 dancers all had little shapes, they had waists. No one 0:19:44.400 --> 0:19:48.080 in New York City ballet in the late nineteen sixties 0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:51.639 or nineteen seventies or early eighties had a waste. They 0:19:51.680 --> 0:19:58.000 were much more straight, and that was what Maalanging apparently wanted. 0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:02.000 Historian Len Gariff points out it's hard to pin the 0:20:02.040 --> 0:20:04.400 extreme body standards all on balancing. 0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:10.360 In the nineteen sixties and seventies, extreme thinness became apparent 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:14.600 across the fashion industry. If one picks up fashion magazines 0:20:14.680 --> 0:20:18.400 from the mid nineteen sixties on and you see Twiggy. 0:20:18.600 --> 0:20:22.480 You know this is a moment when the beauty industry 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:26.440 is saying that thinness is really what is beautiful. 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:32.159 Either way, Balanchine's dancer is worthier than their predecessors, and 0:20:32.240 --> 0:20:39.560 Balancing pressure dancers to lose weight. One time, he told 0:20:39.600 --> 0:20:42.240 a dancer named Heidi Vossler she was too fat to 0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:45.639 dance the ballet serenad just moments before she had to 0:20:45.680 --> 0:20:48.679 go on stage and perform it. She was so upset 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:53.080 she could barely get through the steps. Another former dancer, 0:20:53.320 --> 0:20:57.359 Suzanne Farrell, received a letter from Balancing and included a 0:20:57.400 --> 0:21:01.280 personal poem and a ps that read, quote, I hope 0:21:01.280 --> 0:21:04.240 by now you are thin and beautiful and light to lift. 0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:09.439 Suzanne later said she felt frightened and hurt. She wrote quote, 0:21:10.040 --> 0:21:12.080 I should have known it. I shouldn't have had to 0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:15.639 be told. I felt stupid and inadequate, and I was 0:21:15.680 --> 0:21:17.840 so upset that I proceeded to try to lose weight 0:21:18.119 --> 0:21:21.320 right there. Thus my life was now hinging on two 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:28.080 big problems, getting my entrance right and losing weight. Suzanne 0:21:28.080 --> 0:21:32.679 would eventually become Balanchine's most famous dancer. His muse he 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:36.160 was in love with her and her dancing. Soon, younger 0:21:36.240 --> 0:21:40.960 dancers were trying to mold themselves after her. Gelsie Kirkland 0:21:41.000 --> 0:21:43.280 was one of them. She famously wrote about it in 0:21:43.320 --> 0:21:47.920 her memoir. Balanchine teased Gelsey for having a big head. 0:21:48.440 --> 0:21:52.440 Everyone wanted a small head like Suzanne. Gelsey was desperate 0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:58.000 to look just like her, Balanchine's favorite ballerina. She wrote, quote, 0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:01.000 he had such an obsession with her face that everybody, 0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:03.200 all of my friends, were trying to imitate the shape 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:06.440 of her mouth. I went to the dentist and said 0:22:06.480 --> 0:22:10.360 that I want buck teeth, and Gelsie knew she had 0:22:10.359 --> 0:22:13.840 to be thin, she says. Balanchine wrapped his knuckles on 0:22:13.880 --> 0:22:17.840 her sternum and said, must see bones. He did not 0:22:17.920 --> 0:22:22.159 merely say eat less, she says, he repeatedly said eat nothing. 0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:26.600 I think I tried harder to please balancing than anybody. 0:22:26.720 --> 0:22:29.000 The physical cost was that it killed you to do it. 0:22:32.840 --> 0:22:35.800 An interviewer asked her once if Balanchine cared about her body. 0:22:36.240 --> 0:22:39.800 She said he cared how it looked, not how it felt. 0:22:41.080 --> 0:22:43.320 When she was too sick to dance, she writes, Balanchin 0:22:43.400 --> 0:22:46.159 gave her pills. He told her they were vitamins, but 0:22:46.359 --> 0:22:51.399 later she realized they were amphetamines. Eventually, Gelsey would depend 0:22:51.440 --> 0:22:54.879 on drugs to get through her performances, and when Balanchine 0:22:54.880 --> 0:22:57.159 thought that her head was too big for her body, 0:22:57.840 --> 0:22:59.920 something she says he pointed out to her all the time, 0:23:00.040 --> 0:23:04.080 I'm she got silicone injections and had her ear lopes trimmed. 0:23:05.520 --> 0:23:08.880 Kelsey said, I starved by day, then binged on junk 0:23:08.920 --> 0:23:11.639 food and threw up by night. I took injections of 0:23:11.720 --> 0:23:14.720 pregnant cow's urine, reputed to be a miraculous diet aid. 0:23:15.400 --> 0:23:18.879 I emptied myself with enemas and steam baths, anything to 0:23:18.960 --> 0:23:29.480 mold the body her boss wanted. You might think, based 0:23:29.520 --> 0:23:33.439 on these clearly desperate measures, that Gelsey was unappreciated, but 0:23:33.720 --> 0:23:37.120 actually no, she was a legend, one of Balanchine's favorites, 0:23:37.200 --> 0:23:40.560 frequently cast in lead roles. But these were the kinds 0:23:40.560 --> 0:23:43.600 of measures she felt she had to take. Plenty of 0:23:43.680 --> 0:23:47.159 dancers resorted to plastic surgery or other extreme measures to 0:23:47.200 --> 0:23:51.119 stay slim. The pressure was real, and they knew what 0:23:51.200 --> 0:23:52.120 was required of them. 0:23:53.080 --> 0:23:58.160 You eat, sleep, and drink ballet. It is first, It's 0:23:58.200 --> 0:24:02.960 before everything damn precedes everything, you give your all. 0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:08.439 After Balanjing noticed Stephanie, he visited her class frequently, often 0:24:08.480 --> 0:24:11.400 his eyes were on her. She couldn't understand why. 0:24:12.160 --> 0:24:16.600 I really was behind and I really was not capable 0:24:16.680 --> 0:24:20.159 of delivering the goods consistently. But when I was allowed 0:24:20.160 --> 0:24:22.480 to do whatever I wanted to do in my own 0:24:22.520 --> 0:24:27.760 particular way, that worked. And then he started coming around, 0:24:27.920 --> 0:24:30.040 and then the teachers would say, you know, go to 0:24:30.080 --> 0:24:31.520 the front of the room, and I didn't want to 0:24:31.560 --> 0:24:32.960 go to the front of the room, and I would 0:24:33.000 --> 0:24:36.280 have practical panic attacks when he would come in, and 0:24:36.320 --> 0:24:39.600 I'd hide and balancing would start, even coming into the 0:24:39.640 --> 0:24:46.960 back of the studio if I wouldn't go forward, whatever 0:24:47.000 --> 0:24:51.360 he saw, I can't say. What I do know is 0:24:51.440 --> 0:24:59.040 that I haven't over the topness. I've been told I 0:24:59.119 --> 0:25:01.800 don't do things in little ways. So I think what 0:25:01.880 --> 0:25:05.679 he saw was this person that if let loose, was 0:25:05.720 --> 0:25:06.480 going to run. 0:25:07.960 --> 0:25:10.800 Stephanie was willing to go there. When she danced, she 0:25:10.840 --> 0:25:22.280 didn't hold back. Valancine had this thing he said to 0:25:22.280 --> 0:25:25.399 his dancers all the time. People quoted again and again 0:25:26.440 --> 0:25:28.720 in the middle of rehearsal or the middle of class. 0:25:29.320 --> 0:25:32.120 If a dancer seemed not to be giving absolutely everything. 0:25:32.640 --> 0:25:34.240 He looked at them and say. 0:25:34.320 --> 0:25:38.399 What are you saving for, dear? Or are you gonna lose? 0:25:38.400 --> 0:25:41.679 You're gonna fall down. The floor's really close by, and 0:25:41.800 --> 0:25:47.360 so you fall down, you get up. We were trained 0:25:47.359 --> 0:25:53.879 for that risk all, basically risk all, And then I 0:25:53.920 --> 0:25:56.800 got in and I didn't know which way was up. 0:26:12.720 --> 0:26:23.160 I definitely loved drama. I loved heightened experiences, extremities, zigzagging. 0:26:24.320 --> 0:26:26.040 I don't know that I loved it so much as 0:26:26.080 --> 0:26:29.600 I was drawn by it to it and embodied that 0:26:29.680 --> 0:26:31.200 as much as possible. 0:26:32.800 --> 0:26:36.080 Stephanie got into the company when she was eighteen. It 0:26:36.160 --> 0:26:37.760 meant a life of extremes. 0:26:38.160 --> 0:26:41.240 It was glamorous, and then we did a tour and 0:26:41.280 --> 0:26:43.840 then suddenly I was in and I was really in. 0:26:44.680 --> 0:26:46.400 It was really like quicksand. 0:26:47.200 --> 0:26:50.760 Being in meant Stephanie had an intense schedule as a 0:26:50.760 --> 0:26:54.359 company member. You'd have morning class at ten am, rehearsals 0:26:54.400 --> 0:26:57.439 all day, get ready for a performance, perform in the evening, 0:26:57.920 --> 0:27:00.400 and finally leave the theater at maybe eleven at night. 0:27:01.280 --> 0:27:03.680 On top of that, you never know your exact schedule 0:27:03.760 --> 0:27:06.560 until the evening before when it would be posted, so 0:27:06.600 --> 0:27:08.920 you can't make plans for your life outside the company 0:27:09.840 --> 0:27:12.159 to be near the studio. All the dancers lived in 0:27:12.160 --> 0:27:14.720 the same area, a stretch of blocks on the Upper 0:27:14.720 --> 0:27:17.840 West Side that dancers called the Ballet Belt. 0:27:18.560 --> 0:27:23.399