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Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

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Speaker 2: I'm an og okay start time podcast hosts. I don't care.

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Speaker 2: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

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Speaker 2: two minutes.

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Speaker 3: All right, I'll be detained for the two more minutes

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Speaker 3: before we get into this episode.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we got some ads coming up.

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Speaker 2: Just stick around.

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Speaker 4: Stick around. I skipped my friend's wedding, and I refuse

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Speaker 4: to hide the.

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Speaker 2: Reason why you tell them the truth?

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Speaker 4: I thirty five female, am still friends with some of

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Speaker 4: the people I went to college with. One of them,

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Speaker 4: Debbie fake name, thirty six female, got married this past

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Speaker 4: January after being engaged for two years. By the way,

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Speaker 4: this comes from Complex and Eater six oh seven, And

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Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 4: the r slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Dakota,

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Speaker 4: and Opie says. Early in the planning process, Debbie had

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Speaker 4: asked my six year old daughter, who was five at

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Speaker 4: the time, to be the flower girl. We agreed, and

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Speaker 4: she had they sent to us right away. We barely

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Speaker 4: spoke about the subject for a while. Then the wedding

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Speaker 4: was delayed by almost a year. The original date was

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Speaker 4: in March twenty twenty four. I'm still not sure why.

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Speaker 4: I've heard three or four different reasons. By the time

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Speaker 4: the actual wedding date came around, the flower Girl dress

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Speaker 4: did not fit my daughter anymore. We didn't find out

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Speaker 4: till roughly ten days before the wedding, which is admittedly

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Speaker 4: my fault, and I texted Debbie right away to ask

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Speaker 4: what I should do about it. Her first reply was

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Speaker 4: figure it out. I tried to ask her where she'd

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Speaker 4: bought the dress, where I could get a similar one,

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Speaker 4: or whether it would be okay for my daughter to

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Speaker 4: wear a different dress.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, dude, after she gives you the figure it out,

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Speaker 3: you just do whatever you want.

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Speaker 4: To play devil's advocate, though, Also, why didn't you check

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Speaker 4: if the flower Girl dress fit till ten days before

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Speaker 4: the wedding?

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Speaker 3: And well, it did get pushed back a lot.

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Speaker 4: But she knew the date, and she said, admit my fault.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're bad, but also yeah.

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Speaker 4: Also she doesn't deserve to be like she shouldn't be

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Speaker 4: rude to you for exe like that. I basically gave

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Speaker 4: her a list of ways I could fix this and

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Speaker 4: asked her what she preferred. Debbie responded with I don't

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Speaker 4: have time for this. Stop making your whale daughter my problem.

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Speaker 3: All right now, I'm not going to your wedding.

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Speaker 1: Dude.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, you just called my kid a whale.

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Speaker 3: I'm not going your wedding.

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Speaker 4: That's insane. Obviously I decided against attending the wedding after that.

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Speaker 4: As far as I'm concerned, we're no longer friends. And

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Speaker 4: to be clear, I know that up until this point,

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Speaker 4: I was not the ahole. I didn't tell anyone about

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Speaker 4: it at first, but our absence was obvious. My friend

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Speaker 4: missed me, and my daughter was supposed to be the

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Speaker 4: only flower girl. Whenever Debbie was asked about it, she

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Speaker 4: apparently just said we'd had an argument, but it wasn't

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Speaker 4: a big deal. When our mutual friends and acquaintances asked me,

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Speaker 4: I told them the truth without sugarcoating it or trying

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Speaker 4: to defend Debbie. I even showed my friends the text

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Speaker 4: messages that proved everything. Everyone took my side.

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Speaker 3: I don't see you being an a hole here at all.

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Speaker 3: It's just you were like, oh hey, it's the consequences

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Speaker 3: of your actions showing up. I'm telling people the truth

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Speaker 3: and they are admittedly deciding that you suck.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. About a week ago, Debbie called me. She apologized

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Speaker 4: for what she said about my daughter, but told me

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Speaker 4: I have no idea how stressed she was at the time.

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Speaker 3: I don't care. It's really easy not to insult children.

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Speaker 5: She said.

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Speaker 4: It wasn't fair for her to lose friends over a

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Speaker 4: mistake she'd made when she was under so much pressure. Again,

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Speaker 4: I don't think I was in the wrong for skipping

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Speaker 4: the wedding, but I'm wondering whether I took it too

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Speaker 4: far by telling our mutuals why edit. Yes, I know

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Speaker 4: I should have made sure the dress still fits sooner.

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Speaker 4: I already know that was my mistake, and I'm not

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Speaker 4: blaming Debbie for it. That's not what I'm asking about.

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Speaker 4: We have some comments comment one. In my fifty years

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Speaker 4: on the planet, and also having been in more than

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Speaker 4: a few stressful situations, I have never insulted a child

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Speaker 4: in that way, even if they're the ones who caused

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Speaker 4: the problem. I cannot even imagine doing so. The original

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Speaker 4: situation is also her fault. She sent the dress far

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Speaker 4: too early, Opie says. That's part of the reason why

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Speaker 4: I believe I might have been the a hole. I

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Speaker 4: don't believe she would have talked about my daughter that

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Speaker 4: way if she wasn't extremely stressed out. Obviously not an excuse,

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Speaker 4: but certainly something I have to take into consideration.

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Speaker 3: No, you're going about that all wrong.

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Speaker 4: Also, like part of me always wonders, and this will

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Speaker 4: be something that I guess I'll eventually know. But how

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Speaker 4: people can turn so crazy from the pressures of getting married.

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Speaker 3: Why I always say the.

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Speaker 4: Same thing, secret wedding.

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Speaker 3: We have the secret wedding first, and then your wedding

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Speaker 3: with everyone else won't be that stressful. It's already done.

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Speaker 4: Comment two, not the a hole. It's not that difficult

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Speaker 4: to not refer to a six year old child as

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Speaker 4: a whale.

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Speaker 3: It is not.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, even that hard stressed.

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Speaker 4: Little kids can grow a lot in a year, and

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Speaker 4: her response was totally uncalled for. Stress is no excuse

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Speaker 4: for that kind of nastiness, and I think she does

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Speaker 4: deserve to lose friends over it. Opie says, I don't

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Speaker 4: think it matters here, but I will say that my

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Speaker 4: daughter is not overweight. The dress didn't fit purely because

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Speaker 4: she's growing up. Comment three, you were kind of an

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Speaker 4: a hole for waiting until ten days before the wedding

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Speaker 4: to figure out your daughter whenn't fit in the dress.

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Speaker 4: But truly it was small potatoes, overall small potatoes. She

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Speaker 4: went so far outside the bounds of decency that A

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Speaker 4: hole doesn't even cover it. Just block her and move on,

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Speaker 4: not the a hole. In so far as sharing who

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Speaker 4: she really is with mutuals, I guess she ought to

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Speaker 4: work on her under pressure behavior. Opie says, I wouldn't

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Speaker 4: call op and a hole what negligent?

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Speaker 2: Maybe?

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Speaker 4: OP says I wouldn't call op and ahole.

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Speaker 3: Huh.

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Speaker 4: I don't think this is OP. Maybe just a replier.

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't call op and a hole negligent maybe, but

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Speaker 4: not an a hole. She would be an a hole

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Speaker 4: if she deliberately waited until there was only ten days

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Speaker 4: left to try to resolve the issue because she wanted

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Speaker 4: to distress the bride out or something. Op's life doesn't

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Speaker 4: revolve around her friend's delayed wedding. Life gets busy, especially

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Speaker 4: with small children. She's certainly not the most on top

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Speaker 4: of things for forgetting to check the dress fit, so

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Speaker 4: let's call her negligent for that, but not an a hole. Also,

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Speaker 4: I will say OP came with solution.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly solution bist.

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Speaker 4: It should have been figured out sooner, but she had

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Speaker 4: solutions exactly, and we have a judgment of not the

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Speaker 4: a hole and we have an update.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what, let's go.

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Speaker 4: Let's dive right in. Six months later. Hey guys, I

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Speaker 4: wasn't going to update, but a friend of mine brought

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Speaker 4: the situation up a few days ago, and I remembered

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Speaker 4: posting here. After my posts back in March, I didn't

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Speaker 4: hear anything from Debbie for a while. I did speak

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Speaker 4: to my friends a lot, and they told me that

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Speaker 4: she did continue trying to get them on her side

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Speaker 4: for a while. From what I gather, her story always

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Speaker 4: matched mine. I forgot to make sure the dress fit.

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Speaker 4: I apologized and asked how she preferred I fixed it.

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Speaker 4: She insulted my kid, and as I remember discussing in

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Speaker 4: the comments, wail of a daughter is a better translation.

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Speaker 4: Everyone continued taking my side. Apparently I wasn't the only

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Speaker 4: one Debbie had problems with before the wedding. My case

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Speaker 4: was just the worst one. There's no doubt that the

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Speaker 4: dress fiasco was my fault. I had a lot going

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Speaker 4: on at the time, and several reasons why I forgot

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Speaker 4: to make sure it fits sooner. But no excuse can

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Speaker 4: change the fact that I messed up. But I still

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Speaker 4: don't think giving Debbie options on how I could proceed

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Speaker 4: was the wrong move. I've been a bride before, and

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't want someone else to make a decision about

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Speaker 4: my wedding without giving me the final say. And I

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Speaker 4: can't ignore that her reaction was to insult my daughter.

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Speaker 4: Debbie first texted me in June. She asked me to

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Speaker 4: help her clear the air with everyone because most of

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Speaker 4: our mutuals hadn't spoken to her since April. I was

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Speaker 4: tired of all of this, so I told everyone that

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Speaker 4: Debbie had already apologized to me. I made it very

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Speaker 4: clear that while we're no longer friends, I sincerely don't

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Speaker 4: care whether they remain in contact with her or not.

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Speaker 3: But then, why would you Why are you doing this?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, if you don't care about that, you should have

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Speaker 4: just said we're not friends anymore. Something happened. None of

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Speaker 4: y'all's me's wax.

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Speaker 3: You're not. You don't have to be the mediator in

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Speaker 3: this situation. She's like, help me clear the air. I'm like,

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Speaker 3: why would I do that? I'm not friends with you anymore,

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Speaker 3: and it's like.

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Speaker 4: Oh, it's signific.

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Speaker 3: Okay, they have made their decision about also not being

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Speaker 3: friends with you. I guess you shouldn't have said that. Huh.

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Speaker 1: Oops.

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Speaker 3: And it's not like op he went out and made

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Speaker 3: like a whole campaign against her. It was like no.

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Speaker 3: Her friends reached out asked what happened, and she told

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Speaker 3: them exactly what happened.

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Speaker 4: She texted me once again early in July. She told

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Speaker 4: me that a couple of our mutuals were talking to

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Speaker 4: her again, but it wasn't the same as it used

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Speaker 4: to be. She asked me whether I was still mad

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Speaker 4: at her. I told her I'm not, and I wish

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Speaker 4: her the best, but I don't think we can continue

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Speaker 4: this friendship. I said, I was sorry for the dress fiasco,

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Speaker 4: and I understood that she was stressed at the time,

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Speaker 4: but I'll never be able to look past what she did.

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Speaker 4: It would have taken her less time to give me

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Speaker 4: directions than it took to call my daughter a whale.

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Speaker 4: I can forgive rudeness with time, but not insults, especially

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Speaker 4: towards my children.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I do.

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Speaker 4: At this point, I'm like, you are not the a

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Speaker 4: hole for telling it how it is, But if you're

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Speaker 4: also not going to go back to being friends and

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Speaker 4: don't really seem to be in the group at all anymore,

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Speaker 4: maybe just be like we had a falling out. I'm

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Speaker 4: not friends with her anymore. It is what it is

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Speaker 4: none of y'all's business to know. I don't think that

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Speaker 4: you were wrong for explaining why, But I also don't think, like,

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Speaker 4: if it's just continually causing drama that you're not even

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Speaker 4: wanting to be a part of, stop spreading it.

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Speaker 3: I don't think I don't think it is, though. It

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Speaker 3: was just like one friend mentioned something in like six

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Speaker 3: months afterwards, and then it's like then Debbie reached out

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Speaker 3: and it's like can you help me?

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Speaker 4: And it's like, well, it sounds like Debbe's still being

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Speaker 4: super isolated from it, and I don't think that Debbie

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Speaker 4: deserves the forgiveness to not be isolated from it. But also,

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Speaker 4: like I don't know, she does make it sound like

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Speaker 4: it's still coming up enough that she's talking about I.

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Speaker 3: Mean, Debbie's getting iced out. Debbie's getting iced out because

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Speaker 3: who wants to be friends with someone who insults a

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Speaker 3: four year old girl and calls her a whale?

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Speaker 4: No for sure, totally for.

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Speaker 3: Just like not for just grow like just for them.

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Speaker 4: It's just crazy not checking address.

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Speaker 3: And it's like a lot of times in like a

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Speaker 3: high pre you know, you find out who people really

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Speaker 3: are in high pressure situations, and it's like, that's someone

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Speaker 3: who will just insult all the people around her.

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Speaker 4: Agreed. We haven't spoken since I haven't blocked her, but

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Speaker 4: I have no intention of reaching out again, and I

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Speaker 4: don't think she does either. Some of our mutuals are

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Speaker 4: speaking to her again. Both my best friends from that

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Speaker 4: group want nothing to do with her. I sincerely don't

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Speaker 4: care what anyone does. I won't pretend this never happened,

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Speaker 4: but I've moved on. Like I said, I'm not mad anymore.

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Speaker 4: My daughter will be the flower girl at my cousin's

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Speaker 4: wedding in December, and my family is doing very well.

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Speaker 4: Life has been crazy for a while, but things are

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Speaker 4: finally getting calmer. Comments comment one wail whil wail Debbie.

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Speaker 4: If it isn't the consequences of your actions will.

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Speaker 2: Will I love you?

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Speaker 5: Comment comment to.

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Speaker 4: He's dory he speaks will comment to out of sheer curiosity?

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Speaker 4: Who else is she po at the wedding? Yours was

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Speaker 4: clearly the worst. But if she must have pissed off

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Speaker 4: a lot of people, reply is she's still married. I

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Speaker 4: have a theory that bridezillas often don't feel happy about

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Speaker 4: getting married.

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Speaker 3: I have a theory, a game theory as the theory.

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Speaker 5: Okay.

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Speaker 4: Comment three, I want to know the three to four

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Speaker 4: reasons floating around for the year long delay on the wedding.

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Speaker 4: Opie says. I heard she had problems with her in

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Speaker 4: laws at some point, but I also heard it had

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Speaker 4: something to do with the venue early on. She also

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Speaker 4: claimed that both she and her now husband were busy

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Speaker 4: at work. I vaguely remember hearing at least two more reasons,

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Speaker 4: but I don't remember them well and can't confirm anything.

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Speaker 4: Comment four. I don't think you need to fall on

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Speaker 4: your sword about the dress not fitting after a year.

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Speaker 4: It's an easy mistake to make, and you didn't cause

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Speaker 4: the delay. She made the situation needlessly worse. That's on her,

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Speaker 4: not you. Someone says, right, how hard would it have

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Speaker 4: been to say, I trust your judgment. Having your daughter

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Speaker 4: involved is the main thing, not the dress. That's the

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Speaker 4: end of that story.

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Speaker 3: Which, like I agree with that last comment and like

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Speaker 3: high key That's how I would have interpreted figure it out.

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Speaker 3: I'd have been like, all right, greenlight to do whatever

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Speaker 3: I want. Cool, won't ask you about it.

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Speaker 4: Just go buy another dress real quick.

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Speaker 3: But I'm glad you didn't do that because it exposed

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Speaker 3: your friend for the meaning that she wanted.

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Speaker 4: Can you imaginef you had to have gone through that

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Speaker 4: day and when the daughter shows up, she makes that

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Speaker 4: comment to your daughter, right.

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Speaker 3: Which I don't think again she said she was just

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Speaker 3: stressed out. I don't think she'd ever do that.

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Speaker 4: She was going to be more stressed on the day.

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Speaker 2: Sure might have sloped.

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Speaker 3: The whole thing for me was the apology, the apology

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Speaker 3: including that like but I said it because I was

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Speaker 3: so stressed. No, it just needed to be like fully,

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Speaker 3: like I don't even know if you'll ever forgive me,

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Speaker 3: but I just wanted to say I'm really sorry, and

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Speaker 3: I do understand how messed up that was.

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Speaker 4: Not you have to forgive all my actions because I

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Speaker 4: was a little stressed though just yeah.

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Speaker 3: It was like I'm sorry, but like not really you

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Speaker 3: have to forgive me, like it has to be okay

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Speaker 3: because like.

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Speaker 4: I was stressed.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, but you should understand that it's really not

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Speaker 3: my fault. Crazy My friend had an affair with a

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Speaker 3: married man and I refused to tolerate it.

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Speaker 4: Ys you shouldn't though.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and this comes directly from one of you.

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Speaker 4: It's one of you. It's one of you out there.

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Speaker 3: Myself, twenty three female, and my best friend twenty three

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00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:31,400
Speaker 3: female have been friends for eighteen years quick math, since

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Speaker 3: the age of five. We met in primary school and

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Speaker 3: have been friends ever since. We attended different high schools,

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Speaker 3: but maintained a close relationship despite this. We were at

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00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,920
Speaker 3: each other's houses every weekend and would text and call

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Speaker 3: all week long. We've been extremely close for our entire lives.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user medical Ambition sixty

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Speaker 3: one to three on the r slash Okay Storytime. So

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00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:53,360
Speaker 3: bready and if you want to submit your own stories,

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00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,560
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay Storytime. So a breda ahead.

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Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I'm Carly and op Se. I've been a

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00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,800
Speaker 3: support system for her since we were small. She didn't

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Speaker 3: have the best upbringing. Her parents were separated due to infidelity,

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Speaker 3: as did mine, and her mother, who she lived with,

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Speaker 3: had a drinking problem. Normally when there was an issue

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Speaker 3: at home. She would always come to my house, so

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Speaker 3: I think it's safe to say we had a strong

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Speaker 3: friendship where we could always rely on each other. Jane

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Speaker 3: moved in with me and my partner twenty three mail

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Speaker 3: in October of twenty three until February twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 3: During this time, she went through a really traumatic breakup.

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Speaker 3: Her partner of two years cheated on her whilst on

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Speaker 3: a Ladge trip abroad, and it absolutely broke her. It

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Speaker 3: took her a long time to be right again, and

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Speaker 3: this period was very worrying for me, as I felt

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Speaker 3: helpless to make her feel better. Now on to what happened.

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Speaker 3: A few months ago. Jane came over to my house

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Speaker 3: and whilst we were chatting away, she mentioned that someone

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Speaker 3: had added her on Instagram, complimenting her and asking her

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Speaker 3: out for a drink. The issue. He wouldn't reveal his identity,

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Speaker 3: despite her asking many times. Naturally, I said this was

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Speaker 3: unbelievably creepy and she should block him. I don't think

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Speaker 3: I need to explain the dangers of going out for

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Speaker 3: a drink with an anonymous person, But for some reason,

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00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:16,400
Speaker 3: she continued to talk to this stranger, and through asking

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00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,840
Speaker 3: questions about his life. She had figured out who he was,

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00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,560
Speaker 3: a client at her salon who is married with a child,

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Speaker 3: and his wife is pregnant. This is not the rebround

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Speaker 3: we need right now, Jane, Baby, Come on.

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00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,400
Speaker 2: No, I am upset.

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Speaker 4: I have no words because I'm upset.

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Speaker 3: Come on, Once you do the slew thing and you

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Speaker 3: find this out, you go, oh oh.

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Speaker 4: You're disgusting, and I want nothing to do with you,

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Speaker 4: especially because I was just cheated on.

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Speaker 3: Come on. I told Jane in no uncertain terms that

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00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:55,960
Speaker 3: she should cut contact with this man immediately. She had

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00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,840
Speaker 3: been seeing a few other men at this point, so

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00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 3: it wasn't like she was short of options, and a

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00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,320
Speaker 3: married man is certainly not an option. I then reminded

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00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,159
Speaker 3: her how my own father's infidelity ruined my life and

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00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,199
Speaker 3: caused me so many issues growing up and still now

354
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,919
Speaker 3: in adulthood. The same could be said for her, So

355
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:16,359
Speaker 3: how could she do that to another family. I finished

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00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,800
Speaker 3: our conversation by saying, if she went through with it,

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00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,800
Speaker 3: I would never speak to her again. After that conversation,

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00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,920
Speaker 3: I heard nothing from her regarding this, so I assumed

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00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,960
Speaker 3: she had caught contact. I was sadly very wrong about

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00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,919
Speaker 3: a month later, she came over to my house for dinner,

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Speaker 3: and as we were finishing up, she said, I need

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Speaker 3: to tell you something, but I'm scared because you said

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Speaker 3: you would never speak to me again.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, clearly you weren't scared enough.

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Speaker 3: Huh.

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00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:48,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you really cared about that consequence, you wouldn't

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Speaker 4: do it.

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00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:53,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe you wouldn't have done it. Maybe, just maybe

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00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,119
Speaker 3: you would have said, what are my values? No, I

370
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,000
Speaker 3: value my friend more than hooking up with a married

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Speaker 3: man with a and a wife who's pregnant. Straight away

372
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,840
Speaker 3: I knew what she was talking about, and I felt

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Speaker 3: sick to my stomach. She went on to explain how

374
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,160
Speaker 3: she slept with a married guy and she feels so guilty,

375
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:15,440
Speaker 3: blah blah blah blah blah. Naturally, I was lost for words.

376
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,280
Speaker 3: The only question I had for her was did you

377
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,000
Speaker 3: tell the wife? Some people may disagree with me on

378
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,040
Speaker 3: this topic, but I believe someone should know and they

379
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,160
Speaker 3: are being cheated on, especially when that person is pregnant.

380
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,919
Speaker 3: I worried about his extra marital relations having health repercussions

381
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,800
Speaker 3: for the baby and the wife, Not to mention, morally speaking,

382
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,560
Speaker 3: she has a right to know her response was no,

383
00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:38,600
Speaker 3: because that would make her look bad, and she continued

384
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,000
Speaker 3: to list off reasons not to tell her. All of

385
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,120
Speaker 3: the reasons were completely selfish. It was all about her

386
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,719
Speaker 3: self image and the repercussions it would have on her

387
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 3: life and work. She didn't mention the wife or family once.

388
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,480
Speaker 3: I was disgusted and told her that these are all

389
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,879
Speaker 3: things I warned her about well before she chose to

390
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,639
Speaker 3: sleep with him, and the repercussions were clear enough to

391
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,119
Speaker 3: her back then. I told her nothing she can do

392
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,959
Speaker 3: now will make it right, but the small thing she

393
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,880
Speaker 3: can do is to tell that poor woman. She left

394
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,280
Speaker 3: my house shortly after, and when she had gone, I

395
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 3: texted her to say I meant what I said. Since then,

396
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,400
Speaker 3: she has pleaded with me to reconnect, sent a card

397
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,000
Speaker 3: and flowers, contacted our mutual friends, and asked me out

398
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 3: to talk, all of which I have refused or ignored

399
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,119
Speaker 3: until last night. When I responded to her latest text

400
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 3: asking to talk, I told her we had nothing to

401
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 3: talk about. She responded with an angry, self centered tirade

402
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,400
Speaker 3: about how the ball is in my court. She's done

403
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,320
Speaker 3: everything she possibly could and has taken full accountability.

404
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:42,760
Speaker 4: Nah, girl, no, your friend or Opie told you the

405
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,879
Speaker 4: consequences that your actions would have, and now she's following

406
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,960
Speaker 4: through them. She's like, I told you I wouldn't be

407
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,959
Speaker 4: your friend anymore if you did this, And you did this,

408
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,320
Speaker 4: I'm not the ball is never leaving my court again

409
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,080
Speaker 4: because I'm holding that boundary.

410
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:59,920
Speaker 3: Now, ball and went home like she said she will.

411
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,120
Speaker 4: She's not playing a game anymore. She's gone.

412
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,159
Speaker 3: In my opinion, she's done everything she can to avoid

413
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,320
Speaker 3: doing the right thing. She thinks sending apology messages and

414
00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 3: some flowers to me will make it better, But I'm

415
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 3: not the one she should be apologizing to. She's missing

416
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,040
Speaker 3: the whole point. She only feels bad because she lost

417
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:21,080
Speaker 3: a friend, not because she's done something horrible, and she

418
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:24,480
Speaker 3: seems unable to grasp that the rest of our friendship

419
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,240
Speaker 3: group is equally as disgusted and don't want to continue

420
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,679
Speaker 3: having a relationship with her. Others have told me that

421
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 3: when she apologized to them, she couldn't understand why we

422
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,919
Speaker 3: weren't okay with it. Now that she has apologized, like,

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00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 3: it doesn't matter that she's done something terrible because she's

424
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 3: sorry now. She went on to say how everyone makes

425
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 3: mistakes Okay, Hannah Montana.

426
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,119
Speaker 4: Everybody has those days.

427
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, everybody makes mistakes. This wasn't a mistake. This was

428
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,639
Speaker 3: a choice, and she knew the repercussions. I responded to

429
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 3: her message, calling her out for making it all about

430
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,880
Speaker 3: herself and once again not mentioning the family she has

431
00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 3: home wrecked. I reminded her that apologizing to everyone but

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00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 3: that family is not taking accountability. I know that what

433
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 3: happened is between her, the married guy, and his family,

434
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 3: but she made it my business when she told me,

435
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,919
Speaker 3: and when I told her in no uncertain terms that

436
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,960
Speaker 3: this would destroy our friendship. I will not be friends

437
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 3: with someone who can be so thoughtless and devoid of

438
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,720
Speaker 3: conscious to knowingly destroy a family like this, and would

439
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,760
Speaker 3: disregard our friendship so easily for a one night stand.

440
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 3: I love her, she is family, and I constantly find

441
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,879
Speaker 3: myself hoping that in the future we might recover from this.

442
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 3: But I just don't see how right now, especially when

443
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,400
Speaker 3: she knows what the right thing to do is and

444
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 3: refuses to do it every day. So am I the

445
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,840
Speaker 3: a hole for ending our eighteen year friendship despite her apologizing.

446
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 3: I would appreciate any advice, and there are some comments

447
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,399
Speaker 3: Number one doesn't sound like you need any advice. Your

448
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,879
Speaker 3: reasoning is justifiable and you're sticking with your morals, and

449
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,600
Speaker 3: there's nothing wrong with that. Everything you said lined up.

450
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,919
Speaker 3: You told her not to, but she did anyway, and

451
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,919
Speaker 3: it was indeed a choice she made, not necessarily a

452
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 3: mistake on a wasted night or something like that. At

453
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,679
Speaker 3: the end of the day, it is your decision to

454
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 3: part ways, just like it was her decision to sleep

455
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 3: with him. The only thing I could say as a

456
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,080
Speaker 3: neutral party is that no one is perfect, and to

457
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 3: sort of play devil's advocate a smidge, I just don't

458
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,439
Speaker 3: know if her telling the wife is the right thing

459
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 3: to do, or at least it shouldn't come from her.

460
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 3: From my own perspective, I feel like sleeping with someone's

461
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 3: spouse and then going out of your way to tell

462
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,400
Speaker 3: them about it can cut them off as kind of malicious,

463
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 3: because why go as far as sleeping with him and

464
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,200
Speaker 3: then go out of your way to tell his wife

465
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,160
Speaker 3: you slept with him. Might as well hadn't have done

466
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 3: it in the first place. If there's anyone who should tell,

467
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 3: it's the husband, or if you feel so strongly about it,

468
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:38,399
Speaker 3: you reach out and tell comment to unpopular opinion. But

469
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:42,160
Speaker 3: you're the ale. At least you know it's unpopular. My guy,

470
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 3: Let's see what kind of reasoning this could possibly be.

471
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 3: You don't have to agree with her choices, and I

472
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 3: think you were right in telling her that her behavior

473
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,880
Speaker 3: was unacceptable. At the end of the post, you say

474
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,880
Speaker 3: you love her, but you seemed to discard her pretty easily.

475
00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:00,120
Speaker 3: Life is messy, and people f up. You'll f up someday,

476
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 3: and you'd hope that your friends wouldn't all abandon you either.

477
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's almost like she she told you in

478
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:10,160
Speaker 4: advance the consequences of that f up and then still

479
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 4: did it, and then you just held your own morals.

480
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 3: Literally explained, Hey, we now know that this guy's married

481
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 3: with a wife and a kid on the way. If

482
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 3: you do pursue this man and sleep with him, given

483
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 3: our shared traumatic backgrounds with infidelity and affairs in our family,

484
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 3: I won't be associating with you anymore.

485
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,640
Speaker 4: Right, she knows what happened to your family, and she's

486
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 4: okay with this.

487
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 3: This is the friend, Well, this commentar is now the friend.

488
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 3: It seems like she's really trying to repair things with you.

489
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 3: Maybe you can give her a bit of grace instead

490
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 3: of judging her and punishing her forever. But if her

491
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 3: friendship isn't exactly but if her friendship isn't actually important

492
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 3: to you, keep doing what you're doing. Bro shut up,

493
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 3: because she even says that she's like, I hope one

494
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,240
Speaker 3: day we can maybe fix this, but it's definitely not

495
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 3: happening right now. Right anyway, there's a reply to that comment.

496
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 2: People mess up.

497
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 3: But Ope not only warned her that she was doing

498
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 3: something wrong. Ope also warned her about the consequences of

499
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 3: her actions. For Ope, this is extremely personal. Her own

500
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,200
Speaker 3: dad cheated on her mom, so her friend participating and

501
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 3: cheating on another mother is extremely personal. Not to mention

502
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 3: her friend took two years to recover from a cheating boyfriend.

503
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:27,200
Speaker 3: How could she participate with a husband cheating on their

504
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,359
Speaker 3: pregnant wife. All of their friends are abandoning her because

505
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 3: no one wants to associate with a cheater, and any

506
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 3: of them who have partners would not trust her around

507
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 3: them because she has proven that she doesn't respect relationship status. So, yes,

508
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 3: the friendship was important to Opie, but her friend made

509
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:47,360
Speaker 3: character choices that make them incompatible. Now this wasn't a mistake.

510
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,199
Speaker 3: It was an intentional choice which revealed what kind of

511
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 3: person she is. OPI can still care about her but

512
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,880
Speaker 3: not want to associate with someone with a different moral standard.

513
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story.

514
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 2: Boom, Yeah dude, that's.

515
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, that one went. He was just insane. So I'm

516
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 4: glad that reply like said exactly what we were saying

517
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 4: to them, so that they they hear it too. True.

518
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:10,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, you gotta have but sometimes you gotta have the

519
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 3: uh the comment that makes everyone go n uh no, no,

520
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 3: you're wrong, and it's like, yeah, whatever.

521
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 4: I have final thoughts about the comment that was like

522
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,199
Speaker 4: the wife or Opie's friend shouldn't be the one to

523
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 4: tell the wife because she would be flat out being like,

524
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 4: I intentionally hurt you like this and I having gotten

525
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 4: a couple. Hey, Gurley dms before on Instagram in the past,

526
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 4: do you know what hay Girly.

527
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like it. Hey Gurley, just want to let

528
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,440
Speaker 3: you know bang your boyfriend.

529
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, pretty much have specifically gotten a couple. This is

530
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 4: not with Kean. Guys have specifically gotten a couple that

531
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,359
Speaker 4: it's been like and after I knew he had a girlfriend,

532
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 4: I specifically kept going to try to get more evidence

533
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,919
Speaker 4: for you, and like you kind of feel like, why

534
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 4: would you keep doing that? You know it's just gonna

535
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,439
Speaker 4: hurt me more to see more of this when you

536
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 4: already had enough that I would have believed you.

537
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, just tell me, dog, you don't have to give

538
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 3: me the exhibit A, B and C, right.

539
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,959
Speaker 4: And then also getting like DPNF and then being like

540
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 4: I can get more if you need more. It's like, no,

541
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:28,159
Speaker 4: we were good at like ab but then again, in

542
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 4: the long run, like the more of it probably gave

543
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 4: me a harsher wake up call and I probably got

544
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 4: out quicker.

545
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:33,920
Speaker 5: Because of it.

546
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's like it's it's very fifty to fifty

547
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 4: on how I feel about that.

548
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 5: I don't.

549
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,879
Speaker 4: I think as long as she knows it's fine.

550
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,439
Speaker 3: I just think it comes around to intent. If your

551
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 3: intent is to be malicious, that's one thing, because imagine

552
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:50,239
Speaker 3: being like, I'm just imagining, like what just based off

553
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 3: of what you said, I'm imagining someone who goes out

554
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 3: there and they're like, yeah, my mission is to sleep

555
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,679
Speaker 3: with as many people who have partners as possible so

556
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 3: that I can weed out the people who are gonna

557
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 3: be uh gonna be a fairy or like, have infidelity

558
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 3: problems so I can tell their partners. I'm doing God's work,

559
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 3: right I'm doing a public service.

560
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 4: And right now, I don't think Opie's friends has the

561
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 4: ability to have the correct intentions to be the one

562
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 4: to tell her. But if she comes around and has

563
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,439
Speaker 4: this like, oh my god, I was so wrong moment,

564
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 4: then yeah, it should come from her.

565
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it should just me personally, I think

566
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 3: it should come from her, just because that's your penance. Dude,

567
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 3: for sure, you you should have to sit in the

568
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 3: discomfort of telling that person that. John Here, we're gonna

569
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 3: get back to this juicy story, but a quick three

570
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 3: minute break of aths from our sponsors.

571
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 4: My friend caused problems at my wedding, so I blocked her.

572
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,439
Speaker 2: Stop you're no longer associating with me.

573
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 4: I thirty female, married the love of my life, thirty male,

574
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 4: last year. But our wedding continues to be talked about

575
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 4: by all the guests because of one group of girls.

576
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,400
Speaker 4: I met these girls as part of an online community

577
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 4: about six years ago, and we used to be very close.

578
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 4: One of them, Tricia, thirty five female, has a tendency

579
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 4: to bully others or joke in really nasty ways. By

580
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from Fisherman Dazzling four two nine

581
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 4: on the r slash Charlotte Do Brave YouTube subreddit, and

582
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

583
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,639
Speaker 4: the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit.

584
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and OPI.

585
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 4: Sas think constantly judging those around her quite loudly, aggressively

586
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 4: questioning people, playing the victim when you set boundaries, getting

587
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 4: super angry if she feels you haven't told her something.

588
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 4: Her rude behavior has meant I've distanced myself over the

589
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 4: past couple of years, particularly as I seem to become

590
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 4: her new target. This came to a head one day

591
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 4: when she mocked my pcos and excess hair growth, then

592
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 4: tried to pluck hair from my face without warning at

593
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 4: the dinner table. I I snapped, shouted right back, and

594
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 4: asked her, who gave you the right to touch me.

595
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 4: I still love the other girls, Kimberly thirty female and

596
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 4: Stacy twenty eight female, but they always want to meet

597
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 4: up as a whole group, so I struggle to avoid Tricia.

598
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 4: They put up with her behavior and I'm starting to

599
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 4: think this makes them just as bad. I did not

600
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 4: ask any of these girls to be my bridesmaids for

601
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 4: the above reasons. Plus I already had a wonderful group

602
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 4: of women to fill these positions. I think this may

603
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 4: have offended them, but they never said anything directly. They

604
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 4: asked me what colors to avoid for their dresses. I

605
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 4: was in white, bridesmaids in baby pink, groom in navy blue,

606
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 4: groom's men in baby blue, so I told them to

607
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 4: avoid these colors. Come to the wedding day and one

608
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 4: of my bridesmaids comes up to inform me that these

609
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 4: girls had all arrived wearing navy blue floor length bridesmaids

610
00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 4: dresses in almost the exact same style as my bride

611
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 4: maids baby pink ones. I was gobsmacked. I knew there

612
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 4: was nothing I could do, as confronting them would be

613
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 4: what everyone spoke about at my wedding. And this is

614
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 4: when you have someone there assigned to just be like

615
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 4: get out.

616
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, you need to have a problem solver.

617
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 4: I like they call it like maids of chaos or something.

618
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 4: Are maids of dishonor I think it's maids of dishonor,

619
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 4: Like if you're maid of honor and you're made of dishonor,

620
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 4: and the maid of dishonors just there to take care

621
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 4: of chaos, just.

622
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 3: There to say you leave now.

623
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 4: Instead, my bride'smaids went and spoke to their partners and

624
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 4: parents who were also at the wedding, and their group

625
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:44,959
Speaker 4: started calling them the fake bridesmaids, which I found hilarious.

626
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 4: The ceremony went really well, but Tricia was very loudly

627
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 4: crying at the back and trying to take photos the

628
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 4: whole time. We had a big sign and announcement about

629
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 4: no photos during the wedding as we had hired professionals.

630
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 4: She posted some to her Instagram story before we'd even

631
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 4: ended our ceremony. I only found this out the next

632
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 4: day when I turned my phone on. We had a

633
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 4: list of posed family photos to appease the elder generations.

634
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 4: As I walked up to the bar after photographs to

635
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 4: talk to my sister, Tricia dragged my photographer by her

636
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 4: sleeve while shouting at me that we didn't get a

637
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 4: group photo. I was mortified and told her to let

638
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 4: go of my photographer and apologize.

639
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 3: Oh, like, who is Tricia to not understand physical boundaries

640
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 3: and personal space as in a full blown adult. What

641
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 3: are you a little toddler?

642
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 4: She's the oldest of the group too, Yeah, she's thirty five.

643
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 3: She's the oldest.

644
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 4: To a piece face and to her photographer's arm.

645
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 2: Now she's going, mom, Mom, Mom, we.

646
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 4: Need a group photo. Mom, why didn't take my picture?

647
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 3: We did? We We messed up, mom, weed.

648
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 4: We purposely look like fake bride's maids. Why do you

649
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 4: take our phonot? Oh?

650
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's when you need to cold water? And

651
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:06,880
Speaker 3: you'd be like, because you're being cringe with your fake

652
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 3: bride's maid dresses. You think no one notices this. We

653
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 3: all noticed.

654
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 4: It's been laughing about you. Tricia said I should be

655
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 4: apologizing because I excluded them from photographs. The photographer said

656
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 4: it was fine, and we quickly snapped a photo. Tricia

657
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 4: immediately asked to see it, which the photographer explained she

658
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 4: wouldn't show any photos until she sent me the previews

659
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 4: forty eight hours after the wedding. I don't what that

660
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 4: noise was, guys, it's Jeff's back. Tricia loudly stormed off,

661
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 4: calling out to her boyfriend to get her drink because

662
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 4: she was stressed by this wedding drama. You need to

663
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 4: know this for context. Our wedding favors were little animals

664
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 4: I had crochede over two years. No way with themes

665
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 4: and colors I associated with each person, sowful, what, oh

666
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:02,320
Speaker 4: my god? The best were really personal and took enormous

667
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 4: effort to make. During food and speeches, I was informed

668
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 4: by weight staff that Tricia had been talking over the

669
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 4: speeches consistently, and one of my guests told her to

670
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 4: shut the f up. By this point, Tricia was quite

671
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 4: wasted and had been cut off from the bar. One

672
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 4: of my friends, Tom, witnessed Tricia taking two extra glasses

673
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 4: of prosecco off another table where guests were unable to attend.

674
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 4: Last minute.

675
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 3: Where's your bouncer though? Like this is where you go?

676
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 3: Get her out?

677
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 4: That what I'm saying, Hey, you get a drink, get

678
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 4: us on her?

679
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 3: Hey, Hey, hey, I got a bottle outside. You want

680
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 3: to have some drink? All the keys.

681
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 4: After the first dance, my uncle nervously asked why he

682
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 4: and his fiance didn't receive wedding favors. I was surprised

683
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,320
Speaker 4: because I had set up all the tables and had

684
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 4: my made up on her check everything before guests entered.

685
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 3: I swear to God if Tricia stole the little crochet

686
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 3: animals so mad, Oh my God.

687
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 4: Throughout the night I had other people mention they didn't

688
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:09,800
Speaker 4: get favors. It became apparent someone had gone into the

689
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 4: room and taken them. After my maid of honor checked,

690
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,879
Speaker 4: I checked with venue staff, who confirmed they didn't move

691
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 4: or touch anything and had no security footage. At every opportunity,

692
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 4: Tricia tried to barge into conversations I was having. She

693
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 4: also tapped me on the shoulder during our end of

694
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 4: night dance with my husband so I could turn around

695
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 4: for a selfie. I was emotionally drained. I didn't turn

696
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 4: around and waited for my sister to walk up. My

697
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 4: sister started shouting at her, how dare she interrupt me?

698
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 4: And my husband turns out because Tricia was talking over speeches,

699
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:49,880
Speaker 4: she'd missed the bit about my sister and had no

700
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 4: clue this woman shouting at her was my sister. Tricia

701
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 4: shouted back, who do you think you are to talk

702
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 4: to me like that? I'm her best friend. Who the

703
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 4: f are you? Is this girl really your best friend?

704
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:02,359
Speaker 4: If you don't know your her.

705
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 3: Sister honestly, Like, I'm disappointed in just all of you

706
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 3: for having not removed her earlier. I'm sorry you're you're

707
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 3: not najo.

708
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 4: For that, but like maybe to yourself.

709
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 3: Honestly, Yeah, because at this point, after she was so

710
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 3: drunk that she had to be cut off from the bar,

711
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 3: she should have been escorted out. She should have been

712
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 3: taken out.

713
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 4: Uh, And she's there with her partner and her family,

714
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 4: Like why are they not being like calm down, straight.

715
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 3: Up, like something needed to be done? And yeah, I

716
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 3: don't know.

717
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,359
Speaker 4: The look on Tricia's face when my brother in law

718
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:44,800
Speaker 4: explained who they were was priceless. Tricia immediately burst into tears,

719
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 4: saying it was horrible how we all embarrassed her and

720
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:51,320
Speaker 4: that she should be introduced to everyone immediately. Fast forward

721
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 4: forty eight hours and Tom asks to pop round for

722
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 4: a chat. When he arrives, Tom explains that my maid

723
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 4: of honor was messaging everyone about wedding favors being stolen.

724
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 4: Upon receiving this message, Tom realized he had witnessed what happened.

725
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 4: Tricia was walking around while everyone was taking their seats,

726
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 4: picking up wedding favors and putting them in a bag

727
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 4: that looked like it came from your wedding. Tom assumed

728
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 4: I had instructed this as a task. Only now did

729
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:26,240
Speaker 4: he realize this wasn't the case and they weren't my bridesmaids.

730
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 4: I started crying. It felt like a new low for

731
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 4: Tricia's behavior, and I knew I needed to cut her off.

732
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 3: No, I know what you need to do is get

733
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 3: those little crochet animals back.

734
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 4: Step one, animal crochets back. Step two, never talk to

735
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 4: her again.

736
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 2: Step three, push her into mount doom.

737
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 4: Step four, forget about it. I waited a couple months

738
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 4: until we had an event together, then played innocent but

739
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 4: mentioned how I couldn't believe someone stole my hours of

740
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 4: hard work. The girls were giving each other shifty looks.

741
00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 4: Tricia acted shocked and said this wouldn't have happened. If

742
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,240
Speaker 4: I was made of honor, I would have had better control,

743
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 4: saying a lot coming from someone who was gone the.

744
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 3: Whole night, belligerently wasted.

745
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:14,280
Speaker 4: I knew if I outright accused her, she would manipulate

746
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 4: the situation, so I started to tear up, explaining that

747
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 4: anyone who could do that is not only no friend

748
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 4: of mine, but a cold hearted a hole. Tom had

749
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 4: bought a ticket to this event as part of our plan.

750
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,799
Speaker 4: After initial greetings, he mentioned the text from my maide

751
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 4: of honor and said he was surprised to hear favors

752
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 4: were stolen, particularly as Tricia had been tidying them up

753
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,399
Speaker 4: for me before we sat down for food. Tricia's mouth

754
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 4: was hitting the floor as Tom asked, isn't that right? Girls?

755
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 4: Tricia immediately claimed she had nothing to do with it

756
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 4: and was just socializing. I then said I'd get my

757
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,240
Speaker 4: answer once I got security footage back from the venue,

758
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 4: knowing there wasn't any. Tricia then admitted to taking two

759
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,720
Speaker 4: favors from the table next to her, where she noticed

760
00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 4: two people hadn't attended. I started screaming at her about

761
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 4: how she should have asked me it was inappropriate to assume,

762
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 4: and I needed them back. She told me I needed

763
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 4: to learn how to calm down, as this was an

764
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 4: appropriate communication. No, but the lying was.

765
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 3: Bro You literally just lied through your teeth at her,

766
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:26,239
Speaker 3: and now you're saying she's communicating inappropriately. Go back to

767
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:31,280
Speaker 3: whatever moon you came from, you little creature.

768
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 4: I ignored this and said I needed those favors back

769
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 4: by next weekend, not even twenty four hours later, two

770
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 4: wedding favors were left outside my house, but they weren't

771
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:44,800
Speaker 4: the ones for the unattending couple. I took to Facebook

772
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 4: and posted a screenshot of my layout detailing which favor

773
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:51,400
Speaker 4: went with which person, along with the two favors returned

774
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 4: by Tricia. I thanked her for returning these, but noted

775
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 4: they were the wrong ones. I called Tricia out for

776
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:01,760
Speaker 4: taking more, explaining she admitted to taking two from that couple,

777
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 4: but these clearly weren't those favors. Stacy called and apologized

778
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,880
Speaker 4: for not saying anything in front of Tricia, but she

779
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 4: wasn't willing to feel her wrath. She said she had

780
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 4: one extra that Tricia had given her and would return

781
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 4: it immediately. She explained she and Kimberly wanted to take

782
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 4: me out for drinks to apologize properly. I don't blame

783
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 4: them for not telling me, but I consider this behavior

784
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 4: just as bad as the stealing. Tricia responded on Facebook,

785
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 4: saying this should have been communicated privately, and she only

786
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 4: took favors from people who left them behind after food,

787
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 4: as they clearly didn't appreciate them. My family called her out.

788
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 4: Tricia removed her comments and sent me a gift with

789
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 4: an apology card. That gift was in that box of

790
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 4: those crocheted animals. I don't want to hear it. I

791
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 4: still don't want to hear it. If it is.

792
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 3: I've never been so mad over crochet animals, right.

793
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 4: I still haven't received any other favors back from her.

794
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 3: I am pulling up. This is like I've done this

795
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 3: one other time. I've done this once in my life

796
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 3: where I just pulled up and I refused to leave

797
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 3: until I got it back. And it was a hoodie

798
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 3: that some girl took from me. It was like and

799
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 3: it was like one of my favorite ones. And I

800
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 3: was weird, just whatever, and and she was like I'm

801
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 3: gonna keep this and I was like, no, you're not.

802
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 3: And then like we kind of stopped talking and she

803
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 3: still had it, and I just I texted her a

804
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:25,640
Speaker 3: couple of times, Like first I was like, hey, I

805
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:27,360
Speaker 3: need that hoodie back for like a photo shoot, Like

806
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 3: I need that back. No response, Hey I need that back,

807
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 3: no response. I just rocked up to her place and

808
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:36,440
Speaker 3: I went knock knock, knock, knock, knock, knock knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock,

809
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,359
Speaker 3: knock knock until she answered, and I said, I need

810
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:42,239
Speaker 3: that back now. And you know who got their hoodie back?

811
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 3: This is this guy.

812
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:45,400
Speaker 4: That is one way to do it.

813
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 2: For sure.

814
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 3: I would rock up to her house and be like,

815
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,799
Speaker 3: I'm not I'm not going anywhere until you give those

816
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:52,799
Speaker 3: back to me, like right now, or until you tell

817
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 3: me where they are and then you know, and then

818
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 3: you can just lie to her and be like and

819
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 3: then we'll be best friends again.

820
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 4: That's oh my god, I need to be best friends again.

821
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 3: I really, I just love you so much.

822
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 4: Talk to her again. Yes, I'm on that train for sure.

823
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:09,760
Speaker 4: Since then, I haven't had real conversations with this group.

824
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 4: I heard through the grapevine that Tricia was discussing how

825
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,439
Speaker 4: I looked at my wedding with other guests, saying I'd

826
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 4: clearly done a standard job shaving my beard and it

827
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 4: was a shame I still had fat on my back.

828
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,799
Speaker 4: The other two girls were telling her to stop as

829
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,320
Speaker 4: it was rude. So Reddit, do I meet up with

830
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 4: the girls for the apology drink? Do I walk away

831
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 4: from the whole thing? Do I try communicating with Tricia

832
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 4: about the rest of the Favors edit. Their group photo

833
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,360
Speaker 4: plus any candids Tricia was in were the only photos

834
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 4: not added to the Google Share drive for guests.

835
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:47,480
Speaker 3: Sorry not sorry, Yeah don't but don't be sorry. I

836
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,839
Speaker 3: would go just for again, just for trying to get

837
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 3: more information about the crochet animals.

838
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,359
Speaker 4: I just want the crocheted animals back.

839
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 3: Yeah you go, maybe you accept their apology, maybe not.

840
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 3: Either way, I'm distancing my distance myself from anyone who

841
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 3: willingly is friends with Trisha. Yeah if they if they like,

842
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:08,879
Speaker 3: you know, take you out for drinks and they're like, yeah,

843
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 3: we're just trying to figure out how to get rid

844
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 3: of her. That's one thing. But like, get those crochet

845
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:14,960
Speaker 3: animals back, girl, look at it.

846
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 4: We got so many right here. I would be so sad.

847
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:22,440
Speaker 4: Wrong camera there we go. Imagine these little guys stolen

848
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 4: away from their little little worm home.

849
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 3: And just like that, not even like and she's just

850
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 3: such a little cretan being like, yeah, oh, I only

851
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:34,000
Speaker 3: took the two. I only stole two from the people

852
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 3: who weren't here, which is also a lie. And then yes, it's.

853
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 4: Just just so m caught and then keeps lying Yeah,

854
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 4: and then gets caught again. It's terrible.

855
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 3: If she was the Ring from Lord of the Rings,

856
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 3: I would cast her into the fire. Only if she

857
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:53,880
Speaker 3: were the Ring would never do that to a person.

858
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,720
Speaker 3: So that's not a call for violence. Yeah, And honestly,

859
00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 3: if we get banned for that, whatever platform bands is

860
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 3: pro saurn pro mordor have time with that.

861
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 1: I never liked my step mom and now I want

862
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:07,880
Speaker 1: to tell her why.

863
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:08,720
Speaker 2: Tell it to her face?

864
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:12,440
Speaker 1: For the first time in my life, I twenty eight female,

865
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 1: got into a big argument with my dad. My parents

866
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 1: divorced when I was five, and he almost immediately moved

867
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 1: in with his new girlfriend. I lived with my mom

868
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 1: and went to his place every other weekend and a

869
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 1: half of school holidays. The best moments of those visits

870
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: was always to drive back and forth, since it was

871
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 1: usually just the two of us. The rest of the

872
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 1: time I spent with my step mother and her two children.

873
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from complex row eighty nine

874
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 1: and if you want to spit your own stories, what

875
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,760
Speaker 1: are you our side showcase stories? I'm Subreddit and op says,

876
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:45,400
Speaker 1: fast forward to today, my wife and I are buying

877
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,359
Speaker 1: a house, and I asked my dad if you could

878
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 1: check it out on Wednesday. His answer, just trust the

879
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 1: estate agent. He doesn't have the time because he might

880
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 1: need to watch my step sister's kids. He watches those

881
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 1: kids every single week and has been doing it for years,

882
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:06,400
Speaker 1: always complaining about how much energy it takes. I completely

883
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 1: feel let down. He rarely shows me that he cares

884
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 1: for me. We have a cordial but not deep relationship,

885
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 1: and this was one of the biggest steps of my

886
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 1: life and my dad didn't even try to be a

887
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 1: part of it.

888
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:21,840
Speaker 5: Oh that's so tough.

889
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 1: I wondered if maybe my dad was hurt that we

890
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 1: had invited him to our current house. So explain it

891
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 1: wasn't personal. I told him I had nothing against him,

892
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: but I didn't feel comfortable having my stepmother at my

893
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 1: place because she's always been mean to me. He was

894
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 1: welcome to my house by himself. My dad refused and

895
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 1: got offended that he was just discovering I didn't like

896
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 1: his wife. Like open your eyes, she hates on me

897
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 1: all the time. My dad said I needed to let

898
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,239
Speaker 1: go of the past and offered to get dinner soon

899
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,000
Speaker 1: to talk it out. I insisted in talking the phone

900
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:59,359
Speaker 1: because I didn't feel like seeing him, and it wasn't

901
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 1: a conversation to be had in a restaurant where I

902
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 1: had a picnic for in the middle of the woods.

903
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:07,719
Speaker 1: No one can hear us because we're gonna be yelling

904
00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 1: at each other.

905
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:09,319
Speaker 5: Oh that works.

906
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 1: Here are some examples of why I can't stand her anymore.

907
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,879
Speaker 1: When I was doing a ballet at five or six

908
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,839
Speaker 1: years old, she said I was too fat to dance.

909
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:20,280
Speaker 2: What?

910
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 5: Sorry? She said?

911
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 2: What to a five year old?

912
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 1: She forced me to get my armpits and legs waxed

913
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 1: at ten because she was afraid that me shaving would

914
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:34,160
Speaker 1: look bad in her wedding photos.

915
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:37,520
Speaker 2: Oh my god, ten year old? Wait, why would you

916
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 2: even have been shaving at that age?

917
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 1: It hurt like heck, and I still remember feeling like

918
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 1: I'm pre crap.

919
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

920
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 1: She didn't like me staying at home doing homework, reading,

921
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 1: or playing video games, so I had to go out

922
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,760
Speaker 1: and hang out with my stepsister's friends, whether I wanted

923
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:56,719
Speaker 1: to or not. After I came out, she made flo

924
00:45:56,800 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 1: laws at guard comments about marriage whenever she got the

925
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 1: chance to yike. She encouraged me to sleep with men

926
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:07,760
Speaker 1: in case it turned me straight. When I was fourteen.

927
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 2: This woman is evil.

928
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:10,280
Speaker 4: This is an evil stepmother.

929
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 5: This is literally evil stepmother. She sounds like a nightmare.

930
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,399
Speaker 1: I never told my dad about that one. She called

931
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:19,240
Speaker 1: me too fat when I was sixteen for an entire summer,

932
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 1: then called me too skinny at eighteen because I became

933
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 1: super self conscious and lost a lot of weight. She

934
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:31,760
Speaker 1: underminded all my successes, especially school related ones, darked behind

935
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:35,280
Speaker 1: my back to other family members. Constantly, she would disagree

936
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:39,240
Speaker 1: with me about absolutely everything. She spent whole dinners talking

937
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:43,720
Speaker 1: about how my being vegetarian was wrong and stupid, though

938
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 1: she never said a word about her son's vegetarian girlfriend.

939
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 5: Because she hates you. She literally hates you, and she's

940
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 5: jealous of you because you're heard. You know you're from

941
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:55,839
Speaker 5: a different relationship.

942
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 1: She gives me the cold shoulder regularly or just acts

943
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 1: super cold when I'm around. After twenty three years of

944
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:04,319
Speaker 1: knowing her and one and a half of therapy, I

945
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:07,800
Speaker 1: finally unloaded what I had to say. My dad thinks

946
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:10,719
Speaker 1: he did his best as a father and that she

947
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 1: has nothing against me.

948
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 5: Wow, so your dad is living in the clouds.

949
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:18,879
Speaker 1: But I thinks he did his best. He thinks I'm

950
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:21,719
Speaker 1: living in the past. Now he's blaming my wife for

951
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 1: my changing behavior because I used to be afraid to

952
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 1: speak up for myself. I'm not as girl anymore because

953
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 1: I don't smile as much as I used to. Well,

954
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,239
Speaker 1: I'm done putting up a nice face when I'm being

955
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: walked all over. Well, Dad, it's called therapy. Was I wrong?

956
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 1: Am I really living in the past? Should I have

957
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:43,799
Speaker 1: accepted his invite to talk face to face? We have

958
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 1: an update? Do not accept his invite to you're living

959
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:48,400
Speaker 1: in the present, because what is he going to do

960
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 1: if you meet face to face?

961
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:52,280
Speaker 5: He's just gonna be like, you're dyking this too too hard,

962
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 5: you're overreacting, YadA, YadA, YadA.

963
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 1: And I guess i'd start thinking about what ties do

964
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,839
Speaker 1: you have to your dad? Financial ties? It doesn't seem

965
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 1: like there's any emotional time left.

966
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 5: No, seems like he's like married. It seems like she's

967
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:06,840
Speaker 5: pretty independent.

968
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:07,720
Speaker 1: Now, it has her own house.

969
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:10,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, if you really want to have a conversation with

970
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:12,840
Speaker 5: your dad, you could tell him all of these things

971
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 5: that happened and then see, yeah what he says. But uh, yeah,

972
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 5: your stepmom sucks. And when you're not you have you're

973
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 5: very much in the right. Yeah. For for not being

974
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:28,760
Speaker 5: over this, because it's still happening. For it has been happening.

975
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 1: My big brother texted me yesterday evening, asking why I

976
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:35,279
Speaker 1: took such a big decision and saying that dad is

977
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 1: not doing okay. I called my brother this morning to

978
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:40,919
Speaker 1: talk about it. His version, I'm screwing up the family

979
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,880
Speaker 1: dynamic and making things hard on my dad. Therapy is

980
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:47,600
Speaker 1: mostly BS and I'm just being difficult. My mom has

981
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:51,400
Speaker 1: been claiming too, because I've been perentified my whole life,

982
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:55,440
Speaker 1: and finally a few months ago, felt brave enough set boundaries.

983
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 1: I haven't been nice to my dad because I didn't

984
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:01,919
Speaker 1: give him my address. Yes, a few months ago, when

985
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 1: my dad asked for it, he said he'd stop by

986
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:08,440
Speaker 1: without warning, like he always does. I told him not

987
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:12,400
Speaker 1: to do that because I hated it. He brushed me off,

988
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,640
Speaker 1: so I never gave him my address to keep pace

989
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:16,320
Speaker 1: and quiet.

990
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm sorry. You don't even have the address and

991
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:24,239
Speaker 5: you're given one rule and then you're like, nah, yeah,

992
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 5: you're not gonna get the address if you can't agree

993
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:27,919
Speaker 5: to the one rule.

994
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 1: Like why?

995
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:30,759
Speaker 5: Pretty straightforward?

996
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:34,240
Speaker 1: According to my brother, I shouldn't have said anything about

997
00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:37,759
Speaker 1: my stepmother and should think about the consequences it has

998
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 1: in the whole family I am and thought supposed to

999
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 1: sound good to me.

1000
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, she doesn't have to talk to these people.

1001
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:48,080
Speaker 1: Great, my words have been too harsh, though my reply

1002
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 1: was that I didn't tell him his wife was an

1003
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 1: effing witch, even though that's my opinion. So no, I

1004
00:49:56,320 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 1: haven't been too harsh. Changes everything for everyone. I should

1005
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,800
Speaker 1: be more thankful to my parents and should be so hard.

1006
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 1: I should let people have their way, or should I

1007
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,439
Speaker 1: have spoken up before my version. I've never been brave

1008
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:13,120
Speaker 1: enough to speak my truth. Both my brothers have had

1009
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,879
Speaker 1: the chance to live their lives while I was one

1010
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:19,279
Speaker 1: left behind, taking care of my mom and basically being

1011
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 1: her parent. I have a right to decide for myself.

1012
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 1: I can refuse calls after eight pm, decide who I

1013
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 1: want to my house, say no to when I don't

1014
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:32,960
Speaker 1: want things to happen. I need therapy because I have

1015
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:37,760
Speaker 1: been complacent with everyone my whole life. I finally deserve

1016
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 1: a chance to live my life, and I'm setting up

1017
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 1: my rules. Accept them, don't discuss them, neither stay or leave.

1018
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:47,160
Speaker 1: Hope he's just growing a backbone.

1019
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, I agree, and you deserve it.

1020
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 1: And the haters are not liking how tough it is.

1021
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 2: And who cares what they think? Who cares?

1022
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:58,160
Speaker 5: Because you're living your best life and you got a

1023
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 5: wife in a house and what do they have problems?

1024
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:04,760
Speaker 4: Your haters are your motivators.

1025
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:06,560
Speaker 2: Yo old adage.

1026
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 1: After darking to my brother, I decided to call my dad.

1027
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:13,399
Speaker 1: Apparently he understood that I didn't want to see him

1028
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:16,840
Speaker 1: with his wife anymore. But what I meant was I

1029
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:19,320
Speaker 1: don't want her in my home. I told my dad

1030
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 1: that my home was my safe place and I don't

1031
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 1: want people I wasn't comfortable around in it. He laughed

1032
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 1: and said he loved me, but my reasoning was stupid.

1033
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, well you're stupid. So there.

1034
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 5: How do you like that? I like them apples.

1035
00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:38,320
Speaker 1: I feel like you need to talk to your dad

1036
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 1: in businessman talk. Yeah, he dad, Remember that job you

1037
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:45,799
Speaker 1: used to have with that horrible boss. Imagine you're still

1038
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 1: working for that boss, and no matter how much time

1039
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:51,560
Speaker 1: and effort you put into this project, he's gonna say

1040
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:53,720
Speaker 1: it's the worst thing ever and also call you fat

1041
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:56,280
Speaker 1: and then give you no pay raises whatsoever.

1042
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:57,200
Speaker 4: H you.

1043
00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 1: And guess who just got a pay raise your core

1044
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: that does less than you?

1045
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 5: Yep, And what are you gonna do? You stand in

1046
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 5: that job because I'm not.

1047
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:09,680
Speaker 1: And guess who's getting eighteen holes with the boss and

1048
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:12,279
Speaker 1: maybe another possible chance at a raise. Not you?

1049
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 2: That's what that.

1050
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 1: I think you need to talk to him in that way.

1051
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's so like it's not even oblivious. It's just

1052
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 5: he's like willfully ignorant. It's so frustrating.

1053
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 1: I told him she hurt me, and I could make

1054
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,960
Speaker 1: a list if he wanted examples. He laughed about me

1055
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:31,239
Speaker 1: making a list. When I gave him examples, he excused

1056
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:35,799
Speaker 1: them all and said I exaggerated them. According to him,

1057
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 1: I was well treated because she didn't harm me or

1058
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 1: pester me. I was fed, and she did things for me.

1059
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,080
Speaker 1: He couldn't give me a single example of what she

1060
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 1: did for me. He didn't care about anything on my

1061
00:52:52,239 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 1: list and brushed it all off, even when I told

1062
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 1: him he never defended me. He said I was still

1063
00:52:57,560 --> 00:53:00,359
Speaker 1: his daughter and he loved me, but he was going

1064
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:03,400
Speaker 1: to see me without his wife. We would just call anyway.

1065
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:05,959
Speaker 1: He added that his wife has been crying for days

1066
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 1: about it, like, what.

1067
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:08,520
Speaker 5: The f she hates you?

1068
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 2: What does she crying about?

1069
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 1: He told me I should have talked to her directly.

1070
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: I told him I never felt safe enough to talk

1071
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 1: to her face to face, but I could call her.

1072
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:19,799
Speaker 1: I'm wondering if I should call her, tell her why

1073
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 1: I basically hate her. It would be liberating and nobody

1074
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 1: could use the argument you should be an adult and

1075
00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:29,840
Speaker 1: talk to her directly. But same time feels weird to

1076
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:32,279
Speaker 1: call someone tell them why you hate him.

1077
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:35,560
Speaker 5: Yeah. I mean, if you need this, if this is

1078
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 5: like your moment where you just release all of those

1079
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:41,480
Speaker 5: years of pent up rage.

1080
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, do it.

1081
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:43,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, do it.

1082
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:46,919
Speaker 5: You have nothing to lose. She hates you, you hate her. Yeah,

1083
00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 5: you already kind of want to cut off your dad

1084
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:50,239
Speaker 5: peace out.

1085
00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:51,040
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1086
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:56,120
Speaker 1: The consequence is consequences. That word is a neutral word.

1087
00:53:56,160 --> 00:54:00,960
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you can be positive consequences or negative consequences.

1088
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:03,960
Speaker 1: But the consequence of this is just not interacting with

1089
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 1: the family. Yeah, and it's just.

1090
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 5: Already kind of seeming like that's where you're going.

1091
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:11,880
Speaker 1: And I hate that, Like you're also your mom and

1092
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:14,439
Speaker 1: your brothers aren't very supportive either. Yeah, and you're kind

1093
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 1: of stuck in this tough spot, I would prioritize making

1094
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 1: solid friends. Yeah, besting in my relationships.

1095
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 5: She's got her wife, that's something.

1096
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:25,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean relationship with your wife, like definitely, but

1097
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:26,880
Speaker 1: that's your family.

1098
00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:27,879
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, but.

1099
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:29,480
Speaker 1: If you only rely on that, that gets.

1100
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:33,440
Speaker 5: Definitely need Like, hopefully you have a good support system

1101
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 5: with your friends and stuff. But yeah, I think that

1102
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:39,680
Speaker 5: like just kind of focusing on creating that new family

1103
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:42,720
Speaker 5: outside of your family, that sucks.

1104
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:45,640
Speaker 1: Yep, we got a little bit left here. I've always

1105
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:48,279
Speaker 1: been conflict avoidant, so this is all new to me.

1106
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:51,560
Speaker 1: My mother doesn't know about the conflicts with my dad yet,

1107
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:56,040
Speaker 1: but even before this, she already thought I'd changed. Since

1108
00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:58,239
Speaker 1: I'm not ready to drop everything I'm doing to help

1109
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:01,000
Speaker 1: her with minor stuff anymore. My wife and I got

1110
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:04,200
Speaker 1: married last Thursday, but we only invited our friends to

1111
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 1: our wedding. It was a total of eight of us.

1112
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 1: Our parents don't know we got married, though they knew

1113
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:13,400
Speaker 1: we were engaged. We're sending the we said yes parts today.

1114
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 1: It's going to make such a mess on my side

1115
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 1: of the family. I added to the previous tensions. I

1116
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,399
Speaker 1: think we'll have planny to read.

1117
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:23,799
Speaker 3: Hey, it's sam og host. We're gonet it back to

1118
00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:26,399
Speaker 3: these delectable stories, but here's three minits of ads from

1119
00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:27,839
Speaker 3: our sponsors to help support the show.

1120
00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:30,600
Speaker 2: I refuse to let my nephew live with me.

1121
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:34,439
Speaker 5: Now my family is furious helping me get his own place.

1122
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:38,760
Speaker 5: I female thirty nine, am very much not a kid person.

1123
00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:42,359
Speaker 5: I can tolerate them in small doses, but I also

1124
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:45,480
Speaker 5: find them uninteresting, annoying, and don't want any of my own.

1125
00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:49,960
Speaker 5: I am well aware that some find my children my

1126
00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:53,720
Speaker 5: child unfriendliness off putting and can strategically fake it until

1127
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:56,359
Speaker 5: I make it. Most of the time, I just prefer

1128
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:59,840
Speaker 5: to avoid situations and relationships where I'm expected to interact

1129
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 5: with kids. But when I can't, I radiate, don't talk

1130
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,759
Speaker 5: to me energy to deter them, and will try to

1131
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 5: pawn them off or redirect them and escape.

1132
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 1: You just have an RBF and people have problems with it.

1133
00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:13,360
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from favorite Nephew eleven. And

1134
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:14,840
Speaker 5: if you want to spit your own stories, go to

1135
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:17,480
Speaker 5: the r slash Okay story time, separate it and op says,

1136
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:19,759
Speaker 5: I had the good fortune to be the baby of

1137
00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:22,719
Speaker 5: the family during my generation, but as my siblings and

1138
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:26,279
Speaker 5: cousins started having kids, they resented me for being an

1139
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:30,239
Speaker 5: irresponsible man aunt. As one cousin put it, they kept

1140
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:32,640
Speaker 5: pushing me to be involved with their kids, and I

1141
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:35,359
Speaker 5: eventually snapped and told them how I felt about kids

1142
00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:39,719
Speaker 5: in general. Afterwards, I was slowly iced out socially. I

1143
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:42,760
Speaker 5: stopped trying when I was hospitalized, and only one person

1144
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 5: even bothered to visit or even call. The one exception

1145
00:56:46,120 --> 00:56:49,800
Speaker 5: was my brother Michael Mail forty three. He never questioned

1146
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 5: or undermined my decision. He was that one's sole visitor

1147
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 5: when I was hospitalized. Aw he never tried to force

1148
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 5: a son at a Mail eighteen upon me, nor did

1149
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:01,400
Speaker 5: he resent that I didn't take a serious interest in

1150
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:04,080
Speaker 5: Adam until he was fourteen. Even when he was in

1151
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:07,360
Speaker 5: the trenches in regard to parenting, he still made time

1152
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:11,320
Speaker 5: to call her text if sporadically. In the present, Adam

1153
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:14,200
Speaker 5: is the only niece or nephew that I care about. Yes,

1154
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:16,920
Speaker 5: his cousins did not receive a fair opportunity to bond

1155
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:20,760
Speaker 5: with me. Yes, I'm playing favorites. I've set up a

1156
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:25,320
Speaker 5: ten k college fund. I take him out for experiences monthly,

1157
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 5: and I've given him some ricey gifts while.

1158
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 2: His cousins get zilch Okay.

1159
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:34,320
Speaker 5: Yes, this has caused friction in the past, but I've

1160
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:36,760
Speaker 5: always been happy to be the bad guy. I try

1161
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:39,920
Speaker 5: to be discreet. Adam has been instructed to attribute the

1162
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:42,280
Speaker 5: gifts to his father and not me, and I did

1163
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:45,480
Speaker 5: not tell him about the college fund until a month ago.

1164
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 5: My latest gift, however, has led to a major fallout.

1165
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:53,720
Speaker 5: Oh boy, look, I have mixed feelings about that too.

1166
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:55,880
Speaker 1: I understand that you're not a kid person.

1167
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 5: I think you're very much not allowed or allowed to

1168
00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 5: not be a kid person, and no one should like

1169
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:02,880
Speaker 5: force you to take care of the kids or watch

1170
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:05,439
Speaker 5: the kids or you know all that. But I feel

1171
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 5: like there is a certain amount of just respectfulness that you,

1172
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 5: you know, like when you're at family events, you could

1173
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:14,520
Speaker 5: be nice to the kids you have to play with them.

1174
00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 1: I've seen family members have favorites, but they still gave

1175
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 1: everyone the same.

1176
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,480
Speaker 5: I don't know this, just like I feel like, if

1177
00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:24,560
Speaker 5: you have kids, they're a really important part of your

1178
00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 5: life and their family, and as long as they're not

1179
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 5: saying like, hey, you need to watch our kids, babysit them,

1180
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:34,400
Speaker 5: blah blah blah, then I, you know, I kind of

1181
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:39,760
Speaker 5: understand whether they've grown distant, because you can't. Really it's

1182
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:42,400
Speaker 5: really hard to have a relationship with someone while also

1183
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,240
Speaker 5: having kids that they don't, you know, want to have

1184
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:48,920
Speaker 5: a relationship with. I live in a desirable location in

1185
00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 5: a major city, and Michael and Adam live nearby. Adam

1186
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:57,160
Speaker 5: was recently accepted to his dream school in said city,

1187
00:58:57,480 --> 00:59:00,200
Speaker 5: but it's out of his budget. I offer to let

1188
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:02,480
Speaker 5: him live rent free with me, which would allow him

1189
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:06,080
Speaker 5: to commute. My house is much closer to campus and

1190
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 5: thus much more affordable. The issue is my other nephew, Alex,

1191
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 5: was also accepted into that school and it's also his

1192
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:17,800
Speaker 5: dream school. Alex comes from a disadvantage background, while Adam

1193
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 5: is middle class. Alex want a partial scholarship to said school,

1194
00:59:21,640 --> 00:59:24,560
Speaker 5: but it's still not enough. When he heard about my

1195
00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 5: offer to Adam, he asked, using Adam as an intermediary

1196
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 5: to be included. I refused. I have nothing against Alex,

1197
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:34,680
Speaker 5: but I also haven't talked to him for fifteen years,

1198
00:59:34,720 --> 00:59:36,919
Speaker 5: not that we were ever close, and we simply don't

1199
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:39,960
Speaker 5: have an emotional connection. He would also come at a

1200
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:43,600
Speaker 5: massive opportunity cost. I rent out my spare bedrooms and

1201
00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 5: I'd lose thirty eight k in rental income. Yes, this

1202
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:50,160
Speaker 5: is well below market rent market rate over four years.

1203
00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:53,000
Speaker 5: Most of my relatives are now in arms that have

1204
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:56,680
Speaker 5: given the ultimatum that either I extend my offer to

1205
00:59:56,760 --> 01:00:00,600
Speaker 5: Alex as well, I rescind my offer, or Adam rejects

1206
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:02,760
Speaker 5: my offer, or they will go no contact with Adam

1207
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:03,160
Speaker 5: and Michael.

1208
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:04,480
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

1209
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:08,480
Speaker 2: They're calling Adam the golden child. He's an only child,

1210
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,000
Speaker 2: saying that Alex deserves.

1211
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:13,120
Speaker 5: My health far more, and are tired of my favoritism.

1212
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 5: They're not wrong about my favoritism, but honestly, I don't

1213
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 5: give an f about my ex family. Okay, though I

1214
01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 5: never blocked them or had a big fallout, we've been

1215
01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:27,919
Speaker 5: effectively no contact. I value chosen family over people who

1216
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:30,960
Speaker 5: happened to share my DNA, and we both made choices

1217
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,920
Speaker 5: that demoted them to the latter category. I'm also of

1218
01:00:33,960 --> 01:00:39,160
Speaker 5: the opinion that aunts and uncles are entitled to have preferences. Furthermore,

1219
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:42,040
Speaker 5: I don't see what makes Alex more deserving. He certainly

1220
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,919
Speaker 5: needs the help more, but that's not my tab to pay.

1221
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:49,920
Speaker 5: Adam is in a more complicated situation. Michael is willing

1222
01:00:49,960 --> 01:00:53,160
Speaker 5: to support whatever Adam chooses and refuses to pressure him.

1223
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:56,200
Speaker 5: Adam and Alex aren't close, but accepting my offer would

1224
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 5: mean giving up many other familial bonds that Adam does value.

1225
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:03,520
Speaker 5: Rejecting it means Adam giving up his dream school. I

1226
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:06,960
Speaker 5: do feel bad that my offer is forcing Adam to choose. Okay,

1227
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:10,240
Speaker 5: and there isn't at it which I'm gonna read. I

1228
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:12,200
Speaker 5: can't believe that I have to say this explicitly, but

1229
01:01:12,240 --> 01:01:14,320
Speaker 5: I don't hate kids. They're just not my cup of tea.

1230
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:16,200
Speaker 5: You cannot like something and not want to throw it

1231
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:19,120
Speaker 5: into a trash compactor. There is an update. I don't

1232
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:20,160
Speaker 5: fully believe that.

1233
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:24,720
Speaker 3: You don't you do. I think you so.

1234
01:01:25,160 --> 01:01:27,400
Speaker 1: It's not that you don't like kids. I feel like

1235
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:31,400
Speaker 1: you found an attachment to someone you see as your

1236
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:34,600
Speaker 1: predecessor because I am believing you're probably not gonna ever

1237
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 1: have kids. Yeah, so you're like, I'm just gonna give

1238
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:39,640
Speaker 1: them everything. I do not like what Opie is doing here.

1239
01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:41,960
Speaker 5: I think it's a little bit of an everyone sucks situation.

1240
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:42,880
Speaker 5: But opis in.

1241
01:01:42,880 --> 01:01:45,920
Speaker 1: Her right, she has the power to do that. That

1242
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:47,880
Speaker 1: is nothing I would do with my family, I would

1243
01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:50,640
Speaker 1: a creak a favorite. I wouldn't do that, Opie. You're

1244
01:01:50,720 --> 01:01:53,000
Speaker 1: the a hole and you have to stand by it,

1245
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:55,960
Speaker 1: because if you don't stand by it, Yeah, what even are?

1246
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:56,960
Speaker 1: You pick a lane.

1247
01:01:57,040 --> 01:01:59,200
Speaker 2: You've got to stick with your decision.

1248
01:01:59,480 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's an update, folks. I saw a few questions

1249
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:05,200
Speaker 5: in my last posts that I wanted to address. Why

1250
01:02:05,400 --> 01:02:08,440
Speaker 5: not try to form a bond with Alex? Now he

1251
01:02:08,480 --> 01:02:11,320
Speaker 5: comes across as a gold digger and disingenuous, seeing as

1252
01:02:11,320 --> 01:02:13,880
Speaker 5: he was perfectly happy being distant for me without something

1253
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:18,520
Speaker 5: to gain. Why distance yourself from Alex's parents' sins? I didn't.

1254
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:20,480
Speaker 5: I just don't have a reason to try to form

1255
01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:22,200
Speaker 5: a bond with him, just like I don't have a

1256
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:24,880
Speaker 5: reason to connect with the cashier at my local grocery store.

1257
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,760
Speaker 1: Oh no way, you just compared the family to that dude.

1258
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:31,560
Speaker 5: The crazy thing is that she grew distant from her

1259
01:02:31,920 --> 01:02:35,120
Speaker 5: from her family because she wasn't willing to have any

1260
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 5: relationships with the kids, And.

1261
01:02:36,440 --> 01:02:38,800
Speaker 1: Now it seems like it's their fault. You're the AOI,

1262
01:02:39,040 --> 01:02:39,680
Speaker 1: you're the over that.

1263
01:02:39,760 --> 01:02:43,640
Speaker 5: Like again, you absolutely should not have to bring Alex

1264
01:02:43,680 --> 01:02:45,600
Speaker 5: in because you don't have any relationship with him, but

1265
01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:47,920
Speaker 5: like it's completely your fault that you don't have a

1266
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:51,400
Speaker 5: relationship with him. This many people that didn't meet by

1267
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:54,800
Speaker 5: circumstance meet because of a social lubricant that brought them together.

1268
01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:58,480
Speaker 5: Aunt and nephew ties are facilitated by said aunts ties

1269
01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:02,120
Speaker 5: to the child's parents. A wider family and said ties

1270
01:03:02,200 --> 01:03:05,400
Speaker 5: do not exist in this case. A relationship with Alex

1271
01:03:05,600 --> 01:03:08,240
Speaker 5: might also be a liability if our relatives try to

1272
01:03:08,320 --> 01:03:11,360
Speaker 5: weaponize it in some way, and given that they already

1273
01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:12,520
Speaker 5: tried with Adam.

1274
01:03:12,560 --> 01:03:13,360
Speaker 2: I'll pass.

1275
01:03:13,760 --> 01:03:16,520
Speaker 5: Why didn't you put your bio family on an information diet?

1276
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:17,600
Speaker 2: I did?

1277
01:03:18,040 --> 01:03:21,280
Speaker 5: Unfortunately, I suspect that Adam slipped up during his excitement

1278
01:03:21,360 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 5: at being given the chance to attend his dream school,

1279
01:03:24,320 --> 01:03:27,640
Speaker 5: after thinking that he couldn't. I've always stressed the importance

1280
01:03:27,640 --> 01:03:30,800
Speaker 5: of secrecy, but up to this point, he's never experienced

1281
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:35,439
Speaker 5: conditional love, and, in his naiveness, believe the best from

1282
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 5: his relatives. It's a lesson that I wish he'd learn

1283
01:03:38,160 --> 01:03:41,200
Speaker 5: in a different manner, but what's done is done. I

1284
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:43,360
Speaker 5: did see the suggestion about claiming that I have a

1285
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:45,560
Speaker 5: long term lease on my other rooms, and that probably

1286
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:48,400
Speaker 5: wouldn't work. My relatives would probably demand that I try

1287
01:03:48,440 --> 01:03:51,040
Speaker 5: to break the lease taking all the penalties, or that

1288
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:52,880
Speaker 5: Alex and Adam share a room.

1289
01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:56,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, which if I were you, I would do that.

1290
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:58,800
Speaker 5: That's what I probably would have been, like, Yeah, Alex

1291
01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:01,280
Speaker 5: and er you know, because literally Alex and Adam are

1292
01:04:01,280 --> 01:04:05,360
Speaker 5: like friendly, so they probably would be chill sharing a room.

1293
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:07,560
Speaker 1: Here we go, Hey, guys, you can share a room

1294
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:11,320
Speaker 1: and you're gonna mowd the yard and you know, yeah.

1295
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:14,320
Speaker 5: Put it to work, man, there, could you compromise? Is

1296
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:16,920
Speaker 5: there a win win solution for both Adam and Alex?

1297
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:19,080
Speaker 5: Maybe let them share a room?

1298
01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:19,920
Speaker 2: Perhaps?

1299
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:25,920
Speaker 5: But you never negotiate with bullies. It sends the wrong message.

1300
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:30,440
Speaker 1: You're literally the bully because you have not even extended

1301
01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:32,360
Speaker 1: your hand to maybe even meet outs.

1302
01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:35,240
Speaker 5: Anythink you even know you know, I don't use like

1303
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:35,800
Speaker 5: a stranger.

1304
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:38,800
Speaker 1: Oh, Alex is a nephew of mine that has a

1305
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:41,920
Speaker 1: problem with me. I guess this is a problem now, dude.

1306
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:46,280
Speaker 5: I just disagree with how you've like the beginning of

1307
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:48,560
Speaker 5: the story. I can't, I can't. You don't have to

1308
01:04:48,600 --> 01:04:50,680
Speaker 5: do anything you don't want to do right now. If

1309
01:04:50,720 --> 01:04:52,120
Speaker 5: you do not want Alex to move in, don't let

1310
01:04:52,160 --> 01:04:55,120
Speaker 5: him move in. It's your choice. However, I disagree with

1311
01:04:55,160 --> 01:04:58,240
Speaker 5: everything that you did at the beginning of the story. Also,

1312
01:04:58,440 --> 01:05:01,439
Speaker 5: it would be incredibly awkward tents between Alex and I,

1313
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:03,440
Speaker 5: never mind Alex and Adam, who would be living the

1314
01:05:03,440 --> 01:05:05,560
Speaker 5: same room. Why not just rent out the room and

1315
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:08,160
Speaker 5: send Adam the proceeds so he can get a room elsewhere.

1316
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:11,280
Speaker 5: My rates are well below market value, and it would

1317
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:13,520
Speaker 5: not cover the cost of a room elsewhere in the

1318
01:05:13,560 --> 01:05:17,080
Speaker 5: area for Adam. I could raise the price to market value,

1319
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,440
Speaker 5: but then I'd have to explain to set potential tenants

1320
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:22,320
Speaker 5: why they're being charged so much more than the tenant

1321
01:05:22,360 --> 01:05:24,960
Speaker 5: that I already have. I also don't want to raise

1322
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:28,280
Speaker 5: my rates on principle, I don't like that landlords in

1323
01:05:28,320 --> 01:05:32,439
Speaker 5: private equity are intentionally squeezing the housing market. The only

1324
01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:35,160
Speaker 5: reason why I'm renting out my rooms is because they'd

1325
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:38,200
Speaker 5: be sitting empty otherwise, and offering them cheaply was a

1326
01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:42,480
Speaker 5: compromise between pragmatism and my values. I actually would have

1327
01:05:42,600 --> 01:05:45,880
Speaker 5: preferred a smaller place, but there weren't any smaller houses

1328
01:05:45,880 --> 01:05:49,280
Speaker 5: that ticked off my non negotiable requirements. You've no right

1329
01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:51,480
Speaker 5: to feel heard over being abandoned the hospital. You push

1330
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:54,640
Speaker 5: them away, says someone else. As acknowledged in my post,

1331
01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:58,640
Speaker 5: everyone made decisions that contributed to me going no contact.

1332
01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:01,480
Speaker 5: I was disinterest in the center of their world, and

1333
01:06:01,520 --> 01:06:04,400
Speaker 5: they couldn't accept me as who I was. It sounds

1334
01:06:04,440 --> 01:06:06,480
Speaker 5: like it sounds like every time she went and saw

1335
01:06:06,520 --> 01:06:09,400
Speaker 5: those kids, she was like she literally said, she'd like,

1336
01:06:09,480 --> 01:06:10,320
Speaker 5: scare them off?

1337
01:06:11,120 --> 01:06:11,920
Speaker 1: Do you want to talk to.

1338
01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:15,880
Speaker 5: I'm like, you don't have to play with them. That's

1339
01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:17,840
Speaker 5: totally valid for people not to want to have kids

1340
01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:20,920
Speaker 5: or not be kid people, but to be like, yeah,

1341
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 5: I intentionally scared away my little nephews and nieces and nibblings.

1342
01:06:26,240 --> 01:06:26,439
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1343
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:29,840
Speaker 1: In a way, she's like being the victim here a

1344
01:06:29,840 --> 01:06:30,280
Speaker 1: little bit.

1345
01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:32,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh boo, who my house is too big?

1346
01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:37,640
Speaker 5: And while I certainly self selected out of kid centric events,

1347
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:41,160
Speaker 5: I repeatedly tried to reach out to arrange kid free hangouts. Heck,

1348
01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:43,800
Speaker 5: I would have been okay with occasional texts and phone calls.

1349
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:46,320
Speaker 5: That was literally the only way Michael and I stayed

1350
01:06:46,360 --> 01:06:49,440
Speaker 5: in touch until Adam was seven, and the hospital incident

1351
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:51,440
Speaker 5: didn't hurt me so much as it was the final

1352
01:06:51,560 --> 01:06:54,960
Speaker 5: nail that ended any hope of reconciliation. I was well

1353
01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:59,120
Speaker 5: aware that our relationship was praying well before the incident.

1354
01:07:00,200 --> 01:07:02,880
Speaker 5: For the actual updates, Michael, his wife, and I were

1355
01:07:03,080 --> 01:07:05,280
Speaker 5: gearing up to have a talk with Adam to discuss

1356
01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:07,800
Speaker 5: his options, go over the pros and cons and long

1357
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:11,000
Speaker 5: term effects, reaffirm our support, and nudge him in the

1358
01:07:11,080 --> 01:07:14,360
Speaker 5: right direction. It turns out we didn't need to, though

1359
01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:17,520
Speaker 5: not for the reason that we'd like. Adam called me yesterday,

1360
01:07:18,000 --> 01:07:21,880
Speaker 5: clearly upset. Apparently his cousins have been talking smack behind

1361
01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:24,960
Speaker 5: his back, saying some really nasty and cruel things, and

1362
01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:29,200
Speaker 5: targeting some of his deepest insecurities. Even if he wanted

1363
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:31,680
Speaker 5: to make peace with Alex, it wouldn't be possible. Now.

1364
01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:34,680
Speaker 5: I still think that it would be beneficial to have

1365
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:37,400
Speaker 5: the talk with him, though, if only to help process his.

1366
01:07:37,360 --> 01:07:40,680
Speaker 1: Feelings, if only the hell I'm glad you're not my aunt.

1367
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:44,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, even if I.

1368
01:07:44,120 --> 01:07:46,479
Speaker 1: Was, Adam, I'm still're not my aunt.

1369
01:07:46,520 --> 01:07:48,040
Speaker 5: I like, at the end of the day, I do

1370
01:07:48,160 --> 01:07:50,400
Speaker 5: think to go back to a comment that you made earlier,

1371
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:53,800
Speaker 5: of like, shouldn't have priferences, blah blah blah. I think

1372
01:07:53,840 --> 01:07:56,960
Speaker 5: preferences are kind of natural. Especially you know, if you

1373
01:07:57,040 --> 01:08:00,320
Speaker 5: live closer to a certain you know, Nephanie, or you

1374
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:03,400
Speaker 5: just happens that you're gonna be like, I have family

1375
01:08:03,440 --> 01:08:05,400
Speaker 5: members that I'm closer with, I have aunts that I'm

1376
01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:09,800
Speaker 5: closer with, But I think bringing it to this level

1377
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:11,480
Speaker 5: is pretty harsh.

1378
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:15,840
Speaker 1: You're like, it's one thing to give ten thousand dollars expensive,

1379
01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:18,800
Speaker 1: pricey gifts the one part of the family and completely

1380
01:08:18,880 --> 01:08:22,959
Speaker 1: ignoring Yeah, the the opportunity you can give this kid,

1381
01:08:23,200 --> 01:08:25,000
Speaker 1: and you're like, nah, I don't.

1382
01:08:25,600 --> 01:08:27,719
Speaker 5: But on the other hand, I also understand your point

1383
01:08:27,720 --> 01:08:31,160
Speaker 5: of being like, I have no relationship with these people.

1384
01:08:31,240 --> 01:08:33,760
Speaker 5: They have never showed up for anything, you know, and

1385
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:36,800
Speaker 5: maybe that was because of what OPI did, and you know,

1386
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:38,760
Speaker 5: but like, at the end of the day, you don't

1387
01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:40,960
Speaker 5: have a relationship with these people and they're only showing

1388
01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:44,600
Speaker 5: up now because they need something, So I get it.

1389
01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:46,599
Speaker 5: It's I think it's an everyone seck situation.

1390
01:08:46,760 --> 01:08:50,080
Speaker 1: Everyone does suck. What else is obe you have to

1391
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:51,719
Speaker 1: say I'm done with this person?

1392
01:08:52,640 --> 01:08:54,880
Speaker 5: It is an all doom and gloom. Though a friend

1393
01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:57,200
Speaker 5: of a friend is apparently an interviewer for a job

1394
01:08:57,240 --> 01:09:00,120
Speaker 5: that one of the Nasty cousins has applied for and

1395
01:09:00,200 --> 01:09:02,000
Speaker 5: asked about a week ago if I knew them, we

1396
01:09:02,080 --> 01:09:04,920
Speaker 5: look similar and have an unusual family name, and had

1397
01:09:04,920 --> 01:09:08,360
Speaker 5: any t No. I was not listed as a reference.

1398
01:09:08,760 --> 01:09:11,040
Speaker 5: I didn't know the cousin well enough to comment back then,

1399
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:13,720
Speaker 5: But now, guess who's going to get a call and

1400
01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:16,599
Speaker 5: a warning not to hire that cousin due to bad character?

1401
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:19,240
Speaker 5: Did I also mention that said job was in a

1402
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:23,080
Speaker 5: small industry with typically only one employer per area. Yes,

1403
01:09:23,160 --> 01:09:24,240
Speaker 5: I'm a petty queen and.

1404
01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:26,800
Speaker 1: I own it all right. You're p a O