1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:06,160 Speaker 1: I'm Eliah Connie, and this is family theory. 2 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:15,080 Speaker 2: For me, it's more of just about motivation to do 3 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 2: the things we need to do to stop feeling powerless. 4 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:23,120 Speaker 3: Do you feel like there's a need to find pleasure 5 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,440 Speaker 3: in all types of feelings? Because I feel like sometimes 6 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 3: I just want to feel what I'm feeling, the feeling 7 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:33,160 Speaker 3: of powerless. And when I came away from that conversation 8 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,520 Speaker 3: with him, I didn't like the term powerless. 9 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:42,879 Speaker 1: Today you're going to hear from Gladys, Jasmine, and Elijah, 10 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,240 Speaker 1: and if you've been listening with us for a while, 11 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: you already know a few things about them. You know 12 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:52,239 Speaker 1: Gladys as someone who speaks her mind and advocates for 13 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: authenticity even when life is shifting and especially when it 14 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 1: gets hard. Today we see a different side of her 15 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: during the session. She shows up talking about dating again, 16 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 1: about joy, but also staying intentional with Elijah and finding 17 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: ways for him to feel empowered even from a distance. 18 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 1: You know Jasmine as deeply reflective and struggling with letting 19 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,520 Speaker 1: go of some aspects and with some people in her life. 20 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: In this session, she challenges us with the question, is 21 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:29,480 Speaker 1: it really really necessary to find something positive at moments 22 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 1: when we're feeling overwhelmed or hurting, and we know Elijah 23 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 1: as thoughtful, articulate, and very clear about his inner world. 24 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: Today he names something that sits heavy for a lot 25 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 1: of us, especially young adults navigating systems, authority, and expectations. 26 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: He calls it powerlessness, and he's not using that word casually. 27 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: Our conversations aren't about fixing anyone. It's about understanding how 28 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 1: power control, emotions, and mindset actually work, and what we 29 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 1: can do when life feels like it's pressing in on 30 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 1: us from all sides. The core themes of today's session 31 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:16,919 Speaker 1: are power versus powerlessness, what we can't control versus what 32 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 1: we actually can, gratitude as a skill not a distraction, 33 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:28,639 Speaker 1: communication versus manipulation, and building tolerance for life, how joy, 34 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:38,800 Speaker 1: pleasure and self investment increases resilience. Let's get into the session. Gladdys, 35 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,359 Speaker 1: what's something you've been pleased about since we last met. 36 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 3: I actually have been going out on dates and I've 37 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 3: been extremely pleased about getting out and socializing and having 38 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 3: great conversations. So yeah, that's what's been going on with me. 39 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 4: That's been new. 40 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 3: And I shouldn't say dates like it's more than one person. 41 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 3: But I've actually gone out on several dates with one 42 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 3: person that it's pretty cool. 43 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,799 Speaker 1: Okay, so are you liking this person? 44 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 3: I am. He's cool, very good, very good and jazz. 45 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:14,239 Speaker 3: When you settled, yes, I'm settled. I'm pleased about waking 46 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 3: up this morning. It's just been very rough the last 47 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:24,080 Speaker 3: week or two. Nothing to complain about, but it's just 48 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:24,640 Speaker 3: been rough. 49 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,280 Speaker 1: Okay, I need to tell me one thing other than 50 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 1: you woke up this morning, even if it's a small thing. 51 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,800 Speaker 4: I'm pleased to be a mom. 52 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, love that, Thank you, Jasmine. What do 53 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: you guys want to get accomplished here today? What are 54 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 1: your best hope from talking with me today? 55 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 3: Well, since it's been a while, we can hear Elijah 56 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 3: because we haven't had a call with him. I don't 57 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 3: know if Elijah, were you able to get on a 58 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 3: call with your uncle, a session with your uncle? No? Oh, 59 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 3: so we haven't connected. So I'm open for anything. 60 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 1: What would open for anything? Like mean to you? What 61 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 1: would be a way that you would be like this 62 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 1: is going well? 63 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 3: Well? We all, I mean we haven't we all on 64 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 3: the session right now? We haven't spoken since Elijah's gone away, 65 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 3: and he opened up with talking about being able to 66 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 3: speak more and learn more from his aunt and then 67 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,720 Speaker 3: us hanging out in Massachusetts when I was up there. 68 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: Okay, so now that we are all on a call together, Gladys, 69 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:35,800 Speaker 1: what do you hope would be the outcome of it? 70 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,279 Speaker 3: Well? I was, this was the thing that I was 71 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:43,040 Speaker 3: thinking about Elijah, because since Elliott, you, Elijah and I 72 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 3: have been on we spoke about him being able to 73 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 3: cook more. So Elijah and I have just been speaking 74 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 3: in the last couple of weeks as far as getting 75 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:59,160 Speaker 3: a budget together so that we can start cooking together online, 76 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,719 Speaker 3: like you know, we figure out what his closest farmer's 77 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 3: market is and do recipes and recipes that are going 78 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 3: to be able to get them through his next school 79 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:14,240 Speaker 3: year without causing any type of conflict of timing and 80 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 3: how that goes? 81 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 1: How do you how do you hope this meeting and 82 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 1: like maybe even revisiting cooking with Elijah would make a. 83 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 3: Difference for him, because just in Elijah and I, like 84 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:32,279 Speaker 3: you know, talking and conversating like we were trying to like, 85 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 3: he was sharing with me how he felt and about 86 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 3: like you know, not just being able to do certain 87 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,640 Speaker 3: things and feeling like the feeling of powerless, And when 88 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 3: I came away from that conversation with him, I didn't 89 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 3: like the term powerless. So we both were able to, like, 90 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 3: you know, go back and forth on what exactly that 91 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 3: is and maybe be able to regain a sense of 92 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 3: power with also to just like you know, so like 93 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 3: I feel like we have because we have been. Elijah 94 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 3: and I have been communicating since right now. His schedule 95 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,280 Speaker 3: is in transition and going back to work in school, 96 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 3: so it's just been figuring out what we can do together. 97 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:28,679 Speaker 3: Although a part to feel empowered and empowered anywhere he's at, 98 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 3: like type of a deal and being able to freely 99 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:37,040 Speaker 3: communicate what his needs are to be able to accomplish 100 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 3: the common goal for him, which is do well in school, 101 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 3: be able to save money, and do well at his work, 102 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 3: which he always does because of the type of work 103 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,039 Speaker 3: he does. So I think it was that part for me, 104 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 3: so for him and I, like I'm still bouncing off 105 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 3: of our last session with Elijah and I together of 106 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 3: really implementing what makes him happy and comfortable and feeling 107 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:06,240 Speaker 3: good about himself, as like that aspect of cooking. So 108 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 3: I've just tried to stay in that. 109 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 1: Perfect Okay, Elijah, what are you hoping you'll be able 110 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 1: to achieve today? 111 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 2: There was something I've been thinking about for a while. 112 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 2: It's having to do with power. Mom told me how 113 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 2: she didn't like the term powerless when I spoke of 114 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 2: in you know, being able to do what makes me happy. 115 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 2: But honestly, I believe that's the best adjective for how 116 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:42,680 Speaker 2: I feel and especially what described the situation I'm in, 117 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 2: because I will say this oftentimes, like what I hear 118 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 2: from what I see from a lot of relationships or dynamics, 119 00:07:53,920 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 2: is communication the same then compromise, And that's something that 120 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 2: I have been told and have been trying to. 121 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:14,239 Speaker 5: Do for a long time. But I will say honestly. 122 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 2: I am sort of I'm tired of that idea because 123 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 2: I don't really think that in many cases, unless in hindsight, 124 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 2: we could say that that's important, but in the moment, 125 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 2: especially when emotions are running high, those things aren't really 126 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 2: Those things aren't something that I can really that process 127 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 2: isn't something I could really fall back on because of 128 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,560 Speaker 2: just like the issues that are with the person I'm 129 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:51,439 Speaker 2: talking to or with me, and I'm just like starting 130 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,319 Speaker 2: to realize that. 131 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:56,240 Speaker 5: More and more. That's sort of what I would like 132 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 5: to talk about. 133 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 1: Excellent, Okay, Jasmine, what about you? What are you hoping 134 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 1: to get from being here today? 135 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:08,480 Speaker 3: I definitely can relate to a lot that Elijah just mentioned, 136 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 3: even in hearing. I want to kind of understand more 137 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 3: from you. Do you think there's like you asking us 138 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 3: what are we pleased about within the last week or so? Like? 139 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 3: Do you does there have to be pleasure in like, 140 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 3: like say Elijah feeling powerless or I can say I'm 141 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,840 Speaker 3: feeling powerless. Do you feel like there's a need to 142 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 3: find pleasure in all types of feelings? Because I feel 143 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 3: like sometimes I just want to feel what I feel 144 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 3: and I don't see any pleasure or being pleased. And 145 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,679 Speaker 3: you know, not to sound like Devil's advocate or trying 146 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 3: to play victim, but I sometimes just want to feel 147 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,360 Speaker 3: what I'm feeling so I can keep it pushing. I'm 148 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 3: not sure if that's the same sentiment as Elijah, but 149 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 3: I'm just like, if I'm feeling powerless, I can't see 150 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 3: any pleasure in that. I don't want to see any 151 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,840 Speaker 3: good in whatever it is. If I'm feeling negative in 152 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 3: the moment or mutual. I don't want to look at pleasure. 153 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,840 Speaker 3: I want to kind of get through the emotions of 154 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,840 Speaker 3: it and then work from there. That's why it's kind 155 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 3: of hard for me to see. But why But why 156 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 3: because why not? 157 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 1: Because sitting in emotions that don't serve us doesn't serve us. 158 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:30,599 Speaker 3: But if we're feeling, and I'm going to use the 159 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 3: example of powerless, what's the pleasure in that? 160 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 1: One of the true important things of life is to 161 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 1: be able to notice good parts of your life even 162 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,960 Speaker 1: while in the presence of difficult challenges. 163 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 4: Do you think that's a distracting No. 164 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 1: Okay, no, I don't think that's a distraction at all. 165 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: In fact, I think it's a skill. One of the 166 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:58,839 Speaker 1: things that I do with every single client I've ever 167 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 1: worked with in my twin years of practice, because it's 168 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 1: like with the arapiss is, I ask them what's been 169 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,319 Speaker 1: better and what's going well in their lives, and I'll 170 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,160 Speaker 1: be very honest, you can tell you I do that 171 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 1: because people who are happy and mentally healthy have a 172 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,920 Speaker 1: skill of being able to pay attention to the things 173 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:16,559 Speaker 1: in their lives that they like and appreciate, so that 174 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,720 Speaker 1: the things that are happening in their life that are 175 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 1: difficult don't overpower their happiness because the truth is, every 176 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 1: single person has things going on in their life that 177 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 1: they don't like and experience is challenging, and every single 178 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: person has things in their life that they're grateful for. 179 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,840 Speaker 1: Happy people with strong mental health have an ability to 180 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,560 Speaker 1: attend to the good things even while in the presence 181 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:42,199 Speaker 1: of the bad. What if you're overwhelmed, then it becomes 182 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:43,080 Speaker 1: even more important. 183 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:44,840 Speaker 4: Okay, I respect it. 184 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 1: If I may say something, of course. 185 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 5: Powerless, it doesn't. 186 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:56,679 Speaker 2: Typically it's something that find my lot and personally made 187 00:11:56,720 --> 00:12:04,719 Speaker 2: me fluctrated and as well as incredibly sad, and that 188 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:08,440 Speaker 2: has made it to where I start to, you know, 189 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,439 Speaker 2: us seclude myself at times. 190 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 5: What I was, what Auntie Jazmin was saying, is. 191 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 2: That I do believe it makes sense for me if 192 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:23,720 Speaker 2: I were to continue to say, oh, I have these 193 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,520 Speaker 2: things that I'm grateful. 194 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,080 Speaker 5: For in a sense or I'm pleased about. 195 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 2: To me, that would be a distraction because at the moment, 196 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 2: the good does not highlight the bad. However, I will 197 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 2: say this that because I'm so angry, it oftentimes is 198 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 2: motivating for me to try to make more good things 199 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:53,920 Speaker 2: to take back, more power to become here. So I 200 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 2: think that's like a very much like in between. For me, 201 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:01,640 Speaker 2: it's more of just like in order to get out 202 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 2: of the like in a sense of what you're saying. 203 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,080 Speaker 2: But for me, it's like it's more just like getting 204 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,440 Speaker 2: like you're finding a reason to look for happiness in 205 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 2: order to you know, I guess it's a motivation to 206 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 2: to actually create your own sense of happiness. 207 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,280 Speaker 1: But it's actually deeper than that, and it speaks to 208 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 1: how powerful the human brain is. So so Elijah, like, 209 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:28,080 Speaker 1: let me give you an example, Elijah, have you heard 210 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: about powerball lottery? The lottery? 211 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:32,320 Speaker 5: Yeah? 212 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: Do you know how big it is right now currently 213 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 1: this moment, Jasmine the Gladys, have you heard about how 214 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 1: big it is? Over nine hundred fifty million dollars? Okay, 215 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,200 Speaker 1: So I want to like, because Jasmine talked about this 216 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 1: thing about being a distraction, and Jasmine, I totally understand 217 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 1: why you would say that, Elijah, totally makes sense. But 218 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,839 Speaker 1: I want you to understand why it's so important to 219 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 1: be able to develop the skill of focusing on things 220 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 1: that you're pleased with, i e. Things you have power over. 221 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 1: Because let me show you how powerful the human brain is. 222 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:15,240 Speaker 1: If I walked up to Elijah and I was wearing 223 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 1: Timberland boots, and for no reason at all, I walked 224 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:24,320 Speaker 1: over to Elijah and I stomped on his foot as 225 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 1: hard as I possibly could. And Elijah was barefoot. So 226 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: Elijah standing there, barefoot, I walk right up to him 227 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: and I stomp on his barefoot as hard as I 228 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 1: possibly can in my Timberland boots. Elijah, do you think 229 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 1: that would hurt? 230 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 5: What do you think? So? 231 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 1: Yes, Elijah, you think it would hurt? Right, yes? And 232 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 1: then so Elijah, I stomp on his foot as hard 233 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,080 Speaker 1: as I can, and Elijah gets mad at me. What'd 234 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 1: you do that for? And he starts charging towards me. 235 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 1: And then I pull out of my pocket the winning 236 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: powerball ticket and I say, Elijah, here you go. You 237 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 1: now have nine hundred and fifty million dollars. His brain 238 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 1: will focus on the nine hundred and fifty million dollars 239 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 1: and will forget that his foot hurts, that pain. 240 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 4: Is still there. That pain can't go away. 241 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,960 Speaker 1: It can, That's exactly what I'm telling you. It can. 242 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 1: It will literally not hurt. And jazzmine, physical pain can 243 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: go away y, yes, And Jasmine, can I explain to 244 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 1: you why? Because your brain, my brain, Elijah's brain, Gladys's brain, 245 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:45,840 Speaker 1: Jackson's brain, every human beings brain. They can only hold 246 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:51,360 Speaker 1: one thought at a time. So if you are attending 247 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 1: to your hurt foot and then I say, wait, Elizah, 248 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 1: don don't kill me, don't kill me. Here, gott, here's 249 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:00,960 Speaker 1: the winning power ball ticket his brain, We'll start focusing 250 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 1: on that and then the pain no longer exists. That's 251 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 1: how powerful your brain is. So I'm using this as 252 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 1: an example to make the argument that if you say 253 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,520 Speaker 1: something Jasmine, like I just want to sit in this 254 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:20,480 Speaker 1: negative emotion, you're guaranteeing unhappiness, which, as a therapist I 255 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 1: have to say is odd. 256 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 3: But how okay, all right, I do understand it from 257 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 3: a therapist's point of view. However, when you're in it 258 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 3: in real life and real time, it's like I So, 259 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 3: for me, I feel like I might have a problem 260 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 3: with suppressing my emotions. So I get nervous about that 261 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 3: because I'll blow up later or I'll start crying out 262 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,760 Speaker 3: of nowhere. So it's like, oh, think happy thoughts, Think 263 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 3: happy thoughts, but I'm still suppressing I don't know. 264 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,200 Speaker 1: I want to be clear. I'm not saying think happy thoughts. 265 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 1: I'm saying, find things in your life that are genuinely 266 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 1: things that please you. That's not suppression. That's you attending 267 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,600 Speaker 1: to the parts of your life that will make you happy. 268 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:10,640 Speaker 1: Because the truth is, every single person has good things 269 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: happening in their life and bad things happening in your life. 270 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,960 Speaker 1: And if you have the skill of focusing on the 271 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 1: bad things and you are guaranteeing yourself to not be happy, 272 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:23,119 Speaker 1: I'm making the argument that part of happiness and mental 273 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 1: wellness is simply being able to develop the ability to 274 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,320 Speaker 1: attend to the good things in your life, and that 275 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:31,880 Speaker 1: will ensure happiness. 276 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,240 Speaker 4: Okay, I think it, just can. 277 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 1: I love that, Jasmine. And when you're in a happy 278 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,880 Speaker 1: mood because I gave you a nine hundred and fifty 279 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:47,959 Speaker 1: million dollar lottery ticket, the problems look different from the 280 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:52,400 Speaker 1: space of a happy mood. So, Elijah, while she's frozen, 281 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:54,920 Speaker 1: what do you think about what I said? I because 282 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: I'm make in the argument that happiness and mental health 283 00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,920 Speaker 1: are actually skills. 284 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 5: I agree that it's a skill, not a skill particularly 285 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:11,800 Speaker 5: that I've mastered yet, but something that I'm working on. 286 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 2: I think that in instances where just where I'm at 287 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:22,919 Speaker 2: right now, I don't know. I think it's just for me. 288 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 2: It's more of just about motivation to do the things 289 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,920 Speaker 2: you need to do to stop feeling powerless, not necessarily 290 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 2: just being grateful for what I have now, because those 291 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:41,440 Speaker 2: things don't really motivate me as much. It's more about 292 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:46,400 Speaker 2: the desire of what I want for myself in order 293 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 2: to feel happy or at peace. 294 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:53,160 Speaker 1: Really, And you mentioned something earlier, Elijah, about like how 295 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:57,880 Speaker 1: important communication is, and I so instead of focusing on 296 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:02,119 Speaker 1: feeling powerless, which I totally understand and hear you saying, 297 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,920 Speaker 1: I can focus on the part that I can control, 298 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:10,200 Speaker 1: which is my ability to communicate my thoughts and feelings. Right, 299 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,840 Speaker 1: That's actually how you regain your control. It's like, well, 300 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,040 Speaker 1: I can't control a lot of other people respond, but 301 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 1: I can reclaim my ability to express my thoughts and 302 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 1: feelings in an honest way. 303 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:25,000 Speaker 2: Yes, But at the same time that doesn't matter to me. Really, 304 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:30,880 Speaker 2: it does, but only to an extent. What part being honest, 305 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,720 Speaker 2: Because even if I'm honest, I still have no true 306 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:40,760 Speaker 2: ability to control the actions of other people, specifically the people. 307 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,159 Speaker 5: Who have power or an authority over me. 308 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 3: I was just gonna mention what at this time, who 309 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,439 Speaker 3: has power or of authority over you? 310 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 5: For you to I don't. 311 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,920 Speaker 3: Think it's about It's more of like a respect thing 312 00:19:56,119 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 3: outside as well as authority. You can have respect for anybody, 313 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,359 Speaker 3: but that doesn't necessarily mean a person and you have 314 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:07,640 Speaker 3: in respect for somebody, that person overpowers what your will is, 315 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 3: because that's different, right. But it's I understand where Elijah's 316 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,880 Speaker 3: coming from because it's like, yes, people talk about, oh, 317 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,159 Speaker 3: you need to communicate, but it's like I feel like 318 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 3: people fall short where they don't understand the difference between 319 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 3: communication and being honest. So it's like, yeah, you know, 320 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:32,439 Speaker 3: we'll try to communicate, but is it worse? But the 321 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 3: thing is different things with the same outcome. There's two 322 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 3: different conversations, and I want to hear what you have 323 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,720 Speaker 3: to say, but I also want to hear what Zia 324 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:45,439 Speaker 3: has to say. Elijah needs to say about exactly what 325 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,120 Speaker 3: that is for him, because who does he feel has 326 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:53,199 Speaker 3: power over him right at this time? And respect and 327 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 3: having power over somebody are two different things. 328 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,760 Speaker 1: So I want to say thing about that because what 329 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:02,640 Speaker 1: you and Elijah we're saying I think is really important 330 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 1: and we only have a few minutes left. Elijah seems 331 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:11,719 Speaker 1: to think and understandably so that like, I can't control 332 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:16,119 Speaker 1: the behaviors and actions literally his words of other people. Yes, 333 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 1: I am right. 334 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I wasn't second guess, and that no one 335 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 3: can like really no, no, no. 336 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,679 Speaker 1: I wouldn't sayny were Yeah. I want to explain that 337 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:31,800 Speaker 1: communication for the purposes of getting someone else to change 338 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 1: is actually not communication. That's manipulation. 339 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 3: Absolutely great. 340 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:41,280 Speaker 1: So what I want Elijah and all of you to 341 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 1: realize is that if I tell my truth, right, if 342 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 1: I simply say this is how I feel about a thing, 343 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 1: and the other person responds in a way that I 344 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 1: experience is negative, and so be it. I'm not responsible 345 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 1: to their behavior, nor can I control it. 346 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 3: But if it's from somebody that you love or somebody 347 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,720 Speaker 3: that has had authority over you, there's still that feeling there, 348 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 3: that emotion there that feels like it's tugging at you. Yes, 349 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 3: of course we want to think positive or think about 350 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 3: what was the best thing that happened to us. However, 351 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:27,920 Speaker 3: when that emotion is provoked from someone that we love 352 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 3: or admire, that is the emotion that we're fighting against. 353 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:36,160 Speaker 4: In a sense, if I wake up every day. 354 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,359 Speaker 1: As I do, and I and I think, what are 355 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,119 Speaker 1: the things in my life I'm most pleased about, what 356 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:47,960 Speaker 1: I'm most grateful for? That exercise will put my mindset 357 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 1: in a particular framework to help me deal with the 358 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,800 Speaker 1: obstacles that come up in that day otherwise than if 359 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,959 Speaker 1: I hadn't. I am not saying that when someone that 360 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,479 Speaker 1: you're that's supposed to love and respect you treat you badly, 361 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,239 Speaker 1: you should like find something good about that. That is 362 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:08,320 Speaker 1: not what I'm saying. I'm saying developing the skill of 363 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,760 Speaker 1: paying really close attention to the things in your life 364 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 1: that you are pleased with and grateful for will put 365 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 1: your mind frame in such a way that it will 366 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,159 Speaker 1: help you deal with the obstacles of life better. So 367 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:26,200 Speaker 1: when we say we're powerless, you are one hundred powerless 368 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 1: over who shows you respect and who shows you love. 369 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 1: But you are powerful in your mindset and developing a 370 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,680 Speaker 1: mindset of being able to attend to what you're grateful 371 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,879 Speaker 1: for aside from all of the other bullshit that might 372 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,679 Speaker 1: be causing you stress. When you do face that stress, 373 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:48,439 Speaker 1: you be facing it with an in shape and intact mind. Okay, yes, 374 00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:52,679 Speaker 1: the difference between like when you feel powerless, it's because 375 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 1: you're Elijah one hundredcent right. I can't control the actions 376 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 1: and behaviors of other people, but I can control the 377 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: hour of my mind. And the easiest way to do 378 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,080 Speaker 1: that is to pay really close attention to the things 379 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 1: in your life that you're really grateful for, because then 380 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,399 Speaker 1: when you face the obstacles, you face them from a 381 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:14,199 Speaker 1: position of power. So you are powerless in terms of 382 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,119 Speaker 1: being able to influence how other people treat you, but 383 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,560 Speaker 1: you're powerful in terms of how you show up in 384 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 1: face of an obstacle. 385 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:25,399 Speaker 2: I'm not sure that actually helps, because there's a difference 386 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:30,600 Speaker 2: between being powerless in face of how they treat you 387 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:38,080 Speaker 2: versus how someone influences me. Because I like you, I 388 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:42,719 Speaker 2: can be I can be as grateful for stuff as 389 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 2: much as I want. But when it comes to it, 390 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:49,440 Speaker 2: if someone has the ability to dictate and influence certain 391 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 2: parts of my life, and that does impede on my 392 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,160 Speaker 2: ability to be grateful for certain things. 393 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 1: But Elijah, that's true and also not true because if 394 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:03,600 Speaker 1: I follow that logic, that means people in prison can't 395 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,879 Speaker 1: be happy or grateful because someone is controlling every minute 396 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 1: of their day and every minute of their life and 397 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,920 Speaker 1: every aspect of their life, and that is in fact 398 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,240 Speaker 1: not true. That is in fact not true. 399 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:15,720 Speaker 5: Yikes. 400 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 3: So I feel like we're kind of imprisoning ourselves with 401 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 3: that mentality. 402 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:25,920 Speaker 1: Exactly exactly because Elijah, Elijah makes a really good point, 403 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,840 Speaker 1: like when people are controlling me and they have control 404 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,320 Speaker 1: over my life and they and they're influencing me in 405 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: a certain way, that's an unpleasant thing. And I'm not 406 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,360 Speaker 1: debating that. But if I follow that logic, that means 407 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:41,439 Speaker 1: someone in a situation like prison can't be happy or 408 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: have gratefulness, and that is in fact not true. I 409 00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:47,240 Speaker 1: know that because I've actually gone into prisons and worked 410 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,439 Speaker 1: with people. You have to set yourself free from the 411 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:54,080 Speaker 1: mentality that is causing me to overfocus on the things 412 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 1: I can't control, and then develop the ability to focus 413 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 1: more on the things I can, which are things like communicating, 414 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:05,480 Speaker 1: which are things like things that bring you joy, peace 415 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 1: and happiness. Elijah, this is exactly why cooking is so important, 416 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,400 Speaker 1: because if if and this is the way human rings 417 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 1: are organized, and then I have to run. But like 418 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:21,280 Speaker 1: if Elijah were like locked in a room for a month, 419 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,760 Speaker 1: and then I let him out of that room for 420 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,560 Speaker 1: after being locked in a room for a month, and 421 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,280 Speaker 1: he goes to start his car and it doesn't start, 422 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,679 Speaker 1: he would flip out most people beings like it's like, 423 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't even take this on today. 424 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:40,240 Speaker 1: But let's say Elijah spent a month with Gordon Ramsey 425 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,199 Speaker 1: learning how to cook, and then at the end of 426 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 1: that month, he literally spent thirty days Gordon Ramsey taught 427 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,520 Speaker 1: him everything for thirty days. At the end of that month, 428 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 1: he gets into his car, starts a car and it 429 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,879 Speaker 1: doesn't start. Eliza would be like, oh, that's okay, I'll 430 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:58,439 Speaker 1: just uber And it's simply because he spent a month 431 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:03,440 Speaker 1: feeding into himself, his tolerance of other things has now changed. 432 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:07,159 Speaker 1: This is exactly what I'm talking about, being able to 433 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,960 Speaker 1: influence your own tolerance for difficult things by attending to 434 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,159 Speaker 1: the things in your life that you enjoy. Now, Elijah, 435 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,680 Speaker 1: I'm gonna guess you would really enjoy spending a month 436 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: with Gordon rams more so than like I would, or 437 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,240 Speaker 1: you know, maybe maybe tasmin or, you know, but like 438 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,080 Speaker 1: if I were to spend a month hanging out with 439 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:30,919 Speaker 1: jay Z. My tolerance would go up. After the end 440 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:32,520 Speaker 1: of that month. I'd be like, Oh, I don't care 441 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,360 Speaker 1: if my car didn't start, you know, but what happens. 442 00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:37,639 Speaker 1: And you guys have all seen this in people. It 443 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,439 Speaker 1: just seems like they're always irritating, they're always frustrated. Then 444 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 1: that one that one tiny thing happens and they blow 445 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,880 Speaker 1: up on the tiny things if it's a big thing, 446 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 1: those are the That's exactly what I'm talking about. We 447 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,840 Speaker 1: have to have the ability to attend to ourselves and 448 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:55,960 Speaker 1: control the pieces that we can control. Okay, you should, yeah, 449 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,439 Speaker 1: you know, you know, don't start with me. 450 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 4: But it's so much clearer now. 451 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:06,880 Speaker 1: As long as we got there in the end, that's 452 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 1: all I care about thinking of it. Okay, bye, So 453 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:12,879 Speaker 1: youre bye. 454 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 5: Thank you. 455 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,720 Speaker 1: If there's one thing I want you to take from 456 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 1: this session, it's this feeling powerless doesn't mean you are powerless. 457 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:28,239 Speaker 1: What Elijah, Jasmine and Gladys walked us through today is 458 00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:32,399 Speaker 1: something many people struggle to name the difference between external 459 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:37,080 Speaker 1: control and internal power. You cannot control how other people behaved. 460 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,640 Speaker 1: You cannot control who shows up for you. You cannot 461 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 1: control authority systems or timing, but you can control where 462 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:49,640 Speaker 1: your attention goes. You can develop the skill of noticing 463 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,800 Speaker 1: what inspires you. You can invest in the parts of 464 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 1: your life that make you feel stronger, calmer, and more resilient. 465 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 1: This session wasn't about pretending pain doesn't exist. It wasn't 466 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:06,800 Speaker 1: about suppressing emotions or forcing gratitude. I have to stress 467 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,480 Speaker 1: this point. It was about understanding how the mind works 468 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,960 Speaker 1: and how attending to what brings you joy actually increases 469 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:18,960 Speaker 1: your tolerance for the hard things. When you feed yourself 470 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:24,120 Speaker 1: through creativity, connection, cooking, learning, laughter, whatever it is for you, 471 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 1: you don't eliminate problems, You just stop letting them define you. 472 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:33,320 Speaker 1: And that's how power is reclaimed. Today we're going to 473 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,360 Speaker 1: end a little differently as I only have one question 474 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:41,000 Speaker 1: that I would like for you to sit with. What 475 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: question could I ask myself that opens the doors of 476 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:56,200 Speaker 1: possibility instead of closing them? Remember, sometimes the future doesn't 477 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,560 Speaker 1: change when circumstances change. It changes when we start to 478 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:03,720 Speaker 1: change our mind, when we start asking ourselves different questions 479 00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 1: in order to create a new and much more ideal 480 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,160 Speaker 1: perspective for our future. 481 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 6: I would love to hear from you about your healing journey, 482 00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,800 Speaker 6: your family and your feedback, leave a review, send a DM, 483 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,440 Speaker 6: connect with me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you 484 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,640 Speaker 6: can also send me a text message to nine seven 485 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:38,440 Speaker 6: two four two six two six four zero. Family Therapy 486 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:42,400 Speaker 6: is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network. 487 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,680 Speaker 6: Special thanks to our assistant Glendale Seppe. It's produced by 488 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 6: Jack Queis Thomas and the executive producer Dolly s. 489 00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:49,560 Speaker 1: Fisham. 490 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 6: For more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio 491 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:57,000 Speaker 6: app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The 492 00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 6: content presented on the Family Therapy podcast serves solely for 493 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,840 Speaker 6: educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered a 494 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 6: replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance and does 495 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:09,000 Speaker 6: not constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to 496 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,440 Speaker 6: consult with your health care provider or health team for 497 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,600 Speaker 6: any specific concern or questions you may have.