Speaker 1: This is it's okay that you're not okay, and I'm
Speaker 1: your host, Megan Divine. This week getting through the holidays.
Speaker 1: The end of your holidays are supposed to be a
Speaker 1: break for most people, a time to connect and relax,
Speaker 1: But judging by the questions and the comments I see
Speaker 1: on social media, the holidays are not that. Stay tuned
Speaker 1: to find out how to navigate awkward family conversations, manage
Speaker 1: competing needs, and help the people around you find even
Speaker 1: the tiniest amount of peace in the season. We'll be
Speaker 1: right back after this first break before we get started.
Speaker 1: Two quick notes. One, this episode is an OnCore performance.
Speaker 1: I am on break working on a giant new project,
Speaker 1: so we're releasing a mix of our favorite episodes from
Speaker 1: the first three seasons of the show. This episode is
Speaker 1: from season one, in which I answered listener questions, sometimes
Speaker 1: on my own, sometimes with a guest. So if you
Speaker 1: want more of these Q and A stylepisodes, you can
Speaker 1: find the entire collection from season one wherever you get
Speaker 1: your podcasts. Second note, while we cover a lot of
Speaker 1: emotional relational territory in our time here together, this show
Speaker 1: is not a substitute for skilled support with a license
Speaker 1: mental health provider or for professional supervision related to your work.
Speaker 1: I really want you to take what you learn here,
Speaker 1: take your thoughts and your reflections out into your own world,
Speaker 1: and talk about it all. Okay, so I'm not a
Speaker 1: holiday person. I'm about to do a holiday show for you,
Speaker 1: and I feel like I should make that disclaimer in
Speaker 1: the interest of transparency. I am not a holiday person.
Speaker 1: I'm not a grinch. I don't hate them. I don't
Speaker 1: have deep seated issues related to the holidays. Don't therapize me.
Speaker 1: Holidays are just kind of a non issue for me.
Speaker 1: If the whole world wasn't playing holiday music in every
Speaker 1: possible venue everywhere, I probably would not notice it's the
Speaker 1: holiday season at all. I don't even have seasonal cues.
Speaker 1: I live in southern California. Most of the time, I'm
Speaker 1: not even sure what month it is, so I am
Speaker 1: definitely not tracking with everybody else. I was a holiday
Speaker 1: person when I was a kid. My dad used to
Speaker 1: read Twas the Night Before Christmas to my brother and me.
Speaker 1: Every Christmas Eve. My parents played the classic oldies for
Speaker 1: Christmas music, being Crosby Sinatra, Nat King, Cole Perry Como,
Speaker 1: sometimes a little Elvis blue Christmas thing going on in there.
Speaker 1: I grew up in the seventies, so all the stuff
Speaker 1: that's fashionable in the high end vented shops right now,
Speaker 1: that is my childhood. So here's a Christmas story. There's
Speaker 1: a great vented shop in my neighborhood, and my dog
Speaker 1: and I go in there all the time. It's part
Speaker 1: of her training routine. Luna goes in so you can
Speaker 1: get treats and backscratches and ignore the neighborhood cat. The
Speaker 1: shops all decked out for the holidays in there, and
Speaker 1: there's this one little section with a table set like
Speaker 1: a home dining room, and it's covered with boxes of
Speaker 1: Christmas ornaments from the late seventies, some homemade looking santas,
Speaker 1: some of those old cardboard gift boxes. People of a
Speaker 1: certain age will know what I mean, or you shop
Speaker 1: in the vinted shops, maybe you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: They're like shirt boxes that are printed with a true
Speaker 1: mid century bow on them, so you don't actually have
Speaker 1: to wrap them. They're just kind of done for you.
Speaker 1: It's like the greatest hits of Christmas past in there.
Speaker 1: Have yourself a merry little Christmas started playing on the
Speaker 1: sound system and I lost it. I just got this
Speaker 1: massive wave of nostalgia and sadness standing there. Even if
Speaker 1: I don't like the holidays, the holidays are hard. Both
Speaker 1: my parents are alive. My dad was really, really sick
Speaker 1: earlier this year. Thankfully he's still around. He's doing fine.
Speaker 1: He's doing awesome, actually, But with the pandemic grinding on
Speaker 1: into year three and travels still wonky, I don't know,
Speaker 1: the passage of time is just hitting me hard. All
Speaker 1: that stuff and the vintage shops, somebody's family, kids grow
Speaker 1: up and get old, families change, what's new becomes boring
Speaker 1: and dated, and then vintage and stylish again if you
Speaker 1: wait long enough. The combination of all that old stuff
Speaker 1: on the table in front of me and Frank Sinatra
Speaker 1: singing what is Excuse Me? A very melancholy song, it
Speaker 1: all just hit me really hard. Life is short. This
Speaker 1: is the sort of stuff I think about all the time.
Speaker 1: I'm that person that always notices the melancholy bits around
Speaker 1: the edges. Blessing or a curse, not quite sure. I
Speaker 1: feel like, because we're doing a holiday show here, I
Speaker 1: want us all to start on the same footing that
Speaker 1: the holidays are not the fun fest the Hallmark Channel
Speaker 1: wants us to believe. I know that some of you
Speaker 1: really love the holidays, and I do not want to
Speaker 1: take that away from you in any way. I even
Speaker 1: have my moments of enjoying certain things, like a cup
Speaker 1: of hot chocolate on a snowy day with a small
Speaker 1: town Christmas parade or something. I am there for it.
Speaker 1: So I don't want us to think that I am
Speaker 1: a Grench. And I think we got a te the
Speaker 1: truth about how hard the holiday season is, even if
Speaker 1: you like it. The holidays are not all sunshine and snowmen.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of pressure involved internally Externally, family dynamics
Speaker 1: and expectations are a really big thing, and there's a
Speaker 1: whole lot of togetherness when maybe you don't want a
Speaker 1: whole lot of togetherness all the time. You're supposed to
Speaker 1: get together with relatives you don't see all that often,
Speaker 1: which means there is a lot of small talk involved
Speaker 1: in the holiday season, small talk that involves rather intrusive
Speaker 1: personal questioning. If you know what I mean. That's true
Speaker 1: when you don't want to talk about like everyday basic
Speaker 1: stuff in your life to your great aunt Tilda, who
Speaker 1: you only see once every three years. But you throw
Speaker 1: in any tender personal stuff like grief or work challenges
Speaker 1: or just like personal stuff you don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about with everybody, then things get really messy, really really quickly.
Speaker 1: And then, on top of all that, if you were
Speaker 1: in an industry where you've seen a lot of pain
Speaker 1: and suffering lately, turning that switch off when people want
Speaker 1: to keep asking you about how your job is and
Speaker 1: how it's going, that's a whole other layer of interpersonal difficulty.
Speaker 1: So I think it's okay if I want us all
Speaker 1: on the same page and just saying together that the
Speaker 1: holidays can be really, really hard. So what I want
Speaker 1: to do here together this week is do a little
Speaker 1: bit of a holiday survival guide for you. We are
Speaker 1: facing three more weeks, I think. See I told you
Speaker 1: I have no idea what time of year it is,
Speaker 1: but somewhere around three more weeks of potential holiday awkwardness.
Speaker 1: I want to run through a few things that might
Speaker 1: make this just a little bit easier for you and
Speaker 1: help you navigate these awkward interpersonal situations with a little
Speaker 1: bit more skill and potentially even a little bit more
Speaker 1: holiday chair. So here's how I think we're going to
Speaker 1: do it. I'm going to start with a question that
Speaker 1: one of you sent in for me, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to use that as a springboard to talk about a
Speaker 1: few different things. So here's the question. Surviving the holidays
Speaker 1: for me requires someone to mention my son, Matthew's name.
Speaker 1: He died on January twenty six, twenty seventeen, of an
Speaker 1: opiate overdose at twenty eight years old. I just spent
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving with my family and no one mentioned him. I
Speaker 1: don't get to set the tone or decide what we
Speaker 1: talk about because I go to my family's house for
Speaker 1: this holiday and I'm not in charge. How do I
Speaker 1: mention his name? Which is how I draw comfort without
Speaker 1: making other people uncomfortable? I love this question. I love
Speaker 1: this question because this idea that our main purpose in
Speaker 1: conversation or in relationship is to not make other people uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: and that we will sacrifice our own comfort. Literally, we
Speaker 1: will make ourselves uncomfortable rather than make anybody else feel
Speaker 1: the slightest bit of discomfort. So rule number one, you
Speaker 1: get to prioritize your own comfort, not just in the
Speaker 1: holiday season, but anytime now before y'all freak out and
Speaker 1: say that I'm condoning you being rude. That's not what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. I'm saying that if other people get
Speaker 1: uncomfortable when you ask for what you need, that is
Speaker 1: not your problem. As this listener also pointed out, they
Speaker 1: felt like they weren't in charge of the situation because
Speaker 1: they weren't on their own home turf. Right. Again, just
Speaker 1: because you're in somebody else's living room does not mean
Speaker 1: you have to be uncomfortable. That's a weird human tick
Speaker 1: I think we have that we're supposed to be polite
Speaker 1: at all times if we're in somebody else's living room.
Speaker 1: And again, I'm not going to say you should be rude,
Speaker 1: but that you don't have to suffer just because you're
Speaker 1: not at your home address. Here are some things you
Speaker 1: might do, though, to help make that whole thing a
Speaker 1: little bit smoother. I'm a giant fan of the preemptive conversation.
Speaker 1: Preemptive conversation would be something like this. So you know
Speaker 1: you're going to some family member or some friend's house
Speaker 1: for a holiday event, and you want your person or
Speaker 1: your situation that you're going going through in your life,
Speaker 1: you want them to know that you're okay to talk
Speaker 1: about it and that you actually would really love to
Speaker 1: talk about it in certain ways. So you can say
Speaker 1: something like you contact your friend or your cousin Marie
Speaker 1: and you say, so, I'm so happy to be coming
Speaker 1: to this holiday gathering with you. It feels really nice
Speaker 1: to be with the people I love. I want to
Speaker 1: let you know that I would love to bring a
Speaker 1: photograph of my son to put on the I don't know,
Speaker 1: the festive table or the mantlepiece above everybody's stockings. I
Speaker 1: would really love to feel like he's present in the
Speaker 1: room with all of us. I really miss him. So
Speaker 1: it's okay to tell people what you'd like to see
Speaker 1: happen when you arrive, so that you don't have to
Speaker 1: feel like you're scrambling in the moment. You can always
Speaker 1: ask for what you need ahead of time to make
Speaker 1: it a little bit easier for yourself, and that way
Speaker 1: you also find out things like if you go to
Speaker 1: your friend and you say, I want to bring a
Speaker 1: photograph of my son to put on the mantlepiece, or
Speaker 1: I would love to set a table for our dad
Speaker 1: since this is the first year without him, and they
Speaker 1: kind of freak out on you that's a really good information.
Speaker 1: That's information that says, maybe going to this holiday event
Speaker 1: is not something you want to do. You have the
Speaker 1: right to say no. I think remembering personal agency during
Speaker 1: the holiday season, with all of its pressures and awkwardness,
Speaker 1: knowing that you have the right to turn down invitations,
Speaker 1: even if other people are upset about it, that can
Speaker 1: be a little act of power and joy all in itself,
Speaker 1: right to know that you don't have to do things
Speaker 1: that you don't want to do. Now. Sometimes, of course,
Speaker 1: the emotional relational cost benefit analysis leans in the favor
Speaker 1: of sucking it up and going to do something that
Speaker 1: you don't really love, because not going is going to
Speaker 1: last a lot longer. But it's true though, right my
Speaker 1: whole team just cracked up when I said that. But
Speaker 1: there's a reality here that sometimes you do go do
Speaker 1: things things that you don't want to do, because if
Speaker 1: you don't go, you're gonna hear about it until next
Speaker 1: holiday season, and we don't want that for you either.
Speaker 1: What I really like here is arming yourself with knowledge
Speaker 1: and advocacy to be able to advocate for yourself in
Speaker 1: advance and gain some intel as to what it's going
Speaker 1: to be like in those situations, if you invite the
Speaker 1: wholeness of yourself into that space, I just like, I like,
Speaker 1: you don't know ahead of time how much of yourself
Speaker 1: you can bring, right, So going back to that first
Speaker 1: question with the parent who wrote in and said, how
Speaker 1: can I get people to mention my son's name? I
Speaker 1: think you can have a preemptive conversation with whoever the
Speaker 1: host is about here's what I'd like to see happen.
Speaker 1: You can also just bring it up. Something that happens,
Speaker 1: especially around loss or any of the sort of culturally,
Speaker 1: relationally taboo subjects of this is that nobody wants to quote
Speaker 1: unquote upset you on a festive occasion, so they don't
Speaker 1: bring it up because they don't know what to say.
Speaker 1: If you go first, it's like you give the entire
Speaker 1: party permission to say something that they know that you're
Speaker 1: okay with bringing up your son's name or whatever else
Speaker 1: you've been carrying to the party. Honestly, if you go first,
Speaker 1: they know that it's safe territory. Very often, what happens,
Speaker 1: too is that if you are brave enough to go first,
Speaker 1: there's a relief in other people because maybe they want
Speaker 1: to talk about the person who's missing as well, but
Speaker 1: they don't want to rock the boat. Remember that it's
Speaker 1: not just you who feels like you should be uncomfortable
Speaker 1: rather than make other people uncomfortable, that is a social
Speaker 1: thing that almost all of us do. So if you're
Speaker 1: brave enough to go first, you let other people know
Speaker 1: that it's okay to talk about this stuff, which sort
Speaker 1: of leads to the next question. How can I feel
Speaker 1: like my husband is still part of our lives and
Speaker 1: part of this holiday season when my family doesn't dare
Speaker 1: mention him Two years later, now they've moved on somewhat,
Speaker 1: but I want him to be acknowledged still. I just
Speaker 1: feel awkward for always bringing it up. It's a weird dynamic.
Speaker 1: So one a lot of this question we already covered.
Speaker 1: Families are weird, the holidays are weird, family dynamics never
Speaker 1: going to not be weird, and that awkwardness about bringing
Speaker 1: it up. Bring the awkward to the party. Friends be
Speaker 1: the one that goes first with the awkward party. But
Speaker 1: something I really want to pull out of this particular
Speaker 1: question is that line in the middle. Two years later,
Speaker 1: now they've all moved on somewhat, but I want them
Speaker 1: to be acknowledged in sort of popular culture. If somebody
Speaker 1: is air quotes here, still grieving two years after somebody died,
Speaker 1: they're kind of hanging on too long. They're not doing
Speaker 1: it right. Maybe they should talk to someone. Two years
Speaker 1: is nothing. Everybody. Grief lasts as long as love lasts.
Speaker 1: Grief is part of love. So this person who sent
Speaker 1: in their question saying two years later the rest of
Speaker 1: their family has moved on. Two years is a blink
Speaker 1: and an eternity. Time is elastic. So if you want
Speaker 1: to include a photo of your dead partner, dead parent,
Speaker 1: dead best friend in your holiday card, four years after,
Speaker 1: ten years after, fifteen years after, do it. Do whatever
Speaker 1: you need to do to represent that love that still exists,
Speaker 1: because it does still exist no matter what any external
Speaker 1: timeline says, and you can tell them I told you so.
Speaker 1: So let's talk about boundaries here for a second. Boundaries
Speaker 1: are important for everyone. When people ask intrusive personal questions
Speaker 1: that you don't want to answer, how are you supposed
Speaker 1: to get out of them gracefully? The answer to that
Speaker 1: question is by using boundaries. Boundaries are wonderful, wonderful things.
Speaker 1: So here's what I'm talking about in boundaries and conversations
Speaker 1: to get you out of situations that you don't really
Speaker 1: want to be in. So let's say that you're at
Speaker 1: this holiday party and your grandmother comes up and starts
Speaker 1: asking you about how work is because they really care.
Speaker 1: They really want to know what life is like for you.
Speaker 1: And you work a very very stressful job. Maybe you
Speaker 1: work in healthcare and it has been a lot for
Speaker 1: a few years, and you're just trying to celebrate and
Speaker 1: not think about it. But your grandmother really cares about you,
Speaker 1: and they're asking you a lot of really detailed questions
Speaker 1: about what work is like for you, and you don't
Speaker 1: want to keep answering, but you also don't want to
Speaker 1: be rude. So boundaries in conversation might say something like this,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you're interested in It means so
Speaker 1: much to me that you care enough to ask. I'm
Speaker 1: trying really hard not to think about work right now
Speaker 1: because it's been really stressful, so I'm not going to
Speaker 1: talk about that. How about you, what's been new in
Speaker 1: your life? Do you hear what we did there? You
Speaker 1: acknowledge the fact that somebody cared enough to show interest
Speaker 1: in your life because honestly, that's nice, and you stated
Speaker 1: what was true for you. This isn't something that I
Speaker 1: want to do, so I'm going to change the subject
Speaker 1: and talk about something else. Everybody likes to talk about
Speaker 1: themselves sometimes, I guess, depending on the conversation. But turning
Speaker 1: it back to the person who asked the very well
Speaker 1: intentioned but ill timed question, that's a really great way
Speaker 1: to deflect. You can also do that with stuff that
Speaker 1: when people are just being nosy little nellies and it's
Speaker 1: none of their business, like that relative that says when
Speaker 1: you're going to get married and have kids, people don't
Speaker 1: ever ask people that question. Just letting you know that
Speaker 1: is a thing that you should put on your do
Speaker 1: not ever ask anybody those kinds of questions list Anyway,
Speaker 1: when somebody asks you a really nosy question like that,
Speaker 1: you can say, that's not something that I discussed at
Speaker 1: this party. How about you? What's new in your life? Quick?
Speaker 1: Simple boundary redirection solves a lot of awkward problems. It's
Speaker 1: also connected to what I was talking about earlier, where
Speaker 1: it's okay to make somebody else on comfortable if it
Speaker 1: means that you feel like you took really good care
Speaker 1: of yourself in that situation. Okay, last thing I want
Speaker 1: to get into here, managing multiple needs. This is sort
Speaker 1: of a thread that's been running through a lot of
Speaker 1: what we talked about here today. Everybody has different needs
Speaker 1: in a situation, right, Like I want to be comfortable.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be uncomfortable. This person gets to
Speaker 1: have this kind of holiday, and this one gets like
Speaker 1: everybody needs something different and nobody is wrong. Managing competing
Speaker 1: needs is a really, really difficult thing. So I want
Speaker 1: to read question number three that somebody sent in. These
Speaker 1: are all really deathy questions. I want to just acknowledge
Speaker 1: that I see that too, and they're deathy questions one
Speaker 1: because that's what y'all sent me. Also, though they demonstrate
Speaker 1: really foundational holiday issues. I think a lot of holiday
Speaker 1: issues get magnified when there has been a death in
Speaker 1: the family or the friend community. So deathy questions this week,
Speaker 1: and they illustrate some really foundational points. You can use
Speaker 1: them if you're not grieving for a family member or friend.
Speaker 1: So here's the question. How can parents who have lost
Speaker 1: a child balance their lack of interest in celebrating the
Speaker 1: holidays with their other children's needs to celebrate, Like my
Speaker 1: surviving kid wants gifts and cookies and trees and holiday
Speaker 1: decorations and all of that stuff, and seeing these things
Speaker 1: makes me sick. But I worry my other kids will
Speaker 1: be angry if we just avoid the holidays altogether. So
Speaker 1: a pretty good synopsis of nobody's going to be happy
Speaker 1: in these situations. So again I go back to, like
Speaker 1: the preemptive conversation that we talked about a few minutes ago.
Speaker 1: You can sit down with everybody involved and open a
Speaker 1: conversation about what everybody needs. I think something that happens
Speaker 1: even without deaths in the mix, right is like, there's
Speaker 1: this pressure to make this holiday the best holiday ever.
Speaker 1: Every single year, there's pressure to make it the best
Speaker 1: holiday ever, especially if somebody's been going through a hard time,
Speaker 1: that people who love them want to make this as
Speaker 1: festive and joyous as possible to offset the trash that
Speaker 1: has come before. That's a lot of pressure, And I
Speaker 1: guess rule number one here is don't assume what other
Speaker 1: people need. Always ask them. It's actually something that I've
Speaker 1: been hearing some chatter about, like for people who work
Speaker 1: in healthcare and therapists and those sort of folks who,
Speaker 1: like everybody, sort of knows that it's a really stressful
Speaker 1: situation for those folks, so they're trying to make these
Speaker 1: great holidays like lots of parties, lots of food, lots
Speaker 1: of festivity. And you know, the therapists that I've been
Speaker 1: listening to are like, I just want a really peaceful, quiet,
Speaker 1: small thing like maybe a good hike in the woods.
Speaker 1: But that's it. If you're planning something really festive and
Speaker 1: enjoyable and your person wants something to be quiet, you're
Speaker 1: going to miss each other. So rule number one is
Speaker 1: never assume what other people need. You can make guesses,
Speaker 1: but just check them out right. Like you, you might
Speaker 1: ask your friends or ask your kids, what would feel
Speaker 1: like a really good holiday to you? What do you
Speaker 1: feel like this year? We don't have to do anything
Speaker 1: that we've done before. We ken if you want to,
Speaker 1: what would you like when we take that I don't know, exchange, interaction, conversation,
Speaker 1: and we set it into this question that involves death
Speaker 1: and grief and surviving children and a parent who doesn't
Speaker 1: want to have anything to do with the holiday season,
Speaker 1: but they don't want to wreck it for their kids.
Speaker 1: That's what I hear in this question. I don't want
Speaker 1: to wreck it for them. We don't have a whole
Speaker 1: lot of ahead of the holidays left right now, but
Speaker 1: you still have time to have these conversations. Open a
Speaker 1: conversation about what everybody is feeling like for the holiday.
Speaker 1: You can open it by saying like, this is our
Speaker 1: first holiday without your sister or without our dad. What
Speaker 1: are y'all feeling like? We can do a lot of
Speaker 1: different things this year, and I want to see what
Speaker 1: you might want to do now. Consensus, my friends, is
Speaker 1: a terrible way to make decisions. Do not look for
Speaker 1: everybody agreeing and making one holiday dinner that is acceptable
Speaker 1: to everybody, because it's never going to happen never, not
Speaker 1: even on the best of days. So consensus no collaborative effort. Yes,
Speaker 1: So doing this sort of pole taking conversation lets you
Speaker 1: know what everybody is thinking so that you don't make assumptions.
Speaker 1: But it also lets you stitch together traditions or holiday
Speaker 1: events that meet as many needs as possible. So maybe
Speaker 1: somebody wants to have a photograph of their person on
Speaker 1: the mantle. Maybe you want to forego gifts this year
Speaker 1: and do a bunch of donations in your person's name.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're going to come up with.
Speaker 1: What's important is the conversation and allowing people to have
Speaker 1: opinions about it. Right, consensus impossible, Collaboration is cool. Nothing
Speaker 1: is required. Just because you've done things this one way
Speaker 1: for the last fifteen years does not mean you need
Speaker 1: to do them this year. Permission granted everybody to craft
Speaker 1: holidays of your own using and of your own liking,
Speaker 1: bringing in the opinions and the needs of other people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just don't make assumptions, because assumptions are going to get
Speaker 1: messy and that's not fun. You can also allow for
Speaker 1: differences because oh boy, holidays families, there's gonna be a
Speaker 1: lot of differences you're not looking for, like angel singing right.
Speaker 1: Allow for difference. It is not an attack on you
Speaker 1: or anybody else. If somebody doesn't want to do what
Speaker 1: you want to do, I do just want to quickly
Speaker 1: mention that it's okay to allow for difference and differing needs.
Speaker 1: So one person wants to mention the person somebody else
Speaker 1: in the family doesn't want to. It's not a competition
Speaker 1: as like how many votes do we get for not
Speaker 1: mentioning it, and how many votes do we get from like, No,
Speaker 1: don't do that. It's not an attack on one way
Speaker 1: or another way. If people disagree and have different needs.
Speaker 1: It's just being human, right. Even your best plans are
Speaker 1: not going to be perfect because life isn't perfect. Just
Speaker 1: take good care of yourself this holiday season. Friends, we'll
Speaker 1: get through it. Stay tuned after the break for things
Speaker 1: you can do to start practicing all these new skills,
Speaker 1: and learn how you can submit your questions for me
Speaker 1: to answer next week. Don't miss that part. Friends. Each
Speaker 1: week I leave you with some questions to carry with
Speaker 1: you until we meet again. It's part of that whole.
Speaker 1: This stuff gets easier with practice, thing, and I want
Speaker 1: you to practice this week. A question and a homework assignment. First,
Speaker 1: the question what would a good holiday look like for you?
Speaker 1: Whether you want to include other people in that questioning
Speaker 1: process or not, I think this is a really good question.
Speaker 1: What do you most need in this season? There are
Speaker 1: no wrong answers to this question. Friends. You can have
Speaker 1: fun or parties or solitude, you can ignore it altogether.
Speaker 1: Everything is valid, but the question is really important. Part two,
Speaker 1: Practice us one scary thing, Tell someone one thing you'd
Speaker 1: like to do. This holiday season that might not be
Speaker 1: traditional or that might bring up some feelings. For example,
Speaker 1: you might say something like, this year has been really taxing.
Speaker 1: Would you consider having our main holiday meal catered so
Speaker 1: we can spend the whole day reading or playing together
Speaker 1: instead of cooking. That question is a pretty low sticks question,
Speaker 1: and I encourage you to start with something small like that.
Speaker 1: If this feels new to you, but try it out.
Speaker 1: You know how most people are going to scan through
Speaker 1: the show description here and think, I don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about that stuff. Here's where you come in your reviews.
Speaker 1: Let people know it really isn't all that bad. In here.
Speaker 1: We talk about heavy stuff, but it's in the service
Speaker 1: of making things better for everyone, So everyone needs to listen.
Speaker 1: Spread the word in your workplace, in your social world
Speaker 1: on social media, and click through to leave a review.
Speaker 1: Subscribe to the show, download episodes, and send in your questions.
Speaker 1: Want more here after. Grief education doesn't just belong to
Speaker 1: end of life issues. Life is full of losses, from
Speaker 1: everyday disappointments to events that clearly divide life into before
Speaker 1: and after. Learning how to talk about that without cliches
Speaker 1: or platitudes or simplistic think positive workplace posters. That's an
Speaker 1: important skill for everyone. Find trainings, workshops, books and resources
Speaker 1: for every human trying to make their way in the
Speaker 1: world after something goes horribly wrong at megandivine dot Co.
Speaker 1: Hereafter with Megan Divine is written and produced by me
Speaker 1: Megan Divine. Executive producer is Amy Brown. Co produced by
Speaker 1: Kimberly Cowan, Kanya Jujas, and Elizabeth Fozzio. Edited by Houston
Speaker 1: Tilley Studio, support by Chris Uran and music provided by
Speaker 1: Wave Crush.